People Want Top-Notch Advice On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Taking My Foster Son To My Religious Services?
“Yesterday I was getting ready to go to services when my foster son asked if he could go too.
Usually, my neighbor watches him when I go as she is retired and likes him a lot. I told him he could, so I texted my neighbor she didn’t need to come over and we finished getting ready and walked there. I introduced him to many of my friends, and they were all very warm and welcoming.
When we were walking back he asked me questions about my religion and I answered them. He asked if I thought it was weird that we were different religions, and I said I didn’t. I asked if he thought it was weird, and he said he didn’t know.
I asked if he wanted to go to church on Sunday, and he said that he didn’t because he only ever went with his mom and it would feel weird without her. Then we moved on to other topics.
My neighbor saw me later in the backyard and asked if I was feeling better.
I said I felt fine. She asked who watched my foster son. I said I took him to services with me. She lectured me for “indoctrinating him into my religion” and said I shouldn’t do it again or she’d have to report me. I was shocked by her reaction because she’s a nice lady.
I thought it was nice that my foster son wanted to spend the day with me, and I have no problem taking him to a church if he ever wants to go. I see no need for this rigid separation of people of different faiths.
I don’t think one day is going to make him want to change religions. Am I way out of line here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he asked to go and you obliged. You asked if he would want to go again, and he said no and you aren’t planning on forcing him.
You indulged him in his own request and respected his choices about not wanting to again while still giving him the option to come along another time if he changes his mind. You’re showing him a lot of respect by letting him decide for himself and it was nice for the two of you to spend the day together.” throwawaybeachgoer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – quite the opposite, you never pressured your foster son to join, but welcomed him when he asked. You introduced him to your community, answered all his questions, invited him again, and respected his boundary of not wanting to go on Sunday.
To me, that’s some A+ parenting! I attended church with my grandma sometimes because I liked spending time with her and learning about something she loved. It didn’t make me more or less religious, to be honest, I didn’t even consider the religious factor (except that I didn’t know what any of the songs were so I was panicking a lot, I ended up humming and hoping no one would notice).” Independent_Big3345
Another User Comments:
“Not out of line. First, you are doing G-d’s work by fostering this kid. Second, he asked to attend, and you said yes. As I would in that situation. Third, while I think it is borderline acceptable for you to ask him to join you, I understand your reluctance to do so.
Fourth, as only a true mensch would do, you volunteered to take him to the service of his choice. And you respected his decisions. As for your neighbor, it’s time to think about telling her to mind her own business, even if it means she will no longer watch your foster son.
NTJ.” lapsteelguitar
21. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Being Treated Like A Babysitter Rather Than A Daughter?
“I (19F) was 17-18 at the time when I realized my mother wasn’t as great as I thought. For context, I am living with my fiance so I am away from my mom.
But this story was when I was 13 all the way to 18.
So I was 13 when my little brother (now 6M) was born, I was overly excited because I loved having the idea of having a brother. I would take care of him after school just for fun and I loved doing it too.
But when my brother’s father and my mother broke up, we moved to my grandma’s house and my mom voluntold (volunteered/told me) that I would be staying home for a year from school to take care of my baby brother. At the time, I didn’t have a problem with it since I was having bullying issues but I didn’t see the real problem at the time.
This went on for 5 years, I am now finally ‘free’ from childcare and went back to school. Even though I was in high school, I had times I had to take my brother with me because my mom didn’t want to watch him. By the way, my mom works night shifts and is home all day.
And his dad does the same thing but lives two hours away from us.
My mom got pregnant AGAIN with my littlest brother and again told me that I’m staying home to watch him when he’s born. That’s when I had enough and yelled at her about how she’s treating me like a babysitter when I am a daughter.
And what’s worse, she agreed with that statement and told me to get out of her house!
Recently, she messaged me saying she misses me and I told her that it was her fault that I’m gone and stuff like that but she’s saying it’s all my fault!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“WOW, WTF. NTJ. You’re her child, not a slave she birthed to care for other children. Had you drop out of high school?! And then you had to take him with you to school?! WOW. No, please, for your own sanity (I’m speaking from experience), cut this woman off immediately.
She has NEVER prioritized you and will only add negative value to your life.” RainbowScissors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you gotta take care of yourself. You sacrificed your time to take care of your siblings – she’s the mother/parent, it is HER responsibility to take care of children – not yours (as eldest child).
It’s on her to figure out how to manage work while taking care of two young children. Or, ensure the father is the one who can manage while she works. You can meet up with her if you’d like (or want to make amends and have a decent relationship again) but if she asks you to babysit or take care of your siblings, that’s where you should draw the line again.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s mistreatment. I thought this might be worth mentioning since you’re 19 (from my own experience), don’t rush into a relationship with your fiancé because you want to escape your mom. Your fiancé could very well be the person you’re meant to be with but you might want to do some self-healing before committing to a marriage.
You may not realize it but you’ve been through a lot. I hope you heal and set firm boundaries with your mom. I’m still trying to set boundaries myself with my own mom so sending you lots of good vibes.” Willing_Individual23
20. AITJ For Expecting My Wife's Friend To Tip At A Restaurant In The US?
“My wife’s friend is visiting NYC from Europe. We went out to a restaurant and split the bill and noticed he didn’t tip the server on his portion. The service was fine, neither bad nor exceptional. I didn’t say anything right away but I did secretly slip the waitress a few bucks to make up for his lack of tip.
This friend knows that tipping is expected in the US. He does not tip because he feels that paying for a service worker is not his responsibility and that if the service worker is unhappy making less than minimum wage, they should get a better job.
I confronted my wife about her friend’s behavior and made clear I thought he should tip service workers and that not doing so constitutes a “jerk move”. While I agree the tipping system here sucks and workers should be paid fair wages, I don’t believe that not tipping a given worker is the right way to go about it.
My wife got mad at me and said I shouldn’t talk about her friend and that my view is wrong. She’s acting like I’m a jerk for expecting him to tip considering he knows about the expectation to do so, as she believes it’s his choice to tip or not to tip.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The interested parties should be informed of the fact that servers often are required to tip out other staff such as bussers based on a percentage of their sales. If someone does not tip the server is still expected to take care of the staff as if they had been tipped. A couple of cheap tippers in a night can result in a server literally losing money for that shift. They are actually taking food out of a server’s mouth.
It is a short step away from stealing. Also, we don’t get to decide how much we pay for things based on what we feel should be the price the price. People who refuse to tip “out of principle” are just being jerks. NTJ.” Saint_of_Stinkers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you don’t want to tip a waiter in a restaurant in the US just don’t go to a restaurant with waiters. It’s that easy. Chipotles and Chinese buffets and McDonalds are all over the place. I don’t like paying parking valets when I could just park my car in their stupid spot but I have to pay there if I want to park there so I look for street parking.
Just like it costs money to be waited on in a restaurant. What if I went to Europe and refused to pay the bus fare because really all mass transit should be subsidized and free? It’s ridiculous. Servers have to pay taxes on their tips and they have to pay the other front-of-the-house people.
This European is stealing from the server. I wouldn’t be caught dead going to a restaurant with them.” fikustree
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had several close friends as waitresses and basically they live off the tips. It gets worse, they only get a very minimal salary and some restaurants make them split their tips with the busboys.
So if someone gets 4 dollars, they may only bring home 1 or 2 of those. I am from the US and if I was going somewhere else I would have to follow their rules and culture. The same should be said if you come over here. Tipping is how these people get paid, to not tip is mainly insulting the service plain and simple.
Management can look at someone’s tips and see that they aren’t getting much or any $$ – they can take this as they are not giving good service and that is why they are not receiving decent tips. It can actually cost them getting better tables or a job.
Tell your friend to put that in his pipe and smoke it. He is the jerk.” ToUnlockDoorsUseAKey
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Holiday My Mother-In-Law Booked Without My Confirmation?
“My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years and we have a very happy relationship. We’ve yet to go on holiday and this year was going to be the time. My partner’s family decided to do a family holiday including me, which I was fine with.
