People Want To Know If They're To Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Sister For Stealing My Stuff?
“I 27f and partner 30m were excited when we got pregnant last year with my daughter. Due to complications in my pregnancy at 5 months, we welcomed her into this world and said goodbye as she slipped away in my arms half an hour later. God, it still hurts, but we are getting help with our grief.
A month later after I lost our precious Angel, my sister got pregnant and I was happy for them. My niece is due soon and my sister approached me and said that recently, she and her husband have been struggling financially and she can’t afford a bassinet and clothes and if she can use Angel’s things. I said no, as I am still not ready to let it go and one day I will but right now they serve as a comfort.
My sister said she understood. We went back downstairs and I fell asleep.
When I woke up, my sister was gone. I went upstairs and noticed that Angel’s door was half-opened and went in and all her toys and bassinet and clothes were gone. I was hysterical and rang my partner. He came home from work and helped me to calm down and then reviewed the security tape.
We clearly saw my sister walking out with our baby stuff and putting it in her van and driving away.
I immediately called the police and my sister was arrested after we showed evidence. She claimed I said she could take them, but the audio on camera in Angel’s room said otherwise. Angel’s stuff was returned. My parents said I had overreacted and that my sister was pregnant and she doesn’t need this stress and her husband said Angel has passed on and her stuff was going to waste and my niece needed it more.
My partner got mad and said we should go no contact with them. I’m confused and hurt and wondering did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your family definitely is! Not only did you explicitly tell her that she could not have your baby’s things; you even explained why (even though you never needed to explain yourself because a simple ‘no’ should have been enough).
Loss, grief, and hurt take time to heal and you have every right to take as much time as you need.
I don’t think you overreacted at all by calling the police, especially considering that she had no intention of giving the things back by herself. The fact that she then even tried to lie to the police is disgusting. Don’t let your family’s toxicity cloud your mind and judgment.
Cut them out of your life if they are not willing to let you heal.” BlondiLocks589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t overreact. You told her no and she went behind your back. Very sneaky and disrespectful. So talking with her wouldn’t have changed anything and she wouldn’t have given you back what she had stolen. Most likely your family would have defended her and would have tried to pressure/guilt trip you into giving the things up to her after she has already taken them.
(She needs them more, you can’t use them, you are family, don’t be so selfish, and so on.)
Your husband wanting to go NC seems reasonable to me. As your family has no understanding and respect of/for your feelings and grief.
Moreover, you could want to use the items in the future. Just because they are currently not used does not make them less your property.” Mischungu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going beyond the fact that she literally stole from you, you are still grieving. Having those items, even if not of use, sounds as though it helps you through the rough days. I never was pregnant, but I have lost pets and family precious to me, and the things they loved or would have loved helped me greatly.
They may not understand it, but they should.
You are grieving, you shouldn’t be made to give up your things just because your sister ‘needs’ them. Your sister is in the wrong for doing whatever she wanted. Being pregnant does not give you a pass to use and break family members’ boundaries. Your parents are also wrong as all heck. Who cares if your sister is stressed, how you overreacted, any of that?
You need time to heal over what happened to your baby, and they NEED to understand that it will not happen overnight.
If you are able to, I wouldn’t go no contact with family. I would sit your parents down and talk to them. Explain what is going on, what your sister did, and what sort of panic you went through when you saw what you did.
Explain it all. If they can not understand and refuse to do it, I would get up and walk away after telling them that they are the ones who should financially help their children out – not you. Then go NC for a while, however long you feel it shall take.” ALonePeep
21. AITJ For Telling Adoptive Parents To Go Easy On Someone Who Asked Them A Question?
“I was recently at a dinner party mixing and mingling.
A couple was there with their young baby of a different race. The host’s daughter was also, of course, there. She was in her mid-20s and has an obvious developmental disorder that every invited guest surely knew about. This was a fairly intimate party.
The daughter asked the family why their baby was a different color from them and they explained they adopted. The daughter followed up by asking ‘Why didn’t you want your own baby,’ and the couple became really upset, laying into her, telling her that was a very mean and rude thing to say, that she was being very careless and hurtful, etc.
The daughter obviously didn’t understand what she’d done wrong and was practically in tears so I stepped in and said they needed to take it easy because she’d obviously meant no offense.
They said they didn’t care what she’d meant, that it was still a horribly offensive question and she needed to learn it was unacceptable.
The hosts came in shortly after and weren’t totally sure what had happened but apologized to the guests and removed their daughter to comfort her and calm her down.
I told them that was totally uncalled for and I was taken aback by how they’d treated that girl considering her condition and they really needed to relax.
They basically said there was never an excuse to say those things and they had a right to react the way they did and I was a jerk for getting involved in a situation that didn’t concern me and I know nothing about.
I’m conflicted over it still. Because it didn’t concern me. But I did feel strongly to step in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Would you find it appropriate to have the daughter ask invasive questions about your last prostate exam at the party? (If OP is a woman, insert the gyno/pap smear hypothetical.) Why not? No matter how well-intention the question may be, it’s very personal and inappropriate and no one wants to discuss it with a stranger.
There are so many reasons for adoption, and if it was a benign reason, the parents would have told her. All reasons for the inability to conceive (if that was the reason) are deeply mired in the heavily emotional territory. Further, the adoptive parents, especially if they are differently featured, have to deal with lots of folks implying they aren’t ‘real’ parents and therefore their family isn’t ‘real’.
The daughter in the story is also doing this asking why they didn’t want one of their own. You stepping in to say ‘she meant no offense’ can also be a social brush-off taken to imply that there isn’t anything wrong with being invasive and rude to a member of their family. If you truly wanted to deescalate the situation, you should have suggested that the daughter apologize and that she could talk with her parents later for an explanation.” Accomplished_Ruin_25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. yes, she shouldn’t have asked that, but she obviously didn’t mean to offend. At the same time, I understand they are extremely sensitive about the topic, but you don’t get rude towards someone who is obviously mentally disabled, just as you wouldn’t towards a little kid.
I get that they were hurt, but I think you did the right thing trying to calm them down.” Express-Zucchini6177
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for getting involved in a situation that you knew nothing about and doesn’t concern you. The daughter is a soft jerk, maybe she’s young and didn’t know better. The couple is def NTJ for defending their child.” Candy4Mandy
Another User Comments:
“I would have asked them if they would have gone off on a child that asked the same question?
Because that’s honestly what it boils down to, yes she is physically an adult but most likely she has the mind and curiosity of a child. She asked what any child would ask as they usually have no filter. So she needed to also be taught that you can’t ask those types of questions. The new parents were so wrong to go off on her like that because they treated her as they would a fully mentally developed adult which isn’t fair to her.
NTJ.” Smart-Story-2142
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Want My Stuffed Animal Back?
“I (f23) have social anxiety and do HORRIBLE in social situations. Like, I’m going to break down if I have to be near more than 25 ppl.
My brother (26) got married last week to a woman (28) with a 4-year-old daughter. He knows too well about my social anxiety and that there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to go but he suggested I take my stuffed animal I’ve had since I was a baby. It’s a small blue bear. Usually, I say no but I love my brother and we have no other family.
I asked if he was sure and he said yes, that he wanted me there and if I needed a stuffed animal to be there it was fine.
The ceremony was great, it was the reception that took a turn. I went to the bathroom and asked my SIL to watch my stuffed animal because I didn’t want to get him dirty in the bathroom.
I came back and SIL’s daughter was hugging my stuffed animal and playing with it. I went up to SIL and asked if I could get my stuffed animal back.
She said No. That her daughter wanted to play with it and that I was a grown woman. I said I didn’t say her daughter could play with it and that her kid had plenty of things to do.
She had a tablet, coloring books, and even got some stuffed animals of her own!
She again said no and took her daughter elsewhere. I walked away to my brother and asked if he could get it back. He was furious. He confronted my SIL in front of everyone, took my stuffed animal back, much to SIL’S daughter’s dismay, and said she knew how I was and that if she pulled anything like this again he’d leave her.
My brother is on my side but all of SIL’s family is on hers because ‘I’m an adult.’ I didn’t want him to make a scene. Just calmly ask for it back. If I am I’ll apologize but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You just got a preview of who your SIL is as a person. He reacted like that because she has sure made comments to him about you many times and probably said to him what she said to you, and he calmly defended you multiple times.
