People Stay Annoyed At Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
20. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Messaging My Partner's Friend Despite Her Discomfort?
“I’ve been with my partner for roughly two and a half years now. A few months ago she started talking to an old friend again that she hadn’t seen in a while.
They met up a few times for drinks and then my partner invited me along for drinks with them so I could meet her. We all get along really well.
My partner has a male colleague that she’s friends with. I’ve met him a couple of times and we’ve even been on a couple of double dates with him and his partner.
The colleague and my partner are good friends and have each other on social media and message each other occasionally.
We met up with the friend a few more times for drinks and her friend and I like similar TV shows, movies, and video games.
Her friend added me on social media and I mentioned this to my partner. It’s not abnormal, I’ve got quite a few of my partner’s friends on social media. When one of the TV shows was on that her friend and I like she messaged me about it.
I told my partner this and replied to her.
We’ve messaged a few times talking about movies and TV shows etc. My partner told me she thinks it’s weird I’m talking to her friend and she thinks I should stop. I asked what she thought was wrong with it and she just said I shouldn’t be messaging her.
I asked again for an explanation but she wouldn’t give me one.
I mentioned that she messages her colleague who is a man so I think she’s being hypocritical to get annoyed at me for messaging a friend. She said it’s not the same and that I should stop messaging her friend.
I refused and again tried to get her to explain what she thought was so wrong about it. She just said it’s about respect.
I asked why it was different for her to talk to a friend of the opposite sex but not for me to talk to a friend but she just said she’s known this colleague longer than I’ve known the friend.
I said that’s not really a reason and she just repeated it was about respect and that I shouldn’t be disregarding what she’s saying and should be listening to her.
AITJ for pointing out hypocrisy with my partner and refusing to stop talking to a friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not wrong for pointing out the double standard here. It’s only fair to question why your partner can chat with a male colleague but gets annoyed when you talk to a female friend. If she can’t explain why it’s a problem, it’s hard to see her side of things.
Relationships are about communication, and it sounds like you’re just trying to have an open conversation about it.” romy_indy
Another User Comments:
“Is it possible there’s something about that particular homegirl or the way/frequency that you two interact that makes your partner not totally comfortable?
But subtle enough that she doesn’t want to delve into it? Be real honest. Asking because I have one close friend who I would have zero reservations about my SO messaging or hanging out with, and another close friend who…I would not be stoked. I notice my SO probably has similar feelings about my opposite-sex friends and colleagues.
I do not message my bff’s spouse, even though we have a lot in common. I either send it in the group chat or wait until we’re all together in person. A respectful distance, that I know my friend prefers, even though no tension exists or ever would.
It’s not a straight-up one-to-one. And that’s HER friend, as is her colleague. There’s too much unknown here to make a real judgment, but I do think you’re being kind of obtuse, intentionally or otherwise.” halibutcrustacean
Another User Comments:
“Info: Is your partner’s friend single?
This matters because I suspect your partner might be wary of her friend’s intentions. A single friendly acquaintance of the opposite sex who’s quickly becoming a “friend” and texting all the time is definitely cause for concern. I also agree with your partner that it is different from a long-standing friendship with someone of the opposite sex, who has a partner, that was developed over time through work interactions.
I do find it a little odd that your partner’s friend is texting you, making small chit-chat. You haven’t known each other long, and you seem to be at the forefront of her mind. My friend group has been together for a long time and we’re all friends with each other’s partners.
That said, out of respect for my friends and complete transparency, none of us text our friend’s husbands or partners directly for chit-chat. I suspect this is common for women to do, so she might be uncomfortable with what her friend is doing. No jerks here but if you care for your partner, I would talk to her about her concerns openly and find a path forward that you are both comfortable with.” Pure-Chemistry835
19. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Paint Our Nails Despite His Father's Disapproval?
“My (19M) sister’s (25F) husband (27M) has never liked me much. They have a 4-year-old “Matteo” who spends a lot of time with me because they both work and my brother-in-law never seems to want to spend as much time with him.
Matteo is an odd duckling. He likes monster trucks and Power Rangers and all the “normal” boy stuff but he also likes pink and tea parties and painting his nails.
Since I’m the one who spends the most time with him and plays with him the most I just indulge him a bit.
I buy him the stuff he wants and play with him. My brother-in-law gets upset at me for buying him “girl stuff ” and playing “girl games” with him. My sister gets mad and tells me I’m doing it just to annoy her husband. We got into a big argument a few days ago because while with me at my friend’s apartment, Matteo saw his collection of polish and asked if we could paint our nails.
I told him sure and he actually did a pretty good job.
I’d intended to have washed it off before his dad came and got him but he got there early. My brother-in-law was furious when he saw our nails and yelled at me that I was gonna make Matteo like me.
I snapped back that I grew up in the country playing football and wrestling and that I’m still gay. That I’m not remotely feminine and I’m still gay. That just because Matteo likes something doesn’t even mean he is. He just snatches up Matteo and drives off.
My sister called later saying I knew how her husband feels about “that stuff” and I shouldn’t be indulging my nephew and letting him paint our nails. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your homophobic brother-in-law and sister can find another babysitter if they have a problem.
He can find someone more suitable to watch the kid he neglects. You shouldn’t have to try and dampen your nephew to accommodate his jerk parents. Yes, both parents. Your sister willingly lets his disgusting and outdated views thrive in the household. She’s just as much a problem here.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all Op, but hear me out. Your brother-in-law hates when you do stuff like this, and while you have his kid with you for the day, he takes his kid home at night. If he talks to you and treats you this way, you need to think about how he treats his son when he sees this stuff.
He may be lashing out at his son and treating him poorly because of the painted nails and playing with “girl toys.” While I think what you’re doing is great and I don’t see anything wrong with it personally, your nephew may be getting the brunt of his father’s anger.
You’re teaching him to express himself and that is very admirable, but the ways he is expressing himself now could potentially get him in a lot of trouble. He will grow up one day and see how his father acts/treats him, and that’s something your brother-in-law will have to deal with.
I would not poke the bear, and I would definitely recommend not painting his nails anymore and finding different ways to entertain him. There will probably come a time when he needs you, and you don’t want his parents cutting your relationship. It does suck, but think of your nephew’s best interest.” McCusker03
Another User Comments:
“When my son was about 3 I painted his tiny toenails with clear polish. I was doing my toes and he wanted his done. Clear was a compromise because he wanted the same as me. His daycare was the wife of his father’s coworker.
Father and I were not together. Did I get an earful over the phone from his father about “turning my son into a girl”. Because his coworker thought it was hilarious to tell him about the clear nail polish. So next time I did my nails I used the brightest color I had and painted my baby’s toes to match.
Never heard another word. If the brother-in-law has a problem with how you care for his child then he can make, and pay for, other childcare arrangements. NTJ.” PurpleStar1965
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split A Parking Ticket With My Partner Who Forgot To Move My Car?
“I’m out of town and street cleaning comes on Friday. My car is on the street.
I told my partner on Monday that my car is parked on the street and I will be gone and unable to move it. She agreed to move it for me.
Early Thursday evening, I reminded her to move the car. She agreed. Thursday night before bed, I reminded her again to move the car.
She agreed and said she would do it in the morning. Friday morning, I texted her to please move the car. No response. She called me before she got to work, saying she did not move the car and that she is willing to split the ticket 50/50 with me since it is my car and ultimately my responsibility.
I said I am not splitting the ticket.
Multiple reminders were given on multiple days. She explicitly agreed to move the car each time, accepting responsibility for the task. Moving the car is a simple task; she just had to pull it into the driveway 10 feet away and had ample opportunity to do it.
She hit me with, “If someone broke into your car, would you expect me to pay for it?” saying that it is the same exact scenario. I replied that this is a random occurrence out of our control, and I would never expect her to pay for that.
Moving the car is a specific, simple request I made that she agreed to. It is completely different and unrelated.
If the roles were reversed, I would pay for her ticket as I took responsibility for the car while she was gone and had agreed multiple times to do so.
Anyway, she is mad that I’m not willing to split the ticket. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pay the ticket. You’re the one that gets fined if you don’t. As for your partner…reconsider that status. I’ve found that people who are unwilling to take accountability for their actions aren’t the best to start a life with.