However, with the nature of my work, getting time off work is usually not an issue unless we have tournaments, functions etc, etc.
My mother-in-law is a TA (Teacher Assistant) and she only has a few weeks off of the year she can go on holiday so the holiday was based on her availability.
Whilst I was driving home on the motorway, my mother-in-law decided to book the holiday without my confirmation on whether I could go or not. Next thing I know a £900 all-inclusive holiday is booked before I can get the time off work.
I then went to work the following week asking for the time off work and they said no. Now my mother-in-law is demanding the £900 for a holiday I can’t go on or afford!
Am I the jerk for refusing to pay purely because she didn’t let me book the time off work first before spending all this money on a holiday?
I would love to know your opinion as I’m not a very confrontational person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your MIL sure is! She shouldn’t have booked it before making sure it was OK with everyone going (both about the price AND the date) & not just her! Pretty selfish!” Neko_09
Another User Comments:
“I’m a little confused. It sounds like you knew the timeframe that the holiday would happen within a few weeks.
So I’m wondering why you didn’t at least check with your work to see if that would be a possibility? It was definitely a jerk move for her to book the holiday, but it sounds like maybe there was a little bit of confusion.
Did you tell her like you’re telling us that it’s usually not a problem to get the time off work? She might’ve been impulsive and grabbed a great deal thinking that it was not going to be a problem. That wasn’t a great move but if you’re not confrontational I’m wondering if you neglected to let her know to please wait until you absolutely have the time off.” Myobright2344
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but if you want to marry this woman, pay your mother-in-law. It’s nonsense and it’s unfair, but if you refuse to pay, the mother of your partner and someday wife is going to make your life miserable for the next 30-40 years.
Everyone in the family is going to take her side and the whole family will only think of you as the cheapskate who scammed her out of £900. Plus, think of how much influence she has over your partner. Even if your partner is level-headed and logical, after every spat or argument, her mother will be there to point out what a terrible person you are and how much happier she will be if she leaves you.
This situation sucks, but seriously, tell her you can’t afford the entire amount up front because she didn’t talk to you and arrange a payment plan. Then make it extremely clear that you will never be joining a family vacation again unless you’re paying for yourself and that any money she spends is her own risk.
Get it in texts so you can refer to it if this ever happens again.” themajorfall
18. AITJ For Mocking My Cousin's Claim Of Being A Witch?
“I’m 19 and my cousin Sarah is 17.
We were never too close, we only ever met at family reunions. She was always an annoying girl who would be very overzealous about whatever she was into at the time and this time it wasn’t different.
We were having a family lunch and Sarah just started going on and on about her being a “descendant of the elder witches” or something.
She then started to be kind of intolerant of other religions, making sarcastic comments. I then decided to mess with her.
I then raised my voice and stated I was a Quincy (from the anime Bleach). I took out a chaplet from my pocket and said “Witches hold no power in Quincy territory so cease and desist.”
She took offense from that so we kinda argued for a bit. She took it very seriously while I was mostly having fun at her expense.
Things calmed down though and lunch resumed as usual. A few days later, however, she discovered the whole Quincy stuff was from Bleach and she was furious.
She called my mom and told her I “made fun of her religion and disrespected her witch ancestry.”
My mom says I was wrong and wants me to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“Alrighty! As someone who is a witch let me weigh in about some things you might not be taking into consideration.
First off, witchcraft is not a religion, but it is a serious practice for many people. A practice they often apply to their religion or in place of a religion. In terms of hereditary witchcraft, it’s way more common than people think and it’s not a big deal. She’s probably been told by someone she trusts that she’s special, as that happens, and she isn’t experienced enough to weed out the nonsense.
That being said, she is taking it seriously and she’s excited about it, and there’s no need to make fun of her. If someone were converting to Islam, such comments would also be inappropriate until you’ve established a strong precedent of understanding and support.
So I would say YTJ, just be more considerate next time. In terms of her being disrespectful, call it out! Jokes aren’t going to help her learn.” high_on_acrylic
Another User Comments:
“Hahahahaha. When I was 19 if someone said that and argued as if it were real and totally a thing, I, my parents, my cousins, and their parents, would have been pulling the same as you.
OR they would have been told to stop being ridiculous and not argue silliness at the table. Thanks for the laugh. NTJ in my opinion, but I’m old and we didn’t get offended by such nonsense.” imjustheretoeatdrama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, being a descendant of a witch is not a religion.
Religions are a matter of faith (by choice), and origin is a matter of DNA (not by choice). As I see it, witchcraft is rather a lifestyle. Many teenagers want to be special and they desperately seek something that makes them different from others. This makes them so similar to others, lol.” addjasminetochampa
17. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Being Cheap With Gas And Trash Bags?
“My husband recently ran out of gas trying to “save money”. He will drive his car near empty and when I tell him to stop doing that before he runs out of gas he will say he has enough to get to work and not to worry about it since he is watching it.
Or he will say he will fill his tank after he gets his paycheck even if he has enough money to put a few dollars worth in it to hold him over. Granted gas is nearly $6 a gallon near us but he needs to not run out of gas.
Well, one day he ran out of gas on his way to work and asked me to bring him gas in a canister. I did go to his rescue because I did not want him to be late but told him if it happened again he needed to call AAA to bring him gas – which would cost money.
Also, if our home trash begins to smell he won’t take the trash out until the garbage bag is completely full to save money on buying trash bags. When I attempt to take out the smelly trash even if it is half full he will remind me how much bags cost telling me I am not getting my money’s worth waiting until it is full.
Any money rants he has now I just tell him to stop being cheap and he told me that I act like money grows on trees thinking I’m blind to how much inflation is impacting us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He will always need gas so it’s not saving money by waiting until the tank is empty.
I do not understand this logic AT ALL. Just fill it up. As far as the trash bags, I always try not to be wasteful with household products. That being said, I’m not going to let a trash bag stink up my house in order to save 50 cents.
Your husband is ridiculous and sounds exhausting to deal with.” Bear_Cub_15
Another User Comments:
“Oh my Lord, I thought my husband was the only one who was crazy about trash bags! I’ve also had the “You can’t take one out half full” argument. My husband also takes an almost full trash bag and smashes all the trash down to “use it more.” The side effect is that you can barely remove the bag later and there’s about an 80% chance the bag is going to burst all over the kitchen floor.
Then if he sees me taking out a full bag on a non-trash pickup day I get a passive-aggressive comment, “Oh is the trash full Already.” Because he expects us to use one trash bag a week for our entire lives. Whew didn’t think I was going to go on a trash bag vent.
NTJ – Though I’ll admit I’m heavily biased since I also live with a cheap person and it’s emotionally exhausting.” Sharkmom455
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting aside the fact that waiting that long to buy more gas isn’t saving him any money, keeping his car so low on fuel will mess it up and cost him MUCH more for repairs.
Also, do you have a trashcan with a lid? I also noticed the smell but after my household got a can with a lid it was much better. Spritzing with some air freshener or other pleasant scent can help too.” MysticalMismagius
16. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Laptop Charger To A Classmate Who Forgot His?
“I was in physics this morning (2nd lesson) and I’m charging my laptop (didn’t really need to I just wanted it to be as full as possible as I needed it for the next two lessons and I can’t charge it in them so I’m keeping it topped up (the laptops have quite shoddy batteries).
Then some kid in my set comes up to me and says he a) forgot to charge his laptop last night and b) doesn’t have his charger with him. He asks to use mine and I say no and he demands to see how much charge I’m on, I reluctantly show him I’m on approx 70% and he says I have to give him my charger because his laptop is almost dead.
I say no and he gets angry and starts saying I’m being selfish as I’m on a higher charge. I got annoyed at this point because I’m trying to do my work and I tell him that I’m not his mother and it’s not my responsibility to give him my charger when I need it.
He walks off and stares daggers at me for the rest of the lesson (he managed to borrow the teacher’s charger in the end but got told off by the teacher for not having a charged laptop ready for lessons).
