People Take Off Some Steam In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
29. AITJ For Not Punishing My Daughter For Expressing Her Feelings About Grandparents' Favoritism?
“My husband and I are slightly more well off than my sister’s family. Because of this, my parents do more for them than they do us. When it comes to gifts my daughter (Maddie 7) gets things from the dollar store while my nephews get whole Lego sets, iPads, and even Disney trips.
If my sister needs babysitting they will drop everything for her last minute. If I need it I have to give them a two-week’s heads up as well as proper payment.
Because of this clear favoritism, my daughter doesn’t have a good relationship with them.
If you ask her about her grandparents her mind automatically goes to my husband’s parents because she forgets that she has two pairs.
Earlier today we were having a rare meet-up with my parents. My daughter asked if she could go on the trampoline outside.
My dad said no because it’s for my nephews. My daughter begged but Dad still said no. Maddie then stomps away and says this is why I like other grandma and grandpa more. My parents looked at me expectantly but I didn’t do anything.
I recently got off a call with my mom saying I should have told Maddie that was wrong to say. I told her what she expected she thinks you all hate her and you do nothing to dispel those thoughts.
She just got quiet for a bit then said I still shouldn’t let her say something like that to family and hung up.
My husband is on my side but he also isn’t a fan of my family so I need an outside opinion AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not punishing your daughter, but why do you force her to be around your parents when she knows they favor her cousins? Why was she the one to point out the favoritism? As her parent, you should have been reprimanding your parents for their treatment of your child.
Maddie deserves grandparents who appreciate her, and if she can’t have that, she should at least have a mom who sticks up for her. Go low contact with your parents until they’re ready to treat all their grandkids equally.” bestbettsie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your daughter SAID something they don’t like and it’s a direct result of what they DO. Your parents are more concerned about your daughter owing them respect (or what they consider respect) than they are about her preferring her other grandparents and feeling unloved. The favoritism of which your daughter is the victim is not acceptable and she should no longer be put in this situation.
They wouldn’t be allowed to see my daughter if they made such a difference between their grandchildren. This kind of injustice leaves its mark right up to adulthood and builds resentment between the kids.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except your daughter.
Why are you putting up with this treatment of your daughter? It’s one thing for them to give the other kids some extras because their family isn’t as well off as you guys are, but to say she can’t even use a trampoline because it’s for the other kids is absolute nonsense.
To give her less love is nonsense–love is free. You should have been the one to step in and say something, not a 7-year-old child. I think it’s time for those “rare” meetups to become never.” SoMuchMoreEagle
28. AITJ For Going No Contact With My MIL After She Disrespected Our Parenting Rules?
“I am a 26M, my wife 25f, and my 2 kids and her mother are all involved in this story.
A little back story, my wife and I met 4 years ago during a difficult period, she had a son before she and I met. However, I have been raising him as my own since day one since his birth father is not in the picture.
This all started when my daughter was born, she was born with coons disease. I had a set rule with everybody that per the doctor’s orders, we have to wait for a meet and greet for at least 30 days to not get her sick since we didn’t know what complications would arise.
My mother-in-law (MIL) immediately got upset and was trying everything in her power to guilt trip my wife into giving in to that 30-day rule. When my wife and I wouldn’t budge on it she responded with “Let me know when I’m good enough for your daughter.” That was my first red flag in this situation.
Fast forward a little bit. My son 5m, stays the night at his great grandma’s Mondays and Fridays. MIL stays with them on Mondays. I tell her his bedtime is 8 pm and he’s not allowed to have super sugary drinks, if he is thirsty he can have watered-down juice, milk, or good old-fashioned water.
She proceeds to give him a soda and lets him stay up until 2 am. When he was old enough to walk I didn’t want him being carried and asked her to put him down so that he could walk, she immediately proceeded to call me a jerk in front of my son and daughter.
My son also would have temper tantrums, break things, wouldn’t listen, and hit his sister who is 3 years younger than him every single time he came home from their house. So I took away Mondays and Fridays. Since then she (MIL) has gotten a new partner and wants the kids to stay the night at his house.
I said no, and she then proceeded to blow up on me, saying I was a controlling jerk and that since I have a problem with her I’m taking time away from her and my kids and not allowing them to bond.
I told her I didn’t know this dude, I didn’t get a good feeling about him and I didn’t trust her judgment enough to allow my kids unsupervised time at her house. I said if she wants to see them she can either come to my house or see them when great grandma babysits.
She didn’t respond to that. However, I had no contact with MIL after she took my son over to her house from great grandma’s without telling or asking my wife and me at all. I blew up on her saying she has no right whatsoever to just take my kid somewhere without at least letting us know.
She said I was being overprotective and that I needed to relax. Mind you all this woman does is drink and smoke, she has no job, no way to support herself and just 5 months ago was asking to move into my house with my wife and I since “we don’t need all this room.”
She used to have a substance use problem and had my wife taken away when she was a kid. She’s only recently been in my wife’s life for maybe the last 5 years or so. I don’t want the conflict.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her the next time she pulls a stunt like that you’re calling the cops. You’re justified in being wary of her partner (because he’s a literal stranger) and for having no contact with her for behaving inappropriately and trying to start some kind of power struggle over your kids.
However is your wife going no contact? It’s going to be messier if not.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a power struggle between the two of you. Your wife should tell her mom to back off but likely can’t bring herself to do that.
You as the parents make the rules, period. If she can’t accept them or follow the rules then she loses the privilege of visiting with the kids unsupervised. No way should you give her partner unsupervised contact with your child.
This woman sounds like a selfish, stupid, irresponsible nightmare of a person. She does not deserve any unsupervised contact with your kids. She can visit them at your home UNTIL she disrespects you or breaks the rules. Then ban her.
Good luck.” Clammypollack
27. AITJ For Trying To Compromise My Husband's Workout Schedule?
“Husband wants to start working out more and says the best time to do it is after work. The problem is he works a weird schedule with 2 on, 2 off, 3 on, and vice versa the opposite weeks with 12.5 hour shifts. He also works almost an hour away from home, so on days he doesn’t work out, we get about an hour and a half with him before he goes to bed, and on days he does work out, we get maybe a half hour with him.
We have two toddlers, the oldest of which looks forward to spending time with him every day when he gets home from work and is devastated on days he gets home, eats a quick dinner, and goes straight to bed. I understand wanting to get back in shape and asked if he could compromise by working out every other workday.
He’s like “Well how can I get all my workouts in?” I explained how he could do it and if he wanted to, he could work out at home, go for a run, or whatever on one of the days he’s off.
He said he doesn’t like working out at home. AITJ for trying to compromise with him on his workout schedule?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, he can find a gym near your home and go on his days off. There are gyms everywhere, and he can slip out for an hour or two on those days.
Maybe while the kids are napping, or whatever. It wouldn’t take much more time than if he were to “go for a run”, and he would still get the gym experience. But yeah, his days are long, his commute is long, and on top of that- the workout time?
You and the kids would like to be awake to see him on those work days, not just on his days off. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s got options to be with you guys to stay in shape, but he’s insisting on doing it at work, away from all of you, when he’s barely there to begin with.
Not only is he not respecting that your hands are very, very full, but he’s being difficult by looking for no compromises. I would be on high, high alert over this.” thebohomama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is.
He had kids with you. He needs to realize that his wants and needs literally couldn’t possibly matter less anymore. It’s all about raising the kids and keeping you happy now. Edit: You should be snooping on his phone and considering hiring a private investigator.
If he has access to a perfectly good home gym AND a free gym near home, and he’s not using those, he’s probably being unfaithful with a coworker.” Buttstuffjolt
26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return Gifts From My Ex?
“I (27F) received a message from my ex (32M) demanding that I return all the gifts he’d given me (LV bag, Macbook Air, Airmax pro, Canada goose jacket, cardigan, and $500 that he gave me for Chinese new year).
I was in a relationship with my ex for 2.5 years and we broke up 3-4 times in the past (he was unfaithful, but he was my first partner and I truly loved him so it was difficult for me to end things with him).
He stated that he would file a lawsuit if he didn’t get the gifts back. He also expressed that he was upset and extremely angry because I never reciprocated with expensive gifts (I am currently in med school and don’t work).
