People Ask Us To Ponder On Their Complicated "Am I The Jerk" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join My Dad's Family Vacation?
“My parents divorced when I was a baby. When my dad was single he made sure we had stuff we did together. When I was 9 he met Kirsten and her three kids, who were younger than me. Once they started getting serious, he stopped making an effort to do stuff just us.
Once they moved in I couldn’t even get in the car with him for a drive just the two of us. I asked for some us time. He would say we could have us-time with the other kids included or with everyone. I spent more time alone with Kirsten than I did with him and that wasn’t what I wanted. He spent along time with each of her kids doing stuff like driving them places or watching a game just him and one of them, throwing a ball around.
None of that extended to me for that 1:1 time. I checked out while over there mostly. Except for the times I would try to get some time with my dad. It was even more strained when they had two kids together because it was more people for him to be with.
Of course, they also get 1:1 time with him as well.
I admit I resent Kirsten and the kids because he focuses so much more on them. He’ll make time for them but not for me. He’s shown up to more of her kids’ stuff than mine since he started seeing her.
Kirsten doesn’t like how checked out I am. She told me before to just enjoy time with my family. I told her I didn’t want them to be my family if it meant my dad had no time for me, but never had that trouble with them.
She told me that could change if I moved in with them full-time. I told her to get lost. That I wasn’t going to leave my mom for someone who couldn’t be bothered to make time for me. She said her kids all looked up to me and they deserved for me to treat them like siblings.
I told her she should have chosen a partner who didn’t neglect his relationship with his kid in favor of hers. After that, I got into a ton of trouble. Kirsten and Dad told me to respect my mother at their house and told me I had no right to speak that way to anyone.
A few months ago I asked Dad if he would go to laser tag with me since I won two tickets. He said sure. That he could buy tickets for the other kids. I told him to forget it. That I would go with a friend.
We fought. I stopped going to his house as much (Mom went to court to make it okay).
They are planning the first family vacation for this summer and I was asked by them to go with them. I have said no about 10 times now.
They told me I should be with my family again, that I hardly ever see them now. I said it’s how I prefer it. They said the kids had been excited about me being there and seeing me again and now I was going to crush them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Speaking as somebody from a family of divorce, what your dad did was wrong. You specifically asked to spend time with him 1 on 1, and he refused to do so.
Adding to that ‘They said the kids had been excited about me being there and seeing me again and now I was going to crush them’ – That’s messed up.
That’s putting you in the middle and is completely unfair to you. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” bweihs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad, however, is a giant jerk. He’s the one who decided he didn’t care enough to spend 1:1 time with you, and even if he’d never started seeing other women again, I get the feeling he probably still would’ve disappeared on you.
Kirsten is a jerk, too, but to a lesser extent. Instead of listening to what you said in an attempt to understand where you’re coming from, she got mad and punished you.
But let’s also be real here. There’s a very, very good chance the main reason she wants you on that family vacation is so you’ll provide free babysitting for her gazillion other children.
Oh, I forgot the part where she wants you to move in with them full-time on the off-chance that your dad magically decides to change. That sure sounds like more free babysitting to me.” Taco__MacArthur
23. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Ex-Bully?
“At the beginning of 5th grade, that’s when the bullying started. I was made fun of every day and called all the names you can think of. I vividly remember when they would take the basketballs, put them under their shirt, and yell ‘I look like the fat jerk’.
After one year of suffering, I finally opened up to my mother and told her about what I was dealing with at school. I was taken out of school and I was ready to have a normal life again.
Fast forward to my 10th grade.
Imagine how uncomfortable I was after seeing (we are going to call this girl Cindy, no offense to all the Cindy’s) Cindy in the school, and in my class.
I decided to make sure the bullying wasn’t going to happen again, so I told my friends about what happened to me in elementary school and asked them if something like that happened, even if I felt like it was nothing, to talk to the teachers about it.
But, one of my ‘friends’ thought it would be his best idea to actually go to Cindy to ask her if it was her who bullied me in elementary school. She then went on to complain to the teachers.
From that point, my life became miserable.
I went to the school nurse to talk to her about it and she said ‘The best thing to do is to talk about it between you, some teachers, and me’.
And that’s what we did, a Thursday afternoon.
I was the only one who talked about bullying.
She denied ALL of it, the teachers were downplaying what I was saying by telling me that it was only a ‘children’s game’ or that it was ‘normal for kids to be playful like that’. Cindy also said that she was very sad that our friendship ended after I moved out and that she would gladly be friends with me again after I apologized to her.
Of course, I told her that there was absolutely no way I would apologize to her. She also asked me for my parents’ number and my address to talk about it with them, then again I politely denied her proposition.
A few days after my homeroom teacher told me that Cindy’s parents asked the school for my private information (my parents’ numbers and my address) to which they responded by telling them they could not give this information.
A few weeks later Cindy’s parents knocked at my door. I stayed in my room for 4 hours while my mom was handling Cindy and her parents at the front door of my house. (her dad is a cop so it was easy for him to find my house) Since the ‘false’ accusation came out, they have been collecting proof from my former elementary school proving that I was lying.
When actually, the testimonies were biased because they were friends but anyway, they told my mom that if I didn’t apologize at school in front of Cindy and her friends for ruining their daughter’s reputation I would be prosecuted for defamation and bullying because they claimed she was feeling very bad, she couldn’t sleep and was anxious about going to school because of the rumors I spread.
So, AITJ for not apologizing to my ex-bully for ruining her reputation ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like you are potentially in a really bad situation right now.
Your parents need advice from someone who knows a lot about how the law, police regulations, etc. ACTUALLY WORK where you live.
Not how they would ideally work, not how they are supposed to work, how they ACTUALLY WORK.
‘Cindy’s dad should get in trouble if you report him’ is NOT the same as ‘You will be safe from Cindy’s dad (and other cops) if you report him.’
Your parents need to find out what they can REALISTICALLY do to handle this situation.
You do not deserve this; I’m sorry.” looc64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and report the father. He can’t use his position as a cop to track you down and harass you.
Get a lawyer to take care of this and if necessary a cease and desist letter.
He’s bullying you all over again and it’s clear where she learned the no consequences for her actions.
Tell your parents to also inform the school you are now being harassed by her parents in your own home.” Anizziepluto
Oh, and cop daddy's threats about prosecuting you for "defamation and bullying" are pure unadulterated b******t. You can sue for defamation, but the truth is what's called an "absolute defense" to that accusation, meaning that if someone said you called them gay and they are gay, that's an absolute defense because it's the truth. And they would have to prove that you bullied their precious little darling love, which would be pretty difficult since you're Cindy's victim.
Get your parents to get a lawyer to write a cease and desist letter to Cindy's parents, then send them the bill for the attorney's fees after. Then have your parents file charges at his own precinct against cop daddy. What he did is highly frowned upon, and he could lose his job for it. He'll at the very least be sanctioned and disciplined, for doing something so stupid.
I'm so sorry you're all having to go through this. Some sick people in this world.
22. AITJ For Limiting The Number Of Cats My Mother-In-Law Can Have?
“I’m not a cat person, I don’t hate them, I’ve just been jaded against them. My wife is what some would call a crazy cat lady. She grew up having several cats and when we got married her parents had 11. When we got married she brought one with her.
Shortly after we found a kitten under our porch and kept it. I was perfectly fine with 2 cats but it didn’t stop there.
Her mom eventually moved in with us after her dad died and brought 4 cats with her, the rest had died of old age.
These 4 were over 20 and slowly died off.
Over the years we slowly got more and it was always ‘One more isn’t going to make a difference.’ I wanted to make her happy and always caved. We ended up with 10 cats. There was a litter box in every room and the house smelled bad.
Every piece of furniture was destroyed. It was so bad we couldn’t have guests over anymore. Eventually, I got to the point where I wanted nothing to do with them and unfortunately ignored some things I shouldn’t have. For example, we fostered a cat for some friends who lost their home.
They moved out of state and left us with their cat. He didn’t get along with the others and spent the last 5 years locked in a room. They refused to get rid of him but neglected him.
In September of last year, our house burned down killing 4 of the cats and the foster cat fled. We were at work when it happened but the cause was one of the cats turned on the gas stove and my MIL had set a plastic dish bin on the stove.
We are now living in an apartment while the house is being rebuilt.
Yesterday I walked in on her and her mom talking about getting kittens to replace the ones they lost as soon as we moved back into the house. I lost it and said absolutely not.
I said they couldn’t take care of that many before and I’m not going to have our house destroyed again by cats. Her mom started yelling at me that no man was going to tell her how to live in her own home. I reminded her that this wasn’t her home and that she lived here rent-free.
She threatened to find somewhere else to live. I asked her how she was going to manage that since she has no income and no one else is going to let her live in their home rent-free while also not helping around the house. Her mom cooks about once a week and occasionally does laundry but other than that she just sits on the couch playing on her phone.