I think I may be the jerk because he needed the charger more than me but as mentioned it’s not my responsibility to look after him when he forgets stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP please listen here. My idiot younger brother has “loaned” his charger out to people TWICE. The first time? Never got returned to him and my parents got charged at the end of the year. The second time (when he should have learned his lesson) he loaned it to a senior who turned it in so he could walk.
Again my parents got charged this. He is going to be a junior next year. Maybe he’ll learn his lesson this time. The lesson here is DON’T “loan” your charger out to anyone. It will only have negative consequences for you. My brother failed and did poorly in multiple classes because he didn’t have a charger, never told my parents (until they found out for turn-in), and simply didn’t do his homework because he couldn’t access his dead Chromebook.
Something to keep in mind in situations like this: “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”” xxFluffyUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t even imagine demanding a stranger’s charger from them. That’s just a no. I’m a forgetful person so I can imagine myself in a situation where I’d forgotten to charge my laptop and would ask to borrow a charger.
“Hey, sorry, I forgot to charge my laptop last night. Is there any way I can borrow yours? It’s super ok if not. No? That’s alright, thank you!” He’s not entitled to your own objects!!! I’m so sorry he treated you that way. If his behavior continues, he tries to retaliate, or he starts spreading rumors about you to other classmates, tell the professor.
You even have proof like “hey remember that day he asked you for a charger?” You don’t deserve a hostile classroom environment.” NoBit7867
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. So yeah you’re not obligated, his poor planning, blah blah. But also by AITJ law you can technically be right but also be a jerk.
You were at 70%. You had other times in the day when you could’ve charged it. All you had to do was lend it to him for the class and then ask for it back at the end. Would that have put you out at all?
No. Would that have hurt you in any way possible? No. It would’ve helped someone at zero cost to you. Refusing to do that for your own selfishness is a jerk move. Even if you didn’t have to be nice, you could have been.” annrkea
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Daughter About Her Real Father Until She Needed Her Birth Certificate?
“My daughter is 16 years old. When she was 1.5 years old, her real father died. I soon after married a new man and raised her with that man as her father. Now, she is attempting to finally get her driver’s license.
I was kind of dreading this for a while now. I never told her about her real father because I had assumed she’d be heartbroken. I never really had the courage to do it, but now it is a little too late.
A couple of weeks ago, my daughter came up to me and asked me for her birth certificate so she could get her ID.
I was very resistant to answer and kept trying to change the topic. I knew she’d feel so betrayed if she figured it out after this long. And this didn’t happen just once, she would ask and I would change the topic several times.
Eventually, she caught onto how I changed the subject every time and confronted me about it.
She asked for her birth certificate immediately. Because I was so reluctant to give it to her, I sat her down for a talk.
I explained to her how the father she grew up with was not her real father. She was very upset for 2 reasons:
1. I didn’t tell her.
2. She never knew about her real father.
I gave her her birth certificate and she has her license now. She still speaks to me but she is very angry.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not even about telling her her stepfather isn’t her biological dad.
Who keeps something like that from their child? Who doesn’t tell their child one of their parents is dead? She’s 16, it would have been an emotional and hard conversation but she deserved it way earlier than this, and now she’s going to have to catch up with all this trauma.
You thought you were protecting her but you’ve only caused harm that I don’t think you’ve even begun to see. She’s also grieving. That loss for you may have been 15+ years ago but it just happened for her. She’s also now going to be confused about her relationship with her stepdad.
You may have caused some serious damage by not including him in the conversation way before this. And you two honestly have been actively deceiving her this entire time. She needs therapy, and quite frankly I think family therapy would be very beneficial.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew this was coming. You knew you were going to have to tell her, and you decided the way to go was to delay giving her her documents because you hoped you could keep getting away with it. Obviously, there was absolutely no way you were going to be successful at that; she absolutely has to have her birth certificate for many, many reasons.
I think, frankly, you’re just as much of a jerk for not handing over her personal documentation immediately as for anything else. It’s hers; it belongs to her; you have no right to delay giving it to her just because it contains information that is inconvenient to you.
You owe her two apologies: one for deceiving her, and one for trying to avoid giving her what is hers.” Eastern_Fox5735
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do an Internet search. Learn some really good advice about how to handle this. Except the fact that you made a mistake.
Except the fact that there will be consequences for your child in terms of her ever trusting you or your husband. Get your crap together and learn about the situation. I can’t believe after all these years you would refer to her birth father as her “real“ father.
That’s such an invasive ignorant thing to say. She has a birth father and then she has the father who raised her. Get your act together here. Tell her you did the best you could both of you and that you’re really sorry that you made such a mistake.
That you want to make amends. And that she has two wonderful fathers. And you hope she will forgive you for being ignorant and not taking better responsibility for handling this in an honest healthy way.
But go prepare yourself first because there’s loads of information that will give you an idea of what you’re about to face.
For God‘s sake finally take responsibility. And then don’t blame her for how she feels. Don’t judge her for being angry or feeling betrayed or pulling away from both of you. Let her do her process. You don’t have to feel guilty.
You just have to grow up and become an adult and take responsibility and listen to her and offer to give her access to a therapist and tell her you were wrong and tell her you made a bad mistake and that you’re so sorry and then prepare yourself.
I can’t believe you’re a parent and you didn’t study just to try to figure out the best way of handling it.” mcclgwe
14. AITJ For Being Upset About My Fiancé's Excessive Gaming While I'm Pregnant?
“I’m 8 months pregnant, so maybe I’m emotional and overreacting but I’ll let you guys decide.
So my (24F) fiancé (26M) has been gaming a lot more lately and it’s getting annoying. I’m okay with him playing because he works from 7 am-3 pm 6 days a week which allows me to be able to finish out my pregnancy at home, so I’m fine with him winding down with his game.
The problem is how much he plays lately. He’s always been into gaming, but NEVER this much in the 4 years we’ve been together.
For the last few months, he’ll come home and go right into the game room. He’ll play until maybe 12 in the morning or later (even if he has to work) so I don’t see him really at all, even though we’re in the same house.
It’s to the point where the only time I see him is if he’s using the bathroom or getting food. Even when he finally gets off and comes to bed (which by that time I’m sleeping) his friends are constantly calling, no matter the time, to get him back on the game.
I’ve expressed several times how I want to spend time with him, especially since we only have a month until the baby arrives. I’ll suggest date nights, or even movie nights at home and he’ll agree but when the time comes he’ll tell me he’s just going to play “one more round” and one round turns into never getting off, so our plans are usually canceled. We don’t spend his off day together because I’m sure you can guess what he does on that day.
He always has his mic on, even if they aren’t playing they’ll sit on the mic listening to each other do nothing so it’s pretty hard to just walk in and have a conversation with him.
About a month ago I told him that I’ve been dealing with bad prenatal depression and I’m not feeling the best about myself.
I told him that I need him now more than ever because I’m going through a lot mentally/physically with this pregnancy. Nothing changed.
So a few days ago we got into it because I got upset and told him he’s putting his game before me, making me feel pretty lonely.
I explained that I have no problem with him playing but I would like time with him too. I told him he doesn’t have to stop playing completely but at least set aside time for us and don’t treat me like I’m not here.
He told me that I’m wrong for trying to “take away and ruin the one thing he enjoys doing” and how he works every day to pay the bills so he deserves to be able to play his game for however long he wants.
He pretty much told me I’m wrong for being upset and at least he’s “at home playing his game and not out doing other things”. I kind of snapped and told him not to be surprised when I get fed up, which he didn’t take well and now for the past 3 days he’s been sleeping in the game room.
I understand everyone has their hobbies. Now I’m overthinking, maybe I am wrong because he does work every day and the game is what he uses to relax. AITJ for being upset????
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s gaming, and then there’s this.
It sounds like he’s stressed af and “managing” it by zoning out on the game. I get this and I do this, but it’s not healthy or helpful to anything. The issue you have is clearly not with the hobby, but it’s with the unhealthy relationship he is now having with it.
Idk how you get to the root problem, but I hope you know that you’re not wrong here. He’s not putting in what he needs to for your relationship. Whether he needs to work on himself or his stressors first, I don’t know, but I hope he figures it out before you pop.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the “only thing he enjoys” comment is troubling. I got into a spell when working a job I hated that I would be up gaming far too late because I was dreading the next day. Would be tired for work, miserable, and the cycle continued. While gaming is a great escape, he is using it as an alternate reality.
