People Are Tired Of Explaining Themselves In These 'Am I The Jerk Stories
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friend Wore My Wedding Dress Without Asking?
“I (F,26) was in a three-year-long relationship. We were engaged for 8 months but in February, I found out he was being unfaithful to me.
I ended things immediately and had to start picking up the pieces from not only my life but the wedding plans we had started to set. Nothing much was set in stone but we did have a date and I did have a dress. It was a dress that I had wanted for years and when I got engaged I almost immediately bought it.
Devastated, I have been a wreck the last few months. Everything from my body to my mind started to rapidly decline and I relied heavily on my family and friends to keep me afloat. One of my best friends, in particular, we’ll call her Kelly (F,26) was a huge support system to me.
She would come over to sit with me and help me be a regular person again. She helped remove any trace of him from my apartment and even volunteered to hold my dress so I wouldn’t have to look at it, which at the time seemed like a great idea.
It would be out of sight, but eventually, it would be there again if I wanted it or decided to sell it.
All while this is happening, Kelly is also planning her wedding which was set for last Saturday, the 26th of August. She reluctantly talked about her wedding in front of me, which I thought was to spare my fragile feelings.
Boy, I was wrong.
I had mustered up my strength to agree to go to the wedding. I didn’t want to be in the bridal party, which she was completely okay with and suggested. (again I chalked it up to her being supportive of my state) I had gotten a new dress and was excited to get out and have fun for the first time in a while.
The morning of the wedding, one of the bridesmaids (who I am friends with) texted me saying how excited she was to see me and how sweet it was for me to loan my dress to Kelly.
I was confused. It didn’t even register in my mind but once I had reread the text for the 1000th time things started to click.
I immediately called Kelly and she launched into a sob saying she was sorry, how she loved the dress so much, and how it was too late for her to get another one. I just hung up having absolutely nothing to say. I was floored.
I immediately texted her saying I would bill her for the dress (as it was the only thing my scrambled mind could think to) and in turn got a whole slew of messages saying how if I wasn’t using the dress anymore, it shouldn’t matter if she does.
Some of the bridesmaids were on my side but her close friends and her mother thought I was being unreasonable. When I didn’t show up for the wedding, it only escalated. Called me selfish, and a terrible friend, along with many other names. Saying how if she was there for me, I should’ve been there for her.
Please help. AITJ for being mad about the dress? Even if there was a chance I would sell it? Or am I justified in being upset since now the dress can no longer be mine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kelly is a complete psychopath. Take her to small claims court for the dress and end your friendship with her.
Her ability to take something that belongs to you and lie about it is alarming. No significant other you have would ever be safe around her. She’s not your best friend she’s a sneaky snake.” Choice-Intention-926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She was a great friend to you – up until she stole your dress.
She knew exactly what she was doing and knew it was wrong but did it anyway. “I’m such a good friend I’ll store your dress so you don’t have to look at it, and I won’t make you a bridesmaid so you won’t know I’ve actually stolen it until it’s too late.” This is unforgivable.
She should count herself bloody lucky you didn’t turn up to the wedding and make a scene.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
19. AITJ For Keeping My Black Wedding Dress Despite Family's Complaints?
“I (25f) got engaged to my (31m) fiancé last Halloween. My FMIL(55f) never really liked me, due to my tattoos/piercings, being a practicing pagan, and former SW. However, my fiancé, who is also heavily modded, is always quick to tell her to keep her mouth shut if she has nothing nice to say.
And for the most part, we’ve had no major issues. My Great aunt (69f), essentially had nothing much to do with me after the first tattoo, until I got engaged.
I took my FMIL, his GMA, and FSILs, my mom, sister, and my GA, who weren’t invited but showed up at my house anyway before we left. Didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I let her come with us.
Of course, as soon as I walk out in the first champagne dress FMIL says “it’s cute but it’s not white…” my mom corrects her, “She’s not getting a white dress, because she doesn’t want one.” GA scoffs and crosses her arms, “Well, I’m NOT paying for a dress if it’s not going to be a real wedding dress!” I then reminded her that I was paying for this dress and worked my tail off for a year to save for my dress, for this specific reason.
I found this BEAUTIFUL black ballgown for $350 under my budget. Everyone but FMIL and GA was crying happy tears, they were silent so I honestly thought maybe they’d just accepted it. Or were just afraid of my mom, who was continuously jumping their tails the entire time we were shopping?
I guess FMIL and aunt exchanged contact and decided to both send me a list of demands or they wouldn’t be attending;
-I have to get a new dress that will cover all of my tattoos, with both of them present so they can make sure it CORRECT
-I have to take all my piercings out for the wedding “so they can actually look at and show off the pictures
-the dress HAS to be white
And to top it off the bottom of the text from FMIL read “I am tired of your BS, enough is enough.
It’s time to grow up!! A black dress is satanic, it makes your GA and I extremely uncomfortable. Nothing you are is of God. And it is a slap in the face to [fiancé] to display to the world how much of a used woman you are to go wear the complete opposite of innocence and virginity.
If you do not cooperate I will be messaging my son”
So, I just replied with then don’t come! 🙂 and formally disinvited my aunt, and basically told her to go away to HR.
My fiancé told his mother that if she cannot accept me for the way I am, then she can’t accept him.
And if that’s the case and she wants to be a hypocrite, then maybe she should sit the wedding out. So now she’s refusing to come and is trying to get the rest of his family to drop out of the wedding, and some are because they say I’m disrespectful and a bridezilla?
Now I’m being slammed with calls from families. Some are on my side, a lot of them are saying I should just get a white dress and suck it up, that it’s not fair to my fiancé that his mom & some of his family wont be there now, and now I feel really guilty and like I should just return the dress and get something else so everyone can just be happy again… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s really simple. If they want a white wedding dress, they can get one for their wedding. This is your wedding. And you’re going to rock that black dress. There’s nothing particularly special about white, it’s just based on people copying Queen Victoria, anyway.
NTJ. Have a fantastic wedding, your fiancé sounds like a keeper. Heck, have a fantastic *life*.” ieya404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is way beyond entitled. I’d tell her to take a hike, anyone who supports this is welcome to as well. I wouldn’t want them there.
You aren’t the one being unfair, his family is making demands regarding *your wedding*. I have had several Ex partners scoff when I told them I thought a Halloween wedding would be cool. Have it Halloween-themed and ask everyone to dress up like monsters and stuff.
Get married in an old cemetery by a druid. I think of fun and all of my past partners only cared about the traditional white wedding.” Icey-Rectum
18. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Aunt Home After A Family Event?
“I (28F) live with my cousin (23F) in our family home. We literally grew up together, but we’re not really close as adults (separate lives, different work schedules, personalities that just don’t mesh anymore).
My aunt (her mom) (50sF) is… not a great person. She moved out a few years ago, and I’ve gone very LC to NC with her since then. This weekend, we had a family event that we were all apparently going to, in another state, and we were staying at a relative’s house.
Because I don’t really talk to either of them, I made my own plans for transportation.
The night before the trip, my cousin asked me if we could go together. We talked about it, and it wasn’t going to work out because I had to leave work at a certain time to make the ferry, and she wasn’t going to be able to leave her job until a little later.
Also, I was only staying for a night, and she wanted to stay for two.
The next day, as I was finishing up at work and getting ready to go, I started getting all these texts and calls from my cousin and my aunt, saying I had to wait to pick up my cousin and drive with her.
I ignored it all and told them I was leaving when I planned to because I thought this whole situation was weird and ridiculous.
My cousin ended up driving with her mom, and they got to the house a few hours after I did. They barely acknowledged me throughout the whole trip, not even a greeting from my aunt when they got there.
But somehow, they decided, without even telling me, that she was going home with me the next day. I technically found out when I overheard my aunt telling our relative on the phone before they got there, but no one said anything to me until the next day when I went out to put my stuff in my car, and my aunt told me to open it for her to put her stuff in.
I played dumb and asked why, and she just said she was going with me.
I refused to take her, partly because of logistics (I had made dinner plans on the way back, so I wasn’t going all the way home right away, and her house is out of the way for me regardless, so I didn’t want to drive her home, and I didn’t expect her to pay for her ferry ticket or to pitch in for gas), and partly out of principle (no one asked me if this was ok or even told me this was their plan, and I thought it was super entitled someone else to hop onto another person’s plans last minute and expect a ride from someone they have no relationship with).
