People Want Us To Confront Them Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Dad About My Mom's Drinking?
“My (17f) mother (47f) is and has been a functioning heavy drinker since I was young. while it may not seem apparent to most who know us, she has a severe problem with drinking and controlling herself whilst under the influence. This has caused a series of traumatizing events to occur including embarrassing and insulting people.
It has destroyed my parents’ relationship. In 2020, the same day she was caught having an affair online, she completely abandoned my little brother and me to get completely blind 2 hours away. Not including 9-year-old me walking in on her making out with my dad’s best friend.
She has continually hidden her addiction from my dad and every time she’s caught there’s always a massive fight.
My dad is saying he’ll leave her, she’s pathetic, etc. I stay out of it but my dad pulled me aside recently after she drank two whole bottles of wine on a Wednesday afternoon.
He told me that the next time she drinks tell him and they’re done. I hate my mum’s drinking but I don’t want them to divorce. My dad went away on a business trip last Friday and I came home to my mum completely wasted. Only one day it took.
I got mad and walked off.
When my dad came back I told him she drank and got smashed. He’s leaving her. Mum won’t talk to me. She says I’ve ruined everything. I feel like I’ve destroyed my relationship with her.
Any and all advice is heavily appreciated.
Disclaimer: My mum has never admitted to having a problem or thinking there’s a problem with her drinking, she sees it as a way of ‘relaxing’.
Edit: I am currently staying with my grandparents and plan to stay for a while longer.
I have been seeing a therapist for the last 3 years who I trust well to confide in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have been put in the middle of this, but I understand that your dad may have felt like he didn’t have any other resources.
This will be better for him and you, and maybe the thing she needs to find the motivation to do better for herself. Addiction is a disease. She does need some kindness and compassion, but she also needs accountability. Your dad shouldn’t have to keep lighting himself on fire to keep her warm.
You deserve stability in whatever place you call home.” kajerare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not ruin anything, absolutely none of this is your fault. Your mum is the only one who ruined her marriage.
You need to go to your dad and tell him how you feel – he put you in this situation, and he needs to understand how it’s affecting you.
He really should not have put you in that position at all, he already had all the evidence he needed, and if he truly thought he needed just one more thing… cameras exist.
Please ask him to get you and your brother and himself into a good therapist. And he owes you a massive apology.” Ayaruq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom is a heavy drinker. Heavy drinkers only care about one thing. When they can get their next drink. There is absolutely nothing that you can do to help mom. You will be interviewed during the divorce proceeding about which parent you want to have custody of you.
That is if you are still underage. The choice is obvious. Any further association with mom will ultimately lead to unhappiness for you, at the least.
If you have minor siblings that are near your age, they need to select dad for their custody, as well.
Your mom destroyed your relationship with her all by herself. All you did was love her unconditionally. Fortunately for you that your head finally overruled your heart and you clung to dad.” harleybidness
19. AITJ For Refusing To Lie For My Stepfather?
“6 years ago my sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She died 8 months later.
The 8 months before her death she begged dad to do some stuff without his wife and stepdaughter and give her some memories of us together with our mom and him. He agreed. His stepdaughter was 6 at the time and knew us most of her life so I know she was confused when she no longer saw my sister at all and then was told she passed away.
Not to mention why the man she called dad was gone so much. My dad wanted my sister to let his wife and stepdaughter be at her bedside with the rest of the family but she said they weren’t her family and refused. She passed away with me, mom, dad, and our grandparents at her side.
Right after my sister passed away my dad and I had a huge falling out. He wanted me to move in with him and he wanted me to shower his stepdaughter with the same love I showered my sister with. He told me I needed to be her big brother for real now because it was going to be a lot for her.
I told him I would never feel the same for her as I did my sister and I did not want to pretend I cared about her at that time. He told me I owed them all (he included his wife in that) because I was the last sibling left and needed to make up for my sister shutting her stepsister out at the end of her life.
Dad and I did not talk after our argument until he reached out three months ago.
It started with him wanting to know how I was doing but then he told me how his stepdaughter missed me and my sister and how she’d struggled with not saying goodbye to ‘her sister’ and why she didn’t get to see her before she passed away, why she had nothing of hers to hold onto.
How she asked a lot about why I wasn’t around anymore. He asked me to talk to her and tell her that my sister had wanted to see her and to help her believe that she was loved and wanted by her and that my sister asked for her a lot in the end.
I told him I would not lie for him. He snapped at me and said I owed her this much when I abandoned her just like my sister had for no other reason than she wasn’t our bio sister and wasn’t enough for us to love.
He told me I should be a better man than that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad, on the other hand… MASSIVE
He hasn’t spoken to his own son in SIX YEARS? And now instead of listening or making up with you, his own child, he wants you to lie about your deceased sister so some 12-year-old you’re not related to feels better about herself?
She hasn’t seen you since she was 6 – Kindergarten – and has now lived another 6 years past that, and he claims she talks about you guys?
Please. Here’s my guess: because your father wants to make her feel better at times for the past 6 years, HE has been making up stories telling her how special she is, how important she is, blah blah blah, and now he needs you to back up his lies.
It was not and is not your job to make your stepsister feel better because your sister died and only wanted the people closest to her around. It is not your job to deliver self-esteem on demand.
You know who needs to ‘be a better man’?
YOUR FATHER.
I’m so sorry for your sister’s loss.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t owe anyone anything in spite of all the guilt-tripping and gaslighting that your dad is trying to do.
It would be one thing if you had to interact with your step-sister on a daily basis and this was ‘not your secret to tell.’ That would be an acceptable time to lie… barely.
But you can easily just avoid the step-sister and not say anything to her at all. Keeps you from having to lie.
Your father is a piece of work. I think in a twisted way he’s trying to make things better for your step-sister, who he probably loves and wants to be happy.
But the ends don’t justify the means.” Thortok2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to come clean and also foot the bill for therapy for his stepdaughter. He prioritized his relationship with his wife and her daughter over you for six years and is likely only reaching out now because she’s old enough that she’s starting to question all of the crap he’s fed her and he needs someone to back up his claims. And even if that isn’t the case, he’s still prioritizing his wife and stepdaughter over you by reaching out to you only to ask you to lie to make his stepdaughter feel better.
You don’t owe him anything, but he owes you an apology.” jen_nanana
18. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister Take Care Of Her Chronic Illness?
“I have a lot of chronic health conditions, it runs in my family. My sister and mother both share some of the same illnesses as me. Despite this, all my life they made fun of me for being so health-conscious.
I was called dramatic for getting anxious about running out of/not taking meds. I was called a hypochondriac for doing exercise to slow side effects. I’ve been belittled and made fun of, called a ‘dirty hippie’ for changing my diet and taking supplements.
My whole family treated me like some head case for being worried about my own health.
(Disclaimer: I’m not that obsessed. I just like not to feel sick all the time so I look after myself)
I’ve moved out a while ago and my health has never been better.
My sister on the other hand is saying her illness has gotten loads worse. I offered some tips and was met with a barrage of comments about it being ‘too late’ for all that. My mum says I’m selfish and should have encouraged her to look after herself before it caused problems.
I spent my whole young life encouraging both my mother and sister to do better with their health and was made fun of for it. I don’t personally feel I’m in the wrong as they ignored all my best efforts.
My mum and sister think I’m selfish and that I’m rubbing my current good health in their faces.
My mum thinks it was my responsibility to ‘teach’ my sister as we had the same illness.
AITJ: family ignored my effort to help them with our shared illness. Sister is now 10x worse and says it’s my fault for not warning her of complications.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister screwed around and found out herself. if this is a family thing then she knew growing up that she (or anyone) in the family could have taken action to better themselves. It seems you were the only one who did, and are currently the only one who is benefiting from your own actions.
You are not selfish in looking after yourself. You are not a bad person for making your health a priority over others. It is not your responsibility to take care of others.
You can guide, and suggest as much as you want, but if they won’t change when you’ve tried to help, that is on them, not you.
Mom and sister are the selfish ones. They chose not to better themselves.” Snommies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is not your fault that your sister did not take care of her health. You offered advice and tips, but ultimately, it is up to each individual to make the decision to take care of themselves.
You cannot be responsible for your sister’s actions or health. It is not selfish for you to prioritize your own health and well-being. You are not rubbing your good health in your sister’s face, as you have always been vocal about the importance of taking care of one’s health.
Your family may be projecting their own guilt and regret onto you, but it is not fair or accurate to blame you for their actions. You are not the jerk in this situation.” justneurostuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault for not warning, or anything else, it’s your fault because that’s your role in the family.
