People Ask Us To Take Sides After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom On Her Wedding Day?
“I (19m) graduated from high school in November 2020. I have always had a really difficult relationship with my parents. My dad was in and out of the country for work all the time essentially leaving my mum to care for and raise me 90% of the time.
My mum never took an interest in my schooling but my dad would rely on her for updates on how I was doing. She would always tell him I was doing badly.
2020 was really the first year I ever got to know my dad. He was mad at first, expecting to be disappointed. But once he realised I was doing well he fully threw himself into it.
He came to all my games and concerts, joined parent committees, and helped with homework. I (for the first time) felt like I had a parent who cared about what was happening in my life.
Then about a month before graduation my mum and dad split up. This was somewhat of a relief as they really couldn’t stand each other.
I invited them both to my graduation.
My mum had an issue with this. She quickly came to me and asked me to uninvite him as my school assigned seats and wouldn’t let them sit apart. I asked her if she could just put up with him for the one night because I wanted him to be there.
She said I needed to figure it out. I told my mum that if she had an issue with him being there then she didn’t need to come. She called me a jerk and that was the end of it. Then, about 2 weeks before graduation my dad died.
2 days before graduation I overheard her making plans to go out the same night as my graduation.
I reminded her that I was graduating that night and she said ‘You uninvited me, remember?’ I asked if she really wasn’t going to come and she said that she would see if she could ‘make the time’.
Come my graduation night, no one was there. I texted her asking her to pick me up and she didn’t respond, I caught a ride with my best friend’s family and moved in with them the next day.
That was almost 2 years ago. She had been harassing me to come to her wedding. She’d message me nonstop, even had my relatives contact me too, telling me she’d stop if I came.
I decided to go. I spent the whole day with her and honestly, it was a really nice time. She asked if I could walk her down the aisle.
Then right before we were supposed to walk she told me she was pregnant and said something along the lines of ‘Hopefully this one won’t leave me’ while patting her stomach. I asked what she meant by that, to which she responded. ‘It’s okay, don’t worry, I forgive you’.
This absolutely made me mad.
I took a step away and snapped at her that I didn’t need to be forgiven. She reminded me of how I left and ignored her efforts to rekindle our relationship just to be petty. I told her that the lack of relationship with her son was a direct result of her being a trashy and narcissistic mother and then I left. Now my phone is blowing up from family members calling me a jerk for ruining her wedding.
I feel a bit bad. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you’re not wrong. Your mother doesn’t get to decide who you invite or uninvite to your graduation and I’m sure your mother was being unreasonable for asking you to uninvite your father when he’s the parent who was there for you.
Also, she doesn’t get to play the victim when she wouldn’t even attend your graduation and basically left you stranded by acting immature and petty over a graduation seating plan that you have no part in arranging. She ruined the wedding by digging her own grave and making more snide comments toward you as if she wasn’t the major factor in your decision to ‘leave her’.
Good riddance to her and distance would be best.” BlueCanuck96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that sounds really sad. Sorry you had to go through that. She sounds a bit of a narcissist. The fact she couldn’t put up for one night for your graduation and even didn’t go… she sounds like she wasn’t ready to be a parent.
Even then you did try to be there and she pretty much just made digs at you. Maybe you’re better off without interacting with her because she’s a bit of a toxic person.” GoatTacos
24. AITJ For Refusing To Make Amends With My Husband's Sister?
“My (33f) husband (35m) and I have been married for 3 years now.
We have a baby boy (1m). I come from a well-to-do family and I always wanted to marry into a nice big happy family like mine. My husband portrayed his family as such and they all played along.
Fast forward, post marriage, I note things are different. SIL only involves his family when she wants something.
She even had been pushy about my husband getting money from my family.
My MIL passed in 2020. His sister made all the medical decisions without my husband. I felt bad to see how the sister was more interested in power play than love for her mother.
After, SIL tried to play a mother-in-law role in my life.
Eg: She would dictate how my pregnancy and delivery should be. I kept silent for my husband’s sake. 3 days after I gave birth was my birthday, she texted me, and I said thank you. Then she video-called my husband and wanted to speak to me. I was in no position to speak so he told her I was showering.
She made a big deal of that demanding she be respected.
Background – I’m from a different country, let’s say the US. I married my husband in the US. I understand he is from India, and I’ve tried my best to blend in. But SIL is a bully. She has been, in many instances, spiteful & instigates my husband.
She guilt trips him all the time complaining I don’t do ‘enough’ according to her definition of ‘enough’. My husband got married in a non-Indian country, and we both are working here & making our lives here, I don’t see why SIL is imposing her Indian ‘culture’ on me. And basically, her culture seems often tailor-made to satisfy her authoritative needs.
Recently, she sent me a text asking how am I. I didn’t know, my phone was charging. A couple of minutes later, she texted my husband and complained I was being rude ignoring her. My husband finally allowed me to confront her directly. I texted asking why the fake concern if she wanted to complain.
She ranted about demanding respect & blocked me. She and her husband called my husband and used abusive words. My husband took my side. But now months later, he was saying I was too harsh with SIL. Also, SIL has suggested to ‘reset’ this relationship & he was pushing for me to agree. He was guilt-tripping that he had only his sis & dad left after his mom.
I am much aware he is jealous of the bond my family has, we are selfless to each other and very close-knit.
I am so tired of fighting about this with him often. I pointed out to him that he demands my family treat him like a god but he expects me to suffer in his family.
His defense: his sister is uneducated so I should make the sacrifice & keep her happy so that he doesn’t have issues.
He refuses to go to therapy anymore as he claims he is fine and I am the problematic one. I told him I would leave this marriage if she was dictating the terms. He called me a jerk for giving up on our marriage and subjecting my son to a bad life because of my attitude.
I love my son but I feel my husband is being unreasonable. But maybe I am not seeing his perspective as I’m too hurt emotionally and I feel he is biased. So dear all, please tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re the one making all the sacrifices to please her.
It may be their culture but it’s not yours and by pretending they had a family dynamic like yours, they were deceitful and have no right to complain about you now. Not that it seems like they have any reason to complain about you at all. Mostly, your SIL seems to want you available hand and foot as soon as she beckons.
If they truly want to work things out, they will have to compromise and make sacrifices of their own. Such as accepting a blended family dynamic.” VixNeko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very justified. I would agree to ‘reset’ because family ties are important, but on the first sign that nothing will be different from her behavior I would inform my husband that she transgressed and there will be no more attempts on your end until she shows YOU proper respect (doubtful that she will) for both you and your boundaries.
Your husband may get upset but just say ‘I have tried to be civil and try again and that’s all that can be asked of me. It is not reasonable for me to have to deal with abuse and controlling behavior and bullying regardless of where or from whom it comes from.’
To be honest, you will probably have to divorce.
It does not sound like he will respect your opinion as a woman, let alone as his wife. Culturally he likely considers you below him in both if he is traditional. Notice he wants you to make nice ‘so he doesn’t have issues’. Your feelings do not even seem to warrant consideration. See also where he calls you the jerk for ‘giving up on the marriage’ when all you said is that if she is going to try and dictate it, then you would leave.
He is not thinking of you.” nibuku
23. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stay In Her Room?
“My mum lives with my wife and me. In 2020, we didn’t want her to be living alone so we moved her into our house. For the most part, we all get on really well and my wife has said on many occasions that she likes my mum more than her own.
My mum has come down with the flu. My youngest child is immunocompromised and therefore when my mum spent time with my sister who had the flu we asked her to isolate in her bedroom for a few days. This is easy for her as her room is basically like a self-contained apartment. It has kitchen facilities, a fridge, a bathroom, her bed, a TV, and even a small sitting area.
We would still make her main meals and deliver them outside her room. She agreed and everything was okay. (This isn’t a new thing for us, anytime one of us is sick we isolate away from the family to try and protect our toddler, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.)
However, my mum developed symptoms and started coming out of her bedroom to make food in the kitchen.
I would go around the kitchen cleaning up after her and sanitizing everything she touched.
My mum got huffy about it and demanded that I stop and I told her she agreed to stay in her room. We can’t have our toddler getting the flu, it would definitely land him in the hospital at this point.
She needs to be careful and she needs to do what we ask.
She got angry at me and told me that she was being held prisoner in her room and it was not right. The toddler will get over any illness and we needed to ‘stop wrapping him in bubble wrap.’
I told her she needed to follow the rules or move out.
She went back to her room and cried on the phone to my sister that we were awful people who were keeping her prisoner in her room. My sister called me and told me we were being horrible to my mum and that we couldn’t keep her locked in her room ‘like an animal.’ I told my sister she was more than welcome to let our mum move into her house if she didn’t like it and she told me I’m a heartless jerk and hung up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, are you kidding me with how your mum behaves? She’s way out of line by saying both that 1) toddlers will get over sickness and 2) that you should stop wrapping him in bubble wrap. First of all, exposing any toddler to illness is child neglect at best, but exposing an immunocompromised toddler is straight-up an attempt at his life.
