People Have To Get Sneaky In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Talking With A Party Guest When My Partner Left Me Alone?
“I [30M] have been in a relationship with my partner Jenna [27F] for 4 years. I have lived in the US for over 10 years now, but my introverted personality makes it challenging for me to make friends. My partner, on the other hand, is an extrovert.
Two days ago, we attended a birthday party where I didn’t know many people. Although I felt uncomfortable, I was fine because I had my partner with me. The problem arose when she went off somewhere else with her best friend, leaving me alone.
Here is where I might be a jerk: Normally, I’d find a quiet place or hang out with people I know or like when she does this at parties.
At this particular party, I met Jasmine [32F], an acquaintance from work, who introduced me to her little sister Emma [early 20s], a soccer/football enthusiast. We bonded over our shared interests and talked for over an hour, mostly to each other.
When I finally decided to rejoin my partner, she seemed somewhat distant, and after arriving at our apartment that night, she accused me of flirting with Emma.
I didn’t realize this at all and saw it as a regular conversation. My partner explained that Emma seemed very interested in me and clearly had so-called “screw me” eyes.
I am admittedly oblivious to flirtation, even with my current partner, who made the first move, surprising me at the time.
I reassured my partner that both Jasmine and Emma knew about her, and Emma never asked for my number or tried anything obvious like a lot of touching during the conversation, so there was no reason for concern. But I apologized to her if I made her uncomfortable and promised to limit my interactions with Emma if we met again.
I didn’t want to make her jealous or concerned in the first place.
Despite my apology, my partner is still upset, fearing I’m looking for a younger replacement for her. As she “knows women like this.” My friends’ opinions are divided; some say I’m the jerk for making her jealous and insecure, while others have argued I was just enjoying the party, as she does with her friends without me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Uh, gross! Your partner, I mean. You were speaking with someone about football at a party, not freaking her on the bathroom sink. Does she regularly take you places and expect you to speak with no one but her? You didn’t ‘make’ her jealous and insecure, she is jealous and insecure.
NTJ” mits66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, your extroverted partner left you, her introverted partner alone at a party, didn’t return, and you were able to find someone at the party you had something in common with to hold conversation with, and now she’s jealous.” Aggravating-Film-221
Another User Comments:
“I think she’s really mad because you left your stationed post as party coat rack. Clearly at a party your only function is to stand still with your arms up like a cactus, looking cute. NTJ. It’s a party. You socialized. She’s absolutely wrong to give you any flak.” [deleted]
23. AITJ For Telling My Parents Not To Visit And Then Getting Mad When They Insisted?
“I recently turned 17, and I’m in a different city than I live in, doing a summer internship. My parents asked me if I wanted them to visit for my birthday. I didn’t want them to, because honestly, they’re very smothering people. If they visited, they’d criticize my living conditions, say I’m being messy, then demand I spend all the time I can with them instead of celebrating with friends or working on my internship.
So I just said no. I thought I’d be busy, so they should save the money.
A few days before my birthday, I found something cool that I thought I could get as a birthday present for $300. I asked my parents if I could get it, and they said no. They had spent a lot of money on plane tickets to visit me, so we couldn’t spend any more money.
This infuriated me, because I had already told them I didn’t want them there and they had just chosen to ignore what I wanted. The irony is heightened by the fact that they couldn’t afford what I actually wanted because they were forcing what I didn’t want down my throat.
So it’s not truly the fact I didn’t get the birthday present that bothered me, but the fact that they didn’t care at all what I wanted and ignored what I explicitly said. The fact that they have money for something I explicitly said I don’t want, but not for something I explicitly said I do want, illustrates how focused they are on what they want above what I want.
When they did show up, they started demanding I spend time with them every day of the entire week they were there, despite the fact I told them multiple times that I both had birthday plans and lots of work to do. They just kept insisting until I shouted at them that I never wanted them to visit me, and that they were visiting because they wanted to and not because I wanted to, so they were being selfish.
My mom started crying, and my dad shouted at me that I was a huge jerk. I don’t think I am. It’s my parents who decided they’re going to visit me even after I told them I didn’t want them to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ESH. You are right, it is inconsiderate and rude for your parents to ignore your boundaries, both by coming to visit when you said no and by demanding your time & attention while they are there. That’s the bigger offense.
But I don’t think you’re off the hook entirely – when you exclude a parent from celebrating your birthday with you, it’s no longer appropriate to ask them for a very costly gift – $300 is a lot of money! That’s what stood out to me.
Something more modest may have been better; otherwise, you’re saying you want their $ but not their presence. Happy birthday!” wutangnmambo
Another User Comments:
“You’re 17 – you’ll be out on your own for good soon enough. It’s hard for parents to let go… After all, as soon as you’re born, their entire life revolves around you.
It takes some getting used to no longer being needed and is certainly devastating when one is no longer wanted. NTJ – but a bit entitled. You don’t pout when you don’t get what you ask for. You have a job – buy it for yourself.” LiberalHousewife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You told them specifically that you didn’t want them to visit you. I hope when they said they were coming anyway, you told them you had work to do and other things planned. You’re young and I can understand why they’d want to visit you, but they also need to listen to you.
After reading some of the comments, your parents are very overbearing. This seems like it’s going to be a lifelong problem with them accepting your boundaries. Continue to be clear about your boundaries and follow through. Build your village with extended family and friends. Just a side note: Yelling never makes a difference with people who don’t listen.
Stay calm and state the facts.” debdnow
22. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Schoolies Savings To Pay For Taylor Swift VIP Tickets?
“I (50f) have been saving a little bit of money since my daughter (17f) was in kindergarten for her to spend during her schoolies trip (an Australian vacation for high school graduates after they finish their exams).
Recently, Taylor Swift tickets went on sale in Australia and my daughter is a massive fan.
We had tickets to go to her last tour, but I got a migraine at the concert because my other daughter challenged me to go without coffee for a month. You could say I was having withdrawals. We had to leave before Taylor even came on stage, and my daughter was absolutely devastated. As such, I promised her that we’d go next time she came to Australia, and I said we’d get VIP tickets to make up for it.
Ticket prices came out and they were more than I was expecting, as I assumed they’d be around the $300 – $400 mark like other concerts. I was wrong. (She also got mad at me for supposedly not doing any research and leading her on about what we could afford.) And to make matters worse, you could only get the two top ranges of the VIP tickets (around $950 and $1250) during the Amex presale (basically the only chance you had of getting tickets in Australia).
Because of this, my husband and I agreed to pay the baseline $900 for the cheaper tickets, and my daughter could pay the difference (roughly $300).
However, here is the conflict in question: My husband and I had to take the money from somewhere, so we took the $900 from the savings account for schoolies.
I intended it to be a loan of sorts, but my husband thought they were paying for the tickets and is refusing to put the money back. My daughter found out about this and is now incredibly mad, saying that we were effectively making her pay for the entire ticket after saying we would pay for most of it, especially since she says it’s my fault and I ruined the last concert for her (not entirely true, she got to see Charlie XCX).
She is now refusing to speak to my husband and me and has barely come out of her room all day. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Oh, she got to see Charlie XCX. Big whoop-die-doo. You dragged her out of a Taylor Swift concert, not a Charlie XCX concert.
Then you promised her a redo. When the time comes, you expect her to front the tickets. Talk about moving the goal posts.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And you seem extremely immature and reckless. You ruined the first concert because of something you did to yourself.
You made a hasty promise. You haven’t checked prices and conditions beforehand. You didn’t talk with your husband about how you are going to pay for tickets. And now you expect your daughter to bite the bullet while you feel no responsibility for your own actions.” Garamon7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You caused your daughter to miss the first concert as a result of something you did to yourself (It’s very predictable that suddenly cutting caffeine has an effect, and that big concerts involve lots of noise and flashing lights). And then you made promises you haven’t kept.
I get that the tickets were more expensive than you expected, but that’s your problem; the solution is not to make your daughter pay.” ProfessorYaffle1
21. AITJ For Considering Reporting My Habitually Tardy Co-Worker Who Disrupts The News Desk?
“My (F24) co-worker H (F, late 20s to early 30s) is usually 20-30 minutes late every day for work. For some context, I work at a TV station from 4 am-1 pm M-F.
I am by myself on the news desk from 4 am until 9 am, leaving little time for water and bathroom breaks. H works Wed-Fri from 7 am to 4 pm. She works mornings on weekends, so I only see her maybe 2-3 times a week. H started working at the station last month, so she’s still pretty new.
I also found out she commutes two hours from Wilmington to the station.
Every day I see H, she can be between 15-30 minutes late for her shift. This has been happening for several weeks. When H is late, she doesn’t call to let me know and often shows up with a food/drink.
H doesn’t apologize for being late and often doesn’t seem to care. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s late on weekends or on the days I don’t see her.
Last week, she randomly called the news desk to say she would be running in late.
I told H, thanks for letting me know. She came in about 15 minutes later and apologized, to her credit. I do believe someone in the newsroom told my manager about H continuing to show up late, since last week was the first time she apologized.