You are the one who gets belittled. The family scapegoat.
It’s not like you’re able to fix it, right? So what’s the point of pointing the finger at you? Because that way they don’t need to take responsibility for their own actions. It’s ludicrous to suggest you were supposed to force her to comply with your regime involuntarily, yet that’s all they have to throw at you.
It’s actually pretty sad. So you should know that the only way to win with people like that is not to play. As long as you spend time with them, you’ll be their nemesis, because that’s what they want.” User
17. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Prioritize Her Wants Over Her Partner's Needs?
“I (26f) have a cousin(29f) who just moved her partner (35m) of three years into her house at the beginning of November. She’s autistic and has a hard time adapting to change (can take weeks/months to adapt to large changes) so they really took their time moving in together.
Her partner has a son (14) who he has joint custody of (One week with him, one week at his mother’s house).
The house they are living in has 3 bedrooms, two on the main floor and 1 in the basement.
My cousin has the second main-floor bedroom as her home office.
It’s where she works and is a comfortable space when she’s feeling overloaded. Her partner’s son has spent time at her house before and typically slept on the living room couch. The plan was for her partner to move in and then when she was comfortable they’d start converting her office into a bedroom for his son.
We went out for lunch together and she broke down about losing her safe workspace. She’s really worried her work is going to suffer and if she starts feeling overwhelmed she won’t have anywhere to go.
I suggested that instead, she convert the basement bedroom into a space for the son.
As a teenager, he’d have more privacy and there’s a bathroom down in the basement that could be all his own. My cousin got really excited about this idea and now is insisting to her partner they do what I suggested. However, the basement isn’t in the best shape.
They probably wouldn’t be able to have the bedroom fully set up until February.
Her partner has been blowing up my phone telling me I’m a jerk to have suggested this. Saying he knows how my cousin struggles with change but his son NEEDS a bedroom now and my cousin just WANTS to keep her office.
It’s causing a huge rift in their relationship and her partner is sleeping at his parents’. I’m starting to feel really terrible about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The guy is taking advantage of your cousin. He sounds incredibly entitled and controlling. He wants to move in so he can live rent-free.
I think your cousin is making a big mistake in allowing this man and his teenage son to move in.
Autistic people are at greater risk of being exploited/taken advantage of/mistreated. It is possible your cousin does not see the red flags. She seems so focused on trying to be accommodating to what he wants and how to blend those requirements with her own needs that she may not be ‘reading between the lines’ and that the reason he wants to move in with her is so he can live rent free and take advantage of her financial situation.
He is a mooch.
If this is going to work, your cousin needs to set boundaries and enforce them. She needs to make it clear to this man and his son that it is HER house and they will not dictate things under her roof.
She needs to make the guy pay rent. Maybe look at getting a tenancy agreement or something. She needs to make it clear that her home and needs (e.g. space, sensory) are to be respected, not belittled.
If this man cares about her, he will want her to be happy and comfortable in her own home and he will respect and support her needs and boundaries.
If he is unable or unwilling to do so, she needs to tell him that he cannot move in, and consider ending the relationship.” wise_unicorn_queen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your cousin. If I were that guy I would totally be rethinking this relationship.
His kid needs a bedroom. He was promised that the child would have the bedroom upstairs. It took them 3 years for him to move in because she needed time to adjust and now she’s reneging on the bedroom for the child. Which is not fair to the kid, he cannot be sleeping on a couch or an unfinished basement and which can screw him up with custody.
Dad moved in with certain conditions for his child. Now those conditions are not being met AFTER he moved in. Jerk move. He needs to find a new place and end this relationship. It’s not for him and his child.” Fit_Measurement_2420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
As someone with Autism, I fully understand how terrifying it can truly be to lose a safe space. Her partner should (and needs) understand that. It is not her job to compromise, what if she can’t? What if her ‘compromising’ ends in her feeling unsafe in her own home?
Also, his son is FOURTEEN! TALK TO HIM – ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS! You never know, maybe he would rather wait until February and have this amazing private space for himself! Shouldn’t he be a part of the decision too? As it’s his room.
Communication can be difficult but it is SO important.
You did nothing wrong. You gave her an idea, she liked the idea. By no means is that anyone’s fault. So instead of arguing, be rational, and embrace the possibility that he could what a cool room.
Especially since he’s growing up – privacy is unbelievably important to teenagers!
Everyone involved in this situation needs to step back, take a moment to breathe, and talk. Just talk. No yelling. No swearing. No violence (verbal, emotional, psychological, or physical). If this is not possible have a mediator there, someone who ISN’T (that’s very important!) part of the situation.
A fresh view of everything.
And if in the end he can’t at all understand her point of view, he can’t think from someone else’s perspective, then there could be more issues like this, and maybe it would be important to re-evaluate, not the relationship, but the living together.
Sometimes even the slowest days are moving too fast, slow down, in the end sleeping on a couch is better than having no place to sleep at all.” panini_sticks
16. AITJ For Not Buying My Nieces Christmas Gifts?
“My sister (40f) has two kids (16f, 14f). I (36f) have 2 kids (6f, 5m).
This year, my sister asked if we can not exchange gifts because she is saving up to take her kids on an extravagant vacation this spring (Europe), and wants to put the money that she’d use on gifts towards the trip. I say sure, no problem.
Fast forward to last week. She sends me a list of some of the things her daughters would like for Christmas. I respond and say thanks, but I am not getting them anything as you said you wanted to skip gifts this year.
She tells me she thought I’d still be getting the girls gifts.
So I say okay no problem, here is what my kids would like. She corrects herself and says she would not be buying me or my kids gifts as she’s trying to save money for her trip as we had previously discussed, but she still thinks I should buy her daughters’ gifts.
I was appalled. It’s not like she can’t afford to buy my kids gifts. If that were the case, I’d absolutely still buy her kids gifts. She is choosing not to buy them gifts to spend the extra money on her own kids.
No problem, but why should I still spend extra money on her kids then so they can get a nice vacation and extra gifts?
I thought about getting them a small gift card or something anyways but decided against it as I didn’t want my sister to feel bad for not getting my kids anything.
I’m not wealthy. I could afford to get them something anyways, but I also have plenty of bills I could use the money for. I told my sister if she wants me to get her kids gifts, I expect her to get my kids something, even something small, in return.
She said no and called me a jerk because ‘it’s not her daughters’ fault they are going to Europe so she doesn’t have the extra money to spend on my kids this year’. I caved and got them gift cards (because it’s not their fault my sister is being a jerk), and told my sister, but then she was mad that I spent less than usual on them.
AITJ?
ETA: I’ve decided to give the gift cards to my kids’ teachers. I will buy my kids an extra something too. My nieces are still getting gifts because I love them, but it will be a BOSE wireless speaker and a package of glitter bath bombs to share between the two.
They will genuinely like those, and it will drive my sister nuts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is selfish, entitled, and kinda nuts. She’s the one who said no to exchanging gifts then changed the rules because she thinks her kids should be more important than your kids.
She’s a jerk and a terrible aunt. Since she’s mad about the gift cards for your nieces, I’d tell her you’re no longer giving them gift cards because you used the gift cards to buy your kids each a Christmas gift from their two-faced aunt for the gift exchange because it’s not fair for her kids to get gifts from their aunt when your kids won’t get anything.” Scribe625
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a selfish jerk. Hopefully, her kids are not taking after her. I’m willing to bet she never spends even half as much on your kids as you do on hers. Do not buy them anything. She’s right that it’s not her kids’ fault that they are going to Europe but it’s also not your kids’ fault.
Why should your kids suffer because of their trip? If she says anything, tell her you’ll use the money you normally spend on gifts for her kids to buy gifts for your kids.” lilyofthevalley2659
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is nuts. Your children are still young enough to get into the magic and wonder of Christmas.
Her daughters are teens. If anyone should be buying anyone’s children gifts, she should be buying them for your children. Do not send those gift cards! You bought her children gifts for eight years before she ever had to reciprocate. You have already done far more for her children than she has for yours.
That chick has some serious entitlement! NTJ” 1Preschoolteacher
15. AITJ For Offering To Pay Extra To Leave The AC On For My Dog?
“Not too long ago, my wife and I decided to do extensive renovations to our current home.
We were deciding between moving to our second property for that duration or renting another place while renting out that second place of ours. My wife’s father insisted that we come over and stay with them so as not to waste unnecessary money on rent.
I wasn’t keen on that as my FIL due to a rather tense relationship. I’m not sure if he was always trying to talk me down or had insecurities of his own etc. When my wife and I started going out, he scoffed at my arts degree as useless, etc. I ended up on a lucrative career and sold a co-owned start-up, He then would make snide remarks about me being a show off because I drove a nice car, told my wife I definitely was selling illegal substances outside, etc.
