People Want To Hear Our Thorough Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk" Story
15. AITJ For Not Asking My Partner's Dad For Permission To Marry Her Before I Proposed?
“My girl, well fiance, (28F) and I (29M) have been together for about 4 years and lived together for 2. A week ago I proposed to her and she said yes!
We are both incredibly happy. But there has been one hang-up.
Her family is very old-fashioned and traditional. After I proposed, she told me that even though she said yes, she wants me to ask her dad for permission to marry her. She told me that it is an important tradition in her family and even though she knows it’s old-fashioned, she still wants me to do it and she refused to announce our engagement to anyone before I do.
She said that her parents will not approve of our marriage if I don’t do this and she doesn’t want to alienate her family like that.
She has 2 older sisters who are both married and their husbands both asked her dad for their hands in marriage. She has an older brother who asked his wife’s dad for permission to marry her too.
It’s apparently a big thing in their family.
I told her that sort of thing doesn’t sit well with me and I think it’s sexist, patriarchal, and degrading. I told her that neither of us should have to ask anyone’s permission to get married and since she already said yes, why does it matter what her dad says or thinks?
She told me that she knows it’s silly and outdated, but this is how her family has always operated and it’s important to them. I asked her if it’s important to her too and she said it’s important to her parents and her family, which means it’s important to her. I asked her what would happen if her dad says “no” and she said we can worry about that only if it happens.
Now, I really, really don’t want to do that. I think it’s a horribly outdated practice that removes all agency from women being able to make their own choices regarding marriage. I explained this to my fiance and told her we should just tell everyone that we are engaged and no one can do anything about it.
She told me she does not want our engagement announced to anyone until I do this.
Not to my parents, not to friends, nobody. No one else is to know we are engaged until I ask her father’s permission.
I am refusing to do this and I am tempted to just tell my parents the good news because they deserve to know. It doesn’t mean anything to myself or my fiance and it’s only to placate her dad’s outdated views on marriage.
If he doesn’t approve of our marriage over one stupid question, that’s his problem. It doesn’t change the love his daughter and I have for each other or the dedication we have to spend our lives together.
The way I look at it, it’s 2022, not 1922. We don’t need to be doing this stupid type of thing anymore. It’s outdated and ridiculous.
I just want to celebrate our engagement with family and friends and she is making me jump through a dumb hoop first.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to talk to your fiancee, you cannot announce this without her. The issue is that you cannot ask for advice from friends and family in this situation because you can’t announce until you ask for permission or get clearance from your fiancee.
You are allowed to not like this and refuse to do it, but that means you are probably not engaged. You need to work out if that is worth it to you, and you need to see if a compromise is possible. Is blessing okay? Would it be okay if you both asked for the blessing of both parents? Is she open to these solutions?
These may be irreconcilable differences so work out if this means you don’t get engaged and communicate that to your fiancee so she can make an informed decision.
I go with NTJ, just poor communication that can be solved.” glom4ever
Another User Comments:
“Don’t announce your engagement to anyone until your fiancee is on board. If you disrespect her like that, she may well call off the engagement with good reason.
Yes, it’s outdated. But this is her family, and you’ll need to come to a compromise together. She’s said this is important to her. When your partner says something is important to them, just blowing it off because it’s not important to you is a bad move. Find a way to work through this, or maybe accept that you aren’t compatible enough to get married. This is her family.
This is a big one.
YTJ for calling/treating something your partner has specifically said is very important to them a “dumb hoop.” I agree with your reasoning and your reluctance to do this, but family traditions that are important to your fiance are not “dumb” just because you don’t like them.” Meemaws_BearCheese
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re dressing this up in a lot of language about empowering women and outdated views and blah blah blah.
I’m gonna call bullcrap on that. I don’t know exactly what’s at the root of your inability to do this one thing to make your future wife happy, but I know it’s not feminism.
I would say that your refusal to do this at her request is a red flag for your relationship. Something is up.
I don’t know what it is, but something is up. If you truly love this woman with all your heart, so much that you want to spend the rest of your life together, this would not be a problem for you. You might think it’s stupid and you might think it’s ridiculous, but you would do it for her.
This is a power struggle of some kind. I think it has something to do with you not wanting to be seen as giving some kind of power to her father. And you would rather sabotage your relationship with your wife-to-be than be put in a position of being a supplicant to her father.
If this is the hill you want to die on before you guys are even married?
Yikes.
The phrase “do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy” comes to mind.” EtonRd
14. AITJ For No Longer Cooking Dinner For My Husband?
“I (F23) have been married to my husband “John” (M24), for a year now. And recently (aka five weeks ago), we welcomed our first baby (F).
I’m currently on maternity leave, which my husband has interpreted it as me being a Stay at Home Mom instead of taking time to rest before I needed to return to work.
I don’t really mind it too much since cleaning my house is soothing for me, and a good distraction from my sleep deprivation (lol). I’ve always been this way, and John still does his share of household chores.
(He does most of the outdoor work, and he’ll sweep/vacuum).
But recently, he’s been riding me about not having dinner ready when he gets home. He works from 8-5:30, so it’s not a completely unreasonable time for dinner, but it’s not like I can just stop taking care of our daughter to cook him a meal. I can usually talk him down, and he’ll watch our daughter while I cook.
A few days ago, however, he came into the house and began berating me for not having dinner “ready and waiting” so he could just “walk in and sit to eat.” I was actively changing my daughter’s diaper while he went on this rant.
He went as far as to say that he had “put up” with my laziness for long enough and that I needed to do my job properly.
I didn’t say anything to him at that moment. I went and cooked dinner, and he seemed pretty proud of himself for winning the conversation. But I only have a few more weeks to stay home with my baby girl, and I’m not going to have that stomped on because of my husband.
So ever since that day, I go to my mom’s house for dinner.
(She’s totally okay with this btw). I don’t cook anything for John, and I’m already at my mom’s by the time he gets home. I still clean at home and keep the house tidy, but I don’t cook dinner.
John has been furious with me and has been telling me that I’m a jerk for leaving him to starve.
I just want to have a peaceful environment before I have to go back to work, so Reddit, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Does he have a habit of unilaterally deciding what your job should be and how you should do it? Because it really shuts down the dialogue, to put it mildly.
It would have been better, of course, if he could have said, “Honey, when I get home, I’m majorly hungry and can’t handle it.
Can we figure out a solution to this?” That approach allows the two of you to come up with strategies. Maybe he makes himself a sandwich to take the edge off and then takes the baby while you cook. Or maybe you and he work together to put something into the slow cooker before he goes to work in the morning.
Or maybe you ask for help (from your mother, maybe?) to make some frozen meals that you or he can microwave, just for a few more weeks until things get more settled with the baby. Or maybe he could help you make meals on the weekends and freeze them, so you don’t have to cook every day or… or…
Since he clearly failed in starting a dialogue like this, can you?
Can you say “Honey, mealtimes clearly aren’t working. Can we work together to come up with solutions?” Are the two of you able to have a conversation like this if one of you starts it off right?” cpagali
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maternity leave is not a vacation. It is rarely restful and it’s purpose is to give mom time to heal and bond with the baby.
Not make sure dinner is on the table.
Seems like he is either stuck in a 1950s mentality or this is an issue of you doing ‘invisible work’ while he has to go to the office or wherever he does his job. He thinks you ‘get to stay home and do nothing’- because he doesn’t SEE juggle cleaning the house while watching the baby (and is a new parent who has no idea what all that entails) and he is feeling jealous.
You can’t not take care of the baby, but if he doesn’t correct his behavior after your talk tomorrow (and you’re willing to let the house go a bit and feeling a little petty) take one or two days and JUST take care of the baby. Don’t do any laundry/dishes/cleaning up that doesn’t directly impact the baby.
When he brings up the state of the house remind him that HE accused you of being lazy and this is the result of you actually being lazy with anything that doesn’t directly involve taking care of the baby.” breebop83
Another User Comments:
“OP, my son is almost 4 months old and I still don’t usually have dinner ready for my hubby.
And you know what? He understands and respects that babies take so much time and effort. So sometimes he cooks, or sometimes we reheat something from the freezer or order in. We’re a team so we both do what we can.
Remember: your job is currently to look after yourself and your baby during the day. When he gets home, you two should share the responsibility of caring for the baby and any other responsibilities such as making dinner.
If hubby doesn’t get this, perhaps one weekend he can try looking after your baby by himself from 8-5:30 and cook dinner for you? He’d probably change his tune after that.” Membership_Tiny
13. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Work Overtime To Help With My Medical Bills?
