People Chatter About Their Splendid Passive-Aggressive Revenge Stories
45. Impatient Customers Made The Alarm Go Off
“I was a cashier at a local grocery store while in college. Your typical college job (long hours, work on weekends, bad bosses, etc.) but I absolutely loved the customers. I had my regulars that would shop on Thursdays, I had the lady who always complimented me on my haircuts, so on and so forth.
But of course, you get the bad seeds.
There was this woman and her two daughters, and the mother was sweet as pie. As we are making your usual customer-cashier small talk, here comes her two rude daughters slapping two pairs of pants on the end of the conveyor belt. She asks them questions and they answer in that snarky, teenager, mean girl tone. I absolutely can NOT stand disrespect, especially for one’s parents.
It drives me up a wall.
So these girls were so impatient that they couldn’t wait for me to scan the groceries and they pick up the pants and move them to the front of the line. The sweet, naive mother gave me the nod to scan them ahead of everything remaining. I scanned them, placed them in their own bag, deliberately not removing the security tag on them, and handed it to them.
They take the pants and say ‘mom, we’re gonna be waiting in the car.’ Mind you, I’m not finished so those pants are not technically paid for yet. So they proceed their rude, happy-go-lucky selves to the door and BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! The alarm goes off. They are at the door with pants in a bag with the security tag on and no receipt.
They turn with those helpless faces and look at their mom who’ve they disrespected to come help as the security officer makes his way.
GAME. SET. MATCH.”
44. I Won't Wake My Mom Up For You
“My stepdad was a very mean person. I hated him for a long time. He was extremely mentally and physically abusive towards my siblings, my mother, and me.
One day he got sent to prison and decided to make his one and only allowed phone call to our house. I answered and the operator asked if I wanted to accept the call from him (his name was given by the operator).
I accepted the call and he nicely asked me to wake up my mom to figure out a way to get him out of prison.
I told him, ‘Sure, I’ll let her know. Bye,’ and hung up the phone.
I never said a thing to my mom.”
43. We Kept The Better Customer And Lost The Liar
“I worked at a dollar store when I was a teen. This boy used to come in every other day for different things… I think his mom was disabled because he picked up a lot of groceries. I also think they were poor because he would pay often with bags of pennies and his clothes looked worn. Anyway… this one day T came in and was looking around when I heard a very angry ‘Put it back!’ I leaned over to see who it was… and saw this woman yelling at T about a soft drink he was carrying.
He looked really scared as she laid into him about shoplifting… We all knew T at the store… he had been coming here for over a year… and not once was he suspected of wrongdoing. So I walked over to see what was happening…
The woman quite high on her soapbox explained to me how this little thief was caught red-handed. I looked at her smiled and said ‘I think it would be hard to steal from himself… since I just sold him that Dr. Pepper’… ‘But if you still feel that this corporate giant is being filched of $1.08… then I will be happy to chuck this in… under your name of course’… ‘I’m sure when they have time you will be receiving a very grand ‘Thank You’… from headquarters’… ‘Now, shall we go to the register?’
She looked stunned… mumbled something and left her cart. Never saw her again… but T kept coming till he graduated… I think we kept the better customer.”
42. Don't Compete With My Wife Cause You'll Lose
“My wife and I were invited to a party at our friend’s place. The host’s brother-in-law was visiting and let’s say his manners were missing that evening.
He behaved like a total pest – he hit on my wife and made crude remarks to the extent that his sister, the hostess, had to apologize to us – while he grinned that he was just ‘joking’.
Leaving the party would have been very insulting to our friend, the host – so my wife and I decided to play along. My wife refilled his beverage extra strong and then urged him to a bottoms-up (finish the drink in one gulp) while I refilled her drink without any booze.
His ego would not let him stop competing with my wife drink for drink and within a couple of drinks he was in the bathroom puking his guts out and no longer a nuisance at the party.”
41. So You Don't Want To Talk About Jesus?
“For several months I was awakened a couple of times a week at 2 or 3 in the morning by my ringing telephone. It was always the same male voice who called me by name and, before I was fully awake enough to recognize what was happening and hang up, described through heavy breathing the gross things he wanted to do to me.
I never responded, thinking that any reaction might encourage him, but the calls kept coming. I was very concerned since he knew my name and had my unlisted phone number that he probably also had my address so I did not want to antagonize him… but I wanted the calls to stop.
One day I confided what had been happening to a co-worker and she suggested a great solution.
The next time he phoned, I said, ‘Oh, I’m so glad you called me.’
He was obviously surprised and said, ‘You are?’
‘Yes,’ I replied. ‘Let’s talk about Jesus.’
There were a few seconds of silence, then HE hung up the phone. I never heard from him again.”
40. We Don't Want To Live In Your Nasty Apartment
“Two years ago, my husband got a job offer from a company. He was working for a banking client at that time. The new job was for an insurance client and the job location was in a different state.
We had our lease signed till Dec 2014 in the apartment where we were living but we had to move by Sep 2014 to the new location.
So, we had to pay a total of 4 months’ rent (around 4000$ – 2 month notice period + 2-month lease breakage charges) in order to move early.
To our surprise, the manager of the apartment informed us that, if we transfer our lease to their community apartment in another state we just have to pay 500$ transfer fee. This offer was valid under the condition that we should have booked the apartment in the new state before moving.
I was skeptical about booking an apartment online but we didn’t have any other option as we were running out of time. Also, we had no problem with the apartment where we were living at that time. As the new apartment also belongs to the same community, we decided to go ahead.
After reaching the new place, my husband and I went to see the apartment to check whether it would be ready by the day of our move-in.
We were told by the staff that they will only show the model apartment. The model unit was so good. We went back to the hotel with huge relief.
We got the keys on the day of our move-in and went to check the unit. When I opened the door, I sensed a strong smell of insecticide or pesticide. I couldn’t bear the stench.
I took a few steps forward and noticed something under my feet. It was a big cockroach. I have never seen cockroaches that big in my life.
Not only was the place infested with cockroaches but also with fleas and ticks. The patio was not cleaned and had bubble gums on the wall. It was a very old unit and all the equipment was outdated. When I booked the apartment, I was told by the staff that the unit had a washer and dryer but it didn’t.
It was nothing like the model unit. I went to the leasing office immediately and told the staff about my concerns. To that, she replied nonchalantly that the pest treatment will be done every Tuesday and the cleaning was done already so she can’t do anything about it. Also, she was the one who confirmed washer and dryer availability by mistake.
I consoled myself saying that this problem is temporary and it will go away after the pest treatment but it didn’t.
All it did was affect my olfaction and cause breathing trouble. We were told by the pest treatment personnel that multiple rounds of treatment must be done as the infestation was severe. We knew that we cannot stay here for one year of our lease and decided to break the lease and asked our moving company to hold our things for another month.
I confronted the leasing staff saying that the unit which we were offered was in no way similar to the model unit and also told her that we are planning to move to some other apartment.
Without explaining the issues, she demanded lease breakage charges. That annoyed me.
The next day I took my laptop along with all the study materials to the leasing office and sat in the waiting lounge. On seeing this, the staff approached me and asked what I was doing. I told her politely that I couldn’t sit in my place with all the stench so I will use the office space to prepare for my grad exam and also offered to keep the future residents occupied. Of course, that worked.
She was taken aback by my reply and went running to the manager’s office. She came back after 15 minutes and asked me to meet the manager. They told us that we could move to another apartment within the same community without lease breakage and transfer charge. We moved from there after 2 weeks to a very nice apartment.
Well, sometimes silence is not the best reaction.
You have to do what you have to do in order to make something work.”
39. I Bet Everyone Knows I'm Going To Columbia
“There was this one girl in my high school class.
She was Miss Popular, but not someone friendly and nice, more like the mean kind of popular from the movies. She was really nasty, downright cruel for fun, loved to brag about how great and pretty she was, and sucked up to every teacher like it was her life’s goal. She manipulated everyone she could for any little reason and bragged about how much fun it was to manipulate people and get others to do her bidding.
We’re from an Ontario high school, so there were very few of us actively trying to get into top US colleges. Both of us were among them. For several years, all she could talk about was Columbia University. How perfect of a fit she was for Columbia, how much she couldn’t wait to go, how sure she was she would be accepted. She was talking to all these admissions people to secure her acceptance.
She was in the ‘know.’ Columbia was her dream, but, ‘you never know,’ she claimed, ‘I’m going to have a hard time deciding between Columbia and Harvard.’
App season comes around. She’s decided she’s too good for Columbia ED and applies to Princeton SCEA. She wants to keep her options open.
She’s deferred, unsurprisingly. I, too, was deferred from my EA school.
In the RD round, I was accepted to Columbia, two other Ivies, and a bunch of comparable universities, most on more than 50% ride (scholarships + aid). The only US college she was accepted to was NYU, with a $1K entrance scholarship.
The little brat was down for a while, but man. She could not shut up about that $1K scholarship. She was totally smug about it, too, and would mention it every time we ran into each other.
I assume she thought I didn’t get into anywhere good, either.
Decision day rolls around and I come into school wearing my Columbia tee shirt.
The look on her face was amazing.
I wore some sort of Columbia gear (whether that tee-shirt, my Columbia hat or my Columbia sweater) every single d**n day the rest of the school year.”