So anyhow, my wife convinced me that was all in the past and I agreed once I had assurances that our living habits did not clash with theirs. For one, I have a husky who I kept in a climate-controlled area at home as we live in a hot tropical climate.
I offered to pay rent and that was rejected. My wife also confirmed they were ok with me leaving the AC on for my dog. The whole discussion was basically between my wife and him.
Soon after moving in, my FIL either found out what I really meant or had a change of heart.
He went on a rant about how wasteful it was to leave the AC on for my dog since it was just a dog etc. He was fine with us having the AC on when we were around but couldn’t stand it being left on for my dog.
I probably let slip of my tongue in my irritation and said the additional hour or 2 of AC being left on while we were out didn’t cost much and I offered to pay that increase, if not our half of the utility bill. FIL went on a tangent insisting this isn’t about money and accused me of being a d*******g once I had money.
He then stated that since we were living in his house, we should be grateful and live by their rules.
I lost it and reminded him that it was he who insisted that we stay over and at no point did I ever request to move in as I could very well afford my own accommodation.
I said we would move out as soon as possible. My wife and her father now are accusing me of being a jerk and ungrateful. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but your FIL is. He persuaded your wife to move home so he could reestablish his influence over her and find opportunities to demean and criticize you and try to diminish you in your wife’s eyes.
And it would appear he’s been at least partially successful in that since your wife is siding with him. There’s no reason you should be ‘grateful’ for something you didn’t want, didn’t ask for, and is being used to undermine your marriage. If your 2nd place hasn’t already been rented out, move there tomorrow.
If it’s already rented, find an apartment as soon as possible and get out of there while you still have a wife.” ClassicalEd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ assuredly, somebody invites you in to stay, outside totally unreasonable behavior, and if you’re upfront on what you need, then it’s on them to accept or reject and live with the consequences – however, think you, unfortunately, walked into this one.
It’s clear you have some particular demands on how you live your life and care for your dog that is fine but at least a mild variance from the norm, and there was already a seedbed of conflict with the FIL where ultimately yeah, conflict of some sort could likely have been anticipated and avoided. Sucks because it’s extra out of your pocket and doesn’t justify his actions, but sometimes shacking up with a family like this carries unseen costs.” vag_wolf
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but your FIL is. He’s intimidated by you and he’s jealous that you’re out-manning him. It’s not just the dog issue, there are bigger problems here. But, for the dog, you absolutely did the right thing bc huskies are built for the cold and can’t take heat very well.
It’s physically distressing for them. Even a beautiful, sunny 75-degree day can be too much for that poor doggo, so yes, he definitely needs the AC. It’s a matter of health. Plus, if someone told me my dog was ‘just a dog’ I’d probably give them a b****y nose and tell them it was ‘just a nose.’
Maybe you could have been more tactful. Maybe you could have been more insistent about not moving in in the first place, but what’s done is done. And if you had, I’m sure he would’ve found something wrong with that, too. He’s a no-winner. He wants to set it up so you can’t win with him no matter what you do.
He’s jealous because you took his place in his daughter’s life and you’re doing a good job with it.” SethofGlyph
14. AITJ For Printing Out A Map Of The Grocery Store For My Dad?
“I (18f) am the only daughter in a family of 4 boys (15, 13, 10, 8). Our dad is pretty much a single parent since he and our mom divorced when the boys were younger and mom lives out of the country with her husband.
It’s more or less become my job to be the mother 2.0. Which is fine I guess, I’m doing college online so it’s not like I wouldn’t be home to do stuff anyway. One of my unofficial ‘jobs’ is to help my dad grocery shop.
I used to go with him to do it, and I would make the list myself and just grab what we needed, but now that I drive the boys around for their extracurriculars and I’m busy with school or chores when I’m not helping them, I don’t really have the time.
I just started writing the list and giving it to my dad so he could go out and get what we needed.
Every single time this man has gone to the grocery store by himself he has either completely forgotten about the list, or remembered the list then lost it, remembered the list but ignored it, or somehow could not find more than half of the things on it.
It’s hard to cook an actual dinner when literally half of what he ends up bringing home is frozen meals and pasta sauce (but no pasta).
I’ve brought it up to him, but dad keeps saying that if I would just make time to go with him or if I went on my own, it would probably be easier to get what we needed. I said that we could switch jobs, so he takes the boys to their things and I get groceries, but he said he doesn’t know their schedules and he wouldn’t want to mess it up for them.
He said he’d go grocery shopping today and asked me to go with him, but I was working on some stuff for my finals before I had to drive the 10yo and 8yo to their practices so I couldn’t go. I started making the list like I usually do, but because I didn’t want to end up with only half of what I’d put on there, I went and printed the layout of the grocery store.
I even went online and found which aisle each product was supposed to be in and I color-coded the stuff he needed to get. I left it for him on the table and then went to take the boys.
While I was doing school work during their practice, my dad called me asking why I felt the need to color code a map for him like he was a toddler in need of specific instruction.
I replied by saying that I only thought the map might make it easier for him to find the things I put on the list since I also made sure that everything was in stock online.
It’s been hours since we’ve gotten back home and he’s very clearly upset with me, but he did get the stuff on the list this time.
I don’t know, I think maybe I just made him feel like an idiot and that’s why he’s upset. Was the map thing a little too much?
ETA: I don’t really talk to my mom much, so that’s why I haven’t asked her for help with this or anything.
I don’t even know what help she could provide since she lives like halfway across the world.
My brothers do recognize that our dad doesn’t really do much other than work and come home. The boys help when they can, and they offer to do more, I just usually tell them to focus on doing the few chores I’ve given them while I handle everything else because it’s just what I’m used to now.
My 15-year-old brother will be doing most of the driving once he gets his license. He has his permit right now so I can’t just send him out on his own.
I’m realizing how unfair a lot of this has been on me, and I’m going to try to talk to my dad about it because I do want a social life outside of conversations with the moms on the practice field.”
Another User Comments:
“Your father is using weaponized incompetence as a strategy to get you to do the work instead. And based on your previous replies, it looks like he did the same to your mother.
While it’s always great to help out, don’t let your father pretend to be incapable of tasks that he clearly is capable of doing just to force you to do all the work instead.
You are his child and not the mother to the boys. Focus on school, start planning for your future, and enjoy your youth.
As for your direct question – if your father was struggling to do simple tasks (why couldn’t he have just asked the grocers for where the items are), then he clearly needed the help to do it on his own.
Help that you provided.
And well, you know what they say,
Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes.
NTJ” ramblingweplar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really don’t see what you could have possibly done that’s wrong – if he’s genuinely forgetting the items you provided as a guide if he just isn’t trying he brought this response on himself.
If it’s the former, he may be developing some form of dementia, however. Has he always been so forgetful?
What sucks about this situation is the position you have been put in. You deserve credit for rising to the challenge, but he is just putting way too much on your shoulders.
Did he act this way before the divorce? I ask because it sounds like he’s treating you more as a replacement for his wife in domestic/homemaking chores than as an individual. He needs to start stepping up and doing more instead of dumping everything but the groceries on you (and he does those halfheartedly and begrudgingly) and leaving it there.” Lost_Type2262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
You’re not a parent. Your father is feigning incompetence to get you to do his job. This man seriously wants you to know all of HIS kids’ schedules, get them to your activities, run the household, and go do all the groceries.
If your father gave those excuses to his boss at his job would he still be employed? God no. He’s a grown man, he can learn a schedule, he can make a list, and he can figure out a grocery store layout. He is choosing not to do this because he expects you to do it rather than create waves.
Whether consciously or unconsciously he thinks this is a woman’s work and you’re obligated to take over for mom. You did not choose to have 5 kids and you deserve to be child-free.
Making him a grocery map is honestly hilarious and if he’s going to be that upset, it’s time for some real talk about household duties.
I know y’all aren’t a couple (gross) but if you’re determined to stay in this household, look up a book called Fair Play. It’s got some good exercises and activities for people to more equitably split up household duties and assignments since you are ALL part of the household.” Tasty-Efficiency-134
13. AITJ For Not Helping My Brother After He Disowned Me And My Family?
“So recently my younger brother (19) got into an accident and had to go to the hospital, he has been in hospital now for 2 weeks, and after going and visiting him a few times and having my dad call him -dad lives 6-ish hours away – my brother has turned on us saying that we’re ‘bad family’ because not everyone could visit him.