A little contribution would help, especially when your family is in need.
“For a little background, my husband has always been against overtime unless he is required to by his job. If we need any extra bucks for Christmas or birthdays, I am always the one that works overtime to come up with those funds. When he lost his job at the beginning of a few years ago, I was also the one that worked 6-7 days a week to make sure everything got paid.
I’ve known this about him for a while and I have come to accept that this type of thing was just how it is. I completely understand not wanting to work overtime if you don’t have to, so I don’t completely blame him. I do however think there are some times you just have to do it if that’s what it takes.
So what happened was recently I got very sick. I tried to hold out until my days off but after about 3 days I got to the point that I could barely function. I went into the ER almost 10 hours before I should have been at work (I work nights) and I hoped that it would give me time for them to help me and then me be able to go to work that night.
Unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned and they kept me as I had to have surgery the next day. I ended up missing two days of work because of this and it severely impacted my paycheck as it also got rid of my bonus. I had not even had my surgery yet before he was telling me I would have to work my two days off to make up for what I was missing.
I was not cleared to do so and was also in a massive amount of pain.
The day I got out of the hospital he asked me if I would still be able to pay my half of the bills. And I told him I didn’t think so because of how much pay I would be missing out on.
He immediately went to “well you’re going to have to sell some of your stuff to make it up” to which I said “I figured maybe you could help me. If you worked on your day off you could probably make up a good portion of what I’d be missing and then I could just pay you back or buy you something later” this set him off.
He thinks I’m being selfish and that I shouldn’t expect him to work on his day off to pay for my bills. I understand completely why he wouldn’t want to work extra time but at the same time, I don’t really have much of a choice. I also don’t think it’s fair that he expects me to sell my things when I picked up his slack when he lost his job and never once hinted he should sell anything.
I feel like I could be the jerk by expecting him to help out some, but it’s not like I can work more hours to make up the finances because I literally just had surgery.
I feel like he went into jerk territory when he started to yell at me for being selfish and going as far as to even call me lazy when I was literally in so much pain that I couldn’t even sit up.
He has a habit of being selfish and rude but I just feel like this went too far.
So AITJ or is he the jerk? And if everyone agrees with him I guess I will apologize to him, I just kind of assumed marriage was 50/50 but I may be expecting more than I should.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry you are going through this.
Marriage is not 50/50 marriage is 100/100, where both parties put 100% of themselves into it. And the load cannot be always be shared equally, throughout the years there will be times when you pull a bit more and others where he will have to pull a bit more because it goes with the ups and downs of the individuals and the other should naturally want to step up and pick up the slack for the time being.
That is what love is.
And I don’t know if you noticed this, but in your marriage, you have always (from your description) taken more than 50% of the financial burden. You are the only one making up for the financial deficits. And I bet that this extends to other areas of your life, like household chores, child-rearing, etc. This is the one time you it became a huge deal because you are just physically unable to cope and he doesn’t understand, where is this man’s compassion and heart?
Did he play the tin man one too many times in high school?
Frankly, I would leave him over this, as much as it pains you to break your family. I had such a visceral response to reading this that I don’t see any way back from this. I don’t see any possible redeeming qualities that can possibly make up for this lack of compassion, this lack of partnership.
You deserve better.” RAthrowaway
Another User Comments:
“Lady, from one internet stranger to another, you really need to consider couples’ therapy because this dynamic is toxic. It’s one thing to have separate finances & only being financially responsible for yourselves outside of shared utilities, but come on dude, y’all are married. Like the 50/50 arrangement has to have a limit when it comes to unforeseeable illnesses, right?
Making you sell off your stuff to foot the missing portion & telling you to axe some of your vacation days to make up anything else affected…does in “sickness & in health” only apply to him? And hospital bills aren’t exactly cheap either. Do you even have anything aside from a car or a couple of electronics that could even come close to the amount you have remaining?
Idk what you have to pay, but just by reading that you lost your bonus & your husband going straight to you selling off your belongings gives me the impression that you don’t have a lot saved up or at the very least this bill is massive.
Needless to say, if he doesn’t agree or even wants to budge about this issue, then it would be in your best interest to get individual therapy to sort out if this arrangement is something you truly want for the rest of your life.
Just think about down the line if/when your health takes another nosedive. Are you truly okay knowing that he will expect you to pick up the slack with whatever value you have left in your name & not even consider helping you out. You know, like what a loving husband is supposed to do to ease as much stress off his partner as possible.
NTJ.” Bread-Overload-89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have a husband, you have a crappy roommate you sleep with. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and partnerships can’t always be 50/50. Sometimes the ratio is 10/90 or 30/70. Your partner is supposed to pick up your slack in events like this. You know, just like you picked up his when he lost his job.
He didn’t seem to have an issue with you working overtime to pay all the bills, while he sat at home. You didn’t suggest he sell his belongings to make up his portion of the rent. Maybe he will understand it this way. Tell him you want to be paid back for when you worked 6-7 days a week to pick up his slack.
Ask him why it’s okay for him not to pay bills when he loses a job, but not okay for you when you’ve had emergency surgery. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t want to work on his days off. That’s what you do when you’re an adult, have bills to pay, and your wife is recovering from surgery.
I had to have emergency surgery a few years ago, and my partner didn’t complain one time about working extra to make rent and coming home to take care of me. It’s what you’re supposed to do in a partnership. I would do the same for them without even thinking twice.
I really hope this is eye-opening to how much your husband actually cares about you.
Because it doesn’t seem like he cares that much. You should really evaluate your relationship and decide if you’re actually happy living with someone like that.” Choonabayga
12. AITJ For Threatening Legal Action Against My Step-Sister For Not Returning My Guitar?
“I (21f) got a guitar for my birthday 8 years ago from my grandmother, which came with a small amp and some learning disks. My grandmother and I were extremely close, she practically raised me. But unfortunately, she ended up passing away from leukemia when I was 14. I received nothing except a plant and 9 of her t-shirts after the funeral.
Well, two years ago my step-sister (24f) came into town from 2 states away to help my family move.
During this time I had moved most of my things to my partner’s parents’ house. While I was at work, she asked my mother if she could take the guitar back to her home state to learn how to play. My mother agreed since I rarely play it, and it was sitting there collecting dust but told her to ask me since it was mine.
Obviously, I said no, but my mother insisted I let her learn since she has nothing better to do. This sister has torn up so many items of mine in the past. I was told to get over it, and my mother gave her permission, and she took the guitar anyway. I went to collect the rest of my things from my mother’s old house, and the guitar, disks, and amp were kept from me.
My mother told me to let it go because she’s my sister and promised nothing bad will happen to it
I told her I wanted it back after three months since she would be coming back through our town to give my mom her dog back. She agreed and we all went our separate ways. Well that day never came, she never came back into town and I’ve been asking for the past THREE YEARS for my guitar back.
I messaged her several times offering to drive to her state to get it, and my mothers dog which she was refusing to give back. I was told that it was never a good time for me to come out be she assured me I would get my guitar back. I even offered to pay her for the time it took and pay for all the shipping costs to get it shipped to me.
She ignored my messages and eventually just blocked me on all forms of contact. I tried going through my mother to get it back but she told me to let it go and plan on never seeing it again.
She finally unblocked me a week ago. I was pulled into a facetime group wither her and my other sister today, and I asked if she still had it and if so if I could get it back.
She smirked at me and said, “Oh, that. It got pawned.” I could feel my heart fall out of my chest when she said this. I asked her why and she responded with, “to pay for substances for her mother-in-law.”
I blew up on her and started yelling that I would take her or the mother-in-law to court or file a police reportJ,for theft since she pawned it.
She hung up on me and said that I was going to get her kicked out of her mother-in-law’s house for making the threats. I called my grandfather and got the total amount the guitar was worth and told her she could either pay it, or I would assume legal action.
My dad is completely on my side and so is my partner.
On the other hand, my mom and her husband are calling me a jerk…
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As both a musician and the same relationship with my grandma, I do understand the value. File a report. Try to get it back. If the efforts are fruitless at least you tried everything you could. You show people how to treat you.
I am a very forgiving person but this was done with intention and I encourage you to stand up for yourself and show your mom and step-sister that they cannot disrespect you like that.
All the actions following the report only reveal a person’s character. Your step-sister’s MIL will be angry not because you did something, but because you revealed her true character.
And if you’re scared that your mom will be annoyed at you for doing then this too only shows that she doesn’t take accountability and is picking sides. And that is the case even when you don’t report it so you might as well bring it all to light. You’re not responsible for anyone’s relationship here.