Additionally, she’s proven that she can’t be relied upon (her reaction left much to be desired as well) which isn’t a good quality in a partner. This is something small that happened but her reactions were ‘wrong’ at every point. She even tried to blame you for something she did.
She honestly sounds like a kid (under 20) who needs to mature. This isn’t behavior I would be willing to accept, especially since she accepted the responsibility of moving the car.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but pay it and then get her to pay you back (don’t even need to let her know it’s paid).
In the end if she still refuses the consequences are on you. However, if she isn’t showing signs of paying it off then I’d just “subtly” make the money back from her. Stop doing her nice gestures of paying for her things, change the password on any accounts that you pay for or wifi (make sure you lock down the modem), and as a small petty thing don’t worry about eating the food that she bought for herself.
When she asks you, then state that the tickets put you under budget so you are just locking down your finances for a bit. She can use the money she saved from the tickets on the things that you were previously paying for as she already made it clear that she expects you to pay for her failed promise of looking after your car…and yes, if she left it unlocked and someone stole stuff then I would also blame her.
Her lack of agency shouldn’t have led to an urgency on your end when she told you that she had it covered.” Mechya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She agreed to move it. You reminded her. She reconfirmed multiple times that she would move it for you.
But she never actually did. And now you know that you can’t trust her to keep her word. What else can you no longer trust her about? Was she not home on Thursday night? Her argument about “what if someone broke into your car?” sounds like deflection to me.
What prevented her from moving your car on Wednesday or Thursday like she agreed to days in advance?” throw05282021
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Picky Eater Daughter-In-Law To A Fancy Restaurant?
“I like to try new food and there is a chef I have been following for years.
She opened a restaurant near me a few years ago and it is almost impossible to get a spot. I was extremely lucky and got one. It is a fixed menu and you eat what you are served for the most part. The menu changes or rotates about every week.
They serve unique dishes.
Anyway when I booked it, I booked for only five people. I invited my sisters, my two daughters, and me. I also decided to pay for it all since I have a good job and wanted to treat them.
This is where the issue started, I have a DIL who is a picky eater.
I didn’t include her in the invites because I know she wouldn’t eat it. I can’t even be certain she would try dishes. She is the type of person who eats like 5 foods.
Everyone runs in the same-ish circle and I got a call asking why she was not invited since she knows everyone who was invited. I tried to be polite by saying it was just a small gathering, and moved the conversation along.
She kept pushing and I told her it is because she is a picky eater. That I am not paying for someone to not like the food, or not even try it. She thinks I am very cruel for excluding her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t invite her because you didn’t feel she would enjoy the experience, and frankly, you aren’t required to invite her just because she knows the other people you did invite. You can suggest an outing for just the two of you to do at another time to be nice and make it up to her so that she doesn’t feel as left out, but honestly, I wouldn’t even do that as I find it off-putting when people act entitled to be invited to anything.” Tourettescatlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you invited 4 people, your two daughters and two sisters. Those are the only people she knows (everyone she knows was invited)? You didn’t extend the invite to anyone else’s partners or spouses. You were paying for the whole thing, you decide who you invite.
Her calling you about it was rather nervy and rude.” Jerseygirl2468
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand how people rationalize these things to themselves. She’s proven herself to be a picky eater, yet she willingly wants to be included in an activity where she won’t like the said activity and you’re the one who’s paying?
When people do this it really feels like they are making things about themselves. My younger sister constantly gets upset about why she’s not invited to things she doesn’t want to go to and when she does get an invite she never comes.
I feel like these people just want to be validated and feel wanted. They have a warped sense of FOMO and think the world revolves around them in the way that they should be invited to all the things, but as queen of the land only should they choose to will grace you with their presence and proceed to possibly complain the outing was not catered to them.
NTJ it’s not a character attack. It was a choice made in common sense. I’m not going to invite a non-drinker to a wine tasting lol.” starfire92
16. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's House After She Made Me Wait Outside For Being Late?
“My friends and I usually have get-togethers at my friend’s house since she is the one with the nicest patio/backyard.
Two weeks ago we arranged our usual get-together and planned on playing board games (nothing too crazy), she told us to come at 7 but since I do not drive and depend on my mom to take me everywhere I was a little late (15min approximately) and forgot to let her know.
When I got there I sent her a message letting her know I was there to which she replied “give me 10 min”, nothing weird since she has done that before when she’s not ready yet. After 15 min approximately I texted her again asking if she could open the door since it was getting windy, to which she replied “No, you made me wait 15 minutes so now I’ll make you wait 20.”
I was perplexed, she had never ever done anything like this before, and mind you in our culture it’s pretty common to arrive a little bit later than the accorded hour (15-20min). By the time she opened the door my other friend was already there waiting for her and she did not make her wait outside like she did with me.
I said jokingly since that is how we talk to each other “How unpunctual” to which she replied, “Tone it down, I’m not in the mood.” This was the final straw for me so I told her I was leaving, took an uber home, and have not talked to her since.
So am I the jerk for leaving and getting mad?”
Another User Comments:
“This is not a fancy restaurant reservation, 15 minutes on either side is pretty standard arrival time for a casual get-together. INFO though, do you have a chronic habit of lateness that she has called you on in the past?
It’s on her to communicate her problem and give you opportunities to show you can be punctual. If she did and you still leave her hanging, then that’s on you. If this was the first time she’s mentioned anything then her reaction was pretty immature.” ExeuntonBear
Another User Comments:
“Wait, so there was another person “running late” and she didn’t make them wait outside? Did I read that right? And it sounds like no one else had turned up yet so you would have been the first to arrive? If that’s the case then she must have some other beef with you.
NTJ. Also, what is with her logic? By making you wait outside for 20 minutes she is making herself wait even longer for her gathering to start. What a petty spaghetti.” bbbbeletsgo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m almost never late, and I hate it when other people are late because I can’t focus on anything else, so I just sit there and wait (unless I’m meeting up with several people and one or more has already shown up).
But everyone ends up in situations at times where they are late, and yes you should have texted her about it, but 15 minutes isn’t that bad, a “could you give me a heads up the next time” would’ve been the appropriate response. To “punish” you like that for something you didn’t do intentionally is overreacting, and mean.
I’m surprised your other friends who were already there didn’t say anything. I would’ve told her off and threatened to leave too if someone was acting like that toward my friend.” piqueboo369
15. AITJ For Giving Away My Friend's Unused $100 Ticket For Free?
“I’m in a spat with a friend of mine, Sally. A few weeks ago, Sally, another friend, and I decided to go see one of our favorite comedians.
We agreed on a date, I bought the tickets, and they each sent me the money for their ticket. The tickets were $100 a piece (good venue, good seats, prominent/famous comedian).
Late last week, Sally told me she couldn’t go anymore due to a scheduling conflict with her work that she had misscheduled. She asked if there was any way I could send her the $100 back.
Because the ticket is nonrefundable, I told Sally that I would send her the money back if someone else could buy the ticket from me, or if Sally could find someone to buy the ticket from her. Sally agreed that was fair.
Well, now the show is the day after tomorrow and I have no takers.
One friend, Jane, said she could go but she couldn’t afford the ticket right now. Jane said she fully understood if the ticket went to someone else who could pay, but said she’d be glad to come along if there weren’t any takers by showtime and she didn’t have to pay.
Jane even offered to drive us all and be the designated driver so we could drink at the show, in order to contribute as best she could. I basically told Jane that if no one had bought the ticket by the day of the show, it could go to her so it wouldn’t be wasted.
I followed up with Sally today to tell her no one has wanted to buy the ticket so far, and Sally said she hasn’t had any luck either. I told her that if I couldn’t sell it by the day of, I would give it to Jane, but that Jane couldn’t pay.
Sally says that in that case, I should send her $100 because I’m giving away her ticket. I argued that someone should get the ticket if it’s going to go unused, but Sally says it’s her ticket and if she wants it to go unused then it should go unused, or if she wanted to give it away she should be the one to give it away.