The argument went on but I’m firm on not getting any more cats, 5 is my limit. My wife told me I was rude to her mom and I’m being cruel by saying no to them replacing the cats we lost. Am I being a jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not trying to ban cats, 5 seems like a generous number of cats.
It’s hard to keep a home in hygienic condition (and I’m not fussy) with a large number of pets. You deserve to live in a home that doesn’t stink.
If you can’t have guests over because your home is an embarrassment, there’s a real problem.
Pet hoarding is a mental health condition, and you shouldn’t just be able to go out and replace x number of pets you’ve lost if there’s a real emotional attachment.” tnscatterbrain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your thoughts and feelings on this should be taken into consideration. If MIL wants cats so badly, she can find her own place and have as many cats as she wants. You and your wife need to have a serious conversation about whether or not you will have any; if you decide to get cats, a firm limit needs to be set and agreed to along with boundaries for the cats in the house and divvying of responsibilities.” athomefarfromhome
21. AITJ For Telling Our Neighbor To Stop Using Our Home Address?
“I live in my dad’s house with my siblings and my little sister’s nanny.
My dad’s house number is 12, and my neighbor’s house number is supposed to be 13 but he changed it to 12A because he believes 13 is an unlucky number.
A few years ago, I noticed there were a lot of packages sent to my dad’s address but had someone else’s name on it.
So we gave it back to the courier and we just realized it was my neighbor’s wife’s name.
I think my neighbor’s wife was learning online shopping, so when we received another package with the neighbor’s name. My dad visited their house and informed them about their mistake in using his address.
But, the wife still kept using my dad’s address somehow… so when we got the package with the wife’s name, we gave it to the security guard (we live in a gated community). In 2020, my dad often used food delivery apps.
I set up my dad’s account and pinned our address correctly, but the food didn’t arrive after waiting over 1 hour so I checked the app, and the food was delivered to my neighbor’s house.
The neighbor is using my dad’s address again and changed the pin to their house.
My dad got mad, of course, he was hungry but he didn’t want to make a scene so he let it go.
Until the wife did it again.
She bought another stuff with my dad’s address AGAIN. My dad gave the package to the security guards but this time. She got mad and posted it on the social media group.
(For context: the delivery men know my little sis’s nanny because we are often not at home.
We told them just put the package near the door so they use our nanny’s name as the receiver)
She said ‘A’ (my nanny’s name) steals her package and wants her package back. My dad saw the post, and the next day he told us about this.
The nanny was really upset with the wife accusing her.
I got mad and went to my neighbor’s house. Unfortunately, the wife went out, so I talked to the husband and he thought I was my dad’s wife… I told him, I was my dad’s daughter and told him to stop using my dad’s address, and asked why his wife was accusing the nanny.
He said his wife doesn’t blame the nanny, so I asked why she posted it on social media. He changed the subject… and told me he knew my dad well. (??? He knows my dad well but he thought I was my dad’s wife???)
I tried to talk to him for over 10 minutes, but he always changed the subject and defended his wife.
I got fed up, and told him ‘Tell your stupid wife for using the address correctly, how can someone be this stupid and even blame others!’ He was shocked and I left.
A few hours later, my dad called me. He got mad at me and told the neighbor said I was being overly rude toward them. Well, the neighbor was twice my age, and now I’m feeling like a jerk for confronting the neighbor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, yelling at your neighbor doesn’t help, and it definitely makes you LOOK like a jerk to everyone else.
You, your dad, and your nanny shouldn’t have to deal with packages coming to your dad’s house that are for your neighbor. You and your family are not delivery people.
If she wants her packages, she has to order them to her own home. Their superstition about the number 13 is not your problem.
I would contact the Homeowner’s Association and maybe the post office about this issue without saying anything else to the neighbors. They are clearly unreasonable, so speaking to them about the issue won’t help.
I hope it all gets figured out. Sounds very frustrating.” Night___Fairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You always did the right thing, you have nothing to reproach yourself for. You should report it to the police because his wife flatly accused the nanny on social media of incitement to hatred, harassment, and many other illegal things punishable by law.
Do not give up!
Here, we would have really stolen their packages. LOL.” Brooklyneuh
20. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister That Her Son Is Staying With Me?
“My (46 f) sister (44 f) and her husband (47 m) are devout evangelicals.
Their son (18 m) had, over the years, fallen away from evangelicalism in favor of Mormonism. His parents have been staunchly opposed to this, as in their eyes anyone of that faith is a sinner and won’t be going to heaven. He claims that because of their verbal mistreatment over the situation, he had fallen into a state of depression.
They refused to let him get baptized, however, once he turned 18 he started regularly going to church and talking with missionaries, to which his parents became more cold and abusive. His parents told him that if he got baptized, he would be evicted. He didn’t listen and after 8 months, got baptized.
His parents did not take kindly to this and made good on their promise to kick him out. He had nowhere to go, so he called me and I picked him up from a park close to his former house. I was considering contacting his parents, but he asked me not to since he was legally an adult, and he was scared they would try to do something since I live relatively close to them.
I agreed and decided not to notify them.
The next day, my sister started contacting our family and friends asking if any of us knew where her son was. As per his request, I didn’t say anything, but a few days later, one of our relatives found out and let slip to her that her son was staying with me.
She was furious that I hadn’t said anything and made her worry about her son. She told me she was going to call the police, but I didn’t take the threat seriously as her son is legally an adult and capable of making his own decisions, plus I have evidence from her texts that she and her husband evicted him.
The rest of our family has been blowing up my phone for lying to her, and while I don’t feel bad for taking him in, I do feel somewhat rotten for not telling her about his whereabouts.
AITJ for not telling my sister that her son was staying with me after she kicked him out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your duty is to that boy. You respected his wishes, took care of him, honored who he was, and respected his privacy. That makes you a saint.
Your sister can pound dirt. If you choose to speak to her, calmly tell her that broke her relationship with her son.
Unless she figures out what to do, he will ever be a stranger to her going forward.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, & here’s why: as you already stated your nephew is legally an adult. His parents evicted him & seemingly disowned him. You could have let her know he was there but all that would have done is subject you to their vitriol earlier.
My take is to let everyone cool off & then very clearly state that their adult son will contact them when/if he’s ready. They made an ultimatum & he took them up on it (as seemingly they acted on it as well). Until then any contact could be construed as harassment & they should back off.
Stand firm.” Mathinista314
19. AITJ For Telling The Girl I Used To Babysit That They Were The Reason I Stopped Babysitting Kids?
“So I (23 f) used to babysit during my teen years. I was pretty good at it too according to parents at least.
It was a pretty good side gig and worth it until I babysat ‘Angel’. Cause that’s what their mom said they were, a perfect Angel.
Wrong.
Angel was an absolute heathen, the first time I babysat Angel they kept turning off the burners on the stove when I was making them dinner. No big deal, but I kept telling them not to touch the stove cause they could get burned.
They’d do things like grab the cereal and pour it out all over the floor to ‘share with the dog.’ They were 9 at the time.
This escalated to Angel locking me outside, throwing heavy blankets over my head when I was walking down the stairs, using me as target practice, and unplugging/turning off lights, tv’s, and the air purifier they were supposed to sleep with.
Little things that slowly drove me to my wits end and when I quit I quit babysitting completely.
Flash forward to now: I’m visiting my parents for the holidays back in my hometown when I run into Angel and their mom. Angel is all grown up now, about the age I was when I was babysitting them.
Totally in their element and just seemed like a great, well-rounded kid now.
They even told me they were gonna start babysitting now too and it was because of me. I laughed and said, ‘That’s funny cause you’re actually the reason I stopped.’ It was a totally off-handed comment.
Their face kinda fell and they got quiet, so I quickly covered it up and said I was just joking. We said our byes and I thought that was it.
Well, this morning I got a call from my mom apparently Angel’s mom had called her and told her what I said.
And how Angel felt awful and didn’t want to babysit anymore. And how it was my fault. Apparently, Angel had found out that they were the last kid I babysat, so assumed what I said was true.
I didn’t really mean what I said to hurt their feeling but now I’m feeling like a jerk or if they’re being a bit sensitive and I don’t know how to proceed. My mom wants me to call them, but I feel like that might be a little awkward.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Angel deserves to know the truth before they start down that path. That their behavior was awful to be on the receiving end of and drove you to quit babysitting. I’m sure Angel thought it was all good fun or something but it wasn’t fun for you.
You made them reconsider their behavior and they realized that even if they weren’t ‘that bad’ it was worse than they really wanted to deal with. Self-reflection is a good thing. Hopefully, Angel grows from this.
Edit: to clarify ‘that path’ that I was referring to was being a babysitter.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Glad Angel grew up well but they were way too old to be acting like that at the time and seemed like a handful. You told them the facts and even tried to cover it up as a joke to spare their feelings.
It’s weird their mom is making you responsible for it, you aren’t responsible for the way they took it. But it’s obviously water under the bridge for you, so just leave it.