Today H was over 30 minutes late with a Starbucks coffee and no apology. Due to my job, breaking news can happen at any time, and since H is always late, I’m nervous something will happen and I won’t be able to handle it by myself when she’s late.
I have no confidence that she’ll show up on time.
I recently asked my mom if I should say something, but she told me not to mention names and keep things general. I hate conflict, but her tardiness affects my day-to-day responsibilities. She does commute two hours to and from work, so I understand tardiness from time to time, but it affects my mornings and workflow.
So WIBTJ for reporting H knowing that she commutes four hours each day to work?”
Another User Comments:
“Try to talk to her about it, maybe she thinks it is no big deal. So tell her your concerns and how it effects your workflow. Make the reporting of your last card.
Everyone is fighting a battle. If the problem is not serious and solvable no need to escalate.” CartoonistVast8322
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ – Even without the anxiety she’s causing you, I note that she’s late on average 15-30 minutes every other day; if she does this every work day, it’s 1.15 to 2.5 hours a week she gets paid doing no job.
She’s supposed to start at 7 am, when you start at 4 am – if it’s organized this way, the job is meant to be done by 2 people from 7 am forward. By you being alone, you take potential responsibility if something happens and she’s not there.” Amahagan3
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ. She is new & she’s not doing her job properly, which in turn affects you. Her showing up late (& with coffee!) is showing blatant disrespect for you. Before you go over her head, maybe have a talk with her first & let her know it’s affecting your job & if it continues, you will have to let someone know.
At least give her a heads-up.” Embarrassed-Math-699
20. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Date To The Hospital On The First Date?
“So I (21F) met a guy (20M) and had a date planned for a Saturday.
Due to some unforeseen circumstances, my sister (29F) had gone to the hospital and given birth to my niece the Friday before. Due to complications, my sister had to have a procedure done to fix the bleeding and was good to go the following day, Saturday.
She was kept for observation. I had already been to see her and asked if she wanted me to cancel my date. She said no since my BIL and parents would be with her. Fast forward to the date. We were bowling, and she began texting me and asking when she was meeting my date.
I told her I was not sure because it was a first date and just to see how it went.
She kept insisting and said to bring him to the hospital. I talked to him about it and explained the situation, and he politely declined, saying he would be more comfortable meeting them in a home setting as hospitals give him anxiety.
I let her know we would not be, and if all went well, he would meet them at a later date. She said I was being a jerk and that it was not a big deal since everyone wanted to meet him. I was not comfortable bringing my date there, and he wasn’t either, so we continued with our plans, and I ignored the messages.
After the date, I went up there and explained that I didn’t think meeting him after she had a rough delivery would be good and that I wanted her to just rest. She claimed I was shutting my family out of meeting new people in my life.
She brought up that she would have brought a first date here if it were me meeting everyone because she thought it was important. Now, my thing is, I don’t want my first date to be about meeting the family. It’s about each other.
Family meets are for later if everything works out. AITJ for not wanting to bring my date to the hospital?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Who introduces a potential partner to their families on a first date? That’s red flag territory for me, so well done for not bowing down to your family.
In my opinion, your sister has done this to make you look bad. You probably took some of the attention away from her giving birth, so she switched it up by causing this unnecessary drama. This opinion might be biased as my sister is very much like this.
If I had a sore toe, she would need her foot amputated, lol. Sibling rivalry at its best” Electronic_Shirt5449
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Meeting the family on a first date is a lot of pressure to put on someone! And that’s without adding in having to go to the hospital to do so; hospitals are pretty stressful places.
I don’t think anybody wants a first date to include a trip to the hospital, unless they’ve got some weird stuff going on.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“No. Just no. If someone tried to make me meet their family on the first freaking date, I would run for the hills even if I liked them otherwise.
Now, maybe she was just bored and/or emotional at the hospital, but I’m kind of getting the feeling that she wanted to sabotage your date by embarrassing the heck out of you. And her baby was just born for crying out loud; it doesn’t need to be meeting random strangers.
Weird all around.” Due-Reflection-1835
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Problematic Brother To My Wedding?
“I come from a big blended family and recently bought an engagement ring with my long-term partner. We’re not even officially engaged; I’m just a planner and have started getting things ready. We have been together for multiple years and have maintained a pretty close relationship with most of my family.
Although there is family drama all around, my older brother Trevor (fake name) has been a problem for a while. I told my mom this weekend that Trevor is not on the guest list, and she has been all over the map. Most recently, she told me that I cannot get married without him there.
Trevor lives in our parents’ basement and can be a bit misogynistic. He’ll call the cat a jerk if he’s feeling bored, he insults the women he is seeing, and my mom blames it on him being autistic.
I am a huge trigger for him.
I have a Master’s degree. He’s still working on his Bachelor’s. I have no problem with this fact, but he believes that I succeed academically and professionally in order to make him look bad. We’re in similar fields, but my actual degree is different from his.
He wouldn’t go to my graduation or my graduation party because he was very bitter. A month before graduation, he said that I only succeeded because it all comes easily to me and that I throw it in his face that he struggles academically.
I don’t feel like I’ve ever done this, but he has been upset by my academic success regardless.
My relationship is also a sore subject. Right as I started seeing my current partner, my brother’s engagement fell apart. It was messy, and they were both intense at the time.
He’s had a couple of serious partners since then, but I feel his toxic behavior is a part of the reason he hasn’t found a healthy relationship. He’s also been inappropriate with my partner, sat on him, sent Snapchats saying my partner is his partner, and generally made my very kind and supportive partner feel uncomfortable.
My partner has said if it was up to him, he wouldn’t invite Trevor, but he wants it to be up to me.
I haven’t really spoken to or interacted with Trevor in about a year. He damaged another person’s property (about $3,000 to fix), wouldn’t accept his role in the situation, and said that our parents would just pay for it.
I found that behavior appalling. He wouldn’t take accountability, he had our parents solve his problems, and it just seemed immature. All of that, coupled with his treatment of me in the past, led me to minimize contact. My mom has tried to get me to talk to him, but I feel Trevor is at fault for the cracks in our relationship; he can be the one to try to mend them.
I feel if I invite him to my wedding, he will:
1. Get intoxicated and be messy and embarrass me.
2. Insult me, flirt with my partner, or upset one or both of us in some way.
3. Cause a scene.
At the end of the day, it’s my wedding and I say no, but my mom thinks I’m being immature and inflexible.
WIBTJ if I said he’s absolutely not welcome at my wedding and I’m done discussing it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reasons you’ve given are more than enough to warrant him not being there. Why would he continually say your partner is his partner?
That just seems odd. Edited to add the word not.” HT77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding. In addition, why is Trevor allowed to skip your graduation but you’re not allowed to not invite him to your wedding? If you’re having a hard time standing your ground with mom, just say something to Trevor that is likely to make him refuse to attend, as it sounds like what Trevor wants, Trevor gets.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is the one being immature, not you. And your mom using his autism (if he’s even autistic) as an excuse for him being an abusive, misogynistic jerk is complete crap. She’s done him a great disservice by enabling his awful behavior.
Do not invite him. I’d even consider hiring security to specifically look out for him. Whatever drama happens from not inviting him will probably be small compared to having him there.” SoMuchMoreEagle
18. AITJ For Telling A Regular That She's Not My Cup Of Tea?
“For the last few years I’ve been spending more and more time in a cool local community space that holds a lot of cool free events and just generally helps the community a lot.
It’s awesome. I go at least once a week for a crafting hang out. Like a stitch ‘n chat but for all crafts. It’s been a real joy. I socialize best when my hands are busy.
I enjoy the company of most of the regular attendees, but there is one woman who comes often whom I do not care for.
She bugs me. She cuts folks, corrects everyone, and is often overly pedantic. She’s one of those millennials who still says “adulting” and stuff… but not a lot. It’s just one of those situations where I really have no great reason to dislike her. She hasn’t done anything wrong.
Over the years I’ve dealt with this by being polite to her, never cutting her out of conversations, and just not saying anything if she annoyed me. I treat her with respect, like I didn’t ignore her. I do tend to drift towards chatting with literally anyone else when I can do so without being rude though.
I guess I was polite enough that she couldn’t tell I didn’t like her because she started asking me to hang out.
I always said something like “That’s nice, but no thanks!” I never made excuses or pretended to be busy, just said “no thanks” in as kind but chill a tone as I could.
She didn’t ever push, which just made me more aware of the fact that she’s a decent person, just not my type.
Well, last week when she asked again and I said no, she joked, “You’re always so busy!” And I kinda paused to think of what to say when she added, “It’s almost like you don’t want to hang out.”
At that point it got real quiet and awkward and I knew it had to happen eventually so I said, “Well, I don’t. I never said I was busy either; I always just said ‘no thanks’.” She looks upset and says, “Why not?” in a very hurt tone.
“Oh! Darn, okay. Listen, I know this sucks to hear, but you’re just not my cup of tea and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You haven’t done anything wrong, or anything like that, you know?” And she goes, “You’re always nice to me though.” So I say, “Yeah, you’re a hard-working smart person who always respects boundaries, and I think you’re a good person.”
“But not someone you like?”
