People Are Ready To Spill It All In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Planning A Birthday Trip To The Same Location As My Friend's Wedding?
“I have a group of friends from about 5 years ago and we all live in Mexico City. One of our friends moved to Miami almost two years ago, and naturally, we don’t speak as often as we used to when we were living in the same city, but still, whenever she’s in town visiting we try to meet up.
This friend who lives in Miami recently got engaged and told us in our group chat that she wanted to have a small wedding (only 10 guests) and that we were not invited, but she wanted us to hear this directly from her so we wouldn’t be surprised. Most of us were cool with this decision of hers and sent her good wishes.
Even after this news, we still planned on throwing her a bachelorette party in Cancun after she got married (a bit late, I know). In addition to this, one of our friends traveled to Miami to participate in a bachelorette party her new friends were throwing her, and even told our friend (the bachelorette) that if she was struggling economically, we (the friends from Mexico) would be more than happy to help her pay for the wedding.
The bachelorette replied that she simply didn’t want us there because she wanted a small wedding. Again, we respected this decision and tried not to take it personally.
A few weeks later we found out that the bachelorette had invited one of our friends and that they were all traveling to Puerto Escondido (a beach in Mexico) in June.
Once again, we thought it was a bit weird for her to tell us all we were not invited and then invited 1 of the girls from the group without telling the rest. But, once again, we were cool with it and didn’t say anything to her even though we would have preferred a bit more transparency.
On a separate note, another one of my friends (from the same group) is turning 30 in June and wanted to go to Puerto Escondido to celebrate her birthday. Turns out it’s the same weekend as the wedding to which we’re not invited (and that theoretically, we didn’t know the specific details of when and where it was happening).
We figured we would still go to this beach, as it’s a place we all really like, and planned on having our separate plans from the crew that is going to the wedding.
My birthday friend decided to announce on our group chat that we were going to Puerto Escondido for her birthday that weekend (as if we didn’t know the wedding was taking place in that same beach town), in order for the bachelorette not to get surprised in case we crossed paths over there.
At this point, the bachelorette texts us all privately telling us to “please cancel our trip to Puerto Escondido as her wedding gift”. She was even telling my birthday friend to cancel her flight and lose whatever money she had already spent.
She started saying how mad she was and basically forbidding us from going to that beach town that weekend because that would ruin her wedding.
So, I ask, AITJ for ruining my friend’s wedding plan or is she being self-centered and dramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“Even if you go there without any reason just to annoy the bride you are NTJ as no sane person would care if your friends are having a blast at the beach while you are preparing for your wedding at the venue, etc., it would even be fun to spend a few hours with your friends at a random place and move on with your own business.
But that bride is not your friend, she literally only cares about herself and while at the actual wedding it is fine, she can’t control what happens in the whole city let alone tell other people who can and can’t come there, this is totally unreasonable and stupid.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your friend is having a wedding in a certain town doesn’t mean that you can’t go to that town. She’s not the queen of the world. I feel sorry for whoever she’s marrying, he’s going to have a rough time dealing with irrational and unreasonable demands for however long that marriage lasts.
Now if you actually went to the wedding, and you weren’t invited (crashing the wedding), that would be a completely different story. But I don’t think you are doing that, right? You were just going to go to Puerto Escondido to do your own thing and not interact with the bride at all?
If so, then you were never in the wrong. Your friend also seems very sketchy.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if I’m understanding this the bride never told you directly where/when the wedding was, you found out through a 3rd party, so how can she have any reasonable expectation that you would know and that this was deliberate?
I’m guessing this is a pretty popular beach/area too, like anyone might decide to make plans to go there on a weekend? It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to avoid a public area just because she happens to be getting married there, and I agree with others that it’s probably not a small wedding and the decision to cut your group out was probably very deliberate.
I think your group should go and celebrate the birthday to your heart’s content, and maybe cut that bride out of your lives, I don’t think she’s much of a friend to you all anymore.” JunebugSeven
20. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Expensive Destination Wedding Due To My Financial Goals?
“A friend of mine is getting married and has planned a destination wedding in the Caribbean.
Emma and her fiancé have always loved to travel and wanted their wedding to be an unforgettable experience for everyone.
As much as I want to support Emma on her special day, I really cannot attend her wedding due to the cost. Between the flight, accommodation, and other expenses, attending the wedding would put me in a financial bind.
I’ve been saving money for a down payment on a house, and the expense of attending the wedding would set me back in reaching my goal. I told my concerns to Emma, letting her know that I might not be able to attend due to the financial issues it would cause.
Emma seemed understanding at first, but now she’s upset and claiming that I’m not being a supportive friend. She argues that if I truly cared about her, I would find a way to make it work. Some of our mutual friends have also said that I should prioritize Emma’s wedding over my personal financial goals.
I understand that a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and I’d love to be there for Emma, but I also feel that I need to be responsible with my finances. AITJ for not attending my friend’s wedding due to the cost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you decide to have a destination wedding (esp. an expensive destination), you run the risk of having people decline. That’s just the way it is. If you’re concerned about specific people not being able to come you either 1.
need to make it more local or 2. subsidize the trip for them. If your mutual friends are so concerned they can pay for you to go to the wedding. A real friend wouldn’t want you to take a big financial hit to attend an event that’s all about her.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are living in a fantasy world. Choosing a destination wedding automatically means some people can’t go, either due to the expense or the amount of vacation time needed. Placing unreasonable expectations on the people invited is extremely selfish.
If you can’t afford to come, they have two choices: accept that you can’t be there, or pay for you to be there. Meanwhile, your mutual friends urging you to impoverish yourself are not good friends.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not let her wedding come between your goal of owning a house, do not put yourself in a financial bind for someone else’s wedding, the wedding may be special for the bride and groom but for everyone else, it’s just another day.
Unfortunately, when you have a destination wedding you have to come to terms with the fact that some people won’t be able to attend. If this woman was truly your friend she would understand.” Freeverse711
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Recovered Sister To My Wedding After She Stole From My Fiancée's Family?
“I’m planning my wedding with my future wife Mae.
My sister Katie has been sober for 2 years but before that, she was a monster. She is still extremely entitled and my mom backs her up saying Katie has changed.
About 5 years ago at a party, Katie stole credit cards from Mae, Mae’s mom my MIL Debbie, and anyone else who left cards or money around her and bought stuff on those stolen cards.
Since then Mae’s family has nothing to do with my sister. Recovery or not.
Katie lives with my mother but Katie is not invited to the wedding or involved in any way. If my mom can’t handle that my mom isn’t invited either.
This became an issue when Mae and her bridesmaids went dress shopping and Katie felt left out. My mom thinks Mae and her family should forgive Katie because she’s sober now but they can’t stand my sister and barely tolerate my mother for enabling my sister.
This led to another argument with my mom reminding her if she brings up the issue she wouldn’t be going to the wedding and I will have my stepmother in her place.
My family heard this and people are thinking I’m being so mean and living in the past because Katie has changed. Just because my sister is sober now it doesn’t undo all the pain and chaos she has caused me and Mae and I do not want her to be a part of my wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while Katie may be sober, you and Mae have no obligation to forgive her or let her back into your life, especially since she “stole credit cards from Mae, Mae’s mom my MIL Debbie, and about anyone else and bought stuff on those stolen cards,” HOLY CRAP.
That is not something that can just be glossed over. Mae’s family has no obligation to include her and neither you nor Mae want her there. As the groom and bride, you get to choose who’s at your wedding, and your mom needs to stop pressuring you guys to forgive her.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your sister hasn’t made amends to any of them. Did she even try to do step 8 and 9? For anyone? Tell your sister that until she pays everyone back for their losses, plus interest, then nobody needs to forgive her, because she’s making no attempt to fix what she did.
And frankly, nobody needs to forgive her afterward. That’s part of recovery, too. But at least then they’ll have their money back.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At no point do you mention that your sister has apologized or tried to make reparation to those she stole from.
