People Want Straightforward Answers As They Ask Us "Am I The Jerk?"
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Agree To Break Our Lease?
“I (F23) am currently living with a random roommate (F28) who up until now I have gotten along with fine.
I moved in around early August, and we haven’t had any major issues.
Last night, she texted me saying that she had wanted to talk in person, but I left the house before she could, and she informed me that she was moving out to live with her partner and that her partner’s roommate and she are swapping rooms so he will be moving in with me.
This is all supposed to occur during fall break, which is a week from today. Her partner is 32, and I am assuming that his roommate is a similar age. I didn’t reply, and I went to the leasing office this morning, and they told me that she can’t break the lease without my consent as it’s a joint lease.
She texted me again and said she can set up a time for me to meet the guy and that he’s clean, quiet, and friendly and he isn’t a student but his partner is, which is why he lives in our area (a college town).
I replied back saying this whole situation is making me uncomfortable and told her what the leasing office said, and that her telling me what was going to occur as opposed to actually asking me was disrespectful and that if she could find a way to make it work with a female tenant that we both approve of taking her room, that would work for me, but I wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement she proposed. I also said this should have been discussed with me beforehand, and she should have texted and asked if I could meet with her instead of waiting for us to be there at the same time because that doesn’t happen much.
She replied back, basically trying to reiterate that this was last minute and they want to move in together because he proposed.
I didn’t respond, and she just texted me asking to talk and I haven’t replied as I don’t plan to be home tonight.
I will be fine if she finds another girl to replace her in the lease, but I do not think she will see this as an option because it doesn’t really work with her plan. I just don’t feel comfortable agreeing to live with her partner’s roommate because I feel uncomfortable living with a man that I don’t know that is (presumably) much older than me, and with this being a joint lease I have to trust that he’s financially going to pay rent because if not we will both get evicted and I definitely don’t want that.
I feel like I could be the jerk because I don’t spend as much time there anymore and she claims he is often out of town so I may not see him much, I have lived with a guy before but it feels different because it was a 4br and this is just a 2br, plus I was aware of the male roommate before signing my lease, but I do get wanting to live with your fiancée and stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you are one of two parties on a lease, you do not get to dictate the exit terms before the lease has expired. PERIOD.
It is totally unreasonable for her to do this to you. You don’t know this person she wants to have moved in.
You have no idea of their financial situation, their lifestyle, or their values. So regardless of the person’s gender or age, it’s unacceptable. That it’s a man who is probably quite a bit older than you makes it even less acceptable.
She is legally obligated to abide by the terms of the lease.
That means she needs to work with you to find a new person to take over her half. I assume a new person would also need to get approval from the landlord. Because if this dude just moves in, you could both end up being evicted for breaking the terms of the lease.
And if she’s mature enough to get married, then she should be mature enough to understand and take responsibility for all of this. It’s not on you to make it easier for her to live with her fiancé.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In response to her wanting to talk tonight, I know you aren’t planning to be home so I would send her another message firmly reiterating that her current plan is not going to work for you under any circumstance and the only way she can break her lease is if it is with a woman that you approve of.
I predict she’s probably gonna try really hard over the next week to persuade you, so I would just be firm with her now. Tell her it’s no point in continuing to talk about her partner’s roommate because it is not an option and if she wants to move out in a week she needs to find a suitable tenant soon.” PalpitationUpstairs8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A female roommate proposing to leave and let a male substitute move in to take over paying rent is a huge deal, not a ‘by the way’ notice by text because it’s inconvenient for her to find you in person. The effrontery and disrespect are big enough to make me refuse, let alone the uncertainty about financial reliability and compatibility.
She is a major jerk, and I think you should refuse.
That said, both of you seem to be bringing lots of peripheral detail that is completely irrelevant. Why your roommate wants to move out and whether the proffered roommate has a student SO do not mitigate the offense in the slightest. Whether you have ever ‘lived with a guy before’ is irrelevant.
Don’t be a jerk and refuse to meet for her to cover her share of the rent until your lease is up. If legal with your landlord, she can take the trouble to advertise for a female roommate, but you get to interview and approve prospects.
Stand your ground, she is in the wrong.” Alteripse
17. AITJ For Questioning My Sibling's Adoption Decision?
“My younger sibling, we will call YS, has three children. My older sibling, whom we will call OS, has three children.
My spouse and I do not have children. My parents are busy with their respective careers. However, my parents have provided daycare service for the last six years for YS’s kids. My parents are looking forward to not having to do this anymore, plus they are getting older.
YS and their spouse both work full-time. They have decided to adopt a child with special needs. They have wavered for two years about adopting since having their last bio child. OS and parents have suggested not to adopt, since that is a lot of responsibility.
YS and their spouse had finally put that notion to bed since three children were enough.
Last week YS announced to my parents that they were selected to adopt a newborn child with special needs. My mom called me crying about this. My mom understands the burden being asked of her.
Mom had previously said, ‘I am glad the adoption talk is over. I am exhausted and can’t handle another kid’.
YS emphasized they will rely on my parents to provide daycare service like they have. My mom tried to fight back, but after a long argument, my mom settled that my parents will care for three days each week while YS works, and YS will take two days off each week.
I asked OS to try to intervene. I asked OS to continue to convince YS that they cannot rely on my parents. I have repeatedly told my mom not to accept this situation.
Things came to a head today when I learned YS named my parents as the responsible party in case anything happens to YS and their spouse.
The following is a text breakdown about my confronting YS:
OP ‘It makes absolutely no sense for mom and dad to be the responsible party. Furthermore, it is selfish that you dare ask mom to watch the child while you work. Why do you feel like you can adopt a special needs child and have mom work more than she ever has with taking care of them?’
YS ‘Who do you think you are? The sibling that never comes home? The one that doesn’t want to be around? The one that can’t get along with anyone? You think you can tell me what I can and cannot do? Do you know that 6 years ago mom ASKED to watch [oldest kid]?
You better back up and not come at me or my children. You don’t know anything. You don’t want children you’ve made that very clear. So until you have children you don’t get to comment.’
OP ‘I do. She is my mom, and you are taking advantage.’
YS ‘You don’t understand and you never will.’
OP ‘And you DO understand, yet are still moving forward.’
YS ‘You bet I am. This is my kid and your (niece/nephew). Don’t come home anymore if you don’t want to be a part of it.’
This has since caused my mom to be concerned that this issue will break up the family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to put her foot down and say she loves her kids AND grandkids, but she is not interested in providing daycare services any longer.
If YS insists on going through with the adoption, she also needs to find another childcare provider.
But, this fight has to be made by your mother and father. Coming from you won’t be of any help. Your mother needs to set her boundaries and not let your sister cross them.
Your parents deserve to have their retirement years be theirs.” Emotional_Fan_7011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is elder mistreatment. Never back down. If YS is willing to break up the ‘family’ because they’re more concerned with keeping up appearances; than the peace of their Mother, then they can deal with the consequences of being performative.
You are doing the right thing, and I’m proud of you. I’m willing to bet this whole siblings’ personality has a ‘white woman’s instagram’ feel. Your Mom already said no and for good reason. If YS can afford the emotional and financial impact of adopting a disabled child; then they can afford to hire help or stay home with the child.” sphinx_lynx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is a HUGE jerk. She should have cleared this adoption with her parents if she knew she’d be relying on them for childcare. Your mother should say absolutely say no. Your sister should pay for childcare! She’s decided to be a parent, and she can find and pay for care for her children!!
She’s already received 6 years of FREE care that would total TENS OF THOUSANDS if she was actually paying for it.
You should support your Mom in saying NO. She’s being taken advantage of and it’s pretty terrible for your sister to do that.” profmoxie
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nephew To Come With Me?
“I (25f) am the youngest of 5 kids. I recently moved in with my fiancé and my family is still adjusting to it. All my older siblings were used to having an extra set of hands because I would usually help with anything they needed with any of their kids.
The issue is with M (M f33) has two kids. I now live in the same state as M and I don’t like to babysit specifically for them, they are unorganized and they don’t even follow up when I have their kids. Therefore we’ve had issues and it’s really strange that I babysit or even visit them as much.
I’ve had talks with M and told her I dislike babysitting for them and my reasoning (I think she does get upset because I hardly said no to my other sibling when it came to babysitting).
The current issue is any time I mention I am going to travel and visit my parents M or my parents always want me to take one of the kids, I know this might sound selfish but when I want to go visit, I want to enjoy my time with my parents and not have to take responsibility of anyone’s kid.
My parents always say they’ll take care of them but my dad is usually away for work and my mom has a medical condition so on the days she doesn’t feel fine I feel like it’ll be my responsibility to step up.
