People Test Our Judgment With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. WIBTJ For Insisting On Going To An Important Medical Appointment Alone?
“I have an appointment soon to have a specialist consult and possible biopsies to find out definitively if I have cancer.
It’s only under LA so I will be fine to drive after.
My partner and various friends and family have offered to go with me but I’d rather go alone.
My partner is pretty insensitive and clueless when it comes to medical things, has a long history of letting me down when I’ve been ill, and I don’t want to be managing their feelings when I will be trying to sort out my own.
I’d possibly consider taking my cousin but she and her family are sick, and really, I’d feel bad asking her when I’ve said I don’t want my partner there.
I thought this was a ‘no brainer’ but after I spoke to a friend today – she kind of ripped into me and said I was a jerk and I was pushing my partner and everybody else away, and that this affects my partner too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This concerns your body, so you get to choose who is with you when you discuss it.
If your partner is going to be more of a hindrance than a help, you are perfectly within your rights to not have them there.
They need to put aside their feelings and put you first.
Something to consider though:
If your partner can’t even be relied upon to support you during a doctor’s appointment, how are you going to be able to rely upon them should you be diagnosed positive?
You will need a LOT of support and if they can’t even be grown-up enough to get through a simple doctor’s appointment, how are they going to handle possible surgery or chemo??? You say they’ve let you down previously when ill, so you’ve already had a taster of what to expect.
A partner is meant to enhance your life, not impact it in negative ways. So please take the time to think about what this person’s actions are telling you regarding how they view your place in their life.
A serious conversation is needed regarding what you expect of them.
Please stop allowing them to treat you with disrespect.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone takes this diagnosis differently. And it usually is the person meant to be doing the support that does the most crying! Therefore some people just prefer to digest the information themselves before telling others.
Solution: You can ask for a nurse to be in the consultation for support. That way she can do the comforting (if required) and you won’t have to comfort her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend is a jerk, this is about you and your health.
You’d think that in these circumstances you’d be able to deal with this on your own terms and not have to worry about everyone else or interfering with jerks who think they know better.
I’m with you, this is something I’d prefer to handle alone.
Do what you want, if the friend and partner and every other Tom, and Harry don’t like it, well that’s tough. When they’re facing this situation they’re free to handle it how they wish.
Sending positive vibes and very best wishes for a good outcome.” Neither_March4000
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To See My Toddler Until They Have Reformed?
“My inlaws have been bullying me since I gave birth to their only grandson. They bullied me a little before then but it wasn’t a huge deal and I was happy to turn the other cheek just to keep the peace.
Since then they have separated me from my child against my wishes many times. They then lied to my husband so that he wouldn’t believe my descriptions of their behavior. They have also encouraged him to disrespect me and see me as a lesser mother than my MIL.
As a result, I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and severe depression.
I don’t want them coming anywhere near me and I also feel that if they bully the mother they shouldn’t be playing with the toddler. My husband thinks I am the jerk because he thinks a good relationship between my toddler and the inlaws will be good for the toddler, regardless of whatever is done to me.
I don’t have a problem with more people loving my toddler unless they have been bullying me and refuse to admit they have a problem and change. If they refuse to change, I am happy to wait for them to do so before they can see my toddler.
Even if it’s 2 years of no contact. Because of 2020 and strict restrictions in my country and the timing of my toddler’s birth two years ago, my toddler does not know them well so he will not notice any no contact period.
AITJ for not wanting my inlaws near my toddler until they have reformed?
ETA INFO about the type of bullying: e.g. My MIL offered to move into my house for the first month after I gave birth to help me with cooking and cleaning. To be fair, this was a very kind offer. She made the offer to my husband but my husband and I didn’t discuss it in detail as I was focused on childbirth.
Then I came home from the hospital and was intimidated to find she had already moved in.
Anyway, I didn’t say anything as I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I breastfed (and diaper changes etc) the baby day and night by myself while my husband and MIL stayed downstairs and away from me for their own reasons.
Then within a few days, MIL badmouthed my character to my husband and told him to tell me off for not making her feel important. My husband did it. This was the first major incident. To present MIL’s side of the argument of why I sucked a few days after childbirth: I wasn’t ‘keeping her entertained with small talk’.
Next E.g. MIL came up to me and mocked and laughed at my post-childbirth stomach pouch. It had been less than a few weeks after childbirth. E.g. MIL came into my room to take the baby and when I asked for the baby back so I could breastfeed him, she said ‘we will not breastfeed him!’ And refused to give him back.
Lots of other examples too including FIL’s backing of MIL.
Why my husband doesn’t believe me:
He seems to do this weird memory thing where he remembers things the way he wants to. Like the badmouthing incident – over time he backed away from it and said he didn’t mean it when he said it (then I asked why would you say it then??
He said ‘I don’t know’) and now he’s saying he didn’t even badmouth me at all. I showed him a text message I sent him two years ago on that night that quoted what he said, and now he’s saying I misquoted him.
He wasn’t there for the stomach pouch mocking.
His mum said she never did that and I’m schizophrenic. He accepted that is more likely than his mum being mean to me.
Other bizarre reasons or outright denials are given by his parents for their behavior and he accepts them all.
Now I’m feeling sad and wondering if I am that stupid person who just can’t figure out they’ve been manipulated the whole time.
I love my husband very much and can’t imagine him lying to me like this and really did/do believe he just has a weird memory problem, but I can see how that isn’t logical to an objective reader and maybe I am an idiot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the way that your husband and in-laws treat you do have a direct impact on your toddler. Your child is currently learning what is and isn’t acceptable behavior based on how the people around him behave. If your son continues to be exposed to his grandparents’ awful behavior towards you he will 1) either become awful towards you (and likely others) too or 2) come to feel as though it is his job to keep the peace and protect you.” mimi6778
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. People who are ‘bullies’ are not going to magically ‘reform’. These people have no reason to since their son, your husband enables their behavior. You’ve married into a bad situation and compounded it by having a child with a guy who doesn’t have your back.
The priority needs to be working hard in your mental health treatment plan so you can see things clearly (which you aren’t now if these diagnoses are accurate). Then marriage counseling because your partner isn’t on your team at the moment. With all of that hanging over you it really barely matters whether these people see their grandchild or not.
You’re fixated on one tree while the forest around you is burning. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This whole situation is extremely bad for your health. You need to stay with someone else, like your parents if you can. It’s clear your husband will never prioritize you over his mother.
It’s like it will take her beating your butt in front of him for him to realize that SHE’S the problem. And then he berated you at her behest? This is so sick. His mom told him to bully his wife, so he did. Bro, that’s a really sick attachment.” Vivid-Masterpiece-29
22. AITJ For Throwing Out Moldy Food Containers?
“I (21F) have been with my partner (20M) for 3.5 years. I’ll be the first to admit we both aren’t exactly the tidiest people, though in saying that we don’t live in bad conditions.
I try to clean a lot more than my partner does and feel as though he will only clean if I ask him to. The issue has come where my partner is away for a week, and with some free time, I have decided to do a more dedicated clean of the house.
When I got to the fridge, I went through and pulled out all the food containers he had left in there. To say I was upset was an understatement. I found 9 containers of moldy food, some I recognized from almost 2 months ago. I had been asking him multiple times over the last few months to clean these, and he would clean one or two, or respond with ‘yeah sure I’ll do it later’.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. Instead of cleaning out these containers, I, being incredibly angry and upset, completely threw out the entire containers. Mind you these containers were cheap dollar store ones our dog had destroyed multiple of. At the moment all I could think about was how bad my partner had let this become and I wasn’t willing to leave this mess anywhere in the house, thinking that he wouldn’t clean it anyway (a bad assumption I know, I was emotional).
When my partner messaged me back and realized what I’d done, he became incredibly upset and angry too. He asked why I couldn’t have just cleaned it out myself or left it for him once he got home, asking how I could justify throwing money away because I’m too grossed out.
It ended with him calling me a child and saying he wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night.
I’m very unsure of where I stand with this. On the one hand, I am so unwilling to move from my decision because I feel like I was right, but on the other hand, he’s saying things like ‘that’s so wrong’ etc and it’s making me second guess myself.
I’ll take the jerk vote and apologize if I am the jerk, but I just don’t understand.
