People Give Sincere Confessions In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting Cash Instead Of Beer As Payback From My Colleague?
“I (21f) went to a concert with a colleague (24m). You could only buy drinks or food with tokens you bought there. He had to go to the bathroom, there was a huge line for everything, so he asked me to get some tokens for him too so he could get in line for the bathroom and he’ll pay me back later.
Totally fine.
He used 8 tokens, I used 2. I sent him a text that same day, that I bought 10 tokens for €35, so if he could transfer €28.
He didn’t reply, and when he came by today he brought me 8 cans of beer. I was confused until he told me that’s him ‘paying me back’ for the drinks last night.
I told him that’s nice, but A) I don’t drink beer. And B) I could buy at least 4/5 six-packs with what I spent last night, so I’d rather just have the money.
He got annoyed that his ‘nice gesture’ wasn’t enough.
Now, I don’t mind paying for friends, we usually alternate paying instead of paying each other back.
Or we split the bill. But I don’t know this guy very well, I only invited him to the concert because he said he was a fan, and the friend I was supposed to go with got sick last minute. I didn’t ask for any money for the ticket, since it would be a waste not to use, or for gas or parking since I was going there anyway.
So I’m slightly annoyed that he’d make a big deal over paying for his own beer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t agree to barter. You spent money for him and paying you back means getting money back, not what happens to be convenient for him.
And by the way, this whole tokens system at festivals is just a predatory practice to take more of people’s money – they get your money in advance, and then it’s on you to claim any benefits, without alternative choices or refund options. Your “friend” is trying to pass all the negative effects from this entirely onto you.” PermaThrwAway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you specified in your text how much the beers he drank cost and that you want 28 euros back. He’s just trying to pay you back less by getting half that amount in beers.” Spooge-egoopS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy didn’t want to pay you back so he acted offended not to have to… He’s the jerk.
You clearly said “you owe me that much” not “you owe me for the beer” so it’s absolutely normal to wait for money and not beer.” Annahchris
20. AITJ For Refusing To Be Treated As A "Step-In Daughter" By My Dad's Family?
“I am the only girl on my dad’s side of the family.
I have been my aunt’s, on my dad’s side, “step-in/fake daughter” every time she comes to visit. Always taking me shopping, getting my hair done, and introducing me to strangers as “the daughter she never had”, it’s super annoying.
I have told my parents about it and I always get the response, “Well she did have two boys so you should spend time with her.”
It’s even worse with my other aunt and uncle. My uncle was always super involved in my life, he had a say in my name, always came to visit, nothing really passed my boundaries until he married my aunt.
He would always talk about how he was “So excited to have his own daughter so my parents could have me back.” He didn’t end up getting a girl, instead two boys. His wife also really wanted a girl so whenever I would visit them they would always call me their daughter and it made me really uncomfortable and I would constantly tell them I did not like it but they always blew it off.
When we moved into the same neighborhood as them my parents would send me over to stay for multiple nights at a time. It was always the worst because they expected me to babysit, clean, and make food, because “You’re the oldest sibling in the house you need to watch over the kids.” It’s so creepy and they moved away but I always hated going over there.
Last week, my parents and my aunt 1 were going to a concert so she was over. She kept calling me her “step-in daughter” whenever we were alone and every time I went to my parents they just blew it off. My other aunt and uncle also liked the band my parents were going to see so the day after the concert they called my parents to ask how it was.
After a little my uncle randomly added in “OP should come visit us for a few weeks, we miss having a girl around” which was seriously creepy.
I kind of lost it at that point. After my parents ended the call I started talking about how I was so done being people’s “step-in daughter” and that I am never going to go see my aunt and uncle after they said that if they just want me around because I’m a girl.
My other aunt was in the room and told me to calm down, “It’s not their fault they have two boys” and I turned around and told her that she’s one to talk always calling me a “step-in daughter” whenever we are alone and she has two boys so she has no say in this.
My parents yelled at me to calm down, go upstairs, and to stop being a jerk and hurting my aunt’s feelings. I called my grandma on my dad’s side and she doesn’t think I am a jerk but the rest of my family does. I am starting to feel like one because it really is not my fault they had boys instead of a girl but I was so done with having my boundaries pushed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The adults in your life are complete jerks. You aren’t a replacement for something they didn’t get. You are a human being with thoughts and feelings who would very much appreciate being treated like one. If they want a little girl so bad then they can adopt.
Or better yet get a doll.” Special-Attitude-242
Another User Comments:
“Info: how old are you and how long have your aunts and uncle been involved in your life? I also feel like there is a bit missing – like when did you start to have the conversations about being called daughter and how you addressed it.
You completely are entitled to not want to be others’ step-in daughter, but it sounds like you have a very involved extended family – something you should not take for granted. Politely ask to be called their niece. Politely explain yourself if they brush you off.
Stick to your guns and have a real, sit-down conversation with your parents about the subject. I’m reluctant to make a verdict on jerk status – but I will say from what was written you seem a bit ungrateful for a close family.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“A little bit YTJ – it’s okay to feel your feelings but I think you expressed it badly…you don’t mention your age but going by context you sound like you’re in your teens. Unless your aunt & uncle are harming you I don’t see a real issue other than communication.
You are the only girl & it sounds like they are trying to make you feel special. Unfortunately, it’s not making you feel special. They are probably feeling a little like you threw cold water in their face. If the issue is you feel taken advantage of in some of the situations mentioned then you need to calmly articulate that to them.
Sit down & make a list of each thing that bothers you & why. An ultimatum makes everyone go on the defensive & they are less likely to really hear what you are saying. Try to talk to your parents again, with a list in hand.” RiskBig3301
19. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Do The Household Chores?
“I work out of town (60-80hr+ weeks) as a tower climber. I make decent money and told my partner that she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, as long as she took care of the household chores while I was gone 5 days a week.
She agreed and we had a deal.
I was packing my bag after doing laundry late at night on Sunday and had to wake up early (4:30) Monday morning to go to work, so I left the rest of the clean clothes in a hamper on the couch.
When I came home, the clothes were still there and the fridge was empty. I asked her why and she said it was because her anxiety was bad and she didn’t have time to shop. She doesn’t have a job and went shopping for her sister’s baby shower 3 times, and literally had to pass the grocery store to get there.
I told her that her anxiety was no excuse for her not taking care of her responsibilities. She sends me TikToks all day long and I told her that I’m working 12-16hr days all week long, and all I’m asking is that she keeps the house clean and food in the fridge.
She said that the clothes were my mess (it was both of our clothes) and that if I wanted them folded I should have asked her to fold them. I absolutely don’t think I should have to do that, as she knew they were there and made it a deliberate point not to fold them.
I don’t ask for much, and I help around the house as much as I can while I’m home, but I don’t want to work all week and then come home and have to do all of the housework for her. I explained to her why I didn’t fold the clothes and only got a cold shoulder.
Usually, I try to be very understanding of her anxiety, but I also don’t think it’s a valid excuse not to handle your responsibilities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have two options: talk with her and make a new arrangement where she now has to work and you two split the chores or talk with her about her not pulling her weight and using anxiety as a crutch isn’t going to benefit either one of you.
Anxiety is a heinous beast and sometimes it can affect someone’s ability to function. This doesn’t sound like that. If she is really important to you, it’s worth talking about but she can’t invalidate the agreement or you. She doesn’t get to dismiss this just because she doesn’t agree with it.” Ownerofthelonelyhrts
Another User Comments:
“A good therapist could really do wonders for her, but speaking as someone with anxiety who sometimes can’t leave the house, it gets much much worse if you don’t ever go out. She doesn’t have to work, but she does need exercise and sunlight.
A lot of anxiety can be diet-related too. You’re NTJ but no matter what chores you ask her to do, or what the system is for getting it done, she won’t do it unless she’s also treating the anxiety.” Major_Bother8416
Another User Comments:
“If she believes that anxiety is stopping her from staying on top of her chores when she doesn’t have a job, she needs to see a professional. Maybe she struggles to break down tasks and therefore struggles to start. Maybe it’s not anxiety but something else like an executive dysfunction.
Then again, maybe it’s a lack of prioritization. If you know she does have anxiety, it’s not helpful to invalidate her condition just because it’s inconvenient. It would be better to encourage her to get support if it’s affecting her day-to-day.” airazaneo
18. AITJ For Accidentally Outing My Sister's Partner In A Homophobic Country?
“My sister is furious at me, so I need a bit of perspective here because while I do believe what I did had awful consequences, I never intended it to.
