People Point Their Finger In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Half-Sisters As Bridesmaids?
They’re my joint maids of honour. My fiancé’s sister is also a bridesmaid and my fiancé has two other very close friends as groomsmen.
But after announcing my engagement Mom sat me down and said the girls were hoping to be asked and she said they wanted to be included and to finally feel like they have older siblings and it’s not just the two of them, because none of my full siblings are close to our half-siblings.
We’re okay with them. But I never saw them the same as my full siblings and never really cared about having a close relationship. I have a strained-ish relationship with my mom and I think her husband is an arrogant jerk. He thought because he was wealthy my siblings and I would want his “very important” last name instead of keeping our last name.
He also thought we would call him Dad because we’d want his money and to make him look good to the people around us/him. I think my brother not wanting that stung him more because he never had a son.
After my mom and I talked and we had a small fight over my lack of enthusiasm and interest in having my half-sisters as bridesmaids, I noticed on social media both girls were looking at pages related to being a bridesmaid and I saw one comment where she asked what would make someone seem like a good person to be a bridesmaid. She said she wanted to be asked to be one and wanted to make herself look like she’d be great.
I have considered asking just because they want to be asked. But the fact I don’t want them as bridesmaids is going to be felt at some point and that makes me question if I would be a jerk. My fiancé and I were talking and he said he felt like it would hurt them more to be asked and to feel the weight of nobody wanting them there vs not being asked and being able to assume eventually that we just didn’t want an odd number of people in my party or something.
But my mom was on my case about it again the other day and said they were starting to lose hope. She also said I better find a way to switch my thoughts around so I want them there and make them feel like they’re wanted and they belong because they deserve to feel that way.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you don’t want them. I can see why they would want to be bridesmaids at their age; getting all dolled up, pretty dresses, nice hair, being part of the excitement of the wedding party, feeling special etc. And we know that you’re not particularly close with them but I wonder how they feel about you?
I think your mother is being unrealistic. She wanted her kids from her second husband to be close to the kids from her first, and that hasn’t worked out. That’s not the girl’s fault, and I don’t think it’s yours either. There’s a big age gap for starters.
Making the girls your bridesmaids won’t magically make a happy blended family. Maybe she’s the one who needs to switch her thoughts.” PersimmonBasket
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but what about junior bridesmaids? You could be clear they won’t be going to the bachelorette or other adult activities, but it’s still a way to include them.
I know you’re not close with them but I have to be honest, reading this my heart went out to them because they’re teenagers desperately hoping to have a relationship with their older adult siblings. If it was me I would ask them.
Once you don’t ask them you can never go back and include them” Logical_Lack_2118
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know what you’re going through. I also have a half-sister from mom whom I never really cared about. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, except my stepdad doesn’t have money.
It’s your wedding, you don’t have to make them happy. You barely have a relationship to your mom, so why bother at all?? Congrats on your wedding!!” Glittering_Mix818
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Overbearing Mother-In-Law Around Our Baby?
We’ve been together for a couple of years so I agreed. Not long after, we were pregnant, but before we told his mom, she was worried and wanted him to move back home. We then told his mom, and she was texting and calling and her exact words verbatim were “I’m crying hysterically” when she found out.
He wanted to cut her off by not even talking to her. I respected his wishes but I also understood she was just worried about him. I’ve never said or done anything to her and I always show respect. I did get upset when she said I’d ruin his life but I never said or did anything about it.
We don’t fight or argue, we have a very healthy relationship. Eventually, she stopped saying things like that and conversations became normal between them. She started buying baby things for around her house, wanting ultrasounds, I always kept her up to date on everything.
My partner switched cards for direct deposit and forgot about his bank card.
The next text she sent said “I’m worried about you. I want to meet with you without (me). I need to talk to you about things and about you moving home because you’ve dug yourself a hole and it’s not fair to bring a child into this (literally we are doing fine.
She’s referring to his bank account) I’m also going to call your landlord and ask if you’re behind on rent” She had assumed he was behind on rent because he wasn’t using his bank account anymore and he had to call her and tell her how he was paying it and that he wasn’t moving back home because he has me and a child on the way and that even if things were hard, which they aren’t, that he wouldn’t just up and leave his family.
He agreed it was fair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your MIL should control herself and let her son manage his life, he’s an adult and soon to be a father. His mother’s doing too much, she’s going beyond the stage of the worried mother and is taking initiative concerning things that are none of her business.
You did the right thing by asserting your boundaries and explaining how things would be. Now it’s up to her to adopt the right attitude: she knows what’s waiting for her if she continues to meddle in your family life.” Lower_Blacksmith8914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That woman is overstepping boundaries left and right. Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your family from her. Have you imagined what she will be like around the baby? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.” Narrow-Natural7937
Another User Comments:
“His drama with his mother is his to manage. I don’t blame you for being tired of her nonsense, though. NTJ. We are all of us expected to leave our first families to make new ones of our own. That’s not odd in the culture I grew up in.
And his mom is doing way too much for me. You get to decide you don’t want to be bothered with her shenanigans. There is no majority rule about who you have to put up with. It’s his baby too, so if he ever gets desperate for his mom to bond with the baby, maybe let him take the baby to her house and she can stay the heck out of yours?
You have been quite fair. No worries on that score.” AndSoItGoes24
19. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Baby's Name To Please My Father-In-Law?
If it is a boy we usually give the baby name from the husband’s side of the family (husband’s father) if it is a girl from the wife’s family (wife’s mother). Many families give the baby name from the husband’s side of the family in both cases.
My side of the family has the first tradition but my husband’s the latter.
After we had our daughter my husband and I changed our mind and we wanted to name our daughter after our mothers. We had huge fights for the past 7 months and we decided to write the names in two papers, we chose one and the name that came up was my mother’s.
My husband at first felt a little sad but then as we called her by her name he got into it. After 7 months we were at peace with this matter.
But my father-in-law said that if we don’t call our baby by his wife’s name he is not coming to our wedding or the baptism of the baby. (He is generally very selfish and manipulative). When my husband returned home and we talked about it I decided I didn’t want my husband and his father to have this fight so I suggested calling her by both of their names (my mother in laws and my mother’s name combined well) and we felt happy again with the name choice.
