People Ask That We Put Our Thinking Caps On To Judge These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Mom's House After Being Kicked Out Of My Room?
“I (16m) moved in with my dad 5 months ago. My parents always shared custody of me, they broke up while mom was pregnant with me, but I made the decision to move in with my dad permanently. A few reasons for this.
1) I like Dad’s house better, he’s around more and it feels like home with him.
2) I was kicked out of my bedroom at mom’s because her husband’s daughter moved in with her partner because they were expecting a baby and I got moved into the office on a couch. Then the partner broke my school laptop because he used the office to work from and his and mom’s stepdaughter’s reaction was that I was a whiney brat for thinking he should replace it.
3) They also tossed out stuff that was in my old room still because Mom told me stuff wouldn’t fit in the office with me.
4) I was expected to help take care of mom’s stepdaughter who is a total stranger to me.
5) My mom’s husband is kinda a jerk and was worse after his daughter moved in.
My decision to move out was controversial with Mom. She was upset and angry at first and then the upset faded and her anger kept. I was asked a million questions and called spoiled when I explained my reasoning, especially at the loss of my room.
I was told she would be living there and I was part-time there so it made no sense to put them and a baby in the office.
My mom wanted me to go to her house to see her and I have not. It’s been months since I went to her house.
Her stepdaughter’s baby was born too. A party was thrown afterward and I didn’t go even though Mom invited me.
She called me after the party and asked where I’d been and I told her out with my friends. She told me we had a new baby in the family.
I told her the baby isn’t in my family any more than her stepdaughter is. I told her I missed nothing and I wasn’t going to be a part of that. She told me I am whether I like it or not and she told me she misses me and wants me over for dinner some nights at least. I told her no. She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their actions showed you exactly where you sit in that household. You made the right decision moving out. Personally, I would just keep moving forward without them, going low or no contact. You are 100% right that a baby from a person who is not related to you (except by marriage), is not anything you need to be involved in.” kiwimuz
Another User Comments:
““She told me I should be grateful to have her and one day I’ll regret this.” This is where a lot of parents are so wrong. One day you’ll be older and maybe have your own kids and see how much you love them and realize that you would never do what your parent did.
That’s when you truly start to judge your parents not admire or start to be grateful to them. You realize that if they really loved you they would have treated you better. I’m going through this now myself. Growing up that was all I heard, “You should be grateful and you’ll understand when you have your own kids”.
All I understand now that I have my own kids is that my parents always prioritized themselves over their children. I’m constantly questioning now if my parents ever cared for me because I would never in a million years do a lot of the things they did because I love my kids.
Don’t feel bad OP your mom is the one who will someday regret not making you a priority.” MommatoAD12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try this: You’re wrong to think that I’m ever going to be grateful for you showing me that I’m of less value to you than my stepsister, who is not your child and never will be.
You put your desire to look good to your new husband above my sense of belonging and security in my home. You literally displaced me for a new family and are pretending I have no right to feel unhappy about that. That is dishonest and manipulative, and I am limiting my time with you because I don’t like the way you’re devaluing my needs.
I’ve yet to see a blended family work, OP. In another year, your mom will be on here whining that she doesn’t understand why her stepdaughter hates her and her son is distant.” greeneyedkilla
20. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Ex's Child?
“I am a dad of 4 children, 1 girl and triplets. In 2021, my ex and I split, but I remained in the house to help her support the children.
After one month of splitting, she got a new partner and brought him into the house to live with us (I slept on the couch). During my time there, my ex and her partner were always arguing and splitting up. Her partner blamed me for all of the issues they had.
I also had death threats from her partner as well. Even though I stayed out of the whole situation, I was focusing on the children and housework.
After a few months of living like this, I moved out on my own. Not long after, I had a phone call from child services asking me to collect all of the children from her parents’ house as my children had been removed from the house due to an abusive relationship with my ex and her partner.
I have had the children with me now for 3 years and have full custody after a long fight with everything.
During the period with child services, my ex got pregnant with her partner. She ended up losing the child to social services due to neglect and not being consistent.
I have had a call asking if I want to adopt my ex’s child as she nor her partner can have the child due to a lot of issues.
Both sides of my ex and her family can’t have the child either due to health and other issues.
I feel I can’t adopt him as my ex put me and my children through a lot of issues. Such as being abusive to me and not looking after the children properly. I have explained to child services that if I take the child on, I would not treat him fairly and have some sort of disgust even though none of it is the child’s fault.
My ex keeps calling me for not adopting her child even though I have had no involvement in the child’s life. She is saying it’s my children’s sibling and he deserves to be with family. I have explained and said to her that I want no part in raising that child as it is a reminder of what she and her partner put me through.
I have told child services that I and my children don’t want anything to do with that child as we would have both my ex and her partner harassing us all of the time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex sounds like a real train wreck.
I’m surprised you were involved with her long enough to reproduce. For her, it was probably a huge mistake to have any children. Even 1 child (for her) was one too many. If she didn’t figure out after four children that motherhood just wasn’t for her?
Well, you can’t cure stupid. So she’s gone and done it again. A TRAGEDY. But it has nothing to do with you and your family. Sad to say, but the best of the possibly bad outcomes is for the kid to end up a ward of the state.
Why? Because you don’t reward bad behavior. The kid is innocent and deserves better. Only, what happens if you adopt him? First, he’ll never feel quite at home with you. And second, it sends the message to mom that she’s free to pop out a few more puppies.
No problem, somebody I know will adopt them… So this one becomes a ward of the state to try to prevent further unwanted children from ALSO becoming wards of the state. And while the kid might be a LITTLE bit better off with you, the sanity of yourself and your biological kids is priceless.
Get that toxic ex completely out of your life, including the offspring that you didn’t help to create.” Southern_Boat9193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should never take on a child if you are not ready for the full responsibility of loving and caring for them.
It would not be fair to the child or your other children. And what if your ex had another baby she can’t take care of? Would you be expected to take them in too?” lincra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your children don’t even know this sibling as they were out of the house when it came along.
This child is not your responsibility. And if you can’t see yourself raising it, don’t adopt it. If your ex is calling you again, tell her ‘It is not my child. So instead of harassing me, how about you get your stuff together to be a mother to your child!
Or not getting pregnant again.'” Trevena_Ice
19. AITJ For Not Changing My Thanksgiving Plans For My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Vacation?
“My mother-in-law is turning 75 and my two brothers-in-law and their wives got together to plan a family vacation to celebrate her birthday.
They both went through their calendar and found one weekend that works for them and then asked if our family was available. It was Father’s Day and I was out with my husband and kids so I didn’t reply until later that evening saying we aren’t available because it’s Thanksgiving Day weekend, which we celebrate with my mom and dad.
They think we are selfish for not answering sooner (they sent a message at 11 am and we answered at 7 pm). They also think we are selfish for not making Thanksgiving weekend available because that is the only time they are free the entire year due to their kids’ dance competitions, recitals and college visits.
Now my brother-in-law is sending me group texts asking why I can’t make it over and over, asking for details of what I’m doing instead (although I already shared) seeming to shame me into it. My two sisters-in-law are also jumping in to say it’s her 75th birthday and reiterating how busy they are.
AITJ for not agreeing to go even though that is the only time they are free, or should they be agreeable to my schedule too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “They think we are selfish for not answering sooner (they sent a message at 11 am and we answered at 7 pm).” This is backward reasoning to find a way to blame you for not caving to their needs.
Unless you all agreed to plan this and respond right away and they had already booked their flights before 7 pm that day, there’s nothing about the delayed response that matters. It would be the same situation and demand if you had responded within an hour.
“Only time they are free the entire year due to their kids’ dance competitions, recitals, and college visits.” One kid’s recital is not inherently more important than you spending Thanksgiving with your family. They don’t even have a good excuse. They just want to make things easier for them, and harder for you.
You should be treating this as a slap in the face for how little they value you.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funny how they think the problem is just you being unavailable for one weekend when THEY are unavailable for a whole bunch of weekends!
Why are they prioritizing ALL their other events over MIL’s birthday? Have they been asked that question? They’re trying to shame you to cover up the fact that they’re unwilling to change any of their priorities. If you do want to compromise, I’d suggest your husband go to half of the family vacation for MIL and then rejoin your family where you already have a standing obligation.