This time my parents offered to pay for my visit but before I bought my travel ticket, they asked I bring my nephew. I refused at first since I would not be flying directly to my parents’ city, my dad was going to be away for work in another city and I would meet my dad there then we would drive home together (12 hours total driving).
I eventually said I would take my nephew but M or her husband would need to meet me at the airport the morning of but my mom was pushing for me to allow M to drop off my nephew the night before. I refused because I want to have a good night’s sleep the night before I have to take care of my nephew for 12 hours on the road plus the flight.
My mom told M and M was upset. M told my mom she won’t send her son because she doesn’t want to ask anything of me anymore and would rather have my other sibling who lives with my parents come and get her son.
I told my mom I was tired of being the bad guy and I would simply just not visit. My mom is now upset. AITJ for not wanting to take my nephew on my trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It looks like both M and your parents got used to you babysitting whenever it was convenient for them.
Now that you are no longer available on-demand as you used to, they are upset. They think they were entitled to your time when actually it was a privilege. The challenge for you now is to make them accept the new reality without damaging your relationship with them (assuming it’s a relationship otherwise worth saving).
Good luck standing your ground OP, and all the best for the business you are starting with your fiance!” TurquoiseOyster
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. M sounds like a spoiled selfish toddler who doesn’t get their way and pouts. They all know that you don’t like babysitting their kid, so why do they keep asking?
You are a grown adult now, live with your fiancé and they’re still trying to treat you like your their teenage babysitter! Set the boundaries now, or this will continue until these nieces and nephews are adults themselves. Remember that ‘No’ is a complete sentence!
You should be able to go visit your parents without taking care of someone else’s kid!” bromley325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it isn’t selfish to want to get enough sleep or manage trips without a child that isn’t yours. Kids really struggle with trips in a lot of ways, even the most well-behaved and reasonable little ones can disrupt sleep, and personal time, and require a lot of care.
You sound like you do a lot for your family and it’ll be a battle to untangle the expectations they have around you in this area. That being said, it also sounds as if they manipulate your feelings of obligation and guilt, and that isn’t okay.
If they’d asked and dropped it, it would have been fine (ish).” Reddit User
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch A Show With My Partner?
“I and my partner have been together for 6 months. Today my partner messaged me saying that he doesn’t want me to watch the new Percy Jackson show. I was obsessed with the books as a kid and when I found out about the show I got super excited to watch it and shared my excitement with him, now, obviously but I do plan on watching as soon as I can.
My SO messaged me today asking me not to watch it without him and I was confused, he said he hadn’t really cared for the books that much growing up but the show looked cool.
My partner has severe ADHD so watching tv with him can be weird, he’ll pause shows to do something else all the time like play his video games or watch YouTube, or he gets up and goes to work out or cook something and gets mad if I don’t pause it.
I told him that I didn’t know if I wanted to watch it with him because I was really excited to see it and watching shows with him could be difficult. He got super angry, saying that was cruel and that I was belittling him.
I asked how (I am autistic and struggle sometimes with saying rude or hurtful things), and when I asked how he said that his parents refused to watch shows with him growing up because of his attention span and that he couldn’t believe that I would say something like that too when I mentioned I didn’t know that and that I wasn’t trying to be rude, he just kept telling me to shut up and going in detail about how he can’t control it.
I told him that I didn’t mind watching other shows, but this was one that I cared about and I wanted to be able to watch it without having to turn it off every couple of minutes. Then when he asked when he’d ever interrupted shows that were important to me I listed examples of them which only made him more hurt and angry.
I wasn’t trying to be mean, and I apologized but he’s still mad. So, am I the jerk? Genuinely just trying to understand how I went wrong.
Update: my partner apologized and talked about how he shouldn’t have reacted that way. He apologized for lashing out at me over his insecurities and reassured me I could watch it without him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and he got unreasonably angry with you. You said you’d watch other things with him, you gave him a legitimate reason why you’d prefer not to watch it with him & you were not rude about it. It sucks that this is a common thing for him but he needs to realize that it can be distracting and irritating for the other person.
It may be because of his ADHD, but that doesn’t mean he can use it as an excuse to do whatever. You weren’t cruel or mean, and him telling you to ‘shut up’ because of this one little argument was actually crueler. Relationships are about compromise and you should be allowed to watch what you want without him blowing up on you like that.” drowsiestdreamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner are incredibly self-centered. Is it more challenging to sit still and watch a full show with ADHD? Sure. But 1) that doesn’t mean it’s impossible and that he can’t do anything to curb that impulse, and 2) that’s his problem to manage, not yours.
I say this as someone with ADHD too. He knows this is a problem for others, and he knows that this will disrupt you from watching a show you are very excited about—he just thinks that his feelings about feeling excluded or embarrassed by his lack of coping mechanisms matter more than your feelings.
You aren’t belittling him, and you aren’t being cruel—you are asking him to think beyond his own wants and not be selfish about this thing that he knows means a lot to you.” Apprehensive-Sun-358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong.
You told the truth. He isn’t upset because of what you said. He’s upset because of a lifetime of frustration and he is taking out that frustration on you. You have a right to your own desires and preferences. He does not have the right to forbid you from watching a show.
He does not have the right to ask you to watch a show and then pause it to play video games. Perhaps he would be helped by medication. It is absolute .again for me. He is much too controlling for your relationship to be healthy.
If he doesn’t stop controlling you, you might consider moving on.” Sonsangnim
14. AITJ For Having Thanksgiving And Christmas At My House?
“So last year my husband and I bought our first house just before Thanksgiving so the first holiday we celebrated in our new home was Christmas and it was freaking awesome.
We bought a house about 45 minutes away from my brother and my mom who both informed me as soon as we started to close on the house that we would probably not be seeing a ton of them unless there was a holiday or birthday.
My husband and I have two kids and a very nice-sized home to accommodate everyone and then some, with plenty of parking and plenty of room for all of the family my brother lives in one bedroom in a duplex in the city, and my mom lives in a townhouse with absolutely no street parking.
We have a large family…
I let them know in a group message with my dad and sisters included, that I was hoping to host Thanksgiving and Christmas because it’s easier for everyone and because I would like to create some holiday memories for my kids inside the home.
I was giving them about two months’ notice as well because my 2 sisters live 4 hours away in Oregon, and my brother had complained last year that he didn’t have enough notice before Christmas, so I was trying to get the conversation started as we head into the holiday season.
I am currently getting attacked from both sides, saying that I’m being incredibly inconsiderate, that my mom likes to host too and I am taking that away from her simply by inviting them, and that it would be a shame if something else came up, that caused them not to be able to come… when I proposed this and invited them I told them they were welcome to come.
I was hoping to host, but if it did not work out for them, no hard feelings we may still do Thanksgiving here. They are acting as if I am trying to rip the family apart. Before we bought this house every Christmas, we went to my mom’s every Thanksgiving, every birthday every holiday with 4 kids.
I would like to be able to step into that role too. They don’t make any attempt to visit me anyway, and I invited them leaving them the ball in their court because I didn’t want the drama and of course, the drama kicked off either way.
I personally feel justified but the level of anger that they’re bringing toward me is causing me to question my stance. Do you think I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because there shouldn’t be anger and accusations and all that.
That said, it’s important that you be sensitive here because it’s actually a pretty touchy subject (we’re going through very similar situations in my fam as well).
It’s exactly because your mother hosted everything that this is hard for her. In her mind, Christmas looks a certain way and your family has existing traditions that are special to her. You are thinking of things very logically; more room, more parking. But to her, it might be more feel based. ‘She wants to throw away all our beloved family traditions over a parking space!’ sort of thing.
And you say that she doesn’t have to come to your house, but is the unspoken piece of that ‘but if she doesn’t, she doesn’t get to spend time with her grandkids on Christmas’? Someone emotional could view that as a sort of my-way-or-highway threat.
And from your brother’s perspective, it’s understandable that he’s not going to want to have to travel an hour each way for two of the most major holidays (especially when potentially more of the family lives close to him). So while his attitude about all this isn’t really justified, his annoyance at the potential future inconvenience is understandable.
I would look into maybe starting off with a rotational schedule. The year you get Thanksgiving, she gets Christmas. And switch each year. Or you always do Thanksgiving and she always does Christmas. Or vice versa. After a few years, she may be ready to hand over hosting duties completely.” EvilSockLady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because you bought a new home doesn’t mean you get to host every holiday.
While you can technically unilaterally decide to host every holiday at your place, stop acting like you are entitled to do so without it causing issues.
