People Sneak Around The Truth In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Stepson Borrow My Valuable Guitar?
“I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years now. He has one son. The boy’s other can’t stand me.
She hates the fact that their father has found someone after 5 years of being divorced. Anyway, because of that, my stepson Jack and I don’t have the best relationship. I am not involved in his life because that’s the way he and his mother want it.
He won’t speak to me when I try to have a conversation so I just don’t even bother anymore. I have offered to do things for him but his mother always says that she doesn’t want “that woman” involved. To keep the peace, I stay out.
Now Jack and I are both musicians. I play several brass and wind instruments as well as guitar. He has joined the band this year as a 9th grader. Naturally, he wants to play jazz guitar. His mother knows I have several instruments and I offered one of the lesser-value guitars to him but he and his mother want my 1963 Fender.
NOT !! For one, he doesn’t take care of anything he has, and number two, why am I going to loan something that valuable out to someone who does not want to be around me? Sure, the guitar is worth way more but I got a deal on it for 3k.
My husband says I am right for not doing it and he says I shouldn’t even offer the old Squire guitar either and it’s only 250.00. His mother has been blowing up our phones, calling me every name in the book because I am ” driving a wedge in his and his father’s relationship “?
How is that so? She says that I should try and make amends and let him borrow it for the school year. Why am I having to make amends? She even had her friends harass me on social media. She claims I ruined his freshman year for the band and I need to make it right”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wonder if you don’t have a husband problem. He should be intervening here. Honestly, you should block the toxic ex and have all her communications go through your husband. This is his mess to deal with. It also sounds like he needs to do a better job of grounding his son in reality, not to mention how to be a decent human being, no matter what your feelings toward others might be.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would press your husband to talk to his ex and drive a point into her about co-parenting. He isn’t doing his job as a dad. He should explain to his son that by following his jerk mother he is losing an opportunity to have a supportive friend in you, and hurting him in the process.
Seek family therapy, guys! You are his wife, nobody has a right to pressure you like that, especially your ex! What a nightmare!” Winter_and_Fall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and make sure you take steps to protect the Fender! I don’t know exactly what the ex’s motivations are, but it makes no sense so I am very suspicious of what she’s trying to accomplish.
I would make sure there is no way Jack can access that guitar without direct supervision just to be safe. The ex is a clear jerk through and through. Block her and her jerk friends, do not waste your time dealing with her.” [deleted]
25. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Inform Me When Her Son Is Sick After Babysitting Him?
“My husband and I occasionally watch my friend’s son, usually for 1-3 hours at a time, maybe once a month or so when my friend finds herself in a pinch. He’s 10 and he usually hangs out mostly with my husband because they’ll toss football or play a video game.
We watched him for a couple of hours yesterday. There didn’t seem to be anything abnormal. We fed him lunch, played some games, and just hung around.
A few hours after my friend picked him up, I saw a social media post from her that was 2 hours old, stating that not only had her son started projectile vomiting, but some family members who had been with them the night before were also sick.
And for some reason, she included photos (though I’m not surprised). I sent her the following message:
“Hey, I’m sorry to hear _____ isn’t feeling well. If you need some homemade soup let us know and we can do a porch drop-off. I would have appreciated it if you had told us, we could have been disinfecting our house before now.
I would have appreciated a heads-up, instead of stumbling on the info myself while scrolling. Hope you can dodge the stomach bug if that’s what it is.”
She didn’t respond at first. Later she made a new post asking for volunteers to watch her son occasionally because her “list of safe people is dwindling.” Then she messaged me back and said, “You won’t have to worry about it in the future because I won’t be bothering you to watch him anymore.” I said he wasn’t a bother at all, but we would have liked a heads-up that he had gotten sick.
She said, “I don’t need you to tell me what I’m doing wrong.”
I try to not let these things bother me but… AITJ? I’m just… confused and a little conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I, myself, have a compromised immune system. It bothers me when people who know this information don’t tell me that they or their kids are sick.
Compromised immune system aside I find it to be a little disrespectful for someone to not disclose when they’re not feeling well and come around. You could get people around you sick, it could interfere with your work… You even worded that message very nicely and respectfully.
Your friend seems a bit defensive in my opinion.” Oceandreams22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It should’ve been common sense for her to inform you- the people who had contact with her son- that her son is sick. It’s irresponsible of her to withhold that information.
And if she thinks that you wanting to be informed of her son’s health issues directly rather than stumbling upon the information randomly makes you not want to watch him anymore, then you dodged a bullet.” compositionaquarius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yeesh, that is rough.
I feel like a phone call “might” have been better only because you had just seen her hours before and her son is a semi-regular at your house because of your niceness and friendship. But I’m sure you didn’t want to bother her, honestly, I’d probably have gone the texting route too.
Plus you offered to make soup! She seems like she’s going through something, that’s my instinct because she was so defensive about her son’s illness (stomach bug, whatever), and her language to you told you that she perceived that you were saying she did something wrong, was bad, ignored what should have been done like letting you know.
And maybe she feels guilty but also judged by a better more “perfect” mom. And trust me, I’ve felt less perfect over my younger mom years because it always seems like other moms have it all down. And I’m sure other moms felt that way occasionally about me at times.
I’d say, she’s your friend, make an effort to talk in person and I bet this can be sorted out easily. Being a mom is tough at times as we all know.” ColdButCool33
24. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Halloween Costume Last Minute?
“My (16m) significant other (16f) wanted us to have a matching couple costume this Halloween at our Halloween party where she’s Judy Hopps (the bunny) and I’m the fox.
However, I made it pretty clear when she asked me about 2 weeks ago that I didn’t want to do it. I kept suggesting other stuff but she wouldn’t budge so eventually I just said fine whatever.
Now, my friend asked me if I wanted to be Batman and he is the Joker, and honestly, this sounds much cooler and something I would want to be for the party.
This friend is mutual with my significant other, as he’s seeing one of her best friends.
I asked my significant other if I could do that and she said no way, as she already bought the bunny ears (all we would buy externally were the ears).
I want to be Batman though. I offered she could be Catwoman and my friends significant other could be Harley Quinn, to still match, but she said no as it was too late notice because the parties were on Saturday. I guess now my only option is to be the fox even though I think it’s lame as heck.
I think it’s kind of unfair that she gets to decide and not me, I gave her other suggestions like an angel/devil, etc. I just think the fox costume is very lame. I think the bunny costume she would wear is cool though, though the fox one is just khaki pants a green collared shirt, and a tie.
It’s just lame and I also don’t like green. PLUS the fox ears which I don’t want to wear, but she said just to wear them for the pictures. That’s why I wanted to do something else.”
Another User Comments:
“I think I’m going to go with No jerks here this is a long-time battle between significant others where the girls want to dress in cute couples costumes and the boys don’t.
I don’t think she’s a jerk for having her heart set on something but you’re also NTJ for not being into the idea. I feel like at the end of the day you just have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on or just suck it up this year.” calm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not a jerk for WANTING to be something different for Halloween. But… You would be if you went as something else after agreeing to wear a couple of costumes with your significant other. Especially if you’re gonna wear something else to do the same with someone else.
She was borderline a jerk for refusing to make a compromise. But since you agreed, you’re tied in.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to judge, but I’ll give some advice. If she asked “like 10000” times, she wants it. She just wants cute pictures and memories of you two together.
(Is it your first Halloween together?) If you like her, just do it. I do stuff all the time to make my partner happy. Because I love her and I don’t care about some of that stuff (and if she’s angry 50% of our house is angry) and I want her to be happy because that makes me happy.
This is why they say: Happy wife? Happy life! You can goof around with your friends all the time, and if I were you, I’d rock that fox costume with pride and confidence. She will love it.” Franske_NL
23. AITJ For Asking My Bridesmaids To Wear Makeup At My Wedding?
“I’m (35f) getting married in a few months, and we’re in the fine detail stages of planning.
I have one maid of honor and five other bridesmaids.
I saw them recently for some coffee and asked if they’d wear makeup at my wedding. A couple of them seemed a little taken aback, so I’ll explain to you what I told them.
In honesty, the main reason is so they all look good.
We’re going to be posing for a lot of photographs during the day. Some will be outside the venue (which is going to be in winter, so harsh blue light), and some will be at the reception, which is going to be much darker. On top of that, we’ve got a photo booth area with a lot of harsh beauty lights.