I love my big sister a lot, and I tend to get overprotective of her especially since she’s been betrayed by nearly everybody she’s been with before.
My sister is bisexual and is with Claire who is a lesbian, they both managed to move abroad since in our country it’s illegal to be gay.
Because it’s summer, flight prices are very high and so my sister won’t be visiting until September, but her partner managed to get a ticket using miles.
My family wants to send my sister some things, so her partner agreed to come and pick them up.
I told her that I’ll be at a café with my friends and I’ll have everything, and she can swing by and pick it up. She showed up with another woman her age who was being very rude and clinging to her arm, so Claire kept trying to calm her down by telling her she’s just here to pick up stuff for a FRIEND.
That sounded weird to me. As Claire was making small talk with me, the girl picked up her phone and sent audio to somebody saying that she and Claire were going to go back to her place as soon as they were done, and again Claire turned to her and told her to stop complaining cause she was just here for her FRIEND’s stuff.
At that point, I confronted Claire and asked if she didn’t mean her partner. Claire acted real panicked and started stuttering and saying “yeah your sister, my old friend! Who is a girl.” It looked like a person being caught in a lie to me, and I doubled down again and said no, your partner.
This is when the girl with her turned to her shocked and went “you’re a lesbian? Does Auntie know? Does your brother know?”
Claire started crying on the spot and told me to get lost and then practically ran out of the coffee shop with the girl running behind her.
Not even 15 minutes later my sister called me screeching that the girl Claire was with was her cousin, whom she herself had met multiple times before when she visited Claire’s family. She was furious and told me I just outed Claire and that her cousin was threatening to tell the entire family amongst other things.
She called me insensitive and stupid, but all I was doing was trying to protect her and call Claire out because I thought she was being unfaithful.
This was a couple of days ago, and my sister still won’t answer my texts unless it’s to reprimand me over and over again.
I don’t think I deserve this treatment, because I had no idea this was going to happen. I agree that what happened was unfortunate, but I had no intention for this to be the result, and would have never said anything if I knew that was her cousin.
I don’t think I deserve to be called a jerk because what I did had no malice behind it, and most of my friends agree, but my sister is adamant about thinking I am. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You confronted Claire about being unfaithful to your sister in a country where it’s illegal to be gay.
Instead of using your head and thinking, you decided to react and say forget the consequences. You could have just as easily called your sister and explained what happened, where she would have informed you that it was her cousin and all would have been well.
It doesn’t matter if you had any malice behind it, you just messed up that woman’s life and possibly ruined multiple relationships with her family members all cause you allowed your emotions to control you.” SelfStudy657
Another User Comments:
“Shaking my head. You know what you could’ve done?
Introduced yourself. Then asked her name. Or ask Claire nicely, “hey who is this” and she could’ve cleared it up that is her cousin. What was your plan if she was being unfaithful with her? Get revenge for your sister by outing Claire in public and putting her in danger?
By the title I was prepared to say NTJ because you said it was an accident, but your intent was to let the girl hanging on Claire’s arm (and everyone in the restaurant) know that she has a female partner. And you said it TWICE.
That isn’t an accident. Also, you said you had no malice, but you outing a lesbian in an unsafe place contradicts that. Honestly, what did you THINK was going to happen? That the girl turned out to be someone she was being unfaithful with and your sister is happy you outed her in an unsafe place?
YTJ.” Technical-Athlete-94
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Countries where it is illegal to be gay are not safe countries for people to be out. You have potentially created a situation where your sister and her partner can’t come home for fear of police or community reprisals.
And reprisals for gay women in particular can be horrifying. Your intentions don’t matter. You know your sister and her partner face steep social costs for their sexuality. You put them both in danger. If you don’t care about your sister’s partner’s safety, you should at least care about your sister’s safety.
Your protectiveness needs recalibrating. Go to your sister and apologize for putting what you perceived should be important (exclusivity) above what was truly important to her (physical safety). Apologize profusely to Claire. Ask if you can put things right. The answer is probably no, and you need to hear that.
If you and/or your family are supportive of your sister’s sexuality, you may need to offer her partner a safe place to stay if her family kicks her out or threatens her. This is the real issue, the part where loving and supporting your queer sister might cost you socially.
If you truly want to protect her, step up.” eattrash_befree
17. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Dad For Bringing His Partner To My Graduation?
“My (22F) dad (52m) has a partner “Tara” (29F) who he recently started seeing, and to put it simply I don’t like her. To paint a picture, she can be described as a stereotypical blonde bimbo who’s had plastic surgeries.
Their relationship makes me uncomfortable mostly because she’s only a couple of years older than me.
On Friday, I had my college graduation where I was allowed to bring 6 guests. I invited my two grandparents, mom, dad, and younger brother who made 5 guests. A couple of days before the ceremony I called my dad to give him details on the day and I mentioned who was coming, etc. During this conversation, I tell him that I do not want Tara to come.
Everyone gets there early, and to my surprise, my dad shows up with Tara. I didn’t say anything at the moment because I didn’t want to ruin the day for everyone else. None of them had met Tara so it made things a little awkward.
Later, after the ceremony and my other family leaves I pull my dad aside and go off about how he had no business bringing Tara when I specifically asked him not to. He said that he figured I wouldn’t have an issue with it since there was an extra ticket.
I told him that her, an almost complete stranger, being in the pictures ruined them and that I was not going to dinner with them afterward. He called me “ungrateful” and said that he had the right to bring her because he helped me out financially through school.
So, AITJ for blowing up at my dad because he brought his partner to my graduation without my permission?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad crapped all over your boundary. Maybe you should have spoken up in front of everyone that you had specifically asked him not to bring her and told her to get out of your photos since you didn’t want her in them or to have to remember how your dad disrespected you by bringing her.
It’s not really her fault so I wouldn’t recommend going all crazy on her but I see your dad thinks that paying for something means he thinks he controls the “outcome” of it. Keep this in mind if you ever get married and don’t take his money and don’t ask him to be part of it if he has a woman in his life that you don’t want participating in yours.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“So funny story: my dad’s wife is only 18 months older than I am. Was it weird at first? Sure. But because she’s a really, really lovely person, the weirdness factor quickly dissipated. Tara could be a saint, but the issue is that your dad brought a new partner to a family celebration (dumb) who was not invited (rude) because he paid for school (he can be a jerk).
But what REALLY sticks in my craw: he brought her because he wants to show off that he can be with a 29 y.o. He wants his ex (your mom) and everyone who looks at your graduation pics to get an eyeful of silicone, as proof of his virility and manliness.
NTJ. Sorry your dad is such an insecure brat! Maybe the Viagra is messing with his blood pressure and making him cranky.” ladytypeperson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the daughter, he probably thought that you’d deal with whatever even if you’re hurt. The partner, probably made him choose between both of you, for her to be shown as the priority.
When he said he had the right, because he gave you money for school, ask him where were the conditions for that money. Also ask where the partner’s money for your school is, since I got the thought (from what he said) the invitations were for people who helped you through all of it (I might be mistaken).” _wicked_witch_
16. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Mom About Her Neglectful Parenting?
“My (14M) mom (48F) and dad (49M) split up when I was 7, and they had split custody of both me and my brother (13M). Recently I’ve been staying with my dad more because of an argument between me and my mom.
Now on to the story. My dad has a friend “Charles” and it is Charles’s birthday today. My dad had a plan to go out with Charles and another mutual friend for Charles’s birthday but today my brother came home from school in the middle of the day as he had really hurt his leg in PE.
Now the school called my dad and my dad went to the school to pick him up even though he was meant to be with my mum today, as that’s how the routine works. Now my dad has tried to reach my mum multiple times to no avail, and it’s looking like my dad won’t be able to make it to Charles’s birthday because my mom refuses to answer her phone.
This is not the first time she has pulled something like this and left my dad to deal with the kids when he already has plans. It really irks me as my dad has a life too and in my eyes, he can’t be expected to just deal with everything while my mom ignores him.
So I was thinking about texting my mom telling her to get her act together because she keeps doing this and it’s not fair on my dad, WIBTJ if I go through with it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT… What might be more to the point is to not contact her at all.
