People Want Us To Tell Them What We Think About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Booking A Vacation Before My Partner's Parents Did?
“I (20F) have been with my partner (24M) for about a year. His family was planning to go on a vacation (including me), which would be about one week and he told me to not plan anything for the entire of August. This is 4 weeks out of my total holiday of 6 weeks.
He knew that I was planning another vacation with my friends and that they were not able to go in July.
He told me then that we would probably go in either the first or the second week of August, but that I should try to not plan anything in August. It was either skipping the vacation with my friends or only having two weeks available for their vacation.
I planned my vacation with my friends at the end of August and it will be a week, still giving me space to go with his family. I already booked the vacation as I had been delaying booking with my friends and they really wanted to have it done.
Now suddenly, his family has booked the family vacation at the same time as my vacation with my friends. This is because the residence that they want is only available at that time. My partner and his family think I am not flexible and that I should have skipped the entire vacation with my friends, to keep the options open for their vacation.
AITJ for booking a vacation before my in-laws did?”
Another User Comments:
“These aren’t your in-laws. They’re your partner’s parents, and they are all being weirdly demanding over a vacation. If they want you, then they can pick a date. You don’t have to put your life on hold while waiting for them to make a decision.
You’re 20. Tell your partner to have fun, and you’ll see him when you both get back from your trips. Go have fun with your friends.
And the way your partner acts will help you decide if you should find somebody else to plan trips with instead of him.
NTJ” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this relationship pans out, there’s always next year for his family to plan a vacation trip you could join. If it doesn’t pan out, missing this single opportunity is a blessing.
You, and your friends, all put your plans on hold for as long as you could stand.
Then you used the scraps of info you were given to pick the least likely week to conflict with their ‘not decided’ plan. Every one of you compromised and CHANGED WHAT YOU WERE DOING to your discomfort, to accommodate his family. Not just you. Your friends were also inconvenienced and discomfited by resisting their comfortable timelines in planning ahead of time to accommodate the family’s ‘prolly around the beginning, but who knows?
So just wait to plan around us while we fail to plan.’
You guys just couldn’t keep waiting, and that’s okay. You have boundaries about how much of your autonomy, comfort, and safety you’re willing to give up. And to who. And for how long?
His family is inconsiderate, intrusive, and demanding to assume you will put your life on hold to be the moth to their boy’s flame for as long as they feel like it. They don’t appreciate the energy and effort you AND your friends sacrificed trying to accommodate their unreasonable demands.
That effort is not only not appreciated, but spurned as only what’s to be expected, and not enough.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 20. He is 24. Together for one year. Not engaged or married. They are NOT your in-laws You asked a couple of times, but never agreed to hold 4 of 6 weeks or pass on a vacation with friends.
You are not the rude one here. When you invite someone you give dates and don’t request someone hold an entire month. Grown-up adults do better.
Glad self-absorbed folks who can’t plan accordingly when someone else also has plans makes them not flexible.
Maybe next year if they can plan better. You have every right to plan your own travels and you have plenty of heads up to your partner.” AdorableTechnology39
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Brother's Wedding Without My Stepson?
“I (m28) have been with my fiancee (f30) for a year and a half. I have a stepson (4) that I adore and treat as my own.
My older brother’s wedding is soon. I was intending on going but after I found out that my stepson was not invited, we started having issues.
My brother explained that it’s the nature of the wedding they chose which is childfree but my fiancee was upset that this rule was forced on the family as well. She got into arguments with my brother and his fiancee and ended up deciding not to go to the wedding.
As a result, I called my brother and told him I no longer want to come after what happened. He began arguing saying my fiancee is the one being unreasonable and now has ‘convinced’ me to miss his wedding. I told him that this is just me supporting my family after the way he and his fiancee treated them.
His fiancee said they don’t owe us anything and that this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone. I said, ‘fine then I am not coming’. My brother is mad that my parents are calling me unreasonable for being willing to miss my only sibling’s wedding and basically let a woman I’ve only known for a year and a half drive a wedge between us.
They said if I go through with this then I might lose my brother, who’s my support and comfort forever, and so much damage and hurt will come out of this.
I stopped responding to them but members of the extended family are saying that I and my fiancee are creating the problem by trying to control my brother’s wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ as well as your fiancee who is an entitled manipulative woman.
I suspect that your brother will experience ‘massive’ schadenfreude at the shenanigans that your future bridezilla will pull if she is this entitled about a child-free wedding that – gasp – excludes a child.
Not even a shade of gray – if the ‘child’ were a teenager then perhaps it might be different. But a four-year-old is exactly the reason that people have child-free weddings because what four-year-old would be perfectly behaved through a ceremony AND not cause havoc at a reception?
Most four-year-olds do not react well to strange loud situations especially when their schedules are out of whack – between travel time; the ceremony, the noise; the people, the lack of rest, and nap time – all of this inevitably results in some form of breakdown.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Child-free weddings are very common. Get over yourself, this day isn’t about you-it’s about your brother. It’s okay for couples to want an adults-only event for their own wedding when it’s in the evening and there will be drinking.
You guys seriously can’t get a sitter? You’re aching like he was excluded from a kid’s birthday party or something. It’s a child-free wedding, and you’re about to ruin your relationship with your sibling forever. Don’t do it.” bokatan778
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – The stepson is just another child not invited to a child-free wedding. There’s no reason to take this personally. I would understand if they excluded your partner or something, but children are often not invited to a wedding. Your brother probably has no real connection to the son of your partner who you’ve been with for less than 2 years.
Honestly, it’s a ridiculous reason for you and your partner to miss the wedding. This wedding isn’t about you at all.” speedofaturtle
16. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin In Front Of The Whole Family?
“I (late 30s male) hosted Thanksgiving at my house. My husband (50s Male) and I have a nephew (16) who stays with us part-time.
He has a bedroom on the second floor, and my bedroom is on the third floor. It was a sweet Suite, with a sitting room living room, two walk-in closets, and a bedroom. When you walk up the stairs you walk into the sitting room, then there’s a small living room, then the bedroom and then you go into either one of the closets from the bedroom.
I have a nephew who is five and exhibiting signs of autism. His mother (27 F) is my second cousin. She came, along with her two brothers, and their mother. So everyone’s taking turns entertaining my 5-year-old nephew because he requires a little bit of extra attention.
At one point I leave the living room on the first floor, and I see him on the stairs, playing with a toy car and what looks like a watch. I look closer and I see the watch belongs to my husband. And it was a pretty expensive watch to be smashing into a toy car.
I asked my nephew where he got it, and he said his uncle’s (29 Male) backpack. I asked him if he could show me.
He leads me to the piano room, where everyone put their jackets and whatnot, and my one cousin’s backpack. My nephew opens the front portion of the backpack, and I see some other jewelry in there…
I was really mad, so I grabbed his backpack, and grab my nephew, and went into the living room. I dumped the backpack out onto one of the coffee tables and ask my cousin what the heck was going on with the fact that two of my husband’s watches and a necklace that belonged to my mother were in his bag.
I dumped out the bag, and the nephew who lives with me, his Switch was in there. The cousin whose backpack it was freaked out. Saying clearly my autistic nephew put stuff in there that he had taken from upstairs.
I know that’s not the case because he’s not tall enough to get to the dresser where the jewelry was.
Nor do I think he would even wander that far from everyone else.
Am I the jerk for confronting him in front of everyone?
Edit 1 – So when I dumped the bag out, the cousin who stole the stuff, was white as a sheet. His sister asked me later on Earth I would do that in front of everyone.
The man who stole from me, his mother said that what he did was wrong, but I don’t need to point it out to everyone, because everyone’s going to be looking at him when he comes over to their house. That’s why I am wondering if I am the jerk.
Edit 2 – I don’t think he’s an addict, but in all fairness, I didn’t think he was a thief either. I don’t think he’s a career criminal, because he didn’t take the expensive watches, just the midgrade ones. The necklace was just gold plated, so probably only worth 100 or 200 dollars.
The point is, there were much more expensive things he could have taken out of the drawers he was in.
I am second cousins to the thief’s mother. I am just ‘Uncle OP’ to the little guy because it is a lot easier than, ‘second cousin twice removed OP’.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I am sorry that Thanksgiving is ruined yet you saved it so NTJ. If your cousin can steal from you then that cousin could have done the same to someone else. You calling cousin out means you spared more people from becoming victims to your cousin the thief.
So ask yourself this: how many more people he could have stolen from besides you? Do not be surprised if you are not the first or only person he targeted
You are not mean but doing the right thing by calling out a thief. Your cousin has done that to himself.
I cannot believe your cousin tries to push the blame on the child who told you the truth.