In doing this, you are letting everyone know that you don’t care what they think and that your needs and wants matter the most.
This is easily solved by talking to each other and rotating holidays. Your kids will still create plenty of memories.
You could even decide that you celebrate Christmas with the extended family on a different day (we do the Saturday after Christmas in my family).
My point is that there are plenty of solutions. But you just went ahead and made a decision yourself that affects others without even considering them.
That’s what makes you a jerk here.” Ok-Mode-2038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the level of anger they have is bizarre. And can I say that 45 minutes is not that far if they wanted to visit you or you visit them on more than a birthday or holiday?
That’s weird of them to make that pronouncement. Also, stop answering your phone and ignore them for a while. Let them stew in their drama and you just go about having a lovely time with your family in your home.” corgihuntress
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law Be The First One To Hold My Baby?
“When I (f26) met my husband’s (m34) mom, I hoped for a healthy mother figure type relationship.
She’s okayish, but she can be a little controlling given that my husband is her only child; she tends to act super protective of him.
When I got pregnant, MIL made a request to be the first person to hold my son after he was born.
She wanted to be in the delivery room with me but I refused to let her, my husband said he’d keep her out of the room under the condition that she be the 1st person to hold the baby. I didn’t agree but didn’t disagree as well.
Just stayed silent.
The baby was born days ago. All my husband was worried about was having his mom be the 1st to meet the baby. She was out of town attending a friend’s daughter’s wedding. He said she wouldn’t be back til 2 days later.
Mom and sister already came to help and they held my son as they were helping me after my husband went back to work. I had no help and they were my go-to.
MIL and my husband knew. They both went off and started throwing a fit saying that I betrayed her and that I made a promise and then broke it.
My husband tried to get her to calm down after she came home lashing out, but she scolded us both and then walked out. He blew up at me saying I screwed up and violated the agreement we had. I said that mom and sister were HELPING me out, and held the baby so what?
He got more annoyed and claimed I had no respect for his mom and her wishes and told me that I hurt her feelings and ruined her grandbaby’s birth memory. I couldn’t keep arguing. He called me unbelievably selfish and demanded I fix my mistake but I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.
Like redo the baby’s birth and have his mom be the first to hold him? He didn’t like my sarcasm and said that what I did was sneaky and cold-hearted. he said he should’ve let his mom in the delivery room otherwise none of this would’ve happened.
They’re both still salty about it and are sulking hard. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Why do your husband and your MIL seem to think that her needs are more important than yours? I’ve never heard of anything like this before.
You’ve just given birth, and your needs and the baby’s needs are of paramount importance.
You need help from your family if and when you want it. To refuse help from your own mother and sister just for MIL’s sake would be detrimental to you.
Also, your mother-in-law goes to a wedding just when her grandchild is born and still expects you to keep your family at bay?
Ridiculous.
Your MIL needs to know that your health and well-being mean that the baby is well cared for.
Tell your husband to grow up and see what is important here. Which are you and your baby? MIL doesn’t get a say, and she does not deserve special privileges just because she says so.” sunrise_library
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your husband didn’t want your mother and sister helping out then he shouldn’t have gone to work soon after you gave birth! What is wrong with him? New moms need support and shouldn’t be left alone until they ask to be left alone!
He doesn’t get to criticize you or your family for giving help. Your need for support during your most vulnerable time trumps any commitments you may (or may not) have made to him and your MIL.
I’d also point out to your husband and MIL That this was the first of many ‘firsts’ that she is going to miss.
First fart. First smile. First steps. She is a grandmother and she is, at best, going to be the third person. After you and your husband. At worst, never if she doesn’t drop the predatory and territorial behaviors.” stilljustwendy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so weird though.
First: No one has a right to your delivery room except for you. No one can demand to be there, and absolutely no one can put conditions on being kept out. Saying that ‘she won’t be in the room if you allow XYZ’ is manipulative.
It’s insane that they felt this was something you had to agree to in the first place. It’s even more insane that they thought that you were going to stop the other family from holding the baby because she had some right to hold him first. It’s insane that she felt she had a right to hold him first. Nothing about what you ‘did’ was sneaky or cold-hearted. You had family help you with a newborn.
That’s very normal.
The fact that your husband even agreed to this says a lot about his relationship with his mom. This is irrational.” idk_what_im_doing__
12. AITJ For Not Switching My Movie On A Flight?
“I (22F) recently started traveling for work.
Prior to this, I never really flew, as my family always preferred road trips. Today was the first time I’ve ever had a negative encounter during a flight. It’s important to note that I had an aisle seat for this and flew Delta, which gives you the option to select your seat.
Once I boarded, I sat in my seat, loaded my bags up and got settled in, and plugged in my headphones, and was scrolling through the movie options. I decided to watch ‘Uncharted’ with Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg. I’ve never seen it and figured why not since I’m just sitting here for 2 hours.
I started playing the movie and the flight took off and maybe 10 minutes into it, I get tapped on my shoulder by a woman who is in the aisle behind me and in the aisle seat across from me. I ask her if everything is okay and she tells me to turn my movie off.
Confused, I asked her why. She said it was because she has not seen the movie and didn’t want to see my screen and see any spoilers. I told her that she could watch it on her screen and she said no because she wanted to watch a different movie.
I responded that I was going to keep watching my movie. She huffed and started to complain, but I just ignored her.
As I continued watching the movie, she would get up to use the restroom on the plane and ‘accidentally’ bump into me every time.
This happened probably 8 or 10 times on this 2-hour flight. I did my best to ignore her and finally, we landed. Once we landed, she immediately jumped from her seat and grabbed her bags, and blocked the aisle for all those behind her. The seats were toward the back of the plane, so I just stayed seated, as did everyone else in my aisle and the aisle across from us.
By the time it go to our aisle, I stood up and then began to grab my bag from the overhead bin. At the same time, I did this, the lady from earlier tried to start walking and then started yelling at me for cutting her off and that I should let her go.
By this time, I was tired and ready to get off the plane and said: ‘ma’am, if you were in such a rush to get off, then you should have picked a seat closer to the front or gotten an upgraded seat’. She rolled her eyes and called me a ‘stuck-up witch’ and kept going on and on about how people are so disrespectful these days.
So maybe I’m missing out on some flight etiquette, but AITJ in the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t violate flight etiquette; she did, several times. The movie request was absurd, and I hope she complains to her friends so they can laugh at her.
Getting off a plane is NEVER efficient or quick, even if you are sitting in the front. You can be in the second row, and someone in the first row will have stuffed 10 cubic feet of stuff in 4 cubic feet of the overhead compartment. It will take 10 seconds to put it up there, but 200 seconds to get it down.
Yet everyone rushes to get their luggage down, honestly believing it’s possible to exit a plane quickly and walk past the slower people. If you are in the back, you are getting off last. But it is a good idea to be ready to go, so when you have room to get your luggage, do so.
It cuts down on people acting like babies, and lets the flight crew leave sooner.” ParkingOutside6500
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
But only because you blocked other passengers by waiting until the line moved to start gathering your things from the overhead compartment. You should gather your things as soon as there is space to do so to keep the line moving and not block people from leaving.
She’s definitely the bigger jerk though. Hitting you 10 times in 2 hours is insane.” LostDogBoulderUtah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest. It is she who does not know flight etiquette. Being let off the flight is based on row not eagerness to run off unless your flight was delayed and as a courtesy, some captains say over the loudspeaker to be mindful of anyone who has a tight connecting flight due to the delay.
But in general no, you had the right to leave the plane first.
Can’t believe she asked you to change your movie. She has no idea about your situation. A lot of those movies I wouldn’t watch if I wasn’t on a plane because I don’t have a streaming service that has them and am not going to pay for them so not cool for her to simply think it’s ok to ask you to change your movie choice.” TVDfan29
11. AITJ For Keeping My Word?
“My dad passed away unexpectedly last week and my sister Jess and I lost our mom last year. From how our family acted in the past over scavenging over deceased people’s things both Jess and I decided to send out a family memo on no one is to enter or take anything from our parents’ house until we get there.
Both Jess and I work on the west coast, so it takes some time to get there with all of our kids and family.
I saw several notifications from my parents’ Ring Doorbell and I’m a lawyer. I reminded my family we will prosecute.
Jess and I are on the same page. Jess gets to my parents’ house first and notices stuff is missing and my parents had security cameras and an Alexa show. It showed my cousin taking stuff from the house. So Jess did what we agreed on and called the police and two of our cousins were arrested. Because it was over a thousand dollars both are looking at felonies.