She is a parent who uses her kids to get back at dad for whatever slight he’s committed. Don’t engage with her because that’s what she wants. If she contacts you, simply tell her you’re too busy to talk and will call her back. Then don’t call her back.
She sounds toxic and it’s putting you and your siblings in the middle. I don’t know where you live, but if it’s legal, why can’t the two of you stay home alone while Dad goes out with his friends? You’re old enough, right? You guys have the ability to contact your dad via cell if it’s an emergency, via text if it’s just a matter of, “Dad, where’s the spaghetti pot?” If your mom confronts you about you’re going no or low contact, then you tell her.
You tell her you’re sick of her games. You tell her you’re sick of being third, fourth, or fifth in her life behind her friends and her “whatever” it is that she does instead of taking care of her kids. Might also be time for your dad to start keeping track of all the times Mom has left him to take care of you guys when it’s supposed to be her parenting time and then filing for full custody.
It sounds like he’s pretty much got you guys full-time anyway. Might as well make it official.” NancyLouMarine
Another User Comments:
“”Hey Mom. Bro is injured and Dad has been trying to reach you all day. Can you please answer your phone and attempt to be a reasonable parent in this situation?
You may not love Dad anymore, but you can at least pretend like you still love your children. I see how you use me and my brother in the fights between you and Dad and I need you to know I don’t appreciate it. Worse, it makes me disdain you to see that you would use me and my brother in such a way.
Brother is seriously hurt, but you don’t see that, you don’t see his needs. You see an opportunity to get one over on Dad. That is something that I cannot respect. Something that I cannot love. If you continue to act this way I fear that our relationship will dwindle into nothing.
Regards, OP.” NTJ.” This_Isnt_Real_Cheez
Another User Comments:
“First, I want you to know how impressed I am that you are this insightful and mature about your parents’ situation at only 14. Your desire and ability to effectively communicate your position in a situation like this says a lot about your future success.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Divorce is tough, especially on the kids caught in the middle. What I will tell you is that adult relationships can be very complicated and difficult to understand. There are so many moving parts in a relationship that it’s almost impossible to know what the right response is to your question.
Your mom and dad are divorced for reasons we aren’t privy to. Their past experiences with each other will play a big part in how they treat each other now. And, the decisions they make now will set the tone for their future actions and interactions.
It’s been that way since they first found something to love in each other. It’s been that way since they brought you and your brother into this world, forming a permanent lifelong bond.
You are NTJ. You’re the child of parents who chose to live completely separate lives while raising children who really need to see them in unison.
I don’t know why your mum makes the decisions she does, especially with your father, but I do know that your father seems to be a responsible single parent, and single parents understand the personal sacrifices they have to make. Is it fair? Of course not!!
Are you wrong to speak up? Absolutely not!! Communication is the only way to move forward. Your father got the raw end from your mum, but he just gained a ton of parental respect and empathy from his 14-year-old. In my opinion, that’s a pretty good tradeoff if he has to miss a birthday party!!
Hang in there.” Floridakeyslife1694
15. AITJ For Asking The Groomer To Pay For My Dog's Vet Bill After They Injured Him?
“Yesterday my wife took our dog to get his hair cut at the groomer. He’s a one-year-old, 5-pound morkie. We’ve gone to this groomer since we got him and we have family that takes their dogs there as well. She’s always been great (it’s a small business in a small town).
This time, a new employee checked him in and cut his hair, not the owner who has always done it. The appointments are one hour but usually only take 45 minutes.
One hour and forty minutes later, my wife gets the call that he’s all done.
She walks in and pays as usual. After she pays the new woman mentions that she nicked two of his legs because he wasn’t holding still. It’s true that he can be squirmy, but he has gotten used to the haircut process and we haven’t had any issues since his very first time so this was odd.
She goes back to get him and my wife hears the new woman make a comment “I hope it stops bleeding”. My wife also sees her pour peroxide on our dog’s foot.
When the woman gives the dog to my wife she tells her that she “must’ve nicked his foot” as well.
As my wife is holding him on the way out his foot is bleeding all over her shirt. When she gets in the car and takes a closer look, one of the paw pads on his foot is hanging off. Of course he’s whimpering.
She rushed him to the vet and they said it was good she did. He ended up needing stitches (sedated him during this process), antibiotics, and pain meds. The vet said they could actually see one of his tendons….
She also only cut hair on half his face and didn’t blow off any hair (all part of the service we pay for).
AITJ to ask for our money back and for the groomer to foot the $350 vet bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s completely reasonable. I think you’d be within your rights to ask them to pay the whole vet bill, tbh. They should at least comp the cut.
Also, the business owner should be aware that this happened. People make mistakes, but this is a pretty bad mistake and they have to be ready to handle these kinds of situations. To me what’s worse is how they handled it. And perhaps this groomer needs more training, etc. But they need this feedback.
Glad your baby is on the mend!” kwhitit
Another User Comments:
“No, no, no. Sooooo NTJ. That was neglect, and WHY didn’t they CONTACT you WHEN it happened? I’d report that worker to the owner and explain that your doggo needed STITCHES. You have the receipts, so they can’t deny it, especially when the vet could see tendons.
That worker should NOT be working with animals if they won’t call about nearly taking your doggo’s paw pad off. Like WTF? I would’ve raised a fuss if one of my furbabies got hurt like that. And that’s NOT including the shoddy work they did on giving doggo a haircut.” Ollirick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have to mention that I only have cats. I’ve never had dogs and all grooming is done at home by myself. 1. Talk to the owner of the grooming salon. Ask if she has cameras. Maybe you can see what happened during the grooming process.
Better if you have a photo of how the injury looked like when you left the salon. 2. Accidents do happen, but the groomer should be responsible enough to call it in right away if it seems more serious. You should’ve been informed about it right when it happened and not when you already have paid.
It’s not a “by the way” type of comment if your dog ended up with stitches and antibiotics. 3. I would ask for money back and pay the vet bill but as an open conversation and not a demand. I don’t know if you’ve contacted the salon owner right away and informed them about the developing situation or not.
The more time passes the harder it is for the conversation.” Capable-Beginning633
14. AITJ For Not Giving A Raise To An Employee Who Is Leaving?
“I manage a small team for a small non-profit. Recently, one employee left to follow her husband to another state and another employee is leaving to follow his wife and her job to another state.
We’ll call this employee R. Because we are small, we need to quickly hire new people in to fill the openings and we promoted a couple of other employees to new positions. To get new hires in quickly, we are offering a competitive wage for our field but there is still going to be a larger workload for a while for the rest of our employees.
As a result of all of this, we are giving our regular staff a raise to make up for the extra work and our promoted staff a bigger raise to compensate for the added responsibilities. R is leaving at the end of the month. He heard from other staff about raises and has come to me demanding he also get one.
He says even though he is leaving, he deserves a raise.
I have been thrown for a bit of a loop. I have given notice at jobs before and no one ever gave me a raise (other than to prevent me from leaving). It never even occurred to me to do so.
In addition, the others are getting this raise to make the extra workload they are going to be handling while we hire 2 new people more palatable and because they will be taking on new responsibilities. R will not be dealing with any of that (and had his regular raise at the beginning of the year).
I really need some insight on this because I don’t want to be one of the clueless managers that all the employees secretly hate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I may get slammed and that’s ok. IMO employee R is one of the reasons you are increasing the salary of those who are staying.
Also as R is leaving at the end of this month the expectation at this point is he has begun to document and/or transition his responsibilities to other employees so they will have time between now and the end of the month to ask any questions and address any issues, etc.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would have probably done it after the employee left and not told the employees a reason – I doubt anyone would question a raise. Have I seen it before – yes. But I am with you. Your staff received raises for the potential increased workload (especially after the employee leaves).
Now though, what happens if employee R decides not to leave or you lose a client/donor – taking back those raises would definitely make the employees hate you and they probably will not be so secret about it. Probably though in employee R’s eyes – they would vote the other way.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Giving the person leaving a raise would be like rewarding them for leaving. The raise for those remaining is to compensate for a higher workload, what the person leaving is practically asking for, is a raise for leaving more work for their colleagues….
If anything, I’d tell them that you’re considering lowering their wage for the month as a “tacky tax” to compensate their colleague for the extra work and yourself for the mental trauma of the gymnastics your mind had to go through trying to make sense of their request for a raise….” Smoldervan
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Unsupportive Ex In The Delivery Room?
