People Ask Us To Have A Sound Mind In Judging Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Saying That My Sister's Kids Are Not My Problem?
“7 years ago I was married and expecting a baby when things went horribly wrong. Around 10 weeks into my pregnancy I suffered a miscarriage and then I returned home to find my husband in bed with my sister. The two of them tried to apologize and convince me that we could all get over it.
But I wanted nothing to do with either of them and even less so when I found out she had gotten pregnant. My divorce was finalized quickly because I wanted nothing from him other than the divorce and was willing to leave the marriage with nothing but the clothes on my back.
Pretty early I realized my parents were hoping I would want to still be part of the baby’s life but I wanted nothing to do with the baby my sister conceived while sleeping with my husband (now ex) as I lay in the hospital losing my own pregnancy.
I refused any and all contact with my sister and ex. They married and had two more children after the one she conceived during my marriage to him.
I met my current husband when I had distanced myself from my whole family and he was amazing and his family was great.
We got married two years ago and his family is nothing short of the best. I adore the nieces and nephews I have gained through my marriage to him and we spend a lot of time together.
Around three months ago my sister called me at work (using my work phone) and told me she needed me and could I please come to her.
I hung up the phone and continued about my day. It was several hours later that I got a message from my parents saying I needed to be with my sister. A few days later I got another call and was told my sister had been pregnant, the baby passed away inside of her and she delivered a stillborn all while he was out sleeping with someone else.
My parents and sister expected me to rally around her and I didn’t. Now that some time has passed and she lives with them, I have been inundated with them saying I should meet her kids, and be there for them like I am my husband’s nieces and nephews, and that I should reconcile with the family.
My sister told me how sorry she was again and that she wanted us to make up. I told the three of them that she and her kids are not my problems and I still want nothing to do with them.
My parents are furious and they say I need to forgive her because whatever she did, she is now suffering worse than would ever be deserved and her kids are innocent and deserve an aunt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a real shame what’s happened to your sister, and you. And I empathize with her because losing a child is devastating no matter what.
But you are NTJ. You have been through a lot too, and you’ve been able to move on and have a family that is good to you.
You don’t owe forgiveness to anyone. You’ve been deeply hurt by 2 people that were supposed to love you. It’s your choice who you keep in your life.
It sounds like sister is hoping that you will feel sorry for her enough that you’ll seal the rift between you and now she probably feels even more guilty because he’s done the same thing to her.
But you don’t have to keep anyone in your life if you don’t want to.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lord have mercy, what a mess! OP, I am so sorry about this. I can’t imagine how painful the loss of your child and your family must have been.
I’m really glad for you that your husband and his family are so wonderful.
I’m not sure what else your sister thought would happen. If someone has an illicit affair with you, they’re going to do it to you as well. I’m always surprised by the number of people that think they’re special, that the person wouldn’t do the same to them after they’ve had illicit affairs with them.
You don’t owe your sister anything, OP. It was shameful that she had an affair with her own sister’s husband. Block her and move on with your life. I wish you all the best.” goforbroke432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister and your ex are the jerks here, and to a lesser extent so are your parents.
Your sister stopped being family the moment that she slept with your ex while you were in the hospital suffering a miscarriage. Sleeping with your ex while you were still married is bad enough but while you were in the hospital suffering makes it 100 times worse.
Why wasn’t she there supporting you?
I won’t give your parents grief for not wanting to cut out their daughter and grandchildren, but at the very least they should have been understanding and supportive of your decision to cut your sister out of your life.
What she did was unforgivable. And she certainly didn’t rally around you when you were struggling so why should you do that for her at expense of your own peace and happiness? For your parents to push the matter and make it seem like you are in the wrong for having a reasonable boundary is terrible and you deserve better.
The audacity that this woman has to call you out of the blue and demand that you come to help her after what she did to you is astounding. Ask her if she’ll go and comfort the mistress when the ex inevitably lies to her too.
As much as she’s hurting now, tell her to try to imagine that the woman he was sleeping with was someone she cares deeply about like a close friend or sister, and ask her if she feels all that inclined to forgive the person.
The fact that while she’s going through this she still doesn’t understand the hurt she caused you is just baffling.
At the end of the day,, she hasn’t changed one bit because even now she only cares about herself with zero regard for the damage and pain she caused you. She wants you to come to help her with the kids. She wants you to come to comfort her after losing a baby.
She wants you to support her after her husband had an affair. She’s trash and doesn’t deserve you.
If your parents can’t understand all of that and are hassling you about it, tell them that unless they can respect you and your boundaries you will cut contact with them just like you did your sister.
I’ll never understand how people can sleep with someone they know is in a relationship and think that their partner will never lie to them. Once a liar, always a liar.” penfencer
17. AITJ For Not Inviting Most Of My Family Members To My Graduation?
“I (22m) am graduating college next May, and recently I told my family I don’t want them to come to my graduation and my family is upset at me because of it.
I am majoring in Physical Education, I have loved sports since I was a child and I have wanted to be a P.E teacher ever since middle school, where a group of boys I was friends/teammates with made a ‘pact’ that we would all have a career in sports as an adult and be best friends for life.
Fast forward, and all of us are still best friends, and all but one of us have sports-related majors, the friend who doesn’t is in law school.
My parents have always supported me in my love of sports, but they are not happy with my major because they are the types of people who believe ‘those who can’t do, teach’ and with all the stuff going around in the past few years, have only developed a more negative view of teaching.
My parents have always supported my older brother (24m) in his major, which is business. To my brother’s credit, he is a very successful man who is already making a very decent living. They always talk highly of him and his major. My parents are usually pretty good in other regards and are generally nice people, but they use a mindset of ‘personal responsibility’ to trash my major and want me to go where the money is, which isn’t teaching, which is why they like that my brother is majoring in business.
As I mentioned, my parents have consumed a lot of anti-teacher media, and Thanksgiving was a bit rough, with all my relatives (aunts, parents, siblings, uncles, cousins, etc.) except my youngest sibling (13m) trashing teaching. My youngest brother does not share our family’s politics. For reference, my siblings are 13m, 14f, 14m, 16f, 18m, 21f, and 24m.
After Thanksgiving this year, I decided that my 13-year-old brother was the only one I would want at my graduation, as I feel he is the only person I can trust to respect me and not make rude comments that day.
I texted my parents yesterday asking them to call me to speak about something.
When I informed them of my decision, they got really angry at me and started saying I was ‘ungrateful’ and that ‘they still loved me’ even though they ‘disagree with my life choices’.
After a tense phone call, I turned off my phone and I decided to go on a walk and when I got back to my dorm, I went on social media to Christmas shop but got distracted by my feed. I saw multiple posts from older family members (uncles, aunts, grandparents) taking indirect shots at me, with posts such as ‘b***d is thicker than water’ and ‘be grateful for the blessings in your life because they may not be there one day’.
I decided to turn my phone back on and saw a few texts from my 13-year-old brother saying everyone was talking about me behind my back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your family doesn’t love you. Because if they did they wouldn’t constantly be riding you about your education and career choice.
Sure they could let you know how they didn’t think it was the best choice money-wise once. But to have nearly every family member dog pile on you about how you are making a terrible decision by wanting to be a teacher isn’t any display of love I want to be on the receiving end of.
They only want to come to the graduation so they can save face amongst their friends. They don’t want to have to deal with the questions of why only your little bro is the only one at the ceremony/in whatever pics you post. Screw them and stand your ground by not inviting them.
Hopefully, this’ll teach them to keep their nasty unwanted comments to themselves.
CONGRATS ON GRADUATING!” FilthyPop__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s sad that they’d rather you have a career and a degree in something you don’t enjoy just because it pays better or their beliefs and views on your career of choice.
Teachers will always be needed. Your brother could be doing well now, but companies go bust all the time, so his future might not be as guaranteed as they think.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, who do they think taught your brother about business? Who do they think would teach you for a higher-paying field?
Who do they think taught all the pundits they love to quote?
You have accomplished something fantastic and hard. You’ve worked hard and are doing something you love. You still have relationships with the friends you made pacts with, it shows you do value relationships.
You deserve to celebrate your achievement with people who value and respect you, too.
I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. I would venture to guess this probably goes a bit deeper than just disagreeing on your profession.” imathrowawaylurkin
16. AITJ For Bringing My Husband To Thanksgiving Dinner And Leaving Early?
“My husband Dean (M23) and I (M22) have been married for almost 4 years. We live across the country from my family, so we usually get excluded from family events but my mom invited me this year. I didn’t realize the invitation hadn’t included Dean and brought him with me.
Before I start, Dean has an ‘adopted brother’. They found each other as children who needed support and have been inseparable since. His brother and I have gotten very close and I consider him to be my best friend.