And second, you’re wrapping the right amount of bubble wrap around him, especially because of his condition. I actually cannot believe what your mum said, she should just listen to you in your house regardless, but this makes it even more ridiculous.” Glitch_II
Another User Comments:
“‘Her room is basically like a self-contained apartment.
It has kitchen facilities, a fridge, a bathroom, her bed, a TV, and even a small sitting area.’
Why is she in your kitchen? Wait, your wife delivers her any food she wants? I would just ask her to leave. NTJ. She has her own entrance/exit. She went to your sister’s house when your sister had the flu and then brought it back to your house and is now screwing around in your house for no reason.
Is she trying to get your kid sick to prove some point?” slendermanismydad
22. AITJ For Telling The Doctor About The Nurse's Advice Regarding Wound Care?
“A few years ago I was playing with a puppy, his sharp baby teeth punctured my palm and gave me a staph infection. So after 10 days, I went home with instructions to follow up with my surgeon in 6 weeks. Well, 2 weeks before I had my appointment my hand started showing minor signs of infection, so I called my surgeon’s office to tell them what was going on and asked what they wanted me to do since I wouldn’t see them for 2 weeks.
The nurse on the phone tells me to do daily peroxide rinses once a day and if it gets worse to go to the ER.
On to the appointment, I showed up and a nurse brought me to an exam room. She asked what I was doing at home for wound care and I told her what I was told to do.
She claimed ‘That’s good we do those a lot here’ and proceeded to unwrap my hand and give it a peroxide rinse. She left and 5 minutes later my surgeon walked in with the nurse, we chatted and he commented on my hand not healing much so I told him what happened and what I’d been doing.
He suddenly got this look on his face that was just anger and annoyance. He sternly looked at me and said ‘You’re lying’. I don’t know what my face did but the nurse made a face. So I told him ‘I am not lying. That is what happened, I called and that’s what I was told to do’.
He again more angrily said ‘Do not lie to me, no one in THIS office would ever tell you to do that, you did it on your own’.
This of course went back and forth a few times. He continued to get angrier and that nurse had a look of horror on her face. He then stood up, walked to the door, opened it, and asked loudly ‘Would anyone recommend using peroxide rising on a healing wound?’ Silence, and then a few small ‘Nos.’ Then while standing at the door, he turned to me and said ‘See, you are lying, no one would ever recommend that from this office.
You did this on your own. It’s your fault your wound isn’t healing. If I found out anyone had recommended that I’d fire them.’
So this is where my friend said I was a jerk, but I think I should be able to stand up for myself. I looked at the nurse and she was just white as a ghost, I looked at my doctor and loudly said ‘That’s funny, when I came in the nurse asked me what I was doing for wound care, and when I told her peroxide rinses she claimed that was great and proceeded TO DO A PEROXIDE RINSE’.
My doctor just stood there in the doorway where everyone could hear me and just stared at me then the nurse and back to me then just walked out and the nurse followed. 15 minutes later a different nurse walked in and re-wrapped my hand and handed me a referral to a plastic surgeon for the next day.
I asked about the nurse and she was fired right after it happened.
So AITJ for snapping back at my doctor, humiliating him, and causing a nurse to lose her job?”
Another User Comments:
“Hydrogen peroxide gets rid of bacteria and other stuff you want gotten rid of but it also gets rid of healthy cells.
It can increase scarring and definitely isn’t something you want to use long-term. NTJ. Not only was it the doctor’s choice to fire her and not yours, but she apparently just stood and watched the doctor be a jerk to you, lied to the doctor, and caused you and who knows how many other people longer healing times.
That’s just what we know from your story.” mememeeps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she got fired immediately, that means what she was doing would negatively impact the healing process significantly. I’m no medical professional, though, so I don’t know how bad that could be, but it could cause it to be more prone to infection, nerve or tissue damage, or some other negative consequence.
If she had told someone with the wrong injury to do this to their injury, that might have even killed them. Good job OP, you more than likely saved someone a good amount of pain. However, that doctor was acting like a bit of a jerk too.” Crazybuglover
21. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Watch Our Kids For Another Week After Having A Baby With My New Wife?
“I now have three children, twins (12M & F) from my previous marriage, and a daughter with my wife, ‘M,’ of 3 years, who was born only 5 days ago.
M had a high-risk pregnancy due to a condition called placenta accreta. She had to not only have a C-section at 33 weeks, but she also had to have a hysterectomy in order to save her life. Thankfully, they are both okay and recovering well now. However, even with the help of my in-laws, I’ve been incredibly busy looking after M and our daughter at the hospital. I’ve made sure that the twins have been able to visit their sister and stepmom a few times, but beyond sitting with them for short visits there is not much for the kids to do.
My ex, ‘D,’ and I have an alternating week schedule with the twins that we have maintained since our divorce. I texted D two days before the day we usually switch and asked if she would be okay with watching the twins for up to another week. I explained that my wife still hasn’t been discharged and my daughter is still in the NICU, and it would be hard to keep the kids entertained and taken care of.
She then called me, saying that I couldn’t ignore the twins just because I had a new baby. She accused me of pushing the twins away now that I’ve started a ‘new family’ with M and said that I’m acting like a deadbeat. I told her that none of what she said was true and that I was just trying to look out for everyone’s best interests.
So, I told her that if it were such a big deal to her I would drop what I was doing at the hospital so that the twins could have their week with me.
She ended up agreeing to watch the twins for the extra week, but she said that I can’t forget about my other kids and insinuated that because I can’t watch them right now (and a couple of times that I asked D to take an extra day so that I could go to doctors’ appointments with M) that I’m telling them that they aren’t important to me.
However, if the roles were switched, I would gladly watch the kids for any extra time needed.
While I’m glad that D agreed to help us out by watching the twins, I’m really bothered that she thinks that I’m trying to ditch them for the baby I just had with M. For one, M and I have tried to involve the kids with their new sister as much as we can, and to say that we don’t want them around anymore is simply not true (and insulting).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I hesitate to give a judgment, but I do want to point out that the time your wife and newborn are in the hospital receiving professional care is the EASY time, at least for the foreseeable future. Once both of them come home with your wife still healing and your preemie needing extra care, your life is going to be insane for at least a month or two.
You’d be smart to take your twins this week and then ask your ex to take some extra days here and there once your wife and daughter come home. If you leave them with her this week and then have basically no time for them once wife and baby come home they will absolutely feel neglected.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why this is even a question. YTJ. While I empathize with your situation, you are still the jerk because your twins are your children too, and they need care as well.
If you never got divorced and this same situation happened with the twins’ mother, what would the solution be for you?
Ship them off to different family members for a week or two? As a family, your 3 kids and your new wife have to live this together and find a way to make it work. You can’t just choose to be a parent when it gets easier for you.” MetzelPretzel21
20. AITJ For Refusing To Play Teacher For My Stepson?
“I (38F) have been married to my husband (39M) for four years and have been together for seven all in all. He has a ten-year-old son from his previous marriage and I love him a lot, my husband splits custody with his ex-wife 50/50 with them alternating weeks. They have been in talks about my stepson’s education for a while as he doesn’t thrive in a traditional schooling environment and they want to homeschool him.
If done right I don’t see an issue with this even though I do have concerns about his social needs. I expressed those thoughts but beyond that I didn’t offer much input, he’s their son and his education is up to them.
I had an issue however when they seemed to think that I could oversee his education when he’s staying with his father and me.
They even commented how I’m always home so it’s perfect, I work remotely as a Data Analyst so yes I’m around but I’m working and not free to play teacher. Helping with homework outside of work is fine but actually teaching? That’s not my job. I told them as much and said if they wanted to do this either his mum would have to come around during my work hours or they’d have to hire a tutor as I wouldn’t be splitting my focus between teaching him and my job, I even told them I’d be happy to put money towards the tutor.
They feel I’m being unreasonable and his ex-wife even questioned if I see their son as my family if I’ve got so little interest in his schooling and what is best for him. This led to harsh words said on both sides, my husband actually took her side in this and has told me he’s disappointed in me, that it’s not like his son is a little kid who’ll be underfoot constantly and surely the point of remote working is that I can have a balance to help out around the home, I suggested if he felt that way maybe he should see about working remotely.
I feel pretty awful about this, I love my stepson and I want a good future for him and for an education he thrives in but I don’t see why it’s down to me to educate him when I work full-time even if that work is from home. My husband is currently really upset with me and the fact they’re both in agreement on this is making me question if I’m in the wrong and being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are working full-time. Tell your husband that if he thinks it’s so important to homeschool him, then he needs to take time off. And when he says he can’t because he has work, tell him that if he thinks his work is more important than his son’s education, then he should think about his priorities the same way he is asking you to.