If your step-sister gets kicked out it’s the consequence of her own action. But you are responsible for yourself here and I personally would regret my whole life if I didn’t at least try everything I could to get the guitar back or at least what it was worth. I wish you the best.” sunandwaters
Another User Comments:
“I mean NTJ, but why did you let this go on for so long?
You could have and should have reported it as stolen in the first place, and you would have had an actual chance of getting it back.
It’s pretty clear that she had zero intention of ever returning it in the first place, and you were naive as crap to think otherwise.
Also, am I correct in understanding that you don’t play guitar so this was mainly sentimental?
If so, I’m even more confused as to why you waited so long, because if you view it primarily as a sentimental token from your grandmother, then it’s inherently irreplaceable.
Getting the heck back from her might make you feel a little better in principle, but you can’t replace the actual item your grandmother gave you.
You need to learn to stand up for yourself because as awful as your stepsister is here, you did a lot to screw yourself out of a better outcome.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do it.
My brother stole my ukulele to give to his secret lover in 2015. When I asked for it back, he just told me it was “unattainable.” I got the rest of the story after my mom confessed that he walked in and took it, and she couldn’t stop him.
I blew up, found his partner and her parents online, and threatened to tell them that he was seeing their daughter unless I either got the uke back or got a new one paid for by my brother.
I realize now that threatening to drag the girl into it and snitch to her parents when she probably didn’t know it was stolen was extreme, but at the time, I was furious.
That uke helped me through one of my worst mental health patches and he just took it to gift to her. Didn’t even ask. I saw red. I got a new uke, paid for unwillingly by my brother, and haven’t talked to him except to trade insults in the past 7 years. To this day, someone grabbing something of mine without asking makes my skin itch a little.
Your sister can’t dismiss the value of the item to you, decide it’s hers, and then get rid of it. Also, your mom sucks. I hope you get some return on this.” spicytraveler
11. AITJ For Kicking My Partner And His Daughter Out Over Something His Daughter Did?
A nine-year-old should know better.
“I started seeing a guy roughly a year and a half ago. He has a 9-year-old (almost 10) daughter named “Chrissy.” I have an 11yo son as well. We met each other’s kids 3 months back and last month they started having weekend visits here.
It’s been a super hard adjustment for me, especially. The kids get along for the most part but I’m just having a really hard time. My son has always been a fairly good kid and has hardly ever given me issues. He never drew on walls or broke anything of importance or talked back (aside from occasionally, obviously, no kid is perfect) and he was always super quick to ask permission to touch my stuff.
I personally think I lucked out and I knew that not all kids were as well-behaved as my child, but I wasn’t ready, I don’t think. I’m just overwhelmed.
So, since she has been doing weekend visits here (she stays in my guest room), she has destroyed a lot. Rips holes in the mattress and then says they were already there (they weren’t), draws on the walls and windowsill with makeup and marker, she even takes my new feminine pads to her room and will cut them up.
She has put a hole in my wall and said it was already there. I can buy a brand new thing of shampoo and conditioner and it’s 100% gone and in the trash by the end of her shower, which lasts 45 minutes every single time. She stomps her feet and slams doors when we have to speak to her and knocks things off the walls.
She is generally a good kid, but she is so freaking destructive.
What really set me off was her coming here this weekend with her dad (my son was at his father’s), and I was called into the office to do a signing which would only take roughly an hour max. So I left them here without me. Well, when I got back she was sitting at the kitchen table with all my photo albums laying in front of her, cutting out the faces and everything else on these photos and gluing them to her “scrapbook.” Photos that I cannot get back, as they were printed out YEARS ago when I was in foster care and those were the only copies I had.
Photos of my dead friend as well. I went to my partner, who was on the phone outdoors, and told him they needed to leave, explained the situation, and told him I was freaking done. Those photos, as stupid as it may be, were a huge part of my childhood and now they are destroyed. I told him I was done speaking to him about his daughter destroying my crap and it was time to go.
He thinks I’m a jerk for throwing a year and a half down the drain over some pictures. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- several things wrong with this. He doesn’t correct her when she does anything destructive which will only progressively get worse with time. She needs to be in therapy and you shouldn’t tolerate him allowing her to cause such disrespect to your house.
She is a guest and he’s taken advantage of your generosity. She is likely unhappy about the change of you and her father being together but soon she’ll probably be destroying your son’s things for gratification and blame him just as she’s put holes in your walls. It can escalate to her potentially harming you or your son.
She is too old to be still in her terrible twos. Run from this relationship and protect you and your son because there will always be tension in that house if your ex and his child is there. He will not enforce boundaries with her.” redfrogthrowaway
Another User Comments:
“Holes in the mattress? Holes in the wall? This girl is destructive and disrespectful… and the fact that you’re now ex-partner wasn’t giving consequences for her actions basically sends a message that says she can do whatever she wants without being disciplined by her dad.
This girl, though, went too far with going into your personal photos and cutting out the pictures and not having consequences. It’s clear that she would have continued and your partner not stepped in as a parent to teach her about boundaries and respect for other people’s personal belongings, so while it might seem severe (throwing them out), the fact that he didn’t see that it was a big deal definitely is a red flag and probably it’s the best thing you could do for yourself because it would only mean more of the same in the future.” Alchemalgoddess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Block his number and be done. She absolutely knows what she is doing btw, kids are much smarter than we credit them at this age ( my son is the same age) but girls are much more cunning/mean before boys ever reach that teenage attitude stage. You are smart to end it now. I am so very sorry about your pictures.
At the end of the day, this guy is always going to side with his daughter and is destined to have a lot of failed relationships ahead of him if he doesn’t correct his daughter’s behavior. If his daughter is trolling and targeting you with this level of destruction this early on, imagine when she becomes a tween and teen (insert eye roll).
Count yourself lucky that this is all she was able to destroy before she set her sights on your son and his possessions or did something seriously destructive to your home. Consider this a blessing in disguise. Again, I can’t imagine how upset you are about the photos, and my condolences are with you as this is the kind of thing you never get over.” Space_Creep13
10. AITJ For Refusing To Attend The Birth Of My Sister's Child?
Attending a birth is not for the faint of heart and is most definitely not a requirement for someone to attend.
“I (21F) have a sister (27F, Liv) who will be giving birth in a couple of weeks, I guess, and she’s doing a home birth.
She has made elaborate plans for her labor and is excited about the process, I’m also excited for her too but honestly, it seems a little scary to me. I’ve unfortunately seen my mom’s labor footage, it was not a good experience. I was legit traumatized.
Now the thing is that Liv wants to be surrounded by family while laboring.
By family I mean; her husband and a few female family members from both sides. Her SIL is coming and from our side, Mom will be there. When the conversation came up the other day, she totally just casually said that we’ll get her through it. I told her that I was not going to be there because I’m not sure if I would be able to stay calm seeing her agitated and of course witnessing the b****y miracle of birth.
She was surprised that I was saying such a thing. I tried to reason with her and said that I’ll support her in every other way, like cooking or cleaning her house but I just don’t want to be there when she’s all screaming and the baby’s coming out.
She got super angry and lectured me on how I was ruining her perfect labor plan and then mom also got on my back that I was being squeamish for no reason.
Liv then got super emotional and mom tried to calm her down and gestured for me to leave which I did.
I understand that Liv is emotional of course because she’s just about to give birth but i really don’t think I’ll be a stable person during that process, it’s better that I come after. I have no problem in taking care of her and of course, I’ll love the baby so much after its born.
But I just can’t stop feeling so guilty for saying no to Liv and of course she became quite stressed because of my refusal.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a labor room and not a clown car where 20,000 people are packed in.
I take it this is her first child. Does she have a romanticized view of labor (due to movies and tv)- three little pushes and the baby comes out all nicely wrapped?
She might be in for a surprise. There are a lot of fluids involved- pee, poop, b***d, vomit, etc. The pain can be unbearable, lasting for hours. You sort of curse everyone involved in making this child and swear that you’ll never do it again. But in the end, you’ll hold a new life in your hands.
“She’s doing a home birth.
She has made elaborate plans for her labor and is excited about the process, I’m also excited for her too but honestly, it seems a little scary to me. I’ve unfortunately seen my mom’s labor footage, it was not a good experience. I was legit traumatized.”
Now the thing is that Liv wants to be surrounded by family while laboring.
By family I mean; her husband and a few female family members from both sides. She got super angry and lectured me on how I was ruining her perfect labor plan and then Mom also got on my back that I was being squeamish for no reason.”
Some people, including women, absolutely do not want to be in the delivery room unless they are absolutely needed. Your mother has already gone through this, you have not.