Moving forward, I hope you are making a police report against that cousin and barring him from ever setting foot for any future visits.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure any extended family who wasn’t present for this get-together are aware that he’s a sneak thief so they can know what they’re getting into should they invite him over. Start a family group chat if need be. Make it very clear to everyone why he and his mother are not welcome in your home or your life before they spread some other story to make the rest of the family not believe you and/or blame you for the event.
And if anyone else has had him over recently and realizes that their ‘misplaced’ goods weren’t simply misplaced all the better.
He should be looked at differently. He stole from your husband and you as well as your nephew that you house. He stole from a CHILD and tried to blame it on another CHILD who has developmental disabilities for Pete’s sake.
He’s not a good person and should face whatever consequences that earn him within the family. He’s earned being ostracized and so has his mother.” aintbrokedontfixme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He deliberately climbed 2 flights of stairs to go into rooms and rummaged through your things to take what he considers valuable.
He didn’t just see the switch, watches, or necklace just sitting around as an opportunity. He did it with intent. And with his reaction, I am going to assume this is the 1st time he has been caught with evidence and no way to excuse it.
If you did it alone or with his mom, they would’ve tried to dismiss it or “not make it a big deal”. Embarrassment is a great way for ppl to learn and humble themselves or else they will continue to do it cuz they kept getting away with it.” thelilasian
15. AITJ For Not Hiding Pizza?
“So I had been looking after my nephew and niece, my sister’s two children (nephew = 10 years old & niece = 9 years old).
Their school had to close unexpectedly for two days due to maintenance problems and they spent both of those days under my supervision whilst she was at work (my sister and the kid’s dad split up & he now lives and works in a different country).
My sister is vegan and quite a militant one and all, always badgering my mum & me about eating non-vegan food in our own homes even when she isn’t there, returning toys I’ve bought my nephew and niece for birthdays and Christmas, etc. She will give her children the choice of whether or not to become fully vegan when they’re a little bit older.
Note: her children are not 100% vegan yet, but she is alright with non-vegan food being given to them when they go around friends’ houses % and friends’ birthday parties.
Day 1: My sister had packed a vegan lunch for the kids to eat whilst at mine, which the children absolutely detested. They both didn’t eat all of the food and my sister blamed me for it.
I think they’d seen some chocolate that I have and got a bit upset. I know that the children have been picked on at school over the vegan foods that their mum packs for them and they want to try things the other children have.
Day 2: Sister was in a rush and couldn’t make her kids anything. Lunchtime comes around and I am emptying my freezer before I do a big food shop, so I put two pizzas on, a bbq chicken pizza & a cheese pizza. The plan was to give them the cheese pizza, if I give my sister non-vegan food but vegetarian suitable food she doesn’t get as upset, and I would pick the bbq chicken pizza (the bbq chicken pizza was quite big) and not offer it to the kids but if the kids did have a few slices of the bbq chicken pizza then I would not stop them.
They have been/will be given the choice. Both of the kids did end up taking a couple of slices of the bbq chicken pizza.
Sister asks what the kids had eaten, the kids had seemed quite chipper when she came to collect them. They told her what they’d eaten and asked to see me inside the house.
She blows her lid at me that the kids should have known about the “dangers” of the meat on the bbq chicken pizza first and that they should have had controlled permission before having a slice, whatever that means. I mention that the kids aren’t 100% vegan and have similar foods to the bbq chicken pizza when they go to friends’ birthday parties.
She storms off saying that I was rude about leaving the pizza open and indirectly calls me a danger on the family group chat as if I was letting her kids stick forks in plug sockets rather than letting them eat a bit of pizza.
She’s the youngest so a few family members take her side by default (they’re not vegan either) and are giving me gyp for it.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why vegans are considered jerks. You can’t force people to do what you want and not expect pushback.
Kids eat what they want and when it is denied, they will push harder. While I am not saying this to let them eat/drink chemicals that are poisonous, food that they want should be experienced to find out who they are and what they like.” mechfan83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she literally didn’t even have lunch for them. Tell her next time she brings it up that they would t have eaten the pizza if she has gotten food for them. It was her own fault. She can’t expect the world to take vegan food somehow out of their butts for her kids.
She needs to provide it or******* up and accept those kids might have to eat something non-vegan for the day. Oh, the horror. LOL.” HeyCanYouNotThanks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As far as I am concerned, going over to my uncle’s house should be treated like going to a friend’s place.
Your sister has as much right to control what you eat as she does a parent of her kids’ friends. Which is to say, none at all.
Sure, be a helpful brother and do your best to accommodate them (by already trying to get her kids to eat the foods she prepared).
But if the kids don’t wanna eat the gross vegan food, or want to try something new to see if they like it, then you still gotta feed them.
You did try to give them the only vegetarianish thing you had. But they wanted to try the chicken.
If she wants to give them a choice to be vegan, it sounds like they’re already at the point to be making those decisions and they’re choosing to explore.
NTJ, but sorry your sister is ruining your family relationships over this.
If possible/tolerable, it might just be easier for you to visit your niece and nephew at their house instead.” shinynewcharrcar
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To My In-Laws' Christmas Party?
“I (31M) have been with my wife (30F) for 14 years, married for 6. My In-laws host a party every holiday season, usually the weekend before Xmas, and this year, I feel it would be best if I just sat this one out.
The reason is my father-in-law (56M). He, for whatever reason, hates me. Has since I met him. While my wife and I were still going out, he was somewhat civil, even though he judged EVERYTHING I did. In the beginning, I was a teen talking to his daughter, so I thought I got it.
But as we grew together, it just got worse. He went from being the gruff dad not trusting a teen boy, to being openly hostile despite how happy my wife is.
It came to a serious breaking point this past week. My wife came to me and immediately I could tell she was really upset about something she had to tell me.
Apparently, her father had given a coworker my wife’s phone number, trying to set them up on a date. The coworker had texted my wife, basically trying to set a meet-up, and my wife came straight to me with the message, confirmed by the time stamp on the text that it had barely been a minute since she received it.
After she told me she had no clue how he had gotten her number, I called him and straight out asked what his deal was. He was EXTREMELY apologetic and embarrassed, and told us that my FIL had given him my wife’s number, said she was a soon-to-be divorcee and was ‘looking to get back out there’.
I was MAD, as was my wife. She called her father in front of me and lost her mind, asking what his problem was. I remained silent as she spoke to him, and he flat-out said ‘I am just looking out for your best interest. You deserve so much better’.
After telling him off, she hung up and we had a long talk about how she felt and reassured me that her father’s opinion is not her own. That she is happy and has not a single thought about leaving me. She hasn’t spoken to her father since, but it’s only been a week.
She even hung up again yesterday when her mom tried to pass him the phone for the Thanksgiving phone call.
That brings us to today. My MIL called this morning to ask if we were still coming after all the issues. It was quite clear in the conversation that she really wants us there, and I know my wife would hate to miss the party as it has been a tradition for most of her life.
I am just painfully uncomfortable going. I have no issue with my wife going of course. I spoke to her about it, and though she understands my feelings about keeping my distance for a while, she said she would be disappointed not having me there and that my MIL would also be upset if I didn’t attend.
She said she would respect my choice, but I don’t want to upset her or my MIL. But to be very honest, I am still REALLY angry and I am not sure I would be able to bite my tongue this time if he pulls his usual garbage.
And I am fairly certain a blow-up fight at this party would upset them more than my absence.
So WIBTJ if I just sat this party out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, whatsoever. However, there is one thing I wonder about. I really don’t like the idea she is still going and you’re not.
In a way, that’s kind of letting him win. It is what he wants.
I think the problem here is with your wife. I understand that she told him off. However, I really question if the right answer is her going to the party without you and leaving you home.
No doubt, she is in a tough spot since she wants to see her mom.
Ideally, your wife doesn’t go and tells her mother that she won’t have a holiday meal under circumstances where her husband isn’t welcome. However, I am also leery of pressuring her to not go.
It is iffy, but I’d tell her that you don’t think it is right that she’s going to their holiday thing after he disrespected your marriage like that. Just telling him off isn’t enough.
However, if she really must go, if it were me – and I don’t know if this is a good, bad, or terrible answer – I’d go and be outright belligerent to the FIL.” ElFuegoDelTequila
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is a bigger problem than your FIL, and you need to pull your head out of the sand and realize HER disrespect of you and your marriage is the glaring issue here.
Apparently, your wife is willing to just rug-sweep the fact that her father managed to disrespect her, and your marriage, in an incredibly embarrassing and intrusive way, by giving her number to some random guy and saying, ‘My daughter is looking for a new guy, give her a call.’
Your wife is the problem, NOT her father.
Your wife is acting like her being okay with you skipping her parents’ party is a big generous gesture.
It is not.
Your wife is choosing to go to that party and play Happy Family with a guy who has blatantly disrespected her husband and used her as a tool to deliver the insult.
