People Can't Deal With The Stress Of These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Having Lunch With My Brother When My Wife Expected Me To Confront My Toxic SIL?
“My wife, our 1-year-old son, and I were at my older brother’s home yesterday for dinner. I used to visit them often before I was married, but even now we try to visit each other once a month and are generally on cordial terms. During dinner, my SIL made a remark about my wife’s bag that I had bought for our anniversary.
My wife seemed happy about that, and everything was going well. My SIL then compared it to my wallet, which is pretty old and worn (but I like it because my dad gave it to me 11 years ago when I left for college), and told my wife she should make me shop for myself too.
I said I liked my wallet (I’ve heard comments about it and I just laugh it off). She then said something that basically translates to “One person earns and another person spends.” I felt uncomfortable about it, but my wife looked extremely upset. I tried to change the topic, but my wife said she takes care of our son, maintains our house while I work, and decorated our house from scratch (all true, and I routinely thank her for it).
My SIL said it was a joke, but within a few minutes, my wife said she wasn’t feeling well, and we went back. During the drive back and when we came back home, she made it very clear that she won’t be keeping any contact with her until she gets a clear apology.
Today, my brother called and suggested we grab a bite to eat. I said sure. The way he said it, it really seemed like it was just the two of us. My wife also had no issues with that. I thought my brother was going to discuss a way for us to meet or something so my SIL and my wife could patch things up.
My SIL was there too when I went there. While we were eating, they gave me her POV: that it was a light-hearted comment and my wife was blowing it out of proportion. I defended my wife too, and said she definitely feels it was out of line.
When I came back home and my wife learned she was there too, she got really upset. She said if my SIL wasn’t prepared to render an apology, then I should’ve left, and that I betrayed her by having food with them. I don’t see it that way.
I was really trying to fix everything in good faith. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, except your wife. Snide comments like your SIL made are always later played off as “just joking” once the intended person (your wife) dares to get upset and actually stands up for themselves.
Your SIL is petty and jealous. I guarantee your brother doesn’t give her gifts like your wife got, hence the snarky comment. Instead of YOU sticking up for your wife, she stuck up for herself, without you backing her up. Then SIL took the cowardly way out by having your brother invite you to lunch, she showed up, and tried to sweep it all under the rug… which seems like you are gladly wanting to do.
You, SIL, and brother have handled this all wrong. You especially. SIL should absolutely apologize to your wife.” starry_nite99
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your brother’s wife sounds like a real manipulative troublemaker. And your brother is enabling her bad behavior. They fully knew he was inviting just you under the pretense it was going to be you and him, then used that as an opportunity to ambush you and argue your sister-in-law’s POV.
Making the crappy comments is one thing, then she tried to come between you and your wife. She knew what she was doing. I’m with your wife on this one. Your SIL sounds pretty toxic.” Due_Help_1639
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t think SIL would be there because it sounds like your brother didn’t call out his wife for being rude either, so you shouldn’t have been having lunch with him until he made it clear he wasn’t cool with what SIL said.
Also, your wife shouldn’t have had to defend herself; you should have said, ‘Hey, she works hard to take care of me and our child, I am eternally grateful for that and happy to splurge on her’ instead of just uncomfortably sidestepping it. If you actually appreciate how hard your wife works, then stand up for her when she’s being accused of being a gold digger because that’s exactly what SIL meant.” kaijuumafoo1
19. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Aunt's Dog Back Despite Her Repeated Requests?
“So a year ago my aunt [F 61] decided that she wanted to sell her dog that she’d had for 5 years because it was “too much work” for her and her husband.
She and her husband are extremely wealthy with kids who have moved away from home. She doesn’t work, so she spends most of her time at home with the dog.
About a year before, she had decided to sell her dog, our family had lost our beloved fur baby of 15 years due to illness, and we were completely heartbroken.
So when we got the news that she wanted to sell her dog, we offered to take her in. We had spent time with her dog before and bonded really well, so we knew the transition would be easy for her.
She said if no one wanted to buy her after a few days, she would give her to us for free.
Well, we gladly accepted. She gave her to us with the intention of us having her forever, and we thought that was that.
We had her for 5 months and it was amazing. We love her with every ounce of our body; she got spoiled rotten and it was just so good to have a dog again.
During the 5 months, my aunt traveled to Europe and some other countries and was enjoying her luxurious life. About 1 month after she returned from her travels, she started to hint to my mom on the phone that she wanted her back. She eventually, full-blown, started asking for her back because she missed her.
We initially refused and said no, and told her it’s unfair, but she eventually guilt tripped me and I agreed to give her back.
She ended up taking her back; our family was absolutely devastated. Well, well, well, not even a month later, she tells us she’s moving to an apartment and that they don’t allow dogs, so we can have her back.
Now, remember these people are rich, rich, and if they truly loved the dog, they could have found a place that accepted pets. We agreed, but on the premise that she was not going to ask for her back; she agreed and she brought her back to us.
Well, we’ve had our dog for about 6 months nearly, have changed the ownership and chip info into our name and all. Guess who called last week: my aunt, starting to hint that she’s lonely and wants the dog back. My mom gently refused and changed the subject.
In the last 24 hours, there has been an all-out argument between us and her, accusing us of taking her dog, calling us manipulative, and just general nasty stuff. We have refused to give the dog back, and she’s more or less saying she won’t forgive us and that will be the end of the relationship.
So AITJ for refusing to give her our beautiful dog back?”
Another User Comments:
“Your aunt doesn’t have a dog. She literally transferred ownership to you. Is she planning to pay you back for all the food you’ve bought? The cost of transferring ownership?
Vet bills? If she gave her to a stranger, would she be around there knocking on their door demanding the dog back? Her calling YOU manipulative is a serious case of the kettle being a total hypocrite. This woman doesn’t deserve a pet if she is going to give her away, not once but twice, for stupid reasons.
If she’s lonely, then she should make a friend. If she won’t forgive you, then you have a manipulative dog-stealer out of your life; sounds like a win to me. NTJ x 1000″ use_your_smarts
Another User Comments:
“She is using you as a free babysitter for her dog so she can travel and what not, then when it’s convenient for her, she wants to get love from the dog.
Then the cycle of her getting rid of the dog continues. DO NOT EVER give her back that dog. It is so harmful to the dog to be passed around like it isn’t a living creature who is confused, and ripped away from you, the only stability she has.” Natenat04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dog is not a disposable toy; she can just throw it around when she doesn’t want it anymore or it doesn’t fit in her lifestyle. You and your family are giving this dog love and attention, and wouldn’t have parted with it had it not been your aunt harassing you about it.
Don’t give it back. She needs to realize she is not mature enough to have a pet. Bless you and your family for taking care of that dog. If she’s willing to cut ties with you because of that, she’s proving my point about being completely selfish and immature.
She doesn’t care about that dog’s well-being, nor about the relationship you and your folks have formed with the puppy.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Withholding Participation In My SIL's Grand Stillbirth Memorial?
“My SIL had a stillbirth 3 years ago. We were so saddened and offered support. She had 3 living children before this. At Christmas before the one-year anniversary, she opened our Christmas card. A few moments later, she then picked it back up, stated that she couldn’t display it unless her baby’s name was included, and proceeded to write their name on the card.
I tried to put it to the back of my mind but honestly felt she could have taken the card home and written their name to avoid making me the example in front of the entire family.
We attended the first two memorials and found them very difficult and awkward.
My sibling was stillborn, and I grew up in a household that didn’t talk about it. Whenever my siblings and I tried to ask questions about our stillborn sibling, our mother would shut us down.
During family gatherings, she makes excessive comments and social media posts that nothing feels right without her angel baby being there.
My other sister-in-law and I find it upsetting that she makes these comments, as we cannot help that our children survived and one of hers didn’t. She has three other healthy children to care for.
During a family gathering, she made a comment that her living children had recently asked her who her favourite was and that she had responded that her angel baby was her favourite.
The room went silent. As a child who was repeatedly told, with much venom, that I wouldn’t have been born had my sibling survived, that broke me.
So the third anniversary rolled around recently. Again, we were asked to attend a memorial (although this time she called it a birthday, which struck me as odd), but we felt it was too much for us to go through again after attending the first two.
