People's Boundaries Get Stomped On In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Going To A Funeral The Day Before My Son's Birthday?
“I have (had) a friend from my childhood days. I’m M40, my wife is F40, and my friend Julie was F38.
Our son turns 9 tomorrow.
I haven’t spoken to Julie for the last about 7-8 years, but when we were in school, we were in the same clique, even though when we met, she was 13 and I was 15. She was really cool, and I will admit, we, the boys, all had a crush on her.
It didn’t go anywhere between us, and after a time, I left for another city, started seeing my wife, and we were together already for several years when Julie reached out to me via socials. We discussed her current relationship, how it was toxic and abusive, and that she had to end it.
When I discussed our conversations with my wife, I saw that she was kind of jealous. I stopped our conversations because I love my wife and didn’t want her to worry. Then I found out that Julie had met another guy I knew from another friend’s group.
They hit it off, got married, and moved to our city. I met her once for drinks. I saw that Julie was truly happy in her new relationship, and that’s what really mattered to me.
Two days ago, her husband reached out to me (again, we haven’t been in touch for 7-8 years).
He said that unfortunately, Julie has passed away. He was very depressed and asked if I am able to be there for the service. He felt like he needed all the support he could get (he has no relatives in the city we live in and only several friends).
He said she spoke well of me, and he wanted there to be more people who knew her at the service and afterward. The service was today, on Saturday, but tomorrow is our son’s birthday.
I did ask my wife if she was OK with me going.
She’s very into “the vibes”; she has a lot of bad memories about cemeteries, dead people, and things like that. However, she said that if I want to, I should be the one to decide. We still had time for final preparations for the birthday, and today in the morning she even helped me pick the flowers for Julie.
So, I went to the service and the reception afterwards—spending a total of around three hours—then we went to the store together, spent some time with our son playing football, and went to the restaurant to pick up the cake. That’s when the conversation went sideways.
It turns out she is very frustrated that I spent time at that place instead of participating in the happy, busy preparations for the birthday. I am in a depressed mood now, and she can’t stop thinking about it, and she doesn’t want to get any flowers tomorrow (I’m usually the one getting the flowers), and she will now never even go into that flower shop around the corner because it’s forever associated with picking up funeral flowers.
I’m kind of at a loss. Yes, I knew that she has this anticemetery outlook. Was I supposed to turn down the person explicitly asking me to come? Even though we haven’t been in touch for several years, I didn’t feel it would be OK to turn down such a request. And I really wanted to say goodbye.
Now, it does seem like I prioritized someone else over my own family, even if just a little bit. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Somehow your wife has managed to make your friend’s death about her and her unaddressed issues with death. Most people don’t want to think or talk about death, but it’s a fact of life.
You would think a 40-year-old woman would understand and accept that. The never going to the flower shop again bit is so over the top. Your wife is a drama llama with main character syndrome. You have done nothing wrong here. I’m sorry for your loss and wish your son a happy birthday.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“Ummm… What?? How does your wife think that it’s a personality trait to ‘not like cemeteries’? Nobody has happy memories associated with them; They are where we go to bury our dead. She’s not kooky for not liking them, she’s not ‘vibey’.
She’s entirely average and trying to make herself seem extra. And now she’s acting all irritable with you because she chose to go with you to buy flowers for a funeral she didn’t attend, in honour of a person she didn’t know, and now she associates that florist with … nothing that affected her at all?
Does she know that other people have bought flowers for dead people at pretty much every florist she’s ever walked into? Now she expects you to be all happy-go-lucky when someone you know and care about has died. She’s mad at you because your friend chose an inconvenient time to give up the ghost. Your wife sounds like words we’re not allowed to say here, but she’s certainly more than just a jerk.
You, however, did absolutely nothing wrong. Her fear of facing negative feelings associated with death shouldn’t have any impact on you, and instead of actually addressing those fears, she’s using them to manipulate you into doing whatever she wants. She’s centering herself and expecting you to as well, rather than allowing you to grieve in a way that you see fit (and in a way that is culturally incredibly normal).
You’re NTJ, but your wife needs help.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, screw her. I had a coworker who passed away two weeks ago. I never said more than five words to her, but we smiled at each other on the way by. She had an aura about her that you can’t explain.
I didn’t go to the service because I also hate funerals and cemeteries, but that won’t stop me from acknowledging her existence and trying to bring some good out of her death. Instead of flowers, they asked for donations to her sons’ respects. I’m in.
As a father of two, this would be my worst nightmare. The least I can do is help a hurting soul and his children. Anyone being jealous about a funeral is a basket case.” what_the_dilly
21. AITJ For Playing With My Kids In An Accessible Playground Despite Bigoted Remarks?
“I am a 38m with cerebral palsy, specifically spastic diplegia, which mainly affects my legs. I use a wheelchair. Recently, our small town built a new playground that is almost entirely accessible, and I was so excited because I’ve never been able to play on a playground with my kids like a normal dad.
When I arrived at the playground, I was able to do things like go down the slide with my child and play games. I thoroughly enjoyed being able to play on the playground as an adult because I never had that opportunity as a kid.
While I was playing with my kids, a man approached me and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was playing with my kids, and he said I was blocking the playground and that people like me weren’t supposed to be on playgrounds.
I was taken aback and asked, “Then why did they make the place accessible?” He responded, “They made it stroller accessible, not for people like you.”
Some other parents overheard this and tried to dismiss the situation, but then he looked at me and said, “Just because you’re irresponsible and disabled, (He used a harsher word) you think you’re above everyone else.” (I have scars on my face from a minor car accident that happened when I was young, and many people assume that’s the reason I’m in a wheelchair.)
When everyone was telling him to leave, he decided to end the conversation by saying, “Go back to your own country,” and then he pulled his eyelids back. (I am Asian and wasn’t born in America, so I have a thick accent and occasionally slip in and out of my native language when I’m playing with my kids.)
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ screw that guy. You were there using the playground and playing with your children. Some people just can’t help themselves but be total jerks. Even if you are in a wheelchair because of an accident and not a congenital disorder, you still have a right to enjoy a publicly accessible space just like everyone else.
There aren’t enough accessible playgrounds for people of all ages. Shame on him for even thinking it was appropriate to be a jerk to you. Don’t ever let anyone make you think you are less than because of who you are, because you are who you were meant to be from the beginning.
If you are ever keen on taking your family on vacation, I highly recommend coming to San Antonio, Texas, to visit Morgan’s Wonderland built specifically for people of all ages and abilities. My state has a bad rap for being full of jerks, but there are some good people here doing good things.
Morgan’s Wonderland is definitely one of them.” radioaktvt
Another User Comments:
“Sir, thank you for being a present father, disabilities notwithstanding. NTJ. I’m a disabled mom (Fibromyalgia and ASD), and use mobility aids (wheelchair) when my pain is too intense. We have several parks like this in our area, thankfully, so I am able to still play with my kids regardless of my pain or mobility aids.
This unsavory individual was way out of line, especially when I know there are signs explaining the different accessible features of the park. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope this does not diminish you creating happy memories with your kiddos.” Lady_Blackrose_1988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’re there with your kids, there’s absolutely no reason why anyone shouldn’t be able to interact with their children in a public space that literally exists for people like a father and child. That man is extremely bigoted and took his hate out on you in a very discriminatory way, and I’m so sorry you had to experience that.
Please don’t stop enjoying yourselves just because of one detriment to society. It sounds like everyone else was in agreement with you belonging there, and I’m sure you’re making memories the kiddos will remember fondly. Heck, I sometimes see older folks just sitting on the swings to try and relive their youth a little, lol.
I’m glad you’re finally having the opportunity to experience things you missed out on as a kid, and I hope you continue to do so.” catsforkeeps
20. AITJ For Not Paying For A Friend's Hookup On Our Vacation?
“I (27F) went on holiday with a group of longtime friends. We planned everything as a group; this includes my partner Paul (27M), Josh (27M) and Jessica (30F). Five days in, Josh brought a random hookup, Cameron (20M), into our apartment for the night. He couldn’t speak any English and was totally intoxicated when we met him at the bar earlier.
He even started touching Jessica and me, so we (Jessica, Paul and I) left earlier. Josh still brought him home and hooked up with him that night.
The next day, we told Josh that we didn’t enjoy his company and that we did not want to hang out with him.
Two days later, we moved to our next location, and Josh announced that day that Cameron was joining the next part of the holiday. We told him right away that that was not an option for us and that we did not want to spend our holidays with him.