I don’t mind returning the gifts but the way he messaged me was extremely rude and he caused me so much trauma, so I’m not sure if I want to return the gifts. Should I just return the gifts or should I just keep them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep the gifts since they were given to you. The only thing you have to return is the items that belong to him or if he gave you an engagement ring. The moment he gifted them to you, they became your property and he has no right to demand them back.” dwotw
Another User Comments:
“Very clearly NTJ. He said it himself, they were GIFTS. He gave them to you, they are now yours, and he has no claim over them. Also, if he’s a narcissist and might try to actually take legal action, stay calm I’d say, because he has messaged you calling the items gifts (if I understand correctly), which is an admission that he gave them to you and they are now yours.
Take it with a grain of salt, I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know what country you’re in and how the law works there, but I’d say it’s a safe bet you have nothing to worry about (in case you were).
Just don’t delete those messages. Edit – I forgot you were considering returning them. Don’t, please, he has no right to ask for them to begin with. Don’t give him the satisfaction after being so rude and unreasonable. Keep them if you like them, but if you can’t stand the sight of them or something, just sell them.” hesitantlyonreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think your EX understands the meaning or definition of gift. Let’s see if Google can help. **Gift** : *”A gift or a present is an item given to someone, without the expectation of payment or anything in return.
An item is not a gift if that item is already owned by the one to whom it is given. Although gift-giving might involve an expectation of reciprocity, a gift is meant to be free.”* Okay, with that in mind, EX gave you gifts and now he wants them back..
*”A gift is an item given to someone, without the expectation of payment or anything in return”* **NOPE.** NTJ.” Confident-Try20
25. AITJ For Laughing At My Partner's Dad's Joke About My Appearance?
“I 18f have a partner who is 21M and we regularly go over to his dad’s house since their mom passed away when she was young and his dad gets lonely. Anyway, my partner has dark humor and loves making jokes about me which mainly makes fun of my appearance but I’m used to it by now.
His dad 44M was sitting at the table with us and we were eating takeout.
My partner had made a joke making fun of my nose and me and my partner laughed. But then his dad spoke up and told my partner to stop making jokes like that before somebody else came and snatched me up.
Me and his dad laughed but he didn’t find the joke that funny.
It got a little awkward after that and I changed the subject to about how I’m doing in college and things like that. But as soon as we left and got into my partner’s car he asked me why I laughed at his dad’s joke to which I explained because I thought it was funny.
He ignored me the whole way back and didn’t even kiss me goodnight or anything.
I thought we were all joking around. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner is subtly undermining your confidence in your appearance and maybe hoping that you feel you can’t do better.
He may be insecure or immature. His father called him out on it, as is right. Subtle bullying of that sort is not funny.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is abusive and has been manipulating you/conditioning you into accepting it.
The fact that you’re questioning it, and more importantly, wondering if you’re *the jerk*, when it’s an obvious case of him being seriously abusive (esp as indicated by him now giving you the silent treatment & trying to make you feel bad) is one giant red flag amongst red flags.
Get out while you can.” poormanstoast
Another User Comments:
“DEFINITELY NTJ. Your partner shouldn’t even want to crack jokes about your appearance in the first place. And you shouldn’t accept that. It’s not funny it’s just harmful to your confidence.
And his reaction to his dad’s joke is just proof that he doesn’t want you to know your true worth/wants you to undermine your self-esteem so he has control over you. My partner only ever compliments me and I only ever compliment him, we NEVER use insults targeted towards each other.” kennyyyy_
24. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Partner To Our Wedding Due To My Fiancée's Insecurity?
“My dad has been with Sammi (36f) for 12 years. My fiancee Megan (25f) has a bad history of her mom flirting with and trying to hook up with her and her older sister’s partners.
Because of this, Megan is very uncomfortable with Sammi and some of what she does, for example paying adoption fees and supplies when I adopted a new dog, dropping lunch off to me when she takes lunch to my dad, hugging me, baking my birthday cake, making things I like when we go to my dad’s to eat (she does it for Megan too), not a whole lot older than us, isn’t wanting to marry my dad.
All that makes Megan sometimes think Sammi is trying to flirt with me or is interested in me. It makes her panic, stressed, and depressed. For what it’s worth Megan is going to therapy for her trauma.
We want as much of a stress-free wedding as we can manage so Megan can enjoy our day.
She’s worried stress and nerves will make her read too much into Sammi so we decided to not invite her. My dad got his invitation on Friday and it was addressed to only him. I may be a jerk here when he called to RSVP for him and Sammi I had to tell him only he was invited and why.
Dad said he would have to rethink coming. I guess he called my mom because she called me soon after to talk about it and thinks we just did what we had to do to make my future wife happy and comfortable at her wedding.
My dad’s reaction has me doubting myself though so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ – both you and your future wife. Not to be a stereotypical Redditor, but I don’t think either of you is mature enough to be getting married. Your fiancée is so concerned that your father’s partner of 12 years wants to be with you because … she’s nice to you.
She is so insecure that she wasn’t comfortable with her being invited to your wedding. And you had no problem going along with it, but didn’t have the decency to tell your dad before sending him the invite – I’m assuming because deep in your subconscious you know this is asinine and you’re making a monumental mistake.
Good luck, things are only going to get worse, not better.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is your deeply immature and insecure fiancée. How on earth did you fall for her twisting your dad’s partner’s kindness to you into some weird attempt to steal you from her?
Like… that’s not the thought process of someone mature enough to be married. You both have **a lot** of growing up to do. ” jbarneswilson
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So Megan’s mom flirted with her partners years ago, and now she thinks your dad’s partner is going to flirt with you?
You’d cut out your dad and his long-term partner, who seem to have treated you well, because you want to marry an immature paranoid woman? Good lord. Why don’t you take a breather and delay marrying this childish person until she gets help for her paranoia?” TemptingPenguin369
23. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Tattoo Of My Cat But Not My Partner?
“My cat is like, my sweet angel baby. She is about to turn 6, and I’ve had her almost as long. She was an unexpected pet for me, circumstances of others around me not taking care of her, and she is like, my baby.
She has gotten me through really hard times like she has always been there for me and has been who I cry to and who has always loved me.
I’ve wanted to memorialize her with a tattoo. I just know she won’t be with me forever, but what she has given to me will always mean so much to me.
The thing is, when I told my partner this he like got upset. He said that he didn’t understand if I wanted to memorialize my love for someone I’d be willing to get a tattoo for my cat, but not for him.
He thinks if I love him the way I say I love him, I should be just as willing to get a tattoo for him as I am for my cat. When I tried to explain that the love for my cat is like, this nonjudgmental, unconditional love, he said “So you don’t love me like that?” it turned into a huge darn fight and we haven’t talked since.
I love my partner but I don’t know how to explain my love for my cat is like, different. Am I like so wrong and in the wrong for being okay with memorializing my love for my cat over my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Love for a pet is fundamentally different than love for a significant other. It just is. And the fact that your partner can’t understand that is a bit disturbing. Has he never had a pet? Do not let this person guilt you into branding yourself with his name or likeness.
Also, I had my cat for over 20 years. She’s been gone since 2015, and to this day, I still consider getting a tattoo of her because that’s how important she is to me (and I don’t have any tattoos). A few years after she passed, I paid $300 to have a photo I took of her printed onto a 5-foot-tall stretched canvas.
My husband never questioned this decision, never made fun of me, never complained about the money. He hung the thing in our living room for me. Get yourself a person who understands and empathizes with your love for your kitty.
His being jealous of your love for your pet is not healthy.” horrorshow_1127
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He is. Partners will come and go, but cats will always be there for you and love you no matter what and give you head bonks,/purrs/biscuits/bring you gifts.
He doesn’t seem to care about you and how much your cat means to you. He seems to care only about himself. How many married couples, or couples in a relationship, have gotten tattoos of their significant other only to have the relationship go south and they are stuck with a tattoo that they don’t even want anymore?
Getting it fixed costs $$. If he continues to give you grief, you may want to consider giving him the boot. Just think if you got married and had a human child and he felt like your love for him was being taken away by the baby???” LowGiraffe4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – never get tattoos of people who are still alive and not of someone in the partner stage. Frankly, his reaction tells you everything you need to know about him: jealous of a CAT, insecure, controlling over what you do with your body, and manipulating you.