I asked if she would just give it away to Jane on the day of so it wouldn’t go unused, but she said no, “it’s the principle of the thing.” She just hates the idea of her ticket that she paid for being given to someone else for free.
WIBTJ if I just give away the ticket a few hours before showtime? Or am I actually stealing something that doesn’t belong to me?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why haven’t you and/or Jane offered to pay Sally back for the ticket? If the ticket gets used, Sally deserves her money back.
You, Jane, and the third friend could even split the ticket three ways since the two of you will be getting the designated driver benefits. You’re trying to pull something shady. You DID find someone who wanted to use the ticket. Pay up.” 11gus11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because you physically have the ticket does not mean it’s yours. This is only probably because you have the ticket on you, despite not owning it. Wanting to give the ticket away means that you want to take ownership of it and then give it to someone else.
So you know how you do that? You pay your friend for the ticket and then give it to someone else. It sounds like that person can benefit/pay YOU back in some other way, so it all works out. Imagine if Sally had the tickets and was going to give them to all of you guys on the day of, but since she can’t go, you’re just going to pick them up from her house on the day of.
You show up and say “hey, can I have that ticket you’ve got for free to give to someone else?” She’d be well within her rights to say “nah, I’m not giving it to you, you can buy it from me though.” In order for you to give it to your friend, you’d have to steal it from her.
The fact that you have the ticket already does not change the fact that giving it away is stealing. But if you just give it away, you’re stealing and doing so to get something you want. You’ll probably never hear from your friend again if you do this, and you’d deserve it.
Also, she is absolutely never going to trust you with ticket purchases again. Ever.” Eugenides
Another User Comments:
“IMO, just give the UNUSED ticket to Sally. Or if you’re so obsessed over something someone else paid for going to waste, discuss with Sally and Jane to check if they’d be willing to compromise on a 50% off sorta deal or something of this nature‼️ YWBTJ cause even though I agree it’d be a waste for the ticket to go unused, it’s not YOUR 100$ to decide if it’s going to Jane for free.
Especially since Sally said no. Extra jerk points for promising Jane the ticket for free if no one buys it, without Sally agreeing on it first.” Bitshcuit
14. AITJ For Taking Back My Late Mom's Kitchenware That My Sister Was Selling?
“My (22F) mom loves buying kitchen things like plates, spoons, forks, and cups, they are very expensive and some are custom-made. She displays them in a big wooden cabinet she got as a gift from grandma, she never took them out.
I remember I’d always ask why she kept them if she was never going to take them out, and she would always say “looking at them makes me happy.”
My mom passed away recently, and Dad decided to move back to live with extended family.
They have a big home and my young cousins are always running around playing so the place is never quiet (2 hours away from here). He gave our home to my sister (28F) because she was looking for a place in the area and I already moved to an apartment close to the university.
Everyone in the family is closed off so after my mom’s funeral we didn’t contact each other unless we needed to.
My sister has an Instagram account and uses it as a creative outlet and loves posting new makeup looks she came up with. I noticed that I stopped seeing her posts on my private account and I felt bad.
I called her to check on her and she reassured me everything was okay, just wanted to be private. I have a secret art account and when I was drawing recently I thought of a makeup look she did that I really liked and wanted to draw on my OC.
I looked her account up and saw she was posting new things, I looked at her new highlighted stories and saw she was selling my mom’s things, she didn’t pick up when I called her so I took a screenshot and sent it to her to call me.
She called a little later, she said she needs money because they want a baby, I told her she should have asked, she said I would never let her sell them, I said mom would be sad if she knew we sold her plates. She said mom would be sad if she and her husband couldn’t take care of the baby.
I asked her if Dad knows and she didn’t respond. I was super mad so I threw my phone on my bed and cried in the bathroom.
I kept calling and texting to give me some of them, no response. I didn’t tell my dad because I felt the situation would get worse especially if the rest of the family knew.
She did a new story thanking someone for buying, I got super mad and sad. The next day I went to their house and parked the car next to the kitchen window, I got in with my key and left it in the door in case.
Some were already in boxes so I took them to my car from the window. I only got two boxes before I heard them at the door trying to get in. I panicked, left the neighborhood, then sent her a text telling her to use the window because I didn’t want her to be stuck.
I told her to sell the rest but the ones I took are mine. She texted me saying the two boxes were orders and I need to bring them back. I’m thinking maybe I took things too far but I don’t want to give her the things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister should have asked for permission from your father or asked you if it’s okay, since those items belong to your mom so you and your sister have the rights for it, but her selling it without permission is a bit too much.
Those items are precious to your mother and should have them as memorabilia of her, or it’s okay to sell them if all of you are aware. She should be ashamed not thinking about the sacrifices your mother had gone through just to collect those things.” itsmejasminejoy
Another User Comments:
“If those 2 boxes were orders, tell your sister you’ll trade them for 2 boxes filled with different ones, and that’s the only way she’ll get them back. You choose which ones you want. You get yours first and take them home. Then you can bring the original boxes back.
Don’t give her the boxes back until you get the ones you want and don’t bring the first boxes with you when you choose the ones you want. If you do, she’ll go back on the deal or try to guilt you. NTJ. Also, tell your dad.
He should know this is happening. He may have planned on giving them to both of you eventually.” spacetstacy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is stealing from the estate, and therefore, from your father and you. Get a lawyer as soon as possible and get your inheritance and mom’s estate accounted for and locked. Your sister is STEALING.
Be very clear, she needs to reimburse everyone who bought stolen things and get her paws out of your mother’s estate or you WILL get law enforcement and justice involved. Get an inventory of every single thing in the house and document it to the last toothbrush.
Stop being a doormat. This doesn’t belong to her. If your father wishes to divide your mother’s inheritance between the daughters, it needs to be settled with a lawyer and make it even for both parties. If your sister already sent any of those stolen china to the buyers, you have a theft case.
Don’t let go of a single spoon or mug. And get your dad’s head out of the sand before it’s too late.” Exciting_Grocery_223
13. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About Giving My Old Lunchbox To His Coworker?
“My husband (28M) bought me (29F) a pretty expensive lunchbox a few years ago for Christmas. He has a pattern of giving away stuff that he buys to friends when he “upgrades” to something better.
He bought me a new lunchbox for my birthday.
I went to his office today to pick up a phone charger (I work from my car and my phone was going dead). I noticed my old lunchbox hanging on a hook in his office. I asked if that was my lunchbox because I thought he had borrowed it.
He said that it WAS, but he had given it to his coworker (22F). He said he had asked me about it, but I would have definitely remembered if he had. The coworker was there, and said he said that I had known. I didn’t want to make it awkward so I just said I must have forgotten about it.
It’s not about the lunch box, I don’t really care that much about the lunchbox specifically, but it bothers me because I don’t think he asked me and then gave something of mine to his coworker. WIBTJ if I confront him about it?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. It’s not his property to be giving away to other people. As soon as you give someone a gift, it is theirs. Gifts can have sentimental value. So even if you’re then given an upgrade of a previous gift, it doesn’t mean the old gift is now worthless and can just be given away.
It may no longer be useful in a practical sense, as you have a new upgraded one. Though it could still retain worth sentimentally. Confront him, what he’s doing is not cool.” Snoozeberry91
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. It’s reasonable to be upset as he may have given away something of yours without telling you while lying about your involvement.
It’s strange to find yourself caught in somebody else’s lie, especially when the lie is about you. It’s also upsetting when you consider that he knows you know the person involved, so asking you would have been super straightforward and would have required little explanation.
No obvious reason to have lied. I’d bring this up with him again at home, laying out your concern. Hopefully, you can get a straight answer.” DoughnutHelpful5197
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Not trying to start anything but genuinely asking — do you think you’d have felt differently about it if the coworker wasn’t a 22F?
Genuinely want you to consider this and think about if the lunchbox is really what’s bothering you about this situation, or if there’s another discomfort you might want to communicate with him. And none of this is to imply he has any intents or you’d suspect that, but I personally think it’s fine to admit to your husband if it feels uncomfortable to have your old things gifted to a younger woman that you don’t know.
I could easily understand a person just feeling a way about it that they don’t like.” LivForRevenge
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Family Trip Because Of My Narcissistic Brother-In-Law?