Since Cameron had already booked his flights, he joined without our permission and stayed in our prepaid accommodation. It wasn’t possible to change accommodation at late notice due to costs and availability.
We decided not to spend time with Josh and Cameron. That is why we planned different activities.
We tried to avoid both of them for the next couple of days before we left for our home country.
Just to clarify: Josh has a longtime partner at home, and this was just a random holiday hookup; they are not in contact now.
Now we’re back home and are going through our expenses.
Josh wants us to cover for Cameron’s part (5 nights) as we booked the accommodation in advance for only the four of us, and there wasn’t any surcharge for a fifth person. We wanted to split the expenses fairly into five parts.
AITJ if I don’t pay his part?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You repeatedly told Josh that Cameron was not invited and that you didn’t feel comfortable around him and he ignored you and brought him along anyway. Well, there are consequences for that. It doesn’t matter that you originally planned to split the cost of the accommodations four ways, Josh forced a fifth person on you and now it needs to be split five ways with Josh paying Cameron’s share.
Josh is expecting you and Paul to each pay your own share—you are not getting some sort of couples’ discounted rate—and so the same needs to apply to Josh and Cameron.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why should it be on everyone in the group to cover his hookup getting to join in on your vacation?
A four-person vacation was split four ways; now it’s a five-person vacation, so it gets split five ways. Bad enough that he invited this guy on your vacation against your wishes, but why do you all owe it to Josh to give his random hookup a free vacation?
Cameron can pay his part, or Josh can pay 2/5 out of his own pocket. Forget hotel surcharges; that will be Josh paying the ‘inconsiderate jerk’ surcharge.” CapoExplains
Another User Comments:
“1) You should never have allowed them to stay in your accommodations. But you did, and you can’t change that.
Do not pay for Josh’s hookup. 2) I would not stay friends with Josh. He’s a selfish jerk who essentially ruined your holiday. 3) I hope you plan on telling Josh’s partner. He deserves to know. NTJ for not paying, YTJ to yourself for letting Josh hijack your holiday and doing nothing about it.” salukiqueen
19. AITJ For Buying A New Truck Instead Of Helping My Partner With A Car?
“My partner hasn’t had a car for about a year. The last car she did have was in my name… A lesson learned the hard way and a mistake I will not be making twice.
She still doesn’t have a car; she Ubers to work, and I pick her up in the afternoon Monday-Friday. Everywhere else, we go together, or she takes my truck.
I’ve recently been promoted at work and am now in the market to finally get myself a decent truck with a few options.
The problem is that she expects me to “help” her get another car. Her credit is crap, so she would need a co-signer or a large down payment. I’m not willing to co-sign for her because she has shown in the past that she is not capable of paying her bills in a timely manner.
We live in the DMV, specifically NOVA. If you know this area, you know you need a car. AITJ for going to get myself a new truck when she also needs a car?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: It doesn’t sound like you respect your partner.
And it sounds like maybe that is deserved. If you find her irresponsible and untrustworthy in managing her life, why are you with her? It seems like either you see no future with her because of her irresponsibility, in which case you’re setting yourself up for these conflicts as long as you choose to connect your life to someone you don’t respect.
Or perhaps you believe that there are fixable reasons for her shortcomings and that you and she are actively working on it and you really believe she can get a handle on this in the future. Which is it?” Top-Necessary5003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is your partner, not your wife, so heck no, do not help her.
Horrible to say, but if something happens and you break up, she takes the car you paid for or will pay for if you are her co-signer on her loan and she stops paying. Never ever buy big items just for a partner or fiancé unless you know you will never get it back; only for a wife, from whom you might recoup at least some of your investment.” Tired-of-this-world
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not married. I feel ‘helping’ her get a vehicle when she has proven herself incapable of getting or maintaining one on her own sets a bad precedent for your relationship, allowing her to be financially irresponsible while you end up saving her from herself.
That’s not the job of a romantic partner. I think the most ‘help’ you could offer, if you wanted to, would be to sell her your existing truck at its trade-in value, but she would need to pay cash upfront and you would need to transfer the title so it’s in her name.” JeepersCreepers74
18. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Calling My Friend An Ugly Pig?
“I (26F) have been best friends with two girls since I was in middle school. They went to the same in-state college, while I went out of state. While they were there, they were roommates with a third girl, Emily (26F). Emily has always been jealous of me since she sees me as someone who is intruding on her dynamic with my best friends.
She has even suggested that we alter our tattoos with each of our initials to add hers, since she’s “part of the group now.”
I have never had a particular problem with her in the past, other than her mean-spirited humor that always seems to alienate me.
Whenever we’re together, she always seems to find an excuse to bring up a fun time when they were all together without me.
I am getting married in two months, and I asked all three of them to be my bridesmaids. Throughout the whole process of wedding planning, Emily has been saying little rude comments about the choices I’ve made (such as “Wow, I love how you chose all these clashing colors, it’s so fun!”).
She returned her RSVP as “heck no” to be funny. The trouble came with the bridesmaid dresses. I work at a theatre, and I got permission to use some beautiful halter-top gowns that we had from a previous show for free. Emily immediately let us all know that she hated them.
Her main issue is that she thinks her chest is her best quality, and a halter top will keep her from hooking up with anyone at the wedding because it will be covered.
The other night, she mentioned that I only want her to wear a dress like this so my fiancé won’t be staring down her dress during the ceremony.
My friend and I were discussing that comment a few nights later, and since I was so fed up with her, I said I wasn’t worried about that because, “Why would he want an ugly pig anyway?” She was right behind me.
For context, she is 250-300 pounds and has never been in a relationship.
She makes jokes about stealing other people’s men all the time, and this is obviously something that she’s very insecure about. I didn’t even really mean it, as I’ve never mentioned her looks before or the fact that men don’t take to her.
I was just trying to say something hurtful because I was so frustrated with how she’s been treating me. However, this is not where I am asking if I’m the jerk. I know I shouldn’t have said that…
Now, she is refusing to go to the wedding.
I don’t honestly want her there anyway. My friends refuse to take sides in this. Am I the jerk for not apologizing and begging her to be in my wedding? I’m worried that she will ruin it somehow, but I know that I’ve also messed up and said something mean.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This friend group dynamic is so painfully immature. You are not in school, so you don’t need to act like a clique. As adults, it’s natural to foster individual relationships and you don’t have to do everything as a group. You including her while not liking her and crap talking behind her back is cliché mean girl behavior you should have grown out of by now.
That goes for both of you. All of you, perhaps. It may be good to explain where you were coming from, i.e. “I was so frustrated with how she’s been treating me.” But for god’s sake, she shouldn’t be in your wedding party.
Who cares that she shares mutual friends?!” stophittingthyself
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you said a messed up comment and you should apologize for that comment. You’re also being a bit of a coward here. If you don’t want to be friends with someone, then don’t be friends with them and let them know.
You’re 26 years old; drop the passive aggression and let her know that you don’t appreciate her attitude and you do not want to pursue a friendship with her. Acknowledge your comment was out of line, but be clear that apologizing for what you said does not mean you want her in your wedding or a friendship of any kind with her.” Specialist-Owl2660
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Emily might be a crappy person, but that’s no excuse to use derogatory language about her weight. We don’t get to be bigoted towards someone just because we don’t like them. You can vent all you want without being fatphobic. In this post, you manage to criticize her behavior PLENTY without mentioning her weight at all.
So, obviously you are capable of expressing how awful she’s being without making digs at her appearance. Have higher standards for your own behavior.” DoctorNinjaSpy
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Insisting I’m Pregnant Without Evidence?
“I (16 F) am very late on my period, and I believe it is just stress related because I have literally not hooked up with anybody.
All I do is go to my friend’s (who is also a female) house and work… But once I told my mom that my period was late, she instantly jumped to the conclusion that I was pregnant, and when I brought up the fact that it was literally impossible, she shrugged it off and still insisted I was pregnant.
And somehow, whenever I brought up how and why this was unlikely, she got more upset.
Today I was mentioning that I am still late, and she started yelling at me, calling me “pregnant”, so I asked her who she thinks would have possibly gotten me pregnant, since she knows I am single and literally have only female friends, and she just shrugged it off and continued yelling at me, saying, “Well if you’re not pregnant you should have nothing to worry about if you’re not pregnant.” As if she was trying to insist that I wouldn’t have to keep defending myself so hard if I weren’t pregnant?