My cousin said my dad promised him this stuff and I have my dad’s will making me executor of the estate. I told him he should have waited to file a claim with the estate and everyone was warned about what would happen. Jess and I don’t have the best relationship with our extended family and We are not dropping charges.
Because of this drama, dad was quietly cremated with no service and we plan to hold one when scattered our parents’ ashes at Jess’s house in a tree planted for them. My last living grandma is upset about it but she sided with my cousins and aunt saying we are too tough on having them arrested.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you are going through this, and I can see why you wouldn’t want a relationship with these people. I’m so sorry that you’ve been let down by the people that should be supporting you.
Support is meant to go inwards – people on the outer rim of a tragedy will grieve, but decency dictates that they support those closer to the tragedy itself (accepting toxic relationships).
Socially and morally speaking, your cousins should have put any potential desire/claims for your parents’ stuff to the side, because you and your sister deserve support. That isn’t even touching on the violations and burglary, nor the fact that you only pressed charges because they already disregarded your request to leave your Dad’s things alone.
You and your sister are going through an incredibly difficult time, and your family should be supporting you and making things easier. Instead, they’ve been colossal jerks.
If you want to try to repair your relationship with grandma… Your grandma may feel conflicted because she sees the current situation only – where your cousins are facing felony charges and the law agrees with you and your sister; you guys have the advantage.
In her eyes, the cousins are at a disadvantage and she is obligated to look out for the weaker party. I recommend that you remind her that you and your sister are grieving your Dad’s passing and do not have the bandwidth to withstand your cousin’s harmful behavior.
You don’t have the bandwidth to gamble whether you’ll be repaid or get important things back. Cousins might try to say something like ‘all OP had to do was ask’, but you literally did that – you asked, and they disregarded it. You already tried that.
You only resorted to the law because a family request wasn’t enough for them. But don’t focus on that. Just remind Grandma that your cousins violated your Dad’s belongings, and failed in their duty to support his grieving children.
Tell her you feel let down and hurt by the family, and it hurts that she cares more about subverting legal consequences than the serious harm they’ve done to the family.
Ask her why no one has tried to make this right, and ask why you are expected to radiate support and understanding outwards.” CastIronKettle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For starters, even without a will, you are their next of kin which automatically gives you legal ownership of their items, Secondly, you had the will.
Third, you told everyone not to go into that house and take anything. And warned them they would be arrested and charges pressed.
NO ONE had any right to take anything from that home. You did right, you stood your ground, and anyone who has a problem with that can stick it up their butts.
If someone is going to condone another for stealing items from a deceased person’s home after being told not to go into the home then they are no better than the thieves and it’s no wonder the cousins thought it was ok to take things that did not belong to them.
Hopefully, you and your sister get the stuff back, and those cousins get a lengthy stint in jail.” Whiskeygirl81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your cousins are, presumably, not 5 years old, AKA too young to fully understand a crime. They are, presumably, also literate.
Therefore, they get consequences when they steal stuff after being told not to touch anything.
Stealing stuff is still a crime even if you are related it turns out and letting people off with this type of behavior teaches them that they can keep doing it while getting no hard consequence for it.
They’re not gonna get some die-hard sentence like 25+ years unless they’ve committed a whole bunch of theft and been caught before.
They’d likely even barely get over a year unless they make archenemies with the judge somehow, and they may get less if argued down to a misdemeanor if they have no prior criminal history.
Your cousin that has committed a prior crime, though will likely end up with a few years if they don’t get a plea deal of some kind.
But that is their own fault. Don’t commit crimes if you would rather not be in jail.” EnergyThat1518
10. AITJ For Giving A Deceased Family Member A Place At The Table?
“My son got engaged to his partner. They live far from me and I don’t know her that well. I suggested we have a family get-together so I could meet her parents. I was rebuffed. In the next 9 months before the wedding, I suggested meeting several times and was told by his fiancee that her parents weren’t interested in getting together and meeting.
A month before the wedding her father’s brother passed away unexpectedly. I didn’t know his name but sent a sympathy card.
Wedding week arrived and I am hosting the rehearsal dinner. My son and I go over the guest list quickly 4 days before the dinner, which will be at a restaurant.
He mentions the deceased uncle and says the widow won’t be coming. They give me place cards that they had printed up.
After the wedding rehearsal, I rushed to the restaurant to meet the florist and manager to get the room set up. It was hectic with people running around, but we finished in time and it looked beautiful; I put the place cards on the tables.
Not knowing any of the bride’s family, I inadvertently put a place card down for the deceased uncle and his wife. 30 guests arrive, I am chatting with a group, and the bride’s mother approaches me and shoved something at me, which I reach out and take – it is two place cards.
She says loudly, he’s gone and she’s not here! Then turns and stalks away. The people around me looked shocked. I was embarrassed that I had made such a terrible mistake, even though I didn’t know any of her family. I didn’t feel I could address it in front of all the other guests with my hosting duties.
I adjusted the seats quickly and we sat down to dinner. Everything was lovely and everyone had a good time. Before the meal was over, the bride’s parents got up and left without saying anything.
They told their daughter what happened; that they were offended and hurt, and my son texted me late that night.
I didn’t sleep I was so upset. The next morning I went to their place and apologized to the dad, then to the mom and the bride. The dad said let’s put it behind us, but the mom was not gracious about the apology.
For the next two days, at the wedding and another event, she wouldn’t speak to me or even acknowledge me, as though I had intentionally offended them. It was very uncomfortable. I had already apologized profusely so was at a loss about what to do.
AITJ? Do I apologize again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your son handed you the place cards with the names. This is his fault for not removing those two cards from the stack. I would stop trying with your DIL’s family, they are making it perfectly clear they have no intentions of becoming one happy family.
It’s sad that instead of coming together they are pulling you and your son further apart. He should have double-checked the stack prior to handing it over to you. How are you supposed to know that the people on the cards handed to you are not all coming?” Scarletzoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s doing you a favor by avoiding you. You didn’t do anything wrong, so start acting that way. She’s trying to punish you by making you feel bad. Just be your usual self and ignore her. You’ve apologized enough.
She’s the one who was ungracious, not you. Don’t take her behavior seriously. They sound dreadful. If you see her pouting, do a tiny smile to yourself and look away. Bullies hate that.” Significant_Rain_386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is a jerk for not defending you.
He gave you the place cards when he should have removed them. You got set up for failure by your son. And the bride’s mother is the most ungracious person. So rude – all of them. None thought to thank you for hosting. You should write a letter of your grievances and send it to every guest who attended dinner.
Then just be done with the whole lot. Unbelievable.” tootsweete
9. AITJ For Saying My Partner's Mom And Grandma Are Not My Responsibility?
“So my partner and I rent out a large portion of his grandma’s house. His mother had a rod inserted in her spine, but she is able to get around and do things mostly. His grandma is 80 but also quite healthy.
When I first moved in, I offered to help them around the house because I noticed that they asked my SO to do tasks around the house IMMEDIATELY after he arrived home from work.
(Doing their laundry, carrying in groceries, helping them take care of their animals.) At first I didn’t mind too much but it seemed like all of the tasks were being shifted to me without an ounce of gratitude from my SO or them.
In fact I would often have to be told how the help I gave wasn’t to their standards.
Here is an example: I would cut the roses. I am not an avid gardener but I did my best to make it look nice, however, I would miss a few dead buds. (One time it was 3 buds I missed.) She would complain that I wasn’t doing it well enough.
And this seemed to be the case for any help I offered.
Eventually, I became sick of it because I was being called to do work quite literally 4-6 times daily only to be given thanks in the form of being told it wasn’t good enough.
I told my partner I wasn’t going to be doing it anymore because it was really taking a toll on my happiness. He would often come to tell me the things they would say to him.
After about a year of it, I said ‘Your mom and Grandma are not my responsibility.
If how I do things is not good enough for them then they can do it themselves or ask someone else.’ I also began to start refusing to do the work anymore. AITJ for not wanting to help anymore?
UPDATE: So you all have driven me to speak with my partner about his intentions behind sharing their trashy comments with me.
(I am neurodivergent and honestly sometimes I have a hard time realizing the meaning behind social interactions. I do know that this was hurtful so I spoke to my partner directly about it)
I directly confronted my SO asking why he didn’t defend me when they complained. His response was that he did defend me and he also shared receipts of texts where he did.
(I don’t go through his phone and I also am not around when they have the conversations.)
After that I let him know that his sharing the things they said with me made me feel like he agreed with their actions. He reassured me that this was not the case and apologized. He told me that they were often saying these things and accusing me of doing things intentionally to make them upset.
