People Want To See If We'll Side With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Selling My Starter Home At A Cheaper Price?
“I (34m) bought my starter home in my earlier 20s for $120k. It’s not a huge home. It’s a roughly 1,000 sq ft 2 bed, 1.5 bath townhome. But it was perfect for me at the time. I upgraded it & made it my home for 12 years.
I’ve decided it’s time to move on to something bigger.
Here’s my dilemma. My mother (65) and sister (30) got wind that I was planning on putting my house on the market. My home was valued at approximately $400k. Even with their combined income, neither could afford a mortgage that size. They want me to sell them my home for the $120k I bought it for.
I plan on using the equity as the down payment on my new home that’s roughly around $600k. My mom & my sister are mad. They keep trying to convince me to sell the home for undervalue so ‘they can finally have some stability in their life’.
My other dilemma is I’ve never had a good relationship with either of them, & moved out of state to get away from them.
Both of them are mad at me, & have dragged the whole family into the drama. Half are on my side, & half are on their side. I need outside opinions at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is wild. Your family clearly isn’t thinking about your interests or needs at all, are only seeing a potential windfall for themselves, and are straight out to lunch.
I was expecting this to be something like: house valued at 400k, they can afford 380k only, but I still need that 20k. That situation is a bit more gray, and some people would eat that loss for the fam. But to ask you to swallow 280k (a loss 2.5x what they want to pay)…
If you somehow lose your mind and cave to their demands, I guarantee they turn around and flip it because that extra 280k would buy them a lot of stability that they DeSeRvE and how dare you to be so selfish as to accuse them of selfishness…
Imagine trying to buy a house in 2022 for 2010 prices…” Fyst2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – screw that! Even if they were close to you. That’s giving away 280k presumably you’re not super rich or anything that’s a good amount of money, you earned that investment and should be able to use equality to get a better/bigger house.
I can’t believe people think they deserve what you worked hard for and invested in.
You said you moved states! Just to get away from them. Family might be family and all but 280k is a significant amount of lost money, even though it’s in equality it’s still money you would be spending eventually on paying off your new place.
I’ve personally always said if I ever won the lottery the first people who ask me for money are the ones who get nothing.” LazyturtleX1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and they are very much the jerks.
That’s not how it works. At 12 years in, you are still not even halfway to paying your house off and still owe over $80,000. You would be willing to lose out on over a quarter million dollars MINIMUM to take that awful deal. Not to mention any maintenance costs that have been accumulated over the years… and the taxes.
Honestly, it’s nonsense that they would even ask and get fussy when you say no.
It is not your responsibility to make sacrifices so that others don’t need to. If THEY can’t afford a $400,000… then THEY can’t afford a $400,000 house. If they can afford a $120,000 house… that is what they need to look for… If they can’t find it… they can’t afford it!” WhoIsTheRealJohnDoe
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Drive My Son To School With His Stepsiblings?
“My ex-husband and I have custody of our 11-year-old son. He’s diabetic and since his diagnosis is relatively new, we’re still working on managing things for him so he could continue to live a normal life just like other kids.
His stepdad is responsible for dropping him off/picking him up from school since his stepsiblings attend the same school. The issue began when my son started asking me or his bio dad to take him to school instead of his stepdad. He said the reason for that is because his stepsiblings open his lunchbox and take all the additional snacks that he needs in case he had a hypoglycemic episode (that’s what we call ‘low b***d sugar’).
His stepsiblings would take his lunchbox from him and take the snacks and only leave him his sandwich and water. His stepdad thinks there’s nothing wrong with ‘sharing’ although I explained to him about the millionth times how important his snacks are. He promised that he won’t let his kids touch my son’s lunchbox from now on and I believed him.
Days ago, my son came home and told me his stepsiblings took his snacks from his lunchbox again. I was enraged I asked if his stepdad saw them, and he said yes and scolded him when he refused to let them have the snacks. I lost it, I blew up at my husband and told him that my son won’t be riding in his car again with his stepsiblings after what they’d done and after he allowed it.
I told him that my son’s father will be driving him to and from school from now on. He lashed at me saying that I was driving a wedge between the kids and teaching my son to grow up being selfish and self-centered and anti-social. And also making my son distant from him and getting him to favor his bio dad.
I refused to discuss it now he’s acting all hurt and disrespected saying it was not worth ruining the kid’s relationship over some snacks.
Edited: his argument is that I don’t get his kids the same amount of snacks I get for my son (they go through their snacks in no time). In my defense, I said that the snacks are part of my son’s diabetes management routine and he, unlike his stepsiblings, needs them anytime.
And so I don’t feel like I’m obligated, or that I should buy his stepsiblings the same amount of snacks seeing that they can do without them for a while. Am I making sense here?
Edit 2: My stepchildren’s ages are 13 & 10.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you aren’t going far enough.
This man is knowingly and will fully endangering your son, he is enabling his own children’s bullying of your son, gaslighting you that this is an issue of manners rather than medical necessity, favoring his own children to the detriment of your son (because I’m betting those kids don’t go to school with just a sandwich and water in their own lunches), and throwing a tantrum that his lack of parenting is being called out (because he doesn’t want to step up and actually parent-kid kids).
