People Want To Be Sure That They're In The Right In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Get In Touch With Her Kids?
“I (34m) have adopted my sister’s (Emilia 36) children (Mason, Ethan both 15, Charlie, 14, and AJ, 13) They have been with me for 4 years now.
She hasn’t seen them or tried to contact them for the whole time they have been with me.
I recently had messages from her saying she wants to see the boys again. I ignored them for a while but discussed this with the boys’ social worker. I was told that they can decide whether they wanted to see her but if they do it has to be supervised by me and the social workers which I was fine with.
However, when I asked them they all said that they didn’t want to meet her. I asked them several times separately and together so they weren’t being influenced by their brothers. I also asked their therapists to bring up their mom but they all said the same.
I told the social worker this. They spoke to them and confirmed that it wasn’t in their best interests to force contact.
The next time my sister messaged I told her to contact their social worker to discuss it.
She wasn’t very happy with her answer and has been calling me a jerk for brainwashing the boys and refusing to let them see her.
She has managed to turn my whole family against me who are now all saying I’m a jerk for not giving her another chance to reconnect with them and I’m starting to doubt myself.
I would never force the boys to see her but I feel maybe I am the jerk because I didn’t try hard enough to talk to them about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She either surrendered them willingly or was so dangerous a parent they were removed from her.
For her to give up/lose custody of those boys so late in their lives must have been incredibly traumatic for them. Add to the fact that she has not even tried to contact them for 4 years. She emotionally abandoned them!
No brainwashing is necessary! She does N O T get to drop back into their lives unasked. Y O U are now their parent responsible for promoting their health, happiness, and best interests. You are doing everything right in terms of checking with the boys and checking with the therapists.
If the boys do not want to see the person who was formerly their mother, please continue to respect that. You are doing such a great job and they are so lucky to have you!” SentimentalO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, you’re a saint for adopting those boys. You’re a good person for not airing all of your sister’s issues, but it is understood she had lots of issues if she gave up her parental rights and hasn’t seen the boys in 4 years.
The boys have a good life now. Their memories of their birth mom are NOT all happy memories. I assume there was a good bit of chaos and neglect. There is no reason they should have to relive that or be worried that they will be returned to her.
As for your ‘whole family being turned against you’ I’m going to say that it’s really easy to make a comment on social media to get someone (her) off their back. And it’s really easy for her to make it seem like you’re the one keeping her from them.
Her support from your family is, as they say, a mile wide and an inch deep.
Hold your head high, keep doing what is best for YOUR boys, and just disengage from heckling from the cheap seats.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve had multiple people whose literal job is to put the best interest of those children first and talk to them. All those professionals have said that it wasn’t in the kids’ best interest. You have done nothing wrong.
I don’t know if it would do any good to let the family know why and how this decision has been made. I don’t know if you and the kids have a close relationship with the extended family. Will they start pressuring the children to meet with their mother?
If they will you need to tell them all what the social worker and therapist have said. Let the family know any attempt to guilt or talk the children into changing their minds will be seen as a direct violation of the boundaries that have been set to ensure the children’s mental well-being.
That limited contact with them could well be a result of those actions.
Make a clear stand now so there is no confusion as to the consequences of their actions.” ginar369
18. AITJ For Taking My Dresser Back?
“When I (F30) first married my husband (M36) and moved in with him, I decided to give my stepdaughter my old dresser and nightstand from my parent’s house.
My set was much nicer and she loved it so we got rid of her old dresser during the move.
It’s been about 4 years now and my husband and I have a 2-year-old daughter and are expecting another girl in February.
We have been co-sleeping with our daughter since she was born and she has shared our room, but now we need to move her into her own room. I have always wanted my children to have my old things from my childhood and that included the dresser set.
When we gave my stepdaughter the dresser I had made it clear to my husband that once we had children OUR children would be using it since it is mine. He agreed and still agrees with me so we decided to discuss it with my stepdaughter.
She was upset that we were taking it away, we tried to ask her to downsize her things so that she can store her clothes in the closet but she refused to say we should just buy a new dresser for our daughter.
So after she left we decided to leave her clothes on her bed and take the dresser out ourselves. After she came back the next weekend she waited until we left the house and moved the dresser back into her room.
My husband had another discussion with her and we let her know that was unacceptable.
Now her mother is involved and is calling us telling us we are being unreasonable and should just buy and new set. The thing is my husband and I have also decided to stop buying new clothes for my stepdaughter as we already send her mother-child support and we need both the money and space.
Once she grows out of her clothes she will not need a dresser so there is no point in buying a new one when we need to save money.
TLDR: I am taking back the dresser that I gave to her a few years ago so that my daughter can have it and she is refusing to let us have it back
Update: My stepdaughter is 13 and no we did not tell her beforehand that it was a loan but it was expected of her to give it back if we asked as we are the adults and the parents.
I don’t think it’s wrong to ask her to bring clothes from her mother’s as she only visits every other weekend.
Update 2: There were other things that we wanted to give my children from my childhood and some of those things were my old toys which I also gave to my stepdaughter. She had no issues giving up those toys for her sisters to have them so I assumed it would be the same for the dressers.
We have given it some thought and have decided to let her keep the dressers until she outgrows them and we will just buy a new one for the other girls to share.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A big one.
You gave your stepdaughter something. Then you are trying to take it back for your ‘real’ kid. As if this child isn’t going through enough stress having a new half-sister. now you are making her feel she has been replaced. Major jerk move.
The irony is, you probably could have sold her on buying her a NEW set for her birthday or Christmas, saying she was so grown up that she deserved a new set and the baby should have the old used one.
See, that would have made her feel important… instead, you decide to do something crappy to her. Not spending money on her because of your new baby. Are you trying to be the evil stepmom? Because congrats you are nailing it.” mammaistired
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You keep saying that you GAVE the dresser to your stepdaughter. You didn’t seem to tell your stepdaughter that you were letting her use your old dresser until your real children needed it.
Now you’re not only taking back the furniture but you’re also telling your stepdaughter to downsize AND that you’re done spending money on her.
Soon you’ll be wondering why your stepdaughter resents her half-siblings. Pay attention!
Sheesh. Go to some estate sales and buy another dresser.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your husband a trashy father. How old is his child? Also paying some child support doesn’t let him get off the hook for other support his daughter needs.
Maybe you guys should have more kids. If he can’t afford to support them. Maybe you both need to find another job. You pretty much told this child she did nothing to you and was just a placeholder.
Also, your husband is crappy for marrying a Woman who downs views his daughter as her.
Your husband doesn’t need to worry about what daughter has at your house your probably be taking her room soon enough and she’ll be going no contact with you people.” Working_Knowledge_20
17. AITJ For Refusing To Take A Day Off To Watch My Partner's Daughter's Dance Recital?
“I (34m) have been with my partner (29f) for over a year.
She has a 5-year-old daughter who I get along well with and with whom I’ve bonded.
I do shift work and I am at work most evenings. My partner’s daughter has a dance recital coming up and she has requested my presence.
I feel really, really bad but I just can’t give up the PTO time to be there. I have two surgeries coming up and they both will require me to take a ton of time off. I haven’t even taken a single vacation day and have gone to work sick more than once in anticipation of these surgeries.
My partner, however, says that 10 hours of PTO time isn’t a big deal and that her daughter really wants me there. She says that I’m really hurting her daughter’s feelings. I understand, but I don’t think that she really understands how valuable paid time off is given my circumstances and that disappointment is part of life and that it’s OK for her daughter to learn that, as bad as I feel about it.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your partner should be more understanding knowing that you have these surgeries scheduled, and she should be helping her daughter understand. Your partner’s dismissive attitude is baffling. It almost seems like this is some kind of test for you to prove how important her daughter is to you.
I hope you all come up with a positive resolution.
By the way, having sat through many of my niece’s recitals and plays, I know they almost always have a table in the lobby for parents to buy flowers. Perhaps you can give your partner money to buy a bouquet from you, or you could purchase some yourself earlier in the day and ask her to bring them for you.” columbospeugeot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The daughter is 5. She probably won’t even remember the recital when she is older. Your partner is being a jerk though. The fact that she refuses to be understanding of your medical needs and feels her daughter’s recital is more important than your health is a massive red flag.
If you give in to this, she will continue pushing her daughter’s wants against your needs for the rest of the relationship. You should rethink being with someone who cares so little about you.” c******k
Another User Comments:
“This is a rough situation, but ultimately NTJ.
However, ask for the recording of the recital and watch it together with her or ask if you can get an encore performance when you’re home. Dress up nice, bring her flowers and give specific comments about her performance that you enjoyed and seeing her hard work pay off.
There are other ways to still show up and create positive memories even if you couldn’t be there at the event.” AsMyLastEmailStated
16. AITJ For Dancing With A Recently-Separated Woman?
“I recently attended my sister’s wedding solo.