We decided not to go, but I chose to light a candle and wear my angel wings brooch for the week before and the week after the passing date as a tribute.
We’ve now received a message from MIL stating that my SIL is very upset with us all, as we didn’t “make the effort” and that we should apologize.
While I appreciate that she’s still grieving, she’s able to do that in her own way, and if others choose to grieve differently, then that’s okay too. I don’t believe you can dictate to others how to grieve, nor can you have a monopoly on grief.
Everyone is different, and I respect that she wants to do a grand gesture each year, but she needs to accept that not everyone wants to, or feels comfortable being, a part of it.
I feel like it’s not my direct loss to carry on grieving so openly.
Yes, I feel sad, as it’s a loss of life, but at what point do we stop mentioning it all the time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL needs some serious help. The loss of a child in this way is extremely sad (I know firsthand) and grieving is part of that.
But three years? That is not healthy and is clearly damaging her other children and probably her marriage. The rest of the family either doesn’t see this as a problem (and they need help too) or is simply enabling her problem by going along to avoid dealing with it, but everyone needs to sit your SIL down and get her to seek the help she clearly needs.” me_not_at_work
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my brother and sister-in-law lost their 19-year-old son a couple of years ago. They have more living children. We had a celebration of life, and for large family events and family pictures, they posed with a picture of him. However, we have never been asked to attend another service for him every year.
We still talk about him, and have pictures up, but he hasn’t become the center of their world.” ssfamily42
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry if my opinion offends, but it is just that, my opinion. The idea of repeating a funeral-like memorial with a retinue of ‘mourners’ year after year is morbid and a glaring red flag of deep mental disturbance.
Your SIL needs serious intervention. Her family is enabling very dangerous behavior. Your MIL is a fool if she thinks you should apologize for not attending a 3rd anniversary memorial service. Her kids are suffering, undoubtedly her marriage is suffering, and her mother is perpetuating and supporting her instability.
Don’t get me wrong, she will carry her grief for the rest of her life. But she is not dealing with the loss and processing her grief so she can function. And by supporting these excessive and public displays of mourning and admonishments to those who refuse to participate, the MIL is throwing gasoline on the fire.
OP, you have a unique perspective, having lived as a surviving sibling. Perhaps you can speak to your BIL and help him see how desperately his wife needs an intervention. You owe no apologies. How you personally grieve a loss is a private thing, and need not be put on public display.
I am sorry for your family’s loss. I hope your SIL can find her way back before she destroys herself and her marriage and children.” Queen-Pierogi-V
17. AITJ For Confronting My Foster Carer For Neglecting Me?
“I (17f) have lived in my current foster home for a little over a year.
I immediately got bad vibes from the foster carer on the first day. I don’t know; she just gave me off energy, though that could’ve just been me being judgmental.
There is another girl who’s been living in the same foster home for about 5 to 6 years before me (she is also 17 and, for the sake of the story, I’ll call her May).
We became friends, and she told me before I came that Jane (the foster carer) had shown her my PERSONAL FILE and asked for her opinion about me. Since then, Jane has been chatting the most crap about me to May. (She tells me everything.) Jane calls me rude, says I’m a bad influence, that I’m disrespectful, lazy, have no manners, and apparently act like this is my house.
Jane likes to rave and brag about how good a foster carer she is and how long she’s been in the company. She does a lot of things to make herself look good in front of the social workers.
About a week ago, my social worker came over to help me with a housing application since I wasn’t allowed to stay after 18 because Jane wouldn’t get money to take care of me.
Jane said those exact words to May, by the way.
During the meeting, my social worker said something that completely set me off. I had to go to Jane, saying that she’s a useless foster carer who doesn’t do anything and doesn’t care. A week before the meeting, I was really ill with a chest infection, and not once did Jane ask if I was okay.
Her DAUGHTER made me food and tea for the entire week while Jane said literally nothing to me. After about four days, Jane asked if I wanted cough medicine, and I said no. She never asked how I was doing.
I brought this up during the meeting and told my social worker how Jane never asked how I was doing when I was ill.
Jane immediately got defensive and went into the other room. She got the medicine just to prove a point that she had bought medicine for me. I also brought up how she actively chats crap about me in the house. I never said where I got the source from; I just said I could hear from upstairs.
She called me a liar and swore to God that she would never do that.
I also made a point that on my birthday she didn’t say “happy birthday” to me until later on in the day. She didn’t get me a card. She didn’t get me a gift. She didn’t get me a cake.
I also said that when it was May’s birthday, everyone went out to Nando’s while I didn’t get anything. No one asked if I wanted to go out for my birthday, to which Jane responded, “Oh, do you want to go out this weekend?” I said no because it defeated the whole purpose and it also proved that she was trying to put on a show in front of the social workers.
After my social worker left, we had a conversation and “sorted things out.” As I was going back to my room, I heard her on the phone to my social worker, telling her everything that we had just spoken about, furthermore proving my point that she’s only in it to make herself look good.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never dealt with the foster care system, so this is just an outside perspective and maybe useless. I’d say NTJ. The caseworker needs to know this information. Not just to make sure you’re receiving proper care, but when considering future placements.
I also think it’s good you said everything with Jane present, so she can’t claim you were talking behind her back. I hope she lives up to her end of the discussion in the months you’re still there, and I hope you have a wonderful, successful life when you get out on your own.” Curious_Vixen_Here
Another User Comments:
“What I would say is to focus on the housing. (I’m assuming you’re British based on the words you use and Nando’s…) However, what she may have shown May about you is called matching information. This is just some information, and it’s meant to see if you are a match for the home; at your age, it’s important to get the match right between all people there.
The birthday thing is crap, and she will get money for this. Sadly, in foster placements you don’t get the control of your birthday money, whereas if you are in a home then you would get more control over this, so it’s crap that she hasn’t used it on you.
I’m not saying that she’s not in it for the money, but there’s clearly a disconnect there, and I would just focus on your future and get to know post care support services really well—use this time wisely.” Adventurous-Carpet88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
You deserve to have someone who looks out for you, loves you, and cares for you. It might seem trivial to some, but a birthday card and cake would have made you feel like someone was looking out for you. That’s low effort, and she’s not even providing that to you.
It’s basic parenting to celebrate a birthday. You were right to bring it up because she’s going to have other kids coming through her door who maybe don’t know how to stand up for themselves. Personally, I think you were really brave for defending yourself.
It’s heartbreaking to think of kids going into foster care where they’re not cared for properly, and it’s allowed to happen. I’m glad her daughter tried to look after you; it shows that there’s someone there looking out for you. From a mum, belated happy birthday, and if I could hug you, sweetheart, I would.” whatsername235
16. AITJ For Telling My Family About My Cousin's Bedroom Behavior?
“My (19M) family has a house to use collectively on weekends, with every family nucleus having its own room. The only exception is a room on the 2nd floor with 2 double beds, used only when my cousins from another state come over with their partners, usually twice a year, leaving the room vacant most of the time and free for me to use, as my sleeping schedule is very messed up and I can stay there chilling/working during the night without disturbing anyone.
My cousin Mary (21F) never slept there until she got a partner, Lou (18M). Her room has a bunk bed so they can fit there, but as they don’t have many opportunities to sleep together (they live in different cities) she started sleeping upstairs too.
The issue started one night at about 5 a.m. I was watching something on my laptop on the bed, blocking my face from their view. I guess they assumed I was asleep and started being intimate. They were quiet, but it still made me very uncomfortable, so I just stayed put until they were done and went back to sleep.
The actual event happened last Friday. We got there during the afternoon; Mary and Lou went out and I stayed in the room on the second floor as always. They got home around 12 a.m. I said I’d still be up on my laptop for a while, and jokingly-but-not-quite told them that if I woke up to them being intimate, I’d make a scene and tell everyone.
We laughed and they went to bed.
I went to sleep a little earlier than usual, about 3 a.m., as I’d barely slept the day before trying to fix my college schedule, only to wake up around 5 a.m. to the sound of their bed creaking.
I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I just stayed there, annoyed, staring at the ceiling, until they were done.
The next day, I woke up late, around 1 p.m. My mom called me downstairs for lunch, and when I went down, everyone (my parents, my uncle, my cousin’s mom, my grandma, Mary, and Lou) was acting annoyed at me for waking up so late.