For some reason, this caused me to snap because I am tired of being accused of something that literally isn’t true and making me feel really crappy about myself. After I told her off, she shoved past me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Y’all, let’s not berate this young person for talking to her mom about this. It’s concerning to miss your period. If it’s stress, that’s pretty alarming to be so stressed that your hormones go out of whack.
Same if it’s not enough body fat. And heaven forbid it’s something else. OP, NTJ, and that’s super weird your mom is acting like this. Does she frequently get irrational and yell at you? If there is another adult you can tell, feel free.
Planned Parenthood can also help. They do women’s health, not just reproduction stuff.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My period was all wonky when I was that age (I have PCOS, and my mom does too, so at least she understood and that wasn’t a problem).
I would probably see if you could prove to her that you’re not pregnant by taking a pregnancy test (although I wouldn’t be surprised if she accuses you of faking it, so maybe take it in front of her or have a doctor administer the test if that’s something you’re comfortable with), or maybe talk to a trusted adult (dad, guidance counselor, family friend, aunt/grandmother) to see if they can talk her down.” basxmenteyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mom, I’m sorry that your mom isn’t listening to you and is being abusive. Suddenly being late when your periods have always been regular is really disconcerting and can be a sign of stress or other medical conditions (including weight loss).
Are you able to schedule your own doctor’s appointment and transport yourself? I hope that your mom wakes up and realizes that she is being awful and can support you through whatever is causing this. FYI, when I started grad school, stress made my cycle go crazy, and I had to get on birth control pills to regulate it.” Little_Loki918
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner For Sole Credit In Front Of The Kids?
“I (F53) and my partner (M57) took our collective kids out for dinner tonight. My partner paid the bill and, as usual, paid on our joint account. (He sometimes picks the bill up himself, but more often, it’s the joint account that gets used).
On the way home, his daughter and her partner made a point of thanking him directly for the meal, and he acknowledged by saying something along the lines of ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘no problem’. I didn’t say anything in front of the kids, but when home, I checked he’d used the joint account, and when he confirmed he had, I asked why he hadn’t corrected the kids that it wasn’t just him that had paid.
He went off at me for ruining a good night and for being picky about paying the bill, completely missing my point. My point wasn’t about money; it was about him taking the credit and not correcting the kids. I just see that as a common courtesy.
He sees me as being unreasonable and bringing up something best left unsaid. So AITJ here? Should I have just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. His was a completely normal response to them, it’s not like it was an extended conversation describing where the money came from; it’s literally just “thanks for dinner” / “you’re welcome kids”.
Good chance that if you are a family with sufficiently joint finances to have a joint account, then the kids don’t see an important difference even. If I paid for dinner, they’d just assume it’s shared money even though they’d thank me as the one who made the decision to give them a free meal because that’s just the normal thing to do.
You’re making out like he went around town giving interviews about how generous he is and how he did it all on his own. It just doesn’t need to be ‘corrected’ and if you feel that put out by it (which itself suggests you’re self-important anyway), then just do it yourself rather than sulk when he didn’t do it on your behalf; he’s not a mind reader.
Understand, the kids weren’t thanking him for transferring cash from a specific account; they were thanking him for the gift of a free meal. I think it should be widely understood to be directed at you both by default if you both paid—it’d be rude to ask first “which account did you use, Dad?” before saying thank you and simply doesn’t need to be said.” jibbetygibbet
Another User Comments:
“Ooof. I have a similar tale. My in-laws—my FIL invited his extended whole family to a nice dinner (like 20 people). He worked with the management to get a special menu, did a lot of preparation to make everything nice, ordered bottles of wine and appetizers, and went all out.
When the bill came… he handed it to my MIL and told her to pay for it with her “fun money”. The only “fun money” she had was money that she had saved so she could visit her grandson. We were all confused and surprised that he had organized and offered to treat everyone to dinner because we knew that they were not doing well financially.
We all offered to pay our fair share, but he insisted that it was all on him. She had no idea that he expected her to pay. She thought he had won some funds at the casino or something (he goes to the casino a lot—one of the reasons why they were struggling financially).
It was a complete shock to her to get this bill, and paying it meant that she had to cancel a trip to visit family. Of course, no one noticed this happening. So he got all the credit, all the pats on the back for treating everyone to such a lovely meal. He ate it up, took all the credit.
He didn’t say a word about her, didn’t acknowledge her contribution at all. He just stood there with a huge crap-eating grin on his face, soaking up all the adoration for his generosity. I noticed her in tears, but I didn’t realize what was going on in the excitement of it all.
We didn’t find out until much later what had happened. Apparently, they got home and she confronted him about it; he got mad that she was bringing this up and ruining his great evening. Then he gave her the silent treatment for TWO MONTHS. She ended up leaving him.
It was glorious. So no… NTJ.” Money-Possibility606
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how people think it’s overreacting, but honestly, in a relationship, you should want to champion your partner—especially in front of children because this is how ideas form that aren’t necessarily true.
I don’t know if this is the case, but often children grow up and cite experiences like this as evidence that their dad is more generous! It definitely depends on how often this happens and if he does it in other contexts, too. For instance, imagine you cut up fruit, but he brings it up to the kids, accepts their thanks, and doesn’t mention that you cut it.
I think it’s weirder that he didn’t mention you than the fact that you asked him to. If he pays with the joint account and doesn’t give you a shout-out, then your contribution is ignored. I think with gift giving (no matter how small) all participants should be mentioned—like how couples/families sign the same card.
Also, OP has said in the comments that she says it’s from both of them when she pays with the joint account.” ThoughtLegal8887
15. AITJ For Putting Down A Rescue Cat Because I Couldn't Afford Its Emergency Treatment?
“I rescue cats as I live on a remote property and people dump them all the time. They are fed, sheltered, and given their shots/spay/neuter, and then I work with a rescue to have them adopted. I cover these costs, but the rescue has helped with occasional emergency vet bills.
I found a little cat (about 6 months old) who was very timid (outside in -20°C). The rescue didn’t have the capacity to help, so I got the cat spayed. It was very timid, so I was working on socialization.
Anyway, I found the cat in a state of respiratory distress today.
I called the vet and was told to bring it in. I also reached out to the rescue but was told they had no space and couldn’t assist.
I got blood tests for the cat, and it didn’t look good. The vet said either the cat needed emergency care starting at $700 (my partner just spent $6500 on her cat for emergency care) or the cat needed to be euthanized as it was struggling.
I decided to put her down. It was a hard decision.
The rescue then reached out to ask how it was going, and I told them. They were very angry that I didn’t get further care and said that I shouldn’t take cats in if I cannot afford emergency vet bills.
They said I am a heartless human being for putting the cat down.
In my opinion, the cat would have died outside in the cold, and I was just doing the best I could. I have saved many more, and they have all gone on to good homes (except for a few who live with me).
I have never had to make this decision before.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I hate the no-kill shelter mindset. You know what? There’s no unlimited budget or space, and so those shelters, as they did for the OP, simply pawn off animals when they’re too busy.
Generally, to other shelters which are funded by the government or donations, the funding is not nearly high enough and when they can’t care for an animal or get it adopted out because it’s dangerous, they have to euthanize them. A lot. They do not like doing this, but this is the world we live in, and pretending that it is otherwise is counterproductive and insulting.
I vote pragmatism and progress over convenient morality and judgment of everybody else. OP: NTJ. Rescue: probably jerk.” shoobe01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The rescues I’ve dealt with are always full of pretentious, self-absorbed individuals. They constantly seek donations and help for all these animals that they absolutely are full and can’t spare any more room, but send someone to them who would be a loving pet parent, but get turned away because they don’t have a 5-acre backyard for the little chihuahua to crap in.
Let me be clear, I’ve adopted my pets from fantastic animal shelters and rescues, but really, can some of the community be extremely toxic for no reason.” basroil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of the rescues near me are constantly raising funds for animals with catastrophic injuries that, if they survive treatment, will leave them with pain and a lower quality of life.
I don’t donate anymore. They have no sense of triage. The number of healthy cats they could feed, or spay and neuter procedures they could fund, with the thousands spent on one animal that ultimately dies after lengthy, painful treatment, just makes me so angry.
I used to think we were more merciful to animals than people by giving them a good death, but that’s not so true anymore. Quality of life and death matters to animals. That was a long, tangentially related rant just to say don’t let them guilt trip you because their barometers are off.