At the most, send them a text and say it was nice to see them and sorry for hurting them, you thought the joke would land, but they should do what they feel is right for them now.
Please do not do what some people are suggesting and give them a full play-by-play about how they sucked unless they specifically ask, because you’re an adult and they’re a teen you don’t have any relationship with anymore and they don’t need you to even the odds over this.” iolight
18. AITJ For Telling My Cousin Not To Wake Me Up To Take Care Of Her Baby?
“My cousin (27 F) and her daughter (1 F) have been living in my (24 F) house since the child was 8 months old. It’s a temporary arrangement due to monetary issues on her side after having the baby and is set to end in March when she would be ready to find an apartment on her own.
We both work from home and while I’m mostly taking care of everything, she chips in whenever she can. I study part-time for 3 hours a day and can’t leave all the chores to her so we split the chores.
By the time I actually get to work, it’s usually evening.
I’m an author so it’s okay as long as I get it done within the deadlines. So we have been okay and all BUT she has a tendency to wake me up at random. She knows that I often write late into the night and sleep at 1-3 a.m., waking up at 9-11 a.m. just in time for my online class.
However, she still wakes me up at any time for reasons like watching the kid for a few minutes while she goes to pee, take a shower, etc. I understand that my niece likes to crawl away and might fall off the bed if she leaves her there or crawls into the kitchen/bathroom but it really is affecting my sleep.
I can’t go back to sleep easily after a distraction and she knows this.
There are mornings when I end up waking up at 7 with swollen eyes and a headache from not having enough sleep and becoming less productive all day, have to take coffee to stay up and write, go to sleep later than 3 am, repeat.
The day before yesterday she woke me up at 5 to watch the baby so she would prepare for her early morning. I could barely keep awake but I positioned the child where she couldn’t crawl past me. She woke me up again before going to the home office to tell me that she would have headphones on and that if the baby woke up again, I should give her a bottle.
I had barely slept a wink when I felt the tapping on my shoulder again.
At this point, I was irritated and when she told me that she wanted me to check out what she was cooking, I almost flipped out on her. I spoke to her about it in the evening and told her I would appreciate it if she didn’t wake me up unless she really had to because of the reasons I stated above.
I thought she would understand but she was mad at me.
This morning I was watching TikTok on my phone with earplugs in and she was cleaning my room. I think the baby followed her in. She put her at the foot of my bed without saying a word and continued cleaning.
I didn’t know the baby was even awake and didn’t register her presence until I heard a thud and a wail. I was shocked and after the baby calmed down, I asked her why she didn’t tell me that baby was there. Her response was ‘You don’t want to be woken up for her so…’
She has ignored me since then and won’t even tell me when she needs anything and won’t let the baby crawl to me to play because ‘She will bother people’.
I really didn’t realize that my confrontation would make her feel that way. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy smokes.
She does not need to have anyone watch the baby while she pees, takes a shower, etc. She should put the baby in a playpen or in the baby’s crib. If she doesn’t have any of these, she needs to get or make one, even if it’s just a spot on the floor surrounded by things too heavy for the baby to move.
A baby carrier works, too. Put the baby by you on the floor or counter in their carrier for a few minutes while showering, etc. Then you can talk to the baby and they like that. I was a single mom and I managed to pee and take showers without requiring a babysitter!
‘She woke me up again before going to the home office to tell me that she would have headphones on and if the baby woke up again, I should give her a bottle.’ Did you agree to be an impromptu babysitter, even during your sleeping hours?
If not, then just no. Does she have to wear headphones? If not, then she absolutely needs to just figure out how to take care of her own child. If she has to wear headphones for some reason, she can have the baby sleep near her where she can see the baby.
‘She put her at the foot of my bed without saying a word and continued cleaning. I didn’t know the baby was even awake and didn’t register her presence until I heard a thud and a wail.’ She allowed her baby to get injured through some passive-aggressive nonsense.
That’s child mistreatment.
She ‘won’t let the baby crawl to me to play because ‘She will bother people’.’ More passive-aggressive nonsense. She’s now weaponizing her baby against you and also being irrational. (You never said the baby bothered you. You just don’t want to be woken up.)
Has your cousin never been tired in her life? Does she not understand how sleep works and that it’s a necessity? I do not understand this one at all. I don’t understand how she can be so thoughtless.
This one has me hopping mad!” twitchydigits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The majority of parents are alone with their baby on a regular and somehow manage. That’s what you have playpens, baby gates, and cribs for. Yes, some parents have philosophical hangups about leaving their child alone even for 5 minutes, but that’s something she needs to work out.
If she can’t accept your boundaries, maybe you should start locking the door of the room you’re sleeping in.” Zeiserl
17. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Delay The Completion Of The House That I Bought?
“I bought a house. We were set to complete on the 9th of December, and it was written in that we’d agreed the seller was to leave all his stuff in the house and pay me an allowance of £400 to hire a removal company to clear it, as he previously stated that he wouldn’t have time to clear it, and that was the end result we both agreed on and was written into the contract.
Now, on the day of completion, right before the contracts were about to be handed over, I got an email from the seller saying ‘Can we delay over the weekend please?’ with no explanation, literally right as I was replying to my solicitor to say ‘Yep, exchange when you’re ready, I’m good to go’.
I gave the seller two options:
1. I’m happy to delay and the seller was to pay an additional £100 on top of the £400 agreed to cover any costs I may endure from the delay (completion was a Thursday, and my mortgage and other bills had started so I didn’t know if I’d get any costs for the Friday delay).
2. We complete on the day, and the seller pays the £400 agreed originally.
I didn’t think this was too unreasonable, considering he’d already agreed in writing to leave the house with stuff in and pay an allowance, signed it too, and then changed his mind at the very last minute.
It came to light that the delay was indeed to clear the house over the weekend (a breach of contract now he’d signed it?) with a buddy.
Ultimately, he declined to pay the extra £100 but also called me a ridiculous man who was crazy and unreasonable, that I didn’t deserve the house and that I should be paying him £100 to let me even have it on the day of completion.
He also stated, ‘I have removed things that I want from the house that I own, so you can have it now as it stands, what a crazy world… just ridiculous’.
Was it wrong of me to basically say ‘No, we’re completing today because we agreed today and you’ve delayed literally at the last minute to go back on a previous agreement you made in writing about what’s being left in the house?’
P.S. If he’d given me like a week’s notice, I would have been happy to delay at no extra cost, would have just said ‘Yep, that’s fine mate, do your thing’.”
Another User Comments:
“If the bloke had a personal emergency, then fair enough, I could understand delaying but it seems like he just wanted to clear the house and avoid paying the 400 quid.
I think you were more than reasonable (NTJ) with your suggestion and even if he’d given a week’s notice, that could’ve still been incredibly inconvenient. I know that when we bought our house, we’d got the timing of everything lined up to coincide with getting the keys on a specific date, and even with a week’s notice, it would’ve been challenging to shuffle everything around.” MrsTBorst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re buying a house, the handover needs to go by plan. If an emergency happens, then there should be clear conditions, fees, etc. Not just ‘Oh I need a few more days’ with no explanation. Otherwise, this is how you end up having to throw a bunch of money at things like moving cancellations, storage, rent, etc. Worst case scenario is you get someone in there you have to evict.” adlittle
16. AITJ For Telling My Roommate She's A Horrible Mother For Leaving Her Daughter At Home Alone?
“I (19 f) moved in with my roommate (20 f) last year and she has a 4-year-old daughter ‘Ella. When we first moved in together she took care of Ella completely but after a month or so she started asking if I could watch her while she was gone.
Ella’s a good kid so I said yes. At first, I was watching her once every week but now I’m paying to buy her new clothes, (my roommate says the ones she has fit her but they literally don’t and have holes in them) I pick her up from daycare, and take care of her after work.
My roommate used to work but she got fired after missing too many shifts. Now she gets money from whatever significant other she has and is never home. I work and go to school while taking care of Ella.
The issue: 3 days ago I came home and I saw Ella but no roommate.
I asked Ella where her mom was and she just said she left with the man so I know she left with her SO and left Ella home alone for who knows how long. I called and texted my roommate who knows how many times and all I got was radio silence.
I had to call in sick at work because I didn’t have anyone to watch Ella and then pay for a babysitter as I had an important class I couldn’t miss yesterday. To calm down I took me and Ella to the park and got us ice cream and when I came back roommate was home wasted and happy as ever.
I put Ella to bed and took my roommate outside and basically let her have it. I called her a horrible mother for leaving her daughter home alone when she could’ve gotten hurt or worse. I said she was irresponsible to not pick up her phone when there could’ve been an emergency or just because it was her kid.
She should answer the phone regardless. She yelled at me and then stormed off crying and I haven’t seen her since. I admit I was cruel but I was worried sick and incredibly stressed in 3 days she didn’t check her phone.
She sent me a text earlier saying I was deeply hurtful and she would be staying with her SO for a while she said to tell Ella she loves her.