Also: where is your husband in all this drama with his family? I hope you’re not doing all the work alone.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I find it hypocritical of BILs/SILs to say this one weekend is the only one that works for THEM but they didn’t bother to consult your family’s schedule.
This one weekend doesn’t work for YOU and YOUR HUSBAND. I bet that you could find plenty of weekends that work separately with each of those families, just not one weekend for all THREE families. So I suggest you tell them to go on vacation with MIL and that you and your husband will celebrate MIL on your own.
And when they push again on this weekend, reply “I find it incredibly selfish of you all to have never taken into account our schedule and instead simply harass me and my husband when YOUR chosen weekend doesn’t work for us. We are done discussing this.” And then stop responding.
Even better, remove you and your husband from the chat. That is not a nuclear option. That is a reasonable response to harassment.” divemachine
18. AITJ For Demanding An Apology From My Aunt After She Publicly Called Out My FIL?
“A couple of weeks ago my wife went to go and watch my FIL’s house. He told my wife that I wasn’t able to go with her because in his words “He doesn’t want grandchildren made at his house.” My family found out and my aunt took it upon herself to “call him out” on social media.
In other words, she posted private information on social media. This also destroyed my wife’s relationship with her father.
I got upset and basically yelled at my aunt that she had no right to do this. I got an apology after she said someone needed to say it.
My wife has had radio silence from them. It all came to a head yesterday when I told them I wasn’t going to come over until she gets an actual apology. I don’t think myself getting an apology should count.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree, your aunt has no right to involve herself in her niece-in-law’s life without express permission from her first, especially when it involves your wife’s father, who aunt is in no way actually related to.
However, what does your wife want? Does she want an apology, would she rather it be just ignored? Would she prefer your aunt apologize to her dad? I think you should be asking her what would help make this situation better. It’s got a lot to do with her after all.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“Hearing what your FIL said upset your aunt because you two are married and that FIL thinks so little of you and his daughter to believe that you two would have relations in his house so he’s separating you two. Even if your wife got pregnant before or after she was at his home, he would still have a suspicion of conception.
Then you’d be back on here saying FIL has said some other rude things. Why didn’t your wife assure her father that we will respect your wishes, but I want my husband to come with me? FIL is not respecting your marriage that you two are a unit and that is what your aunt was angry about.
Social media was not the space for this conversation, but it needed to be said. It was disrespectful. ESH.” Mindless_Behavior80
Another User Comments:
“Mild ESH. Very out of proportion fallout all over the place for your FIL being a jerk. Sorry but, something your aunt was flat-out told over a family dinner isn’t so very private anymore.
Your wife was the original leak. The story might have made its way around the family grapevine and onto friend group trellises eventually in any case. Did your wife also tell people at work or friends? More spread. On the other hand, since your wife was impacted, your aunt should certainly acknowledge that, though from what it sounds like, having a relationship with your FIL was a minefield anyway.
FIL is, of course, a jerk and your wife should not accept him making digs at you or your wife, which is what he did and she did. She can accept insults if she wants and complain about them later, but that could also make her a jerk for allowing jerks to be jerks unchecked and expecting commiseration afterward.
This is apparently how FIL is since his reaction to being called out for a low-level offense was to be even more of one and sow discord.” KnightofForestsWild
17. AITJ For Not Accepting My Stepsister As A Real Sibling?
“I (15F) have a blended family. My dad remarried three years ago to my stepmom, who has a daughter. However, my stepsister Lina (28F) has two kids around my siblings’ ages.
I’ve met her a grand total of 5 times in the past 3 years.
My siblings are thrilled to call her their sister, and they even call her their favorite older sister, which really irritates me considering that they barely know her, and I’ve done so much for them over the years (especially during the divorce and my mom’s time in rehab).
Well, anyway, the other night we were at a neighborhood party and I was making small talk with some of the neighborhood moms (I have a babysitting business so it’s a good time to meet the moms and their kids) and my dad overheard me telling them that I have two siblings (10F) and (6M).
He didn’t say anything in the moment, but when we got home he told me I was selfish and stubborn for not accepting our blended family and that I was threatening my siblings’ bonds with Lina by not setting a good example by calling her my sister.
I replied in an apathetic way saying, “I have two siblings, not three” and then I turned around and went to my room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is an age-old issue and your dad and stepmom are jerks for being oblivious to your feelings.
I’m sorry. Hopefully, when you turn 18 you can get out. Sorry about the alienation of your younger sibs. They’re being manipulated and it’s not their fault. Don’t blame them. They are children playing an adult game. All they want is peace after being from a broken home.
They’ll do whatever it takes to make things seem normal.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“You have a sister who is (at least biologically) old enough to be your mother (probably legally in Kentucky, but that’s a different story). Your dad married into that family.
You did not. Rightfully, you didn’t have a say in it, but it’s wrong of your father to try to force the issue. You’ve set a boundary, granted partly based on jealousy and bitterness about being supplanted as the “oldest sister, but a boundary that’s yours to set.
Dad needs to respect that. There’s time enough in the future to establish a relationship with your step-sister if the two of you want that. NTJ.” KaldaraFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you in therapy or some kind of support for this? I don’t know how long ago your dad met your stepmom but when they married, Lina was already 25 and I am guessing, no longer lived at home.
Of course you’re not going to see her as a sibling when she’s never lived with you! I’m sorry your siblings think of Lina as their favorite older sister and not you. I guess Lina gets them gifts and maybe takes them on days out etc, stuff you can’t do/afford right now even if you wanted to?
Are you still doing things with your two siblings or are they less interested in you right now? I’d try to keep the relationship with them on good terms even if you are hurt right now that they seem to prefer Lina over you, as it seems to just be due to the situation right now.
In the end, you are their only/full sibling, and who knows where Lina is going to be 5 or 10 or 20 years from now, whereas as a full sibling, you’d likely still be close to your two siblings. Maybe you can plan fun outings with your two siblings, if you want?
Have you talked to your dad about this, just with him one-on-one, not in a blaming way but where you tell him your feelings? What has HE done to blend the family, besides just moving them into your home/moving with you into your stepmother’s home?” wandering_salad
16. AITJ For Being Closer To My Stepdaughter's Daughter Than She Is?
“I’m 62F. My stepdaughter (“K”) has been in my life since she was 8. I met my late husband when I was 34 and he was 37, K is his daughter from his previous marriage. We got married when K was 11. She was close to her mother so she never considered me a mother, but we had a good relationship.
Unfortunately, my husband and I weren’t able to have children.
Just after K finished high school she got pregnant, she’d only been seeing her partner for a few weeks and he didn’t want to stay with her. K really wanted to keep the baby though, but she was planning to go out of state for college, so we had a long talk about it.
Her mother didn’t want to be involved as she was very disapproving of the whole thing. She was (justifiably I suppose) angry at K for making stupid choices that could alter her future and K sort of pulled away from her after that. So I quit my job to raise her baby (“H”).
K decided to switch to a college closer to home so she could visit H every weekend. She called almost every day to see her. She was trying very hard to balance staying connected to her child and also setting up a decent future, but obviously, H was much closer to me.
I was with her every day until she was four and she only saw her mom once a week and on video call. I tried telling her that K was her mom and I was grandma, and she didn’t call me mom, but she was closer to me.
After college K did a postgrad degree for 3 more years. Then she moved back to our city. She tried really hard to build a close relationship with H but by that time she was 7 and even though they did become close, she would always sort of come to me first for things.
K was sad about this but we didn’t really talk about it. Eventually, K got married and H lives with them, but she visits me multiple times a week and we text every day. K’s dad also passed which was really hard for both of us.
So H just graduated from high school and she was selected to give a speech because she was a standout student. She called me and asked if it was okay if she mentioned me. I said that’s really sweet of her and of course. K and her husband and I went to it together.
In the speech, H talked about how her best childhood memories are the stories I told her, and it was really sweet. She only mentioned K in the bit at the end where you thank everyone who helped you get here and whatnot. K didn’t say anything during the party but afterward, she told me she felt like I always “encouraged” H to stay closer to me than her, like I was “competing” with her.