You didn’t say how old you were when you saw your mother’s labor footage but it obviously made a big impact on you. You know that you will not be able to support your sister if you are busy throwing up. You can’t give encouragement if you have fainted. You know yourself and you know that you can not handle this.
It is best that you stay away.
And tell your sister that there is no such thing as a perfect labor plan. She might be envisioning pushing out by candlelight but the baby’s heart rate might drop and she will have to be rushed to the hospital. The baby might be too big to come out naturally, and an emergency C-section has to be performed. I do hope that whoever is delivering this baby has direct access to a hospital in case there is a real emergency.
In short, you know you. Your sister needs to be surrounded by people who can encourage her and advocate for her. You can do neither of these things for her during her labor. Stand your ground.
NTJ.” PanamaViejo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What birthing mother wants someone there who doesn’t want to be there? I personally did not want an audience & statistics show births take longer when there are more people there.
It’s great that your sister wants to include you but truly you are doing her a favor not being there until it’s over if you aren’t up for it.
I suspect this is her first birth? If so then when the labor gets intense, there is a good chance she will throw everyone out. Suddenly a group of people seems to make a lot of noise when labor is intense.
Shuffling feet, talking softly, giggling, breathing too loud.. all of it is annoying when feeling intense labor. (I kicked everyone out but the nurse and my partner.)
Anyway, maybe the best thing to do is lie to her. Tell her you will be there. Maybe even show up early on, bring coffee & bagels for everyone, drop them off, and have another errand to run.
Woops you got delayed 8-16 hours.” pedestrianwanderlust
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- As a person who works with animals and is often assisting birthing animals I can tell you that there is nothing beautiful about birth. It’s b****y, gory, and dangerous. I’ll probably get downvoted for this but all these people that say birth is beautiful is just going along with the snow job they give women to convince them to have kids.
So it’s completely understandable you would have been traumatized by your moms labor video. Ugh. I can’t even imagine what she was thinking showing it you! If most women knew the real dangers of pregnancy and birth they’d probably be giving it some more careful and serious thought. My own sister nearly passed away due in childbirth herself.
So no, you are NTJ not wanting to see all of that and I absolutely do not want to see anyone deliver a baby.
That being said, I truly hope she has a safe and successful birth. But no way would I go to that.
Also, I’d check your state’s laws. I would not want to be a part of breaking any laws if something goes wrong.” ksarahsarah27
9. AITJ For Screaming At My Wife For Selling The Birthday Gift I Got Our Daughter?
“I(40M) and my wife(41F) have been married for 12 years. We have a daughter and son together. Our daughter is turning 8 and has been wanting a Nintendo Switch. My wife got laid off from her job and has become more frugal. I am still working and am happy to provide for the family. I have no issue with saving finances.
We have been planning our daughter’s birthday party and my wife has made it clear that the budget is $50.
She bought all the decorations from the dollar store, which I didn’t see an issue with. She told my daughter she could only invite 5 of her friends as it would save bucks on the amount of food we would have to spend.
I bought the cake and the pizza. Daughter told us that she wanted a Nintendo switch. My wife looked up the price for one and told her that it was too expensive. I found a switch online for a good price and purchased it.
Her birthday party was this past weekend. She was so excited seeing that we got her a switch.
When everything calmed down, my wife started yelling at me for purchasing the console. I told her that I got the system for a good price.
Daughter started school this year. When I picked her up from school, she went up to her bedroom to play with the switch. She starts crying and tells me the switch was missing. I looked through her entire room and couldn’t find it anywhere.
My wife comes home handing me some change and tells me that she sold the switch. I started screaming at her for selling the switch and upsetting our daughter. Her reasoning was that my daughter wasn’t letting her brother use the console and that I spent finances we didn’t have.
She packed a bag and is currently staying with her sister.
I have purchased my daughter another switch along with some games. SIL thinks I am being a horrible husband and not respecting my wife’s decision on saving finances.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m taking what you said at face value – that despite the layoff the family is not struggling financially, bills are being paid, and the cost of this gift did not put you in financial jeopardy.
Should you have communicated more thoroughly with your wife? Yes. Should you have sat down together and laid down a family budget considering her recent job loss? Yes.
Does your oversight in these two categories trump your wife’s heinous behavior? No. An adult woman went into a child’s room, stole that child’s valued gift, and sold it. For no reason outside of spite.
That, in my opinion, is emotionally manipulative behavior toward the child.
Is this out of character for your wife? Or does she frequently take her frustrations out on your children instead of speaking to you about them? Because this, to me, is a huge red flag about her ability to appropriately parent and maintain healthy relationships with her children.” ASleepandAForgetting
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Clearly.
The fact that the top comments are N T J is shocking to me.
Your wife lost her job and communicated to you that she felt being a little financially conscious this year was the right move. Your daughter was told that you couldn’t afford a switch by her mother. You decided to undermine your wife’s parenting and completely disregard her feelings about saving change by buying it anyways.
From what I can tell in your post, you didn’t discuss it with her, you didn’t sit down and show her how this actually wouldn’t impact your budgeting, you just unilaterally decided to buy it.
And you say you are happy to support the family, but unless you’re making well into six figures, a switch likely is a little too expensive.
Who does the bulk of the budgeting? Who goes grocery shopping? Who actually makes the bill payments? Do you know how much hange is going out and how much of a hit her losing her job is on the family finances?
Yes, I agree your wife is a huge jerk for returning it after it had already been given to your daughter.
But I definitely am not willing to give you a free pass like the top comments are.” ImpressionOk1458
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Do you and your wife not communicate? She’s concerned about finances, so instead of setting out a budget or checking what else y’all’s daughter would like, you went behind your wife’s back to buy an expensive birthday gift?
Your wife then, instead of talking to you about buckling down on a budget for what was done, punished y’all’s daughter (the innocent party in this) by finding an excuse to confiscate her birthday gift and sell it off?
I’m leaning more toward your wife being the jerk for taking y’all’s daughter’s gift and making her cry, especially since we don’t know the finances involved, but a healthy marriage doesn’t have both parties going behind each other’s backs over large sums of money.
Divorces happen over finances for a reason, especially when communication sucks, too. Best advice? See a marriage counselor and figure out how the two of you can manage finances together.” Notte_di_nerezza
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. How is it that you and your wife have such vastly different understandings of your finances? Something is going on here that you haven’t mentioned.
Based purely on the language you’re using, I don’t buy your explanation of things, so I’m going to assume that she’s actually quite justified in being concerned about spending extra bucks on a new gaming console (which leads to additional purchases, the “true cost” of a new gaming console isn’t just the console but all the games you buy). Further, you deliberately went against what she told your daughter and bought such a console, not just once but twice.
Whether your daughter actually did know where it was and pretended not to because she didn’t want to get in between your argument over it, is not clear (kids with feuding parents learn how to stay out of it the best they can). Regardless, she was in the wrong for selling it. Taking back a gift from a child is not a reasonable course of action unless you literally can’t keep the electricity paid or something like that.
She should have spoken to you, rather than selling it.
You and your wife have serious issues going on and you need to resolve them WITHOUT GETTING YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. Talk to your wife. Get counseling if you need to, because it sounds like things are imploding and you seem to be acting like you’re oblivious to it.
Something has gone pretty badly wrong and you should address it ASAP. It’s not about the Switch.” notrightmeowthx
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Seat To Allow A Family To Sit Together?
“So I traveled home today from Greece. The flight was roughly 10 hours, and around this time of year, it’s extremely hectic.
I booked my ticket specifically to be closer to the front of the plane so I can be closer to the gate when it was time to get out. I personally hate traveling, so I spent a bit more to be closer.
When I got on the plane, a family of four approached me and asked if I could switch spots.
Normally I’d be okay with that but switching spots would mean moving back 20 rows down which leaves me at an inconvenience and I would not be getting my buck’s worth. I rejected and said that I would like to keep my seat. The woman said that I was being a jerk and I should just give up my seat so she could sit with her husband and kids (ouch, right in front of her kids too).
I said, ”respectfully, ma’am, your travel issues are not my problem. I am keeping the seat I paid for. “
She ended up making a scene and basically said, “wow, look at this jerk who can’t even move seats so a family could sit all together.”
I said, “maybe you should have booked ahead of time or spent more on tickets so you all could sit together.
This is not my issue. Grow up and get over it. I am not moving seats. End of story!”
I sat down, and her husband apologized to me for her behavior and said that “she hates traveling, but giving her the seat would’ve made things easier in the end.”
So, AITJ for not giving up my seat?”