I feel like I royally screwed up. I know my roommate had a hard life the last thing she needs is me yelling at her.
I feel like I’m justified but I was cruel and should’ve kept my cool so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The issue started before the ‘3 days ago’ incident.
It sounds like you, who are not this child’s mother, are acting as the primary caregiver for her. I understand feeling bad for the child and wanting to give her better but that’s truly not your responsibility and seems to have taught the mom she can slack off because someone else is doing what she should be doing.
Your roommate should be getting charged with neglect. You cannot leave a 4-year-old at home alone while you go out and get wasted, gosh. What if you hadn’t come home to find her? She could have gotten into anything, could have been injured or died. You are completely in the right for telling her off.
I would have called the police and told them a child had been abandoned. You were being VERY kind in this situation. Maybe too kind.
She proved what a horrible mother she is by leaving to stay with the guy and expecting that you would continue to take care of HER child.
The audacity is astounding.
NTJ.” kds312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you getting paid to watch Ella? As far as I can tell, your roommate is neglecting her child and depending on you (not the legal or designated caretaker, literally just the roommate) to take care of her child without compensating you in any way.
YOU missed work for someone else’s child, YOU had to hire a babysitter for someone else’s child, and you are the one noticing that the kid’s clothes are ratted and don’t fit. You are completely in the right for calling her out, you are absolutely NTJ.
She may be having a rough time, but dumping her child on you and acting irresponsibly is wrong. She is making her situation much worse all on her own.” Key_Storm_6356
15. AITJ For Refusing To Cut Down A Large Oak Tree?
“I (32 F) just moved into an old house in a suburban area. There are a lot of big trees here. On one side of the property is a large oak tree, possibly over 150 years old. The trunk is fully within my property but the branches span my house and some of my neighbor’s.
A week after moving in, my neighbor gave me a quote from a landscaper to have the oak tree cut down. She told me the tree was in bad condition and was worried it posed a risk to the house/person. I called an arborist I’ve used before to come out and give another estimate, hoping to get a better price (I’m not about to mess around with diseased trees; my sister had one fall on her house after she had begged her neighbor to take it down).
The arborist inspected it thoroughly and said it absolutely was NOT a risk, looked totally healthy, no need to chop it. I was so relieved! I booked a branch trim + quarterly health checks since it really is a huge tree and I thought doing so would appease my neighbor.
But… when I told her the plan, she was mad. She said trimming wasn’t enough and it might turn into a ‘legal matter.’ So I said I’d only discuss tree stuff in writing from then on and sent her a letter. I asked if something in particular about the tree was worrying her and if she wanted certain branches trimmed, but she eventually stopped responding.
The only info I got out of her was, again, the possible fall risk. And she complained about acorns hitting her roof. Day of the trimming she’s out in the yard taking videos and telling me if the tree crashes through her house in the future that I’d be liable.
I’m trying to be reasonable and avoid a feud, so I’m worried this is the wrong hill to dig my heels in. I think this tree is beautiful and worth preserving, but she’s right that if it fell it would take out both our houses.
That being said… healthy trees don’t just spontaneously fall over. AITJ for not chopping it, given that she’s lived here longer and it would make living here easier? This is totally a ridiculous suburban problem but it’s causing me a ton of stupid grief.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were responsible and had it checked out. Check your home insurance but that should be all you need to do. Also, a side note, the neighbor attacked you with this one week after you moved in because they’ve tried this crap with the previous homeowner and got nowhere.
Also, YOU aren’t responsible for, nor should you, trim branches on HER property. SHE can do that.” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your neighbor was, reasonably, concerned that if this tree was diseased or damaged, it could come down and cause damage to houses.
You, reasonably, hired an arborist to evaluate it and determined it is not diseased or damaged and is not a risk.
Keep the arborist’s report on file, as proof that you had the tree evaluated and were not negligent about it.
But just chopping down a well-established, healthy tree, is really unnecessary, and environmentally unwise.
And complaining about acorns hitting her roof? That’s nuts. Literally. Acorns can do no damage, and she can deal.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
14. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister-In-Law's Kids On My Wedding Weekend?
“I (31 F) am getting married next month to my partner of ten years (46 M).
The wedding is in a small island town. We gave everyone twelve months’ notice so that they could book accommodation.
My SIL (43 F) lives nine hours away. She has seven children between the ages of 18 months and fifteen years. We do not see them often as it is difficult to be around them.
SIL does not discipline or hold her children accountable, so the majority of them behave poorly. They previously visited us and broke several of our closet bars (hanging from them), ate with their hands, didn’t flush toilets… etc. My FIL who lives in the same town as them will not even go to their house for holidays, as he too cannot handle their behavior.
My MIL doesn’t understand what the problem is and she is forever over there babysitting and cleaning my SIL’s house.
Today, SIL texted me and asked if I would watch the two youngest boys (18 months and 3 years) the day before and the day of my wedding.
She booked last minute and could not get a hotel room to accommodate her family of two adults and seven children. (In fact, she couldn’t even get a place in the town we are getting married in. She is staying over an hour away). I felt that it was absurd that she would ask this – so I did not even respond.
Her children are her responsibility. Why on earth would I want to take care of her kids on the busiest weekend of my life? We are also in a hotel for the wedding weekend and I have my own children. I had to make arrangements for them so I could spend my wedding night alone with my husband-to-be.
Soon after I opened the message from SIL and didn’t respond, my MIL started lighting up my phone and calling me selfish. She further stated that she would be taking some of my SIL’s kids and I should too. MIL did not book accommodation and is spending the wedding weekend in our tent trailer which we are towing out there for her.
We agreed that she ALONE could use it but made it clear that we are still making payments on it and nobody else would be allowed to use it. We paid over $15,000 for it when we bought it brand new three years ago, we decide who is allowed in it.
She told me that she didn’t care, we needed to be more flexible as she needed to care for her grandchildren.
My fiance was at work when this all happened. I am waiting for him to get home so we can discuss it. I acknowledge that family is not easy and mine isn’t perfect either but I think his family has some pretty insane expectations.
AITJ for not watching these kids and for saying they can’t stay in my tent trailer because I am afraid they will trash it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Literally. You are the BRIDE of the wedding she is attending.
You have no time to babysit anyone or deal with this bs.
You would be making sure are final preparations are a go and checking in on your other guests and your own kids.
Besides. You can’t risk these children ruining your wedding dress.
If FIL is still in the picture see if he can make them see reason and hopefully, your fiance have them back off as well.
As for the tent trailer… Depends. Have a convo with your fiance about what you would do when it gets trash/unsalvageable and how you two will handle it since it is a good sum. Also, take some good before pictures just in case.” ForgetfulandaKlutz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
MIL and SIL this our wedding weekend we will be unavailable to babysit as understandably we will be very busy and will unable to to give them the attention they need. You will need to find alternative accommodation, this is not our responsibility.
Whilst they are family they are SIL’s responsibility, not ours. MIL we have told you the conditions for staying in the tent we are bringing for you, if you insist on breaking those conditions we will no longer provide the tent and yes we will be checking.
We would both love for you to attend but understand if you feel we are being unreasonable but we will not be changing our minds.” Feisty_Bag_5284
13. AITJ For Rescheduling A Cleaning Service Because The Cleaner Brought Her Whole Family To My House?
“I (38 f) had a cleaning service that would come twice a month to clean my 2-bedroom condo. My partner (25 m) has been living with me and we both work from home.
We both have several instruments around the house so we like to be somewhat present while they’re cleaning those rooms.
The service sends someone different almost every time which had been going just fine.
In late 2021, the house was all tidied for the cleaning and I opened the door, mask on, to greet another new cleaner.
To my surprise, there stood a 30ish smiling woman with a young child, maybe 6, and a 30ish man.
I had no idea what to say. Were they just dropping her off and wanted to say hello? After a greeting and a few moments of silence, she asked, ‘Do you want us to wear masks?’
They all wanted to come inside while she cleaned my house! Now cleaning takes 3-4 hours, and my partner and I would be working. I stood in disbelief imagining this kid poking around our instruments and a man sitting on my couch until I finally said, ‘I’m not comfortable with all of you coming in.’
He could just take the kid somewhere nearby if they lived too far to go back and forth, right? Nope.
She looked as shocked as I felt and asked if I wanted to cancel. I replied that I guessed so, and off they went.
I called the service and said I needed to reschedule because the cleaner had wanted to bring her family to my home while she cleaned. They asked if I didn’t like that.
What! ‘Isn’t that abnormal?’ They carried on with the reschedule like it wasn’t one bit (but did waive the reschedule fee).
I discontinued the service after the rescheduled one because apparently, I am a jerk for not wanting strangers in my home while their family member performs a paid service.
So what do you say, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s really weird, for a lot of reasons. Just from liability issues alone if I were running a business like that I wouldn’t send the employee plus an adult plus a child. What?! Well, there’s one way I can see this happening.