It’s time for you to protect your son at all costs. Do you honestly think your ex will ‘let it slide’ when your son is hospitalized due to his diabetes when you had the responsibility to ensure your child’s safety? He’ll go for full custody due to medical neglect if your son survives. This is a hill to die on, either your husband gets himself and his kids in line, or you divorce because if you don’t it could be your son’s life.” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think the first time this happened and your husband told you with his mouth that he was specifically telling his children to steal from your kid to get back at you for seemingly ‘favoring’ your kid and endangering your son’s life, that should have been a point where someone was packing up and staying somewhere else that night.
You have a moral responsibility to protect your son, you trying to make this stopgap of switching commutes when the real issue is your husband is endangering your son’s life and has been doing so for a while cuz you have continued to put your son in danger, makes you the jerk.
This man is telling you that he is angry at you for something that isn’t a problem and so is using his kids as a weapon against yours and endangering his life.
Screw your marriage, get a divorce.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is putting your son at risk due to idiotic and frankly insane views. NTJ as far as the immediate question is concerned.
But there’s a far larger issue, which is you just discovered your husband is a total moron to the point that he’s putting your son’s life at risk.
This is unlikely to be an isolated incident. You really need to rethink your relationship entirely, because it is highly likely that your husband (and his kids) will likely continue to put your son at risk.
You may need to separate for the safety of your kid – or, send him to live with his father. Honestly, if custody is an issue between you and your ex, your ex has strong grounds for asking for full custody, given that your husband is putting your son’s life at risk.” Boeing367-80
16. AITJ For Not Taking A Gift Back?
“I love wearing scarves in my hair, but my partner is not the kind who gives gifts (at all). It was odd when he randomly showed up at my place with a scarf, though nothing to complain about. The scarf had some stains on it, but it was very beautiful. I washed it, and it immediately became my favorite.
Fast forward a few days, I went to his parents’ place to discuss our wedding.
I noticed his sister was heavily focused on the scarf. Then suddenly she got up, walked towards me, and tried pulling it off me, saying if I really wanted HER scarf, I could have asked her instead of stealing it.
I was shocked and confused and told her that my partner gave it to me, but she refused to listen and kept calling me a liar.
She even said that she recognized it because it had the nail polish stains she once dropped on it.
I took it off, threw it at her, and left before my partner joined us. He later called me asking where I was and I told him I got home. When he returned, we got into a huge fight (I might be the jerk as I didn’t give him a chance to explain).
He said that he’d bring the scarf back but I told him I didn’t want it anymore. He said that I was being unreasonable over a little misunderstanding. So AITJ for refusing to take it back and not talking to my partner anymore?
Edit: He told me that it was actually his mom’s, that she gave to his sister. That was years ago.
She didn’t even wear it. In fact, he found it in the store room and thought he should give it to me instead of it being thrown away.”
Another User Comments:
“His sister is definitely the jerk for being so rude and physically accosting you over something that could have been resolved with a respectful discussion. Your man is also the jerk for taking his sister’s scarf and gifting it to you – like major.
You don’t seem to know his actual story behind how this happened but it’s hard to imagine it as anything other than a jerk behavior.
You are NTJ for storming out since you were so poorly treated over this and accused of theft. Also NTJ for fighting over it. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to be angry about, look at the position he put you in.
You call him your partner, but then you say you are actively meeting with his family to plan your wedding. That’s confusing. Then you said you are not talking to him anymore over this.
So which is it? Is he your fiance? Your partner? or your Ex?
If you’re done, you’re done, that’s a decision only you can make but either way, NTJ.” not_inacult
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened to me but with a necklace. Ex gifted me a pretty necklace, I wore it, friend saw it and said it looked like one she had, we checked and it was hers – the catch on the chain was slightly loose in a way she described before seeing the back, it was unquestionably her necklace, the dude had asked to ‘borrow’ it from her a week before and then given it to me!
We were both super mad, he became an ex and thankfully she got her property back.
Your SIL could have spoken to you before accusing you outright – most people don’t wear stolen items in front of their owners and there could have been another explanation, especially if you haven’t been in her room or don’t have access to her things.
She was over the top and obviously angry but your (I hope about to be ex) partner put you both in a terrible situation. He stole from her, gave it to you, and let you walk around his sister wearing the scarf without ever mentioning where he got it. That’s messed up. He’s either oblivious to how that looks or he’s calculating and you need to think hard about being with him.
You deserve better than a stolen stained scarf.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s no misunderstanding here. Your partner, who never gifts you anything, gave you something he stole, and it was probably an afterthought. He probably realized he needed to give you something, because it’s basically expected that you get gifts for people you care about at least sometimes, and so he grabbed something easy and convenient and just gave it to you.
He didn’t even bother to wash it, and he didn’t even consider what would happen if you wore it around the person he stole it from.