She thought he would never call her out at the wedding or that you would have left and said nothing. His anger came from knowing she did this purposely, even after he has told her about this.
In the future, she will probably be nice in front of your brother or try to cause issues with your relationship with him because he threatened to leave her for it.
She didn’t apologize then or now. Her family can only see how this affects her at her wedding but not her behavior that caused it, and I can’t see how this marriage will last while you and your brother remain close and he defends you. You are now competition to her.
He was right.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL KNEW that your brother, her new husband, wanted you to be there and that you needed your bear to be comfortable attending the wedding and reception, you trusted her with the bear while you went to the bathroom, and she turned around and gave your bear to her daughter and refused to return it?
That’s absolutely not ok. I’m glad your brother had your back, but I’m sorry he’s married someone with no empathy.” taerianaya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I hate the idea that having a stuffed toy (or any item) somehow makes you less of an adult and also that it somehow automatically belongs to somebody else’s child because they ‘need it more’ or other statements like that like oh you no longer have a need for that.
The SIL had NO RIGHT to allow your stuffed animal to be used by her daughter and to refuse to return it to you even.
Plenty of adults (including myself) still sleep with stuffed toys and even if they may not directly sleep with them they may still have them at least and that doesn’t make them any less of an adult.” Lurus01
19. AITJ For Still Being Mad At My Mom?
“I’m a minor, and I do scouts BSA as a hobby. Neither of my parents has ever really taken an interest in my scouts. My dad goes to my older brother’s scout stuff more, and my mom doesn’t do scouts at all. My scouts did a little ‘campsgiving’ thing for a celebration, and we spent an entire day preparing food for our families.
My mom told me she’d try to be there, and that she would bring my brothers. My dad was out of town that weekend and couldn’t come. I told all my friends about how I couldn’t wait for them to meet my mom and brothers and was super excited. They never came. I was really disappointed about this, but it got worse when I found out they went out to eat at a restaurant instead.
Skip forward to the present day, I got into an argument with my mom about personal things, and in the heat of the moment, I brought this up. She said I was wrong to bring this up and that I have to let it go and stop being spiteful. I just wanna know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s essentially telling you she can treat you as poorly as she wants and you’re not allowed to call her out on it or hold her accountable.
This is how parents end up with grown kids that don’t speak to them. At the very least, she should have apologized for missing the event, but I highly doubt that it was a heartfelt one if it even happened, since she consciously decided on taking your other brothers out to a restaurant instead of attending as a family.
I’m really sorry that your mother isn’t supportive of you, but if it helps a little bit, I’m a mother and I’m proud of you and the work you’ve done with your extracurricular activities/hobbies.
I bet that campsgiving food was yummy.” Elegiac-Elk
18. WIBTJ For Ignoring My Brother?
“My parents separated when I was 10 and my older brother took it upon himself to support my mom and me.
He was always tough, criticized, and commented on me negatively whether it was my weight, the way I spoke (not being ladylike), or what I wore.
Following the passing of our father, he seemed to get in a spiral as prior to my dad’s passing they weren’t speaking. He got more arrogant and mean – from the way he spoke and treated his SO (belittling her in front of his friends which he also did to me) & they broke up.
Summer of 2020, he started to treat my mom like that & blaming her for everything that went wrong in his relationship. I talked to him trying to call him out and he stopped but then continued.
Summer of 2021, after a series of belittling and disrespectful text messages toward me in the family group, chat I decided I didn’t need this toxicity, disrespect, and negativity, & I told him not to talk to me again if he can’t be respectful.
A few months later he sent me a long email listing all the things he did for me, how he put me in a private school when I was 14 & sending ‘evidence’ he had on file that I was obese & his correspondence with school staff. This email basically body-shamed me & rubbed in my face how ungrateful I am after all the things that he did – which I never asked for.
I never responded to that email because that is exactly what I didn’t want in my life. Toxicity & pushing me to do things I don’t want to do & not be myself. After all these months, he emails me telling me that he can’t message me on social media and that he would like to say hi and we could schedule a call – when he knows very well why that is but acts as if nothing happened.
After talking to my mom she said it’s about a potential job which I am not interested in nor am I at a level to take on – & immediately she was pushing me to it. When I pointed out to her that this came out all of a sudden & nobody asked me whether I want to do it or if this is right for my career, she told me I am being negative & that I should take a step down and make amends as he is reaching out.
I’m expected to step down and compromise when she is not expecting him to apologize for any of his behavior but I am expected to, which I am not okay with.
Surely someone who can write a lengthy passive-aggressive email can write one to apologize and own up to their mistakes. However, this is not an apology and if I don’t agree (because I’m not genuinely interested & not the right career fit for me) I’ll be criticized. I am expected to make a compromise & ‘extend a hand’ when I am the one who has been treated like this for years.
Why should I even consider having a conversation with a person that has treated me so badly my entire life & allow them to think that the way that they’re acting is ok?
It feels like nobody wants to respect my boundaries, much less recognize them & I’m expected, as I’m younger & female, to always accommodate.
WIBTJ for refusing to speak to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gave him the terms in which you would be willing to again speak to him, he has not met that expectation.
Until he does so, you absolutely need to stick to your guns. Tell your mother point-blank ‘I will speak to him again WHEN and IF he can speak to me in a respectful way and NOT until. I’m not asking you to like it, in fact, it makes no difference if you do or not.
I WILL NOT be spoken to in a disrespectful manner.’
You are perfectly within reason to set boundaries for yourself. If your mother doesn’t like it, too bad.” Tricky_Dog1465
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would also say, it sounds like your brother was thrown into a role in the family after your dad left that he wasn’t able emotionally to take on.
Not excusing the way he acted but I don’t know how old he was when he had to support your mom and that could have affected him and made him into the person he is now. While I know you’re angry and have every right to be, an open convo where you lay out everything he has done to you may give you some closure.” Hazelwood38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Oh God no… stay away from that crap. Stay strong! You deserve better!
Your brother is awful and protecting yourself is your number 1 priority here. Tell your mother that your mind is made up and no further discussion will be entered into. Every time she tries to talk to you about it, tell her you are not discussing it and will leave if she pursues it.” IceQueenTigerMumma
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Best Friend To Be At My Wedding?
“I 27F recently got married in early March. Unfortunately, I had to do something I couldn’t ever imagine doing: kicking my best friend out.
Let’s call her Haylee. The thing with Haylee is she’s always been adamant about her opinions and very straight up and truthful, but that never seemed to affect our friendship until recently.
When my now-husband proposed to me almost two years ago, she was one of the first people to know. Her reaction was not great. 1. she got upset because I was, according to her, too young to be engaged. She also told me she didn’t like the guy that proposed to me. She gave me a lot of attitude, and it hurt but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she was having a bad day.
Months went by and I asked Haylee to be one of my bridesmaids. Haylee immediately accepted, which made me happy. She hasn’t thrown a fit or anything, and I thought she was finally over whatever she was going through. When I chose my bridesmaids, I let them know what I wanted in their dresses. I wasn’t super picky, so I let them choose their own dress as long as it fit the color scheme and wasn’t white.
After a while, I asked to see all their dresses but Haylee refused to show hers. I was confused, but maybe she wanted it to be a surprise.
I let everyone coming to the wedding know my rules during the wedding. One of them was not taking the spotlight off of me (no pregnancy announcements, etc.) It was my special day and I’d been waiting my whole life for this moment, I didn’t want that to be taken away from me.
Haylee called me selfish and a self-centered witch. I was upset, but I ended up forgiving her since my wedding day was approaching.
On the day of my wedding, I expected Haylee to be there sort of early, but she never showed up early. I texted and called her I feel like million times, but she never answered. I was mad, to say the least, and I couldn’t believe she was doing this on my wedding day.
She didn’t show up until later and she was already late, and I was informed by one of my cousins that she was in a white dress. I thought it was some sort of sick joke or something but it wasn’t. There she was, in a sparkly white dress, make-up all done, she practically looked like she was getting married. I went up to Haylee in front of all my guests and told her to get out, and never talk to me again.
After, I burst into tears because I felt like my wedding day was ruined.