He also doesn’t want to change the name (because it is not fair to me) but he is afraid that he might not talk to him again. I am mad because I have backed down so much and he is not. After their last conversation, I said that I would not visit again until he apologized and he was not seeing our baby anymore.
I am of course open to the rest of the family visiting us. AITJ for not agreeing to change our baby’s name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already named your daughter and you and your husband were happy with that. That’s your daughter’s name. Your FIL can simply not come to anything.
Let him work out his issues. It may be sad or difficult for your husband, but standing up for your family comes with being a father (and an adult). Ignore the jerk here, which is your FIL .” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Friend’s MIL chose to throw a fit over the baby’s name and involved everyone including relatives that lived overseas.
They finally compromised on the second name. MIL thought she won until she realized that the baby was almost a year old and she had seen it twice. Their parents were always busy, working, etc whenever she wanted to visit. She got pictures and Zoom time but no invitations to come and stay and see the baby.
MIL has missed seeing baby’s first everything in person.” JanuarySoCold
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let him not come. Either he’s bluffing and will come anyway or he’s telling the truth and he won’t show up. Either way, it doesn’t matter. If he wants to act like a toddler, treat him like one.
He’s throwing a temper tantrum and needs some time to himself to calm down. Just ignore him. A key component of a temper tantrum is an audience. If there’s no audience, the temper tantrum doesn’t work and dies down rather quickly.” marymorose
18. AITJ For Storming Out After Learning My Parents Reunited Without Telling Me?
She swore up and down for years that she wanted me back in her life but didn’t make any effort to get to know me. So that woman broke a lot of promises with me and my brothers.
I know that sounds petty, but at the time, it was really important to me, and she swore up and down that she would come. Of course, she broke that promise, too.
Ever since that phone call, I’ve been in no contact with her.
So when my dad tried to grab my arm to sit me down so we could “talk”, I snatched it back and stormed out of the house.
My friends are 50/50 on it.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you feel, they blindsided you and then blamed you for your reaction. If you choose to have nothing to do with your mother, you shouldn’t have to. Realize your father is an adult, free to be involved with whomever he chooses.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be justified in going no contact with your family over this. They ambushed you and just decided you had to deal with it. You went through years of heartbreak, broken promises, and torment by your mother and family members.
I hope you find your way and peace.” GlitterAssociation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However they want to spin it, she abandoned you and your brothers. And when she did show back up, she broke promise after promise. You have no obligation whatsoever to want to stick around for the mess it’ll probably end up being.” LegalSoft7173
17. AITJ For Not Inviting A Disliked Coworker To My Personal Parties?
“I (24f) have a coworker, Jan (21f) who I almost never work with and, to be blunt, none of our other coworkers like her.
Beyond the fact that she never listens to instructions and is allergic to doing her job, she is incredibly childish, obsessed with high-school drama, and is always miserable and complaining. Case example: she showed up to another coworker’s birthday party to sulk in the corner about how no one was happy enough to see her before pointedly leaving early.
Still, I was always as polite and cordial as I could be. Despite the fact that I never said a bad word about her, she decided that I didn’t like her some time ago and told this to everyone who would listen. That prophecy fulfilled itself, and I have disliked her ever since while still maintaining a professional attitude.
Over the last year, I’ve held a few social gatherings with a handful of coworkers present but never invited her. To be clear, these are not work-related parties and she is not the only coworker who didn’t get invited. After her tantrum at our other coworker’s party and her proclaiming how I didn’t like her, I simply chose not to invite her into my house to feed and entertain her.
I never mentioned these events to her or in front of her.
Unfortunately, a few months ago someone (not a coworker) thought that they should ask me a question about one of these events in a groupchat that she was also in. Jan immediately fired off with “Why wasn’t I invited?”, even though only 3 coworkers were invited out of over a dozen.
My partner told me to tell her that it was mostly their event with their friends and it seemed to sate her. However, this happened again recently with someone bringing up a Halloween party I’m hosting in front of Jan. Again, it is not a work party.
I invited my friends and some coworkers and she is not the only person not going. She, again, asked why she wasn’t invited. Not only have I not worked with her in months, but she has also recently taken to making fun of me in the chat for possibly being autistic (she called me “spectrum” just before this happened).
At this point, I can’t think of a polite way to say “you’re unbelievably irritating, you hate me, nobody can stand to be around you, and I do not want you to know my home address”.
I am genuinely confused as to why she wants to come to my house after she’s spent the last two years talking negatively about me and telling people I don’t like her despite barely knowing me.
Still, I know how crushing it is to be excluded, even if I feel like she dug her own grave here. No matter the effort I made to keep her from finding out about these outside-of-work events, she still found out and I feel like I should have been more careful or maybe I should have just invited her in the first place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and report her to HR for repeatedly speculating/mocking the possibility that you have autism (and perpetuating harmful stereotypes). She’s contributing to a hostile work environment and it’s absolutely harassment. However, be aware that if you’re in a position senior to her it can be called favoritism if you invite everyone but her.” Low-Signature-2281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wait, she called you “spectrum” on a work chat? That alone warrants a chat with HR. plus she’s spreading lies about you. That’s a hostile workplace. But if you don’t want to go that route, you can tell her this: “Jan, you keep telling people I don’t like you.
Why would someone who doesn’t like you invite you to a party? Why would you want to be invited to a party by someone you claim doesn’t like you? And why do you think it’s appropriate to bring this up on a work chat?”” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just tell her you are only co-workers, not friends, and that the way she talks negatively about you in the group chat clearly reinforces for you that she is not your friend. Being upfront with her like that in the public group chat should shut her down.
But some people are determined to play victim no matter how much they are in the wrong. There is no way to reason them out of that behavior. If confronting her with the fact she is not your friend doesn’t shut her down just continue to pointedly ignore her unless some job task requires you to be involved with her.” becoming_maxine
16. AITJ For Feeling Resentful About My Mom Constantly Borrowing My Part-Time Job Earnings?
“Whenever I first made the transition to college, my mom (57F, widowed, low-income, and unemployed) proposed that we share joint ownership of one another’s bank accounts. That way, my mom could easily transfer funds to my account over the phone to cover things like transportation and course materials.