I also know driving with her would’ve been very stressful for me, and I was already drained from a long week and didn’t want to deal with that.
Anyway, she went inside and loudly announced that I didn’t want to take her home, and I guess she and my cousin were mad at me (I was still outside, but I heard about it later from that relative), but I really don’t think it’s my problem.
If I hadn’t gone this weekend, they would’ve had to make other plans anyway. I wasn’t going to let them walk all over me like they do with everyone else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your aunt thinks she can demand things out of you like you are her child.
Did she raise you? Does she own the house you live in? Why does she think you owe her and your cousin? This is an odd dynamic. If she has not provided for you in some way, you are NTJ, but if she has you might be.” Significant_Yak_5371
17. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Prioritized His Shower Over Breakfast?
“I 32F have a 6-month-old baby with my 26M partner. My partner is an only child and his parents have a good happy marriage his father is a pastor his mother is a hard worker.
He immigrated here at the age of 8. He tends to have selfish behavior and is very entitled and is ok with that because he feels like he needs to put himself first and there is no harm in asking someone to do something for him.
I was raised in a single-parent home watching my mom get married and divorced 3 times and we moved every 6-12 months throughout my childhood. I have a lot of childhood issues I’m trying to heal from. One of those issues is I’m a people pleaser and never prioritize myself.
I let people treat me however they want, make excuses for them and over empathize with their situation, and put their feelings over my own. I have been working on that.
Last night my partner stayed up with our baby and picked up the house while I got some rest, so this morning when our baby woke up at 630 I got up with him.
I made myself coffee played with our baby, fed him, changed him, and played with him. It was a great morning. At 11 I woke my partner up he said he needed 30 more minutes, so I closed the door let him sleep, put our baby on his play mat, and started to make breakfast. I was making eggs Benedict and all I needed to do was put the sauce on it, he came out and said breakfast looked good, he had never had it before.
He said thank you for letting him sleep and making breakfast and that after we ate I could shower brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I was so happy he offered that, we have been working on him being less selfish and me being more selfish and balancing it out.
2 minutes later he then said actually I’m going to go ahead and shower quick.
He has never showered in less than 20 minutes and didn’t see the harm in showering and then eating breakfast. He did not realize that breakfast was ready. It made me very upset that he offered to put me first and let me take care of my personal needs first and then immediately took it back and focused on his needs.
He doesn’t see the problem in asking to take a shower first and does not understand why I am upset, I decided to not eat breakfast and did not want to fight and went to our room. He came in there and started to blame my trauma for why I was upset and that it was not normal or healthy for me to be mad at him for wanting to take a shower.
That just made me more upset, he was using stuff that I am very sensitive and vulnerable about to throw in my face and tell me my reaction is not normal. I told him I would be upset even if I had healthy reactions to things because what he did was selfish.
It made it way worse he blamed me for my reaction and told me I was overreacting and shouldn’t be upset he just asked a question. Now I am questioning if I am in the wrong and if it is my issue?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. This is more of a relationship advice post. You needed to say No breakfast is ready when he said he was going to shower. If you look from his point of view assuming he thought there was time for a shower before breakfast and this way he could get it out of the way before you were ready to have yours.
Why should you get upset for him trying to shower before breakfast when he had no knowledge of if it was ready.” GWeb1920
16. AITJ For Standing Up To My Dad Over His Treatment Of My Dog?
“I (f27) and my dad (m61) have always butted heads, and over the past year or so, I have realized how closed-minded he can be/ not willing to hear that he is in the wrong about anything. For background, our last big fight (4 years ago), ended in him saying, “There is no compromise, it’s my house,” and me moving out with my now husband.
Today, I finally spoke up out of pure frustration/ anger over multiple scenarios where I remained level-headed and shrugged him off over the past few months, but now I feel like a jerk/ in the wrong.
I went over to my parent’s house while my husband was working, and I brought our dog as I usually do when I visit.
I spent about 10 minutes there, until my parents’ cat came around the corner of the couch where my dad had my dog on the leash, and their cat peered around the corner of the couch, hissed at my dog, and started to swat very closely to his face.
My dad’s only response is to yell “Toby (my dog), NO”, multiple times. Meanwhile, my dog is just looking at the cat as she’s trying to hit him and hissing at him.
I get up from the couch completely upset, grab my dog, and say we’re not going to come over anymore if this keeps happening, because again, this is the umpteenth time he yells at my dog and not his cat, even when she hisses at him unprompted. He then says, “They need to learn how to get along”, and I reply, “That’s not the problem here, Mia (the cat), almost hit Toby, and you keep yelling at him.” My dad then replies, “It’s fine… Toby is “the saint” and Mia is “the problem”.
My mom, then does speak up to say, “That’s not what she’s trying to say.” I then get up from the couch, say I’m leaving, and he says nothing else.
My mom then follows me outside, clearly upset and I get into my car trying to keep my composure and not sob, just asking her to not let this ruin her day and result in them fighting.
She just kept telling me she didn’t want me to drive in the condition I was in and I reassured her I would be fine.
I then dropped my dog off at home to go grocery shopping (as I sobbed the whole way home, 10 minutes), to go grocery shopping.
In the store, I received a text from my dad saying “Thanks for making mom’s day and keeping that in mind, have a good day.” I don’t respond to this and try not to lose my cool in the store.
I told my husband all of this over text as he was at work, and he was livid and texted my dad saying, “Thanks for making (my name)’s day, have a good day.
I am just absolutely beside myself. I genuinely feel crazy and feel like I shouldn’t have lost my cool. I feel like such a jerk, but I am so sick of my dad being able to say ANYTHING he wants and getting away with it.
He never wants to admit he is in the wrong. I just want him to take accountability for his actions, but I also don’t know how to move forward if he doesn’t apologize or acknowledge he may have had SOME contribution to our argument.”
Another User Comments:
“All of you are jerks. Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You are only able to affect change on your side of things. You can’t force your dad to change or take responsibility or admit when he’s wrong or whatever it is you think he should be doing.
You can only change yourself and how you handle things. Me, I suggest counseling for you because the level of upset you say you were over the things that were said is really OTT IMO.” rbrancher2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but knowing these patterns, why do you go back?
Meet up with Mom somewhere else, and stop letting your father (and his cat) make your life miserable. You aren’t the jerk, but you definitely need to make better decisions about who you let into your life. Also, go do some reading over at r/raisedbynarcissists – you could use the support.” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“All of you are jerks. This is a lot of feelings for a minor situation, all of you are blowing this way out of proportion. A) You’re a jerk for bringing your dog over there to be harassed by the cat. The cat lives there and doesn’t deserve to be uncomfortable.
Stop bringing your dog over. B) Your dad’s a jerk for yelling at the dog when he was just sitting there. He also sucks for the text. C) You and your mom both are jerks for getting so upset over a very small situation. You were so upset that she was worried about you driving.
Please learn how to put things into perspective. Ultimately, everyone in your family needs to grow up.” iseeisayibe
15. AITJ For Being Upset After My Mom Outed Me And Lied About It For Years?
“I’ll be honest. My relationship with my mom has always been rough and ever since this whole situation happened it has seemed to continue to decline.
I’m now starting to wonder if I should let it go or if still being upset and hurt about it is okay.
A bit of backstory. Around three years ago my best friend at the time decided to out me to my mom and stepdad.
Ever since then I’ve never really had the opportunity to tell anyone that I’m gay on my mom’s side without being pushed out of the closet. So when it came down to me telling my dad, I didn’t want to do it until I knew I was emotionally ready to.
I expressed this to my mom many many times over the years and trusted her a lot with this secret. She knew I trusted her and she promised not to say anything without my permission. We even regularly talked about fun ways to come out to my dad over the years after that initial conversation.
Earlier in the year while I was having one of those awkward relationship advice talks with my dad when I got the feeling he was hinting at me being gay. At the time I was going through a rough breakup and was having a hard time hiding the fact I was upset.
So I thought it was either really strange or just a big coincidence. My parents also will email each other when they realize something is upsetting me or my brothers, just to give a heads-up to the other. I thought that maybe my mom had slipped up a little in an email and that’s why he was saying these things out of nowhere.