(I also have a 4-year-old brother who has specialized doctors who also lives with my dad, making travel near impossible)
Now, my dad and I have helped my brother out with multiple issues in the past, putting him through therapy and rehab, etc. He doesn’t think it’s enough and says ‘it’s our duty to help him regardless ’cause that’s what family does’ and has since decided to disown us (my entire family, not just my dad and I).
Yesterday I got a message from him asking to pay his hospital bill, which is something I cannot afford, so he asked me to ask my dad for the money, to which my dad said no, he will not stop calling/messaging me or getting the extended family on my mum’s side (mum is deceased) to harass me and my dad for money.
AITJ for not helping?
P.S. He has said that if we pay it for him, he will think about un-disowning(?) my family, so…?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a jerk and he is clearly using this as a manipulative control tactic. He needs help but not the money kind.
He made his decision to disown y’all… show him what those words mean. Let him figure it out. Let him be an adult and apply for financial aid through the hospital. Tough love is best sometimes. I’m sorry he’s been in an accident and is in this spot… however clearly he is demanding y’all give up your lives for him… that’s not fair.” Scorpio_Qweer11884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, demanding the payment of a hospital bill in order to be undisowned is extortion. Second, if he cannot afford to pay his bill outright he can contact the hospital’s billing office and let them know what he can afford on a monthly basis until his balance has been paid.
Third, it sounds like he is extremely comfortable with others picking up his tab. He might actually (later down the road) thank you for NOT bailing him out. He will learn responsibility and start accruing respect when he starts acting like an adult.
My son had to learn this the hard way as well.
He sorely needed the lesson and is on a more productive path. Remember, the greatest gift you can give is teaching self-reliance for the day those older than him have passed on.
I would recommend keeping an open mind and heart even though it may be difficult.
He IS quite young. He has not yet discovered himself yet and you can help him on that journey. As trying as that may be. It does not mean you have to be a pushover or a bank.” Creepy_Television546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stick to your guns and call it good riddance.
What your brother is doing, very successfully, by the way, is using emotional blackmail to get whatever he wants without taking any accountability for his own actions. And it looks like you and your dad up to this point fell for his ‘this is what family does’ nonsense manipulation and enabled his bad behavior and treating you and your father like trash.
Let him fall on his butt, probably for the first time ever, learn for once from his own mistakes, and grow up. He is an adult after all.” User
12. AITJ For Letting My Son Turn The TV Off?
“It was past 10 pm and my (39) husband (42) and his friends were in our apartment watching a movie like how they usually do every week.
I have two kids, let’s call them Alan (14) and James (8), and it’s important to the issue that the younger one has been freaked out by ghosts stuff since WEEKS ago. It’s because Alan and he went to a sleepover at Alan’s friend’s house and they kept telling scary stories even though James gets scared easily, Alan says.
I mention this because it’s important to what happened.
I was in the kitchen when I heard Alan asking his father if he could change what they were watching, and I don’t know what he answered but then I realized they were arguing and when I went there Alan turned off the TV by himself.
I took Alan to his room (which he shares with James) and he told me James couldn’t sleep because their father was watching a horror movie or something similar and James could clearly hear it since their room is next to the living room. Their father and his friends just laughed and made fun of James so that’s why Alan got mad, turned it off, and started arguing.
I got upset myself so I went to the living room and kicked everyone out. My husband and I argued and I told him to sleep on the couch until he says sorry to both Alan and James, which he still hasn’t done. I think Alan and him haven’t even talked to each other after that and I’m worried maybe I went too far.
When my husband left for work this morning James started crying ’cause he thinks it’s his fault Alan and their father got upset with each other.”
Another User Comments:
“Your kid is 8 years old, and his own dad was picking on and making fun of him with his friends because he was frightened of a movie?
Your husband needs to grow up and learn that parenting also means respecting your children when they ask for something, even if that means changing the channel because they’re terrified and can’t fall asleep.
You nor your kids are to blame for what happened. Your husband is a selfish person and is only thinking of himself and his own interests before he thinks of his kids and their comfort.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having a late movie night with friends on a school day when it might keep the kids up is a jerk move by your husband. Making fun of his 8-year-old son for being scared of ghost stories or horror movies with his buddies is a bigger jerk move.
Alan was being a good big brother to James. He was being more protective and understanding to James than your husband was, even though being protective and supportive should be your husband’s job as their father. You aren’t overreacting. NTJ.
Maybe with James try to gently explain that he has to apologize when he does something wrong, even when he might not want to.
His dad does too.” Shibaspots
Another User Comments:
“Poor James and Alan. They have a child for a father.
Their father should have been protecting their bedtimes, not keeping him from sleeping. Their father should have defended James, not made fun of him. Their father should prioritize his children over scoring points with friends against his own kids.
NTJ
If their father wants respect from his children, he needs to earn it by acting like a loving father that prioritizes their needs. I normally would say that people should treat each other respectfully, but Alan had to defend his little brother against his own father’s ridicule.
He is upset because he was embarrassed in front of his friend, being called out for acting worse than a child. He needs to realize that his pride as a man derives from actions of responsibility, not from showing off for friends by picking on little kids.” cleaningmama
11. AITJ For Not Going To Christmas At My Sister's?
“Last year my family (myself, husband, 2 kids) went to my sisters for Christmas – a 2-hour drive in another city. While planning meals we decided to include my sister’s husband’s family and everyone was going to get together at his parents’ house for Christmas Eve.
At the last minute (the day of the dinner) we ended up not being able to go because there was a misunderstanding between my sister and her mother in law, apparently my sister was not clear that we (my family) were coming and her husband’s sister was not comfortable with more.
Fair enough, they went and my sister came home early, while her husband and daughter returned later.
Then late Christmas morning my sister and her family briefly leave to go to his parents’ house again, but this time to open gifts, and say bye to his sister and her husband.
His parents live a couple of blocks away I should mention.
Christmas dinner is at my sister’s house and her husband’s mom and dad come. They usually do each year and I’m ok with that, just was butt hurt over the night before still.
Fast forward to this year and my sister wants us to come again so I asked her if she was planning to leave us alone again like last year. Her answer was basically yes they were planning on Christmas Eve again at her in-laws, and Christmas dinner at her house.
I suggested both dinners at her house so we could be included and she says she doesn’t want the work of two dinners. I offered to help and said we could potluck but that didn’t sway. I think it may be more my sister’s husband’s sister and her husband that do not want to have a multi-family gathering.
When I tell my sister that I don’t like the idea of them leaving us alone again at their house she says things like ‘we can’t not go to their house for Christmas, we do every year’ or she said she thought my ‘family would appreciate the alone time together’.
I am really disappointed, we barely see each other as it is because of busy schedules. We would arrive on the 24th and leave on the 26th, I think leaving us while they have their family gathering is rude. I said we will not come and now she is upset and saying I am being ridiculous, causing drama, AITJ?
UPDATE: Sister says I am being selfish and kept trying to justify their decisions as just being equal and fair. I made the mistake of showing her this story and she told me to get lost and said she should make her own because she said I left out a few things like: No one likes my kids.
Supper is only 2-3 hours long so we won’t be alone for long.
UPDATE 2: My sister told me that we are invited still but they have plans for Christmas so it’s our choice if we want to go or not. She insists now that at no time was my family invited to both dinners and I just decided to show up and basically stay and since they have plans for Christmas with his family I can order pizza.
She still wants to spend time with us and stay longer but will not include us in any of her husband’s family meals.
I suggested then maybe next year we can have our family time and she informed me that every year, no matter what year we come, we will always be left for one meal alone because they need to spend Christmas equally with both families.
I have told her many times how sad that makes me feel and she will not budge. Of course, we can still go for a shortened visit and one meal but this all seems tainted to me now. I suggested another holiday for us to get together instead and plan to make this the most memorable Christmas at our house with just us as I can.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – who would want to go somewhere to be excluded from dinner? Your sister gets to have a nice Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at your expense. That is very unbecoming of a hostess.
Your sister is a bit stuck because her in-laws don’t want you on their Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.
I say stuck because she is, her husband and his family want their Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning gift exchange and they don’t want you there. She can’t override her husband and in-laws. So, she is hoping you’ll just be ok with being ditched at her house on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.
I think that’s terrible to do, very unwelcoming of a hostess. You are traveling to your sister’s house for two days and getting excluded from 2 out of the 3 events (Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning).
I think it’s time to create your own tradition for Christmas Eve.
You can stay home and do your own new tradition. If you want to spend Christmas dinner at your sister’s, then spend a nice Christmas morning at home, then drive to your sister’s for dinner.
Seriously, you want to look back at your Christmas memories years from now to remember how you got excluded from events while at your sister’s?