“Not someone I want to hang out with outside this space and events and stuff, but that’s more a me thing than a you thing. If somebody tells you they don’t like chocolate, who do you judge: the weird person who doesn’t like chocolate or the chocolate?
Does that make sense?” And she got really quiet and nodded and didn’t talk much. Some of the others reassured her that they liked her, and enjoyed hanging out. After an hour of her being really quiet, I decided to give her some space. But she didn’t come back this week.
The others assured me that honesty was the best policy here, and that I wasn’t mean in my tone, but now I’m worried I made this event unattendable for her. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t naturally going to like everyone you come into contact with.
I know a woman who is literally Mary Poppins personified. Like the nicest, sweetest woman, but she just rubs me the wrong way. I’m always polite and kind when we have social interactions but I would not hang out with her. It’s perfectly okay for someone to not be your cup of tea.
That’s just life.” Lucky-Jellyfish-5864
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it happens. Sometimes there are people whom you don’t mesh with and you don’t want and need to see one-on-one. Looking at the entire interaction, I think you were put on the spot by her, probably unintentionally from her side, and gave your answer as gently as possible.
She was pushing you for an answer, and you were forced to give it. On the other hand, while I think she was certainly pushy with perhaps some other potentially annoying behavior, she was hurt but didn’t throw a massive temper tantrum. She took it quietly and gracefully from what I imagine is quite painful news to hear, even if someone delivers it gently.
I think, therefore, she isn’t a jerk either. In her shoes, it probably really hurts to hear that someone you like and want to be closer to doesn’t feel the same and to find out that they personally don’t like you. I can imagine her feeling ashamed, hurt but also now unsure of how other people perceive her.
Also, I can understand her not wanting to return because this interaction is going to still be in people’s minds. But again, while it truly sucks, you’re not to blame for it.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were polite all throughout. And you showed her by actions and saying no thanks.
She had all the clues not to have to ask, but she decided to, and you explained in a really nice way. Of course, it will still be hurtful to be told no and to get rejected. It will also be embarrassing to be rejected in front of other people.
But I don’t think you had any other choice unless you wanted to lie and start hanging out with her against your will.” Next_Brainpuzzle
17. AITJ For Telling My Grandmother Not To Wear White At My Wedding?
“I (20F) recently got engaged to my partner (23M) of 2 1/2 years. For some context, my grandma (70F) raised me, but I’ve always been closer to my Mom because my grandma is your stereotypical Christian conservative who always thinks she’s right… To be blunt, she’s gotten better over the years, but she still has some growing to do, IMO.
Anyway, when I told my Mom about the engagement, she was over the moon. After talking for a bit, she asked if I wanted to see some pictures from when I was a kid/before I was born (My Mom is very much the sentimental type and loves to take/show pictures).
I, of course, said yes. As we were flipping through the pictures, we came across one from my Uncle’s wedding. In it were my Uncle, his now ex-wife, my Dad (his brother), and my Grandma. I thought it was sweet until I noticed my Grandma was wearing a long white dress with a beaded top, like a wedding dress.
This struck me as odd, because wouldn’t you feel weird having someone else wear white at your wedding?
A few days later, I talked to my fiancé about this. He told me if it was a true concern, I should talk to her about it.
I was already planning on it, but I needed that final push. So, when I went to her house, I told her about the engagement. She’s never liked my partner, only because he smokes substances (as do I), so she wasn’t thrilled about it, but she was accepting.
I told her I had seen a picture of her at my Uncle’s wedding wearing a white dress and how I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her doing the same at mine. I guess I was spot on because she got super defensive, saying I was “selfish” and “inconsiderate” and that it “wasn’t a big deal.”
Personally, I wanted to be the only one wearing white because if I’m paying hundreds, if not thousands, for a wedding dress, I’d like to stand out, even if I am the bride. It just feels kind of disrespectful. Here’s where I think I might be the jerk.
I got annoyed with her for calling me names and berating me about my relationship (she was also bashing my fiancé in the process). It might’ve been selfish of me to say, but I said something along the lines of “It is MY day; if you can’t do this one thing for me, maybe you shouldn’t come at all.” Both of us were very heated in the moment, but I think I went a little too far looking back.
She told me to get out, and we haven’t spoken since. My fiancé reassured me and said that if it was important to me, it should’ve been important to her. This happened a little over a week ago, and I just need some outside opinions.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every girl wants her wedding to be perfect, so it’s not wrong that you talked to your grandmother about that picture and asked her not to wear a white dress at your wedding. Why can’t she be happy and let you enjoy the biggest day of your life?
She can wear anything. Calling you selfish or names—I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She should be happy rather than arguing with you about her dress on your wedding day. Definitely NTJ, dear, it’s your wedding, your big day, not hers.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are correct. If she can’t comply, she shouldn’t come. I know it feels awful to set that boundary, but it needed to be done. It actually should have been done sooner if she bashed on your fiancé. If she can’t accept him enough to be cordial, she doesn’t need to be at your wedding.” Mommabroyles
Another User Comments:
“With all the planning and then the actual wedding, I am amazed this is something anyone could care about. Clearly, it’s just me, but who cares if a 70-year-old woman wears white! It just seems like such a weird thing to ruin your vibe.” SnooRadishes8848
16. AITJ For Not Abandoning My Life To Move To Chicago For My Pregnant Sister?
“My sister F33 wants me, F29, to move to Chicago and help her with her and her husband’s business. We are from Southeast Asia, and I have been living in California for almost 10 years now. My sister moved to Chicago from our home country over a year ago with her husband.
They recently became pregnant and are expecting around September. My brother-in-law has a retail business, which he also recently purchased and is managing with his own sister. My sister has a very well-paying job in healthcare as well. And whenever she has off days, she also goes and helps out with the business.
She has always encouraged me to change states because they believes I need some change in my life, as I struggle with depression and anxiety.
Yesterday, my sister asked me to move to Chicago and help them with their business. I have always struggled here in the States.
I live with my partner, whom I met in high school. We have been together for almost 12 years now. But we aren’t married yet. My sister really doesn’t like my partner because he doesn’t look decent, according to her. He has a lot of facial hair and long hair, which is frowned upon in my culture.
There are other reasons as well, but I just think they are being really hard because of our culture. So yeah, basically they asked me to move there because after she gives birth, they will need extra help with the baby and their business. But I have my whole life here, and my work is funding my college fees.
My college is online, by the way, which is also why they want me to move there. I really don’t want to move, especially to that cold side of the States. I just said I couldn’t. But now I am feeling bad. I have always wanted to be in the same state as my sister.
When she moved to the States from our home country, I asked her if she could move to California, but she declined as her husband had been living his whole life in Chicago and they didn’t want to move. I don’t know; I am just feeling bad and guilty for not being there for them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why is their way of life more important than yours? What makes your sister think she knows what’s best for you more than you do? Many people struggle with depression. If the root cause doesn’t have anything to do with where you live, changing locations won’t fix anything.
Your partner doesn’t fit the “cultural” ideal. So what? Unless he’s mistreating you, there’s absolutely no reason to leave him. On the contrary. I’d flip the bird to anyone who turned up their nose at him. It sounds to me like your sister wants a babysitter & assistant.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life serving them in whatever way they want, stick to your guns and stay where you are. NTJ…but you will be (to yourself) if you let them brow-beat you into moving.” Waffle_of_Doom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you suffer from low spirits and depression, a cold, gloomy city like Chicago will be the worst thing for you after sunny California. Also, she got pregnant and wants a nanny who doesn’t have her own life, so she wants you to leave your partner and move to cater to her life and her family.
She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. She expects you to obey as in Southeast Asian culture, but please don’t do it.” LifeAsksAITA
15. AITJ For Moving Out Early And Impacting My Friend's Housing Plans?
“I (24F) decided to move out of my apartment with my friend, Lola (23F), 2.5 months before our lease ended, which has led to a lot of conflict.
A few weeks before my decision, my roommate and I had discussed renewing our lease, and both said we were planning on it. However, our landlord announced they were selling the place, making future rent uncertain. Around the same time, my partner (24M) told me he wanted us to move in together, as we’ve been in a relationship for almost three years, and he may move out of state for grad school next year.
He felt it was important to live together before we potentially move across the country. I agreed, but I knew this decision would upset my roommate, as she has an expensive car payment and wants to save to move out of state, which would be harder if she had to live alone.
I gave my roommate notice in mid-February that I’d be moving out, and our lease ends at the end of April, so she had about 2.5 months to make arrangements. I also offered my share of the deposit as well as to help find a new place or a roommate (although she doesn’t want to live with anyone she doesn’t know).
She initially seemed okay with my decision, and I actively searched for places and made a running list of options. Our mutual friend (Bea, 23F; not a roommate) texted me out of the blue that she was disappointed and didn’t talk to me for a week.
Lola and Bea started hanging out without me, at which point Lola became very distant, causing a lot of confusion and anxiety over the situation. After a week of this, I asked Lola if everything was okay, and she confessed that she was upset (I don’t believe she would have told me this if I hadn’t asked).