Stand firm and support Mae against your sister and mom. And FYI even if she is ready to be forgiven that doesn’t mean that Mae and her family are ready to forgive. The timeline for forgiveness is up to those who have to forgive.” Expert-Aardvark7419
18. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister-In-Law After She Made Hurtful Comments About Me?
“I (27f) have been married to my husband (29m) for 2 years. He has an ex-wife (Allie 29f) and he and she have two kids together, a boy and a girl.
We all get along really well, even if we aren’t doing family dinners etc like some co-parents do.
This story is about my brother’s wife, Caitlin (19f). My husband and I recently had twins (b/g) and sadly our son didn’t make it.
It’s been a long couple of months with our grief and having my first baby, after a rough pregnancy.
My brother is in the army, and while he’s doing some training, his wife is staying with us, because they’re moving soon after he’s finished. It was fine at first until Caitlin started making little digs about me.
That I haven’t lost the baby weight, if I don’t want to stay my size I shouldn’t eat XYZ, etc and when my stepkids are here, she once remarked that “it was good my husband managed to get at least one son.” She’s careful to only say these things where I can hear them and no one else.
It’s gotten to be a lot to take. I’ve spent a lot of time crying over the things she’s said to/about me on top of still grieving my son. I haven’t told anybody what she’s been doing just because I don’t have it in me to have one more thing for people to feel bad for me about.
Until this past Friday.
Friday afternoon, Allie dropped the kids off for the weekend, and while I was standing there talking to her, I guess I looked really upset (Caitlin had just made another negative comment). And I ended up telling her everything.
I told her the last thing Caitlin had said about my weight before Allie and the kids got there. Unfortunately (for Caitlin at least) Allie has a complete lack of what you’d call “give a care”. Caitlin walks into the room and I’m teary-eyed and Caitlin makes a comment about me being whiny.
Allie immediately fires back (with a tone I’ve NEVER heard her use) with “you know being a pick me jerk doesn’t burn calories. If it did maybe you wouldn’t look like a beluga whale.”
At first, I was stunned into silence but before I even realized it I had started laughing.
Caitlin immediately starts crying and leaves the room. Allie goes home, and I get a call from my brother telling me I’m terrible because apparently Caitlin had an ED in her younger teenage years and I was insensitive to that by laughing at Allie’s mean comment.
While I tried to explain to him that she’s been making nonstop comments towards me he didn’t care and kept trying to call me out on it. He even went so far as to tell our parents, who aren’t really taking sides but they do think we should both apologize to each other.
So, AITJ for laughing at what Allie said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your relationship with Allie sounds so wholesome. You are being a jerk to yourself and your family by allowing Caitlin to stay. Give her notice to leave already.
She’s a risk to your mental health and therefore to the health of your family. She should go live with her own parents, your parents, or at a hostel. Both she and your bro owe you an apology. Escalating the issue to your parents shows a lack of self-knowledge.
Did they really think this was going to look good on them? Sorry to hear your parents are being neutral.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a very funny line, and apparently, she can dish it out but can’t take it.
And here’s an easy one for you. You literally just say if you don’t stop with the snide comments about my weight and about my pregnancy loss and the death of my son go get a hotel till your husband gets back.
So either shut the heck up or leave. Stop being nice, stop letting her walk all over you. Be like your husband’s ex. She sounds wonderful.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is classic narcissistic behavior, and it’s designed specifically to keep you down.
It’s tactical. She knows what she is doing and she is doing it deliberately. If she creates this much of a stink when you don’t behave exactly as she wants you to, she knows that you will be easier and easier to control.
She is not being kind to you, and you have no obligation to be kind to her. You do not owe her your time or energy, and no matter what you do, she will continue to treat you like this.
Now I want you to picture something: fast forward 20 years. You find out that your daughter’s partner is treating her exactly like Caitlin is treating you. Does that make you happy? No, I didn’t think so. Children learn what love and relationships look like from what they see around them.
They pay attention and start absorbing things at a ridiculously young age. Is this what you want her to learn? Because if you normalize this for her now, she will think that it is the way the world is supposed to be.
It can be really hard to break this cycle for yourself. You probably saw it around you growing up. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, but if you are having trouble standing up for yourself, don’t do it for yourself.
Do it for her.” Auto_Fill_Answers
17. AITJ For Embarrassing My Wife By Revealing I Earn More Than Her To Her Judgmental Friends?
“I, 25M, am married to my wife, Sasha, 28F. She comes from a pretty wealthy background while I decidedly do not. My dad left before I was born and my mum died when I was 11.
I’ve mostly ‘gotten over it’, as much as one can, ‘get over’ something like that. However, I’m still sensitive to any so-called ‘jokes’ on that.
I graduated summa cum laude and went straight into investment banking. I met my wife when I was 23, and fresh into it, but after 3 years I earn pretty well.
My wife is a lawyer. Now I love my wife and she loves me (obviously) but her family hates me. Like from the depths of their souls, hates me. I’ve been called a gold-digger, a low-life, and a few more vague insults on my table manners.
I went to a ‘party’ with her the other day, one of those fancy schmancy things where everyone drinks champagne and complains about this that and the other, talking about oh we spent so much money on renovations, gasp. And I got the usual mild comments from my wife’s family and close friends on where my wife ‘picked’ me up from.
Her friend Lacy, I don’t think, knew about my family history before. We were talking about dads, don’t ask me why and I got a question on what my dad did, I said I didn’t know, never met the guy.
Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went ‘oohh, well we all know why you’re with her (my wife) then don’t we?’
I acted all confused and she got flustered, and just kept going with ‘well… you know’.
My wife tried to move the conversation along but by this point I wasn’t letting it go, I kept pushing, and pushing until Lacy finally said, ‘well you two don’t exactly have the same… finances do you’ and then I responded with, you’re right.
I make quite a bit more.
Lacy by this point was too embarrassed to keep going, I’d kind of ruined the vibe, but the night continued, this isn’t the kind of event you walk away from. We went home, which was when things genuinely went down.
She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing on that point and turn one comment into one of the most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she’s some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I’d ruined everything.
But it’s not like I lied. I’m just tired of being treated like crap in her circle. My wife is upset though, and I do care about her, so I need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your wife failed to stop this jerk and just expected you to take it?
She didn’t speak up and say ‘hey that’s out of line’…where you two could have just walked away. She wanted you to overlook being looked down upon because she felt looked down upon. She called that ‘the most embarrassing moments of her life’ because she feels like a failure since you make more, which is wild considering what she expected you to endure.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“I grew up in a wealthy area, and the wealthiest guy of all used to drive a beater station wagon and wore flannel shirts everywhere. At my parents’ parties, men would come up to him and brag about how wealthy they were and then patronizingly ask what he did.
He’d say, “I work in a factory.” That was technically true, except he worked in a lot of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) Other people who knew were laughing at the braggart, who never got the joke.
I have told that story a couple of times at apt moments. Or sometimes I say, “I was taught it’s rude to brag or ask about money.” It usually doesn’t work. Those people have their facts wrong, and you corrected the facts.
They are jerks, who are embarrassed that they stepped on a rake. You are NTJ. Why has your wife been putting up with this? She should have long ago told her family the situation, and shut them down fast.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wonder whether you should rethink your entire marriage. It sounds like not only does your wife’s family treat you badly, but she allows it to keep happening, which is nearly as bad. Why doesn’t she care about/respect you enough to put a stop to the constant trashing?
She’s embarrassed that people know you earn more than she does, but she’s not angered by her family and close friends treating you like dirt? That’s just not ok.” WestCovina1234
16. AITJ For Confronting My Grandparents About Their Discriminatory Behavior?
“I live with only my mom and dad which means that I have no siblings but my dad does have a lot of siblings which means that I have quite a lot of cousins. My dad is Jewish and his side of the family is generally not that religious but his parents are religious.
However, my mom’s not Jewish so technically I’m not Jewish and I have always felt like my grandparents have treated me differently due to it.
For example, for my bday, they wouldn’t get me a gift or it would be very minor compared to my cousins.
They also generally aren’t as nice to me. So yesterday while visiting with a few of my cousins I got fed up because when we were about to eat they gave everyone but me plates. I directly asked them why they treat me differently in a pretty angry tone.