Working from home still requires you to work from home. Don’t jeopardize your employment because they can’t parent appropriately. Good luck to you.” ElDia13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teaching is a full-time job. You already have a full-time job that takes up your daytime hours. Working from home doesn’t mean you have time to take on a new full-time job.
If your husband wants his son homeschooled so badly but doesn’t want to hire a tutor, he can quit his own job and teach. He can’t expect you to do two jobs at the exact same time.
He and his wife are completely unreasonable and have no respect for your work. You are effectively ‘at work’ during all the hours you are working.
This is next-level insanity.” eefr
19. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Ex Who Came To My College Uninvited?
“I am a college student and in high school, I went out with Jon. I tried to break up with him over Christmas break this year but he said he wouldn’t let me. That we had a future together and that I’d recognize my mistake in a few weeks.
I told him that I’d realized I was a lesbian and was sure. He just wouldn’t accept it and said that we would talk again in a few weeks.
Afterward, I got texts every few days from Jon telling me he loved me forever. I texted back the first few times saying we were broken up but he just didn’t want to hear it.
Then one day I was studying in my college dorm and I heard a knock on my door. It was my RA and she said that my significant other was in the lobby.
It didn’t even occur to me that it was Jon. My college is several states away and he has no car.
I said that she must have the wrong person.
She said actually he said your full name and he’s being kinda belligerent with the guard, saying he traveled from (my home state) to see you.
I was like ‘Holy cow, no. You can’t let him in. I broke up with him and he won’t leave me alone, I had no idea he was even coming here let alone showing up unannounced. I need to study for an exam tonight!’
I was honestly panicking and she could tell. She said she would handle everything, I should just stay in the dorm and study, I’d be safe there and she’d make sure of it.
I thanked her profusely. I tried to put it out of my mind and study, my phone had already been on don’t disturb and I kept it that way and I just studied all night.
I was wondering what had happened but I also knew how important the exam was going to be and that I needed to focus.
I didn’t check my phone until I’d finished my exam the next afternoon, I knew whatever I saw might upset me.
And when I finally took it off Do Not Disturb I had a lot of messages from Jon.
He first said that he’d come to visit me and show he wanted to work our relationship troubles out. Then he was saying the guard wouldn’t let him in and if I could answer my phone.
Then angry texts saying ‘Did you call security on me?’ and then a bunch of texts saying he was here with no car and no money and nowhere to stay and he was staying up all night in a gas station because he had nowhere to go and he thought the employees would kick him out soon.
Then a really angry text saying his mom had to give him the money to get a sooner flight home and now she might not be able to make rent. He was furious we spent 4 years together and I’d leave him out to dry when he came to try and work things out.
I feel conflicted. I didn’t want to be with him but maybe I could have helped him at least find a place to sleep till his return flight like asking my guy friends if he could sleep in the guy’s dorm.
I have two friends whose roommates dropped out leaving spare beds.
AITJ for not talking to my ‘significant other’ when he showed up uninvited after I tried to dump him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You broke up with him. He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide you’re in a relationship and you did the right thing by not engaging with him.
He did all this without asking you because he thinks he owns you. Do not do him even the smallest favor – he would only use it to reinforce his obsession. Block his number.” Aestro17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What part of ‘I’m a lesbian’ does this jerk not understand? You broke up for a reason.
You aren’t attracted to him and you won’t be attracted to him. It’s not your responsibility to house (or even give the time of day) your ex who flies to a different state without even telling you. That’s weird and he sounds like a psycho. You gotta block him OP.” triggerhappypoptarts
18. AITJ For Not Telling My Coworkers I Was Planning To Quit?
“I (26f) started working at this company about 4 years ago. When I started, I was told by everyone on my team how happy they were to have me because they had been fighting for years to get the board to approve one more person on their team. The person who seemed to be the most relieved regarding my arrival was Andrea, who was the only other person who held the same position as me, had been at the company for over a decade, and had been the most affected by understaffing.
I liked what I did – it was a stable, well-paying job, with a good work environment. Until it wasn’t.
Our company was bought out, the board replaced, and things just started going wrong left and right. To add to this, some of the people in my team were promoted, including me, and while most everyone was okay with this, Andrea wasn’t.
At this point, I probably need to tell you that Andrea is a notorious slacker. She doesn’t put much effort into her job and is proud of it, because she ‘works to live, doesn’t live to work’. And while none of us puts in extra unpaid hours or anything like that, she is constantly slacking on work hours.
It’s an ‘open secret’ in our company, but no one wants to be the one to rat out someone who has been there for 15+ years. This would all be fine if she didn’t go bananas over some of us getting promoted and not her. She took particular offense at the fact that I was promoted, given that she had been ‘doing my job for years’ and ‘had taught me everything I knew’.
She badmouthed me to everyone, and while it was basically old-man-yells-at-cloud, it really affected the work environment.
So, that was the last straw for me and I decided to look for work elsewhere. For six months, I didn’t find anything worthwhile because my industry was hit very hard these past couple of years, but eventually, I did.
Due to the nature of my contract, I didn’t need to put in any notice, so basically I told HR I was leaving on a Monday, effective the following Friday. I offered to recommend someone to replace me, but they said it wouldn’t be necessary, as that wasn’t a priority.
When I told my coworkers about all this, they were obviously concerned, but mostly happy for me.
Andrea, on the other hand, went crazy. She said that I knew very well what they had gone through prior to my arrival, and that it was very selfish of me not to tell them I was looking for another job so they could start campaigning for a replacement with HR. In my defense, I didn’t want anyone to know about my plans because I didn’t want to be fired before I had something else secured, but when Andrea started calling me all sorts of names, saying my attitude affected only my coworkers and not the ‘big fish’ and that I was being very selfish for leaving without notice, I started questioning my decisions.
Most people seem to be supportive but I overheard some of them sort of agree with Andrea behind my back so now I’m wondering… Was I the jerk for not telling my coworkers I was looking to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe your workplace information on what you do with your spare time, and you haven’t done anything to break your contract.
Wanting to get out of a bad working environment is a very good reason to not make that environment worse by giving them an opportunity to make it even worse, while also risking your income at the same time.” tuttkraftverk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right and reason to handle this exactly as you did, and Andrea is a mess of a colleague.
It sounds like you got out at a point where toxicity was increasing in the office anyway if you’re hearing that sort of gossip. It’s sometimes scary to break free from a familiar work environment, even if you know it’s the best for you, and your feelings are normal, but that doesn’t mean you need to second guess what sounds like a very solid decision.
Congratulations on your new job!” IndustriousLabRat
17. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Pack His Own Lunch From Now On?
“My (f 26) husband (m 26) works long days. Pretty much 7 AM-6 PM, sometimes even later. (He is a utility locator. And spring-summer is the busiest time.)
He sets his alarm for 5:30 a.m. Every morning. Even on weekends because he is fearful of it not working when it needs to.
No matter how many times I try to explain that you can set a schedule for it.
We don’t actually get up right when the alarm goes off, we generally push snooze until it’s 6 or 6:30. His workday starts whenever he gets in his company vehicle and drives to a ticket.
Why he sets it for 5:30 is a mystery.
I am not a morning person, and he is the one who presses snooze.
I repeat, I am not a morning person. And lately, I have been having trouble sleeping. Yet my husband insists that I get up with him so I can make his work lunch.
Well, today, I had a particularly hard time getting up.
And while getting up, I was in a fog. So I moved slower than normal. I had decided to give him leftover pasta salad and make him a sandwich to go with it.
Whilst I was in the kitchen, he received 3 emergency calls. Which meant he had to leave before I could finish packing his lunch.
I hadn’t even pulled out the salad yet due to having trouble finding any deli meat for his sandwich.
He began rushing me and telling me ‘This is why I pester you to get up. Did you even start on my lunch?’
I said ‘I was trying to find-‘ but he cut me off.
‘I guess no lunch for me then.’ He snapped while pouring himself coffee in a travel mug.
I shushed him, which I guess was the wrong thing to do.
He started ranting at me about how it’s always so difficult to get me up.
I snapped and said ‘Well maybe you should be a man and pack your own lunch from now on!
That’s what (family member who has the same job) does!’
Husband snaps back ‘Well, I’m not him and you’re not (his wife)!’
I said, ‘Glad that’s clear, either way, expect me not to get up at all next week and pack your own lunch from now on.’
In the midst of all this, I had packed him a container of the salad and a fork.
At least it was something.
He stormed out as soon as I had zipped his lunchbox for him.
I know a lot of this was said in frustration, but I admit I do envy the family members who are in the same positions as us. The wife and I are both stay-at-home moms with toddlers, yet she’s not expected to always pack her husband’s lunch.
He just grabs whatever’s in the fridge or preps it at night so he can grab and go the next morning. I tried doing that for my husband and he complained about it not being fresh.
I should point out the family member is in his late 30s, so I guess it’s a matter of maturity.