That would be a deal breaker for me. The theft, but also the complete carelessness and lack of thought surrounding the theft.” Korrin
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law Not To Talk To Me About My Nephew?
“My 10-year-old nephew lives with me (30f), my husband (32m), and our kids. A little over two years ago we got CPS involved in his household with my brother and SIL (not his mother). My nephew has epilepsy and a speech issue. His mom died when he was a baby. My brother was in and out of relationships until he met SIL when my nephew was 6.
She was a single mom of two kids and from the get-go, they made my nephew’s life so much harder than it needed to be. His stepsiblings hated him and bullied him relentlessly. There were issues in and out of school and then when the school went online during the worst of the global crisis it got so much worse.
My brother and SIL really did nothing. They tried to put the stepsiblings in a caretaker position and to look out for my nephew in school and protect him from bullies or people who would try to steal his meds.
Many family members brought concerns to my brother but he really didn’t care about the harm to my nephew. In the end, it escalated to the point CPS felt like the safest option.
They removed him from the home and placed him with my husband and me.
My brother has tried to get him back several times. My nephew doesn’t want to go back. They took some steps the court set out for them but after interviews with my nephew agreed not to return him.
SIL is now trying to become more involved in my nephew’s life by reaching out to me.
I know this is an attempt to help my brother regain custody. But she’s so awful about it. She has called and texted me to pass messages on to my nephew. Even saying that his brother and sister (her kids) miss him. The other day she sent an email since I blocked her phone number, saying he should be with his parents and siblings and how she should be told about medical appointments, etc. I responded that she had no business contacting me about my nephew and to leave me alone.
They lodged a complaint with the case worker that I was blocking contact with her, which was dismissed as being fine seeing as she’s not the biological or legal parent, but family members are saying I was wrong because annoying them could make my nephew’s life more difficult.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing the best by him.
And let me just say, good for you and your husband to provide him with a stable and loving home that he was lacking before. For loving him the way you would your own child. Sometimes children need to be protected from their own parents, and the fact that you have taken him in and given him a chance at a better life despite the backlash with the family makes you both amazing people and amazing parents!
There’s more than one way to be a parent. You both are wonderful, I just want to say that on behalf of the rest of us. The world needs more people like you guys!” Taterbugs09
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on this, even though you are likely the best parent he has had. As loathsome as biological parents can be, they deserve to fail by themselves in the CPS process, not be deprived or blocked prematurely even from knowing what is happening.
Think about this. You can control the access so they have information and you can still protect him from direct contact. If you give parents like this enough rope they will hang themselves with it – meaning that they will demonstrate even more clearly to the court that they cannot pull their act together to show minimally adequate parenting skills.
Let them face time doctor visits, for example. They are likely to get bored and stop doing it. That is far stronger evidence than if you block them, leaving them excuses and blaming you.” chinuachebe75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Immediately contact the caseworker.
CPS calls this by the definition term. It’s called coercion. She is trying to guilt trip and manipulate a child who was so mistreated that the state took him away.
Do not under any circumstances allow her to contact him. Turn over copies of the email and ALL forms of contact from them to the cps worker and whatever judge is involved in this case.
CPS does not take kindly to abusive parents that try to disrupt a removed child’s life with psychological and emotional mistreatment.
In the best-case scenario, the judge could see this as acting in bad faith and may grant you long-term guardianship while suspending your brother’s parental rights.
If it continues he could lose his rights altogether.
Ignore your family. They do not, under any circumstances, truly care about this child’s wellbeing. Only you do. That’s why you were the only one to do anything about it.” snailranchero
14. AITJ For Accusing A Girl Of Stealing My Phone?
“I (22F) attend university in Italy and I have classes every day of the week and I made a lot of friends. Now there is this girl that I don’t really know, I know her name but we haven’t talked much at all. Now it’s been a week since I noticed she wanted to be friends with me, she was constantly trying to sit next to me, asking me what I was doing on my phone, she was checking whenever I was sending a message and stuff like that.
I thought she just wanted to get close to me to be friends.
However, she started to hide my phone for fun: the first time I kind of panicked cause I thought I lost it and I was looking everywhere but couldn’t find it. I heard her and another friend of her giggling and they then admitted they hid it just to see my reaction.
I didn’t like the joke but I didn’t think much of it. Now, the problem is that she did it every day for a week and I was so frustrated every single time. Once I pretended I didn’t care about it so she would get tired but I ended up needing it and I was literally begging her to give it back.
She crossed the line on Friday because not only she took it but she also tried to get into my phone which bothered me a lot. I have a face recognition system and she was trying to point the phone at my face, it was kind of humiliating too. I confronted her and told her that I didn’t want that to happen again and I was over it, that I didn’t find it funny, she laughed and promised me to stop.
Fast forward to today: she did it again. Now this time I was absolutely furious especially because she was trying to scare me saying that she saw the passcode when I unlocked it earlier in the morning. I waited until the break to basically tell my teacher that somebody stole my phone and that I knew who did it but didn’t know what to do.