My ex was also always like “If you love me, you’d do this or that”, and at the end of that relationship, I had to fear for my life. Be careful!” Ok-Pipe-6768
22. AITJ For Asking My Ex's Sister To Return My Grandfather's Belonging?
“Long story short I (24F) broke up with my ex (27M) over a year and a half ago after 3 years of being together. It was a very painful breakup since we still loved each other but he has since moved on with the girl we used to fight about.
We are not on speaking terms except for an annual happy birthday text. Now onto the issue. I left something that belonged to my grandfather who passed away when I was a child at his place in a different country than the one I and I are currently living in.
Pretty early on after the breakup we talked about him sending all my things to me asap. Over half a year later I gently reminded him he had my things and said that the only thing I cared about getting back was that one thing of my grandfather’s.
He apologized and told me he would send it around Christmas.
That didn’t happen so I sent him another text 11 days ago (almost half a year after the time I hoped he would send it) and he still hasn’t responded. I know his sister is at the place where my thing is quite often and she could easily take it and send it.
I’m not in regular contact with her but we chat casually from time to time. The object isn’t of any significant value except sentimental and I do want to have it back since it wasn’t mine to give away in the first place.
So WIBTJ if I just asked his sister to find it and send it?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ, but I suggest you offer to pay for any shipping costs that might occur.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s weird for still not getting it done though. Text the sister!” Leavemeal0nedude
21. AITJ For Planning To Rescue My Neglected Nephew Dog From My Brother's House?
“Long story short, my brother (30) has had a few cats in the past year. All three of which he let get away and didn’t take care of well.
Fast forward to January, he and his wife got a German Shepard mix puppy and seemed dedicated to caring for him at first. Over the past few months, they’ve taken care of him less and less and they barely bring him outside and he poops and pees in the house and then they yell at him and punish him by putting him in the crate for hours.
They have four boys and the boys can get rough with the dog a few times I’ve had to tell them not to treat the dog like that. Now, they have the dog on a leash outside 24/7 and he sleeps and spends all of his time in the same spot on a short leash.
It’s been raining the past week and dipping down to 50 degrees at night. When I went there yesterday I didn’t see any food or water bowls and the pup was whining and begging to be paid attention to. He’s such a sweet boy and is about eight months old now.
Anyway, I decided that tonight after work when it’s dark I am going to take him off his leash outside and bring him home with me and try to find him a good home. Am I wrong for doing this?
I feel bad that the kids might miss out on having a dog and I don’t know if my brother will be upset and report it to the police. Hopefully, they don’t find out it’s me but I feel like it’s the best thing to do.
I can’t leave him tied up outside and neglected. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d go to one of the legal subs or research and see what the consequences for stealing a dog are. If you think there would be a chance your brother would go to the police, it may even be worth thinking of just making an offer to buy the dog.
Depending on how close you are sit down for a drink and talk to them, explain that the dog is suffering and it isn’t right to put anything in a neglected existence like that. If your brother isn’t reasonable the only ways to save the dog I can think of is by stealing the dog or by getting in contact with something like the humane society.” sunlight rock
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, call the authorities (a nonemergency line) and tell them about the animal mistreatment. DO NOT STEAL THE DOG. That will only hurt your case because if they find out, whether it be your brother, the police, or someone else, that you stole it, (which, they probably will when they see you suddenly have a dog exactly like the one your brother lost) any accusations you make of animal mistreatment will lose **a lot** of credibility, because you committed a crime.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
20. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Freeloading Best Friend?
“My best friend Henry(28M) has been living with my partner (27F) and me (29M) for the past 4 years and now my wife and I want to downsize and ask him to leave.
But he still plans on going with us.
Henry started living with us in an apartment we had and then when I bought a house he moved in as well with another roommate. At the time I had asked him to pay me 400$ a month as the other roommate was too.
That roommate only lived with us for 6 months and it’s been almost three years and that’s all he pays. He uses all utilities for free and most of the time will eat whatever we make for dinner. Never contributes to any toiletries or odds and ends we need in the house unless asked and has to be in a “good mood” to ask him.
Gets very upset over having to help do anything around the house. And takes my car to work when he doesn’t feel like driving his. My wife and I are so tight on funds we’ve had to ask him to borrow and he gets very upset if we can’t pay him back right away.
He’s been friends with me forever he’s lost family members and friends since living with us so I feel bad but he’s got such a bad attitude and no initiative and I can’t afford this anymore.
I think he’s just got too comfortable. WIBTJ if I asked him to leave? I don’t want to ruin all of our friendship”
Another User Comments:
“Overall YWNBTA but some of your complaints are off-base. Like, you’re the landlord, if you want him to contribute to utilities and household products, just tell him to do so.
Don’t call him a jerk for not just doing it out of the goodness of his heart. Also, “we borrow funds and he gets upset if we don’t pay him back” is not helping your case. I also don’t understand “can’t afford this anymore.” Isn’t he giving you $400 a month, which you will have to go without if you ask him to leave?
Anyway, like I said, YWNBTA for not wanting your friend to live with you anymore. I think it may be too late, though, for the friendship to be saved.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s time for Henry to spread his wings.
You and your wife aren’t responsible for taking care of him. Even if he was contributing what he rightfully should as a roommate it would be fine to ask him to leave because you and your wife need your own space.
What can get tricky is how you ask him to leave. It could turn into a squatter situation where he doesn’t leave and stops paying rent. Have you ever signed a lease with him?” Real_Drawing_530
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep him from getting your car keys! You would be sued as the car owner if he has an accident. You should have pushed him on his behavior within a few months of his moving in, charged him a reasonable rent and utilities, and when it did not improve asked him to leave 3 years ago.” bkwormtricia
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Won't Cancel His Plans To Attend My Great Aunt's Funeral?
“My great aunt passed away today, and her funeral is this coming Saturday. We were never really that close, but she has done a lot for my family over the years. (Helped us out of debt and possibly losing our house).
She’s very close to my parents.
When I first found out she was sick and in the hospital, I was told many times that she wanted to see me and my partner (together for 4 years) before she died. I was shocked and touched, as I didn’t think I meant that much to her, but we went.
When we went to visit her in the hospital, she spent most of the time talking mostly to my partner. Wanting to know more about what he does and what plans we have for the future. She said how happy she was to see us and reminded me how she kept telling my family that she needed to see us.
2 weeks later, she’s gone. My partner made plans to go to his buddy’s cottage (like he does once every year), and that falls on this coming Saturday. The same day as the funeral. My mom called me and asked if he could be a pallbearer.
I asked him if he could go to the funeral with me and if he wouldn’t mind being a pallbearer. He said that he didn’t, but that he couldn’t because he had already made plans.
Am I the jerk for being upset that he doesn’t want to go?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It doesn’t sound like that he doesn’t want to go but commitments were already made. He didn’t seem to know your aunt, you acknowledge that you aren’t close with her either.
It seems a little silly to expect him to cancel annual plans with his friends for a funeral for someone he’s had very little interaction with.” nidoqing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was nice enough that your partner went with you to visit your great-aunt. It’s better to be appreciative of that than resentful of his trip that he only gets to do once a year.
You mentioned not being very close to her, but you both seemed to brighten her end of life. Since it was your parents who were close to this great aunt, why don’t you take the time of the funeral to be a support to them?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If you needed him there for moral support because you were close to her, it would be one thing, but that’s not the case. He also didn’t know her very well. He already has set plans that he’s looking forward to.
I don’t see why he should be expected to miss that when this isn’t that compelling of a reason. I honestly think it’s a bit weird for your family to ask him to be a pallbearer. That’s usually reserved as an honor for people close to the person.
It’s not a necessary role anymore, anyway, since if they don’t have people who can lift, they just use a cart (sometimes they still use it and the pallbearers just walk alongside).” SoMuchMoreEagle
18. AITJ For Not Taking My Sister's Shift That She Volunteered Me For Without My Consent?
“My sister (26F) and I (26F) work in the same place and tomorrow she made a doctor’s appointment at 1 pm when she is supposed to be at work until 2 and I had the day off.