If your wife goes to that party, she’s one of the biggest jerks ever.
You need to calmly tell her if she goes to that party, her father’s manipulation will have worked. You need to tell her that her accepting that invitation is a clear sign that she expects you to keep eating the dishes of crap her father keeps handing to you.
Do not accept her tearful explanation about how it’s for her mother, or she’s always gone to the party, or daddy’s just like that and she can’t change him.
She cannot change him, but she surely can stop acting like his hateful treatment of you is something you should just ignore.
Don’t even worry about your jerk FIL anymore.
Worry about your whether you want to stay married to someone who expects you to let her father treat you like trash.
You are NTJ here. It remains to be seen if the only jerk is your FIL.
Your wife is making a significant choice here, and it’s not really about going to a party.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And your wife shouldn’t go either. She needs to tell her father this isn’t OK. If he won’t accept that you are her husband he’s not accepting her and she sent want to be and someone that will so rudely insult and disrespect her spouse.
Your FIL is a major jerk. Bad enough not liking you, but lying to people about the state of your marriage and trying to set your wife up on dates? How is your wife even considering being part of a family gathering with that sort of toxicity?
Your wife telling him off and hanging up on him is a good sign. Now she needs to support you not going to Christmas and stay home and celebrate with you sending a clear message to her toxic father.” Midwest69Swing
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancée To Dye Her Hair Before Our Wedding?
“My (28f) fiancé (29f) and I dated for 3 years before she asked me to marry her.
Let’s call her Angie.
Angie LOVES to do her hair. She loves dying it with bright colors and doing it up and randomly cutting it. She takes pride in her hairstyles. Currently, her hair is shaved a little on the sides, her blonde roots are growing in, and her multicolored hair has faded a little (But it still looks awesome).
For our wedding, she is planning on doing her hair up in a fancy bun, and keeping her slightly faded rainbow tips and shaved sides. Some say that her hair looks weird, but I think she looks beautiful no matter what. Plus, she loves it, therefore I love it.
Recently, I was talking to my parents about the wedding, and they asked me what Angie was planning to do with her hair. I told them about her plans, and my parents were shocked. They said that they had thought that she was going to dye her hair back to her natural blonde for the wedding.
(Nobody ever told them that she would be doing that) I corrected them, saying ‘No, she is keeping it how it is.’
My parents started freaking out, saying that the wedding photos would look hideous and that she NEEDS to dye them. I told them no. They freaked out.
They yelled at me for a while and brought me to tears. (It’s embarrassing but I am really emotional and I can’t stand when people yell at me) I excused myself and went home. Angie asked me what happened and I angrily told her what my parents said.
Angie seemed disappointed and said that it isn’t a big deal and that she can just dye her hair for the wedding. I told her no. I know how excited she has been about this. She told me that it was not a big deal and that she doesn’t want to start drama with my parents.
I told her not to because she really wanted her hair like that for the wedding. I eventually convinced Angie that it wasn’t a big deal and that her hair is beautiful, so she should wear it how she wants.
Later I got a text from my Aunt saying that I am a jerk, that my parents are helping pay for the wedding photos, and that I am repaying their kindness back with disobedience and rebellion.
I really don’t feel bad about it, because my fiancé and I are paying for almost the whole wedding anyway, and we are paying $2,500 in total for the wedding photographer, we just asked for a few hundred from my parents (who are well off due to my father having a really good job, and if they said no it would have been fine) but we didn’t ask for any other financial help from them for the wedding.
I didn’t text my Aunt back, and I honestly don’t really feel bad about it because I prioritize Angie’s happiness at our wedding more than my parent’s happiness. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is her hair color, a wedding should be about the love of the two people getting married and two families getting joined together… as a person with colorful hair, I would 100% get married with brighter hair than what she has with the faded-out rainbow… I most likely would have re-dyed it a rainbow.
The photos of brides with rainbow hair are so beautiful I really love a colored hair look in a bridal dress. BUT the main point is this is her body and she needs to feel happy and confident on her wedding day. You are marrying her… for who she is and this is an element of a thing she loves.
Good for you for standing up for her.” Trash-panda-art
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Bravo for having your fiance’s back and making sure she didn’t change her hair for them.
If she changed her hair for them now, what else will they expect? I’d ask your mom how she would feel if your fiance demanded she changes her hairstyle or color for your wedding.
Your wedding pictures are yours, not theirs. Your wedding is about you guys, not your parents.
My guess is that they have never liked her hairstyles and colors, and want to show off her ‘traditional’ look for their family and friends, whether at the wedding or in photos.
Honestly, I would send them back the couple hundred they gave you.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents have zero right to insist on any aspect of Angie’s hair: color, style, length, none of it. They don’t have that right any day of the year, but especially not on your and Angie’s own wedding day.
Your wedding isn’t a special ‘one time only’ coupon inviting them or anyone else to impose their views on either of you. Even if they were funding the wedding entirely, it would be a jerk move to make the wedding all about how they want things to look rather than you and Angie.
Major kudos to you for sticking up for Angie and providing her the support needed to be herself when her own newly acquired extended family is telling her that ‘herself’ isn’t good enough. I hope that regardless of anything, you two have the day that YOU both want.
If anyone wants to complain, tell them they are free to plan their own party with whatever arbitrary rules for ‘proper’ they want.” ViziMama
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Partner's Family During The Holidays Anymore?
“Me (19M) and my partner ‘Grant’ (19M) have been together since about the start of college so around 2 years now. He’s normally really sweet and caring, but around his family at least with me around he goes pretty quiet. I love Grant a lot I do but his family not so much.
He’s never been not out to his family really and he’s dated guys since middle school so they’re not homophobic really I guess, but they are really big in traditional gender norms. You know the guys do this and girls do that etc… so of course Grant is really traditionally masc and played all kinds of sports and hunted as a kid of course.
I, on the other hand, grew up a fancy gender non-conforming theater kid who likes to paint his nails and wear skirts sometimes. I am the first guy Grant has dated that wasn’t masc and was some kind of sports player and let’s just say when his family first met me I could tell they were less than impressed by me.
His parents pretty much openly dislike me especially his dad and his brothers are awkward around me and pretty much ignore me unless forced to talk to me. It was always like this whenever I see them. He constantly assures me I’ll grow on em If I just give them time, but I don’t see that happening.
Grant is really close to his family though so we them a lot especially over the holidays last year and I put up with it because he has to move pretty far from home from college while my family lives near campus. This Thanksgiving was particularly bad though as his parents and brothers kept asking about why he and ‘Sébastien’ his last ex stopped talking and how much they really liked him when I wasn’t in the room but they knew I was in earshot.
Then, of course, yesterday on Thanksgiving day some of his hometown friends came by along with Sébastien invited by his parents and they clearly loved him with the way they hugged him and he was laughing and talking with Grant’s brothers.
I just spent the rest of the day holed up in Grant’s room upset.
He came up after people started leaving and asked why I stayed up here all afternoon and I got mad and told him he knew exactly why, he tried to apologize, but I told him to leave and I yelled at him that I don’t want to see.
his family anymore especially not on the holidays unless he stands up to them. He told me it was not fair to make him start a fight with his family. I told him it was not fair that I sacrifice for him not seeing my family on breaks and holidays to be treated like crap by him.
Apparently, his parents overheard us which started an argument anyways with his parents basically telling him I’d have to earn their respect while he just quietly sat there. We left around 5 this morning to get back to campus with him being mad at me that I caused an argument between him and his parents.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how does Grant expect to maintain a healthy relationship if he can’t speak up for you? His family wants to earn your respect but they bring up an ex that they liked better, that’s nonsense and so disrespectful!
He may be sweet and caring but he’s weak and spineless as a partner, if anything, he’s not good enough to protect you.
Clearly he rather let his family openly insult you than create any kind of boundary with them.
Don’t bother with his family anymore, no matter how much Grant begs for you to do so. If they can’t show an ounce of common courtesy and respect then you shouldn’t be around that.
And if Grant refuses to see how wrong their family is being then you need to consider leaving him with them and cutting off dead weight.” thundermalice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am sad to tell you that you need to break up with your partner.
I am sure he’s a great guy overall, but this behavior with his family will not change, and he clearly doesn’t have the ability and/or desire to try to stop it.
This might be difficult to accept, but he prioritizes his family over your relationship.
That’s why you end up doing all of the sacrificing (not seeing your own family at the holidays, putting up with awkward situations, dealing with shade, etc.), and he does none. Right now, he gets everything he wants and you get nothing. That will continue… forever basically.
Break up with him now. Who knows, maybe that will motivate him to change his relationship with his parents, and if it does great you can maybe get back together in the future but I am telling you from personal experience that probably won’t happen.