At the reception, there was a slower type of dance when I saw this really beautiful woman by herself.
I went up to her and asked her if she would like to dance. She mentioned she was recently separated so wasn’t looking for anything romantic but agreed to dance with me anyways. We then danced for a couple of songs and seemed to really enjoy each other’s company.
We actually ended up exchanging numbers and she left to go home.
As I went outside for a smoke I noticed a guy kind of glaring at me.
I asked if he wanted a smoke and he told me that I should ‘lose her number’.
I just kind of ignored him and went back inside. I asked my sister who that guy was and she told me it was that woman’s recent ex-husband (technically they were just separated, not yet divorced.).
When I told my sister what happened, she said that the ex was a friend of the groom’s and that’s why he still ended up going to the reception.
She told me that I probably shouldn’t be dancing with someone who was so recently separated.
I don’t know, I feel like I really didn’t do much wrong but I do feel bad I might’ve caused a scene with her ex.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t know from the start. Sure the woman told you she was recently separated, but how would you know her ex would be there? You didn’t dance with her to be petty against the ex-husband.
Your sister should understand too because you told her.
If you had a good time with the woman, then you should go for it. If not, then it was only something that happened at a wedding.” Scar-Lux94
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Separated doesn’t mean divorced. It was fine to dance with her. Married and people in relationships dance with others all the time.
But the heavy flirtation, multiple dances, and exchanging numbers weren’t. Again, she’s not actually divorced. You’d be signing yourself up to be a dirty side piece and dealing with all sorts of crap you do not need accusing yourself of breaking up her already broken-up marriage.
She has agency here and behaved poorly. To repeat, dancing and being friendly are totally fine. But purposely exchanging numbers in front of her husband was her being trashy and spiteful, and using you, at least in some small way.
You don’t want to be in the middle of this at all.
Sit on her number until her paperwork is finalized. Then approach again. Do understand that if you want something serious and long term, you may need to be wary about being a rebound and take steps to avoid that.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because a woman or man has separated from their spouse does not mean they are a pariah of society, they’re not lepers to be shunned and denied having fun…
Heck, even married couples can have dance partners other than their spouse, so I see no issue with someone undergoing separation not being allowed the same.
By the described attitude of the ex-husband, I’d say he’s not over her and seems possessive, so she might actually be in need of a friend for now…
What would be a jerk move, would be to start courting her before the separation/divorce is complete, so hold off on that.” Correct-Culture6329
15. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Fiancé Spent The Money He Gave Me?
“My (29F) fiancé (28M) and I usually split the rent 50/50. He gave me last month’s rent because I had paid the whole bill with my debit card.
I did not deposit the money right away as I had wanted to have the funds around the house in case it was needed for groceries, emergencies, etc., so the money was sitting on a desk for a couple of weeks.
Yesterday, I asked him where the money was since I wanted to take some since I’m going to an event and wanted some spare funds just in case. He told me the money was gone, so I asked how much was gone and he said ‘all of it’.
I was confused and upset because I felt like that was my money. He told me he had to pay the internet bill, his car bills/gas, and that ‘next time he just won’t pay for anything.’ I expressed that I’m more upset that he didn’t communicate with me and that I would have understood if he had just told me ahead of time that he needed it.
He called me selfish for getting upset and that I’m ‘only making myself look worse.’ He also said that if I didn’t want him to spend it, I should have deposited the money right away. I don’t think I’m wrong for getting upset, but maybe I am.
AITJ?
TLDR: I got upset that my fiancé used the money he paid me back with to pay other bills without asking/telling me first.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé is acting like a child (spending money he ‘found’ that’s not his) and projecting and lashing back when he’s asked about it (saying you’re ‘only making yourself look worse’).
Financial issues are one of the major causes of marital strife and ultimately, divorce. This is a big red flag about your partner and how your marriage might be. You definitely need to have several conversations about expected financial management roles in the household.
But even more importantly, you need to have conversations about how to handle disagreements. Because he’s looking really crappy and childish right now.” LillyPeu2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He took the money he knew was not his. He used it to pay bills he owed, so essentially you paid his rent, he reimbursed you for that, then he took it back to pay his bills.
His bills show paid with no reduction of funds in his wallet or the amount in his bank account. Then he has the gall to say, ‘next time he won’t pay anything’… insinuating that he had done YOU a favor by paying them, so next month’s bills are your responsibility.
He paid them with YOUR money. How does he not see he is wrong? Please think about what your life will be like with this guy going forward. If he thinks this is ok to do while engaged, imagine what he will be like after you marry him.” Realistic-Animator-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Since you are splitting the rent, that suggests you have separate finances to some extent. So your fiance basically stole from you. He took the money that he gave you for HIS half of the rent and used it for other things that were mostly his own bills (his own car/gas).
Maybe the internet bill was a shared bill that needed to be paid (do you guys have a system for dividing up other shared expenses?) but his car and his gas were his own expenses. Why did he take the money that he gave you for rent and use it to pay those bills instead of using his own money?
He essentially made you pay the entire rent bill yourself this month.
I know some couples have completely combined their finances so that it’s not his money or her money, but ‘our’ money. And that’s fine, although even in those cases there should be clear communication about how that money is spent.
But that doesn’t seem to be the case with you two, since you are going in halves on the rent. You clearly DO have your money and his money, and he took something that was meant to be YOUR money without telling you.
What’s worse, he responded extremely defensively, and tried to make you the bad guy with ‘next time I just won’t pay for anything,’ and calling you selfish. That’s just manipulative.
You guys need to have a talk about how you divide your finances before you even consider marriage because right now it looks like you are paying for everything, and he tries to make you feel bad when you object to that.
Do you know for certain that he actually spent the money on bills?” Thesafflower
14. AITJ For Not Coming To My Mom's Wedding?
“I (20 F) was disowned by my mum at the age of 16 due to religious differences. For context, my mother is Mormon. I have never had any issues with Mormons, they are 85% of the time lovely people, however, my mum is a very strict and stubborn woman, and contains the belief that her opinion is the only correct one.
Growing up, my mum caused me a lot of emotional stress and mental health issues. I won’t go into detail, but I was not happy. This got so bad that I moved out of home at the age of 16, she had disowned me for not wanting to be involved in the Mormon religion.
I have never held a grudge against her, as I know that she is a stubborn person. She did not contact me for 3 years, leaving all of my messages on delivered.
After three years, my sister informed me that she was engaged and that she would love me to attend her wedding, expressing how happy she would be if I attended. I ended up deciding to attend, as I come from a family in which life revolved around family, and I wanted to support my sister, despite previous family issues.
There was no major drama at the wedding. However, attending this event affected my mental health to a large extent. This is not necessarily anyone’s fault… it was just that seeing family members after such a long time restored a lot of negative emotions from the past that I had spent a lot of time blocking out.
Safe to say… I was a wreck for the following month or two.
Fast forward to a year later. My mum had earlier this year informed me that she was engaged. It had been surprising for me at the time that she had even thought to inform me since she had very rarely contacted me since I had moved out of home at 16 years old.
Time passed and information about the wedding had been all over the place, from not receiving an official invitation and being expected to know that I was invited and what date to be saved, to the wedding being called off and put back on.
I had also received information that the wedding was being held on the exact weekend on which I had been planning to move house, ready to start my new job. The thought of the move had already been stressing me out a lot since I was moving 4 hours away from my current location and the wedding is being held a 17-hour drive from my current location, meaning that I will need to purchase flights to attend the wedding which will cost a minimum of $400.
I am just finishing university, and will already be struggling financially with the move as is. Plus knowing that I will be likely super depressed for a month following the wedding, right when I am about to start my new job is not ideal.
On the other hand, my mum is super family orientated, and will be likely heartbroken if I do not attend, plus will be infuriated since in the past they have not understood the significant effect that a weekend away from work can have on me.
So if I do not attend… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, your mom is not a family-oriented person if she had no problem cutting you off at 16 years old because of differences in beliefs and barely spoke to you since.
She has prioritized herself, so you can do the same and not go, especially when it will affect you so much and cause your mental health to suffer.
Plus, you never got an invite in the mail or HER personally telling you all the details of the wedding, I’m assuming?
You’ve just heard through the g*******e.
Do your move start, your new job, and be happy!” ninarave0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, congratulations on everything you have achieved in the meantime, despite traumatic events. You seem to have your life together, to say the least.
Considering how you parted 4 years ago, there is only one way to be invited: directly by your mum, unequivocally, in the same way as others – you just don’t want to be told otherwise when you show up – assuming you show up.
And then you need to have a conversation with her on basic expectations if you were to go, or why you won’t go. Perhaps you can find another way to reconnect other than attending the wedding. If this conversation can’t happen, don’t go.
If you are inclined to go, strongly encourage you to find a way around the money and the coincidental house move. In years from now, you’ll probably consider those concerns as secondary issues.