After a few days of thinking about it, I asked my mom if she had accidentally slipped and said something to my dad. She straight up told me that he’d known all these years and she had just been lying to me the whole time.
My mom is someone who is very against lying and makes it very clear to everyone. So when she told me this I was surprised. I immediately got upset and asked why she did it. She told me it was because she wanted to help with my mental health.
Then the words that really broke me came. “I’ve wanted to tell you for ages, but honestly I don’t regret what I did and I’ll never apologize for it”. Later my stepdad came and told me that he also agreed with everything that she did and that I needed to realize that they did the right thing.
I think I gave my mom the silent treatment for about a week before she decided to say something. This time she called a family meeting and bawled about how she was the victim in front of everyone. How I was being awful to her and needed to realize that she was doing what was best for me.
She went on and on about how she apologized to me and that I was spreading lies and being dramatic. I said nothing during this conversation (or tantrum I guess?). A few days later my ex even texted me about how my mom was ranting to her about the whole and how she “apologized” and was throwing a fit.
So, AITJ for throwing a fit after my mom outed me and lied about it for almost three years?”
Another User Comments:
“HUGE NTJ. My friend, you have never had the chance to come out on your own terms, and for that, I am profoundly sorry.
It’s such a huge, personal thing in so many ways, and having that taken from you can be such a violation of your trust and boundaries. Your best friend broke your trust, and now your mother. You have every right to pitch a fit and be furious with all of them.
Why didn’t your dad tell you he knew?? He ought to have told you upfront that your mother outed you. None of them are blameless here. No one should be forced to come out, no matter the reason. Everyone deserves to do so on their own terms, and that was taken from you.
I’m really sorry.” Pinkshoes90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- not her secret to tell and definitely took away your voice and your choice in how you present it to your loved ones! Equivalent to a woman being pregnant and someone else outing the gender of her baby before her gender reveal party but so much worse.
Using that example as a way of just how wrong it is because it was your news to share when you felt comfortable with it and how you wanted to do it. Then she wants to shift the blame and play the victim. Your mom is a hypocrite who has absolutely NO business telling yours.
Your mom is “against lying” yet she did so for three years. You have every right to feel the way you do! Sending positivity your way! Don’t apologize to her. She needs to apologize to you, all of the people she told your secret to and she needs to take accountability and learn from it!
NTJ” Kit2theCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not an expert, but your mom sounds narcissistic in your story. She did something wrong, doesn’t believe she’s wrong, and said it was best as if she was being your hero, once you showed you were upset she avoided accountability and made herself the victim in front of everyone else.
That hero/victim complexity is narcissism.” Dabitoyaisdead
14. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Sister Anymore?
“I (24F) have three siblings (29M, 22F, and 22F) I’ll call them D L and K. We all still live at home and are very close. D and I both pay a discounted rent and our sisters are also supposed to do so but tend to skip months.
I also help out with groceries and give extra around the holidays.
I am grateful for my parents and try to help them in return when I can. I started a job a couple of months ago that is decent and will also pay my tuition to go to school so that I can move on to a higher-paying role.
I work at least 15 hours of overtime a week trying to save up money for my own place and it’s paying off. I have a couple thousand saved up for a deposit and am actively looking at places. L and K both work much lower paying part-time jobs (Both work 20-25 hrs/wk) and have a hard time budgeting.
In the past, I have been very open with my money. Whenever we hang out I always pay for our meal or whatever event we go to and I often lend them money for things when they’re stretched thin.
But, I’ve noticed things getting out of hand.
L has asked me for $50 worth of gas money 2x this week and we also went to a concert last weekend where I lent her $70 for a sweatshirt at the merch stand and paid the stadium prices for snacks and drinks as well as dinner on the way home.
I normally don’t mind doing these things because I feel bad spending money on myself to do fun things or have something I want and they can’t and I honestly don’t miss the money 90% of the time. I’d rather share. The problem comes when I see L take my money and promise to Venmo me when she gets paid but I still see her driving to bars with friends, buying coffee, and calling off work.
We got in a fight last night because she needed more gas money and I said no and brought up her work hours and spending habits. My tone was kind of mean and she burst out crying because she wasn’t going to be able to get to work w/o gas.
I told her those are her consequences to face not mine. Then she said I’m just bitter because I work all the time and have no friends. She then said she’d do my dishes this week in exchange and I said that she should help with dishes anyway since she’s off more often than not and I barely see the house long enough to eat shower and go to sleep.
The resulting screaming match is not something I’m proud of and honestly, I should have taken the high ground.
I’ve been nauseous with guilt all day. My mom has been blowing up my phone saying that I shouldn’t be so mean and that $50 wasn’t worth my relationship with my sister and my dad is angry because he had to send her money when she still owes him rent.
I love my sister and I want her to succeed but I feel like she takes advantage of my kindness. I do have $50 to spare and doesn’t have the ability to help someone and choosing not to make me a bad person? Am I being selfish?
I really don’t know how to mend this situation. I just want everyone to stop being mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needs to learn how to manage money and the best thing you can do is some tough love so she stops using you as a crutch.
Ideally, your parents would also be on board. I’m sorry, you can’t go to concerts when you can’t make rent, that’s just life. And if you can’t afford gas maybe you should take the bus.” hybridoctopus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have been more than generous.
The problems start when your generosity is taken advantage of and there’s an expectation that you will shell out money whenever anyone asks. Your mom is wrong – you are NOT mean and it’s just lame to say that your relationship with your sister hangs on you giving her $50.
She does need to grow up and learn to budget rather than expect people to pay her way through her life.” Initial728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to subsidize the lifestyle she wants but can’t afford. If your mom thinks you’re being mean not giving her money she can give her money!
She works part time so she could easily be doing more to earn more money but why does she need to when you pay for things? Stop giving her money.” dazed1984
13. AITJ For Letting My Sister Help My Son Adjust To My Divorce?
“I (29f) am going through the process of divorcing my son Luca’s (5m) dad after catching him being unfaithful to me. This is all relatively new and my son has been having a hard time with seeing dad at dad’s house and mom at mom’s house and splitting his time with us.
It doesn’t help that my ex and I are in high conflict. But the man is determined to make me hate him and has been proudly talking about how the other woman will be his wife once our divorce is finalized and how she’ll be a better mom than I could ever be.
The other woman is already calling herself my son’s mom/co-mom. She also suffered a miscarriage recently and blamed me for that, because I told her to leave me alone while grocery shopping (we ran into each other). So bad blood all around and I know this leaves my son in the middle.
My son’s struggles with having two homes now and not having his whole family together all the time reminded me of my sister. She was 3 and I was 7 when our parents divorced and she took it hard. She’d cry at night if she went into mom or dad’s room at their house and found only one.
She slept with me a lot of nights and cried about how scary it was and how weird it was for her to get used to two homes. When she started school it was still a struggle for her. She’d get upset in school if asked who lived at home with her and stuff like that.
She hated the 50/50 timeshare with our parents. She used to ask if she could just stay at Dad’s house and if Mom could come see her. My sister told me years later that I became her home as a kid because I was her only constant.
We’re still very close today.
So when I saw my son struggling with similar things, I asked my sister to talk to him, which his therapist agreed would be beneficial. My parents, however, had warned me not to do that when I told them I was getting a divorce.
Mom was a little more negative about it than Dad. She told me my sister would teach my son to be as manipulative as she was at that time and my son is his person so my sister’s experiences are meaningless when it comes to my divorce and my son.
She also told me my sister would have me pandering to my son and making it seem like his life is over just because my marriage was.
So after my sister talked with my son she gave me some advice to possibly help him with the transitions.
I rooted out my old baby blanket and covered it in my perfume for him to take to Dad’s house. I asked my ex to do the same and he told me to get lost. So I went and got some of his cologne and when my son is here he can spray it on something.
It has helped some. I also let him call his dad at my house as much as he likes. My parents say I’m ruining him and that I should have listened to them because now look at all the stuff I’m doing and my son has me wrapped around his finger and can take advantage.
They said I should have listened to them as my parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister seems like a very good and supportive auntie. You’re doing the right thing by helping your son deal with things as well as you can, and even if your ex is going to be a jerk and not reciprocate that’s still worth doing.