So, AITJ for throwing out moldy food containers?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s calling you a child yet he is the one who is incapable of doing a bit of housework?
Sorry but even if I was poor and needed every last Tupperware tub I had, I’d still throw them out. I don’t see why you should be punished and subject to gross and potentially dangerous mold because he’s too lazy to throw stuff out.
NTJ, he sounds like one of those dudes who lash out when they’re embarrassed, rather than just stepping up and admitting it’s gross.” EnvironmentalEgg7857
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You unknowingly did both yourselves a favor. You should know mold doesn’t go away from containers from washing it normally with dish soap, it takes more effort, and you will likely end up inhaling spores in the process if you aren’t careful.
It’s possible that you don’t completely remove all the mold if the container is porous or you aren’t thorough.
You gave your partner ample time to do it himself and he didn’t. Doing it after he neglected cleaning for so long would have been a health hazard for you both.
You might actually want to consider deep cleaning your fridge because containers are not perfect seals and there’s probably more than the usual mold spores now in it.” Cameri
Another User Comments:
“I’ve tossed brand name Tupperware into the trash cuz it got moldy. It happens.
It isn’t the safest thing to let happen since plastic absorbs basically anything that sits in it.
NTJ. If it is easier to toss than clean, it’s worth the money for a new one vs spending the effort to clean the old one.” kei-bei
21. WIBTJ For Leaving My Disabled Mother After Being Her Caretaker?
“I (19F) want to move out of my mother’s house. Here’s the problem: my mother is disabled, she can cook and take care of herself, however, if I leave she will not be able to access the store without me, a PCA, or the bus, and she also will have no income without me.
She got declined for disability apparently when I turned 18 after trying to get on for years as well as her other income supplement. She has housing that brings our rent down to about $350 monthly plus gas and electric. I will say I’ve lived at home for about a year after I graduated high school in 2021, however, I’ve paid any other bills I’ve had since I was 16 and she never had to pay more for me since I’ve been at home than she would if she were by herself.
I take her to the stores and wherever she needs, and I treat us out for dinners or something special when I can.
I’ve tried to move out a couple of times however I always felt guilty leaving her alone and how she has essentially no funds anymore as she’s depleted her savings with expenses.
I don’t want her to end up homeless, and I don’t want to sever that relationship with her, but I also feel like I am suffocating at home. I’m unable to have friends over or get a partner due to being embarrassed by being at home still and her hoarding problem (which is also why I want to leave).
I don’t know what to do, I know if I move out I won’t make enough to pay for her too, her insurance would pay for a PCA for her however I don’t know how she will get income. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I also want to point out that you can reapply for disability as many times as you want. Where I live, there’s an agency called ADRC (I think) that helps with adult disability services. Whatever version you have in your state/area should be able to help by putting you in touch with a disability lawyer.
More often than not, a disability lawyer can help you reapply more efficiently, and some of them will waive the fee until you get your first payment plus back pay from the date of application.
Someone else with more knowledge should chime in on this if you can.” JunjiItosCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to put your life on hold indefinitely for your mother. Contact local social services. Report the hoarding. Explain that you can no longer stay to be her caretaker and sole means of income. Once they hear ‘disabled hoarder living alone’, they’ll at least visit for an assessment.
A social worker might be able to help her reapply for assistance.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“This is a really horrible situation to be in, and I’m really sorry. At the end of the day, I think NTJ. I know you want to take care of your mother, but there comes a point where staying with her will be detrimental to your own health.
I know you feel really guilty, but there’s a limit to what you can do. Hoarding is a serious mental health issue and can end up being a serious health hazard as well. As hard as it is, I think you need to do what’s best for you right now.” clairebearattacked
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Involved In My Daughter's Life?
“My (now) ex was very adamant on having a child, even when I had repeatedly said multiple times that I did not want one. It lasted for months, and she would become very depressed and have moments where she would avoid me about the subject whenever we did ‘things’.
While I admit I did the action of impregnating, so I know I am responsible, I told her how I was not ready for it and she was okay with that. All she wanted was to have a child no matter what.
Fast forward a year and we break up, the child is there, and we go our separate ways.
I told her that I am not ready to be a father, and she and I both agreed that I would help financially. My sisters and parents are telling me that ‘you should be involved with their life, you haven’t even tried’ but I do not want to be involved personally.
Just reinforcing too, that my ex is okay with me just supporting them financially. I don’t know, AITJ?
Edit: Idk if it helps but I made it clear I didn’t want to have a child before I impregnated her, it wasn’t last minute.
She wanted to be a mother even if I wasn’t in the picture, she was okay with that. She also supports me if I just help in any way I can. We have no issues together but she knows that I was not ready.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but only because you stayed. You chose to sleep with someone who wanted a baby, you decided not to take steps to make sure that you couldn’t have a baby with someone. I don’t think you should be in the kid’s life if you don’t want to be.
Having a parent that isn’t interested is worse than not having a parent. You should allow your family to form their own relationship with the child if that is what they and the mother want.” Fine_Prune_743
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She shouldn’t have tried to have a kid with someone who clearly didn’t want one, so she wasn’t considering her future child’s feelings either.
And you should have for one used protection every single time, and two ended it a lot sooner knowing she wanted a kid so badly. Neither one of you considered the emotional well-being of this child. I do think there is merit to the debate that men should have the choice just as much as women on whether they want to be a parent after the fact, so I think if you have no desire whatsoever to be involved in this child’s life stay away.
A child doesn’t need to feel that forced resentment. At least you are acknowledging your financial obligations to screwing up.” Sumraeglar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You willingly impregnated her. Just because you said you don’t want a child doesn’t mitigate the fact that you still did it.
Being there financially is great.
But, when you did the deed, you knowingly and willingly assisted in creating a living being. Now you don’t want to be responsible for your choice and your daughter gets to suffer emotionally. YTJ.” SenaSmrt
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You now have a child and should be contributing, just like you contributed 50% of the baby’s genetics. But your ex is the jerk for the way the baby was conceived too, so totally not absolving her. Good that you’re no longer together, there’s deep incompatibility there.
For what it’s worth, if you’re not ready to be a dad, go and get a vasectomy dude, they’re reversible and easy day surgery. Way cheaper than 18 years of child support, and recovery is not bad at all. Then let your future partners know so they aren’t looking for babies from a guy who doesn’t want that.” Realistic-Lobster618
19. AITJ For Telling My Mother She Screwed Me Over?
“I (19F) asked my mother (49F) if I could borrow her car for my friend ‘Catherine’ (19F) to use for her driving test next week.
Mother was happy for me to borrow the vehicle on the condition that if any accident were to occur we would pay the insurance excess.
This was organized and planned just over two weeks ago, everything is set, the deposits are paid, the bus tickets are booked and paid, etc. This took many phone calls and has been difficult to organize as Catherine lives almost 4 hours away and Mother lives an hour away.
Today I received a call from my mother saying she will not be offering the car to Catherine or me, using the excuse that ‘the car isn’t insured and isn’t worth the risk’ making out that she never insured the car for other drivers, to begin with, and knew the entire time.
As there is a week until the test the local driving instructors are completely booked, unfortunately, I don’t have any other family or friends who are willing to lend a vehicle and my own car has a blown head gasket and will overheat, meaning we will likely have to reschedule losing the deposit, bus fare, and other expenses already paid.
I explained this to my mother saying that she threw me under the bus and screwed me over yet again (she has done similar things in the past). She responded by saying ‘it’s not that big of a deal, to calm your farm and it’s not her problem.’
AITJ?
Edit: I won’t be asking my mother for any favors again, she’s proven herself unreliable.
Catherine’s mother isn’t able to lend her car as she travels daily for work and her siblings have after-school commitments.
I understand my mother saying no for insurance reasons, but why did she originally tell me she was insured and then wait until the last minute to say that she wasn’t?
I have seen my mother’s policy and know that the car is insured (unless she suddenly changed it), if she said no at the start a driving instructor probably would have been easy to organize.
Catherine is doing her test where I live (4 hours away) because driving where she lives (in the city) is very unpredictable and it’ll be easier to pass in a calmer environment.