She asked our supervisor if she could leave at 1 but our supervisor said that it was not a good day to ask for early off, as they were busy.
Then my sister proceeded to tell the supervisor that I could take her shift without asking me if I could/wanted to first. I have my meetings tomorrow and plans but apparently “I can cancel those”.
Then my mom called me and tried to guilt trip me into taking my sister’s shift because my sister has anxiety and is worried about whatever she has to have checked. And at the end of the conversation, my mom told me “Have a good life” and I’m being called selfish and stuff like that.
I think there were other solutions to her problem rather than making that decision for me without my approval. If it’s an emergency, she can go to the ER. She didn’t even try to call the clinic to see if she could get an appointment after 2 pm.
Let me know what you guys think. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Here’s another good reason not to work with family/partners. I would be sure to talk to your supervisor and let them know that your sister does NOT speak for you and they should please not assume that she has cleared anything with you, any more than they would for any other two coworkers.” Salty-Initiative-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she shouldn’t have volunteered you to take her shift for her without asking you first. I understand that making an appointment with a busy schedule can be difficult, but it’s not reasonable to be relying on other people to get your things done.” thatreader24
Another User Comments:
“I covered my sister’s shifts for a week at a new job of hers once so she could go on holiday – I wasn’t very good and because of what I now know are medical issues I couldn’t keep up with or cope with the work.
It didn’t end well – we both got fired (but not until the end of the week of course). The pay was bad anyway. NTJ – you’re both grown-ups and you’re not responsible for her or for her poor planning.” Dramatic-Analyst6746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I remember going through crap like this with my sister when we worked at the same location… She can’t legally speak for you to your boss. Call your boss & let them know you aren’t picking up her shift. Make sure they know that unless you explicitly inform them yourself, you will not be picking up her future shifts.
Your boss will be understanding, or they’ll get frustrated. A good manager will be understanding. If they’re a crap manager, you’ll have to remind them of their place. If your boss doesn’t want to deal with it & tells you & your sister to figure it out, tell them you are siblings, but you’re legally individual employees.
They need to discuss their other employee’s shift with that employee. If they ask who’s going to replace her instead of you, then tell them they need to discuss it with her. Be polite, but firm. Your boss also doesn’t need to know why you aren’t available.
If they ask, say I already have other obligations (this is also what you should tell your sis & mom from now on. Stop explaining yourself to people who always invalidate your explanations. It’ll keep them from leeching as much of your energy.).
It seems pretty obvious where your sister gets her behavior. Your mom essentially threatened to disown you by her “have a good life” comment. That was very crappy & toxic. She & your sis are the ones being selfish. You are right.
You shouldn’t be a part of this.” Here_IGuess
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Achievement Day Was Hijacked By My Brother's School Decision?
“I’m 18(f) and I recently sat my leaving cert exam (basically finals) and on Friday I got my results. I passed 5 of my 6 subjects and my mother wanted to take me to a restaurant and out shopping as a reward for sitting the exams. My parents split up and I asked my father over to see my results with my mother and me.
He came out and after I got my results, my parents started a rant at my brother (16) about staying in school. This took about an hour. Later when I was out with my mother, she kept talking about my brother staying in school as he couldn’t get a job.
She promised me that she would make the day about me before we left but she wouldn’t shut up about him. Near the end of the day, my brother rang her saying he was staying in school like my parents wanted. My mother spent the rest of the day talking about it.
The next day, I told her about it and how it upset me as I don’t get attention even on my birthday as my brother is an attention hog. She told me to stop being jealous and to grow up.
My brother acts like I’m a bad sister for it but if I say anything on a day about him, I get in huge trouble with him and sometimes my mother. My father doesn’t have time for me either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to be upset. The day was supposed to be about you, yet Mom found a way to make it about her and your brother.” BluBeams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents’ behaviour is not ok. I doubt your brother will stay in school.
But it detracted enough from your achievements. You will be out of there soon enough.” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“Your brother didn’t make the day about himself. Your mom did. NTJ for not liking always having to wade through aggravation and stress to have a good time, though.” Fit_Lengthiness_396
16. AITJ For Taking Abandoned Furniture From My Apartment Lobby?
“Someone left a few pieces of furniture in the lobby of our building for about 2 weeks. People do this occasionally, either they’re moving out and there’s a 1-2 day delay or it’s free & up for grabs by anybody. As regular apartment building people do, everyone respected its presence for 72 hours before someone (presuming it was free & up for grabs) took one of the side tables.
The next day, whoever owned the furniture wrote a note that said “This is not free, bring back the table that you stole!” which was kinda weird (why is it just sitting in the lobby then?) but whoever took the table returned it.
About a week later, management caught wind that there was all this furniture in the lobby & texted that they had from Friday until Monday to remove the furniture or it was getting thrown out by management. Sunday night at like 9 pm everything was still there so I took a bookshelf.
It was pretty obvious to me that nobody was going to take the furniture.
Today, whoever owned it posted a note on the front door saying “TO WHO STOLE THE BOOKSHELF THAT WAS BEING PICKED UP YESTERDAY YOU HAVE UNTIL TONIGHT TO RETURN IT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS AND INFORM THE LANDLORD IT WAS STOLEN.
YOU ARE ON CAMERA.”
Ignoring the fact that none of the cameras work and that it was abandoned furniture management was going to throw out 12 hours later, I’m still feeling a little guilty. But if you’re going to leave it for 2 weeks and then argue you were just about to pick it up at, what, 10 pm?
On a Sunday night???
Should I bring it back? What if they leave it in the lobby for another week?
I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I doubt very much that police are going to care about a bookcase that was left in a public area for 2 weeks and then removed. The person who left the furniture doesn’t seem to live there anymore and it’s not a storage area.
Up to you whether you return it or not but NTJ either way.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very common for people in Apartment complexes to put stuff in the hallway they don’t want, so whoever left it out is an idiot.
If the tenant does call the police, the first thing the police are going to ask is why did he leave his property out for so long. The worst thing the police will do to you, if they can identify you, is ask for it back.” Icy-Orchid5454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They clearly were violating the community space, they were lucky nobody took the stuff from the get-go. They have no leg to stand on at all, especially in light of the fact that they didn’t even meet the deadline *they* asked for.
They just wanted to sprawl out without repercussions.” lyan-cat
15. AITJ For Wanting A Separate Mother's Day Gift From My Husband?
“His mother lives with us. Every year for Mother’s day, he takes the whole family(me, his mom, our kid(6yrs), and himself) out to eat.
Sometimes Mother’s day falls at the same time as a local art festival, so we all go to that together as well, and overall, it’s generally a good time. I just hate having to share the “gift” of the meal with her.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he would do something else in addition to it. Help our kid make me a card, buy a coffee at the festival, or something simple like that. I don’t care what he does, I just want…I don’t know, effort?
Put into something special just for me? I wouldn’t care if he bought both me and his mom the same type of candy, as long as we both got our box. I don’t think I’m a jerk or would be for telling him so, he’s told me before that he can’t fix things if I don’t tell him, but it wouldn’t be the first time he has reacted negatively to me saying something had me feeling some type of way.
I think it’s normal to want to have something special on a day that is meant to be special, not have to share it with someone else. But I guess I could be in the wrong since he’s not the gift-giving type and at least it’s something.
I don’t know if any of this made sense, I’m sun-drained and tired. Well, AITJ for wanting a separate gift from my husband’s mother and WIBTJ if I told him so.
Quick edit to say that this happens EVERY year.
And this was the first time he made any of the plans on his own, usually, I’m the one picking the restaurant and making reservations, figuring out the festival times, etc.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and yes, you have to tell him.
Or just say, I’m glad you want to celebrate with your mom. You should go do that. But I want a Mother’s Day of my own where I’m the one being celebrated, so you go do you, and I’m going to celebrate me and go to a movie or spa or the beach or to bed…..
He can watch your kid while you have a day to just celebrate you.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, he is putting in zero effort. And all the people saying that you need to tell him what you want are not getting the point.
That is just continuing the situation where she is taking on all the emotional and mental effort in the relationship. He should be asking her what she wants to do! So, if you want to make a point, on Father’s Day, don’t plan anything.