After that, I regained my composure, and let the wedding go on. I had my ceremony with no problems. After the ceremony, I was told I was a little too harsh on Haylee from a couple of guests. That made me pretty upset since she’s done so much to me since I first got engaged. I ended up getting very rude messages from Haylee, her mom, her dad, and many other members of her family.
I feel guilty now, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. So, Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many things – people who use the excuse that they are just ‘telling it as it is’ or are ‘straight shooters’ are usually using those excuses as a cover to be rude.
Your rule about no announcements/proposals at your wedding should be a given, but in this day and age seems to be a requirement.
It’s not unreasonable for you to want your wedding to be about you and your husband.
Not wearing white is standard and is so rude. The fact that she wouldn’t show you what her dress looked like should have been a huge red flag. I would have kicked her out when she did that. And showing up dressed like a bride? I’m surprised you were able to pull it together.
People calling you out for your reaction can go screw themselves. She was not your friend. And her family can get lost as well, what 27-year-old has their family fight their battles for them?” Canning-mama-1998
Another User Comments:
“She was very clearly jealous of you getting engaged. Instead of being happy for you, she behaved like a bitter, petty, immature little girl. You were supposed to be best friends.
Best friends don’t act this way. Has she always been like this or was this a one-off situation? If she has always been this person, then I would genuinely consider getting therapy to unpack why she was allowed to treat you like a doormat.
She showed up to your wedding in a white wedding dress to intentionally try to upstage you and take the focus off you on your wedding day.
That alone is just… gross. She obviously did this intentionally to hurt you which makes her a massive jerk. You didn’t deserve that and you certainly didn’t deserve her previous poor behavior. She intentionally hid the dress from you and had clearly been planning this for a while.
Why?! What kind of person does this sort of thing? A terrible one. Don’t listen to anyone giving you grief over this.
She honestly deserved to get a whole keg of wine dumped over her head. NTJ, OP. I’m sorry your best friend turned out to be a real jerk.” MaryEFriendly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
She’s not a true friend. She’s been awful to you for a while now, and to top it off, she was wearing a white SPARKLY DRESS. I’m not sure if she was jealous you were getting married first or whatnot, but she isn’t a friend to you.
Block the harassing text messages and move on. If it persists, obtain evidence (screenshots, for example, + look into recording laws) and get a restraining order, but only if this persists.” alittleamgpie
She is being controlling and petty.
I know a young woman who says when she gets married she is not going to have a very strict dress code ,but she is going to have a super soaker full of dye ready if someone tries to where white but her.
16. WIBTJ If I Ask My Roommate's Partner To Pitch In Rent?
“I (24F) have been sharing an apartment with ‘Kenny’ (24M) for the past year and a half. He is from another country and a few times in the past year+, he has asked if his partner (24F) could stay with us. I was okay with this the first two times when it was only a week or so. The last time it was supposed to be around two weeks which turned into three weeks.
In the past months, Kenny and I have had a lot of issues unrelated to this so I have a heightened sense of annoyance towards him.
I have effectively moved out of the apartment to live with my partner, but I still pay rent for my and Kenny’s apartment. I have visited 1-2 times a week to get stuff and water my plants. Today I came back and noticed that Kenny’s girl is there.
They did not ask for my permission. I know part of me is just being petty, but I think she/they should be paying some amount of rent. She has already gotten nearly 7 weeks of free housing, all utilities and appliances included. She sleeps in his room, but when she is there, they use the kitchen, bathroom, and living area more and I can’t really use it when I want.
Would I be the jerk if I asked her to pay some rent even though I am not living there? I am hesitant because I know part of me wants payment for the past time I let her stay even though I agreed at the time and also because I am mad at him for our unrelated issues. I wasn’t going to ask for a lot.
It would definitely be a lot less than what she’d be paying for an Air BnB.
Other options would be being petty by removing all my belongings. Since he is from another country and packed light, pretty much everything is mine. So I could make life very inconvenient. Another option is going full nuclear and kicking her out, which I think is too far. My partner thinks the most I can do is ask them to pay all the utilities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but ask Kenny, don’t confront the girl yourself. Tell him that you didn’t agree to a third tenant when you drew up a contract. It’s not ‘nuclear’ to kick her out, it’s just exercising your right as a tenant that pays rent. Trying to become an inconvenience to spite her would be petty; just asking him to stop inviting her overnight would be within your legal rights.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can offer them options and consequences. Offer the option of a fair split of rent & utilities for the amount of time she has stayed. If that is not accepted, then the consequence will include removal of all items that belong to you, rendering the apartment less cozy & livable & prob cost them an amt comparable to what they would’ve paid in rent/utilities.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And also, all of your stuff is your stuff, so I don’t think it’s a big deal for you to take it all back.
I do think that it’d be tough to actually get him to pay up, and I’m not sure your landlord would actually help much, bc they don’t really care, as long as they get paid.
But, they should absolutely be paying the utilities, you aren’t using those at all.” case-o-dea
15. AITJ For Demanding My Partner To Help With The House Chores?
“So I (20F) have been living with my partner (24M) for a year and a few months.
He has, what I would call a video game issue. He is on his games every second he has.
He comes home, goes to pee, eats the dinner I make him every night, and we watch a tv show together then he’s on his games from 10-2 AM.
I am frustrated as I am doing all the cooking and I’m the only one cleaning (I admit, I don’t clean a lot, as I have no energy and want to relax too, we work similar hours but I WFH.)
This caused a huge fight. He tells me I ask way too much of him (for context: I did give him an ultimatum, and made him cut off a friend who tried to flirt with him at 2 AM). To me, however, asking him to clean around the house while I make him dinner 6 nights a week is not asking any more than the bare minimum.
On top of everything, I have asked him to get off his games more and have actual conversations with me as I feel like I’m a secondary roommate and not a partner. He tells me that is unrealistic as the ‘puppy dog phase’ is over. I, however, don’t want to be bored my entire life.
Things are stressful here, so am I the jerk for asking him to contribute?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk. Healthy relationships give and take and if you’re the one doing all the work to maintain the house then something is wrong. He can play his games once he’s done cleaning the kitchen after eating the meal you made (or vice versa). My husband and I take turns doing mostly everything. It is not sustainable for one person in a relationship to do it all.
I’m sorry but you are young enough to find someone better. You shouldn’t have to beg for the bare minimum. Don’t waste your youth being a grown man’s momma.” Time_Killer_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to want that, but it is unlikely that he will change for you. He has made it clear, that he doesn’t care about making you happy.
He should be doing all these things on his own, because he wants to and because he is a decent human not because you made him. To me, that’s a deal-breaker. I would be moving on. I don’t want an SO who I have to make do the right thing. He is just going to lie to get you off his back and do whatever he wants.
You’re not his mom, you get to decide whether he measures up. You have some decisions to make.” ArcheryOnThursday
14. AITJ For Revealing My Friend's Health Problems To Her Mom?
“My (23F) friend L (24F) and I have known each other for 3 years and ever since I’ve met her she’s been having some serious stomach issues that cause her a great deal of pain (or so I thought).
L is a bigger girl (don’t come for me for this statement, it will be relevant later) and has always claimed her stomach issues were to blame for the size of her belly.
I never doubted she was telling me the truth up until now. I got to meet her family for the first time earlier this week when they came to visit.
The night before her parents arrived she got really sick and spent the night doubled over, crying in pain on the floor. I wasn’t too worried as I knew that this happens sometimes. She made me promise not to tell her parents about what happened or her illness, she explained that her mom’s got really bad health anxiety since L’s stepdad got really sick a few years back.
While I understand why she wouldn’t want to worry her mom I also find it hard to believe that her parents wouldn’t know about her illness since, according to her, she developed it in high school, while she was still living with them.
The following day I had to work all day so I only got to meet them all at the restaurant for dinner, when I got there I asked L if she was sure she was feeling well enough to eat out that night after what happened. I didn’t exactly yell this but I guess I said it loud enough for her mother to hear (I didn’t mean to of course).
She asked me what I was referring to so at that point I told her everything, not only about the previous night but her daughter’s condition.
I expected her to be shocked or worried but instead, she was just confused, she asked me if I was kidding because her daughter had never had any issues or had to go to the doctor, she never had issues with food, actually, it was them who had to constantly beg her not to eat so much and ruin her health.