If she, and the man and child, are related to the business owner then maybe the owner who is not 100% professional might be willing to send the family out like that.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was no need to bring the man and the child.
Excuses like ‘no childcare’ don’t work because the man is there. It isn’t a family vacation! The more person the bigger chance that something happen because you can’t have a eye on everyone. Did they really plan to play in your living room? And then the child goes hungry and ‘Can I make some food?’ Well, since they didn’t ask to bring the family, they would probably go straight to the kitchen and if you complain ‘You don’t like that?’ or worse ‘You want my child to starve’.” EvilFinch
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Best Friend Who's In Love With A Jerk?
“My best friend (F 43) told her current live-in partner 5 years ago that she didn’t want to waste time on a relationship if it wasn’t going to lead to marriage and a baby. Since then, they moved in together and experienced 2 miscarriages. They went to a fertility specialist, found the problem, and corrected it.
But, when it was time to try again he TEXTED her from work that he actually never wanted more kids and was relieved she had miscarried.
Next, he demands she turn her paycheck over to him because her spending is out of control. I’ve seen it.
She’s paying all utilities in full and his car insurance because it’s cheaper under her name (thanks to his three driving offenses before they met). She’s paying for the monthly fees on the breathalyzer for his car so he can drive to work. Renters insurance, her insurance.
Grocerys. Student loans. He’s paying rent and child support for two kids from a previous marriage. He’s buying all sorts of things for himself only and went so far overboard he couldn’t pay rent. So this naturally means she should give him her paycheck?
Then, a while later he told her he never wanted to get married again, he figured she’d just forget about it.
He just like having the freedom to do what he wants, not being tied down.
Last week during couples counseling he told the counselor he wanted marriage and babies off the table but he didn’t want to throw away 5 years. She said enough and started making plans to move in with my husband and me.
Today she said that she and her partner were talking like maybe if she gives him more time marriage and kids could be back on the table.
I lost it. ‘You’ve given him 5 years and he’s consistently chosen the most hurtful ways to tell you the most hurtful things.
He’s mentally and emotionally abusing you, financially abusing you and now manipulating you! Get some self-respect and realize you deserve better!’
Now she says I’m a jerk and I wonder if I was too blunt. We’ve been friends since we were 16 if that means anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She needs to block him and catch up on her sleep.
Apologize for whatever you need to help her understand that you’re safer than he is. Raised your voice? Sorry. Used words like ‘Stupid’? Sorry. Got bossy? Sorry. You get the picture.
Give her things to read about financial and emotional mistreatment. Make her tea and give her a little love. Put on some romantic comedies that feature unredeemable jerks that get what’s coming to them.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It really hurts to see someone you love being treated badly.
To be honest she has to want to change her situation. From the sounds of it, I don’t think she does. So you need to do what’s best for you and walk away. Yes, it’s going to be hard and a crappy feeling for you.
It’s not your job to save her, it’s hers. She’s in love with a jerk who treats her badly. So let her be treated badly. Hopefully one day she see the light. But you shouldn’t turn yourself inside for something who isn’t willing to change their situation.
Good luck.” Beautiful_mistakes
11. AITJ For Scolding My Daughter For Her Hurtful Comments Toward Her Stepsister?
“I’m a father of two girls (Lyla, 18, bio, & Sophia, 19, stepdaughter). I refer to both girls as my daughters, I rarely use the word ‘step’ with Sophia because it doesn’t feel right to me to think of her as a step away from being a daughter to me.
Alright so onto the situation. Sophia suffers from skin problems. It affects her life and she constantly has to adjust her diet or stop eating certain foods so it won’t make her skin problems worse. She struggled a lot with her appearance but started wearing makeup as a coverup and found that it boosted her self-confidence and made her become more outgoing and social.
Lyla is the opposite, she hates makeup and calls those who wear it ‘fake’ and ‘phony’. She had hurt Sophia in the past with her comments and excused it by saying that she was just being ‘authentic’ and honest.
Last night, I went to visit my wife’s family for dinner and Lyla decided to join us.
We sat down and talked. then Sophia brought up her new significant other whom she met at an art museum. I noticed Lyla rolling her eyes hard as Sophia talked about her SO’s college choice and the opportunities he’s getting. My wife excitedly said that Sophia and her SO are a perfect young couple.
Lyla spoke up to Sophia and said ‘Has your SO seen your real face yet? ‘Cause you’re wearing a fake one’. (she meant to say that makeup made her look fake). I was dumbfounded I shouted ‘SHUT UP LYLA’. Lyla looked at me in shock while Sophia excused herself to the bathroom.
Lyla and I started arguing, She told me that Sophia took it personally and she was just being ‘authentic’ like I ‘taught her’. I told her authenticity isn’t about jerkery and that she was way out of line for hurting her stepsister for literally no reason, no reason at all.
My wife and her parents tried to de-escalate but Lyla started yelling about how obvious and blatant my favoritism had become and then stormed off.
She stayed quiet the entire ride home then called her mom who started berating me for yelling at and scolding our daughter in front of my wife and her family.
I told her they had nothing to do with the fight but she said that I was a terrible father and a control freak. She said she wouldn’t let me continue to wear Lyla down and ruin her self-esteem by berating her and putting her down publicly.
Layla is now avoiding me and the rest of the family. My wife thinks we should talk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s your problem right here: ‘Lyla started yelling about how obvious and blatant my favoritism had become then stormed off.’
Lyla said what is at the heart of this.
It’s not about the makeup, or being ‘authentic’. It’s that she feels replaced by Sophia and it’s not just this one dinner that caused her to be lashing out. This also didn’t develop overnight.
Your wife is right – you do need to sit down and talk to her.
Not just talk but LISTEN.
She definitely owes Sophia an apology but you need to examine your own role in how it got to this point because she definitely feels a whole heap of resentment, and there’s a reason for it. May as well deal with that situation now because if you don’t, it’s only going to get worse and you run the risk of losing your actual daughter if you continue doing things that are viewed as favoritism.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“I think publicly stopping her bullying at the moment was the EXACT right thing to do. If she did not enjoy the feeling of embarrassment, it was a great opportunity to help her understand the embarrassment she made Sophia feel.
Your wife is right – you should talk.
Lyla needs to know you love her and don’t have favorites, but that the disagreement was about the bullying. At 18 she can still learn lessons and still needs to know she’s loved.
NTJ” Major_Barnacle_2212
10. AITJ For Helping A Ballet Student Break In Her Pointe Shoes?
“I (18 F) am a professional Ballet Dancer, I attend classes daily six days out of the week.
A young student has recently joined our Saturday Morning class, she’s 13. I’ll be honest she is a sweet kid but clearly one of those kids that their parents threw a tutu and shoes at and expected a star. Still, though the girl seemed determined to make her parents happy so I and the older members took her under our wings and tried to help her settle in and learn as much as she could.
One issue I noticed very quickly was that she couldn’t get over her box, now this could be down to poorly fitted pointe shoes in which case there was nothing I could do to help right now but I asked to see her shoes before she put them on one morning and saw they weren’t adjusted for her or broken in at all which… ouch???
no wonder she couldn’t get over the box.
So I helped her break them in which I admit is a rather intense process for people not used to it, one of our walls has dents in it from all the breaking in. I then taught her the basics of customizing them and helped her get them as comfortable as possible for her.
The class went well and she seemed far more comfortable.
The following week her mother came with her to class and went straight to me demanding to know why I’d ‘destroyed’ her daughter’s shoes and didn’t I know how expensive those were and how I’d better replace them as she couldn’t wear them.
I admit I was a little dumbfounded by this and just stared at her for a bit before getting annoyed and telling her that we all break in our shoes and it’s the only way to do ballet properly and yes I know how expensive they are as I go through a pair of shoes each performance.
I told her that she clearly knew nothing about ballet as having unbroken in shoes was going to destroy her daughter’s feet and make dancing near impossible and if she was serious about it she had to understand it was an expensive investment. Our Balletmaster then came over demanding to know what all the noise was about, this mother then said I had ruined her daughter’s shoes and how she couldn’t afford to buy a new set right now and they’d needed to last her daughter at least six months (which… LOL, good luck with that).
They asked to see the shoes and laughed and tried to reassure her they weren’t destroyed just broken in and showed the how and why this was done.
She got embarrassed and upset at this before storming off saying our class was a joke and how we were trying to sabotage her daughter.
I kept thinking about the kid’s face and how mortified and upset she’d been. Our Balletmaster insists I did nothing wrong and it was a lesson she should know at 13 if she’s serious about dancing, I wonder if she’ll come back on Saturday but I doubt it based on her mother’s reaction.
Maybe I would have been better pulling her mother to the side after a class and explaining what her daughter needed rather than just helping.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Mom is likely going to take her to a new class and either A) the same thing will happen or B) her daughter will eventually be dropped for not being able to get over her box and dance properly.