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion: ESH, I’m ready for the downvotes, but hear me out.
Everyone is assuming that this family didn’t plan well. While that may be the case, nobody knows the circumstances of why this family is on a plane. I’m a fan of “you never know what someone is going through” and try not to make judgments.
We were this family once on our way back from an unexpected funeral. It was traumatic and awful. It was last minute booking, so of course, 4 seats weren’t together, and 2 seats weren’t even together. Kids were younger, so at least one parent needed to be with each. Someone was kind enough to switch, and we offered to pay for drinks and snacks for their kindness and inconvenience.
The family could’ve done something along those lines to make the situation a little better or at least offered OP the difference of his upgrade to cover the cost. Also, the woman was a mega jerk for acting the way she did after being told “no.”
OP is very softly borderline a jerk since it was assumed they were just poor planners and/or cheap.
I remember hearing remarks under people’s breath that are similar to comments here, assuming we were just poor planners, and it was infuriating, but I didn’t want to make our business known on the plane, and we were all emotionally and physically exhausted. NTJ because he declined to give up the seat that he paid extra for.
While I realize that poor planners and people like that exist, it’s not always the case, so don’t assume.
Just a different perspective.
ETA: someone pointed out that only 1 person was separated, not the whole family. OP is def NTJ straight out as the family could’ve managed this situation by switching out adults to take turns with the kids.” Csquared913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do think that 10 hours is a long fight, and it makes sense for families to sit together, especially if they are little, and more especially if it was a set of four seats in a row.
That said, it doesn’t sound like anyone near you offered to give up their seat so she could be closer or so you could move to their spot, and she could take yours. And you do not owe her anything.
Info: did they request the people by her seat to move so the other three could move to the back?
If she only asked you, then she’s extra in the wrong. I can see it being more challenging in having to get three people to move rather than one, especially since carry-ons would have already been stowed in the overhead and no one wants to have to walk from the front to the back to get carry-on luggage when deplaning.
Typically, if someone needs to swap seats they have multiple chances before they even enter the plane to request this, although airlines and experiences can vary, and international sometimes varies from domestic travel.
Once booked, airlines often email about the opportunity to upgrade seats (which, yes, often cost more bucks, which it sounds like you paid).
If they have the airline’s app, it offers them the same upgrade opportunity, plus a couple of days before the flight the option to change seats.
Check-in either on the app or if they go to a kiosk or person, it lets them review seats. Ok, so let me pause. All three of the above require seats to be open to accommodate a family to sit together. So, let’s just say, in their defense, maybe there were no sets of four seats together. They still have more options.
At the baggage or ticketing counter to request from a person to move them together.
Airlines often have help desks and/or service phones inside terminals.
At the gate counter where everyone sits.
Also, they could have tried to do one parent, one child and split those up in sets of two as well. There are so many options they had to make it work and they were just counting on a stranger accommodating them in what sounds like an entitled manner.” Key-Iron-7909
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened to my husband and I years ago on the way to our honeymoon. On a full flight, a family with multiple kids asked my husband to give up his seat so both parents could be in the same row with the kids. Initially, we said no because it was our honeymoon and we wanted to be together on the 10+ hour flight.
Then, the kids (all pretty young) started melting down because both parents weren’t with them. The dad’s solution was to spend over an hour standing hovering over us and parenting from the aisle next to our seat to keep the kids content. It was a lose-lose situation all around and everyone was miserable. Finally, the flight team intervened with a solution.
We gave the dad our seat, they moved a few people around to make 2 seats together for us and gifted us access to the swanky executive elite lounge on the second floor of the plane. They threw us a little party up there with champagne, desserts, fancy pajamas and slippers, etc. and let us hang out up there until we were ready to sleep.
It was an insane, once-in-a-lifetime experience we never would have been able to afford.
Added bonus, the kids tired themselves out from screaming so much early on. Once they had both parents with them, they knocked out and didn’t make a peep for the rest of the flight” warriorflower
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife That She's Sabotaging Her Daughters?
“My wife’s daughters are 11 and 13. I’ve noticed her telling them the wrong information at times or missing out on crucial information from instructions and I believe it is to make them fail. I’ve noticed this pattern and begun to watch.
For example, they have afro hair and she insists on brushing out all of their knots when their hair is dry before they get in the shower.
They sit silently, but they have pain across their faces as she tugs at their knots. I mentioned this at work and one of my colleagues said her daughters should brush their hair when it’s wet with conditioner on as the knots will slide out. I noticed that my wife does this to her hair but still insists her daughters sit and get their hair brushed out?
One of her daughters wanted to bake a cake, and my wife laughed to me afterward as she said she missed out on a crucial step in the recipe. Her daughter was upset when she failed – it really bothered me as it seemed to give my wife a sense of satisfaction to leave her daughter to struggle and watch her fail?
One of her daughters didn’t like one of my wife’s that she had cooked (she’s insisted the whole family follow her strict diet), and my wife then ‘punished’ her silently by ordering her many ready meals and putting her on a ready meal diet for the next month, without any explanation?
I gently approached my wife with this and she is now giving me the silent treatment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother did this to me (among other worse things) while spoiling my sister… can you guess which one of us looks like our father, the person who manipulated her?
Is dad in the picture? Are your wife’s parents? You need to protect these girls. Please document, document, document and speak with their teachers or other adults that can also offer support and potentially document things on their end as well.
Honestly, CPS probably won’t do much of anything if you report it to them (or if a mandatory report does) without extensive evidence and even then it may not help, which is horrible to think about but they are overwhelmed and dealing with a lot worse.
Your wife needs counseling. Your girls need a safe environment. Do what you can to save them and if nothing else works makes sure that no matter what happens with their mother you are there for them.” Specific_Culture_591
Another User Comments:
“You are unconditionally NTJ. Jesus, what is it with this sub? When a woman describes the verbal/emotional mistreatment she or her kids suffer at the hands of her husband, it’s all “Throw the whole man away!” and “RUN, don’t walk away from this relationship” and “He has serious problems, and you need to get a divorce.” Yet when a man voices the exact same issues about his wife, he somehow shares the blame because he’s “useless”?
Can we get some consistency, or at least admit that a lot of people on here are closet chauvinists who think that women are somehow too weak and frail to protect themselves and their families, but somehow the big strong man must take care of the same issue? Can we just put that out in the open, please?
He brought the issue to his wife, and in a completely predictable act of cruel dismissiveness, she cruelly dismissed him.
He sounds MISTREATED, yet everyone’s telling him to grow a spine. I’d love to see the reactions to that same energy directed at this situation when the genders are reversed.
I’m fully aware that I’ll be downvoted to oblivion for this, but it really chafed me that OP exhibited signs of emotional or verbal mistreatment.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“Your children are being mistreated. Your wife needs help on the off chance that, in some weird way, it’s not intentional.
My mother was similar. She was a very loving mother however did things that just didn’t make sense. Constantly had my struggle for no reason. I honestly think she was jealous that I had a mom and dad. Yes, being jealous that I have her and she had no one.
Like she never got me a hairbrush yet complained I didn’t brush my hair enough. Then would use the excuse she doesn’t know how to style hair or do anything with it. Yet she always looked nice and had her hair tidy. Same with clothing. She’d have me in shambles and claim she didn’t know how to dress girls after having two boys.
Yet she dressed just fine in very feminine clothing. Don’t get me started on bathing and basic hygiene.
To say the least, this weird I love you but I hate you upbringing really screwed me up. My brothers would tease me, my peers would too. It was confusing, and it took a toll on my self-esteem. I’m now 32 and have been on a healing therapeutic journey for the last 6 years.
And only in the last 2 have I been anywhere near sane.
Please do something about your wife. This is not okay!!!
YTJ if you don’t do something for your daughters and advocate for them.” Reddit User
6. AITJ For Giving My Mother-In-Law The Wrong Address To Stop Her From Sending Her Granddaughter Gifts?
“I 42m have been married to my wife 39f for 15 years. We have a wonderful 14-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son.
My wife’s mother has some views that I don’t agree with. Two years ago, for our daughter’s 12th birthday, she sent her a book about crash dieting that promised something like 10 pounds of weight loss in three days. Our daughter was devastated because the underlying message was clear as day. It was a month until she started eating a whole plate of food for dinner again.
Our daughter is a healthy girl. She is highly active, studious, and most importantly, happy. Her grandmother believes that she’s not reaching her “full potential,” whatever that means, and thinks that she’ll be on the front covers of magazines if she can just shed some weight. Since she made these views clear to me, I have made it my mission to block any unsupervised contact, and this includes gifts.