At that moment I realized what happened, my friend had been lying about her illness for years, perhaps to justify her size and continuous weight gain (which is honestly embarrassing for her, I don’t care about her size, she’s my friend and I care about her no matter what).
I stormed out without saying a word and honestly don’t know what happened afterward between her and her parents but from the disappointed look on her mom’s face, I can tell I’m not the only one who figured it all out.
L reached out to me today and told me she was really mad about what happened and that she’d need some time away from me as if I was the problem here? I didn’t reply and I’m not sure if I will, to be honest, not after she treated me like an idiot for years.
I don’t think I’m the jerk for exposing her since I didn’t really do it on purpose, I didn’t think her mom would hear and in the end, I uncovered her lie so I don’t see how this makes me the bad guy.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She clearly has some things to address it seems. There is a lot to unpack. Just because her mom doesn’t know doesn’t mean she was lying. If she was lying it seems like it came from a place of being ashamed of her body, not a place of trying to hurt you in any way. Not all lies are equally harmful.
Regardless of if it’s true or not, if someone asks you to not tell someone something unless you have a really good reason, don’t say anything. That was not your place to discuss. I suppose you could be upset that she was (allegedly) dishonest but you should really be asking yourself why she felt the need to create excuses about her weight to you in the first place.
Maybe she does this with everyone?
She didn’t lie to her parents so we know it’s not everyone. I try and make everyone, especially my friends feel comfortable in their own skin. You making this all about you leads me to believe you’re self-centered, none of this was really about you. This must’ve been so embarrassing for her.” mollykat1312
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is absolutely nothing in your story that proves your friend lied. It seems to be a (completely ridiculous and off-the-wall) explanation you came up with on your own.
It is technically possible that your interpretation is the truth, but there are many far more plausible explanations. That she has had stomach issues for years that she felt she had to downplay and hide when she lived with her mother who has severe health anxiety.
She no longer has to hide her problems anymore now that she doesn’t live with them. Maybe they even grew more severe in recent times, making it harder to hide.
Honestly, that explanation fits much better with the information you provided than her making up a health condition and regularly faking severe bouts of pain just because she is embarrassed about her weight.” Abject-Researcher
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I see no proof your friend lied and a lot that she didn’t; grown women do not cry on the floor in pain for no reason.
There is any number of reasons she may not have her parents in the loop and you do not need to know them. But maybe they never believed her as a child and she doesn’t want to deal with that as an adult. Who knows. Not you. Not me. But again, not you.
You on the other hand only saw the parents for a short time and yet managed to spill all the beans despite being specifically asked not to.
You made a comment about her health loud enough for the mother to hear. And then explained in detail exactly what your friend told you not to say. You could have just said, oh she felt a little unwell and was worried she was coming down with something but nope, you went the whole hog and explained everything.
You then stormed out – when you caused the whole issue – leaving her to deal with the aftermath of your big mouth and lack of any common sense.
You are the issue here and personally if I were her, I’d never speak to you again after the stunt you just pulled. You did it on purpose; maybe not the initial comment, but everything that came after was deliberate and knowingly done. You were asked to not mention one thing and yet you did exactly that and gave her full medical history to boot.
That wasn’t accidental.
Of course, you’re the jerk.” SneezlesForNeezles
13. WIBTJ For Telling My Mom She Should Eat More?
“My mom (50f) and I (19f) went on a week-long vacation recently for our birthdays which are two days apart. My brother (16m) was the only other person who went on this trip with us.
I have been having difficulty eating since I was about 15. I had a huge loss of appetite after something traumatic happened to me earlier that year. I opened up to my mother about how I was only eating at most one meal a day and how I was extremely fatigued and depressed a year and a half ago. She has been very supportive, she got me back into therapy, paid for a nutritionist, and makes meals for me occasionally.
I was raised vegetarian and she encouraged me to become pescatarian to gain more nutrients and be less restrictive. My mom has been a fitness coach in the past and has been on a strict high fat-low carb gluten-free pescatarian diet for a very long time. I saw her growth growing up, she is much more fit and loves her body. I am extremely happy for her.
During this trip, we had to drive 24 hours to our destination and back. This meant we had to stop for fast food for all of our meals those days, which is fine, I am all for saving time and money.
However, multiple times over the trip she would not eat. Some of those times were because she was not in her ‘food time’. She has been doing intermittent fasting for many years, she starts eating at noon and stops at 8 pm.
Over the course of our trip, she would make statements like ‘I usually only eat one meal a day’ or ‘I’m not hungry, I ate (insert small snack) 3 hours ago’ when I’d ask her why she wasn’t getting food with us. Both my mom and my brother encouraged me to keep eating for every meal while we were vacationing, especially when I was eating extremely slowly.
Not only are the things she would say triggering to me, but my brother has also started saying them when we go out to eat (specifically that he ate something recently so he isn’t hungry).
My brother is very very dear to me and has had body image issues and it makes me very nervous when he says things that I have said and is hearing my mom say.
I want to talk with her about it, but the times I have tried she has pointed out that she has been doing this for a long time and knows what she is doing. To me, it looks like she eats the same amount I used to. She knows what proper nutrition looks like, she is educated and went to all of my meetings with my nutritionist with me in support.
WIBTJ for telling her she needs to eat more?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Those snacks on your trip if they are fast food things or even nutrition bars, may have a lot more calories than you think. You need to work on your triggers and maybe find out a way for you all to communicate without mentioning eating. Instead of saying I’m not going to eat, I’ll have tea or water.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Mind your own business. No, them being a parent doesn’t make it your business and unless they are unable to make their own decisions, it isn’t your business.” Glittering-Urethra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And if you ever wondered where your ED comes from, now you know. Your mom has an ED as well and you were raised with body issues.” Capable_Voice_5479
12. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Friends A Place To Stay?
“My (24M) friends (25M and 26M) recently found out that they will have nowhere to go because their landlord wants them out because their old lease allowed their cat, but the new one doesn’t. My mother gave me my own end of the house separated by a ‘door’ which is just a sheet, but I’ve made plans to put up a door in the past, which she canceled saying it would look bad.
I made plans to move out with my friends once they find a new place, but my mother got angry about it and cried saying I don’t love her anymore and I hate her, as well as saying I would never make it on my own. I’m autistic, so I have a hard time interacting with people.
Recently, my mother found a two-bedroom duplex for my friends that didn’t allow pets.
They politely declined because it didn’t allow pets and it wasn’t 3 bedrooms. Ever since she keeps bringing it up to me and telling me to convince them to, ‘Get rid of their trashy cat.’
I told her that they didn’t want to get rid of their cat and they could just stay on my side of the house until we all find a place to go, but she said they weren’t allowed to stay at all and that she’d let them go homeless before allowing a cat in her home.
At that, I got angry, mostly because it was my side of the house and she wouldn’t even be seeing the cat. I said a few cuss words, she said a few, and then said if I ever cussed at her again she’d cut me off completely. She’s threatened to do so several times.
I feel like I might be the jerk for wanting to give my friends a place to stay and cursing at her, but I’m not that sure.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom has every right to deny them living in her house with you. Just because it’s ‘your side’ doesn’t mean you can just invite people to live there, especially someone with a pet.
It does sound like your mom is being hard on you because she doesn’t want you to leave. Not your fault. You’re an adult and can make decisions for yourself.
Your mom doesn’t get to decide if you can/can’t move out with your friends. It’s ok for her to express concern, but at the end of the day it’s your choice.” olsonmacken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And anyone who tells a person to just get rid of their pet is automatically a jerk. Add to that, she’s telling you that you can’t make it on your own because you’re autistic?
Major jerk. My son’s autistic, and the idea of a mom telling her kid that really rubs me the wrong way. Get out on your own with your friends and their cat, and enjoy. You’ll do just fine.” 3RescueRabbits
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom sounds overly controlling and, from what you’ve written, it sounds healthier for you to move out. Her crying and saying you hate her for wanting perfectly normal independence is highly manipulative.
However, it is her house. You don’t get to invite two people and a cat into her house.” VictorianPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Find a place and move in quickly. Your friends can likely work out a deal with the landlord paying for extra cleaning etc. that lets them stay until they get a new place. Most landlords are pretty reasonable except your mother of course.