My grandma said that I can get a plate myself but I told her that it’s not that but rather in general. She said that I should ask my dad because he’s the one who married a ”shiksa” woman and that she can’t condone it in any way.
I left because it was just horrible and awkward. I feel bad for lashing out while everyone was having a good time but it just annoyed me so much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m Jewish. She is being racist and awful.
But your dad should be standing up for you. He should never have let this go on for so long. You don’t owe your grandmother the courtesy of a visit or any contact. She is treating you as less than.
And any inequality between cousins is horrible. And it’s not like you did anything to deserve it! It would be one thing if she just was upset with your dad (although come on, get over it already), but you are innocent so it’s even more infuriating.
I’m sorry she is so awful to you.” Generaless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pretty ironic coming from a woman who is a part of a religious minority group that tends to get discriminated against left, right, and center. Quite hypocritical to do this to her grandchild.
You need to have a conversation with your parents about this and how they should be protecting you from this exclusion but fail to stand up for you. I would also pump the brakes on going anywhere near your grandparents.
Until you see change and your father nips this in the bud you will no longer be a victim to this crap.” SweetSerenityxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Exclusion because of something you had nothing to do with is wrong. Treating you worse than a disease is inherently cruel.
Cut contact with them. You don’t deserve any more disrespect, humiliation, and pain from these people. It’s not all about religion, it’s about the lack of common decency and treating others as they would like to be treated.” LoveBeach8
15. AITJ For Calling Out My In-Laws For Mispronouncing My Name?
“I (29f) have been married to my husband James for just over a year.
I’m Irish, he’s American and we currently live in America. My name is Ciara. It’s pronounced like Keira Knightley not like Sierra or Kee-ar-uh like Simba’s daughter from The Lion King 2. My middle name is Sinéad. My ILs struggled badly with my name when we met despite constant corrections.
They default to Sierra. My SIL made some ignorant comments about being in America and so embracing the Sierra pronunciation instead of my weird one. Or she suggested I use the same spelling as Keira Knightley. James quickly told her to cut that out and to accept my name wasn’t said that way.
I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O’Connor fan and she can say that correctly.
So we don’t see his family often because of this. I’m not someone who wants a fight but I also don’t dismiss disrespect either.
For my BIL’s birthday, we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends.
But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn’t like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn’t be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers.
I corrected the “mistake” of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband.
MIL and SIL weren’t a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually.
MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterward and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – MIL and SIL are deliberately doing this. It’s an easy name to say, first of all. And, let’s be honest, they almost certainly heard your name before they ever saw it. Your husband would have spoken to them about you and said your name out loud before they saw how it was spelled, and even if he hadn’t, they’ve heard your name spoken how many times?
They’re the only jerks in this situation. Maybe the solution is to start deliberately butchering their names every time they butcher yours?” Samael13
Another User Comments:
“Even if they weren’t being jerks about it (people are obligated to do their absolute best to pronounce other people’s names correctly, given any limitations in their accent, and your in-laws clearly are not and they absolutely should not be criticizing your name), their explanation makes literally no sense.
The way your name is spelled is unintuitive to them, but it’s not like they’re reading your name every time. It’s just not difficult to understand that some names are spelled differently (in English) than they are pronounced… Do they call guys Joo-an when their name is Juan?
Or Ja-Kwes when their name is Jacques? I doubt it. My bet is that you are the only one that they are doing this to. NTJ.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both names are shared with high-profile people, there is zero excuse for them to get your name wrong and to continue trying to rename you.
That is what they are doing, it isn’t that they can’t remember how to pronounce your name. They are trying to change your name. If you can, stop interacting with them until they apologize for their childish game of trying to change your name.” baloo1970
14. AITJ For Banning My Abusive Future Mother-In-Law From Our Wedding?
“I (25M) am going to be marrying my lovely fiance (27F) in 6 months. Let’s call her Gabrielle (G). She’s fantastic, I love her to bits, and am excited for the wedding. Her mother (M) however, is (and this is mutually agreed upon by us), an abuser.
For as long as I’ve known G, every couple of months, they will get into a fight fabricated by M, culminating in M sending vile things to G. I encourage G to stand up for herself, however, she handwaves this abuse (after being incredibly upset for a time of course) since M is the only parent that she has.
Throughout wedding planning, M has flipped between helpful, to toxic. For brevity, I’ll avoid examples, but this oft has surrounded money, and how she has “put so much towards the wedding”. But, this has almost always been contingent on doing what M wants with the money; often outside our budget and what we want at the wedding.
In most cases though, we just give in. It then gets lorded over us how much she is contributing. Any pushback over “ideas” that M has is immediately responded to with a tirade on ‘disrespect’ and how much she has contributed, how we should be grateful etc. This has mutually annoyed G and me to no end.
It came to a head today. M wanted to pay for a thing she really wanted, but then explicitly said that she wouldn’t pay for something else that she wanted and we didn’t. G, with my support, presented some pushback, which went down the familiar path of disrespect.
However, this time it got vile, personal, and about as abusive as you can get in text format. It was shared with me (by G) and was one of the most disgusting passages of text I’ve ever read. M said she wasn’t going to come to the wedding, and demanded we give back the money she already provided.
My immediate response to G was that I don’t want to negotiate with someone playing the emotional blackmail card. She could have the money back and that’s that. G tended to agree, saying that if that’s what the mother really wanted, she couldn’t stop her…
However, M tried to wheel everything back a few hours later, pretending the abuse didn’t happen. However, I was done with it at this point. We’re this far out from the wedding, her behavior was spiraling. I have a personal gripe with bullies and abusers, so I was ropeable; Previously I was only hanging on for G’s sake.
With this, I told G that I wouldn’t accept this wheelback from M, and she wasn’t to come. She can have her money back, that’s that.
G understands where I’m coming from and is accepting of this, however of course is still somewhat upset that it has come to this, and that M, who as said is her only parent, cannot come to the wedding.
I refuse however to share a wedding with an out-and-out abuser who has for years, terrorized G to no end, and brought no end of strife to the wedding planning process with her consistent emotional abuse of both of us.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You have bigger problems. Your fiance is the one who needs to make the decision to cut off her mother. It cannot be you. You also need to decide on how disagreements will be handled. Will her mom always be in your life?
I don’t want to call you a jerk because she sounds horrible, but you also can not force the issue. Your fiance needs support and therapy. You also need to decide if you can handle your mother-in-law in your life in any capacity.
Because it sounds like your partner isn’t ready to cut ties. No jerks here.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for banning an abuser, and definitely not for having your fiancée’s back here, but because of this: “G understands where I’m coming from and is accepting of this, however of course is still somewhat upset that it has come to this…” With all the best intentions, you are running the danger here of turning into the one making G fold instead of standing up for herself and what she wants because she’s been conditioned her whole life to deny herself for other people’s demands to smooth things over.
I don’t think you want to be the one G is saying “if he really wants that I can’t stop him”. G needs professional support to recover from growing up with an abusive parent. You should also have professional support, either on your own or together as a couple, to help you navigate this in a way that is healthy for both of you.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s going to be upsetting for G, but at some point she needs to rip off the bandaid or forever suffer, slowly pulling it off only for it to glue itself back to her skin again.
It’s a moment of pain to save her from a lifetime of suffering. PS.: Of course as a stranger on the internet, it’s easier for me to say than it is for her to do it. So she will need a lot of support from you.” Due-Aioli-6641
13. AITJ For Refusing To Do Chores After Starting To Pay Rent To My Parents?
“I’m 24(f) and I live with my parents currently. I’m doing this to save money and they haven’t charged me rent until now.
I’ve been basically “paying” rent by doing the chores, mainly cleaning the house, grocery shopping, managing their bills, cooking their meals, and taking care of my 5(f) cousin (due to some circumstances my parents are currently her guardians) when I’m off work.
This hasn’t left me with that much free time however it’s been in fact helping me save money so I’ve been more than happy with this arrangement.