But I feel the need for outsider’s opinions.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is a grown man; he can pack his own lunch. The fact that he thinks that it’s your job because you’re his wife just reeks of misogyny. And the fact that he insists on setting the alarm that early and hitting snooze a bunch (including days when he doesn’t work), even when it negatively impacts your own sleep, paints him as a very selfish person.” MultiFazed
Another User Comments:
“Not being fresh? So packing a lunch from food in the fridge the night before isn’t good enough? You have to pack that SAME food in the morning before he leaves? WOW! Your guy is extremely unreasonable and also very selfish considering that snooze button is the devil! I also cannot get back to sleep when snooze is hit and I warned my hubby if he tried to use the snooze button, I’d toss the alarm out the window.
Your hubby needs to stop being so selfish about this and have some compromise. The food being packed the night before and sitting in the fridge is absolutely NO different from packing it that morning. You aren’t cooking him a hot meal and putting it in a container, it’s all cold! You poor thing. NTJ.” kristent225
16. AITJ For Calling My Imaginary Child An Illegitimate Child?
“I (28F) am childfree and through the years I’ve been told the same nonsense and then some.
‘You’ll change your mind when you meet the right man’.
‘Who’ll care for you when you’re older?’
‘You’ll change your mind when you’re older/the right man comes along’.
And so many more, and to be honest, it gets on my nerves.
So now I just say ‘Well, we’ll see’, or I just stopped saying I was childfree and say ‘Who knows’ when I’m asked why I’m single and have no children.
There’s no way to dodge these phrases which just makes for an awkward moment. So I basically smile and wave.
If you wanna have kids, go for it. I personally don’t believe in bringing a child into this world if I know I’m not gonna care for them as they deserve. That and I have mental health issues I’m not burdening a kid with, so why risk it?
I was talking on the phone with my guy friend, Max, and the conversation turned to kids. When he asked me why I didn’t have any I mentioned that my dad has been hounding me for the past 8 years or so that he wants a grandchild from me ’cause I’m his youngest daughter. My family knows I’m childfree, and I embrace my maternal side through my niblings.
To me being childfree means I don’t want any of my own, but I don’t actively hate kids.
I’ve told Dad on many occasions, ‘If you want a grandchild so bad I’ll go make one and bring it back home to you, so you can do as you please with the baby’.
He says no, that it’s a big responsibility he’s not gonna take, he just wants a grandkid.
Meaning that he wants to play grandpa on Sunday afternoons while I’m frankly stuck with a child I don’t want.
I told my friend this and as if on cue, he gave me the whole speech mentioned above.
I told him that if I took Dad on his word of having a kid, it’d technically be an illegitimate child because I’m not getting married just so my dad can live out his happy grandpa fantasy, especially when he has 8 grandkids and one great-grandson already.
My friend said something like ‘That’s messed up, how anyone can express themselves like that of their own child, you don’t deserve the privilege of being a mother, there’s something wrong with your way of thinking. Not to mention you’ll end up alone with no one to care for you’.
I replied ‘I’ve been literally saying for years I don’t want to be a mother and the child in question doesn’t even exist and won’t exist, so why are you giving me crap for it?
Also, if they’re being born out of wedlock, they’re technically an illegitimate child.’ I didn’t mean it as an insult, and I’ve given this reasoning before. This does not mean I go around calling every child an illegitimate child, it’s not my business, I only use it for ‘myself’ to bring my point across.
The conversation turned sour, now I’m a jerk for calling a nonplanned, nonexistent child an illegitimate child.
I let him go shortly after but the air was still tense.
I now feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend is more offended for your imaginary illegitimate child than for his real-life, walking, talking friend being pressured to have a child they don’t want so someone can play fun grandpa and hand said illegitimate child back when they’re too tired/bored of having fun.
Your friend is the one who is messed up. They don’t respect the decisions you’ve made about your body and lifestyle. They should be ashamed of themself.” OK_LK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Seriously? You feel bad after your ‘friend’ decided to lecture you about your personal choice? He was WAY out of line for that.
If anyone is a jerk, it’s the people in your life who can’t seem to respect your boundaries.
You should set clearer boundaries with the people in your life that the topic of whether or not you want to be a parent is off the table, it’s nobody’s business but yours and you don’t have to take rude lectures from anyone.” TOADHOLY
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Siblings To Eat My Nut-Free Food?
“I have two siblings – one F (25) who lives with us due to recently being dumped (we have a rocky relationship) and one M (13) (he has anger issues and ADHD that has led to him getting more attention from my parents because he needs it. He loves using this against me to the point that I do his chores including cleaning his bathroom because he told my parents ‘he can’t’).
I don’t love either of them, yes I know this is horrible but they are both just so hard to deal with that I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid them/feeling like their servants that I never formed that sibling bond.
Well, I also have a severe nut allergy (I would go into anaphylactic shock if I ate any nuts) and often times when my parents have food ordered to the house the workers substitute it with something that has nuts.
Well, today’s example is ramen. They ordered multiple packs that got substituted with ones that had nuts. So I went to the store and bought my own that’s nut-free. Well for lunch they both tried to take mine and I jokingly told them they had their own. Well, she said it was just ramen and took mine.
This is where I know I handled it badly. (these feelings have been bubbling up for a while and they finally exploded) I lost it on them and screamed about how they were always eating my nut-free food and then I couldn’t have any while they could still enjoy the nut ones. My sister threw the ramen at me called me a jerk and left, my brother said this is why nobody likes me and said it’s not that deep and it’s all just ramen.
I’m just so mad after years of dealing with this so I don’t trust myself to be making a clear judgment on this. So AITJ for not wanting my siblings to eat my nut-free food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally have nothing left that you can safely eat if they eat your food.
Plus, it’s food you went and bought for yourself.
Yes, it’s just ramen. So they can have ALL THE ONES YOU CAN’T. It’s that simple on their end. They can just eat that ramen. No big deal.
And yes, it IS that deep when you have nothing to eat. Yes, yes it is.
Your parents are failing to protect you here.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people without this kind of allergy have no idea how stressful it is. Their thinking you can eat nuts is ridiculous. If you’re old enough then I suggest finding a way to move out. It sounds like everyone is stewing in their own drama and no one is focused on much else.
The sooner you can make your own home (whether that’s a dorm, apartment, whatever), the better. If you’re not old enough, go talk to a school counselor and see if they can get a therapist to help you navigate such a minefield home. I’m sorry for your struggles.” greekadjacent
14. AITJ For Blaming My Mom For My Being Detached From Her?
“My sister (21F) had 2 back-to-back concussions when she was 15, and they ended up causing brain damage, and she ended up unable to do a lot of things herself, such as go to the bathroom, eat, drink, etc. She always needed assistance. And that was my mom.
She helped her with everything and essentially paid no mind to me.
So here’s the situation. I (14F) was just relaxing in my room (that’s where I spend a lot of my time, due to the fact a lot of things overwhelm me) and my mom (46F) came in and asked me if we could talk.
I was in a pretty good mood, so I had no intentions of saying no. We moved to her room, where she asked why I don’t spend a lot of time with her and am so closed off. I explained to her that it was because when I was younger, I needed my mother and she couldn’t supply that for me.
Anything I wanted was 2nd place to what my sister wanted. If I wanted something to eat, my sister was the priority and she picked what we ate. If I wanted to see a movie, I had to wait until it was on a streaming app because my sister didn’t like the movie, or wouldn’t be able to handle how loud it was.
Basically, anything I wanted, I couldn’t have unless my sister did too. My mom stopped paying me any sort of attention, and I relied on my dad. The only thing my mom did from ages 9-12 was buy me items I needed and wanted. I told her that I was closed off, because there was never someone to help me open up more, and I was always shut down by her.
She called me a selfish and ungrateful little jerk because she was just trying to help my sister and I should’ve understood instead of taking it to heart and that it wasn’t fair to my sister. I talked to my dad and he said that I wasn’t being fair to my mother and that instead of being bitter, I should be glad she even bothered to acknowledge my existence.
So, AITJ for telling her it’s essentially her doing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister had these concussions when she was 15, which would make you 8. You were a young child.
You needed care and attention too. A different type of care and attention, but care and attention nonetheless.
Honestly, your dad is the jerk for saying ‘You should be grateful she even acknowledged you’, like you aren’t also her daughter.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an unfortunate situation that your family dealt with when you were at a young age and also needed your parents. You can’t change the past but you are far from being the jerk in this situation. Your mom is the jerk for her response to you – what a rude response to your own child!
And your dad is the jerk too for his dismissive comment. I hope you’re doing okay despite this.” lilbearr
13. AITJ For Scolding My Nephew For Breaking Into Our Game Room?
“My hubby and I (30m & 30f) are both gamers, we go to conventions, and do cosplay; we’re nerds. We love our lifestyle but do have steady jobs, good incomes, and are parents to our daughter (Lily, 5). I’m also expecting our second child in December.