I think that if they wear makeup as I’m going to, they’ll look as best as they can in all those photography settings. The reason I’m only asking them and nobody else is that I wanted to get lots of pictures of them all together as a group, as well as with me.
I’ve also hired a makeup artist for myself and was excited about the prospect of my bridesmaids all getting their makeup done together with me. It’s a special occasion and I like the idea of us all being glamorous and feeling special.
After I’d explained my point of view, two of my bridesmaids were unhappy with my request and took it as though I’d called them ugly.
They also threw in a strange comment about how I always wear too much makeup and they don’t want to be made up like me.
I thought it best to just drop the idea if it was going to go down so badly, but those two bridesmaids have now told other guests and family members that I was way out of line for “dictating” what they look like at the wedding.
I’m not sure if I did something hugely rude and unreasonable, or if it wasn’t as big a deal as it’s turned into.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ well a bit you could have handled this much better. I am surprised more of your BM’s didn’t object and throw back the comment that you wear too much makeup.
You may not have called them ugly but that’s how it came across. Why didn’t you just say I am hiring a professional make-up artist, anyone who would like their make-up done for the day is welcome to use her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you are telling them they’re ugly though.
Like you’re saying there is harsh lighting and they need the makeup to look good and because of all the pictures that you need them for they have to wear makeup to be good enough for your dumb wedding photos.” somethingnevermind
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Bring Her New Puppy To My House?
“My mom isn’t exactly the best pet owner.
She has one small dog already that when she brings it over will chew on my baby’s toys and bark and growl. She also chases and wants to harm my 2 cats that live in my small trailer with us. I have told her in the past I don’t care for her bringing her dog over for the above reasons but allowed it to continue a relationship with my mom.
Now she has gotten a new puppy, and as all puppies do she bites and potties in the house. My mom hasn’t been around to train the dog to do otherwise, but it sits in a kennel all day other than the 2 hours she lets it out when she is not asleep or at work.
My mom had called and asked to come to stay the weekend and I requested that the first time I meet the puppy only be for a few hours so I had the opportunity to see how she would act in a new place. My mom flipped and told me to have a nice life since I wasn’t allowing her “baby” to be there.
Now for a little more context, my daughter is just over a year old and I am 5 months pregnant with my second. My mom lives in a house with 4 other adults and all 5 of them chain smoke all day long inside. I never have wanted to bring my daughter over there or breathe in the smoke myself now that I am pregnant again.
She has always called me uppity and that I have a superiority complex over her because I won’t go stay the weekend with her due to the smoke. It’s been 2 weeks and she still has me blocked and has told my sister I should accept her for who she is and what comes with her if I want her in my life.
I need to make compromises to make her feel more comfortable and loved. I just don’t feel like I am being unreasonable here, but yah know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s behavior is extremely arrogant and entitled. I’m also more than a little perturbed by the fact that she refers to her dog as “her baby” right in front of you.
Based on what you’re telling me, the dogs could be in an abusive situation. You might wish to call SPCA to take a look. But I would say, “Good riddance.” No good parent could be so casual about throwing away a relationship with their grandchildren.
Worse, she acts like it’s her right to smoke in front of them. I don’t know your relationship with your mother and I don’t mean to be dismissive, but I’m not seeing a downside in her no longer being in your life. Do you think you could trust her to be unsupervised with your children?
She values her dogs over you; she’s made that abundantly clear. So, how much, do you think, would she value her grandchildren?” RighteousVengeance
21. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Teach My Sister How To Clean A Mop?
“I (24F) was at my mom’s (46F) house the other day to visit her and my siblings. While I was there my mom asked my sister (13F) to mop the kitchen with a sponge mop but to clean the mop before mopping.
Growing up we always used Swiffer mops so a sponge mop is new for her. My sister asked my mom how to clean it and my mom got upset and said “I already showed you how to do it. Just go do it”. My sister said that she forgot how to do it and asked my mom if she could show her again.
My mom started screaming at her and telling her to just go do it.
My sister got upset and started crying and locked herself in her room. I asked my mom what the big deal was and said that she should just show her how to clean the mop.
My mom said that my sister was just being lazy and that she was just acting like this because she didn’t want to do as she was told. I said “She just forgot how to do it and all she asked you to do is to show her how to do it again.
Why can’t you just show her how to do it? Because obviously what you’re doing isn’t getting what you want to get done done”.
She said, “Well since you’re so concerned about it and want to cosign her nonsense why don’t you show her how to do it?”.
I told her that I didn’t know how to clean it either (Like I said we grew up using Swiffer mops) and that if asking her to teach her child how to do something is cosigning her nonsense then she has some serious issues. Plus if my sister does it wrong then she’s just going to get even angrier.
So AITJ for telling my mom to just teach my sister how to clean the mop?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wonder if your mom remembers how to use a mop. Who puts away a dirty mop? It’s cleaned after it’s been used so it can be ready to go the next time.
Some heads can be thrown in the washer and some sponge/pad mops require a thorough rinsing with clean water. Mom should go back to Swiffer and stop traumatizing your sister over the stuff she refuses to teach her daughter.” Sidneyreb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom is lazy. Lazy. So lazy that she can’t even be bothered to get out of mopping her own house. So lazy, she’d rather have you show your sister than lift a finger. You should tell her you’re not covering for her lazy behind, to get off it and put some work into parenting.
Hammer home that you think she’s lazy at least once per sentence. Don’t argue it, just establish it. She’s lazy and that’s the only reason she didn’t show your sister how to do a chore. Because she was too lazy to do it and it’s easier to just deal with a dirty house and angry daughter.” OneJobToRuleThemAll
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – How difficult is it to use a mop, even one you’re not used to? At 13 years old OP’s sister is probably at a rebellious age and probably mom is tired of it, however, mom should show a better temper and encourage her daughter to learn something new (in case she’s not faking it) instead of screaming.
Without any more info, it seems that OP took her sister’s side completely dismissing her mother’s explanation.” Disaster
20. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Unemployed Sister?
“I have two older sisters, and it’s just us but I won’t go into details as I feel it’s irrelevant. My oldest sister and I have our life in order.
She’s a university graduate, she works part-time, she’s married, has a child, and is a homeowner. I’m a single university graduate, work full-time, earn a decent salary, and am a homeowner. My middle sister, however, didn’t finish school, is unemployed, has never worked, and is on government assistance.
Around four months ago, my middle sister was in the process of getting evicted and begged to stay with me because I had spare rooms and space, but I refused due to her way of living. I feel she’s just lazy and pretty much got away with everything all her life.
Ultimately, my oldest sister and her husband allowed my middle sister to move in with them in their spare bedroom.
Shortly after my middle sister moved into my oldest sister’s house I found out they didn’t ask her to contribute some money towards living expenses such as food, electricity, and gas and that my sister and brother-in-law were using the income that they were earning to cover my middle sister living expenses, which brings us to now.
We all know there’s a cost of living crisis, and I recently found out it was affecting my sister and her husband. My sister keeps asking to borrow money from me because she’s struggling to afford things but I refuse. My middle sister also asks to borrow money from me, but I refuse to support her lifestyle and know she can’t afford to pay me back.
I had a catch-up with my best friend a few days ago, she’s aware of the ongoing situation between my sisters and me, and she said she thinks that I’m slightly a jerk. For the last few days, I’ve been constantly thinking about this, and now I can’t help if I may be the jerk because my oldest sister took my middle sister in and is mainly supporting her.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you believe that your middle sister needs to get her life in order, and don’t agree with the way she is mooching off your older sister, then giving either of them money is only 1. validating the arrangement, and 2.
causing it to go on even longer. From what you’ve said, middle sis doesn’t have any disability other than laziness. (Although she may be hiding a substance, booze, or gambling addiction.) She finds it easier to take from her sister and you, than to go out and get a job.
The more money you give to either of them, the longer it is until your older sister and/or her husband say “enough is enough” and kick her out or demand she contribute, or something. And that is what needs to happen.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for either of your sisters. You could be helping your middle sister but you’ve chosen to set a boundary about that – and given that boundary you’ve set it’s inappropriate for you to be lending money to your older sister to enable HER to support your middle sister financially.
You should be telling your older sister to set the same boundary you set and at least demand a contribution from your middle sister. She gets government assistance, and part of that government assistance is to help her afford a place to live and food and utilities.