Don’t help the kids make something for him. Just take him to dinner with your dad, or another father figure in your life, as “his” gift. See how he likes it.” meanders
Another User Comments:
“NTJ tell him since your child is old enough now you would love for him to take your child to the store to pick out a card for you or a small gift. Don’t say it as though he isn’t doing something but that you want something from your child and for him to help facilitate that.” mocha_lattes_
14. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Didn't Warn Me Her Child Was Sick?
“My parents watch my sister and my child (2&3 years old) when we are working.
Just recently my sister’s daughter was ill throughout the night (supposedly spitting up/vomiting) woke up in the morning and was excited to go over to my parent’s house so my sister took her for the day. I did not know until I took my child to drop off and was told that my niece was sleeping because she had a rough night and was throwing up.
I said ok hope she feels better and immediately left with my son to keep him home for the day. I know I can be on the cautious side with my son getting sick and do have that reputation in my family as my sister has taken her son over many times with a fever, cough, and running nose and we opt to stay home to try and not catch him.
AITJ for being frustrated that my sister couldn’t have at least given me a heads-up. I have not said anything about it but have been met with further explaining about how she was not vomiting and was much more active in the morning before she went over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel for you as a teacher. It’s disgusting how many people just toss their sick kid on a bus after pumping them with meds and don’t care what happens. They don’t care their child needs real rest and a parent to monitor and care for them.
They don’t care if they get the other kids or the teachers sick. All they want is to not have to deal with the child they chose to have” Aggressive_Abroad_60
Another User Comments:
“I’m surprised no one mentioned that in the US at least where I live, you can’t send your kid to school unless they have been illness-free for 24 hours.
This is often a daycare rule as well. It was with my sitter. If my kids were throwing up they HAD to stay home. I’m lucky enough to be able to take a sick day when this happens and I know a lot of parents don’t have that option.
However, sending a kid to school or a sitter with a contagious illness isn’t appropriate. You never know how another person’s immune system will react and it’s awful of OP’s sister to be not only inconsiderate of her sister’s child but also her parents and their health.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-my SIL does the same to her parents, except I’m always worried for my MIL as she has an autoimmune disorder and when she gets sick, she gets sick. I asked them to take care of their sick kids themselves but they say they are too busy and just can’t.
Every time they drop off their sick kids, my MIL is sick in bed for the next 2 weeks and they complain she can’t watch her kids while they shop for groceries.” SDRAIN2020
13. AITJ For Calling Out A Local Shop Selling Repainted Dollar Store Art As Original?
“I called out a local shop on social media for selling “100%” original painting for $200+. The artist wishes to remain anonymous and sells their art through a local yuppie art/antique store downtown. Every single piece of this person’s art is dollar store canvas art that they painted the background a different color and the person, animal, or object a different color.
One piece sold and someone commented that they would have bought it and were sad that it’s sold. I commented that they just need to go to the dollar store and buy the print and paint while they are there and make their own.
The shop deleted my comment and someone who claims they work there sent me a private message saying that I’m crossing the line and that they will sue me if I keep it up. Then they kept going on about how I’m a jerk for not supporting a local artist and that I was ruining their business before I blocked them.
I just think it’s kinda scummy to claim it’s 100% original artwork when it’s not and is just upcycled repainted dollar-store art. I’d be mad if I spent that much money thinking it’s an original piece only to find out it’s just from the dollar store and they scribble some paint on it.
And it’s not like the creative stuff that’s popular online where the artist buys an old thrift store painting and adds a pop culture character to it and resells it because at least you know that they upcycled it and don’t claim it’s all their original art.
Am I wrong? Is it considered 100% original artwork? I’m autistic so I usually have trouble with people taking what I’ve said as something other than how I’ve meant it so I’m not sure if it’s something to do with that.”
Another User Comments:
“The entire art world is rife with fakes and forgeries. In one particular case, I know an “artist” (e.g., a professor at the University of Colorado at Boulder) had been asked to resign over doing something similar (i.e., taking someone else’s artwork, reversing the image, and changing the colors.
When pressed on it, he said he was being persecuted because he was Native American). Anyway, NTJ, but “let the buyer beware”.” MountMiso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and hold on to the pictures you took for proof but don’t escalate past this point, the prize isn’t worth the risk and at least in my experience a lot of self-styled “creatives” frankly have very little empathy or concern for consequences in the face of getting back at someone they don’t like for whatever reason and they can be pretty clannish this person and their friends could track down your car or where you live, start a harassment campaign based on utter lies, damage your property or even jump you” honcho_emoji
Another User Comments:
“If the shop is presenting the artworks as having been completely created by the artist, then they are indeed scamming customers. If the shop/artist is presenting the work for what it is, found images that are then being altered by the artist, then that could be considered as legitimate (as an artistic statement).
Since you say that customers have been returning the works, I’m assuming that the shop/artist was misrepresenting the works and the clients realized this because of you. They probably will not sue you but are threatening to in hopes that you will no longer interfere.” hadMcDofordinner
12. AITJ For Stopping Making Lunch For My Partner Because He Expects It?
“I (24f) make my partner (24m) sandwiches for work, I started this as a token of my appreciation and also to cut down his spending as he often spends £10-20 a day on lunch.
I enjoyed doing this as he liked them and appreciated it a lot and I liked knowing he always ate.
I stopped doing this as often and then he complained that I don’t appreciate him any more and how it seems like I don’t care as much, this kind of put me off of doing it as I was doing it as a token of love and appreciation and now it feels like an expectation.
If I don’t do it he’s not happy sort of thing which puts me off more.
Now I feel trapped into always having to make him sandwiches for work (3 btw) and part of me wishes I never did as I didn’t realize I was entering an unwritten contract.
For context I also make my lunches for work and often sort dinner even though he gets home hours earlier than I do (he does go to the gym though), however, he starts a lot earlier. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So – now it’s no longer about appreciation. It’s about expectation. Look – his making more $$ doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to contribute around the house. You say you have a more flexible schedule, and from that perspective, I get it.
I WFH at an easy job. My husband works outside the house and has a much more demanding job – so I willingly do more around the house. But it is NOT about money and we’ve never based chores on money.
That’s a load of bull, TBH. And now he’s guilted you into doing one more. What does he do for you to show appreciation??” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cook dinner every night and my husband thanks me.
He does all the dishes, and I thank him. Our kids also say thanks to us when we switch their laundry or pick up after them. Taking care of each other should never be expected, just appreciated when it happens.
When I stopped making my husband’s lunch (long story with sleep/health issues), not a thing was said by me or him. He just noticed it wasn’t ready and started making it himself. He didn’t think I loved him less.
He knew it wasn’t my job, and he is a grown adult capable of feeding himself. He has a right to his feelings, but he is pushing into manipulation by making it seem that he only feels like you care if you act as his servant.
That is not okay. A real adult deep conversation is needed on each of your expectations individually and towards each other. Once this happens, you each need to determine what is a deal breaker for each of you to determine if this is a sustainable relationship.” MindingUrBusiness17
11. AITJ For Declining To Attend My In-Laws' Birthday Parties To Celebrate My Own?
“My 40th birthday is next week. I have dinner with my family for my birthday every year. This year, I was going to do it the weekend before my birthday because my in-laws already made plans that take up the weekend after my birthday (that I’m obligated to attend).
Then, we were invited to a niece’s birthday party the Saturday before my birthday. So, I left the Sunday before my birthday to have dinner with my family. Last week, I received a text invitation to attend a birthday party on Sunday for my SIL and MIL.
I am declining the invitation for two reasons. 1) I’d like to celebrate my birthday with my family. 2) I’m sad that they are well aware my 40th birthday is just a couple of days after Sunday and no one thought to include me in the joint party.
My husband passed on my regrets and my MIL was angry I would not be attending. Celebrating my birthday was not sufficient reason to miss *her* birthday party. He then expressed his disappointment that they would not include my birthday in the festivities.
In usual fashion, feelings were dismissed, and I was just the jerk. I’m now considering not attending any of the activities on either weekend because…petty.”
Another User Comments:
“Seems a little odd that with MIL, SIL, yours, and a niece all having b-days around the same time, it’s never been an issue before now.