The teacher told me that we are not in high school anymore and it was none of her business and we are adults, we can deal with this alone. I told her I needed a witness and that this person should get consequences. She agreed and asked the girl if she actually stole a phone and she looked shocked and said that it was just an inside joke between friends.
Then she took my phone out of her bag.
The entire class was staring at her and when I finally confronted her she said I shouldn’t have accused her of stealing like that in front of everybody because she didn’t want the phone and it was just a joke. My friends told me I crossed the line and I don’t know what to believe.
My teacher believed the joke thing so she isn’t gonna do anything about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trying to get into your phone is a huge invasion of privacy. It sounds like you’ve had enough of her antics and I don’t blame you.
In my opinion, you did the right thing by telling your teacher what was going on.
Unfortunately, it sounds like she didn’t take you seriously which is frustrating. However, at least now you have some witnesses to back up your story if this girl continues to cause problems. I would advise you to stay away from her as much as possible and avoid any interactions if possible. Let your friends know what’s going on so they can help support you as well.
Hopefully, this situation will resolve itself soon and you can put this whole ordeal behind you!” edgithoughts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A joke requires laughter on both sides. You had been very clear several times you weren’t laughing. It’s not a joke, it’s theft. But hey, if she wants to pretend that even though you’re not laughing it’s still a joke, then you humiliating her in front of the class (for her own actions mind) was also a joke.
HAHA FUNNY! It will also be funny when you call the cops next time.
Honestly, though I would suggest a couple of things. First, if there’s any sort of office for reporting problems with other teachers or students, go talk to them. Because honestly, the things she’s doing don’t feel like ‘wanting to be friends’; this sounds like a god-awful attempt at flirting.
And you have the right to want what is at this point harassment and bullying to end. Come armed with facts – times, dates, how often, and in what manner you’ve repeatedly told her to stop.
Second, try avoiding her as often as possible. If she sits next to you, get up and move. Make it a habit to keep your phone in your pocket or somewhere else she can’t get it.
But if she does… I had a friend who had the LOUDEST alarm on his phone. It was an actual klaxon sound and it didn’t matter how deep you buried it in a bag or a filing cabinet or whatever, it was too loud to ignore. Super handy for finding it no matter how lost it was! And it could be triggered from a computer.
Get a simar app – not a klaxon as you don’t want to scare the rest of the class, but a noise loud enough she can’t ignore and has to be unlocked to stop! Mooing cows or a thunderstorm or crickets or whatever. And from now on when she steals your phone, use it. Put the attention on her. Make her possession of your phone her problem instead of yours.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“She IS stealing your phone though. She is opening your bag and taking it out. Her motivation (to make a funny joke) does not change the nature of what she’s doing.
Why wouldn’t you speak to your professor about this if it is happening in her class? (I am an associate professor, in Australia, and I think it would be reasonable for students to come to me with this concern or any other related concerns regarding being repeatedly bullied in my class).
The professor should be ensuring that there is a safe environment for all students where their things do not get stolen. We are all adults in the workplace but I would still report this kind of behavior to my supervisor if it happened on the job. I don’t get this ‘this would be so embarrassing and not the done thing in Italy’.
I’m not sure if this is a student vs professor perspective or actual cultural differences.
Anyway, NTJ. This is incredibly intrusive. People have their whole lives on their phones (sms, email, apple wallet, and sometimes personal photos). And phones are really expensive.” cynical_overlord1979
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Cousin's Wedding Without My Fiancé?
“My cousin’s getting married in December and she handed out the invitations a few days ago.
To my surprise, my fiancé and partner of 8 years were not invited as my plus one, plus as a member of our family.
My mom was annoyed by this move because many of us found it completely disrespectful for my cousin and her partner to exclude a long-term partner, who’s also my fiancé from this.
For the record, my cousin and I are very close. We’ve grown up together. We were like best friends growing up and only grew apart because of conflicting schedules and stuff.
Her fiancé and soon-to-be husband is a lovely guy. She’s been with him for 4 years but he’s not been around the family a lot. Even my cousin’s own parents have only met him around 5-6 times throughout the years.
While my fiancé is at this point an established family member. He’s been around for nearly a decade, was around even before we started going out, he’s been with me since we were in high school. He’s always around and with me on most family occasions and even in everyday life stuff, most of my extended family knows this man a lot.
The same can’t be said for my cousin’s fiancé. Which is okay but I’ll explain why I’m highlighting those details so much.
My cousin said that she doesn’t consider my relationship with my fiancé serious enough and she and her fiancé don’t know him that well and she’s got the rule that ‘if I wouldn’t treat him out to dinner then why should I feed him at my wedding’.
That’s funny coming from a couple, where the fiancé is barely around and we’ve only seen him a couple of times all these years.
Anyway, after some back-and-forth conversation with my cousin I told her I’m not gonna come to her wedding because this is really hurtful and if she feels like that then fine, I respect her wishes and her wedding but I respect my fiancé more.
She then got mad that I prioritized my fiancé’s feelings over her wedding and said I’m letting her down because we grew up together and she can’t believe I put ‘this guy’ as she referred to him, above her and her happiness.