Onto the issue, I have a sister (S, 40) who has an entitled son (ES, 13).
He’s spoilt and treated better than his siblings because all attention has to be on him. A week ago S asked me to watch ES for reasons. I said no problem, but boy was it. At snack time he refused to eat the veggies I made, Lily had no problem eating but he threw them on the floor and demanded I give him cookies/crisps because that’s what S lets him eat, I said no and made him a sandwich which he ate sulking.
An hour later he says he’s bored, I put a movie on for him (Spiderman, his favorite) I decided to clean up and then get dinner ready for when hubby gets in from work. Ten minutes later I heard thumping upstairs and Lily saying ‘No, you’re not allowed.’
Then another loud noise and Lily cried. I ran upstairs in a panic and picked up Lily who thankfully wasn’t hurt but to my horror, my hubby and I’s spare room which we turned into a game room for gaming and DnD had been busted open.
ES is swearing, trying to turn on one of our monitors to play games, I told him to get out and it went as follows:
Me: ES, get out.
ES: But I’m bored! I want to play PlayStation! Lily gets to play all the time.
Me: I put a movie on for you, yet you broke into the room and could’ve hurt your cousin, and Lily LIVES here and she only sits to watch or plays when there’s an ADULT here.
ES: But it’s not fair! You’re adults! You don’t need all this stuff, how sad are you?
I’d heard enough at this point and put Lily down, told her to go to her room whilst I tried to settle ES down. When I stepped into the room ES threw stuff around and damaged a monitor.
During this hubby came home and I yelled for help, he rushed up and carried ES downstairs to the living room. I checked on Lily and she was cuddling Toro (a Totoro toy she got from Comic-Con). I then called S to pick up ES. Whilst on the phone, hubby came to make sure the baby and I were alright.
I was getting emotional (pregnancy hormones) and suddenly Lily was running downstairs crying, telling us that ES had just taken Toro. Hubby is livid now and goes upstairs to get ES again along with Toro who’s in pieces. Hubby was yelling at ES whilst I was trying to calm Lily.
When S got here, I told her what happened, she needed to pay for the damages and get ES to replace Toro but she started yelling at us, saying we’re pathetic adults for having a game room when we should focus more on our daughter and not get her involved in our ‘creepy hobby.’
I’m now no contact with her, our parents are on her side since they think hubby and I need to grow up cuz our hobbies are ‘weird.’ I feel mostly guilty for Lily, she didn’t need to go through that, so maybe I should’ve just let ES play in the room? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter what was in that room. If the boundaries in the home are that you don’t go in there without an adult, then your nephew is not allowed in. His response to boundaries being enforced makes me sad for him to have such a toddler-like reaction. He is gonna struggle in life if he doesn’t learn how to be told no.” sama1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family’s reaction is backward. No wonder your nephew’s behavior is destructive. His anger and entitled attitude have been overlooked by his parents but everyone else is focused on your gaming console. The issue is the lack of discipline that your nephew has lived by not by your lifestyle.” stacity
12. AITJ For Refusing To Give The Cat To A Woman Who's Claiming To Be His Owner?
“5 months ago our beloved family cat passed away. We were all devastated. But shortly after that, a cat started showing up in our yard. He was a stray but very friendly. He ate like he had never been fed before. It sort of felt like our old cat had sent him to us.
After a few months, we all ended up falling in love with him.
My godmother runs a big nonprofit cat rescue so I asked her what I should do to be able to keep him. We brought him in to check for a microchip, but he had none. She told me I would have to make some attempt to find the owner (knocking on neighbors’ doors, making flyers, etc.) but warned me not to post on social media since it brings all the crazies in our area out.
Well, I didn’t listen. I know most people use social media so I posted in 5 local groups about the cat. As well as knocked on doors and made flyers. My godmother also used connections with her rescue to see if he was missing.
I definitely had some crazy people on social media reach out, but mostly everyone else was nice.
Then this woman told me this cat was a kitten of hers that went missing 2 years ago before it was too young to be fixed. She has absolutely no proof this is her cat. She has a photo of some kittens nursing on a mommy cat, but that’s it. No vet records, no updated photos, literally nothing.
I was told not to hand the cat over unless a person had proof it was their cat.
Apparently, people look on social media to find unfixed cats for breeding. And for much worse things. I don’t think a kitten would survive two winters outside and still be so affectionate. The vet aged this cat to be around 5 years old and her missing kitten would be about 2 now.
I explained the cat couldn’t be her kitten, and that without some sort of proof of ownership, I couldn’t just hand the cat over. My godmother insists I didn’t break any laws, and no shelter would hand a cat over without some sort of updated photo or proof. But now this woman is making my life a nightmare.
She’s slandered me all over social media and has been giving out my address and offering to pay people to trespass onto my property to take the cat. I just haven’t been responding. Despite my love for the cat I did my best to find his owner, I was fully prepared to give him back if I found the owner.
But I know this isn’t his owner. Her story doesn’t add up and she has no proof it’s her cat. Now she’s threatening to come to my home with the police, but like I said, I haven’t broken any laws. Would you give a cat to someone if they had no proof it was theirs and they had been rude to you from the very beginning?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to document this woman’s harassment and report everything to the police. Seek an anti-harassment protection order if that’s an option in your jurisdiction. Hope you microchipped the kitty and are keeping him safely inside. And, please pay the pet tax!” puppyfarts99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; as someone who has been in a similar situation—the cat was abandoned by previous owners for a year—document EVERYTHING now before it gets deleted; every post, comment, message, anything she has said about you in general. If she’s willing to doxx you over a cat I can’t imagine what else she’s willing to do, be safe and take precautions.” peachgreentealemon
11. AITJ For Not Answering The Door For The Cops?
“I’m a college student making some extra bucks babysitting this summer. I was staying at this family’s house in a different neighborhood I wasn’t familiar with, with their 4-year-old and 6-year-old for an evening.
I was getting them ready for bed and I heard shots.
I told the kids that it must be fireworks. I just got them in bed on the side of the house that wasn’t near the street and sat quietly in their room for a bit until they were asleep. I heard some knocking on the door and I didn’t move even when the guy called out that it was the police and wanted to talk.
Now to some of you, that might seem weird. Especially if you have police forces that are trustworthy. But I grew up in a country where the police were outwardly aggressive and dangerous to bring around. Calling the police on any kind of crime against a woman was a surefire way to get a second crime done that night.
So I was taught early by my mom to never call the police, just go to sleep. If they came around you didn’t see or hear anything, you were sleeping.
My family moved to America when I was 13 and learned that while the police in our area pretend like they’re a more formal safe organization they’re no different than the ones back home.
Even worse because at least at home everyone knows they’re corrupt and won’t tell them anything or help them with anything. But here, some people believe the air of respectability they put on and aid them. It’s a rougher area I’m living in and I can say for certain that I’ve never seen a cop protect or serve the community.
So for me, it was the most obvious thing ever that you don’t come to the door if the cops knock. Like that’s just generally accepted (in the places I’ve lived) as the stupidest thing you can do.
I found out when the parents came home that that’s not universal. They live in a rich neighborhood and I guess they actually do feel protected and safe with their police.
But I didn’t know that so when the mom came in and asked what was going on on the street, I said I don’t know, I didn’t see anything.
She said I must have noticed all the sirens and lights and I said ‘Yeah, I saw there were cops around, one knocked. I didn’t know what it was about’.
She asked me what he had to say and I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world ‘I don’t know, I didn’t come to the door’.
She got angry and asked why I wouldn’t go see what was happening and talk to the officer. I was honestly incredulous, to me it was obvious.
I didn’t explain myself well since I was so incredulous and said ‘Why would I?’ in a ‘What are you thinking’ kind of tone.
She said I should leave and that she didn’t want me watching her kids again. I had to argue with her to just get paid but she eventually did but tipped poorly.
I’m curious for an outside opinion…
AITJ for not opening the door and not asking questions when I was babysitting and the police came around?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You have a valid reason for not answering the door. You didn’t feel safe. You weren’t trying to be malicious.
They might be under the impression that they could get in trouble or may have wanted to help with whatever they could.
I don’t really see anything wrong with that either.
I think both people had good intentions and maybe you guys just aren’t a good fit together.” ageekyninja
Another User Comments:
“This is tough because it was your job as a sitter to protect the kids and you didn’t call to ask the parents what you should do.
A lot of officers are corrupt but they may have had something important to say, like the shooter was scoping out the house you’re in and they haven’t found them.
Wealthy areas do have better luck with police but you didn’t know that.
You were scared and you didn’t know so calling the parents should’ve happened, you dropped the ball on that one.
No jerks here.” sage_ley
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $20 For Electricity At My Former House?
“In April, my two roommates asked me to move out. It took me completely by surprise because we have never argued or even bickered about anything.