Not every rescue—I don’t want to accuse all of them.” ImLittleNana
14. AITJ For Not Babying My Fiancé Who Criticized A Netflix Show Without Watching It?
“I (34 F) live with my fiancé (29 M) “Jess”.
We’ve known each other for over a decade and have been living together for the past 3 years. We are normally compatible and agree on most things, and whenever we don’t, we talk it out.
He is on the autism spectrum, and because of this, I am patient with him on most things.
I am still honest when he is in the wrong, but I explain it to him in ways that I hope he’d understand and not in any accusatory or attacking manner. But I feel like I might have “babied” him a bit too much, resulting in this fight.
Jess made a post on his Discord group about how he finds a certain popular Netflix show overrated. He hears our group talk about it all the time and gush about the characters and story, but neither he nor I have ever felt drawn or interested in watching it, regardless of all the praise.
A close friend posted a silly comment saying, “It’s okay to be wrong,” and Jess, quite aggressively, responded by calling them a jerk and stating that they’re delusional or lying. The two went back and forth, but Jess kept making excuses for why our friend likes it, like the female leads being hot and claiming that’s the only reason they like it.
I stepped in and pointed out that Jess can’t claim someone is overrated if he hasn’t watched it. I pointed out that he can dislike the hype around a show and that overhyped shows might repel him from wanting to watch it, which would be completely valid and understandable.
But trying to drag down and invalidate someone else’s opinion just to elevate your own is wrong.
Jess is now upset with me, and he said, “He’ll just never talk about anything again.” I normally sit down with him while he’s like this and try to get him to understand better, but today, I just couldn’t do it.
I made my point, and I said I wasn’t going to baby him anymore. This seemed to upset him more (which is understandable).
He won’t talk to me, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I should not have said anything at all. The friend he was debating the show with is even worried that Jess is upset with them, which is making me have doubts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You massively infantilize your fiancé and you need to knock it off. If he’s as incompetent as you treat him, he’s not capable of having a consensual adult relationship. You mean well, but you’re enabling him. You’re like those lazy parents who do everything instead of giving the child coping strategies because it’s tough in the moment.
It is a spectrum. I bet he’s far more capable than you give him credit for. His reaction was insane and over the top. I have ADHD and autism myself, and this is ridiculous. NTJ for what’s in the post. But, YTJ to him and yourself for enabling him.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (there’s a but). First, I’m on the spectrum, and I’ve struggled with that enough times. I don’t use my condition as an excuse to be a jerk, though. I own my jerkery. However, praise in public and criticize in private. It doesn’t matter if Jess is autistic.
You know him well enough that you shouldn’t have criticized his stance on a wide group, or you know him well enough to realize how he’d react if/when you did that and did it anyway. Not excusing his jerkery—just saying you had to see it coming.
Sounds like there’s more here at play. “I feel like I might have “babied” him a bit too much, resulting in this fight.” “I said I wasn’t going to baby him anymore.” This looks like the real cause of resentment is coming out and the Netflix topic is just a catalyst. You’re both adults here.
Treat him like one and expect him to act like one.” WatchWorking8640
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Jess is clearly being a jerk here. He started a conversation just to trash something his friends enjoy, completely unprovoked. When they defended their show, he escalated things to personal insults and name-calling.
He hasn’t even seen the show he’s bashing! “Trying to drag down and invalidate someone else’s opinion just to lift up your own is wrong” is something you say to a middle-school bully, not a 29-year-old man. You did not even come close to being harsh with him.
I would even encourage you to be harsher.” Impossible_Rain_4727
13. AITJ For Silencing My Roommate's Repeated Dawn Alarms?
“I (19F) started college this year and live in a dorm. I’ve had another roommate for a few months, but she changed majors a few weeks ago and left our dorm, and a new one moved in exactly 3 weeks ago. My new roommate (20F) is religious while I am not, and while I don’t have any issues with religion, an issue arose between us because of it.
Here’s the thing, she has a prayer she has to perform around dawn, say around 5:30 AM our local time, and she sets an alarm at said time. We sleep in the same room, and I am a pretty light sleeper while she’s an extremely heavy sleeper, so the first few times I woke up first and went and woke her up.
This quickly got annoying, though. After waking up to her alarm, I found it difficult to fall back asleep because by that time, the sun was up, and I just ended up tired through my classes.
I expressed this to her, explaining how I find it annoying that her alarms keep ringing on and on for 30 to 45 minutes before she finally wakes up and that she should just set one alarm, which should be more than enough.
She said she would try but couldn’t promise since it’s really important to her to wake up and pray.
Unfortunately, the next night nothing changed. The alarm kept ringing and ringing, and I was just fed up. For the next 3 or 4 nights, I’d let the first alarm ring, then I’d switch off her phone altogether and finally go back to sleep.
She obviously caught on and confronted me about it, and I honestly admitted to it. She argued with me and said I was a terrible person for trying to stop her from praying when I’m just trying to get a few extra hours of sleep, so AITJ?
How else should I go about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to get an RA involved. Document the fact that she is repeatedly allowing her alarm to ring for extended periods. Keep a log where you write down each day it happens and how long it goes on.
If the RA and school administration can’t or won’t do anything, get a water gun, preferably one with a large tank. Tell her that the first time the alarm goes off you are going to spray her with the water gun until the alarm stops.
If she stops the alarm before you can get to the water gun, you won’t spray her. If she sets multiple alarms or hits snooze, the second time the alarm goes off you will spray her until the tank is empty. She’ll get with the program pretty quickly.” plsuh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke to her about it and she’s still allowing it to continue for 40 minutes. Either she develops the self-discipline to get up the first time and be a considerate roommate, or this is the law of natural consequences. You are not stopping the alarm from going off, you are not stopping her from praying, you are stopping it from going off repeatedly for a wildly unreasonable time when you share a room.
Her snooze button habits are interfering with your completely normal, typical early-morning sleep hours, which is not okay. Document and get RA involved ASAP.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as a Muslim—NTJ. Fajr prayer is important and she needs to do her absolute best to wake up for it.
Maybe that means getting a different alarm, like a Fitbit that vibrates on her wrist, or developing habits like going to bed early so she can rise early. But part of being Muslim also means respecting your neighbors, and 35-45 minutes of an alarm is not justified. Waking up light sleepers with my alarms was also a problem for me, but knowing that it’s disturbing them and also that they will turn it off is certainly an incentive to get up faster.
You guys should talk this out to see if you can come to a productive solution. Can you shake her a couple of times and turn it off after 5 minutes if she doesn’t rise? Should you sleep with earplugs in (which I do occasionally if I know there will be a racket in the morning)?
I do think it’s rude to turn off her alarm without letting her know that you did that in the morning (such that she had to confront you), but I can see where you’re coming from.” minimalistchaos
12. AITJ For Changing The Wi-Fi Password After My Roommates Failed To Pay?
“I (20 Male) am in college studying diesel mechanics. I am currently in a shared housing program where I have to share an apartment with 3 other guys.
Not the most ideal, but it is what it is. I get along well with two of them; however, one of them, “Sheldon,” isn’t my biggest fan. When we all first moved in together, we set up a Wi‑Fi plan with Xfinity. We all made a deal that we would each contribute 20 bucks per month to pay for it.
On the first payday, I paid for it with my card and asked the others for the 20 bucks. Only one of my roommates gave me the money, while the other two said they couldn’t pay for it. Eventually, the Wi‑Fi got shut off because I couldn’t continue to pay so much for the internet, given that I work part‑time at a tire shop and attend school full‑time.
But eventually, I needed the internet again to do homework, since I couldn’t do it at school, and I also just wanted to play games online in my free time.
So, I started a lower‑priced plan, gave the roommate who actually paid me the password, and changed the network name so that my other two roommates wouldn’t use the internet I paid for.
But now, they found out that we have had the internet for the past 4 months. One of them doesn’t care too much, but the other, “Sheldon,” just hates me and left me a note about it, and I’m starting to wonder if I was in the wrong here.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and the roommates had an agreement that each of you would pay a portion of the monthly bill for Wi‑Fi. If two of your roommates do not want to pay for it, then it’s totally fair that those two would not get to use it.
Sheldon can always start paying you for it, and then you’ll give him the Wi‑Fi. I think you had a fair agreement with your roommates, and you don’t need to feel bad for that. I understand that Sheldon is being passive‑aggressive now, but don’t feel bad for him.