About a month ago, with my daughter’s upcoming 14th birthday, Grandma texted me asking for our new address. Normally she would ask my wife, but since she didn’t answer within 10 minutes, she texted me instead. My wife would have given her our real address, but I was able to respond first with a fake one and tell my wife no response was necessary.
I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be home to intercept any gifts, and my daughter would open something addressed to her. It gave her some numbers/a street somewhere that I wasn’t even sure existed.
A couple of weeks later, after my daughter’s birthday, I realized that it did not in fact exist as her package was returned to her. Both she and my wife were furious, and my wife amended the address I gave her before.
Grandma insisted it was a completely innocent package. Well, the day it was scheduled for delivery, I decided to work from home. When it arrived I opened it up and found a baton-twirling uniform (my daughter’s hobby). Sound innocent enough? It was at least two sizes too small.
I sat my wife down with the stupid thing in front of us and said it was clearly intentional, which my wife refuses to acknowledge.
Now she and her mother are even madder at me for throwing the uniform into the neighbor’s garbage (with the neighbor’s permission).
Did I handle this correctly?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I’m going with NTJ because this is my life. My grandmother was the same. When I was 14, growing, swimming competitively, and playing basketball, she didn’t want me to eat more than half a sandwich.
I’m 33 and obese now from hiding food and eating fast food because I didn’t have to worry about eating in front of people after not eating all day or more. I’m slowly trying to get to a healthy weight but if I step on a scale too often I become obsessed. I binge and restrict or binge and purge.
There are days when just eating a single thing is a win. Ironically I’ve lost a lot of weight from eating regularly. My brother has struggled with anorexia from the way my grandmother harps on weight.
I really cannot fault the actions taken to protect your child, who’s growing and needs food, from that damage. Honestly, feel free to tell your wife all of this.
I’ve got significantly better coping skills than I used to, but those thoughts don’t just stop.” Educational_Ice5114
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
How did you think you’d get away with your wife’s mother having the wrong address? What a terribly short-sighted way to face this problem.
Your MIL is awful, your daughter needs protection from her, and your wife better get her head on straight about it.
But you’re not going to be a help to your daughter if you don’t address this appropriately.
See a counselor, send her some resources about the damage you think she’s doing, get the two of you on the same page ASAP.” Environmental_Quilt75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at ALL.
I applaud you for being so proactive in protecting your daughter.
I wish I had a parent like you stand up for me like this when I was her age! I still struggle as an adult with body dysmorphia after years of comments/actions like this (my body being nitpicked, critiqued, encouraged to go on diets, restricted to 500 calories a day).
These actions by MIL can have devastating and LONG TERM effects on physical and mental health.
I’ve experienced it.
MIL is an jerk, and Wife should be backing you up.
I’d say it’s more than likely that MIL pulled the same crap with her daughter (maybe she still does!). Wife needs to unpack that as well.
You’re doing the right thing and protecting your daughter.
ETA: Wife’s complacency in this also makes her a jerk.
She needs to see what a huge problem this is. Her silence/lack of action could be read as her being in agreement with MIL by your daughter.” Kindly_Suggestion_48
5. AITJ For Not Privately Announcing My Pregnancy To My Friend?
Sometimes it’s awkward telling people in private about your pregnancy and just easier posting it online for everyone to find out about at once.
“People we told before announcing online were family and the godparents to be. Following our 12-week scan, my husband was excited so he wanted to announce it on social media (this was the first time he had felt like it was real).
Following posting on social media I received a message of congratulations from a friend. Immediately following this message she told me she was happy for us but upset as she had been trying for a few months with no success (which maybe could have waited a couple of days but I just sent supportive messages in return). The next message I received stated that she felt I should have messaged her before posting on social media so that she didn’t find out with the “randoms” I have on social media.
I was super upset and had never stuck up for myself against her. I expressed that we only told people who needed to know and that I felt it was quite selfish or her to tell us how to share our news. I added if she wanted to share her news that way, that is fine, but I would never feel obliged to tell someone how to share their news.
She replied a day later, expressing that she was ending our friendship as she didn’t understand why she wasn’t a person who needed to know (which I guess wasn’t clear enough to mean family) and that it shows how I feel about our friendship. I responded, acknowledging her decision and saying how it had nothing to do with our friendship as to why she wasn’t told.
Anyhow she didn’t respond after that, deleted social media for a week, we received a congratulations card from Moonpig from her 10 days later and have been completely blocked on all social media. AITJ? because I’ve been obsessing over this now and it is ruining the joy I’m supposed to be feeling?
Another reason I’m obsessing over this is because the same thing happened with another friend when we announced our engagement online.
Not going to go into this one but only told family and then social media, and she told me I should have called her before putting it on social media. She then wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid and was upset because we promised each other when we were 5 (which evidently I didn’t remember because I was 5) and then blocked me.
Starting to feel like the jerk here! Everyone else we have told have been really excited and delighted for us. Please be sensitive as I’m a pregnant emotional woman here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but struggling with infertility makes one do not-so-rational things. I’m not saying it’s ok. But it’s time to extend some grace. If she wants to take a step back from your friendship, you need to realize that is a “her” problem, not a you problem.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but she is feeling hurt and angry at the world (infertility struggles are so tough), and I think you are just in the firing line.
Just a note in the future, there is nothing wrong with announcing on SM, but if you have a close friend who is struggling with infertility, it’s nice to give them a heads-up text and let them know that you acknowledge their struggle.
But that’s only for like a really close friend.
But in general, you can celebrate your pregnancy but also acknowledge the struggle of infertility that is affecting your friends. That isn’t taking anything away from you, it’s recognizing that you are lucky and ok to be happy, but be grateful for what you have. Your being pregnant isn’t taking away their pregnancy.
Conversely, acknowledging and being sensitive to their struggle isn’t taking away your joy.” ZoeAWashburne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has been struggling with infertility for over 2 years, this is a HER problem. I actually prefer seeing posts like this on social media because I can then choose to filter what I see or take a break from someone if it’s affecting my mental health.
Because baby announcements, baby showers, etc. are triggering for ME. That’s a ME issue. Not happy parents. There aren’t limited storks where just because you got pregnant, it took it away from her. It’s hard for her, I know, but she’s being ridiculous! Congrats to you, by the way!” KrisG4
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it depends on how close you are.
I was good friends with a now ex-friend, M. We had been friends since we were 12 and when he got engaged (when we were 28), and it was posted on social media, I was upset I didn’t get at least a text or phone call. I didn’t say anything to him or his fiancée and just expressed my happiness for them.
I felt the same when he and his wife were expecting their first baby. They are now expecting their second and I am thrilled for them and honestly don’t care that I didn’t know before social media as we aren’t friends anymore though we are still in the same friend group.
My point is that we can’t judge unless we know how close you are, though she way overreacted and I believe you are NTJ.” AdPsychological7844
4. AITJ For Ordering Food My Step-Sister Hates?
“My (25M) dad remarried 4 years ago. He has custody of my sister (full-sibling, 16F) Fri to Sun and he also has two step-children (A 16F and B 12F), I visit my dad on the weekends to see my sister, my dad and I don’t have the best relationship, but I love my sister with all my heart so I’m doing my best to still be around.
My step-sister is heavily obsessed with Korean and Japanese culture, full K-pop, anime, and things like that, there’s nothing wrong with it, and I’m not bashing her, both my sister and I like it too. The problem is that this obsession has caused her to ONLY eat Asian food, and since she’s a mommy’s girl and my dad has prioritized his new family over my sister, that’s the only thing they eat (they’re NOT Asian).
My sister has told me that she’s done; she missed having hamburgers, pizzas, pasta, etc., but that she can’t eat them at Dad’s, and with Mom, she does it very rarely because my mom cooks and she doesn’t do these things every week (mom’s Mexican so she cooks Mexican stuff).
My dad order take out almost every weekend (and yeah, they mostly order sushi and stuff like that), this weekend was my turn to pay, my step-sister and step-mom were talking about some korean restaurant and things like that, but I looked at my sister and asked her what’d she wanted to eat, she said she had been craving a hamburger for weeks and I said ”done, I’ll order it then”, my step-sister said ”Noo, I don’t like to eat that” so I just shrugged and said I could order her something else, but my dad said we all should eat the same thing since we’re family, so I just said ”okay, burgers then” we went back and forth and I ended up ordering burgers for me, my sister and B (12F), while my dad, my step-mom and A had sushi.