Good luck.” maybe2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother is NOT family oriented. You ARE her family. The fact that she disowned a teenager and allowed YEARS to pass without reaching out clearly shows this.
You were obviously raised like many of us that family is everything, but you have not been valued.
Make your move, start your new life/career with a clear conscience, and don’t put yourself through the misery of going.
Since your mother really has not made the effort to be in your life, and this half-hearted (come on, not even a formal invite) attempt to have you there is, most probably, to save face with the ‘family’, you really are not missing out with her out of your life.
Let her be infuriated. Just go live a good life and cut ties if necessary.” Odd-End-1405
13. AITJ For Wanting To Be Part Of The Thanksgiving Group Chat?
“MIL has always done everything for her children. She and FIL taught their kids to always obey them.
They lead, kids follow. Always.
I joined the family when their kids and I were all 40s and up. It’s now 15 years later, and my ILs are very old. About 8 years ago, I suggested to my SILs that MIL should no longer be expected to cook holiday meals.
None stepped up because they don’t know how to cook. MILA admitted she never taught them, but also, as adults they didn’t bother to learn. So I cook. My husband cleans.
Last year, he put a group text out regarding dinner.
He didn’t include me and he didn’t pass on any info they decided on, to me. So they all brought basic contributions, but no one cooked anything. That wasn’t helpful, at all. I can buy groceries, but cooking for 25 people is time consuming, and requires timing each dish so everything can be served warm.
That didn’t happen.
So this year, I told my husband I want to start the text so I have the info. And I want to tell them to bake their bread at home, and bring their sides cooked, in a crockpot, so it can be plugged in and kept warm.
He said that’s reasonable.
Today, his brother texted my husband, directly, and asked what he can bring. Husband told me about this, and I responded that we have a group text regarding this, and asked him to ask me in that group.
He didn’t. He said it’s not necessary. So I didn’t suggest anything except he bring whatever he wants.
Am I wrong to expect communication directly to me, since I’m preparing everything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is ridiculous, especially since it’s gone on a second year.
IF you want to host again (which would be a HUGE if in my mind), I think you absolutely do need to totally take over if you want this to work. If you don’t, they’ll continue this nonsense and all your hard work I’ll be only partially successful.
Have a complete list of all meal items, equipment, apps, drinks you need. Assign every single one of them to a person/couple. Include recipes and instructions for how and when you want it brought to you. Make sure the list is visible to everyone (group text or Google doc) so that they know who messed up if someone does and that it isn’t you.
Then ignore anything they discuss in group text without you and let it be water off a duck’s back. If that doesn’t work. Never do it again.” Illustrious-Shirt569
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Post in the group chat that you will be cooking the main dish(es) and that they each need to sign up for the items that they will bring.
Explain that your stove and oven will be full of the items you’re providing, so everything they bring will need to be ready to serve.
Then, only took and provide the items you stated you would be providing. For instance, for Thanksgiving, it makes sense for you to cook the turkey, gravy, and stuffing.
Everyone else can bring drinks, bread, dessert, salad, and whatever other sides they might want.
And if they don’t bring anything, then dinner will only consist of turkey and stuffing and gravy. And you have more than enough ammunition to tell your husband”absolutely not” to hosting another gathering ever again.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! (And MIL seriously failed her children)
Maybe it’s a Midwest thing, but who brings food to a huge gathering that still needs to be cooked? Especially for Thanksgiving, when oven priority is obviously going to the turkey?
It’s just a given that it’s already cooked, and if it needs to be served warm, it’s on the food-bringer to sort out temperature control. Ridiculous!
Absolutely reasonable to want all food communications centralized. No duplicate items, everyone can know there will be sides they/their children can/will eat.
Start the group text yourself. Lay down reasonable expectations for everyone to see. You are providing X, Y, Z foods/bev. Food brought by guests will be prepared at their homes. Your oven will not be available to cook anything for guests.
Dishes will be announced via text so everyone is on the same page. Those showing up empty-handed or not adhering to the guidelines will be given last priority for being served. If they still make hosting a nightmare this year, don’t host next year.” User
12. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Grow Up Instead Of Helping Him?
“I (33f) have a brother (37m) who’s always been the golden child. He could do no wrong in my parents’ eyes they would always bail him out of any situation. For example, he got in trouble with the law a lot as a teenager and in his early 20’s my parents would always bail him out more than once.
He totaled his car and my parents just bought him another. He would steal the savings that I kept in my room and have no consequences. He’s never had consequences for his actions from my parents.
My brother met his then-wife through me.
(No I didn’t introduce them I told any female friends to stay away from my brother) They married when she was 18. They moved away shortly after due to his legal issues. They had two kids together. His ex would fly home to her mothers often to visit spend time here then go back to my brother.
The last time she came she planned to stay for about 6 months. At this point, they’d only been together about 4 years.
Long story short she had an affair and ended up pregnant. They divorced she got custody my brother was a mess afterward.
He eventually moved on. So present day he’s been with his new wife for almost 8 years they have a kid now (7f). Recently I found out she moved out to her mothers essentially leaving my brother but still married they’re ‘working’ on their differences.
Yesterday he calls me frantically looking for our parents. They were both working. I ask him what was wrong tell me how I can help. He tells me he has an emergency. I tell him to tell me what it is and I’ll try to help.
He asks me for money. I tell him no. He pleads and begs. I tell him if he tells me why he needs the money I’ll let him borrow it.
Long story short while his wife was at her mother’s, he’s been having an affair and now the mistress found out he’s married and is now threatening to tell his wife.
She’s asking for money and he doesn’t have it. My parents support him and his family there. Here’s where I may have been the jerk. I lose it on him. Asking him why he became unfaithful. Asking him if his wife deserves the same pain he went through.
Asking if he wants his child there to suffer like the ones here. He tells me I’m making him feel bad he’s going to cry. I tell him to grow up. He’s not young to be doing this.
That he’s a disappointment as an older brother. I tell him he deserves any pain and suffering he’ll get for his actions. He begs me not to tell our mom.
I tell my mom everything including what I told him.
My mom tells me I was too harsh on him and he makes mistakes just like everyone else. She tells me if he gets divorced it’ll be my fault again (I was blamed for introducing the first wife) and I should help him because he’s family.
Now I’m second-guessing my decision not to help him and feeling slightly guilty.
So AITJ for telling my brother to grow up instead of helping him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in a pretty toxic family with very clear favoritism.
Your brother is a grown man and can deal with his own actions in his own time. The things he does are his fault, not yours. You had every right to go off on him like that because while his wife was away he did something a previous partner had done to him and that is in no way right.
They have a child, they are a family together, and there’s no reason to go off and ruin it just for some fun. That can completely uproot a child’s life, especially at so young. So, he clearly wasn’t thinking about her.
And he’s been on the other end of this situation before without it turning out well for him.
He can deal with his mistress madness, it’s his mess. Not yours or your parents’ and they shouldn’t even be involved in problems like this for him at this point!
He’s a whole grown man! Don’t give the money, don’t apologize. The first girl wasn’t your fault either, you were just a small piece of their meeting. I don’t know what to recommend about contact or anything, but if they continue to walk all over you or cause this much stress and fuss over their golden boy maybe it isn’t worth keeping in such close touch with them and just let them deal with their touched by Midas himself a child.” Iamveryveryok
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, you were not too harsh. I also can’t believe that somehow your mother is blaming you for his divorce and is even saying it will be your fault if he gets divorced a 2nd time.
What is wrong with this woman?
It sounds like his mistress is blackmailing him. He should contact the police. If he somehow thinks this is going to blow over – he’s delusional. Even if he pays the mistress money, what makes him think that will be the end of it?
She can either still tell his wife or she’ll come back for more money. His wife is going to find out. He has a better chance with her if he’s the one who tells her.
Yes, your brother needs to grow up.” TechnologyLivid9247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: she’s going to take the money and still tell his wife. It’s time he grows up and takes responsibility also anything he chooses to do and the consequences are his responsibility, not yours or anyone else’s apart from your parents who enable him and taught him to be a useless human.
How he gets women I don’t know, who wants someone whose income is from his parents because he has no ambition or use… You’re the only one truly helping him by telling him the truth and holding him accountable for his stupid decisions.” User
11. AITJ For Making My Parents Choose Between Me And My Sister?
“I (28M) am currently pretty much estranged from my family.
I have a younger sister (27F) Tory. When one of my friends Brendan (28M) started going out with Tory, I hated it at first but eventually, I gained a best friend. They got married in 2018 and I was the best man.
Brendan is now like my brother, we are that close. In 2020 Tory left Brendan for another guy. Reality TV type of stuff. My parents were incredibly upset, as was I. My sister moved in with the guy immediately. My parents knew I was mad but had to ‘support’ their daughter.
I went no contact with Tory and low contact with my parents.
In 2020 when Tory’s second wedding happened, I didn’t go. I and my dad had it out over it. My mother tried playing peacekeeper for the family.