We got the baking supplies Dean needed to bake the various things he would be bringing to the dinner and went to the house.
As soon as we arrived, my oldest brother was surprised to see him and even commented on it, which we both brushed off. I was put on babysitting duty over my nieces. I had met the older two once and had never met the youngest but still, I had to babysit them.
I did my best to watch over them and play dress up, I make a pretty good fairy princess if I do say so myself. But when we were outside I could see my mom, SIL, and her mom interrogating Dean from the kitchen window.
When the girls finally had enough and decided to bother their dad, I went to find Dean who told me about some of the questions he had been asked. Highly personal questions like our intimate life, his mental health, and his parent’s death. I was disgusted but he told me to drop it and just get through dinner.
I was willing to drop it until his answers were used to put him on blast in front of the entire dinner table. The SILs mom told the dinner table about a disgusting rumor she’d heard about Dean and his brother being i********s. I told them it wasn’t true but it made my b***d boil, but he grabbed my hand and told me to eat.
I listened, but they didn’t stop. My mother used his mental health diagnosis as a joke. I was beyond mad and ignored Dean asking what their problem with him was.
My mom outright told me that she had never invited him and that I had brought him without thinking about how that would make them feel.
I demanded they tell me how they feel about my husband, and the SILs mom once again brought up the rumor. My mom nodded and said she didn’t feel comfortable around i****t. I once again told her that it had never happened. But she once again said she hadn’t invited Dean.
I turned to my dad and asked his opinion but he just shrugged. So I picked up everything Dean had made for the dinner and we left.
Dean thinks I did the right thing, and I think I handled the situation to the best of my abilities.
But my oldest brother, his wife, her mom, my mom, and my dad think I’m the bad guy and that I need to apologize.
I figured I need an outsider’s opinion, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is reasonable to assume that when an invitation is issued that the spouse is included unless stated otherwise.
I would never have assumed they intended to exclude my spouse. I also think your family was very rude believing rumors and treating them as facts. They act as though they witnessed the i****t themselves. I could not have subjected my spouse to such disgusting behavior by my family either.
The best thing you could have done was leave. I would not apologize ever.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, it’s super rude to only invite you but not your husband to a family thing UNLESS no other in-laws are there. Since apparently, your Sails parents were even there, it was obviously an event with extended family which at the very least includes spouses.
But then to act that way to your husband, interrogating him, being up all kinds of hurtful stuff, gossip, and lies obviously meant to hurt him is just toxic. I would have left as well and gone no contact. You don’t need their toxicity in your life.” sickandopinionated
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, your family is and are nasty ones at that. Any invitation sent out for a family event anytime would expect their partner/ husband to be invited. Your family questioning your husband on your personal life together is so wrong, his mental health diagnosis is none of their business, and as for the accusations/allegations dressed up as a rumor about your husband and brother are libelous.
Your family doesn’t deserve you, you deserve so much more and they deserve no contact from you. You seem to have a lovely life with a man you love and a good friendship with his brother and that’s really all you need, you certainly don’t need your toxic family in your life as they will always make you miserable.” Flat_Librarian_1724
15. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Friend's Partner Out On A Date?
“My friend has to go out of town for his job for about a month. He lives with his partner so they’re always together obviously. A couple of days ago he told me about how his girl is high maintenance and how he didn’t know if she could handle being without him for a month.
He was saying that her friends are business all the time and can’t get together on a regular basis so she really would be alone for like a month.
For my job, I work 7 days on and 7 days off. He said since he knows I have the time could I take her out to a nice restaurant and that he’d give me a few hundred to show her a good time since he couldn’t.
I told him I didn’t want to do it. I was kind of shocked when he seemed to keep mad at me.
He was like ‘You can’t do this one favor for me?’ And I told him that I just didn’t want to.
Yeah, I have the time but it wasn’t going to happen. He then said that I should really be thanking him for asking this because I was getting a free meal from somewhere that I wouldn’t be able to afford without him paying for it.
I told him to leave if he was going to be disrespectful. He left saying I was throwing away the trust he had in me over not doing one simple favor. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t responsible for keeping this guy’s partner entertained, even if he’s paying.
This is such a weird ask. Like, I know he said her friends are busy, but an adult woman should have enough of a life outside her relationship that her partner doesn’t need to arrange a babysitter for her. I have a hunch your friend might be a jerk in that relationship, but he’s definitely the jerk for getting mad that you said no to this request. And what is this about throwing away trust?
This isn’t the kind of thing you trust someone to do or count on your friends for. This is the kind of thing you can force underlings to do when you’re a crime boss, and it’s still weird then.” genevajacuzzi22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like your friend’s partner is pretty needy. Maybe he is also doing this as surveillance.
It’s a strange ask to take her on a ‘date’. Sounds like you and his partner aren’t that close otherwise hanging out as mutual friends would be a pretty easy ask.
Your friend throwing down and doing you a favor and eating in a place you’d never afford is condescending. Maybe true but surely not helping his ask.
Not your problem if she doesn’t have any available friends. I read in Japan you can hire people to just sit and eat with you.
Maybe that’s what your friend needs. Fly a guy over from Japan for a month.” mitch3498
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds a bit weird anyway. But your friend gets to ask and you get to say no thank you to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
As a good friend, you step up for a medical emergency, you listen to your friend when he needs an ear, but you don’t have to take his high-maintenance partner out on a fancy date with trimming many people might consider a tad on the romantic side when he’s out of town or listen to his feeble attempts to guilt trip you into compliance.
He’s being a bad, manipulative friend. If he doesn’t drop it, preferably with an apology, you might want to back away for a while. Possibly a very long while.” Nester1953
14. AITJ For Invalidating My Co-Worker's Marriage?
“I am happily married. My husband and I have known each other since high school and have been together for about 12 years.
I currently outearn my husband as we are in the UK and he is a doctor. While he could try and go into private practice in the future, he wants to stay near the ground and help those who need it in the NHS, rather than collect funds, which is 100% understandable and one of the reasons I love him.
Because I outearn my husband, and he had a decent bit of student loans (he was sadly classed as an international student so UK med school did cost him quite a bit) I helped him pay off his loans. I think that it is a pretty simple thing to do, that if one of us doesn’t have financial freedom, neither of us does, and, well, if I wouldn’t even do that for him, what’s marriage even about?
Just saying I love you and then living like you are roommates?
My co-workers and I are all pretty close, mainly cus I knew about half of them from university and most of us are of similar age. I told them about me paying off my husband’s student loans.
So I was telling my coworkers this at lunch. The main young friend group is sitting at one table in the mess area, and at the time, one of the older ladies is sitting alone at a table near us.
I’ll try to be unbiased toward this lady, but the gist is most of us dislike her.
She’s very problematic and old-fashioned, rarely doing things according to the currently accepted methods, often forcing us to do stuff we are not meant to do simply to go along with her doing her own thing. She is also kinda racist, and nosy as well, giving advice where we simply don’t want it.
Basically, I’m saying all of the things that I mentioned in the third paragraph, about how helping my husband pay off his loans is part of what marriage is about, pooling resources for the greater benefit of the couple, and so on. I went a bit more in-depth about why I helped him, but the gist of it was why would I get married if I didn’t do that.
Now, this older lady ends up overhearing this conversation and butts in, asking me why I did that, and how it’s my money and my husband got himself into debt. She then basically started attacking my husband, basically calling him a leech.
She also acted very concerned for me, and said ‘Don’t you know it’s very common for doctors to marry girls, use them to pay off their debts, and then dump them and move up in the world?
Aren’t you worried that’s what he’s doing to you?’ I just laughed and said if I didn’t trust my husband enough that he loved me for me, then by marrying him I’d be the most stupid girl on the planet.
She started crying and stormed out. I was then called into my boss’s office and told to apologize to her. Apparently, I had humiliated her, invalidated her current marriage, and basically called her stupid for her first marriage, because her current marriage has completely split finances, and her first marriage was with a doctor who left her after her loans were paid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even close. In fact, I’m laughing with you.
She invited herself into the conversation, and you didn’t say anything at all about her marriages. She internalized your outlook on marriage and hurt her own feelings after you rejected her unsolicited attempt to project her baggage onto you.
She quite literally messed around and found out.” PurpleyPineapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did not say that her ex-husband’s doctor left her after she paid his debts. How are you to know that? This is really an outdated attitude, that we have to mind-read people.
You did not insult her, she chose to be insulted because your comment clearly indicated YOU would be the stupidest girl.
I hope you did not apologize and if you did you might want to have another meeting with your boss and the stuck-in-her-ways woman and make it clear you were speaking about yourself and anyone who claims you were insulting them needs to take ownership of their feelings and stop expecting others to read their minds or learn things about coworkers by being nosey.