Just move out on your own if you can afford it, and reassure your mom, that it’s just time but don’t tell her your plans until things are set in stone in case she really decides to kick you out on a rant.” Assumeweknow
11. AITJ For Wanting To Be Independent When I Turn 18?
“I am a 17-year-old and I currently live with my mother, father, brother, and grandparents. This is my last year of high school and I have been able to score an amazing job for my age as a manager at a prominent wedding venue and restaurant in our area. My parents are perfectly good people and we get along just fine I am just independent and want to start my life.
My childhood best friend and I have been looking at places in our area for a while now and are planning to move out around November of this year. I informed my parents of this last month and they are extremely offended.
My father lived with his parents (the grandparents that live with me) until he was almost thirty so he sees it as a sign of disrespect that I want to move out.
I have stated that is not the case and that I just want to start my life but he still sees it as me not liking him and my mother. He told my grandmother not too long ago who is a very opinionated woman and she has ceased speaking with me. She thinks that I am being disrespectful and that moving out this early is stupid.
I understand I would save more by staying with my parents but I want to start my life independently and not have to worry about living under someone anymore.
I already pay for everything I have the only thing that would change is I would be paying for my housing as well which with my and my best friend’s job would not be a problem.
We both fundamentally disagree with our parents on life views (which is totally fine in the grand scheme of things) and just want to be able to live without judgment. I have told my parents over and over that it is nothing against them but they still think I am in the wrong. Now they have me thinking that I am in the wrong for wanting to move out because their feelings are being hurt and I should stay with them until they are ready.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents need to respect your adult decisions and hopefully, you showing them how responsible and mature you are will change their opinions. Maybe ask your mother to show you how to cook a particular dish, or help pick out flatware for your new place, or something to let her know you value her input.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you’re not a jerk for wanting to move out, but your parents aren’t jerks for being sad about it. The family dynamic is complicated and messy, and you don’t have to try to make villains out of people for feeling differently from you. Just be empathetic to their feelings and move forward with your thing.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have got to quit caring about what these people think.
That is part of being an adult. What you are doing is normal.
‘I have told my parents this over and over that it is nothing against them but they still think I am in the wrong.’ Stop it! They are not going to change their minds. If you stay with them until they think they are ready, you may NEVER move out!
Just stay on course and continue with your plans.
When they bring it up again, just say, ‘this is not open for discussion’ and walk away.” patjames904
10. AITJ For Editing My Friend's Appearance In My Wedding Pictures?
“A couple of months ago I got married to the love of my life. We were surrounded by family and friends and got to have the most beautiful wedding. Absolutely everything was perfect! One thing that was important to me was to have our wedding party feel comfortable. I chose to have my bridesmaids pick any style of dress they wanted, as long as it was the same color (navy, I wanted to pick an easy-to-find color), and didn’t specify anything about hair, makeup, or accessories since I know everyone has different tastes and budget.
One of my friends loves to dye her hair different fun colors and for the wedding, she had a really vibrant teal shade. It looks great on her! But once we got the photos back, I felt like it was clashing with the scenery in the group shots and asked our photographer to edit her hair to her natural color (brunette). I only chose to do that on about 3-5 pictures – the ones I had wanted to frame in our home.
Well, my friend came over the other day to just hang out and have some drinks and she got very upset when she saw the group photo hanging in the entryway. I told her that I wasn’t going to ask her to change her look for our wedding – I didn’t even think I’d mind at all – I just wanted more of a cohesive look for the framed photo.
She wasn’t hearing any of it. She got super annoyed and said I couldn’t accept her for who she is and was embarrassed by her. That’s not true at all and every other photo she’s in has her teal hair unedited. All photos on social media and in our photo album have the teal but I thought this particular group photo hanging in our home would just look slightly better with her natural color.
I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say a soft YTJ.
My way of thinking is that if you were ok with her hair on the day then it shouldn’t have mattered for the photos. You said yourself in this post it looked amazing on her. So if she looked amazing and everyone else looked amazing, it shouldn’t have mattered.
In her mind, it’s a shock. She hadn’t been told that her hair was an issue. You hadn’t brought it up with her at all. Then she walks into your house and sees that her friend, someone she thought was ok with how she looked, had changed her hair in the photos that are displayed in your house. These are the photos everyone is going to see when they come in and no one is going to know her hair is different unless they were there or see the photos in the album.
So on top of being hurt that you weren’t honest with her about it beforehand, she’s going to feel crappy because she doesn’t know if she did something wrong by having her hair that color. After all, you did this without talking to her.
I think the whole situation could have been handled better through communication and you need to have a discussion with her to help straighten things out.” Psychnanny
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a little ‘everyone sucks here’. I like how you didn’t actually ask her to alter her physical appearance, but photoshopping the pic without telling her I’m sure was a massive shock. Maybe try to have an open and honest conversation with her about how you didn’t want to overstep by asking her to change her physical appearance, but also to tell her that her hair color was not an issue, you just wanted to have a few cohesive photos.
a way to combat this might also be putting up smaller photos with her as is and keeping the larger ones photoshopped. I do understand why she was hurt and shocked though, so try to be as respectful as possible if this is a route you want to take.” After-Ad2012
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You decided the reality wasn’t good enough so you altered the photos to match your fantasy.
The pictures are literally faked. I wonder what you will do with photos of your children when the time comes?
You could have had memorable photos but changing them creates a false story with zero character, a fairy tale. You could have told stories about the people in the pictures but now no one will know those things or trust you won’t wash future events the same way.
Pictures are supposed to remind us accurately of things that were. Your photos spin a lie of memories that never were.
Too bad you don’t really like who your friend is. At least that is the message she is receiving.” Icy_Curmudgeon
9. AITJ For Forbidding My Husband's Friend To Visit Him?
“My husband (Male34) had to undergo surgery on Thursday. I was there and kept getting calls from his friend (Adam). Adam does not work with my husband (he has a church-based job) and he doesn’t even live near but my husband considers him a close friend.
In my opinion, Adam can be a bit of an over-stepper and visits randomly just like in this instance.
Anyway, my inlaws arrived later to visit my husband after he got out of surgery. Adam called my husband’s phone saying he was in town and was staying at a hotel waiting for me to let him visit the hospital. I was surprised that he came, I told him I’m sorry but there were many visitors and not enough time.
He apologized and then said maybe tomorrow.
The next day he kept calling but I still told him he couldn’t come because my family wanted to see my husband and like usual, visitation is 2 people at a time. He hung up and then called on the 3rd day, to be honest, I was so annoyed I lashed out at him for disturbing me and stressing me out with his constant phone calls.
I bluntly told him he was being a little too much and that he could visit after my husband is home. he kept on about just wanting to check on his friend before leaving town and whatnot. I said it was okay it’s not like they’re never going to see each other again. He hung up and later heard that he left town.
My husband found out and blew up at me at home saying he couldn’t believe I denied his friend to visit several times.
I explained that his family and mine wanted to see him and there was no time. He said it wasn’t me at the hospital and it’s not up to me to decide who is allowed to visit and who isn’t. He told me Adam is hurt because of the way I treated him after he made time to travel just to see him. I said Adam was overstepping and should understand that family had to visit too and they come first. He said that Adam is like a brother to him so I shouldn’t use the family argument here.
I just got tired of arguing with him and walked out of the room. He kept sulking saying I should’ve treated his friend, the only friend who cared enough to visit, better and not spoke to him rudely using his phone. We’ve been on nonspeaking terms since then and I feel like he’s being a bit unfair to me since I’m doing all I can to support him in the best way in his recovery.
PS my husband did say he wanted him there and is upset that I didn’t let him visit.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A big one to boot! His friend came to support and visit him, and you kicked him to the curb. Do you even have an idea of how meaningful his visit would have been?! No. Because you believe family supersedes all, and you never once considered asking your HUSBAND if he was up for the visit?!
This comes from a woman whose husband was wondering why his friends would not visit him in the hospital. The few that did visit (and we’re not family) had so much positive impact on him! You had absolutely NO right, OP. None. Nada.
And in case it wasn’t heard the first time…Y T J!
And you still CHOSE to ignore your husband’s wishes and sent his friend away.