I told her I’m sorry but inviting me to your wedding is not a favor. You’re not doing me a favor.
If you can’t respect my relationship then don’t expect me to come on there and celebrate your love when you can’t even respect mine. I can’t force you to invite my fiancé but I can choose to stay out of it. My fiancé comes first. Your wedding means little to me when you set rules on how my relationship should be viewed.
We haven’t spoken since that day. I feel really bad for being so blunt with her and I don’t know if I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is standard wedding invitation etiquette 101: you invite spouses/fiancés. And more recently, this includes live-in partners (married or not). Even if the bride and groom haven’t met the partner, that partner/fiancé/spouse should be invited
Again. This is standard etiquette, that also extends outside of just weddings, like work functions or other family events, and the reason is (in part) because then avoids issues, like having to awkwardly ask if you can have a plus one
And it’s that way, for a reason. If the spouse or fiancé isn’t invited, it raises questions, gets tongues wagging, it causes one person to feel disrespected, and when they’re ‘back’ it becomes a question of ‘oh, I thought you two broke up.’ It is super rude to not invite fiancés
Not inviting a partner is more understandable, and giving people a plus-one is a courtesy.
But fiancés? You invite both, or you invite neither
She does not get to tell you that your relationship isn’t serious enough.” Zestfullyclean87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t bring up your or your fiance’s gender, but this sounds like a situation a lot of queer relationships go through.
If you guys are in a hetero relationship you just need to look at her commentary about it not being serious enough and note that her relationship is serious because she is now choosing to have the ceremony. So she’s feeling a spike of superiority over you given that she’s having a wedding.
You’re right not to go to this because I don’t believe people should go to weddings that they aren’t there to enthusiastically support and share in the joy of.
And I feel like that kind of love and support is a two-way street. Your cousin choosing to take this opportunity to demean your relationship, when you two to your knowledge we’re so close and in a loving family relationship, is a huge betrayal.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To me, it sounds like she is insecure and jealous of your relationship.
Your fiance has shown he wants to be a part of the fam and clearly is a part of it. This brings everyone closer all around and from the sounds of it sounds very healthy. Sounds like maybe her own fiance simply does not want to build and put in the work for those connections as evidenced by his absence even though they are getting married. I imagine this could make her insecure and seeing you two together could bring those emotions up on her wedding day.
I’m not excusing her if that’s what’s going on she needs to work through it and be better. Her also playing pretend like your fiance isn’t serious is weird and wild and a way to honestly gaslight you I think. Also, how could she even say those things but you two are also engaged? All arguments of non-seriousness based on marriage are void because you guys are literally getting married?” Appropriate_Oven_360
12. AITJ For Letting My Sick Wife Take Care Of Our Two Toddlers By Herself?
“I (M36) and my wife (F35) have a 3-year-old daughter. I have long-standing issues with my wife’s SIL because I think that my wife constantly panders to her, and caters to her every whim, often at the expense of me and my daughter. Recently we had a huge fight about her saying something offensive to me in a public setting in defense of SIL, at our daughter’s expense, and up until this point she has tried to do better.
We’ve both been floored with the flu for the past 10 days or so. She seems to have had it slightly worse than me, so I’ve been tagged in to do all chores, childcare, and cooking while she’s tried to get as much rest as possible. This has now trickled into a week I booked off work on a holiday, which doesn’t bother me in itself because I’d rather make sure they were both ok.
I am, however, starting to feel really run down myself now. I’m tired, I’ve had limited opportunity to rest and catch up on sleep, and I’m sore.
Today my wife woke up at around 9:15 AM (I’d been up since 6:30 with my daughter) and said she was feeling a bit better. I said that’s great, and maybe she could hold the fort while I went for a nap?
She said that what she was ACTUALLY thinking was inviting SILs youngest round for a playdate, to keep our daughter occupied. For reference, she is 3. This isn’t an uncommon thing to happen – SIL often brings her kids to us (and for reasons I still don’t understand, our daughter is never invited to spend an afternoon with them in their house).
I said that I really wasn’t feeling up to it today. My wife said that I wouldn’t have to do anything to entertain them which I was skeptical about but I still agreed.
So about 15 minutes after she arrives, I’m asked to get them drinks and snacks, and then play games and occupy them. Now, I’m aware that I’d have needed to do this for my own daughter – but going from 1 to 2 toddlers is such a huge leap in terms of the demand on your time and energy.
Add this to the fact that I was feeling lousy, and it just wasn’t a good mix. I’m off work this week, and on top of my illness, I didn’t sign up for extra childcare duties.
After about 2 hours, I told my wife that I was going up to my mum’s house to get some sleep. The whole way up, she was phoning and texting me, absolutely furious that I’d left her to deal with it.
I’m literally lying in my mum’s spare bed writing this now, but my brain is too wired to sleep. AITJ? I know it’s trashy leaving her while she’s sick to deal with two toddlers, but after so long holding the ball, I’ve reached my limit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to let your wife know you’re shutting your phone off for a while and in case of emergencies call your parents.
