People Spark Our Interest With These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Grouchy Brother With His Granddaughter After He Yelled At Me?
“I’m 65 and my brother Ben is 63. We are both old and grouchy, but he’s grouchier. He even jokes about being an old curmudgeon, but it’s really not funny. I’ve been divorced for 7 years and he’s still litigating his. I invited him to live with me 2 years ago and it’s been an adjustment but we do alright.
Ben has a 5-year-old granddaughter who occasionally comes to sleep over. Now Ben has no parenting skills. Zip, zero, nada. He’s not mean but he’s indulgent and doesn’t know how to say no or set limits. This tends to make a 5-year-old cranky and whiney.
He has asked me to help, and I happily comply. I like the little girl. She is darling, but she is a child that needs routine. She always sleeps in my room because I have twin beds.
Today Ben has been a terrible grouch all day and pushing my boundaries.
I reminded him that the girl needed to be in bed by 8:00 and he blew up at me. I told him I wouldn’t accept being spoken to that way and if he was going to keep her up past her bedtime, the child could sleep in his room tonight.
I ate 2 gummies, put in my earplugs, and locked my door.
My ex verbally abused me and I vowed to never tolerate it again from anyone. But I’m second-guessing myself. The gummies are kicking in now so I’ll be fine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he might learn to listen if she keeps him busy most of the night. I‘d judge differently if he were mean but if the problem with his parenting skills is that he spoils the kid, it won’t harm her but may annoy him enough to change a bit.” RiverSong_777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can indulge and deal with the results for an overnight (while you get some rest). His granddaughter. You didn’t agree to watch her, he asked for help and yelled at you. I’d stay out of it too and let him handle his own granddaughter.
She’s 5. You haven’t established he is incapable just indulgent. I wouldn’t worry about it for one night but I’d ensure her mom knows you are not helping and if he’s not capable she should make alternate arrangements or not leave overnight.” AdorableTechnology39
Another User Comments:
“It’s the ate two gummies, put in my earplugs, and locked the door for me lol. Ben is going to learn today that overtired kids are harder to regulate and nobody has time for that.” NickelPickle2018
20. AITJ For Swearing After A Kid Ruined My Brother's Birthday Cake?
“Today’s my younger brother’s 16th birthday and I went to the mall to pick up his cake and dinner for his birthday dinner at home. Friday night = it’s pretty crowded and busy and everything was taking longer than usual so I was pretty stressed already.
I had my hands full with pizza and fried chicken and got his cake last because it was an ice cream cake. After I got the cake I headed to exit the mall and not 2m from the exit this little kid who was like 5 or 6 ran straight into me and I dropped the darn cake.
I mean, I’m a weedy 18F I nearly fell over entirely. I swore loudly out of instinct and was scrambling to pick up the cake and the other food. Kid just stands there looking confused and I frustratedly went “dude don’t run around in a crowded mall!” His dad comes up and this exchange proceeds (the gist of it):
Dad: Hey please don’t shout at my son, it was an accident!
Me: I’m not shouting at him, but seriously man don’t let your kid run around, it’s super crowded right now! And my brother’s birthday cake is ruined!
Dad: Yes I’m sorry I understand but please don’t swear in front of him, he’s a child.
Me: Okay man, but come on you have to keep a closer eye on him!
Dad says okay again with a bit more stressed tone and gave me $50 for the cake, but I couldn’t get another ice cream cake on short notice (and not one with his name nicely decorated and all) so we had to settle on a normal cream cake (and MY mum was annoyed about that, not at me, just annoyed).
And now I’m at home just ticked off that my brother’s special cake got ruined and I basically got guilted for swearing after it happened. AITJ for that??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children are gonna get sworn in front of when they’re running unsupervised. I know this marks me as a crotchey old man, but I’ve been one since 17 so I don’t care: this trend towards allowing your children to run around is super dumb.
Whatever happened to being scared your kids would get kidnapped??? It’s incredibly dangerous and very rude; physically restrain your children in public areas. They can run around at the park or the playground, but on the street or in the mall they’re *always* underfoot. All it takes is one sight-impaired person, a distracted person, or someone carrying heavy packages, and everyone could end up hurt.” Syveril
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had every right to be angry and you make a valid point. Parents don’t teach their kids how to act and behave in public and just allow them to run amuck and do whatever they want and they never correct them.
I’ve been in restaurants where these parents just let their kids run around in the restaurant and duck under people’s legs and tables, running around servers and all without saying a darn word. People need to teach their kids proper etiquette and manners and how to behave in public.” Witty_Storage3210
Another User Comments:
“Swearing at little kids isn’t a great choice, but pretending it never happens seems unrealistic (for example, your story). You shouldn’t do it, and you should respect the parents’ wishes without protest when he makes them clear. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay to run around and knock people over if Daddy follows you with cash.
Your mom is allowed to be annoyed. That’s annoying. Not a jerk. You shouldn’t have sworn at the child, but it doesn’t have that disregard for others that jerk actions generally require. Not a jerk. Dad is a little more complicated. We don’t know if he turned this into a valuable lesson about proper conduct in public, in which case no jerks here.
If he let his kid off the hook for screwing up your evening, he’s totally the jerk.” BigBayesian
19. AITJ For Planning To Move Away With Our Adopted Son, Potentially Distancing Him From His Birth Mom?
“My wife and I (both 34f) adopted our son (6 months) shortly after his birth.
His birth mom is young and has a lot of mental health and substance use challenges that would’ve made it hard for her to be his parent.
We live in a major coastal city about seven hours away from where his birth mom lives by car.
It’s the kind of place where a lot of young adults want to live, but often people later move away (“I could never raise my family there” etc). This happened with a lot of our friends and family members and now we are pretty close to having no “village” immediately around us.
So we want to move to be near my family. We bought a house that’s within 2.5 hours of every member of my immediate family and we’re really excited. We also think it’s going to be great for my son because it’s a much more affordable city and will allow him a more sizable backyard, etc. Plus he’s so so social and loves to be around all his (adoptive) aunts and uncles and grandparents so much!
But I’m dreading telling his birth mom because I know she’s going to be devastated. We agreed to several visits a year. Ultimately in both places, it requires a full day of travel to get to her and we are committed to making sure the relationship works for our son’s sake, but how must it feel to her for us to move to a whole different state?
She also always talks about being jealous that he lives where he does. She lives about an hour from my MIL, who we are very very close to and visit several times a year anyway, so we will still be in the vicinity even if she decides to stop the visits altogether.
I don’t know, I’m just feeling guilty and having anxiety dreams about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you’re choosing what’s best for your family, the birth mother does not sound super involved and I’m sure she has to understand that your current city is not what’s best for a family.
You mentioned the MIL is near the birth mother so maybe you can easily keep up contractual obligations by tacking on the extra stop. Maybe the contract could be re-negotiated so that the birth mother makes some effort to travel as well. NTJ.” Escape_Overlander
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As harsh as it sounds, it doesn’t sound like the birth mom has any actual legal rights towards him so while it’s nice that you offered to keep her in his life, you’re certainly not legally required to do so I would bet (correct me if I’m wrong and def talk to the attorney involved in your adoption before moving).
You need to do what’s best for your family in order to be properly supported while you’re raising this child.” DClawdude
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She agreed to let you adopt on the basis she would have frequent contact with her son. Don’t be surprised if this comes back to bite you in the backside in 13+ years when he finds out he was robbed of a relationship with his birth mother that you promised her and took him away only 6 months after that promise.
The only situation that would make this somewhat okay is if you paid for her transportation and lodge to visit her son = to the amount of time prior discussed. Jerks like you are the exact reason adoption laws are changing to ensure this kind of stuff can’t happen to birthmothers who were promised open adoptions you just got lucky that the legislation didn’t pass before your adoption.
I don’t know how people like this sleep at night, they tell a young scared mom they’ll have a relationship with their baby and as soon as the birth mom’s legal time to change their mind is up they snatch up the baby and disappear.
Knowing that she’ll be crying herself to sleep every night.” BootsNblueEyes
18. AITJ For Leaving Home After A Verbal Attack From My Parents?
“I (16F) live in a fairly toxic household, with a mom who is obsessed with me losing weight (despite me being already quite skinny) and a dad who doesn’t care about me.
A couple of days ago, I was cleaning the dishes and ended up slipping, hitting my head on the ground, and breaking 3 glasses and 1 plate. My mom let out a loud gasp. My dad got up from the couch and came to the kitchen, where he looked me in the eye with disgust, and went to try to clean up the shards everywhere.