“I (22f) am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my ex’s (20m) child. This child was not planned, and we broke up around the same time I found out I was pregnant.
Throughout my pregnancy, I have tried to let him be involved, and he says he wants to be, but then seems uninterested and doesn’t appear to care. He has said since the beginning that he wants to be there when our child is born, and honestly, I just don’t really want him there.
I feel like I might be the jerk because he is the father and this is one of the few things he has expressed wanting to be there for, but at the same time he stresses me out, and I don’t want my first memories with my child to have him in them.
Not to mention he says he wants 50/50 custody but hasn’t bought a crib, car seat, or anything else for his child, and I am due in less than a month, and already showing signs of labor.
I’ve mentioned that I don’t want him in the room during the delivery, but I wouldn’t mind him being there after the baby is born, but he is insistent that he wants to be in the room during the actual delivery, not just after, because he is the father and has a right to be there.
My doctor said if I don’t want him there she will kick him out, but I’m worried that I would be the jerk because it is his kid too, and maybe I’m just being selfish.
For the sake of clarity, I would like to say I don’t think he is a terrible person.
We didn’t work out, it happens. We are two very different people, and I understand that especially due to our age, it makes navigating this situation even more difficult. We both have made mistakes, and we both have a lot of maturing to do and a lot to figure out.
At the end of the day, I just want what is best for our child, it just might take some time to figure out exactly what that is.”
Another User Comments:
“All of the people in the delivery room are either 1) YOU or 2) people there to support YOU.
A person thinking that they have a right to be there is not a reason to be in the delivery room. They need to be there to support you. It doesn’t sound like he will be supportive. Exes seldom are. Let him know politely and firmly that he is not invited. Find out how many people you get to bring to support you (aside from Drs, Nurses, and other medical personnel).
It is usually limited. Take a piece of paper, write down the people who will be most supportive to you, and help you the most. Sign it. Give it to the doctor at your next visit. Tell him to put it in your file, and that no other people are allowed in.
NTJ.” MissAnth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only people who have a ‘right’ to be in that room are the person squeezing the baby out into the world and the medical staff. If all he really wants is to be able to check in on social media and claim kudos for being at the birth, when he’s not been there for you during the pregnancy and is trying to force 50/50 custody when he isn’t even prepared for it at a practical level, he needs reminding that there is way more to parenting than the performative stuff and that you have chosen a birth partner whose focus will be on supporting you and not flattering their own ego.
And make sure that you’re communicating this stuff with him calmly and in writing, keeping any emails and screenshotting any text messages. If there is any chance of a custody battle, it’s not a bad idea to have proof of who he really is to show the court down the line.
So congratulations on the forthcoming birth. Enjoy getting to know your precious baby, because that’s the most important thing right now.” QueenGuinevereKitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand you have no desire to burn the bridges. But. Think about it. What exactly you and your baby are going to lose if he will not be present?
A small chance (based on his previous behavior) that seeing a child’s birth will trigger some kind of a reaction in him and he will decide to care? Now. What are the cons of him NOT being present? You are setting a precedent. If you let him do what he wants now, he will do it again and again every time the mood strikes him.
Do you want to let your ex into your child’s every time he decides to play dad? Then his partner insists? Then he is feeling sentimental? Are you prepared to pack all baby essentials every time he will want “his” 50% because he will not buy anything himself?
Are you ready to hear “Why is Dad leaving again, is it my fault?” from your kid? You have one baby in your belly, why let another spoiled one climb on your back?” Amazing_Plankton_373
12. AITJ For Telling My Family To Leave Me Alone After They Kept Comparing Me To My Absentee Father?
“My parents divorced when I was barely 2, and it was always just me (19m), my mom, and my grandparents.
My mom has full custody of me and is taking care of me, as I’m fully bound to a wheelchair and basically helpless on my own. My mom tries her best most of the time but sometimes I feel so trapped in this house like I’m not allowed to act as an adult or act like something more than just the kid of the house.
I’m babied, looked down upon, and always the one to get all the blame for fights. Most of the time I hold myself back, or try speaking as gently as possible so my mom can’t get angry at me for “talking back”, but yesterday I lost my cool.
My mom divorced my father because he and his mother were cruel to my mom, we all hate that side of the family because they crossed the lines so many times. I share a lot of my dad’s and my grandmother’s features and my mother and other grandmother like to bring it up any time we have a fight.
To put it simply, I’m not allowed to be sad or angry with my mother, ever. If she does something to upset me or make me sad, I have to pretend like I’m happy, because if I pull a face, they go into a “you look just like your father when you pull that face” rant and laugh at me.
I told them, multiple times, that being compared to my father hurts me a lot, as I don’t want to be associated with a man who hurt my mom in any way, and who never bothered to have a relationship with me after the divorce, which took a toll on me too.
They just laughed and started pointing out how much I look like him.
They hadn’t done it in a while, and I figured maybe they finally listened to me and understood that they were hurting me. But yesterday they did it again. I was having a horrible mental health day anyway, so it felt like the final straw for me to tear up and break down after everything that day.
They started laughing more and making jokes, and after a bit, I told them to “screw off and leave me alone”.
They yelled at me and my grandmother called me ungrateful, while my mom called me a brat. They are both giving me silent treatment and being aggressive when I ask them to help me with something.
AITJ? Was I too disrespectful? Did I cross a line? I feel like I may have gone too far with telling them to go away, maybe I should have said it nicer or just let them have their fun.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to feel your feelings without being belittled and bullied. Your mother and grandmother, while I’m sure they have made sacrifices for raising you, don’t get to control your every feeling and look.
It is needlessly cruel and controlling to continue to compare you to your father. It is almost as if they need an “enemy” and you’re it. I hope you can find support for independent living, whether it’s applying for social security support (or ex-US equivalent), getting a therapist and social worker, and finding resources for lifelong accessibility.
You deserve and need this to grow and be who YOU are!” frandiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What they are doing is emotional mistreatment. If you were in a relationship with someone and they were to say something cruel or hurtful to you; you would be able to discuss it with them and stop that behavior; and if it continued there would be consequences (break up).
That this is coming from direct family members is inexcusable. You can try to have a serious conversation with your mother about the issue at some point when it’s just the two of you and you are both calm; don’t be accusatory, just try to get her to see it from your point of view and get her to agree to stop; also try to get her to talk to your grandmother to stop the behavior or talk to grandmother one-on-one the same way.
OR if you have access to social services, adult protective services, or family counseling share all of this situation with them and enlist their help in communicating to your mother that this is unacceptable behavior. No matter what, you are not wrong here, they are.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but yes you were harsh and disrespectful, but so were they. You’re 19 and an adult. Yeah, it sucks that you’re in a wheelchair, but what are the limits of your disability, (ie. do you have the use of your body from the waist up, neck up, or are completely immobile?
I know a young adult in my town who is wheelchair bound (legs don’t work, I think due to an accident) but otherwise can use his arms and seems to have a good state of mind with no brain damage and functions seemingly well living on his own.
I’m guessing it must be tough to do some tasks by himself, but he doesn’t appear to let his disability & wheelchair stop him from living a relatively normal life on his own. With the ADA laws, access to most public spaces is possible for someone in a wheelchair & there are lots of resources available to help someone in your position.
Might be time to start looking into that a bit if you’re not happy with your situation at home.” No_Engineering6617
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Groomsman Outfit Due To Financial Struggles?
“My brother is having a wedding in September and has asked all the groomsmen to pay for their suits, shoes, ties, and pocket squares.
I’ve just read up on it and I see that it is the norm for this to happen however, I’ve never been a groomsman before and I have not gone to many weddings so I did not know this was a thing.
I am freshly graduated from university and I am currently 30k in debt with <200 dollars to my name.
I’m also getting surgery in June that I have to pay for with a loan. In university, I worked a job to help get me through as I had to live away from home as campus was much too far. Now that I’m done school I have moved back home and job searching for anything to get stable income.
While I am living at home, once I get a job my parents will be expecting rent. I thank them for that because I don’t have to pay and can search for a job in the meantime but I just don’t have the funds right now.
I’ll admit the fault is on me for not knowing about the norms of weddings but I had an argument with my parents saying that I shouldn’t have to pay because I was not informed of this and because I do not have any money to pay for it.