Get the rest that you need. Once you are feeling better ask her to talk. You need to make sure your needs are also being met in this relationship. You took care of your wife and daughter when they were sick, as you should. It’s not ok that when you needed a break your wife’s wants trumped your needs.
It’s also very concerning to me that she told you what you wanted to hear to get you to agree to have the niece over, then switched it when the niece got there. It sounds like you need to set some boundaries here and really hold your wife to them.” crazybirdlady93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Oh sweetie, no, absolutely not the jerk.
I already feel for you at that point. Being sick even if you are recovering only to now have more thrust on you to take care of children when you already are caring for a 1-2-year-old and a grown adult. That is already a lot including the house. Now to add another child who your wife says you don’t have to do anything only to immediately kick that off to you.
You still need rest. I see nothing wrong with it and the way she reacted made her realize now she has to put up with the children she dumped on you.” MsNeedSleep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she said you’d not have to do a thing, so you could take a nap you needed. She didn’t let you nap. You were against the child coming over in the first place.
More importantly, who invites a child over to a house full of sick/recovering people?! She thought she was up for it and turns out she wasn’t; you had already informed her that you certainly weren’t.
When recovering, it’s always best to be modest. Think you can take care of all those groceries and the bank trip as well as the gas and the dog’s grooming?
Prioritize. Get the gas and go to the bank, get at least part of the grocery list if you’re feeling up to it after those two. Stop there and do the rest another day. Be real with yourself, if no one else, about your limits and your energy levels. You did that here – she did not.” TrelanaSakuyo
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Wife For Waking Me Up?
“My (M) wife (F), Sonia, is a stay-at-home mom of our 2 children (7M and 5F).
I really try to help with the kids when I get home, I know being a stay-at-home mom is pretty tiring even though she has part-time off from school, but helping with homework, making food, and taking care of kids can be exhausting.
When I get home, I make dinner, wash the dishes and stay with our children for a while so she can have her moment too.
These weeks have been pretty exhausting. It is a very important month professionally, in November will be the delivery of a 6-month project that my team and I are idealizing.
Last week was the final touches and review of the entire project, so I went to work at 8 AM, got home at 5 PM, took care of my kids until 9 PM, and was actually working until 3/4 AM.
To maybe get 4/3 hours of sleep (I have trouble sleeping). So if I slept 12 hours in 5 days it was a lot.
I was exhausted, I wasn’t even driving because I didn’t trust my senses to drive. I couldn’t vent to Sonia, because she was stressed too (our children had the flu).
I was dragged to the hospital by my co-workers after nearly passing out for only walking.
The doctor demanded that I take a week’s medical leave because I was already on the verge of burnout.
When I got home, I spoke to my wife and she seemed to be understanding. I asked her to give me a day off from everything, as I would try to get as much sleep as possible that night to come back better.
She said fine. I offered to also give her a day off because I know she was tired too.
I went to sleep at 9 PM and woke up to Sonia nudging me to take the kids to school (I walk with them). I talked about what we talked about yesterday and she said: ‘Yeah, but that’s your part of the morning and I have other morning plans’ (yoga class, gym, and house cleaning).
I asked her 3x more to do this for me, as I was still exhausted (6:30 am), but she just said ‘You’re still a father, tired or not’.
It could be being tired or not, but I ended up losing my mind and screaming ‘I just need a few hours of sleep, please respect what I asked of you yesterday and let me sleep, man.’
She was in shock and said okay then. She took the kids and I slept until 4 PM.
There were several messages from her saying that I shouldn’t have yelled at her for asking me to take responsibility as a parent and that it was toxic behavior of mine.
Well, we haven’t talked much more than necessary for 2 days.
AITJ?
Yes, I could take them, but as I said in the text, I have a lot of trouble sleeping, after getting up and taking them, it would take a good few hours to get back to sleep, even exhausted.
Our children stay from 7:15 AM until 1 PM at school. My wife picks them up from school and stays with them until 5 PM when I get home.
The things she does (gym and yoga) take up 2 hours a day. When she gets home, she ‘cleans’ the house (sweeps, waters the plants, washes clothes, makes lunch, absolutely everything in the house).
I don’t think the division of tasks is so unfair because I’m not 100% the one who takes care of the kids at night, while I make dinner and wash the dishes, she stays with them and we also have family moments (my kids are in the Spirit-seeing phase – series and movie – a thousand times).
I don’t think it’s that unfair, because it’s chaotic sometimes. And I know that being responsible for our kids all day is exhausting, so I offered the same to her later.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously it’s not cool to lose one’s sanity on their partner, but it sounds like nerves are frayed right now. You did agree on you getting a reprieve that day, she wasn’t so sensitive to that.
There will be a time when roles are reversed, so it’s a good opportunity to have experienced when someone doesn’t understand what you need… you’ll be able to be more compassionate for them.
I’d apologize for losing my cool in that situation and move on. A good marriage means both people seeing what they could have done better… seems like she was a bit over-focused on her needs, so it would be great if she owned that part of it.” ZsoSo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife is wrong. You were signed off by a doctor with what sounds like exhaustion.
