People Want The Chance To Explain Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
17. AITJ For Wanting To Wear Something Green On St. Patrick's Day?
“I (15F) live with my mom (36F) and stepfather (48M – SF). My father died when I was a baby and for most of my life, it has just been my mom and me.
She met my now stepfather a couple of years ago and they got married last summer.
It has been a huge adjustment to have SF in our family. Mostly because as compared to my mom, he is extremely strict. He convinced my mom that I am spoiled, and entitled and needed his harsher discipline or else I am never going to make anything of myself.
When it was just my mom and me, our home seemed like a warm and loving place but now it feels like a boot camp, which makes sense because SF is ex-military. However, it feels unfair because I am not a bad kid by any means.
I have always gotten pretty much straight As. I do my homework without having to be told and always did whatever chores my mom assigned. I don’t talk back or curse and at this point, am not interested in meeting someone like a lot of my friends are.
I don’t drink or do illegal stuff and always follow my curfew.
However, SF decided that is not good enough. He demands perfection at school, like 100% on everything, or else I get grilled over why I made a mistake. He decided I was a bit chubby so now I have to get up for 5 am runs/boot camp workouts and have to have weekly weight checks (my mom participates in this too because she wanted to lose weight).
One of the worst things was that he decided most of my clothes are ‘inappropriate.’ I do not think they are, I don’t wear anything revealing or skintight, but I did favor bright colors. SF decided I was being attention-seeking with my clothes and took away all my bright-colored stuff and replaced it with drab/neutral colors.
Again my mom went along with this because he persuaded her that I just had no sense of what was appropriate from growing up without a father.
Any way to bring us to the current dilemma, of course, St. Patrick’s Day is this Friday and everyone at school wears green (or gets pinched).
I am not allowed to wear green anymore because of SF’s rules. Some friends were talking about what they are going to wear and I mentioned I can’t participate this year. So one friend gave me a green T-shirt and suggested I wear it under my black sweater.
I had the T-shirt in my backpack but SF decided to search my backpack (he does random searches of all my stuff, I guess I was just hoping he wouldn’t find the T-shirt). Of course, he was furious and grounded me for a month. I tried to explain that I just wanted to participate in the tradition and that I was going to be wearing it under other clothes, so at most a small sliver of green would show, but this didn’t fly.
My mom agreed with the grounding and furthermore said she was incredibly disappointed in me because I have never broken rules and acted out before. I feel awful for disappointing her but also really do feel like the rule is stupid and pointless.
So, AITJ for planning to wear a green T-shirt for St. Patrick’s Day when I am not allowed to wear bright colors?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I feel so sad for you for how much I recognize my own childhood in this story, except it was my bio dad.
This is not normal. This is not healthy. This is not okay.
The thing about someone like this is that you literally cannot win.
There is no standard of excellence you could reach that will satisfy them. Imposing these rules is part of their mental illness and the bar of their approval cannot be reached because it will always be moved higher when you’re about to reach it.
It took me a long time to realize how angry I was at my mom for standing by and watching the misery my father put me through.
Just because she wasn’t behaving like he was, she was complicit in the mistreatment because she did nothing to protect me, a child, from it and let me think it was all my fault.
This is not your fault and it isn’t your job to make this right.
Your mom may very well be going through something that is blinding her to the truth of what’s going on, but you do not, and should not, need to help feed her delusion that this is okay in order to be a good daughter.
Your most important task from right now until you are able to move out is to protect your own sanity and confidence.
Everything your stepfather is doing is designed to wear you down until you don’t have any self-esteem or strength left and just follow his every demand without question.
Keep a journal if you can guarantee he won’t find it and write down that you aren’t a bad person, you are in a bad situation, and the things you do ‘wrong’ in this house aren’t objectively morally wrong.
If you can’t safely write it down, repeat it to yourself in your head as often as you can.
Your safest option is to keep the peace as best you can and move out as soon as you can.” hunterofhunters7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is abusive behavior.
I also had a strict military SF come into my life around the same time yours did.
There was definitely an adjustment period and I did have to get used to a few more rules than my mom had. But my SF would NEVER have tried to exert this much control over me and my mother would not have let him if he had tried.
This level of control is not okay. You can try having a conversation with your mother about it. If SF started with smaller rule changes and escalated, she may not fully realize how bad things have gotten. She may also be facing abusive levels of controlling too.
Regardless, it’s her job as a parent to protect you. If she isn’t willing or able to change the situation, please please please talk to a trusted counselor, teacher, parent of a friend, someone who will have your back. It’s not a bad idea to loop in an adult you trust even if your mother commits to change.
The unfortunate reality is that mistreatment can and often does escalate. I hope that all your mother and SF need is a serious dose of reality and some parenting lessons, but your safety is the first priority. As awful as it may sound, it’s better than a trusted adult knowing about this before it can get to the level of physical .” princessluni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like a perfectly normal 15-year-old, and literally, everything you described him demanding is bizarre and out of line. I’m really sorry this is the situation you’re in. My only advice is to find ways to keep your self-expression alive, and for God’s sake, do not internalize the lie that anything less than perfect is worthless.
Perfection is not an attainable concept, nor should it be. We are messy and we’re always learning and growing, and that’s the point. You are absolutely fine as you are – less than flawless is normal. Color is good. Weekly weigh-ins aren’t healthy.
Just… don’t internalize his mess. It’s his. Doesn’t need to be yours. Chin up and hatch an exit plan for when you’re 18, okay?” darjeelinger1709
16. AITJ For Not Taking My Ex's Other Family To Disneyland?
“I am F30 with a 1-year-old daughter who has a 4-year-old half-brother and a ‘stepsister’ (don’t know how old she is).
She’s never been around either of them or met them. I had planned a trip to Disney because it’s been a hard year and we deserve a treat. I reached out with an offer to pay for the expenses of traveling and food for Ex/Baby Daddy and his son, my daughter’s half brother but he would have to pay for Disney for them if he wanted to go.
He doesn’t make much that’s why I gave him this offer and I don’t make enough to pay for a full trip for him and his son. If I made enough I would.
He has texted me telling me he can’t afford to pay for him and his son to go to Disney.
Me not wanting him to miss out on memories with his first daughter I offer to pay for him in full and he just takes time without them to spend time with his firstborn daughter. He replied back saying that’s not fair because he brought the idea up to his family (son, stepdaughter, and partner) and they want to go.
I said that’s not my problem and I can’t afford them. That I’m happy to pay the travel expenses and food for him and half brother. He replied back that he knows how much I make and I can pay for all of them with no problem, which isn’t true because I’m the only one that financially supports our child and I have to pay him child support.
I pay child support because I make more. I replied back with that’s not true and even if it was I’m not obligated to provide for the family you created by having an affair while I was pregnant with a paid-in-full vacation. My offer stands for you and your son or just you.
We leave in a few weeks so I need to know. She doesn’t see her half-brother because the court has fixed a custody agreement where they get one on one time with dad so the scheduling never laps over.
The son’s mom would turn it to courts if my daughter was there during their visitation, she’s threatening to do it so it hasn’t really bothered me that they haven’t met.
I’ve tried for them to but it’s kind of hard to do when she’s a bitter baby mama. My daughter is scared of the stepsister (don’t know why) so she’s not allowed around when she’s there (court order due to her being scared of her.).
I guess he went posting about it or telling people because I’ve been getting messages saying I’m a witch or selfish for not including her bonus family in the vacation. I have informed them that I don’t make enough to pay their way onto the trip and he’s more than welcome to use the child support money that doesn’t even go to our daughter to pay their way.
They didn’t know that they were invited and that the issue was money, so he’s making out like they weren’t invited. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ technically, but I feel like you’re leaning towards being a jerk for a different reason.
You’re asking your ex to go on a vacation with you and your child but leave his partner at home? If they were married would you do the same? What was the lodging situation? Shared child or not there is no way I would attend a vacation with my ex and leave my SO at home, that’s a red flag.
I see the point you’re trying to make by saying you want him to spend time with her for memories, but memories for who? She’s 1. The offer to pay for him and his son is super nice and generous but when there is a significant other in the picture you have to take that into account.
The first time he said he couldn’t afford it and couldn’t go, leave it at that. You were nice, an olive branch extended, he declined. You go to Disney.” hereforworse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not obligated under any circumstances to pay for others.
He sounds entitled to believe that he can tell you what to do with your money.
Then there is this… ‘I replied back with that’s not true and even if it was I’m not obligated to provide the family you created by having an affair while I was pregnant with a paid-in-full vacation.’
Even if you could afford it NOT your job
On top of that…
Baby mama doesn’t even want all the children together so HOW was the trip going to work.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you extend an invitation to people who then start bringing drama and demands, and even name calls, then rescind your invitation.