“My (22F) family wants to go on a trip at the end of this year.
The issue is that I have a narcissistic brother-in-law (32M) who in June 2023 suddenly privately messaged my parents to complain about me being “disrespectful” to him.
It was actually playful teasing that went both ways, which is why this came out of nowhere for all of us.
I apologized to him via text but he chose to ignore it for a month. We then had a chat that ended with me saying that I need time before I can go back to normal. He felt that I don’t have the right to “need time” because he’s the victim, not me.
In September 2023, he PMed my parents again claiming that l’m treating my other brother-in-law better than him. This was true because I still held resentment from the way he treated me in June. We then had another chat where my sister and parents told me to treat him like he’s a sensitive kid and to apologize to him.
In Feb 2024, he got upset that I sent my sister a postcard and I didn’t address him in it. He also lied that I forgot to wish him on his wedding anniversary even though I actually did. He told my sister to stop talking to me and PMed my parents again and told them a whole bunch of lies about me.
We had another chat which didn’t end well because I decided to stop apologizing and I called out his lies. Once again my sister told me to apologize and treat him like someone who’s jealous of how close my family is. Being a narcissist, he played the victim and blamed me for causing a strain in his marriage.
After the chat, there was a family medical emergency and everyone else forgot everything that happened. He and I decided to put the past aside. I still don’t forgive him for the things he’s done but I’m being cordial and pretending that I don’t hate him.
I don’t want to go on the family trip because I’m going to have to walk on eggshells for 2 weeks hoping that I don’t set him off or else the trip will be ruined. Plus he’s good at being charming and making me feel left out because I’m naturally quiet and he’s a very loud person.
I also can’t stand seeing how everyone sucks up to him to keep him happy just so that we have some peace.
I’ve explained this to my family and although they’re all on my side in that he’s just a narcissistic hypersensitive jerk who’s targeting me, they think that I’m thinking too much.
My parents keep saying that I’m letting him win if I choose not to go. They will not go ahead with the trip if I don’t go. My mum says that if she were in my shoes, she’d suck it up and go for the sake of the family.
I think I might be the jerk because I’d be depriving my family of a trip just because I don’t want to be uncomfortable for 2 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your choice whether you are willing to suck it up and walk on eggshells for the sake of your family, or the sake of visiting wherever the trip is to.
I have a problem seeing your mom’s point that skipping the trip is “letting him win” – seems like he’s set it up to be a win/win for him no matter what you decide, and the whole family is willing to go along with it for the sake of superficial peace.
When even his wife is appealing to you to treat him like a sensitive child I would want to leave them all to it and find a better way to spend my time.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family should be ashamed of themselves, and they’re the ones letting him “win,” not you.
They should rally around you, the “victim” and one being targeted by his manipulation and vitriol, not him. I think you should block him everywhere and let your family know that you will no longer be around him since they all cater to his toxic behavior and targeting of you.
You can see your parents or other siblings/family when he’s not around. Maybe your family will see this as a wakeup call, maybe they won’t, but they’re 100% in the wrong and you should not keep submitting yourself to that.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ building on the other NTJ comments I would ask if you took your BIL out of the equation would you want to go on the trip?
As comments say you are an adult and this is something that was tradition but you can choose now. If you do want to go on the trip I agree with comments about stomping those eggshells but have a conversation before you go. Tell your parents that you will not be quiet if he targets you for the sake of keeping the peace and knowing his past history you anticipate drama.
Also if he is blatantly targeting you again you expect them to back you up not placate him. I hope it will be a wake-up call to actually deal with it not stick their head in the sand and hope it all goes away.
I’m concerned for your sister, if he is that controlling of you how much is she walking on eggshells too?
Then again maybe she loves the sensitive side of him and is happy to be in that sort of relationship even if it comes with a downside. I will also give the traditional advice that someone needs to make sure he doesn’t isolate her from the family.
This would probably be someone else that he has not targeted who has managed to keep eggs intact so far.” gelfbo
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Mother-In-Law To Force A Mother-Son Dance?
“My fiancé and I are due to get married in September 2026, from the moment we got engaged his mother has insisted that she will be having a choreographed dance with him at our wedding.
His mum is a self-proclaimed “main character” and has even “joked” that she should be allowed to wear white as she is the mother of the groom.
His mum is very kind money-wise to her children and has paid large sums for his siblings’ weddings and would not make a difference here with ours.
However, I don’t want this to be an issue that the day is then planned significantly around her ideas of the perfect wedding and not ours as there have been previous comments about how she doesn’t like the color scheme and how she thinks my engagement ring is tacky (I have a 1.5ct emerald cut Montana sapphire with a diamond-paved setting).
So, I have therefore said thank you for her kindness but that we will be funding the main chunk of the wedding ourselves as we have saved for it.
In relation to the dance, my dad died when I was 5 years old and my grandad who raised me passed away a few years back.
My mum and I have discussed a dance (for both of us, not him and his mother) and both agreed that it would just seem a bit awkward and we wouldn’t really enjoy it so we were going to skip the father/daughter (she would be dancing with me in this case) dance.
I have stated my concerns about a mother/son dance as it would highlight more the fact that there is no traditional father/daughter dance and that I just don’t feel comfortable with it. His mother has blown up saying I will be ruining the day for the whole family by not allowing it and has stated that she will be pulling everyone off the dancefloor for this dance regardless.
I have therefore now told her if that is the case she will be escorted from the venue before the dance begins.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Where is your fiancé in this? Does he want to have the dance? Does he want to skip the dance, but won’t stand up to her?
Or is he 100% with you and setting boundaries as well? “We will be funding the main chunk of the wedding ourselves.” Smart choice. NTJ.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“As it stands, YTJ. It seems to me like a case of it’s “my” wedding not “our” wedding.
You haven’t mentioned his feelings on the situation once so either you haven’t asked him or you simply don’t care as you want it your way. I’m open to changing my opinion if we have his feelings on the matter made clear.” BenRod88
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I wanted a very small wedding – around 20 people – followed by dinner at a nice restaurant. By the time MIL’s list of people who simply HAD to be invited got to 100, I threw in the towel and told my now-husband we could just go to the courthouse and save the wedding money for a nice honeymoon.
We ultimately ended up with a much smaller wedding – 9 if you include the celebrant, the photographer, and the musician. On a beach. In Hawaii. And then the two of us went to dinner at a nice restaurant. It was perfect. You don’t owe anyone a big wedding.
You don’t have to have dancing at your reception. I knew a couple who made their reception more like a carnival because the husband simply refused to dance. It was fabulously fun. NTJ – have the wedding you want.” stabbyhousecat
10. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Sister Over Ignored Texts To Prove A Point?
“It all started the third week of November 2023 when I (33 y.o. M) didn’t respond to my sister’s (40 y.o. we’ll call her Valerie) text where she asked me if I wanted to come over to eat some pizza and hang out with her and my nephew.
I’m known for not being the best texter and it’s one of those things where they will jokingly roll their eyes at me if the topic of my unresponsiveness ever comes up, for added context, as I’m writing this, I have 135 unread text messages.
Back to the story, honestly, I saw the text at a glance and simply forgot to respond.
About a week later, Valerie came over to my mom’s house where the family was hanging out a couple of days post-Thanksgiving. When she arrived I went over and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek to which she abruptly pulled away.
It was clear at this point she was mad at me for not responding to her text which I had only just remembered about at that precise moment and it was even more clear at the end of the night when she said goodbye to everyone except me.
The damage was done, while I know I should have apologized for not responding, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal since I do it so often, and knowing my sister, the apology would have fallen on deaf ears. She was officially punishing me by giving me her infamous silent treatment that our family is all too familiar with.
Fast forward about a month later and my other sister (43 y.o. we’ll call her Monica and yes I’m the baby of the family) tells me that Valerie told her, that it wasn’t until after I didn’t respond to her text and then saw me online on Instagram that she got mad at me claiming that I had time to scroll, but didn’t have time to respond to her text message.