38. A Man's Trustworthiness Is Measured By His Faithfulness To His Wife
“We are a stock trading firm, and we were having big problems with our most important software platform. So they sent out a guy to reassure us of their commitment to us.
Let’s call him Vinny. (Yes, they are this stereotypical.) Vinny is from Long Island. Slicked-back hair. Big league accent. Garish cufflinks.
Really into protein powder and gym time.
The meeting is unsuccessful, so he takes us out for drinks as a final push. As if it were scripted, it’s the best-known cougar bar in the area. Dark hardwoods are everywhere. The scotch list was good, at least.
He tells us to order whatever we want and brags about taking people to boxes at Yankee Stadium and such as that.
Half a dozen of us or so are sitting at the table. We’re having an OK time.
Then the most reassuring event of the day occurs. His wife and kids call to say goodnight. He’s playful and kind. Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
But it only lasts thirty seconds.
Immediately after the call ends, Vinny slams down the phone, turns to our waitress, and asks her to sleep with him.
Uggh.
She stumbles through a rejection, suspended by surprise.
‘Tonight is my 21st birthday so I’m going out.’
‘Sounds great. We’ll celebrate with a bottle of champagne in my room.’
‘Uhh, actually, my mom is the one taking me out, it’s a great time for us to be together.’
‘There’s room at my hotel for three.’
At this point, I’m practically pinching myself, in utter disbelief that this could possibly be real.
This guy just told his wife and kids he loves them, then asks somebody else’s wife and her kid to sleep with him. In front of dissatisfied clients.
This was as real as it gets.
As the weight of what I was witnessing set in, my mind became more alive than it has ever been since.
I hatched a plot.
At that moment Vinny and I became good buddies.
We joked, told stories, and most of all we drank. A lot.
Then we started taking shots. Well, really, once he had the idea Vinny took a bunch of shots on his own to impress us.
That’s when I ordered more scotch. The most expensive glass on the menu was $450. I ordered doubles. For the entire table.
And then I ordered another round.
By the time the check came, Vinny was blackout wasted. It was $12,000.
‘Whatever we want,’ he had insisted, looking earnestly into my eyes.
‘Yo John, I’m so trashed man, can you do the tip for me? Make it real nice, this was fun, right?’
‘Sure. Nothing would make me happier.’
With hidden glee I did, indeed, ‘make it real nice.’ $12,000 tab, $6,000 tip. 50%. Vinny signed with a smile on his face.
On the way out I gave the waitress my sincerest apology and told her happy birthday.
The next week we get a call from Vinny’s boss.
‘Mr. Roberson, I hate to bother you, but I noticed that only a handful of people managed to spend $18,000 on drinks. Could you confirm that this is correct? I just want to make sure Vinny wasn’t taking advantage.’
So I tell him the entire story.
‘… and if he can’t be trusted to be faithful to his wife for 30 seconds, how can we trust any promise that he makes?
We’re happy to reimburse you for that evening if you like. Or you can fix your software within four weeks, as promised — as well as a list of upgrades I’m sending you — and we’ll be your customers moving forward. Which do you prefer?’
They’ve not missed a deadline since.”
37. We Had A Yummy Buffet Of Pancakes
“Back in 1998, I was in the Hungarian army, and we were drafted. Conscription was abolished some 3-4 years later but we still got the opportunity to serve our nation, mostly with menial tasks like washing up and digging ditches. I served in a signals regiment that was already almost disbanded: it only had two battalions.
For some reason they were numbered 1 and 3, there was never a 2. Battalion 1 was a full one with three complete companies and a support squadron, but ours was only about 30-40 men, divided into two companies. This barely made them a squad, but they were called companies for some reason.
For some reason, Battalion 3 was always forgotten when it came to good things, including food. There was never enough for us.
Battalion 1 usually went to the mess first, devoured everything, and left us only the scrubs, maybe some canned fish. It was ridiculous but we had to buy our own food or starve.
One day I was on company duty. It means that for 24 hours I was in charge to keep the company’s everyday schedule running, from waking up the soldiers in the morning to taking them for meals, reporting whenever the officer on duty wanted a report, and call whoever had to be called in case of an emergency.
Also, I was to tell the guys if a war broke out that day. (It never did.) It was the weekend, and for some reason, most of the battalion was out. There were only 2-3 men left from each company, so there wasn’t really much to manage.
Since I was an old fox I took steps to prevent Battalion 1 from snatching our food again. First I called the kitchen and asked what is on the menu because if it’s something nasty we don’t have to worry.
Pancakes, they said. W*F pancakes?? Are you kidding?! No, he didn’t, it was freaking pancakes, really. OMG we got to get some! I told the guys that we’ll go to lunch a bit earlier today so we’ll arrive before Battalion 1. Of course, they agreed. We got into formation, 5-6 guys and me, the lance corporal, and marched off to the mess, in tight formation, as per the stupid regulations.
We looked silly in a battalion formation, but at least nobody saw it.
As it happened I was not the only old fox in the forest. As we approached the quarters of Battalion 1, which was halfway to the mess, they were also pouring outside and getting into formation. There were some 300 of them. They finished it exactly as we passed by them, and their corporal gave the order to march.
So we marched head to head for a while, the big battalion and the tiny one. But we both knew that whoever reaches the mess first will take all the pancakes. It’s on.
A formation can only march at a certain speed without falling apart. The larger the formation the more difficult it gets to keep it in line. Incredible it may sound for anyone who has never been a soldier, but goose-stepping has to be practiced and it takes some time.
Keeping the pace with a whole company needs concentration. Yes, it may sound odd that we had to march to eat as if we were on a parade, but that was the rule. And we had a good reason to keep it. A few hundred meters away, right before the mess, there was the room of the officer on duty. And the major who was on duty that day was a particularly strict guy who mistook our army for the Prussian Royal Guard sometime in the late 19th century.
And I already saw him standing outside.
I sped up, and so did my little battalion. We broke step. How come? It was because Battalion 1 was hiding us from the major’s sight. He couldn’t see us and we could pull up with Battalion 1.
Seeing this their corporal also sped up. Battalion 1 followed him, but their steps were not as nice as before. Still, they were in formation.
The other corporal looked at me smiling. ‘Forget the pancakes’ was the message in his eyes. I looked at him and we stared at each other as we marched. I had a good reason for this. If he stared at me he couldn’t see what’s coming ahead.
‘Battalion 3, on the double,’ I said calmly into his face. My guys heard me and we switched to a faster pace.
Battalion 1 switched too. Their steps now sounded like rain. The major looked towards us already. The other corporal still stared at me. Tension grew. The soldiers stared at each other. Pancakes, man! It’s about the b****y pancakes!
I let Battalion 1 bypass us a bit, and then: ‘Battalion 3, run for it!’ I still needn’t say it loudly as I only had six men. We run!
Battalion 1 saw us running and immediately broke formation to race us. They lost all discipline and rushed towards the mess as an uncontrolled mob. Some even yelled ‘Hoorah!’ as if they were storming the enemy.
And suddenly I said: ‘Battalion 3, halt, and into formation!’ In a split second Battalion 3 was a tight and neat little formation again. But Battalion 1 has already lost all control and poured down the road in a very, very unmilitary way…
… until they were stopped by the loudest and angriest yelling I’ve ever heard in the army, and I seriously don’t understand how the major did not explode shouting this badly. ‘Battalion 1 HAAALT! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING! WHO IS IN CHARGE?! YOU’LL ALL GO TO JAIL RIGHT AWAY! WHAT ARE YOU, THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION STORMING THE TZAR’S PALACE?!’
Battalion 1 got no pancakes, but the longest speech of discipline they’ve ever heard and a week of particularly menial jobs throughout the base, without their weekend leave.
As we passed them, the major took time to point at us marching in a perfect formation with me stiffly saluting him, and lecture them about how we can keep a nice formation, as expected from soldiers, unlike the untrained, lowlife mob they are, the shame of our military, apes from the b****y jungle, etc.
Half an hour later we were marching back, our bellies full of pancakes, and a few trays in our hands as well.
We took all of them, even if we could never eat that many. They were still standing in attention in front of the major’s room. I think their stares towards us violated the Geneva Convention.”
36. Pay With A Large Bill? Okay, Here's Your Change
“I used to be a cashier at a supermarket where I lived. In that particular area, people had a habit of buying meaningless stuff (like a pack of gum) and paying with large bills (over €50).
They did this because, for some reason, going to the bank was beneath them (someone said this to a colleague). This usually happened at the beginning of the month. Sometimes I would ask them if they didn’t have a smaller amount and they would nod ‘no’ while I could hear the change in their pockets
They also used to think that we had an unlimited supply of coins.
Usually, we would receive them every Thursday so when we were short, we would ask customers for spare change to make it easier (if the total was 11,80 and the person paid €20 we would ask for 1,80 and then the change would only be €10.
That day, my supervisor had told me that we were running very low and it was almost closing time. Two guys bought a small item and paid with a 100€ bill.
I asked them if they had a smaller amount. They said no. I explained that I would have to give their change in small coins. They insisted.