I would be worried that once the baby has arrived, this behavior would continue or only get worse. You need to be FIRM. If he is not listening to how you are feeling, try to go stay with someone who is able to support you through this (not sure family situation).
If your absence does not result in a change of behavior, then you might need to seriously consider if this is someone you want to raise a child with. Working 8 hours is not an excuse to ignore all other responsibilities.” noyoureatrolll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Here’s the thing – you have to motivate him to make changes or you guys are going to break up. The whole relationship is already starting to deteriorate and once you introduce a baby into the scenario it’s just going to be on a fast dumpster fire train ride.
My husband is addicted to WoW. I am not OK with it. We do not have a lot of free time together because of our job. So it’s very common for me to come home and he’s playing WoW until I go to sleep. I’ve learned to let that go.
What I don’t let go though is when we DO have free time together he can’t play. It’s OK if it’s nighttime, but during the day we are going to leave our house as a family and go do something. You can do something as simple as taking a walk through a park.
If he’s not bending and at least understanding he has to allocate gaming times I would suggest removing yourself. I’m not saying leave him (there is a strong possibility the baby will get him more involved) but leave your house. Like oh, he doesn’t want to stop playing?
Don’t sit around. Get up and go do something. Errands, meet with friends, solo walks. And when you have the baby you can join mommy groups or take the baby for walks etc. This won’t fix his problem but it will at least make you not suffer as much.
Good luck and seriously try to get him to negotiate gaming times.” MacaronDeep1014
13. AITJ For Sharing My Salary With My Co-Worker?
“My co-worker and I started our job at the same time about a month ago.
We sit in the same office and practically do the same thing.
We were off doing a job one day shadowing one of the more experienced guys. Our senior walks away briefly to address another issue elsewhere and we were told to continue what we were doing while he was away.
We happen to get on the topic of pay somehow and he asked me how much I am being paid considering I said “I don’t make enough”. I told him I make $25/hr, and hoping to make $35/hr after I get some certifications and licenses I’m working on.
He told me that he only makes $20/hr.
He then goes on to ask about how much money I end up paying monthly for expenses. I say a relatively smaller number than he pays monthly. He tried to explain to me that I make enough money and that I should be grateful because not everyone makes that much especially him.
I tell him I have huge plans that require me to make more money if I want to accomplish them. He insists that my current rate of pay is “good”, which I refuse to be satisfied with.
For weeks now he’s been making petty remarks about my pay and my goals, and just last week he told our supervisor that I wanted a $10 raise.
Although they already knew I was going to renegotiate after getting my extra credentials, I still think it was very petty to just say that to our supervisor.
And yes you probably shouldn’t discuss wages at work, but I’m a very open person and don’t mind people knowing how much money I make.
I also don’t mind knowing that other people make more than I do. I shared that info because I can and it’s a legally protected act.
Am I the jerk for telling him how much I got paid? Was it wrong for me the disclose that information not knowing how he would feel about it?
Because what he’s doing is starting to get annoying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every moral and legal (in the US under the National Labor Relations Act) right to discuss wages at work. You did your coworker a favor; now he knows he’s getting shafted. However, your coworker’s anger at you is misplaced. It’s not your fault you got a slightly better deal. He needs to take that up with management or look for a better job elsewhere.
If your bosses retaliate against you for talking wages, document everything and file complaints with the state and Federal departments of labor. Retaliation for discussion of pay and working conditions is illegal.” DeathFindsAWay
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for disclosing pay. It shouldn’t have restrictions.
Co-worker is a boundary-stomping piece of work though to go to your boss about anything you said about pay and future opportunities. Getting further education & certifications is often rewarded by higher pay &/or better job opportunities. Also, there’s no telling if your experience & education changed what you versus your co-worker were offered. And in this day & age of talks about raising the minimum wage to $15/hour your current salary is modest, but I have no idea where you are in your career, so it may be just right.” 2dogslife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sharing how much you make. Companies sometimes try to prohibit employees from sharing this information, but that’s generally illegal (as you mention). Doesn’t matter that Coworker’s expenses are more than yours. His finances are not your problem. Coworker is being a jerk here by misrepresenting to your supervisor what you actually said.
If I might recommend, I’d ask for a private conversation with either your supervisor or HR, or both, where you tell Supervisor that it seems a private discussion you had with Coworker about your comparative wages may be causing problems. If Supervisor isn’t already aware, I’d point out that you’re working on certifications that would bring you more compensation, and you are both surprised and disappointed that Coworker would try to undermine what you’re doing to better your pay situation.” Malsnano86
12. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Childhood Bully Despite Her Helping My Family?
“Growing up, I played a lot with three girls who lived down the street from me.
Two of the girls had a mother who wasn’t always nice to me, and often blamed me as the culprit whenever we would get into fights, even though her girls would often start them. This same woman would always call my mom and tattletale about me, saying such nasty things about me as a kid.
I’ve even had to apologize to her and her girls for stuff that wasn’t even my fault, and I’m still emotionally scarred from it as an adult.
We’ll, just the other day my mom called me and told me our three dogs got loose due to the furniture delivery guys leaving the gate open.
I now live far away in another state, so I obviously wasn’t home and haven’t been home in a while. My mom then told me that this same mom (who was one of my biggest childhood bullies) “saved the day” by helping to catch the dogs at the end of the street and directing others to get in their cars to help.
My mom starts going off on how wonderful she is and how she’s going to go out and buy her a gift card to a fancy dinner place in town.
I then told her that was nice of that woman, but it still doesn’t change how I feel about her or how she made me feel about myself.
I’m always going to remember her as my childhood bully, and nothing will change that. My mom told me to let that stuff go and be thankful she helped. AITJ for maintaining this conflict, even though she helped prevent my dogs from becoming road pizza?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my brother’s best friend was a childhood bully. He actually apologized for his behavior probably because we’re adults and he wanted to maintain a relationship with the family (he bullied my little brother too so this applied to him too). So I decided to try to make it work only for him to come over and gay bash someone he doesn’t know that was gonna be in his brother’s wedding and to do a lot of racist things and defend it.
Like yeah he is nicer to me and my brother but he is still not a nice person.” jadedpriestess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In childhood, my best friend was bullied by 2 girls in our dance line. I recently learned that one of them now volunteers with my mom.
According to my mom, she’s a pretty decent person now. My mom told me that this person coordinated a nearby health event. She thought it was cool that we had some shared history and that I should have looked for Rose at the site when I got my health check.
I told my mom that it was good that I didn’t know Rose was there. Even though her bullying days were long ago, I only remember her as a really awful person to my friend, and I have no interest in pretending that it would be nice to see her again.
Sure, it’s good to know that she has changed, but it doesn’t mean I care to be around her or even be reminded of her existence.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nice of her to help prevent them from becoming “road pizza” but that doesn’t magically invalidate how she made you feel as a kid and the emotional scars you still have to deal with to this day, and likely will for the rest of your life.
I don’t know the dynamics of the relationship with your mother, but the fact that she’s in complete denial over this or at the very least brushing it off like it means nothing is a huge red flag to me. I got bullied a lot in my childhood, all throughout school and it extended to some of my teachers as well, and we also had this neighborhood mother with 2 girls who always blamed everyone else as the culprit of things when her kids stepped out of line, so I had a similar childhood bully.
Throughout my life, my mother has always been my biggest advocate and if I didn’t have that, I think those traumas and emotional scars would have driven me into very very dark places.” Zyntastic
11. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Company After She Became Toxic And Abusive?
“My sister (27f) started a company about 6 months ago and asked me (23m) if I wanted to come and work with her. Things were well for the first three months to the point where she asked me to leave my other job to help.
I was skeptical but I did it because my sister was asking me to. And then she started to change. Like one small thing would go wrong and she would go insane. This sort of bred a culture of my other brother (18m) and me not being able to talk to her about anything in fear of her shouting, screaming, and crying, going so far as to threaten to kick us out (we were staying with her by the way).