You were speaking about yourself and if she feels comfortable with divided finances in her personal life, that’s her decision, not yours. Say ‘I refuse to be responsible for NAME’S private decisions.’
Going forward, I would keep her at arm’s length and for Pete’s sake, stop doing things her way if they aren’t in your job description, are outdated processes, or are inefficient.
She is not your boss. Do not give her that power.
Hubby and you sound delightful. I’m happy that you two have built a solid foundation. Trust me, your friends and family will enjoy being around you two. It’s awful being friends with a couple that is clearly aggravated/hateful towards each other.” benfranklin-katniss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
How can you possibly know the ins and out of her previous marriage, current one, and financial planning when you both aren’t friends inside of work, outside of work and she wasn’t even part of YOUR conversation?
She butted in, AGAIN, to give her unsolicited advice and opinions, AGAIN.
If she feels humiliated and invalidated that’s because she stuck her nose in where it wasn’t wanted AGAIN.
She was trying to invalidate YOUR marriage and push her insecurities onto you.
I wouldn’t apologize. I would go to HR and give them the run down on ALL her behavior and this incident just in case she escalates till she gets an apology she doesn’t deserve.” HunterDangerous1366
13. AITJ For Not Having My Sister-In-Law At My Wedding?
“My soon-to-be sister-in-law, let’s call her Nicole, will not be a bridesmaid in my wedding.
Even before my fiancé and I were together, she had never liked me and made multiple comments about this. Once my fiancé and I were together, things got a lot worse.
My fiancé’s family is incredibly religious, which I can admire, but this is an important context.
Nicole on multiple occasions has made rude comments to me that she has justified by saying she is ‘more spiritually mature’ than I, and that if I explored more scripture I wouldn’t be hurt. She made a point to notify the entire family, inclusive of grandparents, that my fiancé and I had slept together before marriage and advised us she is ‘worried about his soul’ and how I am corrupting him.
My fiancé was not a virgin before we were together.
Recently, Nicole claimed she wanted to ‘patch things up’ after months of low contact between us. She drove several hours to discuss this in person. While I am upset about the things that have transpired, I was open to speaking with her about it, because I don’t want to deal with this forever.
As soon as I sat down at the restaurant to talk, she says she only came to speak with me but figured she had to speak to her brother too. I asked what she meant by this and she says ‘well I assumed you were waiting on things to be patched up between us before you asked me to be in the wedding’.
I let her know that I was not planning on asking her to be a bridesmaid because I did not feel we were in a place in our relationship for that. She said she finds that extremely disrespectful and that she had her sisters-in-law at her wedding.
I said, ‘well that was very kind of you to make that choice, unfortunately, we have decided against that for our wedding’. I did let her know, that if things change between us before the wedding I would consider this. She did not speak to me for the remainder of the time.
By the time they leave to head back home, Mary let me know Nicole had said ‘I just wish he would marry LITERALLY anyone else’. Among other comments of course too… My fiancé had a phone conversation about this with Nicole letting her know this was a decision we came to together, and was not something I decided without consulting him.
To which she responded, ‘you are my B***D brother and I am here forever. From what I have seen this past weekend, she will not be!’ He says ‘well if you do not think we will work out, why would you want to attend our wedding at all?’ She says ‘because then you will finally be making the right choice and not living in sin.’ She was referring to him and I living together before marriage.
The phone call basically ended in a huff and they have not talked since other than a very quick ‘hello’ at thanksgiving.
AITJ for not having her be a bridesmaid?
Edit: Mary is another of my fiancé’s siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I gonna assume your SIL thinks she’s Christian, given some of the language attributed to her.
Unfortunately for her, God looks down on her brand of Arrogance, so she has that to look forward to.
You, on the other hand, Have done her absolutely no wrong. You are under no obligation to make her a bridesmaid, and in fact, it could be seen as nice of you not to make her join your bridal party, you know since she doesn’t support your marriage and all.
Besides, she’s already proven herself untrustworthy by trash-talking you behind your back, so she doesn’t get to complain that she’s being excluded from a group that’s supposed to be a trusted circle of friends and family.” winsluc12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s overwhelming how offensive future SIL is.
She’s the religious gatekeeper for the family/heaven here? Yet she keeps desperate to be a bridesmaid too, so odd. She seems to be missing any logical emotional intelligence and is ignorant of social norms. She’s a bully. Your fiancé should have the equivalent of a high electrified fence to protect his life and you his sister, especially after the first offense.
She never made any sort of apology.
Would you buy a house next to someone like her? Would you even rent? That person is a nightmare. Marinara flags on this marriage.” AtoZulu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your wedding and your special day. You get to decide who you want to be part of the bridal party.
And why would you want someone in your bridal party who 1) constantly puts you down and 2) doesn’t even support your relationship??
If it were me, I’d just uninvite her from the wedding as a whole, but also knowing her behavior she’d try to manipulate the situation to make you seem like the bad guy.
And frankly, it isn’t her business to know or share the fact that you had slept together before marriage. Her brother is a grown-up adult who can make decisions for himself. She doesn’t get to control his life, no matter how ‘unholy’ she thinks it is.” Adept_Active_6247
12. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Roommate's Son For A Few Hours?
“I, 22 years old, am in college. I live in a rental apartment with my roommate, Simon, 28 years old, & his 4-year-old son. The mother of the child is deceased and he got together with his now ex but broke up 4 months ago. He was expecting a baby with her and the baby was born this past Wednesday.
I was in the middle of studying and preparing for my exam when Simon barged in telling me his ex’s mom just called him and said she was in labor and he had to go to the hospital. He started begging me to take his son for a few hrs (probably til midnight) so he could be there for his baby’s birth.
I declined and said I had so little time left and needed to focus on studying. He begged to say that I wouldn’t even feel his son’s presence but the kids were so hyperactive and hard to deal with basically.
He started raising his voice at me saying I was being mean for no reason and he had no one else he knows that could take his son, I told him he could have prepared for this by hiring a babysitter.
He started going off saying that I was being unhelpful on purpose. I told him to get out of my room. He said he’d just leave the kid with me then. I told him I’d call the cops as soon he do that which made him back off.
He was fuming, he took his son and left and came back the next day telling me that I just caused him to miss the birth of his baby and that he’ll never forgive me for what I’d done.
He’s been avoiding me since it happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While I think friends and roommates – or just good humans in general- should show up for people in an emergency, this wasn’t exactly that. He knew that he was having a baby, he knows the general timeframe, and he knows he has an existing child, so he should have – like you – pointed out, hired a sitter, or planned to hire one and/or spoken to you and other people in his life about helping, in advance.
If my neighbor, who I barely know, comes to me and asks me to watch their child because their partner was hit by a car and they have to go to the hospital, I would do it, regardless of my own plans. If they said their wife was in labor and their mom who was supposed to take the other kid was sick, I’d be in to help then too.
Because these are emergencies that people couldn’t plan for, and I would hope that – as a person living alone and dreading the day I injured myself – that others would do the same for me.
Your roommate had zero plan for his son, even though he has had 8 months to plan for this moment, and that isn’t your problem!” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – he knew his partner would go into labor at some point, he should’ve had multiple plans in place and if you were a possibility, then you should’ve known that he may be counting on you when the day came and asked if that was alright with you.
Not sure if he didn’t have this conversation with you or if you omitted that, but he should’ve had a couple of backups.
ON THE OTHER HAND – he’s 4, he probably is a handful as you describe, but 4-year-olds should have a bedtime around 8/9 pm, which if I can math correctly is, in fact, a few hours before midnight.
You already live in the apartment, you at most needed to feed him (but I assume he was already fed) and put him to bed and only be responsible for listening out for him getting up or something. He should’ve only been awake for an hour, maybe two of the time he was asking you for help.
Is that short window worth the cohabitation relationship? I guess you made that call already, but it’s sad people aren’t willing to help people out in desperate situations. I have studied at multiple babysitting gigs and it’s not that crazy to manage…” Morbid-Mother_152327
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t ask you ahead of time if you would/could. People can’t just drop their lives because you didn’t make plans and have backups for backups.
Also, ‘but the kids are so hyperactive and hard to deal with’
You don’t have to explain this.
You are studying for your education and all kids, especially younger kids, require supervision (i.e. attention). Even if you are just letting him chill on the couch, you still have to maintain presence of mind on him to make sure he doesn’t slip away to shove a fork in an outlet, chug the kool-aid under the sink, or something else.
If you did not agree to watch the kid in the event of her going into labor, you are not the jerk. If you did, but backed out because of exams… well, kinda the jerk but also understandable (can’t hail mary your future over a roommate).