She was shouting every insult known to mankind, calling me a large piece of dog excrement, a disgrace, a mistake, yada yada. Tears started spilling down my face, and then my mom was like “WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! I SHOULD BE CRYING BECAUSE OF YOUR FOOLISHNESS!” I stayed silent as she kept rambling.
Eventually, the screaming slowed down and my parents had to leave for something. I was incredibly upset and without really thinking, I got a bag, got my computer, iPad, phone, and some food from the fridge, and quickly texted my friend asking if I could stay the night.
She said yes, and asked why. I said I would tell her when I got there.
Around 7 pm, I get a barrage of texts from my parents, with calm ones from my dad and mad ones from my mom. I turn my phone on silent and try to have fun with the night I would be having.
The next day, at around 12 pm, I leave my friend’s house and with a pounding heart, go back to my house. As soon as I step in the door, I hear yells from the house.
“WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU?! WE WERE WORRIED SICK! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!
GET OUT” and I tuned out the rest. I looked up to see that her face was puffy, and it looked like she had been crying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this sounds like an abusive situation. You slipped and could have hurt yourself (what if you fell on a piece of broken glass, for example?).
A normal reaction would have been them coming over and asking “OMG are you ok??” and checking that you didn’t land on any broken glass or cut yourself, instead of freaking out about a couple of glasses and a plate. That reaction is absolutely ridiculous and over the top.
I think going to your friend’s place (it sounds to me like you didn’t feel safe at home) was a good solution. It’s also really worrying that your mum is so obsessed with you losing weight, especially if you’re at a healthy weight (and even more so if you’re underweight).
Do your parents do things like withhold food from you? If yes, that’s very worrying – regardless, I’d bring this up with a trusted adult or therapist. This situation doesn’t sound healthy to me at all.” composingmusic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very right to put some distance between yourself and this situation.
You should just let them know you’re okay though. Like just text that you’re safe but don’t say where. Is there an adult you can talk to who can help you find resources to deal with the situation? A school counselor or nurse? A friend’s mom?
A hotline? Someone at your place of worship (if you have one)? You need help. No one should have to try to grow up in this kind of environment. Plus you’re getting physically hurt. I’m so sorry. The mom in me is heartbroken.” No-Judgment6987
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After She Ignored My Boundaries?
“I (26F) have a sister (28F). She and I are tight. We hang out on average about twice a week and mostly get along well.
But she has one habit I’m done with.
She likes playfully knocking into my shoulders when we’re sitting or standing next to each other or randomly touching my head, especially if she’s had a few beers.
But it happens when she’s completely sober too.
She does a lot of things to get under my skin on purpose. She mispronounces words in ways that grate on me, makes sounds she knows grate on me, and plays dumb to get a rise out of me.
I find this immature and annoying, but whatever. She says she’s just being an older sister having a laugh.
For all the behaviors except touching me, I roll my eyes but don’t really care.
But I freaking hate the ones that involve touching me. To be clear, it doesn’t hurt.
But it makes me uncomfortable, especially if I’m not expecting it. I don’t like being touched in general, but especially if I’m not expecting it.
I’ve told her multiple, multiple times to knock it off. That that’s the one behavior I’m uncomfortable with and that, for me, it goes beyond simply being annoyed. I’ve tried to explain to her that it makes me uncomfortable and feels cruel multiple times.
She just brushes me off saying “I’m your older sister, I’m just trying to goof on you” or “it’s not that serious.”
Anyway, this all came to a head a few days ago.
We were at our parents’ house hanging out. While we were getting our shoes on to leave, she playfully knocked into my shoulder.
I lost it. I yelled at her that I hate her and she knows how much I hate that. I maybe shouldn’t have used the words “I hate you” but in that moment that’s what came out.
She got all surprised Pikachu face and said “it was just a joke!”
She says I’m a jerk for overreacting to playful jokes. I think she’s a jerk for this stupid childish behavior when I have literally just one boundary that I’ve explained calmly to her many times. But maybe I am overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t be surprised that you blew up after you repeatedly told her you didn’t want to be hit.
I would place a boundary on this, not apologize, and have a discussion about physical contact and your expectations. If she doesn’t show awareness or understanding then maybe you should limit your time with her until she realizes it is important or more serious to you than she’s understanding it to be.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ darling this is not an overreaction this is a buildup of anger and frustration exploding out when you have set boundaries in your sister refuses to abide by them. When I was younger I ended up biting a sibling due to constant physical boundary issue annoyance.
I was at a very young age and was not able to use my words and used my teeth. Doing that was not okay but reacting to the constant physical assault is completely and utterly normal. You would not accept this constant behavior from a friend, a coworker, or a stranger so why in the world are you supposed to accept this just because you have genetics in play?
And if she says oh I think you’re overreacting well should I turn around and physically assault you back? Do have a sit-down discussion with her when you can at least start off the conversation calmly. But please use the words physical assault and that this is done this is not going to happen again without an extreme response from you.
And decide what your response is going to be, one that you will actually do and stick to. The following are just my ideas; Whether it’s yelling in her face or screaming in frustration. Yes, I know a lot of people will say oh my gosh this is an overreaction.
This has been a bullying situation she is not respecting your physical body and your boundaries.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, normally I will give you some jerk behavior for yelling something you shouldn’t have, but you probably meant it at the moment and it was something that wasn’t really unfair.
She kept touching you in a way that you didn’t like. Let’s change the situation you and she are coworkers she keeps doing this to you and HR tells her to knock it off, she obviously thinks you’re just being difficult so she continues and eventually they fire her.
Are you responsible for her being fired or is she? The answer is she is, she was told repeatedly not to do something and she refused to listen.” KingShadowSpectre
16. AITJ For Moving My Neighbor's Laundry From Our Shared Washer?
“I live in a building with five other units besides mine and we all share 1 washer and 1 dryer.
Every time I go down to the basement level to do my laundry, however, there is always someone’s clothes sitting in either of the machines. I always give some time (anywhere between 5-20 minutes) for the person to come and retrieve their clothes and if they are not back I move their clothes and put them on top of the machine.
That is what happened today when I went down and yet again someone has left their clothes sitting in the washer already done. I waited down there for about 5 minutes before I moved the person’s items into the basket they left on top of the dryer.
I put my clothes in the washer and go back to my apartment and about 10 minutes later one of my neighbors is incessantly ringing my doorbell asking if I was the one who moved his clothes. I said yes and that I had waited but that I have things I need to do today and I can’t wait for you to come and get your clothes whenever you feel like it.
He said it was extremely disrespectful to touch someone else’s clothes and that I should’ve knocked on everyone’s door to see whose clothes it was instead. I said I don’t like others touching my clothes either so I am always there on time to get my clothes and not inconvenience everyone else living here.
Now my neighbor is extremely mad at me and I’m wondering if I should go over and apologize again if I am in the wrong. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he is that fussy about people touching his clothes then it is his responsibility to be there when the washing cycle is over.
It sounds like even if you had put them in the dryer he would have complained about his clothes being “touched”. He should be apologizing to you for forcing you to deal with his laundry. His advice to knock on everyone’s door is crazy.
What if a neighbor was napping?” OrcEight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You waited 5 mins but had no way of knowing how long they were sitting in there done before you went to put your clothes in. For all you know, they could have been done in there an hour.
It’s your neighbor’s responsibility as an adult to keep track of their laundry (phone timers, alarm, etc). It’s totally inconsiderate for anyone who shares a washer/dryer with neighbors to hold up the machines with their clothes until they can get around to moving them.
Also, you’re right for not putting them in the dryer – the clothes might have specific drying instructions, and leaving them in the basket is better than someone saying you ruined their clothes.” mmwhatchasaiyan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in university, where around 200 students all shared 8 units, we had a 5-minute rule.
Good luck finding your stuff if you left it somewhere. And good on not putting it in the dryer, you don’t know what settings people use. The only time I was ever mad about somebody moving my laundry was when I came down, heard the washer stop, and somebody was already moving my clothes in the 30 seconds it took me to walk down the hall.