Really? Don’t you think you deserve better?
I get that your sister has her in-laws’ things, then don’t invite you for two freaking days to spend 1.5 days excluding you… It’s time for you to stand up for yourself. There is no rule that you have to spend Christmas at your sister’s.
Pick a different holiday or time to visit where you have her full attention.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are only there 3 days, during which your sister and her family will be gone Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning, and your sister sees no problem with this?
Really?
Maybe rephrase it that your sister is proposing your family drive to her city in order to spend almost half that time alone, and the half that you are spending alone is all of the holiday.
At this point, since your sister sees nothing wrong with that and has a problematic SIL and BIL who are definitely NOT of the ‘more the merrier’ mentality… I would suggest an ‘every other year’ way to celebrate the holidays.
One year, she does all of Christmas with her in-laws, the next year, her family drive to your city to do it with your family. This is pretty common and then if the expectations are set, people are not left feeling like they are a second choice.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell her she’s the one being ridiculous here. What she’s insisting on is not normal and is in fact pretty rude. She made her choice now she can live with it. Don’t exchange gifts with them anymore and don’t accept gifts for the kids.
Be clear with her that her plan is disrespectful towards your family so you’re not doing it anymore and you’re not accommodating anyone any further who’s going to ruin your holiday.” Jax_Cat11
10. AITJ For Not Paying My Friend's Daughter More?
“My friends Michelle’s daughter, Danielle (17F), has a little home business where she bakes cakes and cookies. Danielle is a talented baker. I ordered a birthday cake for Danielle for my son.
We agreed on a price (I paid what she charges anyone else). Well, I guess Danielle dropped the cake and had to remake it when she was boxing it up and ended up having to buy new ingredients to do so. My friend tells me I actually owe Danielle $25 more than the agreed-upon amount.
I ask why, and she tells me about Danielle dropping the cake and having to buy new ingredients and spend more time. I tell her I understand that accidents happen and do feel bad for Danielle, but it is not my fault that Danielle dropped the cake and I shouldn’t have to pay for the extra ingredients or time, just as I wouldn’t have to for any other bakery.
I’d pay what we had originally agreed upon and that was it. I already had to pick up the cake a day later and rush to get it to my son’s party because it had to be remade, which I was very nice and understanding about because accidents happen.
My friend is calling me a jerk because, at the end of the day, Danielle is still a teenager and lost money and time as a result. I told my friend the real world isn’t perfect and things happen, and that if she felt strongly about it she should pay her daughter for the extra ingredients and I’d pay for the cake as planned. My friend still thinks I’m too harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“That’s terrible business on this kid’s part. I understand that she dropped the cake, but that’s the whole issue in the nutshell – she dropped it. If she opens an actual bakery and she ends up dropping someone’s baked goods, is she going to charge her customers for ingredients she ended up wasting due to an accident that was her fault?
No. If you own a business and you screw up the item, you pay for the extra ingredients and eat the cost.
She’s almost 18, and I wouldn’t have paid either. If she was much younger, I might have, but if this girl plans to turn this business into something more serious, she will have to deal with losses that result from her own mistakes.
That’s just a part of life. She can’t punish her customers for it.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There is the joke of how to make a million dollars in the restaurant business. Start off with 2 million.
Unfortunately, the service industry is time-intensive and hands-on, and if you don’t work, or produce, you don’t get paid.
Also, any mistakes, or accidents that happen on the business side, should be absorbed. You even have to consider when it is the customer’s mistake if you want to remake something. You’re taking a short loss with the hope of returning customers.
Danielle needs to learn the difficulties of business.
Propping it up by making friends, and the family pays for accidents, mistakes will burn and wear thin quickly. Customers with no linkage would easily walk away and negatively review.” mitch3498
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In business, sometimes you make money, sometimes you lose money and sometimes you just break even.
That’s the reality and if your friend’s daughter is going to have a business she needs to learn that. I have never heard of a business charging a customer for the cost of a mistake the business made.
Also, you already showed Danielle grace by allowing her to make a second cake instead of canceling the order and ordering another cake from someone else.
I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have done that. At least she was able to make some money off of this job even if she didn’t break even.” Mother_Tradition_774
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Younger Brother To Come To My Concert?
“I (16f) have a younger brother (3m) who’s autistic and has ADHD, who my mom goes everywhere with. My school every year has a winter concert and I will be playing in it. I brought my concert up to my mom and said I do not want my brother coming because of how he’s always yelling, and can’t sit still, or be quiet.
This is a very important concert for me and my classmates. So I do not want him ruining it by yelling, or crying because my mom took away his tablet that’s always on full blast.
My mom got extremely mad at me and started yelling saying that I’m embarrassed to go out with my brother, I tried explaining that I’m not and it was because he can’t stay still but even then she said she will not be coming to my concert if my brother cannot come.
I started crying, she said to stop being a baby, she should be the one crying for having a daughter that’s embarrassed to go anywhere with her brother. I decided to walk out and my grandma is saying she also won’t be attending if I do not let my brother come to my concert.
I’m thinking of letting my brother come to my concert now but WIBTJ for not letting him come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why your mom would want to bring him to something that he not only wouldn’t enjoy but would severely disrupt.
He is 3 – no 3-year-old would enjoy being asked to be quiet and sit still.
Parents with special needs kids sometimes overcompensate to try and make up for the negative perceptions some have of their child. This causes them to be very defensive and emotionally charged when it comes to that child.
It also tends to make them emotionally unavailable to their other children.
OP you have the right to your own interests and independence from your brother. No siblings do everything together.” seeoutdoors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, fellow band nerd. This was me except my brother is only a few years younger than me.
I’ve had multiple professional ensemble recordings ruined by my family.
Go to your band director and explain the situation. Tell them that your brother will either be blasting a tablet or screaming and your mom does not care and that you would prefer if someone could ask your mom to take your brother outside when it happens because she’s being manipulative and you’re not in a position to deal with it.
What your band director will/should do is get someone like a principal or other school official there on standby ready to escort her out when the noise starts. And do this for every school event you ever have until the end of time.
Someone other than you needs to make HER feel embarrassed for having no consideration for others.
It’s not a matter of being ashamed of going out with your family, it’s a matter of them needing to be considerate of their environment and preparing your brother to exist in those spaces. He might not be ready for a few years if ever and that’s okay, but your mother is not entitled to make others suffer around her.
This goes for movie theaters, restaurants, etc, you should get up and quietly find someone when you run to the bathroom or something and warn them, ask them to leave you out of it, and let them prepare to handle the situation. This means the spotlight on the behavior is coming from someone else and she can’t blame you.
ETA: this might mean she starts staying home and not coming with you because it can be difficult to leave a special needs individual with a sitter. And based on what you described, she will probably get nasty about it. That is not your fault or your problem and you’ll have to decide for yourself if her being there causing a scene is preferable to being able to relax.
I learned very early to be proud of myself without my mom or dad showing up or being supportive and I was lucky to have friends whose parents included me in their support. It’s okay to be alone at events and enjoy the moment.” DerbyDogMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your mother and grandmother are missing the whole point. A young child with no ability to sit still and quietly for an hour or so doesn’t belong in any audience of a school show or pageant! The performers are there to put on a show for their family and friends, and the audience deserves to be able to hear, see, and focus on the show!
Children running and yelling will ruin the ability for anyone to enjoy their show, and that isn’t fair to you or your fellow performers, or the audience who wants to enjoy it all! No young kids should be in attendance for those reasons, including your little brother.
People usually find sitters for a short time, because the performers deserve to have the attention on them! Good luck!” User
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Daughter Money To Buy Presents For Her Partner And His Family?
“My 15-year-old daughter spends 99% of her time with the boy. He kind of divides his living between home and here. He is a good kid. Don’t get me wrong. But my daughter had asked for a Christmas target to keep her list under about a month ago.
Recently I found out that I wasn’t getting the money I had thought I would fund said budget. Then she tells me she only wants a few things off of her list so that she can use the remainder of her money to buy him and his family gifts.
But I don’t know where I am coming up with the money to give her.
I’m not even getting gifts for any of my 5 other kids who live on their own, let alone my 4 grandkids, even my 18-year-old old because they all claim to understand I’m working two full-time jobs and still barely surviving.
She doesn’t get it. I know they will be buying her gifts, probably a lot because they tend to spoil her, so I feel kind of like a jerk.
I already bought her list on one of those handy dandy installment plans. I don’t know if I can do the same for more.
And I don’t really feel like going into even more debt unless it’s for my own kids. Maybe definitely the jerk. She is going to act like I’m being the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – at first I was thinking why can’t she get them a few small gifts?