This applies to vacations, birthday parties, weddings, etc. Take back invites to people who start getting entitled when you have been more than generous, especially when they send flying monkeys or start airing stuff on social media. Do not invite drama into your life.” NovelRemarkable7136
15. AITJ For Taking Care Of My Best Friend's Son?
“My (M20) best friend (let’s call him Jack, M20) got a girl pregnant when he was 16 and in the end, both families decided he’d take care of the baby as long as they don’t bother the girl about it.
From what I understand, they made that deal because the girl didn’t want to abort but also didn’t want to take care of the kid, and my friend’s family didn’t want the baby to go into adoption.
They ‘punished him’ by making him take care of the baby by himself. They helped him financially until he finished high school, but the parenting job was supposed to be done by him alone.
I have always helped my mom with my younger siblings and I like kids overall, so I offered my help.
My friend happily accepted and I’ve been helping him with Liam (Jack’s son) ever since.
Jack’s parents have been alright with me helping him, but ever since I came out last year they’ve been clearly ruder towards me. His mom even told me I shouldn’t help Jack with the kid when his dad is at home cause ‘the image bothered him’.
Jack has noticed the change in treatment too and asked me if it would be alright with me if he and his son moved into my apartment. We discussed it and came to the conclusion that moving with me benefited everyone involved. Last night I stayed for dinner so Jack gave the news there, and it wasn’t taken very well.
Jack’s parents accused me of overstepping. They said they were thankful for the help I gave Jack the first years, but that I have taken it too far and that it was time for Jack to find a partner to raise Liam with, instead of keeping me involved this much in their lives.
Jack told me to not worry about what they said, but I can’t help but be bothered by it.
AITJ? I’ve always considered myself just a good friend lending a hand but maybe I indeed went too far. I don’t think so but I want other opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t believe these parents. They’re weird asf. First of all, punishing a SIXTEEN-year-old with taking care of a kid by himself while still in school sounds absolutely insane. Now that he’s older you helping out when he should’ve gotten help from the mother and parents from the beginning and then being called a jerk for it is ridiculous.
When will they stop punishing their son that already is being punished by having a kid in the first place??? Continue helping him out and forget the parents. They seem more like police to me.” SenseAutomatic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘They said… that it was time for Jack to find a partner to raise Liam with, instead of keeping me involved this much in their lives.’
I say this as someone who is probably around the same age as his parents:
The clear homophobia is bad enough, obviously. But says everything anyone needs to know about what kind of cold, manipulative human beings that they are, that they would rather see both their son and some unsuspecting young woman – pretty much ANY young woman as far as they’re concerned – get rushed into an ill-advised serious relationship at such a young age for the sake of ‘having a (marital) partner’ (and the unspoken ‘forcing motherhood responsibilities on the young woman’) rather than wanting their son to take his time meeting people, and hopefully meet someone IN HIS OWN TIME, WHEN HE IS READY, who will become a genuine and meaningful part of his and Liam’s life because that’s what they all want.
It says everything that they think there’s something problematic about… what, exactly? A 20-year-old single dad living with his supportive, responsible best friend as a roommate? Their grandson having a loving ‘uncle’ helping to raise him? I don’t know, from where I stand as a middle-aged woman, that sounds like a wonderfully loving situation.
Honey, you are absolutely NTJ. You are a wonderful friend, and both Jack and Liam are lucky to have you.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re both adults, and his parents don’t get to tell him how to live his life or raise his kid.
His parents can be mad all they want, and they can be uncomfortable with you all they want, but it’s Jack who gets to make the choices, and his feelings toward you and your participation are all that matter in this situation.
They’re concerned the baby will catch the gay… we all know that’s not how it works, but older generations are less on board with that and still worry about it like it’s contagious.
This is also probably a reason Jack wants to move in with you: to escape his judgy parents.
You’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m happy for all three of you. His parents will adjust, or they won’t, and that exclusively affects their relationship, or lack of one, with Jack and Liam.
You are not responsible for how other people feel about things, and especially so when it comes to homophobia and traditional values…” SecretTimeTrash
14. AITJ For Using A Family Restroom?
“I was out at Dave & Buster’s in my local mall (for those who don’t know what that is, it’s an arcade/restaurant partially aimed at adults but obviously families bring kids too).
It was a Monday evening and not particularly crowded, though there were a handful of families with small children there.
When I was younger, I had a traumatic event happen to me in a public restroom which resulted in me having anxiety surrounding the use of public bathrooms. it’s not impossible for me to use them, but it’s difficult (I have to very mindfully calm my panic response) and it ends up taking longer than typical to do my business, even just #1… (sorry if that’s TMI, I just want to be thorough in explaining the context)
Ok, now that we have that out of the way… So I’m at D&B with a friend and have to go to the bathroom. I know they have one of those ‘family’ restrooms that is just a large single room/stall where you can lock the door and not worry about anyone else being in there, so I try the door and no one is using it so I go ahead and lock the door behind me and just as I sit on the toilet, the door handle jiggles.
Gosh. ‘Occupied!’, I call out & just hear a muffled grunt in response. This, unfortunately, does kick in a bit of an anxiety response, but I calm myself & do what I gotta do – all in all, I was in the bathroom for just under 7 minutes (I noticed the time when I sat down and looked again after washing my hands).
When I come out, there’s a woman waiting with her toddler who, upon seeing me exit alone, starts going off on me and telling me I have no business using a family restroom, especially in an establishment where there’s clearly always going to be families around who may need it.
I just apologized and said that it was available and there weren’t very many families in the facility at the time anyway and explained that I had a good enough reason for using it myself. She scoffed at this and asked what excuse could possibly have for taking away a facility (albeit briefly) from the families it was created for in the first place.
I don’t really feel that my trauma is anyone’s business so I told her, as calmly as I could muster, that my reasons are none of her business, and either way, it’s available now, so go ahead and use it. And then I walked away.
I was feeling a little shaken up and when I mentioned it to my friend, he agreed that I was kinda the jerk cuz I could have just gone out into the mall area and probably found a family restroom to use out there… (there were maybe 20, at most, people milling about the rest of the mall area)
So now I’m not really sure… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because of a traumatic event, you need reasonable public accommodations to use the toilet. This isn’t any different than a baby or toddler needing their own type of accommodations (i.e. with the aid of a parent) to use the toilet.
You were considerate of others, and you made a reasonable judgment that using the bathroom at that time wouldn’t cause anyone else an inconvenience.
Unfortunately, it did. But that’s not your fault. The woman should have understood that bathrooms are limited resources, and sometimes require waiting.
Waiting sucks. But she needed to be an adult about it. And instead of doing so, she scolded a complete stranger despite not knowing their circumstances. And you’re absolutely right: your situation is none of her business.
Perhaps you could have found a family restroom elsewhere, but there’s no guarantee that you wouldn’t have run into the same situation out there.
Plus, there are probably even more people who would want to use the family restroom out in the mall area vs in D&B.
I hope you’re able to resolve your trauma and wish you the best of luck. Having a good therapist might help you along.
Eventually, you can use the same trashy public toilets we all have to use! Cheers.” constant_flux
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for using the family bathroom but occupying it for 7 minutes when certain patrons have no other choice but to wait for you is kind of a jerk move unless you were ill or in some sort of digestive distress.
It’s sort of like using the accessible stall in a regular bathroom. It’s fine to use it if it’s unoccupied but be conscious of the fact that a disabled person only has that stall to use, much like a parent with a toddler only has the family restroom to meet their needs, so don’t make them wait an excessive amount of time and 7 minutes in a public restroom is kind of long.
If you knew you were going to be longer than a couple of minutes you should have used a regular stall.” NervousOperation318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The woman had no business gatekeeping who should use the public restroom.
Sometimes, the larger private space is the best place for what needs doing.
No one can tell by looking if you are wearing a catheter, have an ostomy bag, or need to check b***d sugar and inject insulin or other medication. In every one of those cases, I would choose the family restroom. Additionally, someone who needs to take a little longer to have a bowel movement may prefer to use the family restroom.
Just ignore the naysayers and do what you need to do.” Algebralovr
13. AITJ For Pushing My Beliefs On My Sister-In-Law?
“I (26f) and my husband (31m) have a home with a guest room.
His mom (50f) has some pretty crappy beliefs, so his younger sister (18f) hasn’t been to school since first grade and doesn’t know basic life skills.
To give you an idea, she just learned how to shower by herself last year.
18f has gotten pretty fed up and decided to leave her mom and come live with us.
My husband and I are fine with it, but implemented some basic rules such as SIL will study for her GED at least 3 hours a day, SIL has to clean up after herself, and SIL will help make dinner (with help) 3 days a week.
Once she’s able to read basic English, SIL will also study for her driver’s license and if she passes, we’ll help her get a car.
MIL is mad that we’re pushing our beliefs on SIL and believes we’re brainwashing her and forcing her into things she doesn’t want to do.
SIL always has the option to go home, but so far hasn’t, and has been following our rules well.