I know most of them were kidding, but my parents definitely weren’t. So I apologized and said I couldn’t sleep because “some people were under the impression they were at a love hotel last.”
Mary yelled at me and went crying to her mother’s room, and Lou went after her.
My aunt was fuming and said it wasn’t my place to expose her daughter’s intimate life, especially in front of so many family members. My parents were mostly mad about me creating drama, and my uncle just laughed. I think grandma didn’t even hear it, as she just kept knitting and only looked up to ask if there was any dessert left.
Mary refused to talk to me for the rest of the day, but she didn’t move her stuff from the room we were sharing, and neither did I, as I didn’t believe what I did was wrong, having warned them about what I would do if they broke the one very reasonable boundary I set.
My mom is still furious and saying she didn’t raise me like that, even though I still feel like they got away with breaking my boundaries. Is that a normal thing people do? Am I the jerk for maybe overreacting and telling everyone about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She had intimate relations with her partner while her cousin was in the same room. That’s gross and weird and honestly, I would have stopped them once I realized and told them that’s crazy and reminded them that you’re literally only a few feet away.
She doesn’t want to be discreet obviously so what’s the problem in telling everyone? She literally had intimate relations with her partner in front of you.” Legitimate-Mess3310
Another User Comments:
“Why are you in that room if your cousin is there? You said it’s for out-of-state cousins, but you use it when no one else does.
Well, your cousin is using it to spend time with her partner. You could go to your other bedroom. You didn’t sleep in because your cousin was being intimate with her partner. You have a messed-up sleep schedule anyway. What you did was petty.
It’s a little disgusting that your cousin did the deed with you there, but you don’t need to be there in the first place.” Glad-Description-541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – All these others are obviously just not getting enough or don’t have any basic manners.
It’s gross to be intimate with someone when someone else is in the room, especially a family member. You warned her. She messed around literally and found out. If your family complains, then tell them to give up their private rooms so she can have privacy to do that stuff.
If she tries it again, though, don’t stay quiet and ruin the mood. Ask how it’s going, if she is doing well, who she is really thinking about, etc…” opheliasdinosaur
15. AITJ For Demanding My Fiancé Stop His Parents From Crashing Our Honeymoon?
“My fiancé and I have our wedding coming up in April. We had brainstormed for a while on where best to spend our honeymoon. We went over the more popular and well-known places, but then landed on a more offbeat destination that I felt would truly be a great place for us to start our life as a married couple.
I’ve been looking forward to it—just being the two of us. I know he has a really hectic work schedule, and we were going to make the most out of this.
A couple of days ago, he told me that his parents had been impressed by how hyped I was about it and were planning on going there for a vacation too, largely overlapping with our dates.
They’re staying at the same hotel as us.
I was livid. They can go any other time. Why now? He said he had suggested that, but his mom said they had taken time off for the wedding too, and it worked well into their plans.
Also, since we’re going to be going back, it’ll allow them to maybe see us a few times before we leave. I was almost in tears—I was so angry. He tried to reassure me, saying they had promised it would be two separate things and they wouldn’t be inserting themselves in our honeymoon; they want us to enjoy it, and they’d be doing their own thing.
I want to believe it, but I know his mom. I like her as a soon-to-be MIL, but she can be very clingy and routinely laments how far he (and now us) are from them, so I just have a feeling the two plans are not going to be as independent as he thinks they’ll be.
I vented about it to my parents too. My mom agreed with me that this wasn’t right. My dad was more on the fence about it; he didn’t think everything was ruined. I’ve demanded my fiancé make them change their plans. He says he asked them to—they promised to do their own thing.
What can he do? Tell them he doesn’t believe them and call them liars? I messed up here and said that if that’s what it takes. He got quiet. I realized that was too much and sincerely apologized for crossing the line. This has been eating me up.
I was envisioning a certain type of honeymoon, and then this happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is truly manipulative of your ILs. Your husband doesn’t see this, and that’s a concern. Your ILs absolutely intentionally did this, and you will see them more than you want to, and they will insert themselves into your honeymoon.
This is just gross and narcissistic of them. You can change your own plans—go to a different place, or just not marry a guy who’s a pushover to his parents.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“My friend’s (the bride) parents decided to surprise the newlyweds by showing up on their honeymoon in the south of France.
The marriage was over by the time they returned to the US. This is your hill to die on. Your guy needs to tell them they are absolutely not coming, or you change your plans and make sure they cannot have access to the new location, or you have to decide whether to call off this marriage.
And yes, it’s that serious an issue.” Dunesgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you only have two options here. Accept that they will be a part of your honeymoon, or cancel your current plans and try to rebook somewhere else. This is your future MIL’s way to assert her dominance.
And if you or your finance allow it this time, it’s going to set up a precedent. Future MIL is already contradicting herself. She says it will allow her to see you guys a few times before you go back, but she also says it’s two separate things.
FMIL says she wants you to enjoy your honeymoon, but is going to know that’s not what you want. Please stand your ground with both FMIL and finance. This is one of those times where he either has your back or he has his mommy’s back.
He can’t have both.” Silent-Ad-5926
14. AITJ For Telling My Fiancée That Her Sister Can't Stay?
“For context, my fiancée’s mother and sister (30) are devout Hindus, while I’m Christian. Their family is dysfunctional—the parents are separated but live in the same house.
The sister resents their father, constantly fights with him, and refuses to move out despite owning a house he bought her. She stays home to avoid spending money, saving 95% of her income, while their mother enables her.
The real trouble started when my fiancée, her mother, and sister visited the temple twice.
The first time, a “temple person” told them I would end up with another woman—and they believed it blindly. The second time, this same person claimed I was gay. Afterward, they called my mother, saying they wanted to sell everything and get their money back.
Following this, I asked my fiancée to limit their visits to our place—they were coming over 3–4 times a week, which was excessive. I value my privacy and want time alone with my fiancée.
Then came my birthday party. My fiancée’s mother invited their father, hoping to mend things.
During dinner, he made a joke, and the sister lost it. She stormed out, went home, and destroyed his garden. He threatened to call the cops—and I don’t blame him. She has serious anger issues.
The next week, their mother left for an overseas trip, leaving the sister home alone.
She initially asked if she could work from our place (which I suspected was an excuse to stay over). Sure enough, when the time came, she guilt-tripped my fiancée into letting her stay a full week.
At that point, I put my foot down.
I told my fiancée that her sister couldn’t stay. After what she pulled with the temple visits and her general behavior, I didn’t want her in my home. I also like my space—I walk around in my boxers, unwind, and don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my own house.
My parents also agreed that she shouldn’t stay with us when she has her own home.
A few weeks later, my fiancée finally told her sister she couldn’t stay over anymore. She completely lost it, texting my mom to “keep her big nose out of our business” and telling me to “keep the heck away from my dog.” They have a Jack Russell, I love.
Now, she’s acting like a child and refuses to attend our wedding (despite being the maid of honor). She keeps messaging my fiancée, though I don’t know what she’s saying. My fiancée now wants me to apologize, but I don’t feel I did anything wrong.
Am I the jerk? What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but please stop ignoring all the red flags. This woman is waving in front of you. She is very attached to her family, believes everything that comes out of their mouth, and always defends them even when they’re wrong.
This will not change or get better as time goes on. If you do not want to deal with this for the rest of your life, I suggest that you rethink this relationship.” ACM915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I urge you to reconsider this marriage.
Your fiancée refuses to side with you. She actively participates in her family’s dysfunction. She refuses to set boundaries. She pressured you to allow her sister to stay for free, despite said sister owning her own home. She returned to a temple with her mother and sister after a (monk?) told them you were going to be unfaithful to her.
The next time, he informed them you were gay. That’s ludicrous. Only someone impenetrably ignorant would believe that. Over and over, your fiancée kept siding against you. If you marry her, for the rest of your life, you’re going to get ganged up on, and your wife will stand with them, not you.
Not to be ignored is the difference in religion. Having different faiths is more likely to work out if you don’t plan on having children. If you do, then which one of you will choose not to teach their faith to their own kids?
Her family is chaos. Chaos gets old.” Shdfx1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your own home. I am glad your wife is on your side (at first, though she is dealing with family pressure). But honestly, do you want to deal with the dysfunction for the rest of your life?