I set an alarm to go off 2 minutes before the washer/dryer goes off and then head down. I was upset that they gave no wait time because it’s the rule in the building. But after 5 minutes? That’s free game. I can’t wait on you all day.” SnapdragonPBlack
15. AITJ For Not Venting About My Husband When A Certain Friend Is Present?
“I (37 F) have a group of friends and we regularly get together to vent about life (work, society, spouses, etc). These vent sessions are all in good fun. My husband and I have a good relationship but, like any two human beings with distinct personalities, we occasionally butt heads or get on each other’s nerves.
Hence, my vent night with the girls (hubby is aware of these nights and what all goes on during them and has zero issues with it). I, and most others in the group, have never taken them too seriously. There is one member, we’ll call her Lucy (not real name) who takes things a bit more seriously.
She’s not a bad person. She wouldn’t be part of our group if she didn’t enrich our lives. But she does have a strong personality and can be pushy. She always has suggestions and can be forceful about them at times (i.e. saying “You NEED to do x” instead of “Have you tried x”).
One time I vented about something my husband did that I considered to be fairly trivial (I think it was something like playing on his phone while I was trying to talk to him). Lucy took great offense to it, even after I assured her that it was an annoyance and not a major issue.
She disagreed. Later that night my husband said Lucy had confronted him about it and it made him uncomfortable. I was instantly annoyed with her. While we’ve never had any formal agreement within the group to keep our conversations confidential, I can’t think of another time that one of them has confronted someone outside the group because of what was said during our vent nights.
I decided afterwards that any time Lucy was at vent night I wouldn’t say anything about my marriage and just stick to venting about other stuff. Months went by with no issue and then somehow Lucy found out (don’t ask me how, I have no idea) that I would talk about my husband when she wasn’t at vent night, but avoid saying anything if she was present.
She accused me of lying by omission to try and make my marriage seem perfect. I refuse to discuss the matter with her because, frankly, I don’t think she would actually listen.
What do you guys think? I feel like I might be the jerk for changing my behavior around her without explanation and then avoiding conflict about it by refusing to discuss it with her.
But at the same time, I don’t feel like I OWE her dirt on my husband. Even if she hadn’t crossed a line by confronting him, it’s my choice what I do or don’t disclose during vent night.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly even though you say this is all in good fun the whole thing seems super toxic.
It’s great that you let your husband know what goes down and he’s cool with it but when we vent to our friends instead of talking with our spouse about our feelings that can create even more issues. Sure we all vent from time to time and no one is perfect but you and your friends are doing this for hours together every week?
That’s a lot man. I would hate that.” Rrainbowbb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your personal business is just that, personal, and you don’t have to share it with anyone you don’t want to. You never stated that your marriage was perfect and just chose to share with people who can keep their mouths shut, or at least most of them can if she found out about what you were saying.
That means there is someone else in the group, most likely, sharing your business outside of the group. I think you should either get together with everyone and start setting ground rules (such as nothing said in the group leaves that group) or find new people to talk to unless you can find who the person talking behind your back is.” MuchLoveWaffleGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because Lucy has a tenuous grasp on boundaries. Who confronts someone about what is said on a girl’s night? That is literally not the purpose of them and it sounds like her approaching your husband was the first time something like that has happened. Chiefly because it’s unhinged to do such a thing.
Her objections to you not sharing when she isn’t around don’t make sense either. Lucy also seems to have a tenuous grasp of logic. She’s also possibly not having a great time with her partner/relationship and is projecting onto yours.” omfgwhyy
14. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Daughter's Birthday Party To Accommodate My Mum's Schedule?
“My daughter is turning 5 on a Monday she is having a party with her friends on the Saturday. I have organized to go out on her actual birthday for a meal with close family.
Her dad’s side of the family has all confirmed. My sister, aunt, uncle, nan, and grandad have also confirmed.
However, my mum, stepdad, brother, and brother’s partner can’t come due to work. This is how the conversation on the family chat went:
Mum: Hi sorry can’t go as I will be at work and Jack and Jim will be at work or on the way home, I thought it was the weekend.
Me: No her birthday is on Monday 20th and she has her children party on the weekend it’s fine that you can’t come.
Mum: Well that’s stupid because everyone is at work. Can you not do it the week before? Or do it later about eightish, we are gonna miss out now.
Me: Well I have already organized it with everyone and won’t be able to do it later because it’s a school night. Dave’s family has confirmed, aunt and uncle said they should be able to come and waiting for Nan and Grandad but if you wanted to do something the weekend before that’s fine but I’m working.
Mum: Always pushing me away, if you don’t want anything to do with me just say, I’ve had it. As long as everybody else is there hey? Whatever had enough.
Then she left the group chat
So AITJ for not rescheduling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ yeah….no. This is some narcissistic behavior on your mum’s part. Reschedule an ENTIRE party that people, not just her, are invited to? How is this pushing her away??!! She should own up to her mistake, but instead is making you feel like crap.
I’m so sorry. This might be a helpful time to look at past behaviors and see if she’s done this before. Good luck.” RemarkableMousse6950
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it helps any, my grandmother was mad at my mom for years for not scheduling my literal birth on her birthday (C-section).
I was born 4 days later. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t also blame me, as well, since I somehow got blamed for everything else they did that she didn’t like. Some people just shouldn’t be parents.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sounds disappointed and threw a fit when you advised her of why you couldn’t accommodate her.
A good mother would understand and try to arrange something even if two weeks later. Instead, she turned it into all about her and failed to see it was all about your daughter. Don’t cave in, this is manipulative at its finest.” anaisaknits
13. AITJ For Being Short With My Favoritism-Showing, Disrespectful Step-Grandma?
“My mom remarried a nice guy when I was seven roughly a year and a half after a messy divorce.
I have a half-brother who’s 8.
I thought my step-grandma was nice to me and my sister but as soon as my brother was born she changed from the nice grandma who gave you cookies to a child-obsessed witch. We had a lot of instances with her.
The instances are as follows:
- Walk right past me and my sister without saying hello even on our birthdays.
- Demand to see our brother for weekends every time even though she knows weekends are the only time we as a family have off.
- Taking the kids’ first meeting Santa from us.
- Give the kid whatever he wants. And when I say whatever he wants I mean giving him sausages for every meal, nothing but sausages.
- And more but her worst instance was on Christmas morning last year.
My sister and I were on our way back from our dad’s house.
I had work in the morning so we had to leave early when our truck caught on something while we were passing a car and flipped five times!
We’re okay just bad bruises, some scars, and a messed up truck. Well one trip to the ER later we went home and our step-grandma was there.
I hid in my room not wanting to talk still shaken up from the crash till I went to get some water then I heard it.
She was telling my stepdad that he should come to her house for an hour to fix something and forget about two non-blood related girls, in her exact words she said this:
“You’re really hurting my feelings by not helping me, those girls aren’t even yours so you shouldn’t even bother with them. Worry about your real family.”
I was hurt, this is the woman who said blood never mattered to me and my sister and here she was saying they weren’t important after a car crash.
I said nothing in too much pain, too tired, and too shocked to care. My stepdad ripped into her for saying that but I didn’t bother staying to hear it.
Fast forward two weeks and I run into her at the grocery store. She had the audacity to act nice and caring when I obviously didn’t care.
I kept things short so I could just get my stuff and leave.
Later on in the day, I got a call from her calling me a jerk for being short with her. She didn’t know that I heard everything and told all her friends that I was being rude for no reason.
All her friends are family friends and have taken to calling me a jerk and a sinful child for being bi and gender-fluid. They still do to this day just not in front of my parents.
I thought they would stop but no they still are calling me that because I still refuse to have full conversations.
Even if I hadn’t heard what she said shouldn’t excuse what she said to my stepfather who was scared that he would’ve had to bury one or worse two daughters on Christmas. It’s starting to get to me and even my co-workers and parents are noticing that I’m acting different.
So AITJ for being short to my step grandma?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not only is step-grandma a jerk but her friends are jerks too! Your sexuality and gender are not their business. Next time one of them calls you “sinful” ask them if they’re familiar with Matthew 7:1-3 and the whole ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ thing (ironic considering the thread but I love a good bit of irony) then hang up on them.
You don’t have to suffer verbal abuse from people that don’t mean a thing to you.” RipleyDarwin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m going to echo all the other replies & say you need to show your parents. You do not need to deal with these vile people alone.