I am helping Catherine with all the arrangements because I’m her best friend and would do anything for her, also I’ve done my test and have been through this process once before. Yes, we can reschedule but we’ll be losing funds and Catherine could lose her job as her employer needs her to have this license and took a risk employing her while she’s still a learner.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Asking to borrow your mom’s car for someone else to use is irresponsible on your part. Your friend needs to schedule the test with an instructor’s car or borrow her mom’s for the day, or her mom needs to take a few hours off work for her own daughter.
You shouldn’t be involved in her testing at all. Your mom probably wanted to be nice but realized she needed to protect herself against accident liability.” winesis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she had a history of doing similar things in the past, you should have known better not to rely on her.
Or you could have provided a written agreement with her signature on it so she can’t back out.
That’s odd, I didn’t know you have to provide your own car for driving tests in the US? In Australia, we can use our own but most of us use the driving instructor’s car.” SufficientDeer4422
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I was leaning towards saying your mom was the jerk for rescinding her offer to use the car, but if she does not have insurance, that is a pretty solid reason to rescind!
Why are you taking on the responsibility of finding a friend for your car to use?
It sounds like you are a kind and helpful friend, but Catherine maybe needs to figure out solutions to her adult problems, or wait to take the test when a car can be borrowed.” Apatheticforcredit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom sucks. At least now you know not to rely on her.
Since she won’t keep her word, she should pay for what you’ve already spent in good faith. Also, tell her it’s a big deal because money has been spent in good faith and she needs to pay up or follow through with her word.” Sea-Tea-4130
18. WIBTJ For Revoking An Invitation After It Was Already Sent?
“I (18F) am graduating high school this year and yesterday I sent out invitations for my grad party. I’m having one of those joint parties so lots of people who I both know and don’t know are invited. An ex-coworker of mine was also invited to the party, not by me but I didn’t have a problem with it until now.
I had a nasty breakup about 4 months ago with a guy and that coworker was someone who I had talked to a lot about all of it. She had been super helpful with telling me to move on, he sucks, blah blah blah.
Fast forward to today I find out she is suddenly going out with him.
Like full on together after he and I broke off a pretty serious relationship not that long ago. It’s none of my business how fast he moves on, and sure I’m hurt over that since it seems like nonsense on his part but I’m more hurt by the fact she would go do that, especially after knowing so much about our relationship.
I had suggested to a friend we take back the invitation to her since that was a trashy move on her part, and there are plenty of other grad parties she can go to where everyone won’t be mad about that.
My friend said we could but it seemed like a jerk move to take it back the day after asking her to come but I really think if she cared at all about our friendship she wouldn’t enter a relationship with my ex after knowing a bunch about how that breakup ended and how he had treated me.
So WIBTJ if only a day after sending that invite out we revoke it from one person specifically?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You can decide who you want to spend your money on and who to celebrate with. You’re justified, and it’s highly likely that your ex would end up coming.
Just let her know ASAP.” SnooDogs6068
Another User Comments:
“If she knew the guy she’s with now was your ex, that would be a really awful thing for her to do to a (now former) friend. It’s possible she didn’t know.
NTJ, for uninviting her.
Look on the bright side though, people that move on too quickly from a serious relationship bring along a lot of emotional baggage into the next one that unpacks itself and poisons the relationship they moved on to.” YanceyWoodchuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take the invitation back… but don’t be surprised if she still shows up.
Some people are jerks like that! Also, be careful who you confide in. I’m sure you are already feeling that x’s 100 right now anyway, but seriously. That person who acts like your friend can always have their own motives… especially in the love department!” Key-Information8842
17. AITJ For Getting Mad When My Friend Started Hanging Out With My Ex?
“So my friend and I started becoming close in September, because we did a musical in our town together, and after the show ended, we were basically inseparable. We’ll call her Lisa. Lisa and I see each other every day as we go to the same college.
My ex and I have a really bad relationship. We’ll call her Anna. The reason we broke up is because she pretended to love me, and I cried over her for weeks after that, and Lisa knew all this.
So fast forward to a couple of weeks ago.
I was walking to get my sports stuff from a drop-off spot they have at my school, and as I was walking back, I see Lisa, walking over there in deep conversation with Anna. I texted Lisa and asked her about it, and she proceeded to send me pictures and tag me in videos of it.
She has since texted me that I need to ‘not control her life’ and ‘she can be friends with whoever she wants.’ I wasn’t trying to control her, I was trying to distance myself. And I even found out she’d been threatening my best friend to find out if I’m talking about her.
Am I the jerk for being petty?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Unfortunately. You can’t control who she spends time with but you can control who you do. She’s not the good friend you thought she was. Write her off your friend’s list for now and take a breather/step back.
Time will tell if the friendship is meant to be.” aeryn97
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – I would never be friends with my friend’s ex, that’s just an unwritten rule of friendship, especially if things ended badly for my friend (and if my friend and I have known each other longer than I’ve known their ex for).
However, you can’t be telling people who to hang out with. Just get yourself another friend because they’re clearly close and she doesn’t wanna stop being her friend.” solitamaxx
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but this ‘friend.’ You can’t control other people and I think you know that OP, but you can cut them out of your life.
With ‘friends’ like that, who needs enemies? Cut em loose and don’t look back. No one is missing out on anything here.” SatanicSunflower
16. AITJ For Not Acting Inferior To My Family?
“I (17F) got a laparoscopic cholecystectomy (a surgery to remove the gallbladder) 3 days ago. Before that, I was hospitalized for 10 days and got IV therapy for my inflamed colon.
I was discharged the day after the operation and, yesterday, my parents and I went to pick up the medication we’d ordered from a pharmacy. Eventually, we stopped by my aunt’s and uncle’s place.
Their daughter (21F) was asleep so they asked me to go to the store to buy them a beer (yes, they’re Eastern European/heavy drinkers).
This has happened before and they majorly scolded me for not wanting to go (even when I had back issues and barely walked), so I went.
As I got home, my uncle asked me to get the ice from the fridge and pour them (the 2 and their respective extended families, like 20 people) their drinks.
This happened in the kitchen, where it was just me, my uncle, and my aunt, whereas everybody else was outside.
Neverminding the infusion, I was intravenously medicated constantly for all 11 days, so I was quite sore and bruised near the place where the cannula had been placed, which led to me pouring some of the beer outside of the glass and knocking over one of them (on the table, nothing happened to it).
My uncle came to me, took the bottle (2,5 L) from me, and said ‘You can’t even do this right, you’re not gonna last long!’ My aunt went and woke up my cousin and had her pour the beer while holding onto me and telling me ‘That’s how you do it.
That’s a woman, not you! You’re a child! You want to be a doctor but you can’t even pour a drink! Watch how you end up homeless!’ and other ruthless stuff.
I took the bottle from my cousin (it had about 1/4 left) and dumped it onto the ground and said some things I wish I didn’t say, merely because they didn’t understand the digs.
I left and took the bus home and they told my parents that I constantly throw tantrums and they should’ve taken me to a mental hospital instead of a Gastro one.
While I know they were wrong for making me do the previously detailed acts, I believe I could’ve been a bit more rational with my reactions.
I also believe I acted a bit too spoiled since I was constantly pampered by my partner and friends during and after these difficulties.
AITJ for not acting inferior to my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made you do all those things while you’ve just had surgery… that’s—well I better not say what I really think of them.
And while you may have said things you now wish you hadn’t said, they pushed you. They pushed and pushed and you snapped.
Do you think, if you had told your parents what they were asking, that this would’ve turned out different? Honestly, that’s the only way I think this could’ve been resolved without you snapping—telling your parents.
IF you think they would’ve stood up for you, that is. Have you explained things to them afterward? And if so, what did they say?” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You had the perfect excuse for not helping, ‘sorry, I just got out of the hospital and I don’t feel well’.
Your relatives are clearly ‘interesting’ people, but you already know that so it’s curious that you even tried to engage with them on this level. Up until your temper tantrum, you were doing fine. In the future maybe just accept that they’re not fully functional and try to make yourself scarce when you have to be in their company.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how dare they expect someone who has been in hospital to serve them and then pick on them for not doing it well enough? You should never have been in this situation and while we always wish we were more rational, your response is completely valid.