When I started counting the money they realized they would leave with handfuls of small change and said that they could pay with a smaller amount. Unfortunately for them, company policy prevented me from accepting payment after the till was open (to prevent scams).
The look on their faces when I deposited the mountain of change on their hands was priceless.”
35. Mom Hit A Person In A Moving Bus
“We were traveling in a bus. Buses in Kolkata, India are quite crowded (Just like other metro cities), but I felt that day the bus was more crowded than other days. We took the bus from the bus stop.
We had a long distance to travel. There are some buses in Kolkata where there are separate seats for women and men. Also, there are some buses where seats are not separate. We were on a bus like the latter one. Seats were arranged in 2 by 2.
I and my mom sat together. There were two guys behind me. Bus started. Maybe 30 min have been passed. My mom was feeling uneasy about her seat there.
I asked her if she was having any problem, she said, no, nothing. Everything was okay. Another 15 minutes. After it, my mom took a look at her back to see who is sitting there. And then just after five minutes, my mom turned and BOOM! A heavy punch on the face of the guy sitting behind us. I was literally scared and stunned. Because I had never seen my mom behave in that way.
She is so calm, quiet, introverted, loves only her work, never speaks loudly. And that lady, my MOM hit a person in a moving bus.
Later when everyone asked what happened my mom said that guy was putting his leg through the narrow gap of the seat to touch my mom’s back.
Not only that, he was moving his legs, to disturb her. The conductor asked him to get off and he did silently.
People were taking photos.
My mom raised her voice against a creep or a mean man, whatever you say.
I AM PROUD OF HER.”
34. I Waited 10 Years To Give My Answer
“12 years ago new neighbors moved in. They were young and arrogant with an air of superiority. We were middle-aged, kind, helpful, respectful towards all people.
They started to slowly but surely adopt this really bad attitude against us. Unfortunately, we share a drive between our semi-detached houses.
When they wanted something from us it was hitting the door to move the car, which as it happened was not even in their way. Fix the fence immediately when their grass was up to the knees and no one was even using the garden. They would knock and complain about our friends’ parking on the drive even though they could get a bus out of their side if they wanted to.
There were letters through our door, and threats of solicitors, etc. – all to no avail as we knew our rights and did nothing wrong.
When we wanted something from them. i.e. their drainpipe was leaking for a month on my side of the drive outside my kitchen. Drains blocked with dirty sewage running across the path for 2/3 weeks before they were deemed to get a plumber in.
Polite requests went unheeded. They just ignored us. You get the picture – one rule for them and another for us.
One day about 10 years ago, I was extremely angry at their attitude for no reason but to be awkward and I said to my husband I am going over. I was at the time in a temper but I did calm myself down because I knew in temper you get nowhere in life.
The husband came to the door, and I saw the wife on the hall stairway in the background – we do not even make eye contact now. And that does not happen to me because I have never had occasion for it to happen.
I said to him. ‘Look I am just going to say this once and once only. I do not know why you have come with such an attitude when we are really nice neighbors and cannot understand what you have against us.
But let me tell you something – one day in the future this will go against you big time. There will come a time when you want something from us. You will go on holiday and your house will be vulnerable to burglars and such. Neighbors should join together in their best interests. You will want a parcel taken in when you are out. You will want something to do with our joint ownership of the drive.
Mark my words, something will come up and you will be sorry.’
Fast forward a few months ago, the neighbor started saying good morning and being a bit civil. I said to my husband, I am suspicious – they want something from us. Two weeks later he came to my door – asked how my family was. Smiled. And here I stood waiting for the punch line.
It came.
Turned out they wanted to build an extension and swap the rights of the shared drive so we each owned our own half. This meant if either of us wanted to build a slightly larger extension taking in the half driveway we could. He tried to persuade us that it was beneficial to both properties, and he would be paying for all the legal fees, etc. My husband wanted to think about it but I immediately said no. I said:
‘You know it may well be of benefit to us, but in different circumstances, we would consider it, but I do not know if you remember the conversation I had with you about 10 years ago when I said one day because of your obtuse attitude for absolutely no good reason on earth you will be sorry. And now I am pleased to inform you that day has come!’
With that, I closed the door. Turned about-face. Nodded slightly and thought – justice has at last been served.”
33. She Got Lost After The Last Warning
“I live on a slight hill. Not enough to cause problems but enough that rainwater will roll from my yard into my neighbor’s yard.
In what was the wettest year on record, there was enough rain that our basement got slightly wet and so did our neighbor’s. We then got a letter saying we were being cited by the county for expelling all our rainwater onto her property.
We got the county inspector to come on, examine the downspouts and confirm that they were correctly configured and could not be causing her basement problems.
She then started to threaten to sue us for property damage. We took legal advice and the lawyer basically laughed at her claim. She then started sending threatening emails to my wife, which she ignored. Finally, she made a huge mistake and sent a similar email to me.
The mistake was that she used her company email and, about 10 years before, I had worked at the same company so knew that they had very strict rules on email use as it was regulated by the SEC.
At this point, I sent her an email explaining that she had no grounds to be making the threats and, more importantly, that making such threats on her company email was grounds for termination.
I included a copy of the email policy for her to review with the pertinent section highlighted. I explained that this was her last warning; we receive any kind of threat by any medium and EVERY email that she had ever sent to us would be forwarded to her HR department and to the SEC itself. Basically, she would have lost her job and would probably have never worked again.
Strangely, we never heard from her again.”
32. Have Fun Looking For Your Keys
“One time, when I was working as a cashier in a natural foods market, I encountered an extraordinarily rude customer. She kept demanding I work faster and condescendingly spoke to me.
I could have retaliated in the usual way—press my thumbnail into a piece of fruit, crush the eggs—but then I saw something far more satisfying: her car keys hiding at the bottom of the cart.
Normally, I would have just reached down and retrieved them, since they clearly fell there by accident. Instead, I simply placed her bags on top, concealing the keys, and sent her on her way.
Moments later, I had the pleasure of watching that bitter woman frantically retrace her steps, up and down the aisles, until another employee finally discovered her keys and rescued her from her misery.
It was one of the most gratifying, passive-aggressive acts of revenge I’ve ever executed in my life. And the best part is, that ungrateful woman will never know I was the mastermind behind the whole thing.”
31. The Answer He Got Was Hurtful But True
“I worked for a boss who was a complete jerk. This was in an ad agency in the 1990s, a very ego-driven place, testosterone almost running down the walls.
This guy really enjoyed being a bully, and after one encounter I asked him why he was such a mean jerk. ‘I get better results that way,’ he replied, rather smugly I thought. But he was astonishingly successful and got great work out of us all because we were all b****y terrified of him.
Anyway, eventually he angered the other directors and when he resigned after some demand was rejected, off he flounced. He set himself up as a director of TV commercials.
Directing commercials is lucrative and many ex-creative directors move into that role when their career as CD’s ends. They usually rely on their contacts and goodwill for their first directing commissions.
About six months later he storms into the Creative department, really ranting. A group of us gathered to watch the drama. ‘Why haven’t you idiots given me any TV ads to direct? After all I did for you!
Do you hate me that much?’
‘Yep,’ a voice at the back said.”
30. Stay In There If You Want The Parking Spot
“At the company I work, we pay roughly $60–70 per month per parking. Multiply this by around 30, and you have a tidy sum pumped into an office park account.
I had to use the company pickup to collect some computer equipment we purchased.
The last few times I used the vehicle, a medium-sized BMW SUV kept on preventing me from using the parking in front of our office.
This SUV belonged to someone out of the company and I have seen it before in the same spot.
I had enough. Since the office park management wasn’t doing anything about it, I decided to take action.
Parking a few centimeters away from the back-end of the SUV, I blocked the car in. The parking next to the BMW was open, and there was a little room to get out if the driver took around ten or fifteen turns and adjustments.
Thirty minutes later our receptionist calls me and asked if I parked anyone in. I say yes. She told me that the lady who owns said BMW was in a rush to leave and needed to go urgently. I waited a few minutes, sorting out what issue I had to at work, and then got the pickup’s key. By the time I was at the parking lot, the bay was open and the SUV was nowhere to be seen.
The parking bay was never filled by the same lady again.”
29. You Haven't Smelled Poop Before?
“I’m lactose intolerant, but this doesn’t stop me from eating things. Usually, it takes very little to stop me from eating dairy.
One morning I got up to do my grocery shopping, and, not feeling well (I’m lactose intolerant, I ate something with dairy), I walked to Target because their public bathrooms are usually pristine at this hour.
But when I got there, to the bathroom I mean, I was baffled by what was going on. There was a group of women trying on swimsuits they had already purchased and getting ready for the beach, in a Target bathroom of all places. I mean they’re in there washing and primping and preening in this public bathroom. And they were in the largest stall, all three of them, so when I meandered in with my partially full cart, I was unsure of how I’d be able to watch my groceries as I used the bathroom.
After waiting for another woman to leave a reasonably sized stall, I went in, nervous. But…
‘Oh my god, is someone taking a dump? Why here? Why now?!’
‘Oh my god, it smells so bad!’
‘I wasn’t aware that it was supposed to smell like roses,’ I say.”