You’re a parent first, your son has to be your priority. Also, wow do your parents sound bitter about the fact their child *checks notes* had feelings and also needs when they went through something very strange and difficult at a young age.” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ. You are doing everything you can to help your son navigate his way through the most difficult experience he has ever faced all while dealing with your own feelings on the issue. Your ex – definitely the jerk; The other woman – definitely the jerk Your parents – wow, just wow is all I can say and all they deserve Your sister – a bit of a hero.
Someone who can identify with how your little chap might be feeling is making helpful suggestions – despite the fact that this could potentially be triggering for her. Give yourself, your son and her a hug xx” Dolly1710
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, right, because they deserve the parents of the year award or something??
I hate that for older generations giving your child the attention he needs equals spoiling him or him having you “wrapped around his finger”. How dare we say they as parents haven’t done the correct thing by ignoring us and our issues? How dare we say that we now go to therapy because of that exact thing?
Everything your parents have said makes my blood boil of how plain idiotic it sounds and how textbook neglectful, typical for their generation, smh. You pay attention to your son and pamper him with all the love, attention, and small details he needs, he’ll remember this as an adult and be thankful that you were the constant that showed him love in his childhood.
All the strength to you too to go through this time! NTJ” Europeangirl101
12. AITJ For Planning A Mother-Son Trip For My Son's Sweet 16 Without Inviting The Rest Of The Family?
“My husband and our daughter just returned from a 2-week cruise with his family to celebrate her sweet 16. Although our son and I were invited, our son hates water, and I am not a fan of cruises.
So, we decided not to waste the funds and to stay home and house-sit all of our animals and plants and told them to have a great time and don’t worry about finances since we were saving funds by not going.
My son turns 16 next year, I encouraged him to spend this time thinking about what would make his sweet 16 the most amazing birthday he could imagine.
He’s limited by how much his father and sister spent on her trip. Her trip cost $3,500 total. She was lucky her grandparents volunteered to cover part of the trip at the last minute.
My son decided he wanted to spend the funds on computer tech at first. But, as his father and sister’s trip went on, he became interested in imagining where he might go in the world if he were to be a bit adventurous.
To afford a trip as awesome as his sister’s he felt it would be better to just have us two go and let them stay home and house sit like we did. He also did not want his sister to make his birthday all about her.
When we told his sister today, she began to snatch back the food they brought us and told us that they were from her trip. If she wasn’t invited to his, then we couldn’t have anything from her trip. She then went and brought her father into it.
Both of them stated it was unfair that they were not invited since we were invited on her trip even if we decided not to go.
We explained my son’s reasoning. My husband stated that my son’s birthday trip was a family affair and we had no right to not invite them.
I asked how it was different from any family trip my husband had gone on without us to see his family. We’d always been supportive of his solo family trips just like we supported the trip they just came from. I also asked him who would house sit for the trip he’s imagining the way my son and I did for their trip.
My husband began to ignore me while pressuring our son on how unfair it was and that if we got a mother-son trip they weren’t invited to, then that meant they would go on another trip without us to make up for it. We objected because we did not see how that was anything other than revenge for my son not giving in to what they wanted for his birthday.
Our daughter yelled that I was not invited to her wedding and would not be allowed around any kids she has in the future and left the room. My husband kept pushing the same rhetoric at my son while ignoring me.
Finally, I asked my son what he thought about what had been said.
My son stated that he understands that he’s trying to plan his birthday trip logically while they are making it all about emotions and ignoring any logic. It’s his birthday, and frankly, he doesn’t give a darn about anyone else’s emotions.
Then, my husband looked at me expectantly.
I said, whether or not I agree, I support his right to celebrate his birthday his way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is leaning towards YTJ. You are acting as if you were not invited to celebrate your daughter’s birthday with her. You were and declined. First of all, how hurtful to your daughter.
You are her mother. Whether or not your son wanted to go, you should have made an effort. Then you plan a trip with your son as some sort of strange quid pro quo trip, again acting as if you were not invited on the original trip.
And lastly, you felt the need to start talking about your son’s potential trip as soon as your husband and daughter got back. The divide in your family is odd. As is your apparent dislike for your daughter. This needed to be a discussion between you and your husband.
Not something you sprung on him the second he walked in the door. And he disagrees with your thought process. And rightfully so.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like you didn’t mind not being with your daughter to celebrate her 16th as any Mum would.
Your husband knowing your son hates water and you don’t like cruises should not have gone with his daughter if it was her birthday. So you are trying to get revenge by doing the same with your son, by preventing the father from being with his son on his birthday.
This is messed up.” Talentless67
11. AITJ For Wanting My Own Space And Not Letting My Sister Sleep In My Room?
“For context I am F20 and my sister is 5 so there is quite a large age gap and we are not from the same dad; my mum met my now dad 5 and a half years ago and she fell pregnant a couple of months after meeting.
When Mum and dad told me the news they asked if it was ok which it was but it was then followed that my new role was to look after my mum while she was pregnant and that she shouldn’t be doing any housework during her pregnancy.
This was all fine until my sister was born as my dad’s new rules got worse. It went from making sure mum wasn’t stressed and looked after to not being able to listen to music as I had to listen out for my sister, to making sure I was up early so when our parents went to work I was up and making breakfast for my sister on weekends as I was still going to school at this point as well as making sure the house was tidy for when my parents came home from work.
Fast forward a few years and my sister is now 5 and I have finished school now looking for work. Now that I have no current commitments I am now looking after her full time. I have to be up before everyone else to make sure she doesn’t wake mum and dad, I have to make sure she Is fed breakfast lunch, and dinner as well as make sure she is taken out to the park once a day as well as put to bed on time.
When mum and dad get home before dinner they sit down and watch TV until I start making dinner which Is fine but I haven’t stopped doing these chores for months and I can’t get any job searching done as I’m too busy playing mum.
Even on weekends they both just sit and watch TV while I’m looking after my sister, I haven’t been able to go out and see my friends as I have to make sure I’m around in case she wants something.
I love my sister as she is very cute but when I want my alone time just for a few minutes I have her crying to dad who then shouts at me for not spending enough time with her and I should be playing with her all the time.
He comes home and doesn’t even talk to me besides asking if she’s had a good day and has been fed. At this point, I feel like a live-in babysitter rather than her sister. I’m not allowed to say no as it’s not fair on her and she’s 5 and I’m 20, and she doesn’t understand that I don’t want her under my feet 24/7 every day.
The main reason for this post is that she wants to sleep in my room for a sleepover but I spent a lot of money redecorating and getting new furniture as my old ones were falling apart, but now that I have my own space I don’t want her in there as it’s the only place I can get any peace beside the bathroom which is now no longer the case as she shouts constantly outside the door which then gets dad to yell at me as well.
So Am I The Jerk for not listening to her and letting her sleep in my room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You deserve your own space. You’re already doing most of the work that your parents should be doing with your sister and you have every right to keep your room as yours.
Your sister needs to understand boundaries and that she can’t just have everything she wants – five years old is old enough to understand this!” handybee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time to put your foot down. No. It’s a no to everything. I know it’s your sister but you shouldn’t be responsible at all times for a child you didn’t create to the point that you can’t even work and go forward in life.
Tell them they need to figure out a plan. And if dad yells at you about spending MORE time you ask him how much time he’s spent with his child that day. I’m so furious I wish I could possess your body for a day and put everyone in their places.
I’m 21 and I can’t imagine spending so much time having to be a parent and housekeeper.” Cheechhhstreet
10. AITJ For Being Angry At My Best Friend For Going Out And Marrying My Ex Without Telling Me?
“I (18F) have a best friend (20F) who has been my friend since forever. We went to the same school, had the same hobbies, and the same attitude. Everyone called us twins and I couldn’t wish for a better best friend.
When we entered our teenage years, we met a lot of new people especially new boys. One of them, let’s call him Josh, was into me, so we started going on outings and after a while, we became a couple.
I loved him to bits, he was so sweet and kind, so caring and so understanding.
We were together for 3 years, till one day his dad got in an accident and sadly passed away. He was so hurt that he blocked everyone and dropped out of school. His dad was his only parent since his mom is a substance user and doesn’t have custody of her kids anymore.