Lola said she could not trade in her car as she had hoped, which tightened her budget for rent; and she said she would have to move home (approximately 20 minutes from our current place), and now she wants to put our friendship “on pause”.
Bea fully believes that my partner is forcing me to move in with him and that by doing so I am choosing him over my friends.
For what it’s worth, my partner didn’t pressure me into this decision—we have a healthy, supportive relationship, and this was something we mutually agreed was an important step for us. Yet, Bea maintains that I am a bad friend and I should have given her at least six months’ notice before the lease ends.
By only giving Lola 2.5 months, Bea said I am forcing Lola either into homelessness or into moving home to her parents (which Bea claims is a bad option, but gave no details as to why).
I’m torn because I do care about Lola and don’t want her to be in a bad position.
But at the same time, it feels like I am expected to put my life on hold for whenever she is ready, and that I just exist for them to use when it’s convenient. AITJ for changing my mind about living with Lola 2.5 months before our lease is up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, The amount of notice is sufficient, and you are treating your friend with respect. Leaving her with your share of the security deposit is going above and beyond the call of friendship. I assume that you are paying the rent until the end of the lease?” johnnydlive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave Lola sufficient notice that you would not continue to be her roommate. You even went above and beyond by offering her your share of the deposit and offering to help her search for a new place to live. And neither of you would have been able to stay at your current location anyway.
Lola’s problems are neither your fault nor your responsibility. She is an adult. If she can’t find a place to live, that’s on her. If she doesn’t want to live with someone she doesn’t know, that’s on her. If she can’t afford her own place, that’s on her.
It’s understandable that having to find a new place to live would be stressful for her, but that is just part of adulthood. All you owed her was enough notice that you weren’t going to live with her in the future. You gave her that.
You certainly aren’t forcing her into homelessness. And Bea needs to mind her own business.” Wild_Ticket1413
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her ample time to make arrangements, and you were cordial and respectful about the whole situation. While I understand that Lola is stressed about her finances, your living plans are ultimately your own to make.
On top of that, you went above and beyond by offering your share of the deposit and actively helping to find a replacement or new housing options. That’s a fair effort on your part, and it shows you were being considerate of her situation rather than just leaving her high and dry.” sushio101
14. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Take Initiative And Do His Own Chores?
“My (25F) partner (29M) and I have been in a relationship for about five years. During this time, we have had a number of arguments and discussions about him needing me to tell him which household chores need to be done.
This morning, around 10:30, my partner woke me up to ask me to help him clean up around the house because we have a plumber coming in tonight. I was pretty tired—I’m already not a morning person—and I had slept on the couch due to my partner’s snoring, and we don’t have a very comfortable couch.
To be clear, I’m not blaming him for me sleeping on the couch; he had work today and I didn’t, so I figured once he got up for work, I could take the bed and catch up on quality sleep. This was what I was doing at 10:30, and I was planning on getting up for good at 11:00 so I could drive him to work and do whatever cleaning needed to be done when I got back.
I was admittedly a bit annoyed about being woken up 30 minutes early, and I was extra annoyed when he let me know he had woken me up early so I could tell him about any chores I wanted him to do around the house. I asked him if he had even done the basics: cleaning up his dishes, clearing off the living room table, and picking his clothes up off the ground.
He said he had, but a quick walk around let me know he hadn’t. I told him I was frustrated that he wanted me up early just to tell him to do chores he should already be doing without a reminder. He claims he was going to do those and just wanted me to give some extra guidance on how I wanted the house to look for the plumber.
I reminded him it’s his house as well, and he should be able to determine what chores need to be done without my guidance.
He also claims that I’m focusing on the wrong issue; he thinks that since I’m his partner, I should have gotten up regardless of his reasoning, as he was asking for help, and I shouldn’t need any further explanation.
I think it is pretty reasonable to ask for further clarification when someone, even your partner, asks you for help, and I think it is within my right to be frustrated at his request. He says that I was being selfish and “anybody else” would have gotten up to help him.
I don’t think I was being selfish for wanting him to direct his own cleaning for 30 minutes, especially considering I do the majority of the household cleaning to begin with and he knew I was going to clean that day while he was at work.
I understand, though, that I likely did not come across as supportive this morning, and he is saying he does not feel like I am taking his feelings seriously; in fact, he is the one who suggested I post here. Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“I agree with him that you’re focusing on the wrong thing. How are you supposed to build a life with someone who won’t even pick his clothes up off the floor, even when he asks explicitly to be told what to do and you tell him?
Especially on a sleep shortage. This guy is not relationship material. NTJ.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d get really, really upset if my partner did this. His response also seems like gaslighting. I honestly wouldn’t care at all when the plumber comes and sees what the house looks like (as long as where he has to go is reachable and tidy, but I wouldn’t clean as it’s probably going to get messy).
I wouldn’t even help at this point and just do my wake-up routine. He said he would do x and y? Go ahead, let him do x and y, see if he would actually do it if you didn’t help.” Emisys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he wants to act like a toddler, that can only do what you tell him and not think for himself… I suggest you treat him accordingly. After all, he can’t be trusted to take care of himself if he can’t even do simple chores.
No sweets before he does the dishes. No video games before the living room is cleaned. Let’s see if he still acts like a toddler once he has to face the appropriate consequences.” JamesFellen
13. AITJ For Insisting On Only One In-Law Visit Per Week?
“My husband (29) and I (28) have been married for almost 7 years. When we first got married, his parents did not live in the same country. They visited usually 1–2 times a year and stayed a few weeks each time.
About two years into our marriage, his parents decided to permanently move in with his sister, who lived about 10 minutes away from us. Since then, we started having issues because I think he doesn’t have a good balance when it comes to visiting them or the number of favors they ask/he does for them.
For some periods of time, he’s great and will visit 1 day a week or even once every two weeks (not often, usually it’s once a week), but then he goes into these months where he visits them constantly (2–3 times per week).
Just these past two weeks, he visited 6 times.
Whenever I say anything about it, he gets defensive and says that he can do whatever he wants with his time. I tell him that it’s not fair because I actively do things to free up time for him because he has a lot on his plate.
But then his free time gets given to his family instead. During the week, he has 2 hours of PT and work, so I’ll cook and clean plus work my full-time job, so that when he gets home, he can relax with me. But then he’ll have a day off and, instead of using that day to help me at home or cook dinner, he leaves to help his mom/dad, and I’m left with the same routine.
He says that it’s his culture (we’re both from the same culture, but I’m more Americanized than he is, as I grew up here and he came when he was 18). I also enjoy time alone and my time alone with him.
He is always the one wanting to be in more social situations.
We live in a multi-family house with my family, and even then, I’ll go a full week without spending time with my family because I dedicate time to my home, pets, and hobbies. Edit: I want to clarify that we live in separate apartments.
We have separate entrances, and we don’t see them often (we all work full-time). I love my parents, but we decided to purchase a multi-house together as a financial benefit for all of us while still having completely separate spaces. I even told my husband this week that we need to plan out the next few years because I obviously want our own single-family house; we just can’t afford it at the moment.
I have a good relationship with my family, but having time for myself and my partner is important for me.
I’m really getting sick of fighting over this subject, and nothing is changing. He wants to start a family, and this is really a turn-off for me, wanting that because I don’t want my future to include being in my in-laws’ house every weekend or being without my husband if I don’t go.
AITJ for asking for a balance of max once a week visits? Am I crazy for saying this is too much? He makes me feel crazy, and as much as I love him, I really just want to stop caring whether he’s around or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There is nothing wrong with wanting some moderation. Sit him down and explain that you respect his culture and admire his dedication to his family, but please remember that you’re now his family too and require the same degree of respect and dedication.
Ask him how he pictures the future when you have children. Will he make sure to carve out time to spend with them and to help you? I’m sure there is a compromise to be made.” KimmyKatAlways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Once he started shifting his responsibilities to you in order to run off multiple times a week for hours at a time, it became a major issue.
Living in the same apartment building as your parents is not ‘living with’ your family. They’re simply living a little closer than his parents. You should probably clarify that you only see your family once a week and he’s spending 4+ hours per visit multiple days a week in your post. I don’t blame you for not wanting to have children with him.
You’re basically single with a roommate you sleep with at this point. You work full-time, you handle the brunt of the housework, and if you had kids, I guarantee you’d be the primary caretaker for them too. Until he can learn to actually behave like a responsible adult at home, he doesn’t need to become a parent.
There’s nothing wrong with seeing family. But there’s plenty wrong with doing nothing to help lighten the load of your spouse in what should be an equal partnership and refusing to spend any quality time with your spouse.” cryssylee90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We used to live 7 minutes away from my in-laws.
Key phrase, used to. Now we’re a happy 20–30 minutes away, depending on traffic. Moving cities probably isn’t feasible for you, so could you possibly take time with your husband each week to look at the calendar for the upcoming week and ask him to commit to spending time with you on certain days and times?
Or ask that he schedule the times he is going to spend with them? If he’s unwilling to commit time to you, his spouse that he chose to marry, then definitely don’t have kids with him because it’s never going to get better, only worse.” Historical_Carpet262
12. AITJ For Removing My Brothers Gf From Life 360 Over Her Control And Neglect Of Grandkid Visits?
“I (24F) have a younger brother, Matt (21M), who has a partner (21F) named Selena. They got together back in 2021 and have had two babies during their relationship, who I love dearly.