Recently however my parents have asked me to start paying rent. I asked them if everything was ok and if they’re struggling but they said that’s not the case and they just feel like I should contribute more since they’ve been letting me stay with them for free after finishing college.
I’m not gonna lie I was a bit bumped but the rent they wanted from me was still a way better deal than anything else I would find somewhere else so I accepted.
A few hours ago however my mom confronted me about how I’ve been slacking off on my chores after I told her I can’t take care of my cousin since I had plans with some friends.
She said they tried to be understanding but this can’t keep going on and I asked her what she meant. Since the deal was that me doing chores was going to be how I pay rent, now that I’m actually paying rent I’ll stop doing them and I thought that was obvious.
She got mad, called me ungrateful and spoiled. I told her she can’t expect me to pay rent AND do all these chores that left me with no free time and that I’d be better off if I just found my own place even if it was going to cost me more at this point.
She got angry once more because I’d rather “give money to some stranger than your own family” and said she can’t believe how big of a jerk I am and to just wait until my dad hears about it.
He’s gonna be back in a few hours and honestly, I’ve been thinking about our fight, if you can even call it that, and I’m wondering if I really am entitled to how I feel?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They want you to pay THEM on top of you doing all of their housework??? When you have a job? When you said chores I was expecting you to say “doing the dishes” or “taking out the trash” or “cleaning the kitchen sometimes”… But you’re their cook, their maid, their personal shopper, their childcare, their accountant… do they pay you for any of that?
Your parents are guilt-tripping you. You’re not a jerk; you’re a human being with limits. If I were you, I’d save up as much money as possible and move out ASAP.” redpenraccoon
Another User Comments:
“It’s your family and you have to find the middle ground, but IMO you are right – you either pay your rent in cash or in chores, they can’t just ask you to pay rent and do as many chores as before.
Would be best if you would start charging them for babysitting, etc. so they can see that by starting a monetary relationship with you they made a mistake. NTJ. If they would rent your room to someone unrelated they would not ask them to do house chores or babysit for free but because you are family and you “owe” them they have no problem milking you.
The best way is to find a place to live and be your own boss and enjoy the freedom.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but is it possible something else is going on here? Maybe they don’t want you to live with them anymore and they don’t know how to say it?
Maybe it’s time for a hard talk where you fully explain your long-term plan to move out and make sure they’re on board. But also realize, it’s ok for them to say no too and be ready for that.” CuriousNebula43
12. AITJ For Threatening To Kick Out My Niece After She Stole From My Daughter's Roblox Account?
“My (38F) daughter (13F) has been playing this game called Roblox in 2020 as a way of playing with her friends online as well as curing her boredom. She was obsessed with this Roblox game that’s set in a school because she missed her friends so much and it allowed her to stay connected with them.
Her interest in video games has developed into an interest in technology – she’s by far at the top of her IT class and has even started learning how to code in order to make her own game.
My sister (34F) and niece (10F) have recently had to move in with us after my sister discovered that her husband was having an affair.
They’re staying at my house for the time being while she saves up money for a place of their own.
My niece and daughter usually get along, and they both bond over their interest in Roblox. Last week, my daughter was completely distraught and crying nonstop.
She said that she saw her cousin playing a Roblox game and realized her cousin’s avatar had a lot more items than usual. She decided to join her, only to realize that her account had been hacked and she’d lost nearly every item she had on her favorite Roblox game.
She’d lost 800K of the in-game currency and nearly her entire inventory, which she claimed was worth over 5 million of the in-game currency. She had spent the last four years saving up for those items and everything was gone just like that.
My daughter began accusing my niece of hacking her account. My niece denied it at first, but quickly broke under pressure and admitted everything. The previous day, they had been playing the game together when I called them down to dinner.
My niece has only been playing for a few months and I suppose she would be considered a ‘noob’. She begged my daughter to give her some of her items, and my daughter refused, saying that she should earn the items by herself.
When my daughter came down, my niece decided to stay behind for a minute to transfer all of my daughter’s items into her account.
I tried to mediate the situation, but my sister is refusing to cooperate. She told me that it’s only a game, it’s not like my daughter spent real money on it.
I attempted to explain just how much this game means to my daughter, to which my sister said that my daughter should count herself lucky that her biggest problem is a bunch of pixels on a screen. She said my daughter was a teenager now and was too old to be acting this immature over a game.
My niece refuses to give my daughter her stuff back and says it’s unfair that my daughter gets to have everything she wants both in real life and online. I told my sister and niece that both of them were acting like ungrateful brats considering how I was letting them stay in my home rent-free.
Today, I gave her an ultimatum: if my niece doesn’t return everything she hacked from my daughter, they would both have one week to leave. I told her that I refuse to let anyone disrespect my daughter under my roof.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am getting so tired of people telling other people that they are too old to love the things they love. Let people enjoy the things they want to and enjoy life. It doesn’t matter if your daughter is too old for the game or if she didn’t spend any real money on the items – what matters is that your niece stole from your daughter and your sister wants to give her no repercussions for this action.
How much longer until your niece decides that it is not fair that your daughter has something else that she doesn’t have and takes it from you, or that you have something that she doesn’t and takes that? Theft is theft, and if your sister doesn’t put a stop to it now, it can start a slippery slope, especially since your niece has seen that she has her mother’s approval. Yes, your niece has been given a raw deal, but that is no excuse to steal, especially from someone who not only had nothing to do with why she has this bad situation, but who was sharing her home to try to help her out.
Both your niece and your sister have taken your hospitality and broken your trust.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Your sister’s child stole. She stole from her cousin, who treats her with grace and shares her game. She lies about it and her mother tried to minimize her bad behavior and blame your daughter for having more and being too old for the game?!
Isn’t lying why she’s in your house with her child? Why is she teaching her daughter to behave like the father she left?! She needs to go back to her house and deal with her daughter and husband.
YWNBTJ.” Listen_2learn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know what game you’re referring to – the terms of service for the game state that you can be banned for hacking or tricking someone into giving you their items. If the current ultimatum doesn’t work, tell the niece you’ll contact the developers of the game who will ban her account from the game.
However, keep in mind that should you actually contact the developers of the game and get the niece’s account banned, it will also remove any possibility of regaining items that were traded from your daughter’s account to the niece’s.” ToxxiCoffee
11. AITJ For Not Wearing Makeup And Dressing Up For A Night Out?
“I (23F) live with 3 girls all 20s. We’ve lived together for approximately 6 months. I knew 2 of them before and met the 3rd girl ‘Jane’ when we moved in. Jane and I previously got along. I wouldn’t say we were friends as we don’t have much in common but she’s a good housemate.
We went out last weekend for one of the other girls’ birthday. It wasn’t a big thing, just going to a bar with some friends. We were all getting ready together and here’s where the problems started. I don’t wear makeup so it doesn’t take me long to get ready.
I was just sitting and chatting while the others got ready. Jane kept making comments about my outfit/hair etc. I didn’t think anything of it and thought she was asking if I was ready so I said I was.
Then she looked me up and down and said wow it must be so nice to not care about how you look. I was taken aback because that’s pretty rude, and I wasn’t wearing a dress but I was wearing an outfit that was appropriate for where we were going.
I didn’t want to start an argument so I jokingly said: well you know, I’m not the one who has to look at me so it’s not my problem. I often say this when people ask about me not wearing makeup and most people just laugh and move on.
She scoffed, rolled her eyes, and didn’t say anything else but for the rest of the evening, she didn’t acknowledge me at all. I thought maybe she’d just had a bad day but she was really cold for days to the point where my other 2 housemates asked what was up.
I decided to ask her if I’d done something to upset her and she absolutely exploded at me. I don’t remember everything but she said I was disrespectful by not dressing up when everyone else did and making it a joke, she said I was misogynistic for hating feminine things, she called me a pick me and said that no man would want me because I was ‘too desperate’.
I was shocked and just laughed. For context:
- I was a tomboy so I never learned how to do makeup. I’ve let my friends do my makeup a few times but I don’t like how it looks on me. I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious so I just prefer not to wear it.