I asked why, and they said that I crossed boundaries by going into my roommate’s room (I put her clothes on her bed while she was out of town and interrupted a work meeting of hers to give her back the phone she left in the kitchen). They said I sometimes make jokes that make them uncomfortable and feel insulting.
I apologized and said I never had any ill intent. I asked why in 2 years we lived together they never mentioned it. They said it would have been uncomfortable to bring it up, and if I couldn’t tell I was making them uncomfortable, there’s no way I could tell in the future to make changes.
I’m a medical student on a budget and this place is really all I can afford, so I said that we have individual leases and if they want to leave they can. They said they would go to the landlord and have him resign two of them over one of me. Fine.
In the month of May, I couch-surfed. I spent days with friends, most weekdays at my mom’s, most weekends at my dad’s, and Memorial Day in Boston.
I spent my entire savings of $4000 on moving, security deposits, first and last, application fees, credit and background checks, etc. My job will pay just enough to cover the rent. I moved into my new place on May 31 and got my furniture on June 3rd. The only thing in my old apartment is books and clothes which I am getting this weekend.
The electric billing cycle is the 6th-6th, so on June 6th, they asked me to pay 1/3 of it, $20. I said I hadn’t been living at the house since the previous bill so I didn’t pay it. They said they saw me at the house occasionally in May while I was picking up things, saw a lamp on, and turned the AC on while I was moving out.
I said they could ask the landlord to take it out of my security deposit. The bill is not in my name.
The last 7 months have been the hardest of my life. My beloved grandmother passed after agonizingly painful cancer and she suffered greatly. My parents got divorced after 26 years. They will spread my grandmother’s ashes on my grandparents’ anniversary, which is also my birthday, without me because I have school stuff to do.
My significant other, whom I had known for 10 years, broke up with me, my closest friend stopped talking to me because his partner was jealous of me, my grandfather has had a rapid decline into drinking addiction/dementia, and it’s my first year of med school. The entire structure of my life has been upended. I’ve been struggling just to keep my head above water.
Hounding me for $20 after I lost my house on top of everything else I’ve been through is too far. I didn’t put up a fight about staying, I didn’t do anything loud, disruptive, or mean, I gathered my things and left almost immediately.
Should I just pay it and let it go, or am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t pay the 20$! I can’t believe the audacity of your ex-roommates, they are completely disgusting!
In no known universe does it cost 20$ to turn on the light for a few minutes. In your place I would just ignore them.
I am very sorry for the loss of your grandmother, it must be awful for you.
I can only say that this too shall pass and I am sure the future will be brighter for you.” AnimalAccomplished33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I very much feel for you, friend. Hold on to your reasons for being in med school and don’t let all this static get to you. That being said, if your terrible friends really did feel uncomfortable about things you were saying, which I kind of doubt but whatever, you really might want to find out what they were.
You need to know that if you’re gonna be a doctor. Hang in there and work hard!” unled_horse
9. AITJ For Telling Someone She's Annoying?
“So this girl, I’ll call ‘Bella,’ is really annoying, rude, and invasive. I have to spend the weekend with her because of a school trip, we leave tomorrow.
I was talking with some friends about the trip and the ‘wedding’ (it’s a joke that I started a year before on this trip and now we have a wedding at an amusement park.) Bella butted in asking what we were talking about.
A few of my friends said they were planning a wedding between three boys (note the three are all for it and love it). She said ‘That’s gross. Boys shouldn’t marry each other.’
I said, ‘It’s a joke with the senior class, and plus you can love whoever you want.’
We got into a fight about whether boys should marry each other.
Everyone was against her and she stomped off. She told the principal, but the principal said she needed to have an open mind at this school.
Another event happened when I was at my lunch table talking about LGBT stuff when Bella came and sat next to me. I didn’t care and continued to talk to my friend ‘Jay’ about me being trans.
He wants to learn everything, and he learns better when someone is explaining it. I told him I’m starting hormone therapy this summer, Bella said trans people are confused and shouldn’t ruin their body God gave them. Jay said to her that it was fine and they exist everywhere. Jay tried to explain calmly that trans people are cool and who wouldn’t want someone like that?
He’s still learning.
Bella came up to me and ranted saying that I should stay a girl and said I’m a sinner. I told her I don’t care for your God, I’m pagan.
From there on she kept praying for me and my friends, trying to high-five me or hug me, (I have a huge issue with people touching me and said no).
She will always talk about her God in conversations that she isn’t a part of until today.
Today I was talking to Jay that this weekend is gonna be rough, but he said he’ll try and go to the amusement park and hang out with me. Bella butted in saying that Jay should go out with me.
I told her it isn’t her business and to butt out. She said she was only trying to help but I told her, ‘No Bella, this has happened over the semester. And you wanna know why you don’t have friends? It’s because you’re annoying! You butt into people’s convos when you’re not a part of it.
You tell people they’re not going to heaven when they do nothing wrong. Just because people don’t believe in Christianity doesn’t mean they will not go to heaven. You also give unwanted touches! Not everyone wants a hug from you. Maybe you should read the room! Maybe then you’ll understand why people are the way they are.’
She burst into tears and ran away. But I kinda feel really bad about it, did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is when you go to a trusted adult and tell them that ‘Bella’ will not stop trying to touch you and not stop religiously harassing you (telling you you’re a sinner, not going to heaven, weird religious crap like that).
Seriously.
Because Bella is going to run to the principal again and you need Bella to stop harassing you.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP.
You have told her multiple times that her comments were unwanted in the best socially acceptable way, but she either didn’t get it or didn’t want to get it, so you had no choice but to be stern and even mad about it as you told her off.
You even listed the reasons why you didn’t like her (or why other people didn’t like her) because her behavior is UNACCEPTABLE. She never accepted your ‘soft No’s’ especially about being touched with or without your permission.
She needed to hear it, tho maybe with a little less cussing (but understandable since it was the last straw from what it sounds like).” glitterpainter06
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Go To School Until We Get An Apology?
“My son is five and has awfully sensitive skin. He can’t swim unless it’s tap water (no salt water, no chlorine), he can only use sensitive skin infant soaps, etc. We are still working with his doctors as it’s at an abnormally high level of irritation.
Three days ago we had pretty heavy rain. He was playing outside at school and got soaked through. Through his coat, jumper, and shirt. Because of his skin issues, I always make sure he has a spare uniform at school, which I take home and wash every week. He also has his PE kit.
His teacher neglected to change him or allow him to change himself, and instead, the entire class sat in their wet clothes for the rest of the day.
When I picked him up he was still soaking and kept telling me he was itchy. Took him into the toilet and he’s covered in a rash where his clothes were stuck to him all afternoon.
I was mad, notably. Took him home and got him cleaned up, he’s been pretty miserable.
I called the school to complain, and was met with ‘All the children were wet, it wouldn’t have been fair to the rest of them for your son to be able to get changed’.
When I called the second time to talk to the headmistress, their story changed and they stated it was because they weren’t aware of his skin issues (they are).
Ultimately, I am keeping him out of school until we have received an apology. I intend on keeping him off until his rash has cleared up anyway, but have informed them that he will not be returning until an apology has been issued.
My husband thinks I’m being erratic. It was a mistake and we shouldn’t keep him out of school for it. I obviously disagree, but it’s causing a huge rift and now I’m wondering if I went too far.
Is this a nuclear reaction? Am I the jerk? I feel like an apology isn’t too much to ask, but then again, it won’t really do anything.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand the instinct to protect a child with a medical issue, especially one that is still being diagnosed (the unknowns cause soooo much stress and anxiety!), but keeping him out of school for an extended time isn’t going to really be beneficial for anyone.
While I agree you both deserve an apology, attempting to force one has a high likelihood of creating resentment towards your son from the teachers/staff, and the other kids will pick up on that as well.
So really it could end up making things much worse for your son.
Instead, I would have your son’s pediatrician write out detailed information and instructions for future incidents and hand deliver copies to all appropriate teachers or staff (like the school nurse, the headmistress, etc.). I’m not sure what it’s called for you, but in the States, we have Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for students with high physical, mental, or emotional needs (such as ADHD, dyslexia, etc.).
It sounds like your son might qualify for something similar if it’s available. Then the school would be required to follow the doctor’s instructions for his care, as they are a legal contract between the school and the family.
NTJ.” Lumpy_Ingenuity1287
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who lets kids this age play in the rain in the first place?
Don’t they have a gym? There’s no excuse for this. Plus, letting little kids just sit in their wet clothes for hours displays an astonishing lack of common sense. OP, it’s time to do something! Think of all those little kids sitting in wet clothes for hours and go Mama Bear for their sakes too.
This was just wrong.” User
7. AITJ For Not Accepting An Apology From A Workmate Who Burned Me?
“I am a blacksmith apprentice and we have this guy (17) at the workshop who is basically a walking safety hazard.