There are plenty of businesses that share Wi‑Fi, libraries, and, not to mention, the college campus. If he wants Wi‑Fi for free, he can go to any of these places.” BCReyes21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they wanted internet, they should’ve paid for it in the beginning like the other roommate.
Also, it’s been 4 months and they just now noticed? I don’t think they need it; they just want it because it’s there. At this point, I’d charge them however much you had to cover on the first plan before it got shut off. They still owe you for covering the commitment they made and didn’t keep.
I wouldn’t give them the password until they clear that debt up.” PerceptiveSuggestion
Another User Comments:
“Stop doubting yourself. You did nothing wrong. No matter what you do, someone will be upset or feel that they are being treated unfairly. View it this way: Why should roommate “Adam” have to pay while Sheldon gets it for free?
Why should you pay and everyone else gets it for free? Tell Sheldon you’re not preventing him from getting his own Wi‑Fi. He can even ask the other roommate who doesn’t have Wi‑Fi access to go in on it with him. Not to mention they both owe you from last time.
Google “internet service for college students” and “trick internet providers.” It may be cheaper than what you’re paying now. Sheldon has options for free Wi‑Fi at Starbucks, McDonald’s, malls, and libraries. Also, if he has an unlimited cellphone plan, he can connect his laptop to it.
NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
11. AITJ For Reporting Inappropriate Weight Comments At Work Despite My Dad's Criticism?
“I (27F) told my supervisor that coworkers’ comments about my weight had been upsetting me. For context, I have gained weight because I was extremely underweight and am now at a healthy weight. The first comment was made by a middle-aged male telling me I had gotten fat.
He backpedaled when I made a face, saying that he meant it in a good way because I was too skinny before. But then he continued asking if he was right, asking if I had gained weight. Then, another middle-aged male coworker pointed at me, brought his hands up to his mouth to mimic eating, and then spread his arms out wide to indicate a wide body.
I ended up telling my supervisor because I don’t think it’s right for anyone to make comments about someone else’s body. What if I were recovering from an eating disorder or something? She was appalled and brought it to my manager, who said it was disgusting and that no one should be made uncomfortable at work.
So, I figured I did the right thing. Until I told my dad, and he said that I shouldn’t have done that because it’s like tattletale behavior, like a child, and that now the coworkers will have animosity against me? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your dad is a card-carrying member of the old boys’ club. No one should ever comment on your weight. Look them dead in the eye and say, “That’s a really odd thing to say out loud.” Embarrass them back. “Don’t you think that’s a little personal,” “Did you mean to be so rude,” and “I’m going to forget you said that.”” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former supervisor, I wanted my employees to tell me or HR if someone was making them uncomfortable at work. We were near each other 8+ hours a day. It was important to ensure that behavior like that was stopped as soon as possible.
No one wants to work in an environment where their coworkers are allowed to bully them. This makes me wonder if your dad made comments like this in the past and got reprimanded. Don’t listen to him. Your colleagues were disrespectful and rude.” buttercupgrump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but people like your dad are part of the problem. Some jerk men think they have the right to comment on women’s bodies, good or bad. You did the right thing. This happens a lot and not just in the workplace. Heck, last year in March, I started losing weight for health reasons because I figured it would be easier now than when I got older anyway.
After the first—I think it was 17 or 20—I was leaving the doctor’s office feeling good because it had only been about a month. I passed a guy in the parking garage who made a rude comment. He pointed to my belly, asking when I was due, laughing.
I glared and said, “Oh, as if you’re such a prize,” and got in my car. Now, could I have ignored it? Yes, but that would not have done anything. I wish I could have come up with something better, but it was the best I could do on the spur of the moment.
I’m now down almost 80, and I kind of wish I could confront that jerk again, but oh well.” Broad_Woodpecker_180
10. AITJ For Prioritizing My Daughter's Well-Being Over My Husband's Unrealistic Expectations?
“I’m Sai (31F), married to Sam (38M) for 5 years, and we have a 3-year-old daughter, Savi. Things have been tense in our marriage, leading to arguments about divorce.
It started last Christmas when I hosted a big family gathering, planning everything meticulously. I asked Sam to pick up the appetizers while I handled the rest, and he agreed. On the day of the party, he forgot the appetizers, claiming he misunderstood my detailed instructions.
Furious, I felt he doesn’t listen or support me, leading to an argument where we stopped speaking.
Afterward, I stayed at my parents’ house with Savi for a few days. On New Year’s Eve, Sam came to the party but snapped at me for not feeding Savi, saying, “Can you be a mother for once?” Days later, he told me I don’t appreciate him or do the “nice things” I used to, like massages or wearing makeup.
I explained I’m overwhelmed balancing work, parenting, and the household, but he seemed more focused on how I’d changed.
Recently, while visiting my parents, they asked me to stay the night. I called Sam to check, and he agreed, but later called back, angry, accusing me of being selfish for keeping Savi away.
He insisted I stay at my parents’ while he picked her up, despite me already packing to leave. He claimed I didn’t consider how much he missed Savi, though I had asked for his opinion beforehand.
I feel like I’m carrying all the emotional and mental load, while Sam believes he’s unappreciated. AITJ for prioritizing my daughter over his expectations?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this situation with your husband. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can, you’re not a machine. I think a lot of men have an expectation of what a wife should be which would be similar to their mother.
A lot of men don’t know how to be good husbands and believe working is all they have to do to be a good husband. He wants a mother to cater to his every need. Therapy may be a good option. It’s not a mother’s responsibility to carry everything on her own.
A good husband shares the load. If he’s unhappy with how things are going, he needs to stop criticizing and start stepping up as a supportive husband and father.” OldSignificance2039
Another User Comments:
“Oh my dear, please please please get yourself into therapy just for yourself, and you and your husband into couple’s therapy to figure out if there’s a way to move forward in a way that’s more satisfying for you (with a different counselor).
You have so much on your plate, and your husband is saying some pretty awful things to you. You sound incredibly stressed and perhaps missing the forest for the trees, some of which are draped with red flags. This is not about missing hors d’oeuvres or a night at your parents.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“He is punishing you for calling him out when he forgot the appetizers. He knew it was wrong, but he ruminated on it and came up with twisted ways to make you the bad guy instead. His accusations are nonsensical because he used mental gymnastics.
This behavior is unhealthy and indicative of further issues. Do you usually avoid calling him out on things because you know he won’t take it well? His not wanting to be in the wrong is only part of the problem. The other thing is your husband is selfish and doesn’t want to change the way things are.
This goes back to him making a big stink to discourage you from calling him out. Things will only get better if he wants to get better. He would have to put himself in individual therapy. Realistically, chances of that happening are astronomical. On that note, marriage counseling is not recommended. I’m not the best at explaining it and this is getting long, but you can Google “marriage counseling with an abuser” and you’ll see why.
Something else you should know, people who are accusatory are usually projecting, hence the saying, every accusation is a confession. Lastly, my take on this is a bit more extreme compared to the others. I’ve written my reply assuming this isn’t the first time your husband has acted this way.
If I am wrong to assume that, I do agree with those recommending marriage counseling. It’s the most effective way to nip this in the bud. But having a talk when you’re both in a good mood is the next best thing. You’re definitely NTJ though.” Pumpkin_Farts
9. AITJ For Refusing To Vacate My Shared Room When My Younger Brother Is Showering?
“I (F, 15) share a bedroom with my brother (10), and he decided tonight that he was getting in the shower – for the first time in God knows how long – and said that he is kicking me out of our room while he does so. The bathroom is not at all connected, and he has no reason to be going in there immediately afterward, yet he has decided it would be better for him to change in our shared bedroom than in the bathroom he is already in.
Fine.
I respect that. I’ll leave.
However, what I will not do is stay out of said bedroom while he is in the shower. If nobody is going to be in there anyway, then what reason do I have to avoid it? Now my mother is calling me an entitled, selfish brat.
Am I the jerk for standing up for my side of the argument?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Now my mother is calling me an entitled, selfish brat.” Oh, poor mother who cannot afford a room for her own kids of very differing ages. Sorry to insult your mother here, but a 15-year-old girl shouldn’t need to share a bedroom with a 10-year-old boy.
A 16-year-old girl shouldn’t need to share a bedroom with an 11-year-old boy. A 17-year-old girl/woman shouldn’t need to share a bedroom with a 12-year-old boy. An 18-year-old woman shouldn’t need to share a room with a 13-year-old boy. He should be sleeping in your mother’s room if there is nowhere for a ten-year-old to sleep.