To give my mom some more wiggle room, build up my resume, and pay for additional amenities while living on campus, I decided during my second semester of college that I would get a part-time job. Ever since I’ve been typically working around ten hours a week, and I get paystubs according to the amount that I have worked during a given pay period (~$80-$120) every two weeks.
However… More often than not, I find that my mom is asking me to lend her the money that I’ve saved. She’ll typically ask every handful of days if she could borrow an indeterminate amount of money for groceries, medication, or the infrequent Amazon delivery.
And I’m more than happy to help out my family; I also have a seventeen-year-old sibling at home that my mom is taking care of. She’s always super stressed out of her mind, and she laments about having to borrow from her newly adult daughter in the first place.
So, if I can ease that burden in any way, that’s fine by me.
The problem is, there are times when she tells me that she’s taken out money after the fact and occasions where she wants me to plan around only having $20 left to my name whenever things are really tough at home.
Since I’m away at college, I recognize that I’m in a better, more dependable situation than my family is- however, something is frustrating about knowing that your mom owes you $600 that she may not ever be able to get back to you because your folks are living week-by-week.
And–even more troublesome–, since I share ownership of her bank account as well, every time she goes into the negative, my credit score is jointly affected as well.
What started as a reciprocal agreement feels like it’s quickly becoming one-sided. And sometimes I can’t help but hold a bit of a grudge over the fact that my mom didn’t even plan anything relating to her finances before I enrolled in college.
The only reason I’m receiving a higher education in the first place is because my paternal grandparents had set up a 529 plan before they died.
Yet, at the same time, I completely understand what my mom is struggling with, and I don’t have it in me to ever tell her no. I feel like I owe it to her not only because she’s my mom and I want the best for my family, but because when I’m not living on-campus, I’m residing at home and living under her roof.
She is also a Type-2 Diabetic and suffers from neuropathy, which makes the prospect of her getting a job and having a safety cushion even less likely.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Am I being selfish? And how do I communicate these feelings without trying to blame her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First, your mom doesn’t need joint ownership of your bank account to be able to send you money easily. This was a ridiculous idea, and you’re discovering part of the reason why. Get off her account, and get her off yours.
That’s completely unnecessary.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You shouldn’t have to support your family. Mom should not be unemployed in this job market. Every store is hiring for the holidays and most employers are desperate Get off of the joint accounts as soon as you can.
I’m sorry this is your situation.” AnnoyedRedheadedMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Feeling this way is not unreasonable, but you have a laundry list of reasons why it is OK. Looks like you are not going to stop. Get over the resentment or open a new checking account and stop letting Mom take your money.
She managed before you got a job and had 2 dependent children. How is that possible? You can pay rent when you do live at home or figure out reasonable rent and divide it by 12. Mom could have that amount all year.” zoegi104
I also have type 2 diabetes, arthritis, and neuropathy. I worked full time with these conditions until well into my 60s. If her condition is so bad she truly can't work, she should apply for disability. In the US, she would be eligible for an additional stipend for her minor child. Open a separate account, close the joint account and cut those apron strings.
15. AITJ For Refusing To Extend My Family Friend's Stay At My Apartment?
“I (26 F) am a grad student who lives on my own. I have a family friend, Ava (32 F), who is a travel nurse and has been staying at my apartment on days she has worked for the past 3 months.
She told me that she would pay me a certain amount every month ($400) when she’s here until her contract ends on October 21st. I was conflicted about letting her stay here as I live in a small one-bedroom apartment but wanting to help her out and wanting a little extra cash encouraged me to accept the deal.
I told her I would think about it and we dropped the topic.
I figured that she was no longer interested in doing so.
I told her that I wouldn’t be able to accommodate her past the 21st, as that was the date we had agreed to.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all You have no obligation to let her continue staying.
I don’t know where you are, or what laws apply- but often has 30 days before she gains rights as a renter or something. Make sure she leaves on the 21st, or she could cause further issues for you. Burn bridges if you have to, cause something tells me this is the first extension but won’t be the last…” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You had already told her that if she was going to extend you would need to think about whether or not she could stay at your place. She never gave you the courtesy of letting you think about it she never even told you – until you saw the schedule, you wouldn’t have known.
You’ve been very accommodating to her and you have every right to not want her to stay longer.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is trying to take advantage of you. The 21st is the end of it- no negotiation – no harassment over that.
I bet it was costing a lot more for her to stay in hotels. She has known the end date from the start so has had plenty of time to make alternative arrangements. Be prepared to change your locks on the 21st.” kiwimuz
14. AITJ For Being A "Tryhard" At My Laid-Back Job?
something I’d rather not be a part of. So, I haven’t bothered pressing to join since I do like this job. They are even aware that I know about it.
We were meeting due to the firing of one of our more liked coworkers, and we wanted to catch up and share our opinions on what happened. When I brought it up at our table, he chuckled.
Everyone is friends with each other, and now I feel as though I might be tainting my shot at getting anywhere with this company.. by doing good work.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You haven’t had the opportunity to learn better, so you’re not being a jerk. When people have easy jobs like this, they have those jobs because they’re easy. Tryhards are a threat to the stability of that lifestyle, which is why tryhards tend to be unpopular.
No one is being hurt by these people taking it easy, but they might be hurt by you taking it harder than the job requires, and you’re very unlikely to see any benefit from doing that because companies rarely reward effort. Effort isn’t how you climb the corporate ladder these days, the way you do that is by regularly moving jobs, making sure that what you’re currently doing is a good match for your experience and qualifications and a good opportunity to gain more of those things so that your next job can be better.
There’s no reason for you to risk your colleague’s security because your next move isn’t going to be higher up this company, it’s going to be higher up a different company, who won’t know how much effort you put in.” Nephisimian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for taking your job seriously, BUT it’s really important to mesh well with others if only so the team has synergy.
Take this with a grain of salt because I have no experience in the tech industry. Still, if I were in your position I’d ask my manager or team lead for a meeting & express my concerns about not fitting in well with the company culture, & if they have any guidance.
If your coworker is talking out his backside, management will assure you you’re fine, but if you’re causing rifts and shooting yourself in the foot, then you’ll find out” glovettsfield
13. AITJ For Not Delaying My Wedding So My Sister-In-Law Can Marry First?
Considering our different nationalities, getting married was necessary to get a visa to live together. Essentially all our plans depended on it.