Good luck on those exams, don’t even let that stuff bother you.” grit-glory-games
11. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Seek Professional Help?
“My parents have this weird ritual with my brother (20M) and me (24F) after they argue.
Yesterday, something sparked my parents into an argument, and I had to cut a work meeting short upstairs because it would get so loud that people on the call would hear it.
For the next few days, the house was tense and they were distant from each other until my dad sat us down.
‘I’m sure you’ve noticed the tension in this house. How does it make you feel?’ We say it makes us feel bad, of course.
Then he tells us why they were arguing and why they were upset… even though we heard it, and heard it a million times. (Reason: He feels our mom is becoming like her mother, with snippy comments and refusal to listen to ‘common sense.’ Now, my grandmother was toxic: financially generous, and affectionate on the surface, but with deep issues that impacted our mom, which she has been working through especially since she passed away last month.) He said he even hates how my mom is even starting to look like her.
There’s a lot more behind their arguments and stress: generational trauma, my mom’s potential dementia that’s showing more and more, communication issues, etc.
But my mom and dad gave my brother and me an in-depth run of their feelings, their argument, their vows to work through everything, and always with an encapsulating message that, ‘We’re the two principals of this family, and whatever hurts us, hurts you two.’
My parents have done this for a long time, and I used to buy into this, and we would listen and give advice. This time, it struck me as odd. Even though there’s a lot I could say and recommend, instead I said:
‘Not to be rude, but honestly, Dad, we’ve heard this all from you two our entire lives.
We want you two to get better. Have you two considered therapy?’
They looked taken aback and offended. We discussed therapy options for them, but they also said I seemed dismissive and like I didn’t care.
But I’m starting to feel these post-argument sit-downs don’t place us in a fair position.
I have no problem supporting my parents, knowing their intentions, but I’m rethinking it all. AITJ for not doing this anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you two do not like the environment, it is up to you to move out since you are both adults.
I would have said, ‘we are not therapists so please quit discussing your marital issues with us as it is none of our business, it is entirely between the two of you and only the two of you.’ If they have been doing this their entire lives, they will not change.
The idea is to let them know in a polite way that you two do not need to hear any of that information.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You advised them to get therapy. They reacted poorly to that.
Funny thing is that this part of their family meetings with you and your brother:
‘we would listen and give advice’
Sounds an awful lot like therapy.
The therapy advice was good. They probably didn’t like it because it would mean taking their problems to a trained professional. A pro who would call them on their bs when it appeared. Instead of dumping their problems on their kids, who can’t really do that?
At least not without risking long-term family strife.
When they try to do this to you in the future, just keep repeating ‘We are not your therapists. Please seek the help of a trained professional for these marital issues.’
They might not take the advice.
But they should eventually get the message and stop dragging you into this.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your parents need to take their problems up with a professional or at least with their closest friends and/or family. NOT their kids.
That’s a really bad brew – more harmful than any of the behaviors they’re actually complaining about! From now on, you guys should feel wholly justified by shutting this down the second they try to start it up; tell them to get some professional help or deal with their own problems instead of dumping their angst on their kids.” MonarchOfDonuts
10. AITJ For Not Wanting Strangers Parking In My Yard?
“My city/county throws parades for holidays: MLK day, Mardi gras, Christmas, etc. it’s up the Main Street of the town, and my street branches off of the ‘parade street’. So naturally, people will park their cars up and down my street to make it easier and quicker departure time for them and their families.
I understand that. What I don’t understand is how 2 or 3 people each parade, will pull into my driveway or drive in my yard and park on my grass or driveway.
Now I used to not bat an eye at this situation because parades last like 30 minutes right?
Well, lately they’ve been hours, including people who show up early to get settled in. My mom now can’t get into her garage after coming home from work because there’s an f250 smack dab in the middle of our driveway. Not to the side, literally at the very beginning of the driveway taking up all the space.
So this Christmas parade I saw the same f250 and walked by him while he sits in his truck and gave him a confused look while walking to my house. A look of ‘do I know you and why are you in my driveway?’ I look at my house and look back at him and he scoffs, rolls his eyes, and pulls out.
An old lady parks her car on my grass. I do the same thing but she ignores me. As a teenager, I don’t really know what to do about this situation and when I try to get them to leave my yard they act as if I’m the jerk.
So I ask you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That’s your parents’ property and if the people you don’t know get injured on the property they could potentially sue even if they had no right being there.
What I would do (because I’ve had to do this to NEIGHBORS) is call the police and request for them to come to your home due to an unrecognized vehicle(s) on your property and you don’t know why it’s there.
When they get there tell them it’s an unrecognized vehicle and you would like it removed immediately at the owner’s expense and state this to the tow company driver and the police officer many times. No one is allowed to park on your property without expressed permission from the property owner.
They also are certainly not allowed to block your driveway. I’m unsure which state you are in but there may be different laws in regard to this. You can have your parents contact a lawyer about this as well to see where you stand, legally, in your state.” amandadore74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would take pictures of them and report them to the cops and sue the people parking on the grass for damages. It’s your property and they have no right to part there without your permission. I’m not sure if it’s legal or not but if you have money to burn get tire locks and put up a sign on your property stating ‘PRIVATE PROPERTY, outsider cars will be charged 200$ (or some exorbitant amount per hour) and will be tire locked’.” stunkshoezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your yard and driveway are not public property. Even the grass from the sidewalk to the street which is an easement does NOT give people the freedom to park on it.
In the scheme of offenses, yes, this is small, but in a broader look at society, I do believe that these behaviors devoid of common decency are the ‘canary in the coal mine’ of the de-evolution of society.
When a lack of common-sense decency for even the small, easy things occurs with such frequency in humanity, I believe we are headed toward a terrible future, with much worse things to come.
Continue to take your role in trying to delay this societal trend by pointing out to people when they are being jerks, please.
Yes, it does seem crazy that you would have to point out to someone why it is wrong to park in a complete stranger’s driveway, blocking them in, but this is where we are at now.” anitarielleliphe
9. AITJ For Adopting A Black Cat?
“Our former friends owned a black cat that lived to be about 18, the wife kept this cat going through intestinal cancer for months even though it was clearly suffering (defacated everywhere, yowling constantly, etc).
She was absolutely obsessed with this cat and claimed to have dreams that she birthed it and believed to be its mother.
On the other end, my wife and I had been talking about getting a cat for a while. After our friend’s cat died, we told her we were going to adopt a cat, we were thinking of an orange tabby.
Apparently, our friend asked us not to get a black cat and my wife said we wouldn’t (i never recall this happening).
A few months later, we find a cat that is perfect for us in every way except that it’s black. I know this friend is going to be upset, but I really don’t think someone should be able to dictate what kind of animal my wife and I adopt.
I tell my wife we’re getting this cat because it’s been raised amongst small animals (we have two rabbits) and we will tell her friend it’s what’s best for us and not our intention to hurt her. Her friend goes on a rant through a letter about how her cat was her ‘spirit animal’ and ‘identified as black’.
AITJ for adopting a black cat even though my wife might have said we wouldn’t, and I know it would upset this person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s understandable that your friend may be upset, you and your wife have the right to adopt whatever kind of animal you believe is best for your family.
It’s not fair for your friend to try to dictate what kind of animal you can adopt, and it’s not your responsibility to worry about her feelings in this situation. It’s important to focus on what is best for you and your family, and if that means adopting a black cat, then you should do so without feeling guilty.
Your friend’s emotional response is not your fault and you should not feel bad for making a decision that is best for you.” Careless_Opinion_501
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your wife is the jerk for saying you all would not do something and doing that thing.
Why your wife agreed to it in the first place, I don’t know.
I also don’t think it’s fair of your friend to ask you not to adopt a cat of a certain color, all beliefs and flowery language aside, I’m sure it hurts seeing a pet that resembles the one she’s grieving.
But you are not responsible for managing her emotions.” the-benn-experience
8. AITJ For Refusing To Drink At A Friend's Wedding?
“Attended a friend’s wedding recently, and I decided not to drink. It’s not that I’m completely sober, but I just don’t drink as much anymore. At one of the events where everyone was dancing and drinking, I was asked by at least 25+ people why I wasn’t drinking.
The bridegroom told multiple people how ‘uptight’ and ‘stubborn’ he thought I was for not drinking on a night that really mattered to him. He told some of my closest friends that it would make him really happy if I just had one drink.
At the party, I met a lot of friends I hadn’t met in a long time — I was dancing, having a good time and being super social. Yet, there were multiple people who made judgemental comments about me not drinking that night.