What is she DOING with that money if she’s not paying that stuff? Just having fun?” nylon vest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…and if you give in, you’ll fall into the same rut as your older sister is currently in. Middle sister has to learn about life and taking, taking, taking and more taking will not be good for her in the long run.
It is your choice, and only your choice, what to do with your money and how to spend it. If you have access to money sitting around, put it in a 12 or 18-month CD as that money then can’t be touched. You can always say you don’t have any to spare since you needed it for something else that was important.
You’re not lying either. The CD is important to you. You don’t say how close or how far you live, but just make sure they can’t pop over at any time. If you do live close, invest in some cameras and/or a ring doorbell.
Tell your sister(s) that inflation is hitting you as well.” johnnymac_19
19. AITJ For Trying To Change My Brother-In-Law's Resting Face At My Wedding?
“I (30F) got married to the love of my life late last month. My husband (30M) has a younger brother (28M) who is very, very kind and sweet, and he’s got a bit of a shy-puppy demeanor to him, which is endearing.
The only problem is that my BIL has a rather angry RBF. His eyebrows are always furrowed, even when he’s smiling, and his neutral face has him looking irked and unapproachable.
During the wedding reception, I was sitting at the table with my husband and his family members, and my BIL was sitting across from me.
He was just sitting there, looking as angry as ever as usual lol, but I know that that’s just his normal expression. I thought to myself that the other guests may be kind of scared by his expression, and so I cheerfully told my BIL to “turn that frown upside down!” My BIL started smiling and he laughed, but then he fell right back into his RBF.
So I reached across the table, and I said “Come on, now” and I used my index fingers to force the corners of his mouth upwards. My BIL sort of freaked out, and he squirmed and pushed himself away from me.
Later that night, while my husband and I were in bed together, after the first day of officially being a married couple, my husband brought up the little thing I tried to do with my BIL’s mouth.
He let me know that that was kind of weird, and it made him and his brother uncomfortable. I told my husband that it was all just a joke, and it was nothing serious, but my husband got a bit incensed, and he bluntly told me “One: don’t touch my brother, two: that’s just how he always looks, and there’s nothing wrong with that, and three: don’t touch my brother”.
That shut me up real quick.
AITJ? I still feel as though it was all just a joke that everybody’s overreacting about.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the phrase “don’t touch someone without their consent” doesn’t just apply to non-intimate situations. This has the same vibe as those men that say things like “you’d be way cuter if you smiled more” do” Only_trans_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And if you had touched my face or any part of my body trying to do the same thing, I would have punched you for sure. Your comment of “you need to touch something to fix it” doesn’t apply here and makes you sound even more of a jerk.
Nothing needed to be fixed especially when you knew his face was RBF, to begin with. He’s not a broken door or window, he’s a person and was not okay with being touched.” isaidno10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I hate when people do this to me.
I’m just relaxed. My husband had a friend when we were seeing each other (he’s now his ex-friend) who would constantly comment that I looked irked if I wasn’t smiling. Like we’re watching football, why can’t I just have a relaxed expression?
It’s not my fault that society has deemed my resting face “unfriendly” and it’s exhausting not to be able to relax because that’s what makes other people “comfortable” just because their relaxed expression is more smiley.” Cold-Succotash2120
18. AITJ For Going Through My Friend's Closet To Find My Lost Wedding Dress?
“2 years ago, my husband and I were doing some renovations to our house.
I didn’t want my wedding dress to get damaged or lost in the process. Which, considering we did lose a few things during the renovation, I was right to be concerned. My friend offered to keep it in her closet until the renovations were done.
After we finished the renovations, I asked my friend for the dress back. She kept saying she’d get back to me. I kept asking and she’d make up excuses. I found it weird.
Now, my sister is getting married and she wants to wear a dress.
This was our mother’s dress and we always agreed we’d each wear it. I told my friend I needed it back. She claimed she couldn’t find it. I was perplexed because how does it just get up and walk away? She apologized and offered to pay me the cost of the dress, which I turned down because it wasn’t about money.
The dress was sentimental and I felt terrible my sister couldn’t wear it.
My friend and her husband went away. I was there to water their plants and feed their dogs. I decided to go look myself. The closet was very cluttered. I eventually found the dress.
I can believe that she missed where it was and she wasn’t being malicious in the slightest. The box was tucked behind a few larger ones containing seasonal clothes.
I texted her saying “I found the dress”. Instead of being happy for me, she asked why I rummaged through her closet.
I said I just wanted to double-check. She told me I had no right to go through her things. I said that because of her clutter, my sister almost didn’t get to wear the dress she always dreamed of. My friend told me that I could’ve asked her to look again but I pointed out it took 2 years for her to even look in the first place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If I was in your friend’s situation and I genuinely couldn’t find the dress, then I would frankly have invited you to look around for it while you were in the house doing me a favor. But I also am the type of person who would just assume that someone I trust enough to water my plants and feed my dog is also someone I trust in my space.
Snooping is a fair instinct, and you have a specific reason for it. Even if she’s legit about not liking that you went through her stuff, she went on the defensive immediately instead of being relieved that you managed to find the dress. That just seems suspicious to me.
I would say meeting up with your friend to explain and hear what she has to say might be worthwhile, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the end of the friendship either.” Chemical-Life-5113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, to people saying you shouldn’t have snooped, she accepted to watching something that means a lot to you and did not try to find it in the slightest when you kept asking her.
Even offered to pay instead of looking? That sounds suspicious AF. You did nothing wrong OP, she had YOUR property and refused to give it back, that is way worse than you looking through her things for it. She is the jerk.” Electric__Milk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had been asking about the dress for months and they couldn’t be bothered to find it for you, even though they knew it was important to you. It’s also not like you tore apart their house: you took a peek in an area where you thought it might be and you found it.
I understand some people are protective of their clothes and other personal belongings, but if you’re good friends (good enough to let them hold onto the dress) it shouldn’t be that much of a problem. They have the right to be upset but you have far more of a right to be angry with them.
You did the equivalent of cutting them off in traffic, IMO. They did the equivalent of… well, holding onto something very valuable to you + your family and refusing to give it back to you.” TigerKirby215
17. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband Lending Money To Our New Flatmates?
“My husband (34M) and I (29M) live in a shared house because we just moved countries and that’s the only option available to us at the moment.
We have a flatmate (31F) with whom we never had any problems, she’s even become a friend, and the relationship with her is smooth simply because we each mind our own business and get along well. We all live in a 3 bedroom house, and in this 3rd bedroom, we had flatmates in the past that we didn’t get along with.
I posted an AITJ a while ago about them, but they eventually moved out.
Now, just last month we had new people move into this vacant bedroom. It’s a lady in her 30s I think with her 18-year-old son. They are very cordial and polite, and we had one conversation or two but nothing that deep, since we kind of have a bad history with bad flatmates, I always have reservations about people.
When they moved in they didn’t have any sheets so my husband offered to lend them one, as they promised to return the next day. One month goes by and no return.
We were having dinner last week and we had a bottle of wine open, and the 18-year-old dude wanted a glass so I said he could help himself.
We still had some left after dinner, but later I saw that he went through our cabinet and drank more without asking.
Now today they went to my husband behind my back and asked to borrow 100 bucks for an appointment, and asked if I could get up at 8 am to make the withdrawal for them the next day.
Mind you I work late in the afternoon so I’m not usually awake this time of morning. I got really mad at my husband for not saying no, and for lending money to people we barely know, as I’m starting to think they like to take advantage of some situations.
AITJ for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is trying to be kind, but his kindness is being taken advantage of. You are right to (calmly) tell him that lending things to people is kind, but he should only do it if he is willing to count those things as gone forever.
You are not happy with him giving away £100 of your money without speaking to you first (and would of course have said no, because those people are leeching off you).” Cautious-Job8683
16. AITJ For Wanting To End Friendship After Friend Takes Advantage Of My Generosity?
“I just retired, and currently live in SoCal. Because of expenses here vs. Virginia, I am moving there before the end of the year. I have a friend, also retired who can’t afford housing here.
I made him an offer.
If he wanted to move to Virginia with me, I would have him drive my motorhome with his car on the trailer (I would drive my pickup towing my car), and I pay for fuel. Once we were all there, he could live in my motorhome for 6 months while he found affordable housing, and together he and I could fix up a cheap house for him, using my truck to get the supplies.
(houses under $40K exist there). He liked the idea and wanted to do it.
However. Before the offer, and my moving, we had lunch/texted/called twice a week on average. Since I made the offer, for lunch it had to be near his house.