You deserve someone who is proud to be with you, who would take an insult against you to be against themselves as well, and who listens and prioritizes your feelings. That’s just not this guy.” brb-theres-cookies
Another User Comments:
“I go NTJ.
I wouldn’t expect his family to start warming up to you, regardless of what Grant thinks.
I think, with them, you need to realize that the best you can hope for from them is resignation. They will never like you, but they might come to accept the fact that you’re a permanent fixture in his life and they’ll just have to deal with it.
I don’t see anything you or Grant can do to change that. They like what they like.
On the other hand, it appears that Grant’s family, especially the male members, are failing to extend even basic courtesy. They should not be giving you frosty treatment when you haven’t done anything wrong.
I don’t think, if Grant brought home a more traditional male partner, he would have gotten the ice treatment that you got. Grant should insist to his family that they need to treat you with respect and courtesy, even if you don’t meet their ideal.
And there is one more thing I can fault Grant for. He should have left with you the moment he saw Sébastien. What Grant needs to do, should you plan on joining him for Christmas, is tell his parents that if they invite Sébastien, he will leave with you.
They might argue that they’re friends with Sébastien, but Grant can counter with the fact that none of his brothers’ exes were invited to Thanksgiving.” RighteousVengeance
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad At My Wedding?
“I (f32) am the oldest of 3 girls and was always the least favorite. If you ask my dad, he says he treated us all equally.
I got married this past Saturday and am a preparation freak so I made each family unit this laminated, bound book with pictures and names of everyone, a schedule for the day, a list of the recessional, assigned tasks, and the list of posed photos people requested.
The schedule said for everyone to be on location at 11, but I let my mom and bridesmaids know that the makeup and hair people were there at 10, so I was going to be there then to start getting ready.
Long story short, they were 2 hours late for no reason.
They rolled in the afternoon, changed clothes, and wanted to get made up. The makeup people charged me a late fee of $25 for every 15 minutes they sat around waiting for another face to put makeup on.
I was complaining to my dad a little later about how hurt I was to be alone getting ready and to add insult to injury it was expensive.
He said, ‘it was just money.’
That’s where I lost it a little and yelled at him ‘it was not about money, it was my WEDDING DAY,’ and then I went outside to get some air because I didn’t want to ruin my makeup.
Nobody offered to pay the late fee or apologized for leaving me alone. My dad sent me a message about how I am really immature and embarrassing and should never have raised my voice where the venue staff could hear. So I ask y’all: AITJ for yelling at my dad?
ETA: Everyone made sure to be early for both of my sister’s weddings.
Edit 2: their excuse for being late was that my youngest sister told them my hair and makeup would take 2 hours so they didn’t need to be there until noon.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family sounds absolutely awful. They couldn’t be there for you on your wedding day? This clearly shows how unimportant you are to them. They didn’t even apologize or offer to compensate you for incurring those extra fees. I mean, your father seems to care more about what complete strangers will think than about you.
Your in-laws sound awesome. Focus your love and attention on people who give it back. Consider going in low contact with your family. Congratulations on getting married, by the way!” AlannaAdvice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and frankly, if it were me, I would have thanked the make-up artists for their patience and let them go at the original time they were due to leave rather than paying the extra costs for them to wait around for people who couldn’t even be bothered to let you know they were going to be two hours late.
For your wedding preparations. While you were sitting there alone. Let them turn up to your wedding.” Normal-Height-8577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Everyone knows, or should at least have some inkling, of how much preparation and planning goes into a wedding. When you are part of the Bridal Party and on the list of people who need to get made up or dressed for the ceremony, then you show up when you are scheduled to show up.
It was like a call sheet for when they make a film or tv show. A wedding, if you will pardon the oversimplification, in a lot of ways is a ‘show’. There is a call sheet, wardrobe, make-up, catering, and sets (venue)… A lot of parallels here…
That said, your mother was given plenty of notice that she had to show up at X time to be made up. She didn’t, and in my humble opinion, is responsible for every penny of the late fees the Makeup Artist charged.” InnGuy2
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Father To Thanksgiving?
“My (46F) husband (48M), Cameron, already had a daughter (22F), Hailey, prior to when we first met, and—despite some slight arguments/disagreements—Hailey (my step-daughter) and I have now learned to ‘get along’ and love one another as equal parts.
We also decided to move into his original house in the aftermath of our wedding, as he, Hailey, and I had to fit into it.
My father (68M), Gregory, though, is unable to say the same. When we had him over for his birthday a few years ago, he showered Hailey with disrespect and pessimism, and even went as far as to tell me that she ‘didn’t deserve what she got.’ That same year, Hailey was told that he had to ‘deal with something at home’, causing Gregory to leave early, though she was old enough to understand that he’d been basically ‘kicked out’.
This year, though, my younger brother (39M), William, moved into my and Cameron’s house with us, as he was struggling financially and desperately needed something stable in his life until he could get back on his own two feet.
Recently, though, William proposed inviting Gregory to Thanksgiving as he had been ‘looking forward to seeing him.’ I told him that Hailey was also coming, though, and that Gregory had always made it clear that he was unable to treat Hailey like a ‘real person’, so Cameron and I had decided that he wouldn’t be allowed to visit us (if he were to ask, that was).
William—who cares about Hailey and our family—agreed and said that he wouldn’t propose it to our father. And—as soon as I thanked him—it left my mind and I carried myself away with various other preparations.
A few days ago, though, Hailey had come to our house for a visit, which was the point that William decided to break it to the family that ‘Gregory’s coming for Thanksgiving!’ Cameron, Hailey, and I were shocked, as we had never discussed such a possibility, but William went on, saying that he had been asking, causing him to decide to invite him.
Well, I told William that he was not coming and that he would have to call Gregory to tell him that he was not going to be allowed to come (which seemed especially fair to me as our father had apparently not even purchased a plane ticket prior to my brother’s reveal).
Unfortunately, though, my brother refused, so I had to ring Gregory myself to tell him that he would most certainly not be coming due to how he had shown he was unable to treat his step-granddaughter well.
William started to call me the jerk, saying that he had not been able to see Gregory for years due to his stretched financial conditions and that I had likely just taken away his only chance to see our father, which (as I likely don’t have to mention) he has/had always loved dearly.
This argument especially pained me, as my brother and I have always been rather close (well, for siblings, that is) and respectful of one another. Reactions like the one mentioned above are rather infrequent for the two of us.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was not William’s home. Never invite people to other people’s homes without their permission that’s like rule numero uno. If you’re uncomfortable with Gregory setting up in your house that’s all there is to it. If it means so much to William he needs to go meet him elsewhere for lunch or some stuff.
He knew your aversion to your father and decided to ask forgiveness rather than permission which is peak jerk behavior.” Kassssler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I want to commend you for protecting your stepdaughter from your father’s horrible behavior toward her. Too many times I’ve seen people argue with the hurt party to just accept it or ‘deal with it’ to keep the peace.
I am sure she is grateful for you standing up for her.
Also, I am sure your father is not clueless as to what the problem is and he could have tried to make amends at any time (I am assuming based off of him still not being a welcome rule that he has not).
So his lack of invitation is on him, not you and your husband. What your brother did after fully knowing the situation was very much jerk behavior and really kinda manipulative. I am guessing he was hoping it would play out with you ‘just having to accept it’ since the invite had already been made.
Good job for not passively pretending it was out of your hands but rather sticking to your boundaries.” film_fan54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother tried to strongarm you into accepting his decision. He asked you to bring Gregory as a courtesy, you see – he had already made up his mind that he would come.
Except that the house isn’t his. You don’t want him there, your husband doesn’t want him there, and Hailey ALSO doesn’t want him there. William honestly COULDN’T be a less relevant opinion because he is not the host. A guest doesn’t get to pick who YOU will have to welcome into your house, regardless of whatever history your family may have with that person.
A guest is not the one laboring physically and emotionally to have someone over. They are not the ones cleaning up afterward, both literally and metaphorically (for Hailey’s feelings would have been hurt, doubtlessly, and I doubt William would feel the need to apologize or soften the blow).
William sounds – or at least acted – extremely, EXTREMELY entitled. Do not let him guilt you into doing something you’d hate just because he feels for whatever reason you owe him that. Personally, I think this is an unpardonable offense and profoundly – PROFOUNDLY – disrespectful.
To Hailey, of course, but also to you and your husband.
He isn’t mad because you’re wrong. He assumed he could silently bully you into accepting his decision and concluded Hailey could be collateral damage – in her own house – and it wouldn’t matter, because William and Gregory are the important parties in the whole situation.
Make clear that’s not the case.” idonthaveaone
9. AITJ For Questioning My Father's New Fiancée's Identity?
“After my parents divorced and my father retired, he has been depressed and on a downward spiral for a while.