Block all of those disgusting harridans that are calling you names. Your sexuality doesn’t make you sinful any more than their religion makes them pious or even remotely decent people. Step grandmonster needs to know you heard her horrendous comments then cut her off completely & make sure everyone needs to know why.” Kindly-Platform-2193
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not talking to anyone, especially your parents. This is obviously bothering you. She has no right to treat you that way. You know your stepdad defended you so that is great, however, you can’t keep this inside. Talk to your parents and let them know how she is treating you, how it makes you feel, what you heard, and how it’s affecting you.
She has no right to speak to you like that with you knowing she is a two-faced witch. Call her on it or if you are afraid talk to your parents so they can call her on it. They should have already called her on her behavior change.” Independent-Top3524
12. AITJ For Not Tipping A Hair Stylist After An Unpleasant Experience?
“Not too long ago I went on a first date and wanted to get my hair professionally blown out, but my salon didn’t have any last-minute openings. So I called this other salon and they put me with one older lady, we’ll call her Z.
So I walk in and Z sits me down. After she’s done washing my hair, we go back to her chair and she starts brushing my hair excessively. “Sorry, I’m just rough-handed!” Yeah ok, but then she goes on to start commenting on the state of my hair.
I currently do all over bleach and tone but use Olaplex shampoo every other week, so my hair feels processed, sure, but nonetheless still healthy. “Your hair is sooo damaged! Your hair is so problematic!” I explained that I’m a natural brunette but dye my hair blonde and she then insisted that “my hair doesn’t like bleach”.
She pointed out that my hair should not be coming out into the brush when she’s brushing it, yet even before I started bleaching my hair would do the same AND she’s pulling too darn hard!
So to change the subject, since she mentioned she goes to a lot of product shows, I asked her what she thinks of Monat and Mary Kay.
She apparently thinks they’re “good quality”, like whaaaaaat?! Monat is known to make your hair fall out. Oh, and then she tells me to buy every Olaplex product on the line (because apparently, my hair will fall out if I don’t) and then sleep with the shampoo in my hair overnight.
There was no way I was going to do that, as I am a student and need to pinch pennies wherever I can.
After we were done, which took her over an hour to do something my regular stylist can do in half that time, she charged me a whopping $60 for only a wash and blowout and then reminded me as I was getting ready to pay, “make sure you tell your next stylist that you have problematic hair, because you do!!”
I hit the “no tip” option on the checkout screen and left. WIBTJ for not tipping?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She didn’t object that you omitted the tip. This was just an unpleasant experience that you won’t repeat. But it was transactional, not a conflict.
She’s not intuitive with customers, but some people might appreciate her candor. I doubt she could last long in a salon that charges $60 for a wash and style if she didn’t have a customer base, but I am in your camp. Her criticism was tiresome.
You, at her mercy, had to listen to continuous criticism about your hair. It sounds like you were polite, and you didn’t refuse so much as decline to tip. Fair enough.” Squeakhound
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I normally would never say that because I am a big tipping advocate, but when I was 16 I had the same experience and it kept me from ever going to a professional for 20 years like I dyed and cut my own hair for that entire time.
She is not being constructive or educational. She was being rude, lecturing, and passing on old knowledge or misinformation. Ask your stylist for a recommendation for a future situation that may come up. Tell her what happened. They usually have a person they trust and understand when their client is in a pinch but can’t be worked in.” 3heartsattic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve worked in a non-tipped wage job in which it is still customary to receive tips. Her primary payment comes from the service itself. The tip, while customary, is optional. If someone didn’t like me, or my service, they didn’t tip.
I moved on with my life. I also had regulars who never (or barely) tipped. I treated them the same as everyone else. I hate tipping culture. I hated having to care whether someone gave me extra money, and depending on that money to pay my bills.
It was a whopping 1/3 of my income. But the reality is that you’re not obligated to tip. It’s a bad system all around. I really just want tipping to be abolished altogether. Anyway, you didn’t like the service. It’s your right not to tip.” ultrarelative
11. AITJ For Not Preparing Food My Daughter-In-Law Likes For A Family Meal?
“My DIL (21) is a known fussy eater; she doesn’t like certain textures, smells, has a limited palate, and eats tiny portions like a child.
My son (25) mostly eats anything.
Four months ago she gave birth to a daughter, my first granddaughter, we hadn’t hosted a baby shower so I decided to do a family meal – we asked our son for permission and told him we’d obviously prepare and bring the food to them.
We made a lot of variety of food, we got there and DIL spent basically all time in bed until it came to eat – she had like ten bites of food at most.
After we left I got a text from my son asking why I didn’t prepare any food for DIL, that I’m aware of what foods she doesn’t like.
I messaged back saying I’m not a chef, I’m not actually obligated to prepare lots of food and even then yes I offered, but I only had to actually prepare one meal. I wanted to visit to see him and the baby.
He said, “well next time just ask, don’t say you’ll bring food.”
I figured everything was sorted and he understood, he’s still being a little chilly over text and it’s been almost a month now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you went to see the mother who had given birth recently. The standard is you make food for the family if you do this.
You knew all about her food preferences and seemingly deliberately excluded her from the food you made since you made a variety of dishes and nothing she liked. She probably didn’t come down sooner because she’s exhausted from birthing a baby, and possibly having major abdominal surgery if she had a c-section, not to mention sleep deprivation from looking after a newborn.
She then does come down to the party and finds there’s no food she can eat. You were really inconsiderate and the way you’ve phrased the title is really misleading, you didn’t do this for your son, as you mention in the post he’ll eat anything and would have been happy with food she likes too.
You should apologize and be more considerate of her needs in the future.” eletheelephant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My ex-MIL used to do the same thing, except it was my allergy she would ignore. She was reminded every single family meal/get-together. She insisted on cooking or making every dish herself.
You had a chance to make a dish She likes out of the many you did make – and failed. You had the chance to pick up something that she liked on the way over, and you failed. The fact that she tried multiple different dishes and not a single one was something she liked is a BIG tell here.
What food did you make, and what foods does she like? Or is it possible that she’s not just “picky” but on a specific diet / or allergy-restricted? Perhaps she’s on the spectrum. However, I don’t really need to guess why you did what you have done… you are a narcissistic jerk.” kellieking80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yuck gross this isn’t okay. Do you know why your DIL doesn’t tolerate certain things? Some people cannot eat things. I’m not saying she is autistic but I am and I will throw up if I eat something with a “bad” texture.
I can’t tolerate it at all, and I tailor my meals to that. I certainly would be upset if someone did this on purpose to me. You didn’t even try, you said you’d bring food and deliberately chose something you KNEW she wouldn’t eat because your son would like it.
Do you not see how spiteful that is?
No you’re not their chef, but making a meal for tired parents is just a pleasant thing to do for them. They didn’t demand it. You choose to leave her out, knowing she’s the one that birthed a whole human baby.
You even stated quite clearly you obviously do not care about seeing her, you literally wrote “I wanted to see my son and the baby”. Lemme tell you, she already knows you don’t like her, it’s obvious from this post you don’t care for her.
She sees it, and this is just one more nasty thing to do to her, even after childbirth. Sort your head out, you did something mean on purpose and now you want them to forget what you did because it’s inconvenient for you. She’s decided that’s it, she’s dropping the rope on this and not chasing you anymore.
And good for her, I’d be darn cold to you too. You’re going to alienate your son and his family. For what? Unless you can get over this spite, do not be shocked if they choose to lessen their contact with you. Stop being rude, you missed the boat on doing something genuinely caring for her and it’s too late.” thebearofwisdom
10. AITJ For Not Bringing My Partner To My Best Friend's Wedding?
“My best friend and I met in college in Texas. I (24F) am from Florida and she (23F) is from California. After college, I moved to Ohio and she moved to Virginia. She got engaged when I was in my first year of law school, around the same time I had just started seeing my current partner (24M).
Shortly after, my partner and I went to visit my friend to congratulate her. My partner and best friend did not get along; they had clashing personalities and sort of fought for my attention the entire time. Which is fine, not everybody has to get along.
Flash forward to March of this year; I received a proposal to be a bridesmaid at her wedding which is in October in California. My partner has been complaining about the cost of attending the wedding (flights, rental car, hotel room, gift etc.) It is honestly going to be quite pricey.
He also complained about it being weird for him since he would not know anybody. The other day, my friend reached out to me and said, in order to help the cost of the wedding for the bridal party, her family is offering to put bridesmaids in rooms together and pay for it.
One caveat; my partner would either have to come and get his own room or not come at all. My partner would not know anybody at the wedding, would be alone during the bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner, and feel uncomfortable. So, I told her that he would no longer be coming to the wedding.