For the most part, it didn’t bother me, but getting so many questions/judgemental comments about my decision to not partake gnawed on me all night. One of my close friends even came by and tried to convince me to have a single drink since it would make the bridegroom happy.
AITJ for not having even one drink, knowing that that would’ve potentially made my friend really happy?
Update: the groom texted me how disappointed he is that I didn’t even have one drink to celebrate. I had a drink the previous night (which is true), and he expected me to have a drink during the wedding celebration.
Update 2: the groom was upset that I had a drink at another non-wedding-related social event the night prior to his wedding celebration.”
Another User Comments:
“What kind of person derives happiness from manipulating and guilting a friend into doing something they have explicitly and repeatedly said they don’t want to do?
And then not only refuses to take no for an answer but tries to recruit multiple other people to continue to harass and guilt you into doing what he wants instead of what you want? His obsession with trying to make you drink ‘to make him happy’ is super creepy.
Your body, your choice, no means no, etc. You are NTJ, but he sure is.” ClassicalEd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s your choice. Period.
However, if you want to keep people off your back (even though ‘No’ should be an acceptable answer), get a club soda or a Sprite and add lime and a little straw.
If there’s a bartender, let them know the situation. A good bartender will help you out with the illusion that you are drinking. And if you absolutely have to, get a beer, pour half of it into the plants, then act like you are drinking it.
You shouldn’t have to do any of this, but sometimes faking it is easier than dealing with stupid people being jerks.” FromThe131
Another User Comments:
“The problem is, you say no, but you project insecurity that gives others the opinion that you really don’t mean it, and therefore it becomes a challenge to change your mind.
Mild intoxication on their part fuels this fool’s errand. If 25 people are asking about it, that means the word has gotten around, and your host is upset because instead of everyone talking about them on the most important day of their lives, at the biggest and most prestigious social event they will ever host, instead everyone is talking about YOU and your sobriety, and all problems could be solved if you’d just take a drink already.
Learn how to say no. And not just with words, but with the proper attitude. You need to express yourself in such a way that it becomes abundantly clear that further inquiries on that topic will result in progressively uncomfortable responses. That abrupt ceasing of any and all pleasantries that will pierce the liquor-induced fog and tickle whatever remains of common sense they might still have functioning at that moment.
The same inner voice that speaks up when you are considering driving on the railroad tracks or taunting a hungry tiger that maybe, just maybe, it might be a good idea to change the subject.
Or you can just carry a half-empty glass around with you all night.
Either way, NTJ.” Restil
7. AITJ For Not Taking My Youngest Daughter On A Trip With My Other Kids?
“I have twin boys and one girl who is 9 years younger than them. The boys’ mother sadly passed away when they were young.
It was just the three of us for a while until I met my current wife and had my daughter.
Of course, things changed in the household, especially now that it was a baby around, but the boys have been nothing but understanding. They realized their sister needed her dad more than they did.
Recently, at a family event, we were talking about the happiest times of our lives and I caught my boys telling a story of when I returned from a business trip and we spent the evening together talking about how it was and they literally said ‘it felt like time stopped in place’.
I remembered, before I met my now-wife, I was away for a week and I was excited to see them. So they were and my sister brought them to the airport to get me. I remember how they ran to me when they saw me.
It dawned on me that it’s been a while since I’ve given them my undivided attention and they must have struggled internally. So I decided to organize a guy’s getaway weekend and take them to a cabin in the mountains. They were excited. But then, my wife asked what about our daughter.
I have to mention I encouraged my wife to go do something with our daughter by themselves too, but she refused, saying she’s busy around the house on the weekends. She demanded we take her too and said she was upset seeing her dad and brothers leaving her behind.
I explained to my wife as gently as I could the reasons I can’t take her, including having to focus on the boys ONLY, but she seemed unimpressed. She demanded again we take her and accused me of not caring for her as much. I refused and I am still refusing.
She called me a jerk and accused me of things I know they’re untrue. So? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Would your wife object the same way if you offered to take your daughter on a daddy/daughter weekend? Probably not.
Your boys have been through a lot and they have been very understanding of the fact that you’ve had to devote a lot of attention to raising their younger sister – and it’s hard for children to have that much emotional intelligence when they only have one living parent left.
Your sons (literal children) seem more empathetic towards the family as a unit than your wife does for literal children. Your sons deserve some quality father-son time.” Suspicious_Lemon9960
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your wife for throwing your daughter at a guy’s trip.
You for thinking your daughter needs you more than your sons and not giving them their own time with dad all along. thousands of people have multiple children and balance dad time and all the individual needs.
This trip is a great first step, but when you get home, you need to continue to make changes.
Being a dad for your daughter shouldn’t mean your sons have to take it in the shorts.” StrangledInMoonlight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sons sound like great, empathetic people. Maybe they thought your daughter needed you more, but they were wrong. Your kids need you equally, and they had lost their mother.
If they’ve suppressed their need for individual attention, that’s an even heavier thing to unpack. The weekend at the cabin sounds overdue and wonderful.
Talk to your daughter. Make a plan for a special weekend for her too, whether it’s a trip away or special dad-daughter things locally.
Every kid needs to feel cherished in their personal relationship with their parents, and just because you’re doing maintenance on your boys’ relationship doesn’t preclude your daughter from also having that special time. Your wife needs to get that through her head.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your wife is a true jerk and you are NTJ for wanting to spend some private time with the boys.
However- The boys’ mother PASSED AWAY, yet you stated ‘the boys realized their sister needed their dad more than they did.’ – this is wrong and you are a bit of a jerk for thinking this – every child needs their parent, especially after the loss of their mom.
Shame on you for that.
But for your wife to feel that you don’t care for her as much?! The kids come first, and there’s nothing wrong with you giving the boys some special attention that they seemingly desperately deserve. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?” brokenbird88
6. AITJ For Giving My Future Mother-In-Law An Ultimatum About Paying For Our Wedding Venue?
“I (Victoria, 32/F) am marrying Alex (48/M) in 2024.
We live on the east coast but are both from the southern United States, and Alex’s family is essentially royalty in their hometown. His parents have a very visible local business, sponsor kids’ sports teams, tithe heavily in church, and have their own jingles and commercials.
Alex’s mother Frieda decided right away that I’m a gold digger because I come from a tiny town that she refers to as ‘a patch of dirt in the middle of nowhere,’ and my government salary (which is public record) is less than half of Alex’s, though we’re both government attorneys.
She constantly goes between making digs about my bland wardrobe to making a big deal out of buying me things like coffee, and implying that I should be grateful that she and his father Fred are so generous and can do things like host us over the holidays.
At Thanksgiving, Alex and I said that we were close to finding a venue but the one we were looking at had quoted us $25,000, which we didn’t want to pay, not because we didn’t have the money but because it was just out of our stated budget.
Frida immediately said that of course, Alex wouldn’t want that since he’d be paying all by himself, and made a show of telling us that she and Fred would pay for the wedding. At the same time, they said that they expected us to get a prenup because Alex needed to protect himself and his family in case ‘anything happened.’ We were going to do one anyway, so we shrugged and agreed. Frieda immediately began telling everyone in town that she and Fred were paying for the whole wedding, and people keep coming up to me with thinly-disguised sympathy to say how nice it must be to have a ‘dream wedding’ due to Frieda’s generosity.
Alex and I engaged counsel and have been passing our prenup between ourselves and our lawyers. Frieda pestered Alex about it so much that he finally told her the holdup is with my counsel because my assets are more complicated to deal with than his.
Even though he’s told her before that I’m not a gold digger and didn’t need his money, it apparently didn’t sink in until now. She looked up everything from my property records to salary scales at my old Big Law firm and apparently realized that I’m worth nearly as much as she and Fred are.
When she confronted me I told her that she could either pay for the venue and I would continue to publicly agree with everyone that she was being generous to her new daughter-in-law, or that she could back out, we’d change venues, and then I’d explain to everyone that she thought I had too much money.
She hates both of these options, since one involves losing money she thought she could lord over me, and the other involves losing face (since she told everyone in town I don’t have any money and I’m after Alex’s), so she ran off to bed with a ‘migraine.’ Alex thinks I’m being too harsh on her, but I’m not so sure.
ETA: We are not having children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is karma coming back around.
Your future MIL wants to have her cake and eat it, too. She goes around town claiming you are after her son’s money and she has to step in to pay for this giant affair she believes you want for a wedding because you are just ‘so poor.’
When she found out that you don’t NEED her money (or your future husband’s money, for that matter), she suddenly changed her tune, especially when she was told ‘either hold up your end of the deal and you get to stay claiming you are being sooooo generous or don’t and I’ll be sharing the truth – that you offered when you wrongly assumed I couldn’t afford it when I really just didn’t WANT to pay for that venue and now have backed off the offer.’