I would distance myself from them as much as possible and avoid being alone with them. Where were your parents when this happened that they couldn’t give you a lift home?!” Specialist_Pomelo_81
15. WIBTJ If I Threw My Child A Birthday Party?
“My child was born in 2019 and due to the circumstances of the last few years has never had any sort of party/celebration for birthdays.
This year, we are safe to hold a real party and financially able to do so. However, the child’s paternal grandmother is trying to convince me it’s not a good idea.
Background: She had two children with him before divorcing him 20 years ago due to his infidelity, he remarried the woman he was sneaking around with and went on to have 3 more children.
She never remarried. My child has good healthy relationships with all grandparents/step-grandparents/aunties/uncles.
The paternal grandmother’s logic is it will be really awkward for her mother and siblings to be in a room with her ex-husband’s ‘mistress’ (yes she still calls her that).
She also says she doesn’t want to be around her ex-husband and isn’t completely comfortable being around my family (she’s met my family once and definitely looked down on them). She says I should just throw a party for my child and their friends & then do separate things for family, but by the time I’ve hired a space for them, it’s cost-effective to invite family and have one party for everyone.
Would I be the jerk if I threw the party I planned and just told her to either be an adult, stop being selfish and be civil for a few hours, or not come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are adults. They need to grow up.
I somewhat know the situation you’re in. I’m 37 and have 2 boys. When I was 23, my parents divorced and my Dad ended up marrying my aunt, my Mother’s sister. For the longest time, all 3 of them were uncomfortable around each other and didn’t want to be in the same place.
I finally told them, look, you all are grown adults, if you want to be a part of my child’s life and come to birthday parties and whatnot, grow up and be civilized adults! Just because you’re in the same room doesn’t mean you have to be besties.
Just be cordial to one another. Now, we’re all at parties and holidays. It is so wonderful when people can be adults and put their personal stuff to the side for the good of the child! Best of luck hun!” Jahjahsgirl0808
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
You have zero obligation to host multiple parties because grandma is still hung up on events from decades ago. She can come or not come as she prefers, and either way, you may get some fallout from her long-held grudge but it’s likely to be pretty contained. Generally, the distinct family groups won’t mingle too much anyway at these things unless they’re looking to get along, so even if grandma does show, nobody will be forcing her to play nice with the people she judges unworthy (which sounds like most people… grandma must be a gem).” Realistic-Lobster618
14. AITJ For Always Turning Up "Late" To Work?
“I (16M) have to be at work at 16:50 but only get paid after 17:00. They say it’s because when you enter the building it takes around 10 minutes to get ready and start working but that’s not true for me. A lot of my female coworkers can talk to each other for those 10 minutes before doing anything productive but I like to get started immediately and start doing the dishes within 1 minute of entering the building.
The problem is that I don’t want to go to work at 16:50 if I don’t get paid for the first 10 minutes. My boss has made multiple comments about it and I get that the agreed time to show up is 16:50 but I don’t want to do unpaid work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your shift starts at 5, and if you’re working from your start time there’s nothing your boss can do about it.
Though the ‘female coworkers can talk to each other’ made me feel a little icky, I don’t know why that was even brought up.
Not all ‘females’ like so gossip haha I’m like you, get in there and get the job done and hope everyone leaves me alone.” EnvironmentalEgg7857
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… BUT remember you’re a 16yo casual dishwasher. They could replace you tomorrow. You need to decide if it’s a hill worth dying on.
I imagine it takes a fair bit of effort to walk in the door right on time just to prove a point. That kinda sounds like work! Just come a few mins early and chill, no big deal.
Also when I was dishy I found ways to slack off, sit where no one would see me, etc for a few mins on shift. Pinch some food etc. it all works out.” Dear_Pay7221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you are required to be there they are required to pay you. Go in the 10 minutes early and immediately clock in. When you don’t get paid for that 10 minutes turn them into the labor board for forcing you to work without pay.
Trust me, they don’t want this to happen.” No_Preparation9718
13. AITJ For Working Late?
“I’m 15M and about a week ago I was working late on some assignments and it’s about 2 am and my mom comes in crying.
She’s upset about my time management and how I couldn’t work on my assignments at an early date so that I wouldn’t have to work for long hours. I couldn’t understand her frustration and I still don’t understand. I didn’t defend myself or anything because I know I shouldn’t be doing this.
So am I the jerk here? Not saying she’s the one but just wondering if I’m one in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is being a bit dramatic with the crying! Does she have some reason to be upset about this?
Is she fearful that you are failing somehow?
Some people just work better under pressure. I was always a last-minute worker — I liked to let projects gestate, and then pull everything together with the inspiration that came with a deadline. I ended up as my high school class valedictorian, with scholarships to university, and a Ph.D.
Maybe have a conversation about this with her, when you’ve handed in your assignments and had a good night’s sleep.” VeryFluffy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
She’s a mum, they worry and are often overly dramatic.
Just explain to her you are a teenager, all-nighters are literally a common thing teenagers do.
Teens are biologically designed to more likely be night owls anyway, and even if they get enough sleep tend to function terribly anytime before lunch.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your time. You get to choose how to spend it. It’s not like you’re not doing the work.
You get to decide how much effort goes into them.
If you’re doing a poor job on important assignments, that’s bad.
But if this is everything going according to your plan, and you’ll just be a little tired in the morning, and you’re okay with that choice – that’s okay.
It’s you learning to balance things and make choices, which is surely what she wants you to learn to do as a teenager.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s being a bit extreme, but you really should work on your time management skills.
Teenagers need around 10h of sleep a night to perform at their best, and you’re hurting yourself by leaving things to the last minute and staying up until 2 AM to finish.” Detached09
12. AITJ For Not Recognizing If My Friend Is Hurt?
“My friend (M) and I are really close. We call and chat really often, and we both agree that we’re like close siblings to each other. In group chats, I’ve been told I come off as bullying M; I’m very slow, so I asked M to please let me know if anything I say or do crosses the line and hurts M, and I’ll stop it immediately, no questions asked.
Recently one of my other friends messaged me about how she thinks I’m bullying M, so I explained this to her, and she got upset because she said that I should recognize how harmful my behavior is and that it’s not M’s responsibility to tell me that my behavior is toxic.
I should be the one to realize and stop first, without M needing to stand up to me. I brought it up to M, and M just thought it was hilarious in our DMs, but didn’t clarify it to anyone else. I’ve since tried to change my behavior and how I interact with M in both group and private settings to a much more positive one, and am still getting comments about how awful I am to M, but nothing about that from M themself.
I understand that it’s hard to work for redemption if I’ve done something wrong, but it’s a bit disheartening. I honestly think there might be something screwed up with me, and that I can’t identify if M is getting hurt and just choosing not to tell me for our friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes we don’t realize how we come across to other people. Sometimes people don’t realize how they come across to us. As you said, it should be down to M to say ‘hey, you’re hurting me here’ because it is M’s boundaries that they need to police.
Unless M has said something to them personally or they’re just saying it because they’re ‘uncomfortable’ and projecting, the friendly thing to do would be to encourage M to stand up for themselves. Talk about removing someone’s power.” Empress_LC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I were best friends before getting together so we have a weird humor/way of speaking to each other.
To anyone who isn’t very close it could sound like we don’t like each other much. We do it to make the other one laugh. So unless that friend has told you themselves it hurts? If they banter back? It’s not a jerk move on your part.
Also, I didn’t see it mentioned yet so I’d like to point out that a lot of people are quick to throw ‘bully’ accusations around now. It happens constantly against behavior a 3rd party person doesn’t agree with yet the other two are fine with it.
It sounds to me that another friend of yours is super sensitive. It is a little weird your friend hasn’t spoken up to defend you or nix the bullying rumor tho.” DroidTitan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the friend wasn’t hurt.
I think this is a good opportunity to realize that you need to adjust your behaviors according to the setting.
For example, for a couple who is very affectionate when alone, it would be inappropriate to show the same level of affection around company. You and your friend might enjoy the dynamic between you when it’s just you, but when around another friend group, people might respond differently than how you’d expect.” teeny_ina
11. WIBTJ If I Responded To My Ex-Friends The Same Way They Treated Me?
“So I (16M) recently got asked by a bunch of old friends from primary school if I’d like to go and hang out with them all and catch up. I already know I don’t want to go but I’m wondering how I should tell them.