AITJ for pushing my beliefs on SIL? MIL thinks I might be for ‘treating SIL like my daughter’ and ‘forcing my beliefs’ on her, despite my beliefs being the exact opposite of her mom’s.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘beliefs’ are turning your sister into a functioning adult in society, something she desperately needs. Your mom is a HUGE jerk for absolutely screwing her over. Expecting an adult to be a part of the household she lives in rent-free is a very small bar.
She needs structure to succeed, and you’re providing structure and fostering a learning and growth environment. You’re an awesome sister. Keep up the good work!” humantornado3136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re saving this poor girl. I’m honestly at a loss for words when it comes to MIL, except to say that she can go back to crazy town.
SIL is a legal adult with zero adult survival skills. She asked for help. You are helping her. Not only are you not a jerk, but I think what you’re doing is amazing. Make sure you’re taking reasonable steps to prevent MIL from trying to steal or lure her back.
Never underestimate crazy people or trust that they’ll adhere to the usual logic. Protect yourselves.” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
These aren’t beliefs. Based on what you described, you aren’t forcing her to worship a particular deity. You aren’t demanding she supports a particular set of political figures.
You aren’t telling her what to think about social issues.
You are expecting her to take on basic duties in a household: be working on education or have a job and participate in the day-to-day tasks of running the household.
It sounds like you are letting her decide how much of her mother’s tin foil hat, flat earth, and worldview she wishes to continue with as long as she participates in the household.
If she finds that her mother’s worldview is preferable, she can always go back. It doesn’t sound like you are keeping her prisoner.” NotMyName919
12. AITJ For Getting Mad At Guy For Trying To Diagnose Me?
“I joined a college club related to my hobby, and generally it’s been a good time. But there’s this one guy on the team who keeps on trying to diagnose me like he’s a doctor.
I’ve had a few experiences that this guy Kyle keeps reading too much into.
First, this new girl in the club was in was being kinda passive aggressive to me and I noticed but I was having none of that, so I pretended I didn’t.
Like thinking if she had something to say she could come right out and say it. She never did.
Another time, a guy was being creepy to my best friend, hitting on me too, and another guy asked me if he could invite him to my party.
I replied ‘Sorry nah I don’t really know him’ – which came as a surprise because apparently this guy was into me and was hoping to be invited.
Well, Kyle started trying to tell me he thinks I have autism. He does and maybe some of his friends?
And he’s jumping to conclusions with me – he assumed when I ignored a girl’s passive aggression and said I didn’t really know a guy who I knew, I was having trouble understanding social cues.
I didn’t really want to tell this guy I understood what they were going for, but played dumb.
So I told him I didn’t think so and my therapist didn’t either because she would have said something. He said that it’s a super underdiagnosed thing.
This Spring, I got a work-study rotation through a program at my school and the company started doing some shady stuff… Having unpaid interns doing stuff that should have been paid work when we were there for education thru a school program.
So I shared the evidence of laws the company was violating with the other interns, and we went to report it to the school and HR together.
Kyle told me again he was ‘sure’ I was autistic because of a strong sense of justice, and I was getting kinda frustrated because I don’t know anyone who’s into being exploited by corporations, like me and my friends there all knew our rights and labor law, it’s stupid to go to college and not read up on that before graduation, in my opinion.
It’s not like a diagnosis to not be a bootlicker.
He acted like I was proving his point by saying that, like saying people don’t just do that in general.
I got kinda annoyed at him, and here’s where I might be the jerk. I snapped at him like ‘Just because you have some obsession with me being just like you, you don’t know me like that, and you don’t know the first thing about me.
Stop projecting your crap on me and go to a therapist. Because for what it’s worth, I do, and she and I both know this ISN’T ABOUT YOU OR YOUR DIAGNOSIS’.
He got mad I called it ‘his crap’ and said I was being a jerk to him, and he was just trying to help me out because he had a hard time getting diagnosed, and I didn’t have to get ‘so defensive’ at a suggestion because it was honestly disrespectful.
AITJ for getting so mad at a guy trying to diagnose me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already told him to stop before and he didn’t. Of course, at some point, you will snap if he keeps up being annoying.
Honestly, I would just stop interacting with the guy.
Just tell him you will only talk to him about work or study-related stuff and that you prefer him not to contact you otherwise. I wouldn’t even try to explain to him why, even when he asks, because he will use it as an opportunity to tell you why you are wrong.
Just say ‘our conversations make me uncomfortable, so don’t contact me unless it is work or study related’ and just keep repeating that until til he gets the message.” ilja1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You maybe could have been a little bit nicer/told him to cut it out sooner so you didn’t get to a breaking point like that, but it is absolutely not his place to go around trying to diagnose people.
If you want to have that sort of conversation with a very close friend, that’s one thing. But it’s entirely wrong to be pushy with this sort of thing with people you don’t know that well. Also, the fact that he was ‘sure’ because of your ‘strong sense of justice’.
A strong sense of justice is also just a sign of being a good person.” NoExample8136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think of it this way, you’re clearly independent and intelligent and capable of taking care of yourself. So even if you were on the spectrum and undiagnosed, what would a diagnosis change for you?
Aside from a label, this dude can slap on you, but probably nothing.
He’s not trying to help you, he’s trying to help himself. HE wants you to be on the spectrum, probably because he wants to feel connected. Almost like sharing a diagnosis would change how you feel about him.
DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS. You told him more than once that he was wrong and made it clear you have no intention of seeking additional medical opinions. Being polite did you no good but he heard you when you got real with him.
Keep being heard.” Sufficient-Ant6619
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Own Birthday Party?
“I recently found out that my group of friends is planning a surprise birthday party for me.
Now before everyone starts getting at me for being ungrateful, hear me out. In the past, my friends have thrown me a few surprise events.
When I got married, my bridesmaids insisted on throwing me a surprise bridal shower and bachelorette even though I insisted that I hate surprises.
I’m ok not knowing details, but I wanted to at least know the gist of what was going on. I was kept in the dark until the day of, and I was thrown a tea party – something that wouldn’t even be on the top 50 things I would like to do.
I felt horrible because I genuinely didn’t enjoy it, but couldn’t say anything because I knew how expensive the venue was. I was grateful that they planned it, so I thanked them and just reminded them that I’m not a huge fan of surprises.
Another time, they threw me a surprise picnic birthday party, because they know I love picnics. They didn’t realize that the reason I love them is that I love cooking and packing the food beforehand – so I didn’t get to be a part of what makes me love picnics because it was a surprise.
Again, I told them I’d like to not have surprises anymore. Fast forward to this year, I caught on that they were trying to plan a surprise party through my husband. Again, they chose something I really would rather not do, at least for my birthday.
I had to get my husband to lead the conversation to avoid that activity and suggest something I actually want to do. But from a bowling/arcade joint, they went ahead and reserved only the arcade without asking which I would like. And instead of splitting the birthday person’s expenses equally like we do every birthday (It would have only been $3 more per person), they pressured my husband into paying my whole share.
I’m grateful that they’re going out of their way to spend their time and money on me, but I really don’t understand why they keep trying to surprise me with things without even trying to find out what I want to do.
It honestly feels like everyone is wasting their time and money. I’m also the only one they ever try to surprise – everyone else gets asked what they want to do.
AITJ for feeling this way?
ETA: My husband is honestly not that close with my friends and didn’t want to cause a scene.
He said more than he normally would have even in his own group of friends. In a perfect world, he would have done a lot of things to deal with this, but he went above and beyond out of his comfort zone to steer the conversation at least to the venue I would enjoy.
ETA 2: Why didn’t I just plan my own party? I simply didn’t want to go out of my way to celebrate my birthday this year. The one thing I wanted was an upscale dinner that my husband already planned as a date. One of my friends asked me how I wanted to celebrate, and I told her that I don’t need to do anything for it this year.
They decided after this that they would throw me a surprise. The activities that he and I suggested were simply things that I’ve been wanting to do if we were to get a large group together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve told them you don’t like surprises, and they refuse to listen to you.
Honestly, both the fact that they keep planning these surprises and then do events that you don’t particularly like tells me that these parties have nothing to do with you, it’s all about them – either an excuse to do a particular activity or so they can feel like they are good people for throwing a surprise party (even if the guest of honor of the party doesn’t enjoy what was planned).
It’s a case of, under the guise of being generous, your friends are actually being selfish.
If they truly cared about you, they would listen to what you had to say, stop with the surprise parties, and actually ask you want you want to do.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your friends for not listening when you say you hate surprises. Husband for not hammering it in since he’s part of the planning, and you for not being honest.
You have to look at it from their point of view.
You had nothing negative to say about the tea party so they think they did ok. You love picnics so again they won. They’re knocking it out of the park. You need to sit them down and explain that you did not enjoy the tea party but that you felt you needed to be polite due to expenses.