Mind you, I know this from having a mother who took dance, not from having done it myself. That said, if someone completely uninvolved knows this very BASIC information, then a mother putting her daughter through classes should know it, as she should have educated herself in order to best help/support her daughter.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no way of knowing that this woman would confront you. Also, for you to wait would have meant that she had yet another class where she would hurt her feet.
Rather than confront you, the woman SHOULD have nicely asked you why you did what you did.
You could have then calmly explained what happened.
She brought this on herself. You did NOTHING wrong. It was great of you to help this girl.” User
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister And Mother's Trip?
“I (29 f) have been raising my sister (18 f) since she was born, if you ask me. She was born shortly after my 11th birthday and since my mom had been woefully unprepared and incapable of caring for even one child, I ended up taking on a lot of the responsibility for her.
My mother has always been irresponsible and selfish at best, and downright neglectful at worst. When I was 17 and had been working for two years, I decided to move out with a friend from school and I asked my sister to come with me. I believed leaving her would have been cruel and dangerous, and I urged her to come.
She did, and our mother never tried to get us to move back though she did attempt contact several times as if nothing had happened. I did not let her reach my sister.
Over the last year, my sister has started longing for a relationship with our mother despite my best efforts over the years to give her any emotional and familial support she needed. They got in contact over social media, and my mother convinced her of a narrative that I stole my sister away and she had always been wanted. My sister accused me of trying to hide her from her own mother and ruin the family, and since I urged a young child to leave her mother and prevented further contact for years I felt guilty.
Though I’m still furious over the conditions we once had to live in because of this woman, I didn’t stop them from meeting and I have been paying for them to go on dates of a sort, with meals and movies or even a day at a small amusement park once.
Now she has graduated from high school and is going into junior college, and for her graduation gift, she wanted a trip to a national park in our state. I thought it was going to be us, or some of her friends, and I agreed and asked who all was going so I knew how much it would cost. She wants it to be just her and our mother, and she wants me to pay for it.
I was astonished, and honestly hurt, that she didn’t want to share such a milestone in her life and education with me, the person who has raised and loved her all her life. And I couldn’t stomach the idea of paying for our mother to go in my place when she has done nothing to support this child she made.
I agreed to pay for my sister’s half so she could go, but I refuse to keep putting money in the bottomless well that is our mother. She agreed this was fair at first, but after talking to our mother about it she is convinced I am trying to separate them further and I am plotting to sabotage them since she can’t afford to pay her own half.
I just don’t want to keep paying for the luxuries of a woman who couldn’t even pay for all my necessities as a child.
AITJ for refusing to pay for both my sister and mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to pay for your sister, so the argument that you are trying to separate them makes ZERO sense.
If your mother wants to have this trip with your sister so badly, she can pay her own way. As for your sister, I fear she will have to learn a lesson the hard way that YOU have been the parent she needed this whole time, and your mother is not the person she wants her to be.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“Do not foot the bill for your manipulative abusive mother. Remember, she’s most definitely the adult here and she should pay her own way. Honestly, I wouldn’t do anything to enable this relationship since she is appearing to only pop up to damage the sisterly bond.
Your sister has been a minor this entire time maybe you need a reminder that the mother has never bothered to get custody of her. Hopefully, she’ll quit being so naive eventually. NTJ.” Escape_Overlander
8. AITJ For Being Angry At My Stepdad?
“I’m (17 f) still in school but on summer holidays so I’m working (almost) full-time instead of part-time. My stepdad, Paul (39 m), has two bio kids with my mom and one from a one-night stand while he and my mom were separated for about 6 months.
The kid is two, and Paul has him every other weekend, plus pays child support.
Paul hasn’t had a job in a while, he’s never been great at keeping one and sometimes has to ‘borrow’ money from friends and family to pay his child support.
He’s asked me for money but usually drops it when I say no the second time. It’s no biggie. I would give it to him if I had it, but I have a savings account that only I can access, and I can only get the money 30 days after requesting it, and a lot of my money goes on things that I need but don’t want my mom to buy/pay for.
I was saving to go see my dad, whom I haven’t seen in a few years, and I’m literally meant to be flying out in the morning tomorrow, I had even converted cash from € to £, and I thought that would be fine. Paul’s child support was due and I guess he was behind or something being his kid hasn’t been over in a while, and his baby mom doesn’t let him see the kid if he hasn’t paid.
I normally leave everything but my phone at home when I go to work and nothing’s ever happened to it but Paul had taken everything, and I assume converted it back to € to pay his child support. I confronted him about it and that’s what he told me.
I was really annoyed because I didn’t even have the budget to get to the airport in the morning and Paul knew how important this was to me.
I got angry and told him it’s not my responsibility to pay for his kid, and if he’s such a jerkhead that he can’t even work in a grocery shop then I guess I can’t expect him to be smart enough to use protection so his 17-year-old stepdaughter doesn’t have to suffer.
My mom got involved, and while she agrees and is mad at my stepdad for what he did, she thinks I went too far by making nasty comments. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is shocking!
He stole from you to pay his child support.
Of course, he is the jerk. You need to make a police report.
Your mother is deflecting so that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for subjecting you to life with this loser. Most people would have been much angrier and said much worse. Like I said, I would have gone straight to the police and I think you need to consider that.
This is unacceptable. If he won’t pay you back, your mother needs to. She is the one who is subjecting you to this and you are enabling her by protecting her from the consequences of her decisions by saying you don’t want her to pay for Paul and that you’d pay for him if you could.
She signed up for this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Paul and your mom are jerks tho. Paul is being enabled by your mom. I feel she’s playing both sides. At least Paul had the nuts to be mad when confronted. Your mom seems to be slyly avoiding picking a side.
Call her out too. Tell her to leave this jerkhead. Then take what you are owed. In court or otherwise. Call the police if you must. You’re not even legally an adult and being subjected to this. I, being dramatic, would’ve beat Paul’s butt the moment I found out he was taking from me.
You’re being nice in my opinion, and should keep it that way. But keep your foot down, this isn’t something to back down on.” cpyuke
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pain A Mural For My Aunt For Free?
“I (26 F) am a professional graffiti artist and am part of a company with five other artists, we have done some big works for companies, charities, and local councils.
I do some freelance work on the side when I have time which the company knows about and is fine with so long as it doesn’t conflict with the jobs they send me to.
My aunt and her family have recently moved and my cousin (17 M) has a bigger bedroom now, he wants one of my murals on the largest wall of his bedroom as he likes my style.
My aunt reached out to me about this asking me when I would be free to do it, I told her I’d be happy to do it and would be free next week, I told her I’d do it for £200 to cover petrol getting there and my paints and she didn’t need to worry about paying for my time.
My aunt was shocked by this and asked me why she’d have to pay me, saying she’d been planning to maybe slip me like £20 for the work and extra for petrol money. I was kinda dumbfounded by this, the mural the size he wants usually would cost upwards of £3000 were they a customer going through our company.
I told her as much and she told me that didn’t count as we were family and besides I could just take paint from work right? I told her I wasn’t going to steal paint from my company obviously though I was shocked I even needed to say that.
At this point I felt a bit sympathetic as they HAD just moved so maybe the budget was tight, so I told her if she covered petrol money and my uncle gave my car a lookover/tune-up as he’s a mechanic I’d call it even but she was not happy with this either saying time spent working on my car would be time away from actual work they could make money off of… which, I won’t lie made me laugh and I asked her why it was different from me but she then implied it was a real job while I was just spraying some cans.
It was at this point I got annoyed and told her my price had doubled and I wouldn’t do it till I got an apology before hanging up. I shot my cousin an apology text after this explaining what had happened and how I couldn’t do it if his mum wouldn’t bend on this, he was understanding and apologetic about the whole thing.
He’s a good kid and I feel bad about this whole situation.
My aunt has since taken to calling up my parents/grandparents to rage about how entitled and spoiled I am and even made some pointed social media posts about the whole thing. My parents have no patience with her as I got in there first and explained what happened but my grandparents have tried to say they’ll pay me to do it if budget is really the issue, but it’s not, it’s about the fact she insulted me now.
I do feel guilty about my cousin though…
I dunno maybe I’m being too proud and should just accept that she won’t see reason in this? AITJ? Not to her she was rude but should I bend for my cousin’s sake?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but make sure the one you are punishing is your aunt, not your cousin.
He sounds like he is a cool dude. Anyway, if the grandparents want to pay, let them. As far as your aunt is concerned it is your call. If you want her to apologize first I don’t blame you but your cousin is the one who is not getting the art.
If she refuses to apologize you can still do it but make sure she knows you are doing it for him, not her.
Sorry this happened. Your aunt sounds pretty entitled and does not know the cost of what you do. If someone told me $200 for a mural they have the cash immediately because that is one heck of a deal.” Lord_Muramasa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not a real job yet she is going to you because you have a skill set she doesn’t have. If you paint this mural only paint it for the child and then be sure to tell your aunt it wasn’t for her.