If you had already made plans for your birthday, simply say, “I already committed that date that was already made in advance of receiving notice of the party. Thank you for thinking of me, hope to be able to attend next year.” Tossaway8245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your husband that you are done with his side of the family. They are purposely and spitefully demanding that you give up any chances of a celebration to focus solely on them. No. That is heinously selfish and cruel.
I sincerely hope that your husband has planned something special for you. If he hasn’t, then shame on him for being as bad as his family. Have a great birthday with your family and friends. And screw everyone who wants to ruin it.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your in-laws are monopolizing two weekends in a row which is a lot. So you’re participating in some events but not all. That’s life, isn’t it? You could be working or traveling or ill.
But it sounds like they’re completely ignoring your event, not acknowledging its importance or trying to include you at all. So enjoy your birthday dinner with family and don’t let them bait you at any other get-together” Firm-Molasses-4913.
10. AITJ For Not Working Harder To Help My Colleague Get His Bonus?
“I’ve been working in a factory for minimum wage to cover my expenses for a few months since September until I start my new job in March.
We are usually two guys working at the machine. Now the thing is if you reach a certain amount above the quota each month, you get a bonus payment at the payment in January.
Today my colleague came to me and said that I am the reason he didn’t get this bonus as since I am here all we get is the quota.
To which I responded I was only working for minimum wage and fulfilling my duties, nothing else. I don’t get paid enough to work harder.
The bonus isn’t even that much and to be fair I didn’t care since I wasn’t working full year and had no way of getting it anyways.
In my opinion, my colleague could have requested to swap shifts with someone else and I would fully understand. He wants to get the quota and I don’t.
He also knew I wasn’t going to do extra work for the bonus as mentioned above as I am not eligible for it.
Now he said he needs the money… so AITJ?
For clarification: reaching the quota on a normal day is no issue if you work just at a decent speed. But to reach the bonus you’d work way faster and the bar gets raised if too many reach it.
I don’t know how much the bonus is but it’s not even half of an extra payment. Also, my coworker has been in the factory for 25 years now and earns better than me. I get 13€/hour he gets 17. If I’d get the same amount I’d be willing to work more efficiently.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Bad company practices trying to bait a truckload of work out of people for what is likely on a per-hour basis very little. But you get that one “well done” payment of what sounds to be 1 week’s work for a LOT more productivity for the company.
You are not obligated to put in extra time and effort, you need to just do what the job entails. This company uses the bonus to have other workers push each other to generate more output rather than it coming as a directive.
TLDR: Bad company gonna bad.” PandaLand447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a terrible system! Your bonus should be dependent solely on your work. Why should anyone increase their production if it enriches the company for just a chance at a one-time bonus?
And even if they do get that one-time bonus, the company raises the bar to get another bonus. Why would a person like you who is not eligible for a bonus do any more than the minimum? I’ll bet the execs at your company are the type who say “no one wants to work anymore.” (BTW, the fact that after 25 years your co-worker only earns €4/hour more than you, a new hire at minimum wage, is disgusting.
What a greedy firm this is. I’m glad you’ll be done working there soon.)” TemptingPenguin369
9. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Get A Job After Financial Struggles?
“So me 28 and my wife 27 have been together for 7 years now. I have worked full time the whole relationship and she has been a stay-at-home mum.
We got married in the summer of 2023. In November I was laid off. I got another job within a week but took 3 weeks before I started work and I didn’t get paid until 2 weeks later. So we went 5 weeks without getting any money coming in and all the bills coming out.
We didn’t have any savings but she carried on spending like normal and using the credit cards. Now they are pretty much maxed. So I told her that she needed to get a job because I couldn’t pay for everything by myself anymore.
After all, this job didn’t pay as well and now we have to pay back all the money she used on the cards.
We have a 6-year-old and 2 year old. She is saying she can’t work because she needs to be home for the kids but the 6-year-old is at school Monday to Friday and the 2-year-old goes to nursery 2 days a week.
So I said to my wife that I need her to get a part-time just to help pay the bills even if she only brings home enough for the nursery fees or to help pay the cards off but this has led to an argument and she is calling me a jerk.
Thank you
Edit: I work in the evening so am home in the daytime. I take the kids to school most of the time and do most of the pick-ups. I am also the one who does the washing and the washing up almost every day.
I also didn’t demand her to get a job and did sit her down and told her I can’t keep doing it all myself anymore because the price of everything has gone up so much and she doesn’t seem to realize how much it all cost and how close we are to not being able to pay for everything”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – everyone’s got to do their part to keep the household running, she just doesn’t want to do it. If your wife doesn’t want to work you need to save expenses where you can, starting with nursery expenses (if she’s not working she can keep the 2-year-old with her).
You also need to limit her expenses to only necessary household costs (though the same goes for you – no spending on yourself until you’re back on your feet).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is very selfish. You need to take the credit cards.
Put a stop to any online spending by making the approval go to your phone. Put a freeze on your credit report so no new cards can be opened. She needs to put the family first and get this debt cleared. She will throw a fit and act like a child but that’s what being an adult is.” Adventurous-travel1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you married a lazy woman and she is sucking you dry man. I would not be surprised if she divorced you if you pushed her into work. Has she even worked before, like ever? By the way, maybe a shocker but you did not even earn enough to provide for a stay-at-home mum before you lost your job because you were unable to save for an emergency fund and you used credit cards.
You guys should start with some basic financial planning (Dave Ramsey or whatever you find helpful).” Dracenka
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Brings His Own Sauce To Traditional Family Dinners?
“For context, I am a mixed kid, my dad is white, and my mom is Asian. In my country, we have a tradition that every year that everyone will go back to my grandmother’s house for a Chinese new year dinner and such, my father is the only white person in our family tree, but he is fine with Asian food.
The only issue is whenever he does he brings his own set of sauces every time we eat non-western food, which is fine, but he does it everywhere. We were having dinner that night with everyone gathered around the table, and he pulled out ranch and pesto in jars he got from the supermarket started lathering the rice and vegetables with his sauces, and then said “Wow this is good!” Everyone just sort of laughed, but it made me embarrassed since I felt my grandma’s eyeing our family the whole dinner, and was snappy at us the rest of the dinner.
After we went home I explained to my dad how that was super impolite and he shouldn’t have done that, but he says he was just making himself comfortable so he could enjoy the food too. I know my grandma would never tell me directly to stop inviting my dad over, but I’m scared of getting on her bad side.
My dad thinks I’m being absurd and gatekeeper, and food should be expanded and mixed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad can mix and match his food to his heart’s content at home but at a special Chinese New Year dinner at your grandmother’s?
He’s being incredibly rude by insulting the hosts and the cook. And he’s not fooling anyone by raving that HIS sauce addition makes the food “really good” and telling you that without it he can’t “enjoy the food too.” Is he actively *trying* to insult Chinese culture/foods for some larger family reason?” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for you OP. I’d be willing to NTJ your dad but the theatrics of it all, plus his comment: “Wow this is good!” makes him the jerk. It implies that without the sauces, the food is NOT good.
Once a year would not kill him, are there no dishes at all that he likes? He could just eat what he likes and ignore what he doesn’t. Those saying NTJ … there could be autism, I don’t see OP saying his dad is ND.
The judgment is about OP’s father, not a blanket one. Whilst he may not doing this with the intent to offend, it does still come across as offensive. Edited for clarity.” R-AzZZ
Another User Comments:
“This is just rude. What, your dad can’t eat something beforehand to tide him over, and one night a year, just nibble a little at the family celebration if he can’t tolerate food that isn’t slathered in store-bought pesto?
If your mom is in the picture, talk with her. What does she think? Talk to your grandma. I’m guessing that as upset as she might be by your dad’s behavior, she’d not going to hold it against you. But I don’t know her, so I don’t know for sure, and the only way you’re going to find out is to have a conversation.
If she’s a person with whom you can be direct, and who will respond directly, find out if you can continue to bring him without offending her. But if your mom wants your dad there, I don’t think there’s much you can do about this.
NTJ” Nester1953
7. AITJ For Defending Myself Against My Sisters' Weight Shaming?
“Our entire family has a weight problem. I(19M) am trying to fix my issue by working out and going to the gym 3x-4x a week.