You were asking her to take responsibility as a parent, as she has the kids for 2 hrs a day really. She was more than capable of taking them to school but simply didn’t want to because what she wanted was more important.
Yoga and gym class isn’t more important than your health, or an alert and a competent adult walking young children to school.
And as others have said, your division of labor seems really out of joint.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He went to the hospital for exhaustion. Any normal spouse would be worried out of their minds and making sure they were getting enough sleep and relaxation.
I know I would. I understand how you were feeling 100%. That said, maybe apologize to her and tell her how you felt at the moment. Assure her it’s not an attack on her, it was a miscommunication somewhere and next time you’ll make sure you’re more clear. It seems she expected you to still do the bare minimum, as she probably wanted her breaks too.
Let her know she has a day off, you’ll take the kids all day. Lack of sleep will literally make your brain not work correctly. I hope you can strike a balance and seriously start taking care of yourself. Don’t overwork yourself anymore.” Stunning_Bottle8138
10. AITJ For Making My Mom Uncomfortable With How I Sit?
“Every night my mum says I (21) look like a barbarian because of how I sit at the dinner table and that she just wants me to sit like a normal human.
Our dining table chairs consist of two wooden benches (no backs) and two old woven chairs that poke you when you sit on them. In order to sit comfortably at my spot on the bench, I sit with one leg dangling and one leg on the bench with my knee pulled towards my chest. The only person who has a problem with how I sit is my mum.
The other night, after a day of drinking, she sits down and begins her spiel about how I sit. I tell her that the chair is uncomfy and what does it matter how I sit. She says it isn’t the right table manners.
My brother (16) comes down with his AirPods in blasting music. I make a joke about having some live music with dinner and this sets my mum off as she starts yelling at me.
I say if I have to sit normally then my brother can take his headphones out. She yells at me some more and I interrupt her ‘what was that thing you always told me when my brother kept stealing my food? Oh yeah, pick your battles’. She comes back with ‘you don’t want me to pick my battles because you will lose’.
I had to hold back cringing.
She tells me if I have a problem with the rules I can move out.
I leave the dinner table and she continues to have a go at my two siblings (16,23).
Later on, she calls us all into the garage and says that she’s done and we need to start respecting her and dad as parents and take care of the house.
We explain that we feel like we do respect them and even if there are times when we aren’t on top of chores they always get done.
We say respect goes both ways and we often feel disrespected when she yells at us. She says because they are parents they deserve more respect, we say we deserve equal respect as we’re all people.
She blatantly says that she does not believe we are equals.
The next two days she continues to ignore me but act friendly towards the rest of the family. I continue to be polite and greet her when she gets home, I’m not super friendly because she has not apologized for everything she’s said.
She offers my brother and dad food but not me and is very passive-aggressive.
Rather than ask me to move out of the way of the cutlery drawer she decides to open it into my hip.
At the end of the night, she’s looking for a Tupperware container. She asks my sibling if they have it but gets my dad to ask me if I have it and I tell him that not only is it mine but I’m using it.
He relays the message to mum who proclaims that ‘she needs to get over herself’.
I’ve asked my siblings if she has apologized to them and told them how she’s been acting to me. They have ignored the messages and everyone’s making me feel like I’m in the wrong.
I acknowledged to mum when we were in the garage that at dinner I was a little rude and I apologized for that, other than that the rudest I’ve been was when I told my partner that we were lucky to not have to eat with her for dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she’s going to claim you aren’t equal because you’re her child, she doesn’t get to physically assault you in lieu of manners without it being a terrible treatment toward a child. The relationship changes when the kids become adults, and a parent shouldn’t compensate for the perceived loss of control with bullying and micromanaging.
She’s trying to treat you like children because she doesn’t want you to grow up, but the more she does this kind of thing, the faster she’s going to push you out.
If she wants to be passive-aggressive at you and intentionally exclude you from meals like you aren’t a part of the family, it’s time to start treating your room like it’s an independent flat and live in it like you aren’t a part of the family.
Buy and make your own food and eat separately. Make sure you’re doing your own laundry and dishes, but don’t do anyone else’s. She’s being insanely petty, and you can beat her at her own game just by exhibiting in your behavior that you don’t require her to do anything for you.” untenable681
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Parents and children are not equals, parents are the authority over the house and family until the kids grow up and move out.
Seriously, just sit down and think about everything that parents do and how much they’re responsible for – the buck stops with them, so yes, they’re in charge. Time enough to be friends After the kids become functioning adults. And if the chair is that darned uncomfortable, go out and buy yourself a proper chair that feels good to you – you’re well old enough to be thinking about solutions instead of blathering on at your mum like a hormonal 15-year-old.” cjennmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Overall you aren’t the jerk. As long as you acknowledged you were rude and apologized your mother is overreacting. Everyone at every age deserves respect from everyone. The parent/child relationship does not negate the right to be respected or be respected less because you are the child. My advice is to simply move out and start your independent adulthood as soon as you can and do what you need to in regards to relationships to stay mentally happy and healthy.” iangel19
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You probably SHOULD move out. Having one knee up to your chin is pretty audacious dinner table behavior but so is your brother wearing headphones. And your mother thinking you don’t deserve respect may have to do partly with the fact that you’re still living under her roof and have no idea how difficult it can be to run and finance your own household without some issue here or there.