(Not true) He says he shared it with me to see my response and whether it was true or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have a problem with your partner. He is not grateful to you for taking on his workload. He doesn’t shut the nasty comments down.
He passes their nasty comments onto you. That means he either agrees with them, has no respect for you, or wants to hurt you, or all 3. Move into a small affordable place alone.” Which_Pudding_4332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’re a few things here.
None of them have shown any common courtesy for your help, including the guy.
It must not be valuable or helpful to them.
Mother & grandma are really passive-aggressive with telling your partner how ‘poorly’ you perform. And your partner enables it by passing it on to you. Rather he should tell them to tell you.
Mother & grandma should be mature enough by now to say, ‘OP, thanks for cutting the roses.
Let me know next time you have time to do it and I’ll show you the best way to do it.’
That they don’t seem to imply nothing you do will please them.
So don’t bother. Of course, these tasks will now shift to your partner but he kinda asked for it.” maburke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your feelings are valid and to be honest, they are being ungrateful and entitled… It’s been a year, and they probably got used to you are always there to help out. And unfortunately, there are people who just can’t be pleased, and will find a problem literally anywhere… Sound like they are exactly this type.
It would be interesting to know if they find/ found something to pick on when your partner does any chores for them… If yes, then the above statement is valid and it’s nothing personal. However, if they never complained about his work, then, I hate to say, it is personal.
You mentioned that you two are planning on moving out, but that might take some time. So now, you need to find a cooping method till it happens. Your mental health is important!
The quickest, but most confrontational way, is that you stop helping out.
When asked why are you unwilling to help, you can explain that nothing is ever good enough, so you just give up. I would not recommend this unless you try the below option.
If you hate confrontation, then write this down. With examples. Give them the letters.
Stay and wait until they read it. Then you can talk about it and find some common ground. Good luck!” Altruistic-Paper-847
8. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend For Spreading Lies About My Wedding?
“So I have this friend Anna (32F). We’ve been best friends since we started school, and despite a few small arguments we have always been close.
About 2 years ago my now husband and I decided to get married after 10 years of being together and 2 children we set the date for about a month ago.
I asked Anna to be my maid of honor and she immediately accepted. About 7 months ago at my bridal shower, Anna excitedly announced she was pregnant. She doesn’t have a partner so she told everyone how she was using donated sperm. I was so happy for her.
She assumed I was going to kick her out of the bridal party and I told her it wasn’t happening. She could do as much or as little as she wanted to do because I’ve been there and I know how exhausting pregnancy can be.
As the months progressed Anna came to me and said she was feeling overwhelmed. She had deemed her pregnancy to be ‘high risk’ because she was so tired and put herself on bed rest. I said it was no problem, if she still wanted to be at the wedding I would make any accommodations for her so she could.
She told me she wanted to come to the wedding but not be in the bridal party anymore, I told her no problems. It was fine. Whatever made her happy. In the meantime, I took her to her appointments and she came to my dress fittings.
I ended up asking another good friend to be the maid of honor and she was thrilled. The day of the wedding comes and Anna turns up in her maid of honor gown (no problems, I assume she just felt beautiful in the dress) and proceeds to tell everyone that I’d kicked her out of the wedding because I was jealous of her pregnancy and I didn’t want a ‘fat girl’ in my wedding pictures.
Everyone kept this well hidden from me on the day but in at least 5 of the videos from the wedding you can clearly hear Anna talking about me telling people that I’m such a horrible friend and I’m jealous because she’s pregnant.
I was shocked and the next time I caught up with Anna I asked her what the problem was, I tried to be accommodating but she insisted on not being at the wedding. It was her choice. She said it was just a joke and she was just being funny.
It wasn’t a big deal.
I yelled at her that it wasn’t funny and people believed her claims. I told her she was an awful friend for doing that to me. I wasn’t jealous of her, I had tried to be a good friend to her but this felt like a slap in the face.
She exploded at me about it and said I was a bridezilla.
I told her to leave my house and we haven’t spoken since. Now she is saying that I verbally mistreated her for being pregnant and ruined her pregnancy by making it all about me and my stupid wedding.
AITJ?
Update: I just heard through a mutual friend that apparently once I got engaged, she was saying that she should have been married first because I had kids first. She initially was going to wear a white maternity dress to the wedding but everyone told her not to.
So she planned all of this. I feel really stupid for trusting her so much but lesson learned. I’ll never speak to her again now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ!
WOW! This lady needs some serious therapy, not because she seems depressed or whatever, but because she seems PSYCHOTIC!
She told everyone AT YOUR WEDDING that you kicked her out of the bridal party for being fat/pregnant and thought it was ‘a joke’? Villainizing someone who has been nothing but kind to everyone they know is NOT ‘a joke’.
OP, you need to tell everyone who attended the wedding and everyone else to who she might’ve lied to the truth, explain that SHE wanted out of the bridal, and YOU tried making extra accommodations for her to STILL BE INCLUDED. If these people still take her side after the truth is revealed then they are not people you need in your life.” dependabledepression
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend sounds like the stalker best friend. You know when everything is alright between you when it is just the two of you and your life revolved around hers but then you upset that apple cart by going out and getting a life of your own.
I doubt that she used a donor to fall pregnant. Most probably a whoops a daisy. I’m outta here kind of thing.
Now that you are getting married she wants that perfect life like you have that she obviously doesn’t have.
You say that she was never like that.
Oh but she was. Deep down she was. You just never saw it until now. Better late than never.” SurvivingOnAir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously. Sounds like you actually marrying your now husband has been some extreme trigger for her. She seems weirdly possessive in my opinion.
Sometimes friendships have the hardest break ups but they are/can be extremely necessary. I’m sure this is heartbreaking for you because you trusted this relationship and assumed it would last a lifetime. It’s OK to be heartbroken but you are working very hard to protect this person and making assumptions on her behalf.
I know this is challenging but you CANNOT trust her now. Don’t rush to make excuses for her. It’s a projection when you ‘try to make sense’ of what happened/why it is happening. She will never be forthcoming/honest about it. It’s what co-dependent/at times abusive partners do for their partners.
Don’t look for reasons why she is acting this way. Maybe get some therapy and work through the grief/shock of what has happened. It sounds like a breakup. Good Luck, OP.” tomatojumpy2323
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work With A Co-Worker That Has Body Odor?
“A few weeks ago at work, I was assigned to train a new hire and the first thing that my boss told me is that my trainee has a severe social anxiety disorder and that it’s very difficult for him to communicate, despite him being 28 years old.
That admittedly annoyed me since training someone requires a lot of verbal communication and I was going to need him to be vocal about things he does and doesn’t understand. We’ll call this guy ‘Jim’ not only did I immediately notice him being a very quiet and awkward person, but he also had a very noticeable body odor.
It wasn’t the worst thing that I’d ever smelled, but it was noticeable enough to where I needed to remind myself to take a few steps back from him whenever I got the chance.
Working with Jim has been a major pain in the butt.
He doesn’t talk and that’s a must for what I’m training him on. Customers will ask him where a product is on our sales floor and he’ll just stare at them with these confused, scared eyes. Then he’ll just silently point to me and he’ll walk away with his head hung low.
He’ll make a mistake and when I ask him if he knows how to fix it or if he needs help, he just silently stares at me with a confused and scared look on his face. I’ve brought this up to my boss, but she keeps throwing around the usual things like ‘Just keep going at it’ and ‘He’ll get there eventually.’
Jim’s body odor has also gotten significantly worse. Not only can you now smell it from a distance away, but it also lingers long after he leaves an area. Other co-workers have frequently complained about it, and yesterday it reached a point where I actually started to gag from being around him too long.
I was mad, and I vented to my boss. I complained about the body odor, but she keeps saying that personal hygiene is an ‘off-the-clock issue’ and that she can’t enforce anything about it. I also was vocal about him not being vocal himself, and my boss explained that I have to just be patient with him.
I just flat-out told my boss that I’m not working with him. I cited the inexcusable body odor as the main reason and my boss responded by accusing me of being ‘insensitive.’ She actually sent me home early as a punishment and she warned me that she didn’t want to hear any more complaints about him.
Am I really the bad guy here?”
Another User Comments:
“Body odor is absolutely something that can and should be addressed with an employee. Since his position is public-facing, both good hygiene and the ability to communicate when a customer asks him a question are basic necessities.
It sounds like the position isn’t a good fit for him. You have a responsibility to be polite to him and act professionally, and it does seem as though you made a good-faith effort before bringing your concerns to your boss. Jim is the one who should be sent home to take care of his hygiene.