One thing he does have is money, but that was not helping him. He tried meeting women and wasn’t having much luck because frankly, he wasn’t looking in his own age range. He always wanted to have more kids (my mom only wanted 2) and now he wants more kids even at his age.
Somehow or another, he met May. He won’t tell me how and I didn’t hear about her until he had already asked her to marry him. Without ever meeting in person. May is from a country in Southeast Asia where fraud, identity theft, trafficking, and crime of all kinds is rampant.
I told my father under no circumstances was he to go to May’s country, so he agreed to meet her for a vacation in a third country (known safe tourist destination) so she could get a visa. The meeting went well, so we agreed to have a family vacation in that same tourist destination where my sibling and I could meet May.
May also brought who she said was her 13-year-old son.
May is nice enough in the meeting but told several lies about inconsequential things, which put me on guard. For example, May said she had been an exchange student in another Asian country where she went to learn that language.
I also was an exchange student in that country to learn that language and began speaking it. May was silent. There were a few random things like that. Then, there was her son. That person is not 13 years old. He’s small, he’s slight, especially compared to westerners, but he is a grown man.
He speaks in a falsetto, but I heard him on the phone when he thought he was alone (yes, I did follow him), and he was not using the falsetto at all. I also followed May when May took a phone call, and something very similar took place.
There is a weird vibe between May and her ‘son’, and after I heard them speaking on the phone, it made a lot more sense. I honestly believe the two of them are in a relationship and let’s just say, I don’t think May has the ability to give my father the babies he wants, as she is leading him to believe.
May and her son both entered this country on passports with information that matches their claimed identities, but May’s country is absolutely notorious for producing false documentation and identity theft.
I told my sibling this, and they basically think I am the scum of the earth for saying or even thinking any of these things.
They think I should butt out and leave my father to his happiness. I on the other hand think my father’s happiness is a lie, and at best, May could take him for half his retirement savings, and at worst, my father could be convinced to go to a country where a lot worse could happen to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Humans are stupid when they are infatuated and are taught to give things/situations the benefit of the doubt. I believe your concerns are 100% legitimate and you need to bring this up with him. Sit down and explain how these scams work and how you can see that you believe he’s being targeted. Be thorough about the inconsistencies you’ve found and explain that it’s out of love and concern for him.
Either he will listen and begin to question or he will be upset and angry. You need to be able to accept either outcome.” ginzuishou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But let’s be honest: your father is just as big of a jerk as May is.
You’re not saving anyone, just protecting the jerk you love from the jerk you don’t. In a genuinely just world, they’d deserve each other. Whether your father is just a relatively benign misogynist with a savior complex or a truly gross one who genuinely believes that ‘at his age’ (which I have to assume is at least 60s or 70s) he has some sort of innate ‘right’ to a young female partner to incubate children for him just because he feels entitled to them, even though he likely won’t be able to participate meaningfully in their childhoods or (depending on his age) possibly live well into their adulthoods – and I say that as the very supportive sister and sister-in-law of a couple of 50-somethings who had a surprise baby less than 5 years ago, so I am pretty open-minded about these things… But whether he actively thinks that women are just there to be his pretty, young, baby-making companions or is just passively selfish, your dad is not the ‘good guy’ here.
He’s just the guy you love. Which is fine, but let’s not pretend that he needs ‘saving’.
He may be naive in some ways, but he’s also selfish and only got in this predicament because the nice neighborhood ladies his own age who likely would have been happy to spend time with him weren’t good enough for him.
You’re NTJ, but he and May are two of a kind in their own ways.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you’re looking out for your father. BUT you are delusional that your dad is thinking this is ‘LOVE’. Your dad knows this is pay-to-play.
He is buying a wife, a much younger Asian wife. He is fully aware she is there for the money. He is there for something naughty. He could’ve dated women his own age, or age appropriate to make meaningful connections, to have a partner in life with similar interests and hobbies, and background.
He didn’t choose that. He chose to buy a woman, a much younger woman, from a developing world. He isn’t stupid or naïve he’s horney.” Few-Appearance1000
8. AITJ For Not Hosting Thanksgiving?
“For the past several years I’ve hosted both Thanksgiving and Christmas events. I’ve had no issues doing this as I loved getting everyone together.
During the summer, my family lost a family member and had a small memorial in my home. My parents offered help, as did my sisters.
I had made a bunch of small sandwiches and plenty of food. My mom asked, ‘should I go get more sandwiches?’ I showed her I had made over 40 little sandwiches. The guest that arrived, all had brought so much food. Literally, by the time it was over, I was disgusted by how much food I had in my kitchen.
As guests were leaving I begged them to take some food home. Most did.
As my mom prepared to leave, I said, ‘Hey, there is so much food left, please take some.’
Mom: No
Me: really? We can’t eat all this food, plus you brought more than what you said you were bringing.
All of this stuff isn’t even open. Please take some of this food.
Mom: No! I don’t want anything
Me: fine, I’ll ask my little sister (24) to take some food.
Mom: come on little sister, we’re leaving.
Me: I can’t believe how wasteful you’re being.
Mom: I am not, I just don’t want any of this food.
Me: fine (at this moment I didn’t want to host another event, ever)
We’ve been kinda low contact since then. I did send out a message in early November, stating that we weren’t hosting thanksgiving, but we couldn’t wait to see everyone for Christmas.
Yesterday, my Dad called and mentioned how upset my mom was about me not hosting thanksgiving like I always do. I just said, ‘I am on a diet, and I don’t need or want an abundance of holiday food. Happy Thanksgiving to you guys.’ And ended the call.
I just couldn’t help but start to get more upset about this. My mom acts like she doesn’t like my cooking, but now she’s hurt I didn’t host. After hosting for so many years, I just hate the waste that is involved in overindulgence.
I guess to clarify some things.
When I went in low contact with my mom, I just meant I stopped our weekly calls. I still see her at her house or mine, we’re 5 miles apart. I should have said lower contact. I love my mom very much.
The memorial event was beyond stressful and was surprised my mom brought so much food. I mentioned that I just wanted the event to end, and the immense amount of food made the event feel never-ending. In fact, not one guest arrived on time at 11:30 am but felt completely comfortable staying til 9:30 pm.
I guess I saw the food as the catalyst for everyone staying so long and wrongfully blamed my mom. My sister also brought dessert as did my cousins. I did know what my sister was bringing, but my cousin surprised me with 2 large cakes.
The memorial was for my Aunt, my mom’s SIL.
Yes, I am also currently dieting, and maybe quite hangry with the fact I let my weight get so bad. As a kid, my mom brought home leftovers all the time from her job. From her, I’ve learned not to waste food and to make sure you have enough.
That mentality led to me freezing desserts and bread after past holidays, and eating them when I shouldn’t have. Im not blaming her for this, it was just a mentality I am now realizing I need to work on.
After that event ended, I didn’t feel it was fair for people to say I should go out and donate the food to whoever.
It was a memorial, I already opened up my home and had a massive mess to clean up. My fridge was full of anything I could save. By the time my mom left there were unopened things. I wanted her to take them to her work or anything.
She could have taken it out to my trash for all I care. By the end of the night, everything was open, and I didn’t feel right taking it to anyone, because kids had touched it. I work in event hosting and generally see lots of food go home with guests.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not hosting thanksgiving, you’re not obligated to do so and holiday hosting is a lot of work.
That said, the leftover story is bizarre to me. Your mom said she didn’t want and wouldn’t eat the food.
Did you want her to take it home and throw it away where you couldn’t see it just to make you feel better about the waste? I mean don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate food waste also. I will put leftovers in the fridge that I know are good and well we won’t eat, and then wait for them to go bad so I can justify throwing them away.
But funerals can be a weird time, and bringing food is just what people do. It was an unspoken social contract – someone passed away, and here’s a casserole. When my dad died someone left a whole frickin HAM on our porch. We don’t eat ham.
But we took it for what it was – a gesture of care from someone who didn’t know what else to do.
Anyways, host or don’t host for thanksgiving. But it really seems like you have some deeper issues with your mother to work out.” APlantNamedEarl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked your mom to bring soup to the memorial. Instead, she brought cake, cookies, and donuts. A lot of them! She knows you are dieting. All of her unwanted unasked-for desserts were left over and she refused to take them home or dispose of them.
This was ignorant. If she didn’t want them either she could have had the courtesy to bin them for you. Everyone in the family refused to host the memorial, the funeral home cost for the memorial was too high. So the family should have been helping you to host, recognizing that you were making a generous sacrifice for their benefit.
Your mom did the opposite. Bringing unwanted things. No help with the clean up whatsoever.” CatelinaBaylorfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems like the core issues you’re actually upset with is that you feel like your family is taking advantage of your time by always expecting you to host, and you think it was wrong that your mother goes out of her way to bring lots of things into your house, and won’t even deal with them when the party is done even though your husband is likely allergic to them.