28. Park According To The Size Of Your Car
“I have trained my children to get out of the car so I can park. Please allow me to explain, my children are all over the age of 10, I live in the U.S. I drive a small car, and I have 5 years of experience driving large vehicles into small spaces (think a 30 foot long Hummer limo into a shipping container with 2 inches down each side).
Many parking lots in the US use parking lots where all of the cars are parked perpendicular to the lane of travel, and for some reason, we citizens have an affinity for LARGE trucks and SUVs. We are also very self-centered and obsessed with our cars. My children have not dinged a car since they were 5 years old because I understand the love affair that people have with their cars, and many people don’t pay attention when they get out of their cars and will chip the paint on the car next to them or even leave a small dent.
I understand taking up two parking places because you have a nice car, and you don’t want to take a chance that someone will damage it through their carelessness. I have several members of my family who will routinely take up two spaces at the far end of a parking lot and walk. If you do this I will respect your decision and leave you alone.
But if you park within about the first five rows, I will stop my car near the half-space that you left and three doors will open without my saying a word, three children will get out and walk behind your vehicle, and I will leave about two inches between my passenger’s side mirror and the side of your car. I will not touch your car, I will not hang over the line with my own vehicle, but I can promise… you WILL be climbing in from the passenger’s side to be able to drive away.
And to defend me in advance, if your vehicle is too big for you to fit it into a parking place, either park farther away, get a smaller vehicle, or learn to park. If I can pull a full-size truck into a parking place, so can you…”
27. Cut In Line? You'll Find Your Bags On The Ground
“My wife and I both have a pet peeve of people cutting into lines, particularly if it’s done without asking.
In our home country of India, this phenomenon is unfortunately particularly prevalent at airports.
Standing in the security queue is a tedious exercise in itself and it is extremely annoying to watch people skip ahead and put their bags in for a screening and then stroll through the security check without as much as glance at those patiently waiting in line. Expressing your objections can often lead to pointless confrontations which I don’t particularly enjoy.
I finally found a good way to address this by waiting for these truants to drop their bags on the belt and move through the security check. While they are getting their pat-down, I glide ahead and silently remove their bags from the belt and place it on the ground out of view. I also exchanged a knowing wink with the staff to assuage any security concerns they may have.
It was quite gratifying to watch them wait impatiently for their bags to appear on the other side while it moves smoothly for all the other passengers who had observed the proper decorum. So far, fortunately, I’ve always been well out of sight by the time (I assume) they’d worked out what happened.”
26. Petty Customer Gets The Same Jar
“It was the day before Thanksgiving at our grocery warehouse and we were insanely busy. I was boxing groceries as fast as I could and trying to keep up with my cashier.
Most people were in a decent mood despite the crowds and long lines, but then an older woman pulled up in an electric cart. She was loud, angry about her wait, and wanted everyone around her to know she was upset.
I was packing a large jar of sauerkraut into her cart when she noticed a black spot inside the jar. She demanded a new one immediately.
Now, keep in mind that a lot of our jarred sauerkraut was discolored like that and I had been told that it was completely normal and fine to eat. I nicely explained to the lady that I would gladly get her a new jar, but they almost all had spots like that. She came unglued and yelled that someone like me may be used to eating ‘stuff like that,’ but that she was clearly used to a higher standard and to ‘fetch’ her a new one RIGHT NOW.
I was flustered, red in the face, and pretty ticked off. But I smiled sweetly, picked up the jar, and walked back towards the food aisles. As soon as I was out of sight, I gave the jar a good shake so that the offending spot was no longer visible. I then carried it back and placed it with her other groceries.
She actually had the nerve to turn to the cashier and say, ‘Well, at least she’s speedy!’ I sure am, lady.
Enjoy.”
25. Abusive Husband Had Allergies
“My husband was very abusive to me, in all ways. He would verbally insult me, physically attack me, you name it. One day he had ‘ordered’ me to do his laundry. I had to be very careful about the kind of detergent I used, as most brands would make him break out in awful hives.
I took his hamper and our All Free and Clear detergent down to the laundromat. Remembering his allergies, I bought a few of the little box soaps from the dispenser. I made sure I carefully covered his clothes in box after box of this stuff and washed and folded his clean clothes. It didn’t take long. The next day, at work, he was itching like crazy.
When he confronted me, I said simply: ‘I don’t understand it. I used the same stuff I always do!’ He never found out exactly what happened. It was worth it, just to see those nasty red bumps, and the look of agonized bewilderment on his face.”
24. Selfish Driver Gets Slowed Down
“Many years ago, I went to a nearby post office to buy stamps.
The parking lot was long and narrow — one row of cars, one lane sufficient for cars to drive past each other but no room for anything else. As I drove in, another car in front of me (a fancy sports car) parked across at least two spaces in such a way that there were empty spaces to his right and left. He leaped out and marched into the post office and I noticed another car behind me, so, with an evil grin to myself, I parked in the space next to the front of the sports car and the other vehicle parked in the space behind, effectively boxing it in.
The other driver and I smiled conspiratorially and meandered slowly into the post office and stood in line.
When we came out the driver of the sports car was standing there, fuming. So we took our time getting into our respective vehicles and slowly driving off. Not a word was spoken, but if looks could kill, we’d have been dead. It was the sports car driver’s own fault for being so selfish and arrogant.
There were enough spaces for us all to park normally but he chose not to and got his just deserts. Karma in action!”
23. Mess Up My Photos? I'll Mess Up Your Viewing Experience
“I went to a rock concert for the European metal band ‘Epica’, and the venue was pretty small. The opening acts were great, and there was some downtime between sets while they set up the stage for Epica. Like most concerts, it was free-standing, and since a lot of people were heading back to check out merchandise or grab a beer, I took the chance to move up a bit in the crowd to get closer to the stage- after all, Epica was one of my favorite bands and with the venue being small, I wanted to be as close as possible to get good pictures on my phone.
I’d been slowly moving up all night without a problem, much like I would at an American concert.
One woman didn’t like me moving in front of her. Now in Luxembourg, you come across 3 languages: French, German, and Luxembourgish. I had studied French but I don’t speak German very well or Luxembourgish at all. This woman was speaking one of the latter two languages.
All I could translate was ‘before me’ said in a very nasty tone.
So I ignored her and got out my phone for pictures when the band came out.
That’s when she started elbowing me and jabbing her knee into the back of mine, knocking me off balance. Every time I pressed my finger for a picture, she would bump into me so it blurred.
At first, I thought maybe it was an accident. It was pretty crowded, and she was standing close behind me. So I looked over my shoulder to indicate she was hitting me, hoping she would readjust and stop.
Instead, she said something in either German or Luxembourgish and just knocked me harder. She started yelling at me but 1) I didn’t speak her language and 2) we were right underneath the speakers so even if I did, I couldn’t hear her with the music playing.
For a moment, I thought about pushing her back, but I didn’t want to start a fight and risk getting kicked out of the venue (or worse since I was only there on a student visa). Instead, I noticed the guy standing next to me appeared to be by himself. So when the next song ended I tapped him on the shoulder and asked (praying he spoke English) if he wouldn’t mind trading places with me.
He more than happily obliged, and after we switched he made sure that I could see the stage alright from my new spot.
The woman went from having a slender, 5′4″ girl in front of her, to having a 6′2+, broad, stocky man with long, voluminous, curly hair blocking her view. She couldn’t see anything around him. She gave me the dirtiest look, but with this tough, beefy metal guy between us, she couldn’t do anything.
And because of how tightly packed the crowd had become, she had no way to move to see around this guy.
In other words, she screwed up my photos, and I screwed over her entire concert viewing experience. And I got an even better spot in the crowd to see the band.”
22. Metaphysics Is Not A Branch Of Science
“My aunt, her daughter (16y/o), my cousin (26y/o), and I were at said aunt’s place just chit-chatting, waiting for the rest of the family to arrive for some get-together.
Me being my usual self was sitting quietly while they were chatting. At this point, my aunt turns to me:
Aunt: ‘Why don’t you ever talk to anyone? You’re always sitting quietly.’
Me: ‘People always gossip around, talk about mundane stuff that I’m not interested in, so I never have anything to add.’
Aunt: ‘So what does interest you enough for you to talk?’
Me: ‘Science, movies, tv shows, philosophy, metaphysics (I was really getting into philosophy at the time), books… random stuff you know.’
(My cousin, is one of those people, who can top anyone’s story with his own. One of the guys whom the sun revolves around. He has to always be better than everyone else in the room.)
Cousin: ‘I’ve studied and done a few online courses on metaphysics you know.
Love that stuff.’
I knew he was full of trash.
Me: ‘Oh really? That’s cool. I’ve been struggling with understanding something though. What does ‘Meta’ mean in Metaphysics?’
You could hear crickets….
Cousin: ‘Well, that’s…you know it’s like a different branch of physics.’
Me: ‘Yeah, that’s what I thought it was.’
My aunt and her daughter burst out laughing in his face.
He went red. Got up and left the room.”
21. I Just Want To Make Sure That The Fruits Are Clean
“In India, where I come from, every year there is a festival of ‘Ganesha’ celebrated by the Hindus (one of our many personifications of God).