Fast forward again to present day (June 2024) and we’re still not talking. I’ve spoken to my dad, mom, and Monica and they’ve all asked me why I can’t just reach out to her. I explained to them that there have been multiple occasions (as they all know) where Valerie’s gone out of her way to give people the silent treatment and only forgive them when we are practically begging for forgiveness.
My family has always tip-toed around her to spare her feelings and in this moment, I felt like what I needed to do was make my point by not apologizing and letting her think this was okay over something so petty. She lost a leg to stand on when she decided that giving me the silent treatment for so long would prove her point instead of communicating in a healthier manner.
The longer this has gone on, the more my family agrees that she’s in the wrong. Whatever point she was trying to make has been overshadowed by her behavior.
Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder. AITJ for not reaching out to her to prove MY point?”
Another User Comments:
“So you are bothered by her “bad communication”, but you expect everyone else to be okay with your poor communication? You’re a hypocrite. And the fact is, she is obviously communicating loud and clear to you about her upset, and you instantly knew why she was upset – seems like clear communication to me.
Silence is also a form of communication. And what you keep telling everyone else by not making even the minuscule effort of like, sitting down for maybe 20-30 minutes at the end of the day to check your messages, is “I do not care”. That’s what you are communicating every time you let your unreads pile up to the hundreds.
Like I said, silence is a form of communication. You clearly communicated “Answering texts is a hassle. I can’t be bothered to ever get back to you. You do not matter enough to me to answer in a timely manner. I do not care enough about you to make any changes.” She clearly communicated “You not caring has hurt me.
I refuse to engage, just like you refused to engage every other time. This is the consequence of you clearly communicating that you do not care.” I get not having the energy to always check your texts, I don’t either. I will sneakily read them from notifications sometimes so people don’t get the “seen” from me.
I always sit down at the end of the day and go through them tho. Or at the very least, the next day or so if it isn’t urgent, always saying “hey sorry was a bit under the weather, anyway funny TikTok!” YTJ.” corvidfamiliar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I want to echo what Monica said. People reach out casually (like Valerie did) only to people they value and want to have around. People only reply casually to people they value and want to have around. You have 135 instances of people caring about you enough to reach out and try to connect, and you are disregarding them like you disregarded Valerie.
A reply is a sign of respect for the person’s time and intent. If you don’t want to receive messages from people, tell them loud and clear to stop sending you things. Tell them to stop trying to include you in anything, go through all those 135 messages and copy-paste this to all of them: “Thank you for your message, but could you please stop trying to talk to me?
I would like to seize all communication. Thank you for your attention, I will not be replying to anything past this.” Will take a bit of time and effort, but you don’t want to talk to all those people anyway, right? They are not important or valuable to you anyway, or you would have replied already.
Valerie just happens to be a family member and has a really hard time grieving the loss of whatever relationship you had. You are doing well giving her space to process the loss of her sibling (you).” JacketCheese
Another User Comments:
“I wonder if her famous silent treatment is a long-term response to you never caring what she has to say.
You admit you should have apologized in the moment, that this all started because you didn’t care what she had to say, that you didn’t think she was worth responding to, or even to bother remembering anything about pretending to care about seeing her and your nephew.
And that your strategy now is to hold out YOUR pettiness until your family turns against her. How long has this dynamic gone on? YTJ.” IllTemperedOldWoman
9. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Overstaying Guests?
“About 3 months ago a friend of my partner and her partner asked if they could stay at our house for a few weeks as they saved up for a new car.
They offered us $200 a week because they travel the country doing UberEats and that’s much cheaper than staying in a hotel and nicer than sleeping in their car.
Now I want to state even though this is my partner’s friend they were never that close and we don’t really know her partner at all.
She basically just watched her kid as a babysitting job and they kinda got along.
It was fine for a few weeks, they gave us money and they worked every day. 3 weeks was cutting it because technically we aren’t even supposed to have guests that long in our apartment.
The friend has a tumor and has seizures. At week 3 the car they had stopped working right. They couldn’t go out for long every day because it kept overheating and the girl had a couple of seizures. So we let them stay a bit longer.
It’s been 3 months now. They’ve stopped giving us money completely. I am disabled myself and bring in very little income, so my partner is basically supporting four full-grown adults. I’ve been asking my parents to help lately but I can’t ask them forever either.
They got the car kind of fixed about a week ago and my niece was supposed to come visit so I told them they had to be out by Tuesday. Well, today their car apparently pooped out completely. Now they’re asking if they can sleep in their dead car in the apartment parking lot…which they can’t because I don’t wanna risk losing my apartment as they shouldn’t have been here this long anyway.
They used to be gone all day so it wasn’t a huge deal but now the car is just sitting there and management can see it so I’m worried about it messing up our security.
She also had a seizure and went to the hospital yesterday and they are really laying on the guilt.
I’ve been sick a lot since they’ve been here because I’m cooking, cleaning, etc and they have only offered one time in months to help and since they’ve been here I’ve noticed BUGS and I keep telling them to clean up their mess but yesterday when she had the seizure I moved stuff so they could get to her in the room I found bags of trash under their clothes and stuff.
She was just crying saying she doesn’t know where they’ll go and part of me wants to move things around so she can stay because I feel bad but the other part of me wants to put my foot down and say they have to leave no matter what.
But we can’t afford them anymore, I can’t clean up after them anymore and my family can’t come visit while they’re here. Would I be the jerk to put my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Saying a firm NO now will be painful in the short term but very worthwhile.
Think of it like this: they are actually very skilled at getting their needs met by preying on the good nature of others. They’ve completely lucked out with you. Are you sure the health stuff is true? I’d imagine if she’s having so many seizures from a tumor she’d be really very poorly.
Learning to say no is a worthy skill to harness. Without it, you may spend the rest of your life supporting these two. And don’t lose sleep over them. They will likely find someone else to grift off.” dundelady
Another User Comments:
“OP, obviously these people need much more assistance than you can offer.
If they stayed with you another year, chances are that they would make no progress. Tell them they need to push the car to the curb and look up homeless shelters. In my area, homeless shelters can work with people to help get them benefits they may qualify for, help finding work, and help getting into permanent housing.
For example, would the woman’s seizures qualify her for health care or disability payments?” Key_Plastic_3372
Another User Comments:
“If I’m understanding this right, if your landlord/apt manager finds out you will be evicted? Correct? That is all you need to say. Lie if you must. I had a friend stay with me when he was going through a tough time for a while.
I had him leave by telling him if management finds out I will be evicted. That was true. He understood and made other arrangements. Make sure you get them out before they establish a residence there. Receive mail, etc. Them staying there could cause you to lose your home.
That is the only thing you need to say.” superedubb
8. AITJ For Not Informing My Neighbor About My Baby Guest?
“My sister, her husband and two girls (1-year-old and 3-year-old) are visiting me and my partner in our London flat from Thursday night to Saturday night. The flat has two bedrooms and is technically a maisonette with one bedroom above the other. Because the property is old you can hear every footstep in the upstairs bedroom from the below bedroom, and voices etc. We have neighbours that live directly below our lower bedroom.
Given that our lower floor bedroom is a bit larger than the upstairs spare bedroom, my partner and I, who usually share the lower bedroom, gave this to my sister and her family for the few nights. At about 3:30 am the 3-year-old was sick, the 1-year-old was crying, and there was of course commotion and footsteps as my sister and her husband were trying to sort things out for 20 mins or so.
My partner and I had woken up, as we had a few times in the night when the 1-year-old had cried.
At about 4 am, my neighbour started banging on the door. I rushed downstairs, pulling on some shorts inside out, no glasses on, and listened to my neighbour angrily rant at me for 3 minutes.
My neighbour was demanding that the baby couldn’t stay for another night and had to go home today (Friday), that she is working in the morning and has been kept awake for hours, she is a woman and therefore very sensitive to the noise of a baby crying, that she never makes noise in the flat and therefore she is a good neighbour and I’m not, that I should have informed her that a baby would be here in advance and that she had reported me to our shared landlady.
I stood there dazed and apologizing intermittently until about 3 minutes in when her partner came to the door and assumedly ushered her inside. She also said something about being the aggressive one, and more willing to confront me about this than her partner. Her partner is very calm usually and I have had very friendly and apologetic chats in the past with him if I ever was too loud.