Best before September even. Only on paper. No big ceremony/party until we live together.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. just get married already and put this to bed. You’re not planning on a big ceremony, essentially just a legal agreement to get the ball rolling with regards to citizenship etc. If you want to keep the peace with your SIL and brother, just don’t tell anyone.
But that’s certainly not a requirement; you have every right to get married whenever you want (or almost whenever you want) without criticism.” anti_hero_123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jessica sounds like a selfish person. I would try to understand her point of view if she wasn’t so vile to you.
She sounds manipulative and uses her past trauma as an excuse to get what she wants. As long as your weddings aren’t happening on the same week or something I don’t see an issue. She’s worried that you’ll steal her spotlight.” BullfrogNumerous6859
Another User Comments:
“NTJ SIL isn’t Queen of the world. Jessica doesn’t get to decide when you marry. She only gets to decide on when she does Just because she wants something (“to get married first”) doesn’t mean everyone else has to put their own lives and plans on hold to bend around her She’ll just have to lump it You’ll have very different weddings anyway, not that it matters Enjoy your ‘before Sept’ wedding” JSJ34
12. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Parents' Live-In Maid?
And from time to time, I mop the floor. Doing all this weekly by myself is so exhausting and I know if I don’t do it, they won’t and neither will my sister.
I asked her why she couldn’t take the after-school bus and my mom told me that she won’t get home until 8. I told her that it wasn’t my problem nor my responsibility and she got mad at me. She told me I was making everything harder for her but I again told her my sister isn’t my daughter.
She started to call me names and I just went to my room because there was no point in fighting with her. An hour later she came into my room YELLING AT ME for forgetting to put a trash bag in the bin.
I started to argue back saying that I wasn’t their dang maid. I was their daughter who lived there too. I told them that if they had so many problems with how I did things then they should just do it themselves. And there is no reason why I need to be doing all the chores in this house.
I told them that it wasn’t fair to me because I have a life too. I’m a human too who gets tired of doing everything by myself with no help. My parents were not happy and stated that this was teaching me “responsibilities” but I called BS. I again stated that I am not a maid and if they keep treating me like one they have to pay me.
That they are only trying to teach me how hard life can be. And as the oldest daughter, I must do all these things plus more. I’m very much confused as to what lies my mom has now spread about me. Because all I said was I wasn’t going to be their live-in maid anymore.
I can’t take this toxicity anymore but just with my engineering job, I will not make enough to support myself in this economy. I don’t know what to do, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Get out if you can. Showing you how lousy life can be is NOT done by making your life unbearable.
You didn’t choose your parents, they chose to have you. Their child: someone they should take care of until they can take care of themselves. And THEY are also responsible for your sister: they are responsible for her getting home safe, and to teach her too that there are responsibilities like cleaning your home etc. If they want a live-in maid they should pay you accordingly.” VicVenlo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move out with/to roommates. Then costs will reduce and you guys can split chores evenly. And you can decide for yourself what kind of relationship you can have with your parents (if at all) Where are you from? Is this a cultural thing (I am confused that all extended family is in on it)?
And why can’t your parents do all these things? Are they lazy, or occupied?” Complex_Machine6189
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your company and ask about any housing benefits or options. Explain the situation at home and let them know that your parents are using you as a maid/errand runner and that it’s affecting your study time.
Given your company pays for your tuition, they have a vested interest in your success. They are investing in you so let them help. They might be able to cover rent with other employees or a dorm room or something! I’m so sorry your parents are using you like this.
Get out however you can.” OkAsparagus5160
11. AITJ For Banning My Late Partner's Mom After She Threatened To Take My Son Away?
Arden and Briony’s dad (M46) left when the girls were 4 and 2, and I met Kaya’s dad, Alex (M43) shortly after. He had just come into the custody of his nephew, Robin.
Robin is fully aware of who his bio mom is but considers Alex to be his dad, and has called me his mom since the age of 2/3ish. Layla has told me in the past how grateful she is for me filling that role, and that she feels more like Robin’s aunt than his mom.
All this to say, when Alex was diagnosed with cancer two years ago, it was pretty clear to all of us that I would continue to raise Robin as my son after Alex’s death.
My older girls are practically non-existent to her, and she often ‘forgets’ that Kaya is her grandchild too and focuses solely on Robin.
It was hurtful, to say the least, and made me uncomfortable welcoming MIL into my home after that, but I convinced myself that it was for the benefit of the kids- they’d just lost their dad. I didn’t want to take away a grandparent too.
Finally, Robin broke down in tears, asking me if ‘Grandma was going to take him away’. It turns out that MIL has been repeatedly telling Robin that she’s going to take him away from us, even telling him she’ll call CPS on me to have the kids removed. On Saturday, MIL had gone even further, saying she could just drive away with him, and he’d ‘never have to see us again’.
My phone has been blowing up ever since, with people asking me to reconsider. I haven’t said anything about what happened, so can only assume MIL is spreading false information, but all the negative responses are making me doubt if I’m actually in the right here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not let this woman anywhere near the boy. This MIL is a danger to Robin. It is your duty to protect him. You should probably contact your local police to discuss the issue. Perhaps engage an attorney if you can afford it.” McRando42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is traumatizing your kid. I would never let her be alone with Robin again. In terms of seeing her at all, if Robin wants to, and if MIL is paying, perhaps you can all see each other in the office of a family counselor who is Deaf or knows ASL.” MycoMilf
Another User Comments:
“Holy NO, you are NTJ! Your MIL is threatening to take away your children on baseless nonsense! She wants to steal away Robin, the only person in your house who isn’t deaf, because of some awful ideas she’s got going on in her head.
She’s trying to tear apart your family and traumatize your son. If I were you, I’d start making a paper trail. Call the kids’ school to make sure they know to not let your MIL around your kids. Tell people the truth of the matter so she doesn’t send flying monkeys to get the kids away from you under pretenses.
She threatened to call CPS with false allegations. She threatened to drive off with your son. This isn’t a joke. She made it serious. You need to protect yourself and your kids. r/JUSTNOMIL is a great place to scream/type into the void with people in a similar boat.” Condensed_Sarcasm
10. AITJ For Reporting My Troublesome Sister's Actions To Our Mom?
She has been acting up forever but it got worse about two years ago. She smokes, gets intoxicated, skips school and overall her friends are extremely problematic, some have been involved with police etc. She continuously refuses to acknowledge the fact that it’s bad for her.