She said that I wanted to be a parent so badly that I took it from her. I just want some unbiased opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdaughter just can’t understand that you can’t have your cake and eat it. That was her decision to let someone else raise her child, while she was studying.
You made an enormous effort to help her, by quitting your job and taking care of her kid, while I might understand that you might have done it simply because you couldn’t have your own kids, it doesn’t change anything. You sacrificed a portion of your life for both of them and both of them should be grateful to you and while your grandchild understands it, your stepdaughter doesn’t.
You didn’t take anything from her, she did it by herself.” Hopstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdaughter is hurting and lashing out at you. I don’t think this speech was in any way an affront to K. You hold a very special place in H’s heart, and the speech just recorded that. K was the one who left for college and then post-grad out of town.
She made choices that put some distance between her and H early in life, but frankly, aside from the close relationship you have, it seems more an insecurity of K than any relationship issues between them. K could talk to a therapist about this or with some friends, that might help.
Also, congrats to H.” DigitalPsych
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepped in when K couldn’t. K just wanted to be a part-time mom and pressure her own career – nothing wrong here and it is super she had the help from you and your husband.
But you were the one making sacrifices for the child, putting your job and career on hold to raise H. You were there and yes these were very important memories for H. K did what was right for her and studied. But she can’t get that time back or think it will be eliminated after 7 years.
And it seems like she tries to want to be that mother so badly, that she wants to compete with you instead of being glad that her daughter had a mother figure as a little child when she wasn’t able to be this figure, and to then find the role working best for her and H, instead of trying to push something that wasn’t there.” Trevena_Ice
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Sister With Her Kids While Her Husband Is Away?
“My (25F) sister (35F) just had her second baby a few weeks ago. So she has a 22-month-old and a 2-week-old.
Her husband is in the Navy, and in July, he will be away for a whole month. Obviously, this is less than ideal since at that point the baby will only be about 1.5 months old.
Now my sister is looking to have people come stay with her just to help out while her husband is away so she’s not left alone with 2 kids under 2. The 22-month-old is in daycare full-time from 8 am-4 pm. So really she’s just looking for someone to wake up and get the 22-month-old ready for daycare, drive her to daycare, and pick her up at the end of the day.
While my sister takes care of the baby.
My mom is planning to go for 2 weeks to help my sister, and then my sister’s mother-in-law will also do 1 week.
My mom has asked/assumed that I would be willing to go stay with my sister for the remaining week and help out.
When I expressed some hesitation my mom seemed pretty put out and like I was sort of leaving my sister hanging.
I have a few reasons why I don’t really want to help:
- my sister lives 3 hours away (which includes a ferry ride)
- my partner and I share a car so I will have to transit and walk on the ferry or leave my partner without a vehicle
- I work full time from home, so it is easy for me to work from anywhere, but I think it will be hard to focus if the newborn is crying all the time
- knowing my sister, it will end up being more than just taking my niece to and from daycare, she would probably ask me to help with stuff during the day or make dinner, etc
- I like spending time with kids in small doses, but I find being around them a lot really anxiety-inducing, especially my 22-month-old niece because she is very reckless and on the go non stop so you constantly have to watch her
This last bit makes me feel a bit like a jerk but my sister and her husband have said they want to have lots of kids, like 5, and given that my sister is already 35 they will all be close in age.
I sort of have the mindset that if my sister can’t even take care of 2 kids by herself, how is she going to deal with 5? I know having a newborn is an insane amount of work (my other sister also has 2 kids so I’ve seen them both being raised), but I feel like it’s your choice to have lots of kids so you should be able to take care of them?
I’m not even sure I want kids myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no reason after all that help she can’t do a week on her own. She’s not an invalid! People have been taking care of babies on their own for ages without help.
I didn’t even have the luxury of daycare when I had a 1.5 yr old and a newborn. I had to take them to the laundromat to do laundry and grocery shopping. Your sister can handle this, or she should learn real quick if they are gonna put out 3 more babies.
This is NOT your problem. You’re an aunt, for small fun times, not taking care of a mom who went into this knowing what babies need. Stay strong!” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No is a complete sentence. But you could add, you’re sorry but that doesn’t work for you.
It amazes me how many people think it’s their business to arrange other people’s lives for them. I’ve had two young children those ages myself. Putting the infant in the bassinet or in a swing while you get your toddler ready is doable.
Then transfer to the car seat for the ride to daycare. Infant will in all likelihood fall asleep in the car. And your sister will have had helpers for 3 weeks at that point for a 1-1/2 month-old. This is not an emergency.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was going to say no jerks here until I read that they have the ambition to have 3 more kids whilst the father is in a job that seemingly regularly takes him away from the family for overnight stays. You are right, if she can’t cope now, how will she cope with any additional kids?!
Especially if you are expecting to WFH, I imagine you probably can’t, or you’ll have to do part of it in the evening when the toddler is asleep, etc. Why can’t she put the baby in a special car seat for babies and take the baby with her dropping the toddler off at daycare?
Lots of parents do this kind of stuff by themselves so I don’t see why she can’t.” wandering_salad
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister After She Criticized My Traditional Marriage?
“I was told by my sister that my husband is controlling and I think she’s delusional and honestly, maybe even jealous.
My husband and I have a more traditional marriage.
He’s the provider and I stay home with the kids and tend to the home. It’s not uncommon in our culture (Pakistani) and I like how our home is set out.
My husband is also very helpful. I know he’s tired after work so I don’t ask him to do much on weekdays.
Most of the time he’ll play with the kids and I’ll clean up after we eat. On weekends we do everything together; laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.
I’m very lucky to have a hardworking husband who makes enough so I don’t have to work. My sister, on the other hand, is single.
That’s fine, our parents never pressured us to marry. We were lucky in that sense as culturally it’s quite common for families to pressure young girls to marry.
She seemed happy and independent. But she has been looking for a husband and since then, she has been criticising my relationship with my husband.
She calls him lazy and unhelpful. This afternoon she came to our house and started talking about how he is controlling. She said he must not let me work because he’s scared that I’ll become smart and independent. She told me I worked so hard to get a law degree and because of him I didn’t put it to good use.
She said what we have isn’t love and I’m just naive.
I’ve told her time and again that I do not appreciate how she speaks about him and that he is not unhelpful because he provides for his family. That he is not controlling, I knew before I even married him that I would stay home if I ever had children.
And we have 4 children. I understand how someone from the outside might be concerned, but she knows our relationship. I’ve never once expressed any interest in going back to work. Nor have I ever complained about how our home is run. I just find her to be disrespectful and rude to my husband and me.
I told her if she continued to talk about my husband like that, she would no longer be welcome in our home. She called me an ungrateful mean person and said she’s just looking out for me. Now my husband is back from work and he has some clue as to what’s been happening but I didn’t tell him what she said today.
I don’t want him to have to hear those things when he’s an amazing father and an even better husband.
So, AITJ for kicking my sister out after she called my husband controlling? My husband is normally my moral compass but since he doesn’t know what happened, I thought I’d type it out here.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong but maybe I was being too harsh? She does seem stressed trying to find a husband so maybe this was just her way of letting that stress out. But it still wouldn’t be fair to target my husband because she’s going through a hard time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it may be helpful to take the focus away from what she says about your husband and turn it to what she says about you. She’s calling you naive and stupid and a waste of potential in your own home.
She’s acting like you can’t make your own choices. You’re not a child and she’s being sexist for treating you like one, just because you’re not doing what she wants you to do. Don’t even mention the husband stuff, the way she speaks to YOU is unacceptable.” imyourkidnotyourmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s trying to advocate for feminism, then why is she trying to tell another woman how to live her life? You and your husband are happy with your agreement – great. She doesn’t want a husband that provides for her?
– great, she can find one who supports her career. But to project her unhappiness onto you? That’s wrong and SHE is the controlling one here. You both can live the lives you want. What is morally wrong is trying to tell the other that their happiness is wrong.
So yeah, she should consider if she’s really for women’s rights or only when it fits the way she thinks is “right” for women to live.” magiemaddi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get the same issue with my family. My husband works 15+ hours a day.