He broke up with me, he said that he still loved me but he didn’t want to see me be hurt by his situation since I was going through a tough time too. I understood the situation but I still cried for a week after that.
During all of this, my best friend was all I had, she gave me a shoulder to cry on and she helped me become happy again.
For a few years, I didn’t hear from Josh, so I thought he moved out or simply disappeared forever, until one day, a week prior to my 18th birthday, my best friend called me and told me to come over because she wanted to tell me something really important.
I pulled over to her house and she greeted me in, we sat down and began to talk about how much she loves me, how I’ve always been there for her, and stuff like that. As she was talking, I could hear someone walking upstairs, so I asked who was in the house except for us.
She sighed and told me she had a partner (actually a fiancé but she didn’t tell me) and they have been together for a year now. I was flabbergasted, how could she hide it from me for such a long time?
I was still shocked but ready to meet him, who walked down the stairs and made my heart sink, it was Josh.
He did not expect to see me, and I did not expect to see him. I stood up and started to yell at my best friend about how she could do that to me since she knew how hard it was for me to forget him.
She sat on the floor crying and played the victim, so I eventually got tired of her acting like a baby and I drove home.
My phone started to blow up as soon as I reached my house, both my best friend and Josh were texting me about how sorry they were, but I didn’t care.
A few days later, as I was heading to work, I noticed I had something in my mailbox. I grabbed it and I didn’t expect to see the invitation to THEIR WEDDING. I was furious, I called her and insulted her as much as I could, and then I blocked both her and her new husband.
I don’t think I’m the jerk AT ALL, but a few of my “friends” say I overreacted and I should get over it and attend the wedding since it’s not my partner anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG! Girl, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
No real friend would ever do this. And, honestly, no guy who truly, really, honestly loved you. They wouldn’t start something, they wouldn’t continue something and they wouldn’t hide it all this time, long enough to PLAN A WEDDING. They are both complete and utter trash and are not worth the dirt they walk on.
Keep your head held high, know your worth! NTJ.” StoneAgePrue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ best friends don’t get into relationships with your ex, especially knowing you were heartbroken when you split up. I fail to see how she can play the victim when she went behind your back, what exactly is she claiming?
You couldn’t pay me to go to that wedding.” MorgainofAvalon
9. AITJ For Ditching My Penpal During Her Visit After She Overstepped Boundaries?
“I’m F25 from England and the friend is F41 from America. We’ve been penpals for years as we met via an online course and she joked about coming to the UK to meet me, didn’t realize it wasn’t a joke.
Last year she said she’s coming to the UK in July and made it seem like it would be for a day then she goes back to Paris. I told her multiple times my partner’s birthday is in July so around that day/week I won’t plan anything with her.
(My partner and I make a big deal out of our birthdays)
2 weeks prior to her visit she’s looking for hotels and wants to know where to stay. I recommend places but then she starts asking to stay at mine saying “All I need is a floor do you have a floor?” I was really uncomfortable but felt I couldn’t say no. Turns out the 1-day trip was 4 days and overlapped with my partner’s birthday.
Had to “remind” her several times because she would “forget” that she would not stay at my house the night before my partner’s birthday and I would meet her halfway to the airport, not at the airport (even tho she was pushy on both).
The day before the visit, she suggested going on a tour, I thought it would be in London.
NOPE, Stonehenge and Bath. I told her I get bad travel sickness so I would feel really rough the entire time. She insisted and pushed and I felt I had to agree again. She made it seem like it would only be about 4 hours
Day of, she didn’t tell me her flight was delayed and I was waiting at the station for her
2nd day, she went to Cambridge to see her family while I go work in the salon, when I got back, she got back early because she got sick of the kids. She said to me “You can do my hair now” In the year she planned this trip she never asked me to do her hair.
My mum was in the room so couldn’t say no as she would tell her I could do it no matter what. So spent 3 hours doing it and she barely spoke to me the entire time. And she didn’t offer to pay either
Day of the tour, we were on the coach the host said “This is a 12-hour bus tour and we will return at 8 pm” I was shocked, and I started crying. Because this was the day before my partner’s birthday and I hadn’t had time to wrap his present, & the return location was 2 hrs away from my home.
I even told her I didn’t want to be out late. Not only that but I’m on a tour with a stranger and after the first stop, I would have no transportation to escape someone twice my age. At the first stop, I made myself look extra sick and she offered for me to leave and I took it.
But I was going to ditch her anyway
Later that evening she posted saying how she spotted a police car and “knew” she could “get a lift back to the hotel” if she did something purposely stupid. And I screamed because I felt this was what she did to me.
So I blocked her on everything. 2 days later I got £300 PayPal to me with a note from her saying she was sorry for taking advantage
I don’t know how to feel now. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like this woman is your friend at all.
She did take advantage, and wiring you money (actually admitting it) doesn’t change that. You’re allowed to be mad, you don’t have to accept her “apology” unless you want her in your life. It’s ok to cut ties if that’s what you want. From experience, you may also want to learn to set firm boundaries for yourself.
I had a “friend” like this too: she’d overstay her welcome, crash other people’s houses uninvited, demand favors, disregard other people’s plans, play the victim…. and she always put me in a position where I felt like saying no wasn’t an option. It took me ages to learn, but people who push back or get angry when you set a boundary and stick to it are not your friends.
If saying no ruins a friendship, it wasn’t very solid to begin with.” walrusrules
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The blaring siren that a stranger is pushy about staying at your place. Best case scenario, she’s a weirdo who lacks social grace. Worst case scenario, you just dodged a killer lol” PreparationPlenty943
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but for your own sake, learn to say no. She took advantage of you and you saw it, is not like you had to reflect on it later, you saw it happen and were aware.” Due-Aioli-6641
8. AITJ For Hiding My Personal Items From My Sisters?
“I (17 f) live with my sisters (23 f) and (21 f) in a shared bedroom.
We share pretty much everything. My other two sisters are so close and they share everything with each other. But they get so defensive whenever I use one of their stuff. And whenever I buy something I really like, lip balm, mascara or anything. They take it away from me and use it until it’s over (I didn’t use it).
Whenever I tell my dad that they used it and finish it he gets angry because “they are your sisters if you don’t love them now and share everything with them, when are you going to??”. I tried explaining to him that I do love my sister and that I just don’t like when people use my stuff and they can use my stuff if they ask me nicely and return it after using it.
Anyway Nevertheless, whenever I get a gift (perfumes and lotions or makeup) or when I buy stuff, I hide them in my hiding spot. No one knew where my hiding spot was, except for one person.
My bff (16 f). One day Dad told us that he’d be taking us to the swimming pool.
I prepared everything and since our body spray was done I had to get mine which was pretty expensive. After I finished swimming we were about to leave so I took a shower dried myself and went to get my backpack. I saw my body spray on the floor next to the pool.
It appeared to me that my sisters saw it, used it, threw it, and kids played with it. I hate my life. Days later I took a shower and was about to change, but one of my sisters was in the room sleeping so I was like “if she can’t see I’ll take it out use it, and return it without noise.
I was wrong. my sister was awake she was only in a sleeping position. And that’s the thing I hate for my sisters. They always stay in bed for an hour after they wake up. A week passed by, and I kept noticing that my body sprays, lotions, and makeup placed. Keep changing, even though it’s only slightly different angles.
I confronted my sisters, and they said that I am a selfish person and stingy for keeping my stuff for ME! On the same day, I changed the hiding spot and they thought just because I allowed them for a couple of days to use my stuff that I would always allow them to.
So they tried searching for my stuff all over the house. And to be honest, I didn’t change the place a lot. My sisters are quite stupid. Today one of my sisters came to me, asking for a perfume I have. This perfume my best friend bought it for me.
It was from Dior. Pretty expensive, I know. I told my sister that I had enough of them taking my stuff and then I would never ever allow them to take my stuff again from me. They got so mad calling me names and saying that I’m a very mean person and that if I love my sisters, I should share my things with them.
But I definitely don’t feel comfortable with that. And they even threatened to hit me if I didn’t give them the perfume. I shook it off, and went to my parent’s bedroom, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and well done for standing up for yourself!