She sees no problem with it at all. She has been caught smoking a few times, but our parents never really gave her strong consequences.
Because of it my sister started a huge argument, left the car and closed the door very harshly. My mom is so sick of my sister’s behaviour and I am too. Today my parents weren’t home for the whole day and I was supposed to go out with my significant other, so my mom told me to inform my sister that she cannot bring anyone except her best friend today and she must also study.
When I was already with my significant other I saw my sister’s story on Instagram. A few boys were standing on the kitchen desk. My significant other told me to send a screenshot of the story to my mom. I just don’t want to lie to my mom.
Then my sister started spamming me and saying what a bad sister I was to her and that she trusted me. She also sent me a voice message, but my significant other advised me not to listen to it right now because it would ruin my mood even more. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like my sister never told anything about me to my parents.
Another thing worth mentioning is when she knew I was watching anime and she knew I was insecure about it, she also told it immediately. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to the younger me it was heavily embarrassing. I didn’t want to be the ‘weird one’ etc. This kid is also homophobic and transphobic.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no duty to cover for your sister. You alerted your mom to your sister’s bragging on social media that she was ignoring your mom’s rule. That’s just life.” Dudeman7768
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is your parent’s problem.
They can’t expect much less to make you parent this problem child. When you are 18, get out as soon as you can.” Inside_Major_8078
9. AITJ For Leaving Work Early After Cleaning The Lab?
I’ve been part of an amazing team with great workplace culture. Everything has been going smoothly until now.
I came back around 2:15 pm, tidied up the equipment, and work surfaces, and followed standard procedures. Then, I went back to my office and left work as usual.
I already have a workload that is more than manageable and I appreciate not having additional tasks. I tried phoning you at 3.50, but it would appear that you had already left before your agreed finish time of 4 pm. Please ensure that the lab is clean.” She had also CC’d both my managers in that email.
I promptly replied to all, apologizing for missing her call and expressing my willingness to clean up if I overlooked anything.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. EM’s behaviour towards you is racist! I would cover you by providing all the information you posted here to your managers.
Then I would encourage you, your managers and EM to meet to discuss what the real issue is with EM. Do you have Human Resources at your job? Good luck!! Hugs ” Sea_Stop_3233
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but going forward you should take pictures or take a video of the lab (if permitted by the workplace) if you leave a mess and then before you leave after cleaning up to create a record so that if there’s any issue or “he left it a mess” you can refute better than he said/she said.
Frankly, it sounds like she might be trying to single you out (pointing out English fluency, implying you’re not a good fit, helping out more/work culture), which makes me think racist maybe, but more that she may have been getting the previous person to do some of her work tasks for her or something.
I take a video/photos before I leave a hotel to show what state I left it in (just in case).” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bottom line, had she expressed her concern with your ask at the time you made it all of this could have been avoided. Instead, she chose the passive-aggressive cc the manager path.
She chose poorly. She has an issue with workplace culture, not you.” bracket
8. AITJ For Taking A Picture Of My Grandmother's Card To Avoid False Accusations?
“My mother’s mother lives with my parents and youngest brother.
While my parents were out one afternoon, my brother called me and asked me for some help with his homework. (I live in another house on the same property)
While I was there, my grandma pitched a massive, over the top, fit, because she didn’t believe my brother handed her her bank card back after buying some groceries for her.
After calling to confirm with my parents, they both remembered seeing my brother handing her back the card. Despite all that, she almost broke down my brother’s door and yelled at him, insisting he never gave her the card back. I stepped in and thought I had the situation handled. I took my brother out of the house to get him calmed down.
While we were just walking the property, she called me and asked me to take her to the bank because she wanted to cancel and replace her card. I couldn’t, because my car was at the shop getting fixed. Five minutes later, she called me to inform me that she would be walking to the bank.
By now she was acting like a petulant child, and both of us knew she wouldn’t make it to the main road, much less the five or so kilometers to town on a 30°C plus day. She could barely walk down the hallway without getting dizzy.
I have a take no nonsense attitude, so que her and I having a massive argument when we returned to my parent’s house. I am the eldest sibling, and I will protect my siblings at any and all costs – especially if they’ve been repeatedly been falsely accused by her.
I also did not appreciate her trying to manipulate me, and I told her so. I also told her that her card would show up before the end of the day – cue her absolutely not believing me. (Keep in mind that she already called my cousin who manages her finances to block her card from her banking app).
She then calls the family to whine to them about how disrespectful the two of us are being, *how dare we?*
Much later that night, she casually strolls from her room with her card in hand, and announces that she found it. When we all look to her for an apology she waves her hand dismissively and says she has already apologized to everyone…
Today, she handed my brother her card like nothing happened and asked him to buy some more groceries for her. I’m absolutely not going to allow her to screw with him again. When we got home, and he handed her back her card, I had my phone out, and took a photo as evidence.
She didn’t say anything, but I could tell from her body language that she was absolutely *livid*.
I later got quite the passive aggressive text from her along with a photo of the card in her wallet, but I’d like to hope that she got the message.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t believe you can be a jerk here for providing definitive proof. The mistreatment you have to deal with is uncalled for. Taking a picture solves the issue from happening again. Clearly her memory is crap and she assumes the worst of you and your brother.
Any action that prevents her from doing this is fantastic. A picture shouldn’t be an issue” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“So I had a very similar situation happen to me as a kid (9ish y/o). My grandma kept accusing me of taking things or doing this or that and eventually we had to move her to subsidized senior housing nearby.
She also accused me of stealing multiple tv remotes and selling them at school while she was living at this new place. It was so crazy that it became a joke in our family and I still hear about it to this day (30 y/o).
She was put into a nursing home a few years later where we found out she was suffering from the early stages of dementia which was why she was accusing me of all those crazy things. I would guess something similar may be going on with your grandma too and this could be something for your family to look into.
Children should never have to feel that way and what you’re doing to stand up for your brother is absolutely the right thing to do and in no way are you the jerk. So yeah, NTJ.” Bunta93
7. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Without Telling My Difficult Roommate?
She also believes that, because she is trans, Heather does not like her. She says this as if Zoe and I are not just the same.