It all came to a boiling point when she was rostered in to work a weekend, so I go and make plans with my partner for the weekend, only to find out that she has something else planned also but didn’t change the roster or let me know.
And of course I was expected to work the weekend because “I should have checked with her beforehand”. Like what? Permission to have my day off? Regardless I put it to one side to keep the peace and moved on.
Then she went away for the weekend leaving me to run things.
And because we had a new dog in the house, the cats refused to come home, she asks if they’ve come home and I say they haven’t. I forgot about one time they did come home and told her a little later on and the response was just….
She literally screamed at me down the phone. To the point where I was in tears, demanding that I respect her because she feeds me and shelters me. Then she started ranting about my performance within the company, so I just said “these are all small button issues and if they are really bugging you this much then you should speak to me as an employer, not as a sister”.
She didn’t like that. Saying that because I was on a high wage I should be expected to do everything without any form of training.
So I left. And after some reflection, she made it so that I was completely reliant on her for shelter, food, money, etc and then she treats me like garbage.
But this has left her company crippled, without me she’s lost 50% of her workforce and a significant amount of holiday time. So AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve a boss and a job that appreciates you and what you bring to the table.
Being family isn’t a reason to treat you in such a toxic manner, that was wrong and she knows it–or doesn’t care. At the end of the day, your mental health is the most important, toxic family be darned.” SolidAshford
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were accommodating, then you tried to set boundaries, which she immediately broke.
Your sister, on the other hand, has some issues with boundaries that appear to be harming her. As someone together enough to start her own business, she has a responsibility to be able to compartmentalize her relationships. As a sister or as a boss, she might have asked — or begged — you to enable her unscheduled weekend off, but she’d have owed you a big favor, either way.
Instead, she used her power over you as a boss and an older sister to force you to do it, and she expected you to like it. One presumes she is going to eventually hire non-family employees; she cannot expect to treat them this way and not have her pants sued off.
Learning that now could be good for her. All that said, if it was you who introduced the dog, and it scared her cats away, I’d have to give a gentle ESH. And if your sister adopted a dog while starting a business and wanting to have a life, she sucks extra hard.” Elladan71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you no longer accepting abuse and slave-like conditions, does not make you a jerk… I would recommend you get your old job (from before your sister’s company) back, or any other job that could get you some finances, and to get the heck out of your sister’s house… Things will most likely be devolving in the household and you better believe it will not be any benefit to your or your brother’s mental health or the relationship with your sister.
If anything, your sister’s abusive management style gave her exactly what she deserves, herself alone, at the top of a mountain of things that needed to get done yesterday…” Smoldervan
10. AITJ For Kicking My Ex Out Of An Overcrowded Party?
“There was this (supposed to be) small Memorial Day get-together that my friend was holding, but there was this graduation party happening across the street and they all somehow got it in their heads that it would be okay to come over to my friend’s house and send her address to countless others.
Naturally, my friend was freaking out because she had only invited 10-15 people, and at this point, there were almost 100 people piled into her backyard and she was worried about the cops being called and her house being trashed. She had asked me and a couple of others to start kicking people out except for those whom she originally invited while she calmed down a bit, so we told her to go inside while we handled it.
Now this is where my ex-partner comes in. He had gotten my friend’s address from one of the guys from the grad party, and after telling a couple of others they needed to go, I noticed him. I asked another one of my friends to deal with it because I didn’t want me kicking him out to start something.
Unfortunately, it did anyway.
When I was headed inside to get away from my ex but to also check on my friend, they saw me and called me out (by name) and started making a big deal about it, stating that the only reason they were getting kicked out was because I was there, despite the large crowd of people already leaving.
A few harsh words later, including me yelling at them a couple of times because of getting called out the way I did and arguing with them about being told to leave, I finally told my ex and his friends to get out and never come near me again after that.
They didn’t take it too kindly, and I have since gotten multiple texts from my ex, his friends, and a couple of others from the “party” saying that my reaction was uncalled for and that I started unnecessary drama.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What you did was sensible and right! Your friend asked you to deal with it and kick out everyone who wasn’t originally invited and you did. Then when you saw your ex you asked another friend to deal with him to avoid any drama.
It is not your fault that your ex spotted you and decided to be a jerk and cause a ruckus.” Intelligent_Layer_49
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Pretty lame that he was at the party uninvited, from which everyone else crashing was getting kicked out, but he tried to make it about you.
What a freaking self-absorbed baby, good riddance!” BellaSquared
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People were invading a private property without the consent of the owner. Him being your ex doesn’t get him any kind of special treatment. He and his friends weren’t kicked out because of your history together, but for not being welcome nor invited by the owner of the house.
They are massive entitled jerks. Good for you for not being with him anymore.” The_real_Psu
9. AITJ For Telling My Gay Best Friend To Stop Referring To Me As His Wife?
“I (19f) met my best friend Lucian (19M) at HS. I really liked him at 16 and when I confessed he said he was gay.
I accepted it and moved on. But since we really got along together we stayed friends. Fast forward, we got into the same college, we do everything together and even have the same friend group. He started referring to me as “the Mrs.” and “the wife”; later on he became jealous of any guy I was with.
The most recent “incident” happened when a mutual friend asked me in front of Lucian if I still liked Lucian. Of course, I said no, it was 3 years ago, I moved on. Lucian became awfully quiet and said, “well yes of course like everyone”. To be honest, it felt weird, but I didn’t say anything at the moment until another friend, later on, mentioned to me that she was surprised we weren’t seeing each other.
Most of our friends know he is gay, but those who don’t, assume we were together because of comments such as “I can’t you know, the Mrs. won’t let me” or “You should talk about this with the wife.” At first it was funny because he was…gay?
But now people who I’m interested in won’t see me because they think I’m trying to be unfaithful to Lucian.
So I told him about this and he blew up and said that he was “flattered” I still thought we could be together but he wasn’t interested. He, later on, insisted that I was making too many conjectures and stuff, at which I simply said “stop saying I’m your wife you total moron”.
Some friends think that I’m overreacting, and most of them simply think that he should respect that I don’t want to be associated with him romantically.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But maybe he’s actually realizing he’s bi and struggling with that? In which case this might be about him having feelings for you that he doesn’t quite know what to do with, especially since he’s already done all that emotional labor of coming out already, you know?
Absolutely not saying this is definitely the case, just… You’re so young, and love and relationships and sexuality take time to figure out, so it seems worth mentioning as a possibility.” Gayachan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lucian is ok with calling you The Mrs. around people to keep interested males away from you, so he can keep you to himself because he becomes jealous of any guy you’re with.
He’s not gay. He’s also not your friend. A true friend would be upfront and honest with you and himself, and he wouldn’t keep playing with your feelings like this. He has you on a yo-yo string and it isn’t fair. “But now people who I’m interested in won’t see me because they think I’m trying to be unfaithful to Lucian.” This is because Lucian is toying with your emotions and your feelings, which a true friend wouldn’t do.
He’s not being honest with himself or you. “So I told him about this and he blew up and said that he was “flattered” I still thought we could be together but he wasn’t interested.” I think he is interested, but once again, he hasn’t gotten to the point where he’s truly honest with himself.
You need to take some time and figure out if you want to continue your relationship with him, friend-wise or other, or move on from him.” DC_Verse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he can’t respect reasonable boundaries then he has decided he isn’t a friend anymore, note this isn’t to say he can’t be again but so long as he holds to this and argues it’s fine he makes it clear he isn’t.
This isn’t asking a lot of anyone, this is asking for literally zero effort. You are asking him Not to say something. The ability to keep one’s mouth shut takes less effort than speaking. If he can’t manage to not call you that then I’m sorry to say he’s made it clear his priority is his own desires over respecting your reasonable boundaries.
Let’s play swap the sexuality, if a male friend constantly referred to you as his wife despite a lack of interest from you, if he was straight would this be considered an overreaction or would your friends who claim that be saying you’re being too nice?