Sometimes I may not see him for a day or two. Yeah, he doesn’t do much housework. I work a more flexible job that I can work at home easily. My husband is not controlling, I have a job but we each have kids from prior relationships that need to be taken care of.
My job is more flexible so I can handle the house, kids, and work better. His job is very manual. He works as a mechanic and farmhand. Things happen so he has to be able to deal with work as long as he needs to.
If it weren’t for his work we wouldn’t get a nice farm, ATVs, mud trucks, race cars, nice vacations, etc. My career field does NOT pay well but it’s all I got. Our relationship and home dynamic work for our family. I fight my own family over negative comments about it because yeah it works for us and that’s all that matters.” Exotic-Army4006
13. AITJ For Skipping My Cousin's Wedding Because I Wasn't Personally Invited?
“So I (26F) have a large extended family, like 10 cousins, most of whom have multiple kids now grown. Despite being one of the oldest (3rd), I’m still kind of treated like a child. I believe this is because my family has a habit of having kids pretty young (Lots of teen moms and even those who plan for children have had them in their early twenties) and I’m child-free.
It irks me since I’ve always been pretty independent, and now that I’m approaching my late 20s and have been living on my own for nearly 6 years, you’d think I’d get a little respect as an adult. But apparently not.
So I live about 3 hours away from where the rest of my family does, and I have been planning for months to visit for the Pride Parade held there.
I live in a big city and the one they do here is just too hectic, so I prefer to go to that one.
Well, I messaged my mom today asking when she’s free so I can figure out a good time to visit with her and my siblings.
She tells me not to worry about seeing just them, that we’ll be able to spend plenty of time together at Cousin’s (F22) wedding on Saturday. Cue confusion. I didn’t know Cousin was getting married this weekend, but I didn’t get any kind of invitation.
I tell her that, and she’s also confused because there’s no reason Cousin wouldn’t have invited me. I tell her it’s no big deal anyway because I already have plans for that day.
Well, I guess she mentioned something to Aunt (Cousin’s mom) because she messaged me a few hours ago to tell me that I WAS invited, that I was on my mom’s invitation as “and kids”.
I tell her that that’s too bad, because I already have plans for that night and that if they had really wanted me to go, they should have sent me my own invitation. I am an adult and live 3 hours away, so, of course, my mom isn’t going to think I’m included in her “and kids” invitation.
I wasn’t going to change my plans on a dime because of their short-sightedness.
Well, apparently, that makes me a jerk. I’ve been getting messages from family left and right telling me I should skip the parade, that Cousin’s wedding is more important because it’s a one-time thing, but they do the parade every year.
I haven’t prepared to go to a wedding at all and I’m not very close to that part of the family (they are ultra-religious). I’m pretty sure Cousin, herself, doesn’t even care if I’m there or not.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If my mom received an invite that said “and children” she would assume my cousin sent them all like that and that it wasn’t intentional. She’d never think it meant her adult children who don’t live with her. I have a cousin who sent me my own invite and several other cousins who didn’t invite me.
“Of course you can come” sounds too much like the polite thing to say. Totally NTJ.” Radiant_Ad_3665
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do have a question. How often do you speak to your mom? Because your cousin‘s wedding never came up one time in conversation?
Like she didn’t tell her, she was shopping for a dress or present or anything like that? There was nothing posted on social media? Not everybody’s on social media. Kids does not include adults kids that do not live in the house let alone live in their own house three hours away with their own address.
Your aunt is either trying to save face because they forgot to invite you and/or it’s a gift grab, Don’t give it another thought and enjoy the parade.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Expecting someone to drop plans and attend a wedding with no notice, no chance to arrange what to wear, a gift, etc., and forcing you to miss the event you wanted to attend is jerk behavior.
Have to say, your mother is not the greatest here. What did she think when she saw “and kids”? Why didn’t she contact your aunt and ask which kids got their own invitations or ask you if you got an invitation? Why didn’t your aunt check in when she didn’t get an RSVP from you?
Basically, everyone in a position to know you were invited did nothing to let you know about it. This is on them and not you. Could you drop the parade and go to the wedding? Sure. Could you go to the parade and then drop by the wedding?
I don’t know. Depends on how much they care about just seeing you at all. Not entirely relevant but I am dealing with whether I can go to a cousin’s wedding. I initially didn’t get an invitation and it turned out to be the ol’ wrong spelling of my name, thus inviting someone across the country none of us have ever met, with a similar name, who I hope is coming.
The mistake was discovered in plenty of time though so now I’m trying to figure out how to travel somewhere complicated to navigate, what to wear when I think the last wedding I went to might have been more than 20 years ago and other stressful details.
But I do love this cousin and I’m trying.” Brennan_Boru1031
12. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stop Setting Early 'Warm Up' Alarms That Wake Me Up?
“My partner and I share a bed. She finds it hard to get up in the mornings (doesn’t everyone?) so she likes to set warm-up alarms.
I.e if she wants to wake up at 6:30 am she will set alarms at 6:00 and 6:15 so she can slowly wake up rather than just get up cold turkey at 6:30 am.
Her alarms always wake me up first and I then struggle to get back to sleep afterwards. I don’t mind being woken up by her alarm if she needs to actually get up but I feel like it’s a bit inconsiderate for her to wake me up earlier than necessary just so she doesn’t have to get up immediately on her first alarm.
AITJ for asking my partner not to set alarms for earlier than she intends to wake up?”
Another User Comments:
“There are two obvious solutions here if she and you are going to sleep at the same location: 1) she sleeps in a different room; 2) you wear earplugs.
There really isn’t another solution, as you seem to be able to jump right out of bed in the morning and your partner seems to be anything but a morning person. And remember: if you intend to take this relationship long term, this will not clear up over time.
Nip it in the bud now or get ready for a long history of morning frustrations.” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone. Maybe you can still do it on the nights that you don’t have to get up for work so there’s no alarm in the morning.
Both of you have the right to whatever sleep habits are comfortable for you and do not annoy your partner. For me and my partner, that means we sleep mostly in different rooms. Nothing wrong with that. If you want to continue the relationship, you’re going to have to figure out how to deal with sleeping/waking habits that are incompatible if there’s an alarm involved. Good luck, and I hope you can figure it out.” LazyCurmudgeonly
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She sets the alarms to slowly wake up and get up, if she didn’t have those earlier alarms would the alarm at 6:30 being the first make her late if she wakes up gradually? You wake up straight away which is unfortunate for you and her.
It’s not either of you being wrong just a mirror incompatibility between the two of you. As others have suggested. A vibration alarm? There are a few options. Does she have a smartwatch? They just vibrate the wrist and can be set to gradually wake.” trm2908
11. AITJ For Not Showing More Enthusiasm About My Wife's New Hairstyle?
“I (34M) am married to (33F). My wife keeps her hair in curls like basically all the time (my wife has a lot of hair) and recently (like yesterday) she straightened it.
When I saw it, I said “I like the style” and just went back to what I was doing.
She said “Really?” and said that my reaction was kind of bland. I like it, and I told her that, I don’t know what else she wanted me to say. Nothing about that is bland. She then says “Ok, but you made it sound like you give the least amount of care possible,” so I said I’m sorry, in more of a question way and she just said whatever and that I’m not getting it.
I asked her later, and she said that a little more affection would be appreciated, but I’m not getting it here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She was likely really excited and expected a better response. When I got a perm recently it really made me happy when my fiancé had me stand in front of him and turn around so he could see the whole hairdo.
He showed he was engaged in my appearance and he touched it and hugged me. I don’t think your reaction is wrong, but I’ve found lately the small things in everyday life add up to making your partner feel good. The questioned “I’m sorry” and her “whatever” are a sign of you both not communicating well.
Maybe try: “I’m sorry, how would you like for me to express that I do care?”” PolyPolyam
Another User Comments:
“Here’s a tip for the future. Say it looks great then compliment a small detail about it. I.e. “I love that style on you!
It looks so shiny now!” And maybe touch her hair or tuck it behind her ear. Bonus points if you hug her or give her a kiss on the cheek or something after. Commenting on the detail shows you saw what she was happy about, recognized a difference from before, and engaged in her excitement with her.