NTJ. I would say whoever hired him is the jerk. They should have known that his social anxiety would make it impossible for him to succeed in a role that requires face-to-face contact with customers. Hiring people who have so little chance of being successful in the role they were hired for is not doing them any favors.
It’s setting them up for failure. If that person wanted to give him a real chance, they should have put him in a role that wouldn’t require him to interact with the public. The company I used to work for employed several people with disabilities and the ones who were successful were the ones whose roles were aligned with their abilities.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Neither you nor this man is the jerk, but your boss is. Your boss needs to address the odor issue with him. That is something he CAN do something about. At worst, she can keep deodorant and/or cologne for him at the office to help a little.
With the social anxiety, he honestly might get better the more comfortable he gets. If that was the only issue, I’d suggest you keep going, do what you can, and then move on after his training is complete. Maybe your boss can put him in positions that require less stressful situations or less interaction with the customers moving forward, but answering simple questions should improve when he feels more comfortable.
But if you truly can’t train him without him talking back, tell your boss you aren’t equipped to train someone with his needs. If the boss wants him there, the boss can find someone else to train him or train him herself.
I will say, just be kind to this person.
Anxiety is a disability. He’s probably pushing himself really hard just to put himself out there, and I’d hate to think of him feeling like any of this is his fault. It’s okay if you can’t train him, or don’t want to, but still… be kind.” crystallz2000
Another User Comments:
“My first thought is I would probably stink from stress and sweat alone if I was having to work with someone who obviously didn’t want to work with me. As time goes on, yeah, probably gets worse. However, HR should have a conversation with him about that.
It appears from your tone and initial reaction to the assignment you didn’t even consider how to help him get to some kind of success. You immediately wrote him off because you were told he has problems communicating. Instead of empathizing and trying to find ways to build him up slowly.
So, yeah, YTJ. But your boss is also a jerk. You clearly showed you don’t have the skill set to deal with this situation, and you are not getting any support in figuring out how.” maburke
6. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Not To Leave Before My Sister's Wedding?
“I (42F) have a daughter, ‘Julie’ (15F) with my ex ‘Mark’ (44M). We divorced when Julie was 5 and have shared custody.
My sister ‘Sarah’ (32F) is getting married very soon, I’ve been involved and helping with all the planning, and Julie is a bridesmaid.
Obviously, Sarah and her fiance want their big day to go as smoothly as possible, and everything is set. We’ve all been looking forward to this for a long time as their wedding was already postponed once.
Mark’s niece passed away recently. The funeral’s happening the day before Sarah’s wedding, and Mark wants Julie to go with him.
The issue is we live on the east coast and the funeral’s on the west, so Julie will have to fly out and miss the wedding. Mark’s said that he’ll be staying for a few days after the funeral, but even with the scenario that Julie comes back with a red eye, the earliest she’ll arrive in the morning of the wedding, which is cutting it extremely close.
Both me and Julie have talked to Sarah about this and she’s not on board at all, especially considering Julie’s part of the bridal party.
I’ve told Julie she can fly out after the wedding and spend some time then, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
She’s been arguing with me nonstop, that she absolutely needs to go to the funeral.
I said that she needs to stop parroting her dad and she’s free to go if she wants to, and let Sarah and everyone else down. She’s been really mad at me (but she’s always been a bit of a moody teen).
Obviously, the timing isn’t great but I think I offered a reasonable solution to her and Mark. So am I being the jerk?
Edit: Mark’s niece is Julie’s cousin (his sister’s daughter) and she was 27. Julie would hang out with her occasionally and she gave a speech at her wedding.
Julie and her husband lived here, but her husband was originally from a different state, which is where the funeral is happening.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. You are being selfish and unsupportive. This seems like some nonsense between you and your ex, especially since you keep saying ‘my ex’s niece’ rather than my daughter’s cousin as some sort of way to make it more about your ex than the fact that it is your daughter’s cousin.
Oh, and then dragging in ‘letting people down’ while your child is dealing with her grief, yeah that’s pretty awful of you. Moreover, your daughter is going to be coping with her grief, and then she has to go to a wedding and pretend to be happy.
If I was your sister and this was supposed to be a happy day, no offense, but I wouldn’t want her there, because she is most likely going to be miserable, and probably annoyed since she wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. If my mother tried to pull this, you’d bet I’d be angry, and especially annoyed having to go to a wedding.” Sleipnir82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – how dare you weaponize your family over your daughter’s grief. How dare you make your daughter a pawn to harm your ex – your child’s father. You can choose (or your sister rather, can choose) a new bridesmaid.
You can’t reschedule your last day on earth.
That you’d prioritize a party and wield it like a club against your own daughter who is hurting is absolutely vile. And even if she just wants to be there for her father, and the other side of her family?
Who are you to decide the ‘right’ choice? If it were your niece that passed away and her paternal aunt’s wedding? I’m fairly certain we all know you’d still prioritize your family.
How about prioritizing your daughter here? She was given an unexpected and hard choice – and it is HER choice.
Let the world know when you find a way to make passing away take a rain check because we all wish we had one more party to attend with someone.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you are trying to manipulate your daughter into choosing to do what you prioritize as more important – the event on your side of the family.
Too bad if it means she misses something rather important on your ex’s side, and too bad if your daughter’s view is dismissed – after all, it’s not important to you.
Your daughter has made it clear that she wants to be at the funeral. The timing of it is not your daughter’s fault.
It’s unfortunate, but that’s how it is, and it clearly matters to your daughter. To manipulate her and try and guilt her into doing what you want her to do is horrible. Especially when she could do the red-eye option. So what if it’s close?
Frankly, so what if she misses it? The wedding will still happen, the bride will still be married, and sure, everyone would prefer if your daughter were there, but they’ll live, unlike her cousin. You need to respect her decision.” Rednit26
5. AITJ For Not Taking My Sister To School When I Have Senior Privileges?
“I am a senior in high school, and since I have a car now, I have been taking my sister to school in the mornings.
Now that I have the opportunity to come into school an hour late every 4 school days, my family has gotten into a debacle.
Since we were little, my mom has always offered to take us to school, and I am hugely grateful, but it was never ‘asked.’ Naturally, that would be the person to go to in this situation, but my mom has recently torn her meniscus and needs surgery in a few weeks, so she cannot drive.
Her recovery may be a few months long.
My dad works, but his schedule allows him to take her to school in the morning, but he doesn’t want to. He gets mad every time that solution has arisen.
The thing is, though, my original proposition was never to ask someone else to take my sister to school but that my sister should take the bus on the days I have senior privilege.
The problem is that my parents refuse her to do so, claiming that ‘she never has had to before and wouldn’t be fair to make her do so now.’ Just to be clear, we do not live in a rough neighborhood or anything of the sort: it is not a safety issue to go on the bus.
Honestly, I believe that my dad is entitled to not take her to school. It is not and has never been his responsibility. But, if my parents refuse for my sister to take the bus, then I look at it as him making the extra effort because it is his prerogative for her not to.
It’s my responsibility to take her to school now, and I would deal with conflicts like my senior privilege differently than my parents would.
Now, it has been suggested that I go take her to school and then get breakfast and relax in the car.
It is also possible to just go to school and take a study hall, but the purpose of late arrival, for me and many others, is to be able to sleep in late, and taking my sister to school does not grant that. I am an AP student that works hard and is very involved in school activities: I should earn the right to my senior privilege, and my parents don’t seem to understand that aspect.
Again, I don’t think my parents should be taking her to school. I also feel bad that my mom’s not physically well right now, but again there are ways to deal with the situation that does not affect anyone except my sister.
Now there are also issues on the days that I do take her to school, for instance, my sister causing us to be late.
There is also a kid that lives across the street from me that I have wanted to take to school, so he doesn’t have to take the bus every day that my sister refuses me to take because she ‘doesn’t want to deal with anyone else in the morning.’
I feel that my sister doesn’t appreciate that I take her to school in the morning. She doesn’t have any older friends, so there is no opportunity for others to take her either. I just want to ensure that I am treating everyone with as much respect as possible, but at the same time, honoring myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not your problem; it’s between your sister and your parents to solve, and you are removed from the equation. Furthermore, there are many studies showing that teens need more sleep and the benefits they get from it. Your age has a naturally shifted sleep schedule of going to bed later and sleeping in more.
Evolution just needs to catch up to modern times, where we don’t need the older teens to watch for predators. You will benefit far more from the extra hour of sleep.” Maleficent_Ad407
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your parents pay for everything surrounding your car.
Your mum is incapable of doing the trip, and your dad deserves the extra time to rest in the morning (even if it isn’t sleeping) as he is going to pay for your travel expenses out of his pocket (He isn’t obliged to do that).