Throughout their relationship, I have tried to be cordial and friendly towards Selena. I have heard many times how people don’t get along with their siblings’ partners, and I didn’t want to be one of those people. Throughout the years, though, I have heard countless gossip from Selena about what she thinks about people in my family, including my mother.
At the time, I would argue with my mother and my sister (25F) in her defense, which, looking back now, I regret deeply.
My younger brother currently works at a food truck that my parents have loaned to him to make a living for his family, while Selena stays home with the kids.
During this time, my mom (52F) and I have been working with him, sometimes without pay, since some weeks are too slow. While working with my brother is fine, I have felt that Selena sees herself as a boss and views my mother and me as mere employees.
There are times when my mom asks my brother if she can spend time with her grandkids, but he says no because they are with her family. We set up a Life360 a few years ago when they only had one child, and I would babysit, so it was Matt, me, my mom, and my sister.
Recently, I noticed that she paused her location sharing (since Jan 28). I didn’t think anything of it, but she would still monitor everyone’s locations, since when my brother and I are working on weekends, he lets me know as soon as he gets off the phone with my mom.
I didn’t think this was fair, since she is still able to view our locations. This morning, I was talking to my mom, and she shared that she wants to see her grandkids and that she had invited Selena to an outing on Saturday morning (Selena ghosted my mom on it).
That was my final straw, and I removed her from the account. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I’m not sure your SIL is going to intuit that she’s been removed from the group because she no longer shares her location, and she doesn’t let your mom see the grandkids enough.
Yes, your SIL isn’t playing fair with the grandkids, but this is one of those problems you have to discuss if you want to see change.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“What does Life360 have to do with your mom spending time with her grandkids?
This seems like a very odd and petty way to retaliate at your brother’s partner. Since you are working with your brother and mom, maybe you should all just sit down with his partner and have a real conversation about scheduling regular times for your mom and yourself to visit the kids.” pinkimijina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the act, but I’m somewhat iffy on your reasons. You’re under no obligation to share your location with anyone. Period. You don’t have to explain yourself either. The less you say or explain, the less they have to work with to guilt-trip or argue with you.
That being said, I think your mom needs to speak with her son and the mother of his kids if she wants to see them more. People have their own lives to lead, so being busy shouldn’t be taken personally. I’d focus on being stood up for a meet-up because that’s just extremely rude, especially if not given the courtesy of a heads-up or as soon as possible after the fact with an apology.
Taking her off location sharing because of what happened to your mom is where I get iffy. I understand taking it off because she’s not sharing, but the issue with your mom is separate, and I would strongly suggest you keep these feelings separated and not allow them to mix together, or at least mentally do that.
Otherwise, it can get messy once things are confronted.” Suelswalker
11. AITJ For Choosing Dinner With Dad And Brother Over Mom's Emotional Manipulation?
“I, 30F, and my brother, 22M, have lived with our parents all of our lives. I moved out 11 years ago, and he’s still living at home because he is studying and trying to save up money.
Our parents have had a toxic relationship for years – constant yelling, fighting, throwing stuff at each other, and being unfaithful and lying on my father’s part.
This resulted in a very bad relationship between them. They would split up and get back together countless times, and the worst part was that they would ask us for input on their marriage. (For example: When I was about 8 years old, I was asked if I would be okay if they split up and my dad left. When I started crying, my mom would tell me: “See?
I can’t get rid of you because you can’t handle it,” and my dad would beg me to convince my mom to take him back whenever she had kicked him out of the house. They repeated this with my brother as well.)
We live in the same area, about 3 minutes apart, and a year ago my brother called me during a panic attack because our parents fought so much that the house was unbearable to be in.
He called me so I could help him. I went and had a chat with my parents about how, for years, we had wanted them to get a divorce. They set a date for my dad to move out.
In the meantime, a lot of things happened. My mom did try to back out of their decision, and I was there every time to remind her how much of a jerk of a husband my dad was.
My dad’s take on all of this was that I was the one who wanted him out of the house. (Facepalm)
Now they’ve been split for about 2 months. My brother has gone out with my dad on many occasions, and they asked me to join them for dinner.
Since I would be driving us, I mentioned it to my mom, and she has been harassing me, passively aggressive and calling me a traitor, and questioning why I think that my dad is the best person in the world now. We had an argument in which she asked me why I had told her so many things about my dad and why I now wanted to have dinner with him.
I said that everything I had said to encourage her to leave that marriage was about my dad being a crappy husband, not an awful dad (since both parents have their mistakes). We argued; she called me a traitor, told me she expected more of me as a woman, and then hung up.
Now I’m rethinking everything. AITJ as a woman for going out for dinner with my dad and brother? Is it really bad what I’m doing? I’m conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to have relationships with any family member (or anyone) you choose.
Your mother is still trying to drag you into the middle of her own personal drama with this emotional “attack” on you (“as a woman”). Just stop engaging in conversations with EITHER of them about their marriage/relationship. Any chance your brother can live with you?” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult, just like she is. You saw his flaws and expressed them to her. She is emotionally attempting to blackmail you, and you should call her on it. It is her choice to remain cordial to him, not your choice to be bullied into cutting him out of your life.” thosewithoutinfo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is an adult, so her feelings are her responsibility to resolve in counseling. You do not need to worry about her objections. You are 30 years old and do not need her permission to visit your father. Tell her to turn back the clock 30 years if she doesn’t want you to have a relationship with your father.
It’s absurd for her to call you a traitor for this. It’s your dad!” IAmTAAlways
10. AITJ For Making My MIL Return A Gift That Promoted My Daughter’s Unhealthy Obsession With Pregnancy?
“To preface, my 6 (almost 7) year-old daughter has always had a fascination with babies and pregnancy. When she was as young as 2, she used to shove stuffed animals up her shirt and pretend it was a pregnant belly. She’s always pretending her Barbies or other dolls are pregnant, and she’s always loved playing with baby dolls.
My MIL, with whom I get along for the most part, has always spoiled my daughter rotten. I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her grandparents, but it gives me pause that it seems they let her do whatever she wants when she’s over there visiting them.
My daughter recently mentioned she was excited to see her grandmother sometime soon because she’s expecting a package MIL ordered for her off of Amazon. I asked my daughter what she bought her, and my daughter informed me she purchased 2 fake pregnancy bellies for her to wear.
I don’t anticipate that they’d ever let her wear these outside of the house, and this is something that would exclusively be for pretend dress-up play at home, but I got pretty upset as I don’t believe this is an appropriate gift for a 6-year-old at all.
I discussed my concerns with my husband, who promptly reached out to his mother to tell her she needed to return the bellies. Now MIL is upset because she was “just trying to do something nice” and thinks we’re being harsh. My daughter is also upset as this is a gift she was looking forward to receiving.
I understand that my daughter has a fascination with pregnancy (which, for the record, I’ve always thought was strange and have not encouraged), but I don’t think her grandparents should necessarily be promoting this interest. I have always been vocal about not wanting my daughter to watch YouTube, and I don’t allow her to watch it at home much, outside of a few things I’ve personally watched and decided are age-appropriate.
I believe her grandmother allows her unlimited access to YouTube, and my daughter will watch videos where the MC is pregnant, which is what I think stemmed her fascination with pregnancy in the first place. I’ve addressed my concerns with them about my daughter having unfettered access to YouTube, but I don’t believe my concerns were taken seriously, and I am under the impression they’ve been dishonest about letting her watch whatever she wants.
I’m uncomfortable with them encouraging my 6-year-old to pretend she’s pregnant, but MIL acts like it’s no big deal and that I’m the jerk for perceiving it as weird.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL crossed the line. If she allows unlimited access to screens and YouTube, don’t you think it’s time to cut MIL’s access to your child?
She can only spend time with your child when you are there to supervise. You have final say on what is and is not allowed for YOUR child. Cut MIL off.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if your in-laws aren’t respecting your boundaries as a parent, you need to cut off the unsupervised time with them.
For one, even children ‘appropriate’ YouTube videos have been found to have inappropriate audio. Let alone the fact that she’s watching things not geared to a six-year-old. Second, all it is teaching your child is that it doesn’t matter what her parents say or what boundaries they set.
Grandma will just let her do whatever she wants. Even if they are providing free childcare while you work, you’re not doing your child any favors by allowing it to continue without your MIL respecting your boundaries. Edit: Added example.” Hairann
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s fine for you to refuse a gift for your child that you think is inappropriate or makes you uncomfortable. Your MIL wasn’t trying to be weird about it. She thought it would be fun for your daughter, and you say she spoils her. So it makes sense that if your daughter is trying to play pretend pregnancy with stuffed animals in her shirt, MIL might think it was okay to get her something that would work better.
I wouldn’t read more into it than that. But for the record, your daughter is not weird in her fascination with pregnancy. Kids get obsessed with things. They wanna be cats and dinosaurs and pirates and superheroes and fairies and whatever. They get over it.