It takes 10 seconds and makes a world of difference in showing your affection. That being said, you do have to be into it. Saying all of that monotone will come off as sarcastic and bored and will have the complete opposite effect.” NeedsItRough
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but to add to some of the potential context here, you say your wife has curly hair and a lot of it right? As a fellow curly with a ton of hair it is a HUGE effort to wear our hair straight.
Most of us don’t do it often because it’s a pain and can be very damaging to our hair even if we do everything “right.” This type of style change might not seem like a big deal to most but I’d be super bummed if I got a lukewarm response from my spouse when I straighten my hair too.
It’s an exciting thing for us to do, a rare thing for most. Sharing in a spouse’s excitement doesn’t cost you anything in a case like this but does make them feel seen and that their efforts were noticed and appreciated. ” RuthlessBenedict
10. AITJ For Suggesting My SIL Postpone Her Gender Reveal Until She's Certain Of The Baby's Gender?
“My SIL is having a gender reveal but did not get her genetic tests back confirming the gender. She did get an ultrasound but she’s still early (12 weeks) and was never told a confirmation of the gender during the ultrasound. She wants it to be a boy so I feel that’s what she is seeing in the ultrasound.
She works in a hospital and everyone at work she had look at the ultrasound told her boy yet she still always had doubts. By doubts, I mean at work she would have a coworker scan her and then she’d send me a pic and be like “what do you think?
I can’t tell with the position the baby’s in.”
It very well could be a boy, I just figured that would be kind of embarrassing if she has this party and then it turns out wrong so better to wait until 100% certain. She never sounded certain of the gender until I said to change the date of the party so she could know for sure.
She said how dare I question her co-workers they’re professionals and know what they are doing so if they say it’s a boy that’s what it is. Then she uninvited me from the gender reveal.
AITJ for suggesting to wait until she had the confirmation of the gender?
AITJ for now secretly hoping her professional coworkers are wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since she’s only 12 weeks and most gender reveal scans aren’t until the 20-week scan. But I would drop it. Let her deal with the embarrassment if she has blue everywhere and then the baby turns out to be not what was planned. Also how soon is she planning this party for?
I understand the excitement but 20-week scans can also reveal unexpected issues with baby, I hope she’s not planning it for the next couple of weeks as it could make any bad news much, much worse.” NannyOggsKnickers
Another User Comments:
“I honestly don’t even get why these parties are a thing.
But since they are, who are you to decide the appropriateness of when she has it? Even if she waits for another ultrasound that could be wrong. When I was in high school a girl I knew was told for her entire pregnancy that it was a boy.
If gender reveals had been a thing back then, they would have revealed boy. A girl was born, having had the cord between her legs the whole time. So, again I don’t get why these are a thing or why it matters that your friend has a level of confirmation that meets your approval.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she has a 50/50 chance of being right. My first mooned the camera every time they did an u/s, and the doc said she was leaning towards boy but couldn’t tell at all. I even scheduled the 3D ultrasound and they couldn’t tell.
A few people agreed that I was carrying like a boy mom. Needless to say, I was shocked when my mom presented me with a series of happy meal dolls for my shower, for my potential daughter, but at least she didn’t make me a blanket, right?
Mom was right, I had a girl.” dehydratedrain
9. AITJ For Marrying My Gay Friend To Escape Our Strict Religious Families?
“I come from a very religious family, and so is my ex-husband. We have known each other since we were teenagers and had grown up together.
After finishing HS we decided to leave the church together, but it would be difficult since both of our families were very strict.
My parents wanted me to marry someone from the same church, but wouldn’t stop introducing me to older unpleasant men. My ex-husband told me that he was gay, and was too scared of coming out because he would lose everything.
So I had the idea of getting married together. Of course the real story is way longer than that, but I wasn’t interested in marriage and he wanted to keep his family happy, and since he was from our church my parents wouldn’t protest. So we did it, stayed married for 4 years, then his parents passed away due to health issues.
After everything was done (funeral, inheritance, etc) we decided to move far away and lose contact with a lot of people from our church. After some time he decided to come out and we agreed on divorcing since the cover-up wouldn’t be necessary anymore. I never had real romantic feelings for him, but got to love him in a way.
Since we both like theatrics, I played the poor heartbroken wife who just discovered her marriage was a lie part. It was funny seeing the reactions of the people, except for our new friends because we were honest about our arrangement from the beginning. He is now living as himself for the first time.
Since this is his first pride he was so excited about it and showing off his first partner, and as his ex-wife, I was so happy for him and left comments on his public posts.
Now, IDK how my mom found it but she texted me ANGRY asking why I was still talking to my “slur slur slur godless disloyal ex.” I told her that I’m happy, he is happy, but she still insisted, and then I told her that I knew from the beginning.
That just set her off because she had put a lot of effort into helping us in our marriage but it was a lie from the beginning. I just told her it wasn’t a lie to me, I came up with the idea. She called me a lot of names and said “I WILL MAKE SURE EVERYONE HERE KNOWS ABOUT YOUR BETRAYAL.” I was just like “ok.”
I don’t think I did anything wrong but I’ve been wrong many times before so I wonder if her feelings are justified, she has been a good mother to me after all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a beautiful story that can still have a beautiful ending of “And then I blocked all of my bigoted family on every platform and way possible and found my real love and passion in insert hobby, person, pets here.
The end!” What you two did was very sweet, I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. You both helped each other in a time of need to extricate yourselves from a situation of hate and fearmongering. I hope you two stay close friends and you both find the love of your life – even if that love is a passion project or hobby.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“As a gay man who enjoys the company of many wonderful straight female allies, I love you for this. For protecting him from his horrible family and the church and for protecting his spirit from being destroyed. I hope that you guys have a friendship you’ll cherish forever.
You probably saved that man’s life!!” thicccntired
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents were trying to control your life in a completely inappropriate and controlling way. Religious instruction may be part of good parenting but that ends at age 18 and they should not be trying to control who you marry.
So they deserve what they got. Clearly, the opinion of those in her community is all your mom can think of, and so programmed into her that she thinks informing everyone of your “betrayal” is somehow punishment to you. It’s up to her whether she thinks the sympathy for her will outweigh the judgment of her.
It matters not at all to you. Not sure what you mean by her putting “a lot of effort into helping us in our marriage” but if that included something like a major down payment on a house, I can see you veering into jerk territory.” 1962Michael
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Partner Raise His Unexpected Child?
“My (43f) partner (40m) and I have been together for 1.5 years, living together for the last 6 months. But we’ve known each other for 20 years, he just moved away 4 years ago and moved back before we started seeing each other.
My rental got sold a year ago and the new owner increased the rent and decided he’s not going to allow my dogs. My partner offered for me to move into his house. It’s closer to my job, it has a shady backyard for my pups, and we are really good living together.
I know he’s even planning to propose (he talked with his cousin a few weeks ago and I overheard it).
Now to the issue: three weeks ago his ex-friend with benefits (35-ish f) contacted him, and long story short, he has a 1-year-old daughter. And the baby mama is going to jail (for at least 2 years).
Baby Mama’s plan was that her mom, baby’s grandma would take care of the kid, but she broke her hip. According to Baby Mama, the CPS deemed that grandma can’t be the guardian of the child, and if she can’t find another family member, the kid goes to foster care.
We went there that day, she agreed on a DNA test, and we got the results back yesterday. He immediately called his lawyer to start the process of adding his name to the birth certificate. I stupidly said I’m there for him and will help as I can, but I meant emotionally.
I mean he just had proof that he has a kid.
Last night his cousin and wife came to our place, and they actually started planning who could help with what. Cousin’s wife works at a private daycare and offered a free place there. They offered baby supplies, he’s going to come in the weekend to paint and make a nursery from the unused room, what was supposed to be my office… He can go for “paternity leave” and his job offered a “part-time” contract for him.
But that means every week in two days he would work 20 hours (1 day 9 am-9 pm, 1 day 1 pm-9 pm). In those two days, I would be the one who picks up the kid from daycare and be with her until 10-11 pm (depending on traffic).
I can’t do that.
I was thinking of hiring a nanny, but it would be weird to have a stranger in our home at those late hours.