Ten and fifteen is not an ideal bedroom arrangement. Do you have a living room with a couch? Mom should sleep there.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remind mom and brother that since you have to share a room, the only reasonable rule is to take your clothing to the bathroom and dress there.
Neither of you should be able to refuse the other’s use of the room. You may choose to give each other privacy, but that is a kindness and not a requirement. Everyone has the right to be in their space. Maybe hang something between your areas to give visual privacy?
I shared with my sister. We had to rearrange things a bit, but we’re able to leave an open space along the door side, then hung a sheet between the beds that went up to the open side and ended a couple of feet from our shared closet.
Yep, it wasn’t full privacy, but we could sit on our beds and not see each other. I get that he wants alone time, but old sayings are true. You get more flies with honey than with vinegar. If he’s nice to you, you can be nice back and give him some space.
Maybe make up a schedule where you each get a couple of hours spread over a week of alone time. Teach him that cooperation gets you further than demands and attempts to assert dominance over you. After all, you are older and more imaginative in retaliation pranks!” RazzmatazzOk2129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your mom is for taking his side. It’s YOUR room. Look, we can all say you shouldn’t share a room. Fine, true. We can all say maybe there are financial limitations. Fine, also true. But the fact of the matter is the room belongs to both of you.
And that means if you need privacy, you use the bathroom, because the room is a shared space. He doesn’t get to kick you out of the dining room. He doesn’t get to kick you out of the living room. He doesn’t get to kick you out of the kitchen.
I don’t know where a 10-year-old boy found the audacity to think he outranks his older sibling (probably just because you’re a girl), but he can stay in the bathroom and get dressed in there like a decent dang human. This crap doesn’t fly in the real world.
He’s not even close to the age yet, but he pulls this kind of crap in the dorms in college and he’s getting laughed out of school. He doesn’t own the room. Mom needs a reality check. I’m almost 40, mom; either separate your kids and have your daughter’s back on this, or shut his butt down.
There are zero things a 10-year-old boy needs to be doing in his sister’s room alone because it is also her room.” Armadillo_of_doom
8. AITJ For Not Moving In With My Partner In A Hoarder’s House?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years. His mom recently moved into assisted living, and he will stay at her house until his disability money comes in, hopefully within the next month or so.
His mom is a hoarder. She never threw anything away. Every surface of their home is covered with stuff.
My partner asked me to move in with him, taking his mom’s old room. The problem is, her old room is still chock full of her crap!
Books, clothes, medication bottles, old papers, and other random crap. I couldn’t even access the window if I had to escape in a fire; there’s so much stuff. I told him that isn’t going to work for me. He got defensive and insisted that I just needed to get used to it and that he can fall asleep anywhere.
Yesterday, while I was at work, he “cleaned up” a little bit… I didn’t notice a darn thing getting cleaned up. Maybe some things were just pushed aside.
I told him again, “I’m not moving into this mess.” He’s mad at me now and upset.
Am I the jerk for not moving in with my partner under these circumstances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s excusing/enabling his mom’s hoarding. One would wonder if he has the same proclivity for hoarding. I recognize he’s also going through a lot with his mom moving into assisted living; it may be time to discuss seeing a therapist. His inability to do anything about the hoard may be due to it being his mom’s, and he’s grappling with losing her in a way, and nearing the end of her life.” MisfitIncarnate
Another User Comments:
“The biggest red flag here is your partner trying to force you to do something you don’t want and getting mad at you for not complying. Your partner is also a hoarder by default due to being raised by his mother and sees nothing wrong with the state of that house.
It’s why he sleeps in filth and doesn’t understand why you won’t live with him. He views this as normal and would most likely freak out on you again if you try to throw his mother’s stuff away. He has absolutely no plans to clean the place up, op.
I don’t know how this isn’t a dealbreaker for you, because he’s showing you the future you’re going to have with him if you stay with him and have his kids. Do not move in with him. NTJ.” _A-Q
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s generally a bad idea to move in with someone who’s waiting on their disability to get approved, because you would end up ‘helping’ pay a higher percentage of expenses, and if his disability doesn’t get approved soon, you could end up in a situation where he’s dependent on you for his living situation.
And the bad idea part is multiplied by 100 when it involves living in someone else’s hoard. Even if the hoard was completely removed tomorrow, a recently hoarded house probably has cleanliness issues (mold, dust mites, mice…) and maintenance problems that are being hidden by the hoard.
It probably isn’t a healthy environment for you to even visit. No is a complete sentence. Don’t ask for the room to be cleaned. Don’t ask him to move out. Keep your own place that’s set up the way you like it and pay your own bills.” teresajs
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Self-Care And Relationship Over My Friend's Appointment?
“A friend of mine has an important legal/administrative appointment tomorrow and asked me today if I could come with him to help. He doesn’t speak the local language fluently and wanted me to go along for support.
He does have reliable transportation (bus/train), but I guess it’s more stressful for him than going by my car without someone there to assist him. For context, my friend has been struggling with mental health issues for a while, and I’ve been trying to help him where I can.
At this point, though, I don’t know how to help him anymore—it feels like nothing I do makes a real difference.
On my side, I’ve been helping people like him for years because I’m fluent in the local language and have often acted as a translator and guide.
I also have a car, which has made me the go-to person for these situations. While I’m glad I’ve been able to help, it’s becoming exhausting. I’ve rarely said no to anyone, but now I’m really burnt out.
To make things harder, I’ve barely had any time alone with my partner for over a month.
They’ve been busy with travel and family obligations, and we’ve only had two nights together recently after so long apart. Tomorrow was supposed to be the last day we’d spend together before we don’t see each other again for a couple of weeks.
I was really looking forward to this time.
I told my friend that I can’t come tomorrow and explained that I’m tired and need to prioritize myself and my relationship this time. I wished him well and reassured him that he’d be fine taking public transport and attending the appointment on his own.
However, he said he’d be immensely grateful if I came, and now I feel terrible. I know this is a big deal for him, but I feel like I’ve done all I can to help him over the past months, and it’s wearing me down.
I don’t even know if I could help him with anything regarding the matter at this appointment. Language skills are not that important there, and it’s just the latest appointment that a lot of mistakes have led up to.
AITJ for saying no and prioritizing myself and my relationship this time?
Or am I being selfish for not helping my friend when he’s clearly struggling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You help when you can, and you don’t when you cannot. If this appointment is such a big deal, he should have asked you to come along with him much earlier, and even then you would have been completely within your rights to say no. It is unreasonable to expect someone to drop everything they had planned and “help” the other person, especially if this isn’t the first time.
It’s also unreasonable to keep pressuring someone to help, when they can do it on their own. Car vs. public transit is definitely a “want” and not a need. Stand your ground and let this friend do something for himself.” Several_Essay_7028
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are important too. Your needs and your relationship are important. It’s completely ok to say no; I’ve done a lot to help you, to my own detriment, and now I am focusing on me. A true friend would agree. They would still be grateful for all you’ve done until that point.
Someone who is using you will let this be the end of the friendship. Good opportunity to see which category this person falls into.” AriasK
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. But if the situation is really bothering you and will hurt your own enjoyment of your time ‘off’, would it help you feel easier if you offered to be available by phone to answer any language questions that might come up?
(Making it clear, of course, that you aren’t physically coming to the rescue of your friend). That way, if your friend really truly gets stuck, he can use you as a lifeline to call. But hopefully, he will find once he’s in the meeting that he is just FINE.
But only make this offer if you think you really will feel so bad that you won’t be able to enjoy your night. Don’t feel guilty either way!” busyshrew
6. AITJ For Speaking Up Against My Stepmom And Facing My Father's Retaliation?
“I (18M) currently live with my dad and his wife, whom he married immediately after my mother died. Today, I was invited by my father to have dinner. As I went to the dining room, my stepmother started making snarky comments at me, saying things like “What a surprise you’re eating” or “I didn’t know you ate anything else besides fast food” (I’m overweight, so of course, she liked mocking me with things that are not even true).
I decided to ignore her because I didn’t want to start an argument, but my father intervened and said that she was being annoying and disrespectful. Hearing this made my stepmother even angrier, so she kept mocking me as I ate my dinner in silence.