It’s got nothing to do with hating femininity
- I don’t look/dress feminine but I do lots of things that are traditionally feminine. I’m not sure why Jane thinks I hate feminine things other than that I look more androgynous
- I am a lesbian! No one’s accused me of trying to get male attention before which is why I laughed. In her defense, I’m not sure she knows since I never ‘came out’ to her but it’s not a secret and I don’t think I’m particularly subtle.
I feel like most people would at least have a suspicion by just looking at me.
I tried to apologize and explain, but she said she didn’t want to hear excuses and accused me of gaslighting her. I feel like this came out of nowhere and it made me think this is about something else.
I spoke to some other friends and they say I should just******* up and apologize but I don’t know what for and she still won’t talk to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, repeat NTJ. Jane however is an overreaching major one.
You were dressed appropriately – you are an adult and I trust that you do know how to dress. It really sounds like Jane is jealous of you and wants to hurt you. Not really sure how you not wearing a dress or makeup makes you misogynistic or a pick-me or even the gaslighting – does she even know what any of them mean?
She was just hurling word-of-the-month insults at you. You owe no one an explanation or an apology about your appearance. Ignore Jane. She is not worthy of your time or energy. There is nothing you could do to appease such a person so don’t even try.
I am truly sorry you have to deal with a Jane in your life.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How incredibly rude and judgmental this person is! Speaking as someone who absolutely knows how to do makeup, and who wore it for many years, and who has chosen to not wear it for again, many years, what you do with your appearance is nobody’s business but yours.
Dress in a manner that pleases you, and suits the circumstances of your social outing, and tell anyone who tries to criticize to stuff it. Be you. Makeup, no makeup, dresses, slacks, overalls, a clown suit, a unicorn hat, whatever.
Just do you, and tell everyone else to shut up about it.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whatever bug is up Jane’s butt has nothing to do with you specifically and everything to do with her insecurities about her place in the world.
She’s not going to do well in life if she has this reaction to women who don’t meet her standards for acceptable femininity, and whoo boy is she really going to have a hard time as she ages because if she thinks womanhood = “looking glamorous and Instagrammy at all times” then the next 60 or so years are going to suuuuuuuuuuck.
You have to live with her in the meantime, and I don’t have any advice for you, I’ve also had to live with a roommate that I hated and we just sucked it up til we found other places to live, but be content at least in the knowledge that none of this has anything to do with you.” saucisse
10. AITJ For Refusing To Eat Guinea Pig At A Friend's Family Gathering?
“I (36f) have a coworker (Gaby) who I have known for about 2 years. I consider her to be a good friend, and I enjoy spending time with her and her family.
A couple of weeks ago, she invited me to a small family gathering she was having to welcome her aunt who was visiting from Ecuador.
Now usually I enjoy food from different countries and have no problem trying new foods. Usually.
So last weekend I went to her small party along with my 6-year-old. Everyone was very sweet like always and was especially excited for the meal. When I asked what was the dish they were waiting on, they said it was “cuy”.
I had never heard of it so I said I was excited to try it.
When they finally brought out their special dish, I was shocked to see that it was roasted guinea pigs. I went green in the face.
I tried to hide my disgust and tried not to let anyone see how surprised I was, but I’m not sure I did a good job of it.
I served myself and my child rice and other foods but did not touch the cuy.
When people noticed I was not partaking of the guinea pigs, they explained to me how it was a delicacy in Ecuador, and that if I eat chicken and pig, then I shouldn’t think of guinea pigs being any different.
I said I agreed with that statement but I’d just rather not try it. The people sitting next to me seemed annoyed but didn’t push me to try.
When my coworker came to check on me, she was disappointed that I wouldn’t try it.
But she got angry when I didn’t allow her to serve my 6-year-old a piece of her cuy. At that point, I decided my child and I should leave. I thanked her for the invitation and said goodbye to the aunt and other people I knew.
The next day at work, she confronted me about my lack of manners. She said I was a jerk for not giving her cuisine a try, and an even bigger jerk for not even letting my child try it.
I feel terrible that I upset my friend, but I don’t think that not being able to stomach a certain food makes me a bad person.
As for not letting my child try it, I’m not so sure. I guess I could have let her try it for herself, but I just didn’t want my child to eat a rodent. So AITJ for not giving the dish a try?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you tried to be as polite as possible while avoiding eating it. I may personally think the hangups many people have about the concept of eating a different type of mammal than they’re used to in their own culture don’t make much sense (and I’ve had cuy and it’s delicious), but I also don’t think anyone should be made to eat something they don’t want to.
Your hosts pushed it to the point where you couldn’t avoid being direct about it. I’m not sure what else you could have done. NTJ.” mwmandorla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally I won’t eat rabbit, even though it’s an accepted food in the UK.
Yes, I recognize there is cognitive dissonance in not wanting to eat the cute fluffy animal but still eating meat in general. Does that morally require me to do something that will deeply upset me? I don’t think so.
People shouldn’t have food forced on them in any situation, and the social expectation that you must eat every single dish to be a polite guest is nonsense.” 3OrcsInATrenchcoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even before I was vegan I wouldn’t eat lamb not ever.
I went to a lunch once and it was roast lamb so I just had potato and veg, people accepted that I didn’t eat lamb. As a vegan this comes up from time to time I eat other things but not meat ever, nobody ever really comments.
I don’t see what the difference is in your situation you didn’t make a fuss, you ate everything else. I suspect your child would possibly not have wanted to eat the guinea pig either as they are seen as pets for lots of people.
I never ate rabbit or duck when I was growing up as we had them for pets. Now I get that guinea pig is a delicacy for some South American countries but that it might not be comfortable for other nationalities, the French eat horse but folks in England (for the most part) would not be comfortable doing that and in fact, there was a huge scandal a few years ago about horse meat in burgers.
To me, there is no difference between eating a cow or a horse but for some people there is. Muslims don’t eat pork, would you be annoyed if a friend came to your house and refused bacon? She was annoyed because you didn’t want to try something you were uncomfortable eating if anyone is the jerk it is her, not you.” decentlyfair
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Needs To Get Her Daughter Help For Her Social Problems?
“My sister was a single mom to Ava (9f) before she got married last year. It was just the two of them before my sister met Nick and moved in with him and his kids. Now it’s Nick, my sister, Nick’s three kids who are preteens or teenagers, and Ava.
Ava never met her dad.
Ava’s always had social problems. This isn’t even the first time I raised my concerns to my sister about Ava. But now that it’s no longer the two of them it is presenting itself far more and is causing far more issues than before.
These social problems are generally around how she talks to people. She tells them what she likes because her own brain says her interests are best and everyone else is supposed to like them because other things are dumb. She gets angry when this is challenged or ignored by others.
To the point she will yell at them. But then she can’t figure out why they get mad right back at her. And I do believe her that she doesn’t understand. It both upsets and confuses her. She can’t understand kids in school bullying her and the fact that she can never keep a friend.
She also invites herself into games uninvited and then gets upset/mad when plans are kept that were not planned with her. Like playing with the neighborhood kids and getting upset they went to the park, which they planned to do already, because the park is awful and she hates it.
She became inconsolable when that happened.
There are times I have attempted to explain to Ava why people don’t want to do what she does and she looked at me like I was crazy and went into very detailed descriptions of why her interests are the best and why everyone should love them.
She has been like this with Nick’s kids and my sister and Nick see themselves as a family so treat it like “oh they have to get along in some ways”. But it’s clear Nick’s kids do not like Ava and they have made it perfectly clear she is not family in their eyes.
They are ice-cold to her and angry around her most of the time. Then it bubbles over like a couple of days ago when Ava turned off their console because she decided they would all play together and not video games.
This resulted in the oldest yelling and cursing at Ava, calling her names, saying everyone hates her and she’s such a burden to have around and they wish they could send her away forever and never see her again. Ava had a huge meltdown and was screaming she didn’t understand.
My sister said this went on for hours. It freaked her and Nick out but it still didn’t give her the encouragement to seek help for Ava. All that came from that was Nick’s kids were punished.