Let’s say it again for the folks in the back… Y… T… J!!! I was so angry that my husband’s friends wouldn’t visit because it was just ‘too difficult’ to do so.” MotherODogs4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have someone who you know is a very close friend to your husband, but chose to deny him a chance to spend 15 minutes or so with your husband when you know that it would be enjoyable for both of them?
Did you enjoy being the gatekeeper and getting to deny access to someone who you don’t get along great with?
Let’s face it, you knew exactly how your husband would feel about wanting him to come by, but didn’t even give him the vote on whether he wanted to shoehorn him in or not. And if things are so full with family visiting, then you had WAY too many family members spending WAY too long with him while he was recovering.
No, this wasn’t any concern for your husband. It was a pure power play over his friend so that you could prove that you had more control over your husband than he does.” Comixbear1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Just because your husband wasn’t unconscious or out of it to the point he couldn’t make decisions for himself. You could have asked him if he wanted Adam there at any point.
Also, just the fact that you answered HIS phone and didn’t tell him who called and what they were calling for. Especially when it sounds like the first call came shortly after surgery, when your husband may have been unconscious still, so delivering any messages received is the normal thing to do in that situation. It would be one thing if Adam called you but he was actually calling your husband’s phone.
Did your husband not have control of his phone the whole time he was in the hospital?
Aside from the fact that you never brought it up to him, how big of a jerk you are would depend on the details of this surgery.
Was it an easy and common surgery with no risk (ironic if you say yes because why is the need for everybody but Adam to see him AT the hospital instead of waiting until he got home?
Was it a scheduled surgery? Was it last minute after a doctor visit because something concerning was found? Because to me, it sounded like Adam came into town specifically to visit your husband while he was in the hospital. And I don’t know about the other details of their friendship that makes you not like Adam, but that sounds like a pretty good friend to me.
To your husband too. Looking past the negative bias you have towards Adam, you have to see that your decision hurt your husband. Adam is the only friend that visited. Stayed for 3 days at that and tried every day. And according to your husband, he’s the only friend to do so or check in with him. And the fact that he noticed that no one else came should speak volumes to you about how much he valued Adam TRYING to stop by, and how much you messed up by interfering.
All I can say is this, you know now that your husband would have wanted Adam there. What’s done is done. You can’t go back in time and ask for permission for Adam to visit or not. That ship has sailed. All you can do is ask for forgiveness for doing what YOU THOUGHT was best but now see what was wrong. If you can’t even acknowledge and admit where you went wrong.
Let alone trying to do something to make up for it (let Adam visit and actually host him or something and apologize to him) I don’t see your husband talking to you any time soon.
And while I hate to be one of those people, if I was in his shoes, it would make me question our marriage. I wouldn’t want to be married to a person who would make a decision that went against what I wanted so invisibly and they didn’t even have the decency to ask me.
Be married to a person who could be so heartless about my friend wanting to check up on me. Because either it wasn’t serious enough for any of either family to be visiting before he got him, or it was serious enough, and you’re even more of a jerk.
Ask yourself OP. Heaven forbid if your husband had taken a turn for the worse.
Could you ever look at Adam again knowing that he was there hours after the surgery to see his friend and you turned him away in what were his last moments? How do you think your husband would feel if that situation actually came to pass. The only friend who cared enough and he didn’t even get to see him in those final moments.
And you didn’t even tell him, if everything would’ve gone bad, he could have been in trouble thinking ALL of his friends didn’t care about him, not knowing that there was one who did but his wife was too high up on her horse to take notice.” AffectionateSorbet47
8. AITJ For Wanting To Move To My Dad's To Escape My Mother?
“I’m (15M) currently looking for a job and have been struggling to find one, my dad gave me the option to move to him for the summer for work and I could come back every weekend, but I had declined as my friends and partner are really important to me. Also for context, my partner is trans and my dad had an issue with drinking which up until last year was bad and caused a rift between me and him up until recently.
On to this weekend. So I was going to a family bbq and I was helping my uncle and aunt prep for it. I went to cut some wood for the fire, when I got back I was walking through the hallway when I heard my mam telling my aunt about my partner, about she can’t believe today’s gen allows kids to think they can change gender and how she’s disappointed in the fact that I’m bi but the fact that I can’t even be gay right and go out with a real dude is just embarrassing.
I stayed for a few mins, eventually, I couldn’t listen to my mam talk about us like that anymore. I went to my great-grandad. I explained what happened, and he calmed me down and asked if I’d like him to have a talk with her. This isn’t new behavior btw she always gives out over who I am and my hobbies etc, I can’t ever reach her standards and it’s tiring.
So today I try to ask why she has to be so unsupportive and it’s her opinion and she’s entitled to it but I don’t like how she said stuff about us behind my back as if I mean nothing to her. She yelled at me saying ‘you’re 15 you’re only a kid you can’t tell me what to do I brought you into this world and I can say whatever I want about you.’ That was my tipping point so I called my dad and asked if the offer was still open, he said of course it is, he isn’t perfect, he’s messed up but this year after fighting his problems he’s gotten better and I respect him, we get along now and he’s supportive of me.
I then went to my partner’s house to cool off.
Anyways I got home and she yelled about how I’m ungrateful and how she provides for me and she was the one who was there for me, how my dad is a lowlife and living with him will ruin me, and how she’d disown me if I did it. I was tired and annoyed so to hush her I told her that by then I’d be 16 and legally allowed to move out, I pay for everything I own anyways so leaving won’t affect me and I was going to visit on weekends but cause of recent events I’d avoid her and just see friends, my partner, and my brothers unless she could show me that she could accept who I am and support me.
She has until summer to prove to me that she’s worth keeping in my life cuz I’m sick of it. My great-grandad agrees with me along with most of my teenage and adult cousins and my nanny, my grandad thinks that I should learn my place and stay there and my aunt agrees along with a few of my Great uncles and uncle. I honestly dunno…
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, leave that household. She is incredibly toxic. Just because she’s your mom doesn’t give her the right to do whatever she pleases and to talk horribly about you. Go to your Dad’s and start saving for your own place.” Consistent-Reality44
7. WIBTJ For Ditching The Girl I Take To Prom?
“I (18M) am very introverted, didn’t go to prom last year, didn’t plan on it this year. I also have anxiety about upsetting others, as I try to be nice to other people. However 2 months before prom my parents mentioned that my friend’s younger sister (16F), a sophomore, wanted me to ask her to prom in order to spend one prom with a senior friend who is going out with one of my friends.
I tried to brush it off, but my parents kept bringing it up over and over again until my mom literally sent me a text containing a message to send to the friend’s sister asking her out and told me to send it to her. So I did.
It’s been a month now since I’ve sent it and she said yes and every time I see her I say hi or nod, and she barely even acknowledges me.
Now a girl (18F) who I’ve liked for a while wants to start hanging out and has mentioned prom. I explained the predicament to her, and she suggested just getting the younger friend into prom and spending the dance with her instead. I feel like the friend’s sister is using me to get into the dance, and I was pressured into going. However, I am really good friends with the older brother and don’t want to come off as a jerk to my friends, the younger sister, or the other friend’s SO.
I feel like I need opinions of people with no bias to this situation, so please judge away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just explain to the older brother of the girl that you asked her as a favor so she gets in but you have another girl you really want to take. I think you’re looking too much into this. The girl you asked doesn’t actually want to go with you and this is clear when they told you she wants to go see someone else she likes.
It’s your senior prom you should dance with and spend it with who you want. You only have one senior prom. Take it from someone who missed theirs you will regret not spending it the way you want to.” HighElf_Queen_Jen
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Honestly, it’s silly of your parents to force you on something that you didn’t really want to do.
Make it clear to the older brother how you feel about the situation and just simply apologize for it because it wasn’t really your choice to ask the younger sister to prom. However, do what you want to do, ask that girl to prom instead of the younger sister.” Ok-Importance2073
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Use The Computer?
“I (18F) have two younger sisters, 17 female, and a 9-year-old female.
My youngest sister (who I don’t live with) loves Roblox. She will spend hours playing it. I have a computer. I usually spend most of my day on it in order to get away from the world. On my computer, I have Roblox because I usually play it with my friends. My little sister has always thrown little ‘tantrums’ (I quote because it’s not major) because I tell her she can’t use my computer because the last time she came over she was addicted to it and made my computer very slow.
I’m not sure what she did but when I played Roblox or opened YouTube it was very slow.