But then with your reasoning, I think it’s perfectly understandable that you can’t afford it. You should probably try to split the budget and get something at least for the grandkids and spend less on your 15-year-old though. Maybe suggest she takes the family a box of chocolates to share – you can get big ones pretty cheap and she’ll not be embarrassed by not giving them anything.” xMimichella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is understandable that you are not able to fund your daughter’s desire to buy gifts for her partner and his family, given your financial situation. It is not unreasonable for you to prioritize your own children and grandchildren over your daughter’s partner and his family, especially if you are already struggling to make ends meet.
While it may be disappointing for your daughter, it is ultimately your decision as a parent to decide how to allocate your financial resources. You are not necessarily the jerk in this situation, but it may be helpful to have a conversation with your daughter about your financial situation and why you are unable to fund her gift-giving plans.” justneurostuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I imagine in this case, the 15-year-olds justification is that they have reduced the amount they asked for on their list, so therefore, they should be entitled to the money saved. However, this is a flawed argument as the money saved is not theirs to start with.
The fifteen-year-old should have saved some money themselves for the gifts or got a job to afford them. No one is entitled to their parents’ money or the right to spend it on other people. The OP is working her butt off to keep her head above the water, that has to be good enough.” M6zz6r
7. AITJ For Betraying My Mom?
“I (13F) have divorced parents. On Friday my dad took me to get an eye test and I needed glasses. They thought it would cost 300-400 but it ended up costing 500 with a discount. My mom only agreed to pay 300 so my dad wanted to take out 200 of his child support and she got really mad + wanted to sue.
She texted me ‘do you know their address? I want to know because as a mom I want to know where you are staying. Don’t ask your dad, when you leave tell me the apartment number and the building number.’
I knew what she wanted so after thinking for a few minutes, I decided to tell my dad.
And he told me to say another city where he used to live. I refused because it’d reveal that I asked him, but he just told me to send it. Then it went downhill, when she picked me up from him she got all mad and her husband got involved too somehow.
I sent her the address anyway, that was my mistake. Now they’re beefing over text. I told my dad because I didn’t want her to sue him. He already pays her 2,000 instead of 1,800 every month. Some mothers don’t even get child support. And to sue over 200 c’mon… and I for real need these glasses…
AITJ for telling my dad and not keeping it a secret?”
Another User Comments:
“Child support is meant for taking care of the child. He was spending money to make sure your needs were taken care of. I think your mom is wrong for being upset about this.
You’re stuck in a rough situation and trying to do the best you can. It sounds like you’re supposed to meet in a neutral place for ‘hand-off’ so your mom also doesn’t need to know where your dad lives. You’re NTJ here, you’re stuck in a rough situation between adults who need to learn how to work things out without causing undue stress on their child.” VixieWillow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You for lying. Your mom has a right to know where her child is staying. What if there was an emergency and she needed to get you as soon as possible? What if something happened to your dad?
Your dad seems shady.
Why is he so against your mom knowing his address? It just seems crazy that your mother doesn’t know where you are when you’re with your father.
Also, does he have the receipt for how much the exam and glasses cost? If your mom set a budget of $300 he should be responsible for anything over that.
Child support isn’t meant to cover 100% of the child’s expenses. In a lot of divorced families medical bills are covered 50/50.
Your mom seems the least jerk-ish in this situation. The only reason I am including her is she shouldn’t have involved you. She should have gotten his address another way instead of asking you.” TentaclesAndCupcakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your mom isn’t necessarily wrong about your dad cutting support for the glasses.
Child support isn’t designed to cover all expenses of the child. It’s designed to ensure the child has reasonable living conditions in both residences.
Things like glasses could be required to be split depending on the custody agreement.
If your mom said she would pay $300 for glasses then that is the budget unless someone else is willing to pay more. Your father doesn’t get to arbitrarily decide that your mom will pay $500 for glasses.
And in general, glasses can be purchased for $300 unless you are getting super specialized
It’s really weird unless there are mistreatment issues that your dad doesn’t want to let your mom know where he lives.
Either way, none of this is your concern and your parents both suck for putting you in the middle of this and asking you to lie on their behalf.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, I know you’re only 13, so I’m going to give you a little bit of slack. You should never have been involved in this in the first place. It’s not your business who pays how much child support, or who pays what for your medical needs.
Your parents are jerks for even having you be involved at all. $500 for glasses really isn’t that much money. That being said, I’m a mom, I’m a grandma.
When medical expenses come up, they get paid for, because that’s what happens when you decide to have kids.
Your parents need to work out between them who was paying for what, and the court gets to decide who owes what for medical expenses, that’s what all of that fun paperwork that happens when child support, parental obligations, and parenting time is decided. They should never have brought you into the conversation.
That being said, you lied. It doesn’t matter who you thought was right or wrong, there’s no way that you can know the entire story of everything that’s going on.
I was a mom who only got child support in situations where somehow the government could get a hold of the dad’s money and send it to me.
In the future, don’t get dragged into the conversation. Any of it. Most parental obligation paperwork requires that both parents are legally entitled to have the other parents’ address either way. If they try to bring you into another human just say, you need to talk to mom/dad about this, this isn’t my business.” big_mama_f
6. WIBTJ If I Keep What I'm Set To Inherit From My Mom?
“I (40M) have had a rough last 5 years; narcolepsy diagnosis, husband running off (whole other can of worms), dad passed away, finally got a divorce, now a full-time caregiver for mom after she had surgery and a stroke.
Basically, my siblings are getting a few thousand from my mom when she passes away.
She is leaving everything and I mean everything else to me. It’s not millions but enough that I could sell assets and probably retire on considering I have a reduced lifespan.
I dont like it and feel it would be a jerk move to keep everything to myself when I have so many nieces and nephews that could benefit from this.
I’ve tried to change my mom’s mind but she won’t budge and has already changed her will. I’m very tempted to keep the inheritance.
I love my nieces and nephews, but this would be a huge benefit to me that I’m not sure I can turn down.
So WIBTJ to keep it all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should let your mom do as she chooses. If she is grateful to you for being her caregiver and wants to show gratitude for that I think that’s very appropriate. If anyone tries to put you on the defensive for it just say your mom made her wishes known and you will abide by it.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your mom’s will, not yours. She gets to decide what she leaves to others. This being said, you also get to decide what to do with the inheritance. If you wanna spoil your nephews and nieces, no one is gonna stop you from doing that.
You might want to consult a financial advisor before anything, to help you set things up properly for you (and to any person you would give something if you giveaways something). That might help you to set some things in perspective too.” brisemartel
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Former Crush To My Birthday?
“I (18f) have struggled with many issues for most of my teens. Many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named ‘Sam’ (18m). It is a very complicated story, but in short, I had a deep crush on him while I was struggling and he began to help me out.
He would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. I thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery.
After my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), Sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn’t interested and told me to wait if that was what I wanted. Even though I should have expected it, it was deeply crushing.
I felt unlovable and I genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. I believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). I was lonely and isolated and it hurt.
After that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if I was chatting with guys. I know he had good intentions. He would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him.
Fast forward to my birthday party. I didn’t want a birthday party since I preferred a hangout with some friends. My parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people which aided in my recovery. This included pastors, teachers, and Sam.
I begged my parents not to invite Sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me I was being ungrateful. When I confronted my mom and told her I didn’t want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things.
My mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. My siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. They accused me of being salty after getting rejected. My friends are all on my side. I know my parents are socially conservative (no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did I cross a line?”
Antoher User Comments:
“NTJ, you should be allowed to say who gets invited to your party, you should be allowed to say if you want a party at all. And your mom shouldn’t be smashing the house up when things don’t go her way. I don’t see how gratitude comes into this at all.
People are running over you and then blaming you for it.
I hope you are doing better. And I hope that you come to learn that this level of interference and control over your life is outrageous. EVERYONE in your life knows your business and shares it with one another without caring at all how you, the person in question, feels about it.
Heck, even your crush is blackmailing you. None of this is healthy. It’s all abusive.
PS – OP, I think ‘chatting’ with guys is probably a bad move, just to be on the record about that part. Especially if you’re not feeling supported by people you know or are otherwise a little vulnerable.
The likelihood of somebody using your emotions to manipulate you is extremely high.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
1st up – happy birthday, and good for you for going through recovery and putting in the hard work for a better life.
OF COURSE, you don’t want the boy who broke your heart at your 18th birthday party.
There is nothing odd/unusual or ungrateful about it. You don’t wish Sam ill – you just don’t want to spend YOUR day pretending you feel great about him.