Maybe it’s time for some real talk and perhaps pre-marital counseling with your fiancée before the wedding, because this sounds like a lot and a lot of mental health issues down the road.” FrameNo4349
13. AITJ For Prioritizing Work Over Waiting At Discount Tire For My Wife?
“I work from home two days per week; today is one of those days.
My wife’s workday ends at 4:00, mine ends at 5:30.
Today, when my wife got home (about 4:15), she called me downstairs pretty much as soon as she came in the front door, to tell me that she’d left her car running and would I please take it over to Discount Tire (DT) because one of the tires is low.
(For those not aware, DT provides complementary inflation and (non-sidewall) tire repairs.) Without complaint, I agree because it’s only a 5-minute drive each way, so I can just take a quick 15-minute break from work. I drive her car down there, and the guy tops up 3 tires, but on the 4th, his machine won’t dispense any air.
I see him check it with a manual pressure gauge, and then he comes up to the window and tells me that the tire is under 15 PSI, so he can’t inflate it, but he says they’re not very busy right now, they could repair the tire after only about a half-hour wait.
I let him know that I need to get back to work. is there any way he can add even a little bit of air so I can maybe have my wife bring it back and wait? He says no, because it’s “basically flat.”
I call my wife to let her know this – my intention is to ask her if I drive back home, would she want to drive it back to DT now since the wait is relatively short (when they’re busy, it can be a 2+ hour wait), or if not I can at least make an appointment while I’m here.
But I don’t even get that far; she just wants me to stay and wait for it (even though she’s already done working for the day). I tell her I really need to get back to work, and she gets very upset. I ask DT Guy what exactly he meant by “basically flat,” and he said I’m at 13 PSI.
I confirm with him that this means I’m not at immediate risk of the rim tearing up the inside of the tire if I drive it back home right now, so I tell my wife that I’m coming back and I’ll be there in 5 minutes.
As I’m driving home I get a couple of texts, including “I’ll just have you drive me to work tomorrow and my car can sit in the freaking driveway for all I care”, but of course I don’t read them until I get home.
I go inside to make another attempt to explain the specifics of the situation (I haven’t even been able to tell her that it’s not actually flat flat, yet), but she refuses to listen to a word of it, telling me she isn’t going to listen to anything I have to say for the next week, and that I’ve “ruined everything.”
I don’t recall every word exchanged, but I know I did tell her that she was acting like a child, and in the end saying “Fine, I’ll go back there and I’ll just have to work until 8 pm tonight!” to which she responded with “Good, I don’t want to see you!”
I did go back to DT, and started composing this post while waiting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no-win situation here. Your wife knew coming home she had a tire problem, and probably that morning. She decided it’s your job to take care of it, even though your workday hasn’t ended. Then, when the situation went sideways, she decided to be mad at you.
From this point, she has pushed your boundaries and workday, for her personal convenience. Solution, get a small air compressor made for cars. It will save her should this ever happen and she can’t make it home. Then help her learn to use it.
Then for her birthday, a gift certificate for an oil change and another safety device for her car (jumper cables, emergency kit etc.). Then for Christmas, the same thing until she can feel safe driving her car without turning into a fearful, when something happens.
I don’t know if her overacting out is due to any resentment from her having to commute while you work at home, but in this cas,e it felt like she is.” Sad_Gold7305
Another User Comments:
“ESH You commented that you’re the car guy and car maintenance is one of your responsibilities, so you should have said you’ll take it after work.
She shouldn’t have said you need to do it now.” 5newspapers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was mad the last time I had a low tire, because instead of telling me it was “unfixable” right away, they had me wait while they did their 19 point *(or whatever) “free” inspection.
Of course they came up with “replace brake fluid, 4 new tires, battery – and $1200 worth of other work” when all I wanted was air in my tire. It seems like these places have no concept regarding time spent waiting. The question is – does she have a spare?
They could have put on the spare and then you could have picked up the tire later or the next day. Either way – waiting sucks.” carmabound
12. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate For Chucking My ESA Cat At Night?
“So I [22 F] have this one roommate [20 F] that I’ve kinda always had issues with. She and I don’t click, and I don’t mind that because it happens. But last night, I kinda got after her because I got tired of her treating my cat as if she were hers.
I’m not sure if it’s important, but my cat is my ESA and I don’t care that much if my roommates play with her; she’s still 5 months old and needs quite a bit of play time. I had set some ground rules, though. She’s in my room, so I told my roommates that I don’t care if they take her out; they just need to message me or let me know.
The other rule is that if they take her out, they have to leave the door open so she can get to her litter box, food/water, etc. My room is also her space to go when she feels overwhelmed.
This one roommate has taken her up to her room and closed the door to both her room and my room a couple of times without telling me.
So every time, I end up freaking out a little while searching for her because she got out. I’ve told this roommate a couple of times to let me know and to keep the doors open. She also has friends over and introduces the cat as “this is my sweet girl!” even if I’m sitting there.
Anyway, last night I had gotten fed up with it because at 1 a.m. I wanted to go to bed and I couldn’t find my cat anywhere, so I started shaking the treat box. I could hear jingling upstairs, so I looked and saw this roommate CHUCK my cat out of her door.
So I marched up there and confronted her. I did raise my voice a bit, but I’m pretty fed up with her. Now she’s been calling me petty and childish, telling the other roommates that I won’t let her see my cat because I hate her (not true; I didn’t say she couldn’t see the cat, I just told her she needs to listen to the rules and stop treating my cat as if it were hers).
She’s also been avoiding me, telling the other roommates that I screamed at her for no reason and that she’s worried about continuing to live with me if I can’t control my emotions around her. This situation isn’t the only thing she’s done, but I’m wondering if AITJ and if I should’ve handled it differently.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had clear, reasonable rules, and they’re not being respected. You might be a bit too sensitive about her saying things like “this is my sweet girl” (there she’s arguably just showing affection for the cat), but given all the other rule-breaking… fair enough hahaha I’d be annoyed too!” Catracas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you need to have a roommate meeting where it’s made clear: The cat is not a “pet” to be shared; it is your ESA. If she is telling the roommates you “screamed at her for no reason” and that you “can’t control your emotions around her,” it needs to be clearly and concisely explained that the cat is directly for your regulation of emotions.
Her actions of keeping your ESA from you directly led to your emotions being out of check. You can apologize if you feel the need, but she needs to know the cause and effect of her behavior.” RayofSunshine_27
11. AITJ For Borrowing Books From The Mini-Library During My Lunch Break?
“At the school where I work, as well as the main library, we have a mini-library in each classroom. During my lunch breaks, I like to sit in my classroom and read a book from my classroom’s mini-library for about 10 or 15 minutes as it helps me relax ahead of the afternoon.
Today, one of my colleagues (not a superior) saw me doing this and accused me of “stealing”, as the books are for students, not us staff. She said that if I do it again, she’ll report me. I don’t remove the books from the classroom, and I put them back after my short reading time.
I don’t try to discourage kids from borrowing books, even if it’s the one I’m currently reading (I can continue it when the kid brings it back). The students aren’t allowed in that part of the building over lunch, so they don’t even know I do this (so they would have no reason to feel discouraged from borrowing books).
Several colleagues (including members of SLT) have come into my classroom to ask me something while I’ve been reading, and no one has had a problem with it before. I explained all this to my colleague, but she said, “there’s no excuse for stealing from work.”
I reminded her that staff can borrow (and even take home) books from the main library, so why wouldn’t I be allowed to read books from a mini-library, and I asked if there was a rule against it? She said “You shouldn’t have to be told that stealing is wrong” and asked whether, if she caught me swiping a school laptop, I’d expect her to turn a blind eye?
I laughed at this (I couldn’t help it) and asked if she was seriously comparing me reading a book with stealing a laptop? She said, “Stealing is stealing.” I told her to report me if she wants, and it’ll give everyone a good laugh. She got angry and told me that “Stealing is no joke,” that my attitude is disgusting, and reiterated that if she finds out I’ve done this again, she will report me, before walking off.
Feel free to disagree, but I still don’t think reading one of the school’s books over my lunch break is stealing, but I feel a bit bad for being rude to my colleague. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Implicitly, by calling it a mini-library, the school allows people to borrow books.