Explain that you didn’t like the picnic and exactly why. Otherwise the whole ‘I don’t like surprises’ will never register. There may be some hurt feelings but all relationships need honesty.” Tall-Measurement3795
Another User Comments:
“You need better friends and your husband needs to stand up for you.
I cannot believe this has happened multiple times. And I can’t believe your husband would go along with this. How many ways can they all tell you that they don’t care about you?
I would message them and say that this isn’t for your birthday because you don’t like surprise plans like this and you don’t like the activity.
And that it hurts your feelings/bothers you/whatever that they keep planning things like this even though they know you don’t like it.
If they want to have a group outing to an arcade, great, do it on a normal occasion. But if you’re celebrating someone’s birthday, you do what they like in a way they like it.
NTJ” friendlily
10. AITJ For Increasing My Husband's Cousin's Rent?
“My (f28 ) husband’s (m32) cousin (m36) has lived in our basement suite for a few years and we have always cut him a deal on rent.
Last spring we moved to a new house and he came with us renting our 2-bedroom basement suite for $1150 (no contract). For reference, a suite this new and large are going for $2000+ in our area. Prior to this, he was living in the 1 basement suite of our previous house, for $800 (we rented it out for $1300 as soon as he moved out with us).
My husband wants to charge him so little because ‘he is family and he can’t afford more’. However, since the cousin has lived with us these past few years he only works for the summer months and some of the fall months. Probably a total of 4-5 months of the year and goes on employment insurance for the rest of the year without trying to look for a job.
I understand he is family but this kind of bothers me as he is a 36-year-old man that does not feel like working and we’re losing out on large rental income that could help with our bills. We are not well off by any means.
We work very hard and have middle-class jobs.
Another thing that bothers me is that my husband and I maintain our big beautiful yard and the cousin has even made comments to me about how he is not responsible for helping with yard work (even though he spends a lot of time outside enjoying that yard and I also never even asked him to help with yard work).
You’d think for such a discounted rate he’d be willing to help out a bit (again we’ve never asked this of him). He also made statements to me in the past about how he ‘pays the mortgage’ for us. Which is not nearly true.
Additionally, now my younger sister (f21) got a job offer in our city and we coincidentally will have that previous $1300 basement suite for rent. I want to help her out by renting it cheaper. However, financially we can’t offer much of a discounted rental rate mostly due to my husband’s cousin pretty much getting a $1000 dollar discount on rent each month.
I don’t want my little sister renting out a 1 bedroom $1300 suite while his 36-year-old adult cousin rents out a huge 2 bedroom $1050 basement suite. Even if my sister doesn’t move here I want to increase his rent. So AITJ if I want to increase his rent by maybe like $200 each month?
(Again there’s no contract). Wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this.
To add: The cousin is family to me and I do like him. I don’t have anything personally against him. He is like a brother to my husband. But this is beside the fact that I feel like this is not financially responsible for various reasons.
I have brought this up to my husband a few times and it turns into a fight and he refuses to see my perspective and sees the increasing rent as a monstrous, selfish, greedy thing to do. So this is why I wanted to see others’ opinions on if I am in fact a delusional jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Remind your husband that he can’t afford more by choice. You’re charging him half the market rate, and what is he doing with that? Taking more time off work.
Ask your husband what prevents the brother from still living with you when he’s 60.
What incentive does he have to leave?
Don’t bring up your sister at the same time. That is an absolutely separate issue. You may want the space for your sister, but if you talk about that as your motive, it lets your husband deflect on to ‘you’re just being selfish’.
Keep to the main point, that your husband’s brother needs to work year-round and support himself.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m a bit confused about your finances here. You say you aren’t well off, but that you have the other basement studio available for your sister… does that mean you own two homes?
You say that you can’t afford to give a discounted rate to two people… does that mean you can’t afford the home(s) without an extra tenant? I mean maybe it’s not relevant but the inconsistency here makes me wonder if this is really about money or just about you feeling like your husband’s cousin mooching off you (which he totally is).
As a 36-year-old he just needs to get his life together, get a consistent job, and either pay you the market rate or pay to live somewhere else.” SarcasticLightweight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have given the cousin years to improve his financial position. Instead, he has decided to be lazy and disrespectful.
Tell your husband that he needs to move out in 6 months. Period. Point out to your husband that he is only enabling his cousin and keeping him from becoming his best self.
Cousin believes he is paying your mortgage and is not required to help with lawn care that he uses… you need to shut that bad attitude down this instant.
Your husband and you ought to go to couples counseling over this issue.” Maybeidontknow99
9. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Mom To Stop Meddling With Our Personal Lives?
“I (19F) and my soon-to-be husband (21M) got engaged after 4 years together.
I was really young when we first started going out and the nagging of my MIL, wanting us to have kids early, always bothered me.
I took my complaints to my fiancé but he dismissed me saying that I should ‘understand his mother’s ways’. I didn’t get her hopes up about me having kids, because I always said that I wanted to be mature enough to be able to raise a kid.
As I said, I just dismissed her nagging, until last week.
My fiancé came home from work (by the way, he works with his mother), saying: ‘I was with mom all that in the office, and after she told me some things I came to the conclusion that you should stop taking your birth control pills’.
Unbelievable. Didn’t even want to argue about something this ridiculous.
Time passed and we didn’t touch this issue anymore.
The weekend came, and we went to visit my MIL’s house, she took me to her room saying she needed to have a word with me and my fiancé.
She sat down on the bed and said: ‘I had a discussion with Luiz (my fiancé’s name), and i told him about my concern about you guys not having children at the appropriate age. Who knows if you’re going to be able to have children with this disease of yours?
As for now, he will no longer allow you to buy the birth control pills per my request’.
(He never bought them for me, I work 9 hours a day and everything I buy for myself comes from my money)
About ‘my disease’: It’s a disease that all the women on my father’s side had: Uterus Cancer.
My great-great-grandmother passed due to it, my great-grandmother too and my grandma had it after giving birth to my father, but the doctors took the uterus out before cancer could spread further. My grandma was always cautious with me. Never had any issues, and I go to the gynecologist 2 times a year to do exams.
I got enraged and looked at my fiancé who was sitting beside her, and he just averted his eyes.
‘You will regret leaving the thoughts of having kids after your graduation because god time is now and I got a revelation from the pastor that one of my family members is going to try to have kids and it’s not gonna be able to.
I’m sure that person is you, and I’m worried for my son. I can’t leave this marriage be if your thoughts don’t align.’
When she said that last line, I exploded, saying ‘Are you so desperate for me to sleep with your son and have a baby so what?
It’s not your business if we’re having kids or not or if we’re sleeping together or not, this must be a joke’.
The argument escalated but I don’t remember much because I got so enraged that I started trembling and had to go home to calm myself down alone, as I left my fiancé there.
When he came home, he was mad, saying that I disrespected his mother and that if I didn’t apologize he would consider breaking off the engagement. Honestly am not making any effort to set things straight as I’m very offended by everything she said.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ll probably disagree with me because 19-year-olds think they know everything. You are too young and don’t have enough experience to get married to anyone. If you met him at 15 and stayed together for 4 years you need to experience more relationships.
If you want a life for yourself where before you’re even married the mother-in-law tries to dictate your relationship to you and your partner allows it then you will be happy. She will try to dictate everything about your relationship. As long as he works with his mother this will not stop.
Let him break up. He’s doing you a favor.” kcoinga
Another User Comments:
“One. NTJ.
Two. Rethink the engagement and marriage, please.
Three please if possible get on some sort of IUD. Because you WILL end up falling pregnant. He’s so far up her womb that he’ll trap you with an unwanted pregnancy because she demands it.
She’s already demanded he not ‘allow’ you to buy your birth control who’s to say he won’t tamper with it next?!
Pills are so easy to tamper with. Any oral or other birth controls are easy to tamper with. An IUD can’t be easily tampered with.
She’s already in his ear about wanting you pregnant now and he refused to step up and say what needed to be said and in fact turned against you because his momma was mad.
Run. Do not walk do not pass go do not collect $200.
You are to run!
Look at the red flags he’s presenting and waving around. He’s not a safe partner.
No good partner would be demanding you to get pregnant because his mother demands it. He shouldn’t be coming to you and telling you that you need to do anything with your body.
Also. Think about this. He’s following her commands for pregnancy who’s to say he won’t do as she demands if y’all DO have kids?! He’s gonna refer to her for everything and fight you on how to raise the baby.
It’s easier to cancel an engagement than it is to divorce and fight for full custody in court.
He’s not safe. He will baby-trap you and make your life miserable. Run. Talk to your family talk to a therapist or trusted person. This grown-up man is throwing red beacons up.
Run. Keep yourself safe.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave the man.
Fast. His mother has far less respect for you. He isn’t willing to stand up to his mother for anyone. In fact, he probably thinks and believes the exact same way as she does, he just knows that he shouldn’t voice those thoughts or opinions because then he wouldn’t be able to keep a woman, let alone get married. That is not someone you should remain with.