When I told my partner, I thought he would be happy. Quite the opposite. He was upset, thought my friend did this on purpose to get him to not come, and was weirded out that I would be attending this kind of event alone. One of my ex-partners is going to be there, as well as a bunch of other single men.
I thought I was saving him money and PTO, but now I feel like I shouldn’t have taken the action that I did. Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
AITJ for not bringing my partner to my best friend’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He was showing no interest in going, and if he was going, he would have complained the whole time (I am guessing this, but from what you have written about him, I can see this being an issue). Congratulations on being a part of your friend’s special day, I hope that your partner does not do anything to create stress for you or the wedding party.
Have fun and be the best bridesmaid there ever was or will be.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because the final decision was his to make and not yours. Or at least should have been resolved before, if you didn’t want him here because of his complaining.
It’s kinda foul to learn from someone else that you’re not coming. Or that you’re no longer invited to the wedding. That situation just could have been resolved in a far more considerate way. Don’t hold it against him that he didn’t want to go.
He had none of your reasons to go there. You’re his only reason to go there. For all that is worth, if he was willing to go through it with you, even if only because of some form of obligation to you, it’s still commendable, and it seems like he was?” tlrdrdn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner made it clear that he didn’t really want to go. By complaint about costs etc., you solved that by accepting a generous offer from the bride to have your room paid for as part of the bridal party, and also got your partner out of going.
It comes across as if he was hoping that you would choose not to go. In essence, sealing the fact that he won this invented competition for your attention between him and your friend. By telling him that he no longer had to go he likely sees it as you choosing your friend over him.
Don’t let him bully you into not going. In the long run, you and your friend have known each Other a lot longer and if he was willing to make an effort with her he wouldn’t mind not knowing anyone beforehand. And he wouldn’t mind a bit of expense to help you share in your friend’s happy day.
From experience. My hubby came to my brother’s wedding with me when we had only been together a few months and the first time he even met my brother was the night before the wedding when my brother dropped my SIL at the hotel.” AyenDrkwing
9. AITJ For Refusing To Accommodate A New Employee's Excessive Time Off Request?
“I am a relatively new store manager for a small store for a large retail chain, 3 employees plus myself, and I have a team member who has been with the company less than 3 months.
When we hired her, she said she had full availability to work Monday through Saturday. We are closed on Sundays.
After being hired, the team member then revealed she could only work two Saturdays every month. I was OK with this request, as I generally rotate my shifts so no one is working every Saturday, and no one is constantly working nights.
However, after accepting this, each month she has requested off one of her Saturdays and then requested to be off every Thursday through Saturday for the next 6 weeks for family events and vacations. I declined her request, saying we can’t accommodate that kind of schedule from a full-time employee who hasn’t even accrued any vacation time, and we have other team members who are taking vacation during that time, to which she responded whether I schedule her or not, she won’t be coming in.
After that comment, I told her that if she refused to work the schedule I put out, I would need to speak with HR about terminating her employment.
AITJ for refusing to accommodate an employee’s request to only work Monday-Wednesday for 6 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming 8-hour shifts, requesting off 3 days a week for 6 weeks is a grand total of 144 vacation hours. This is an unreasonable amount of vacation time for a brand-new employee. It is a jerk move to take a job and then expect them to let you work half of your availability for a month and a half, especially for a smaller business.
I should mention that an exception to this would be family/personal medical emergencies, not family vacations and stuff.” SentientShamrock
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But let us be clear, she’s not asking for time off or vacation days, she’s asking you to basically change the terms of her employment for 6 weeks.
Unless she’s working 13.5-hour days Mon-Weds, she’d be a part-time employee and totally shafting the rest of your team who need to pick up her slack. You also shouldn’t do it on the basis that you could seriously upset some of your more committed and competent employees by giving the newbie a 4-day weekend for 6 weeks and she gets her full weekends off to boot!
Show me someone who wouldn’t go “wtf boss!” in a similar situation and instantly stop trying to be anything more than a “do just enough to not get fired” worker.” Summoning-Freaks
Another User Comments:
“Why people lie about availability and kick themselves is beyond me.
I work in a restaurant, so holidays and weekends are generally required. When hired I told my employers that I would be happy to work all Christian holidays, but I take high holidays and the first night of Passover off. I got the job. Yom Kippur fell on Labor Day this past year, but my boss knew my availability and it wasn’t an issue.
If you can’t work your employer needs to know, this is like a bait-and-switch situation. Like if your boss promised you 40 hours and you need all those hours to survive and get benefits and then they only scheduled you 38 and now you’re in trouble. Be honest when hired or face the consequences.
NTJ.” only_ozzy
8. AITJ For Letting My 10-Year-Old Daughter Dye Her Hair?
“My daughter is 10 and a month back she told me she wanted to dye her hair, I told her that the answer is currently a maybe, I told her to do her research, she has and even made a slideshow for me.
So I checked with her father, who doesn’t care if she does or doesn’t dye it.
About a month after she asked she still wanted it done so I took her to the hair salon that did it for her, after asking them if they have hair dye that is safe for kids.
I then took her to hang out with her friends at their house, and the friend’s mom and I were talking, and she said I shouldn’t have let her dye her hair and that it’s unsafe for her and her little siblings to be around her in case of fumes (I’m confused about that bit).
Now the friend wants to dye her hair as well and the mom’s blaming me, and I was wondering if I am the jerk.
The reason I don’t think I’m the jerk is it makes her feel good about herself, and hair can be cut off as she only got the ends dyed.
I may be the jerk because she is still a child. And I let her dye her hair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hairdresser here. There are no fumes coming off your hair after it’s been washed. The fumes are from the chemical reaction of the hair dye.
If they used a “kid-friendly” color, I’m guessing it has no ammonia, so it’s just peroxide. The chemical reaction of that is to release the extra oxygen molecule and create water (hydrogen peroxide is what’s used in hair color development). The friend’s mom needs to get her facts straight.” kappyshortsleeve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for allowing your child to dye part of her hair after you both went to the effort to make sure it was safe. Ignore the other mother’s uninformed opinion. “Now the friend wants to dye her hair as well and the mom’s blaming me, And I was wondering if I am the jerk.” Because you went up to her daughter and convinced her to dye her hair, right?
Oh wait… No, you didn’t. You allowed your child to have a say in how she looks. Colorful hair is inspiring to people at any age, the other mom is just upset she now has to be a parent and make the boundary of whether or not she’ll let her kid have the same rights you allow yours.
What color did your daughter choose?!” treatyourselftocats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Ugh, I freaking hate mommy shamers. Friend’s mom can get bent. Different houses, different rules. Hair dye these days doesn’t have much in the way of “fumes” anyway, and most salons have really good ventilation.
If anything, the fumes from cleaning products are worse and we use those all the time. By the way, my daughter is 8 and I’ve been temp-dying her hair-tips since she was 6 (not ALL the time, usually for holidays like pink for Valentine’s Day and green for St. Patrick’s Day, etc., and only when she asks.) It’s fun and she loves it.
You go on having fun with your kiddo and getting your hair done. To heck with anyone who says otherwise.” stickaforkinmeplz
7. AITJ For Telling My Doctors My Weight Isn't The Only Cause Of My Health Issues?
“I’m (18F) overweight, and no matter what I do, whether it be diet, exercise, or both, I cannot lose weight at all. And I have a long history of both medical issues from my family and quite a few of my own medical issues.
However, almost every doctor I go to tells me that my issues would be solved if I just lost the weight, like thanks, I’ve tried. I’ve cut out most candies and even a good majority of soda unless I’m working and even then it’s mostly water and then a little soda as a treat.
I’ve tried to stress that I work a physically demanding job with little to no issue, and tried to stress some of my health issues before I gained weight. Even my blood tests come back fine like A1C, cholesterol, etc. Every time, I’m ignored and basically told to ‘try harder’.
Out of my doctors, only one finally took me seriously.
Would I be a jerk if I told my doctors that no, my fatness isn’t causing my health issues (I understand if my weight is making it worse, but it’s definitely not the cause) and that they should try looking for other causes such as, y’know, a long genetic history of health issues?”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk – think about it, you’d be asking your doc to try just a tad harder to find the source(s) of your weight loss struggle. That’s not jerk behavior, that’s just good self-advocacy.