To be clear, I’m not typically a very loud neighbour.
I didn’t feel like I had a good defence at the time, that I should have informed the neighbours that there might be a crying baby and that I was the jerk here. But then when I came back inside to my mortified guests and told them not to worry, I started to think it was the neighbour who had overstepped the line here.
I told the neighbour that I’d discuss it in the morning with her. I’m not entirely sure which angle to take when we do discuss. After some reflection, I feel like if she had a baby crying in the night I wouldn’t be the one banging on the door and demanding that the baby leave, so maybe she is the jerk here.
But I do see her point and her frustration. Any advice on how I should approach our discussion would be much appreciated! And AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are entitled to your space. If you’re a respectful neighbor and stay quiet most of the time then they have no room to complain.
Also, it is given that the floor will make noise if it’s older so they can get over that if no one is jumping up and down and banging on the floor. What would your neighbor do if you had a baby of your own?
They can get over it. If the baby is still struggling the next night maybe have them make do with the upstairs space.” mkr2411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can explain to your neighbor that you are sorry the baby woke her up, it will happen again tonight and you might have more baby visitors in the future.
That you understand she has heard you and this is part of living in close proximity to others, it requires a bit of flexibility and respect. You will do your best to minimize her discomfort and next time you will inform her in advance that a baby is coming if you can, but you will be entertaining visitors in your house at your convenience.
Having said that you should also explain that you will not abide by knocking on your door in the middle of the night unless it is an emergency. Do not allow this to happen without discussion and do not allow it to continue. Have a game plan the next time she is unreasonable and/or aggressive and follow through.” Steve12345678911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she actually expect you to inform her every time you get visitors? Why, so she can approve or deny your request to have visitors in your own home???? Does she let you know before she has guests? Does she ask your permission for her guests to visit her in her own home?
No! Then why should you?? You didn’t throw parties, didn’t stomp around deliberately at all hours. You were respectful of those around you, but living in such close quarters, there’s going to be some level of normal life sounds. I once lived in an old house converted to apartments, where the walls were so thin I could hear the neighbours fart at not.
Literally heard their sleeping farts if I woke up in the middle of the night and the place was nice and quiet. Apartment life… Don’t like it, don’t live there, or find a brand new well-insulated apartment. Who TF does your neighbour think she is telling you that “the baby can’t stay!!”??!!?!?” Odd-Phrase5808
7. AITJ For Expressing Concern About My Young Cousin's Rushed Engagement?
“I (24f) have a very big family. I’ve been living in the U.S.
for about a year now to be closer to my mum’s side of the family. Most of my mum’s side are all very religious. A week ago I was at my cousin Mike’s (18m) birthday party. It was going well until the end when Mike was unwrapping gifts.
At the end he pulled out a ring and proposed to his partner Jane (18f) of one year. Everyone was over the moon but the whole time I was just thinking about how Mike and Jane just graduated from high school. I told Mike’s brother John (28m) about my concerns and he said it’s always better to get married young.
I feel like I’m in a Twilight Zone episode because everyone is saying how excited they are and not one person in my family of 70+ people has expressed the same concerns as me.
In the country that I’m from (Ireland), I knew a lot of couples who got married young and they all ended up divorcing.
Jane also has some undiagnosed mental conditions. I’m not sure what but she definitely has something up with her. For example, at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago Jane grabbed a stump and then started running around yelling “I STOLE A STUMP I STOLE A STUMP”.
She is very clingy some days and the next is completely normal. I feel bad saying that because she is a very sweet girl but I’m worried for her because I know my family will probably have high expectations for her that I know she won’t live up to.
I came up to her at a party yesterday and had a heart-to-heart.
I told her that my family is probably going to expect her to have kids and if that’s something she wants while she’s so young. I explained to her about how this decision will affect her and she thanked me.
She said she’s going to rethink whether or not she wants to get married. I was honestly really proud of her for actually telling me how she felt. I got a call this morning from my aunt Clara (50f) who is Jake’s mom, about how I need to stop sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong and how I just destroyed a relationship.
I was confused because Jane and Mike didn’t break up? She and my other relatives have been messaging me telling me that I’m irresponsible for planting ideas into Jane’s head and that I need to mind my own business. I’m wondering if I crossed the line by talking with Jane so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a reason why so many people in Ireland these days don’t get married until they’re in their late 20s/early 30s and it’s probably because we all had to watch the previous generations who got married far too young have to live with the consequences of that.
In the US neither of them will be old enough to have a glass of champagne at their own wedding. Is it possible that your aunt wants to get your cousin tied down early because she thinks he won’t do any better or something? And they didn’t break up, so what’s the problem exactly?
If she’s vulnerable as you say I’d be worried about her getting manipulated into staying in an unhappy situation and if they married it would be much harder to get out. I think you did the right thing.” Craicpot7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You found your family has a branch of religious conservatives that promote early marriages and lots of kids.
I have a branch of that in my family too. In my family the kids aren’t educated, boys are taught a skill, and girls get married and have kids. The skill learned in my branch is carpentry. But there is no formal education whatsoever.
It’s pretty bad. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. I’m sorry. You were very kind and compassionate offering that girl a different perspective. You may have been the first person she’s ever met who did. Hopefully, it planted a seed that will grow.
I can’t offer you much hope for your family. If they’re anything like mine they’re too smug in their “rightness” to pay attention to anything at all that might threaten to dent or mar that belief in themselves. You did what you could.
There’s a good chance you’ll be on the outs with your family – actually reverse that. They hold grudges big time. I hope the rest of your time here (I’m in the US too forgot to say) is good though. And hey – maybe your family will be against the grain-ers- and actually come around.
I hope they do.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“Jane and Mike don’t even wanna get married is the main thing here. Mike only proposed because his mom bought him a ring and told him to propose to Jane. And obviously, OP’s family will have extreme expectations once they are married. They expect them both who just graduated high school a few weeks prior to get married, start popping out babies, and have full-time jobs, and live a fully responsible adult life.
No one in this story except OP cares about what Jane and Mike want. They both called off the engagement because once OP explained what their family means by getting married it’s obvious it’s not what it would mean to Jane and Mike.
Maybe they want to go to college, maybe they want a completely child-free life, who knows. But it’s their choice and the fact that OP’s family can’t see that shows they really only care about their own wants not others.” Simple_Inflation_449
6. AITJ For Using The Word 'Hyperbolic' In A Conversation With My Family?
“I recently found out I am being laid off in mid-July and have started looking for new work. During a random conversation with my family, I said the word ‘hyperbolic’. I write in my free time, so I do know a lot of words and sometimes I do use them in regular conversation.
My mom took a moment to inform me I shouldn’t say words like that because it makes people around me feel stupid and could make finding a job more difficult. I got confused, as for a moment I didn’t even realize what word I said would prompt such a response, I had to be told.
My mom insists it seems like I’m trying to seem smarter than everyone else, but from my perspective, it was just the word I chose. Sure, I could have said ‘I’m exaggerating’, but from my perspective, it was just a pretty benign word choice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Using a diverse vocabulary in conversation is not inherently pretentious or intended to make others feel inferior. It’s natural for people who read and write extensively to incorporate a variety of words into their speech. Your choice of the word “hyperbolic” was appropriate for the context and was not used to belittle anyone.” hotredhead589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and never make yourself less than in any way because some other person might be offended. FWIW, hyperbole/hyperbolic isn’t a pretentious word as I can’t think of another word to describe such rhetoric. Having a rich vocabulary is wonderful.
Of course there are instances in which you have to be careful of how you express yourself – like with children perhaps or if you are providing instructions, you do want them to be lucid so your audience understands them. Having good verbal and written skills is a wonderful asset in the workforce unless you are working with a bunch of poorly educated people and are on the down low.
And by educated doesn’t necessarily mean “formal” schooling as my father was only a high school graduate but read extensively – he took college courses when he retired on Shakespeare and the equivalent and his vocabulary might have “insulted” your mother.” laurazhobson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a coworker get an email from his boss for the same thing. He used the word acquiesce in a security report and got an email saying “stop using words people don’t know”. But how is anyone supposed to know what words someone else knows?