My parents then started giving me silent treatment. When the 2020 Holliday season came around it was the height of the global crisis. My parents said that I should just do my own thing this year. Because with me going out a lot, they didn’t want me spreading diseases.
My exact response was ‘if you are worried about catching diseases from other people. Shouldn’t you be more worried about Tory? I mean she’s the one who likes to sleep around’. I and my dad had another fight especially due to his ‘family over everything mantra’.
I hardly spoke to my family in 2021. My parents would send me texts like ‘when you are ready to apologize’ and we’ll be here typing crap. I responded with a Bible verse about adultery and how they support it.
I was berated again and we hardly spoke until October 2021. Last year I was told we were doing thanksgiving at Tory’s place and if I wanted to come I needed to apologize to Tory and her husband. I laughed and ended up going to Brendan’s family’s.
Where Brendan’s mom posted me with her family on social media and tagged me with a quote about ‘family being those you choose’. I never told her to post it. But my mom saw it and went crazy. Asking for me to come over and talk and even commented on the post.
So this year my plan is to go to Brendan’s family again. My mom called and said she wanted to host this year. I asked if Tory and her husband would be there. She said of course they are family.
I said, ‘so was Brendan, but I saw how you treated him and me. So no thank you’. Yesterday my dad called and said my mom is distraught and has been for years. She wants us all to get along, so I need to do the right thing.
I said I’ll come if my sister isn’t invited. He said that he wouldn’t do that to his family. I said he did that to me for 2 years. He claimed I did it to myself. My mom is now saying it was my dad that has been the one who’s cold-hearted about this the whole time.
I said she should have divorced him then because I’m not putting up with his nonsense anymore. Either my sister isn’t invited or I don’t come.
I’ve now had some extended family reach out and say my parents are upset and hurt.
I said my parents were totally okay with not having me around for 2 years. AITJ?
Edit: She did have an affair. Brendan found the text. She never came clean or admitted it. Brendan was willing to forgive and work past it.
She left in the middle of the night and moved in with the new guy. And took the house and he had to sell it (he had it before they married) so when I say being held ‘accountable’ I think she owes him money on top of everything else.
Edit 2.0: I went out like 3 times during the global crisis. Save the Pearl clutch. My parents aren’t even immunized. They simply used it as an excuse. They don’t care about the global crisis. It was just an excuse to keep me away.
Not a single mention of it other than that one weekend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents picked a side and so did you. When they saw the rift it created in the family, they could have adjusted things to respect the estrangement while keeping both kids in their lives (alternating holidays with different kids, etc), but they refused. They insisted that you change your position and bend over backward to accommodate your sister.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s clearly them picking her over you. So they can live with their decision.
Be with your friend and his family for the holiday. Tell your parents that you are no longer willing to discuss anything to do with the estrangement or your sister.
They can talk to you if they want to talk about other things. They can see you if she won’t be there. If they bring it up, hang up the phone, leave, etc. If it keeps happening, go no contact.
You need to stop engaging with their nonsense.” TheRebelArsenal
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The fact is that you have no idea why your sister’s marriage fell apart. You weren’t married to Brendan. You didn’t sleep with him every night.
You didn’t have to deal with him after work. You never cleaned up after him, nor did you fight with him day in and day out. Just because he’s a good bro doesn’t mean he’s a good husband. Your sister made a decision, and you should respect it already.
Quit acting like a toddler just because she doesn’t want to attach herself to your buddy forever.
As far as the bible verses go, I suggest you take a look at Matthew 7:1.
I’ll take your word for it that she started seeing her new husband while she was still married. She’s the jerk for that.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Even if everything you’re saying is 100% the truth. YTJ, your sister and your friend’s divorce has nothing to do with your parents. Trying to make them cut off their daughter is wrong.
Also, your parents not being vaxxed is not proof that they don’t care about the global crisis.
There are plenty of people who are worried about getting sick but are unsure of getting the shots (I didn’t even have a single shot until most of my family all already had 2 and I saw they were perfectly fine).
Also, some people can’t take them for medical reasons. It seems like you’re using that as an excuse to lash out at your parents.
Also, his mom tagged you on social media saying ‘Family being those you choose’, where she had to have known your family would see it.
The only kind of person who would do that is someone who was looking to pick a fight and/or stir drama
Honestly given how one-sided you’re being. I wouldn’t be shocked if it turned out that Tory lied to Brendan cause either he had an affair first, or was abusive.
I have no proof regarding that at all. Just saying with how quick you are to lash out at your parents, yet say nothing about the social media post other than ‘I didn’t tell her to post it’, it wouldn’t shock me.” AgentRedgrave
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think everyone is entitled to their feelings in this situation but you need to consider if it’s worth further jeopardizing your relationship with your family long-term.
It sucks because Brendan was your friend first, it’s not like you developed a relationship with a random partner of hers.
Understandably you’d be upset with how your sister treated him, and likely want nothing to do with her partner/now-husband.
Your parents could have tried to understand your side/ feelings a little more but ultimately it isn’t their place to ostracize their daughter for ending a relationship (even if in a crappy way) when no one knows what that relationship was like.
Brendan could be an amazing friend to you but not compatible with your sister anymore – we don’t know.
Not going to the wedding, sure, understandable. But you don’t seem very willing to try and salvage any type of relationship with your sister or parents when they haven’t directly done anything to you (other than your parents supporting their daughter and your sister for hurting your friend).
It isn’t fair for you to try and make your parents choose by telling them you’ll only come if they un-invite your sister. You made the choice to not go because they’d be in attendance, that isn’t your parents keeping you away for 2 years, that was your own actions.” psyduckdipdive
10. AITJ For Throwing My Co-Worker's Sweater Away?
“My coworker (55m) has a sweater that he wears every day at work and leaves in the office overnight. He NEVER takes it home to wash and over the last month, it has developed a distinct smell.
At first, I tried to make innocuous comments to him (‘Do you smell something musty?’ etc )
But he didn’t catch on so last week I said to him ‘Hey that sweater is starting to give off a stench, could you take it home and wash it?’ He replied ‘Nah that’s not my sweater’ and walked away which effectively ended the conversation.
After he left one night I went to his desk and smelled the sweater and confirmed that nasty stank and it was so putrid up close (I have no idea how he lives like this).
So I took the sweater on my way out and threw it in a dumpster out back.
The next day he was looking around for it and asking everyone if they had seen it. I just shrugged and said ‘Nah haven’t seen it today’ (which was technically not a lie).
I feel kinda bad but I can’t live like that.
We work in a 7-person office with no HR and our boss is not effective at dealing with issues I felt like this was my only option. AITJ?
CLARIFICATION: when he said ‘that’s not my sweater’ he was referring to the stink not being his sweater.
The sweater was in fact his (he’s a bit of an oddball, but I can’t imagine even he would wear a random stinky sweater that he didn’t own)
Edit: “Just spray some febreze and call it a day!’ Have you ever sprayed febreze in a bathroom where someone took a dump?
Then you know it just combines with the awful smell and almost gives it a sort of power-up.
‘Tell HR about it’. It’s a small office with no HR. And our boss is incapable or unwilling to address situations like this.
I did in fact bring it up to him and he said to ‘find a compromise’ such as allowing him to wear the sweater 3 days a week. Not a problem-solver this guy.
‘Take it home and wash it for him.’ I suppose I should ask the rest of the office if they have any laundry for me to take home so I can do it all at once.
Edit 2: We’re talking about a sweater. I’d love to hear how a 911 call goes. ‘Officer! I need to report a missing sweater! Please send your forensics team out as soon as possible and track this lunatic down before the sweater thief strikes again!’
Or God forbid I get taken to sweater court! I hope the honorable Judge Cardigan takes pity on me and offers a reduced sentence if I do people’s laundry while in prison.
UPDATE: We have a Monday morning meeting every week.
I had planned to pull my coworker aside at lunch to tell him what happened and explain why I felt it was necessary. At yesterday’s meeting, my coworker took the opportunity during other business to bring up his sweater. He said that he felt disrespected and as multiple people have complained to him about the smell he hasn’t been able to narrow down his suspects so he needs a full confession or he will be taking further measures.
I thought about confessing but tbh his eyes had a crazy look and it made me feel unsafe so I kept my mouth shut. When no one said anything he stormed out of the office. My boss predictably did nothing.
A couple of hours later he returned with a guy who he said was his cousin and a police officer (though he was in normal clothes and had no badge or ID?). He said his cousin was going to be interrogating people individually all day.
At this point, my boss finally stepped in and said that wasn’t happening and brought my coworker into his office. I don’t know what happened in there but it got loud toward the end and I didn’t see him for the rest of the afternoon.
I found out the next day he was fired. Not exactly the outcome I wanted but it does solve my problem!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your property, you don’t get to throw it out. If you had a real issue with the smell of his sweater, you talk to him or your boss… like an adult.