This is where I came in and told my sister she needs to get Ava help and she can’t keep ignoring the problems Ava has.
I told her Ava deserves help because she doesn’t seem capable of grasping everything and there is very possibly a valid reason for that and maybe it needs to be explained a certain way.
My sister didn’t take too kindly to me interfering and told me I was overstepping.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ava sounds like she may be neurodivergent. She won’t grow out of that – but she can learn new ways to interact with people and ways to manage her own emotions and reactions to others.
She needs individual therapy, and it sounds like the whole family could benefit from therapy as well. The other kids are well on their way to growing an unhealthy resentment/hatred of Ava which will only get worse the longer your sister and Nick put it off.
A happy blended family doesn’t just happen over time – it actually takes hard work, and that starts with the parents meeting the needs of each individual child. Right now, your sister and Nick are failing all of the kids.” hikemtnsnh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your niece needs help, she doesn’t understand social clues and it’s not her fault (autism? Neurodivergent?), but she can learn it with the help of professionals. Those kids (stepkids and at school) are fed up and for good reasons, your niece is acting like an entitled brat (the fact she doesn’t know any better and it’s not her fault doesn’t change that).
Your sister is setting her up for a world of pain.” ThoughtsFromFarAway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m neurodivergent and Ava sounds like she could likely be the same. She won’t grow out of it – but she can learn to cope.
She needs to meet with a medical professional who could screen her for autism, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, etc. Your sister needs to learn that she can’t ignore Ava’s issues and it’s unfair to punish the other children because that’s THEIR way of reacting to her.” QuantumLinhenykus
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Wedding As A Last-Minute Plus One?
“I 25(F) am really close with my cousin 26(m) and over the past two years I’ve gotten close with the people in his friend group. I’ve attended a lot of parties they’ve thrown, including birthdays, Christmas, and Halloween, as well as casual hangouts on a Friday night.
I’ve also invited them to my birthday party. I’m in their group chat as well. I felt like I was good friends with all of them, especially the girls. One girl, let’s call her Kelly, is engaged to a guy in the group, let’s call him Ken.
Kelly and Ken invited me to their engagement party about a year ago, to which I brought a gift and had a grand old time with them and all their friends and family.
About 3 months ago my cousin came over to hang out and he said “you didn’t get an invite to the wedding huh?” And I said no I didn’t.
He then told me that Kelly and Ken really want me to come but I must come as someone’s plus one, and I had to pick which one of the guys in the group to be my date. This caught me off guard as I honestly found it tacky.
If they want me there why wouldn’t they just send an invite?? Also, if you don’t have space to host me, which I understand, don’t try to set up a complicated workaround to have me there. I just found it distasteful, but I was uncomfortable so I chose one of his friends.
3 months later I still hadn’t been invited to the wedding by that friend, so I figured he had found another date. Didn’t really bother me because the whole situation made me kind of feel icky. Well, he texted me today asking me to be his date.
I told him I’d let him know because I might have work, after all, I didn’t get a save the date or an invite so I didn’t have the chance to request work off. He told me the RSVP date is in 2 days.
I also found this sort of tacky. Why invite me so last minute?? He said that Kelly and Ken told him they really want me there.
I thought we were all close enough friends that I would just get an invite.
After all, I was invited to the engagement party, to Kelly’s birthday party, to Ken’s birthday party, and they came to my birthday as well. I honestly thought we were all good friends, but now I’m thinking we aren’t as good of friends as I thought, or even friends at all.
This whole no invitation plus one situation makes me uncomfortable. Would I be the jerk if I don’t attend the wedding because I’m uncomfortable with this? Or maybe I’m being overly sensitive. I’d appreciate advice from an outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are these games?! It’s their wedding, they have full power over the guest list. It was within their ability and in fact, the obvious solution to keep the spots for the single guys in your friend group to just one and extend you a dedicated invite for just one too.
Why do they want you to make a grand show of choosing your preferred guy to accompany? Very exhausting.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… grow up and actually communicate with the couple. Everything you hear secondhand is unreliable. They don’t want you there.
It’s not important to them that you are there. They would rather every one of their actual friends bring strangers than have you there. It’s only because your cousin felt bad that you merit any thought at all.
Honestly, it sounds like they don’t even know about the plus one scheme and your cousin cooked that up to get around them not inviting you. You are not invited to this wedding. You may be allowed to come, but you are not wanted. Proceed accordingly.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you are not that close to Kelly and Ken and it doesn’t even sound like you’ve even spoken to them and only heard from the others around it. I wouldn’t be going either. If they wanted you they would’ve invited you.
Unless you do want to go as a +1 with the guy that’s invited you. Maybe the plan was for you to always be his date because he likes you but this is a bad way to go about it. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad.
You have other plans. You aren’t close enough to be invited, therefore you aren’t close enough to drop everything to be a +1.” KitchenDismal9258
7. AITJ For Staying At A Baseball Game Instead Of Leaving With My Partner's Friends?
“I’m a 26-year-old male and I have been seeing my partner for 9 months.
We both live in Chicago and the game in question was the Cubs walk-off winner on Saturday.
She had friends from college coming into town who I had never met before and she was excited for me to meet them.
Part of their plan was going to the Cubs game on Saturday afternoon and going out afterward. Important detail alert: I paid for my and my partner’s tickets. I’m also a big Cubs fan so I was thrilled to go.
But Wrigley Field is a major tourist place and a lot of times people go just to go and don’t really care about the game like my partner and her friends.
In the 7th inning, she and her friends started getting bored. They decided to leave to go to a bar.
As my partner got up, I stayed seated and told her I would meet them afterward because I wanted to watch the game. She didn’t want to argue in front of them so she said okay and left.
She texted me after leaving saying that the objective of the day was to hang out with her friends and not for me to watch baseball.
I said I paid for the ticket so I don’t see anything wrong with me staying and using the ticket I paid for. She told me her friends think I’m weird for wanting to stay by myself and were wondering why I didn’t come with.
She said if the group wanted to leave as a whole I should have left with them. She thinks I made her look bad and it looks like I don’t care to get to know her friends. She said the point of today was me meeting her friends and them liking me again not me watching baseball.
But I paid for the tickets and met them after so I don’t understand why it was a big deal. She is still upset at this moment. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid good money for tickets, and you genuinely love baseball.
So it is perfectly reasonable for you to stay and watch the rest of the game. That said, it probably was a little awkward for your partner—but not painfully shaming and humiliating, as far as I can see. The one doubt I have has to do with your original plans, if any, for after the game.
If you were all supposed to go out after the game, ideally you would have said something along the lines of, “I’m going to watch the rest of the game. Why don’t we meet at (name of local bar or whatever) after the game?” If you just ignored that part of the original plan, then that could seem kinda rude to your partner and her friends.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You PAID for her to go, of course she doesn’t care about it. Her friends may have money to willy-nilly throw around and not give af about but not me… I’m going to make every last second count from all that money I paid to enjoy whatever tickets I bought.
Tell her to go waste her own money, not other people’s. It’s not weird, you paid for the seats so use them. On the other hand, I am seeing people’s points where you knew they would do this, so you’re not a jerk but maybe a bit naive for making these plans, paying for it and all the while knowing they’d just ditch…She wanted you to hang out with her friends, maybe you could’ve suggested doing something else instead of doing something you knew you wanted to stick around and watch.
Yes, you paid for it but you knew full well what might happen when you hit pay on those ticket sites.” Confident-Try20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I mean we all know you can’t be honest, but for real, you absolutely wanted to stay and watch the game more than get to know your partner’s friends.
I don’t even really like baseball and my rear would have stayed in the seat next to you. Also, who gives a darn if her friends like you? They pulled a power play trying to test you. “Let’s see if he’ll leave the game if we want to!” Your girl is just upset you didn’t play along.” Jakaal80
6. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Wife What I Saw Her Dad Wearing?
“Long story short, my wife and I are staying with her parents while we have work done on our home. This morning our cat decided to wake me up for food at 5 am (not uncommon) and when I went upstairs to feed him, I came across a startled FIL (father-in-law).