Sounds like the issue might be here: “Almost every doctor I go to tells me that my issues would be solved if I just lost the weight.” Cool. Next question then, why exactly can’t I lose weight? Thinking of a family friend and also a woman I worked for, there are health conditions like thyroid, and also prescription meds, that can cause weight gain that’s hard to lose.
If I were you I’d find a doc that I feel comfortable enough with to establish a pattern of care and document your weight loss efforts to discuss with them. A doc you know and trust is a great resource and will hopefully work with you to help you get to the bottom of this.
Hang in there!” dd524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I also don’t think it’ll do you any good, and I say that from experience. You need to keep looking for a doctor. I’ve found the younger they are, the more open-minded they are about weight not being the be-all and end-all of medical problems. It’s taken me 15 years to find a good doctor.
I lost 7 pregnancies and nobody could tell me why, apart from being fat (which all my family is and they’re all over fertile). I gave up on my dream to be a mother because I couldn’t get any answers – until I found this doctor.
He gave me the answer about a year ago, and all I could do was cry in his office because it’s too late now, but it was such a simple answer. When I told him what the fertility doc had told me years ago, he went into his system and put a note next to the bad doc’s name so he would never refer a patient to him in the future.
Find a good doctor and you won’t need to tell them that it’s not your weight. If you’re in Western Australia I can recommend one.” bmidontcare
Another User Comments:
“This is not about being a jerk. This is about how to effectively self-advocate. You need a doctor who will listen to you and work with you.
It’s theoretically possible that your fatness and your health problems are related, but that you will not lose weight. If this is the reality, both you and your doctor need to be able to discuss your health respectfully without arguing. Telling your doctor that your health and fatness are unrelated is a form of arguing, so is unlikely to go well.
The best I can say is to just keep going back. Find someone who talks to you like a human being. If someone who otherwise seems like a nice person tells you to lose weight to fix your health problems, ask questions.
- Are they aware that your health problems started before your weight gain?
How does that work?
- You have tried to lose weight in the past but were unsuccessful. Can your doctor help you lose weight with counseling or referrals?
- If you are unable to manage your health problems through weight loss, will your doctor still be able to help you in other ways?
And then keep going back to see them. Chronic health problems need long-term relationships. If you keep going back you are showing your doctor that you are motivated and the two of you have a chance to get to know each other better. Good luck!” MadamePouleMontreal
6. AITJ For Reading An Explicit Book In Public And Responding To A Nosy Passenger?
“I (28F) was on the train yesterday, it wasn’t busy at all.
Since it was a long trip I started reading a book (on my phone) that has some very very explicit mature scenes.
The man sitting beside me was very obviously reading over my shoulder – which I thought was very rude, but I didn’t stop him – when I got to a very steamy scene.
Barely a few seconds in he makes this disgusted noise and then says: how could you read that filth in public?
I was surprised, I thought at most he would be embarrassed and avert his eyes.
Well, I have no shame so I said: No one told you to look at my phone screen.
Should I really start reading it to you out loud?
He turned red and changed seats.
But after I cooled down I felt a bit bad for my response. Also, I know most people would feel awkward reading such books in public.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was invading your privacy by reading what is on YOUR phone. If he was offended that is his problem. The only way you would be offensive is if you were reading a physical book with an x-rated cover that was visible to everyone.
If the book is a physical explicit book and you had a plain cover, you would also be fine. Personally, I tell everyone (adult) who asks what I am reading with a huge smile on my face. 95% of the time it is not x-rated. Most people laugh, and if they are really interested I will tell them the name of the book and we can discuss.
If it is actually x-rated, I will tell them that I am not joking and do they want the author’s name and title. Not embarrassed. My reading habits are my own and not up to public scrutiny/approval/ridicule.” Electronic-Cat-4478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I read a LOT of books that have that content and this is probably how I would respond too.
First of all, RUDE of him to be nosy and look over at your phone. If he was uncomfortable he should’ve looked away nobody asked him to read. It would be harassment only if you forced him to read it or listen to you reading it out loud.
This is as stupid as telling somebody to stop listening to Megan Thee Stallion through their earplugs because it’s explicit.” CicadaPleasant9512
Another User Comments:
“LOL, NTJ. How large is your phone screen for anyone to read over your shoulder? He must have put some serious effort into it.
Next time I travel by train, I’ll keep some steamy romance novels ready to pull up on my screen when someone disrespects my privacy. I was once commenting on a thesis of one of my students while traveling by train and an older guy next to me made comments on how strict I was.
That was sweet somehow. He phrased it very nicely and my laptop screen was large and easy to read. But still, I was a bit taken aback. You just don’t comment on what is on other peoples’ screens unless they shove something inappropriate into your face (this too happened to me once, aren’t train rides fun?).” glamourcrow
5. AITJ For Telling My Dad His Wife Can't Be Called Grandma?
“My (33F) husband (33M) and I are having our first baby. My parents divorced when I was 18. Dad remarried (Jane) when I was 29. I love my stepmother. She is the exact opposite of the stereotype of stepmoms. She is kind, and generous, and has been wonderful to my father.
She is not, however, my mother and I just feel that we are more on a friend basis rather than stepmom/stepdaughter. I don’t see her as my mom.
I have a mother. My relationship has been strained with her because of her need to always put herself above everyone else.
She refused to ever work and contribute to household finances. This may have been fine but she was a poor housekeeper and often dumped household chores and babysitting duties (younger siblings) on me. This trait in my mom was a lot of the reason that my parents divorced. Dad was no angel because he dealt with problems in the marriage by being unfaithful.
(Not with my new stepmom, he meet her 10 years after the divorce.)
My dad has been so excited about his first grandchild. He has been constantly referring to himself and his wife as Grandpa and Grandma. I ignored it for a while but finally, I felt that I had to speak up.
I explained gentle-like that Jane could not be referred to as “Grandma”. I could tell that he was really hurt when he asked why. I explained that my mom was Grandma and that while she was not perfect she had earned that right. Dad left the house and went outside to water his garden not returning inside for the rest of the visit.
I had a conversation with my stepmom and she understood where I was coming from. Together we decided that the baby could call her Mamaw. I privately thought this would be a great compromise since it would still honor the wonderful person that my stepmom is while not upsetting my mother.
Of course, Dad is still unhappy. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To my knowledge, it’s incredibly common for people to use different names for different grandparent-like figures in their life. The compromise you came to still seems to put her in a grandparent-like role which, considering this is his third marriage and he has a history of two-timing, seems very kind of you to do.
Regardless of the fact you get along well, I’d certainly be apprehensive about introducing my child to any of his future partners just based on his track record. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given the nature of your relationship, for you to want to define grandparents differently and that you’d like to protect your mother’s feelings, even if your relationship with her is rocky… just because he doesn’t care about her anymore doesn’t mean you don’t and it was presumptuous of your father to assume that his wife would take that place, especially given the age she came into your life…
Ultimately, I think your father is making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. You’ve been very respectful and it’s up to you. Your children will no doubt take the steer from the adults and respect what’s been agreed (so long as your father follows this).
However, if it does end up reverting to grandma … Maybe just use grandma (name) to distinguish between them for ease.” OkMinimum3033
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but there are a lot of solutions. When I was a kid both of my sets of grandparents on either side were Grandma and Grandpa “insert last name.” It was never confusing – we were just going to be visiting Grandma and Grandpa Doe, or Grandma and Grandpa Deer.
I don’t know if your mom still has your dad’s last name, but if that’s not the case you can easily differentiate. Or use first names – Grandma Sue, Grandma Beth, Grandma Mary.
If your mom or you really want her to be the only “Grandma,” there are so many names these days that people prefer.
Have you asked your mom what she wants to be called? It’s so common now for Grandma to want to be called something like Mamaw that you came up with, Gigi, etc. Or maybe your dad would like his own special name! Pops or PopPop so they can both be differentiated from from the other grandparents.
You should have some say, the grandparents should have some say, and it sounds like you communicated well with your stepmom. I understand your dad wanting to be the traditional grandma and grandpa, but if you aren’t comfortable, and your stepmom is happy with Mamaw, that’s what should matter.
No jerks here, but you should talk to your dad and explain if this is a special title for your mom she/you don’t want to share. Give him some time and hopefully when he realizes she still gets her own special title, he’ll come around to it.
I’d bet the first time baby calls her Mamaw, he’s gonna melt either way. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!” Heaven__Sent
Another User Comments:
“I have a step-grandmother and step-grandfather. My step-grandfather has been in my life since I was 6.