They don’t want her to catch the bus. It’s a valid choice some parents have had poor experiences with school buses in their own pasts, or some other thing has occurred that makes them quite anxious and apprehensive about sending children on the bus.
You are being gifted thousands of $’s per year with the privilege of having your parents pay for your car and its expenses.
If the only catch to that is, ‘We expect you to use the car we pay for and provide for you to use at your leisure to get your sister to school,’ then that is such a tiny tiny tiny catch.
You are 17 or 18 – this is not a big responsibility.
It’s what being a functioning family is about.
If you are in charge of getting your sis up and dressed and packing a lunch for her etc. Then I agree that’s not your problem. But if all they are asking is getting her delivered to school on time, then YTJ.” Trickshot1322
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because it doesn’t sound like you wouldn’t help out if you can’t. Your sister has ways to get to school safely, and it’s normal, while you are a sleep-deprived teenager with AP classes. So yes, it’s unfortunate that ur mom is sick and ur dad is busy, and ur sister has never had to take a bus before… But, you need your sleep, it’s not your responsibility, it’s safe, it’s quick, so… I suppose she has to take the bus.
She’ll get to take her senior privilege later on and will be happy no one made her skip it.” Substantial_Plum3460
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You need to accept that this is the ‘give’ in the give-and-take that has them paying for you to have basically unlimited use of a vehicle without having to pay for that privilege.
Your mom is definitely overblowing the thing at the same time. There is no ‘recovery could take months.’ It’s literally a few weeks of recovery. And in the meantime, nothing is stopping her from making sure that your sister is ‘ready to go’ so that she doesn’t make you late.
Sounds like your dad is standing up to your mom on an unreasonable request (pearl-clutching about your sister riding the bus), so mom has decided to put it on you instead. It might be worth talking to dad about making clear to mom that it’s not about finding a person to pick up the slack for your sister but making your sister take some responsibility for herself.” LadyMacGuffin
4. AITJ For Changing The Locks?
“I (31M) have a b&e charge from trying to enter my ex’s place to take back some of the stuff she took when we were breaking up, like my bedding and CDs. She called the cops and I got unfairly charged and prosecuted. Because of this, I couldn’t find a place to live and I also have old DUIs (3 years sober) but my insurance for any vehicle is also insanely high to the point it’s cheaper to use Uber to get around.
I needed a place near my work and it’s been almost impossible to find one.
Finally, I found a woman who was renting out a basement suite but she wanted a non-smoker and asked me 3 times. I said I didn’t smoke because I was desperate for a place and I wouldn’t smoke inside but she came without giving me proper notice (she gave me 15h, not 24h notice) and saw the cig butts on the steps to the place (I was smoking outside) and freaked out and demanded I leave.
I wanted to sign for a year but she refused to only sign for 3 months because my credit was bad. She forced me to let her into my apartment to check for damage even though to reassure her I didn’t do any smoking inside.
I did use my brother as a reference because I didn’t have great luck with having a good relationship with previous landlords and she found out later he was my brother and threatened legal action for using a fake reference but he wasn’t fake I did pay rent to him a few years ago.
She began checking up on the place every 2 weeks claiming she was checking for damage even though I said I would leave after my lease. Then I started seeing this girl I was interested in and we began going out after a few months. The landlord showed up to my place again to inspect the place and she and my SO started talking and she told her I had a b&e and DUI charge (no idea how she found out) and my SO has stopped talking to me because of it.
I’m sure it’s illegal for her to disclose my personal information like that and I’ve changed the locks to my place and refused to get her in. She has sent me a letter stating the eviction process and I’m sure it will take them months to evict me it will make it even harder for me to find a place to live in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You moved in knowing you weren’t going to comply with the rental terms from day one. The landlord stated a nonsmoker, (not someone who smokes outside on the property or anywhere else). Then you left clear evidence of your violation outside the apartment.
The landlord noted the violation and wanted to check for property damage. Where I’m at, assessing for damage with a cause is considered an emergency not included in the normal notice requirement. Nor does it take months to evict a tenant for cause, the way it would for simple nonpayment.
You might want to get with a tenant’s rights group to make sure your assumptions are true.
Whether landlords are supposed to or not, they do gossip and word gets around. She shouldn’t have disclosed your personal info to your SO; how she found out is most landlords run a criminal background check with the application.
So a landlord who knew about your past and decided to give you a break is now in an adversarial relationship with you, due to your own actions.
This might turn out better if you handle it personally and objectively. ‘I’m sorry things turned out this way.
I’m trying to move out, and in the meantime, I’m not smoking in or around the apartment. Is there a way you could let me complete the lease as long as I stay current on the rent, don’t smoke, and don’t cause any problems? I really need time to find another place near my work.’ Stress the work part; it’s a great guarantee that you’ll pay the rent on time.
If you are very lucky, the landlord might take a chance on you again. I pretty much guarantee with your background, if you cause trouble the landlord will automatically escalate to getting a court order and have the sheriff or whoever does standby for evictions remove you.
That will just be a lot more hassle and drama, particularly as they will have access to your record too, and will be wary of what will happen if you’ve changed the locks and seem to have barricaded yourself in the apartment. Instead, try to work with the system and get some help.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a b&e charge that is totally legitimate. Not unfairly charged or prosecuted. You admit to entering your ex’s property without permission. You have a DUI charge which just makes you a jerk 1000x. You lied to your landlord about smoking.
She is absolutely allowed to not rent to someone who smokes. Smoke, even secondhand, damages property. Then you smoked on the steps (ON HER PROPERTY) and littered. Jerk again just for the littering.
She saw evidence of damage from the outside (doesn’t need 24 hours’ notice to look at the outside) and went then told you to leave.
All is acceptable since you violated your lease. Her going in following the 15h notice) is debatable but it depends on your jurisdiction. Some places allow for an emergency entrance if they see evidence of damage or lease violations. You lied on your application. If your brother was a legitimate reference on the basis he had owned property you rented then you should have been clear about that.
Instead, you committed fraud.
It doesn’t seem like you care about the law at all. You should have disclosed your criminal past to a significant other of a few months. Gross that you wouldn’t let her know since some of your past crimes were committed against your ex.
My guess is your SO asked the landlord why she had to come so often to check on the place and your landlord explained. I don’t know of any client confidentiality clauses in the landlord/Tenney arena. Also, your crimes are all a matter of public record.
Not one action of yours in this story is not the action of a jerk. YTJ.” poweller65
3. AITJ For Agreeing To Not Include My Nephew In My Mom's Will?
“My mom is getting older and wants to create her will. She’s still capable for the most part and also has a lawyer, but she lives with us anyway, so I help her with a lot of things, including this.
I have two teenagers. My brother has a teenage daughter with his wife of 20 years. However, they briefly separated a decade ago, and he has a son (9M) from a one-night stand during that time. They’ve always had a visitation schedule, and we (the extended family) have known him since he was a preschooler.
But as of a year ago, he’s living with my brother and his wife full-time as his mother passed away and is now more integrated into our family. My mom accepts his son as her grandson, as do the rest of us.
My mom wants to leave a small property she owns to be split among the grandkids.
The assumption is that when the time comes they’ll sell it and split the proceeds since it’s not sentimental or easy/convenient to share ownership of.
9M is the sole beneficiary of his mother’s passing and is the sole beneficiary of his very elderly but very well-off maternal grandparents.
The funds from his mother alone are considerably more than the property my mom owns. So my mother allocated him a token gift but didn’t think it made sense for him to be cut in equally to the other 3. It has nothing to do with him being born outside of the marriage or anything like that.
My brother found out and demanded his son be cut in equally to the property, not really because of the money, he knows as well as we do that 9M doesn’t need it, and more because of what it meant symbolically for 9M to not be cut in.
My mom repeated that it didn’t make practical sense but said if I agreed, she was willing to split it four ways instead.
But I said no, I agree with her that it’s illogical. Let’s say the property is worth 200k when my mom passes away, 4 ways that’s 50k each, 3 ways that’s 67k each.
If we were talking about $200 I’d understand, but I can’t justify taking 17k from each of my kids’ futures for a symbolic gesture. Obviously, the exact amount will depend on the market, 200k is just a reference point/current value.
I told my brother that I didn’t think that was fair to my kids, and he said I was being mercenary.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I get what she’s trying to do. It sounds like she’s trying to line it up so that her grandchildren have a good nest egg to jump-start their life. Possibly buy a house, help pay towards college.