He isn’t very keen on doing what he should be doing, gets distracted easily, then gets bored and everything he touches he treats like a fidget spinner, be it his keys, bottle of water, a glove, a hammer, tongs… you name it. This isn’t very pleasant not only because he frequently drops said homemade ‘fidget-spiner’, but he occasionally hits someone with it.
Any attempt to get him to stop has been futile so far. When he causes an accident, he is always extremely sorry and behaves for a little while, then starts doing it again. I know that he has some mental health issues but I’m not sure if they have something to do with that (a few times he mentioned therapy sessions while leaving an hour or two early, but I didn’t want to pry).
Anyways today he was forging a bell and sure enough, he started to play with the tongs with the hot metal in it, he dropped it, and the swing sent it flying towards me, burning my forearm. We are talking orange heat here, so around 800°C (1500°F), which, of course, was quite unpleasant for me.
Again, he was extremely apologetic and he rushed to the first aid kit to get me panthenol, but I was quite angry with him and even though this was actually the first time he spun around a piece of hot metal to my knowledge, I basically hissed at him to shove it until he learns to not endanger everyone in the workshop (it was a longer rant though, including scolding him for always spinning the things around).
He was on the verge of tears, hid at the toilets for half an hour and then basically acted invisible until it was time to go home.
In the time he was gone, I was told by a few of the other guys in the workshop that it was time that somebody put their foot down, and they basically cheered, which made me immediately alerted (they can be quite jerks towards him, even when he’s not actually doing anything wrong) that I might have been too harsh.
I do stand by what I said – the apology is basically meaningless when he keeps doing the same thing over and over again, no matter how many times someone tells him that it’s a giant nope. But I also feel really bad over being harsh on him and making a scene when he’s already unpopular in the group and has mental health issues to deal with on top of that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He legit injured you with his reckless behavior! You are working in a dangerous workshop setting, with no place for horseplay. If y’all are in the US he also needs to be made aware that, generally speaking, injuries caused by ‘horseplay’ will not be paid out by worker’s comp.
Even if he doesn’t kill someone, he could seriously ruin a few lives unless he manages to get his fidgeting under control.” BowzersMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There are appropriate ways to behave in any workplace – more so when the workplace has dangerous materials.
This isn’t just a matter of him burning you – he completely disregarded the safety of all other employees, disregarded repeated warnings, and then caused a very severe workplace incident.
He has been warned repeatedly and I assumed was trained on safety measures – there’s no excuse for his behavior. If he has mental health issues that require him to fiddle with stuff, he could bring his own fidget cube or fidget spinner instead of messing around with dangerous equipment.
Finally, you are not obligated to accept anyone’s apology ever.
You can say something like, ‘Thank you for your apology, but I am not ready to accept it.’ And that’s totally fair if you’re not ready to forgive him for what he did.” Killer_Sass
6. WIBTJ If I Ask My Sister Not To Announce Her Pregnancy Before My Bridal Shower?
“My sister is two years older than me, has been married for 4 years, and has a 2-year-old. She just found out she’s pregnant and my bridal shower is in late March – so right around the start of her second trimester.
She’s pretty Type A, very extroverted, and has a tendency to make it about her. I don’t think she talks about herself to get the attention, it’s just her personality. She lives 30 minutes from my mom who nannies for her.
On the other hand, I am much more reserved. I describe myself as an outgoing introvert.
I live 6 hours away from my hometown. I’ll be driving up for the shower that will be held at my mom’s. My fiancé and I are getting married this summer after we’ve been together for 8 years. We are not having kids and have been pretty vocal about it. I mention that because this wedding will be our only traditional milestone as a family.
I’m definitely not a ‘look at me’ bride. We are eloping just the two of us for the ceremony and having a reception with family and friends a couple of months after. The shower will be the only pre-wedding festivity – We aren’t doing groomsmen or bridesmaids, bachelorette party, etc.
I’m super excited for my sister, but I’d be lying if I said the timing doesn’t bum me out a little.
If she announces to people ahead of my shower, I feel like it’ll make it about her. Of course, I don’t expect all conversations at the shower to revolve around me, but to me, the usual catching up with family and friends is very different than seeing everyone for the first time since announcing a pregnancy.
WIBTJ to have a conversation with her about my concerns? I feel like I’m being really selfish and it’s not at all my place to have input on how and when she chooses to announce. I also feel like this is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration for me.
Classic little sister feeling overshadowed.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t blame you for wanting the attention to be on you for your shower. But even if your sister doesn’t announce her pregnancy, she might be showing by the second trimester and people will notice. And if that’s the case and she didn’t announce it, it will be an even bigger deal/surprise at your shower.
Your shower isn’t until March. You have another month. If she announces before, it’ll be big news for the time being and it’ll blow over by then. People will still probably want to talk to her about it, but again that’ll happen if she’s showing at all too.” GuacwardSilence
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A woman having her second child is not exactly earth-shattering excitement. Most people will be like hey, congrats, when’s your due date? And then move on to you. I don’t feel this would take away anything from your shower. Showers are about opening gifts and exclaiming over each one. No one’s going to ignore you and be all ‘Oh let’s see your sonogram’ to your sis.
I think people overestimate how interesting pregnancy actually is to anyone but the expectant couple.” Unit-Healthy
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband's Kids Visit Him?
“I am 17 years younger than my husband who is 72 and his kids are in their 30s. We don’t like each other, I find his kids to lack basic respect for people. They grew up spoiled and are just rough to deal with. My husband has a good amount of money, he had his own company and he sold it.
Now when the kids visit it’s always about the will. It’s disgusting. They only visit so they can figure out how the money is split. He had surgery and the kids didn’t visit him in the hospital. One showed up when he was on pain pills to figure out the will. I kicked him out.
I sent them a message that they are banned from the home until he is back to normal. I’ll talk with my husband when he is less out of it about if he wants to keep the ban. Because I know he is sick of it also.
They are mad that I banned them from the family home and called me so many creative names.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They lived a whole life together before you were involved with this man. It’s not your place to mediate the relationship between your husband and his adult children unless you want to be seen as a pariah. My grandfather’s 3rd wife was pretty controlling of his relationships with his kids, and it really messed things up as he aged.
They really need to get their act together tho (his kids) because that money is not theirs, it’s his. But it’s also not yours. Banning them from seeing their dad isn’t it tho.” CaptSpacePants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Anyone quibbling about a will when someone is that sick is a jerk! You are protecting your husband right now, and you are not in the wrong.
He needs peace as he recovers, and you didn’t ban them forever. Just until he is feeling better. You are also absolutely right in wanting to have the conversation about continuing the ban once he is feeling better. I don’t think you did anything wrong. Some people are simply selfish, and I respect you for protecting your husband’s peace.” Mindless-Flan-503
4. AITJ For Putting My Daughter-In-Law's Stuff In A Garbage Bag?
“My son and his wife have been staying with us for about a month now while they prepare to move into a new place in May. My wife and I enjoy having them with us and for the most part, my daughter-in-law is lovely but she is very messy. I’m retired from the army and I have always run my house to a certain set of standards and I expect them to be followed even by guests.
My son has often described his wife as someone who ‘prefers clutter’ and she generally likes to have things where she can see them, but after I voiced my displeasure over the ‘clutter’ in the guest bedroom they are presiding in as well as in the guest bath they use every day she did begin to decrease this amount of clutter but not to the standards I would like in my home.
My DIL still leaves her makeup out in the bathroom until she gets home in the afternoons because she ‘runs out of time in the mornings’ to put them away. To her credit, she does clean everything once she gets home, but I don’t appreciate having to stare at the mess for hours until she does get home.
I tried handling privately with my son in hopes he could talk to her, and while he did agree he mostly made excuses about her behavior equating it to an ‘unstable’ homelife growing up with incompetent parents and in the foster system towards her later teen years. I admit she still is quite young at 20 but my kids knew how to clean up after themselves before they were out of elementary school.
My frustrations over the situation grew to head one day when yet again she left out makeup in the bathroom. In response, I took a trash bag and placed all the makeup and everything underneath the sink that was hers as well, and then in the guest bedroom every piece of clothing she owned, etc…
I had no intention of actually throwing her belongings in the trash, but I wanted to show how serious I was on the matter and I thought maybe handling it how I would have handled a teenager would have given her a bit of a wake-up call since she had seemed to miss out on it in her childhood.
My DIL came home before my son and when she discovered her things in the trash bags outside of the front door I could tell she was rather shocked. I didn’t yell, but I was stern when I explained that her behavior had been very disrespectful and that if it continued she would have to leave my house.
My DIL didn’t say much and just looked at me with wide eyes the whole time, and then when I was done she apologized and took all of her things back inside the room she was staying in. I could hear her crying which seemed to me to be dramatic and when my son got home he apologized for DIL’s messiness but said that the way I handled the situation was ‘too far.’ I told him it was my house my rules.