On my birthday this year, I had a hard time and had to work an opening shift. When I got home Abby offered to buy me a gift. I told her no, but she insisted. She then stated it was because her birthdays were never celebrated or felt important.
Her birthday was on a Sunday this year, and she stayed holed up in her room until the rest of us went to Lloyds grandma’s house for dinner. Which Abby was invited to. She declined.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She sounds terrible but you have tolerated her terribleness.
You are all adults and you owe her nothing. If she manages to guilt-trip you, that’s on you more than her. Put on your big-boy pants, notify her a month in advance that you are leaving at the end of the lease and make it clear you are not making any further arrangements with her.
Stand your ground, walk away from the conversation and ignore her forever more. People treat us the way we allow them and other than her pouting and complaining for the remainder of the lease, what else are you afraid of?” Cold_Light_299792458
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. College is a great time to practice having uncomfortable conversations and setting boundaries. Sneaking away in the metaphorical middle of the night is a crappy and immature thing to do, no matter how obnoxious your roommate is. And, I know it seems like a college campus is a special lawless zone, but you may have a contractual obligation here in student housing that you don’t know about.
Make sure you 100% understand the process for breaking your lease suddenly and find out if there are any fees associated. The per-student monthly rental price might not change if you move out but there’s very likely a fee charged to you (or your parents) if you leave early, and depending on when exactly you go.
You’re nominally an adult now and you need to make sure your ducks are in a row.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. She’s not a good fit for a roommate for you guys, and you don’t owe her anything. Cut bait when you can, you have no duty to inform her so long as you comply with your tenancy rules.” SingularityMechanics
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Homophobic Nephew To My Gay Wedding?
“I (35M) am getting married to my long-time partner (32M) next spring. It will be a relatively smaller affair, as half of my family is no longer in contact with the other half due to family drama, and half of my partner’s family is homophobic.
We are committed to celebrating our love with those who love and support us the most.
As my partner and I were making the guest list, we decided we wanted our nephews/nieces in attendance if possible, including spots as ring bearer/flower girl, etc. We decided to invite children above the age of 7 to the ceremony and meal portion of the reception.
Around 9 pm the children will be taken by grandparents/anyone who does not wish to dance or party to a hotel suite we have reserved, where they will watch movies and stay for the night.
My partner and I agreed that we did not want my brother’s son, my eldest nephew, at our wedding.
For lack of better phrasing, he’s become increasingly homophobic over the years. First, it started innocent enough – “why aren’t you with a woman,” “boys can’t date boys,” etc. Just common misconceptions of youth. Then it escalated to “being gay is gross” and “that’s unnatural.” Finally, it culminated in him telling us not to hold hands around, or even touch, his younger brother because we are “trying to turn him gay.” I also have checked his social media accounts and have seen him saying truly horrible things about gay men specifically.
We have no idea where he got this attitude from. My brother has always been my biggest supporter since I came out and my SIL has very close gay friends and family members herself. They are both appalled by his behavior and have apologized multiple times.
We decided to not invite my nephew to the wedding – I only want positive energy there that day and I doubt he’d want to watch two men get married and kiss at the altar anyway. I told my brother and SIL while we were out at dinner and my SIL looked incredibly sad and asked if I would reconsider.
She said he’ll never learn to accept gay people if he doesn’t see how normal gay people are, including at a wedding. She thinks it will show him that “love is love.” I said that was a nice thought but it wasn’t my job to risk my happy day by inviting someone who has made it openly known that he finds me and my partner “disgusting.” I told her the decision was final. She accepted it and said the rest of the family would attend, but commented that he’ll for sure hate us after he finds out he wasn’t invited.
I feel confident that I didn’t overstep, but I also worry she’s right that I’m only going to further alienate him. My parents also feel it is unfair to invite the entire family minus one person who also happens to be a minor. AITJ for not inviting him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your wedding is not the venue for his redemption arc. I’m a gay man, I’ve had homophobic relatives, probably still do. I’m happy to give them grace and the opportunity to be better, the opportunity to learn and reflect- but not at a place and on a day dedicated to embracing everything about me and my partner- all things this person has expressed to hate.
We can show grace tomorrow. Are your brother and his family concerned about where this behavior is coming from? Your sil sounds like she’s saying “yes I know he’s a terrible little homophobe, but his feelings will be hurt.” Why isn’t she getting to the root of the behavior?
Where is the kid learning this? Why isn’t she having that discussion with her elder spawn that she supports this because actions have consequences… or did he learn this at home?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your nephew would probably surreptitiously record the ceremony and reception and post it with demeaning comments on the internet for likes.
The kid needs some help, and he will only cause issues at your wedding. Congratulations and good luck.” Comfortable-Focus123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never a jerk for who you invite/don’t invite to your wedding. And your reasoning is sound. And you explained it kindly to his parents.
And he is old enough to stay home without his parents for your wedding, so that they can attend. And you are 100% right that it is not on you to teach him anything. The oppressed party isn’t the one who owes anyone any labor to fix the situation.” MissAnth
5. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Family Trip I Don't Enjoy?
“I (16f) am supposed to leave on a ‘family’ trip tomorrow for a dog show cause my sister wants one, now I normally go along with these trips even though they’re more of a thing for my little sister, such as going to a castle filled with puppets and what not.
Now I’ve never actually said anything about wanting to go on these trips often hating every second of it because my parents do nothing but make me feel shame for what I’m doing during them, not wanting to do activities and whatnot, and this time around I decided that no, I didn’t wanna go on this trip and I’d let it be known.
My father often plans these trips because only now has he decided my sister and I come before work (it’s more of now that his knee is so messed up he can’t work might as well build a relationship with his kids, like wow thanks dad really makes up for all the birthdays you missed and other things you couldn’t put before work).
My sister adores them but like I said they’re more for 10-12 year olds and even when we are home any chance he has to actually build a relationship with us he decides not to (like teaching me to drive).
Now on the same night I’m writing this I had a small argument with my mum at my workplace about not wanting to go on it and in the car she told me to watch the attitude before we got home, I ended up skipping dinner and lying in bed. Until later when I came out to try and argue it again seeing as I really have no reason to go.