Don’t let your sisters bully you anymore. Entitled and mean, that’s what they are. Move out when you have the chance, and I pray you’ll make it big one day so that you can flaunt things in their faces that they can never have, and if they try to be funny – your tall and/or muscular friend, or bestie, or partner, or husband, will get in their faces and thunder at them to BACK.
OFF.” MC_Hans84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sisters or not, you’re allowed to set boundaries on what you do and do not share — especially when they’re clearly taking advantage and taking more than their “fair share” to the point where you don’t even get to use some of the things you bought for yourself.
And especially given that all of you are essentially adults (maybe not you officially, but 17 is frankly close enough for this purpose). Actually that’s probably the biggest red flag here in all of this — your adult sisters are literally acting like little kids. Seriously, threatening physical violence over not letting someone borrow your perfume is immature at best,… but let’s face it, they’re being abusive and your dad is enabling them by not stepping in and encouraging you to let them continue to cross your boundaries.
For your sake, I hope you can move out and away from this toxic family dynamic soon.” EeveeBailey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ some people are so selfish, it’s maddening. Ask your best friend if you can keep your most treasured things at their house for a while.
Then start using your sister’s things ALL THE TIME. If they say anything at all, your only response should be, “You are my sisters. If you don’t love me now and share everything with me now, when are you going to?” Said in a very sweet, innocent way.
Have your phone recording even if it’s just to get their response. Then you can go to your father and show how unsisterly and unloving they behave towards you. You are your own person. You should be able to have possessions that are yours alone.
You are not 1/3 of a person, to expect you to share everything is so disrespectful of your parents. If it was given to you, or you bought it, it’s yours. You say some perfumes are gifts. Is there a person or relatives that tend to buy you these types of gifts?
Do any of them live close enough and are sympathetic that you could chat with them? Like I said how much you love the present they’ve given you, would you be able to keep it at their house and come over to use it? Otherwise, your sisters will use it all on you.
If none of these things work, ask your friend if they could keep a couple of things at their house. Then only have generic lotions.” okmustardman
7. AITJ For Refusing To Cut My Hair And Embarrassing My Dad At The Barber?
“I (14) am a black girl. In December 2021, I buzzed all my hair off, because I was tired of constantly having it in braids and how heavy it felt on my head. It’s been short ever since. Around April/May 2022, my mum took me to one of her hairstylists to give me a haircut that I ended up hating, so I went bald.
I let it grow out a bit more until October 2022 when my mum wanted me to get another haircut with the same hairstylist. I was a bit skeptical, but my mum and the hairstylist said it would just be a “small trim” and I shouldn’t worry.
Clearly, the hairstylist and I both have VERY different ideas of what a trim is, because it felt like she shaved half my head off! My mum said if I didn’t like the cut after 2 weeks, she’d let me go bald again.
I didn’t, so after I cut it I made a vow to not cut my hair for a LONG time.
My family started complaining about how my hair was getting too long and it needed to be cut again. They said it looked like a rat’s nest and it was dirty (It wasn’t). My mum suggested relaxing it if I didn’t want to cut it or putting it in cornrows (which she can only do if my hair is relaxed?)
I refused and said I wanted to keep it the way, and so it became a back-and-forth joke/serious thing. Where I was adamant about keeping my hair natural. This was fine-ish until yesterday, July 27, when my dad said that he was taking my brother and me to the barbershop in 30 minutes.
I said no, but then reluctantly went along, hoping I could tell him I didn’t want it cut there.
My brother went first, then my dad. When he’s done, he says it’s my turn now, but I stay in my seat. He goes over and tells me to get up, that there are people waiting, and it’s a back and forth until he grabs me by the hand and shoves me into the chair.
I’m trying not to cry as the barber starts cutting my hair. I try to tell him to stop and that’s enough, but it’s clear he’s not listening to me and is listening to my dad in the background, telling him to go shorter.
He tells me he’s done and I look in the mirror to see my hair has been cut into a square.
SQUARE. He basically shaved all my hair in the middle and back down and left it like that. I hate it so much. Once we leave, my dad tells me I’m going to pay for what happened at the barber and complains to my mother about what happened. She says that I’m not the parent here and I don’t get to make decisions like this, I make some snarky comments back (bad move, I know, but I was upset) and she decides to take away all my electronics for the summer holiday, and ban me from going to my friend’s party.
Later, she comes into my room and tells me I need to apologize to my dad for embarrassing him at the barbershop. That was yesterday and I still haven’t said anything. I literally cried all night over this cut, I look disgusting. Why should I apologize?
But maybe I was being dramatic, so I guess an outside opinion would help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s low-key abusive and the barber is an ass, he should’ve listened to you, not your dad. if you were a little older I would say cut contact.
I am so sorry this happened.” lemonada322
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He grabbed you and shoved you into the chair, then forced you to get a haircut against your will whilst you were almost crying and begging them to stop. That’s public humiliation and is abusive af.
I can’t believe the barber went along with that. As long as you were taking proper care of your hair, which it seems you were, there’s no reason you should have had to get it cut. Your parents are AHs.” AwesomeMix20
6. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Decision To Quit Her Job Without My Wife's Approval?
“My wife and I have 3 kids. This focuses on our eldest, Maggie (20F). Maggie obtained her associate’s at a local community college and is transferring to a larger university come fall. My wife was adamant that while going to community college, our daughter held down a job.
She doesn’t expect her to work one at her larger university, but she felt given the lighter course load, it’d be good to teach some independence and allow her to save. Maggie got a job before she finished high school, working at a café that closed in Fall 2022.
Maggie immediately found work at a grocery store. It started out great but soon proved to be a toxic work environment. Maggie began to look for new jobs but none worked out. By this point, Maggie had a decent amount of savings. Back in February, she mentioned quitting her job.
My wife said absolutely not, she needed to have another lined up first. In terms of other jobs “not working out”, she would apply but they either wouldn’t call back or they couldn’t work with her school schedule. She showed us proof of this back in February.
She and Maggie went back and forth on this for a really long time. I tried to talk to my wife and convince her otherwise, but she wouldn’t budge. By March, I stopped hearing anything about it. She was still out of the house during the times she usually worked. When asked how her day was, she’d say it was fine.
The store isn’t one we go to.
On Sunday, she told us she was working a 4-10 PM shift. Around 6, I went to pick up some food for the family from a local restaurant. As I stood by the takeout area, I saw Maggie sitting with some friends, enjoying drinks and laughing.
She saw me and turned pale. I didn’t want to embarrass her or anything, so I just took the food and left. She began texting me, saying she’d explain everything when she got home. She also told me to tell my wife so that way she’d have calmed down by then.
My wife was not at all pleased, but Maggie was right, she did calm down considerably. Maggie came home and laid it all out on the table: she hadn’t worked at the grocery store since late February. While she had continued to look for other work, everything seemed to fall through.
She took a few babysitting and housekeeping gigs here and there but admitted to not working much at all during the summer. She said she’d either go see friends or hang out with her partner. Sometimes, she’d just go chill at the library, do homework, or run errands.
I was pretty “meh” about the situation. My wife wasn’t as blasé as me and really laid into Maggie, telling her that she had no right to do that. Maggie said she couldn’t stay at that job any longer and because my wife wouldn’t listen, she had no other choice.
I later asked my wife what she expected to happen. Maggie was downright miserable at her job. There was no need for her to keep working. My wife accused me of not backing her up, especially as all I had to say to Maggie was “I wish you had been honest, but I’m proud of you for still saving up”.
I said I always made it clear that I didn’t agree with this and had tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn’t listen. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife is helicopter parenting. Your daughter is an adult now, she seems like she is doing well with school and saving money, and has been working on the side and looking for a new job.
She doesn’t need her mother running her life for her.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Maggie has enough money in savings to support herself throughout the summer without working, so be it. She is 20 years old and is completely capable of making adult decisions.
I’m not sure why your wife is so adamantly against your daughter making her own career choices. She doesn’t need to be babied, and your wife doesn’t need to be turning this into an argument. There is no “taking sides” if both of you are supporting your daughter in whatever way possible.” soog0704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – while I agree with the posters who say that lying extensively and elaborately isn’t a good look (and the seriousness of it should be reinforced), I honestly think it was a last resort for her daughter and – in this instance – was right.