I hope you know that you do not have an ‘evil heart’. You’re a young person who had trouble – many people go through challenges just like you, and you are strong and brave enough to work on those things.
You should feel proud of your progress, and a good parent should be letting you know that. Your Mom sounds like a nightmare, she’s the one who’s acting like an out-of-control, cruel child.
Is THAT how she has behaved all your life? I’m sure you appreciate all the people who genuinely helped you, but turning your party into a show of gratitude seems like more of a power play on your mom’s part.
YOU are her child if she likes Sam. Ok, but YOU are the person she should support.
There are a lot of jerks in this story but YOU are not one of them. If Mother freaks out and breaks things because of your completely understandable and normal request – SHE is somebody who needs help.
That’s such a manipulative and aggressive way to treat you. She is making your birthday and YOUR recovery all about her. If she wants to thank all the people who’ve helped you? Ok, she can take those folks all out to dinner while you enjoy a happy 18th birthday with your friends.
Whether Sam realized you had a crush on him at 1st or not – he DID know how you felt after a certain time and continued to interact with you in ways that gave you hope for a relationship – that’s messed up. Yes, he’s young too, and sounds like he was trying to help, and may not realize how condescending he was being but once he knew you liked him in a way he didn’t reciprocate – he should have been more sensitive to your feelings.
It’s a tough situation but he didn’t handle it well. Also, who is he to ‘give you homework’? If this is something YOU enjoyed, and found helpful – that’s one thing. But if he took it upon himself to be your Spiritual Guide or some self-aggrandizing role like that – it was inappropriate.
I’m not being ‘ant-religion’ but please try to get into a non-religious therapy too. Your mom has the gaslights turned up to the maximum – if they’ve been justifying harsh behavior because of God then it would be good for you to have some help that doesn’t center on a specific denomination’s view of the world.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom calls you a horrible person because she feels like she is a horrible person. It has nothing to do with you. And since her mode of expression when you disagree with her is to break stuff, I would say she is at least horrible at managing her emotions.
Your siblings suck too. They don’t know what is in your heart, and even if you were salty, why would they want you to be salty on your birthday? Why can’t they ask you what/who you want? People that are loving don’t try to tell you how you SHOULD feel, or that your heart is evil.
People that love you don’t threaten you to tell your parents just for talking to someone they don’t approve of. That’s nonsense. You got a bad hand by being in this family. They hide behind religion to tell you how horrible you are.
Then expect you to be grateful for them doing things you don’t want.
You did not cause your mom to break down. Her own beliefs did. That’s not on you. That’s on her. That’s pure manipulation. And it’s half working.
But you’re starting to see through it, so keep going!” FreeRustProofing
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Pay For The Repairs At My Late Grandfather's House?
“My grandfather passed away last year and he left his home to me and my siblings.
The home has been in our family for generations but it’s in a bad way as my grandfather couldn’t afford to maintain it anymore. We decided we would fix it up even though it was going to be expensive instead of selling it because it’s our last connection to our grandfather and dad.
Before we started fixing it up, I asked my husband if he could help pay for it. He said no which was surprising since he could afford to help and he normally wouldn’t say no but he claims it’s a wasted investment and we should just sell it instead of pouring more money into it.
We fought about it until I decided to just start selling my things to pay for it. My siblings have been doing the same.
A few days ago, my husband offered to pay for the remaining repairs. I told him it was fine since he was so against it and now we’re finding a way to get it done without him.
He kept insisting and told me to stop selling my things but I wouldn’t accept his help so he reached out to my brother offering the money. My brother won’t take it unless I’m okay with it but my siblings want me to accept his offer as the cost of fixing the home has been putting a lot of financial pressure on them.
It’s been causing tension between us as I keep saying no.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you and your siblings are trying to keep a house as a keepsake. It’s not a keepsake, it’s a house for people to live in.
Once you do the repairs, there is regular ongoing maintenance that has to be done, and that costs money. You need homeowners insurance and property taxes to pay.
Your husband was correct to not fund the repairs. It would be lost money that he could have invested. Whatever value you got out of the house repairs that he would pay for would be split amongst you and your siblings.
That is a very bad investment for him, and you.
You and your siblings need to take the emotion out of your decision on this house and make one based on financials and logic. Who is going to live in the house? Who is going to pay for regular upkeep and enhancements to the house?
If only one of you is going to live in it, then the rest of you are funding a house for that 1 sibling. This is money you are spending for that 1 sibling benefit, that you cannot use to benefit you and your husband and your kids.
If the person living in the house funds everything, eventually you are going to sell the house and the profits would be split amongst the owners. If that one sibling has a family, and he passes away, his wife and kids would get nothing because ownership would refer to the remaining siblings.
This quickly becomes a financial quagmire, and it doesn’t sound like any of you have loads of money to splurge on this project. So please, before you destroy the relationship between siblings, figure out the rest of the ownership and ongoing financial obligations.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He may have been a bit insensitive over the initial plan of repairing the house but it’s hard to say from a purely financial view he was wrong. He is now seeing how hard a time you and your siblings are having to pull this off and despite his judgment on it being a bad investment, he wants to help to alleviate the burden you all are placing on yourselves.
The fact that you are selling things he bought you can’t be fun for him to watch. They aren’t cheap things either if it adds up to any money that can do anything. You are probably selling them for pennies on the dollar which doesn’t help.
If you (like some other posters) are worried about him horning in on this for financial gain let him loan everyone the money. Either way, swallow your pride and ego and accept the help he’s offering and that you and your siblings need.
As an aside your brother is a stand-up guy.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but I completely understand why. It’s galling that the man who is supposed to be your partner was completely dismissive of your passion for repairing the home, and it’s a point of pride now that you want to show him you’re capable of doing your thing without him.
But this hill you’ve chosen to die on isn’t just about your marriage – it’s impacting the lives and finances of your siblings. Swallow your pride and take the money – and sit down with your husband to hash all of this out because issues like this are only going to fester.” Emotional_Koala_
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Dad's Memorial Dinner?
“My (34M) sister (26F) and I don’t talk. She and my wife have major issues so obviously, I strode by my wife and have not spoken to my sister in 5 years.
I don’t invite her to my events or events for my children and she does not invite me to hers.
My father passed away 3 years ago. On the anniversary of his death my wife and I decided to have a little memorial dinner for him to cook his recipes and just remember him.
I invited my father’s family (his brother/ sister and their kids). My mom asked if I was going to invite my sister I said of course not, especially since BIL will be there and he is the reason she and my wife have issues. So she wouldn’t come anyway and if she wants she can have her own dinner.
My mom said she didn’t feel right coming and after that, my dad’s family also dropped out and the entire dinner fell apart and didn’t happen. I was upset I wanted to do something to remember him this year and it was ruined because of my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And a terrible brother. Your sister didn’t feel comfortable around your BIL so your wife gets mad and now you’ve cut her off and haven’t spoken to her in 5 years. Seriously! My brothers would’ve talked to me and tried to see the situation from all sides and come to a conclusion/decision from there.
But you just cut her off, just like that, then had the audacity to exclude her from being with her family and remembering her father and seriously blame her for everyone else dropping out. Obviously, if your family dropped out of the gathering, seemingly because they don’t agree with how you’re treating your sister, that should tell you A LOT.
Your wife must have you by the balls lil man.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your wife had issues because her brother, your BIL was inappropriate towards your sister. It doesn’t sound like your sister did anything wrong other than call out inappropriate behavior.
So, you took your wife’s side, which is the side of BIL.
You deserve your family dropping you. You picked your wife’s family on a question of inappropriate behavior of your wife’s family member.
This is on you for not doing a better job in handling the original situation.
If your BIL was inappropriate with your sister, you should have stopped it, you shouldn’t tolerate inappropriate behavior towards women just because someone is related to you by marriage. Your sister was concerned enough to say something, so some line was crossed with her.
You grew up with her, so you should know where her boundary lines are.
You don’t stand by your wife no matter what, because sometimes your spouse is wrong. And when your spouse is wrong, you facilitate a better solution than just agreeing with your wife even though she may be or is wrong.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It is understandable that you and your wife have issues with your sister and do not want her at events or gatherings. However, it is not fair to exclude her from a memorial dinner for your father without considering the impact on your mother and other family members.
Your mother’s feelings and desire to have your sister present at the dinner should be taken into account, and excluding your sister may cause tension and discomfort for other family members who may want to maintain a relationship with her.
In this situation, you are the jerk for not considering the feelings of others and allowing your personal issues with your sister to ruin a memorial dinner for your father.