Like I said I don’t really like dogs and prefer cats and I already know the poor thing will just end up being someone else’s problem. Now the argument ended badly I went to my room and later came out for a snack. My dad asked me what I was doing and I said it wasn’t his business seeing as I was looking in the pantry though I will admit I did say it in a pretty agitated tone.
He then snapped at me over it (something he did pretty often when I was a kid with my mother often using the excuse it’s work stress to cover for it) with the last thing being ‘If I want my own privacy I should move out’.
I then went to my room to cry, something I don’t often do because every time I do I get told I’m just being a crybaby and throwing a tantrum or to just stop. My mother’s response to my dad yelling this at me is to blame me for this and tell me I’m ripping the family apart.
My dad of course gets away scot-free. I’m actually thinking of throwing some spare clothes in my school bag before leaving and booking a hotel room to stay the night whilst also telling my parents I’ll be staying at a hotel just not which one.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Unless things are very different where you are, hotels won’t rent to under 18. Some won’t rent to under 21. Either way, this has the feel of a much younger kid ‘running away from home’ only to come back after a few hours.
The way you are acting is coming across as bratty and sulking, so you are being treated as a sulking brat. Try having a calm discussion with your parents listing why you don’t want to go. If they still make you, act like a mature but very bored young woman and not a sulky teen during the day.
It might get better results next time.” Shibaspots
Another User Comments:
“First off, a hotel won’t rent to you. It’s true. You need a credit card and probably need to be 18 or 21. And the fact that you aren’t opting to stay with a friend is telling.
You need to be making friends! Then if you want a relationship with your dad, test the waters to find a common interest. Maybe he can teach you a skill. Get your sister interested in what you love and the trips will be more to your liking.
Plus your bond will grow.” Lucky_Farmer_793
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are young and starting to find your voice, which is great. You still need to learn how to say things respectfully though, as your initial tone is what likely escalates the conversation. You should go on these family things, because even if they aren’t your jam, they are ways to connect as a family, and they build memories for the future, both of which you will look back on and appreciate in a few years.” AgitatedDot9313
4. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Wedding On My Son's Birthday Due To Financial Struggles?
My whole family is very self-absorbed, so R’s actions are honestly nothing new, it’s more like I’m fed up with how my immediate family treats me, & the family I’ve made. Here’s the story.
The date they picked, was my son’s 5th birthday. My wife & I immediately expressed our concerns that the wedding was on our son’s birthday, to which we were met with how it would be cool to share a birthday with them, etc. We should have said no then, but we didn’t.
My wife & I ended up at the wedding. We agreed to go & set up plans for everything.
I ended up calling back & saying that we’d still be attending their wedding just without the kids, even though that meant I wouldn’t spend the day with my son on his birthday. He said, “okay bro, as long as you’re there.”
I guess R hadn’t talked with L yet, or L didn’t care? But, after all the conversations were had, & my wife had announced to the bridal party group chat that she wouldn’t need the hair & makeup anymore nor would we need the houses we were all splitting because we couldn’t stay overnight & the kids were not attending, but that we’d still be there. L texted in the group “So are you not paying your part anymore either for something that you said you wanted done &I already signed the contract for”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You complain that your family is self-absorbed, but from what it wrote it seems that you are being the self-centered one.
You complained that your brother’s wedding fell on one of your five children’s birthdays – but there are only so many days in the year. Kids are flexible – you can choose another day to celebrate. They told you the date for the wedding over 1 1/2 years ago.
You wait until 1 month before the wedding to back out, after all the plans have been made. It’s not even clear why you’re backing out.” Ok_Remote_1036
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- here’s where you lost me. “We agreed”. You know weddings are expensive.
You knew your children’s birth dates and that shouldn’t come as a shock to you. It’s not R&L’s fault that you keep agreeing to stuff and then saying they don’t care? Your fickle behavior & indecisiveness are not their fault and now you’re paying all this money yet not attending the wedding?
How could you think you’re not the jerk?” Beachdreams2001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You agreed to it all then expect everyone else to pick up the cost when you change your mind? A month before like they have all the time to spend adjusting bc you can’t budget and… are apparently pretty self-absorbed, as well, and are making it all about you.
If you had any issues with any of it, the time was months and months ago.” OLAZ3000
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancée's Dad To Our Wedding Due To His Constant Drama?
Instead of speaking to Tina about it, Jake decides to go on this emotional rant about how he is disowning her. Tina and Jake have been estranged for quite some time.
Ashley gets the Idea that it was either me or Tina and files a police report saying it was one of us. The cops call Tina and tell her she cannot have any contact with Ashley which we don’t care about because we don’t speak to her anyway. Jake catches wind of this and does nothing and has an ugly response towards Tina. She is hurt in a very bad way, and they become estranged again.
I responded that the conversation was addressed to you so if you don’t want her spoken to then she shouldn’t be on the phone. He agrees and I ask what is the issue here. Why are you constantly gossiping about me and spreading rumours? He responds he doesn’t know me or my religion.
I say I don’t know you either so what does it matter? He then responds hey there’s no ultimatum here which I tell him there’s absolutely an ultimatum here. He then hangs up and we decide to uninvite them both due to years of this emotional nonsense.
I reflected and decided hey Pam has always been decent to us so we shouldn’t punish her for his doings, so we invite her but not him. AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This idea that you HAVE to invite certain family members because of the sake of family is outdated. If this family member has been causing issues for years and has been causing emotional distress then y’all have every right to not invite them.
People need to learn that actions have consequences. Another part is that if both of y’all agreed to this then it’s something y’all both want.” nightmare_1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like Jake has been stirring the pot for a long time and throwing shade your way without trying to get to know you.
It’s about time someone stood up to his antics. It’s your and Tina’s big day, and you both deserve to have people there who support your union, not cause drama. It’s cool that you still invited Pam, though; it shows you’re not just painting everyone with the same brush.” MagicRepair2060
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why did the cousin make the fake social media page? As long as your future partner is ok with it invite or don’t invite anyone you want, as long as you’re ready and able to face the consequences of these actions.
Right or wrong (and you are right to do so) there WILL be blowback.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
2. AITJ For Refusing To Loan A Laptop From College For My Mum's Use?
“I (16F) am currently in college every day at least 2 hours a day, doing my A Levels. I started around a month ago (For those who don’t know, A Levels are 3-4 subjects which you study in major detail for 2 years).