My dad called me a jerk for making A feel left out, and I asked what he thought about his own kid, and he kicked me out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Stand up for your sister. She may really want to consider living with her mother full-time and not be around her father as much. While your mother may be Mexican, at least there, I do not think she is going to begrudge you for getting your sister a burger from time to time or something else.
Your father has thrown his own daughter under the bus for his new family, he better hope it pays off.
Your stepsister needs a wake-up call, cause she should stop making a fetish of another culture. It is not cute, or normal, and kind of borders on a few other things. Most of those who are from such do not like and tend to frown on such readily.
Chances are if she ever meets someone from that particular background she is going to offend them and end up regretting it.
Sides if she really wants to be immersed in the actual life and culture, ask her how many hours she is studying at school. After all most from Japan and South Korea, tend to study long hours, very long hours for schooling, and it is never enough.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“If you all grabbed it to go and ate it at home, you could have eaten as a family? Sometimes we do that in my family. We order different things and eat it together. Sometimes we try a little bit of each. Variety can be nice. That’s why buffets are nice. Even Chinese buffets will serve pizza and chicken nuggets for kids who may not be ready to eat Chinese food.
That whole thing got blown out of proportion. I get they want her to feel like part of the family but her food choices shouldn’t dictate the family because hers is a choice. It’s not a food allergy it’s her choice to only eat Asian food because she’s obsessed with the cultures. The only people who ate Asian food were the 3 of them.
You were paying. They should have gone with burgers and I’m sure if you looked up a place that made a teriyaki burger she would of ate it. Besides they have burgers restaurants in Japan. What is she going to do when she is at school and they don’t make their version of Asian food that day? Will she bring at-home Asian dinners to school?
They’re babying her and enabling this obsession. That isn’t healthy. Maybe you need to sit down and talk with your dad about what’s going on when he isn’t around. It’s fine to be passionate about something but not if it’s turning into a full-blown obsession.
NTJ.” EtherealMoonGoddess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad and stepmom are jerks for allowing one member of the family to dictate the lives of everyone.
And not for a good reason either; she’s just making Asian culture her whole personality.
Stepmom isn’t doing stepsister any favors here either. A teenager who is allowed this much arbitrary control is going to be in for a rude awakening when she goes off to college, gets a job, gets a roommate or a partner.
Kicking you out is an extreme overreaction.
In continuing to support your sister, maybe you could encourage her to start to learn to cook some of her favorite foods. Then she could make dinner for your mom once in a while or ask to cook for her stepfamily. Cooking class? Meal kit? Cookbook? It might be a fun way to support her and get the poor girl some pasta or pizza at the same time.” bethanee
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband's Friend Stay With Us Longer?
“My husband, Alex (32M), and I (29F) have been married for three years now, together for five. He has a long-time best friend, Jack (35M) that has been in his life since before my husband and I met. I like him well enough.
The two of them have always been close and spent such a large amount of time together that, at one point, I was almost starting to suspect that my husband was lying about his whereabouts and was actually with another woman. I would randomly ask him to FaceTime or send me a photo as proof that he was actually where he said he was, and he would always comply.
Jack has been talking about building his “dream home” for a few years now. The guy is pretty well off and has roped my husband into his planning process with the point that “Alex will be over constantly anyway so he should have some say in things.” This has been a passion project so many years in the making that I never thought would ever actually come to fruition, but Jack and my husband came to me about a month ago with requests for Jack to stay at our place while his previous house sold and he worked on apartment hunting to tide him over until the build was complete.
I agreed to let him stay for no longer than a month.
The official date he was supposed to leave was July 30th. His house has sold, and he’s apparently toured a few apartments, but from what I can tell, he hasn’t made a move to rent anything. I continually asked my husband for an update in the days leading up to July 30th and wasn’t provided with much.
So, last night, I told Jack he has until the end of this week to figure something else out as he had already overstayed his welcome. Both he and my husband immediately lashed out, saying I was being a terrible host and that he needed more time than that to sort out an apartment. I said I had already given him a month.
My husband currently isn’t speaking to me.
AITJ for putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“Marriage counseling. That’s what you require first and foremost, as your husband’s relationship with his friend does seem a bit unhealthy. Whether it be an emotional affair or outright having an affair, you should speak with a professional soon. Otherwise, I doubt your marriage will last much longer if Jack remains available.
Be warned, though: Jack is clearly an important factor in your husband’s life, so you should be ready for anything because it won’t be simple to break them apart, especially if your husband isn’t prepared to set up the boundaries himself. There WILL be pushback from both of them. Which is something you’ve stated yourself.
NTJ, however, move fast and smart.
Your relationship sounds like a clay pot with a deep crack. One wrong touch and it shatters.” Metorjetta
Another User Comments:
“I’m 99% sure that your husband is having an affair with Jack.
They spent so much time together to the point you thought he was with another woman….(it’s not a woman…)
This guy is “well off,” and for some reason, he has to stay in your house…
Your husband has a say in things with the “dream house” because he will be “over constantly.” I’m sorry… WHAT? Why would you design your “dream house” and have ANYONE else make decisions for it?
They agreed on him staying for a month. The month is up, he is still there and your husband and jack blow up at you when you reminded them of the agreement and they called you a “terrible host” WHEN YOU HOSTED THIS “well off” guy FOR A MONTH.
He is having an affair OR your husband is just a jerk.
Either way, he has shown you where you stand. It’s husband #1, Jack #2, you…#3 if you’re lucky.
Call a divorce lawyer, Not to file for divorce, but to get any and all information you need IF it gets that far.
NTJ. And Good luck!” QYB1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I totally get it.
Housing is super tight right now, and so is construction equipment and supplies. Jack is going to stay somewhere, maybe upwards of a year, and wants to find something he likes that isn’t a slum. I get it from his perspective on why a month in, he hasn’t found something.
Your husband is looking out for his buddy, I have a few friends I’d do the same thing for, I get the response when you wanted him out.
He wants to be a good friend.
I also understand your perspective. You guys agreed on something and want the privacy back.
The comments saying they’re in a relationship, being unfaithful to you, etc. just reek of people without a long-term friendship. I’ve got best friends, nothing about the behavior you described is anything beyond that. I’ll eat my words when you walk in on them doing the dirty with each other, sure, but it doesn’t seem like that to me.
My best friend’s nickname is “Gorgeous,” for instance, because he’s a handsome dude. Your love life probably took a dive because you have a guest in your house, I don’t give it to my SO when other people are in the house. It’s discourteous.
You know your husband better than these internet folks do, so please do not cause a huge freaking problem because people on the internet told you he’s gay.
You know him, make those calls on your own, but be prepared for consequences because if my SO came to me asking if I was in a romantic relationship with my friends, I’d probably want them to go see about getting medicated.” Thatsaclevername
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Bring Her Kids To My Wedding?
I’m kind of on the fence about this situation.
“So I am 27f, I’m with my now husband Allen. My sister 29f has a husband, 2 kids already. My wedding is coming up soon and I don’t want any kids in it because I’m not a big fan of kids, and I don’t want anything messed up.
I told everyone in our family group chat that I want no kids at all in my wedding. everyone agreed. I was picking out wedding dresses when I got a text from my sister asking if she could please bring her kids. I told her no, saying that she already saw the text I sent in the family group chat.
No kids at all. She called me and said I shouldn’t be making her kids left out of the wedding. I said I don’t really care and that if she wants to stay home with her kids and figure out something, she can. She hung up on me.
A few hours later, my sister sent an entire paragraph saying how her husband, herself, and her kids should be at her wedding.
And saying that when I have my own kids, I’ll understand where she is coming from. And that if anyone going to the wedding wants to bring their kids, they should. I sent back that I dislike kids and I and Allen will never have any. Maybe pets but not kids. I told her that if she wants to either stay home or do whatever WITH her kids or come to the wedding with her husband and herself.
No kids at all will be at the wedding. Again, NO KIDS.
She told everybody that I hate kids and that she hated people who aren’t adults because I find them annoying, messy, etc. She made lies about me because I didn’t let her kids come to my wedding. I told her if she talks to me about this again that she and her husband won’t be there and can watch it from a video or something.
She’s making some more lies I’m sure. After everybody heard the lies they got mad at me and sent texts on how I was mean and rude. I told them the truth, some believed, me some didn’t. When the day of my wedding came. Everybody was early and my sister of course came in my wedding with her kids. Forgot to say that she is very entitled and bratty.
Most people looked at her and she just walked in like nothing was wrong with it, I came up to her fuming and told her that she needs to get those kids out my wedding. She said no and that they are just innocent kids. And that I’m a jerk for not letting them come a picking a fight. I told her to leave and she didn’t.