Many of us bring a clay idol of the Lord in our home for five days. We visit families to see their idols/pay respects and give a food offering to the Lord. There’s also a lot of food offered to the guests. On one eventful day of the festival, a relative of mine came to our house to pay respects to the deity. Now before I divulge any further details of the story, let me just begin by stating this – this particular relative is a complete jerk in general – condescending towards everyone, has lied to his wife and has a separate family with another woman, doesn’t give his wife any money (she is a housewife) and manipulates her to the extreme and literally treats her like a servant (she’s an old lady.
Additionally she has many health issues).
We see very little of him, but when we do my family is cordial towards him because of certain reasons (that’s a whole other story). So on that particular day of the festival, he came to our house saying, ‘my wife wanted to come and pay respects to the Lord but she’s sick so I’m here on behalf of her.’ (WE ALL KNOW HE WAS THERE FOR THE FREE FOOD).
Anyway, my mom lets him in and the old relative does some small talk for 5 minutes, after which he is served some food. Following this, my mom gives him a cotton bedsheet (covering for our mattress) as a gift (it is normal to give simple gifts such as handkerchiefs, bedsheets, reusable grocery bags, etc). It wasn’t a very expensive bedsheet but it wasn’t cheap either.
In fact, it was really good for his financial standard. When he received it, he says to my mother, ‘Did you just wash your own bedsheet and give it to me as a gift? It seems so used.’
Understandably, my mother gets upset because of such a comment but remains cordial. I was watching this whole episode since I was sitting right in front of the relative the whole time and of course, I’m furious.
I have always been very protective of my family, and at the time I was 15 and feeling VERY BRAVE (And also had a huge temper). I was furious that he insulted my mother when she had gifted him a rather nice present, but I didn’t know how to make him feel bad about the situation. I was almost ready to just curse him (even though I knew my mother would reprimand me later for cursing in general and being disrespectful towards an adult, but he had messed with my mom, so I wanted to really hurt him.)
I decided to yell a really bad Indian word at him right when he would leave, and even practiced it in my head a few times. However, I didn’t have to resort to cursing. Since he had come to pay respects to the Lord, he had brought something as an offering. After his remarks about the bedsheet, he stated that he would pray to Ganesha and then leave.
I was watching his every move, and just as he was about to place the apple he had brought as a food offering,
I said, ‘Stop grandfather!’
He looks at me, rather confused.
And then I say it.
‘Are you sure you didn’t pick the apple from the gutter (open sewage system in India)? It is not good to keep dirty fruit in front of the Lord.’
He’s furious. He tells my mom how big a menace I am and I have no respect towards elders. My mom tells me to go inside.
Five minutes on, I am updated that he didn’t keep the apple in front of the Lord and left soon after (After asking for some more food to be packed).
He’s never stepped in my house ever since (it has been 7 years since the incident) AND my whole family thanks me for it, haha!”
20. Drop The Horn Or Play Bad Music
“Years ago, I was playing in a community band with several other friends, all of whom were either professional musicians or accomplished amateurs.
Along came ‘Helen,’ the very bright eleven-year-old child of a local professor. While Helen was talented, she had unfortunately become convinced that she was simply the best musician in the world. Though most of us had been playing our instruments since decades before Helen was born, she began raiding our music folders before rehearsal and stealing the best parts for herself. We tried patiently explaining to her that she simply wasn’t physically or musically ready for these parts, but Helen wasn’t having it.
So, the night of our concert, I assembled a folder labeled, ‘1st Horn,’ and I put all the worst, most boring parts in it. Helen took the bait. When she opened the folder on stage and realized what had been done, she refused to play at all, and she sulked through the entire program. Helen stopped stealing folders after that.”
19. Sorry, I Can't Hear You Over The Loud TV
“I live in an apartment complex in which people can lease a room in a four-room apartment and share the kitchen and living room with the other tenants, which they may or may not have met previously. I moved in with two friends but for a long time, there was an empty room in our apartment.
Until out of the blue someone opens our front door. There was our new roommate, an Australian international student who was going to attend our university for a semester. Although surprised we decided to be nice. After all, we are international students as well and we knew it can be difficult the first days. It turns out that for him it was not difficult at all, since the first night he asked if he could have ‘some friends over.’ We complied because we were trying to be nice and because when we have some friends over we usually just chat for a while and do not bother anyone.
However, this was not the case, his ‘friends,’ which he had only met that day, and himself got wasted and loud.
At some point, my roommate went out to retrieve the tv from the living room since we feared they would break it in their wastedness (the tv belonged to my friends and me). The next day everything was a mess. He tried to ‘clean’ it, but you do not clean spilled beer with only towel paper unless you like the smell of a cheap bar.
My roommate and I had to clean everything because he was too busy in the pool area. Anyhow, this must give an idea of how living with him felt like.
One day he had one of his usual ‘surprise’ parties, in which he just invited people over to trash the apartment without asking for permission or anything. I was in my room, annoyed as usual and I decided I would take revenge.
I could not sleep that day because of the noise.
The next day I woke up earlier than usual and connected my pc to the tv in the living room, which was conveniently just in front of his room. I searched for one of my favorite anime, ‘fairy tail.’ If you know the original Japanese voices, you may know where this is going. I began making breakfast with my friends which unlike me are early birds.
While making breakfast, what is more satisfying than turning the volume all the way up and listening to the sweet voice of ‘Happy,’ the high-pitched talking cat from fairy tail?
Imagine waking up hung-over, after having slept probably two hours to something like that.
Oh God, he was annoyed. He woke up and came out telling me to turn the volume down. I said: ‘why?’ but my pronunciation must have sounded like ‘what?’ for him.
He said: ‘Why is this so loud? You cannot even hear me! Turn it down! I answered: ‘why?’ again smiling a little bit. He screamed the same thing and I turned the volume down a little bit to hear better what he was saying, to which he turned away and proceeded to walk to his room probably believing it was over. I turned the volume even louder as soon as he did this.
He came back and said: ‘didn’t you hear what I said? I cannot sleep with that noise!’ I laughed and said: ‘well, I did not sleep yesterday either.’ He looked at me with a frown: ‘So because I did not let you sleep yesterday, you are not going to let ME sleep today?’ I smiled once more: ‘Oh, I did not say that. I just want to hear my tv show.’ He went back to his room frustrated.
Why didn’t he do anything? My two roommates, one of which is my man was standing there without saying a word. They both are quiet and really passive people who have probably stood up for themselves a handful of times in their lives. However, they both work out… a lot. I am, on the other hand, a little 1.50 m girl who is very less passive and much more aggressive.
I could say this is the most ‘passive’ thing I have done when someone was actively messing with me. However, I only said something because my roommates were there since that guy looked like the only thing that prevented him from smashing my face on the countertop was their presence. He was frustrated, but I was utterly satisfied.
You know, this was not my go-to #1 solution.
We talked to him since day one. As I mentioned he had a party as soon as he moved in. After my partner and I cleaned his mess, we talked directly to him and told him that we did not like what he did and he said that he would ask us next time. He never asked us. We talked to him countless times after this.
He just ignored our words even after my roommates and I talked to the manager to change apartments just to run away from him. We did not change apartments because by the time our infinite patience was over it was November and he was moving out in December, so we just counted the days.”
18. Sorry For My Typos, Come Again
“Oh, I had a great time with my neighbor. She was in her 60s but this didn’t stop her from letting down the tires on my car (I caught her in the act), throwing stones through our greenhouse, shouting obscenities through the hedges, and other such things.
She was almost arrested for harassment so she really was deserving of what follows.
There used to be a site called freecycle, on which you’d say that you had something and would someone else just take it from you, for free… You could also ask for stuff.
One day I spotted that she was asking for things and so I invented a whole series of personas and led her to all kinds of random houses, military bases, and hard to get to places in search of those items my personas claimed to possess.
These personas would invariably receive annoying emails to state that the person in the house didn’t know what she was talking about, the soldiers on the checkpoint had refused her entry, etc, etc. I’d then pretend to be the persona’s wife, in reply, apologizing for my husband’s dementia and confusion or I’d say that I’d found out who she was and that since she was so universally despised in the locality I’d not give her the item, etc etc. At other times I’d apologize for having made a typo and would correct the house number and have her return for a second wasted journey.
I kept this up for a few weeks and she must have made over a dozen fruitless journeys. She had real anger-management issues and so I’d have lots of pleasure from imagining her rages.
Very passive-aggressive but very, very, very satisfying.
The neighbor has since smoked herself to death. By that time I’d taught her the meaning of respecting one’s neighbors and we spent her last years in peace.”
17. Taught Some Jerk A Lesson On Road Safety
“I was cruising with my son, sunny day, top-down, in my 1991 vintage BMW 325ic down Blackstrap hi recently, speed limit 35, rolling 40ish, lot of cops in Falmouth.
Tailgater was climbing my butt. Really annoying me, plenty of room to pass, no traffic, just about to flip a blinker on, pull right, and let them by.
What is this I spy in the road ahead?
Looks like a ‘Teachable moment’ to me.
Overstuffed black hefty bag of trash was laying in my lane.
My son is in the passenger seat, going to get a driver’s license soon.
HMMMMMM… the guy behind me is really getting on my nerves.
Bimmer I’m driving has a ‘sport suspension’. This means I ripped the wheels, brakes, tires, shocks, struts, and springs off, and replaced them with $2000 worth of German competition stuff directly from the full race version of this car, the legendary BMW E30 M3, first-generation.