Grown-ups have this great ability to talk to each other and communicate their problems so they can find solutions and compromises.
And the fact that you threw it out KNOWING that your team is small and has no HR is a massive jerk move.
You did it because it bothered you and you knew you could get away with it without any regard or respect for a coworker who’s done nothing malicious to you. You have no idea why he wears that sweater or what it means to him—and considering he wears it every day, it’s likely very important to him.” ctortan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – but mostly you are the jerk.
He needs to take care of himself and be respectful to the office.
You shouldn’t steal and discard other people’s property. Maybe the sweater was sentimental?
You gave no warning or indication that you would take action.
You are mostly the jerk for not being sterner. You could have told him ‘take it home and wash it, or I will deal with it.’
Even spilling something on it to make it smell worse so he would wash it is still a jerk move, but it is better than throwing it away.
I’ve also seen somebody put their roommate’s living room blanket in a tub of soapy water and leave it as a ‘hint’ after multiple conversations. That is still less of a jerk move.” Fiyero-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You sound like a real gem and I’d bet a few of your coworkers think you belong in that dumpster out back if you display the same attitude there that you do here. And that part about the 911 call? Gross and childish.
You’ve declared someone else’s property worthless, stolen it, and then lied about it (which actually is a crime) and you’re minimizing it with ‘well the cops won’t do anything because it’s just a sweater!’ like you shouldn’t have any consequences for taking the property of someone else.
I hope karma teaches you a good lesson.” Embarrassed_Pain7247
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Him for not washing the sweater and denying it was his and you for not dealing with the situation like an adult.
I get that it’s frustrating and a little uncomfortable to deal with things like hygiene issues and whatnot, but the passive-aggressive hinting around is not it.
Just tell the dude, hey it seems like your sweater is due for a wash, can you please take care of that tonight? If he denies the sweater is his, laugh and say something like, ok but you’ve been wearing it for a while so take it home and wash it for the person it belongs to then.” Great_Clue_7064
9. AITJ For Kicking Out A Pregnant Woman?
“A month ago I ran into a friend from high school. She was at a bus stop with a bunch of bags and very pregnant. We chatted for a bit and then I gave her my number and went about my way.
Later on, in the evening, I had just walked my dog and my door was unlocked. She comes straight through my front door, no knock no warning (she followed me home). I had to keep my dog from attacking her.
After asking her what she was doing at my home unannounced she told me that she was staying with a mutual friend, but that friend put her out. I told her then that she couldn’t stay more than 14 days or else I am in violation of my lease and I can be evicted…
Fast forward. I had a 24-pack of beers. After going to sleep and waking up the next morning she had drank 16 beers, finished a half liter of rum, and 5 of my smokes. The only reason that I let her stay longer than 14 days was that she was pregnant.
But, she isn’t concerned about the welfare of her unborn children. To top it off she urinated on my couch and sat on it all day. I’ve spent an extra $438.29 since she’s been here and now I have to replace my couch.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to lock your doors. There is no reason for her just to be able to walk in your house. She’s a stranger who isn’t helping you at all and is disrespecting your property.
She needs to go! Take her to a shelter and give her some money. She’s not your responsibility and change your locks just in case. Don’t let this person play on your sympathy; get her out of your house.
Sorry about your friend usually, people who decide to do that have their minds made up regardless of what you do they already decided that was what they were going to do. Can’t blame yourself for that.” Silent_Syd241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman clearly needs help but it’s up to her whether or not to accept it. You are not responsible for providing her shelter. Being pregnant does not give her carte blanche to do whatever she wants in your home.
I know it’s easier said than done but I’d get her out of there as soon as possible if you can find her a residential treatment center or temporary housing for unwed mothers or something, great! But also know that doing so is not your responsibility.
One idea that comes to mind is reaching out to the Catholic diocese in your area. They often have housing for pregnant women in difficult situations (regardless of the person’s religious affiliation). Hopefully, they’ll be happy to take her in and get her some help.
Either way, she followed you home, ruined your couch, and helped herself to your things without asking. This isn’t your fault and recognizing that you’re neither equipped nor responsible for this situation will hopefully alleviate your guilt.” Travel-Street
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you should’ve told her to get out the first day. Pregnant or not, don’t stalk and break into someone’s home. Then make a mess at the same time. You really need to get her out of your house as soon as possible.
She shouldn’t have had any days there at all. If she was willing to just pop up on you, she’s not going to leave that easily. At the very least, you should’ve called the mutual friend and asked why she was put out before letting her stay.
People don’t just kick pregnant women out for no reason.” Glum_Hamster_1076
8. AITJ For Not Coming To Our Traditional Camping Trip?
“So my friends and I have had a traditional camping trip since our college days.
It’s nothing crazy and not at all a survival-type situation but we do have to hike about 5 miles over uneven terrain and at a slight incline to get to the camping spot. It’s not a rough hike at all because 2 people who usually go have asthma and they can do it while carrying their gear.
Plus it’s a mixed group and there are women who are barely over 5’ who can make this hike carrying their own gear.
Last year a friend invited this guy she was seeing along. This is a common practice so no one had any problems with it until we started the hike.
The guy was complaining 5 minutes into the hike and kept it up the entire time. We also bring coolers of ice, food, and drinks. Usually, the guys carry the coolers, 1 on each side. This dude was so winded walking, he gave up carrying his side of the cooler within sight of our cars.
At this point, I was already annoyed at his loud complaining and more so because I’m stuck carrying a cooler by myself. Halfway there, he couldn’t make it with his pack so he took it off and another guy had to carry this dude’s gear.
We got to the campsite late and it was an hour after dark. I was tired, hungry, and in no mood for the dude. He was drenched in sweat, sat down, and did nothing while the rest of us set up the site and started to cook.
I was annoyed for the rest of the time there but kept it to myself.
Our camping trip is coming up and the dude and my friend are in a serious relationship. He’s even more out of shape now than last year so I can already see the repeat.
When it came time to plan the trip, I opted out and said I couldn’t make it. This is the 1st year I’ve missed so there were questions. I didn’t say anything to anyone but did tell my best friend because she was trying to work out all sorts of ways for me to go.
She even offered to pay for my ticket because she thought it was a money issue. When I told her, she got offended and lectured me about how I needed to be more accepting. I’m accepting, I just don’t want to hear him complain and carry his stuff because he can’t.
She said if I don’t come she was going to be mad at me because my reason for not coming is stupid.
Normally I wouldn’t care but she’s been my best friend since college and I haven’t seen her this mad at me before.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you feel like you’re getting butted out of your own tradition. It’s not fair to have to take on more than your fair share, and that would definitely affect my enjoyment and future desire to go on a trip too.
If others are fine with carrying his stuff for him, so be it. His personality and presence on the trip aren’t things that can be avoided, so if that’s what it boils down to for you, I can see why it’s not worth going.
There might be ways to divide up the labor, however, in a way that feels fairer – maybe he could do the dishes afterward when he’s feeling less winded since others prepared the meal. Something like this would definitely need to be discussed prior so that there aren’t any hard feelings down the line.
Maybe as part of planning, tasks could be assigned in a non-partisan way, so that everyone’s pulling their own weight while doing what they are capable of, and maybe your friend who’s trying to pull strings to get you to come could help out with organizing this?
Just a thought.” N3T3L3
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your friend for inviting her SO knowing he’s physically unprepared/unable, the guy for coming along for a second year having seen the impact it had on you and your friend’s trip when you clearly didn’t want to help him, and you and your group for not looking out for someone less able than yourselves.
I know it sucks to have to carry someone else’s load, but we’re almost all going to be in that position eventually and it’s a sad state to see someone being excluded over what you described yourself as an ‘easy’ hike.
If it’s that easy, helping another person shouldn’t be an issue. Although I get that his complaints would be frustrating, I’m sure it’s a lot more frustrating to him that he wants to be a part of the group but can’t keep up or contribute in the same way the rest of you can.” squashedfrog92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The guy sounds like he’s not cut out for the hiking/camping trip if he’s that out of shape. It’s perfectly fine to bow out on the trip knowing you’d end up carrying his gear, but for a second why not consider a compromise: you go, but whatever the guy doesn’t want to carry can be brought to the campsite by his SO/your friend.
Put the burden of care on her and watch how she reacts. Her reaction would be all the justification you’d need.” lt_girth
I have a few questions. Why would he want to come? Why are you carrying the things he can't carry? Why are you picking up his slack? Shouldn't your friend/his partner be picking up his slack? Are you the only person who feels uncomfortable/annoyed at him and his attitude/comments?
I would opt not to go. I think you should go and he shouldn't. Why should you miss out? Is there any way you can go and nicely ignore him?
This is a sucky situation.