Anyways she brings her tablet to our house but the problem is that she never charges it when it gets to a low percent and lets it die then comes over to watch me or my sister’s phone. She does this a lot and it kinda annoys me.
Today she did the same but asked me to use it. I told her no and that she needs to charge her iPad. She told me that she wants to use my computer because the game she wants to play required a computer. I told her I knew it was a lie because I saw her Roblox history from the last time she said that and it was a game she could play on her iPad.
She started to cry and tell me it’s not fair cause she uses it all the time and she doesn’t ever get to play when she’s here (lies). My other sister said that it’s not fair and that I need to stop being selfish and let her have it.
The thing is with my sister, she’ll act like she’s a parent when it comes to me and my younger sister, so she started speaking Spanish telling me I’m being selfish and that I need to let others play and that it’s not my computer (my uncle gifted me the computer since he took my TV to be his laptop).
My younger sister is currently playing on my laptop while I’m typing this and I just want to know… AITJ?
Edit: I didn’t clear a few things the first time. 1st I’m living with my grandma and uncle but they are gone most of the time to work to support us.
2nd my sisters spend more time together than I do on my computer mostly laying together or playing pretend.
3rd I get stuck watching my siblings and since it’s spring break and my 17-year-old sister has camp I’m stuck with watching my 9-year-old sister. She usually spends her time next to me and when I suggest doing something like playing Roblox together she declines.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just the incredibly annoying price of unwillingly being the oldest sibling! Your sister is young, and it sounds like she lives with her other parent most of the time.
It’s hard to be at the ‘weekend house’ where you don’t have all your stuff and your two big sisters are much older than you and do their own teenager things.
Try to have some sympathy for her and share when you can, maybe block off your computer so she can only go on Roblox or whatever, so she’s not slowing anything down. Or try to help her remember her charger before her tablet dies so it doesn’t become an issue.
It’s your computer (despite what your middle sister says), so you don’t need to feel bad about saying no, especially if you’re using it yourself, but it doesn’t sound like she’s done anything awful when she’s used it in the past so I think sharing when you can is good here.” Lesmiserablemuffins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ll find that other people are always going to be way more generous with YOUR property, money, and time than they are with their own.
If your sister thinks the younger one should have more than she does suggest for HER to help the sister, install the game on her phone, tablet computer or sell some of her items to accommodate the sister. I bet her attitude changes really quickly.
Your youngest sister will not learn to be better, prepare better if you’re always bailing her out and further, I’m going to guess if she ruins your computer your parents aren’t going to replace it.
Don’t offer your younger sister your computer, offer her solutions to fix her problem. If you want to really help her, get a charging cable/block, keep her company while the tablet recharges, and maybe speak to your parents because it does not sound like she has a healthy relationship with this game and some time away from it might be a ‘good thing’ (Said in Martha Stewart’s voice).” Puzzled-Passion7255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is your laptop because you were given it in exchange for something that belonged to you. It also is in your home that your younger sister is a guest. Plus, you’re already letting her on your wifi and letting her use your electricity to charge her iPad and it sounds like there are no other adults around at your apartment aside from you (your other sister is only 17) meaning you are also babysitting and don’t mention being paid to do so.
Someone needs to teach the kid to look after her belongings and keep them charged. If her parents aren’t doing that and your younger sister wants to just give her your computer to make her stop whining then that isn’t your problem, it’s theirs.” Kaxeoun
5. AITJ For Sleeping While My Partner's Friends Visited?
“A few nights ago, my partner of 5 years, who I live with, told me that a few of her friends were coming over to drink and hang out.
This is her apt. too so I’m in no position to tell her who can and can’t come over, that being said, I would rather it not be these particular friends who all seem to think that the louder they are, the funnier they are, everyone’s just really loud. She knows I’m not a fan of these particular friends, just like I know there are friends of mine that she didn’t like, so, I stopped bringing them around her, and I see those friends solo now, works out for everyone.
It was Friday night, I had nowhere to be Saturday, and I was stressed, so, before these friends of hers showed up, I popped these sleeping pills, got in bed, and fell asleep. I figured, by leaving the door closed, just staying in the bedroom, not bothering anyone that I’d be fine. Saturday morning comes and she’s annoyed at me, tells me they thought I was mad at them, and that’s why I didn’t come out and say hi at least. She said I’d done a rude, selfish thing.
My point to her was, that I was trying to let them have their night, but, I was also doing what I had to do to make sure my night was peaceful. She thinks I self-medicated and that I’m the jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone tells me they’re going to the room at 9:30 at night, I’m assuming they’re off to bed regardless of who’s on the way over.
I also think it’s weird they took you not saying hi as you being mad at them unless they already know you don’t like them. If your partner really wanted you to come to say hi, she could’ve come and got you at which point she would see you were sleeping. It wasn’t that serious.” JoonSquad_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It is common to go out and greet a guest then make some small excuse and go off to your room.
But your partner sucks too because you stopped bringing the friends she doesn’t like around and she doesn’t respect you enough to do the same. She needs to be fair. Maybe that is part of why you chose to not even greet them which is understandable but it would be better to talk these things out.” WoofingtonSpiff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you make a point to not bring friends she doesn’t like and she still brings hers around you have no obligation to talk to them.
You did your thing and they should have done their thing. I get that it’s her apartment too but because you share a space I still think you guys should talk about who you are comfortable with in regards to each other’s friends to find an alternative.
Next time though I’d suggest just giving her a heads up in a polite manner and saying you’d rather just go to bed and if she insists maybe just say hi and then go.
But no you’re NTJ in this case” Deer-Sage
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Messaging My Significant Other?
“Last week, my mom (39f) took both my (18f) phone and my brother’s (15m) phone for arguing with her about her going out late at night.
The following day at school, I used my laptop to get on my Messenger account to text my SO (20m) why I stopped talking to him all of a sudden because he freaks out when I stop talking with no explanation. I was in the middle of explaining how my brother and I argued with my mom and then I get off the laptop to use the restroom.
I come back only to see a bunch of messages my account sent to my SO, including some recordings of my room, but it wasn’t me who sent them.
My mom had sent those messages and videos using my phone and called my brother and me ungrateful brats, how we don’t do enough chores at home and that she could go out as she pleased because she was an adult.
I got mad and we started arguing through my account, getting my SO caught in the middle trying to calm us down. I bring up how I do the majority of the chores at home while my brother does the bare minimum, how what I tell my SO what goes on at home is my business, and that mom barely respects me so how should I be expected to respect her.
It was a whole mess and we fought for almost the entire day. I ended up having to use my friend’s phone to call my SO to stop using Messenger while my mom was on there.
I talked to a teacher about what had happened and she explained that while my feelings were valid and that I had a right to be angry, I just needed to respect my mom.
My friends on the other hand are saying it was about time I snapped at my mom because they noticed how my mom treats me and did push me to go against her once in a while because it wasn’t healthy how I had to obey her. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a waste of your time and a pointless escalation that makes you angrier with no real outcome.
Getting your SO, teacher, and friends all involved in your anger at your mom and having a fight with her all day isn’t going to change her.
If you want to stop following mom’s rules, leave the house and become independent. Living as a legal adult rent-free and yelling at your mom about respect is not going to get you anywhere.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom needs to understand what boundaries are. Sorry you have to deal with that.” No_Nothing2704
3. AITJ For Admitting The Real Reason Why I Married My Husband?
“I was born in Iran and I hated it back there, it’s such a deeply trashy religious, and atrocious country so I had to get out because I couldn’t live there anymore, I then met my now husband over the internet. I was young and I was dumb, he was a great guy but I wasn’t very attracted to him, I only did it to get a visa and leave that awful place.
Then over time, I became attached and more attached to him and I deeply fell in love with him. Now we are happily married for almost 5 years and I couldn’t ask for more, I couldn’t hold this truth inside anymore so I told him the real reason why I married him. He started crying and he said that I’m an awful person for doing this to him, but I don’t understand, I love him now so I think it’s all good.
I understand that he’s upset but…
I really need a judgment here, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes.
I can respect that you resorted to extreme measures to leave a place you felt unsafe and think it’s easy for white folks who have never faced that level of oppression to say we would never do something like that while ignoring that we have no idea what we’d do because we’ve never been in a situation that dire.