You were borrowing a book, as intended, for 15 minutes. You weren’t stealing, so be proactive with your version of events before your coworker tells everyone you are stealing.” UteLawyer
Another User Comments:
“She does realize that after someone reads words in a book, they don’t disappear?
That they will still be there when someone else comes along to read them? They aren’t a mission impossible note that will self-destruct… You’re reading during your lunch break, so you’re not even stealing time from your employer when you should be doing other work.
She’s a wackadoodle. NTJ but I’d think about reporting her comments to your boss to give them a heads up, just to get ahead of any complaint she makes.” Rare_Sugar_7927
Another User Comments:
“Her behavior and remarks are well out of line and concerning in terms of being mentally well.
You can either advise your Superior. You could follow up with her and write documenting her alleged concerns and what transpired, and let her know that you conferred with someone responsible and folks are free to use books from the libraries. But I would try to keep a distance between the two of you or make sure you have witnesses around.
That’s unbalanced behavior.” mostly_lurking1040
10. AITJ For Not Forcing My Daughter To See Her Dad On Valentines Weekend?
“I have a very complicated co-parenting relationship with my daughter’s dad (she is 13). He lives in another state and rarely visits.
He visits once a year. We have a court order stating that he can have visits; we just need to work them out first. We use a shared calendar. Now, we don’t do a whole lot of stuff, so there might be one to three weekends that are busy throughout the entire year.
In January, he messaged me saying he would be coming out in February. I hadn’t put anything on the calendar yet, but I knew we would be busy only one weekend that month (Valentine’s Day, then my birthday is the next day). That just happened to be the weekend he picked. I told him that wasn’t a good weekend, but every other weekend was completely open.
He got mad, saying that he was coming down that weekend and that there was nothing I could do about it.
Honestly, I wasn’t going to argue with him. So I informed my daughter that her dad was coming out that weekend. She freaked out upon hearing that he was coming.
She told me that her friends had informed her that her crush was planning on asking her on a Valentine’s Day date (which would be her first ever date). She immediately called her dad and begged him to move the weekend. He actually yelled at her, then yelled at me for “turning her against him.”
She ended up hanging up on him and has been ignoring his calls since. Well, she was asked out on a movie date for Valentine’s Day (to be supervised by the boy’s mom). So, on Valentine’s Day, her dad is in town; she refuses to go and instead goes on her date.
She refuses to even meet up with him. I have tried multiple times to get her to see him, even for a short while, but she is not budging.
He is very mad; he is now threatening to call the police and the courts to see if I can be thrown in jail.
I’ve tried talking to her, but I can’t drag her into the vehicle and force her to stay with him. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not. I had a similar experience with my 13-year-old son. Your agreement states that you need to work it out prior to his visit, and it doesn’t sound like it was agreed to on both sides, so that would be on him.
Also, at this age there’s a limit to what you can force your children to do. Their opinions as teenagers will matter to police officers or in court. In fact, forcing her may work against you, and you need the relationship between yourself and your daughter to be solid.” Weezil3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know about the laws in your country, but in mine, you wouldn’t be thrown in jail. In fact, your ex not coming regularly and often at all and then demanding one single specific weekend, which contains your birthday and is right after Valentine’s Day, would raise some eyebrows on his behavior.
Stay strong and let him make an authoritarian jerk out of himself all he wants. And then, congratulate yourself for being free of this man.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone knows who the real jerk is. Maybe if the other parent had called his daughter every so often, he would know that she had a crush.
And he would know that her crush invited her to her first date. Donor dad must be between partners, since he had no VD plans of his own. I don’t think you will go to jail, but perhaps a visit to the family court judge will open his eyes.
My own brother calls dads like your daughter’s ‘Disneyland Dads’—they only want to engage with their children for ‘fun’ things that cost a lot of money, but don’t give the kids what they really want: time and attention from their dad. Your ex has discovered that your daughter is not going to allow him to treat her like a doormat.
He keeps up this nonsense, and she will go NC on him in a heartbeat.” UnionStewardDoll
9. AITJ For Donating My Friend’s Coat And Refusing To Replace It?
“I am 22, female, and my friend, 20, female, whom we will call Belle for this story, had been on the rocks with our friendship for a while, neither of us bothering to see each other much since she stayed with me after being kicked out of her flat.
A couple of days ago, we had a huge argument about the way I spoke to her. (This was on text chat, and I have autism, so that type of thing is confusing for me. She knew this.) I tried to explain and defend myself, but she victimized herself (as always), starting to say I never bothered with her and that she’s the only one who makes an effort.
I said I only check in once in a while since her partner doesn’t like her at my house anymore because he likes being around my brother. (She had a thing with my brother out of spite when we had an argument.) And she got really upset and angry, calling me names, saying I was useless, then blocked me before I could have replied.
Fast forwarding to today. She texted me again. “I left my coat at yours and I’d like it back.” By this point, I gutted my entire bedroom, and Belle and I have very different weights. I thought it was one of my old coats, considering it was in the back of my wardrobe (it had been there for over half a year), so I chucked it in a charity bag with a lot of other clothes, taking them to a women’s aid.
I told her that her coat was gone and that I had donated it. She got mad and started to demand I pay her back for the coat. I refused, as in my head, leaving something you apparently care about so much at someone else’s house for almost seven months, despite being told to pick it up, means you no longer want that coat.
I had forgotten it was hers, and I told her that it was her own fault for not listening and picking up her bits. So, AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“So she was told to pick it up multiple times but you also forgot it was hers, so you donated it?
That’s a bit confusing. If it were an expensive coat, I’d be peeved if someone chucked it. But I also am only going to hold on to someone’s stuff for a limited time (I don’t like clutter). I’ll tell you a few times to come get it, and then I’ll say, ‘Hey, if you don’t come get this, I’m donating it.’ That usually works.
Soooo, even though I think you may have intentionally or subconsciously gotten rid of it on purpose, I’m still gonna say NTJ” Majestic_Shoe5175
Another User Comments:
“ESH So you asked her multiple times about her coat and then, all of a sudden, you don’t remember what that same coat looks like and you throw it out?
It sounds way more plausible that you were being spiteful and you threw out the coat. You clearly don’t like her. Be honest with yourself and just let this friendship die off. It will be better for both of you.” simulacrum79
Another User Comments:
“Tbh, you both sound like terrible people. Find better friends and be better friends. Also, being autistic is not an excuse for when you hurt your friends. We all hurt people by accident. You still apologize; you don’t just tell them it’s OK for you to behave that way because you didn’t know it was offensive.
They’re still hurt, and you need to tell them you didn’t mean to hurt them and apologize. You need to fix that hurt.” DizzyAdeptness7
8. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker For Lying In An Office Step Competition?
“At our last company meeting, they announced there would be a step competition. Participation was voluntary; if the average number of steps was greater than or equal to a 5K per day, all participants got a Friday half day.
The person with the most steps overall won an Apple Watch. We would log our steps during work days only for 20 days.
I’ve been in a funk lately and was glad for an excuse to get back into my fitness routine. I love running and asked if steps from running could be counted. Matt, who volunteered to manage the competition, said it did.
My goal was 20,000 steps a day, thinking this would easily put me in the lead, but on day 1, this guy Dave posted 23,000. I sent him a message on Teams, saying something along the lines of “it’s on!” The next day I put up 24,000. He answered back with 25,000.
Another coworker, Jenna, also joined in. The three of us started having daily chats about our workouts.
By week 2, it was looking certain that one of us would win, and the whole group was absolutely getting a half day off work. Then I checked the log and, out of nowhere, Tiffany, who had been posting 10-15,000 per day, posted 65,000 steps.
For perspective, a marathon I ran resulted in 52,000. So I’m skeptical, but also, maybe Tiffany ran a casual ultra marathon on a workday? Who knows. I sent her a Teams message, “That’s a lot of steps, what’s your secret?”
She said she plays volleyball and wanted to count the steps from her games, but she can’t safely keep her phone or watch on her to keep count.
To solve this problem, Matt looked up a chart online that gives a step equivalent for other activities.