It was early, so I was somewhat groggy, but he was definitely sitting in the kitchen wearing a bra, and I think he also may have been trying to quickly pull off and hide a pair of women’s undergarments from under his robe.
I avoided looking in his direction and acted as groggy as possible while I quickly gave the cat a scoop of food and then retreated back to the basement. The only thing I said was “ah, he always wakes me up early for food” and FIL responded with “oh that’s all he wants?” in a very startled tone.
I spent the rest of the morning thinking about this interaction and haven’t said anything to my wife yet. Would I be the jerk if I told her? Would I be more of a jerk if I didn’t?
Help me, this feels weird.
To add to this, he gets up early every Saturday (the day this happened) and goes golfing with buddies. Now my mind is spiraling thinking about how this could be a weekly thing that maybe his family doesn’t know about.
Was he prepping to go do something other than golf? Oh god, make the thoughts stop!”
Another User Comments:
“This is effectively the same as asking if you should out someone who’s trans or gay. The answer is no, you should not.
If it comes up in the future stick to your groggy when woke up & didn’t notice anything story. It really isn’t your business and you don’t need to get in it. You would be the jerk.” TheVaneja
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. He was wearing women’s undergarments. That’s nobody’s business but his. Who wants to hear about their parents’ undergarments? I (F60s) prefer men’s sports shorts (they’re longer and typically have a lining and pockets) and years ago I bought men’s boxers (they now have women’s boxers) So what?
I’m not a cross-dresser, I’m not gay, I’m just a woman who likes to be comfortable. If in your FIL’s instance, it’s a thing, then again – who wants to know that about their parent? Nobody.” Princess-She-ra
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. You will gain nothing by bringing this up to anyone. It is not your wife’s business. It isn’t yours. I’m sure he will take better care to avoid discovery in the future if other people are around.
He hurts no one by wearing whatever he chooses. For crying out loud, leave him in peace.” happycuriouslady
5. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter To Take A Break From School For Her Mental Health?
“I have a 20-year-old stepdaughter. I’ve known her since she was 8 and I know she’s very smart but school isn’t her thing.
I knew it wasn’t her thing when she was in high school but she tested high enough to get by.
Now she’s in community college. Her first 3 semesters really messed with her mental health. She was a stem major and didn’t want to believe that it wasn’t for her so she did it until she got to the point where she stopped sleeping and eating from the stress.
I talked her into changing her major to early childhood education. She’s been working at a daycare for 2 years and loves it. She seemed relieved about the change of major for a minute but when school started again she was still feeling defeated and had no self-confidence.
As a result of that she didn’t do well this semester either.
On Saturday she came into my room shaking like a leaf and had tears streaming down her face. She was either failing or barely passing all of her classes and was in a really bad place mentally.
The first thing I suggested to her was quitting her job but she shut that down immediately. She says her job is the only thing she has that makes her feel good about herself and that she needs it so my next suggestion was taking a break from school, maybe the summer and fall, and she can focus on herself and address her mental health, hopefully with a psychologist. Going into the semester feeling defeated and that she can’t do it isn’t going to help her.
She liked that idea and told her dad that she was going to take some time off to focus on herself. He asked who told her she can do that and she said I did. Now he’s mad at me for telling her to take a gap semester to get therapy and gain some self-confidence before she goes back to school and says I should’ve talked to him or her mom before I said she can do that.
He’s talking about making her pay rent while she’s not in school and got mad when I told her I’ll pay for her because I really want this time to be about her and helping her now so she doesn’t have a breakdown at the end of every semester.
AITJ for telling her she can take a break without running it by her parents and promising to pay for her when her dad threatened to make her pay rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it would be different if she weren’t legally an adult, but she’s 20 and can make these decisions for herself.
She’s probably burnt out and definitely needs a semester for therapy and rest. She’s not taking advantage of anybody and is still working, and it’s better to take a little time off than go full steam ahead and have a breakdown later.
You parented her better than her own dad in this situation (and, honestly, that’s probably why she came to you).” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. At 20 she is an adult and she can do whatever she wants.
It’s kind of sad, really, that both she and her father don’t recognize that basic truth. He asked, “who said she can do that?” She should have told her father “I did.” Or possibly “Article 326 of the US Constitution.” That said, if she is living rent-free in her father’s house, he’s allowed to have certain conditions for her to maintain that rent-free status.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She came to you crying for help which makes me think she considers you a very safe place. To not help her in that situation could very easily destroy that. You’re a great bonus parent and your stepdaughter is very lucky to have you in her life looking out for her.
And to your husband: my dude. Your daughter needs you right now, probably more than ever. Be kind. She’ll remember how you’ll treat her for years to come. Be the kind father she knows she can rely on and who is there for her no matter what.
To make her pay rent when she’s not well will probably not make any difference to your finances but will make THE difference in your relationship with your daughter. Choose wisely. And thank your partner.” VineViniVici
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Starts The Car From The Passenger's Seat?
“My partner has a habit of starting the car from the passenger’s seat.
I have talked to her about why this is dangerous multiple times, but it continues. It’s possible that I did not communicate it very well at first, but this is my logic. If you are not in control of the car, don’t start it.
I have been in cars that lurch forward as they start (Manual cars that are parked in first gear because the e-brake snapped) and luckily no one was hurt, but I made it a policy to not let anything like that happen again (She was in the car when this happened, but says she doesn’t remember).
The first few times she started the car like this I was in the driver’s seat but unaware that she was starting the car. There was a stern conversation that went something like “Do NOT do that again, it’s dangerous”.
It happened a few more times then stopped for a while but happened again today as I was opening the door getting into the car (Which seems even more dangerous than if I wasn’t in the driver’s seat). I was very upset and am pretty positive that I hurt her feelings, which may be why I’m the jerk.
I just don’t know if I’m overreacting.
We talked about it after it happened, and she apologized for doing it, but I pressed a bit more after it didn’t feel like she understood why I was so upset. She mentioned that she hadn’t done it in a long time and admitted that she didn’t think it was as big a deal as I was making it, which is making me second guess whether or not I am the one who needs to reevaluate.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not behind the wheel, so she has no business starting the car. Can she really not wait four seconds for you to get in the car and start it? My man’s 2010 Prius would drive her batty.
You have to press the brake for the engine to completely start. I’ve been sitting in his car by myself waiting for him to do something or other and had to get out of the car and go sit in the driver’s seat to turn on the engine for some reason or another.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the issue here is more about her respecting your request. In the end, she doesn’t need to understand it as a “big deal”, just needs to understand that it’s something important to you that she has been disregarding.
Perhaps approaching her with more of a “this is important to me and I would appreciate if you respected that” would cause her to be more understanding than the “it’s dangerous” argument.” Lianarias
Another User Comments:
“This is ridiculous. First it has to be an automatic because you can’t start a manual without pushing the clutch in.
That means in the driver’s seat. Second if an automatic transmission is in park it is NOT moving. At all. Period. The lurch you are talking about happened because you left a manual transmission in neutral and the emergency brake snapped. You should never leave a standard in neutral when you kill it.
For that reason. It had nothing to do with the car being started. So you are just wrong all the way around. YTJ.” Competitive-Week-935
3. AITJ For Not Defending My Daughter's Creative English Assignment?
“My daughter Ines is in the 8th grade. I am a single parent who is barely getting by. We can’t afford the activities for the graduating class like trips to New York, dances, etc.
I told Ines this and she seems to understand that we just can’t afford it.
I got called in to talk to her English teacher about a paper she wrote last month. The prompt was “what I did on spring break.”
Ines spent it at home or tagging along with me to my job. But instead she wrote this ten-page story about how she found this door in the office I clean that took her to the past.
She wrote a short fiction story instead of the paper her teacher wanted. She got a D.
Ines wanted me to convince the teacher to change her grade.
I told her that she can’t submit short stories instead of homework, so she deserves that poor grade.
But Ines said that she doesn’t have anything to work with otherwise she hates English.