She can run and hide and be mad, but she’s going to keep trying to come up with ways to shame you for not being ‘good enough’ to match her precious baby boy. Keep up the petty revenge, it’s funny to everyone watching it happen.” DntMindMeImNtRlyHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but just because her awareness of your circumstances has changed doesn’t mean her behavior about the money will. You are just going to be playing a different part in the drama going forward. Now you are going to be the ‘stingy outsider’ and still a gold-digger because you kept your money a secret (from her).
She will find a way to cast you as a villain in her narrative, but if her money is involved, she’ll have the means to bankroll the drama production.
Do yourself and all your guests a favor and tell her to take her money back along with her nose in your business.
It’s up to you to decide how loudly you want to correct people in town, or whether you want to use the venue still, but the less financial ammo you give her, the less she can find creatively obnoxious ways to sabotage your wedding and your marriage.
BUT, what you’ve allowed MIL to do is chase a whole bunch of social clout by being noisy with her story where she cast you as gold-digging Cinderella and herself as the not-wicked stepmother. Which, in itself, is super tacky and I wouldn’t be surprised if half the townsfolk secretly thought that way no matter what they say out loud.
This is not a thing that will go away after the wedding, either. She will still be using you to boost her own reputation, whether it’s, ‘look how generous a fairy godmother-in-law I am’ or ‘look how much this gold-digger took advantage of my generosity by crying poor’ (cue the dramatic sighs and the fainting couch).
Solve this now. ‘Frieda, you’ve embarrassed yourself enough by sharing your financial opinions with the whole town up to now. If you don’t want to find eggs on your face again in the future, keep your mouth shut. How much we spend on our wedding is nobody else’s business.
And honestly, bragging to your friends that it’s ‘generous’ to host us over the holidays isn’t the ‘I’m so rich’ flex you think it is, Freida.’
Good luck with this one. At some point in the future, she’s going to overextend her and Fred’s assets and it’ll somehow end up your fault because you ‘made’ her think you were poor and she bought you coffee once so now you owe her retirement.” athenaprime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And well played you. That was actually so fun to read (not her being a horrible bit, but you pulling one over her just by staying elegantly silent).
Alex is wrong about you and how harsh you were on her. The thing is – people like Freda only learn just how horrible (and let’s face it, stupid) they have been when they come up against situations such as these and people like you.
And your options were merely just highlighting how awful she has been, and showing her that she no longer has full control over this situation, optics or not. That’s a really important thing for her to know going into this marriage because otherwise, it would seem that Alex just wants you to roll over for her (although I get that his intent may just be to keep the dragon in the den so everybody’s life is easier).
Still, the cat is out of the bag so in some way it’s helpful that you no longer have to maintain this pretense that you are some mouse under her thumb, but rather at least have an equal seat at the table. Beware any other options that try to place you beneath anybody else again.” leolionbag
5. AITJ For Not Congratulating My Ex On The Birth Of His Baby?
“I (22f) was in a relationship with ‘Kyle’ (25m) for over a year when ‘Ella’ (23f) came into the picture.
I am so very sure that there was no infidelity going on. Kyle wasn’t being secretive, he wasn’t hiding anything, and none of our friends seemed to be lying to me.
So I was very heartbroken when he broke up with me and shock horror got with Ella a few weeks later.
Now I’m a socially anxious introvert so hiding from them and my friends was easy. I threw myself into work and my hobbies and did everything I could to avoid them all due to the fact that Kyle and I share a friend group.
Luckily, I had my best friend ‘Jenna’ (21f) by my side and 100% on my side.
Fast forward a year, and Kyle and Ella announce their pregnancy to the world. Seeing the social media post made me feel like I was being broken up with all over again.
The baby was born last month and whilst our friends have congratulated them and gone to see the baby, Jenna and I haven’t. I understand that the baby is innocent but I wouldn’t be able to be in the same room as Kyle and Ella.
Ella messaged me a few nights ago telling me that I was a heartless witch for not being happy for them and that I should’ve at least congratulated Kyle.
Jenna saw these messages and sent one of her own to Ella basically saying that Ella has no right to demand anything from me after she ruined my relationship.
Jenna has reassured me day after day that I didn’t need to say anything to either of them but it’s been eating away at me.
AITJ?
EDIT/UPDATE: I am not in contact with Ella or Kyle. My Instagram is private, Ella never followed me and I soft-blocked kyle.
My Twitter isn’t under a personal name and on social media, you don’t have to be friends to message someone.
Kyle was my first proper relationship and my first love. I will NOT apologize for still feeling hurt about the whole thing. You can’t gatekeep feelings and you can’t put an expiry date on them, I’m afraid.
This is the little update I guess: I did message Kyle a few hours ago about the whole thing. He apologized and told me that he’d talk to Ella. I haven’t heard anything back and I don’t think I will, I blocked Ella and Kyle is… well… Kyle.
Jenna is still the bestest friend I’ve ever had and with her by my side, I think I’ll eventually be okay.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s hitting you up for drama’s sake. Congratulations are for the parents, spending time with them is for the parents.
You and Jenna no longer have a relationship with Ella and Kyle because of who they are. I know you are saying that there was no infidelity going on, but emotional unfaithfulness is still infidelity. Even if he wasn’t sleeping with Ella, the fact that he broke up with you to get with her says that he broke up with you entirely to pursue the relationship he had an interest in starting with her.
No, you didn’t need to say anything to either of them, but it does sound like part of the problem is that you are still pretending that you are part of a friend group with them. If you don’t want to spend time with any of these people because they chose your partner, who lied to you, and the woman he had an affair with behind your back, they aren’t your friends, and keeping contact confuses the boundary.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Psychologically speaking, what Ella is doing is called projection. She feels guilty that Kyle left you for her and feels like if she can find a reason to put you in the wrong – or at least have you pretend it’s okay – then she can be absolved of that guilt.
She was always going to look for a chance like this, so acknowledge that you aren’t in the wrong, and move on.” DazzlingAssistant342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it seems to me that even after all this time, you are not able to accept this breakup and that it is over with him.
This whole situation seems to hurt you a lot still. It shouldn’t be that way. You don’t need to fake being happy for them, but you should work on yourself and your mental health so that it just doesn’t bother you anymore. You sound like you still love him – and that is okay!
See, your heart is not so small that only one man can find his place. You can, it’s your right, hold onto the memory and love you shared and be happy about this past. But you can also at the same time look forward, look at other men, and find another human that you can love so dearly.
And find your peace with what happened in the past, find peace with the fact that it is over and belongs in the past. Once you reach that point, it will be easy for you to be happy for him, that he found a girl, a woman he loves and who loves him back the way you know he deserves, maybe even a future wife that shares life with him and makes him happy the way you know he deserves.
And at that time you can also find peace with Ella.” Spinni97
4. AITJ For Not Wearing My Mother-In-Law's Wedding Dress?
“My MIL who is usually very sweet and nice asked me to try on her wedding dress as she wanted to gift it to me for the wedding. I did not want to hurt her and so I tried on the dress (even though I knew that I wanted to buy my own dress).
I fitted quite well and looked pretty but it was not what I was looking for at all. So I thanked MIL for the opportunity and the gesture but that it was not what I envisioned myself wearing on my wedding day. But that she was welcome to join me and my mom the next day when we were looking for wedding dresses.
She joined us and I thought everything was fine. But during the shopping, she tried to make me try on dresses similar to her wedding dress, but more my style. I tried two of her picks but stated that it was still not what I was looking for, even though I liked it a little better on me than her dress.
And I thanked her for helping me.
She got quiet and only shrugged her shoulders over the other dresses I tried on. I finally found my dream dress, bought it (I am paying about 2000€ and my parents paid about 300€ for shoes and a veil. My In-laws don’t pay anything for the dress or the wedding) and then we went to eat lunch together.
MIL was still unusually quiet so I asked what was wrong and if I could help her. She shrugged her shoulders and said ‘it’s fine’ and I thought she needed a little time for herself. So I started a conversation with my mom and started eating after we all got our food.
We did not exclude her and tried to make her a part of our conversation. But she just shrugged and moped.
A few minutes into lunch she said ‘You are an ungrateful spoiled brat.’ And I was utterly confused and asked why. That’s what she said:
‘I would have gifted you my dress but it wasn’t good enough for little miss-I-want-a-new-dress. That’s ungrateful. And I tried to find a compromise with a dress that matched our both tastes in a dress and you still denied all that. You are so ungrateful and impolite.
Not even able to make a compromise.’
Then she stood up, paid for her meal, and left without me being able to say anything.
I asked my fiancé later that day about it and he told me to not very as I did nothing wrong.