The man you eventually marry should be willing and able to stand up for you, defend you and your rights, and protect you (as you would protect him too).
If you feel you want to be petty, you can wait until it’s rather public with his family, take the ring off your finger and drop it in her hand saying ‘If you’re so desperate that he has a child so quickly, then here’s the ring for you to marry him and bear the child.’ or you could say ‘I didn’t sign up to be the mistress in an i********s marriage, even if the legal documents show ME to be the wife.’ If you want to be extra petty, tell her ‘You want a grandchild so badly?
You can sleep with him and you can carry it yourself.’ (wouldn’t necessarily do this one publicly unless you WANT a bunch of people to become mad at you, likely for how crass you are more than not respecting her).” ToriBethATX
8. AITJ For Pretending To Be My Friend's Significant Other?
“My friend (f23) and I (m23) work together at Starbucks. She has anxiety so it can be hard for her to stand up for herself sometimes.
I have a significant other (f21), and we haven’t had any problems until now.
My friend and I were working yesterday morning. I was preparing a client’s coffee and she was taking an older guy (around 30/40 years old) she did and started preparing it while I took another order.
When she handed him the coffee, the guy said something like ‘Oh you didn’t put your number on it?’ And then he said something like ‘it’s a shame, I know how to take care of young girls like you, you don’t have a significant other, do you?’ I watched over at my friend as she looked very uncomfortable so I stepped in, I told the man that I was her SO and asked if he had a problem with it.
He apologized and left. I know I could’ve just called him out for his behavior, but sadly as I have female friends this has happened more than once and it’s easier to just scare them off than try to make them understand why were they wrong.
It was the easiest way to get him off her quickly so we could keep working (we had a busy day). She thanked me, and later she told me that man had previously made her a similar comment last week too. I wasn’t there because it was my day off.
I went to my SO’s house later that night and we were hanging out in her bedroom. I told her what happened and she told me I was a good friend for standing up for her but that I didn’t have to say I was her SO.
I explained why I did it but she still told me it was not right. She’s not angry or upset about it, but the fact that she told me she doesn’t think it’s okay has made me think that maybe I was wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (apart from that creepy dude). I wish we lived in a world where men didn’t act like any woman is available for their pleasure unless she is already another man’s ‘property,’ but here we are. There are way too many men who will ignore a woman’s no and only back off when another man steps in.
It’s not right and it’s not okay but it is reality. I hope one day that’ll change. Until then, thanks for having your friend’s back.
(By the way, it would be best to talk to your friend and make sure she really was okay with what you did, and ask what she’d like for you to do if the same situation happens again.
She should be the one to decide if she wants help or if she’d rather handle it on her own).” iopele
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I have had several guys do this in the past. Thank you for standing up for your coworker to get a much older guy to leave her alone when he was clearly making her uncomfortable.
Women need more allies like you watching out for situations where a guy can use his position as a customer to force a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do (give him her number, let him touch her, put his arm around her, etc).
He’s counting on her being unable to say what she really wants to say due to fear of being fired.
I hope your SO never is in a situation like that; but if she ever is, I hope there is a guy who acts the same way you did to help her out of that situation.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
The trouble I see in your method is the rare occasions when someone that knows you and your SO happens to be around when you get rid of a guy that way. Your SO can know about this tactic, even her family.
Just needs one acquaintance who doesn’t know to start running his mouth that she gets lied to and the trouble of explaining is on her. And it’s hard to call the accusation of having an affair with a co-worker ridiculous, as it happens all the time and more often than not, it’s the people you didn’t expect.
You did the right thing at that moment, but it can’t become a default.” FalconJaeger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would hope that my SO would do the same/similar if he saw someone who was clearly uncomfortable in a situation where they are too passive to turn down an advance.
It’s not like you did anything to ‘prove’ you were this girl’s SO. You obviously did not touched her, kiss her – nothing. You saw that she was uncomfortable and you diffused the situation with your words in a way that kept everyone safe.
Some people can’t take no for an answer and clearly, that guy was one of them since he made prior advances on her. Even worse, some people get angry when the other party says ‘no’ without a ‘good reason’.
The girl you helped probably felt safer with what you did to intervene than if she told the dude she simply wasn’t interested. I feel like your SO was speaking out of insecurity since you have shown no indication of being actually interested in your coworker.” Abbybrown21
7. AITJ For Trying To Make Better Use Of Space?
“My husband and I have 6 children total and live in 4 bedroom house. We have two sons together (8 & 6), I have a son from a previous relationship (15), and I have 3 stepchildren (20F, 16M & 16F). We live in a 4 bedroom house and for most of the time we lived there we had 2 kids per room with the youngest boys sharing, the older boys sharing and the girls sharing.
Things changed a couple of years ago. My oldest stepdaughter finished school and is attending university locally. The girls decided at this point that instead of sharing a bedroom at their dad’s and sharing a bedroom at their mum’s, they would each take 1 room as their permanent bedroom.
So the 16-year-old lives with us full time and the 20-year-old lives with her mum full time. They both visit the other parent’s house regularly.
My 16-year-old stepson has his own bedroom at his mum’s house but still splits time between each parent’s house mostly 50/50.
My son lives full-time with us as he doesn’t have much of a relationship with his dad. My son and stepson do not get on that well and they can often be heard screaming at each other in their bedroom.
Recently, I asked my stepson why he doesn’t move to live full-time with his mum so he and my son can have a similar arrangement as their sisters.
This way both of the boys would have their own rooms. He would obviously still visit like his older sister does and we could figure something out like a futon instead of a bed in their room so my son has more space when stepson’s not there.
My stepson overreacted to my suggestion and is trying to make out like I’m kicking him out when really I’m just thinking of a better use of space. It’s unfair that all the older kids but my son have their own rooms at one of their parents’ house.
My son likes the idea and has brought it up to his stepbrother a few more times since I originally suggested it and it has caused arguments between them. He now seems to be considering it.
My husband is angry with me for suggesting his son move permanently to his mum’s.
He thinks that he and his son would have a less close relationship if this happens (my husband favors his oldest son over our boys). He also thinks I’m making his son feel like he’s being forced out. However, it was his daughters already doing the same thing that gave me the idea because it worked out well for them and they both seem happier.
I’m also not forcing this to happen I was just suggesting it to him, it would be completely up to him. Is this a good plan or AITJ for bringing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Hope your husband opens his eyes and divorces you.
Maybe if you parented your son better, there wouldn’t be an issue. Cuz it’s obvious he learned his entitled behavior from someone. You allowed your son to harass that child to the point that he is even considering leaving his own father’s house. You created a toxic household and are patting yourself on the back cuz home running away fits right into your narrative.
You already forced his other 2 daughters out, and don’t even see it as a bad thing cuz it goes with your ‘my own nuclear family’s nonsense. You’re a walking embarrassment.
Stepparents like you truly belong in a Disney movie, and not as the good guy.” cultqueennn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What happened with your SDs came about organically. Sounds like they figured it out themselves and so they’re both happy. What you’re doing/have done is because you feel it’s unfair that your son doesn’t have his ‘own room’. That’s not your stepson’s fault and not his job/responsibility to fix it.
You can pretty it all up with word salad to make it seem like you’re looking out for everyone but you said it yourself. ‘It’s unfair that all the older kids but my son have their own rooms at one of their parents house.’
Oh and look! That would also probably get rid of that close bond that your husband and his oldest son have at the same time! Woohoo! Two birds and all that.” rbrancher2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The arrangement that works for the girls works in part because it is the older daughter who ‘moved out’, and her living arrangement needs at her parents’ houses are far different now that she’s in uni.
That simply does not extend to a younger teenager still in HS. To your stepson, you see him as the problem, with the simple answer that he no longer lives with you. Of course, he feels upset and rejected.
You were wrong to bring it up, especially directly to him without your husband’s involvement… that’s a real ‘wicked stepmother’ kind of move.
And the fact that your kid is now pestering his stepbrother to get out is only salt in the wound. I hope you can repair this, quickly.” owls_and_cardinals
6. AITJ For Throwing My Parents Under The Bus In The Process Of Telling My Brother The Truth?
“I (36m) used to run a company with my (35m) brother and both my parents. It was supposed to be the dream of the sons to take over the family business. I had the ability to work in every department, so over the course of the last 10 years, I progressed to running the company.
My brother, who worked harder than anyone else, floundered with any real responsibility. He was the ultimate task-doer, but ask him to manage anyone or anything, and it would be a dumpster fire.
My parents would protect my brother by tying my hands behind my back in regards to saying anything bad to my brother about the quality of his work, or how he was failing at being a manager.
My parents did not want his feelings to be hurt. My brother would get moved to a different department, or have his job description changed so he wasn’t in charge of anything that would hurt the company. They would never tell him he wasn’t doing his job right, they would never tell him he sucked at his job.