It may be helpful to have a conversation with your mother and other family members to come to a compromise and find a way to honor your father’s memory without causing further tension and conflict.” justneurostuff
Your family's reaction should have been enough to tell you YTJ. And btw, the dinner wasn't ruined because of your sister. It was ruined because of you and your BIL.
2. AITJ For Getting A Tattoo My Mother Hates?
“I (M38) have a lot of tattoos. It’s just something I like. My mom hates each and every one.
My mom (61) loves me and I love her. She does however have the most annoying hobby in the world. She loves asking me questions that I have no way of knowing the answer to.
For example, this summer I came to my cousin’s (F24) wedding.
I have not seen my cousin in 7 years. I live in a different State. But she asked me how my cousin met her fiance. I literally only knew about the wedding because my mom told me.
I will tell my mom that my son (12) is out at a friend’s house for the night.
She will ask me where my son’s friend’s parents went to school.
Those aren’t even the most extreme examples.
The worst was when she asked me how my sister got pregnant since she and her husband were using the Nuva ring (a small soft, plastic ring that you place inside the woman’s reproductive part) for birth control, Like how would I know?
So I told her if she kept asking me questions like that I was going to tattoo the words ‘No Se’ on my forearm. That is Spanish for ‘I don’t know’.
Well, she asked about my brother-in-law’s shoe size a week ago.
I saw her today and my arm had the Saniderm on it from a fresh tattoo.
So she shuddered, crossed herself, and asked what I defiled my body with now.
So I showed her. She got upset and called me a ‘pendejo sinverguenza’. Basically a shameless idiot. And now she is mad at me for desecrating my body to make a childish point and embarrass her.
I said that I told her hundreds of times to please stop asking me questions that I had no way of answering. She said that she was just making conversation.
I think she finally gets the point but my dad called me and said I was a jerk for permanently marking my body to make my mom think before asking me a question.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I guess, but I do think what you did was funny.
I don’t think she has bad intentions in asking the questions – if you went to a wedding, it’s likely that the couple would talk about how they met.
If your son is sleeping over at a friend’s, it’s likely that you got to know the parents a little bit to make sure your son will be safe. If your sister got pregnant when she was previously on birth control, she may have decided to try for a baby and told you about it.
Your mother might be trying to buy shoes as a Christmas gift and is hoping that somebody knows the shoe size.
Of course, you’ve repeatedly expressed that you find all the questions frustrating, so continuing to ask them is rude. Full stop.
Still, though, regardless of the significance of getting a tattoo, you recognize that you’re doing it to make a point against her.
I’d be mad if someone got a tattoo making fun of any of my negative habits, no matter how much the person liked the tattoo.” August850
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your body, your choice. I think part of the problem with tattoos is that your mother can’t control you about them.
So she makes a much bigger deal about them. She hasn’t learned that the more she goes on about them… the more you will have done.
But I would have some fun with the stupid questions that she asks.
That one about how your sister got pregnant… I would’ve answered with they slept together and the sperm met an egg and then it implanted in the uterus and grew and the next thing you know… she’s popping out a baby.
The other thing you could say is that perhaps she took the Nuva ring out – or didn’t use it because they decided to have a kid. Why doesn’t she have that discussion with them and not ask you?
Where your son’s friends’ parents went to school… ‘The school of hard knocks’.
Where your cousin met her fiance… she rappelled into him when abseiling down an escarpment… or met him in the plane just before she did her first solo parachute jump!
Just ridiculous things. She’ll either repeat them or look stupid. Or she’ll yell at you and you get to tell her to stop asking stupid questions that you have no answer to and don’t even know about.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you got a tattoo directed at your mother knowing she’d be insulted by it.
Does your mother have a problem? Maybe. Some of the questions she asks you it’s plausible you actually know the answer to. And maybe you’re also taking the questions too seriously.
Or maybe she has issues.
‘The worst was when she asked me how my sister got pregnant since she and her husband were using the Nuva ring for birth control, Like how would I know?’
Like I thought – why is that such an odd question?
Siblings talk without their parents. Most people I know tell their siblings more than their parents. The same goes with cousins which is why she may have thought you knew how they met their partner.
Other questions maybe she’s just leaving off some words. ‘I wonder who will move in that building next?’ or ‘do you happen to know BIL’s shoe size?’
I think you BOTH definitely have communication issues. She may ask strange questions BUT you’re the one who hasn’t communicated that you aren’t close with your cousin, don’t know much about your sister’s personal life, etc.” aDarumaDoll
1. AITJ For Buying Ice Cream?
“I hadn’t seen my husband in a month as I was staying with my sister.
He promised he would pick me up from the airport and we would spend time together but he sent his brother instead. I was upset even though my brother-in-law told me something came up which is why he was there instead. I asked him if we could go and get ice cream before we went home.
He didn’t seem to want to go but I suggested I take an Uber if he had plans so he agreed and we went and got ice cream. The entire time we were there he was on his phone and it felt like he was trying to rush me.
When I finally got home my husband was there and annoyed. He wanted to know why I hadn’t come home immediately and said he had cleared his schedule for the evening so we could spend time together like I had asked. I told him I assumed he was busy since he didn’t come to the airport but he’s still upset with me and with his brother for taking me to get ice cream.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
He broke his promise you could say, no matter what happened, he didn’t fulfill his word, and yeah someone is calling OP a jerk for wasting 2hrs eating ice cream but I think you take it too literally.
Come on yeah you go for ice cream and maybe takes like 15 mins to get there, 15 mins to buy, and another 5-10min to eat the ice cream, but if it’s at a big mall or some other place you to lose some time watching other stuff, and such.
Every single time I go to a mall for just a single thing, I often end up wasting like 1-2 hours and seeing or even buying other things besides the one I was going to shop for.
And yeah OP might have wasted BiL’s time, but ultimately is the SO’s fault for not being there and sending BiL to do the thing he was supposed to do, so OP SO made a jerk move by sending BiL and failing to fulfill his promise, OP acted not extremely petty, and also wasting 2 hrs getting your stress done with ice cream and maybe some ranting to the BiL I would not call that a jerk move.” TheVoidaxis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I bet he was trying to pick up and clean before you got home. Can’t imagine the state the house would be in if she’d been away. Not because he’s a male or she’s a female. Sometimes partners, of either gender, get lax with daily chores when their other half is gone for a while.
You should have just gotten an Uber. Poor brother-in-law, tries to do a favor and gets taken advantage of and then gets in trouble with the person he’s doing the favor for. That’d be the last favor I ever did for either of you.
Your hubby is the jerk too, not for asking his brother for a favor, but for being upset with his poor brother for taking your entitled jerk for ice cream after he was manipulated into it. He probably indulged you because he thought his brother would be angry if he let you take an Uber.
After all, he wouldn’t stop and let you have ice cream. You’d both owe him a sincere apology and a really nice and thoughtful thank you gift with a card professing both of your sincere apologies for, well being immature jerks.” Samklb
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband needs to get over himself, but you’re the one who roped an innocent bystander into your marital drama. Your BIL was doing you a favor. He probably had no idea what was going on between you and your husband when he agreed to it, and yet you took out your frustration on him and wasted his time.
Offering to take an Uber at that point was meaningless and rude, and you know it; he’d already given up his evening for you and of course, he wasn’t going to leave you behind. (And let’s be real: if he had left, you’d be upset.
You’re complaining about him even after getting what you wanted, so how could he win?)
You should both apologize to your BIL and give him a little gas money as a thank you for dealing with this. And I hope you’re ready to follow through on getting that Uber next time because he’ll probably think twice before doing any more favors for you guys.” lkbird8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Poor BIL got to be a stand-in because you were mad at your spouse.
Your two-hour spite-cream session was ridiculous. Your BIL was there to take you home, it’s clear he’s just trying to be accommodating and helpful to his family.
You manipulated and forced his hand by suggesting you’ll just take an Uber (wasting his time since uh he’s already freaking there to get you and probably doesn’t want the blowback of ditching his SIL at the airport after clearly agreeing with your spouse to get you home safely.)
You then decided to take forever even though he’s clearly done with this crap and has a life he’d like to get back to. You did this for you, I assume, to get attention both at the moment (reasserting control you’re feeling you lack in other relationships) and to hopefully get your husband’s attention.
In all this time, as you take your emotions out on your BIL and hold him captive while hoping your absence will be noticed by your spouse, it never seemed to occur to you to pick up the phone and call or text your spouse.
Yea. YTJ. You acted badly and inconvenienced a person who did nothing wrong to you.
Also: it’s clear you and your husband are not arguing about what you really want to argue about. Your tension isn’t about an airport pickup. Grow up – Go talk about what you two really need to talk about.” Tasty-Efficiency-134