Then, she suddenly started to make fun of my mom, saying that she was a failure and that she should be ashamed of giving birth to me (this wasn’t the first time she had made fun of my deceased mother). After hearing that, I rightfully snapped and started yelling at my stepmother, hurling all sorts of insults at her, telling her that she was a failure compared to my mom, that my mom had a degree and a prestigious job while she was unemployed and had dropped out of high school.
My father took my side during the argument.
After finishing my dinner and arguing with my stepmother, I went back to my room thinking that the argument was over. However, an hour later, my dad barged into my room, asking me, “Who did you think you were to talk to your stepmother like that after all she has done for you?” (which is literally nothing since all she does all day is watch TV and scroll on social media).
My dad then started calling me a failure and a parasite, saying I should be better off dead than alive, as a walking piece of trash. He ended the discussion by threatening to kick me out of the house, saying things like, “Tomorrow I want you to leave this house.” Right now, I’m in front of my door, blocking it from opening, after my dad came back here about half an hour ago, repeating the same stuff as before.
AITJ in this situation? Because apparently, to my dad and stepmother, I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are still in high school, your parents are still obligated to house you. It seems likely that you said out loud things that have been frustrating your father about your stepmother.
Unless there was life insurance on your mother worth several years of her salary, it is likely that your father is under financial stress because your stepmother earns no income.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry that your father is such a spineless, hurtful, despicable excuse of a man.
I would almost guarantee you that your grandparents would love to have you live with them. I seriously doubt that they would consider you a burden. I think your SM and father have planted those negative self-images in your mind. Please speak to them about how you are being treated and the things your father is saying.
They will want to be there for you. You will be able to help them around the house and be a blessing to them. Also, try to shut out the horrible things they have said about you and speak kindly to yourself. You are just coming into adulthood; talk yourself up.
Be kind to yourself. Try to think what your mother would have said, like ‘I’m proud of you, you stood up for me, son!’ That took a lot of courage. You haven’t had things easy, but you are still brave. I hope God blesses you moving forward.” Spiritual-Concert363
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you Cinderella? It’s time to move out because this isn’t going to improve and having yelling matches over the dinner table is going to destroy whatever’s left of your relationship with your dad. Get some space between you two and you might be able to salvage something for the long term.
If you have your grandparents to go to, go there. It doesn’t have to be permanent if they don’t have a lot of space or money. You could help around with the chores, get a job, and contribute financially while you’re there, and then make a plan to find somewhere else to live.” Teshi
5. AITJ For Putting My Husband's Hairbrush On His Toothbrush?
“I (F33) tidied up the bathroom yesterday and put my husband’s (M34) hairbrush away without looking at its placement. I literally thought nothing of it.
This morning, he was pretty angry at me because I’d set it on top of his toothbrush. When he sent me a picture with the comment, “Thanks.
Put a new toothbrush on the shopping list.” It took me a second to even figure out what he was talking about.
When I came upstairs from getting my kids ready, he showed it to me, absolutely incredulous. I told him I was sorry, explaining that I hadn’t really looked when I put it away, and he went into full pantomime mode, trying to understand how I could have possibly put it away without noticing its placement.
He admitted that he knows I’m the one who tidies up the bathroom, so he doesn’t mind if his things aren’t put away in the spots where he would normally place them, but he thought it was wild that I’d let his hairbrush, which has hair gel on it, touch his toothbrush, which he puts in his mouth.
He has mild OCD tendencies that flare up when he’s stressed, which he is right now, and I try to be sensitive to that. But sometimes I’m surprised at the things he cares about, even after 10 years of marriage. If my hairbrush touched my toothbrush, I wouldn’t care at all.
I literally wouldn’t think anything of it. So AITJ? Or, at the very least, unknowingly unhygienic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why he thinks it was gross, I probably would too. But you didn’t do it on purpose. And, like others have said, then maybe he shouldn’t be relying on you to clean up after him.
Am I the only one who thinks the “put a new toothbrush on the shopping list” also reflects the same issues? Like, I get that in a lot of households, it may be primarily one person, often the woman, who keeps track of what needs to be bought.
But he’s also capable of putting it on the list himself, or, especially since he was so grossed out by it and toothbrushes are a daily essential, why the heck couldn’t he just buy one on the way home? Is he going to not brush his teeth in the meantime?
Because if he’s that grossed out, it wouldn’t make sense for him to keep using it until you have the time to get him one.” Jezabel8708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty normal not to have a hawk eye about where you place stuff when you’re putting it away.
At least in my experience with my bathroom stuff, I have it in some drawers and a lot of stuff touches. He can easily rinse his toothbrush. It’s not your responsibility to buy him a new one either. It was nice of you to clean the bathroom for you both.
Maybe if he’s so particular, he needs to be doing the cleaning.” Intelligent_Menu8004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I usually think that a person needs to act intentionally for them to be the jerk, although too much lack of consideration can rise to the level of a jerk.
This seems like a simple mistake without any amount of malice. It’s fair that it’s a little gross to put the hairbrush on the toothbrush. But he’s handling it like a child. I’m not sure it rises to the level of a jerk, but he does owe you an apology.
I get that he’s got OCD, but he shouldn’t act in a manner that makes you feel like you need to walk on eggshells, especially since you’re trying to be considerate of him.” SmackoftheGods
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Ditched Dinner To Get Taco Bell?
“I made prime rib for New Year’s Eve and planned to use what was left for stroganoff tonight. I told Husband and he said OK (even though he’s not a big prime rib fan). Halfway through making it, he told me he’s not eating it and went to Taco Bell to get takeout.
I finished the stroganoff for me and my daughter and we sat down to eat. Husband came back right when we sat down. (Side note — it was great.)
I didn’t say anything when he left and haven’t said anything since he got back. This isn’t the first time he’s decided he didn’t like what I was making and went out for something else.
He’s 73 and I’m 71. I still work part-time and do all the stuff around the house and I’m angry. I plan on not making any more meals — I know that sounds petty, but it seems rude to me that he just walks out when dinner isn’t something he loves.
AITJ for feeling like this?”
Another User Comments:
“I am a picky eater. My husband eats and loves many things I will not eat. I think it is OK for him to get something else he prefers. He is allowed to like or not like foods.
He didn’t ask you to cook something else; he just got something he liked. That is perfectly OK. It is unfair to expect him to want to eat everything you do or eat everything you cook. No jerks here… you have the right to cook something you want and he has the right to not eat food he doesn’t like.
I do not think it was rude at all. He is allowed to have his own food preferences. I think it is controlling to expect him to always eat what you want. In a healthy relationship, you can like different things. I do not understand people who think he is a jerk because he didn’t want to eat food she knows he doesn’t like.
I mean, honestly, I wouldn’t eat food I do not like or wasn’t in the mood for. Not everyone likes the same things. Food is only delicious if you like it. Do you want him to eat and be miserable?” catladyclub
Another User Comments:
“You’re both adults, so why is it a problem if you didn’t decide together on the meal for him to choose to do something else?
You knew he wasn’t a fan and mentioned ‘telling him’ but that’s not the same as asking. Why is it such a problem for him to do something else? You still enjoyed what you wanted. There are definitely times we don’t eat the same thing because we do sometimes have different tastes, and as long as we aren’t having unreasonable expectations or demands, why is it a problem to do different things?” MayhemAbounds
Another User Comments:
“A lot of commenters are saying you made a meal you know he doesn’t like. I disagree. ‘Not a big prime rib fan’ means it’s not his favorite meal. Not every meal can be a favorite meal. Some will be second favorite, some will be number 10 on the hit parade.
He agreed to the menu plan, then went out and got himself carry-out as you were cooking an agreed-on meal. NTJ and he’s a jerk. If he wasn’t going to eat it, he should have said so when you proposed the menu. What else is he doing that’s like this?” RavenRaving
3. AITJ For Kicking My Partner's Mom Out Over My Clothes?
“I (25F) have been with my partner for 3 years now. A few months ago, his mom came to the US from India and has been spending the last few months in the home we got together.
It all started when I kept finding her rummaging through my clothes on multiple occasions (I don’t WFH and she doesn’t have a job). Then I started to notice my clothes going missing, and I noticed she was slowly throwing them away. I don’t make a lot, so it was really upsetting to me to see my clothes in the trash (that’s when I put 2 and 2 together).
After that, I confronted her and asked her to please stop. She claimed the clothes were too revealing for someone who will be a part of her family (they are Lululemon athletic clothes I wear to the gym). I told her I can wear what I want, but that I will refrain from wearing the clothes in front of her.