But as others have said, maybe look for a way for her to indulge her interests that you feel more comfortable with.” indignantgirl
9. AITJ For Considering Cancelling Bridesmaid Duties Over Destination Wedding Costs And Travel Anxiety?
“To give a little context, my college roommate is getting married out of the country at an all-inclusive tropical resort in Sept 2025, and I am a bridesmaid.
I know, it sounds bad. But everything in me feels nothing but anxiety and dread about attending this wedding ALONE. She is not giving plus ones to anyone unless she personally knows the significant other, and I am unfortunately single.
She asked me to be her bridesmaid in April of 2024, with the intent of the wedding being in Tennessee.
However, she changed it to a destination wedding in June. I know it’s now 2025, but as I was looking to plan and book hotels and flights, it’s going to cost me between $2-3000. I mentioned I was stressed about money, and she suggested sharing a room with one of her other single friends, whom I have never met, to split the cost. But I’m 26 and don’t want to necessarily share a room for 4 nights with a stranger.
I am also new to traveling out of the country, and new to traveling alone. Traveling to a country I have never been to by myself just freaks me out.
I thought about so many ways to fix this. I even invited my friends who aren’t invited to the wedding but who would want to enjoy an all-inclusive resort while I’m attending wedding festivities… all declined. I asked my mom (sounds sad but even she declined as she is terrified of planes).
I don’t have a sister or a partner whom I can force to tag along. I only know one other person going to this wedding. Hoping she would share a room with me but she is not sure she can even go.
This sounds even worse, but I have multiple weddings this year, most I am a bridesmaid in as well.
But this one of the only one that I am even questioning. Don’t want her to think I am picking my other friends over her…
Now I feel like I’m rambling, but this is me and my anxiety keeping me awake at 3 AM….
So please let me know, am I the jerk to cancel now? Am I being dramatic about the whole thing?”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re going to cancel, then sooner is better than later. If she changed it after you agreed, then saying you just can’t afford it doesn’t seem wildly unreasonable to me.
It seems odd that you’re close enough to be a bridesmaid but don’t know other people going though?” JustGeeseMemes
Another User Comments:
“NJH. If she changed the destination (which means changing plans and costs), then you’re allowed to change your mind. People can have destination weddings if they want, but they can’t expect that everyone can automatically afford the cost that comes with that.
It is reasonable to decline as long as you respectfully tell her it’s not within your budget. You can mention your concerns about the out of country travel as well if you’d like, but honestly, the cost thing is reason enough.” Fun_Effective6846
Another User Comments:
“You need to have this conversation with her. Explain that when you said yes, it was not going to be such a big expense as it is now. Tell her you are not sure that you will financially be capable of covering that cost, and why you love her and want to be there, it just is not possible.
The longer you wait, the more you come off as the jerk. Talk to her about your realistic concerns, but avoid words like burden, as it could come off as you thinking her wedding isn’t important. If you want to keep the relationship, you need to tread carefully.” Gilly2878
8. AITJ For Getting Mad At Jess For Buzzing My Stepson's Hair?
“To explain the relationships here, I, 30f, married my husband, Alex 31m, about a year ago, but we’ve been together for four years.
He was previously married and after they had agreed to divorce, she told him she was pregnant. We’ll call his ex Kate, 30f. Kate had been unfaithful to Alex with Jess, 32f, for about a year. I had known Alex for years through mutual friends, and I met his son when he was 6 months old.
So, present day, Kate and Jess are together still, but very hot and cold. I went to pick up my stepson from school. Jess had dropped him off, and he seemed quiet and sad. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was sad because he had no hair.
He has beautiful curly hair. He told us he wanted to grow it out into a mullet. At that time, my husband had cleared it with his mom that they were both okay with that, and she agreed to have me trim it as needed, like around his ears.
He took his hat off, and his hair was buzzed down to his scalp. I was shocked, but just said, “Well, I think you look very handsome, but I thought you wanted to grow it out. Why did you cut it?”
Apparently, Jess was going to “trim” it and forgot to put a guard on.
When she realized that, it was too late, and she had to buzz it.
When we got home, I called Kate. She didn’t know how bad the haircut was and was tied up at a work event. She suggested I make sure I got the whole story of what happened. With her permission, I went right to Jess after calling my husband, who was driving home from a couple of hours away, and explained what was going on.
So, I called Jess, asked her to verify what was said, and told her how upset he was. She said that was exactly what happened but didn’t see why it was such a big deal. She kept saying, “I’m overreacting, and it’s just hair,” so I tried to explain that, as a kid, there’s so much he doesn’t get a say in, and so it was a big deal to him.
I told her she should never go near his head with clippers again.
She came back with, “Well, you’re not his mom,” and when I reminded her she wasn’t either, she said, “I’m a heck of a lot closer than you; I’ve been there since day 1,” to which I said, “Yeah, because you were an affair partner.
Don’t cut his hair again,” and hung up.
I called my husband back to explain everything and calm down. He had been on the phone with Kate discussing things as well, and I texted Kate to give an overview and say I was sorry if I overreacted.
It’s the next day, and Jess is trying to tell Kate that I shouldn’t be allowed to cut his hair if she can’t, and I need to get my “parenting privileges” taken away. I think that’s crazy. And just to clarify my role as a stepparent, Kate and my husband meet twice a year alone to discuss parenting things, and at the last meeting, Kate said she is comfortable with seeing me as a parent and is ready to include me in the meetings going forward.
But AITJ for being upset with Jess for not only buzzing his hair but for how she reacted trying to minimize it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t believe Jess. As soon as she saw that she’d shaved it too short in one area, that meant she had to shave his entire head?
I bet she didn’t like that she was the only one not included in the mullet decision so she did this on purpose.” coldgator
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand if you are trimming long curly hair why you would need clippers? I have long curly hair and clippers wouldn’t come near my hair.
Especially the scalp. Because of that and that only it doesn’t seem like a simple botched haircut. I don’t think telling her to not use clippers again is a huge issue. If done correctly. But it should have been Kate to tell her that.” Revolutionary_Gap261
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A boy’s trim costs like 10 dollars. The boy didn’t want it cut off. So, if she’s so incompetent with hair, she needs to pay someone else to cut it. She should be apologetic—at least to the boy, not defensive.
This should not be a stepparent vs. stepparent thing. She messed up and upset the child. Yes, it will grow back. But it won’t be the same as it was for a good while.” PhantomEmber708
7. AITJ For Using My Disability Accommodations When My Teacher Demanded The Impossible?
“I (14f) live in the UK and therefore have to do my GCSEs next year. In preparation for these tests, we must do “mini” tests with our chosen subjects before. I also happen to have severe dyspraxia.
I can talk and “look normal,” but only as a result of years of OT. I can’t run properly or move quickly, and the one thing I can’t do is write.
My old school didn’t teach students to write normally, and we were scolded if our handwriting wasn’t in cursive/joined up, so I never learned to write like the other kids quickly – all my writing is in cursive and I only learnt to write with a fountain pen (the school also didn’t allow us to carry non-fountain pens).
I manage just fine because I have a laptop concession and a word processor for any writing task that takes longer than 30 minutes, and I have recently taken it up full time as my condition worsened with puberty.
**Here’s where my story starts.**. My teacher (??M) (we’ll call him Mr. S) gave out the test papers for a history test – a test that requires 8 essay-style questions, so naturally, I pulled out my device (that I don’t normally use in history because there’s not a lot of writing – it’s mostly sheets and bullet points) but Mr. S stopped me.
He said he didn’t see my name on the list of students allowed (even though I am definitely on the list as the only student there with a concession and extra time) and demanded that I put my device away, or he’d give me a detention.
Begrudgingly, I put it away and decided if he wanted to play, then I’d shoot too. I’m rather petty, and this was one of those instances, but I feel it was justified. I opened my paper, and while writing my answer, I didn’t exert myself.
This was an hour-long assessment, and I knew I’d burn out if I did my “bestest girlies neatest calligraphy,” so I didn’t. I just wrote loosely and didn’t clench my hand to the point of cramping.
By the final question, I was exhausted and practically scrawling away, so I handed in my sheet and went directly to the head of counseling and welfare.
I told her everything, and she went to give Mr. S a slap on the wrist and reload my name on the God-protected list.
Soon after, Mr. S reported me to a teacher I’m under for being “disrespectful” after my writing was “unacceptable,” and he basically accused me of attention seeking.
I have cc’ed in the welfare department who have my records in the email he sent me and made sure to keep up my teachers’ pet act I’ve been building my reputation around for the past 4 years (in front of teachers anyway), and now I’m having the office tell me it was unfair on Mr. S, who didn’t know the severity of my condition, and I should’ve just talked to him (I tried).
However, my friends are backing me up.
It’s been weighing on my mind, so tell me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reasonable accommodations should exist for whoever needs them. The world is not set up for folks with disabilities. You literally did what you were told.
I’d tell them that you are the child in this situation and you’re not responsible for his feelings. You did what you were told to do. They shouldn’t get to blame you for this. They’re TA.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“As far as I can see, you did everything right.