With that in mind it’s understandable to not factor in the one with a considerably larger nest egg already, it sounds like it wouldn’t make a dent in his overall inheritance amount from your comments of all of his totaling over 1.5 million, an extra 50k really pales in comparison whereas an extra 16k for the rest could mean a lot.
That being said, this is going to come off as hurtful to him because of the symbolic meaning behind his not being included. I get where his father is coming from. I would probably do the same in your grandmother’s shoes and leave a letter for him explaining my reasoning on wanting the other kids to have a good financial start that they would lack otherwise and leave him more sentimental items/family heirlooms that won’t be immediately sold.
I don’t think there’s an equitable solution. But I also don’t think she’s wrong to want to leave money to those who will actually be needing it by the sounds of things. She just needs to take extra steps to factor his emotions/feelings in, because doing it blindly will unnecessarily hurt him.” _Sierrafy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Sounds like a REALLY tight family unit you got there, squabbling over money that won’t even be yours and throwing your brother and his son under the bus over (potentially) 17k? Wow, guess everyone has their price and yours is almost embarrassingly low.
What a way to make your nephew feel loved.
It also shouldn’t have concerned you either, you are in a unique position of influence and power over your mothers well being since you seem to imply you are her caregiver to an extent. This should have been her decision through and through, you should have abstained from voicing an opinion at all, but instead, by taking a stance like this you’ve basically messed your relationship up with your brother (potentially beyond repair); don’t expect many Christmas cards is all I’m saying.” Capital-Literature-9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is equity vs. equality debate. Equality is splitting the property 4 ways. Equity is about giving the people who have less more to make up the gap. Equity is more fair than equality. Brother’s child is 9 right now and can’t be expected to understand why an equitable decision is fairer.
Brother however is an adult. From what I can see he is the one being greedy here. He wants to take money from kids who have less. I think your mother should also leave the 9 yr old some extra sentimental items to make up for the lack of money he will be getting.
Some stuff to show that she really loved and cared, but saw this as the best way to give all her grandkids a good start in life.” sparklesparkle5
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The fact that you had to go out of your way to explain that you and your family treat 9M as part of your family shows that you don’t actually treat him as a part of your family.
He is just as much your family as your niece is to you. It should go without saying that he is a member of the family. Your mother is the jerk for penalizing a 9-year-old for his mother dying. This is just another way to ostracize him from the rest of the family and make him know that he is not welcome in your family.
Shame on you all.” joywaveee
2. AITJ For Choosing To Go To My Sister's Bachelorette Trip?
“Twice a year, I take my daughter to see my ex’s family, per our agreement. However, my sister had a bachelorette trip during the same week I was supposed to take my daughter to see them.
My sister has children and so do the majority of the people she invited so she decided to make the trip kid-friendly and asked me to bring my daughter too.
I called my ex and told him about the trip since I needed his permission to take our daughter to Paris and he said it was fine but it was pretty obvious he was busy and was just trying to get me off the phone.
We never had a follow-up conversation and I don’t think he made the connection that I was supposed to take her to see his family then but two days into the trip he called me and was furious that I hadn’t taken her to see them.
He said his family had been waiting for us and I needed to go to them immediately. He kept bringing up our agreement and telling me off for not sticking to it and I ended up hanging up on him because he wasn’t listening to anything I said.
Even now that we’re home, he keeps bringing up the fact that I broke our agreement and how that means he no longer feels obliged to stick to it either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He gave you verbal approval. That he didn’t check the dates when you spoke, and then didn’t communicate with you about the yearly trip till after your daughter didn’t show up tells a lot.
He doesn’t really care. If he did, he would have checked the dates before saying it was okay, and he would have touched base with you prior to any trip. Actually, let me say this if he really cared he’d take responsibility for arranging to see his daughter himself and not expect his ex to do it for him.
He’s just mad because his family wanted to see your daughter and he has no good excuse for having forgotten about the trip to France, so he’s using you as a scapegoat.” disappointedvet
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He should, of course, actually be listening when you two are discussing your daughter.
It’s not your job to manage his calendar, and he should have been paying attention.
But that said, it doesn’t sound like things are acrimonious between you, and you heavily suspected he didn’t fully understand what you were saying by phone (which can happen, even between good friends), and instead of sending a simple two-line text or email – ‘To be clear, this trip to Paris is scheduled for the same time as the trip to see your family, so the family trip will have to be canceled or rescheduled. Ok?’ – to keep the co-parenting relationship clear (and to cover your a*s, legally speaking), you just went with it.
And now there’s a boatload of drama that could have been avoided on both sides and a child who might feel like she’s in the middle.” PARA9535307
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you knew it wasn’t a good time for him to talk and that he hadn’t made the connection with the trip and his family’s time.
Rather than being clear and above board about everything, you chose to be deliberately deceptive because it suited you. You have undermined the trust you had with your ex and made co-parenting with him more difficult, which will just make things more difficult for everyone and likely meaning that your daughter will now suffer.
Say goodbye to any indulgences you may want from time to time. Hope it was worth destroying what sounds like what was a working co-parenting situation for this party.” Rednit26
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, your ex is primarily at fault here. It is his responsibility to make sure that his kids visit his family during the scheduled time.
However, it sounds like you knew he was overlooking the fact that the dates conflicted and intentionally didn’t say anything because you wanted your kids to go on your trip instead. This lying by omission comes off as a little petty.
It would have been better to either tell your sister that the kids couldn’t come because they had to visit their father’s family, or ask your ex and his family to reschedule the visit time to accommodate the trip.” grw313
1. AITJ For Letting My Son Play In The Waiting Room?
“My son is 2. We were at the doctor’s because I’m about 98% sure he has an ear infection.
We go to a doctor’s office that doesn’t have any sort of play area or anywhere for kids to kind of hang around. We go here pretty frequently so my kids have the same sort of routine: you are allowed to roam the room without bothering other people or yelling.
They like to do typical kid things like walking in circles around empty chairs or looking at the art on the wall and describing the shapes.
There was only one other woman in the waiting room, she was probably about 50 yrs old. So while we are waiting my little son is doing his typical thing.
Now let me add that when there have been other people as long as he follows my rules they don’t seem to be bothered by it. So I thought it was going to be the same thing with this woman.
My two-year-old is walking around an empty chair near me and babbling (I promise it wasn’t loud, it is unacceptable behavior to be loud in a quiet setting) and telling me things like ‘star’ and ‘circle’.
This woman begins to huff and sigh and seems very irritated. I thought maybe it was the wait time since it was taking a good minute for either of us to be called back. Then the woman kind of hissed, ‘I can’t believe people let their kids act like that.’ I asked her if she was annoyed by my kid and she said ‘Yes, he’s so loud!
He should be sitting quietly!’ I told her, ‘Ma’am, he’s 2 and he’s not hurting anything or screaming, and he isn’t near you’. She got all huffy and told me ‘You need to be a better mom and control your son!’ Y’all, I was floored. About that time we got called back so I just got his bag and him and went back.
I’m not gonna lie, I really felt like crying. But it may be rude and out of line to let him walk around and talk about everything instead of trying to keep him in place. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
No one should be walking around a doctor’s office waiting room.
I know making kids sit still is not always an easy task, but they shouldn’t be wandering, you don’t know what they have yet and they could be highly contagious, you also don’t know who else was just in there spreading their germs around so it’s best to remain in one place to reduce the likelihood of possible infections for all.
I also think doctors’ offices with toys for the kids to play with is a very efficient way to give your kids exposure to every sickness ever possible all at once and makes me question the intelligence of all staff in a doctor’s office that does has such things.
So good for your doctor for not having them.” DeviantDe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First off, you are at a doctor’s office because your son is sick.
Secondly, if the doctor’s office doesn’t offer a section with toys in it, there is a reason for that.
Third, you are not the only one there because they are sick. People go to the doctor for that reason, and while they are feeling bad, they really don’t want to have to deal with someone else’s child running circles and being noisy. They already don’t feel good.
So be considerate and keep your child contained, bring him something that will entertain him in one spot because it is your responsibility to not spread your child’s germs for others to catch.” Whiskeygirl81
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and this is why. You don’t know what was going on in the mind of the other person.
Her reaction to your child may have nothing to do with your child it was just the thing she chose to lash out at. In a doctor’s office, you have no idea why people are there, and while many are cheered at the presence of a child others may just be in their own misery and the frenetic movement of a wandering child grates on their last nerve.
If you look at people with just a little sympathy for what they might have had happened in their day, you might be just a little more generous of spirit and thicker of skin.
Also, you noted that this doctor is close to your daycare, and you wouldn’t have to take the whole day off-this indicates you took a sick child to daycare which makes you a really big jerk.” cynicalsowhat