7. AITJ For Taking My Shoes Off During A Flight?
“Recently, I traveled to another country to attend a metal concert. The flight was going to be 1.5-2 hours. I only had a carry-on with me but I wanted to wear my knee-high doc martens which are heavy and big and wouldn’t fit in my carry on and even if they did, they’d be awkward to carry.
But I also didn’t fancy sitting in them for the duration of the flight in a small space.
So I made sure they don’t smell and preventatively sprayed them with shoe spray before I left home. When I sat down in my seat, I took my shoes off and put on fresh socks.
My shoes were under my legs, they weren’t bothering anyone.
A lady was about to sit next to me and she saw that I didn’t have shoes on and she freaked out, called me disgusting, etc. I tried explaining that I had clean socks but she demanded I put my shoes back on.
I refused.
She called the stewardess and I explained again. The stewardess told her there was nothing she could do because I wasn’t breaking any rules.
The lady was huffing and puffing all throughout it the flight (she also filmed me when she was berating me so who knows, it may be online by now).
But I tried to ignore her and just put my headphones on.
The lady even complained about this when we were giving our passports and they ignored her as well.
I told my friends about this and they’re kind of divided. Some agree with me and some say it’s kind of gross and I could’ve been more accommodating and put my shoes on.
AITJ for taking my shoes off?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Let me explain from a flight attendant’s perspective:
I think it’s weird and tacky for people to take their shoes off but we can’t really do much about it, a multimillion-dollar jet isn’t anyone’s living room.
It really needs to be an enforceable rule only because: you may have done the prep, but most don’t. So I can’t have the funky-feet people that get complaints from 5 rows back put their shoes on if I can’t tell you to.
I might be able to move the person next to you IF there’s room AND it’s not an ‘upgraded seat’, once again making your poor judgment my problem.
You may have sprayed shoe freshener but that may not fully take away the foot smell to someone sensitive, and you may just not notice because you’re nose-blind.
It’s a matter of consideration for others and equal treatment. If your shoes were so uncomfortable that you couldn’t keep them on for the duration of your short 2-hour trip and they are too clunky to stow, why would you wear them to an airport?
Also, those carpets don’t get cleaned even every month and if everyone put their sweaty airport feet on them they’d get (even more) disgusting.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking off your shoes on a long flight when you have clean socks (which often the airline will provide for long enough flights) is perfectly normal. The number of people not doing that on a 14-hour flight is quite low.
It’s taking off your shoes when you don’t have any socks on that’s a problem. People’s bare feet all over the place on an airplane is nasty and correctly widely considered as such. Just no. But that isn’t the case here!
The only wrinkle here is that your flight is only 1.5 hours. That doesn’t make you the jerk for doing it just kind of weird. I have lunches that last longer than that. By the time you get settled in the flight is half over and it’s almost time to start the descent.
But you do you.” GCU_ZeroCredibility
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and ew. Just because it’s not technically against the rules doesn’t mean it’s not gross. Yes, you brought clean socks, but you pulled your sweaty feet out of your knee-high boots, then used your hands to pull off your nasty used socks and (I’m guessing) – shove them into your sweaty boots, then touched your feet again to put on the clean socks.
I’d be disgusted. Feet contain more sweat glands than any other part of the body and produce about half a pint of sweat daily. You taking out your feet and letting your gnarly socks and sweaty boots air out on the flight is disgusto barfo.
And Jesus, it was only 2 hours. BLEGH.” crystalpepsi4eva
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, it’s not a really big deal and the lady sounds like she took it way over the top, especially if you didn’t cross your legs and push your foot anywhere near her and instead kept it on the floor.
But at the same time, this is just one of those common courtesy things, you know? Like, you wouldn’t go to a restaurant or a bus station and take off your shoes, right? Even if you kept to yourself it wouldn’t look great and some people don’t want to be around someone not sticking to societal norms.
Next time I think you should just change your shoes in the bathroom after you arrive at your next airport then go wherever you’re going next.” Alternative-Depth-16
6. AITJ For Banning My Mom From My House?
“My mom and my wife do not get along. That is actually an understatement. They can hardly manage to be in the same room, but we get along great with the rest of the family as does my mom, and neither is willing to sit out of family stuff.
My wife does get overwhelmed by my mom and everyone tends to gather around my mom, so our therapist suggested that she bring something she can do when she needs a break, so she has been bringing crochet.
My mom got annoyed by this and said it was rude and something a five-year-old would do, and said if she ever brought something to our house and tried to go into the other room and ignore us, there would be problems. To be fair that is kind of true.
My wife is really big on manners but doesn’t always uphold the standards she holds my mom too, so I told my mom that wasn’t true. I joked my mom could learn how to crochet (because none of her hobbies is something you can bring to someone else’s house).
Recently we hosted a family get-together and my mom had a large bag when she showed up. I honestly didn’t think anything of it. We were all outside and my mom casually told me she needed a break, so I said that was perfectly fine.
See no double standard, she can go inside and chill.
My uncle later went in to get a beer and came out laughing and said I need to see what my mom is doing. My wife and I ran inside and my mom was working on an art project at our coffee table.
She had resin, glitter, beads, and shells, and my wife lost it and began screaming.
My mom said we were being hypocrites and she was doing exactly what my wife did, her hobby is just messier. I told her to get out, cussed at her, and said she was banned. She said ok and then told us the glitter on the floor isn’t her fault, her husband did that.
I told her to get out and never come back. She got glitter and tiny beads on the rug, and resin on the table.
My aunt and uncle defended her and said I was being unfair and my wife was super rude to bring crochet to family stuff.
My aunt said if my mom is banned from our house, we are banned from hers and I can’t go to Thanksgiving. My cousins tried to defend me but my aunt was serious. Even my cousins after the fact said it was kind of funny and not that big of a deal.
Edit: Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well.
She also got mad that my mom wouldn’t eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom’s feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood. The biggest blowout was probably when my wife got mad at my mom for jumping into some guy’s arms and kissing him, and then later that night sat on my lap in front of everyone and my mom was like what?!
My wife totally missed the point and was like are you jealous because I took your son? My mom didn’t talk to us for a while after that one and almost skipped our wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is just doing a harmless coping mechanism, that was recommended by her therapist; it’s not meant to be rude, it’s for her health.
Your mother is being petty, vindictive, and vicious – attacking your wife for her own selfish gratification. Your mother should be ashamed of her behavior and any relatives backing her up are no better. Your mother doesn’t like your wife, that’s why she chose to be angry about the crochet rather than understanding in the first place.
She obviously doesn’t think much of you either, since this attack occurred in your home, against the person that you love.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, your wife isn’t the jerk for crocheting and your mom is the jerk for bringing glitter into your home.
But in general, your mom and wife both sound like exhausting, unpleasant people to be around. Why is your wife so obsessed with your mom following etiquette? How is she getting ‘overwhelmed’ by a person you describe as introverted? Why is your mom so theatrically offended by crocheting?
Why do you and your wife jump straight to screaming and banning people from the house just because a guest does something rude? Is there a lot of drinking involved and are you being filmed for a reality TV show?
Unless there’s a major issue behind the scenes, like racism or theft or mistreatment, it’s ridiculous for two grown adults to be having such a dramatic feud. Normal people don’t get so bitterly angry over what essentially seems to be a basic personality clash.” gggggrrrrrrrrr
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but I know what I would do. You take my advice and you’ll end up being the jerk for sure, but screw them. Your mom feels proud of her stance. She feels so proud that she showed you what for, doesn’t she?
Make amends and then go into her house and scratch up her hardwood floors and put some cuts in her couch. Do it subtly and eventually when it gets noticed, either play dumb or ask if her husband was just being the messy klutz he is.
I hate people that take pride in being jerks because they think their point of view is the only suitable one.
Also, screw Thanksgiving with that group. If they don’t see the issue, they’re not considering that your wife’s crochet is not hurting anybody.
Your mom’s actions cost you time and money, assuming you end up dealing with it. Screw your family, they deserve scorched earth. Screw glitter.” Gumbolya
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your mom was clearly being a huge jerk in this specific instance, making a big performative show of a not even remotely equivalent hobby out of spite and some martyred sense of unfairness she wanted everyone to observe, which is really petty and messed up.
I’d also argue that your mum refusing to eat your wife’s cooking is very different than your wife showing up and trying to participate in an entirely fish-centered dinner when she doesn’t like seafood since some people just can’t stand seafood and it’s no comment on the host’s cooking that they can’t like it no matter how hard they try.
If anything it sounds like your wife was making an effort, and your mother made no attempt to accommodate her (if she knew about your wife’s difficulty with fish).
In the overall context though, it sounds like you’re all kind of a bunch of petty jerks about the fact that your wife and mother don’t have great chemistry.
So they don’t click – who cares? That really doesn’t need to be a drama, but everyone in this story seems to take it as an opportunity to make it such.” Typical-Plankton
5. AITJ For Not Checking Up On My Daughter?
“Tonight I had a happy hour with some former co-workers/friends, and my wife was gone with our 3-year-old and 1-year-old daughter.