So after primary school ended I did attempt to keep in contact with all of them however they all shut me down. I’ll try and shorten this as much as possible, I’ll call these friends S, L, E, and J. After primary school S just completely ghosted me and never responded to any of my messages but would still read them, L literally messaged me saying to get lost and never message him again.
I still don’t know what I did to annoy him because he was perfectly fine with me on the last day of school but afterward just hated me for whatever reason. E just simply blocked me and J refused to speak to anyone on the last day of school because he was all up his own butt because his parents were sending him to an expensive private school so he decided he was better than everyone else.
I’m not sure why these people suddenly decided that I was worthy to be in their presence but they messaged me recently talking about getting the boys back together and all that crap. Honestly, I don’t want to meet up with these people or know about their lives and so I know I don’t plan on going.
The thing is I want to respond to them the same way they responded to me when I tried to keep in contact with them. As in ghost S, tell L to get lost and never message me again, block E, and act like I’m too good to be friends with J.
Would it make me a jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as someone who was bullied relentlessly, do not do it. It has EVERYTHING to do with you and you alone. Are you going to ‘be on edge/nervous’ the entire time you are with them?
If so, don’t go. Are you afraid they might pull something mean? Don’t go.
Honestly, think, is it that important to see them again? Is your life going to be that much better if they are in your life again? You have new friends, why do you need them?
The opposite of love/like is not hate but indifference… Please think about that. Do you hate them still? Are you still carrying pain? Do you want to get even? Will getting even make your life better? Trust me, it won’t. You may get satisfaction for the short haul, but in the long haul, it will mean nothing.
If you want some level of being smug, tell them your life is so busy with your friends and activities you just don’t have the time to see them. BUT DO NOT DO THAT. It will not change your life for the better if you do – trust me again.
Just IGNORE them and move on with your life, ghost them. You will be happiest if you do, then they cannot have any effect on the happiness you have found in your life since then.” BrendaLouBrendaLou
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk entirely but the better way to blow them off is to display success rather than anger.
It’s a character flaw to hold onto things like this once the people involved are out of your life so in telling them to get lost you’d be revealing that you still care. Instead, maybe go with, ‘Wish I could but I just got a new car and I promised I’d drive my girl to __________’.
Make them envy you so they’ll spend their meetup talking about how lucky you are instead of talking about how you’re a psycho who can’t get over grade school. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“Don’t even bother reacting. Chances are they’ll take your answers and behaviors out of context to make you look bad.
Their behavior is very suspicious like someone else said – they’re probably planning something bad.
I can see one of them claiming ‘I asked to hang out and he just told me to get lost! What a jerk, see he’s just as bad as I told you, don’t trust him, he also did (x, y, z)’ to try to ruin your reputation
NTJ but don’t do it, it’s fuel for them to be a jerk. Ignoring them is safer and will get under their skin more.” Dontdrinkthecoffee
10. AITJ For Not Pulling A Sickie To Look After My Puppy?
“I am a 20M living with my parents rent-free. I am studying and so have a part-time job working in a supermarket to pay for my fees. I have had the same 2 shifts for months and my mum is well aware of when they are.
An hour ago mum asked me if I could not work tomorrow evening and stay home to look after our 17-week-old puppy who I adore, so she and my father could go out to dinner with some of our extended family and stay overnight in our other house.
I said no because I am working and she has left it too late for me to organize my own cover. This is as I don’t have any phone numbers for anyone who doesn’t work this shift.
She then suggested that I call in sick tomorrow and make it my manager’s problem.
She even offered to pay me what I would make tomorrow and as I would still get paid sick leave too if I were to accept I would effectively get paid double. I, however, feel like this is lying and that goes against my moral code especially as I know work is really short-staffed at the moment.
Seeing as I said no, my sister is going to catch an hour train tomorrow and do it instead of me and now both she and my mum are calling me selfish for not doing so.
So AITJ for not pulling a sickie to look after my puppy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re one of the rare few who don’t wanna call in sick if they’re not actually sick, aka honest person. Oh, how good it is to be young and naive. I’ve known a few young people your age who are exactly like you and we worked at the airport as check-in agents, they wouldn’t call in sick even if their life depended on it.
Kudos to you for being honest, however like one of the commenters here, sickies can be used for emergencies or if someone in your family is sick (carer’s leave). I know it’s a dog but for me, I consider my pets as my family and I definitely wouldn’t mind calling in sick in your situation.
Just imagine if you were in a real emergency then your boss would have thought of another way to cover your shift. Just saying it’s good to be honest however having worked for years, it’s good to use your sickies for your mental healing as well.
I used to not take sickies for almost 2 years because my boss was a slave driver. Burnt me out in the end and just despised my manager all the same. Sickies are not only for physical sickness but also for mental/emotional restorations too.
Just saw this quote a long time ago, ‘don’t overwork to the point where your body breaks down working for your job, because when you’re gone, it’ll take them less than 10 days to find your replacement.'” SufficientDeer4422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You feel strongly about your own integrity, good for you.
But next time just take the sick leave and look after your puppy. I guarantee you that making your family happy and getting the extra funds will make you happier in the long run than upholding your supermarket job work ethics and annoying everyone in your family instead.
Also, it is normal to take sick leave for personal emergencies and errands and not be actually sick.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While I personally wouldn’t have judged you for doing it, if this is something that doesn’t sit well with your moral compass then definitely don’t do it.
You are well within your rights to feel uncomfortable about being dishonest here. They are being unfair in calling you selfish.” Acedia_spark
9. AITJ For Walking Away On Easter Dinner?
“I have a brother with 2 kids, and a sister with 1 kid. I have 1 kid and a baby.
I always had a problem with being treated unfairly, and unjustly. I have a constant need to defend what is righteous, which might get under people’s nerves. (I bet you know someone like that.
It’s not intentional.)
10 days ago I mentioned to my mother that decorating easter eggs is a fun activity to do. 2 days later she casually brought up at a family roundtable that she’d be decorating easter eggs with my kid’s 3 other cousins. I kept my mouth but later that day texted her that it was inappropriate to be doing that and then excluding my kid while I gave her the idea.
Her excuse was: she is 2.5yo, the rest is 3.5yo + 6yo. There were no decorated eggs at this point.
Yesterday she presented the decorated Easter eggs on my plate. I demanded my own household to pick up their things so we could leave. After which a whole word dispute came out, in which it was also mentioned I always complain, the rest is always silent and doesn’t feel the need to mention every wrongdoing.
AITJ here? My mother, sister, and SIL surely think so. My SO thinks we have too many disputes we leave unfinished. I think my kid is always left out and I notice it in play behaviors where it’s 3 vs 1, and I feel my child is now old enough to find out.
EDIT: I’ve also suggested a 2kids decoration session split up in 2 days if 4 kids were too much work in that same text.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother believes your daughter is too young for that activity (a lot of dye gets spilled!) OR including you for those or most activities results in an unpleasant outcome.
Which child dyed more eggs, etc. Stop looking for the ways you are slighted and enjoy the gathering. I used to be more like you. I took most things personally. Dye eggs at home with your family or be the gracious adult and admire what your nieces & nephews created. Storming out of a family gathering ESPECIALLY A HOLIDAY OR BIRTHDAY is terrible behavior and more hurtful and confusing to a 2.5-year-old than any activity.
EGG DYEING – REALLY?” No_Passenger9845
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Favoritism sucks. My mother and I get along OK and she is an amazing grandma until you add my sister to the mix and I become dirt on her shoe.
You can be right (you are right) and also not be in the right.
Could you have respected your Mum’s choice that decorating eggs with a 2 yo wasn’t her idea of fun and sat in on it and helped your daughter one on one?
It def sounds like things go unresolved. In my family too. I just refuse to partake now… Is sister around?
Ok, catch you another time. You can try and resolve it or accept it…” Adventurous-Low9768
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your mother could have just decorated eggs for everyone, no idea where this weird favoritism is coming from. I’ve got a suspicion they are wary of involving your side of the family in activities because you always start disputes over the tiniest things – so I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’ because your actions are not helping your cause at all.” ThomzLC
8. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At My Friend's Constant Phone Calls To His Girl?