Think German Autobahn/racetrack/autocross sports car.
This car will change lanes so fast it will suck your eyeballs out of their sockets.
‘Jake, look at this idiot tailgating me, hate this stuff, no time to react, he will hit us if I need to stop fast for any reason. Watch this…’
If you have hung around with me at all you know that if you ever hear the words ‘Watch this’ coming out of my mouth, HOLD ON!!
The evil twin is in the room. Probably a good time to step back if possible, or leave, or put your jacket over your head.
I continued at my 40 mph cruise, steady as she goes in my lane, idiot behind me can’t see the trash bag as he is busy inspecting my muffler 1/2 car length behind me and texting his homies.
Run right up the big ol’ black bag of who-knows-what (I have been known to throw away anvils, safes, old brake rotors, outboard motors).
Like about 4 feet from it.
Jake seems to be braced for impact and has 2 hands on the ‘Oh Jesus handle’ ( Poor child knows me well and heard the words ‘Watch this’.)
I give the wheel a quick flick into the passing lane, snap roll the car on/off its springs, and back into our lane (Rally driving term for this is ‘Swedish Flick’, made famous by SAAB driver, Eric Carlson of Monte Carlo Rally fame).
It is often used to bounce the car and set it up for a parking brake 180 turns, (a maneuver best done in rental cars, especially on snow/ice, but that is another story).
The whole move took less than a second.
A fast driving reaction time is about 2 seconds.
If you were paying attention and ready.
Remember the ‘2-second following rule’ from the defensive driving class?
It is a good rule to live by. (Jake tells me they are teaching 4 seconds now)
The car takes this all in stride. The hapless tailgater/object of my ire/victim of my sadistic streak, on the other hand, was caught napping on watch.
Rearview mirror; BA-BAM!!! Cloud of trash EXPLODES!! Over the roof, cascading over the windshield, the cloud of paper goods flying in the air, brakes coming on!
I think they are fully awake now. Probably changing their shorts. COOOOOLEST!
Glad the bag was not filled with surplus bowling balls! (would have really felt bad had someone gotten hurt, especially if it was us getting rear-ended by this jerk). He (or she) will probably follow a little farther back for a few days at least. Bet they thought I was a jerk.
We were laughing so hard tears were streaming.
Ahhh parenting. Poor Jake, what a role model.
Be careful out there.”
16. Nope, You Can't Have Your Phone Back Right Now
“I picked up three nicely dressed young women on New Year’s Eve, taking them to a downtown club for some festivities. They knew cabs would be difficult to get after midnight and so asked me for my card.
About an hour or so later I got a call from the ladies, one was already too wasted and needed a ride home.
At 9:30, tsk, tsk, tsk.
I met her being held up by her friends in front of the club. What a mess! I explained that if she got sick in the cab it would be fifty bucks extra, surcharge. If she was going to get sick, tell me and I’d pull over. We were off.
Shortly after we started, she told me she was about to get sick.
I pulled over just in time for her to open the door and barf in the curb. Blah! Blaarf! I hate New Year’s Eve.
After five minutes of this display, I asked if we should continue or maybe return to the club. No, she wanted to go home.
I got her home and the fare was $18.80. She said that’s two dollars more than the trip out.
I explained the meter continues to run while she was throwing up. ‘Outrageous!’ she said. She threw eighteen dollars at me. I reminded her it was eighteen and EIGHTY cents (plus tip). She then threw the change at me. Happy New Year, I said as I pulled away, not even waiting for her to get to her door. New Year’s Eve is the worst!!!
Karma is my buddy, for just a few minutes later I heard a cell phone ring in the back seat. Hello, I answered. She said you found my phone. I said, are you the one who just threw change at me? She said, yes she was, and could I bring her phone to her home? Yeah, right. I told her, per company policy, I would drop her phone off at the taxi station’s lost and found, she could come pick it up in the morning.
For the rest of the shift that cell phone kept ringing, all her friends calling to give her wishes. My fares throughout the night would ask, Aren’t you going to answer the phone. I then would explain what happened. We’d all laugh and laugh. New Year’s Eve can be festive, too.”
15. He Woke Up Completely Clueless About Last Night
“I was a buck sergeant in the Army, decompressing with a large number of my fellow soldiers at a very rough, honky-tonk Texas roadhouse.
Things were getting really out of hand, especially with regard to a thoroughly soused PFC in my squad. A little, wiry fellow with a prankish sense of humor, he had got it into his head that sneaking up behind people, smacking them good and solid across the back of the head and then scampering away unseen was a great lark.
This was bad news for me since inevitably I would be held accountable for his behavior, given my rank.
The Armed Forces do NOT look after their own in this regard, and I was certain to be punished along with him if things got further out of hand.
A serious problem would certainly emerge if he suddenly decided to whack a local instead of a fellow soldier. This would lead to an all-in donnybrook, which the cowboy owners of the bar would blame us for (since they could charge the local base a fortune for ‘damages’).
To cover my butt, I informed my superior, a platoon sergeant, of what was transpiring. He was a thin, bookish-looking individual with a scholarly expression and round glasses, totally unimposing and civilian in appearance.
He noted my concern somewhat dismissively, remarking only ‘well, let me know if he creeps up behind me’ and went back to his conversation. I felt a little ignored, but, sure enough, a couple of minutes later the inebriated reprobate sneaked up behind the E-7.
I whispered, ‘He’s right behind you’. The platoon sergeant, without even lifting his gaze from the farm girl he had been in earnest conversation with, let loose a lightning jab over his shoulder, connecting squarely with the face of the mischief-maker and knocking him out cold. He then nodded matter-of-factly at me and went back to his personal life.
I dumped the poor PFC in the back of a friend’s pickup truck and the night proceeded without further problems. The fellow woke up with two chipped teeth, a sore jaw, and absolutely no recollection of the previous night.”
14. Jerk Who Harasses Cyclists Gets Shamed In Front Of His Girl
“Quite a few years ago (early 1980’s) I lived in Vancouver, Canada. As a bike shop employee and starving athlete/bike racer, I got around by bike.
While Vancouver now is a great place to ride a bike, at the time it had its fair share of morons, and getting honked at was just part of your world. I was riding to work late one morning (I think I was on a 12–9 shift), and as I left a 4 way stop sign at W. 12th, the jerkhead behind me laid on the horn.
My usual response (and I’m a bit better now, but it’s still hard not to) was a middle finger. As I stopped at the next stop sign, at West 10th Ave. (for those unfamiliar with it, this is a 4 lane road up to the University of BC and a fairly major thoroughfare – keep this in mind, it will be important very soon!) The jerkhead pulls up beside me.
I look back once and realize it’s some 19 year old in his muscle car with some poor young thing in the passenger seat, and it’s his effort to prove his manhood to her. Now as a guy who raced bikes on the track, you knew how to do a track stand, so I was doing one waiting for traffic to clear. Testosterone boy snarls something at me about getting off the road, and I suggested creatively that he get out of his little girl’s car and say it to me again.
As I did this, I lost my balance slightly and had to put my right foot down to keep from falling.
Now you should remember that he was clearly trying to impress the girl in his car. But some part of him didn’t react to that. It reacted to my putting a foot down by thinking, ‘Oh God, he’s getting off the bike and coming after me’.
That part of him took over, he absolutely MASHED the gas pedal, laid a 10-foot strip of rubber… and after 11 feet… drove his lovely little muscle car straight into the side of the rather large city bus that was proceeding down W. 10th Ave. Given his low speed, no serious damage was done to the bus, but I just about peed my pants laughing… As did all of my racing friends when I mentioned the description of the car – apparently he’d been harassing cyclists around that part of Vancouver for a while…”
13. I'm The Queen Of English
“I’d scored 91 for my English exam (the highest in my class and the level!), and I was so proud of myself. Then came along this butt-hurt Queen Bee, who loudly told her posse of Princess Bees (and whoever bothered to listen) that I must have done something fishy because the exam was so difficult that no one could have done so well without the use of dishonest means.
I was angry, but I didn’t call her out on it. Instead, my little seven-year-old self thought that it would be a good idea to ‘out-English’ her, so to speak.
I studied even harder for English, reading and re-reading all my textbooks and guide books. I clarified with the teacher whatever I was unclear about. And the results spoke for themselves. No matter what our teacher threw at us – spellings, class tests, worksheets, exams – I always ended up scoring higher than her.
Coming to the end-of-year exams, I ended up scoring a 95 for English, the highest in the level once again. The principal herself gave me an award for that. The dour look on the Queen Bee’s face as I waltzed by her with my award was the sweetest thing in the world.
It’s been ten years, and although I no longer go to the same school as the Queen Bee, I’ve been beating her – marks wise – in English for those ten years.”
12. I Lead An Over-Speeding Jerk To A Court Appearance
“I was driving a small sub-compact car when a HUGEmongous large truck pulled right up next to the back end of my car.