Well since the theoretical GOAL is EQUAL treatment, then being gay doesn’t get him a pass on poor behavior does it?” StrykerC13
8. AITJ For Changing My Last Name To My Mom's Without Telling My Dad?
“I, 18F recently legally changed my last name from my dad’s last name to my mom’s. My mom’s last name was already part of my legal name as a second middle name and I just switched that name with my dad’s.
I didn’t tell my dad about this process because I don’t live with him anymore as my parents divorced years ago and I haven’t been as close with him since then. My mom’s last name sounds a lot nicer and I feel it suits me better, I also thought it would be more fair for my brother to have my dad’s last name and for me to have my mom’s.
I procrastinated telling my dad this as I had heard the stories of how he hadn’t been a fan of my mom hyphenating his last name onto hers instead of just taking his entirely when they got married. I admit I probably should have told him instead of changing my name on my social media for him to eventually stumble upon.
He asked me about it over text and I stated that I had legally changed it, told him my reasoning behind it and that I hadn’t gotten rid of his last name, just switched the two around. He hasn’t spoken to me for weeks and I now hear about important events that are happening to him via my brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I went through the same thing with my father. I don’t have a relationship with him anymore because he was abusive and angry when I was growing up, and he still is in the limited contact I have with him.
I’m headed for great things in my life and there’s no way I was going to do that with his last name attached to me when he didn’t do any of the things I’ve done to better my life. No matter what your reason, it’s your name, your life, your choice.
There’s really no difference than if/when you were to get married and decide to take your partner’s name. I would bet you money he wouldn’t care if you did it then. He’s just someone who’s behind the times and doesn’t care about their kid’s feelings.” scarletfelon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Agreed it would have been better to tell him instead of him seeing it online, but then again people change their names online all the time (without legally changing them as well, that is). It’s already telling that he wasn’t happy about a hyphenated name and then immediately noticed the online name change and didn’t just brush it off, which isn’t a weird behavior by itself but in the context of already wanting you to have only his name and then not talking to you afterward it all adds up to one fragile male ego (that he is unlikely to ever admit to).” ComorbidlyAtPeace
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Not for changing your name as you have every right to change that to whatever you choose, but for letting him find out via social media when you do have a relationship with him and prior to this spoke to him.
Your dad is probably hurt and feels rejected which I can understand to a point, but his refusal to speak with you makes him a jerk now for handling his feelings immaturely.” Knittingfairy09113
7. AITJ For Asking My Ex For Gas Money To Pick Up Our Sick Son?
“My (20F) ex called me this afternoon and said that our 3yo was running a high fever and said that I needed to go get him immediately.
I don’t get paid until Wednesday and do not receive child support from this man. He refuses to bring him home because he stated that he is making our child isolate in the back bedroom by himself because he is afraid of him getting his newborn sick and that his partner does not want our son near any of them.
So I asked him for gas money because my tank is on empty, with just enough to get me to the gas station and he flipped out on me, stating that I should be more than financially capable of doing things without asking for his assistance.
I asked my mom if she would go get my son but she says she won’t know if she can until her husband gets home and she asks him; which is after 7 pm. I am so overwhelmed right now. I have asked everyone I could.
My mom says I shouldn’t have to ask anyone for help. This is literally the first time in years I have asked anyone for help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom can’t pick up your son until she asks her husband? Like for permission?! Aside from how stupid needing permission would be, in the days of instant communication, she can’t reach him for an answer?
You can’t ask your mom for a few bucks to get to the gas station?? Your son isn’t your mom’s responsibility, but what the heck? (Don’t have a judgment, just weirded out by that part.)” fastyellowtuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re panicking. You need to tell him to get your boy to a hospital if his fever is as bad as he says.
Also, the boy shouldn’t be locked in a room. If the mother of the infant is so worried she and her baby can go to the bedroom and watch TV or whatever. You don’t put adults over children, adults can entertain themselves, but 3-year-olds can’t.
If he refuses to, call the emergency line and tell them what’s happening and what you’ve tried so far. Literally, there should be police charges on this crap he is pulling. Don’t let him get away with it.” Possible_Canary2359
Another User Comments:
“You are so not the jerk.
You are a struggling single mother for one reason. You haven’t gone to the child support enforcement agency in your city. You need to start advocating for your son. You need to go there immediately on Monday to get your child HIS money. So this never happens again.
You can get creative. You can go to a mommy social media group. Describe why you need to get your son aka he’s being held against his will in the bathroom at his father’s house. Father has demanded I get him. I can’t without $40 for gas as it’s the end of the pay period.
Social media puts a human face to the request. Good luck. You will find the gas money if you prove you are you.” LongNectarine3
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Not Entitled To Our Wealthy Friend's Money?
“I (20F) am now dealing with a problem concerning a friend of mine.
I am a college student with a large social circle. Because of this, there are a few people in my circle that I don’t know well enough. One of them is this girl named “Talia.”
Talia happens to be very rich, which we did not find out until recently.
We didn’t realize it because she never presented herself as wealthier than those around her. She didn’t wear expensive clothes, she didn’t overspend, and she seemed to live her life as a middle-class person at best.
My best friend Jada, was scrolling through Talia’s Instagram when she came upon her brother.
Her brother uploaded a picture of their beautiful mansion on Instagram, revealing their wealth. To me, this was just an odd thing to discover, but Jada was visibly unhappy.
When our friend group goes out to places like restaurants or clubs, we always share the bill evenly.
Jada was outraged to find that Talia was rich since she felt Talia had enough money to cover everyone but decided to keep this information hidden. When I told her she wasn’t entitled to Talia’s money, Jada became enraged.
She said it was the principle, and Talia was wrong for pretending to be poor.
She then confronted Talia in our group chat. Talia has not answered since. I advised Jada to calm down since it wasn’t that serious, and she told me I was just as wrong as Talia for supporting her actions.
I really want to give Jada the benefit of the doubt because she doesn’t come from a family that does have a lot of money, so there could be some personal feelings involved in this.
However, I also think that Talia isn’t required to spend more than she has to.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know anyone involved but I’m inclined to say that Talia is not “pretending to be poor.” I think she’s ‘being modest” (not even sure I would say that) to protect herself from people just like Jada, who think she’s their personal ATM.
Either way, no matter the reason… Yeah no Jada is NOT entitled to Talia’s money or any generosity, nor is Talia obligated to be generous to her. And not only that, there’s no mention of Talia’s actual situation. It seems like Jada has no idea what Talia’s family dynamics are like so she could just be another kid trying to make it through this world.
I mean, yeah there is probably privilege (eg she probably has a cushion a lot of people may not have) but to assume that Talia has access to any of her family’s wealth to begin with, and then to take it a step further, for Jada believe that she’s entitled to that access and that wealth…is utter nonsense.
And it deserves to be called out. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and a mansion doesn’t mean that Talia is rich, it means that her parents are. None of you have any idea what that means in terms of Talia’s own access to money.
Jada is a massive jerk. Just because Talia’s parents have a mansion doesn’t mean that they give her a massive allowance or any allowance at all. Or it could mean something in between. Either way, you’re right that it’s nobody’s business. And Jada shouldn’t be talking about “the principle of the thing” because she clearly has no principles if she thinks that she’s entitled to be treated to things by someone whose financial situation she knows nothing about other than that they were raised in a large house.
Talia may have little or no money of her own. Her parents may expect her to earn and pay her own way in life, which is actually true of several people I know whose parents are wealthy but who expect their kids to work hard and make their own money.
You are definitely NTJ. Even if Talia were rich, Jada wouldn’t be entitled to her money, but she doesn’t even know that Talia IS wealthy in her own right, just that her parents are. And I don’t blame Talia one bit for not speaking to her anymore.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right. Nobody is entitled to Talia’s money and nobody even knows how much or how little money Talia herself has. It’s entirely possible that she has been given a budget from her parents. Jada needs to remember that Talia’s parents are well off, not Talia.
Coming from a wealthy family doesn’t mean they throw unlimited amounts of money around! I feel bad for Talia because she obviously was raised properly and doesn’t brag. She also probably didn’t want any friends that would behave like Jada and expect her to pay for everything all the time.