You told him you should have permission to type your essay. He didn’t believe you, so he made you write the essay by hand. You wrote it by hand. He didn’t like the outcome. You don’t win by arguing with teachers. You went to the person you knew who had the authority to correct your teacher.
Keep on talking to the head of welfare. Have them talk both to Mr. S and to whichever teacher Mr. S was complaining to. This isn’t a your problem – this is a them problem. They need to figure it out. NTJ.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask the office if Mr. S isn’t to blame; then it must be someone in the office who is to blame. You tried talking to Mr. S, but he refused to listen, even though he should have realized that someone wouldn’t own and carry an assistive writing device if it weren’t needed. So if Mr. S isn’t to blame, then it must be someone in the office who is to blame for neglecting to pass the information on to him.
If they don’t want to blame Mr. S, then which one of them is going to take the blame?” wlfwrtr
6. AITJ For Explaining The Bubble Truck And Disrupting A Mom's Exit?
“Let’s set the scene. A while back, I was working as an attendant at some sort of kiddie festival. It was your typical street fair kind of thing, with random activities for the kids.
However, there was one time I indirectly annoyed a mother, and I think I broke some sort of “mom code” when I was doing it, which caused that mother to have a more difficult day.
A little context: Over the duration of this festival, there was a truck that was releasing giant bubbles out the windows that were flying high in the sky.
The kids could even go and make some themselves—a very popular activity.
So, I was sitting around helping a group of kids (and their parents) do some sort of dino-dig activity when a little boy (about early elementary age) ran up to me and asked where the giant bubbles were coming from.
Being the helpful program attendant, I started explaining about the bubble truck when, all of a sudden, the kid’s mom came over, shot me a mildly annoyed stare, gave me a “be quiet this instant” hand gesture, and then dragged the kid off while he started having a tantrum about wanting to see the bubbles.
At this point, the mother was beside herself, going off about how there were “no bubbles anymore” (and that they should just leave), all the while angrily staring at me while the kid bawled on the ground about wanting to see the bubbles.
I have heard many stories about parents having to get creative so their kids don’t get upset when they have to leave somewhere (such as one story where a group of moms left at once to trick their kids into thinking a theme park was closing and then all winked at each other).
So, I feel I just made the life of a mom harder than it needed to be when, to be honest, I did not know they were trying to leave (I did hear a minor conversation about how the mother wanted to let her kid do “one more thing,” but did not really think much of it).
Do you think I made a bad decision? I feel if I had just said I didn’t know about the bubbles, I could have saved that mother some misery.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your job was to entertain and provide helpful and true information, which you were doing.
It’s the mom’s job to parent; her strategy in this moment involved an untruth. It’s not on you to read her mind or lie to her kid.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s the parents’ job to parent. I have a toddler, and I do not expect other people to make his tantrums easier.
When you go to a festival for kids, you bring along a lot of patience and a lot of time. Anything else is just plain silly.” Possible-Life-1769
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a mom. I’ve 100% lied to my kid to say things like, ‘Sorry, there are no more bubbles happening today.’ Or that the toy store is closed today.
Or whatever else is not available, just to make it easier to do whatever we have to do…. That said, when someone says something that bursts that bubble, I just have to go with it and say, ‘Oh, looks like I was wrong; there are more bubbles.’ Either that, or I choose a hill to die on and say, ‘Looks like there are more bubbles, but we still have to go.’ Then I deal with the tantrum.
It is very much not your fault; you had no idea that’s what she was doing, and the mom probably knows that too, but she was likely also exhausted and several meltdowns into her day and lacked the stamina to do another one. There was probably a bit of an FML moment when she realized she had to take on another one to get the kid home.
Not your fault. Young kids are just hard, and parenthood is 90% survival mode.” WildFireSmores
5. AITJ For Choosing To Enjoy My Spanish Song Over Translating It For My Friend?
“So basically, yesterday I was driving with a friend.
We were just driving around and getting lunch, nothing special. We were in my car, and I had control of the music. I just had my liked songs on shuffle when a Spanish song called “nuestra canción” came up, and I started to hum along because I like the song.
I speak Spanish. I’m Chilean; my dad is from there and grew up speaking both English and Spanish, but honestly, I’m not fluent in either, haha. My friend is white and only speaks English, so she asked me what the song was about. I gave her a synopsis and all that fun crap.
Then she asked if I could tell her what the song was saying, so I translated a line for her and went back to enjoying the song.
Then, she asked if I could sing in English what the song was saying in Spanish. I said no for a few reasons.
1) The song may flow together in Spanish, but translated, it would most likely sound off. 2) I’m not a translator. 3) Do y’all know how much concentration that would take to translate while the song is still playing? I’ve translated things for my dad before, but that was during a conversation with one thing going on at a time.
Also, 4) I’m not a freaking translator. So I gave her the name of the song and said she could look up the lyrics if she wanted. Then, she got mad that I wouldn’t translate for her. She kept arguing that I’ve translated things before for family members and that this was no different.
If I’m being honest, I hate translating crap. It’s nerve-wracking to have to translate a doctor’s appointment or something important as a kid and not screw it up.
So I said that I just wanted to listen to the song and drop this stupid argument.
Then, she said I was “gatekeeping” and told me to drive her home, so I took her home and then went home myself. Then, my phone started going off because I guess she told our friend group, and now they’re mad at me, saying things like I was gatekeeping and “playing favorites” regarding whom I translated for (I don’t know what that means, help).
I didn’t think I was in the wrong, but now I feel bad. I probably could have translated the song, but I was selfish, I guess, and just didn’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion. You are not obliged to do exactly what she tells you, and you even gave her a pretty good starting point as to what the song was called, so she could easily find the lyrics for herself on Google.
It may even be quicker than if you had to live translate it.” Cold-North-6432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being a little odd taking this so personally. Literally, as I was reading your post, I thought, ‘She can just Google the English translation,’ which you suggested. At first, I kind of understood your friend because she wants to understand what’s being said and maybe share the full experience of the song with you.
Nothing wrong with that, but when you said no, she should have dropped it. For one, yes, translation is a lot of work and takes brain power, and you were driving! You shouldn’t be splitting your attention between word-for-word translation and keeping you guys safe.
It’s also totally acceptable that you were just trying to enjoy a song and didn’t want that experience interrupted by having to perform the task of translating. And my parents are native English speakers, but a lot of my friends who are first-gen have the same feelings as you about translating.
It’s stressful having to make sure their parents understand medical and legal information that’s super important, or tiring just constantly having to translate small things. So, it’s totally valid that you didn’t want to do that here. Everyone needs breaks. And the ‘friend’ group is weirdly aggressive, ganging up on you about something this small and inconsequential. Gatekeeping?
Really? The song title was right there. A real snake move on your friend’s part to get your other friends to ridicule you. And it’s beyond me how translating for your family is ‘playing favorites.’ Reevaluate these so-called friends!” GalaxyTraveler0202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First off, your friend is annoying. She got a phone, so she could have easily looked up the lyrics. She was probably too lazy to do so. I tried this once for my mom. I am fluent in English and German, while she only speaks German.
While I am fast at translating, it is so incredibly hard to do, especially when you don’t know the song’s lyrics already. It would have been very distracting for you to fulfill her request. Her reaction was over the top and just rude.” flyingdemoncat
4. AITJ For Correcting My Friend's Uber Math And Refusing Her $10?
“My (35f) friend and I (35f) went to a show together. I was super excited about seeing the show and originally was going to go by myself, but my friend decided the day before the show that she’d be able to join me.
She asked for me to pay for her ticket, and she’d pay me back when we got to the show. I agreed and just paid for her ticket. The tickets cost $30 each without tax, fees, etc.
Before we got to the show, I found out that we’d have to pay for valet parking if we parked at the show.
Neither of us wanted to do that, so she suggested that I drive to her place, then we take an Uber from there and split the cost of the Uber. I agreed but suggested that since she owed me $30 for the ticket I bought her, she should use that $30 for my half of the Uber so she didn’t have to pay me back.
She asked, “What if the Uber came up to more money?” and I said we’d split the difference and I’d pay the rest of my half.
The Uber there cost $20, and the Uber going back to her place cost $30, totaling $50 altogether. I had had a couple of drinks at the show and was pretty tired, so when she showed me her math (she subtracted $30 from the $50, then split the remaining $20 in half) and told me I owed her $10, I agreed to it without thinking about it, then left to go home.
The next day, she reminded me that I owed her $10. I realized that the math she applied was not correct and told her. I reminded her that we agreed to split the Uber, so I would have owed her money only if my half was over $30.
The math should have been (50 divided by 2 = 25), and since I only owed $25, not $30, I didn’t owe her an additional $10. After I said I wasn’t going to pay her the $10, she then texted me that if I didn’t have the money, I should have just said so.
I replied, “It’s not about the money; you applied the wrong math, so I truly didn’t owe you anything.” She then began to say that I was gaslighting her and taking advantage of her by making her pay for the whole Uber by herself. I tried in multiple different ways to explain that this was not the case, but she did not want to hear any of it and refused to talk to me about it.