Yesterday, I came home from the gym and my sisters(20F, 22F) started in on me. My sister Kylie(22) started telling me it doesn’t look like I’ve lost a pound. My other sister Alexis(20F) insisted on saying, ” Pack in Big Boy( a horrific, fat-shaming nickname), you won’t stick to this”.
They got their giggles in, but I’d had it. I let it be known I’d just done 45 minutes on a treadmill. I told them to waddle their balloon butts up to their rooms and try not to get winded on the stairs.
We were at dinner and these 2 told our parents what I’d said, making it seem like I just launched on them unprovoked. They both did this thing of ” He can’t talk about weight since he’s big too” and I made the comment that unlike those 2, I wasn’t a biscuit away from popping my pants button.
Everyone thinks I went too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you set yourself up to be quoted out of context … which your sisters certainly did. Being so close in age, you probably grew up with this type of verbal sparring between sibs.
But you’re adults now, and body shaming is not acceptable. I can’t blame you for wanting to strike back at your sisters since They Started It, but you’re “stooping to their level” and there’s no upside for you in that BS.
Unlike your sisters, you have more important things to do with your time and efforts. Next time the sisters do their Mean Girl routine, just smile to yourself and shrug your shoulders at them. Just focus on what you are doing for your physical and mental health.
Good for you for changing your lifestyle while you’re still young. Keep it up! Edited for grammar” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stand your ground. Ask your parents to ban any talk of weight or size or diet or exercise or any other related topics.
To protect yourself, get some noise-canceling earbuds and wear them whenever you’re around your sisters. Negative comments can become sabotaging worms that diminish conviction. And congrats on your plans to feel better and get more out of life. It’s a journey well worth the effort.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Your sisters for goading you and you for lowering yourself to their level. Massive kudos to you for getting up exercising and trying to lose weight. If they come at you again just say that you’d appreciate their support and encouragement and walk away.
Might give them food for thought (pardon the pun). Best of luck with your weight loss, you got this!” TKredlemonade
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Younger, Annoying Coworker To The Movies?
“I (22F) and my coworker (20F) just bought tickets to see the Barbie movie together. We’ve been friends for a little over a year and get along great. There’s another coworker of ours (17F) who’s been hinting at wanting to see it with us and go as a big group, but honestly, I don’t want to go with her.
For one thing, she is underage, and I don’t like to hang out with people that much younger than me since it feels weird. Another issue is that the last time there was a plan for all my coworkers to see a movie together, she talked and was on her phone the entire movie.
We were the only ones in the theatre, but it was honestly really annoying to me.
This morning she asked me about getting tickets and I told her I’d already gotten mine. Part of me feels bad because she is a nice girl and she was excited to see this movie, but I would honestly rather just stick with me and the other coworker.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The difference between 17 and 22 is huge. She should be hanging out with friends her age and stage of development. Also, the greatest indicator of future behavior is past behavior: she behaved badly the last time you went to a movie; she will more than likely behave the same way and ruin the experience for you and your other co-worker.” kind crow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I went to the movies with coworkers (4 of us) once. It was a NIGHTMARE. Two of them talk to the screen and yell. I was humiliated. We got a lot of shushes. I was sunk so far down in my seat trying to blend in with the chair wishing the movie would just end already.
It was embarrassing.” SpecialistAfter511
5. AITJ For Telling My Daughter I Prefer Her New Partner Over Her Deceased Ex?
“I (too old, F) have a daughter (28F) who recently got a new partner (30M). She’s had a long and complicated relationship history and is kinda a wreck when it comes to men because she’s married to her work.
But last week, she brought her partner over for dinner so her dad and I could meet him. He’s a lovely man, very smart, sensible, and polite. We like him a lot, he’s good for her.
The dinner went well, and at the end, I was talking to my daughter alone in the kitchen.
I commented that I liked her new partner more than her last one.
For context: her last partner passed away suddenly last year after they broke up over her work. I know she struggled for a while with her grief, but she seems to be mostly over it now and is moving on.
Compared to this new guy, her last partner wasn’t as good. He wasn’t a bad guy, but they only bonded over their nerdy sides. Her new partner takes care of her emotionally and is just so good for her. So excuse me for liking him more.
Well, she blew up at me. She started crying and told me not to talk about him, then she ran out of the house. It became a massive scene, and very dramatic for a grown woman. My husband said I should avoid comparing her partners and the subject of her deceased ex together, and now she’s refusing to speak to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100% Why couldn’t you just like her new partner? The fact that you had to kick at a dead man says a lot about you as a person. And none of it is nice. Your ragging on her for being “dramatic” triples the jerk factor.
JFC lady-find some compassion. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if your daughter went LC or NC” extremely crabby
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not only are you severely downplaying something that was probably a very big deal to your daughter, but you are calling the hurt actions of a still grieving person ‘dramatic’.
How stone-cold can you get? She can’t move on and get better if the ex is being brought up, especially in the crappy manner you chose to do so. Your husband is right, stop comparing her relationships and avoid the ex altogether.” KilljoyLights
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Great way to never see your daughter ever again though OP. If you were looking for her to completely shut you out, you’ve done great. You’ve no idea how her ex made her feel inside. They may have broken up but if she’s hurting over it they remained close.
If your husband dropped dead would you want someone going “Thank God I hated that guy”? No, but you seem to think it’s okay to do it to your daughter. Jesus Christ grow up and get some compassion before she leaves and never again comes back” HauntingAccomplice.
4. AITJ For Giving My Mom The Cold Shoulder After She Missed My Performance Due To My Grandpa's Surgery?
“I (14f) am a band kid. For marching band, I’m in color guard!
Those who don’t know what color guard is just search it up. But anyway, today was fan appreciation night or parents’ night for the band. So I’ll perform the whole show.
My mom has been to 1 football game which doesn’t show the whole show but I like certain songs.
So since this is the least amount of travel and least expensive thing (cost $0 and it’s at the local high school) I was hoping she’d come, and she even told me she would.
Fast forward to performance time, I don’t notice my mom but I brush it off because she’s a little late sometimes or even she is there and I haven’t noticed her yet.
After the show (which we nailed!!!!) we got ready and headed out to see our parents and eat the provided food. I still didn’t see my mom so I called her and asked her where she was. She says that she’s on her way and she couldn’t make it because my grandpa just got out of surgery before she was going to leave.
She didn’t talk to my grandpa though, she talked to my grandma who is telling her all that happened.
I was upset so I hung up, grabbed something to eat, and hung out with friends to cheer up.
My mom came and picked me up, but I didn’t talk to her.
I gave her the cold shoulder. I didn’t say anything to her in the car besides “okay” when she said she brought donuts. (She didn’t make them for me specifically, just the family.) I haven’t talked to her since we got home, mainly because it’s late and I’m sleepy.
But I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be upset with her because my grandpa got out of surgery and she was caring for him because he’s her dad.”
Another User Comments:
“Sweetie, this isn’t an AITJ situation.
It’s okay for you to be disappointed your mom wasn’t there. And it was okay for her to be worried about her dad in what I’m assuming was emergency surgery (given that they coincided and she’d promised to be there/it was an evening surgery).
Sometimes stuff like this happens and it’s just an unfortunate part of life. Ideally, your mom could have juggled both or will come to a different show to make it up to you and I hope your grandfather recovers quickly” Rough_Elk_3952.
Another User Comments:
“I was in color guard in high school too! My parents NEVER saw a full performance. Not for marching band, not for winter guard. I learned to deal with it because at the end of the day, I’m proud of myself, and the hard work that goes into a performance.
As someone else said, this isn’t an AITJ situation. It’s okay to feel disappointed that she didn’t show up. But also, realized that maybe her father being ill was a higher priority at that time. It would have been nice for her to give you a heads-up.
However, some parents do not feel they owe their kids an explanation. I never got one. Learn to make peace from this situation. Give grace to your mom. Be proud of yourself. And be thankful for any time that they can come.