Would I be the jerk if I asked him to not take the kid in?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s his child, and the mother will be out of the picture.
You don’t get to decide this for him – if you don’t like it, you need to move on. Think about what you are saying – you want him to let his own child end up in the system so you can have an office?
It doesn’t seem like you will get married – the kid is a dealbreaker for you and he seems to be embracing fatherhood so…….” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. He’s discovered he has a child and understandably would rather raise it himself than have it go into foster care.
You didn’t get into this relationship knowing he was going to be a full-time dad so if you don’t want this situation then that’s perfectly reasonable, but you need to talk to him and potentially break up, not ask him to not take in his child.” Any-Dependent31
Another User Comments:
“Tell him you will be moving out and make arrangements to do so. You cannot make him choose, and as much as I sympathize with you, you didn’t sign up for this. State that you want no involvement with the child. You are both in an impossible situation.
Even with a nanny, the majority of the care would fall on him, and even you and your relationship would change. His priorities would change.” StarlightM4
7. AITJ For Insisting On Having Pets Despite My Wife's And In-Laws' Concerns?
“I’m an avid animal lover. Growing up I had a dog, two cats, 2 parakeets, and several fish.
We were a very pro-pet home. Even now, 27 years old, when I see a stray dog or cat on the side of the road I’ll pull over and try to pet it.
My wife on the other hand is very hesitant about having a pet.
She did grow up in a home similar to mine but she’s grossed out about the hair they leave everywhere. Initially, when we were seeing each other she seemed okay with having a pet a couple of years after we got married. Now she really doesn’t like the idea.
I feel kinda betrayed.
Recently the conversion has started to include my in-laws trying to convince me to not want a pet anymore. As I write this I had just walked out on a conversation with my mother-in-law grilling me on have you thought of this and that.
They are never satisfied with my answers. My wife has started saying that if we get pets her brother and sister’s families wouldn’t come over because they have pet allergies now (which is a fact). I’ve started to tell her and her family the same thing that
1. If that’s a concern we can get hypo-allergenic cats and dogs
2. If pet hair is a concern we’ll have our kids do chores daily like vacuuming and cleaning the living room. I did it growing up and it worked fine. I couldn’t play video games or hang out with friends until I had my chores and homework done.
Worked well for us.
3. If you are still worried, you can take medication for your allergies before you come over. If you can’t bring yourself to do a simple thing like take a pill or nasal spray before coming over then A. Maybe you aren’t coming over for the right reasons.
B. When we have kids, there’s no rule saying need to see them for their birthday. C. Don’t come over then.
AITJ for taking this position? Do I have the right to be annoyed or do I need to eat some humble pie?”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. You are right to be annoyed that you want pets and you had the expectation that’d be a part of your household and now it might not be… However… 1. If you want a pet, you clean up after it. It doesn’t become your kids’ chores when you’re the one who wants a pet so bad.
You don’t get to volunteer them for new chores to accommodate something you want. This might also contribute to your wife’s shifting opinion if you’re already planning on the other members of your family caring for the pet you want. 2. Your wife and your children probably want to see their extended family.
You don’t get to decide that’s not important to them just because it’s not important to you. 3. Allergy medication doesn’t work for everyone. It’s not as simple as “take a pill and you’re 100% fine.”” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“Leaning to YTJ, 100% if you bring a pet in.
You’re trying to impose your wants on the rest of the household, against their wishes. The hair, mess, noise, destruction, and extra work involved are all valid concerns. It’s unfair to expect others to work for something you want. Every member of the household needs to be on board for such a choice.
There’s a difference between seeming okay with something and being enthusiastically on board. People are allowed to say no. I think the in-law thing is her finding someone to support her. An alternative to a partner who supposedly cares about her, but wants to disregard her wishes over a large life change.” Muufffins
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you keep pressuring your wife when she has clearly said she doesn’t want one, her reasons are probably in part trying to get you to stop pushing, and you don’t get to decide whether your wife thinks it’s important to have her family over.
1. There are NO hypoallergenic animals, that is a marketing scam 2. You are already planning on not taking care of the animal yourself and having your kids do it? Are they okay with that arrangement or are you planning on just having a pet you can play with and someone else can clean up after?
3. Antihistamines don’t work for everyone, they are expensive, and they often cause side effects.” nemeranemowsnart666
The only way YWNBTJ is if you are willing to settle for something like goldfish, which are not much work and do not cause allergic reactions.
6. AITJ For Expecting My Chronically Late Partner To Give Me Updates?
“So my partner is one of those people who’s always running late to everything. It’s gotten to the point where if I need to meet him somewhere important I’ll give him an earlier time so he shows up on time, just barely.
Anyway, today my partner and I wanted to hang out. He called me this morning and wanted to make breakfast with me. I was like sure since we both love to cook. At this point, it was around 9 and he told me he would be at my place as soon as possible (we live close to each other).
2 hours later and I haven’t heard a word from him. At this point, I’m dying of hunger and it’s starting to get close to lunch time so I text him asking him to let me know when he is on his way and then 15 minutes asking if he is still eating with me.
Nothing.
Finally, I just called him and asked what’s up. He was instantly annoyed. He said he was just doing stuff and just got out of the shower. I said ok but maybe in the future he could just update me if it’s been an hour or two so I know he’s ok and not caught up in something.
He blew up on me saying that I make it more stressful asking him for updates and that “I don’t like it when he gives me updates anyways”. I told him I don’t like it when he tells me he is leaving soon when he actually isn’t but I actually love having updates as it lets me know to adjust plans if needed and is overall considerate.
He just kept telling me that he will get there when he gets there and if I keep asking for updates he won’t come at all. I’m at the point where I don’t even know if he’s coming at all and I’m just so lost.
Am I being unreasonable in asking for updates? I was raised in a family where we always try to get to places earlier and keep people informed of our whereabouts (if we are meeting them) so as to not be inconsiderate and rude. My partner is not like this and I try to be accommodating but at this point, he is greatly disrupting my life and it seemingly doesn’t even bother him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I partially blame you because you are putting up with it and even enabling it by giving him false times to just get him there on time. As for breakfast, if he wasn’t there by 10, I would have eaten without him.
If you care for him and want to stay in this relationship, you two need to sit down and talk about this. I’d be very direct and say he gets a 20-minute grace period and then the activity is canceled. When he says he’s leaving soon, request a time that he plans on arriving.
Wait 20 minutes, assume that the plan is canceled, and go do your own thing.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s going to be that late, he needs to tell whoever he’s meeting. Is he employed? If so, I bet he doesn’t have a habit of no-show/no-call work meetings.
He can extend at least that level of consideration to you. But you are enabling his behavior and being way too accepting. “Wanted to make breakfast with me. I was like sure since we both love to cook…2 hours later and I haven’t heard a word from him.
At this point, I’m dying of hunger and it’s starting to get close to lunch time.” Why on earth didn’t you start cooking without him or just eat for yourself? Quit living your life on his (lack of) schedule. If he’s late leave without him/do the thing anyway/go on and do the next thing you were planning for your day.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 2 hours when he says he’s leaving ASAP is absurd. Now, even if he corrects the communication issue, you should be aware that a late-running person is not going to just become an early person and his decent communication will probably not be exactly what you are used to.
That you adjust to by making expectations more explicit and saying how long you will wait (ex: Ask what he has to do before he leaves so you know what “ASAP” actually is, or ask him to message if he won’t be there in an hour.
or, “Okay, I’ll wait 30 min. and then start breakfast, if you aren’t here by then.”). Expecting him to become as much an early person as you will only end in disappointment, but 2 hours and no communication is outside even a basic sort of acceptability.” Pandaora
5. AITJ For Wanting To Claim My Legal Inheritance From My Stepmom?
“I 29F recently lost Dad to a terminal brain tumor. Given 6-12 months to live, he wasted away to nothing, lost his ability to read, walk, eat solid food, or go to the loo, etc. We were losing a piece of him every day, grieving before we’d lost him.
Dad lived abroad with Stepmom Jenny and our sisters (teens). Bro (27) flew out when he could, and I worked overtime to see him. I worked 7 days a week to pay for a simple wedding so Dad could come. 4 weeks before the wedding, Dad said he couldn’t fly.