So I forced her to leave. And of course people had to say that I’m the jerk for not letting her kids come when they were already there. And that they were not going to do anything.
Everybody is making me feel guilty and like I am the jerk, AITJ for not letting my sister have her kids at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Not only should you be able to choose the level of maturity for your own wedding (excepting that dude who threw an O**y Reception), but as a general rule parents who force their kids to attend weddings have no concept of how boring they can be.
Unless there are a lot of other kids there they already know and the venue is casual, the kids aren’t going to enjoy themselves.
If it’s somewhere like a hotel or reception hall you are just going to have bored kids with nothing to do but explore places they aren’t supposed to be.
Your sister just doesn’t want to arrange for a babysitter. Or she wants to treat your wedding like a family reunion, which is an understandable thing to wish could happen with how hard it is to get together as adults, but a completely unreasonable thing for her to ask and expect.” SimAlienAntFarm
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I have a DJ business. Of all the weddings we’ve done very few have had children. We did one at a very cool venue that was in an old train station. It had really cool antiques all over the place, old books and records etc. Really cool. And four bored out of their mind kids who kept pounding on the piano while their parents got trashed. The owner had to tell them multiple times to get off of it and then my man made an announcement on the mic that no one was to be on the piano(for reference it was there because this was also a concert venue).
There’s different atmospheres at different weddings and while some people might think they’re fine to bring their kids the reality is the parents are usually too busy talking to others or getting trashed and expecting others to keep an eye on the kids. OP is NTJ but sister absolutely is considering how in depth they went with this conversation before hand.” WhoUBeGhostin
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, ytj… I feel bad that your nieces/nephews probably have to hear how aunty hates kids and how messy they are…. you literally said it yourself, and while not naming them, clearly they’re included.
But its your wedding, its a common request now days, and you made it clear no exceptions. For her to try to steam roll it is BS making her the jerk.
Ytj, you didn’t need to make a snobby reason for not wanting kids. Simply saying kid free wedding for all adults to enjoy a kid free celebration is enough. You don’t need to make snide comments about kids. Not all kids are jerks unless they’re tired. But guess what…so are adults. In fact…adults can be way more of an issue than kids because they know better and act like jerks anyways.” Medium-Requirement60
1. AITJ For Wanting My Pregnant Partner To Continue Contributing Half Of Our Living Costs?
“My partner and I haven’t been together that long which in itself is an issue here, but regardless she’s now pregnant and so I’m dealing with the situation at hand.
We’d both spoken about our future goals and starting a family was on the agenda, we just didn’t anticipate it happening this early.
She’s had a really tough time of it.
Volatile mood swings and all the other usual pregnancy stuff. It’s gotten rather cold and rude though.. things have been said that I’d never have expected a partner to resort to. It appears nothing is off-limits with her.
The one thing that’s really itching me in it all though is that she’s decided to stop paying rent and contributing to bills/living expenses (anything that’s shared) because she’s cut her hours back at work to try and better manage the periods of sickness she’s experiencing.
Her rationale is fairly straightforward.. for example, she’s taken a 300-buck pay cut as a result of reducing her hours which is more than her share of rent each week (Used to bring home around 1k p/w) – while her rent contributions alone are intended to be 265 p/w.
Additionally, she still expects me to contribute 50/50 to any medical-related expenses like ultrasounds, b***d work, GP visits, and so on.
She wants to pick and choose what exactly the 50/50 rule applies to with no conversations and no compromises. This makes me a little uncomfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, I had the expectation that I’d be covering things as time went on (as she got into the later weeks or delivered/post-delivery weeks), but I didn’t think it’d come along this soon.
I should also note that she has a sizeable amount of savings (more so than I do)
I’ve tried to compromise, suggesting she still covers some of the rent (numbers like 100-200 p/w were thrown around), and then if she’s able, perhaps she takes on an additional night of cooking. So that it’s clear, I already do any and all cleaning – cook 3 nights a week and shout us dinner on the 4th night that neither of us cooks.
I feel like I’m already contributing more than fairly, but I don’t like the fact that this wasn’t a joint decision, let alone a conversation where we could make a decision that resulted in a situation we were both reasonably happy with.
She’s taken it upon herself to dictate how things are gonna go, and should I disagree – she’s stated that she’s prepared to just up and leave.
I feel like this raises a few red flags for how things will be in the future, and so I’m losing confidence that this is a relationship that’s going to work long-term.
This realization in itself is beginning to impact my health.. the amount of sleep I’m getting, I’m generally in a poorer mood when I’m otherwise usually really positive or kind-natured.
I understand she needs support, and I’m doing the best I can in taking on as much overtime and stuff as possible, but I just don’t know whether or not I’m being TA in my expectations or not.”
Another User Comments:
“This is your child. You will be providing for him or her for at least the next 18 years….It’s weird and honestly disturbing you write that you don’t want to do that if you don’t get your way.
Okay, that statement makes you a jerk. That is your child. Why wouldn’t you continue to pay for half of his or her medical care?- Mom and baby have b***d work, sonograms, go visits, etc. Those appointments do not go away and they are medically necessary!!
The fact that you actually wrote that out makes me think you said something along those lines to her about NOT paying for the baby’s medical care.
You have to realize that she might be “hoarding her finances” because you basically threaten not to support the child during the pregnancy….. Fastest way to upset and threaten a newly pregnant mama? Saying you’re going to do something harmful against her unborn baby.
Look….. It seems like you have some fairy tale expectations on how pregnancy works. All the bullcrap you see on tv and in movies doesn’t compare to reality…
You two should do some couples therapy and parenting classes. Work on communication and be supportive of each other.
You complained about her making unilateral decisions and changing her schedule. In the same breath, YOU decided she was going to work and do 50/50 until the bitter end. And you questioned about providing for your own child!! The communication breakdown here goes BOTH ways.
What does she do for work? Is it physically demanding? On her feet?? Stressful?
What bills is she paying?? You implied she stopped mutual shares bills– meaning she’s paying for what other bills exactly??
Have you asked her why she feels like she can’t pay rent and other bills?? See where her mind is?? You said she was having hormonal swings… Has she medically checked to make sure she’s okay??
How’s she feeling about her own mental health? Cause based on what you wrote– I question if she’s having huge mood swings vs normal hormonal pregnancy mood swings.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buddy, I feel for you beyond what you could possibly know. I was with the same type of person you are talking about. Right after I graduated from college, I met this woman, an awesome, funny, beautiful firecracker of a gal that I was crazy about.
A few months into our relationship, everything changed when she found out she got pregnant. We decided to “give it a go” to borrow your phrasing, and she moved in with me. Suddenly, she couldn’t work because she needed to rest for the baby (there were no doctor’s orders to do so, and in fact, the doctor explicitly said in our appointment that she was capable of working).
I decided to be the “good dad-to-be” and take on extra shifts to support everything. Household chores became too much to handle, so those became my responsibility too.
The baby arrived, and she decided that she would be a stay-at-home mom until the baby was school-aged. None of these were conversations, they were demands, and I simply obliged because, like your future co-parent, she would threaten to leave and (post-birth) would threaten to cut off contact between me and my child if I didn’t agree to her terms.
She made countless demands upon me “we need a house, I need a new car, I need more spending finances, blah, blah, blah.”
Fast forward 8 years, through working 12-16 hour days passing up on a fulfilling career path in order to maximize my earnings in a field I hate but am good enough at in order to be well compensated, and carrying the majority of the household duties except for cooking, and I am forced to deal shame, betrayal, and embarrassment from her decision to have an affair.
Her justification? “You were never there for me, you were always working, dealing with the kids (our daughter and my stepson), or cleaning the house.”
Maybe I am wrong, but from everything you have written, I think you are dealing with a similar person. Don’t let her break you. You need to get out now, before you end up where I am, forced to shell out nearly $4,000 a month along with constant demands for other expenses all because I felt like I shouldn’t say “no” at the start.
Stand up for yourself. Don’t do so just for you, do so for your future child. You owe it to them.” Strange-Tip-1897
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Of course, you should pay half the doctor’s appointment and cover some part of the salary she misses because of a period of sickness. She isn’t doing unilateral decisions – the pregnancy is making unilateral decisions on her body.
If she throws up and can’t work – what can she do? Negotiate with the pregnancy? Of course she’s cold and rude.
You are the one raising all the red flags – if you don’t want to take financial responsibility for your child, just say that. Don’t pretend that you want it and then refuse to pay for half the medical bill and be all surprised when she’s cold towards you.
She can’t be half pregnant, and you can’t be half in, half out.” KittiesLove1