I find it ridiculous that they requested for me to join the groomsmen because I need to be one but then not inform me of having to pay and also springing it up on me that I have to pay 350 dollars for rental and other things.
Maybe it’s just me but 350 dollars is a lot of money to suddenly ask of someone to fork out for your wedding. My parents said it is because my brother and his fiance need the money to offset the costs due to not being well off.
I countered saying then why have a wedding if you can’t afford it but they said this is the norm so you can’t complain.
I guess after cooling off I am overreacting a bit and I did message my brother asking if I do have to pay the full amount if it’s possible to put that on hold until I can afford it.
I am waiting for his answer.
My main concern is that 350 dollars is a lot of money to ask for when I am not financially in a good spot. AITJ for not wanting to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because you can’t afford it.
Because you are complaining about the price. This is a norm for a wedding. If you can’t afford it just step down. If someone else decides to step up and pay for it, then that is fine. I get that it is stressful. Just say your budget can’t afford what is planned and you’ll have to step away from wedding party responsibilities.
I agree with you if they are struggling financially having an event that their nearest and dearest can’t also afford to participate in is pretty nutty. But you don’t get to make financial decisions for anyone else and it’s not your place to express your opinion unless directly asked. So just step down and tell them you’ll be happy to attend as a guest in the nicest clothing in your closet.
Bringing a small gift is absolutely fine. I do know people who’ve paid for clothing and stuff for their wedding party which is very nice. I personally just told people to dress in black, whatever they have is fine. There are ways to do it on the cheap.” KickIt77
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot to unpack here. As a grad student living on a stipend, I feel your pain – I was also taken aback when I was in my first wedding and realized I needed to spend about 1k for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, hosting the bachelorette & bridal shower.
However, that is the social custom. I don’t think anyone is being a jerk (yet), so my vote is NTJ for now. However, you need to start communicating clearly with your brother to work out a compromise. Does he know of your financial troubles? If not, tell him.
Perhaps he could front the money and you could work out a payment plan. You can also offer to gracefully step down if you are unable to afford the costs. Your brother can accept that; or, if he really wants you in the wedding, he can figure that out on his end.
People become jerks in these situations when they refuse to compromise and only think about the money. That applies on both sides. Don’t lose sight of what the day means to your brother, and be willing to work together.” aethelflead
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I think you need to talk to your parents and brother and explain you are stressed about your finances, but that you really would like to be a groomsman and just need help to pay for everything.
Hopefully one of them could loan you the money until you are working and able to pay it back. You could also talk with your brother and see if there are some less expensive options. Can you borrow some of the items from people? Put it out there on social media what you’re looking for and see if anyone can lend you stuff.
I agree with you that if they are financially strapped too, they shouldn’t be having a big fancy wedding. But hopefully, you all can figure out a way to do this that doesn’t break the bank.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit During My Sister's Graduation?
“I, a 22-year-old female, have three sisters, aged 36, 33, and 39. Since I’m the youngest by a long shot, I have always babysat my niece and nephews and I never minded. It even became my full-time job for one of my sisters (only during a gap year after I graduated college).
But it turned into it being the only thing they want me for.
It turned into me taking care of all 6+ children at every family event while the “adults” are drinking or just relaxing, using my last 30 dollars to pay for a train ticket and not being paid for babysitting (aside from one sister who I am appreciative of), and being unable to look for a real job because I am their 7 days a week 24/7 caregiver if they need me, no matter what time.
Everyone in my family only sees me as free childcare 80% of the time.
My oldest sister is graduating and receiving her PhD and I have actually been invited to the ceremony, but there are not enough tickets for her children to go as well. When told this, the stepmom of her husband looked quite upset that she wasn’t invited and that I was.
She didn’t raise a fuss about it just yet, but she has made snide remarks towards me about this ticket when we are left alone saying that I should let her go since no one else on her husband’s side of the family is alive aside from her and she should be there with him while my sister has all of her actual family.
Knowing her, I will be guilt-tripped into giving her my ticket and babysitting, when the truth is I don’t want to babysit during one of the biggest events of my own sister’s life aside from the birth of her children. A lot of people weren’t invited; just my mom, her dad (since she is also my step-sister), my dad, her husband, my other two sisters, and me, but her stepmother-in-law thinks she has more right to this ticket than I do.
If I don’t give up the ticket and I cause a problem (which unfortunately, I know I will as her husband’s stepmom already does not like me), WIBTJ? Should I just give it up to avoid conflict on my sister’s graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a closer family member to your sister than her step-MIL. And your sister chose to invite you. Ignore the step-MIL and attend the graduation and celebrate your sister. And start politely saying “No” to requests that you babysit. Your sisters can hire paid sitters.
Especially don’t go out of your way (pay for travel, miss work, etc…) to babysit for free. At family gatherings, grab yourself an adult beverage, sit at the adult’s table, and just let the kids run crazy. Their parents can look after the kids, it isn’t your responsibility.
You’re not a kid any longer. There may be events or activities at which you think your family would be more likely to dump the kids on you. It’s okay to not attend those activities or events at all if that works best for you.
Lastly, if your sister or other family member asks you to give up your graduation ticket and stay home to babysit, give the graduation ticket to them but do NOT babysit. They have had enough time to find a sitter. Don’t let yourself get shafted because of their poor planning.
If you get in a situation where kids are literally dumped at your feet, don’t be afraid to politely say that you have other things to do and then leave. You aren’t anyone’s default sitter any longer.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground.
Tell them that you’re not a child anymore. You are not the babysitter, and you’re tired of being the one sibling left out of fun times and celebrations just because you’re slightly younger. Ask your sister if she really would be okay that her sister missed out on such an important event in favor of her SMIL.
Hopefully, she hears you. If she says something like, her graduation, her tickets to give to whoever she wants, then absolutely do not babysit. That is no longer your place.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, text your whole family. “I can no longer babysit.
Please plan accordingly. I need to focus on my own life and my own career opportunities. I don’t want to be made to feel guilty about it, so please don’t ask me again and respect this boundary.” You’re making a HUGE mistake not sticking up for yourself or focusing on your own life.
Text them this. Any time they ask you to babysit, say, “Please refer to my group text.” Put your foot down. Boundaries feel uncomfortable at first, but they’ll help you so much.” crystallz2000
9. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Falsely Claiming Disorders For Attention?
“I am willing to say that my friend is a sheep.
She sees anything on social media and rolls with it.
In the 3 years I’ve known her she’s had depression, anxiety (very common), bipolar, autism, dyslexia, color blindness, and ADHD.
Even though her favorite color is red.. she claims to be red and purple color blind.
I asked her why she constantly dyes her hair red and her favorite color is red if she can’t see the true color. She says she likes the color of brown it makes. I could point out a lighter and ask for the red one and she will grab the red one.
I talked about how I’m dyslexic and how hard it was to get better at reading and writing for me. Suddenly she goes “Yeah, I sometimes mix up my words too”. I didn’t really know how to respond to that… mixing up words when you glance at them is common and different from dyslexia.
She’ll see TikToks about people diagnosed with ADHD. They talk about some of the stuff they do. Realize that she sometimes does that too so she must have ADHD.
She constantly makes excuses such as “When your boss just called you to tell you the new policy but your depression makes you forget all that he just said”.
No, you just weren’t paying attention. “You’re depressed if you have more than 3 squishmallows” and so on.
LGBT is not a disorder, however she also sheeps that. Finds out her boss is a Christian? “I should randomly tell my boss in a conversation that doesn’t apply since I kiss girls”, “You’re bi if you have a clear phone case”, “You’re bi if you wear converses.” All that.
I’ve told her that everyone is different. Yet, she doesn’t need to come up with stuff to get anyone’s attention. She doesn’t need to self-diagnose herself because she relates to some level to something someone said on social media.
Now she’s mad at me and calling me an ableist. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s acting like an entitled, attention-seeking hypochondriac. One thing that makes me mad is when people just assume they have something instead of being diagnosed as a “cool thing to have.” For example, I’m clinically diagnosed with OCD, and when people joke about having it, they don’t realize just how traumatizing it can be to me or other people who are legitimately diagnosed. It’s like throwing out a word for the sake of using it.