She just wanted friends who liked her for herself and not what they could possibly get from her.” tatersprout
5. AITJ For Tipping A Wheelchair-Bound Delivery Man More Than Others?
“Just about an hour ago, I got my food delivered to me. The total cost of the food delivered was $36.80 (including the $4 delivery fee charged on the app).
When the food delivery man came, he was in a motorized wheelchair.
So I tipped him $20 because I felt like he would be making less money as compared to his able-bodied colleagues due to the limitations of being in a wheelchair which will make him have fewer trips. Likewise, I also tip feeble-looking elderly delivery personnel more because once again, limitations due to age (I tip the rest about 20-30% of the total cost).
My partner saw it and said that if I tipped this man so much, I should tip the rest the same way too. He says this even after I explained to him why I tip more for certain people. He still says it’s a jerk move.
So I told him that if he wants to tip others more then to go ahead and tip by himself. No one is stopping him.
Now I am eating dinner by myself in the living room because he is sulking.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see how tipping extra could ever make you a jerk, as long as you tip an adequate amount normally. I tipped more during the first few months because I realized how much worse things were for service people during that time.
Does that make me a jerk? I tip more when it’s raining – does that make me a jerk? It’s not wrong to tip more when the job is harder for people.” dragon-queen
Another User Comments:
“Lots of really good points in the comments.
The truth is that sometimes people get tipped more for really good service. In a restaurant when people really like their server they tip more, and that’s their prerogative. Thinking through this, I’ve tipped an extra buck to the people doing deliveries with their cute kids.
(Because I surmise they need it) But now I wonder if am I rewarding them for dragging their kids around? It’s hard to say. I think I’m being nice, but someone can make a case that it’s not the right thing. As long as everyone is getting tipped well – and it sounds like they are – your partner shouldn’t be sulking.
That’s just silly. You have a difference in approach, and it’s not worth fighting over. No jerks here.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as long as you’re giving decent tips to people for decent service. Period. (And it sounds like you are.) If you choose to give extra to someone it’s out of the kindness of your heart.
And just to change the perspective here, I don’t think that this is just about “physical capability” (for lack of a better phrase here, I suppose). I think this is about PERCEIVED EFFORT. Let me give you an example… There is one night in particular that stands out in my personal experience.
I tipped extra to a waitress just because she was running around a short-staffed restaurant out of breath and still doing her very best. She was practically panting but still had a smile on her face. It’s not that the service was better than the service we would have received on a slow night there (it probably would have been about the same.
Probably would have received my food in the same amount of time and had my drink filled the same number of times), but it looked like she was having a rough night… it’s not that I owed her anything, I just wanted to help her out… and I’m sure you’d have done the same because you sound like a nice person.
This sounds like this is a similar situation. It’s not that you’re giving a “pity tip” or something.. you’re tipping based on the PERCEIVED EFFORT of these individuals. And that’s very thoughtful and considerate of you.” No-Actuary-9388
4. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Move Out Due To Their Constant Fighting?
“My husband and I moved in my in-laws to live with us a year ago with the plan to take care of them indefinitely. Since my in-laws are retired, they both agreed to help take care of our infant while we both worked full-time. This arrangement is common practice in our culture as everyone has a specific role in the household.
After living together for 3 months, my FIL and MIL got into a huge fight which eventually led to another 6 months of constant fighting (verbal only, never physical) between them. My MIL often demanded us to kick out my FIL when she became upset. We’ve tried holding family meetings to address our in-laws’ marital issues but they resulted in only more yelling and frustration.
Our home quickly became very toxic and tense all the time.
What further added to the stress was we discovered that my MIL was calling my SILs to cry to them about her relationship with my FIL which resulted in my husband and me getting nasty text messages accusing us of not loving our mother and using her only for childcare.
This happened on multiple occasions. After 9 months of dealing with this, we told my in-laws we would not be renewing our lease and asked them to find somewhere else to live. My husband and I also decided to find childcare outside of my in-laws.
We all left the situation with a lot of hurt and anger.
My in-laws feel we should have been more patient with them and that their marital issues should have been tolerated because they’re elders. My husband and I feel that there was a lack of respect and disregard for our home and how we felt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to take them in. You did not agree to take them in so they could make your life a living nightmare and expose your child to this sort of toxicity. I think you should have acted sooner, actually. This kind of environment will have a life-long impact on your child’s development.
The good news is that their two daughters sound like they have each agreed to take one of them in. That is if they do truly love their parents….” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They sound exhausting. Them moving in was supposed to help you out while benefiting them.
But it sounds like it just caused you even more stress and work. That’s a parasitic relationship. They’re toxic and they can’t seem to get their stuff together. Maybe retiring was a bad idea. Too much free time.” mathxjunkii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both you and your husband did the right thing protecting your marriage and children from toxicity. And how wonderful that you both agreed on this, unlike other couples. In-laws’ marital issues shouldn’t affect you and your children. They’re the elders so they should be a good example!
If they can’t, they can’t expect patience.” TheBattleCactus
3. AITJ For Giving Away My Partner's Limited Edition Makeup Palette Without Asking Her?
“My partner Jade (21 F) and I (22 F) have been together for two years. She’s a fantastic partner. Kind, caring, and loving. Genuinely, haven’t met someone who didn’t love her. My childhood best friend Kevin (22 M) recently started seeing Katy (24 F) a couple of months ago.
Jade is very into makeup, like REALLY. Her makeup collection at this point is probably worth around 10K. Well, last weekend I hosted a get-together at our place so that we could get to know Katy better. I offered our spare room so that everyone could have a few drinks.
After a couple of drinks, Katy asked to use the bathroom. When she came out of the bathroom she was holding one of my partner’s eyeshadow palettes that she had accidentally left in there while rushing to get ready and was raving about how long she had wanted it.
Without thinking I said she could take it considering Jade has an extensive collection and probably wouldn’t miss it. Jade didn’t say anything but I could tell by her look that she was fuming.
When everyone went off to bed Jade confronted me and told me off for offering up her palette.
I told her if it was that big of a deal I could buy her a new one. This made her more upset and she said that it was a limited edition palette so that couldn’t happen and demanded I ask for it back. I said no because to ask for the item back is weird and that I’d buy her a similar one.
This happened Saturday night and it’s Thursday and she still won’t let it go. She’s barely spoken to me since and is very sulky. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How would you feel if her friend’s SO came over and was excited about seeing your PS5/Limited Edition Sports Jersey/Special Workout Equipment/PC/something from whatever hobby you like and your partner just gave it to him without even talking to you about it?
And then (to continue the parallel), when you got mad that she gave your rare/hard-to-get thing, and she told you to calm down, told you the thing you liked and spend your own money and effort to obtain was stupid, and refused to get it back because it would make her look bad?
Get that stuff back now and make a sincere apology, or start looking for a new partner.” KonradWayne
Another User Comments:
“You gave away something that can’t be easily replaced that didn’t belong to you without asking your partner first. You then invalidated her feelings by saying it “wasn’t a big deal” and are now refusing to make it right.
You need to humble yourself, do the right thing, go to that friend, and say, “Hey, I’m really sorry. I made a mistake. I didn’t ask my partner’s permission before offering that to you, and she really wants that back. I shouldn’t have given it to you when it wasn’t my call.” It’s weird to ask for an item back?
Is not stealing worse? Because that’s essentially what you did. You gave away something that wasn’t yours to offer. You broke your partner’s trust. It’s not just about the makeup. It’s your actions and lack of remorse that is the bigger issue here. Is your ego really bigger than your love for your partner?
Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. YTJ.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I would dump you for that behavior if I were your partner. I don’t know if you like video games or what you’re super into, but imagine you spend nearly $100-$200 on ONE ITEM, and then your partner’s friend’s NEW PARTNER, NOT EVEN ONE THAT WAS WELL KNOWN, says something nice about it and she just gives it to them without asking?
Just imagine that for a second, this is something super special, hard to find, paid a lot for. And it was given away without your consent. How would you feel? Would you really just let that go? Because if it’s not a replaceable item, it’s break-up worthy.