Around bedtime (6:54 PM) I saw that my wife sent me a Snapchat and I opened it expecting the usual photo or video of the girls. Instead, it was a picture of my youngest crying and a caption that said ‘she fell and hit her head on the tub’.
Thinking that while she was crying, she ultimately was fine since I don’t get a call or text, I sent a Snapchat text (7:05 PM) saying ‘Awe baby girl’, and then sent a photo of me saying goodnight. She snapped me back right after saying ‘Ya not good’.
I was then sent a video (7:10 PM) of the girls saying goodnight and I went back to enjoying talking with friends.
At 8:24 PM I see my wife had sent a text at 7:15 PM asking if she should be worried about a concussion, and then at 8:14 PM she said: ‘You’re on (1-year-old daughter’s name) duty the whole night when you get home’.
I replied asking ‘Why?’ followed by ‘What is she doing that I need to be on duty for?’ I didn’t get a reply so I asked ‘Hello?’ At 8:50 PM.
When I got home around 9:45 PM my wife was sleeping and I woke up to tell her I was home and she was mad.
I asked what she was upset about and she is furious I didn’t ask to see how our daughter was doing. I replied saying I wasn’t here, have no way to judge from a blurry pic how hurt she is and didn’t get a call or anything alerting me to any concern.
We snapped our good nights and I put the phone away. When I finally saw the text an hour after, I asked what was up, and nothing.
Am I the jerk?
My takeaways: Establish definitions of communication.
Phone Call = Urgent
Text = FYI or respond when you can, a little more permanent record
Snapchat = Not serious isn’t permanent for viewing or reading
Set expectations when one person is out/away for these types of events.
Communicate what you need, don’t shut down.
Perspective matters. Assume positive intent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife needs to learn how to communicate about your children and you as a father need to demand it. You do NOT use text or Snapchat when a child is hurt.
You call the other parent and speak to them. This is ridiculous and a hill to die on. If you have to go to couple counseling so that she can learn she has to use actual words when a child is hurt.
Texts and a screen can not convey emotion or inflections.” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
While I get that if I had been sent a Snapchat pic of my daughter crying, I would think it wasn’t too bad of an issue, and that things were being handled. I still would have asked how she was doing, and maybe checked in a time or two later just to make sure she was ok.
But that is me a worried mom. Unless my SO said otherwise I would have stayed out with my friends too. Or at least asked if I was needed at home. But again that is just me.
If your wife wanted you home she should have said so, that would be on her.
But it is on you for not at least asking after your child to see how she is doing.
But again like I said I would have checked in and asked about the child. That does not mean everyone is like me though.” Whiskeygirl81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your wife was so concerned she should have put her phone down and stopped sending snap chats and instead, she should have taken your child to the doctor. It obviously wasn’t an emergency if she was using snap chat.
What kind of parent thinks to themselves, let me snap chat this if your child is actually hurt. Kids hit their heads all the time and the high majority of the time it isn’t serious. If your wife thought it was actually serious and was sending Snapchats instead of getting help, she’s the jerk, big time.” Ginger3950
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Snapchat is not a way to convey important news. Your wife was trying to passively get you to react instead of saying what she wanted. You on the other hand could have taken 3 minutes to call your wife and ask how bad it is.
Is your relationship ok? Because if it is, then sit your wife down and talk about how to better communicate. If it is not then sit your wife down and make some ground rules about kids being a priority and not playing games if it’s about their well-being.” JullabyBye
4. AITJ For Calling My Wife Entitled?
“My wife, my mom, and I have a huge point of contention when it comes to visits. We live about a seven-hour plane ride away from my mom and there hasn’t been a single visit in five years.
My wife and my mom never had a great relationship. It wasn’t too terrible but just very different people and they get on each other’s nerves, so my wife doesn’t want her to stay in the house.
It makes me sad but my wife feels the home needs to be a sanctuary and no one who upsets her should be allowed to stay in her sanctuary, and I chose to support that.
Her ideal visit would be for my mom to stay at a hotel and have designated visiting times.
My mom says we can make our rules but we can’t seriously expect her to put her time and effort into traveling to stay at a hotel.
I also understand that train of thought. My wife however thinks my mom owes it to our kids to make the effort. My mom says my wife is selfish for expecting her to sacrifice her time, effort, and peace of mind just to be treated like a burden.
I have told my wife to leave it alone. I called my mom recently to talk and my wife came over and began making digs about how the kids don’t recognize my mom and were asking if I actually have parents.
My mom said my wife needed to leave the conversation or she was going to hang up. My wife said it is so sad that my mom won’t just come and see her grandkids because she feels entitled to stay in our house.
I just snapped and told my wife that she needs to stop acting entitled to my mom’s time, energy, and the money it would take to visit and she is the entitled one. My mom began laughing and my wife looked devastated. I quickly hung up and tried to talk it out with my wife, but she was furious and said I broke a cardinal rule of marriage by calling her out in front of my mom.
I do get that but I’ve given her my opinion in private so many times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re being mistreated. No one wants to say it because you’re the husband and this also deals with a MIL, but your wife is abusive.
She has successfully isolated you from your family. You are not allowed to take vacation time or spend the money to visit your family because it is too expensive. Also, you don’t know mom’s husband but a visit doesn’t mean you’re leaving the children alone with the ‘strange man’.
However, it’s okay for your mother to spend the money to visit but she cannot stay with you and can only visit during pre-approved, scheduled times that your wife allows. Even on a phone call with your mother your wife interjects herself to insult your mother.
She has set incredibly difficult rules for your family to have interactions with the children and you. I would bet that her family has unlimited access whenever they want with no hoops to jump through.
Even if your mom were to visit and follow the hotel rule, why can’t your wife go out with her friends, to a movie, or whatever else to avoid her?
You’re a parent. You should be fully capable of taking care of your children while your wife enjoys some personal time away. Honestly, it just sounds like your wife has to have control over the entire situation with your family.
It’s obvious that you are being isolated because regardless of who goes where there are either incredibly strict rules or it’s not financially viable. There’s constantly a reason to keep your family away. It is unfair to keep you and your children from your family.
Your wife doesn’t have to participate but she shouldn’t be preventing that time for the rest of you.” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Here’s the thing… there is a ton MORE to the story here.
There was something big that happened. People don’t refuse to let others visit just bc of a difference in personality. You were wrong for lashing out at your wife but she was wrong for goading your mom. You should have ended the call and told your mom you’d call her back at a better time THEN discussed things with your wife.
But you’re lying because something big happened to them. So what was it? Because this behavior is indicative of something bigger than a personality rub.” Beautiful-Act6485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s your wife’s take on her parents visiting your house?
Even if she can’t tolerate her she can put up with her for a few days for you and your kids. You need a long discussion. Don’t just apologize to her but also tell her how you feel. This talk is already 5 years overdue.
Tell her u can’t always cater to her, you and the kids are suffering. You cannot always go your wife’s way. It never works that way. Family needs to meet halfway to make relationships work. If all else fails, take the kids and visit your mom.
Discuss with her. Make a plan where you visit with the kids for a holiday and she visits for one and stays at a hotel. THE KIDS ARE SUFFERING the consequences of adults’ actions.” Left_Demand_3101
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Both your wife and mom are in the wrong.
Neither one of them is trying to meet in the middle or get along
Your wife is allowed to make her home a sanctuary, and not allow your mom to stay.
And if your mom’s behavior is so bad towards your wife that your wife wants to set hours that your mom can visit, then you might want to look deeper into that.
Set some ground rules for your mom’s visit.
She stays in a hotel and makes plans to go do things with her, so that way she isn’t at your home all day. It could be things just you and your kids do with her, or just the kids and she can give you and your wife some alone time.
Also, your wife doesn’t have to egg on things with your mom, and she doesn’t have a right to manipulate her time, tell her how to spend it, etc. If she doesn’t want to be around your mom that is fine, like I said make other plans to show your mom a good time while spending time with her.
Your wife needs to keep her snide comments to herself.
You were wrong in snapping at your wife like that in front of your mom. You should have told your mom you will have to call her back later then hung up and had a discussion privately with your wife.
Your mom was further wrong for laughing when you did. That just showed what kind of respect your mom has for your wife. What did you say to your mom for laughing?” Whiskeygirl81
3. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Partner She Isn't My Mom?
“I (15F) have divorced parents, they’ve been divorced for years and my dad (40M) has a partner (26F), let’s call her Lexie. So, I’m staying at my dad’s house, and we were standing outside the front door last night, waiting for the door to be unlocked and I asked my brother (10M) not to go in our shared room so I could get changed after work and he picked a fight, saying ‘Oh whatever.’ and he was very reluctant to not being in there and I retaliated (which I probably shouldn’t have done) by saying ‘What?