Food waste is an issue, and not all food can be donated, but it just seems like the real issue is that you’re being used by your family you feel disrespected, and your mother doesn’t make any pains to hide that she doesn’t respect your house.
You were right not to host, it sounds like you should no longer offer since even when you gave advance notice that you weren’t hosting, your father was comfortable calling you up to go off on you. The fact that your mother can somehow be so injured that you are the one who didn’t offer the host is ridiculous.” JCBashBash
7. AITJ For Saying My Sister's Rainbow Baby Is A Spoiled Brat?
“My birthday is on Thanksgiving. My family celebrates thanksgiving at my grandparents’ house. One person being there is my Aunt (f30) and her daughter/ my cousin (f8).
My aunt had 4 miscarriages before her daughter was born, so when my cousin was born my aunt made it a big deal which is fine. But it has led her to spoil her daughter so much and now acts like a brat because of it.
If my cousin doesn’t get her way she’ll throw a fit. My cousin is also the last born of this generation of the family so my aunt has made it a point that her daughter is the princess of the family and she should get all this attention because she is special. My whole family just lets her think that way because they know how hard it was for her to have those miscarriages so her daughter is special to her.
So as I was saying yesterday was also a birthday celebration for me besides thanksgiving. While most extended family members give me money or gift cards for my birthday my grandparents always give me actual gifts so they were sitting out for me. My cousin started throwing a fit that nobody got a gift for her.
So my Aunt asked if my cousin could help me open my gifts I agreed. Well, she got mad that it was nothing she liked and ended up throwing and breaking a new makeup plate I got. My aunt said she didn’t mean to but did agree to buy me a replacement one.
Then it was cake time and everyone started singing me happy birthday cousin yelled no and blew out the candles as we were trying to move the cake farther from her she completely smashed my cake. By then I was upset it was hard enough having a birthday on a holiday but now I am having it ruined by a bratty kid.
My aunt started saying cousin didn’t mean to and that she was still little.
So I said she should know better I get your daughter is special to you because of the miscarriages you had but she isn’t a baby anymore, instead she is a brat.
So stop using she’s your special little rainbow baby as an excuse and learn to accept you’re raising a spoiled brat. My aunt instantly started crying and went upstairs. A few family members (not my parents or grandparents) called me a jerk and said I didn’t have to be that rude about it and that I completely ruined the holiday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If what you said is completely accurate (and I don’t doubt it is) then someone needed to say it. It was her job to make sure the kid knows right from wrong. Destroying the cake should have been an obvious wrong to an 8-year-old, as was breaking your gift. You need to remind those chastising you just what you’ve said here.
That it was hard enough to share a birthday with a holiday but to have the kid also acting out and ruining your gift and cake is just plain, not okay. And before they call you a jerk, you too are a kid and should not have to appease a bad-mannered kid that has acted out routinely even on your own birthday.
They were likely all thinking about what you actually said and should back up the truth of what you said. The kid is young enough to course-correct before it was too late. Good luck OP!” Special-Parsnip9057
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you could have been a lot more polite about it.
This should never have been something you had to say. An adult should have had the balls to step in here and reign your Aunt/Cousin in. Sounds like something like this needed to be said a long time ago–but way more politely. If this little gal is eight and is this kind of monster, she’s only going to get worse and worse.
You, however, are NTJ. And adult people holding you (16f) responsible for stepping up for yourself when none of them did/have/would is just… Irresponsible? Cowardly? Shame on them all. I mean, you’re more than old enough to know better, and if I was your parent, I’d be annoyed; but if I were your parent, it wouldn’t have gone that far, because I don’t let people treat my kids this way.
I am more polite about it, but… Some other adult should have stepped in here.” Clean-Champion-5257
Another User Comments:
“Sure mentioning the miscarriages wasn’t the nicest thing, but an 8-year-old acting like a 2-year-old would get on anybody’s nerves. Not to mention you’re technically a kid too.
Sharing birthdays with a holiday already requires a bit of compromise and looking at the bright side.
Your aunt crying instead of getting mad for me suggests that it might not be the first time she’s heard her daughter is bratty. She might have heard it from teachers at school etc. If she’s an only child, more likely to even add to being spoilt.
You are NTJ for getting upset after having someone ruin a gift and your cake. I am glad at least she offered to replace it.
If I were you, and you otherwise like your aunt I would apologize for the harsh words, but explain calmly that they come from a place of frustration.
You want your cousin to succeed in life, and acting entitled and spoilt will not help her. You’d already compromised a few times and your aunt wasn’t giving her enough limits. Limits are important. Your aunt probably knows too.
Hope you enjoy your birthday and have a replacement cake as well!” Holiday-Teacher900
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Come Over If She'll Be Miserable?
“My partner hates my family. She always made it known… she hates them all. She doesn’t want to be around any of them. We’ve been together for 4 years.
My brother is over from out of state for thanksgiving/the weekend. Originally, she said she wouldn’t come as she doesn’t want to interfere with family time… okay.
It has been a long time since I’ve seen him.
Anyway, today, I say do you want to meet for lunch or come over this weekend? She says she’ll come over, but she’ll be miserable (cause of my family). I responded, If you’re going to be miserable, I’d rather you not come.
It’ll make me feel weird/awkward/bad, and I’ll end up isolating myself from my family for alone time with you, and I don’t want to do that this weekend while my brother is here.
And it’s been like a back and forth between who’s right and wrong… but I am just saying like hey, I don’t want to be responsible for your misery… if doing this makes you miserable, I don’t want you to do it.
So, AITJ for telling her she shouldn’t come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to spend time with your family and she’s openly admitting that she’s not going to have a good time, telling her not to bother coming over is the right move.
You offered her an option of doing something together separate from that, so if she didn’t want to do that, then she can just hang out on her own. And you know in your heart that she’s going to make the whole situation awkward if she does come over, so you need to put your foot down and say ‘I want to hang out with my brother/my family without the stress of you being unhappy, so you are not coming over with me and that’s final. We can hang out after this weekend.’
Do not give in and let her come along because you KNOW that it’s going to be an issue.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should just flat out tell her not to come uninvited. Is there an actual reason why she dislikes them or is that just an excuse not to put the effort in and keep you to herself?
It’s not healthy to let your SO isolate you from family and friends or for them to bring negativity and toxicity into your family relationships. You’ll feel resentment about it someday when you miss out on valuable time with people you love.” HabitualEnthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t come if she knows she will not enjoy it. You should spend time with your brother who you haven’t seen in a while. It won’t hurt you not to spend a weekend without your partner. Make the most of your opportunity to spend time with your brother.
Once he leaves your partner can have all of your attention.
It is stupid to ruin everyone’s weekend when it isn’t necessary.” ContentedRecluse
5. AITJ For Not Making My Son Apologize To His Mother-In-Law?
“I (m41) am married to my wife (f37). I have two kids from my previous marriage, (b15) (g13). I am Jewish, as was my first wife before she passed. My current wife is not.
We have no kids together. My kids have always got along with their stepmom and her family fairly well until recently.
Thanksgiving with my wife’s family is a huge affair, and it’s the only chance a lot of the family has to see each other during the year.
My kids and I do not eat pork, but there are always options for us or we bring something we specifically can eat, like vegetarian lasagna.
Wednesday night I had dinner with my wife’s parents at their place. I should mention that my wife is not very personally religious although she attends services with her parents monthly.
My PIL are very, very conservative-style Evangelicals. We mostly don’t talk about our religious differences although I once had to stop my MIL from encouraging my daughter to be baptized.
Everything was fine until the end of the meal when my MIL crossed her arms and said ‘See, we told you nothing bad would happen.’ I asked her what she meant.
My MIL said she had mixed bacon into one of the dishes (a casserole) to prove a point to us.
I tried to ask very calmly why she would do something like that. My MIL said it was to show that there was no point in following ‘the Old Testament law’ anymore.
I asked my FIL if he knew what she had done and he said yes. He seemed more uncomfortable but he talked a bit about how Christ came to free us from the Jewish law and that they wanted to show us how we could be freed from the law as well.
(He has worked as a pastor in the past).
By this time my daughter was crying and left the room. My wife got up and followed her. My son has been growing more observant as he gets older (he is more observant than me or my daughter).
He flipped out. He screamed at my PIL that they were terrible people, called my MIL some very nasty names, and said he never wanted to come back. My FIL started shouting back and my MIL started crying. I told my kids to get in the car and then told my wife we were leaving.
She told me she would stay with her parents so she could help with Thanksgiving prep the next morning.
I was texting with my wife on Telegram and she told me my son is not welcome to come until he apologizes for the things he called my MIL.
I told her that was ridiculous but she is siding with her parents. I told my kids we would not be attending Thanksgiving. Instead, we ordered Chinese and watched movies. My son was fine with it but I could tell my daughter was down. She missed out on seeing a lot of friends she has in my wife’s family.