Fair enough, but the math still isn’t adding up, so I said, “Wow, you must have played for like 8 hours!” Her reply: “Well, I also rode my bike.” Now, this is where I call nonsense, so I clarified, “You counted riding your bike?” It turns out she didn’t just use the chart for volleyball; she used it to count everything she did and convert it into steps.
Bike riding, stretching, yoga, and washing the dishes are all great, but those are not steps. This seemed pretty lame to me, and I just said, “I don’t think that’s really in the spirit of this competition.”
I immediately went to Matt to ask about this chart, specifically if bike riding counted towards steps.
He said bike riding didn’t count because it was too different and also unfair since not every employee has access to a bike. I thanked him for clarifying and told him that Tiffany might also need some clarification.
Not two minutes later, I received this message from Tiffany: “Really, you complained about me?
That’s actually not in the spirit of the competition. I lost a pet recently and have been so depressed. I’ve been struggling to lose weight and I was so proud of my steps from yesterday! Not everyone can be a marathon runner like you, really uncool.”
I knew I was being a little cheeky going to Matt, but Tiffany’s message really took me by surprise. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I think your company is the jerk for allowing people to enter the numbers manually. They should have mandated the use of a pedometer or steps counted on the phone apps, etc.—basically some kind of proof.
Now I am sure there would still be some who would tie the pedometer to, say, their dog, but still couldn’t report random ridiculous numbers…” thaichillipepper
Another User Comments:
“Nah, you’re good. If there’s a prize up for grabs that you’re competing with others for and someone else is going out of their way to undermine everyone else’s efforts, then you’re in the clear.
If she’s allowed to pretty much write down anything she wants, then it sets the precedent that everyone else can also scribble in whatever number they feel like. Now, if there wasn’t a grand prize and it was just the half day participation prize, you’d be the jerk since it wouldn’t impact you or others in any way.” Optimus_Prime-Ribs
Another User Comments:
“A few years ago, my work did a similar step competition, but the prize was simply a pizza lunch for the winning team. People could sign up with a team of two other coworkers. I go to the gym and run every morning before work.
I also walk at lunchtime. So I average probably 10K steps per day. My team was logging 20-30K steps per day. It was all done on the honor system. The winning team averaged some crazy number like 70K steps per day during the competition.
That’s when I realized that some people just straight-up lie. So now I’m just the old, quiet coworker who doesn’t get involved in any stupid office competitions or games.” rollingthrulife79
7. AITJ For Refusing To Make Breakfast For My Demanding Sister?
“I (F16) have a younger sister (F11) with a very strong personality. She often speaks without thinking, which causes us to bump heads.
She’s said that I smell, that my breath stinks, that I’m a goody-two-shoes, and other stuff that really hurts my feelings. Often when called out, she just says, “It just slipped out,” or “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She gets upset when asked to do things she doesn’t want to do and rolls her eyes, mumbles under her breath, or ignores people to voice her displeasure.
I’ve asked her a question or spoken to her and gotten completely ignored until my mother tells her to respond. Or I’ll ask her to do something for me, like put my clothes in with hers, and she’ll refuse. Obviously, she doesn’t have to do this, but if she’s doing it anyway and I’ve done the same for her, it would be nice, you know?
What gets me the most, though, is that she’s the first one to ask someone to do something for her, buy her something, or give her something. But she always behaves like having to do anything for anyone else is the worst inconvenience in the history of ever.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried calmly explaining why it’s hurtful over text and in person. I’ve yelled and argued, but she’s always got a laundry list of excuses. I said, “I can’t win with you,” and she said, “So why do you keep trying if you know you aren’t going to win?” in a really snarky tone.
I’ve told my mom, too, but she just said that you can’t force people to change, which is valid, but I don’t think it’s fair for me to be disrespected because that’s just how she is.
Today, I was making breakfast for myself.
There are babies in the house (not my siblings, but we’re staying with a family friend until we can find our own place), so our host asked me to make them some too. I did, and my sister said, “I want some. Can you make me some?” I told her no, but that she had two working legs and was more than welcome to make some herself.
My mom said that I’d better make everyone some food while I’m making some for myself, and I said I’m more than happy to make food for anyone who wants some, but I’m not making any for my sister because I don’t do things for people who disrespect me.
She rolled her eyes at me and was clearly very upset that I didn’t make her any food, but I ignored her, made everyone else’s plate, and sat down to eat mine. She kept glaring at me while I was cooking, and now I’m wondering if I was a little too harsh on her and shouldn’t have excluded her like that.
So, AITJ for making everyone food but my younger sister?”
Another User Comments:
“Completely ignore your feral sister until she comes around, if ever. If your mom complains that you are ignoring feral sister, then you tell your mom that she refuses to teach feral daughter that there are repercussions to behaving so poorly and that is her choice, but you will for sure be teaching feral sister that there are repercussions to behaving poorly with you.
And tell your mom she is right and that “you can’t force people to change,” but you for sure can force yourself to change, and this is the change in your behavior: you will not invest any time or energy into your sister or anyone else who treats you poorly.
NTJ” shikakaaaaaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sucks at parenting, though. ‘You can’t force people to change’ applies to adults trying to control each other. Your mom has a lot of control over your sister’s behavior regarding consequences and rewards. My sister and parents were like this, and I spent very little time with her once I was out of the house.” CF_FI_Fly
Another User Comments:
“11 is old enough to know how to be a contributing member of the household. Your sister appears to experience no consequences for not following through. At her age, she is not necessarily old enough to remember unprompted or without occasional reminders, but if asked to do a simple chore or task, there shouldn’t be so much drama.
This example is probably the first time she’s had an actual consequence to her behavior. I suggest it not be the last example of a consequence. NTJ” BayAreaPupMom
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Aunt For Faking A Serious Illness?
“So, some background, this Aunt has a habit of copying everything anyone does and treats it like a competition. This also applies to illnesses. You mention getting ill? She is sick a day later, and she always feels worse than you.
Then, she acts like she never knew you were sick.
Six months ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that doctors think I have been dealing with for years. The only reason they found it is because it very quickly got worse and has ruined my life.
It won’t shorten my life, but I am in so much pain that I can’t even walk to the store that is right next to my flat without feeling extreme pain and discomfort. My sleep is awful, and my social life has become non-existent unless people come to my place.
There is no cure for it. I’m on specific targeted medications to try and stop it from getting worse. The best we can do is pain management at this point, and I’m on the strongest painkillers I can have, but it’s still bad. When I was first diagnosed, I posted about it on my social media, not in detail, just said what I had.
The only person who knows the details is my mum.
Yesterday, Mum picked me up so I could visit my Nan. While we were there, Aunt turned up. We were talking about random stuff at first, but then she mentioned that she went to the doctors and they diagnosed her with (condition I have) and that they think she’s had it for years.
I thought she was lying, so I asked her some questions regarding it, and every answer was crap. She claimed that she told a doctor her symptoms and that’s how they found it, even though bloodwork is needed to diagnose it. She claimed that they were looking into different procedures to cure it, although there is no cure.
When I asked what medications she was on, she said there wasn’t any that they could prescribe for it and that she only had paracetamol to deal with the terrible pain she was in.
She then went on about how it’s affecting her life and how it’s made things difficult for her.
Yet, she does martial arts three times a week and goes clubbing every weekend like she’s a teen, and she posts about it on her social media. I lost it. I just went off about how full of crap she was and said that pretending to have something so serious, when I was actually going through it, was pathetic attention-seeking behavior.
I pointed out everything she said that proved she was lying and stated that the only medical help she needed was for her head, as she clearly had issues. She tried to double down and say that she never knew I had it (she saw my social media post); she thought I would be more sympathetic as I know what she’s going through, etc. At this point, I was so mad that my mum drove me home.
My aunt then later posted on her social media about her ‘struggles’ and how some people just aren’t sympathetic about this condition. I called her out in the comments of the post and mentioned what had happened earlier in the day, and a load of other family members started calling her out for it, so she quickly deleted the post. However, my cousin (her daughter) is now calling me TA as my aunt is upset that I called her out.
So, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is using your struggle to benefit her own personal gain. You aren’t wrong for calling it out. I would say maybe out of respect you could have done it in private and made it clear how you don’t appreciate her talking about an experience that she has no idea about.