Now my DIL has been keeping all of her things in her car and won’t even place them in the house at all. She has also become very reserved when I am around but is completely fine around my daughters and wife. The mess stopped but now there is an awkwardness in the house.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say this was the guest bedroom and bath. That means you were snooping through stuff that didn’t concern you. After you hear that your daughter-in-law wasn’t taught everything by a drill sergeant and was put into foster care, you decide to invade her privacy even more and throw her stuff outside. You couldn’t have been a bigger jerk if you tried. Don’t expect too many visits from your son’s family in the future.
Actually, don’t expect to ever see them again. You brought this on yourself.” Special-Attitude-242
Another User Comments:
“YTJ YTJ YTJ. Wow.
First of all, while it’s perfectly understandable to not want guests to wreck your home your standards sound impossible.
Second of all, you have nothing better to do than stare at her makeup for hours?
Third of all, what gives you the right to touch someone’s belongings and put them where you please? I’m not sure if you’re aware but makeup is extremely fragile. What if you have broken a palette while shoving it under the sink? Would you have paid her back?
Fourth, you’re a whole grown adult.
If it was such a problem and you couldn’t help but stare at it for hours you should have used your words and asked them to leave straight up! Leaving clothing or makeup out doesn’t give you the right to throw a power-tripping tantrum.
You should apologize to this poor girl if you ever want a relationship with her or your future grandkids.
Jesus Christ grow up OP.” Pretty_Pen4851
3. AITJ For Getting A Flirty Waitress Fired?
“My (f 33) husband’s (m 30) birthday was several days ago, we decided to go celebrate at a new diner and invited my inlaws to join us.
Throughout the entire celebration, this 20-ish waitress who served our table kept acting strange, she didn’t take her eyes off my husband and threw some inappropriate comments at him and in front of us as she came and went.
I was feeling uncomfortable, but decided to not make a scene hoping she’d stop but when she brought the drinks, she put them on the table and leaned close enough towards my husband thinking no one would hear but we heard what she said and it was ‘the sparkle of those eyes is igniting me!’ (PS, My husband has electric-blue eyes).
I was flabbergasted, truly! I couldn’t believe she just said that!
I told her ‘You know what? You’re being inappropriate right now, and you need to stop’. She then smug-smiled, turned around, and walked away. I got weird looks from my in-laws and it was AWFUL.
I got home and left a very bad review of the diner, the next day I was contacted by the manager asking me to specify the bad experience I had at their diner and I told him.
He then called back and told me their business is new and this kind of review might harm their reputation, then asked what it’d take for me to take it down. I told him some consequences for the waitress. He called back to tell me he just fired her but before I took down the review, I was contacted by the waitress on my social media telling me that she didn’t mean to cause disturbance and was just ‘complimenting’ my husband’s eyes, but I ruined her career and caused her to potentially lose her apartment and become homeless after getting fired from the diner and being unable to pay rent.
I didn’t respond but my in-laws point out that I overreacted and this stuff happens too often at diners and I just caused irreparable damage to this young lady’s life over ‘nothing’. Also, MIL said that I must’ve done this because I felt jealous of the waitress.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Your eyes ignite me’ = your eyes turn me on.
Inappropriate. MARRIED MAN. Waiters need tips, but most know not to mess with married couples/families. She should have known better, and the fact that she reached out after you filed a complaint (even if she was fired) is extremely inappropriate too. What are you gonna do? Get her job back? You’re not the manager.
LOL.
You’re not insecure, the waitress was obviously flirting with your husband. If I was in his shoes, I would have been extremely uncomfortable.” throwracloudd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if roles had been reversed people would have a problem with a man openly flirty with their wife as well. Waiter or not. I can’t say how that compliment was given (there are friendly ways that don’t sound flirty at all) but the fact she didn’t apologize when a customer brought up a concern tells me she was probably not a great employee anyway.
The owner decided to fire her, they could’ve just given her a warning which I’d say would’ve been sufficient enough.” ProudUnderstanding93
2. AITJ For Giving Less Expensive Gifts To Some Of My Grandkids?
“To be honest, I (F) have never gotten along with my youngest DIL, ‘Mary’, (28F). On our first meeting, she showed up in a tank top, and shorts, and then spent the entire time making fun of the crosses in my house and trying to argue with me about my faith. I honestly thought she made such a bad impression, that my son, ‘Jack,’ (29M) would break up with her without me saying anything at all.
This, unfortunately, was not the case. Ever since, things have only gone downhill. Until once when I let them stay while on vacation (I live in a fantastic area), I had a group of friends over. They were making some noise, so I told my friends to ‘ignore them it’s not important’ which set Mary off.
We ended up in a massive screaming match, where I was called a ‘controlling narcissist’, and a ‘dismissive jerk’, and told that I would never see my grandkids again. I said I wouldn’t be insulted, blackmailed, and embarrassed in my own house. Now we don’t talk at all.
In contrast, I get along with my older DIL, ‘Lily,’ (35F) pretty well.
We’ve had disagreements, but she doesn’t yell, or mock me, and shows a little bit of respect. We aren’t best friends, but I still see my grandkids, ‘Julie,’ (16F) and ‘Ron,’ (15M), and my son ‘Tom,’ (38M). Recently, for Julie’s 16th birthday, I bought her a car and some new high-priced jewelry.
She loved it, and Lily and Tom were grateful I did.
Well, I guess Jack found out from social media because he called screaming at me about favoritism because I hadn’t bought his kids a car. I told him 1. His kids still aren’t old enough to drive. 2. I tried to buy them nice things when they were kids, but Mary said it overstepped her boundaries.
3. I’m not even allowed to see them so the envelope full of money I send each holiday should be enough.
He didn’t care. He said I was favoring his brother and this is why he didn’t want to see me and I’m a jerk.
So am I the jerk for not buying super expensive presents for grandkids I’m not even allowed to see?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are, not for not buying them ‘super expensive gifts,’ but for blatantly treating them differently over something that they’re not involved with. Whatever beef you have between you and your DIL, don’t extend that to the grandkids. That’s petty and stupid.
Your DIL for being generally rude and weaponizing her kids (I also want to point out that wearing short shorts and a tank top and not being a Christian is NOT grounds for disliking someone.
Get real. That’s very prudish. Just wanted to point that out).
Your son for thinking his kids are entitled to you buying them a car.
Your family is a group of jerks.” carbinePRO
Another User Comments:
“Oh for Pete’s sake. First of all, her wearing shorts and a tank top when you met her has NOTHING to do with the kind of person she is, maybe try not to be so misogynistic and objectifying, on that front.
Imma go with YTJ simply because yeah, you’re playing favorites. You think those kids aren’t gonna grow up and realize grandma hooked their cousins up and not them? SOLELY because you don’t like their mom? Grow up.” Zestyclose-Hour8614
1. AITJ For Crashing My Sister's Wedding?
“I (23F) was not invited to my older sister’s (28F) wedding last week.
She blamed it on it being more of an elopement than a wedding and said that she didn’t have the space for my partner (28M) and me to join.
One of our mutual friends who is her bridesmaid posted a photo of the invitation, so I googled the venue and knew that while it may have been a small wedding space, there’s definitely no reason why two more people wouldn’t be able to make it.
I even asked my parents about this since it is my sister getting married. We have always had a close relationship and I’ve known the groom since they met and supported their relationship fully. My parents just said that since my sister and my now brother-in-law are paying for the wedding themselves, I should respect their wishes and just send a nice gift.
I know that the real reason she doesn’t want me there is that I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant out of wedlock with my partner who my family does not approve of only because he’s a tattoo artist. I also have tattoos and colored hair and this also isn’t something our very conservative family agrees with.
Since I had the event location/date/time from the post of their invitation, I decided that my partner and I should go anyway. We dressed nicely, even more conservatively than usual, and bought her a nice gift too.
When we showed up, everyone acted completely normal like they expected us to be there. Even my sister faked it and we took photos and acted like nothing ever happened. It wasn’t until after the professional photos were done she pulled me aside and absolutely lost it.
I called her out for lying to me and she did admit that I was an embarrassment to her and our family. Just because of how I looked and who I decided to be with.
After that we left and I was sobbing in the car. She hasn’t spoken to me since and blocked my number.
Our parents are just telling me to give her space. I don’t regret going since I wanted to be there to see my sister get married but she made me feel like absolute trash for wanting to show my support. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t crash a wedding you’re not invited to, even if it is your sister’s.
A lot of planning and money went into the day and I’m sure the invitation list, especially as it was small, was not chosen without a lot of thought and care.
Your behavior and self-important attitude lead me to believe there might be more reasons your sister has chosen to remain estranged from you and did not invite you in the first place.” Radiant_University
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Not inviting your own sister to your wedding because of superficial reasons is a jerk move. You crashing a wedding that you weren’t invited to nor wanted at was a jerk move. You should have just spoken with her prior that her not inviting you would mean an end to your relationship with her.
Less drama and it would drive the point home that she’s risking a lot by being petty.” HegoDamask_1
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!