“One of my best friends started going out with his current SO about a year ago. In the period of time since then, she’s been a heavy presence whenever we hang out. Whether she’s actually physically present or he takes/makes phone calls, I just found it rude after a while.
My frustration mostly is directed at the phone calls—like we’ll be hanging out and he’ll go, ‘Hey I’m going to go call her for like 10 mins’ and then disappears into a different room for longer than that. He does this every time he comes over now.
He’ll even do this while he’s over at my place before leaving to then go be with her. And while I really like her as his SO, my friend doesn’t seem to get why it irritates me despite numerous attempts at telling him it hurts my feelings when he does this over and over again.
He told me he mostly only does this sort of thing around me (as opposed to other friends) cause he thought I’d ‘respect’ his relationship enough to be okay with it but called me ‘mean-spirited’ for getting annoyed and angry about it. I love this dude like a brother but I feel like I’m being ignored and walked on.
But am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He said you’re the only one he does this around. It sounds like he is totally oblivious of the fact that he takes your friendship for granted. He probably doesn’t even register that he is doing anything wrong because you’re his bro and you should have his back and understand.
You may need to set some boundaries, or not hang out as much.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words… one possible course of action – every time he starts to talk to his girl, you bounce… he will get it after a while.” SenaSmrt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’ve never had a friend that does this it sounds like you’re being over the top, but I don’t think it is. I used to have a few friends like this and it was the most annoying/rude thing. There are zero reasons to be in constant contact with someone when you’re around other friends.
It’s just poor manners and unnecessary.” Lucylovei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course. But isn’t he allowed to do whatever he wants? And similarly are you. I do see how that can annoy you. Try to talk to him maybe and show him how it’s not healthy.” User
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Neighbor's Workman To Block My Driveway?
“My husband (33M) and I (33F) live on a small, narrow, one-way street of 10 houses. We are the only house with a private, 2-car driveway and a dropped curve. Everyone else has to park on the street.
Because of its size and proximity to a school, our street gets really busy with car parking and we are constantly having issues with people parking across our driveway and blocking our cars. A couple of months ago we almost missed a flight because it took us an hour to find out who was parked across our driveway (we had airport parking booked).
Our neighbors, who we are good friends with, are having building work done. In the past, we’ve allowed their workmen to block in our driveway if we knew that we weren’t going out. Today a new workman knocked on our door and explained that he had parked across our driveway because there was nowhere else on the street to park and asked if it was ok.
My husband explained to him that we were going out and would need it to be clear.
The guy laughed and started asking my husband loads of questions about when we were leaving, which car we were using, when would we be back, etc etc. I could see my husband getting flustered (he doesn’t like conflict) so I calmly told the workman that we didn’t like people blocking the driveway.
I was going to add that he could stay there to unload his van but if he could move after that would be great. I didn’t get that far though because he flipped out on me saying I was rude and unhelpful and ‘didn’t have to speak to him like that.’ I do have a tendency to be a bit blunt sometimes but I thought in this instance I was actually being pretty polite.
My husband assures me I was but now I’m worried about hurting our relationship with our neighbors.
So AITJ? Should I have let the workman park across our driveway and just asked them to move when we were ready to go out or was I justified in saying no?
UPDATE: Just left my house to walk my dogs and the workman is blocking in one of our cars over our driveway. Not really sure what to do now…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The worker guy was just butthurt that he will have to be inconvenienced that he will not be able to use the driveway he wrongfully assumed would be no issue.
It’s your driveway, you have a right to have it not be blocked. For him to give you a hard time about it is ridiculous. This should have no bearing on your relationship with your neighbors as they are not entitled to use your driveway whenever they please and should already know that.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to answer 20 questions to a stranger about how you manage your house. Your husband told him not to block the driveway, that should have been the end of the discussion, the fact that it wasn’t tells me that there was an expectation on his part that he could just do that, I wonder where he got that from.
As for the truck blocking your car now if you told him no, go over to the house where he’s working and tell him to move it or it’ll get towed.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll note the worker didn’t ask if he could block your driveway – he told you he was going to block your driveway.
He wasn’t asking permission. He was expecting to bully you into going along with him and was annoyed when you weren’t falling for it.
Blocking someone’s driveway should never be assumed or expected. This is his problem, not yours. You’ve been extremely generous in the past, but that doesn’t obligate you to allow this worker to block your driveway now.” bamf1701
6. WIBTJ If I Tell My Husband That I Don't Like A Bread He Got Me?
“So my sweet husband. My sweet boi. My loving dear husband who I love with all my life. Went today to the Latin grocery store to get groceries for us. And he went by himself too so he had to talk to the butcher in Spanish probably.
He remembered that I love pan dulce and was disappointed that they didn’t have my favorite in stock when we went in. So today he went and got me the pan dulce he knows I like.
But, (and this is the spoiled picky jerky part of me) one of them isn’t up to my standards.
But I can’t say anything. He went and got this by himself thinking ‘She’s gonna be so happy that I got her favorite bread.’ Except one of them doesn’t have enough barnis on it (it’s a concha. My mom calls it pan de barnis).
It’s plain as a result. I normally shop for my own bread because I can be rather picky and he doesn’t normally eat this.
EXCEPT. AND HERE’S THE THING. This man thrives on communication. If he does something wrong or gets me something I don’t like, he wants me to tell him.
He’s gotten upset when I don’t tell him stuff like this. I promise you, this man is a unicorn.
But I can’t tell him. This man went out of his way to get this bread for me, and he was so happy that he got it for me.
Especially when we’re tight on finances right now.
I love this man so much, so I also don’t want to ruin this thing for him. So WIBTJ if I tell him?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, this is refreshingly sweet. You do need to tell him so he doesn’t obsess about the wrong type, but gently.
For example: ‘Oh thank you so much for remembering the pan dulce I couldn’t get the other day! Did you have to speak Spanish to get it too? The one from this shop is great, and my absolute favorite is the one with more barnis.’
If he’s a communication lover, I’m sure he’d appreciate the opportunity to segue into a Spanish lesson on asking for the perfect one.” Realistic-Lobster618
Another User Comments:
“As someone like your husband: honey, I’m really happy you got me the bread, this is exactly the type I like.
But the baker messed this one up (baker’s fault, not his), so I’m letting you know in the future that this is badly made and this (show an acceptable piece) is what it should look like. Thank you so much for buying it, and make sure you watch out for next time.
He may be upset, but you’re communicating how he likes, and then he knows how to make you happier (which is what he wants) next time.
No jerks here.” CupofCursedTea
Another User Comments:
“You have to tell him and be open with him, if you’re not you will be the jerk.
But be nice about it, ‘Hubby, thank you so much, I truly appreciate it but in the future please don’t worry about it. The bread isn’t the way I like it, and I appreciate you for trying but it’s something I have to do myself.’ So on like that, make him understand that you love that he was thinking about you, but that he either needs to know what you’re looking for so he can look for it too or just leave it up to you.” Thisisthatguy99
5. AITJ For Refusing To Go To A Home Zoo With My Husband And His Mom?
“A few years ago some kind people opened a home Zoo not far away from our city. All of their animals are unwanted, old, or in some cases sick. They have some more exotic ones, but as mentioned, they all came from quite bad situations.
So, long story short.
Husband: I told MIL to take some snacks for the animals to feed them.
Me: But we can buy snacks right there.
Husband: They’re too expensive and you know, they are ripping off such fools like you. Mom will bring the same food so what’s the difference?
Me: So you would like it if someone came to our house and fed our pets behind our back?
Husband: If it’s the same food yes. I do not mind.
Me: Even if there is a high chance of overfeeding them?
Husband (angry): You saw them last time!
Not like they feed those animals before visitors come!
Me (angry for a while already): So our dog loves snacks and we don’t starve him!
Suddenly MIL comes in and asks what’s happening. My husband told her.
MIL: He is right. Why should we pay more for some stupid snacks?
Tickets are not that cheap and if I pay I do what I want!
Me (calm, super angry voice): So, if some animals get sick or die because of you that’s not your fault? You fed dried bread to some animals last time but when I told a Zoo keeper that, she was very worried because those animals can’t eat bread!
There was even a sign and we got so lucky not to get a penalty!