She can definitely victimize herself, but you did the right thing. You are NTJ.” Material-Crow627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you are going through this, and your attention-seeking aunt is trying to one-up you by lying about a serious illness. Grey rock her.
Don’t allow her or her daughter access to your social media, and stop communicating with her beyond general pleasantries. Tell your mother to stop feeding her information, too. Aunt can’t copy what she doesn’t know about.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a bladder condition called interstitial cystitis.
I don’t get infections, but it’s a symptom for some people. Inside of my bladder is bright red, not pink as it’s supposed to be, and I deal with inflammation 24/7. I get treatment that helps. One of my friends would get an infection and go on and on about how she knows how I feel.
It used to make me mad because she could just take some medications and be better. I have to live like this every day; it’s never over. I cannot work due to this condition. I also have arthritis in my back, and people tell me they have back pain as well.
Their spine isn’t deteriorating, though. I get what you’re saying. NTJ.” mjh8212
5. AITJ For Choosing To Stay Home And Watch My Team When My Fiancé Wants To Watch With His Family?
“I’m fully prepared to be named the problem here, but I’m just curious. I am a massive Eagles fan. I’m talking tattoos, bleed green, and even cried when they lost the last Super Bowl. My fiancé has always said he loved this about me because he enjoys that I love the sport too, and we have fun rivaling each other when our teams play (he’s a Niners fan).
However, he knows that I am not fun to watch games with – it’s just a reality. I’m loud, I scream every play, and I’m a typical Eagles fan with a foul mouth.
Again, he has always found this amusing but insists we should watch at home to avoid public scenes (fine by me!).
This all changed yesterday when he said we were going to his family’s house to watch the Super Bowl. Ordinarily, we do go watch with family; however, it’s because my team isn’t playing. I assumed that since my team is in this year, we would stay home for all of the reasons I just mentioned. When I said I was probably going to stay home because I don’t want to make everyone feel uncomfortable, he got irritated and said that I should just “reign it in.” He insists that I should go because it would be weird for me not to show up when everyone is excited to watch with me.
The thing is, I know I’m not fun when my team plays! I’m usually very fun, sociable, and enjoy spending time with his family. But I swear if one person tries to distract me during this game, I’ll snap – and that’s not going to change overnight.
And the annoying truth is that both my family and his treat me differently when I’m watching football than they treat him. For some reason, the men are left completely alone during the game so that they don’t miss a second, but I’m always approached to have conversations, or help with a kid, or help with food.
And I’m not going to be nice about that this time! My fiancée is now upset and says I’m being selfish because I’m not willing to spend time with him during the game. So… am I the jerk for wanting to stay home alone to watch my team in the Super Bowl?”
Another User Comments:
“While I think sports fans like this are categorically insane and need to address their social skills, you are absolutely right that nobody stops men from doing it. And if his family reinforces that it won’t be fun for anyone. As long as you’re not kicking through the TV or shooting guns into the air above a crowd, NTJ because you’re at least self-aware enough to know it’s not fun to be around – again, something plenty of male sports fans don’t bother to acknowledge.” Raccoonsr29
Another User Comments:
“Naw, girl. NTJ. Uber Eats yourself something special and tell the refs to suck it as much as you want. The best part of staying home is getting to do all that in your PJs with no nephews and nieces yanking on your arm the whole time.
It’s your special day. Treat yourself.” South-Emergency434
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I agree with the responses saying ‘grow up’ because, like, I get loving a sport and a team (OSU football here), but emotional regulation and self-control are 100% things adults should learn and practice.
But regardless of how you behave cheering on your team, if you don’t want to go to a party you don’t have to go to a party. The reason is kind of irrelevant. You want to be focused on the game, not engaging in small talk.
That’s fair, even if you aren’t acting like a lunatic. It’s also obviously not the most fun to watch such a huge game with a bunch of people who aren’t fans of the same team as you. I’d rather stay home or go to a bar and cheer with a bunch of strangers who are cheering for the same team I am.
So I’ll land on NTJ.” m33chm
4. AITJ For Blaming My Nephew For Misusing My Credit Card On His PlayStation Account?
“So let me start off with I’m pretty bad at checking the details on my bank statements, but recently something wasn’t right. So, I went through every single one for the past year, and there were over 100 charges from PlayStation. I only had 4 purchases on my 2 PS accounts in a single year, so I panicked as someone had my credit card info.
In all, the total charges were around 1500. I contacted both of my siblings, whose kids also have accounts, and asked nicely if their kids might have purchased anything using my bank account before I made a dispute. Both said no, so I went ahead and called both PS and my bank.
The bank was able to charge back the charges from the past few months, and the rest is under investigation.
Well, a few days later I received a frantic call from my teenage nephew who said his PS account was permanently banned. I asked him if he was sure he hadn’t bought anything with a credit card after I gave him a several-hundred-dollar PS gift card for his birthday this summer to spend on stuff; he again denied.
So, I have his email logins, and sure enough, they were purchases he made on his account. All the stuff he plays. Then he started to say that maybe he had bought a few items here and there.
Now, my sister is upset at me.
She says I must have added my credit card info to buy him something at some point in time, and it was all my fault that he was making purchases from my card. If it were her credit card, she’d get an alert. Not that he may have taken my credit card info, no. She doesn’t want him to lose his account and said she’ll call PS to pay for it all.
She said he always asks, and she gets alerts, and she doesn’t understand that I didn’t, so I shouldn’t blame him.
I said, “Well, he knew he was spending someone else’s money, so why is it my fault?” And I added that he stopped asking her for permission to make purchases because no one stopped him.
After that, she said I was blaming her kid for everything. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and I am really worried for your nephew. His mother is completely incompetent and she seems determined to send her boy out into the world without even the most basic ethics and standards.
You are not going to change her. She just doesn’t have the intelligence and morals to make reasonable choices or to treat people with the most basic respect. I would not interact with her.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“I ordered something for my grandma from Sam’s Club on my account, but using her card (she wanted something specific, but she didn’t want to figure out how to pay me back).
About a month later, I noticed that I hadn’t been getting credit card alerts for my Sam’s purchases. I went through my history and realized I’d been paying for my stuff with her card for the last month. I immediately called her, added up everything, and sent her a check the next day.
It’s one thing to make a mistake, own up to it, and rectify it. It’s another thing to enable the behavior and expect happy outcomes. NTJ.” abbeysahm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nephew shouldn’t have been making purchases with a credit card that wasn’t his.
It was financially risky to use your credit card one time without making sure that the data was not saved, but that doesn’t make you a jerk. When you asked if they had made purchases, that was the time for him to confess. He didn’t, and these are the consequences.
A support article says that the ban on debt should be lifted once they pay off the balance.” Snoo90169
3. AITJ For Refusing To Introduce Future Partners To My Mom After Her Treatment Of My Ex?
“I (26M) told my Mom (67F) about a year ago that I could not trust her when it came to any future relationships. My Mom and I had been talking about a trip where I had met a woman.
My Mom then asked if there were any plans for her to visit, so that she could meet her. I decided to be upfront and told her I wasn’t sure if I would introduce anyone to her. When she asked why, I told her that, due to how she had treated my last partner, I did not feel I could trust her with any future partners.
She went to her room in tears. I’ve been seeing many people since then and never mentioned any of them to my Mom. She thinks I haven’t been seeing anyone for the last 4 years. In reality, she is simply the only one I don’t tell.
I do tell my Dad and sisters, asking that they do not share with Mom. Now for some context on my Mom’s behavior in that long-term relationship:
I was with Amy (fake name) for 6+1/2 years. My Mom was great in the 1st year, showing interest in Amy and trying to bond with her.
After that 1st year, Amy was kicked out of her family’s house, and my Dad let her move into my room without charging us anything. (Mom and Dad live separately.) Amy lived in my room for about 8 months until she moved out. The whole time, my Mom complained about everything Amy did or did not do.
At first, she only complained to me, but then moved on to complaining to Amy herself. The complaining became such an issue that Amy and I decided she was better off getting her own place, which I soon joined.
After moving out, my Mom found other things to complain about.
She blamed Amy for our moving out and also for being the reason we were barely able to afford renting a place. She started making comments about how Amy was gaining weight to our faces (we both could only afford cheap food), called her a “substance user” to me when she overheard my sister and Amy talking about substances, and a “faker” when she got injured in an accident and couldn’t work.