My diagnosis isn’t your joke. Your friend is doing more harm than good.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get how people can start re-contextualizing things they’ve experienced after being exposed to other neurodivergent people on the internet. I’ve learned a lot about my own diagnoses from other people who experienced similar things.
However, “owning more than three Squishmallows” or “having a clear phone case” are arbitrary things that aren’t even exclusive to neurodivergent people. It’s the sort of thing people say as a joke on Tumblr and your friend is taking it literally.” SnorkelBerry
Another User Comments:
“I will say colorblind people can tell colors. Mostly because they have to. Sometimes they see shades and can tell the difference between blue and green even though they don’t see them the same way as non colorblind people. It’s a lot of variation from person to person.
They know the grass is green because everyone else says so. So if you see that same color they figure it’s green too. Pretty much the same way everyone learns how to recognize colors.” pnutbuttercups56
8. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Husband's Choice Of A Promotion Gift For His Boss?
“My husband’s boss is getting promoted, he is well-loved by everyone at work and people are getting him and his family gifts. They are also moving to a different city. My husband doesn’t have the best track record of giving thoughtful gifts, he has the best intentions but just doesn’t always “get it”.
My husband also LOVES theater. He owns many plays, has performed a lot, and majored in theater in college. His idea for a gift was to give his boss a few of his favorite plays, including Death of a Salesman.
While I won’t deny this is an amazing and renowned play… does anyone else see the questionable parallels?
I won’t describe the play as this post isn’t about any concern that his boss would do something like that… just that it feels weird and dark to gift a play with that subject matter in celebration of a promotion.
I told my husband this concern and he just started telling me about how meaningful and deep the play is.
Yes, but that’s not the problem. We are still in disagreement about it and I am being made out to be unappreciative of art, haha.
To give a little more background, they work in a restaurant, not in sales. Restaurant managers make okay money but not anything crazy, most managers in my town don’t own a home to give it perspective (so the money thing could be another parallel).
The boss has a happy family and has worked hard to get to where he is, he is an immigrant and speaks English as a second language.
I just wanted to see if anyone else saw it from my point of view or could justify it better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband likely looks at gift giving as “Boy, that would be an amazing gift for me to receive” and translates it to giving it to someone else. Which works well when they are two peas in a pod and oftentimes a train wreck when given to someone who doesn’t share interests – such as in this case.
This is just a rotten gift – first, it’s thoughtless since the boss doesn’t like theatre, so it’s clearly not going to be appreciated – but it’s such a dark message to send for a gift on a promotion. At best, it will be “oh, I mean I don’t like theatre but hey, I’ll try it” at worst it will be “Does he think this promotion means this is where I’m headed?” Seriously, what about: Wine?
Liquor? Craft Beer? Some sort of plant? Some sort of gift certificate to a night out event? Gift certificate to a local event – a park, a conservatory, the zoo, an amusement park?” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe it would be better to share his love of theater by doing something like….giving a gift certificate to a theater company in the town where the boss is being promoted?
It’s iffy in these times to buy specific tickets, but doing some research and buying a pass for a couple of plays with a note that says “Theater has always meant a lot to me, and I hope you can get to know (new city) by enjoying some live performances”.
That way the recipient experiences theater in a way friendly to newbies, can choose a production that appeals to him, and find things to enjoy as part of relocation.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is giving this gift because HE thinks it’s thoughtful.
It’s not even in the boss’s native language. My parents are not native English speakers, they have lived in North America for 20 years. They read 0 books in English unless it’s mandatory for work (user manuals, trainings, textbooks) and prefer to read in their native language.
Some things your husband can do to make it an actually thoughtful gift 1) get the translated version of the play in the boss’s native language – and write a card that says “this is my favorite play, I want you to have something to remember me by when you leave” so the intention behind the gift is clear.
2) pick a different present. Don’t push your own hobbies onto other people. Not everyone appreciates art and that’s perfectly ok. Does the boss have any hobbies? Get him something related to that.” iKoalabear
7. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Change His Bathroom Habits Because Of The Smell?
“It smells like pee.
Just… All the time. I clean it, then it smells again a day later. I can hear when my husband is peeing, it is splashing all over the place. I’ve asked him if there’s a way he could pee where it doesn’t splash everywhere and he got a bit defensive and just said no. So, I’ve been thinking about it and wanted to make sure that the next time I bring it up (if I do), I’m not the jerk.
What makes this situation a little worse for me is, (and this is a bit embarrassing and possibly TMI) that I’m real short, my feet don’t lay flat on the ground so I use a “squatty potty” stool thing when I’m using the restroom and I put my feet on that.
It’s always absolutely covered in pee and smells awful. Then my feet will smell. It’s honestly kinda the worst.
All of that aside, I’m wondering if this is just part of living with someone who is a man? Like, would it be unreasonable to ask him to change the way he uses the bathroom?
I could see arguments for both sides, honestly.
For added context: We have two bathrooms. One of them is where I have all my stuff and it’s closest to my office room, so I tend to favor it. The other bathroom is in our bedroom which is right across the hall from his office, so in my mind, the other bathroom is more convenient for him.
We share both the bathrooms but I was thinking I’d be less of a jerk just asking him to not use the one and/or sit down when he uses it. But, I’ll let you all be the judge of that!”
Another User Comments:
“He can adjust the way he urinates to a way he doesn’t make a mess or if he is too manly to sit down….
Clean up his own mess! I think you are too nice to him about it. He isn’t 5 anymore. Even my 9 and 10-year-old boys don’t make a mess anymore (they learned to pee sitting and standing and prefer sitting) but stand at school because the toilet is dirty.
So they learned to look around and decide if the toilet is clean enough. My husband has even tried to let them clean the toilet after number 2, but the mess would be even bigger so that lesson is paused.” haasje83
Another User Comments:
“Ok, so I used to be a housekeeper for a long time and I feel your pain.
I could smell the stench of stale urine just reading your post. I obviously got used to cleaning up one or two splashes around the toilet in the bathroom now and again, but there were one or two bad splashes and aims and they were both from guests who got too inebriated the night before.
This, and the fact that your husband got defensive about it, doesn’t sound normal OP. If he has a medical condition that’s one thing, but if he’s using it to mark his territory on your stuff as other users are saying then that is messed up.
My solution is a weird one but if it were me I’d try to spy on him next time he has to go e.g. setting up a camera or sneaking up on him. Maybe there’s a reason why you can hear him splashing everywhere.
NTJ.” studyinthai333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is basic hygiene. He needs to start cleaning up after himself or sit down to pee. It is entirely unacceptable to pee all over everything and leave it. On what planet would that be ok? I would recommend having a serious talk with him about this.
He needs to be the one to clean up after himself, NOT YOU (DO NOT CLEAN UP AFTER HIS MESS – YOU ARE NOT HIS CLEANING STAFF). And if he doesn’t get the hint, I would go petty and make sure there were blood smears on the toilet seat.” theresbeans
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Roommate For Breaking Our No Partners Sleepover Rule?
“I live in a 4X2 with 4 girls, and at the beginning of the year, we made a couple of rules to follow so that we can all be on the same page.
Two girls, who are really religious, said that they feel uncomfortable with partners sleeping over and it was against their morals. The other roommate and I have partners, but the thing is her partner doesn’t live in our city and they are long-distance, so they even said he couldn’t stay over for a weekend every two weeks.
They even had to sleep in the car. Eventually, they let him stay over but she had to switch rooms to closest to mine so they aren’t as affected by it.
Months go by and both of the religious girls get partners. One of them always sleeps over at her partner’s place and there were two instances when the partner of the religious girl even slept at our place.
The first time she even tried to hide his shoes. I called for a roomie meeting and basically called her out, saying that it is unfair that she gets to do this when we established rules with no compromise in the beginning. She said that he had never slept over and said that he left at 4 am and came back at 8 am….
which I know is a lie because I was awake at 5 am and still saw his shoes in the front. She got super defensive and even called out my other roommate saying that her partner could buy a hotel room instead of staying over because he’s a “working and grown man.”
Long story short, we nullified the rule, but she is ignoring me but is nice to the other roommates. I now feel bad for calling her out and taken aback that she would straight up ignore me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — ah, yet another religious hypocrite trying the old “rules for thee, but not for me” trick.