However, she will probably ask you for more things. It costs a lot to purchase your supplies plus the time you’ve spent building up your skill set. Give her price quotes of other artists in her area. Chances are they are twice as high for the same project.
I hate the nit real job crap.” Professional_Grab513
6. AITJ For Telling People At The Mother's Day BBQ Party Not To Eat Any Grilled Meat?
“Every party I get asked to cook. I’m a chef so people really enjoy it. Lately, they’ve been asking me not to cook.
I showed up to our Mother’s Day BBQ and my stepdad was at the grill. I came, and like a Chef, couldn’t help but check things out.
He had a few foil pans of assorted meats he was going to grill. One pan was raw chicken breast.
Once he was done grilling the meats he put them in a clean foil tin and covered it with foil. Thats fine.
Then what happened next really annoyed me.
As he was getting ready to put the cooked meats in the house a piece of cooked chicken breast fell out of the tin, rolled on the table, and fell into the trash pile. It landed in the tin that he had the raw chicken in.
So now this piece of chicken was covered in raw chicken juices. He grabs it with his bare hands from the tin and tosses it back into the pan with the cooked meat.
When the chicken fell I said, ‘Oh well, just leave it.’
When he went to reach for it, I raised my voice and said ‘No stop! Just leave it.’
When he threw it in the pan with all the cooked meat I said, ‘What are you doing? That meat is ruined!’
His argument back was, ‘No, it’s fine, it didn’t fall on the ground.’ He then grabbed it and threw it back on the grill and said, ‘Fine, I’ll cook it more.’
I told him to stop talking to me and to leave it alone. Just drop it.
Then for the next hour, a few people at the party said I was wrong for raising my voice around the kids and it wasn’t fair that they could not eat the hotdogs.
I made it known we would not be eating. I nor my kids. I tried telling other people about it and they all just laughed it off.
I gave it one final try and explained that it was dropped in RAW chicken slime, and thrown in with the COOKED MEAT.
Do you not understand that is a real problem and you can get sick? Then that piece of meat he cooked again put on top of the hotdogs meant for the kids.
My kids literally ate rice and chips. Me too.
I was told I was being too dramatic and people thought I was joking.
So… I guess my years of being SafeServ Certified and having common sense was funny and makes me a jerk for ruining Mother’s Day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But let’s be real the odds this results in any consequences are super low. The only reason safeserve is so detailed is because when you serve high volumes of foods the odds make it a certainty that a mistake like this will hurt someone.
But statistically speaking it would’ve likely been a total non-event for any healthy adult or likely even teen to eat that. But again, I agree with you I wouldn’t have taken the chance.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but at some point, just do what you feel comfortable with and let others make their own choices.
You did your part by informing them – if they want to eat it after that, well good luck to them. I say this because my own father has this weird obsession with not putting food in the fridge. If we eat lunch and he is eating leftovers for dinner, he insists that it be left on the counter for hours and hours.
It never seems to cause him harm so any attempt we make to warn him, he scoffs at like we are fools.” User
5. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Pay Me For Helping Her Father Take His Medicine?
“I (32 M) lived across the hall from an elderly couple (both in their late 80s) and grew close to them during the global crisis when I offered to do their groceries while they were in complete isolation. I became fond of them and they became fond of me.
You could say we became friends, even if maybe they saw me as a surrogate grandson. The wife sadly passed away last December; the husband is now living alone, and I made of habit of dropping by a few times a week to see if he needs anything or just to keep him company for a while.
Cut to: his daughter (mid-50s F) got my contact when she came to visit her father a month ago (she lives in another state). 2 days ago she texted me to ask me if I could help her father take his daily medicine because apparently, he was skipping some doses (maybe he forgot about it, maybe it was a choice not to take them, I’m not sure).
So I said I could, but asked her what she could pay me to do that. That caught her by surprise – ‘Why would I need to be paid? I was there every day anyway’.
I explained to her I drop by whenever I can out of fondness for her father – I’m not obliged to go every day; if I take on this responsibility, one that would be part of a ‘to-do’ list of a hired caretaker (that would have to be paid by my neighbor’s daughter), I’d have to change my schedule to make sure I’d be there at a specific time every day.
She replied I could just drop by whenever I came home from work. I told her it’s not that simple, since there are days I don’t come home straight away, there are days I go for drinks afterward, there are days I sleep at my partner’s, and so on.
After a few exchanges, when she realized I was serious about being paid, she accused me of being selfish to deny help to her father when it wouldn’t ‘cost me anything’.
The truth is, now that I know this is an issue (he’s not taking his medicines), I’m inclined to do what I can to help because I really care about him.
However, the way the daughter approached the subject, almost demanding my help and trying to guilt-trap me into doing it, made me want to put my foot down.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s being annoying. Sure it would be nice of you to help but asking to do this every day and going out of your way to change your schedule is way beyond what is acceptable.
Especially if it’s medication that needs to be taken at the same time every day. And it will morph into multiple times a day ie morning, noon, and night.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she should have expected to pay you so you didn’t have to ask.
She recently lost her mother though and is trying to remotely manage her father’s care which can be stressful so I might give her a break. But you’re NTJ for having boundaries with taking on this responsibility. Home care is expensive for seniors so she is out of touch to not see that she could have had a great situation having you to depend on.” shelovescompletely
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Accommodate My Husband's Family Ever Again?
“My husband (31 M) and I (32 F) live abroad, very far from where we are from (we moved almost 5 years ago). Many people (friends, and family) have come to visit us since we moved, and there was never a problem. I really enjoy having people over, whether it is family or friends.
This time around things were different. My husband’s family decided to ‘surprise’ us with a visit – coming for the holidays and staying 40 days in our apartment and never asking if we were okay with it. They had already bought tickets, we thought it would be too much time, but we never said no, because they said they were going to travel around as well, so it wouldn´t be 40 days of them with us all the time.
Oh boy, was I wrong. They all came – MIL, BIL, SIL, and one of my BIL’s babies, 6 people + me and husband, 8 in total. First, they didn’t seem interested in going anywhere, when we wanted to show them around they said they were fine just staying home cause they were here to see us and be with us.
Then we asked them if they would like to try some typical food and they said they didn’t want to spend money going to bars or restaurants. We thought everything was too weird. Then when it was time to go grocery shopping, we kindly had to ask them about splitting the costs, cause they were dead silent about it.
My husband was embarrassed and so was I. Before coming, they told us we would be splitting the groceries, and once they came, they were like – you go ahead and pay for the food, we’re gonna pay you our share later. Oh, and of course they didn’t travel around (we live in Europe).
There were 8 people in a small apartment, doing nothing, like a reality show we are stuck with people we don’t want to be (speaking for myself).
There was also a MIL problem, but I won’t have time to discuss it here.
To summarize, they didn’t seem to enjoy it when we went sightseeing, they didn’t want to do anything because it was too cold and they didn’t want to spend money.
They took over my house and my husband and I felt like guests in our own home. It was a complete nightmare. They didn’t help with the cleaning either.
When it was time to say goodbye, I just said ‘Have a nice trip back home’ and didn’t say what I usually say to people who come visit, that I can’t wait for them to come back.
I simply hated these 40 days, they felt like an eternity!
Now my husband is upset because everything was super awkward, but he’s a people pleaser and doesn’t feel like confronting situations, so he will just be quiet about everything, like nothing happened.
I really want to tell him I don’t want his family coming over to visit us anymore – ever again!
WIBTJ for saying it to him since it’s his family?”
Another User Comments:
“If those people ever surprise you again, ask them what motel they will be staying at. And tell them that if that doesn’t work for them – that their tickets can be changed.
OP, you aren’t a motel. You aren’t their cook, and you aren’t their maid. If they do pull this again, and your people pleaser, (roll over and take it), husband just lets it happen – you need to go on vacation. You need to leave him there.
Forty days of freeloading. No no no, fish and guests start to stink after three. Talk to your husband. Lay it on the line. NTJ for feeling misled and taken advantage of by a pack of freeloaders.” LuvMeLongThyme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘he’s a people pleaser and doesn’t feel like confronting situations’
So do you count as ‘people’? Because you were not pleased.
And of course, I realize it’s incredibly difficult to stand up to family, especially so many family members at once who already have no sense of boundaries. But no, you are not the jerk for laying this out to your husband that this can’t happen again.
He may get angry or be resistant to confronting his family, but you DEFINITELY won’t get anywhere if you don’t open that communication to start with. And keep in mind that he does not necessarily need to go straight to a nuclear confrontation with his family.
Maybe you can help him start with small boundaries (like no surprise visits) and work from there?” crockofpot
3. AITJ For Claiming The House My Stepmom's Partner Built On My Property?
“I (30 M) am my divorced father’s only son. My dad was the best dad ever. He never missed visitation, always paid child support, loved unconditionally, and taught me every life lesson I knew.
He was also very vocal to everyone including his friends, past partners, and my current stepmother, that I was the most important, and most loved person in his life. I appreciated it and felt the same way my entire childhood, but sometimes it was awkward for my stepmother.