The text would be returned after 4 days and then only a single sentence. Phone calls are gone. I asked him about this, he said: If you want to reach me, you know where I live. Sorry that I don’t live on my phone, you can wait for me to return texts, and I just don’t feel like phone calls right now.
I mentioned that I could use some help as I was preparing the house for sale, his response was: I don’t know, how much will you pay me? I have to drive there too, so don’t forget gas.
Right now, I am about to tell him where to go.
I sense that he is now trying to use power plays to assert dominance over me. I am about to tell him to enjoy California and end the entire friendship. But, to me, my integrity is everything. I always strive to do what I say I will.
WIBTJ if I did just end the friendship and call it all off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friend suddenly thinks he’s entitled to your generous offer without even making an effort to maintain your friendship. Between the lack of communication and the constant comments for more of your money and time (‘pay me to help’ and ‘meet me nearby for my convenience’), it’s clear he’s a leech.
Rescind the offer, or he’ll be living in your motorhome for years without lifting a finger to get out or fix up another place.” VioletDaisyAMJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Maybe your friend has had a change of heart. Your friend is being disrespectful and it sounds like he’s pushing your boundaries.
Rescind the offer. Your integrity is intact because there has been a significant change since you made the offer. I wouldn’t want to live with someone acting hostile towards me.” copy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you have to rescind your offer. This person has already shown you that he is willing to allow you to shoulder the entire burden and logistics of this move when it is you who is helping him out.
I also have a feeling that he won’t possess the required motivation to move out after the 6 month period you’re giving him. It’s just more hassle than it’s worth to you when he’s receiving a huge benefit out of this.” moew4974
15. AITJ For Ruining My Sister's Surprise Engagement Party Due To A Work Call?
“I (26F) need to know if I’m the jerk for what happened at my younger sister’s (23F) surprise engagement party.
My sister, Emily, recently got engaged to her long-time partner, Daniel. Her best friend, Lily, and I decided to throw her a surprise engagement party to celebrate. We worked hard to plan everything, from decorations to a beautiful cake, and I was tasked with keeping the event a secret.
The day of the party arrived, and we managed to get Emily to the venue without her suspecting a thing. We were all gathered, and Lily had planned this heartfelt speech to make the moment extra special. It was all set to be a beautiful memory.
Here’s where things took a wrong turn. Just before the big reveal, I received a call from my workplace. It was about a project I was handling, and they needed me to give some instructions immediately. I tried to explain to my colleagues that I couldn’t take the call, but they insisted.
So, I stepped outside to answer the call, thinking it would be a quick conversation. However, it dragged on much longer than I expected, and I couldn’t leave the call. I was frantically pacing outside while everyone inside the venue was waiting for me to signal them to start the surprise.
By the time I finished the call, I rushed back in, only to find the room in complete chaos. Emily was in tears, Lily was frustrated, and the surprise was ruined. I felt horrible, but instead of apologizing and trying to salvage the situation, I got defensive.
I argued that work had to come first and said that it wasn’t my fault the surprise was ruined. This only made things worse. My sister and her guests were deeply disappointed, and the engagement party turned into an awkward gathering.
Now, Emily is incredibly upset with me for not being there for her when she needed me most. She feels like I prioritized work over her special moment.
I feel like she’s being unreasonable, but my family is siding with her.
So, AITJ for ruining my sister’s surprise engagement party and not apologizing for it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ So you cannot be unreachable to your work for half an hour? You couldn’t ignore the work call and just not answer?
And call back when the party got started? If your job is that demanding, that you’re on call 24/7, no exceptions, and you have to answer your phone immediately if work calls, then you shouldn’t have agreed to organize this party. Your refusal to apologize makes it even worse.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“When you do something wrong, admit you made a mistake and apologize profusely. I have no idea why so many people struggle with such a simple concept. YTJ. Ps. If it happens again, hang up and pretend the call dropped out. Switch the phone to airplane mode.
Do what needs to be done. Switch back and feign ignorance as to what happened when you call back. Problem solved. Don’t do it too often because your boss will get suspicious…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Honestly, if your project involved saving a life then NTJ.
But seriously you couldn’t put the call on hold for 2 minutes to hand over the reins to Lily and ask her to manage while you dealt with work? I get that work is important but so are the relationships we want to keep. You spent so much time planning a surprise engagement for your sister only to prioritize work in the end.
The sad truth is your job can easily replace you and you are willing to prioritize them over your sister. Something to think about.” Good_Ad6336
14. AITJ For Ending My Brother-In-Law's Engagement Over Cultural Disrespect?
“Everyone in this story is either late 20s or early 30s and this happened in the UK.
Characters in the story; Me, my husband (DH), my husband’s brother Zak, my husband’s sister Zahra, Zak’s fiancée Hannah, and Hannah’s brother John. Names are fake but as close as I can be to reality.
Well. My husband, his family, and my family are British Asian Muslims. Hannah and John are white Protestant English.
I haven’t met Hannah or any of her family since we live away. We went back to London last week and organized to meet up for a siblings’ dinner on Friday.
I’ve heard from Zahra that Hannah sometimes makes odd comments about our religious/cultural background but everyone has just let it go to keep the peace.
When we got to the restaurant right from the start John was making comments like how he couldn’t believe that we had found a place that served “normal” food instead of “some weird Halal thing.” (We went to a steakhouse)
As we approached them he tried to hug me so I stepped back and said “I’m sorry I’m not comfortable with that.” Zahra has dodged this by sitting down while this happened.
He demanded to know what I meant and I said “Well I’m a practicing Muslim and this is a boundary I have, you’ll find a lot of our family will be the same.”
He got irritated by this and said “stupid jerk” under his breath and went to sit down.
The whole dinner he was making comments ‘teasing’ Hannah about how she’s going to have to cover up and walk around with 6ft of space between her and anyone “with a male anatomy”. That’s such nonsense, nobody is expecting her to change.
He also “joked” about how my MIL was a teen bride from “back home” and asked if DH or Zak was looking for a passport with their marriage.
Needless to say, dinner got cut short.
Zak and Hannah ended up arguing because honestly, she was acting like John’s commentary was funny.
They’ve called off the engagement over the weekend.
Now Hannah is DMing me saying this is all my fault and if I had just hugged her brother he wouldn’t have felt “attacked and needing to lash out” and she would still be engaged.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just saved Zak a horrendous wedding experience, let alone a lifetime of trouble. If Hannah and her brother were both acting like this (unable to respect the culture, let ALONE personal boundaries, regardless of origin), well… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Their whole family is like this. You did a good thing. Mashallah” solidly_garbage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John is bigoted trash; really below par. Hannah should have been embarrassed to have him along; the fact that she doesn’t seem to be embarrassed speaks very poorly of her social skills and morals as well.
Hannah attacking you is ridiculous. No one needs to lash out in a bigoted fashion and he had already started his bigoted remarks (calling Halal weird) before you politely declined a hug, so his actions weren’t merely defensive. The best thing to do is block her and not respond.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she wanted to marry in a different culture/religion with a racist brother and didn’t take into account the need to set him straight about it. Your BIL didn’t like that and it became an issue. He’s dodging a bullet and she’s not happy about it.
Never feel sorry for defending your boundaries. If someone doesn’t like them, it’s them problem (the consequences too).” heresies
13. AITJ For Giving My Friend Brutally Honest Advice?
“I (25M) have a group of friends from college who live in my city – Neil (26M), Anna (25F), and Bella (25F). For the entire time I’ve known him, Neil has shown very little interest in pursuing and seeing women.
But he installed some social apps last spring and has been regularly going on outings.
Two weekends ago at brunch, Neil confided in us that he’s only gotten one second outing out of the 20+ he’s been on which went nowhere, and asked what he’s doing wrong.
I started by grilling him about how he texts, what outings he plans, and how he acts on outings. I told him he could initiate more light physical contact and be more flirty on first outings but it didn’t seem like he was doing anything that would scare girls away.
Finally, I asked to see his app profiles. Neil is a decent-looking dude but his pictures were quite amazing. I could see how his profile was setting a different expectation. I told him he should include a face close-up and an angle that shows part of his side profile.
He said he doesn’t want to advertise his bad skin or crooked nose. He has fading acne scars but doesn’t have bad skin, and his nose is big but it doesn’t ruin his face. I bluntly told him it’s best not to hide aspects of your physical appearance.