We are going back and forth. She has a C in English and I told her she is grounded until she gets her grades up.
Ines is upset and won’t speak to me. I had another meeting with a school counselor who suggested that I’m being too harsh on her, and to encourage her to write more. That’s not the problem.
My problem is that Ines doesn’t listen to me or her teachers and acts like she’s living in that dimension in her stories.
That’s not how the real world works.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Coming from someone who has worked in education for 15 years. I would schedule a meeting with the teacher to better understand your daughter’s grade and ask about this assignment, specifically.
If there’s an opportunity to provide some insight to the teacher regarding her doing absolutely nothing during break and writing a short story instead, then do it. If your daughter is actually PERFORMING at grade level and not missing assignments, then the teacher is being a bit over the top.
I don’t get how a D is even possible if she is a good writer. I think this is an opportunity for you to be an advocate for your child in a positive way and show her you care.
The counselor is right. Get a meeting, talk to the teacher, and cut your daughter some slack. Sounds like she’s missing out on a ton of things and is in a super strange and uncomfortable age.” missdeb99912
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Unless your daughter’s story was a grammatical nightmare with atrocious spelling, you should be standing up for her. And you should be celebrating her talent and encouraging her to work on it. Ask the teacher one simple question: since the assignment was What I Did on Spring Break, would this statement at the top of her paper change her grade While on Spring Break, I wrote the following short story?” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – the school counselor, a trained mental health professional, told you that you are being too harsh and you ignored that advice. A mental health expert who has worked with your daughter and understands the situation gave you advice and you are looking to strangers on the internet to agree with you.
That’s how you traumatize a child. Google adverse childhood experiences and then maybe rethink your parenting style. ” Stephh075
2. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After A Disagreement With My Ex Over Cooking Asparagus?
“I broke up with her a few months (together 3.5 years) back and we decided I would be available to her child if he wished to spend time with me.
He invited me for dinner. While preparing dinner I asked her if we could cook asparagus in my new farm fresh butter. She said, “Sorry no room on stove.” I then said “I know it’s your house and it’s okay if you say no but would it be okay if I cooked it in a separate pan for myself” and she huffed and stomped out of the room saying “You can do whatever you want.” It felt horrible.
I then decided I would leave. The child had not witnessed her tantrum.
I finished cooking the child his steak and then told her I was not going to sit down and join them for dinner because “I don’t feel welcome and don’t stick around places I’m not treated well.” She then said “You are leaving because I wouldn’t cook asparagus for you in butter?” I responded I’m not leaving because of the butter but because “you huffed and stomped away.” Then she said, “You were being pushy.” I disagree that asking with a problem-solving suggestion is being pushy.
So I played it cool and told the child the steak had taken so long to defrost and that I couldn’t stay to eat and left calmly. The child seemed okay.
Then once I was gone the child said “that was weird” and my ex said “she was mad that I wouldn’t cook her asparagus in butter” and then she told me after he seemed to not be interested in seeing me again.
So now I’m feeling upset because it seems like she threw me under the bus. She told me “what was I supposed to do gaslight him” and “he was there wondering, he knew something was up. He is only 7.”
So am I the jerk for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“To recap: You asked. She said no. You asked again and included the words “it’s okay if you say no” even though she’d already said no and it was clearly not okay with you since you were asking again.
She left the room because of your frustrating, contradictory repeat question. You now describe her decision to leave the room as huffy and stompy and a tantrum. YTJ.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It couldn’t be more obvious that you aren’t doing this for the kid.
You took it as an opportunity to push at your ex to accommodate an unimportant request, then stormed out when she was rightfully unresponsive to your nonsense, regardless of how the kid would feel. Stop hiding behind the child’s needs and own up to your own nonsense.
Either show up and focus on the child or find time away from the child to deal with your issues with your ex. Stop using one as an excuse to do the other.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You asked if she could cook asparagus etc. She said there was no room on the stove.
Then you asked again, telling her it’s okay if she says no. The stove didn’t get any bigger, so there’s still no room. Then when she says no, you decide you have to leave because she’s ‘huffy’. You were playing some kind of game.
As if to say you’re only going to be available to the child if you can control her. So maybe it’s best that you can’t use a relationship with the child, since you’re going to storm off if you don’t have things your way.” feetflatontheground
1. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Do My Son's Chores While He's Suffering From A Migraine?
“I have 2 wonderful kids, a son, Oscar 15M, and a daughter, Holly 17F. My son gets very very bad migraines. He can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t do anything.
It’s a stressful time for everyone in our family and when he gets them he usually takes a day or 2 off school (it happens rarely so this is not an issue). He’s currently in one of these ‘episodes’ as my wife and I have taken to calling them, so he is in the guest room resting.
Obviously, he can’t do chores when he’s like this so usually my wife and I pick up the slack.
Holly always gets a bit edgy when Oscar has these attacks and generally acts a bit grumpy. I always assumed these were out of concern for her brother so would usually get her some sweets or something to take her mind off it.
Today Holly saw me emptying the trash which is usually one of Oscar’s chores and did that really prolonged sigh which people do when they want you to ask them what’s wrong. I put the trash back and went to talk to her.
Holly is upset because we never do all this for her when she has a headache. I explained, gently, that Oscar doesn’t get headaches, he gets migraines, and that when she’s as sick as he is we do, do ‘all this’ but Holly was still upset.
This all came on quite quickly so I tried to get her to understand, but she carried on telling me how Oscar should just get ‘off his lazy butt’.
I reprimanded her for talking about her brother like that, especially since she knows how hard this is for Oscar and he’s hardly having a good time playing video games or something.
(edit: as in he’s not doing something enjoyable, not that he’s not enjoying playing games, he can’t play games right now). Holly continued saying it was unfair for us (edit: me and my wife, obviously not Holly) to do all his chores, and he should at least do the garden.
We have a big garden, and neither I nor my wife is fit enough to take care of it like we used to and Oscar, being the sporty guy he is took over.
I told her, bluntly that if she cared so much about the garden, she could just do it herself.
She got really mad about this and I’ll admit I probably shouldn’t have suggested it. She started accusing me of favoritism, etc. I told her to go to her room to calm down because she was shouting loudly and Oscar was resting in the room right next to us.
She stormed off. But now I’m wondering if I was too harsh, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I get migraines and I get headaches. Some of my headaches are as debilitating as my migraines, but they aren’t migraines. Some of my headaches are just low-grade pain that goes on for days and wear me down.
How bad are your daughter’s headaches, or are they dismissed as “just headaches” because they aren’t migraines like her baby brother gets? Not all migraines have an aura, nausea, or other identifiers. Has she seen a doctor about her headaches?
Why does your son get the guest room for his migraines instead of using his own room? Does your daughter get treated to the guest room treatment if she is ill? Or is she banished to her room? You left a lot out, but what you did say sounds rather dismissive of your daughter and “everyone rally around the SON when he’s ill”…… him having a migraine shouldn’t be stressful for the whole family, it shouldn’t impact anyone other than him, other than someone periodically taking him some Pedialyte to sip on…… YTJ from the information provided.” Heeler_Haven
Another User Comments:
“Not enough info as I kind of feel like things are missing here… OP, it seems like this was maybe a bit of a “last straw” moment for your daughter and you basically told her that her feelings were invalid… It’s your home and I agree with others, she doesn’t get to dictate who does which chores and when.
That’s up to you… But as I said, I’ve got that nagging feeling, OP… when and in what other circumstances can you think of where your daughter has felt unheard or unfavored? Also “fair treatment” doesn’t mean “exactly the same” and it’s impossible to expect different children even in the same household to have exactly the same responsibilities and I think probably due to her age that’s what she may be misunderstanding but only YOU can tell us that OP.
Possible YTJ.” EtoshaLeopard
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter feels that you’re playing favorites and has been getting frustrated that you haven’t noticed how she feels. It probably didn’t come on suddenly, it’s just that you hadn’t noticed. Now she’s told you outright how she feels and so this is your chance to make things right by talking to her and working with her to restore your relationship.” Star-Lord-123
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