He has been more of a positive male role model for me throughout my life than my biological grandfathers and father combined. My step-grandfather will be the one walking me down the aisle if I ever get married. He is not related to me by blood but is through and through my 100% GRANDPA and I love him dearly.
My step-grandmother calls on holidays and sends me a birthday gift every year and is always up for a chat if I need advice. She keeps up to date with my life and has been a huge support for me since returning to school. I would not be who I am without the unconditional love and support of my step-grandparents.
I can see your reasons for not wanting your stepmom to be “grandma” but honestly it doesn’t even make a big enough difference to be that big of a deal. Blood is just not the strongest bond in some cases.” FarDragonfruit3877
4. AITJ For Asking My Sister For A Dress Code After She Tricked Me Into Overdressing?
“I normally wear jeans and a sweater/blouse (depending on the weather).
Hair up, clean clothes, I don’t dress like a slob just like. A normal human being.
In January we had a small dinner at my sister’s. I wore my normal attire, jeans and a green sweater. That’s what everyone else was wearing.
Two weeks later we’re having dinner at a restaurant and my sister stresses to me MULTIPLE TIMES to wear something nice, it’s an upscale restaurant, dress up, etc. So I go the nine yards, makeup, nice dress, heels, do my hair, jewelry, etc.
I show up and it’s a terrible DIVE BAR. Everyone else INCLUDING my sister was in, get this: jeans and T-shirts. I looked like a total idiot in a Calvin Klein bodycon dress dressed to the nines. She told me it was a formal dinner and to dress accordingly.
I was angry. But I kept it together.
Everyone pretended they didn’t notice but as we left I pulled my sister aside and told her I didn’t appreciate what she did and honestly felt she had been pretty shady to pull that on me.
She said I looked good for once instead of dressing like a bum (she wore an outfit basically identical to what I’d worn for the family home dinner just in a different color).
I know it’s petty as anything but every time there has been a get-together now I text my sister to ask for an explicit dress code, even if she’s not involved in planning.
It annoys her but I’m probably gonna stop after this next event honestly. My mom and dad said I went too far, and that my sister was just trying to get me to look nice but I was angry. My other siblings think it’s pretty darn funny as they’ve had to deal with her too.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“”I looked like a total idiot in a Calvin Klein bodycon dress dressed to the nines.” First of all, I know it can feel awkward to feel like you are overdressed, but most people tend to look at someone who is dressed nicely and wish they’d dressed better.
Or just assume you came there from another event or such. So, I doubt that people thought you “looked like a total idiot.” And even if anyone did, who cares? NTJ – clearly your sister is a jerk and you can’t really trust her anymore.
Stop trying to get her back or annoy her. Live your best life and just ignore her shenanigans.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has shown you that from now on, you can no longer trust anything she tells you. If she tells you it’s formal attire, ask what the name of the venue is.
If she tells you to dress down, ask for the name of the venue. If it’s a party, at someone else’s house, contact the host and ask them what the dress code is. If anyone questions you, simply tell them that as you can’t rely on your sister to give you the correct information, you are following up with them directly.
If she’s going to manipulate you and break your trust on something small, like dress code, what else is she willing to break your trust, ie lie to you, about? You can no longer trust her not to lie to you. flat out.” Catri
Another User Comments:
“I do dress “nicely” whatever that means, but I grew up as not the conventional pretty type. When contouring, eyebrow shaping, liquid eyeliner, etc started to emerge as a trend in the 2010s, I struggled to even apply eyeshadow to my awkwardly-shaped eyes. I still do now at 21.
I can’t do a single hairstyle when everyone else could do elaborate Dutch or French braids, and even when I did it didn’t really suit my face. But the thing is, I didn’t mind not wearing makeup and just leaving my hair as it was.
But the patronizing and snide remarks I got from people made me feel terrible. It didn’t help I was bi, as one person said I deliberately didn’t wear makeup to “detract unwanted male attention”, and my younger sister who always looked glamorous even at the age of 12 would patronizingly say that she would give me makeup/hair lessons.
My mother even once asked my sister to offer to do my hair for a show. She tried tbh but she wouldn’t listen to what would suit my face and it only made me feel worse.
So I felt I had to try for years.
I don’t know how many times I would apply and reapply liquid eyeliner before school, only for classmates to say that it looked wonky or that I had “done it better” that day. When I did manage to look nice it would “wow” people and people would say how pretty I am which is why I felt like I had to keep it up and conform to an ideal for years.
In reality, I just wish that more people said I was pretty when I was just myself. Without makeup, without wearing a fancy dress. Just myself. Now when people do, I don’t believe them, and I have 0 self-esteem. OP NTJ, I would’ve felt miserable if someone did what your sister did to me.” HattieTheSwann
3. AITJ For Refusing My Husband's Request To Adopt My Son From A Previous Relationship?
“I’ve (26F) been married to my husband of two years, Devon (30M), I have a son named Levi (5M) from a previous relationship. Devon has known him his whole life, Levi’s father and I were together until he went missing before our son was born.
Devon loves Levi with all of his heart, and Levi loves him too, I know it. Levi looks a lot like his father and while I’ll always love him, I’ve moved on from the relationship. He was a big adventurer and I often talk about him with Levi, I show him photos and he visits his dad’s family pretty frequently, he knows he’s ”daddy” while Devon is ”papa” or ”Devon” depending on his mood, either way, he’s his father figure.
We do receive funds from my ex’s side, his father takes care of some of Levi’s expenses, but that’s not the issue here.
Three days ago, Devon asked me about adopting Levi, he wants to give him his surname and become his legal parent. I said no. He was devastated by this, but I don’t think I’m ready or that it’s even fair.
We can legally do it but I don’t wanna. I said he could hyphenate Levi’s last name with his, but he wants to fully adopt him. He said my ex’s parents can still be a part of his life, and he doesn’t have any problem but I said he could ask when Levi was older and that if he says yes, then I’m okay with it, but in the meantime, my answer is no.
He’s been distant ever since and now I might be wondering if I was a jerk for crushing his hopes. I called my sister to ask her opinion and she said I was because this is the only father Levi has known all of his life and I’m taking something big from him.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here though I’m actually leaning slightly towards YTJ. Might get downvoted for this rating but I stand by it because the very first reason that you gave was that you’re “not ready”. You decided against the adoption and didn’t actually talk to the people that this might be unfair towards (Levi, his bio grandparents).
You only vaguely said “when Levi is older” that this can be revisited, and I get it. But why can’t it be now? He’s too young? Is he really? Also from the way Devon is reacting (which is very fair in my honest opinion, he clearly loves Levi as his own and his concerns about how he might feel left out are valid and come from a genuine place), it seems the way you communicated that decision went badly as well.
As all the others have pointed out, your husband is all that Levi has ever known. This might sound harsh but “Daddy” lives in pictures and in your retellings of him. “Daddy” only exists in the abstract. “Papa” is what is actually real to Levi.
You are denying making this relationship one that is legally recognized on what basis? On you. On your perception of whether it’s fair to Levi’s father’s memory. On the grandparents. On the past. Not what is fair to Levi. Not what is fair to Devon.
You didn’t think Levi’s father would disappear. Anything can happen. What if that “anything” is that something were to happen to you? Because Devon has no legal responsibility to Levi, will Levi be ripped from the family he knows because it “isn’t fair”?
Do some soul-searching. Talk to the Levi’s grandparents. Talk to your son. He is 5. Even if you don’t agree for the adoption to happen right this minute, doesn’t mean the topic cannot open now.” flightlessalien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like too complicated of a situation for here, but I’ll give you my opinion anyway.
I think your reasoning for waiting is sound. I agree that Levi should have some say when he’s older, especially concerning the circumstances surrounding his biological father’s disappearance. However, I think you could have handled your response with Devon better. If he is withdrawing from you, that tells me you didn’t do a good job explaining.
You need to sit down with him and have a more open and honest conversation. I would also suggest looking into what rights he has. He should at the very least be considered for certain rights to Levi because he is essentially raising him as his own.
You’re his mother and it’s your responsibility to make sure he is taken care of in the event something happens to you. If something did happen, the last thing Levi needs to go through is a custody battle between Devon and his biological father’s family.