My wife is still with her parents as of now.
I should mention that I too am very angry at what happened and what I feel is the disrespect shown to me and especially my kids. I am torn on whether to encourage my son to apologize for contingent on a mutual apology to us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your MIL crossed a huge line. Was it rude for a teenager to swear at his grandmother? Yes. Was it warranted? Absolutely. They’re focusing on his bad behavior rather than dealing with how awful and abusive and disrespectful your MIL was.
If your wife doesn’t see the problem here, you need to leave her. This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated or excused. Be proud of your children for standing up for their boundaries and for not allowing someone else to walk all over them – that’s something you want to reinforce, not undermine.
Don’t participate in your wife’s family’s gaslighting.” risen87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I am willing to bet hard money that your wife’s parents would take a far different point of view on ‘old testament law’ if someone in the family tried to come out of the closet.
The only point they proved is that they have zero respect for your religion, zero respect for your dignity, and zero respect for your beliefs and autonomy. The bottom line, what this incident made clear is that you guys were already considered interlopers in your in-laws’ house.
It’s not the place of this forum to tell you what you should do, but it should be very clear that blame here rests entirely on your wife’s family. And look, they are entitled to their views – and, I think, entitled to express them in their own house.
But to trick you guys into eating pork… that’s insane? How could you guys ever trust them again – and what did they think the outcome would be? That you guys would discover that bacon is delicious? Everyone already knows bacon is delicious – even people who choose not to eat it.
What is really disquieting here is that your wife chose to support this disgusting behavior from your MIL and FIL. This should send an extremely clear message to your children (and to you) about the degree to which she considers any of you her family.
I think that is a much more serious and painful issue to deal with than where you spend the occasional holiday.” Superdry73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t make him apologize. All he did was react to a horrible thing done to him and his family by some anti-Semitic jerks.
It is not reasonable to expect a child to behave perfectly when the adults in his family do something so awful to him, this is 100% your in-laws’ fault and they are the only ones who should apologize.
The fact that your wife wanted to stay and continue the holiday is a big red flag.
Does she take this seriously at all? Did she set her family straight when they pressured your kids into baptism? If she thinks this kind of bullying of her stepkids is okay or excusable, she is a problem. If your wife is not on the same page about holding her parents FULLY accountable for this massive disrespect, she is a problem.
If she tries to minimize or excuse her parents or force your kids to forgive them, then she does not deserve to be your child’s step-parent and you should divorce her.” DoctorDoompants
4. AITJ For Canceling My Daughter's 16th Birthday Party?
“I (48F) share two children Pam (15F) and Liam (13M) with my ex-husband Marco (50M).
I share a daughter Annie (9F) with my current husband Bruce (46M).
Marco and Bruce are night and day different. Marco works in construction, plays softball on the weekends, and coaches my daughter’s soccer team. Bruce teaches at a university, plays the piano, likes going to the theater, and is an amazing baker and cook.
It’s not uncommon that we will go to one of Pam’s soccer games, and then afterward, the whole team comes back to the house to enjoy cookies or cupcakes made by Bruce. At the end of the season, we do a big dinner for the team and their parents that Bruce cooks.
Bruce and I have been married for 11 years and every year for the kids’ birthdays, he makes the most incredible cakes. Whatever they like that year, he does. We’ve had Pokémon, Doc McStuffins, and Paw Patrol, among others.
February is Pam’s 16th birthday. Her sweet sixteen.
Bruce has been planning this gorgeous cake that encompasses all of Pam’s interests and the different stages of her life.
The other day another mom sent me a link to a TikTok that Pam and several of her teammates did. It uses audio from an episode of Family Guy.
It’s a video of Bruce taking a cake out of the oven with ‘Chocolate cake, a la Blake,’ playing in the background, followed by a cut to my daughter and her teammates with Pam holding up her hand and mouthing along, ‘Hundred bucks, Blake is gay,’ out of the side of her mouth.
When I confronted Pam, she said it was just a joke. I told her that it wasn’t funny, Bruce saw her and treated her like his daughter, and it was disrespectful to both of us. She told me that I was overreacting.
I told her that if she didn’t take it down, and apologize to Bruce, I’d tell him not to make her a birthday cake.
She rolled her eyes and said that she’d take it down.
Shortly after I was walking by her room and heard her on the phone. It was muffled but I heard her talk about me being dramatic over my (f-word) husband.
I ordered her to hang up the phone.
She hung up and said she was just blowing off steam. I called her a spoiled ungrateful brat and how dare she use that word. She started crying and said she didn’t mean it. I told her that her birthday party is canceled, there will be no sweet sixteen, and that I was going to tell Bruce to stop baking for the team and that we would never do a team dinner again.
I am still so angry. Marco told me that I need to let it go, that I am expecting too much from a teenager, and that he would have a party for her if I didn’t. Bruce was hurt when he found out but thinks that we should still let her have her party.
My sister tells me not to doubt myself and that I made the right call, but I wonder if I am acting with too much hot b***d.
Edit: The f-word I am referring to is a slur for gay men.
Edit 2: To clarify, I did not punish her for the TikTok video, as much as it irritated me.
I told her to take it down and apologize to Bruce or there would be no birthday cake. She agreed to take it down. The punishment came when I heard her refer to Bruce as my (f-word) husband. I did not raise her to be a homophobe, to use that word, or to disrespect anyone in her life.
Especially someone who has loved her and doted on her from the moment he came into her life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Homophobic slurs are not funny. Homophobic stereotyping is not cute. Shaming the guy who makes her birthday cakes and feeds her team-for baking and cooking!-is really nasty and inappropriate.
It’s reasonable that if your daughter doesn’t value Bruce’s efforts, and thinks his contributions are somehow shameful, that she should not receive them.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she has to learn that actions have consequences. If she can say this about her own stepdad what is she saying about others?
Her teammates took part in that video so they shouldn’t benefit from Bruce either. Not sure if all the other parents know about the video but I’d let them know.
It’s not ok to use homophobic slurs. Her behavior can get her in some trouble that could affect her future.
She needs to learn that it’s not ok. After you confronted her she still continued to dig herself into a deeper hole. Don’t reward bad behavior-you won’t be doing her any favors by continuing with her party or her team.
Your ex saying he will throw her a party is a problem too.
Yes, she’s a teenager but she’s old enough to know right from wrong as well. A simple I am sorry isn’t going to fix this and make it okay magically.” dragonmom03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – being held accountable for unacceptable behavior isn’t overreacting (or making a big deal out of nothing).
Teens are difficult, sometimes disrespectful, and stupid, but accountability is what makes them productive members of society rather than entitled adults that lack respect, compassion, and empathy. Now with that said, sixteen is a big deal and if you can find a suitable punishment that satisfies everyone involved, holds her accountable, and allows her to have her party, I’d consider changing your mind.
Self-reflection and some sort of humbling experience usually do the trick. I hope your family can find resolve because what she did was disrespectful, but there can be accountability without canceling her party. If not, then it is what has to be.” MDKG-1974
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Mom That She Doesn't Own Him?
“My partner has no issue with what I said but his mother is saying I am an evil jerk.
We’ve been together for two years and live together. His mom has never liked me because she thinks my partner can do better than me (he’s told me this) and I’ve also overheard her saying similar things about me. He’s told me to not take it personally since she hated every girl he’s ever introduced her to.
She’s very overprotective of him and wants the best for him since he’s adopted and her only child.
My partner has told me about how he has some issues with her because she did try to hide a lot about his adoption in regards to his biological parents wanting to be in an open adoption and her moving him away and having a huge savior complex.
She does genuinely love him but she does too much. Anyways this happened a few days ago when my partner and I stopped in town to spend time at his parents’ house. His dad is always really nice but his mom was being very rude to me.
We ended up getting into an argument after I was baking cupcakes in the kitchen and she came in upset I was using the kitchen (my partner told me I could) plus it was my utensils I used to make them and I cleaned up after myself.
She said it was rude to not ask the homeowners if you can use their kitchen and that she feels uncomfortable. My partner had taken his dogs on a walk so it was just me and her in the house.
I said sorry and that my partner told me I could bake them and that we were making them for everyone.
She said that she won’t be eating anything a stranger cooked in her house and I said I am not a stranger. She said until I am married to him I am no one to him and that he chose me and he could choose someone else anytime and our relationship means nothing.
I told her she doesn’t own her son and that he’s free to do as he pleases and she laughed and said she’s his mom and she can tell who the right woman is for him and it was not me.
I said that just like you chose him to be your son, I chose him to be my partner and there’s nothing you can do about it.
She said that she’s a real mother to him and to not disrespect her by comparing my relationship to theirs and I said my relationship is just as real as hers since she’s going off choices and technically we did choose each other and she chose him, he didn’t choose her.