It’s more insulting to purposely dumb down your language IMO. Keep being you and if someone doesn’t know what the word means, they can ask. Especially such a common word like hyperbolic?” Rude_Order_9270
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Sister's New Partner Of Three Days?
“My sister (27 f) wanted me (19 f) to meet her partner and his daughter via FaceTime, I set a hard boundary and said no I’m not ready, to which she instantly got upset.
I understand that she may be upset about it, but I’ve seen every single one of her relationships beginning to end, I have consoled her through every last one and have seen her absolutely devastated and I don’t want to see her go through it again, so I guess not meeting him yet pushes that weight on my shoulder off for a bit.
She has always introduced us to her partners the day they start seeing each other or before they even start seeing each other, and by introducing them to us early on in the relationship, it has led to some conflicts, most notably when my sister’s ex got aggressive once he moved in, which led to my nephew’s dad getting temporary full custody of him (I will not be sharing what happened).
After explaining to her why I don’t want to meet him just yet, it only made her angrier and led her to say extremely hurtful things to me and she canceled our internet because she is mad at me. She is only willing to turn it back on if I pay for the entirety of it, but I can’t pay for the entirety of it.
I work less than 15 hours a week, I have a phone bill to pay, I pay for every streaming service, and I pay half of the internet bill. I make $14.20/hr and I give her what I can to pay for any other bills, whereas she works two jobs, makes a baseline of $90 a day for just one of those jobs, and makes a little under $17/hr for the other job.
I think of her as a mother because our mom didn’t care to raise us and her opinion has always mattered to me more than anyone else’s. I don’t know what to do now that she won’t talk to me, it hurts more than it did when my mom kicked me out when I was 11.
I cannot imagine a life where I don’t have her to go to but she said that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and that I mean nothing to her and have never meant anything to her.
We both live with our grandfather, he owns the house, my sister lives primarily upstairs and I live downstairs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to meet anyone you don’t want to. That she would take such drastic action after you simply didn’t want to FaceTime someone leads me to believe she’s not the most mentally healthy person around, or the most well-adjusted. Stay safe!
(And be petty? Cancel all the streaming services. Save your money and try to get a room somewhere else so she cannot hold you hostage to her whims.)” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry OP, I know you’re deeply hurt by the things your sister said to you.
Her outburst sounds way over the top. Has she ever blown up like that before? I’m worried you’re reliant on someone who might not be very stable. Do you have any good friends there you can turn to if necessary? It might be wise to start saving as much money as you can.
Cut out most of the streaming channels you pay for and keep the bare minimum. Maybe get a 2nd job? Or a full-time job? (I know, easy for me to say) But I’m saying this because if she’s that upset so quickly and that punitive it might be a good idea to try to find your own place.
I know that’s not what you want at all, but it just sounds really uncomfortable there. Sometimes it’s just better when we have our own door to close behind us at the end of the day.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What is your sister really trying to accomplish here?
She does know that one day you will be all she has right? Not to be cruel, but your grandfather won’t be there forever. Your mom isn’t there NOW. And, given your sister’s track record, her partner may not be in it for the long haul.
TBH I hope I’m wrong about that last one, for your sake OP if for no one else’s. Yet, she wants to emotionally manipulate you because you don’t want to play her game? It’s apparent here that she inherited some of your mother’s bad behaviors and it likely could become worse as time goes by.
And honestly, I’d like to know her partner’s opinion in all of this. Is he pitching a fit too? Or is he being an adult about it and honoring your wishes? If it’s the latter then your sister doesn’t deserve him.
But all I can really tell you OP is that just because someone is family doesn’t mean you need them in your life.
If you can do so then I would suggest getting away from her as soon as possible. And if you can’t, try to find a good therapist to help you through it.
In the long run, this kind of treatment will put a strain on your mental health and you don’t deserve that. And don’t feel like you owe your sister anything. Yeah she was like a mother to you when your biological mother wasn’t, but no mother worth her salt would resort to emotional manipulation.
It’s funny on TV, but in reality, it is dangerous and imo pure evil. Whatever you choose, hold your ground. If you give an inch, she’ll take a mile. And she’ll keep going until you have nothing left to give and she’ll just get angry again.
Do NOT give in. You deserve so much better, OP.” Fantastic_Fuzz35
4. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mom Over Her Concerns About My Romantic Life?
“I F(24) come from a very traditional Christian family in South Asia casually seeing people is still looked on as a bit of a taboo and not desirable. I have moved to a European country since last year and I have been on apps. I have been going on a few dates with a guy who is not a Christian but at this point it is nothing serious as it is still very early.
My mom and I have traditionally shared a very close relationship and previously I would talk to her about everything that happens. With me going on a few dates, I did want to gently ease her into it, not about whether this guy might be serious but ease her into the general idea of me going out and that there may be a guy in the future I might meet who might become serious.
However, when I said this, on our last call she said something along the lines of oh I don’t want this to affect your younger sister. When I asked her to clarify what she meant, she said I don’t want people talking about her going around like how her sister goes around.
At this, I became really angry and asked if what people talk about was really important to her to which she said yes because she lives in and is a part of a community and she can’t just leave things because there are certain things she disagrees with.
She said however I know you only go out with people seriously but people might talk differently. I blew up on her and said if she is that embarrassed about me maybe I should distance myself since I am problematic. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If any of this “gets around” amongst your social circle, it’s because your mama blabbed about it.
Your mama is on a different continent. Her community won’t know anything about your life unless you are posting your life on social media or your mama tells people. “Oh, boo hoo, my daughter is ruining her life and going out with MEN!”… etc. Your mama needs to go on an information diet.
She can’t spread rumors and “affect your younger sister” unless you let her. So don’t let her. Your mama told you she “can’t just leave things because there are certain things she disagrees with”. NTJ for wanting to have a nice life and choosing your own partner.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a normal and typical experience as one moves from a traditional community to a different, more progressive community. ‘Mom’s world’ has not changed. What has changed is you. You are becoming something different and lovely and unique.
Give yourself and her more time. Neither of you is wrong. Both of you are now having different lived experiences. Enjoy your journey.” JustAGal_Love
Another User Comments:
“To be honest you both somewhat messed up. Your mom turned it into a bigger problem than it had to be.
She didn’t have to tell anyone that you were going out with people. That’s not necessary at all and she won’t have to do that in the future either unless you decide to let others in your family know. And you decided to blow up over a comment that wasn’t even that bad.
You’ve turned this into a much bigger situation and your mother is implying that she will tell the rest of the family whilst somewhat implying that you are embarrassing (not to mention the fact that she might have meant something else). If I had to pick I’d say that YTJ but you both messed up.
If I had more context over the situation I would’ve probably said something else.” Altruistic_Artist883
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Daughter Might Have A Food Allergy?
“My daughter has had a best friend since kindergarten, they are in 7th grade.
This year Sara has gotten quite thin and her mom has come to me saying she isn’t eating. My daughter backed this up and said that she picks at her food at school. I thought it was an eating disorder at the time and told my friend to take her to the doctor.
My friend needed to leave for a work trip this week and asked me to watch over her. No big deal, she will stay over for the week. The first night I made meatloaf and she ate it. She didn’t get sick. The rest of the week anything I made she would eat no issue.
She even came back for seconds for most meals.
At the end of the week, she asked me why my food didn’t make her sick. Apparently, she only eats TV dinners at home which make her feel like crap. The school food also sometimes makes her sick so she is cautious about it.
My guess is there is an allergen in preservative foods. She needs to get that checked out.
I dropped her off and pulled my friend to the side and told her everything. I told her that she really needs to cook and take her to get her allergy checked out.
She was not happy I said this and basically called me a jerk for overstepping.
AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She isn’t eating because the TV dinners are making her sick. The solution is her not eating those TV dinners. That means mom has to cook.
Mom got defensive because she knows she is being a generally bad parent in this aspect. She can batch cook, crock pot cook, meal kit cook, or find ‘fresh’ premade meals. She can not just let her kid starve or be ill all the time.