I remember reading once that super strict parents don’t produce kids who follow the rules, they produce kids who hide their actions expertly from their parents. This is what is happening here. Your wife would not be reasonable, empathic, human, accommodating, or even logical on the matter of work, in the face of rational, adult discussion with your daughter.
Your wife was strict, and authoritarian, and did not seem to care about your daughter’s assessments of her own mental health, her needs, her own *life*. This is the result. Your daughter did the best with what she had. Better she was dishonest than she had a mental breakdown with the unyielding pressure put on her by your wife, no?” LeslieKnope6254
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover My Boss's Maternity Leave Full-Time?
“I (40f) work for a small, family-owned business in the USA. There are only five employees in total. The owner, Laila (33F) is married to Ashley (31F); Ashley also works for the business as a project manager.
When I took this job two years ago, I was asked if I wanted to fill a part-time or full-time role.
Since my kids are still in school and I can still participate in fun stuff like class parties, I chose part-time. My husband’s schedule sometimes changes so I will stay later at work if it’s needed and if my husband will be off, either to cover someone who is out or if we have a big project to finish.
But that is not the norm.
Now Ashley is pregnant with their first child and due in about ten days, and a few weeks ago Laila asked if I could be on standby to cover the phones and stuff in case Ashley went into labor.
I said I would be willing to cover but unless I was needed I would maintain my usual schedule. My in-laws live nearby and agreed to watch my kids if I had to go to work, I let Laila know, and that was that.
When I left on Friday, I reminded Laila of my schedule this week and told her when I would see her next.
She replied that she thought I understood I was needed all week, full-time, and I needed to make arrangements. I said that if Ashley went into labor, to let me know and I would come in for as much as I could like we agreed before, but I didn’t plan to come in out of my usual schedule unless that happened.
Laila and Ashley are pretty upset and discussed it with me today. I guess Ashley had planned to go on leave early to get some things done for the baby, which wasn’t communicated to me and I had been very clear about my availability. I also hadn’t planned to continue covering through all of Ashley’s maternity leave; I understood the need for some extra coverage right after the baby was born but would resume my usual hours when Laila returned.
Laila said I could get childcare for the extra hours; I told her I had people on standby but hadn’t planned to use them if not needed. Ashley then said that the birth of their baby was a huge deal and I was acting like it was nothing and that I didn’t care about her kid.
I very much care about their child and wish them well, but my priority is my kids, not hers.
I totally understand how big this is to them, and I am truly happy for them, but, in the nicest way possible, this doesn’t feel like my problem.
They chose not to hire a temp replacement because Ashley only planned to be out for a few months and we spent a lot of time this year making sure all her projects were caught up and everything. Now it seems they expect me to essentially take Ashley’s place, which a) I am not trained to do and b) cannot devote the time to do.
My understanding was filling in here and there, not taking on Ashley’s hours.
My other co-workers are split — one agrees with me and one thinks I am a jerk for not being more considerate of this big event in our boss’ life. So — AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-I run a small business (8 years/4 employees including me). My husband runs a small business (26 years/7 employees including him). I delivered 3 children while my husband ran his business. In addition to these, we also jointly run a third business part-time. Their expectations are unreasonable.
Employers don’t get to infringe upon the personal lives of their employees. They became jerks as soon as they suggested you should get childcare to work more hours. Your work arrangements are YOUR choice. If they want more hours from you, they can request it, but you can decline since your employment arrangement doesn’t include these requirements.
Their personal life cannot infringe upon your agreed-upon employment.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I sincerely doubt they were going to A) Cover your child care expenses and B) Pay you the same wages they pay themselves to do their job Furthermore, I’m not sure why they’d want someone untrained to handle the duties, seems irresponsible to me and great way to set their business back.
They should’ve planned this out well in advance. They sound entitled quite frankly and you might need to find a new job as I suspect there’s going to be retaliation/fallout from this. Also, regarding coworkers who said you’re a jerk: you should ask them why they haven’t offered to do it since they feel so strongly about it.” JustADogfish
4. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Unemployed Brother Blaming His ADHD For His Problems?
“My brother (34M) has ADHD and dyslexia. He was diagnosed in grade school, and our parents took him to behavior therapy and tried medication. He also had a teaching aide who worked with him one-on-one through most of middle school, and he got extra time on tests.
After graduation, he spent most of his time partying and hanging out with friends. Our parents eventually convinced a family friend, who’s a plumber, to hire him and see if he’d be interested in learning the trade since academics weren’t his strength.
However, he showed up to work inebriated or arrived late, and after a few months, he was fired.
Since then, he’s mostly worked odd jobs and lived with our parents until about five years ago when he moved out to live with friends. Once he had to pay rent, things went downhill.
I don’t know all the details, but he was often late or short on rent, which led to him losing those friends.
Then he met his ex-partner, and they were together for about a year. After they broke up, he told everyone it was because she couldn’t accept his ADHD.
However, she posted their text messages on social media, which showed he was constantly late whenever they had plans.
He hasn’t held a job for more than a year and is now bouncing from place to place, renting rooms when he can. He tried moving back home, but our parents refused to let him.
They helped pay his rent for a while, but that stopped after our dad had a heart attack and quit his stressful but high-paying desk job. He now works part-time, and our mom doesn’t make much, so they can no longer support him financially.
They’re also planning to downsize to an apartment since they don’t need the space anymore.
With nowhere else to turn, my brother suddenly started contacting me. I haven’t spoken to him in years outside of Christmas at our parents’ house. He began texting and calling, asking for money or a place to live because he couldn’t find a room.
He had a dog a while ago that he left home alone all day, and it ended up damaging the landlord’s house by peeing everywhere. Now he has a pending court case and may owe thousands in damages. I told him repeatedly that I didn’t have money or space for him, and I thought that was the end of it—until he showed up unannounced.
I live in another state, and I have no idea how he got here. He asked if he could stay in my basement and said he’d pay rent. When I asked if he had a job to afford rent, he said he was looking but claimed no one would hire him because of his ADHD.
I lost my temper and told him I have coworkers with ADHD who manage stressful jobs with deadlines, and that it’s not his ADHD but his personality and laziness causing people to fire him or refuse to hire him. He got in my face, ranting about how people look down on him and how he’ll prove everyone wrong.
I shut the door on him.
It’s been nearly a month, and I’ve seen him in my neighborhood twice. I don’t want him in my life, but as his sister, AITJ if I don’t help him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does ADHD make keeping to deadlines/timekeeping harder?
Yes. But not doing anything about it is a jerk move. Therapy is an option or support groups. He can learn how to manage his time and money and actually be an adult at 34 years old. You don’t owe him anything and sometimes the best way to learn, is to learn the hard way” nerd_queen95
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are the jerk. He is 34 years old. As someone who has ADHD, I can tell he’s using it as a crutch. I know ADHD varies from person to person but me personally I am almost never late in fact I’m often too anxious to be late because I fear what people will think of me if I am.
He has had many opportunities to change his life around for the better and it just doesn’t sound like he is willing to do any of that. He sounds comfortable in acting like this so I don’t blame you for saying that at all.” saddungeons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Op. You don’t owe him anything, especially if he gets in your face when he doesn’t get his way. Do you have security cameras? I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to break into your house to force the issue. He is trying to guilt trip you, and yet it’s his own personal issues that are causing the problem.
The best way I’ve heard what others are saying in this thread is, “It isn’t your fault that you have mental illness, but it is your responsibility.” Do not let him in. He will destroy your home and cause you more stress. Does anyone know if calling the cops on the brother since he got in OP’s face like he did to have him removed from the neighborhood to be a good idea?” chiitaku
3. AITJ For Losing My Cool At A Friend's Birthday Party After Being Continuously Bullied By Another Friend?
“Me (24f), M(25f), T(25f), among a group of friends M/F/NB (important). M and I have been best friends since 5th grade. Went to the same college and M met T. T is a homebody and prefers roleplay forums, Wattpad, etc (important).
T does not like me. When M lived with T senior year with 2 others, T would go to her room when I would come over. Before that, any attempts to relate got shut down. I have always been kind to her.
M moved to a new place last year.
When I see T there, T is rude. Short, rolls her eyes, and laughs at something I say. 4 months ago, we were the last two left at a gathering and I asked her what was up and she was coy. I said basically that I’d be open if she ever wanted to talk, we could get along better than this, and she agreed. After that, it got WAY worse.