I would go to Katy and explain to her that you had no idea how important this pallet was, as you don’t know that much about makeup and thought it would be okay. If it makes you feel better YOU can offer her a Sephora gift card out of YOUR money since you created this mess.
Fix this before you ruin your relationship.” nikki420444
2. AITJ For Not Renting A Room To My Struggling Brother And His Family?
“I (30F) am currently married to my wonderful husband and we have the most precious twins in the world. I have a 5 bedroom house with a small room in the back of our yard.
The twins share a room so only 2 rooms in the whole house are taken. Though the rest of the rooms are used. We have a playroom, office, gym room and storage.
Well, recently my brother got evicted from his apartment after his wife gave birth.
They’ve been sleeping in their car and showering in public bathrooms. They get food from churches.
They have come to me and said they don’t have enough funds to rent a place since most places require a ton of information and cost 1k+.
They asked for a room to rent for only 400 dollars. I told them I’d have to discuss it with my husband. After talking with him, we both came to an agreement and decided not to. Because they are obviously not good reliable tenants if they got evicted from their old place.
I have my own kids to worry about as well and I don’t know his wife that well.
When I told them they yelled at me, and his wife had a mental breakdown. My brother said I was cruel. I believe I did the right thing but I know they have a newborn and such.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their reaction to your “no” tells you everything you need to know. It seems many people have missed the “yelling” part prior to the breakdown. Without further details from OP, it reads to me as though they were yelling at him and that worked the wife into the breakdown.
Some folks also haven’t seen OP’s comments elsewhere.
OP’s brother is shifty about why they were evicted, and OP’s brother’s wife has a history of substance abuse. None of that makes them undeserving of help. But if I’m OP doing the math on whether to let them into my home — with my children — I think coming to “no” is pretty reasonable.
Being screamed at in response only makes that more reasonable.
There’s a very real chance that this situation would have devolved into the kind we see posted here all the time: “AITJ for evicting my brother and his wife and their baby out of my house?
I let them move in on a short-term lease for way under market value to help them get on their feet. It’s been four years and they haven’t paid their rent since the third month. They can’t keep a job and don’t help out around the house and they yell at my kids, and I think they might be using substances but I don’t have proof.
They let their toddler steal and break my kids’ things all the time but won’t do anything about it. Every time I ask if they’re moving out they scream at me for wanting them and their child to be homeless. My spouse is threatening to leave me if I don’t evict them but my mom says “family comes first” (but she also won’t house them herself).
WIBTJ if I tell them they have a month to find somewhere else to live???”
I absolutely cannot blame OP for not taking that risk with their own children, even to help another infant. It’s a terrible situation all around but OP’s responsibility is to their immediate family first. OP needs to find a way to help that does not put their family at risk.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even though it is harsh that you said no. If you said yes, you would never ever get them out again. What are the odds that suddenly they would be self-sufficient and be able to double their expenses b/c you were tired of the arrangement?
And it isn’t just “a room.” It would be a room, then they would need separate space from the baby once it got older, couldn’t it share a room with your twins? Or maybe have its own room? And the rest of the common space (living room, kitchen, bathrooms) would go from serving four people to SEVEN.
This is a much bigger lift than some commenters are recognizing.” SuperLoris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see some major red flags about your brother and his little family. 1. He had a baby without the proper financial preparation. If he had, he would have an emergency fund for “emergencies.” 2.
He won’t come clean about why he got evicted from his apartment. 3. No one gets evicted without some notice, so he didn’t scramble to make plans, but rather opted to put his family in a car to live. 4. He didn’t seek some government assistance to tide him over.
I wonder what he is hiding that he thinks he would not be eligible. I agree with you and your husband. Too many unknowns to risk moving them in. You could be in for months of misery. You could help by paying for a motel for a month or other similar assistance, but don’t let a stranger into your home.” feminist1946
1. AITJ For Needing Space After My Wife Decides I Can't Attend Our Baby's Birth?
“My wife is 8 months pregnant with our first kid and she has been finalizing her birth plan. She included me in the process and I did my best to research and understand it. I went with her to see various doulas, picked a hospital together, established emergency plans, etc.
I assumed I would be there for the birth but she told me she didn’t want me to see my daughter being born. She only wants her mother there and I could only come in once it’s done to see the baby. It hurt like crazy because I was obviously very excited about it.
I asked why and she just said she’d be more comfortable that way. I said okay, I told her I’ll let her do whatever makes her comfortable and I’ll be on board with it but that I’m very hurt and will need some space for a few days to take it in.
I slept in the guest room and left before she woke up for work and she’s been blowing up my phone with texts about how it’s unfair to punish her for doing what’s best for the baby. She called and she was crying and telling me I’m putting so much stress on a pregnant woman for no reason and that I’m a jerk for that.
I don’t think needing space for a few days is wrong of me and I’m just asking her to let me take in what’s happening. I can’t pretend to be happy about missing the birth of our baby. She’s so angry I’m wondering if I’m being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re allowed space. But I want to add this – my husband was told by so many people to not be there for the birth or “look” because it would ruin intimacy for him forever. So he was a little worried. He was there, but he made a point of not looking for the first one.
For the second one things changed really fast and he had to run back to the room as fast as possible to be there and came in just as I was delivering and he said he saw everything lol, and it wasn’t that bad.
My point is – it’s possible. Maybe people are feeding your wife these same stories and it’s made her insecure and worried. There’s a lot of pressure on women to always remain attractive for their husbands. Maybe ask her if she’s insecure?
I don’t know just some thoughts.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she had accepted your decision with the same basic level you accepted hers I’d be agreeing with the no jerks. The problem is, she didn’t. You told her you needed space and she then promptly claimed “you’re putting stress on a pregnant woman for no reason.” Ok, let’s analyze that claim a bit.
Maybe it is putting stress on her, that part is probably true. However, using her pregnancy to leverage guilt onto you for Having Emotions is already a major jerk move. Then we’ll add the “No Reason” so either she forgot why you need space or she sees your emotions as “No Reason”.
I assume this isn’t normal behavior for her, god I hope it’s not. Once she went to those levels she became the jerk in this situation. If she believes you shouldn’t need time because you have emotions I pity your kid if you have a son and she holds to this mentality.
I’m hoping this is all actions that are based around pregnancy hormones and stress however just because physiology is a reason for something, it isn’t an excuse for it.” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“OP you’re NTJ, tell her that just like she had a while to figure out what it is she wants, you need a bit to process your feelings about it.
You’re not trying to control her or tell her she can’t have the birthing experience she thinks would best support her, you just need some time to come to grips with your feelings about it. I will say that watching a birth isn’t pretty, and a lot of men choose not to look when it comes out.
That’s a choice you and her have to make together, and you are allowed to be understandably disappointed that you’re not allowed as her support person or to witness the actual birth. But to be clear, it is about supporting her through birth more than it’s about seeing the kid pop out.
If you two have a generally loving, trusting, and supportive relationship then tell her also that part of your hurt is feeling she doesn’t trust you to support, but you understand if only one person is allowed why she would want her mom who’s done it before to be the one.
Could it also be that she’s worried about how you will view her after? Whether she doesn’t want you being disgusted and rejecting her later? How are you with bodily fluids like blood, poop, etc? If you’re generally squeamish or easily disgusted she could be worried you would purposefully or not end up making it about yourself instead of her.
I will say my husband was useless as support during childbirth.
If I could have had the choice without royally ticking him off and if my family was near to my sister, best friend, or grandma, hands down I would have chosen my sister, best friend, or grandma (if only 1 person is allowed) to be in the room with me.
They’ve been through it, and he was just like a deer in headlights with no real comfort or support other than parroting nurses and holding my knee back. I think you two need to just sit down and have a vulnerable conversation with I feel statements and try not to make it like you’re attacking the other.
Her acting like you needing time to process a shocking and emotional announcement as her being the victim of you intentionally harming her and the baby is NOT okay though. Just talk to each other and consider couples counseling, if possible, to help you both come to a mutual understanding.” Puzzled_Juice_3406
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