While I was in college he developed a life-threatening cancer and wasn’t given much time to live. Now in this state, if a divorced and remarried spouse dies without a will, his/her surviving children get EVERYTHING. So naturally, my stepmother was very adamant about his need to ‘get his affairs in order’ and create a Will.
To my amazement he did, and when he died, he left her everything.
Now fast forward 10 years, she has recently gotten sick and created her own will leaving everything to her new live-in partner of 2 years. The house, land, farm, guns, everything my dad worked 3 jobs for while she stayed home.
All of it.
I read the will, and not only me but my children, her grandchildren, whom she loves and sees often, are nowhere to be found. I was completely shell-shocked. So I consulted a lawyer… and he found something!
My father did not just create a will leaving her everything.
They created a joint will together, where I inherit everything after they BOTH die, a detail she omitted. And it’s Contractual. These kinds of wills, which don’t happen often, can’t be changed, especially after one spouse dies (probably for obvious purposes).
Now her partner is very excited about her will, and is starting to develop the land and improve the house.
I am very excited as well. So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – get the will stuff settled, and don’t let him continue to improve the property uninformed unless you really want to cloud the picture in the future because you could create legal problems for yourself down the road.
Your beef is really with stepmom, not him. Once he’s been informed of the binding will, and they are binding. My grandfather had one as well with his second wife much later in life so his property went to his children, not hers, and visa versa, then his improvements are being done while informed if he’s still doing them.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get where you are coming from, and it’s really disturbing how the guy thinks he’s entitled to all of it, but you are knowingly allowing him to drop money into your future estate. I’m no lawyer, but I imagine once the estate is transferred to you, he could find something to fight.
Is it worth the headache? He is kind of an innocent party in all of this, and is also being misled by your stepmother (again, still disturbing and greedy that he is willing to take it all from you and your kids). Your stepmother is definitely the jerk.
I’d consult a lawyer and see if he will have any rights on the improvements to the property in this situation.” User
2. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Overweight Coworker For Commenting On My Weight?
“I (23 F) work as a junior paralegal in a corporate office. I sit with the personal secretary of the Director and the administration and processing team.
Most of my team are in their 30s and the Director’s secretary is in her late 40s I assume.
For a bit of background on me, I am 3 months pregnant so obviously not showing at all and I have always naturally been very thin.
So on Friday at work, me and my colleagues were talking about my pregnancy and baby names (I don’t know the gender yet obviously) and the secretary pointed out that I wasn’t showing yet (obviously I’m only 3 months, as far as I’m aware she does not have children).
She then said ‘How do you stay so thin’, she was laughing and said to my other colleagues ‘Look at her there’s nothing on her’, by this point I was starting to feel offended and my colleagues laughed but they didn’t really say anything.
I told her I’m just naturally like that but I want to gain weight, she said ‘You don’t realize how lucky you are to have a body like that, carrying these (her chest) isn’t easy. Can you imagine just walking around carrying nothing (referring to me having small chest), I’d be so free’.
She said this to my colleagues who aren’t big they’re more ‘average weight’ and one of them also doesn’t have big ‘chest’ at all so I don’t know why she directed it at me. I said ‘I’ve got a little something here’ because I didn’t want to show I was offended and was trying to joke with them.
She said ‘Who are you kidding you’re tiny’. They were all smiling and laughing a bit.
I said ‘How can I gain weight like you then’. It literally just came out and it was very awkward everyone just went silent I don’t even think it was that rude.
She said ‘What do you mean how can you gain weight like me’ and was laughing. I said ‘Well I want to put more weight on so how do I do that.‘ I kind of tried to play it like I was asking her how to put on weight and for tips.
She got all serious and was like ‘You want to put weight on like me’ and then just went back to typing at her desk and I was just like really awkward.
She didn’t talk to me for the rest of yesterday and she was making jokes and laughing with my other colleagues but just ignored me and didn’t say goodbye to me yesterday either.
I’m at work now and she hasn’t said good morning. When I asked her work-related questions she answered but whilst looking at her computer or whilst she was typing.
I feel so uncomfortable and I work for a really good company and obviously, she’s the director’s assistant and has been there for a long time and I don’t know whether to apologize.
I’m scared she’ll tell him but also I didn’t think it was fair what she was saying to me.
Am I the jerk for saying that? I think I should’ve been the better person and laughed it off but she is always saying stuff about what I wear and my body but I know overweight people can also be sensitive with their weight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Making comments about people’s weight is a no-no either way. When I’m in charge of the world I’m banning the whole lot.
She started it.
You finished it.
Now she’s playing the victim. Let her. Carry on with your day as if nothing has happened.
If it comes to a head (unlikely as your colleague has already shown her passive-aggressive colors) then say that your comment was an innocent plea for assistance.
NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your colleagues suck more for their comments about your weight and body shape.
It’s not appropriate to tease colleagues about their bodies and they should have stopped. I can see how having several people commenting on your body like that could make you feel embarrassed and annoyed and respond without thinking it through.
I think you might need to apologize to your colleague while explaining that you are self-conscious about your body as well and you were upset by the comments about your size.” never_ending_circles
1. AITJ For Choosing My Grandpa To Be The One To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (27 f) am getting married in November. When I first got engaged I had asked my mom if she would like to walk me down the aisle and do a mother-daughter dance.
She didn’t feel she could (she has a few medical conditions and walking can be difficult for her) and told me she wouldn’t want to be unable to follow through on the day. Once she said no, to me, there was only one person I could ask; my paternal grandpa.
When I asked him he said yes right away and was so overjoyed.
My asking my grandpa and just my grandpa has upset my stepfather.
Some background: My dad died when I was 9 months old. My paternal grandparents were a huge help for me and my mom.
I actually lived with them for a while during a period of time when my mom was really struggling and needed to seek some inpatient help. My mom met my stepfather when I was 5ish. I was introduced to him when I was 6 and they married just before I turned 8.
He went into marriage wanting to be a father. I wasn’t open to another man being my dad. I felt like it wasn’t right for me.
The first decade was very intense. He hated my grandparents, and especially my grandpa, for being that connection to my dad, and he saw them as being in the way of his swooping in to claim the title and role of dad in my life.
I think he also hated how much my grandpa looked like dad, and me because I am the female version of my dad when it comes to looks. He has spoken very openly about his feelings toward my grandparents. He has used the word despise more than once.
My grandparents didn’t care for him either and I think they saw it as I did; that he was way too eager to try and take the place of my dad/their son.
Before I graduated high school my stepfather made this big plea for me to let him adopt me.
This had been mentioned before and discussed with my mom as a plan for if anything happened to her. But I had wanted to be with my grandparents if I couldn’t be with her. I know it broke him. I know even if he went about it all wrong he did truly love me and got carried away in seeing me as his daughter, his child, and thinking he would be ‘dad’.
I turned down the adoption request and laid out how I felt on the table. He was not my dad and I did not want him to be. But if he wanted to start over we could be friends. He accepted. Still, we never got super close.
He always had to push a little bit more.
So when I asked my grandfather over him he was offended and hurt. When we talked about it he asked why not him or both. I told him I only wanted my grandpa. He is really mad.
He told me I was an ungrateful and spiteful jerk. My mom told me he would get over it and not to stress. But I don’t know if I see that happening and it makes me wonder AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see why you didn’t get close to your stepdad, LOL, honestly, he’s not a fitting personality for the role of stepdad.
He’s not mature enough to accept that he is a stepdad, not a dad, and he has been hateful and bitter towards people who love and care for you, which shows that his priority wasn’t to ensure you felt loved and cared for but that you held him in higher regard than them, which was never going to happen.
He’s failed you as a stepdad, frankly.” notrapunzel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t get me wrong: I think plenty of folks can completely empathize with how incredibly hurtful it must be for him to have been married to your mom and done everything possible to provide for you as a parental figure, only to be met with ‘I don’t want you as a dad and you have never been/will never be good enough to take up the role from someone I never had a relationship with because he died before I was even physically capable of forming any kind of cognitive memory of him’ at every turn.
It probably is very hard to do your best when stepping into the difficult situation of being with someone who not only has a child but also a deceased former partner whose parents are still part of the picture via said child and being left feeling inadequate or un/underappreciated, despite their efforts.
I think he should’ve done everything he did as a parental figure, but while accepting that you were never going to see him as anything more than your mom’s new husband. I think y’all would’ve ended up better friends and with less tension between him and your father’s parents if he’d just seen them without the veil of ‘if it weren’t for them, things could be different.’
It’s fair to say that he has a right to feel hurt, if just from a human perspective, but that hurt is mostly self-inflicted because he still hasn’t fully accepted that you’ve made it clear that you want him to see you as his wife’s kid, not his daughter/stepdaughter.
You’re not obligated to be compassionate or sensitive to others’ feelings and you have a closer relationship with your grandfather, so it makes perfect sense that you’d opt to go with him over your mom’s husband.” ShadowCoon
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