It was noticeable to everyone. M said she was sorry a month ago and that she would ask T to be nicer to me. I hadn’t seen T after that till now.
So, yesterday it was M’s 25th birthday. I walked in and everyone was sitting in the living room.
I said, “Hey guys!” as they got up to give me a hug and say hi. When I said that, T said, “Don’t you get that not everyone is a guy here? What’s wrong with you?” I paused, went umm. She goes, “There are literally people here that are NB and F, it’s messed up to use ‘guys.’ Get that through your head.”
Everyone was looking at me and it felt wrong that they were just waiting to see what I’d do, M too. I don’t know how long it was silent but it felt like a while. I cracked. I said, “You know, you’ve had a problem with me since day one, and I never got it.
And now this, you want to embarrass me in front of everyone? Forget you. Get off your computer and touch some grass, this is how people talk sometimes in the real world” Then looked at everyone, shook my head, turned to M, and said, “This isn’t okay and the fact that all of you are just standing here is so wrong.
I hope you can still have a good birthday. I’m sorry. I’m leaving” and I left. I’m sure I wasn’t as smooth as this because by the time I turned to M, I was about to cry but this was basically what was said.
M texted me begging to come back and then later said the party fell apart. She said T started crying, saying how mean I was, that she was just standing up for the F and NB that were there (7 of us). I guess people felt awkward and it lasted ~2 hours.
M is devastated, she said that her birthday was ruined because of me. She was sorry that T was a jerk, but I could have brushed it off like I usually do and I took it too far.
3 other people have messaged me saying the same, one person said they don’t want to hang out anymore and then blocked me on Messenger.
These people have seen T treat me like this all the time and never said anything. I can understand I should have handled it better, but I feel like T tried to set me up and it worked. I feel like they’re blaming me and T gets a pass again.
I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like a toxic friend group. Everyone in it is enabling and possibly emboldening T to pick on you. T is a bully and plays the victim when you react and people in the group crowd around T consoling her.
It is typical for bullies to switch victim and aggressor dynamics. The people who blocked you are not your friends. Let them go. Ask M to explain to you why it ok for T to bully you, but not ok for you to hold her accountable for her words or actions.
T ruined the party, but it is your fault, that is not ok. If M can’t explain that then distance yourself from her for a while. NTJ, but you will be the jerk to yourself if you continue to think people who don’t respect you are your friends.” Fit_Fly_9984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everyone has a snapping point, she pushed and pushed, the others did nothing, and the moment you did suddenly you are the bad guy? (see what l did there) I would suspect they were more her friends anyway. You have lost nothing by calling her out, and if you meet again she should know to expect the same again.
She also was not standing up for anyone, it was a fig leaf to have a go at you again, I suspect she is jealous of your friendship, and maybe has feelings for M, you can do with better friends than them, and so can M” Senior_Sentence6230
2. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Husband's Inappropriate Comment About Me?
“I F(26) have a friend F(24) from college who I consider one of my closest friends.
At least until recently… Last year my friend married her now husband M(29). We all live in the same area and spent a lot of time together both in the year before they got married and since. I liked her husband and thought they were a cute couple and was happy for them.
I enjoyed spending time with them so much that we all planned a vacation together along with one of our other couple friends from college.
About a month and a half before our vacation my friend and I went out to a concert in our town and her husband came out too.
I left the group to go give another friend their ticket at the door. My friend’s husband came with me and while we were waiting decided to drop on me that “If he had met me before he met my friend he wouldn’t be married to her” I immediately shut it down and told him that was never anything that had any remote possibility of happening and spent the rest of the evening mad on behalf of my friend for her husband’s remark.
At this point in time, my friend and I worked together and the only time we had that was away from her husband was at work. I had been grappling with whether or not to tell her what he said to me especially because of how uncomfortable it made me.
Especially because I didn’t feel comfortable spending time with him around knowing that some part of him felt that way and that it would hurt my friend. As vacation got closer my friend and I decided to carpool. It wasn’t ideal but I knew that the only time we would get alone that wasn’t at work or with her husband around would be on the car ride to our Airbnb.
About an hour into the drive, the conversation led to me not being the happiest with him lately and her wondering why. So I told her what he said to me. I will say that I did ask her first if she really wanted to know.
She immediately broke down in tears and I spent the rest of the drive trying to make her feel better.
Her husband was coming down after he got done with work that day and at this point didn’t know that I had told her what he said.
He was driving down pretty late and we had already started all drinking at the Airbnb. About halfway into his drive down she decides to call him and tell him that she knows what he had said to me and that she was mad at him for it.
There was a lot of back and forth about whether or not he was going to come down at all anymore. I later found out that his main reasoning was because he was worried that I was upset with him… not his wife… but me, the unimportant (in my opinion in this scenario) friend.
Once he does arrive she then spends the whole time kissing up to him rather than him apologizing and trying to make it up to her. The whole thing reeked of manipulation and unhealthy to me but I figured it was their relationship and it was up to them how they wanted to move forward.
I haven’t heard from either of them since the trip.
So… AITJ for telling my friend or did I do the right thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did the right thing. Unfortunately, as you said about it being their relationship, it looks like they have decided to work through this without you around as an influence or reminder.
Does it suck? 100%. But it’s also their relationship. Sorry, OP. No good deed goes unpunished.” slap-a-frap
1. AITJ For Revealing My Friend's Intentions To Stir Up Old Drama At A Group Gathering?
“I have a group of friends that dates back since we were in high school. One of the girls, Irene, one of my best friends at the time, started seeing another guy from the group, James. They were together for about 5-6 months and then she broke up with him.
Normally, it would’ve been really hard to keep the group together, since they had a really messy breakup to the point they couldn’t be in the same room, but she just stopped hanging out with the group. As I was closer to her than him, I always hung out with her as often as possible.
I didn’t take any side in the breakup. She told me that one day after the break up she spent time with James’ best friend (Cameron), who always had a thing for her. I think Cameron’s attraction was always mutual so they started seeing each other.
James found out about this and no longer considers Cameron a friend. In time, my friendship with Irene also fizzled out, she was always with Cameron and it was hard to find time to hang out and we grew apart. We were really close before, but then whenever we hung out I couldn’t feel the connection that we had before, she seemed more self-absorbed, always judging other people, and to sum it up, she seemed like a different person, the opposite of the caring and warm person she was before.
In spite of all that, I continued to hang out with her on the rare occasions that we had because she was one of my oldest and closest friends and I was trying to find that connection with her.
In one of the times we were hanging out, I happened to mention that I was going out with the group that evening.
She said that she and Cameron would come too. I told her that James would be there too, and asked if she would feel comfortable with that. She said that she didn’t care and they could just sit at another table. That felt like they just wanted James to see them together and rub his nose in it because if they stayed at another table we clearly wouldn’t be able to talk or spend time together.
She asked me not to tell anyone that they were coming, and I agreed because I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to get caught in between.
After I went home and thought it through I realized that it wasn’t fair and I told my partner about it (he is also part of the group) he just gave James an fyi that they were coming so that he would not be surprised. James said that’s fine, but then he will not be coming.
He wasn’t upset, he knew I was still friends with her, and just said he would come the next time. I texted Irene and told her that James was not coming and we could all sit together. Somehow I thought that the fact we can all hang out like we didn’t in a long time would be more important than stirring up 2-year-old fights.
She got mad at me for telling her to my partner and told me that they would no longer come because “they don’t want to cause drama”. I apologized but she never responded back to me.
So, was I the jerk for telling my partner what she asked me to keep a secret?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not mad at you for telling your partner, she’s mad that she doesn’t get to twist the knife further into James. However, you should seriously consider whether you want to be friends with someone who would hurt another of your friends, while also trying to bring you in on it.
It seems important to you not to pick a side in the breakup, but Irene has now done that for you.” Dangerous_Surprise
Another User Comments:
“When someone tells me they intend to do something that is designed to hurt someone else, all bets are off.
I’m not down with that. NTJ for not being down with that either. You were likely to get caught in the crossfire of any drama that resulted. I realize you were trying to stay neutral. But this “friend” tried to force your hand. I think you made the right choice and picked the one who wasn’t looking for petty drama.” cachalker