This is done frequently by super macho young men with a whole lot of extra testosterone to bully the car in front of them to move into another lane so that they can breeze by. In this traffic, I had no safe place to go, so I maintained my speed which encouraged the truck to run right up to my bumper at 65 m.p.h.
on a busy freeway more than once. He kept this up until we hit the crosstown freeway. Bingo, I remembered that a famous traffic cop had a spot hidden by the oncoming ramp that he would nail people for a radar speeding ticket in an instant. I speeded up and the truck followed over the speed limit. At just the right moment I squeezed into a different lane and slowed down.
Well, Mr. Big truck rapidly sped up, went over the overpass, crested the top, and was NAILED by the Radar cop. I am sure he was going fast enough for an automatic court appearance speeding ticket. Big Bucks Fine.
I learned later when one does this it is called ‘a Slingshot Maneuver’. Works every time!”
11. I'm Not Good At Skating But I Know How To Do This
“I was 16 years old. A roller skating rink had opened in my town, and I had gone with a bunch of friends to check it out. Because I had grown up on ice skates, I thought roller skating would be a natural transition for me—it wasn’t. As soon as I merged into the counter-clockwise flow of skaters on the rink, I fell on my butt.
Unfortunately, my fall caused someone else to fall. It was some guy who looked to be in his 20’s. He was very good on his rollerskates. He danced and twirled—transitioning from forwards and backward with ease.
He was also an angry jerk.
Every time he went by me, he would either elbow me or shove me out of his way—punishing me for causing him to fall.
After a couple of hours, the group I was with decided to leave. While I was taking off my skates and putting on my shoes, I devised a plan…
I made sure that I was the last one in our group to leave the building and get into the car. I claimed that I had forgotten my wallet, and I ran back inside. While I pretended to look for my wallet in the locker that I had used, I kept one eye on the skating rink.
There he was… the jerk. He was going really fast, and he was coming close to the half wall that separated the area where the lockers were, from the skating floor. This was my chance…
I stepped over to the wall, held my arm out like a clothesline, and caught the jerk right across his throat. His feet went up into the air, and he came down with a loud crash.
He never knew what hit him, and I didn’t stick around for him to find out that it was me. I ran out of the building and jumped into the car that was waiting for me, and I was gone. I never saw him again.”
10. Work Bully Shuts Up After Getting Confronted
“I worked at a grocery store for almost 18 years in a management position.
It was a good job with benefits, promotions, the private stock was given to you based on the number of hours you worked, etc.
I moved up in the company pretty fast but felt unhappy and quit after 12 years.
Fast forward 3 years later and I went back to that job and was immediately hired in an assistant manager role.
As time went on I began to feel unsatisfied again and my work was not being noticed.
Even though I was in management I worked alongside my employees every day.
As some of you know, when in any retail establishment you as the manager become more like a glorified full-timer picking up the slack from your employees.
I felt like I was being dragged through the wringer working very hard every day.
One day one of my employees noticed I was doing paperwork at my desk and went to complain that I was not on the sales floor to help her out.
She was a bit of a complainer and lazy, to say the least.
My store manager above me came into my office and asked, ‘what are you doing?’
I said paperwork that I needed to get done.
He told me, ‘Well hurry up and do what you have to do and get back out onto the sales floor.’
I said o.k.
So I went back out and helped everyone get caught up again and went back to my desk to finish up more paperwork where I had left off.
It wasn’t 5 minutes later my boss came back into my office and asked the same question, ‘what are you doing?’
I said, ‘More paperwork, is there a problem?’
I told him, ‘If there is a problem with me being in here then you should tell me what the problem is.’
I knew something was up and I was being watched.
What really puzzled me was managers are supposed to stick together and he was sticking up for the lazy and complaining employee that had a history of bad behavior.
After I thought this to myself I went OFF and began yelling and telling him that I was the hardest working person there.
I felt that he was directly attacking my hard work ethic. I have had managers over a period of 18 years recommend and tell people that I was the hardest working person they had ever had. So this guy was obviously clueless.
I was tired of keeping my frustrations all in and that day I let him have it.
He even said, ‘I think we should call the district manager and you can tell him what you think.’
I said, ‘Give me the phone and I’ll dial the number myself.’
He was not happy about that and proceeded to not make the call.
I called his bluff and he knew it after that.
The argument proceeded onto the sales floor where the employees saw it.
I know, not that professional.
What happened the next day shocked me.
He took one look at the place, walked up to me and shook my hand, and said, ‘The place looks great, keep up the good work.’
What I learned that day is if you stand up to a bully who thinks he’s all that and you confront them head-on, they’ll respect you!
Don’t ever be afraid of what you believe in and if you feel that there is injustice, speak up and make it right.
Oh, I almost forgot… I quit that job again and now I’m an entrepreneur doing what I LOVE!”
9. I Made Them Stop Touching My Sugar
“As a student, I was living in a flat together with other students sharing the bathrooms, toilets, and kitchen.
Sometimes, things in the kitchen vanished. Well, such things happen. Occasionally, I found a replacement in my place in the fridge or shelf or some other delicacy in exchange. Occasionally, something just vanished. Oh, well. No big deal.
But two things really aggravated me:
1. My nice, tasty original Heinz Ketchup (no advertisement here, I just really liked the stuff at that time) was used up incredibly fast, even when I was absent.
2. The same happened to my sugar, which I kept open in a nice sugar bowl with a spoon in the kitchen.
This stuff was never refilled. It just vanished. Well, I knew how to get them…
My parents used no-name ketchup from a very cheap store, so when I once went home I picked up an empty bottle, thoroughly cleaned it, and filled my lovely, costly, and trademarked Heinz ketchup into that bottle.
I could store it for ages. Nobody took it. Heck, even when I actively ‘offered’ it, nobody wanted it. Problem solved.
The sugar thing was a bit more tricky. Of course, I could have taken it into my room, but then I would have to drink my morning tea in the kitchen either without sugar or take the sugar with me and remember to lock it up again.
In addition, this wouldn’t have been fun, would it?
So I exchanged the sugar with salt. Left it a few days. With satisfaction, I noticed that some of my ‘white gold’ has vanished, but not as much as if it was sugar. I enjoyed the picture of disgusted facial expressions I imagined and the thought of coffee or tea being poured into the sink, cause it was salted. Later I exchanged it with sugar again and used it, but on random occasions, I exchanged it with salt again, so nobody could ever guess if it was really salt or sugar in there.
Sometimes I even salted my own tea, which was useful when I was doing sports (one of the things I learned during military service), which probably helped to fool any observer. It did not take long and nobody dared touching my sugar again…”
8. Missionaries Came Across A Woman Who Knows Witchcraft
“I transferred to a brand-new Baptist high school in Memphis. For those of you that have seen the movie, it’s the same school that the young black football player went to, who was adopted by a rich white family.
Anyway, the school opened, and there were a bunch of kids who decided to be self-appointed missionaries to those of us who were not Baptist, and therefore, going straight to the underworld.
Here in America, the different flavors of Christianity hinge upon tiny differences in doctrine and belief that appear bewilderingly small to someone outside the system but are GIANT AND IMPORTANT to believers. Not only was I not Baptist, but I was Episcopalian (one tiny step away from Rome).
The evangelists were bullies. Not just annoying, they were HUGE bullies. They would not stop, even when you asked nicely. And, they didn’t think twice about lying to the kids they were talking to. This made me more than a bit angry. So, being a thinking child (I was 15), I went to the library.
For about a week, I carried around and ostentatiously read a couple of books on witchcraft. That’s all.
Didn’t speak of witchcraft, didn’t espouse any weirdness, just carried books around. It worked. It was as if I had a force field around me. They never bothered me again in the 3 years I was there.”
7. Petty Businessman On Board Lost His Boarding Pass
“Once in line for boarding a flight, as a frequent flyer I stood in the priority line. A burly German pushed his way in front of me and grumbled something about how women should defer to businessmen whose time is more valuable.
He proceeded to put his bag down next to mine. Sticking out was his boarding pass. I put my coat down briefly over both carryons.
Then a minute later I picked up the coat while palming his boarding pass underneath it.
When it was time to board it turned into a circus, with him unable to find his pass, holding up about 50 people impatient to get on board.
He was told to step aside to let us in line board, which we did. Once on board (business class) I ordered a drink and went to the lavatory where I put his boarding pass on the table and went back.
After a half-hour they were closing the door to the plane when the man stumbled on board, sweaty, red-faced, and angry. (Later found out he had to go back outside security to get a new boarding pass.) He too was in business class.
Prior to takeoff, the FA secured the lavatory doors. Once in cruising altitude, the seat belt light turned off, the FA unlatched the lavatory, did a quick check inside, saw the pass, saw the seat number, and delivered it to the man.
With a smile, she said, ‘This must be yours. Welcome aboard. What would you like to drink?’
His expression was priceless.”
6. My Purse Is Full Of Coins Today
“A few years back, I had a roommate. Let’s call that person V.
V and I got along well at first but then her meanness started increasing exponentially towards me. I must have done something to irk her for sure but I am a pacifist: I believe in talking about problems amicably rather than giving someone a cold shoulder.
Fast forward to a day when V fired up pretty bad over a harmless prank, screaming and hurling threats at me.
I was done being patient at that point: I fired back as well. It was pretty much the worst argument I ever had in my life.
The next day, a Sunday, I wrote V an email asking them to just forget everything; we had had great days of friendship and nothing should affect that. I apologized as well, said I missed her. No response.