Can you send food with your daughter during the week so the kid has dinner that night? Also, the friend came to OP for advice. She literally asked OP for her opinion.” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you fed her daughter which is a standard part of caring for her.
And the poor girl learned that home-cooked meals don’t make her sick. Let’s give mom the absolute benefit of the doubt, sounds like a single mom who maybe doesn’t have a lot of time for cooking. How about you have Sara over once a week or so and teach her some basic cooking?
It’s not great but it’s a step in getting her to put some weight back on which is the biggest priority.” Fianna9
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You found that homemade food does not make her sick and you let her know.
That’s great! “My guess is there is an allergen in preservative foods. She needs to get that checked out.” Here is where I would caution you to slow down. This is a pretty big leap. It’s possible that she is sensitive to sodium, it’s possible that it is psychosomatic, it’s possible that it’s a number of things related to TV dinners, but as someone who is absolutely nuts about consuming only “whole foods”, people do get really crazy once it comes to their food philosophies and it can get a little patronizing.
While her doctor should obviously be involved in anything related to kids’ dietary issues, I would just caution you to not assume an allergy or make medical judgments to a kid’s mother.
“I told her that she really needs to cook and take her to get her allergy checked out.” Again – it’s great that you solved the problem for them, but you should not be telling her that her daughter has an allergy after spending a few days with her unless you are a doctor.
You were wrong when you originally assumed that she had an eating disorder, so maybe stay humble on this assumption, too.” Appropriate_Buyer401
2. AITJ For Not Postponing My Wedding Because Of My Sister-In-Law's Pregnancy?
“My fiancé (M28) and I (F28) are set to be married in December. We got engaged on June 23 and decided on the wedding date a year and a half in advance for everyone’s convenience. We have been together for 10 years and have been saving up for the wedding for 5 years, to be able to afford an extravagant wedding in a palace in India, and we finally made those arrangements.
My husband’s sister has always been the golden child. She always got what she asked for, as opposed to my husband who they treat like a cash cow. Every time his mother needs anything expensive, he’s the first call she makes. I try not to get between them, but she’s never shown any interest in his life.
Coming to the wedding, we sent out save the dates in December 2023, for people to plan their holidays/plans way in advance. My SIL got married 3 years back. It was a nice wedding, but not as fancy as ours. When she knew about the plans, she started finding problems in everything to the point where my husband asked her to stop interfering.
Last week, we got a call from her in all excitement to tell us she was pregnant and is expecting a child in December. Both of us were shocked but happy for her and congratulated her. She then proceeded saying “so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall.
I would need help with the baby.” I was baffled and told her the wedding is still on, and her having a child does not change our wedding plans. She threw a fit when I said that and hung up.
Later that day his mom called and told us to postpone the wedding for 6 months so his sister could attend it and if we don’t then she wouldn’t attend either, and that her daughter’s pregnancy is a bigger event than our “STUPID” marriage.
My husband was upset and chose to not respond but I lost my cool. I told her that if my SIL prioritized her pregnancy over our marriage (which she knew for about a year and a half), we’re not obligated to prioritize her pregnancy over our happiness.
My husband is speechless and we don’t know what to do. WIBTJ for not postponing the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The cynic in me thinks it’s a ploy by your sister-in-law to see how far you’ll jump if she says higher. I hope I am wrong but I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes sideways with the pregnancy if you change your wedding date.
Either way, you don’t need to rearrange your wedding because your sister-in-law can’t make it. And the drama won’t stop there either, your mother-in-law will need to go to where she is so she can be there for your sister-in-law in her time of need. Carry on with your plans and don’t kowtow to their unreasonable requests and demands.
“She then proceeded saying “so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby.” I have no words for that request.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are going to postpone your wedding to help take care of a child you did not give birth to.
I know you don’t want to get in the middle of your husband’s relationship with his family, but you could gently hint that he should limit contact with his mother for his own mental health. Be supportive of whatever he wants to do. There SHOULD be a discussion of how finances will be handled as a married couple.
I would not be comfortable with my husband using money that could be used to build our lives together on a family member who is not having an emergency. Don’t demand that he not give his mother money, but it should be a discussion.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“Hooo boy. The old dream wedding with nightmare implications. I’m petty so I’m all for you standing your ground but be prepared for the following: Your SIL is going to pit your MIL against the marriage of her son and the birth of a grandchild, your MIL is going to have to figure out how to get from India to SF or vice versa in December.
Based on prior beginnings like this prepare yourself for a certain portion of the family not attending. Your fiance currently being speechless is a bad sign for any of the drama subsiding between now and December. You are going to be exhausted if you try and fight this battle alone.
If you guys aren’t on the same page, find a way to get there before your world blows up over this. How you are judged by your peers will depend upon how the two of you handle this.” redd-junkie
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Birthday Tradition With My Stepmother?
“My stepmother’s birthday is the day after mine. Since my father started seeing her (about 10 years ago), I’ve been expected to share almost every celebration we make for my birthday with her. I was fine with it because I was in my early 20s and had other people to celebrate with (namely, my mom and my friends), but it still bothered me that my dad and I couldn’t have our own thing.
I’m married with two kids (8M and 3F), and we have a little tradition. Because I was born in the second half of June, there is usually a Pixar movie playing in theaters. Every year on my birthday, we go to the movies to watch it and then have dinner together.
We’ve been doing this since my son was three (though we watched the movies at home in 2020 and 2021). This year, we’re watching “Inside Out 2”. It will be my daughter’s first time joining us (she just started sitting through movies), so we’re all very excited.
I’d never told my father or stepmother about this tradition.
Last week, while we were visiting them, my kids told them we’d be going to the movies for my birthday, and I ended up explaining everything.
The next day, my father and stepmother called me to tell me they were paying for the whole family (me, kids, husband, and both of them) to go to the movies and have dinner, just like I’d planned.
It was obvious they intended to celebrate my stepmother’s birthday at the same time. They referred to it as “our birthdays” and suggested her favorite place for dinner.
I told them that while I understood it was close to her birthday as well, this is a tradition intended to only celebrate mine, and I prefer to enjoy it with my children and husband.
As such, I prefer to pay for myself and would appreciate it if they didn’t join us.
They’re both very upset. My father called me entitled for refusing to celebrate my stepmother’s birthday as well as mine and said I’m sending a terrible message to my kids by refusing to share.
I feel like I’m too old to be acting like this over my birthday, but I don’t want to share this tradition with her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, they invited themselves to the movie celebration. You didn’t invite them. That was rude of your Father.
Secondly, how awful to have to always share YOUR birthday celebration with ‘the new wife’ — Why can’t you have a celebration of your own? It’s almost as though your father thinks no one will come if the celebration is only for the new wife.
Lastly, your father is the one sending ‘a terrible message’ to your kids — by making sure they know how UNimportant YOUR birthday is to him that he forces you to share it with the new wife. It’s sad that the new wife can’t be the voice of reason and say ‘it’s ok, we can do mine separately.’ But she isn’t, she too is upset about it.
Talk about entitled!! (not you!) I would tell them that this is a family tradition between you, your kids, and your husband and they are welcome to create their own ‘family ‘traditions for the new wife that don’t include your family and that all of you can get together at some later date to celebrate the both of you.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I love how you have chosen to celebrate your birthday with a tradition that includes your children. It’s very sweet and I know they will each remember this tradition when they are grown. Your father and stepmom are way out of line for trying to barge in on your birthday plans.
I would normally suggest explaining to your father that you want to keep your birthday celebration as it is, just you, hubby, and the children. However, this would probably be a waste of time so why bother? I hope they don’t know the theater you will be going to, and the show time – I wouldn’t put it past them to just show up anyway.” Tranqup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to celebrate your birthday in your way. With your family, yes your dad is your family too however you have created your own family and are creating your own memories and traditions. If you are happy for even a smaller-sided joint celebration discuss having something like a takeaway on the weekend of your birthday with your dad, stepmother, and family, this way you get your tradition but also celebrate with everyone.
You do not have to do this, this is just to people please lol. Your dad is a grown-up and can understand. Is there a reason your stepmother has always wanted to share celebrating? Be warned they may show up to the movie regardless if they know when and where it’s happening.” trm2908
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