It was easier for them to lie to him, so they could avoid any conflict or hurt feelings.
I was complicit in this. I kept up the lies, I played the game. Resentments grew. My brother was still getting paid the same as me, I was running the company, and at this point, he was basically still in an entry-level position.
So 2 years ago I started a different company and left the family one. Less than a year later, my parents asked me to come back. I accepted on the condition that my brother would be bought out of the company. They agreed.
So with my brother being bought out, I am now running the company solo, we gave him a group of our customers that he now services under his own company name, life is good, or so I thought…
I found out from one of my employees, that my brother has been stealing products out of our warehouse. They were under the impression that we had some sort of deal worked out with me because we were family. NOPE… He was just plain stealing.
So when I confront my brother, he admits to stealing but went off on this rant on how I never respected him, that I was the biggest jerk because I was mean, and on and on. So then and there I decided to stop lying and essentially told him all of the lies from the last 10 years.
How he got the short end of the stick because no one ever told him what he was doing wrong. How our parents just didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but knew he couldn’t run the company. I was done lying, I just sat there and told the truth.
So my parents are now mad at me because he’s mad. Like MAD MAD, and he has gone no contact with them, and they are worried that they won’t be able to ever see him or their grandchildren again.
So AITJ for finally telling my brother the truth, but throwing my parents under the bus to do so?
EDIT: It was not like my brother was thrown into a situation without training. We provided informal training on how to learn more about the business (Like this is how we do the books, come with me to the job site so I can show you this).
Formal training both trade-specific and management courses. He was not thrown to the wolves, he just never cared to pick it up or try to step up.
I left the company because of the toxic environment and all of the built-up resentments.
I came back to the company because my parents’ retirements are tied to the company and without a son to run it or a sale, they would have lost everything.
I still run the other company I started.
Last, I knew I was a jerk for what I did to my brother. When I told him the truth, I was also apologizing to him for my part in all of it. I was asking if I was the jerk for throwing my parents under the bus in the truth/apology.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Stealing is wrong, your brother shouldn’t do that.
But you and your parents set your brother up for inevitable failure. You claim to have run every department in this company and you went along with your parents’ lies to your brother.
You were complicit in this.
If your brother was in a role, and he failed, that’s on him. But if ya’ll let him constantly fail and moved him from department to department to fail again you’re ultimately failing your other employees and the company.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you were a great manager but couldn’t address a simple conflict with your brother? You ran to mommy and daddy and wanted them to do it because it wasn’t your responsibility? You let your brother flounder around instead of helping him when you had the chance?
Doesn’t sound very admirable, does it? Your brother has let his jealousy cloud his judgment and stole. Your parents are liars all around. It’s also kind of funny that you guys thought his getting bought out to make his own company would somehow solve all the problems. My guess is it probably only made everything worse.
I think you and your parents owe him an apology, and he owes you an apology and your parents owe you an apology.” United-Loss4914
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – yes everyone sucks here. Your brother shouldn’t be stealing from your business and that needs to stop immediately and ideally he’d pay back what he stole.
Let him know in no uncertain terms that any further theft will be dealt with through law enforcement.
You’re NTJ for telling your brother the truth – he needed to hear it. But you and your parents all lied to him for a decade and you need to reflect on how hurt he must be feeling.
To move forward as a family you all really need to separate business from personal relationships which by the sounds of it (being a family business) will be extremely difficult. But you need to do what you need to do for your business to thrive and your brother needs to stand on his own two feet and make something of himself (without stealing!).
Boundaries need to be set and you’ll have some tough conversations but I hope you can all work it out and come together as a family supporting each other. Good luck!” EyesoreEye
5. AITJ For Making An Insurance Claim To Have The Canopy Replaced?
“I take my dogs for a run every afternoon to some fields about a 10-minute drive from my home. I load them up in the canopy in the back of my ute and pop one window of the canopy into the open position so my dogs can look at things and get some fresh air.
The gas struts of the window have failed (meaning the window no longer supports itself while open and drops down) so I wrap a strap around the inner strut to act as support so the window doesn’t drop down and close while going over bumps.
I did the same thing that afternoon, but after getting home and dropping the dogs off, I needed to pop into the shops. The problem was I forgot that I had left the canopy window open while driving to the shops.
On my way there some bloke got out of his car at a set of traffic lights and runs over to my truck and attempts to close the canopy window down for me.
But because I braced it so well, he had to put extra force into trying to close it (I watched this all unfold in the mirror – it happened extremely fast so I had no opportunity to tell him to stop). He put so much force into trying to close it for me that he completely shattered the window.
The light went green so we pulled over on the other side of the intersection. I got his details from him, he’s 20 years old, driving an old four-wheel drive. Really nice kid.
But am I the jerk for making an insurance claim to have the canopy replaced (it was an older canopy so they could not make repairs)?
I do feel bad that he was only trying to help out but in the same breath I was left with a problem I never created.
Should I have copped it on the chin? I left the window open mistakenly. He was just trying to be a good samaritan and was extremely apologetic about it.
He actually went back and cleaned glass off the road with a broom. He also cut his feet on the glass.
Edit: I asked insurance to repair the old canopy. The manufacturer came back and said it can’t be replaced because the model was no longer supported and had been superseded – so the whole canopy must be replaced under the insurance claim.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the glass wasn’t broken until he got involved, and that drastically increases the price of repair. He was trying to help but messed it up even more. It wasn’t ‘already broken’ like people seem to think, the glass was fine and you were making do with what you had available.
Until he ‘helped’ you the repair would have been cheap and easy, but now it’s complicated with shattered glass in and outside the car. It went from something quick and cheap to expensive and tedious. NTJ all the way.” DuEstEinKind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The dogs weren’t in the car, and no one was in danger, I don’t know why he thought this was an emergency enough to run over whilst stopped at traffic lights and then frantically put this much force into closing it.
He made a bizarre choice and whilst he sounds like a nice guy in apologizing and clearing the glass, ultimately he needs to learn some common sense because it doesn’t sound like it was applied here.
Ideally, I would ask if he wants to pay for it before going through any sort of insurance, but in some way, he should be paying for it.” AdrenalineAnxiety
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He used excessive force and shattered the window. He should’ve stopped the moment he applied force and it didn’t budge. It is a glass window, after all. And he did it to someone else’s vehicle, completely of his own volition – damaging it in the process.
He should have pointed it out to you if he was trying to help – not touch your stuff without knowing the full picture (e.g. the strut could’ve seized and you were on the way to get it fixed, etc…)
In what universe would you – the truck owner – be liable for the damage?
Yes, it was unintentional damage, an accident – but that’s exactly what insurance is for accidents!
It would be unfair to you to pay for the damage yourself. It sucks for the guy, but hopefully, he learns to be more cautious in the future.” StuntFriar
4. AITJ For Being Annoyed At A Friend Of My Partner's Family?
“I (20F) and my partner (27M) have a long-distance relationship, this year he decided to come to my country and make the relationship official in person. Well, a friend of his family (I’ll call her Anna, 58F) always comes to spend the holidays here, so, since she’s a friend of my partner’s family, I decided to be friendly and invite her for lunch.
Anna didn’t seem to want much contact with me, so our lunch ended up not happening. My partner said that she probably acted like that because she’s not that close of a friend to his family.
Things got weird when Anna found out that my partner was coming to our country, she started sending me a lot of messages trying to arrange a dinner together, I said I would let my partner decide as it would be his first trip abroad and we had already planned our schedule.
With a week to go before my partner arrived, Anna texted me every day, asking which airport he was coming to, flight times, and who would pick him up at the airport. I explained that I would pick it up and gave her the information she asked for.
However, my patience was already running out, as she asked the same questions again and again.
I had to ask my partner if he wanted Anna to pick him up from the airport. My partner just said he would talk to Anna privately and sort it out.
This same week, my partner warned Anna that we wouldn’t have time for dinner, because Anna lives practically an hour from my house, and my partner and I don’t feel comfortable driving at night, especially in a dangerous area. So Anna texted me w the same invite, I was surprised since my partner had already spoken to her, of course, I politely declined.
Finally, my partner arrives in our country, and as soon as we get in the car to go home, Anna texted asking if we want to go straight to her house, we politely declined. At this point, I was super uncomfortable w her insisting. It didn’t take long for Anna to text us every day, asking if we could have lunch, we ended up accepting after so much insistence and scheduled to go on a Tuesday.
On Monday, Anna canceled and said she was helping her son with something, and insisted that we go there for dinner, my partner thanked us for the invitation but said that we already had plans for the night, Anna was very hurt and said ‘well, I tried’.
I already knew that at any moment she would text me, so it happened, she was always drier with me, but on that occasion, she was being passive-aggressive, she expected me to solve everything. I politely thanked the dinner invite and again said we weren’t going.