Fiance offers to drive several thousand miles to pick Dad up, but he’s too ill. Bro filmed the wedding, and I flew out after with the tape to see Dad. Bro spent his last Christmas with him.
We flew out for his funeral and many times after to see Jenny and our sisters.
We’d never gotten on with Jenny, but his illness brought us together to realize what was important (or so I thought).
Jenny has been our stepmom since we were 10 and 8. She’d slag off Mom, and be nasty to Bro. I’d defend Bro, Dad stayed away as he hated conflict.
I disliked Jenny even when I left home. When she met my now husband but then partner of 6 months she spent 2 hours telling him how awful I was – I couldn’t say anything as I was in a foreign country with nowhere else to go.
When Dad got ill we supported and cared for him and each other, until now.
A company contacts me regarding Dad’s will. Jenny told me he didn’t have a will, and I never questioned her getting everything as they were married. I ask Jenny for a copy and no response.
Brother calls me, confused and upset. He’d called Jenny to ask what was going on with the will/pension. They spoke nicely for 50 minutes, but when he asks, Jenny flips and screeches: Don’t you dare try to make a claim, you will ruin this family!
I’ll have to get a job sooner!
Jenny didn’t work, understandably, when Dad was ill, but he died over a year ago and she hasn’t worked since. Our sisters are independent, they cook, walk to school, and have a key. She could work if she wanted to, and did full time before Dad was ill.
Jenny messages calling us greedy. Says how traumatic Dad’s illness was for her and our sisters (as if it wasn’t for us) and that if we took the money we’re stealing, that as “adult children” it’s odd to think we’re entitled to anything from Dad.
I nearly cry when I see her message.
Bro says this whole situation is odd and believes Jenny is hiding our inheritance. Still haven’t seen the will so don’t know if we have been left anything. If Jenny had come to us and asked for our inheritance if she was struggling, we would have helped. But all the lying “there’s no will” and “You’re not in it” and then not showing us the will makes me want to know what she’s hiding.
I found out that where Dad died, all children are legally entitled to a share of his estate no matter what the will says.
AITJ if we claim what is ours in the will?
AITJ if we claim the share of Dad’s estate for us and our sisters?
I promised Dad as the eldest that I’d look after my siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“1) Check the courts. If the Probate process has started, and it sounds like it has, it WILL be filed with the courts and publicly available for ALL to see SPECIFICALLY to make sure it is available to all who need to see it.
2) Once you’ve gotten a copy of the will, if you are entitled to anything, file a claim. If you have proof of what she is doing, can go after her for anything lost due to mismanagement of inheritance. Good luck. NTJ.” rjhancock
Another User Comments:
“First, every time there is a step something, this is a treat to inheritance. Second, Jenny is SURELY stealing, she gave you plenty of evidence. Contact a lawyer in their country and contact the company who called you and tell them about your Stepmom in order to try to stop whatever she is doing.
Also, scare her and tell her you are going to get the police involved or this will turn into a forever war. You can take care of the younger siblings even without being robbed.” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like your dad left you something.
Jenny deserves no sympathy. She is trying to disregard your father’s wishes. I would get in contact with the company that contacted you about your dad’s will. I would also tell Jenny “I want the truth about Dad’s will. If I find out you have hidden his will from me I will make sure you are legally held accountable.
This is your one and only chance to tell me the truth before I take matters into my own hands.”” Bonnm42
4. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy During A Family Weekend?
“My husband and I have been married for a year, and are 14 weeks pregnant. We have been together for 5 years total (currently 28 & 30).
I have a pretty complex family dynamic, in that I have two older sisters from my dad’s side, then me – then my parents separated when I was 9, got back together when I was 21 (an entire drama).
In that time my mom had my little sister, and my dad my other little sister both with previous partners. I in total have 4 sisters ages 36-15. My parents are very happy together, and all my siblings seem to get on with my parents/their step-parents.
The issue comes, that there is a view from my older sisters that I am my dad’s favorite (due to being his only child with my mom). My oldest sister has been struggling with infertility for over 5 years, my next oldest sister has never been in a relationship.
My dad takes all his children and his daughters’ partners on a family weekend every year (he pays).
I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant (missed the early signs) a week before the trip. My husband and I decided to wait until the trip (a week later) to tell my family, as ALL my immediate family would be there.
I was especially excited to tell my mom.
On the first night while we sat down for dinner, I basically said ‘how would you all feel if there was baby surname here next year’. My mom got it, and cried, my dad even cried, and everyone seemed happy.
Today in a group text with my two older sisters, they said it was inconsiderate to my oldest sister, and my other older sister – as it was ‘rubbing it in’. In addition, they said it was proving that our dad cared for me and my mom more than them.
Obviously, I cannot comment on their relationship with my dad and my mom, however, the actual pregnancy announcement I feel so sad about. I obviously am excited and hoped they would be too.
So AITJ for announcing my pregnancy to my family at the same time, on a family weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you did is fine and they seem very main character-y and victim complex-y. I suppose what the one that has struggled with infertility might have wanted was for you to pull her aside and tell her privately, separately, but what did the other one want exactly?
They seem to have unfair issues with you and I suspect you can’t ever really do anything right in their eyes, stemming from their feeling that you are the favorite. I’m sure their bitter minds are thinking that this will endear you to your parents even more.
But what are you supposed to do? Put a damp rag on every uplifting news you ever have? Their stance here is not reasonable or fair to you.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – the only thing I’ll say OP is if your eldest sister is still trying to conceive, giving her the heads up would have helped her in the moment you announced to everyone.
It is not unknown that women actively trying to conceive and having difficulty are emotionally/mentally under immense pressure. A joyous group announcement from her own sibling could be triggering.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“Your older sister has been struggling with fertility for over five years and you announce your pregnancy in front of the family and give her no warning at all?
Yikes. While it doesn’t make you the jerk I personally feel like it makes you inconsiderate. I will give it to your sister for not freaking out and ruining your moment with the family. You should have given her a heads-up. Trying so hard to have a child when your body is telling you to go screw yourself for 5 years is hard enough.
Now throw on top of it that your sister got pregnant without even trying and that’s an all new kind of pain to navigate for her. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I’m wishing you all the best. I truly hope one day your sister’s dream comes true and she gets to experience the joy of being a mother.
The single sister has no reason to have beef so she can go head somewhere.” Sanity_Cant_Be_Found
3. AITJ For Insulting My Aunt's Infertility After She Insulted My Appearance?
“For context, I (f19) have an amazing relationship with my extended family, my uncle and his fiance (my aunt) are really the only close relatives I have or consider to be close on my mom’s side.
Anyway, my mom was on a call with her brother (my uncle) and he and I love to go back and forth about politics because it’s funny, it’s like a tradition, I’m a liberal and he’s a conservative.
So we’re joking around and he’s making fun of me for something I posted on my social media (it’s public so anyone can see it so I’m not even mad) ad my aunt steps in and says I look like a man.
At first, I thought she was joking because that’s really out of line for her so I said do I look like a man to you and laughed she said “do you really want the answer to that question?”
So I said in the heat of the moment when I knew she was serious “at least I’ll be able to have kids.”
Everything was kind of silent and my mom ended the call and didn’t talk about it, I don’t think she was affected but who knows?
AITJ?
Important mention: I’ve struggled with body image and self-esteem which has led to multiple eating disorders and she knows of this.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both hit below the belt and were both screaming, inflamed jerks. Seriously, you both need a good wipe of Preparation H.
Sure, she started it, and as an adult, she should have known better. She shouldn’t be commenting on your appearance. It’s not acceptable to go after someone’s appearance. You went nuclear. Neither is it acceptable to go after someone’s reproductive ability.
You’re 19 and you’re old enough to know better, too. Do you both also feel it’s okay to go after someone’s atrial fibrillation or astigmatism or cerebral palsy? No? Then why go after appearances or the ability to have kids? You both owe each other an apology.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“As someone who has had my eggs frozen and I am only 19 years old you never EVER compare your chances of having kids to others. My dream is to have children but unfortunately from health issues I cannot have kids. I’m sure what she said is not okay but I find it so insensitive that you would say that.