But SIL texted me that I was an ungrateful jerk for hurting her mother this much and not compromising on anything.
AITJ?
Update: My fiancé already talked to her. I believe 3 or 4 days ago.
My MIL called me just a few minutes ago to apologize.
To me, it sounded sincere.
She told me that she was disappointed that day because she wanted to be a part of all that on my wedding day and she did not know how to ask since my parents already said they pay for my veil and shoes.
And she knew that I don’t were jewelry expect my engagement ring and a necklace my fiancé gifted me 8 years ago, so she couldn’t give me something like this. And she did not want to gift me a garter, since she thought it inappropriate to gift her DIL something like that.
And that she was hurt after trying to give input on my dress and was rejected. She apologized again and then asked to treat me and my mom to lunch tomorrow as an apology for her behavior and that she wants to offer (if I am up for it) that she pays for my bridal bouquet.
So tomorrow we are going out for lunch and after that to a florist so I can show her the flowers I like and the idea I have for my bouquet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s obviously sentimental about her dress and she expects you to Not be sentimental about yours?
Total hypocrisy. Everyone who hasn’t lived under a rock knows that brides typically like to pick out their own dresses regardless of if it is a borrowed one or a new one.
I’d wager that she didn’t do this with SIL, saw that someone said how sweet it was on social media, then decided as her do-over daughter, you were going to do it whether you wanted to or not.
Be very careful. Some MILs lose it during weddings and during babies and other important events. Be very careful to lock the dress up so that it doesn’t ‘accidentally’ get ruined. Lock down ALL your vendors and have them flag your files that there are no changes without confirmation of your identity—such as with a password.
Then watch and wait. If nothing happens, this might be a one-off. If a vendor calls telling you that you changed your wedding cake to a different design or flavor or the venue is suddenly canceled, then you know to be highly guarded and defensive when it comes to very important events.
If you are inclined to be nice, you can offer to have a bit of the lace or beading cut from her dress and added to a handkerchief or the ring bearer’s pillow or something so that a part of her dress is in there.” solesoulshard
Another User Comments:
“It is your wedding. It is not your future mother-in-law’s wedding.
Her offer was not nice. It was an attempt to control you. It didn’t work. That’s why she’s hurt; not because you did something wrong, but because you did not bow to her attempt to control you.
You have done nothing wrong. She’s being an overbearing jerk, and so is your future sister-in-law. This is not their wedding to make decisions for. There is no compromise to be made, she is ridiculously overstepping boundaries.
NTJ” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wedding is about you and your future husband.
No one has the right to demand you wear anything, especially if they aren’t paying for it. It sounds like she’s upset she will never pass her dress to her daughter and lashing out at you for it or trying to relive her wedding day through you.
Personally, I don’t care too much about making waves and would let her know lashing out again the way she did will get her excluded from any and all future planning and damage the relationship. I’d set boundaries now about your life with her son and what you’ll accept as treatment.
Also, I’d personally tell her you expect an apology for being called an ungrateful brat when you never asked her for her dress, it wasn’t your style, and she doesn’t get to pick out your wedding dress so her lashing out was unacceptable and hurt your feelings.
As for your future sister-in-law, I’d inform her that you don’t have to compromise on your wedding dress and if she’s that concerned to get married and wear her mom’s dress herself. Might be a little petty but screw that, she had no right to shame you for not compromising on your own wedding dress.” SweetNatalieMayson
3. AITJ For Being Snarky To A Stranger At A Dog Park?
“There’s a dog park about 5ish minutes from my (20F) parents’ house, where I take my dog (4M), Fritz (my parents house him bc my apartment doesn’t allow German shepherds). It’s a nice park, to be honest, the enclosed play area for the dogs is on a hill and really big.
Plenty of room to run.
Fritz isn’t a very social-play kinda dog, he just likes to fetch. We chill, and we mind our business. Sometimes dogs like to pick on him but he’s very patient, I swear. Gentle giant. Sometimes other dogs see us and want to join.
A lot of people don’t really interact with their dogs, not really my business but maybe your dog wouldn’t be such an aggressive player if you threw the ball yourself, you know? It’s fine though, if the dog is good I don’t mind at all.
I love dogs.
Today, Fritz and I are doing what we always do, I’m standing at the top of the hill throwing balls for Fritz. I think it’s important to note that I bring Fritz’s own toys (2 tennis balls and a Chuckit!™) because he has a problem with letting go of a ball unless you have another one already loaded, and when it’s time to go he wants to hold onto his most recent catch.
A dog (I think its name was Riley) comes up and starts immediately snapping in my dog’s face, trying to literally bite the ball out of his mouth. I try to offer her a different ball and she ignores me. So I call out ‘whose dog is this?’ A woman (around 26-30 I think) says it’s hers, and I ask (very politely, I don’t like being rude) if she can get her dog.
She seems annoyed but calls Riley over.
We go back to playing, yada yada. Now Riley is actively chasing Fritz, biting him, jumping on him, and probably scaring him a bit given how he dropped the ball and backed away with his ears down. I look over and see the woman totally ignoring her dog and talking to her friend.
Fritz finally gets to me and Riley is still doing it. Fritz is much bigger, and I can tell he’s getting mad. I know I’m in trouble if he snaps at her because, you know, German shepherd vs ‘smedium’ mixed breed.
I yell to the lady ‘hey, can you get your dog?’ This time the woman is definitely annoyed, and as she’s literally dragging her dog away says ‘maybe you shouldn’t do that here.’ I ask what.
She says ‘play individual games.’ I say ‘at a park?’ She says ‘you can do that at the soccer field’ (there’s a ‘no dogs allowed’ sign on the gate). I say ‘maybe you should pay attention to your dog more.’
At that point, I decided to pack up and go because honestly, it was not worth the trouble and Fritz was done for the day anyway.
As I’m passing, the friend goes ‘you didn’t have to be snarky.’ ‘Girl, get lost’ slips out before I can even stop myself. I quickly leave. Obviously, I’m not proud of saying that, I usually am not aggressive. My friends and sister say I was totally in bounds but my parents say that it was totally rude and I should never talk to people like that.
So, AITJ?
Edit: my park has no rule against bringing toys and I’m not the only one who does.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – one of my favorite sayings re: pets is ‘When you lose control of your pet, you lose control of the outcome.’ This woman never once had control of her pet, but she thought she was gonna control how everyone else managed their own pets.
I don’t think so. You were doing great with your dog, you were managing him well, and his behavior was under control. You were monitoring his interactions with other dogs and left when you realized things were going south.
Love to see dog/pet owners like you!
Unfortunately, dog parks tend to be full of pet owners like her. I’m not sure there’s much you can do about it other than what you did: Pick up Fritz’s balls and go home until next time. You might not make friends at the dog park, but you’ll keep your dog happier, healthier, and safer.” Impossible_Zebra8664
Another User Comments:
“Don’t bring high-value items (toys, treats, etc.) to the dog park. All it takes is one dog for disaster to strike.
Being in the right won’t give your dog its eye back when another dog throws an attitude. Being I’m the right won’t bring your dog back to life when a fight goes sideways.
If fetch is important enough to risk your dog’s life shell out the money for a good flirt pole and burn through that energy in a location that’s not a powderkeg waiting to explode at the drop of a match (or toy, in this case).
Like your parents’ house.
YTJ for setting your dog up for tragedy.
Source: Have seen dogs tear each other apart at dog parks over things like balls and treats. The owners of the dog laying bleeding out after being disemboweled and being in the right don’t help their dog.
I don’t even use the dog park – the most we do there is (no treats) obedience training in the parking lot. We do that in a lot of parking lots – it’s good for her to learn how to focus.” CantCleanHelp
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ. You were paying attention to your dog and how it was reacting to the other one being too aggressive with it. The other owner should definitely pay attention and take ownership of her dog harassing another dog. Herding dogs naturally are like that and will chase other dogs and can easily cause fights.
Your dog wasn’t going around stealing balls from other dogs, just playing some one-on-one fetch.
It would be cool if you didn’t have to go to the dog park for that, but options are limited. My last dog was a jerk and would pick on other dogs, so I would only go to a dog park when no one else was there, then he could safely get his energy out and we’d leave before anyone approached us.
I acknowledged that my dog wasn’t cut out for group play, and adjusted accordingly.” dragon12892
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. In my experience, she’s actually correct about the incompatibility of ‘individual games’ when there are other dogs using the park. It’s meant to be a social dog-mixing place, and I would never bring my ball-obsessed (i.e., possessive of their toys) dog to the park at peak times and try to play fetch when other dogs might want to join in.
That’s just asking for trouble.