Eventually, it escalated to the point where, due to my Mom’s disrespect, I told her to stay away from Amy and me. Here is the worst incident: Amy joined me to help Dad unload some furniture. We were surprised to find my Mom also there.
At one point, I left Amy with my Mom for about 30 seconds to help my Dad. When I came back, my Mom had an oddly large grin on her face, while Amy was silent. After we left, Amy burst into tears. She told me she couldn’t tell me what my Mom had said to her, as she didn’t want to ruin the relationship between my Mom and me.
Half a decade later, I still do not know what was said.
Amy was not perfect, but my Mom had crossed the line multiple times. We tried to talk to my Mom about respecting Amy, and even went no-contact with her due to her behavior.
The problem is that my Mom is in the early stages of dementia. She retains most of her memory, but many of the situations I’ve mentioned, she claims, didn’t happen. This makes holding her accountable a problem. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your Mom doesn’t think she did anything wrong to Amy and has probably been looking forward to a new victim for years.
But now she’s gone into victim mode because you’ve dashed her hopes. The dementia will definitely make things worse, so protect any future partners and keep Mom far away from them.” PassComprehensive425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope Amy is doing better now. But you really should have cut your Mom off way before it got to that point.
Sorry, but your Mom is toxic whether she has dementia or not. It’s not an excuse for being an awful person. Seems like she can’t stand not having control over you and loves to play mind games to drive off your partners. Carry on as you are.
It’s a consequence of her own actions, which were pure evil.” Upper-File462
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is how my partner’s Mom treats me. I am the terrible person who took her baby boy away from her simply for the fact I exist. Good for you for protecting your partners from this.
I speak from experience when I say it doesn’t just hurt the relationship; it can destroy our self-esteem long after the relationship ends.” Vast_Self1149
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Handle A Full Day With Our Baby Alone?
“I (30F) and my husband (33M) welcomed our first child this past September. I have been fortunate to be on maternity leave, but that ends next week.
My husband had 2 months off and has been working full time since. He’s off on Sundays and Mondays. I have never left my son except to go to a wedding in December, but we were only away for 3 of his waking hours. My in-laws watched over him, and everything was fine.
I go back to work next week, and my son will be attending daycare. My husband is off this entire week, and we’ve just been taking a staycation. I told my husband, though, that I want one day on my own to get more comfortable with being away from our baby and that I want him to have the day with the baby on his own.
He has never been alone with him for more than an hour. He is a good father, though, and will help out when needed. But he has never been there for the full-blown cries and fussiness while having to take care of the house.
A few days ago, we went to a friend’s house, and our son was screaming.
Whenever I held him, he would calm down. Whenever my husband held him, he would just scream and cry even louder. So my husband just passed him along to me. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to relax with friends, and he couldn’t calm down for a minute.
Today he tells me that his mom will be coming to help out. I asked him to tell her “never mind” because he should be able to do it on his own. He called me ridiculous, and it shouldn’t matter, but I think it really does.
I can’t be bothered at work unless absolutely necessary, so I wanted this to be our “trial.” His mom will also be working on Mondays, so it’s not like she will be available to help out then. His mom is taking his side, but of course, she will because our son is her only grandson.
So AITJ for telling my husband to figure it out and step up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He should be able to be alone with his own child. Of course, the baby cries with him because the baby isn’t used to being alone with him.
That will gradually lessen as he spends one-on-one time with him. This really was poor planning on both of your parts, though. You’ve both had 4-5 months to get this figured out and to get acclimated with the baby. This really should’ve been happening already, and he should’ve already been doing more before this.
But hindsight is 20/20. He can’t rely on you or his mother, or else he and the baby will never get comfortable with each other. He needs to stop thinking of doing stuff with the baby as “helping out.” He’s not helping out; he’s doing his job as a parent (and you worded it that way too, so maybe you need to stop encouraging the sentiment even if it’s only subconsciously).” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Gentle ESH – The two of you have created a situation where your child feels like their father is a stranger. Helping “when needed” isn’t enough to create a relationship that lends well to a full day of alone time. He’s going to be dealing with a lot of big feelings from the little one for a while.
Hopefully, he’s at least proficient at basic care such as feeding and changes.” falcongirl66
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re navigating a challenging situation with a lot of understandable emotions. As a new mom, it’s natural to want some time to adjust to the idea of being away from your baby and to want to feel confident in your husband’s ability to handle things when you’re not around.
Your desire for him to step up and take care of your son alone is completely valid. Parenting is a partnership, and it’s important for both parents to have the opportunity to share the responsibilities, including the tough moments like the crying and fussiness.
However, it also seems like your husband might be feeling unsure or unprepared, especially since he hasn’t been alone with your son for extended periods. This might be causing him to default to what feels comfortable for him, like passing the baby to you when things get tough.
It’s important to acknowledge that he likely doesn’t want to feel like he’s failing as a father, especially in front of you or others. It could be helpful to have a calm conversation about your expectations, where you can both express your concerns and desires.” User
1. AITJ For Calling My Son A Self Centered Brat Over My Wife’s Birthday?
“My son moved out right after graduating from college last year.
Since then, he’s been very preoccupied with his own life. My wife and I couldn’t be prouder of him, but we do wish he made a little more effort to keep in touch, especially since he only lives 30 minutes away. Months would go by without hearing from him, and we were always the ones to reach out first. We never complained about it to him—until my wife’s birthday.
Her birthday was two days ago, and we didn’t get a call or a surprise visit. She was a little upset, but chose not to confront him. I decided to call him about it—not out of anger, just as a reminder. I said, “Hey buddy, you missed your mom’s birthday.” He immediately apologized and asked me to wish her a happy birthday on his behalf.
I told him it would be nice if he could visit us soon because we miss him.
Apparently, that set him off. He told me that he has his own life to live and that we have ours. I told him I understood, but we’re still his parents and want to stay close.
That’s when he bluntly said he doesn’t want a close relationship with us and that he’s frustrated we won’t leave him alone.
I asked him why, and out of nowhere, he brought up something from when he was ten years old.
He said he overheard my wife and me saying that we love each other more than we love him. I was completely confused because I don’t recall ever saying anything like that. When I asked for more context, he said we had been talking about our own parents’ marriages, and at some point, I said something along the lines of, “Even though I love him a lot, I love his mother the most.” My wife apparently agreed with me, and that conversation has tainted his view of our relationship ever since.
I told him there was nothing wrong with what I said and that he was acting like a self-centered brat who thinks the world revolves around him. He told me to leave him alone. When I told my wife about what happened, she said I was wrong for calling him that—even though I believe it was true.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, he is as you raised him. Secondly, kids don’t just suddenly decide to let go of relationships with their parents because they heard something like that. In a home with engaged, available parents, kids flip out and tell their parents they overheard something upsetting or they demand to know why they would say such a thing.
They don’t just keep it a secret for 20 years. Something else was going on. It may be that you meant that you love your wife and understood that she would be your partner even when your kids grew up and moved on, but clearly you did make your child feel neglected. If you want a relationship, calling your son a self-centered jerk isn’t a great way to begin.
Did it even occur to you to ask how he felt or try to clarify what you meant or express any sadness about the fact that he did not in fact feel loved? Did you think to tell him you would like to have a better relationship?
Do you even want that? It wasn’t just the one thing. Other stuff happened that you’re not aware of or are actively ignoring.” Violetmints
Another User Comments:
“It obviously really affected him to hear that at ten years old. When you’re ten, practically your whole life is about your parents because you’re not independent enough to have your “own life.” It sucks that you minimized that experience.
AND you had been talking about your own parents’ marriages. So obviously, as adults, you were still thinking about and were impacted by your parents’ marriages. So why wouldn’t he have a similar experience? It’s mind-blowing when parents of adult children don’t look back at their relationship with their children growing up as the cause of their children pulling away.” MaleficentProgram997
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You remind me of the Reagans, who were so besotted with each other that they neglected their kids. They were estranged from all their kids as a result. All you had to say was that a parent’s love is different and you love your son equally but in a different way.
Instead, you permanently damaged your relationship with your son. Hope you’re happy.” growsonwalls