You could’ve come up with a better comeback. Of course she is affected by it. I’m sorry but that’s so unbelievably insensitive and rude.” prawngyoza123
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk/light everyone sucks here. At your age, you might not understand how deeply hurtful your comment was, but as a person who has seen the struggles of loved ones needing to deal with the fact that their lifelong dream of starting a family will never happen whatever they do, I can assure you this is a topic people even kill themselves over.
Her insults against your style or looks were definitely wrong, but not even in the same range as your nuclear option. For me, your comment is comparable to joking about somebody’s deeply loved recently killed pet: a comment that nobody will forget even during the years.
I hope that you are capable of apologizing if you want to keep any contact with her, or otherwise be prepared to lose her from your contacts.” bellavacava
2. AITJ For Calling My Sister Controlling Because She Won't Let Me Travel With My Brother?
“I’m (13f) the youngest of 7 kids. My parents didn’t want or expect another kid and I moved in with my sister (35f) when I was 4.
My sister and her husband are doctors and they have a nice house and cars and stuff and I go to private school but they’re so controlling. I have to put all of my electronics away at 9 and can only read until 9:30 then I have to go to sleep.
I’m not allowed to buy school lunch or drink soda because it’s too unhealthy and we only get fast food like once a year.
My school gets out at 1 or 3 depending on the day and my sister and her husband usually work until 4 or 5 so my brother (22) picks me and my friends up almost every day.
He’s really cool. First, he lets me sit in the front seat (my sister doesn’t let me do that), also he takes us to McDonald’s all the time and gets us fries. He has chips and Oreos and other snacks in his trunk. One time he even took us to see a rated-R movie (my sister still doesn’t know about that, she thinks we saw some kid crap).
He just bought an RV and he’s gonna travel all around the country. I said that sounded awesome and he said there’s an extra bed if I want to come with him. I told my sister and she didn’t even give me a chance to explain before she said no. I tried telling her that it’ll be good for me to see different parts of the country and that I’ll get to be independent for once in my life but she wouldn’t hear me out and still said I can’t go with him.
We kept arguing and she was even calling my brother names so I called her controlling for not letting me do something that would be good for me and jealous because people actually like him but now she’s saying she has to reconsider letting me spend time with him unsupervised because he’s a “bad influence” and I’m grounded.
AITJ for calling her controlling and saying people don’t like her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While it does sound like your sister is going a bit overboard and helicoptery with some stuff, you are also 13. Any parent would shut down a suggestion to just leave and go traveling the country in an RV.
What about school? What about your friends/social life? I think you are maybe misunderstanding what the implication of getting an RV and traveling the country means. It’s not just a trip you go on one weekend or over the summer and then he just brings you back, traveling the country in an RV means literally living in that RV the entire time.
You would not be on vacation, you would just be moving out and missing school/your life while traveling. Your brother IS in fact being a bad influence and irresponsible for suggesting that kind of life to a 13-year-old.” KingdomKey10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a pretty nice life given to you by a sister who didn’t have to step up to be your mother, nor did her husband have to be your father.
And for them to be so young, and to have been responsible for you the past 9 years, giving you so many opportunities is a blessing that you don’t even really grasp. Your bro is the ‘cool bro’. He cares about fun. Your sis/mom cares about your development.
Putting away electronics is a good thing. Getting enough sleep is a good thing. Not eating junk is a good thing – although I will say that 1x a year is a bit overboard. But the thing is, you’re at an age where you should be modeling the structure given to you.
You want more independence? Prove that you’re worthy of it. If the rules are limiting junk food, then don’t always look for it when their backs are turned. And don’t even get me started with the ‘no one likes you’ tantrum you threw, which actually works against you because it shows you’ve learned very little.
I’ll bet that if you weren’t so resistant to the rules, you’d actually get more opportunity to be independent.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but YTJ. Don’t get me wrong, I get that parents can be controlling. But that’s kinda part of their job.
And in this case, your sister is pretty much like your parents. Sure there’s such thing as too much. They genuinely care for you, and instead of letting you run wild, eat whatever you want, and stay up as late as you want, they take care of you and parent you.
You’re still growing, and maturing. Your sister has already gone through this and is trying to take care of you and set you up for success. I get that’s tough to see, but they genuinely care for you and one day I think you’ll see that.” In8CosplayandCrafts
1. AITJ For Asking My Uncle's Partner About Her Education Level After She Gave Unwanted Advice?
“I’m from the UK. I (33F) was at my dad’s birthday party the other day and we invited family and his close friends.
My uncle Harry (dad’s brother) recently divorced his wife to be with someone younger, ‘Jess’. Mum and I are close to my aunt (Harry’s ex) so we have already had some dislike towards Jess. Mum actually had invited Harry alone with no plus one (aunt refused to come since he was there but their kids came) but he brought her along anyway.
Jess looked super young but she said that she was ‘of age’.
Throughout the party, she shocked us with a few things she said.
1. When we were talking about travel, she said Harry brought her to France and it was her first international travel and to a European country.
Crowd was stunned and she was denying that she was technically European and the UK is in the European continent. She got angry and said “are you lot not up to date? We left Europe ages ago.”
2. She thinks north is up.
3. She never locks her car because no one can start it without her keys anyway.
4. She thinks hooking up when pregnant with one baby will create twins.
This is just what I can remember. Just so you know we didn’t really ask her all of this, the conversation with other ladies went over these subject matters, was hijacked by her each time and she gave us her thoughts on that so it’s not like we were picking on her incessantly.
The part where I got irritated was when my mom’s friend was asking how my fertility treatments were going. I’m on hormonal substances to induce ovulation. Jess chimed in saying that those substances won’t do any good and that I just have to eat right to ‘repair’ myself.
She went on and on about how her friend who is strictly vegan is on her third now. I merely asked her what’s her highest level of education OUT OF CURIOSITY because if she only had high school or had a learning disability I was going to go easy on her.
Apparently, that was wrong to ask, she soured and tugged Harry to leave the house. Dad is now telling me to apologize to her for being rude. Harry told him that she kept throwing tantrums about me being very arrogant and rude to her. Dad said Jess grew up in an abusive home and had a rough upbringing.
As if that will explain her behavior and lack of general knowledge.
Now I do feel a teeny tiny bit bad for what I said now that I know about her troubles but she sort of hit a sore spot about telling me what to eat as if I hadn’t consulted a professional to ‘repair’ myself.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While the UK is obviously part of Europe in common conversation people often talk about visiting Europe when they mean mainland Europe. To actually start a discussion about that shows imo that you were eager to put her down. Also, why is there not more anger towards the uncle and more concern for Jess?
She is super young, not too smart, and has had a traumatic childhood. Yet, this uncle is seeing her while also complaining about tantrums as if she is a child. It seems your uncle is the real jerk. That being said she was totally out of line in terms of medical advice and there are plenty of ways to tell her off for that without asking about education level.” GamerLinnie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – she sounds uneducated and obnoxious. Like a lot of teens. And I’m guessing you would say she’s 18 or 19 since you described her as “super young” and “of age”. You decided already you don’t like her, but she’s not at fault for your uncle being a gross and lecherous old man who ruined his marriage.
If she is that young with a man who is likely in his 50s or 60s, she was possibly groomed and she is definitely being taken advantage of. You are an ADULT who should direct your ire at the person who deserves it – your uncle.
I get it, she had stupid opinions. She isn’t educated. I don’t understand why you’ve spent this whole post talking about her and not saying a whole lot about the adult uncle who is seeing someone barely out of childhood?” CoffeeFerret
Another User Comments:
“First of all, we like the ex, so we don’t like the new, she’s immature and just drama.
What crowd? You took a poll? Audible gasp and clutching of pearls? Shared rude judgmental looks? All terrible. You just sound like a big judgmental jerk in this and I can’t believe you’re 33. Have you seen the movie “Mean Girls”??? You’re so mean that you lie to yourself about why you asked someone about their level of education in front of a crowd.
A learning disability??? Really??? Do you know everything? You were judging her before the fertility comment. I had fertility issues for a decade and never did this from people who say this. A rough upbringing explains a lot but it wasn’t that serious. She could have been a genius.
You had it out for her. YTJ.” Gogowhine
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