This last thing was hard to phrase delicately. He has a bald spot which he might not be aware of. I told him that the hair on the back of his head is thinning a little and he should look into treatment or grow it out so it isn’t obvious.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ The bald spot isn’t the reason he’s not getting a second date. Doesn’t sound like you were trying to be sensitive at all, had this in the chamber, and was just WAITING for him to give you an excuse to say it.
Your friend is hurt and doesn’t want to hang out with you. You still haven’t apologized. Two of your friends already told you you’re the jerk, did you **really** need us to as well?” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“The thing is, while you see both men and women, there’s usually a world of difference between what men and women find attractive.
As someone who also sees both, and has both gay and straight friends, I often have a lot more in common with female friends regarding people I find attractive (regarding looks) than I have with male friends. Unless there is a very noticeable difference between the pics and reality (something more than can be hidden by filters and a good angle) I doubt that is the problem.
Maybe you should ask Bella and Anne what they think” definitely
12. AITJ For Refusing To Quit Riding My Electric Bike Despite My Parents' Anxiety And Past Trauma?
“I (20M) like to ride my surron (electric MTB/dirtbike) where I’m at but my parents give me the hardest time. I grew up skateboarding/snowboarding and have liked anything with wheels for a while now.
Just now my dad told me to quit and get rid of the bike because he says it’s tearing apart the family. He wants me to stop riding completely and said he doesn’t care if I lose my best friend who rides and the whole community of friends I made because my mom is too physically ill and anxious.
He thinks because I existed without the bike before, that I can just go back to only skateboarding again. At one point my dad mentioned they were about to get a divorce over the bike. I feel like that’s unacceptable that they tried to blame a divorce on me and the bike.
All summer I tried to explain that I am 20 years old and can make my own decisions and that it’s not my fault my mom is getting so anxious and angry about it. She also asks the same 8 questions about where I’m at and how I’m going to ride the bike but it ends up in an argument every time no matter how nicely I try and talk to her.
I am a pretty normal child I go to college and do not ever get into any other trouble. We have tried going to therapy and it ended up just going in circles.
My grandpa passed away on a motorcycle when my father was a child.
I feel bad and understand what my parents are thinking, but I feel like it’s unfair to just drop my new hobby and friends because of my dad’s past trauma and my mom’s anxiety. As much as I feel bad I feel like this is a problem between them and my dad called me a jerk for saying that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A motorcycle and an E-Bike are not the same. Your mother’s anxiety is not your problem and if it’s that bad she needs to get therapy/medication. Your dad probably also does as well. Unless you’re riding your bike on the freeway the risks are nowhere near the same.
Stop engaging with your mother when she starts asking these same 8 questions, it’s not helping anything and leading to more strife.” Harmonia_PASB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your parents have no place bringing you into their marriage problems. I think they’re using your bike as an easy reason to make all of their problems your fault.
Your mom sounds like she has untreated PTSD, That is a call for therapy. Not your fault. Unless your parents take steps to heal their mental health issues, they’re never going to get past this.” PicklesMcpickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do they think a skateboard is safer?
My friend’s son got hit by a car on his skateboard and had to be airlifted to the hospital. Ten years later he still has no sense of smell. Sure, you can have an accident on the bike or a car accident, or you could be walking and get run over by someone on a bike carrying a skateboard.” Realistic_Sorbet2826
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Engage In Uninteresting Conversations With Strangers At A Bar?
“I (F24) went to the bar with four of my friends, and many groups of boys joined our table and talked to us. Some of them seemed interested and some just wanted a place to sit.
We tried talking to them, suggesting playing a game at the table, to start a conversation, which didn’t work. We only got short answers and then sat awkwardly beside each other in the booth. At some point, we were about to leave the bar, because the boys who joined our table didn’t carry on the conversation, but when the silence became a little awkward, they asked questions like “What do you study?” And “Where are you from”.
But if they can’t carry on a conversation and I’m not interested further in them (like hooking up or seeing them), I usually don’t feel like elaborating on information about myself. Also if I know I will not meet these people again, ever, and the conversation is boring, I don’t see the point in talking to them and telling them about myself.
I tell my friends we should either just be our group (dancing or talking) or find somebody else to sit with. They disagreed as one of my friends found one of the boys interesting, but the rest of the group just kind of sat there as she talked to that one dude.
The dude’s group didn’t engage in further conversations, even if we asked about something.
My friends think I’m rude because I just stop talking to random dudes and only talk to my partners. I don’t intend to be rude, I just don’t see the point in talking to random people all night long if there is no further interest or good conversation.
Am I the jerk for suggesting that we either found some other group or stick to our group, even though one from my group found interest in one boy from the other group?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. My partner dislikes small talk in general, even with people he likes, lol.
So it’s understandable that you don’t want to have to entertain people you will never see again. Also, not wanting to waste time and energy on people who don’t value yours is not a jerk move. Especially if they aren’t even attempting to match your effort.
I think as your friends get older, they will start to feel more similar to the way you do. Until then, I would suggest a compromise. If one or more of the girls in your group do hit it off with any of the guys in the groups that join you when going out, the rest of you will “take one for the team” to try and entertain his friends.
But if they don’t put in equal effort, then you have a right to go dance or whatever while keeping an eye on the friend(s) still talking to the guy(s). And if a group of guys sit with you and make no effort to talk or show interest then you all agree ahead of time to ditch them because it’s not worth sitting there awkwardly and putting a damper on your night.” JeanJean84
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if your friends have ever suffered through boring conversations just so you could chat with a guy you were interested in. It’s not unusual for one person in a group to end up vibing with another person in another group and the remaining members of each side.
kind of just deal with it for the sake of their friend’s hookup. Of course, you can focus on your group. but it’s nice to be polite to those other guys.. or even make your way out into the club to mingle with other people you have an interest in.” ESMOD1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But it seems like this situation will come up again and your friends will want to chat. In this situation, I would point out that you don’t need to tell people you will never meet again the truth. I had an Uber driver once who talked about how he used to work for the CIA.
And someone on a plane told me how he invented creamer for coffee. These were fun conversations, you could try saying something similar to the boys and you wouldn’t get bored and everyone would be happy” bookworm1398
10. AITJ For Telling My Rude Sister-In-Law That She's Overweight?
“I dislike this woman, so I am coming here to ask if I should apologize.
My brother got married a few years ago to Shelly. She is the type of person who will say something rude and then when someone points it out, tell everyone it is true so what’s the harm?
My mother despised her and opted out of most events just to avoid her.
I moved back home about a year ago and at the time I thought people were just being rude to her or overblowing the things she says. I was wrong.
My first proper introduction to her, she told me my outfit looked bad on me and it wasn’t hiding my stomach.
I give a present to a birthday party and she tells me I am cheap. (I got a bubble gun for a 5 year old, he loved it) This goes on and on.
I talked to my brother and he told me she is autistic and she can’t help it.
I then talked to her and I told her I won’t put up with her being rude.
Now it’s my son’s third birthday and I invite the family (I wouldn’t have invited her but I don’t want to cause waves). She commented on my house decor, I told her it was rude and to knock it off.
I lost it when I gave my son a piece of cake she commented that I shouldn’t give him any since he looked fat. I told her to apologize and she told me it was the truth.
I told her that she was overweight, that if she took care of herself more she wouldn’t be fat, that this was the truth and she was rotten on the inside and her looks were just as bad.
She ends up crying and leaving. My brother is upset and I was called some fun names. Everyone is torn if I should apologize or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Did your son hear her comment about not giving him cake because he looks fat??
A comment like that can have a lasting effect on a child. My daughter, who is over 30 now, remembers a comment someone said about her looking fat when she was 8. She has never forgotten that comment. Having autism should not be an excuse for being rude and hurtful!
If she can’t control her comments don’t let her near your kids.” Eeyore
Another User Comments:
“I might get some flack for this but NTJ. if she truly lives by the mantra “well it’s true” then she should learn to eat her words.
Why is it okay for her to act this way to everyone around her but the second it’s thrown back at her you’re the bad guy? She called your son fat, stating it’s the truth. You responded that she is also fat, which is probably the truth.
Don’t dish it if you can’t take it, IMO. Time and a place and it “being the truth” doesn’t make it okay, this feels like an “I’m brutally honest just deal with it” kind of cop-out to act erroneously like an unfettered jerk, which is not an excuse.