You did the right thing by calling it out. Next time: bring your partner over, go into your room, and make really dramatically loud, um… intimacy noises… (even if it’s just pretending) — several times, before sending him home at 4 am and having him show up again at 8 am.
When she tries to complain, just say “But he left at 4 am, just like you said was ok for your partner!”” TwistyHeretic2
Another User Comments:
“I’m possibly alone in this, but ESH but the one who meets her partner off-location. She was a jerk yes because she MADE that rule.
But…why was only she called out? She was not the only one to break said rule? And from your own wording, you only called her out…Both girls broke a supposedly uncompromisable rule…And YTJ because you flat-out went after the one. I’d cold shoulder too because that wasn’t fair.
The only reason I think you can be considered a jerk is cause you called out one but not the other when supposedly all 4 agreed to the rules from the start.” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“You know what I see? Religious girl with – up to that point – pretty rigid religious views leaves home for the first time.
At that point in life, she is uncomfortable with the idea of partners spending the night and she communicates that discomfort to her roommates. Already she is willing to compromise, recognizing that it’s reasonable for a long-distance partner to spend the night while making the also reasonable request to please do the inevitable boinking in a room not right next to her.
Fast forward through the year, the religious girl evolves as she experiences life away from her religious upbringing, learns not to see things as black and white as she used to, and revises opinions that hadn’t before been challenged. For one she gets into a relationship and realizes that a partner spending the night isn’t the end of the world after all.
Except the jerk roommate thinks this is the perfect opportunity to ‘call her out’ instead of having a civilized conversation. I mean, really, come on, people change. Especially people your age venturing out into the world for the first time. You could have had a civilized conversation about re-negotiating house rules in light of recent developments instead of going “AHA, BUSTED, YOU HYPOCRITE!’ at the first chance you got.
So yeah, YTJ. You handled the situation poorly, resulting in a conflict and causing your roommate to get defensive, instead of using the opportunity to suggest a more relaxed set of house rules all of you could be happy with.” Signal-Television510
5. AITJ For Defending My Wife Against My Ex At A Family Gathering?
“I (45M) was with my ex for over a year. This all happened a few years ago. She has a son who is now 13 from a previous relationship.
Her son lived mostly with his father and I never got a chance to know him. His father passed away and she tried to push a relationship with her son and even told him that I was his real father.
I met my wife (46F) and had our daughter (9F).
My parents invite my ex to all family gatherings and holidays. I’ve had to avoid some due to being sick of seeing her. Most of my family believes my ex’s son is mine. My ex dislikes my wife for the reason that she and I are together.
My wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer and shaved most of her hair off. It’s been really tough, but we are making the best of the situation. My family invited us over for dinner and to no surprise, my ex was there with her son.
I saw my wife start crying and I went over to comfort her. I found out that my ex was teasing my wife about her not having any hair. I go up to my ex and start yelling at her for her behavior towards my wife.
She starts crying and claims that my wife started the altercations. My parents got involved and think I should have defended my ex as my wife was out of line. The rest of my family also thinks I should have stood up for my ex.
I haven’t spoken to anyone.
AITJ for not sticking up for my ex?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to clear up the paternity thing because it’s not fair to the boy that he thinks you are his dad, nor is it fair to your parents and family to treat this kid like your son when that’s not the case.
A soft YTJ for you because it’s also your job to ensure that your wife isn’t being poked at by this ex, who has no connection to you, nor being insulted by your family continuing to demonstrate to your wife that they prefer your ex to the point they intervene in your ex’s behalf instead of their DIL.
My g-d, get your wife some support and clear the air completely. If the family has connected to 13 y/o that’s their choice but they don’t need to disrespect you or your wife because they like the kid.” passingthroughcbus
Another User Comments:
“”Most of my family believes my ex’s son is mine.” Get a paternity test done.
Slam it on their ableist faces. “Even told him that I was his real father.” Omg. What kind of a twisted witch is she? OP, I think you should let the 13-year-old know that you aren’t his dad and expose his mom for her twisted behavior.
The boy has to stay wary about his relationship with his mother because all I see is that she’s a manipulative nit-wit, who’d do anything to get things done her way. “My parents got involved and think I should have defended my ex as my wife was out of line.” You’re NTJ.
But your parents and your family – they’re on a whole other level of jerk-landia. The fact that they prioritized that sick-minded, derogatory ex of yours over their daughter-in-law who needs an ample amount of love and support during this time is just disturbing. Looks like they all have some internalized hatred tangent targeting your ex.
I hope things get better for your wife.” Thealienfromarea52
Another User Comments:
“INFO: why are you still in contact with people who will teach your daughter that it is okay to bully, harass, belittle, gaslight your wife, her mommy? The wife/mommy who is at the moment fighting for her life, who needs all the positivity in her life she can get?
Why are you not sticking up for her? Like really stepping onto the plate, ‘mom, dad, screw you and lose our number, you deciding to believe my ex’s lies and being on her side gets you put in permanent time-out. And I mean it’. Why are you avoiding the big elephant in the room, why are you not putting your ex into the spotlight by demanding in front of the whole family a paternity test to shut her up for good and all eternity?
A negative result gives you ammunition to demand that you being at family functions includes for her to not show up since ‘you don’t consort with proven stirrer and liars’.
Cancer is, in my opinion, the hardest and meanest illness you can get. The treatment is horrible with its side effects and you will never be really cured, you are in remission but the possibility that one day cancer decides to visit you again, this possibility is NOT zero!
Cancer patients do NOT need negativity in their lives!!! So in the end, I can’t judge you. You are NTJ for not defending ex. But a huge big YTJ for exposing your wife to the toxic poison you call family.” Tessa_Kamoda
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband Our Kids Don't Need A Summer Vacation?
“My (42F) husband (44M) and I have three kids (14M, 12F, and 10F).
We were planning to visit some countries in Africa for a month and a half, but some stuff came up with my husband and we can’t go. We usually travel every single summer, so it’s different for them this year.
If we did go, it would just be me and our three kids, but they said they didn’t want to go on the trip without him, so we canceled everything.
On the day of our flight and hotel cancellations, my husband spent basically all night planning alternatives for the rest of the summer since he felt bad that we couldn’t go on the originally planned vacation.
Honestly, some of his plans seemed a bit much (like going to Universal, NC, etc.) and I told him that, and he brushed me off, saying “It’s not that much” and kept up with what he was doing.
I pointed out “You know our kids aren’t the only kids who have gone a summer without vacationing, right?” and he ignored me (again) and went back to what he was doing, only to later say, “Ok, then you don’t have to come.”
AITJ? Since he’s been kind of off, and I think what I said isn’t really too much of a big deal that warranted his reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“”Honestly, some of his plans seemed a bit much (like going to Universal, NC, etc.)” How is that a bit much?
Weren’t you all planning on going to a few African countries before your plans fell through? You make a good point about the kids not being the first to not go on vacation, but why not just let the man plan for an alternative? It’s not like you don’t have the means and he’s not asking you to make the arrangements…he’s doing it himself.
I don’t get what your issue could be with this? YTJ.” SheLikesToWatch_1989
Another User Comments:
“What was your purpose for saying that? What are your actual concerns? Are you worried he’s stressing too much and overly and unnecessarily anxious about this? Are you worried your kids are going to become entitled?
Would you prefer to have a more low-key summer without the stress of traveling, and think the whole family might benefit from some downtime? These are potentially valid opinions/concerns, but you didn’t actually express anything like this. You just made an off-the-cuff, derisive comment that devalues the work he’s trying to do, that he thinks is important.
Bottom line, though, it doesn’t really matter whether we think what you said wasn’t a big deal, it matters that your spouse was upset by it. So, talk to him and try to really communicate about what kind of plans you each want for the summer and why.
YTJ, but it’s still recoverable with an apology.” Honeybee3674
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – So are you trying to claim that you were going to pay to take 5 people to various African countries for a month and a half but you think taking them to Universal Studios or NC is doing too much?
It sounds more like YOU wanted to go to Africa and you don’t actually care if your kids have a good summer vacation. I can see why they declined to go without their dad…you sound like something else. My husband and I were planning to take our son to Europe for his 8th-grade trip.
My husband had something come up and couldn’t get off work. He encouraged us to go on the vacation and I know he felt horrible. The difference is, I told my son that I wanted his dad with us when we go to Europe and he agreed. Instead, we took an amazing cross-country trip my son and I went and had a blast. We missed my husband so much but we had fun and created memories.