Even if it’s for an incomplete show. And don’t forget to grab a recording! Whether from a parent, coach, or spectator. That way you have that memory for yourself, and your parents.” Savings_Summer2608
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Of course, you’re upset she missed it, it’s a big deal to you. The difference is being upset, and being upset with her. It’s a rough situation, and I am happy for you that it went amazingly.
That’s cool and something you should be proud of. She did the right thing by supporting her mother and hearing how the surgery went for her father. I’m sorry she missed something special to you, and she probably is too, but she would have felt more worried about her parents, and that would have taken higher priority due to all the things that could have gone badly.
Hopefully, after you sleep you’ll feel a bit better in the morning. It wasn’t her choice she missed it, life got in the way which it does sometimes.” Logical_Seat_8
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Constantly Helps His Divorced Sister?
“My (28F) partner’s (28M) sister (38M) divorced her husband last year. She also has a 4 yo child. She is quite spoiled and can’t do much on her own, so she is always asking my partner for help with nearly everything.
This includes watching her kid, running errands, and helping her with her small business. He even works with her when he has time.
I don’t mind him helping her, but she asks for help with everything, and whenever she has any inconvenience she calls him first thing.
She keeps calling him even when we are on dates, just to ask for stuff or to tell him random stuff. She calls up to 4 times and nearly daily. She is pretty useless and keeps relying on him for nearly everything.
I feel like my partner feels sorry for her and especially his niece, so he jumps to help them whenever she asks.
Yesterday, we were supposed to go on a brunch date but he asked me to go run an errand for her before heading to the café.
I got annoyed and refused to go. He got mad at me and told me that I was mean for refusing and that I shouldn’t mind since she was a single woman with a child and the errand would take half an hour.
We got into an argument over that and I told him that he is trying to compensate his sister for her ex-husband and that she is relying on him for nearly everything as if he was her man.
Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know where your partner’s mind is at, but he needs to set boundaries here. Just because his sister is now a single parent, he can’t drop everything without warning to indulge her every need or want.
It’s easy for an uninvolved party to say this, but you may want to find another partner. That he has been at her beck & call like this is a red flag.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nothing you described is “treating him like her man.” Watching her kid, running errands, and helping her with her small business.
I wonder what type of relationships you have with people where you think helping out or doing favors is reserved only for romantic partnerships. What you listed is normal stuff people do for family and close friends. Calling four times a day, if that’s true, is excessive, but calling your siblings or telling them random things is not abnormal. I have a text chat with my siblings and 80% of it is sharing “random stuff”. Wanting your partner to be more attentive and respectful on dates is fair, but that’s an issue you should have with him, not his sister. If you have specifics for something unreasonable that she asks for help with then state it.
But otherwise, nothing you have mentioned qualifies as spoiled or useless. You seem like a nasty and unpleasant person. ” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re suffering from the affliction of assuming that help and support only can come from “your man” or significant other.
She’s relying on him as if he was her man. Nah, she’s relying on him as if he was a solid support for her in life. Don’t need to be in a romantic relationship for that and you don’t get exclusive access to his support just because you’re seeing him.
Expand your mind, and check your entitlement, or let him go, for everyone’s sake.” Fun_Astronaut9092
2. AITJ For Complaining About My Mom Getting My Chipotle Order Wrong?
“AITJ. So my mom asked me if we wanted Chipotle since she was going there anyway. I replied yes please and then she asked for me to send her a list. (Mind you, the list had only 7 items on it and was laid out neatly in the Notes App) I sent her the list and then she ordered. Unknown to me until later when I opened it, she got the order wrong.
It also wasn’t just like 1 item was wrong. 50% of the order was incorrect and some ingredients were ones I despised to have. I then asked her at home if she got the order wrong and she said “I ordered what I think you get because it’s too hard to click through lists” (My dad also sent 1 super easy-to-read list).
I then asked her to next time please follow the list I sent her that she specifically asked for before she ordered. I then proceeded to get yelled at for being spoiled and should have just said thank you and been done.
(Mind, I did say thank you first when I brought the topic up to her.) So IDK, Am I The Jerk or am I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — If she couldn’t click through the notes she could’ve quickly called or texted you and asked that you either 1.
Say your order as they’re asking or 2. Text it directly to her as opposed to sharing it via notes. Your dad also sent his like this, was it also wrong?” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just think. Your mom is probably too old to understand how to use apps other than a regular phone so just roll with it next time.
Now, if she yelled at you you probably made a big fuss about her not ordering right even if she went to get food for everyone (inconsiderate much?) You should have called her or told her to call you while she was ordering.
In the end, YTJ” ReasonableBat8335
1. AITJ For Trying To Pass A Family On The Plane?
“So today while getting off a plane from my flight, I had a bad interaction and I cannot stop thinking about it.
I was in the very back row for the flight I was on and had to wait before I could start walking. I waited for everyone to get their stuff and started walking from my row and was making my way down the aisle until I stopped to let a family pack their stuff and get through.
The family was a mom and dad with 3 little kids, and they had a lot of stuff on the seats and overhead bin. When the dad and one of the kids got their stuff and walked down the aisle, I decided to start to make my way after them because I saw the mom and the other two kids had things on their seats and were still packing their stuff.
I decided to try to walk past really because I figured they would need at least a few minutes. I didn’t realize they were ready because the mom said “Do you mind? We would like to go as a family”.
She said it kind of passive-aggressively but I completely understood why they would want to stick together, so I said a quick sorry, then stopped (I walked two steps past their row).
So I stood there waiting for the mom and kids to finish packing and suddenly she snapped at me and sarcastically said “You know what, go, since you’re so eager”.
She then scoffed at me as well and I was so stunned because all I did was stand there waiting. I didn’t realize I looked so eager to pass by, I was tired and my feet hurt. I had no intention of cutting by her and was willing to wait, I admit I made the wrong call when I tried to go after the dad went.
There were some people behind me as well and I did not want to hold up the line for too long.
Her row was about 2-3 rows before the exit where the flight attendant was standing about a metre away.
I could not stop thinking about this interaction because I like to think I am a respectable person. I very rarely have rude interactions but this time I felt as if it was my fault because I should’ve asked if they were ready or waited more patiently.
She did say it in a very annoyed way but she is also a mom handling 3 kids on a flight so I understand. I also could have been more communicative and made sure it was okay for me to go, but I made the call on a whim and it was just me and my carry-on, which would’ve taken a few seconds for me to pass and go to the exit.
I also wish I said something when she snapped at me just to clear the air but I figured we were all in a rush so there was no point even though I felt really bad. It was a late flight and I’m sure everyone was tired but that interaction threw me off and I was wondering if I did something wrong and what I could do to prevent such interactions.
As you can tell, I am not good with conflict at all. This was also my first flight in 5 years so that didn’t help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were indeed waiting for your rightful turn, and the family just wasn’t ready.
Seems like an honest mistake and you were happy to wait after the woman pointed it out, which truly she didn’t need to. If they weren’t ready that’s on her, not you. People are jerks on airplanes, and certainly, she was stressed traveling with her family.
It’s nice that you gave her that benefit of the doubt because she honestly just sounds like a true jerk. Don’t take it personally.” float above it
Another User Comments:
“I am confused. You were in the back row of the flight.
She was in the front of the plane (a few rows from the exit). From your post, it sounds like you were the only person passing the mother and her kids. Where were all the people between you (in the last row) and the mom (a few rows from the front)” Mundane-Bottle
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm… so YTJ then NTJ. I do think you should have just given them an extra second to go as a family. However, I am the king of being a little oblivious in these situations and I do stuff like what you did ALL THE TIME.
It’s not the end of the world. I think her statement to you was fair, and I think your response back was respectful and kind. At the end of the day, your reaction to the reaction is far more important than the original action.
And your reaction was kind. She should not have snapped at you – it was an emotional outburst far bigger than the “crime” – but I’m with you that I have a lot of compassion. Honestly, the Dad should have waited and helped the mom and it sounds like she took her frustration with him out on you.” dumpling-lover1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, even though your intentions and interpretation of the situation were different from hers, would have still been the gallant way to ask if it’s ok to pass. As a single mother, I had so many situations when people would separate me and my child!
I got to have zero tolerance for it after so many incidents, and unfortunately, I would empathize with the woman, even though she was rude. ” Impossible-Most-366
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