I called a mutual friend, and the friend said I should have just paid her the $10 since I initially agreed to it, which is why I think I may be the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe phrasing it a different way would help: Say something like “The total Uber was $50.
If I hadn’t bought you the ticket, we would have each paid $25. So for this, I owe you $25. But you owe me the whole $30 for the ticket I bought. So if you owe me $30 and I owe you $25, you really owe me $5, which I’m not worried about you paying me back for because it’s such a small amount” (don’t add the last part if you want that $5 – I imagine you don’t care though.) Hopefully this is helpful, sometimes with math things it’s easier to frame it a different way for certain people.
I have always been good with math, so I learned how to teach various friends who needed extra help along the way.” crazy-beech
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if my friend forgets to pay me back anything less than $100, I don’t bother asking for it.
I value friendship over being a scrooge, so arguing exact math is crazy to me. Also, this is literally over a shared experience, not like she lent you money. That’s even crazier; like, dawg, just enjoy the show.” taromari
3. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Coworker's Meds And Being His Permanent Driver?
“I have a co-worker who struggles a bit. He doesn’t drive and his state ID expired a little while ago, and he takes a few different medications that get refilled at different times.
If he goes too long without taking his medication, he quickly goes into withdrawals, which affect his ability to work. He gets really sick, and his ADHD and anxiety become really bad.
He normally calls a friend to pick up his meds for him, but his friend stopped being able to help him with this.
I imagine needing to pick up someone else’s medication 3x a month became too much of a responsibility. And so one day, he was super desperate and asked me to pick them up for him. I felt bad for him and had a little extra time, so I agreed. Since then, I’ve picked up his medication 2x already.
And my partner’s even picked up 2 of his prescriptions when I wasn’t able to. So now, I’m his go-to anytime he needs a refill as no one else will do it for him. And when I hesitate to agree to pick them up, he gets all guilt-trippy on me, saying how hard it’s been going so long without them and how he really needs them for work because if he doesn’t have them, then he won’t be able to do his job.
And this directly affects me because if he can’t work, then I’m the other night manager who has to cover his shift.
Just last week, I had to come in on my one day off to cover for him because his withdrawals got so bad.
I even picked up his medication on the way, hoping he’d take it right then and stick it out. But no. He felt so terrible that he had to go home, and I was left to work the rest of his shift. I don’t want a repeat of this.
But last night, he called me to pick up another one of his medications, stressing that he’s already gone 4 days without it, that he works tomorrow, and that he really needs it to function. Tomorrow is my day off, and I don’t want to get called in to cover for him because I didn’t pick up his medication.
But I also need to set a boundary that I can’t keep picking up his meds just because he keeps procrastinating renewing his ID and doesn’t want to pay the fee to Uber there and get them himself.
I don’t like that his problem has become my problem.
So, last night after he begged me to take another hour out of my day off today to pick up another one of his medications, I texted him a few hours later, telling him that I actually won’t be able to pick up his medication and that he’ll need to find another way to get his meds from here on out.
I would have called, but it was 2 a.m., and I really didn’t want to hear more begging, pleading, and guilt-tripping. Now, let me stress that I have a bleeding heart and I’m almost always willing to help out a co-worker or friend.
But I didn’t agree to this now-permanent gig, and I feel taken advantage of.
So, AITJ for going back on my word and setting a boundary that I’ll no longer be picking up my co-worker’s medications?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An emergency is one thing, but a permanent free personal assistant is going too far.
Maybe he should look into a mail-order pharmacy that might ensure his supply without being a burden.” AlreadyGoneFromHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not your responsibility and he’s taking advantage of your kindness. Like, you helped a few times, which is so nice of you, but now he is making you his permanent driver to pick up his meds.
He can figure it out himself; he just doesn’t want to. You should set your boundaries.” SoftestMelody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a grown ass man who can get his own meds. There are a lot of pharmacies that do free or low-fee deliveries of medication to your door, especially the small local ones that are trying to compete with the national chains.
I take advantage of that not because I can’t legally drive, but because I’m lazy as heck and the delivery being free tickles my other sin of being cheap as heck. He could find and take advantage of such if he wanted to adult up and take care of himself.
If you want to be nice and offer an olive branch, do some research and find one in your area that does, and suggest that to him.” Illegal-Avocado-2975
2. AITJ For Hurting My Late Husband's Best Friends With A Simple Yoga Stretch?
“A few years ago, I (27F) lost my husband shortly after our child was born. Through his passing, I became close with a couple, John and Jane, who were his best friends. We met at the funeral, and over time, they became like family. I visited them regularly, often for work, and they welcomed me into their home like I’d known them for years.
I come from a large, loud Hispanic family with few boundaries, so I’m used to being affectionate and open.
During one of my visits, John mentioned his back pain at work, and since I used to teach yoga, I showed him a couple of stretches that helped me.
I demonstrated one stretch on the floor, and when he tried it, his pocket ripped. We laughed, and I showed him another stretch, pushing his back to help him stretch further. There was nothing inappropriate about it, just a friendly exchange. I didn’t think anything of it since my late husband often had me show stretches to others, including male friends and family.
Later, Jane joked about John’s ripped pocket, and I laughed along, thinking nothing was wrong. However, after that visit, I noticed Jane became distant, not responding to my messages. Months later, Jane called me and said she needed to clear the air before I moved to their area for work.
She explained that she didn’t like the way I had stretched John out and felt betrayed, even leading to a fight that almost caused their divorce. I apologized sincerely, not realizing I had crossed any boundaries, and promised to make amends.
Over the next few months, I continued to try and reach out to them, inviting them to get together, but my efforts were met with indifference.
Meanwhile, they maintained a relationship with my late husband’s parents, posting about missing him but not reaching out to me or my child despite my attempts.
When my office announced a Super Bowl party at John’s house, I messaged both of them to check if Jane would be comfortable since we hadn’t seen each other since I moved. Instead of a direct answer, I was invited to coffee the day before.
I’m torn between being empathetic, understanding that I might have hurt Jane’s feelings, and feeling emotionally drained from repeatedly apologizing and trying to mend the relationship without much effort from their side.
I’m now frustrated that Jane can post on social media about missing my late husband while refusing to accept my apology or make any effort to reconnect with me or my son.
I agreed to meet for coffee, but I’m starting to feel more upset than understanding. Am I in the wrong here? AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Sharing My Banking Info With My Sugar Parent?
“I (28m) met an interesting person (45?, now to be called Jo) a few days ago, and they wanted to enter into a sugar parent (SP) relationship with me as the sugar baby. I thought “Why not?” so I said yes.
Now, I knew nothing about how such relationships work, and I still don’t really, so I let them take charge. I imagine that’s how it would go anyway.
Anyway, Jo wanted me to download a banking app. I looked into it, and it seemed perfectly fine, so I did—set up an account and everything.
Jo then told me to give them my login and password. I never do that, and I’m NOT comfortable with that at all, and I told SP as much. I asked why, and Jo said: “I want to use it for trade; that’s why I told you to set it up for me.” That kicked off some red flags for me, and I told Jo that.
Jo later said that they want it to be used as our safe account for trades “off the radar.” The thing is, that account had my personal details, like my SSN on it.
I told Jo that, since I was not comfortable with that sort of thing, I’d be happy to share my Venmo QR code.
Jo said that since I can’t perform this task, I don’t have to stress about doing anything else. I told Jo that asking for such details is a lot much, even for people who have been courting for a few years, let alone two people who met only a few days ago, and that their practices seemed a bit financially abusive to me.
Jo then said that I don’t know what trust is and that I just need to take a leap of faith. The thing is, Jo knows I’m an atheist, and leaps of faith are not my thing, like at all. I told Jo that what they are doing could be misconstrued as financially abusive, and there are people out there who would not take kindly to such things.
Jo just ended the conversation there, and I’m fairly sure I either hurt Jo’s feelings or caught them with their pants down, and I don’t know which.
So, AITJ for not wanting to share my banking information with Jo? Anyone with experience or general knowledge of SP relationships, please tell me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is such a red flag and the number one excuse scammers use to scam people out of their bank details. Never give your details to anyone. If they really wanted to give you money, they could have sent it straight to your bank or used a money transfer app like PayPal.” baaammgetrack
Another User Comments:
“Haha, this is ridiculous. Of course you’re NTJ for wanting to keep your personal, banking details to yourself. DO NOT disclose them to this person. In situations like this, there’s no way of telling if it could be a scam, stealing your details for identity theft or selling them to someone else.
Alternatively, let’s imagine it’s not a scam. What happens if he were to pay you in a bunch of money, you provide him with some photos, intimacy, etc. (Not sure what type of an SP relationship you’re after,) and then he withdraws it all and ghosts you?
Essentially, you just don’t know what could happen. Not worth the stress.” sunshineandhaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jo sounds like a con artist trying to catch you in what amounts to a sweetheart scam. Never give out your banking info. Even giving your pin to a spouse can cause problems, both because the marriage can go sour and because anti-fraud protections can be denied if it is determined that you willingly let someone else use the pin and it gets compromised in the process.” [deleted]