MIL: THAT IS NOT of our concern. You can give dried bread to all animals and they say that only to earn more like my son said.
So, in the end, I refused to go with them ever again.
I was called stupid, arrogant, controlling, childish, and a jerk. So, respecting rules to keep animals healthy and safe is bad? I truly would not like it if someone would feed my pets behind my back and then give a lecture that they can eat that anyway.
Am I the jerk for refusing to go with them ever again? I better stay home, because I know myself, and being with them there would just cause an unneeded scene. Any opinion counts. Even those who will say that I am a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Bread is processed food and as such is unnatural to animals. People often feed bread to ducks because they believe they like it but it’s actually not good for them at all and many parks now have signs up asking people not to feed them it.
Sneaking food into a zoo to feed animals without the consent of the keepers is terrible as it can do real harm to their digestive system, and your MIL’s ‘I’ve paid so I can do whatever I want’ attitude reeks of entitlement.
You are completely within your right not to go, but if it was me I would ring the zoo whenever they do and give the establishment a heads up to keep an eye out for people trying to feed the animals unauthorized food.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most animals can technically eat bread… but only technically. It doesn’t have any of the nutrients they need, and all of that fine flour in the bread means a rush of sugar that hits their systems all at once.
Animals need to eat appropriate diets.
Also, places like this often use selling food as part of how they make enough funds to keep going. Taking care of formerly abused and elderly animals means a lot of vet bills and medications. So they make their money any way they can – admission, selling food (both humans and animals), selling souvenirs, etc.
Having said that, these little independent rescues are often not really equipped to take good care of animals, especially exotics. There’s a whole industry of ‘sanctuaries’ that buy in animals they can’t really care for properly, including places that primarily have animals that are disabled and/or formerly abused. So do consider carefully whether this place is giving its animals the space and enrichment they need to live happy lives before paying to go – most zoos and exotic rescues just can’t.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re breaking the rules on the assumption that the rules are in place to increase profits, not to protect the animals. This is a convenient belief, but it’s almost surely untrue. At the least, they’re showing intense disrespect, as though they believe that paying a fee for admission to a zoo, or a museum, makes them owners, not visitors.
At the worst, they’re actively harming the animals. Like a paid hunting trip. The fact that they can’t accept your disagreement with this course suggests they’re bullies who know what they’re doing is wrong, but don’t like how you pointing it out makes them feel.
If they really didn’t think it was wrong, they’d calmly explain how they disagreed, and would never resort to name-calling, as that would weaken their position and hurt a family member.” BigBayesian
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Thank My Step-Grandma For The Gifts She Sends My Daughter?
“When I was 11 my mom remarried my stepdad. He’s a great guy and cares deeply for the family. He’s always had my back. His mother on the other hand is insufferable. At first, she seemed nice enough to me, only belittling my mom for being so much younger than my stepdad and stuff like that because she was apparently really fond of my dad’s ex-wife.
She accused my mom of planning to be unfaithful and stuff like that, so whenever we visited her it was already pretty tense. One day we were playing cards and me being the 12 yo little brat that I was, I hid a card in my sleeve for later use.
I lied. It’s not cool, but I was 12… well anyway, she noticed and kicked us all out. Well, she kicked me out and my parents went with me of course. It was a 4h drive to her and when that happened it was already late, so we had to drive back home in the middle of the night.
I never saw her after that, but my parents kept visiting once or twice a year.
I am now in my mid-twenties (so this was over a decade ago) and have a beautiful daughter and ever since then this woman kept giving my mom ‘little gifts’ for my daughter.
Stuff like chocolate or small toys. My mom always insists I have to thank her by calling or at least writing a message to her for the gifts. ‘You know how important it is to her to be thanked’.
I bear with it but I really hate it.
What happened was over a decade ago but she never apologized and now I should just accept that she shows my daughter who is not even related to her ‘affection from afar’?
Am I the jerk for not letting this go?
Edit to add: I profusely apologized about the card thing several times, and felt really bad about it for weeks.
I would get over her kicking us out if she ever had tried to talk to me about what happened or apologize. Or initiated any contact at all up until my daughter was born. But she never did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she hasn’t had a relationship with you in years.
You don’t have to thank her for anything, love can not be bought. You never have to accept a gift especially when there are strings attached, you have every right to decline it.
Ask your mum to return the gift or keep it for herself, that by bringing the items she is agreeing with the treatment you’ve received from her MIL and that she was a coward for not standing up for you.
You are her child, she took the easy way by not rocking the boat with her MIL.
You will not be a coward and will not accept gifts from someone that treated you so poorly and will not expose your child to anything to do with that woman.
Tell her you will not discuss it any further with her and that is the end of the discussion. If she brings items again put them in the bin. Rinse & repeat.” kezzarla
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because these gifts are her way of apologizing for her past behavior.
If your mother is still married to her son it’s mute testimony that she was wrong and she surely realizes that now. You can choose to be the role model for your child of someone who holds a grudge and can’t move on in life, or you can be the bigger person here so you raise a forgiving person with critical thinking skills.
Teaching your ‘beautiful daughter’ that redemption doesn’t exist and a decade of distance doesn’t temper things will bite you in the end. You will at some point do something that irritates your kid and the way she treats you will be the full result of how you’ve chosen to raise her.
Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s buying stuff because it’s a fun activity for her, not because she actually wants a relationship. If she really wanted a relationship, she would reach out to you and address your strained relationship. She wants the fun part of being a step-grandma, without earning that role.
You have no obligation to keep the presents and certainly no obligation to thank her. If it’s important to your mom that this woman gets thanked, because it saves her the hassle of listening to her complain, then she can send a card on your behalf.” Duckbuttsforjustice
3. AITJ For Lying A Lot?
“I (16) lie a lot to my parents. It’s about small (like what I ate) or even bigger things (like not doing my assigned work). Each time they figure it out, I realize I could have come clean. Somehow, the first thing that comes out is a lie.
My parents pretend to be cool parents when they really are not.
My mom in particular wants to know everything. Here are some examples: How long has it been since I last cut my hair (that I have to always answer before going for a haircut), or what do I talk about with my friends and who is in a relationship with whom.
The lying got a lot worse after I came out to my mom as she did not take it well and now I don’t find her to be the most approachable person. Heck, everyone knows me better than them.
AITJ for continually lying to them?
Each time I’m caught, they start saying that they’ve messed up as parents and whatnot. Also, sometimes when I straight up try to tell them the truth, I’m berated and insulted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should stop lying as much, especially about stuff that doesn’t matter.
I promise you it doesn’t end well in the long run.
I was in your shoes right when I was around your age. I know it probably feels like everything sucks, but it does get better. My mother wasn’t supportive of me when I came out (she’s a little better now, but not by a whole lot.) If she doesn’t support you, try to surround yourself with people who do.
It sounds like you’ve already found some people you’re comfortable with!
Everyone lies every once in a while but you won’t win points with your mom if she catches you in one all the time. I’m not saying you absolutely have to rebuild your relationship with your mom, but there’s no need to needlessly add to the tension if you can help it.
It seems like this is an issue you only have with your mom. I don’t think you’re necessarily in the wrong, but it sounds like you’ve got some stuff you need to unpack with a therapist or a counselor.” IshmaelTheHealer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I think it’s obvious that your parents have conditioned you to have to lie to them frequently, especially with how they treated you when you were coming out.
Some lying is understandable when it’s for self-preservation, but try not to make a habit of lying about other things (like your assignments).
It makes you a jerk.
The less you lie, the fewer lies you need to keep track of.” RageRapter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will say, if you don’t stop lying and get help with getting it under control, it will affect all your real relationships in life.
It sounds like you’ve developed this as a defense mechanism due to your environment and the way your parents treat you. My husband lied a lot about small things and huge things. I learned later in therapy together that this was due to trauma and stress in his childhood.
It took a lot of work to get him to come clean and realize he doesn’t need to lie to me because I’m happier knowing the truth. Lies hurt people more overall. You’re not a jerk now, but you could develop into one in adulthood.
If you can, you could try asking your parents to get you into therapy? There may be another reason this is going on?” p************t
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You lie too often. Lying shouldn’t be your instant reaction. You need to watch that as you do not want that to become your norm and automatic reaction (especially regarding your age where your brain is changing).
