People Sob Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“My mom is going through some tough medical stuff that, in turn, affects her mental state. She’s not in the best brain space. She lives an hour and a half away from me, and I tried to go up there as much as possible to help, but I have a job (of course) and a family that I have to take care of on my own (I have a wife who is a housewife who takes care of both of the kids full time, an 18-month-old and a 14-year-old).

My mother tells me not to come to help her because she has my aunt (her sister) and my cousin (the aunt’s daughter) literally down the street from them, and they’ll help her. Cool.

A couple of days after that, my cousin called me complaining that I didn’t help enough and stating that I should lose my job to help my mother because my mother sacrificed a lot to raise me.

Although I can appreciate that, I told her that my priority is my wife and kids and providing for them; if I lose my job, being in NYC, it’s extremely competitive and difficult to find another one. We ended the conversation a couple of hours later, to which she exclaimed that she was “glad she talked to me” and that it was a good conversation.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later, my mother has been distant and resentful towards me, my wife, and our kids. This weekend, she finally revealed that my cousin told my aunt what I said, and my aunt told my mother that I said that “my family (not including her) was my priority” (insinuating that my mother isn’t a priority at all, and that she’s not in my family).

Naturally, this hurt my mother. So, when she told me that, I said that my aunt and my cousin were gossipy jerks.

Well, my Mother (being gossipy herself) went back and told her sister and my cousin that, and they told their male relative (my male cousin), and now he wants to “see me” (if you know what I mean) because I called his mother and sister a jerk because they are deliberately trying to ruin me and my mother’s relationship by twisting my words, strictly for their enjoyment.

That’s cool.

So, my question is AITJ and am I wrong for calling them gossipy jerks, or is everyone else wrong for being gossipy jerks?”

Another User Comments:

“I think this has devolved to ESH. You all played a game of telephone and lost. You shouldn’t call people names; especially when they’re misogynistic.

Learn to communicate and handle conflict like an adult. Talk to your mom directly about how she feels about the arrangement. If your cousin has an issue with how much she is helping your mom, she can set a boundary and let you know. If your aunt has issues or concerns with her sister’s care and your involvement in it, she again can set a boundary and let you know.

Then, once you know what they’re willing to do, you can decide how much you will/can supplement. All the while, everyone should be telling their piece to your mom since this directly impacts her.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“Your mom saying that they are available to help doesn’t relieve them, though?

So, I don’t blame your cousin for being unhappy that they do the lion’s share of the work in support of YOUR mother. YTJ for that part. And if your wife and child are your priority what is your cousin supposed to think? Your cousin isn’t a home health care provider, is she?

You didn’t hire her to be available in your absence. Again, I get why your cousin feels you shirk your responsibilities to your mother. In your cousin’s rage and frustration, she told your mother that she isn’t your priority? It’s most unfortunate that you said that out loud then.

The truth isn’t gossip, in case you missed that memo. 360 degrees YTJ.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“Esh, your mom purposely moved close to her sister for them to help each other. It is not your fault your mom doesn’t want to stay with you while she recovers.

You can only do so much with her living two hours away. Your cousin is a jerk for one gossiping and two telling you to lose your job. You can’t help your mom if you don’t have an income. Was your cousin offering to pay your bills or house your family?

Your aunt and mom suck for gossiping. If your mom got told the full story then she a jerk for not understanding why you can’t lose your job. Why would she want her son and grandchildren not to have a home or food? That would be selfish of her.

I understand her getting upset about not being included in immediate family but she doesn’t live in your household. You are a jerk for calling them a jerk. Find a way that works for your household to help her mom. Don’t overload your wife too much to help your mom.

It will do you guys no good especially if this is a good chunk of time.” lilwildjess