But girl, you know this was a jerk move because otherwise, you wouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long. You tricked a man for your own benefit and married him under false pretenses — and because of your unique circumstances, I’m not calling you the jerk for that — but you are the jerk for acting like you didn’t do anything wrong. You did.
Was it justified? IDK, your full story is your own but you told him to clear your conscience and didn’t think it would break his heart?
YTJ and you might lose your husband over this.” SatanicSunflower
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Here’s why.
You were only thinking about yourself. You wanted to unburden your guilt and didn’t care about this husband that you claimed to love.
Lying is never something that you should do, but you chose to go down that path. That was something you needed to take to your final resting place because it did him no good to know.
Now, I don’t know what country you live in, but I’m sure the vows were something along the lines of loving him and cherishing him. When you married him, you didn’t love or cherish him.
You were straight up using him.
You became a financial burden on him because getting a visa for someone isn’t cheap and the process is long and tenuous. Now, he’s responsible for you for years. He can’t just wash his hands of you, even if he wanted to.
Your husband is feeling used. It doesn’t matter if you ‘love’ him now. Honestly, how is he supposed to believe you?
You lied about loving him. What else have you lied about?” Reading4Drama
2. AITJ For Losing Interest In My Sister's Life?
“My sister and I have had a turbulent relationship growing up and I admit a lot of the fighting and arguing when we were younger to be both our faults, mostly her instigating and me rising to it but it’s just a new level of petty now.
I will give you individual scenarios:
In the build-up to my and my wife’s wedding, everything we did, my sister and her fiance did something to take the limelight a few days later (sometimes on the same day).
I got engaged, and she announced she was getting engaged. We set the date, she picked her venue. We picked our venue, she got her engagement ring. This is in order. We had to tell her fiance not to propose on our wedding day. The week before our wedding she took my daughter dress shopping for her wedding when we needed a bit of help from everyone getting ourselves ready.
I spoke to my mother about all this but I was overreacting.
My sister has not come to visit my kids in 5 years at their home. She only sees them when it’s a situation that’s convenient to her and then when the situation is there, my sister’s friends are sometimes (parties or some kind of gathering) introduced to my kids as their aunties and uncles.
Pal, I don’t know you, you ain’t my kid’s aunty.
On my wife’s 30th birthday, my sister tells my kids she’s pregnant when she’s 5 weeks on. Each to their own but we were explicitly told not to tell them until 12 weeks cause that’s how it goes generally. Sister gives birth the day after her 30th and rearranges her birthday celebration to the day of my wife’s 31st birthday.
We gave my sister a gift for her new baby, no thanks. No problem, I come to accept that. My wife’s parents (who only met her once at my wedding) generously give her a gift, no thanks for that.
My birthday rolls around, with no acknowledgment of the day. No bother, new parent life can be stressful. She proceeds to spend the day firing social media posts and stories.
It notifies you of birthdays. This seems a petty one but with the context of ‘Family Matters, we’re so close, I do anything for my niece and nephew’ she parades everywhere. You can’t be bothered to drive 6 miles or send a message, don’t preach about family.
When I was younger I used to bring up these issues with her but as I got older (and got sick of her calling me worthless due to my manager position because it was in fast food) I stopped trying as it came to nothing.
She is nothing but generous to my kids and spoils them rotten but that’s it. She doesn’t make the effort to see them unless it suits her and if she hasn’t seen them in a while. She phones the kids’ mother before she phones me to speak to them (kids from prev relationships).
Now, after all that AITJ for refusing to make any effort anymore with my sister?
She can come to my house to see my kids and I will always be there for her kid’s birthday and send gifts but that’s the extent of what I’m willing to do since she doesn’t seem willing to put in the effort anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She purposely tries to compete with your wife but is trying to basically take away her own birthday etc. She was like this as a kid cause she loves the attention and you were in her way before and now your wife was as well.
There is a reason she doesn’t spend time with your family and kids now, it’s because she isn’t interested in being family, she is only interested in getting your kids to prefer her to their parents. She can’t really do too much if they are young but lay the groundwork with generous gifts and spoiling them. She is buying them so that when they are old enough she can be like the cool mom they never had.
For someone who could care less about you and your wife, she seems way too interested in making sure your kids love her.
Rule of thumb, a person can’t be in my kid’s life if they can’t respect and treat the parents right.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because you don’t have to do anything you don’t want. It does seem like you are a bit on the demanding side.
Just because you had kids doesn’t mean everyone has to spend time with them. Maybe to her, spoiling your kids with gifts is what makes a great aunt. People get to do what they want with their time. It’s weird that she would get an engagement ring and the proposal would happen later (per your timeline). Anyone can tell people about pregnancy when they feel comfortable, although doing it at someone else’s event is a no-no. The reason for 3 months is that miscarriage is less likely and so the couple won’t have to explain if they lose the baby.” holisarcasm
1. AITJ For Being Petty About My Wife's Fake Bag And Watch?
“My wife went to her parents a while back and came back with a ‘Louis Vuitton’ bag and a ‘Cartier’ watch.
These are obviously fake like the LV bag was made of plastic and the Cartier a design they don’t even make.
Nevertheless, I did ask her when she bought the bag, initially concerned we can’t afford it! She said her sister bought it for her. I didn’t think much of it until she showed me her watch which was obviously like $5.
I sort of suggested to her I’d buy her an Apple Watch because she’s been wanting to get more active.
But she said no because she just spent ‘$500 on a watch, but I’ve got the receipt to return it.’
Later on, she would say things like ‘be careful not to put the bag on the floor (of the car) because it’s very expensive’ etc etc.
Last night I called her out saying basically you know I know a lot about watches and Cartier doesn’t make a watch like that, and Cartier watches don’t cost $500.
She got upset with me. Accusing me of not believing her etc. Truth be told I do not care one iota if the watch or bag was fake or not I just did not appreciate being lied to my face and even after I gave her ample opportunity to just say the truth she refused – doubled down and wouldn’t admit it.
Then I brought up the handbag!
The same thing said I was being rude etc for suggesting what I’m saying.
Eventually, after much arguing, she admitted what was blatantly obvious.
I explained to her I do not care about the actual bag or watch but do not want to be lied to or thought of and played around like a fool and she had plenty of chances to just say the truth and be done with it.
I don’t care about the watch or purse.
She called me many such names and said that if I knew it was fake why make her admit it.
So my question is AITJ for calling her out like that and is she right that I should have just let her have her bit of self luxury. Or do I have a point that it’s not right to lie to your spouse’s face like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Her lying, pretending to be something she’s not, being envious, playing the victim, being unable or just unwilling to see anyone else’s side except her own, and getting so worked up over something so trivial is so off-putting and a huge red flag IMO. If she’s lying about a freakin fake watch and bag what else is she lying about? If she’s getting that worked up over something trivial how does she react when actual important things happen?
If her envy is to the point of being unhealthy and annoying what else is going on upstairs if you catch my drift and what other extremes will she take in the future? If she’s prepared to put up a front pretending to be something she’s not over trivial things what else is she putting a front up for? No offense but your wife sounds like a ticking time bomb.
Obviously, we’re only hearing your side of the story and not hers but if everything you say is true she seriously needs some professional help.
Like I said you’re NTJ but don’t be a mat and let her walk all over you and get away with it, this isn’t okay and isn’t healthy behavior not in the slightest.” __LuciferInHeels__
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I understand the ‘she LIED to me’ reaction from you but it also sounds like she needs some therapy to help cope with reality and coping mechanisms. Approach from a place of kindness, not a place of making accusations about things that don’t actively hurt you.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you would have called her out in front of a bunch of friends, I might have thought YTJ a little bit, but definitely not the way it went.
The fact that she was aware of it from the get-go and still pretended they were real is very concerning behavior tbh. And even more so that she gets angry with you for pointing out her lie. Has she always been materialistic or is this new? Does she feel envious of a certain person in her life or trying to keep up a certain standard?
Is she trying to compensate for something?” BlondiLocks589
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get that she technically lied to your face but it doesn’t really negatively affect you. The handbag and watch being supposedly expensive probably make her feel better somehow. It’s kind of a jerk move to call her out on this when it doesn’t hurt you. Like she probably needs some therapy or something.” throwaway66285