We even talked to my mother-in-law, who was surprised by Anna’s behavior.
The next day, I woke up with a message from Anna asking if we could make a video call in the afternoon or evening, but honestly, at this point, I’m tired of being polite, her insistence and behavior is almost out of line, I decided to don’t reply anymore, at least not today.
Am I being a jerk for finding Anna’s behavior strange and not wanting to talk to her anymore?
Edit: Anna texted me first, that’s why I have her number. She’s not a close friend of the family but still a friend. When I suggested the first lunch, was trying to be friendly since she was visiting my country.
My partner never had anything with Anna.
FINAL EDIT: Anna tried to call more times, I told her by text I was feeling uncomfortable with her insistence, and she apologized but said ‘you’re not a mother so you don’t know how it is to be worried about your kids’, and ‘I’m 61, 2 kids, don’t want problems but I felt very sad with your text’.
So in the end, I feel blame.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She seems really pushy about this whole thing.
Truthfully, the obsessive way she’s trying to get you to come to her house at night is what’s not sitting right with me (and I truthfully don’t know why it’s setting off alarm bells for me).
Lunch/day plans she insisted on and then canceled and she countered with dinner/night plans again. Even though you both have repeatedly refused any night plans. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies, but I swear it feels as though she’s trying to lure you into what you called a dangerous area at night.
Again, probably just my overactive imagination, but I can’t figure out what her obsessive need to have you there at dinner is all about. Especially because she’s not a close family friend.
I’d just ignore your phones or block her. Maybe explain this all to his parents and that she just won’t stop contacting you so she doesn’t contact them in an attempt to get to you two.” Sweater_Kittens5425
Another User Comments:
“From my understanding, Anna came to your country before your partner so you decided to reach out and invite her for lunch. And she didn’t want anything to do with you then. At this point, no jerks here.
But the minute she found out your partner was visiting she started haranguing you for info on him.
At this point it becomes NTJ and you should have said, ‘you’ll need to talk to my partner,’ and then blocked her. Don’t give out your partner’s info (flight times etc) to people you don’t know. I mean, you don’t even really know your partner yet.
It’s good that you’ve stopped engaging with her. But I’d suggest blocking her if you haven’t already.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
You’re right to feel frustrated. She’s being very disrespectful to both you and your partner. You’ve said ‘no’ multiple times already, which you can because you don’t owe her anything.
After you tried to have lunch with her, she made other plans and wanted you to throw away yours by going to dinner, even knowing that you and your partner had a tight schedule.
Anna’s behavior is odd. I admire your patience, OP.” Poseybility
3. AITJ For Somehow Invalidating A Kid's Feelings Toward His Parents' Divorce?
“My parents are divorced. My dad is married to Heather. Heather has a nephew Kai who is 8. Kai’s parents are going through a divorce right now and his mom is already having a serious relationship with this guy who moved in with them. Kai is hating the whole thing.
I’m not close to Heather or her family but was dragged along for a family party at her parents’ house Saturday (I’m 17 and still split time between my parents and was given no choice by my dad).
Kai was upset and was talking about how much it sucked. I told him I got it.
He said everyone in his family was telling him he should be happy because he wouldn’t have to listen to his parents fight anymore and he should be happy they’re divorcing. Kai said he wasn’t. I told him neither was I. That I knew nobody with divorced parents who wanted them to be divorced or were happy about it.
I told him most of my friends have divorced parents and all of them wish it hadn’t happened. Heather and her sister overheard what I said to Kai and I got into so much trouble for saying it. They said it was unfair to make him think being unhappy with the divorce is okay and I shouldn’t be saying that when I grew my family because of the divorce.
I do find this funny because Heather and her kids (her little demons as I call them in my head) were no great family addition. Most of the time I have to make sure none of my stuff has been broken or stolen and never ever buy snacks for myself with my money because that stuff will be gone.
I also get to hear about them getting suspended from school every time I’m at my dad’s.
So I got a lecture and was told I was wrong and acting like a spoiled kid. I decided to just go to my mom’s and not listen.
Dad told me I should never have told Kai what I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for commiserating with Kai. He (and you) are both allowed to be unhappy about your respective parents’ divorces. No one wants a broken home life. But please don’t say that NO ONE wants their parents to divorce.
My parents fought for most of my life, and by the time they actually got divorced when I was 13, I had been praying for it. It was a terrible place to grow up in. Imagine being willing to trade one kind of unhappiness for another because it would be slightly less toxic and painful.
No situations are the same.” columbospeugeot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kai is being told that his feelings on a major change in his life don’t matter and that what he is feeling is wrong when it is very much the norm for people in his situation.
Good on you for validating his feelings, and shame on all the other parents for saying that his feelings on the matter are invalid. It seems that everyone else is taking the easy way out by just trying to overwrite his feelings rather than sitting and having the real conversation that things sometimes suck and divorce is sometimes the best option for the parents.
EDIT: Sometimes, parents like to delude themselves into thinking that things will be easy and that they’ll get a new family over time, but forget that for most kids, they are destroying the first thing that was ‘permanent’ in their lives, their first family.” SmidgenThePidgeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to your feelings. Kai is entitled to his feelings. The only thing you said which may have been untrue is that nobody wants their parents to be divorced. I’m sure there are kids out there who are thankful for it.
Here’s why Heather and her sister are mad: they don’t want to deal with Kai’s emotions so they’re trying to tell him the divorce is actually a good thing. They’re denying his feelings and they’re trying to tell him how to feel.
You can’t tell someone how they feel. You literally can’t. It’s a super unhealthy/toxic behavior they’re engaging in.
I’m sorry for you because I know this is the tip of the iceberg. They probably do this kind of thing to you, too, because they don’t know how to healthily process emotions.
Here’s the upside: you’re 17 and you’re more emotionally intelligent than them. Don’t let them trick you into thinking this is normal, healthy, mature, adult behavior. It is not.
It sounds like both Heather and your Dad are emotionally unintelligent. Im not sure how you have a mature conversation with them when they are immature and there’s a huge power imbalance between you.
How you approach it comes down to how strongly you feel about the topic. I don’t know if you’re emotionally tied to Kai, or maybe you just want to take this opportunity to talk about your own feelings.
You could say something like ‘I understand you disagreed with me validating Kai’s feelings.
In my experience, as a child of divorce, it’s a very traumatic thing. Having been in his position, I know a little empathy goes a long way.’ If you need to say more you can segue into what you are or are not willing to do moving forward.
Eg. in the future I will not talk to Kai about the divorce; I will not apologize for empathizing with Kai; I will not attend events where Kai will be present; etc.” derpycalculator
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell The Horse?
“My (21M) sister (Layla, 21F) has owned her horse since she was 7 years old. A little over three years ago my sister had an accident in a sport which landed her in a coma.
Layla’s horse is boarded about a 4-hour drive from where I (and most of my family) live. My older brother (Jacob, 29M) and his mom live less than an hour away from the stable. The horse is fully trained and Layla used to compete with him.
The arrangement has always been that most of the horse’s expenses would be paid for by Jacob’s mom (our dad isn’t in the picture for any of us) as well as my mom and stepdad. After Layla’s accident, Jacob started contributing financially to the horse’s needs and even started riding him.
Last week my parents asked me if we could ‘have a talk.’ When I got to my parents’ house, My best friend and Layla’s long-term partner (Thomas, 21M) was also there and didn’t know why he was called over either.
My parents pretty bluntly told both of us that they were going to sell Layla’s horse because it’s unlikely that she’ll ever wake up again and it’s not reasonable to keep putting money into the animal.
I asked if they’d spoken to Jacob or his mom about this since they’re the horse’s primary caretakers and put a fair amount of money in as well. My parents said they hadn’t spoken to Jacob or his mom, and they shouldn’t have to because it’s Layla’s horse and they’re her parents.
Thomas disagreed with this and offered to contribute financially to the horse, as well as drive up to take care of him. If and when Layla does wake up, she’s going to want to know her horse is okay. I agreed with Thomas and put out the same offer.
My parents told both of us that we were not thinking clearly and it was better for everyone if the horse is just sold. This decision didn’t sit right with me so I called Jacob and asked what he thought about the matter. Jacob wants to keep the horse and so does his mother, and his mom has said that she will fully pay for the horse’s expenses by herself if it comes to it.
My parents told Jacob that he just needs to get over it because it was not his choice, and hung up on him.
Once the call had ended, my parents said that I was completely wrong for calling Jacob for his opinion and that they were disappointed in both Thomas and me for even considering keeping the horse.
Both my parents are upset now, they won’t answer my calls and have also seemed to cut contact with Thomas who was like a son to them.
AITJ for going against my parents on wanting to sell my sister’s horse and asking my brother his opinion on it?
More info: The horse had nothing to do with Layla’s accident, she was athletic and involved in multiple sports at the time.