I have a desk with an office chair, a monitor, a keyboard, a mouse, and a mouse mat. I also have quite a lot of paper and a pen pot filled with stationary (this information will come in handy later).
My mum (50) is a single parent since my two siblings have moved out and my dad left when I was 9 but I still sometimes talk to him.
Since she is a single parent, she struggles a lot. She has 4 jobs and has to rely on benefits and my dad’s child support payments each month. Since we are so financially unstable, my college gave us student finance which had recently gotten approved. With this, they paid for a bus pass for me for a year and contributed towards meal payments if I ever chose to use them.
They also offered to let me borrow a laptop for a while for my work at home. I accepted the bus pass and meal payments and my mum’s laptop request (I told her not to), got approved today.
My mum is starting a psychology course later this month with the Open University since she has decided that she wants to turn her life around, and I am extremely proud.
Her course information, classes, homework assignments, meetings, etc are all going to be online. All of mine is in person minus my online homework which I do on my PC most of the time and occasionally on paper. I have folders digitally and physically where I keep my work and I’ll be doing more work over the weekend both online and on paper.
This is where the issue arises. My mum will have to use my pc to do her uni work and she has to do a certain amount of hours a week. I will also have to use it to hand in my homework and do extra studying during non-college hours.
She told me to collect the laptop from college so that she can use it for her work but I said no, we have a pc setup and a perfectly fine study space in my bedroom. She called me selfish and said that “not everything is about me”.
She also said that we won’t be able to use it so I said that I can assign certain days and times to do my homework and that she can use it every other time and when I’m not in the house. She refused to listen to me and stormed off upstairs and said that she didn’t want to talk to me.
I feel bad taking a laptop that we don’t need. When I loaned one from secondary school, it got used a few times then I never used it again. She thinks that I’m selfish for not accepting the support. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ If I understand this correctly, the laptop is already approved? Two of you are sharing the same desktop at home, and allowing a resource to go to waste. You said to yourself she’s a single parent who struggles a lot, so why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to help her out?
You don’t care to use it, and it means a great deal to her. So what is stopping you? Aside from *”We don’t need it because I said so”?*” Opposite_Lettuce
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t think it’s realistic to think you can assign certain days and times for using the desktop.
I have to imagine there will be plenty of times you both will need computer access at the same time. If your mom can’t get a laptop on her own, borrowing one so you can both get your schoolwork done is an easy and convenient solution.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the laptop will be loaned for your use. It would be poor faith and against the user policy to let her use it. I know what the allocation of these resources is like in the UK and it will end up being used by somebody else who needs it, nothing ever goes spare.
If you take it and don’t need it then you are preventing somebody else from having it at your college. What sucks is that you who does not need the laptop was offered one and your Mum who needs one was not, but that’s how the OU works.” SamFle
1. AITJ For Being Upset Over Not Being Chosen As Godmother And Feeling Left Out Of Baby Shower Planning?
“My sister, let’s call her Anne (31), is 3 months pregnant. Anne is my only sibling and this is her first baby. My dad passed away 4 years ago and it’s only been mom, Anne and me for a long time. Mom and I have been really excited to welcome a new member of the family.
Since Anne is my only sibling, I thought (assumed) I would be the baby’s godmother. My sister made it seem I would until her husband told her I would need to be married in order to be the godmother. I’m very much single and have no plans to marry.
I don’t think it’s in the cards for me. I was sad to hear this and kept how upset I was to myself. If the catholic church says I can’t be a godmother then who am I to argue. I took Anne to the Prego Expo, along with our mom.
We started talking about the baby shower and doing a little planning during and following the expo.
Today I got a text message from Anne, telling me the date and location of the baby shower. I asked her why she was doing it in that location since we talked about another location.
She said her husband’s brother and his wife liked that place and they wanted a DJ at the baby shower and for it to be a party. I was taken a bit back since I thought mom and I would be doing the planning. Especially since mom will be paying for the location and she has a limited income.
Anne then proceeded to send me screenshots of table centerpieces and shower decorations that she wanted me to make for the shower. I was upset and it took me a minute to understand why I was crying. My plan was to ignore her for a few hours while I settled my feelings.
But she kept messaging, demanding a response and I finally texted her back.
I told her I was upset about not being a godmother and that I felt her husband’s family was taking over the planning and how my feelings were hurt. Anne texted back that it’s her husband, that she never confirmed the location and that I’m making no sense.
I texted Anne back, telling her that helping plan means involvement and that I felt like I was not involved instead I was being told when things are happening and rudely being told I needed to do the decorations. I also texted Anne that I clearly misunderstood my level of involvement and that I felt I was justified upset but that I will get over it.
She has not responded. My mom is now mad at me for upsetting Anne and she’s worried it will affect the baby. So now I feel like crap. I know it’s Anne’s decision on how much I am or am not involved in. My feelings were hurt and I should have kept them to myself since Anne is pregnant and it can affect her baby… Am I the jerk…”
Another User Comments:
“ESH It sounds like things could’ve been handled better. Your sister should’ve texted with a lighter tone and be more open with you about plans prior to baby shower. Sounds like there might be a lot to orchestrate with lots of hands involved. (I wouldn’t take it personally tbh) You should stop projecting feelings regarding not being godmother onto the baby shower and your sister.
No one is owed to be a godparent. Be a fun and great aunt, it’s not a big difference. My guess on the godmother thing is that they would prefer to pick a couple. I know that sometimes couples are picked due to the connections and being able to have someone to turn to as a united pair.
Does not technically need to be the case, but that is my best guess.” Mountain_Score2402
Another User Comments:
“Around here, the mom’s family has a shower (or two) for its relatives and friend groups. Of course, the dad’s mom and sisters are invited. Maybe a stray elderly aunt or such.
The dad’s family does the same. The church might have one; the neighbors might have one. This is supposed to be a celebration, not a land grab.” Fit_Fly_418
Another User Comments:
“You assumed, that makes YTJ. Godparents, if you’re following the tradition, is who is best to raise the kid.
Blood-related doesn’t automatically make you the best. Are you married was the first question I asked before getting to that part of the post. It’s about baby not you. As to baby shower there probably is some miscommunication happening but your unresolved feelings are probably twisting it a lot.
You need to step back and sort that first.” Specific-Garlic-1036