Do you wanna watch me get changed? Creep.’ Then we were fighting and my dad and Lexie walked over and dad told us to shut up, and we did then Lexie also told us to shut up. I told her she can’t tell me to shut up, she isn’t my mother and that annoyed my dad and he was trying to make me apologize, which I keep refusing to do.
Lexie has only been my dad’s partner for 6 months, not sure if that’s important.
So AITJ for telling my dad’s partner she isn’t my mum and can’t tell me to shut up?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You share a room.
It sucks but it’s normal. There is nothing stopping you from changing in the bathroom. Your brother most certainly wasn’t picking a fight. He grumbled 2 words then probably would have let you change. You escalated this. You went from zero trouble to actually calling your brother a creep and making vile accusations.
You are being inappropriate toward your 10-year-old brother. He likely hasn’t hit puberty. He isn’t the creep in this story.
Your dad absolutely should have called you out for this filth. Lexie probably should have minded her own business, but I’m guessing she gets on decently with your brother and was trying to stand up for him.
Lexie gets a pass from me because it was on your mum and dad to raise someone better than this behavior implies you are OP.” saran1111
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your dad’s partner didn’t need to reiterate what your dad already said, but I don’t think that she was trying to parent you by doing that.
Also, adults shouldn’t tell kids to shut up. However, your brother is 10. 10-year-olds can be brats, they can be annoying, and every word under the sun. Doesn’t mean we should call them all what you did. He was doing it to annoy you, and you shouldn’t swear at him.
I sound hypocritical because I was that 15-year-old once, swearing at my 12-year-old sister. But, you gotta do better than that or you’re going to come across as the bratty teenager who can’t control their emotions. Sit down with your dad and talk about the issue, involve your mom.” Striking_Ad_6573
Another User Comments:
“She doesn’t have to be your mother to be an adult in your life and set boundaries for your behavior.
If she actually said ‘shut up’ then that’s unnecessary. But I’m not sure if she did or if that’s just your 15-year-old way of telling the story.
How you behave will be critical in whether you are successful in getting what you want. Whether it’s how you speak to your 10-year-old brother, your dad, or his partner. Your coming across like a rude teenager and that will not help you in anything.
Imagine this woman is your teacher. Imagine your brother is a classmate. Or a customer at work. How do you speak to those people to get them to respect you and help you get what you want? By calling them a creep?
YTJ because you think you can argue your way in your relationships to get what you want.” TimeIsntSustainable
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards ‘everyone sucks here’, except for OP’s brother. Brother has every right to be in his room and OP shouldn’t get to kick him out.
Is there no bathroom at OP’s dad’s place? That’s what I did whenever my brother and I shared a bedroom. I was also 15. My brother was 12. We both survived sharing a bedroom because even though we fought like normal siblings we respected each other’s boundaries.
OP is the jerk because she acted entitled to the room, said something totally uncalled for to her brother, and then yelled at her dad’s partner.
OP’s dad is a jerk because of how he broke up the argument and for not telling his partner she shouldn’t have gotten involved. He’s also the jerk for not teaching OP how to respect boundaries and communicate in a way that isn’t insulting/offensive.
The woman is the jerk because she intervened when it was no longer necessary and did so in a cruel-ish way.” ScifiGirl1986
2. AITJ For Being Upset At My Stepdad For Being Disinterested On My Birthday?
“I recently turned 18. I didn’t have school and hung out with my mom most of the day. I bought a gift for my grandma, whose birthday is the day before mine, and I got a gift for me too since I had money.
Money is tight for my mom, so I just bought them instead of her. I enjoyed my day with her.
Until we got home.
My stepdad (m48) was home and completely ignored me. My mom made us all dinner. My brother and I started talking, and my brother brought up a question to me and it just continued. My stepdad just gave me a death stare all of dinner.
It got me uncomfortable, it always does.
Afterward, I opened the gifts I bought earlier. My stepdad was on his phone the entire time, ignoring me further. We did cake and my mom tried to get my stepdad to be involved and sing happy birthday and celebrate with us.
He ignored her and was on his phone playing his games. My mom just asked again for him to be involved and ignored him again. She served the cake and asked again before putting the cake away. Keep in mind, my mom broke her foot, and as doctor’s orders, no pressure or much walking on it.
Stepdad got upset he didn’t have any, and she got him a slice. After we all finished, I put my plate, and my mom’s plate away so she didn’t have to make an extra trip to clean it. My stepdad got upset I didn’t do the same to him.
My mom argued he didn’t participate in anything so I didn’t have to, and she was broken, and he is perfectly capable of doing it on his own.
We went to her office because she had a bag for me, so I could put the gift for my grandma in.
Stepdad walked over and started to call me a jerk, telling me I was abusive, neglectful, and an absolutely terrible person… It hurt and I started to cry. My mom and he got into a fight. I left the room because I can’t deal with a lot at this point, I was already crying and overwhelmed by the situation.
A while later I was asked to come downstairs and talk.
My stepdad started to say that I was the problem, and I couldn’t handle talking to him, and I made no effort at all. And that I was a jerk to my brother.
I’m sarcastic, and if you tell me I made a mistake, ill apologize and not bring it up. My brother has never told me I was being too much or that it bothered him, and clarified that again during the family conversation.
A couple of days later my stepdad had made no more effort than during my birthday. And the death stares don’t stop.
He called me a jerk that I was awful to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First up – Happy birthday!
You’re NTJ. Your stepdad is. I’m sorry your family has to deal with that guy. It sounds like he’s very unpleasant to all of you. I don’t see where you were ‘abusive’ to anybody. He was the one being anti-social.
This is his problem and unfortunately, you are the easiest target for him. If you HAVE to live there do your best to be polite (fake it), but be as no contact as possible. He’ll find reasons to be a jerk because HE is a jerk, but try not to give him any reason to be obnoxious to you.
Honestly, the best thing would be to get a job and make your own money, go away to school, find some nice roommates and move out – mix & match any of those things.
It sounds like you and your mom have a good relationship – it also sounds like you and your brother are perfectly fine with one another.
Try not to take this man’s insults to heart.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And happy birthday!
Your stepdad is the abusive one. Who refuses to even sing happy birthday to someone they’re supposed to care for? What a narcissist!
It was YOUR birthday, and he tried to make it all about himself, imagined grievances, and treated you terribly without giving you any reason that makes sense. Then he doubled down, and wouldn’t apologize.
He is the problem, not you.
He sounds like a miserable human being.
But please, before you get involved in serious romantic relationships yourself, try to find time for therapy (or if you can’t, do some research online or check out some library books), so you can protect yourself from falling for a guy who will turn into this.
(I mean, already is, but knows how to hide it with charm in the beginning.) It’s better to be single than in a miserable relationship.
Check out the book Why Does He Do That? And please get familiar with narcissistic and sociopathic personality traits so you recognize them and learn how to steer clear of them.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
1. AITJ For Buying Red Velvet Cupcakes?
“I like to buy treats for my family – myself (45), my wife (43), and two sons (16, and 17). My wife will make cupcakes and stuff but that takes time and effort so every once in a while I will splurge and stop at a great local bakery and get some really expensive but delicious cupcakes.
We all love my wife’s baking but we all enjoy the ones from the bakery.
So the last few times I have brought home bakery cupcakes when I go to eat my cupcake it is gone. One of them decides to eat mine as well as theirs.
It really sucks because I really look forward to it.
I started eating mine on the way home but my wife says that it makes her and the kids feel bad like I don’t trust them. I totally don’t. One of them is eating my cupcake and lying about it.
Last week I tried again and my cupcake went missing again. So this week I got Red Velvet cupcakes. Which my wife and kids hate. But I love them.
So now I have four cupcakes. I feel petty but I just want a treat the same as everyone else.
Edit. The reason I don’t just buy myself a Red Velvet cupcake every time is because I like to eat different cupcakes too and it’s not fair that I should have to eat only one kind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – next time if you choose to buy cupcakes and you want to save your own, purchase a lockbox for just yours, and that way it avoids having to worry about someone else taking yours.
If they’re too petty to let you have your own or even admit to eating your share of what you take the time to bring home, then defending what’s yours should teach them a lesson in manners and humility.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Those cupcake-stealing jerks got what they deserved.
But also… Seriously you should talk to them. Not cool that someone is stealing your cupcake. It might be just a cupcake, but it’s a very worrisome sign.
If it’s your wife, clearly there are some issues in the relationship that need to be addressed, if she feels the need to lie over something as petty as a cupcake.
If it’s one of your sons, that could be indicative of a bigger behavioral issue, and maybe suggests that they’re okay with sneaking and having an affair and lying in other aspects of their life, and it could only get worse as they grow older.
I think you really need to address the deeper problem at hand here and have a conversation with your family, or maybe talk to each of them one on one and get to the bottom of this.
I applaud your petty revenge, I’d have done the same thing, but it’s definitely indicative of a larger problem that should be addressed before it gets worse.” witchyfreunde