She got upset and started crying and my partner came back and she tried twisting my words and told him that I said their relationship isn’t real because it was not biological and that I am an evil jerk and is trying to turn his aunts and cousins against me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
B***d family is family you have no choice in but there are many other forms of family which you do choose. Adoption and marriage being two of the most obvious ones.
I would try not to engage with her in the future because she’s going to escalate.
Sooner or later it was going to boil over and end up being a big chaos. It was easy to end up on the jerk side when there are so many strong emotions.
I think mom was super upset because she had a major flaw pointed out.
She probably wasn’t lying, she probably does feel like you were saying her relationship as his mom wasn’t valid because that’s her logic.” IsItInyet-idk
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She’s made it clear she doesn’t like and decided to treat you poorly. She shouldn’t have disrespected you and your relationship this way.
She was attacking you. For that, she’s a jerk.
But using the adoption to get back at her is too much. You know it has nothing to do with the matter, she could hate you just as much if she were his biological mother. How many mothers have pulled the ‘I hate my DIL, she’s not good enough for my son’ already?
You attacked her on this subject knowing that it would hurt more. I agree that it doesn’t compare. The process of adopting a child is not at all similar to an adult choosing to remain together. Highlighting the fact that he didn’t choose her as a mother is a jerk move.
As if not choosing her makes her nothing to him.
I get that you were rightfully infuriated and she deserved some chosen word, but I am sure she has tons of flaws you could have picked upon.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His mother sounds absolutely awful.
Her thought process of knowing what type of woman is perfect for him is toxic and gross. It was not her choice, it was his. Be supportive of your partner but avoid contact with her unless absolutely necessary. Her treatment of you is over the top and unacceptable.
He may end up in a space of going low contact to no contact if she doesn’t change her behavior and I can’t see her actually doing that. She’s the one driving the wedge in this.” DreamyDragonfly77
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Honestly you need to have a real conversation with your partner to see if there’s a future for your relationship.
He is the one allowing his mother to treat you like this, he is allowing his mother to be abusive with you and treat you poorly. She would not have the opportunity to treat you like trash if there were consequences instead of him telling you just to take the mistreatment.
It doesn’t make sense for you to get so invested in this guy and throw out barbs to her over being a bad adoptive mother when he is still choosing her. He is okay with having a relationship with her after she lied to him.
It was not something you should get mad at since he, the person actually affected by it, clearly isn’t.” JCBashBash
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Soon-To-Be-Divorced Mom Move In With Me?
“My wife and I just got married a couple of months ago. We live in a house that solely belongs to me (purchased before marriage).
My MIL has been contemplating divorce from my wife’s stepdad for years and thinks she’s finally going to start the process within a couple of months. She asked us if she could live with us for a few months while she begins her new life.
We said no… are we the jerks? Her reaction was pretty bad, and we felt awful. In the end, we told her if it was between her living on the street and living with us, of course, we’d help her out. But we feel there are a lot of other ways she can go about this and our home should be a last resort.
We explained that we’d just begun our lives as a married couple and we need to put our relationship first. It’s also a small house, and I don’t see it being practical to have her living with us. MIL and I both work from home and I think it would be a huge disruption to our lives because of that alone, among other things like intimacy with my wife, feeling comfortable in my own home, etc.
What do y’all think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s pretty convenient timing that your MIL wants to leave her husband almost immediately after her daughter gets married and moved into a house. It’s entirely possible that MIL’s long-term plan includes living for free with you and your wife and using any divorce settlement for her personal spending.
It would be a bad idea to allow MIL to become your dependent.
Instead, offer to help MIL find a living situation that’s within her budget. If she isn’t currently working, she might also benefit from help finding work. If she truly wants help to care for herself, then this kind of help may benefit MIL.
If she responds badly to polite offers for help of this type, then that’s a sign that she just wants someone to take care of her.
But you and your wife need time and space to yourselves. You don’t owe it to anyone to house them for any length of time.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a soon-to-be-divorced lady is best avoided unless you want to ruin the next 10 years of your lives. There will be way too much drama and you get sucked into the toxic stuff and before you know you will start fighting as well.
Offer to pay rent to a place than ever agreeing to her moving in as it will only lead south. A young couple needs private space in their own home or else you will soon grow apart. Having a third person never helps.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone that manipulative about being told No would be a nightmare roommate and would never leave.
If she had handled your No with grace, then maybe she could stay if it was really an emergency but she clearly has no plan other than making people feel sorry for her.
She’s an adult and not the first person to ever get divorced. She needs another plan that isn’t ‘destroy my daughter’s new marriage’ with crocodile tears.” cassowary32
1. WIBTJ If I Don't Accept Gifts From My Mother-In-Law's Family?
“I (F27) am currently pregnant. My husband (M27) and I got married a year ago. We didn’t have a very large registry as we had most of the things that newlyweds normally need, from living together for 3 years prior to getting married. We both also have ADHD and sometimes have a hard time getting tasks started (this is important).
When we got married, one of my husband’s aunt’s wedding gifts was a box of thank-you cards that she made. I wanted to print out wedding photos with a thank you on them from a website so as to not have to personalize each one, but the gesture was nice.
However, immediately following the wedding, my MIL and her side of the family started bugging us about when we were going to be sending out thank you cards. I would understand if the gifts were expensive, but from one aunt it was the thank you cards, and the other it was a book.
My husband and I sat down to start writing them a few weeks later, but every time I saw them or talked to them, they always were nagging about the thank you cards or commenting that they still hadn’t received theirs. I started getting really annoyed because I hate being micromanaged and not much time had passed since our wedding.
Then passive-aggressively, my MIL put stamps in my Christmas stocking as a ‘joke’ to remind me to finish the thank you cards.
The more they prodded us to complete the thank you cards, the more we kept putting it off and found the task harder and harder to restart and complete.
In my family, thank you cards were never that big of a deal because when you give a gift, you’re doing it for the person, not the expectation of receiving something in return. I know thank you cards are customary for weddings, but the passive-aggressive gestures and comments were getting to both of us and we just never completed the cards.
Fast forward to this thanksgiving at my in-laws, my MIL’s sister loudly makes a snide comment about never receiving a thank you card for her book at the dinner table, making the mood sour and awkward for everyone. Shortly before this, she was telling me not to buy anything for our upcoming baby because as a family they’ll let us borrow things.
My MIL also had just asked to throw me a baby shower for her side of the family that will be in town for Christmas next month (which my cousin already is planning one for me early next year). I told my husband that I do not want a baby shower with her side of the family and do not plan on accepting any gifts or borrowing anything from any of them because they will hold that over our heads like their wedding gifts.
My husband agreed.
But WIBTJ for declining? My family is extremely supportive, my mom has been eagerly buying us baby things and my sister has offered to let us use things from her recent baby so not only do I not want anything from them, I don’t need it.
But I don’t want to deal with even more crap, passive aggressiveness, and pettiness from my MIL’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Get over yourself. It is a well-established custom to formally thank people for gifts and for attending a wedding. Also, some families take this very seriously.
When you marry into a family, you also marry into their customs and traditions. Yes, they were annoying about the reminders but that was almost certainly directed at their son. You were just collateral shamed. Instead of acting like spoiled children, stamping your feet, and refusing future gifts that are given with the unreasonable (to you) expectation of a ‘thank you’ in return, you should put on your big girl pants, apologize for failing to show gratitude like an adult and send out the darn notes.” Paladin936
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Thank You’ cards aren’t that wide a custom; and that subjective, debatable breach of etiquette doesn’t approach their far worse breeching passive aggression.
They gave you that gift/task/homework as a test to watch specifically you, the outsider, prove yourself dancing for their arbitrary expectations, or act aghast that you won’t do what they say.
It’s about judging you, which is why stamps wound up in Your stocking and not your husband’s. There’s also the element of sexism in demanding that duty of you, the wife.
They’re pot-stirrers and bullies. This would have been a Marie/Deborah plot on ‘Everybody loves Raymond’.
Don’t roll over and appease them, unless you want to set that precedent forever.
They didn’t ‘gift’ you those as an actual kindness warranting thanks. They just manufactured a scenario to cattily judge you more than they definitely already were.” myBOfuelsmissiles
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. MIL put passive-aggressive stamps in your stocking at Christmas, at least a year has passed to let you write a card to (at least her) to appease her. This has escalated to something bigger than it has to be.
Sounds like all of your holidays, birthdays, and showers are going to be major headaches if you don’t discuss this like adults.
Your relationship with MIL is going to sour and make life pretty uncomfortable if your first solution is avoidance.
Yes, you most likely will be viewed as the jerk if you don’t have a constructive conversation as to WHY this is an issue.” brownishgirl