Get that taken care of. And let Devon be involved in the next steps you decide to take. He may still be a little hurt, and he has every right to feel that way, but show him that he’s Levi’s dad in all the ways that matter.” JuneRhythm1985
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Devon‘s offer was out of love and it‘s a wonderful thought, so if he’s moping I think that’s just disappointment and might stem from the way it was phrased. Assuming he‘ll get over it soon, no jerk.
You’re not a jerk either. Your decision to wait and make it Levi’s decision is fair – although I’m thinking more about Levi‘s grandparents here because I don’t think Levi would actually mind anyway. But they’re playing an active role in their grandchild‘s life and have very likely not fully processed losing their son as the uncertainty is a special kind of trauma on top of the general one of outliving your own child.
When at some point you‘re planning to go ahead with the adoption, please make sure to tell them in advance and assure them they’re not going to lose their grandson. Explain that you don’t want Levi to feel left out, explain you want to make sure Devon has full parental rights.
Also, if you haven’t already done so, you should be able to grant some rights to Devon without adoption. Depending on your laws you should at the very least be able to put in writing that he‘s supposed to take guardianship if anything were to happen to you.
And while we never want to think about the worst things to happen, anyone should have these things sorted out as a parent.” RiverSong_777
2. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Parents' Joint 50th Birthday On My Graduation Day?
“My parents have scheduled their joint 50th birthday celebration on the same exact day as my high school graduation.
They have been neglectful at worst in the past but this, for me, is just straight-up malicious. If I do go, I’ll have to spend the night with 50+ of THEIR friends congratulating THEM on this massive milestone.
For some context, my mum turned 50 over 2 years ago and my dad has his birthday just this year. So, it kinda makes sense for them to plan the party once they’re both 50, right? We had planned it this summer but my parents only set a date after the RSVPs to my high school graduation were received. Maybe it’s just a harmless coincidence but it feels pretty targeted to me.
All of my friends are having a nice family dinner after graduation while I’m being forced to forget my accomplishments and celebrate my parents instead. Sufficed to say, I’m livid and I’m not planning on attending. I’ve told my parents to reschedule or I won’t be going.
They claimed that they’d already booked the venue and sent out invites, and delivered a heartfelt speech about how much it would mean to them for me to be there. They’re not necessarily calling me a jerk but it’s implied that I’d be one if I flaked out on the party.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hi, OP. I am 35 and something really similar happened to me when I graduated high school. It wasn’t my parents’ birthday party, but instead, they chose to make my high school graduation party their announcement to the entire family that they were getting a divorce.
The entire day became about them and their future plans as divorced people. I don’t want to project my own problems onto you, so please take this with a grain of salt. I truly hope it’s the case that your parents are actually planning a surprise party for you,
But, if it turns out that they really are this selfish, then I would really advise you to not go, and remember what they did as you start to plan out the rest of your life… I let my parents continue to do bizarre selfish things that directly impacted my life for almost another 15 years after my high school graduation.
I finally broke free of their nonsense last year and I’ve never been in a better place mentally. Now you sound a lot smarter than me that you recognize how crappy this is and that you want to get out as soon as you can, so I hope you don’t fall into the same trap.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but omg your parents absolutely are. My sister & her husband’s bdays are like 10 days apart so it would make sense for them to have a joint party but when you said your mom turned 50 two years ago?!?! What in the actual F?!?!
I’m with you, this is definitely malicious. Even if your graduation day was on one of their actual birthdays, good parents would never schedule a party for themselves on your graduation day. You have a birthday every year, you only graduate from high school once in your life.
They can’t even use the you only turn 50 once in your life bc your mom turned 50 two freaking years ago!!! I’m so sorry for you, your parents are selfish as heck (am I allowed to curse on here???) My honest advice to you is to either not go or wear your cap & gown to their party to let all their friends know what selfish jerks they are.
After this though? Start planning a way to get out from under them. Get a job if you can & save every bit you can so you can support yourself & cut them out of your life or at least not be obligated to them.
Wow, they suck so much I don’t even have words, I am truly astounded that grown adults would do this to their own child.” cautioslycurious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents are awful. I’ll give you an example. I had my university graduation in November and my mum wanted to go back to our home country for a few weeks to spend time with extended family.
I told her she didn’t have to attend my graduation ceremony, but she made it clear that she would book her flight ticket only after it. That’s what parents are supposed to do. Your parents are jerks and you honestly deserve better.” Logical-Abroad4945
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Best Friend's Partner On Our Group Trip?
“We are a group of friends of 6 people: 4 guys and two girls. We are planning a trip for the summer and I and another guy will bring our partners.
The girls are single but they get along really well with our partners.
My best friend has also been seeing this girl for the past 7 months. That girl is not well-liked in our friend group especially by the two girls, because she was acting jealous over them.
Basically, my best friend used to be really close with one of the girls and after he got with his partner he barely hung out with that girl anymore because he claimed it was disrespectful to his partner.
His partner one day also caused a scene because our friend, the girl, did the unimaginable sin of… Sitting on my best friend’s lap.
My best friend told her to get up and his partner was telling our friend that she is disrespectful for doing this knowing someone else is taken. It’s really not that big of a deal to any of us and thankfully our partners are chill about it and they don’t act jealous.
The girls always sit on our laps, even in front of our partners and we are all very close, nobody’s jealous except my best friend’s partner.
So yeah she’s not liked. So planning the trip we decided to tell my best friend that his partner wouldn’t be invited because we can’t put up with her insecurity and jealousy issues and we just want to chill and have fun.
He said if his partner isn’t coming he’s not coming either and that either we all uninvite our partners or we invite his partner as well. I told him he doesn’t need to have his partner around to have fun. He said he doesn’t need her around indeed but he still finds it disrespectful and thinks we are jerks for only excluding his partner and not respecting his boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – A full-grown woman sitting on someone who is not her partner, and has a partner, is odd to me. If everyone is comfortable with it then ok I guess? But the partner was clearly not and was fully within her right to say so, and your best friend even asked the girl to get up.
So it’s obviously a boundary that they share. She’s not jealous, she just has a boundary of other women getting touchy with her partner. So long as your best friend agrees, it’s something that should be respected. And it sounds like he’s agreeing on all the boundaries as well.
You are putting a lot of this on to her when it looks like it’s equal ‘blame’ on the partner and your best friend for the new boundaries. You are clearly excluding the partner for no reason other than setting boundaries, which her partner agrees on and actively abides by.
There’s no side in this where he or she is the jerk for creating a boundary and sticking to it. If you want to go on a trip with no partners then do it, but if you want to include partners you have to include them all.
Simple as.” Lesbo-Witch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Here’s what I’m seeing: 1. Your friend group includes a girl who likes to flirt, with particular attention to your best friend. You and your partner don’t have a problem with this, because she isn’t aggressively going after you.
2. Your best friend used to be okay with this when he was single, but now he isn’t. He doesn’t like this girl aggressively flirting with him, and neither does his partner. 3. This girl isn’t backing off; she keeps aggressively flirting with your best friend, even with his partner around, as a way to mark her territory and show she DGAF about the partner.
She wants the partner to be excluded in order to allow her to keep flirting, and you and the others support this because it’s easier for you. 4. Your best friend doesn’t like this arrangement. He prefers to do things that include his partner, because he wants to spend time with her, and trying to force him to choose differently is disrespectful to him.
5. You’re not fooling anybody by trying to pass this off as something else.” calling_water
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Boundaries change when you are in a relationship. Sitting in a guy’s lap who has a partner is extremely rude, she didn’t know because apparently you all don’t have that boundary but it’s a normal one, she clearly does and felt disrespected and your friend agreed. These are the boundaries of the relationship and if it is disrespectful to have such a close bond and constant contact with the other female friend, it is a boundary to them.
And a very common one at that. You don’t like her because now he has different boundaries but this is a normal relationship change. You either accept this or you don’t but YOU not inviting her seems to be the breaking point. Especially if everyone else’s SO is there, it’s rude.
And the girl who crossed a significant boundary (lap situation) is also there so it’s a valid concern for the partner although you friend seems to be a good and stand-up guy and set clear boundaries and follows them.
If this helps, I am bi, and so is 99% of my friend group, we all change attitudes when seeing people, and if someone says a new boundary (even if we may find it hard to follow) we do it because we respect our friends as people and their relationship.
We could think their SO is a jerk (which doesn’t seem to be the case here but you all do think that of her) BUT we respect it. It’s their relationship and if everyone else gets to bring their SO to a vacation I planned better believe Jerk will be there too.” WRose287