I am also autistic and struggle with social cues but I still know when it’s okay and when it’s not to give unfiltered honesty. A ~~5-year-olds ~~ child’s birthday party ain’t it? Giving an unprompted “brutally honest” opinion on someone else’s home decor is also not it.
And it almost feels humiliating to find out you’ve been rude or offensive without meaning to, anyone with autism I know, myself included, goes out of their way to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” owls and moths
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… and perhaps a blessing in disguise to be estranged from someone so toxic.
She has insulted you. your family.. all with no regrets or remorse.. why should you have any for her? Having a diagnosis is not a get-out-of-jail-free card to avoid being a decent human being. I would tell your Brother that.. and if he wants to cut you off..
then you probably are better off there too.” ESMOD1
9. AITJ For Warning My Coworker About Her Extramarital Affair At Work?
“I (30f) have a coworker (45f) who started a few months after me. I’m in admin and she is in sales. I sit right next to her. She drinks a lot and has been known to pick fights in the group chat. Particularly with me.
When it’s concerning me she gets defensive and I often just shut up. She almost got fired for this once.
One argument was over a dirty pot she left in the sink for 4 days. Everyone has had a hunch that she and another coworker, both married have been involved together.
They are starting to tell people. She texted me tonight telling me and asking my opinion (in hindsight she was probably baiting me)
I told her I would honestly just be careful letting corporate know because our district manager once said “I should have never allowed that” about a previous couple that worked there.
I said this nicely but also matter of fact She immediately became disrespectful and defensive. Saying things like “I didn’t ask for your opinion, everyone was betting on your reaction, nobody likes you, nobody trusts you, why can’t you be happy for me, why can’t you say you love us.” Just odd and rude stuff.I remained nice saying things like “That’s not my opinion I’m just worried about it affecting y’all, I don’t want anyone to get fired”
I calmly explained that I simply didn’t want anyone to get in trouble and that their personal life was just that. I come to work to pay bills and feed my family not care about who’s involved with who. The whole interaction was me trying to express concerns about her well-being to a brick wall.
Now I feel like there’s some anti-me club or something because I’m not thrilled about my coworker’s extramarital affairs. It feels like bullying and harassment.
AITJ? What should I do? I sit right next to her too. She is never nice to me. My other coworkers love me, even her new main dude.
My boss likes me. I’ve never had a complaint except from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though I’m not sure why you engaged in the conversation in the first place. Just go to your direct report if you feel comfortable with them or the HR department.
Like you said, you’re there to work and this woman isn’t keeping her personal life out of the office. If your employer is worth anything, this will get nipped real quick.” DisastrousSwordfish1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she’s nuts. I’d distance yourself from all this, people like this drag those around them down with them.
You should tell your manager about how you’re being bullied, through. Make sure you stick to the facts, none of the hearsay about how she might be involved with someone.” YoyBoy123
8. AITJ For Leaving My Female Friend At The Bus Stop After A Party?
“This past weekend, my friends (20F and 21M — let’s call them R and K) and I (20M) went to a Halloween house party that my friend was hosting.
I went last year with R (20F) and it was pretty fun, so we decided to go again this year. After a little while, we decided to leave around 12:30-1 am.
The original plan was that both of them would come back to my place.
To provide context, our school is massive and has several different campuses. R lived on a different campus and K lived on the same campus as me. We waited for the campus bus for a while, and when it arrived, R suddenly decided that she didn’t want to get on and that she would be going home (waiting for a different bus).
She refused to get on, and given the bus schedule, I would probably have to wait another 30 minutes hour if I waited for the next bus, so I impulsively decided to get on with K.
I felt incredibly bad after I got on the bus, and I texted her asking if she was okay, to which she left me on read.
I felt incredibly guilty for leaving her behind, especially because she is a woman, but I also felt that she was partially in the wrong for changing her mind last second and putting me in a situation like that in the first place. It almost felt like a test, and I failed it.
Since then, she’s been ignoring me. I went over last night to drop off some food to her and her roommate, but she didn’t want to speak to me. I tried apologizing, but ultimately, she just didn’t want anything to do with me. I’d like to say that we’ve been pretty close friends for about a year now, but now I’m not so sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s an adult, and as a woman, she would know the risks associated with being alone late at night. Many, MANY things were probably underlying her words and actions. She may not have been comfortable sleeping over at an apartment by herself with 2 men.
Maybe she wanted to bring one of you home, but not be direct about it in front of the other, so she just hoped that one would offer to stay with her. Or she just assumed that one or both of you would stay with her and felt slighted when no one offered. In any of these situations, there was a lack of communication.
If she wanted one of you to stay with her, she should’ve asked. You are being a bit of a jerk if you think about it as “I don’t want to wait around for another 30 to 60 minutes just to make sure my friend gets home safe.” But she can’t expect you to just read her mind or cater to her changing it at the last moment.” JaxValentine91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also lol. What is happening here? Why’d you feel bad about leaving her at the bus stop? Was it lit badly and you figured she’d feel unsafe? If that’s the case, what’s done is done, you’ve apologized, but can’t do more about it.
Stop apologizing. Any time you go anywhere you should maybe reconsider going with people who’d want to go home in the middle of the venture and then require someone else to end their night early as well. Maybe she was sending some “Signal” like in a particularly crappy love story.
Or maybe that’s what you’re hoping it was and are looking for some tips about mind reading or something. Or maybe she’s a drama queen doing a powerplay, testing how much power she has over you. Which seems like a lot.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am not a fan of ever leaving one person behind when you go as a group. It’s the stuff of awful college stories and just not what friends should do. You know that you feel bad that you let it happen is what I am getting.
It’s the last-moment part that made you make a split-second decision that bothers me. Still not a good reason to leave someone behind from a group but she made it as difficult as possible for you. For future situations, decide now if you would do it again so you can make the best possible fast decision.
Her current cold shoulder – I would lean towards her ongoing issues and not so much a single bad situation that she created. It was a bad thing for her to do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. If on top of her issues she wants to push away a good human, she’s amplifying her problems. It’s a scary spiral. It’s not your fault but I would be concerned.” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
7. AITJ For Scheduling My Daughter's First Birthday Party Without Consulting My Father-In-Law?
“My (27F) daughter will be turning one on November 22. This year it is the day before Thanksgiving. We decided to do the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend as her “party day”.
With almost anything I plan (especially our kids’ birthday parties), we’ve picked Saturdays that work for us, we send out the invite and let people know they are welcome but not obligated.
We knew Thanksgiving weekend would be difficult already for people to come with other holiday plans but we thought Saturday would be best. (I don’t usually do Sundays because my family is a 12-hour drive away and if my parents come I want them to have all Sunday to travel back home)
I sent out digital invitations to her 1st birthday on September 4, and the only feedback I got was how “cute” it was.
Fast forward to October 21st and my father-in-law (wanted to add he lives 5 min away from us) approached my husband (M27) about how inconsiderate I was to plan it on a day that he works.
My father-in-law is in a profession where he works 24-hour shifts every 3 days. His feelings are hurt that I wouldn’t reach out to him about the date and ask if it works before we just went forward with it.
The thing is – I didn’t ask ANYONE.
I will admit I was biased and made it Thanksgiving weekend over another surrounding weekend hoping that would give my family a better chance of coming and not having to take off extra for travel since most people already have the holiday off.
I told my husband we could celebrate with his dad another day with a fun dinner and cake but that’s “not the same”.
I honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Do we see them all the time? She’s gonna be one, she has no idea what’s going on lol.
Was I being selfish? My husband is wondering why I didn’t think about it… umm idk maybe because I am too busy working full time and being a mom his dad isn’t always top of mind.
Lol
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You picked a date and offered FIL another alternative. You cannot be expected to inquire all in-laws/parents on which date suits everybody before planning a birthday. It cannot come as a surprise that you would plan a birthday party close to the actual birthday.” MajorManufacturer823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The problem with checking in with other people before setting the date is it gives the person the impression that you’re willing to schedule the party to accommodate their schedule. You and your husband aren’t able to do that especially since your daughter’s birthday is so close to Thanksgiving.
Your FIL needs to realize that he’s going to miss out on things because of his work schedule. If that’s unacceptable to him, it might be time to find a job that offers more flexibility. Also, don’t let your husband get away with his fake outrage that you didn’t check in with your FIL.