The next day, the cultural association serving my community summoned me, since V had asked for ‘justice’.
At the meeting, she accused me of inappropriate, physical, and emotional abuse at which point I started wondering if she had lost her mind completely (I hadn’t even touched V or said any of those words V mentioned I did. The third roommate verified that). V wanted a ‘public’ apology in front of the community, else ‘call the cops’ and have me thrown out of the academic program I was enrolled in.
In the end, the committee asked me to settle all financial transactions with V and she could move out to find new accommodation. I forgot exactly how much I owed her, but pretty sure it was in triple digits.
I was pretty mad at this point. More so because V would rather appease her ego about a very petty matter rather than continue our friendship.
I felt fooled, disappointed, and somewhat bullied.
I went around asking all of my friends for coin change. They were quite happy and obliging. Who wouldn’t want to make their purses lighter? I went to my bank as well and picked up all the coins I could.
I paid the balance I owed V in cents, dimes, nickels, and quarters. A big Kroger bag filled with jingling coins and the words ‘Keep the change’.
Listening to V grunt in frustration and cuss under her breath over the next hour or so, counting them out was quite satisfying!”
5. Let Me Tell You Exactly What I Think About You
“Many, many years ago I worked in special projects for the executive office of the company that employed me. This was a real privilege, and I was often involved with or exposed to a range of highly confidential initiatives, from strategic partnerships to internal restructuring plans.
One project I worked on required the help of someone in another department. She was excited to be involved, and top management had sanctioned some of her time for it. She worked hard and was a great asset, but throughout her time, her immediate supervisor was constantly giving her grief. He would sabotage her availability, pile on work outside her normal job so that she was overworked and exhausted, and denigrate her participation in the project we were working on together.
The project was completed successfully, and a couple of weeks later I was standing outside of the building as her supervisor was coming in to work for the day. He headed through the door, and a few steps behind, I headed in too. He headed up the stairs, and a few steps behind, I headed up too. He headed down the hall, and a few steps behind, I did too.
He walked into his office, and a few steps behind… I did too.
I closed the door behind me, and said, ‘Hey — got a minute?’ He said he supposed he had a minute, but only that. I said ‘Thanks! You know, you did a real favor to me when you let XXX work on that project, and so to thank you, I thought I would do a favor for you in return.’ ‘Oh really?’ he says.
‘What’s that?’ ‘Well, I thought you’d like to know that you’ve been under consideration for a new VP position…’ His eyes lit up. I went on: ‘and each time your name has come up for it, it’s been discarded, and I thought you’d like to know why.’ Startled and then looking a little sick, he sinks into his chair.
‘Err… yes. I’d like to know.’ So I proceeded to tell him: ‘You’re apparently perceived as petty, passive-aggressive, controlling, and conceited. You’re clearly talented, but for these reasons, you’ve been passed over… good luck!’
Every word of it was true, from start to finish, and he thanked me profusely for it. One of the most satisfying moments of my career (and there have been a lot!).”
4. No Texting While Driving Please
“As I was walking home from work just a couple of days ago (Thursday?) I crossed a street at an intersection… There’s a car coming, but it has a stop sign. The ‘driver’ (I use that term loosely here) is completely absorbed in her cell phone.
Ordinarily, I’d speed up a bit so that the driver wouldn’t have to wait long for me to cross, but in this case, I slow my walk so that I won’t get run over. Instead, I am standing about an arm’s length from her door when she rolls past the stop sign, still looking at her phone. She had her window down, so when I said…
‘Hi!’
… she just about jumped out of her skin.
I just waved and smiled.
‘OhmygoshIamsosorryVROOOOMMM…’ she sped away.
I spent the next few minutes cursing at myself for not getting the whole thing on video. This story would be more fun if y’all could watch her flinch when she realized that she was just about to run over a pedestrian. Instead, you’ll just have to trust me when I say she displayed such great shock that I’m confident that in the future she will pay more attention to the road and no attention to her phone.”
3. That's How Seniority Works Here
“I worked as a railroad brakeman from 1979 to 1984. I was there long enough that my seniority level was in the middle of the pack about halfway through my tenure. I could hold down some jobs without getting bumped by higher-seniority guys, at least for a while, but some popular jobs I could never bid on and win because they would usually be won by somebody with higher seniority.
One time, for a period of a number of months, I was able to hold down a pool crew job, however, I was the youngest seniority-wise of the two brakemen on the job. Seniority convention was that the senior brakeman got to choose whether he wanted to work the head end (locomotive) or the rear end (caboose), so I usually worked the locomotive. However, if the senior brakeman was on personal, sick, or vacation leave, the junior brakeman could pick which end he would work, regardless of the seniority of the extra brakeman sent to protect the senior brakeman’s job.
One day, my crew was deadheaded by van to a midpoint station to run a train back to our home terminal. We had an extra brakeman (off the extra board) senior to me, so that meant I got to choose which end to work. Normally, a brakeman would choose the rear end because that was safer and easier work. As we were waiting around on the station platform to make the exchange with the crew that was bringing the train into town, I could tell by the talk between the extra brakeman and the conductor, that the extra brakeman thought he would be working the caboose.
He was a senior to me, and I had already been working for several years, so how he didn’t know this seniority rule is hard to explain.
I probably should have brought it up with him on the spot, and stated that I was going to work the caboose, but I didn’t. Here’s what I did instead: The train was being brought up to the station by the inbound crew, and we were going to do a running exchange, i.e., the train would not stop, only slow down enough where everybody could get safely off and on.
I saw where the extra brakeman had stationed himself to board the caboose, so I stationed myself about 50 feet down the platform closer to the direction the train was coming from. When the locomotive came by me, I let it go by and did not get on. I turned my head towards the extra brakeman, and I could see that he was totally confused by my not boarding the locomotive.
I added one more ingredient: Just before the locomotive steps got even with him, I said, ‘You’d better get on.’ He got on the locomotive, and I ended up boarding the caboose as was my right.
When we got to our home terminal about five hours later and were boarding the van to go to the yard, I overheard the extra brakeman asking the conductor about what I had done, and the conductor backed me up by stating that that was the way seniority worked on freight trains between a job’s regular brakeman and an extra brakeman.
The extra brakeman was a nice guy and didn’t raise a fuss, but I still wonder how he went through at least three years of work and never came across a situation where that seniority convention came into play.”
2. I Almost Forgot To Introduce Myself
“I was an administrator at a major university. I was on a hiring committee for a particular staff position once and it was actually an easy hire.
The candidate we selected was outstanding far and away from the other candidates. Our glow as a management team was short-lived, however. She didn’t seem to understand the chain of command for decisions and had to be reminded numerous times what her scope of duties entailed. I frequently found her in my department talking with my assistant about cross-departmental projects she wanted to try out.
As soon as she saw me she would quickly leave and when asked what she was working on she would say ‘oh I’m just making a social call.’ On several occasions, my assistant would complain that he kept telling her to talk to me. She would even go so far as to ask him questions during departmental staff meetings.
One time she was leaning through one of my teller Windows talking to my assistant and when she saw me she quickly started to leave.
I grabbed one of my business cards and sprinted (in heels) out of my department and into the main hallway. I caught up with her and said ‘let me introduce myself, my name is Ava and I’m the manager of this department and I was on your hiring committee.'”
1. No Thanks, You Can Keep Your Tube
“A colleague of mine is a high-functioning narcissist and manipulator. She is magical at weaving sob stories and lies about her situation, in order to get what she wants, exactly how she wants it.
I’ve suffered years of being forced to hand in my ideas, papers, and work materials to her by my superior, who seems to be really charmed by her.
So anyway, our friend here loves new shiny things. She has to have the best and newest working materials in her possession. Whether she has to use them or not is another story altogether. She will create stories to get the materials from others, and sometimes steal the items when my colleagues are not around.
My superior once gave us both almost similar projects, and adequate materials to each of us, to be used for the project.
On Monday, the first day of the project, I went to retrieve a tube of chemicals from the materials provided to me. Everything was ready; I just needed the tube of chemicals to start my essay. Lo and behold, it was not there.
Mysteriously disappeared. Mind you the tube was in the box when I did a final check on Friday the week before.
Naturally, I called my colleague, as she has the same item, and I would like to borrow some of the chemicals from her. She did not pick up her calls; in fact, she did her best to stay out of my way on that particular day.
I finally requested my superior to ask for the material on my behalf (it was urgent), and he said that she did not have the chemical anymore.
So I ordered a new tube of the chemical and wasted two months of my life waiting for the item to arrive. My student, who was performing the project with me, was incensed at the whole situation, as she had to complete the project as soon as possible.
One fine day, the chemical arrived at the lab. Bright, shiny, and spanking new.
Within a few hours, my colleague approached me, looking all sweaty and pale, with my old chemical tube in her hand, and mentioned the following:
‘Ranjetta, I accidentally found the old tube in the fridge as I was sorting out my things. Wouldn’t it be better if we store the new tube of chemical for safekeeping, and try to finish up the chemical in the old tube first?’
I said, ‘Thank you for your kind offer, but I think I’ll stick with the new tube.’
She left her work halfway and went back home early that day, with a pinched look on her face.”
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