On the other hand, I know difficult parents and even if their questions are not uncommon their reaction triggers you so you avoid them. Find a middle ground. Tell them the truth about most things that won’t hurt you or aggravate you, avoid topics you know they are going to be nasty about, and answer vaguely about difficult topics if they come up.
But do not lie.” Remote-Equipment-340
2. AITJ For Leaving When My Significant Other Was Gaming The Whole Night?
“So my (29f) significant other (30m) is a gamer. And don’t get me wrong – I play video games myself and really enjoy spending my time playing video games.
But since my SO lives quite far away we only see each other once a week.
That’s our quality time together.
Yesterday I worked the whole day, went to the gym, and then drove over to my partner’s house. I arrived there at 7-ish. When I came in he was playing video games with his friends. No biggie – I told him I’m gonna take a shower and be right out.
When I came back he wasn’t playing anymore and instead asked if I’m hungry and wanted to order some food.
I thought he stopped playing and we’re gonna spend time together now – but no. He ordered food and went right back to gaming.
At about 9-ish our food arrived. He was still playing.
Fixed me a plate, and sat down to eat – he didn’t join me. After I finished I just got my stuff and told him I’m gonna leave because I’m not spending my evening watching him play video games.
He FINALLY took his headset off and told me: Well you could’ve said something!
I was about to stop anyways.
I told him that I feel like it’s common sense to not be playing video games when your girl visits you.
I was there for 2 hours and the whole time he was playing. He hasn’t tried to contact me in any way since.
When I left it looked like he was super annoyed. (but immediately started talking to his friends again before I was even out the door.)
And to be honest – I didn’t feel like a jerk then and I don’t feel like one now. But the more I talk to friends about it – the more I feel like I should’ve said something?
Maybe to some people, it’s not obvious that someone wouldn’t want to watch them play games the whole night?
I mean it should be. But maybe it isn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is how our perceptions get changed when we do habitual behaviors. Be online on social media for hours and hours and hours.
Gaming. There’s nothing wrong with video games. It’s very very difficult for people to play them and not get addicted. And not prefer the easy way of avoiding life and just immersing themselves in this activity instead of the more difficult but real and rewarding aspects of real life.
He thought he could treat you like that. And he did. It wasn’t important and it wasn’t special when you came over.
He didn’t stand up and have the arrangement to say goodbye to his friends because he was having his special once a week time with you and then asking you what you wanted to do and sitting and looking at you and talking with you and spending time with you.
That’s not what he did. That’s not how he feels about you. And the problem is, he doesn’t even know that this isn’t how he feels about you. You’re not important. He’s not excited to see you. Very likely it’s because he is so immersed, in his life, in video games.
That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It does mean that he’s losing track of any liking or valuing or loving he has for you. And that’s obvious. Which is why you needed to leave.
It’s OK to be with someone who enjoys video games.
But what you understand is that there are certain standards that people who truly love and truly care about a partner hold. And that’s what you want.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner didn’t pay attention to you, and instead of verbally communicating with him you passive-aggressively sat there waiting for him to magically realize what you wanted.
Open your mouth and SAY something.
If he still ignores you after you get his attention and tell him what you want then you get to be annoyed.
He ignored you and made you feel valueless. That sucks too. But you can’t expect him to fix his behavior if he doesn’t know he’s doing something wrong.
And yes. Some people do actually need to be told this stuff. It’s very easy for some people to hyper-focus and have a hard time making their brain switch tracks. It’s not necessarily an intentional slight on his part, just a lack of awareness. Is this the case with your partner?
I have no idea. But it’s a possibility you need to consider, especially if this kind of thing is a habit with him.
From what you told us, it’s entirely possible he’s not that into you and he’s taking you for granted. But it’s equally possible he has attention or focus problems. Sit down and talk to him and figure out some mutual ground rules.” toketsupuurin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s 30. This is obnoxious and rude behavior. He’d already stopped playing, he decided to start again. You see each other once a week. He is absolutely old enough to know that he should have switched off the console and spent quality time with you, or god forbid played something with you.
‘You could have said something’… yeah? So could he. Again, he’s 30. Does he need you to tell him when to eat, wash and sleep too?
Both my partner and I are gamers. We don’t always get the same day off together. If I’m off and he’s working, I’ll game and vice versa.
But when we’re done and home, we either wrap it up, play together, or check with the other person if it’s okay to keep playing. For example; he’s a big UFC player and I enjoy watching his fights. He knows I enjoy watching them. He still asks if I mind him having a few rounds, and even if I say yes he’ll still ask if I’m okay watching or want to do something else.” LucidFairyx
Another User Comments:
“I have to say, I really don’t think the guy was the jerk here. I don’t think this is a standard expectation at all.
It’s not clear that they had a special night planned. Even if they see each other only once a week he may have thought it was just a chance to spend time together.
Lots of people love being able to just be in the same room as someone while you each work on your own activities. This is a favorite for me and the guy I am going out with and sometimes we only see each other about once a week depending on how busy we are.
I’m not clear on what their regular routine is.
Also for everyone giving gamers a hard time, I know lots of people who use that gaming time to decompress and unwind in the evening and can’t really function without it. It’s their self-care and it’s possible he just needed a moment to himself, the same way she went to the gym before heading over.
Mostly, I am absolutely annoyed on his behalf that she expected him to read her mind for several hours. There were a lot of opportunities to clarify expectations much earlier and then over the course of the evening before she was angry enough to leave and the conflict was escalated.” Terrible_Log_7669
1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Choosing Drinking Over Me?
“A friend of mine celebrated his birthday last week. Since I am pretty bound to my city with no car and trains don’t go through the village where he celebrated I asked the group if anyone can drive an extra 20km over to my city and get me to which nobody replied (kinda fair considering the gas prices).
On the day of the party, ‘A’ contacted me in the evening about why I am not at the party, so I explained to him the reasons. He then went on about how important it was for him that I went to the party, he wanted to catch up as it was a while since we’d last seen each other.
He then proposed I should take a taxi which would cost me around 60€. Since I am still in school for my job I said no that’s simply too much for an evening. I asked him if he could maybe get me then which he read and never replied.
To make clear he of course would have gotten some gas money.
The next day I heard he got pretty wasted.
Here is where I might overreact and therefore be the jerk:
I didn’t react to his messages as I interpreted his actions as ‘Yeah, booze is more important!
But I can kinda also understand that he was there to have a good time…
So… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because you couldn’t get to the party, but because you didn’t make plans to get there or declined the invitation well in advance.
Your friend had to contact you while at the party they expected you to be at and you essentially told him ‘sorry, none of my friends offered to chauffeur me so I didn’t bother to show up. But since you called: want to come and get me?’ and now have the gall to be hurt that they wouldn’t.
Not answering invitations is really rude. Declining on the day of is not something friends do. Thinking that playing taxi for you should have been more important to your friend than the party they invited you to is very entitled. Your friend did in no way choose drinking over you – they chose to go along with their plans regardless of your absence that you caused by yourself.
20 km is not that far. I’m sure that some kind of public transportation would have left for the general direction of the party or one of your friend’s houses. With even a little bit of planning, you could have met up with your friend or someone else invited to the party prior to its start.
Maybe add a sleepover at a friend’s house after the party if getting back home would not have been possible right away. There are a thousand ways how you could have attended the party if you had wanted to. But you didn’t want to plan or do anything more than let yourself be picked up.
You were at worst lazy entitled and at best rude to your friend. Don’t play the victim now.” Snorlax_thegreat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Asking birthday boy to pick you up on his day is not cool. If you want to go to a party you are responsible for yourself and your own transport.
Your friends also sound lame for not offering to help you out. Truthfully no one is really the jerk here, but everyone for sure sucks here.” stilllifeofaplant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Asking someone to leave their friend’s birthday party to make a 40k round trip is not reasonable.
It’s more than gas prices, what about their time and effort? Plus he was likely already drinking so asking someone to drive without even checking that first or not caring definitely makes you the jerk.
I don’t know why you didn’t try and meet people in the middle, get a train to the nearest town so it was only a few miles.
You can’t really expect others to make all the effort for you, compromise.” stophittingthyself
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