She stopped throwing the clothes out for a while, but then started up again, and this time she actually started cutting them apart and throwing them out. I had had enough and got her a hotel room and put all her stuff in there when she and my partner were out one day.
Now she is going back to India and my partner is saying he’s going to break up with me because I disrespected his mom. He asked me to move out (we both pay half for the rent right now), and I just feel a little guilty.
I know it is disrespectful in Indian culture, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“An Indian son will never cut the strings from his mom. If the relationship led to marriage, you would end up living with her permanently in her old age. It’s so out there to actually be cutting up your clothes, though….
And if your partner isn’t standing up for you with that, then it may be time to move on, as difficult as that may be.” chazza79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “And my partner is saying he’s going to break up with me because I disrespected his mom.” So did standing up for yourself have the positive side effect of getting rid of your jerk partner?
Take the win, and celebrate. You can do better. “He asked me to move out (we both pay half for the rent right now) and I just feel a little guilty.” Tell him NO, he can move out if he wants to break up. Tell him: If his mom comes back, you will call the police on her.” k23_k23
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Do NOT MOVE OUT UNTIL you consult with a lawyer about what your rights are. Talk to your attorney about whether you can add the costs of the clothes that she threw out or ruined to your side of expenses.
If not, file a small claims court action because Lulus are $$$. Move all of your stuff, including bedroom furniture, toiletries, clothes, etc., into the guest room and get a lock for the door. I would also get cameras for your room and wherever your property is that is too large to move into the guest room.
Be sure to catalog all of your property as well as furniture, linens, etc., that you purchased together.” Little_Loki918
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Dad And Family For Not Taking Off Their Shoes?
“It was my daughter’s first birthday. My partner is white and I am Asian. It has been the norm in our household to keep shoes off when we’re at home and we also wear indoor footwear/slippers.
I have always kept spa slippers for guests in a variety of sizes in case some are not comfortable going barefoot.
I have always kept my house clean and have always kept outdoor shoes/footwear off when inside our house. Not only does it make cleaning floors easy, but the thought of carrying germs inside is gross and scary to me.
It’s also a cultural norm for us to keep shoes off as a sign of respect to the owners of the house.
Now my daughter’s birthday has come. The first few guests have arrived and have taken the cue that shoes should be off, and I’ve offered spa slippers; some were happy to wear them, and some just went barefoot inside.
Now, my partner’s dad and his fiancée arrived along with their children (his parents are divorced). And they went straight in with their filthy shoes on. Like really gross-looking shoes that were not clean, and you can see the dirt sticking to my tiles.
I told my partner to tell them to take off their shoes, please, because the other guests were happy to comply and thought they would do the same. Well, they didn’t do that and just kept walking around inside with the shoes on and stepping on the rugs and mats with them.
I politely asked again, but his dad grunted and said, “Our shoes are clean, we always wash them weekly.”
I pointed out the dirt on the floor and he said it’s the dirt from when they walk on our front yard so it’s mainly part of our house.
I explained again that kids—and most especially his grandchild—crawl around our floor and, since it’s her birthday, to just take their shoes off the mat where she crawls.
This time, he seemed offended and started with why I was making such a big deal out of wearing shoes inside when it’s a party anyway and I’m ruining such an important day because I could not bend a little rule for one day.
And it’s white people’s culture not to take their shoes off anyway.
That’s when I lost it and said they can get out of my house if they can’t do a simple request. And they left and my partner said I should’ve just let it go since they traveled quite far to come for our daughter’s birthday and I’m a jerk for not being considerate for only one day.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is not “white people culture” to not take off your shoes indoors. Canada’s white people culture is shoes off in private residences, for example (though this can vary a bit, general culture/practice though). And you only wear your shoes inside someone else’s house if expressly invited by the owner.
Like there’s the whole concept of indoor shoes (schools, sports/gym facilities). It’s common for an entrance to also have a mud room because that’s where the shoes are left. The basic reason? Dirty outside, clean inside. The dirt stays out! It makes more work to keep clean if the dirt is brought in.
And carpets!! My senses are tingling on some American nonsense. “White people culture” the heck it is.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“Did they know the rule beforehand? I was invited to a party the other day, and the host sent an email specifically saying they don’t allow shoes inside.
As someone with embarrassing issues with my feet, I like to know this in advance to make sure I’m wearing appropriate socks or to bring something with me. My feet would likely not fit into someone else’s slippers due to medical reasons, and I would be absolutely humiliated if that happened. I don’t know what ‘spa slippers’ are, but I’d probably be in tears if it involved any having to show my feet.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it wasn’t a cultural thing, how hard is it to respect someone’s house rules? Your guests could; they aren’t all family, and yet it wasn’t a big deal for them, so why was it a big deal for your FIL that he can’t take his shoes off?
You didn’t ruin the day; he did just because he couldn’t take his shoes off. You’re in your right to be mad, it’s YOUR home. It’s not even just a cultural thing for you; you’re now also thinking about the safety of your child who crawls all over the floor.
I’m sure he has his own house rules, and I’m sure he’d be upset if they weren’t followed. Again, how hard is it to remove your shoes? Lol, you provide slippers, but hey, he wants to be stubborn, so he’s missing out on an important day because he wants to be a jerk.” FaveMiddleChild
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Serve As Best Man Alongside My Ex?
“My (36) ex-wife (34) and I were married for ten years and have been separated (divorced) for 4 years because she was unfaithful to me with one of the interns.
This betrayal was a blow to me because we had built a whole future together, even without children—something that, as I was sterile, I could never provide her—something that had never been a problem for us until she made a point of throwing it in my face when I caught them in the act to justify herself.
My whole family knew about it and stood by me during the separation, except my niece, who was always very attached to both of us and especially to her, and said that I should forgive her. Although it hurt me, I couldn’t continue with the marriage.
After the separation, I was able to gradually rebuild my life and even found a new partner, whom I will call Jane (32), who has two adorable children, John (14) and Anne (6), and I love them as if they were mine.
Four months ago I received the invitation to my niece’s wedding and promptly accepted. Until she told me that she hoped that my ex-wife and I would be her best men at the wedding, I was shocked, and I firmly stated that I could not accept the invitation and that if my ex-wife were a bridesmaid, I would not attend the wedding, let alone enter together.
She got upset and broke down crying. Now, my family is telling me that I’m being too hard and that I should do this for the sake of my niece. My partner also seems guilty and said that it would be okay for a day, but I don’t think it’s fair.
Am I an idiot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of the reason, you two have been broken up for 4 years. Your niece needs to accept that. She can have a close relationship with your ex, but she doesn’t have the right to impose that on you.
Asking you both to attend and be civil is one thing, but to ask you to enter together, sit together, or interact in any way is too much. Hasn’t your ex also moved on? Or does she want to get back together? Could it be her manipulating your niece into trying to get you two back together?” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your niece using her wedding as a manipulative tool to attempt to make her delusional, immature fantasy of your reconciliation come true. You don’t have to agree. She gets to invite anyone she wants. You can celebrate her wedding and support her in another way if you don’t want to go.
She doesn’t get to control your legit feelings. You get to decide whether to go or not. I don’t think you’d be doing her a favor by agreeing to this regardless, because the reality is the normal, obvious and understandable tension if this actually happened would detract from her day.
Let’s be real.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are ALWAYS free to decline any invitation without being a jerk. Your family is way off the mark to try to insist that you go arm-in-arm with your ex-wife. Similarly, you are free to accept or decline any invitation to be part of the wedding party.
And in this case, you should simply decline to do so. Technically, or at least traditionally, your ex-wife would be a ‘matron of honor’ for your niece. And again, traditionally it should be the groom who chooses the groomsmen. It sounds like you’ve been with your partner long enough for you to expect that you would have a “+1” at least for her.
Your niece (and the whole family, to the extent they back her plan) is disrespecting your relationship with your partner. It wouldn’t surprise me if your ex-wife put them up to it. Don’t. Just, don’t. In my opinion, being part of the bridal party is off the table, since you don’t want to be cornered into that in case they try to switch it up later.
If it were me, I would attend only as a guest, and only if I could bring my partner. I would not try to tell them who else could be invited. (For reference, I attended the weddings of two of my kids with my wife, and my ex-wife, of course, also attended. We were polite.
We were not seated together, and I was not in any photos without my wife.)” 1962Michael