This is his daughter too and it’s also his dad who’s not able to make it. If he wanted his dad there, he should have been the one trying to make it happen.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly what you are supposed to do, pick a time that works for you and give people plenty of notice to make it work if they want to be there.
If your husband wants his dad to be there, then it’s up to your husband to organize that – don’t fall into the trap of being the family social director.” DinoSnuggler
6. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend's Insulting Art Critiques?
“I am an artist, I mainly draw anime art both traditionally and digitally. I have a friend, we’ll call her Xena.
Xena also draws anime, however she has a MUCH more realistic anime style, compared to my more stylized and more cartoony look. The best comparison for Xena’s art style would be Attack on Titan.
I am usually very open to criticism, as it helps me grow as an artist and learn from mistakes or what areas I need to improve on.
However, Xena’s “constructive criticism” hardly feels constructive at all. Sure it might start as constructive, but then it leads into a backhanded comment or just a plain insult. An example of this might be “Her hand looks kind of off, like spaghetti noodles, like what even is that” or a ruder one “Why is she wearing a block of cement, her hair isn’t that detailed, why does her face look like that?
It looks so weird” these are types of backhanded comments or insults that I get.
She also constantly tries to form my art style into her own, or even find a worse drawing of mine and compare it to hers. It’s constant, and it’s gotten annoying.
A multitude of vent art has been created due to this, along with me having stopped showing my art as I don’t want to hear how it’s terrible with no ways to improve it. I feel that whenever I do tell her this, she blows it off, and says that is “just criticism” and that she’s “only trying to help” when in reality she’s only hurting my self-esteem.
Either way, I don’t know if I am the jerk or not. She’s already gotten mad at me for not sitting next to her at lunch (it’s honestly ridiculous how immature it is) I could be right in front of her, and she still gets upset if I don’t sit next to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you do show her your art again and she says things like that tell her it is not constructive criticism as constructive criticism would be to explain how to improve your work. And you’re right what she is saying is just mean.
But sounds like y’all are the same age. Her opinion doesn’t matter. Ask an art teacher to see your work and ask them what you can do to improve.” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That is not criticism is just plain rudeness and an apparent need to put you down so she can feel better.
So I guess that she is jealous of your art style and insecure about her own, so she needs to make you feel bad so she can pretend she is better. It’s just childish really. What’s worse is that she is an artist too, so it would be expected that she would make a criticism but also suggestions on how you could improve.
And she’s not doing that, she’s just hating on your stuff. What she said: *”Her hand looks kinda off, like spaghetti noodles. What even is that”* What an actual criticism would sound like (and a mature response): *”Her hand looks kinda off because of this and that.
Maybe you could try doing X or Y?”* You might want to show her your post and maybe she can get a reality check from the replies.” SatsuJin7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are people like this everywhere. “But I was just giving *constructive criticism*” and it’s just mean-spirited bashing.
Go seek criticism from some online art group, I’m sure you know of some good subs on Reddit. They’ll give you excellent advice because it’s not personal for them. Your friend is not helping you and she’s letting her issues (jealousy? being threatened?) get in the way.
No good can come from listening to her.” ZeldaT-artist
5. AITJ For Asking My Friend Not To Post My Photos On Social Media?
“I have a friend who posts her whole life on social media, so when I hang out with her I know that there are going to be photos of whatever we are doing together.
We get coffee together; there are going to be photos of the coffee mugs, the food, and of course photos of us doing the same pose over and over again. Usually, I just let her take photos but I’ve always disliked her posting photos of me online.
Especially since I’m not the type of person to post anything online and I just get weirded out that people know everything I’m doing with my friends. Recently I haven’t been feeling great about the way I look, and seeing photos of me on social media has made me feel super down.
So today, while my friend was taking photos of us together, I asked her if she could not post the photos of me on social media. She got quiet and then told me that she wouldn’t tag me. I told her that I still would like it if she didn’t post the photos of me on social media.
She told me, “It’s not a big deal, it’s not like you’re famous or anything.”
I told her that was true, but I’m setting this boundary that right now I don’t want my photo posted on social media. Instead of listening she got mad at me and left. I sent her text messages, but no response at all.
I finally sent her a message saying how hurt I was over the whole situation and how I just wished she respected my wishes. She wrote back and said she was hurt that I set boundaries with her and that I should set them with my other friends that I’ve been having issues with and not her.
That she can’t get over the fact I used the whole “boundaries” thing on her. She also said, “I just wanted to have a fun day, but you’ve changed.”
So Am I the Jerk for not wanting my photos on social media?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have your comfort zone and she has hers. In this situation, she should have accepted your discomfort and not posted your picture on social media but she didn’t because to her it was not an issue. So, she’s “hurt” but what about you?
She’s not taking into account your “hurt” and to me, that would be a borderline deal breaker if a similar scenario had happened to me. You may want to reassess if you want to be with her as she is more interested in her thing than be concerned for you.” macross1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s reasonable to set that boundary. It’s easy enough to pick different photos or crop people out. Some folks are just too used to posting everything online & don’t understand why others wouldn’t want that. Honestly, I don’t have an issue with that bit.
But, when someone asks a reasonable thing of you, you should do what you can to help. Your friend didn’t live up to that low, low bar.” chubster
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My In-Laws' Dinner Due To Their Offensive Behavior?
“I (F51) have been married to my husband (M55) for 23 years. I have never liked his parents, my in-laws (M80 and F75), because they are hateful people- they’re racist, homophobic, sexist, and have said countless things over the years to offend me and my children.
My dislike for them has grown stronger over the years and came to a head recently when my BIL and SIL admitted that my in-laws don’t like me and think I am a “mean jerk”. This didn’t bother me because I don’t like them and thought I would finally be able to cut ties with them and not have to see them this has not been the case.
My husband still insists on maintaining a connection with them and I can no longer tolerate it.
Right now, we are all at my BIL and SIL’s home because my niece is having a baby and we are all here for the shower. I am already standoffish to them, but what set me off last night was when the 2 male dogs were licking each other and my MIL got a look of disgust on her face and said “What are they, gay?” right in front of my son (M19) who happens to be gay.
I called her out on the comment and left the room. My husband and BIL later told her that she could not say things like that and she was SILENT. She said not a word!
Ten minutes ago, my FIL called Cardi B a VERY derogatory term that I will not ever repeat.
It was so old my daughter (21) had to look it up, she had never even heard it and I am disgusted that she had to. I pulled my husband aside and went off on how this is completely unacceptable, and I cannot just sit around and listen to this anymore.
I made him confront his parents and supposedly it went well, but I am just done and want to go home.
That being said, we are all supposed to go to a big dinner tomorrow for his 80th birthday and I don’t want to. WIBTJ if I did not attend?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ for not going, however, it’s not up to you to decide if your husband wants to maintain a relationship with his family. I think that’s something you’re going to need to discuss together. It’s okay for you to not want to be involved with these people, I wouldn’t want to be involved with them either.
But your husband also has to come to that decision for himself. I’d be happy that he did confront his mother about her comment and it’s passive about it.” cowgirl951
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to sit idly by when people (any people) behave this way.
You can opt-out. It’s disappointing that your husband needs your prompting on calling out or leaning in (don’t care which method is employed) to educate his parents and tell them they’re being inappropriate. I would think he would be protective of his kids and what they could be absorbing or learning from these comments and lack of action when hearing gross things.
It’s a reflection on your husband. I have an equally hard relationship with my MIL so I can empathize with you. Props to you for sticking it out all these years. Mine’s been less than half your time and it already drives me nuts, so I can only imagine how much more you’ve swallowed and stuffed down for 23+ years!” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a strained relationship with my mother due to numerous issues but my husband of 23 years has absolutely nothing to do with her. He supports me not cutting ties with her and gets it is my mother and I support him never going to any family event that she will be in attendance.
I will add that while it doesn’t make what your in-laws say okay in any way sometimes we have to remind ourselves that their ignorance might be best to be ignored instead of addressed. The 70+ plus crowd in my experience is hard to get through to see how things in society have changed and we are not living in the same world as they grew up in.
Then again I have not experienced your in-law’s hateful talk so it might not be something you can ignore.” sledding
3. AITJ For Eloping And Upsetting My Traditional Family?
“My husband (25M) and I (26F) recently got married. We have been together for years and jokingly talked about eloping when we first started seeing each other.
He proposed a while back, and we knew that we would be on our own when it came to planning and paying for our wedding.