You were essentially setting up a situation where the other owner would have to leash their dog, which isn’t really the point of the dog park. You need to go off-hours or somewhere else to play fetch. Sorry.” ParsimoniousSalad
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Bring Her Partner To Our Christmas Celebration?
“My (29F) mum (50) has been ‘seeing’ this guy D for a couple of months.
She lives with my older sister while she works in the city my sister is in. I found out about my mum and D through my sister even though my mum had told her not to say anything about them to any of us siblings (there are 5 of us).
I have never met D and only know little about him from what my sister tells me.
A few weeks ago I went to the city for a girls’ night with my friends I invited my mum along since I hadn’t seen her in a while and wanted to catch up while I was there.
By this time my sister had told my mum that I knew about D so I specifically told my mum it was a girl’s night and we were not bringing partners. She was super excited and was like yep definitely just girls. So we go to our first cocktail bar and we’re having a good time singing karaoke and I notice this guy hanging out by my mum but walking away when I would come back to the table and one of my friends even mention like ‘hey I think that guy is flirting with your mum’ and we have a laugh and carry on then we go to the next bar and 15 mins later that same guy is there with my mum again.
So mum and I are in the bathroom together at one point and I’m like ‘hey, is that D?’ And she was like yeah I told him where we were. I was like mum it’s a girl’s night! We didn’t argue or anything she just giggled and walked back out to him and I carried on kareoking with my friends and mum.
I was getting wasted and having a good time and didn’t think it a good time for introductions with D so we didn’t meet that night.
Anyway fast forward 2 weeks to last night and I rang mum to ask if she could make a steam pudding for Christmas (I’m hosting Christmas this year so all my sibling’s families and mum are coming and though I will be providing the whole main courses I have asked each family to bring a dessert).
Anyway I call her up and she says oh yeah D and I will bring a steam pudding. I was like hold on a second D is not coming. She asked why and I said well I know very little about him considering you are keeping him a secret from us this whole time and the only thing I do know about him is that he crashed our girl’s night.
I just don’t think Christmas is the time to meet this guy you’ve been seeing for only 2 months. Maybe you guys could host a BBQ in the new year and we’ll come to that and meet him. She then said she wouldn’t come to Christmas cause he’s not invited and I’m a jerk cause now she’s missing out on Christmas with her kids and grandkids because I won’t let him come too.
3 of my siblings agree with me but my sister who has met him and knows more than we do because mum lives with her said I should let him come too. But my thing is she didn’t even want us to know about him and now she wants to bring him to Christmas.
If my sister hadn’t told me about him I wouldn’t even know he existed.”
Another User Comments:
“This is definitely strange. At your ages, there shouldn’t be a reason for your mum to hide the fact she’s seeing a guy. Then, to have the guy secretly stalk the girls’ night out is just, weird.
You are hosting the Christmas party for the family. You set the boundary of who you want to attend the party since it’s your place. The guy your mum is seeing isn’t family. You haven’t even met the guy, much less vetted him as someone you want around your house.
You have no clue who he is, what he’s like, how he acts, etc. All you know is he’s seeing your mum, and, between the two, has no problem stomping on boundaries you set.
So no, in this case, you are not the jerk.” valeran46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has had time to arrange a meeting with her partner but has not. To spring him on you at a family holiday is not acceptable creating the potential for awkwardness at a time when the family is used to tradition.
You made a good case for that and offered the alternative of meeting him later. Your sister is the only dissenting vote because, unlike the rest of you, she has had the benefit of getting to know him.
If she were the one hosting, then she could make that call, but she is not.
If your mother decides to follow through with choosing her partner of two months over her family, then that is her choice, but it is not a very mature or thoughtful one.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but here’s the thing, let’s go back to the start.
She’s trying to date. It’s hard when you want to casually date and get to know and assess someone when your whole family is being nosey and having attitudes and opinions about it. Your mum is allowed to date, she’s allowed to get to know someone without questions and attitude, and the whole process is stressful and ruined. She’s allowed to be happy.
At the start, you are speaking about her as though shows doing something wrong. She’s not. She obviously is nervous about your reaction, she believes it will be less than supportive, and she’s trying to introduce him to you without you being mad.
You seem to be almost sneering at her in the way you speak about her. Is she a good mum? Does she love you? Is she supportive? Could you maybe be supportive in return?
She wants to show you off, you are special to her, she’s proud of you, she’s happy and she wants to share it.
What is your end goal here? A good close relationship with your mum? You are two adult women, and both of you are entitled to a private life and a love life, so what type of relationships are you building?
Life is short, it’s hard, and it’s painful.
If you have good people around you be kind to them, and treat them the way you want to be treated. When we love someone we want them to be happy, and we go out of our way for them. It sounds as though you are missing your mum and want to spend time with her.
Why don’t you speak to her and tell her that, (if that’s the case.) Organize some time with her, make plans for just you guys, tell her how important it is to you, but meet the guy and be nice.
There are a lot of shady characters out there, don’t let her become isolated from her family.
I know she’s your mum and you probably aren’t thrilled at the idea of her seeing other men, but she’s a person too. We’ve all just survived a very lonely and sad few years, a lot of people really struggled with it and are desperate for connection.
Whatever you decide have a lovely Xmas.” Gordossa
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Mother Unless She Sues My Father For His Owed Child Support?
“My mom loves being a martyr. She raised me by herself after my father left. She refused to take him to court for child support and instead let me grow up not in poverty but not exactly well. I had food and clothing and a roof over my head.
I also started having to provide for myself when I started babysitting. I was earning money so I could afford to pay for some of my own things like school fees and such.
I got out when I was 16. I moved in with her sister, my aunt.
My aunt helped me get my act together and get into college. She helped me get a judgment against my father for child support. He never paid it. She helped me apply for scholarships. She helped me save money to start my business after I graduated.
I am doing well now and my mom is getting close to retirement. She recently contacted me and asked if I could help her out. She had worked herself to the bone supporting me growing up and she feels like I owe her.
I told her that she probably has less money than she could because she never bothered collecting child support.
She screamed at me that she had made her decision to cut my father out of her life and that I needed to respect it.
So I told her that there was an existing judgment against him for child support. It was worth a fair bit of money and all she had to do was get a lawyer to get it for her.
She hasn’t called me for money since. But she also has not tried to collect the money he owes her.
I regularly stop by to see my aunt and take her shopping for groceries and household goods. I pay because I owe her. She took me in and helped me for two years of high school and six of college.
My mom has been complaining to her about me but my aunt also thinks that my mom has been leaving money on the table long enough.
Edit: I am an affair baby. My father is still married to his wife.
I am 100% his child. He is on my birth certificate and there is DNA evidence.
My mom is a healthcare aide.
I am an accountant.
To the best of my knowledge, he never gave her any money. Or if he did it wasn’t enough to make our lives any easier.
I got the judgment but never sought to get it enforced. I just wanted it for backup.
My mom says that I’m a jerk for second-guessing her choices and not helping her. I told her I would after she collected from him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your very existence was a choice that both your parents made. If your mother regretted that choice because he was the wrong partner that’s really on her but a refusal to address the financial aspects of that choice is a refusal to take responsibility for it – having a kid with somebody ties you together at a molecular level forever whether you like it or not, and in refusing to acknowledge that, she is trying to make you responsible for her choices.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Your mother has made it very clear she wants to make her way in life without needing anything from him and you are trying to undermine that independence. It’s fine not to give her something, you don’t owe her anything, but don’t make her feel like she needs to get support from a man she has worked very hard to cut out of her life.
I know you see this as her money (or rather your money) that he has failed to pay, but she sees it as her needing to accept help from him and not being enough on her own. There seems to be a trauma in her life that she is fighting against and that you don’t fully understand and is linked to herself worth so proceed with caution.
What is illogical to you could be a protective mechanism for her.” MediumAlternative372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be nice if you had a better relationship with your mother and wanted to assist her – not necessarily give her tons of money but maybe take her clothes shopping, take her a bag of groceries, etc – but it seems clear you feel closer to your aunt, who had a much better influence on your life and didn’t make you miserable.
I can understand your mom’s feelings though. There may be things she’s not telling you about your father, and she may carry a lot of shame, guilt, pain, and possible trauma. However, as you said, she’s leaving a lot of money on the table, and after all these years it’s time to do what needs to be done, with the help of not only a lawyer but a therapist.” RedditWidow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. First off, it is not your job to take care of or support your mom. I have absolutely no judgment for you on that. But you are a jerk for going on about child support. It’s not that easy.
You say that your aunt helped you get a judgment against him for child support and he never paid it. Why do you think things would be any different for your mom? Child support is in the past. It’s over. Help her or don’t help her, that’s completely up to you, but stop using the child support as an excuse.” Moon-Queen95