As far as I know, my parents are completely fine with money, though it is possible that they’re just not telling me.
I’m not 100% sure as to who has the legal rights to the horse because we’ve always called him Layla’s and never really talked further about it, but I assume he belongs to my parents.
Thomas and I are both in ongoing therapy, therapy was suggested to my mom a lot back when the accident first happened but I don’t think she ever went, and my stepdad refuses to go.
Both myself and Thomas still regularly go see Layla and spend hours if not the full day with her, the main reason for keeping so much hope is that occasionally there’ll be the slightest movements, yet obviously non-responsive or her heart rate will slightly pick up.
My parents don’t go see her very often anymore, but they still ask both of us about how she is.
I don’t know if it’s relevant but Layla and I are twins, and she had been with Thomas since she was 13 and he was 14, which explains the extra attachment.
Other people do interact with the horse, he’s properly groomed, and those of Layla’s friends who also boarded their horse there, as well as sometimes the owners of the stable will pet him and take him out into the paddock when they bring their own horses out and bring him in again.
Layla has been in a coma for three years.
The horse is currently 17. The last time we got an offer on him was while Layla was dismounting after a competition. Back then, those offers were almost $44,000. Layla was the one to refuse that offer directly.
That was about 6 months before the accident.
We’re fraternal twins, thus me being male and her being female.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your sister is unable ever to ride her horse again. Best case scenario, she would need extensive physical and occupational therapy if she comes out of the coma, and she may never be able to – or want to – ride a horse again.
Selling the horse is not giving up on her. Selling the horse isn’t abandoning hope for her or betraying her.
If Jacob wants to buy the horse, that’s probably a good solution.” UsernameTaken93456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A horse in its late teens is not worth a whole lot and is at a point where it needs to start taking it easy, not get sold.
It is appalling that your parents won’t sell it to Jacob and his mom to wash their hands of their portion of care if money is their concern. They are probably thinking they can recoup their initial purchase price but that is not realistic. Being ridden 4-6 times a week and cared for by consistent people is the best thing for a horse of that age.
That said, a horse does not need to be ridden to be perfectly happy with consistent care. Adoption places have prices under $1,000 for a horse of that age. Talk to the owners of the barn and pool your money with Thomas and Jacob and his mom and have the barn owner get in touch with your folks on behalf of another boarder who wants to “buy” the horse from them.
Then you can buy it from your folks without them knowing.
The barn owner should also be aware of what is happening so they don’t get blindsided if your folks try to sell the horse behind your back. The boarding contract may have an additional month’s board due even if the horse is sold as some barns do that without 30 days’ notice.
The barn owner could also possibly talk some sense into them of the reality of the value of the horse due to age and lack of showing. I have a feeling that it is not the money they care about unless they wrongly think they can recoup the purchase price and more about they have given up hope and are letting go of physical reminders.
A living animal should not have to suffer for that though. And old horses are WAY more likely to suffer under new owners.” techtress
Another User Comments:
“Have you considered the cost of your sister’s medical bills from being in a coma for YEARS?
Perhaps the sale of the horse could help offset that. My MIL was in a coma for 4 months and her care still costs a substantial amount 9 years later. There is no full recovery after this, and I don’t blame your parents for wanting to lessen the burden on themselves.
If Jacob and his mom want to buy the horse that would be the best outcome, but really, this is up to the owners, and they have every right to sell it. I’m sorry OP, I know that sounds harsh.
Soft YTJ because emotions, but it’s totally reasonable to want to sell the horse, especially after 4 years.” Kwalls122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents’ insistence is quite strange to the point of cutting off someone close to them, considering there are a few people willing to take over the expenses. Given the benefit of the doubt that they’re not doing anything suspicious (eg already promised to sell the horse to someone for personal $$), it would be a good idea for you to talk to the face to face and ask their reasons.
If their reasons are valid, such as needing funds for her medical expenses, maybe you and the others can propose something to help with that concern. You also need to explain to them that for some, like Thomas, you, Jacob, and his mom, the horse is more than just an expense but a symbol of hope, like emotional support, that she will recover and would like to hold on to that hope a bit longer—they might overlook this aspect because of the stress you’ve all been experiencing.
Be kind asking about it; it could also be their odd way of distancing themselves from the pain and grief as they might be in the mindset she’s never recovering.” peregrine_throw
1. AITJ For Ditching My Friend And Her Kid?
“My friend (‘Samantha’) is a stay-at-home mom and has a four-year-old daughter (‘Katie’).
Since her daughter’s birth, she always insisted that I go to her place if I ever wanted to hang out. Even though she lives about 45 minutes away from me, I always did it in the beginning because I did value our friendship, and Katie was her first, so I could understand how she’d be stressed with a newborn.
Recently, I started to put my foot down and wanted her to meet me halfway. I felt like her kid (she only has Katie) was old enough to handle being outside and I was tired of driving just to hang out at her house. We always picked a place halfway, so I felt like it was doable.
During the last three hangouts, she was over 30 minutes late, and each time she claimed that she got ‘mom privileges’ for being late because she had to wrangle her kid into the car and do other ‘mom things’ I wouldn’t understand (according to her. I’m childless).
She asked to hang out this past weekend, and I told her that if she was late again, I’d leave. Lo and behold, the day came and she was late. After 30 minutes, I got up and left, but went to hang out in the coffee shop across the street because I was curious just how late she’d be.
She was over an hour late, and when she found out from the waitress that I left, she started to call and text me.
She said that I was callous and selfish for making her drive 25 minutes away from home with a toddler only to leave and that she only ever came out for my benefit.
I told her that I hang out with multiple friends who bring their kids out with us, and they’re never late, so it was pretty trashy to blame being late on Katie (who is a perfectly sweet girl. She’s never been a problem during our outings).
Samantha just kept pulling the ‘you’re not a mom so you wouldn’t get it’ card.
I heard later from a mutual friend that Samantha has been blasting me in their mommy group and said I was bullying her for putting her child first. I feel like her reaction wouldn’t be so strong unless she was actually upset, so I’m starting to kind of feel like a jerk.
I mean, she’s right that I don’t ‘get it’ as I don’t have children, but I still feel annoyed that she’s late and feel justified for leaving. My time is precious too! I’m not sure whether or not I should reach out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Samantha’s sense of entitlement here is mind-boggling! We get it. She has a kid; you don’t. That doesn’t automatically grant her an excuse to be late or to be rude to you.
Raising a toddler is no doubt stressful and things don’t always go as planned. I get it.
However, she has shown a pattern here of not respecting you or your time because hey, she has a kid and you don’t. She could choose to get ready earlier, knowing it’s going to take her a while to wrangle her kid. She could also have called you when she was on her way so you know when to expect her.
At the VERY least, she could have been just a tiny bit apologetic for Always running late.
She does none of those things and expects you to be ok with her rude behavior due to her having a kid and you not. And she keeps using the phrase ‘you just wouldn’t get it’.
Ugh!
What SHE should get are better manners for her friends and better time management skills.
I’m not sure how good a friend you think she is, (it doesn’t sound like she thinks of YOU as a good friend, based on how she is treating you) but you might want to consider how much longer you want her in your life.
She sounds completely insufferable. Life’s too short for people who bring that much drama.” TaibhseSD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes kids will be kids. They’re unpredictable and will sabotage even the b*******d plans.
And when that happens, as a parent, you apologize – and try to keep it from happening.
Most of us don’t play the victim and make excuses. We even contact whoever’s waiting on us and try to give them updates so they know we don’t take their time or their patience for granted.
We certainly don’t run around disparaging the person who wasn’t late in all of our social circles.
(Though I wouldn’t worry about that – those people will also have discovered she’s persistently unreliable and refuses to take responsibility for it.)
If you’d like to maintain this friendship, you can ask her to lunch another day. She may or may not try to make it your problem, but letting her know that you’re leaving after 30 minutes seems more than reasonable.
(In this case, that literally means she can leave her house when she’s supposed to already be there, and have 5 minutes to spare!)
It’s also possible she’s just not able to be a friend to you. Maybe not right now. Maybe ever.
Sometimes life just pulls us in different directions.” Fosco_Toadfoot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is a stay-at-home mother for a 4-year-old? Either she is driven demented or she is basking in the strange world of it. If that is all she has going on in her life and she still can’t be on time for lunch?
Perhaps she has mental health problems…
You know that over time people with offspring avoid the free people they used to know. You have a quiet home with only the mess that you make or find acceptable. You get to choose your schedule etc., holidays you want, spend what you want on what you like, just for you…
Jealousy creeps in with people who have children and realize it isn’t the picnic they thought it would be. The year you spend days in bed with a book or a box set, pick it up, and go somewhere without consulting anybody.
She can’t say it but she doesn’t want to hear what is going on in your life.
she can’t tell the other mommy people that she wishes she had your life. Instead, she talks about play schools etc.” Fancy_Avocado7497