We have an idea of what we want for our wedding, but due to some circumstances surrounding work, we aren’t sure where we will be living to even begin planning a ceremony where we could have our family and friends present.
Instead of waiting until we can afford what we want (will be a few years of saving), we decided to get married at our local city hall and still plan the larger ceremony later when we know where we will be longer-term with more money in the budget.
We didn’t want to wait that long to, simply, be married.
We told our parents in person a few days after the escapade, and thankfully his family received it very well. Super happy for us. However, mine (specifically my mother) is acting like this is the most offensive thing I have ever done in my life.
Said that we should be ashamed of ourselves and heaps of other hurtful things. She did manage to congratulate us briefly before this tirade of guilt was rained upon us. I feel like I’m probably taking it a bit hard, but over a day that I wanted to be about us (partially the reason for not telling anyone in advance), she made me feel like I should’ve thought of other people before myself and our wants.
My husband has a bit of an outsider view on this, and to him, it seems to have hurt my mother because what we did doesn’t necessarily follow tradition in my family. I just still can’t help but feel like my mother is somehow making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.
I just wanted my family to be happy for us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something to look forward to: as someone who eloped back in ’95 (family found out afterward), I can tell you that both mothers (the only ones upset about ours) calmed down about it in less than a decade.
(We never did have a ceremony, celebration, or even honeymoon. We put all those resources into our first house instead. Still going strong, here.)” dfjdejulio
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Depending on your family’s culture, weddings can either be more individualistic, in which case they are just about the bride and groom, or they can be about two families joining together, in which case I can understand why your mother would be upset.
It sounds like you and your husband have a more individualistic view of marriage and your mother has a more family view of marriage. I can understand both sides and I don’t think you did anything wrong but your mother also hasn’t done anything wrong simply by having upset feelings about it.
Perhaps if you want to repair the rift in the relationship you can get her involved in planning some sort of family celebration after the fact. It doesn’t need to be expensive.” aussiegonewest
Another User Comments:
“A wedding is a one-day event (depending on the culture) and is lovely to celebrate, but the main event is that the next day you’re living in the reality of a permanent, loving commitment.
This is the thing to focus on, and for your family to recognize. So they didn’t get a big family event that you couldn’t afford yet and didn’t know where to locate. They got a happily married child and a new SIL. There were several fun wedding-related things they missed out on.
So what? They got a child who found a partner she wanted to be with forever, and he felt the same way. This is a bigger deal than shopping for an incredibly costly white princess dress. Your mother is, indeed, making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.
She’s behaving badly, elevating the wedding over the marriage, which she should be happy about, and supporting in every possible way. NTJ” Nester1953
2. AITJ For Wanting To Sell Our Inherited Home That My Younger Sister Lives In?
“My parents divorced when my 3 siblings and I were teens. My mom found herself pregnant with a surprise baby as I turned 16.
I moved in with my dad and so did my brother who was 13 at the time.
Mom gave birth to Jenny, now 19, and with 2 children of her own. Jenny never moved out and my mom babied her and her two children. We’d try to plan lunches or holidays with my mom but first, she was always watching Jenny (who could have come along) then later with “the babies” as my mom called them.
Back in March, my mom was killed in a car crash. She had no will and Jenny tried to take the home my mom got in my parents’ divorce that our dad (still alive) put a down payment on. The house and assets were given to all 5 of us.
If Jenny wanted to continue living there she’d have to buy 4/5 of the shares out. She is a teenager with poor credit so it wasn’t possible. She next dragged her feet on the sale and moving, forcing my other sister to get an eviction notice on Jenny.
That dragged on and we all want the whole episode behind us as a family. The house is going on the market. Jenny has repeatedly cried on TikTok and GoFundMe about her evil step-siblings (again 1/2 siblings). We gave her months to figure out a plan after my mom’s death and we tried to work with her to see if she could buy the house out.
She’s still getting her share of the sale and that’s money in her pocket to get a new place. She’s going around to our mutual aunts and grandfather making it sound like we are harsh and we are making her and “the babies” homeless. That is not true and she’s getting a cut of everything just the same as all of us.”
Another User Comments:
“I could be wrong but it sounds like you and your siblings don’t care for Jenny that much. You make sure to let us know she’s only your “half-sister”. (Which I find sad because I have 3 kids, one of which has a different father and he would NEVER call his siblings half-siblings) I guess I wouldn’t say you and the rest of the siblings are jerks, or responsible for her being homeless.
Maybe giving her a little grace while she deals with the death of your Mom while being a young mother now left without her support system would help. I’m sorry for your family’s loss.” missbeegee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t care what the law says, you know if your roles were reversed, you’d be drowning and begging for help too.
This is pretty heartless stuff. Your nieces/nephews will end up in the system at this rate and your sister will have an eviction on her record, zero assistance from family members, and zero guidance on how to move forward in the world as an adult.
Of course, she’s immature, she’s 19. Do you and your other siblings need to kick her out now? Are ANY of you near homelessness? Are ANY of you facing such harrowing circumstances with zero support? Heartless behavior.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Some of you guys need to be realistic.
Most 19-year-olds who were coddled by their parents don’t know about these services. They don’t know who to call, they don’t know where to go, and if everything comes up at once they can get overwhelmed. Is OP the jerk for wanting to sell the house and get their money?
No. But acting like this 19-year-old mother of two who hasn’t had a rough life should just automatically know all of this information is kind of ridiculous. I work in a hospital with young mothers, and a lot of them don’t know about these services until we tell them about them.
Compassion goes a long way with young mothers, it doesn’t kill anyone to be kind.” zankyosanka
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Co-Worker Anymore?
“I’ve been working at a new job for about 3-4 months now. I love my job, the workplace, and in general just all my coworkers. Everyone’s similar to my age and we all get along well. One of my co-workers recently totaled their car and since we live close by and know each other well enough, when I found out about their car issues I offered to give them rides to work to help out.
Assuming it wouldn’t take as long as it has been. I think it’s been roughly 2 months now and most days they don’t confirm with me if they need a ride home, (only confirming on the days they need me to pick them up to take them to work and ALSO take them home) ..
my issue with this is I go through my 7-8 hr shift, sometimes they’re a little rude to me or don’t talk to me much. And then still expect me at the close to take them home like it’s just common sense. I take this as them throwing their responsibility of a ride home onto me and it’s annoyed me slowly.
They never offer gas, money, any form of “paying me back” or “helping me out” nothing. They’ve made comments about my partner using my car and how that’s “weird”, and the kicker to me is they’re always wanting to share my stuff and never pitch in either.
My partner and I have discussed this and we both feel like I’m being used. This has been going on for 2 months now I think and I don’t know how to say “Hey, me driving you around doesn’t benefit me much but making me late to my job, add miles, and run my gas.
I don’t want to drive you around anymore but I still want to have a healthy relationship with you as my coworker” My biggest concern is them getting upset, and telling everyone I’m a jerk and then everyone will dislike me
I’ve also asked about how their car shopping is going and I’ve been told they aren’t looking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you don’t need to explain all that to the coworker if you want to avoid weirdness at work. Just say “Hey, I wanted to let you know that unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to drive you anymore due to my circumstances changing.
Glad I could help out a little bit and hope your situation resolves smoothly.” And then stop, because your sentence is over. Don’t justify yourself. Just act cool and like everything is normal, and then if they try to interrogate you, don’t give them any new info.
Just say “It’s personal, I’d rather not get into it. Glad I could help before and again I hope everything resolves smoothly for you!” Role-play practice if you need to, but don’t crack, don’t explain yourself, and don’t give in.” pirrouette9
Another User Comments:
“This co-worker is taking advantage of you.
There are no magical words that you can say to them when everyone is happy. They will be upset, they will be angry, they will probably badmouth you to your co-workers. But you and only you decide who gets to drive in your car, you and only you decide what to do with your time.
And you don’t owe this co-worker anything. If anyone else asks, tell them the truth: that they are rude and ungrateful.” RollingKatamari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is the time/age you have to learn to set boundaries so people don’t take advantage. You have two choices, be honest and say, I can’t pick you up/drop you off anymore and try to avoid explaining why.
Or you can do a convenient lie- I can’t pick you up/drop you off anymore, I need to go to X after work. Or I have to drop/pick up my partner which is out of the way. Or some other fib(but you need that to not be provably false and that can be more effort than it is worth)–unless you can make it true.” MountainMidnight9400
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