It wasn’t as lavish as the trip to Europe would have been, but there is always next year.” No-Abies-1232
3. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Wedding Ring On My Right Hand?
“This sounds so stupid and childish, maybe it’s the stress of the past months planning the engagement but my partner and I got into a huge argument about this. (We are getting engaged this Sunday)
For context, I injured my left pinky badly when I was a child and it had to be amputated. I’ve always been self-conscious about my left hand and refuse to wear anything on it.
When/If I wear rings, watches, and/or bracelets it’s always on my right.
When we first tried the rings we got she put it on my left hand. It felt weird and I told her I’d be more comfortable wearing it on my right.
She said to just try it for a few weeks and I will get used to it.
So I’ve tried wearing a ring that I already had on my left hand for a month but it didn’t get less weird for me and it was uncomfortable.
Two weeks ago I told her again that I’d be more comfortable wearing on my right and she reluctantly agreed.
Well, this morning she told me I need to wear it on my left because there is a vein that runs from the left ring finger to the heart.
I tried reaching a compromise with her and told her she can put it on my left hand during the ceremony and I’ll keep wearing it for the whole party and afterward I will start wearing it on my right. I assured her that I would not love her less just because I am not wearing it on a finger that doesn’t have a vein to the heart.
She refused my compromise and sarcastically suggested that I don’t wear it at all because why even wear rings, it’s not like we are getting engaged or want to get married in the future or anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was raised orthodox Christian so everyone wore their wedding rings on their right hands – Moses parted the sea with his right hand, god created the earth with his right hand, blah blah blah.
Your fiance is wrong by the way. The Romans started the tradition of the left-hand engagement ring because they believed in vena amoris which in the 2000+ years sounds has been thoroughly discredited. Doesn’t EVERY VEIN in your body run to your heart?” OrangeCubit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a very legitimate reason to not want to wear it on your left hand. You’re not doing it to hide the ring and mess around with a bunch of strangers. You’re not doing it because you don’t respect her. You’re doing it because you’re uncomfortable drawing attention to your left hand.
It seems you don’t necessarily hide your left hand, but your wedding ring will likely be more visible on your right just by the nature of your own comfort. Even letting her put it on your left hand for the wedding and then moving it later is more than you’re required to do.
That vein-to-the-heart thing is a nonsense reason. What matters is that you love and respect each other, and presently, she doesn’t seem to be doing those things.” MadamMarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“I’m left-handed and it’s never been comfortable for me to wear watches or jewelry on that hand.
My husband didn’t even react when I put my engagement ring and wedding ring on my right hand – there wasn’t even a conversation because it wasn’t necessary. No one has doubted that I’m married just because my ring is on my right hand. An engagement ring doesn’t lose its significance or importance just because it’s on your right hand or on a chain around your neck or as a tattoo.
Especially since the whole thing about the left-hand ring finger being the only finger that has a vein to the heart is nonsense – all our fingers have veins to the heart. Engagement rings and wedding rings are symbols of your relationship, the love you share, and your commitment to each other.
How you wear them shouldn’t be a whole thing that supposedly changes that commitment. NTJ.” GlitterSparkleDevine
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Stay Overnight At His Mom's Without A Proper Bed?
“My ex-wife and I have been divorced now for 9 years. Since our divorce she and her partner have house bounced numerous times. Without my son (he’s 12) there they have 4 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment. Last year they upgraded to a three-bedroom.
My son recently stayed overnight at her place. He got home and said straight up “I don’t want to go back”. I pressed and finally got an answer on why. Seems that they don’t have a bed for him so he sleeps on a military cot, a sleeping bag, and then blankets.
I was furious, but I wanted to give her the benefit. So I called her and asked about it. She admitted it. Said he’d have to sleep on it for the foreseeable future as the master is for her and her partner, bedroom one is for the kid she had with her partner (younger than my son), bedroom two is for her mom (in the two-bedroom, mom would sleep on the couch).
In the two bedrooms before she had bunk beds for the kids. Now my son is forced to sleep on a cot.
When I confronted her about that she said her daughter needs a room of her own. I told her straight up, until she had an actual room and bed for him, he doesn’t want to spend the night and I wouldn’t make him.
So she can see him for a day and then drop him off at home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Growing up, when I went to my mom’s I never had a bed. Ever. I always resented that my siblings who lived with her full time had rooms and beds and that I got stuck on the couch or floor every other weekend.
It really is unfair to a child and it makes them feel like they deserve less. People saying he can just sleep with his grandma or on the couch, maybe he doesn’t want to and wants to sleep at his house where he has an actual bed. That’s REALLY not too much to ask for.
And having more kids or marrying someone with kids does not give you an excuse to literally not have a bed for your child. I feel like this is really hard for people who haven’t been through it to understand but I’m not sure why.
No one wants to not have a bed.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the most important person here is your son. If he says he does not want to sleep there, then he absolutely should not have to. His comfort supersedes your ex-wife’s feelings about it.
Way to go Dad for advocating for your son instead of telling him to suck it up. I hope that things work out and she can get him a proper bed/room.” weathernotheather
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she may have the law on her side if the custody agreement says your child has to sleep at her place on certain days.
When a divorce/separation is involved it’s always best to ask advice from a legal expert, to find out if you can lawfully not let your child sleep in your ex’s place. Perhaps you can change the custody arrangements, pointing out that the housing conditions for your child are bad and unsuitable, and that the ex and her family make no effort to make the home welcoming for him when he is there.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
1. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Extra Legroom Seat To A Taller Passenger?
“This happened on my recent flight back from Greece and I may honestly be the jerk in this situation.
I’m not a particularly tall person, I stand at around 5’9 but still find it uncomfortable sitting on planes due to the quite often extremely restricted legroom. For this reason, I always decide to pay extra to ensure I get the exit row seat and the extra legroom.
Once I got comfortable and had shut my eyes with my earphones in I was tapped on the shoulder by a man I would say to be around 6’2. He asked if I would switch seats with him as I didn’t need the extra legroom as much as him.
I explained that I paid extra for this seat and therefore am not willing to move. He scoffs at me and goes to get a flight attendant.
Now this is where I could potentially be a jerk, the flight attendant asks again if I’m willing to move, and when I say no again she explains that she will be able to put a request in to refund the additional amount I paid.
I denied once more and explained that if he wanted the extra room so badly he should have paid in the first place, plus he is at max only 4 inches taller than me. He kicks off and calls me an entitled jerk, which I thought was rather ironic, but anyway…was I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m also 6’2” and the extra room is nice, but not necessary. If this was a transatlantic flight there was definitely no need for him to complain because the planes are larger and have more room. I’ve flown countless transatlantic flights and never found room to be an issue in any of the seats but did have a preference.
During one flight from Chicago to Dublin I could hear an Irish woman in the seat ahead of me complaining about the room incessantly to her friends throughout the flight. When it was time to deplane I stood up for the first time and she was just saying to her friends, “I’m not making this flight again unless it is first class and I have room to move”.
She stood up (all 5’2” of her), looked to me, and said to her friends, “This guy knows what I’m talking about!” I replied, “I’m 6’2” and had plenty of room to straighten my legs out under the seat, I have no idea what you are complaining about.” Her friends were howling and laughing at her the rest of the way off of the plane.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one tired of hearing her moaning.” RGeronimoH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and he was a massive jerk. Not everyone needs extra legroom because of height, specifically. I’m disabled and so is my dad. I’m 5’3″ and he’s only 5’11” or so, but we tend to book bulkhead seats (not exit row because we couldn’t assist anyone in an emergency) for the legroom because we both have chronic pain disorders.
Even at my relatively short height, I need to be able to stretch my legs out (and often prop them up on a bag or something), and I’m not mobile enough to walk around the plane much. There are lots of reasons why legroom is necessary.
You paid for it, you are not required to give it up.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In addition to the obvious point that you booked and paid extra for the seat, just height isn’t enough to say one person needs more legroom than another.
I’m only slightly shorter than you are, but I have a long torso and short limbs. I often volunteer to sit in the more cramped area in favor of someone shorter than I am, because they actually need more legroom than I do. And there may be other reasons that someone needs the extra space besides leg length.
You needed it, you reserved it, you paid for it, it’s yours.” ggapsfface