It’s not a big deal to you that the chores aren’t done on time because the fallout of that is not yours to bear. If CPS were called on your mom, the chores you didn’t do on time would be held against your parents. Or bugs could start to get in, or a guest might be grossed out in your home… so many different things that can go wrong when everyone isn’t doing their part in the home.
It can also be expensive. Something you’re not really in the know about if you’re still living with mom and dad. Perhaps you’d get that respect you desire if you were living on your own. At the very least you’d be in a much better position to DEMAND that respect at that point.” jammy913
9. AITJ For Buying My Daughter A Flip Phone?
“I (54F) am a single mother by choice to my daughter Claudia (14F) who I adopted as a baby.
I realized I was a lesbian early on in my life, but I couldn’t safely come out because of my family’s religious beliefs. For the sake of a stable life, I repressed myself.
I hate living a lie and I raise my daughter on the grounds of not lying, no matter how big or small an issue is. I’ve also made it clear to my daughter that I’d support her no matter her gender.
Two days ago, Claudia asked me when the appropriate time to have a ‘special someone’ was. I told her that she could have one as long as it wasn’t becoming too much of a distraction.
She nodded and went back to her room. I became suspicious of her behavior but I decided to let her have her significant other if that’s what she so wanted.
Claudia started becoming more and more distant. I asked her for permission to go through her phone to see what exactly she was hiding from me. She reluctantly agreed.
In her phone were photos in February of this year of her and another girl. Ok, they were friends, no big deal. It wasn’t until I scrolled back down that I realized she was holding hands with the girl.
I freaked out. Not because she’s a lesbian, but because my ultra-religious parents pay for her education, and were planning on paying for her college. As I said, I’m a single mother who has stable finances but wouldn’t be able to scrape money together for college in just four years.
I told Claudia that I was taking her phone and instead giving her a flip phone where she could still call people.
I just didn’t want pictures to get onto social media or have any of my relatives find the pictures of them holding hands. My parents would cut the money they give me to afford extra commodities.
These stakes are huge, and I feel bad because now Claudia won’t speak to me. She told me that a flip phone is nothing compared to an iPhone.
I cannot tell her the real reason, even though she already probably knows. I feel like such an a*s because I’m not homophobic, I’m lesbian! It’s just money that controls all in the end.
I’m doing this all to protect her, and I hope she will be able to adjust to the new change. I just can’t lose the money my parents are giving me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She wasn’t lying to you, you said you made it clear you were okay with her gender and then backpedaled as quickly as possible when you found out she wasn’t hetero. Even if you weren’t lying to her, you showed you were. How could she ever trust YOU again?
Your daughter is old enough to make sure she understands that you can’t afford to pay for her to go to college and that her grandparents are bigoted. If they were the true problem, and not you, then punishing her for being who she is wouldn’t have been the go-to.
Explaining that they can’t know until after they funded her education so that if they decide to pull the bigoted hatred card, she got her ‘revenge’ for their behavior in advance.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re a mother who actively chose to have a child (Claudia was adopted, not an accidental pregnancy) so you should have planned for the financial costs of raising a child without help from your bigoted but rich parents.
As harsh as it is, and this is coming from a fellow queer woman, Claudia’s grandparents aren’t obliged to fund her college education unless there was some legal contract signed. A big part of raising a family is planning for the worst and forgoing certain things in life when rainy days hit.
If for whatever reason you can’t make more money to send Claudia to college yourself, then at least give her the choice over what she wants to do with her gender and studies, because this is her future, not yours.
Be upfront with Claudia about the terms and conditions behind the money. Does she even want money from homophobes who would hate who she truly is? Does she want to attend college? Is she willing to hide her identity and not date till she’s in her 20s?” LindenDrive
Another User Comments:
“You hate living a lie and have raised your child on grounds of not lying because you know repressing that part of you is incredibly painful…
But you do it anyways.
You need to figure something out as soon as possible because what you’re doing, is just about the same thing you’ve been afraid of your parents doing. You’re making your daughter not feel welcome and free in her own home. Because of something she can’t change and because of how she is.
You are shaming her because of your own fears, thus, you are creating a negative environment, and your daughter will see this as punishment.
She will no doubt develop further anxiety because of this.
Because you can’t figure out something else.
You’re her mother. You have to do better than this. This is not okay. This is teaching your daughter that she should hide who she is. This is forever going to haunt her like it haunts you.
Do you really want that? Make the change.
YTJ.” Daligheri
8. AITJ For Being Surprised When A Brand Wants My Wife To Model?
“My wife (23F) and I (24M) have been married for 5 years.
We have a one-year-old son together. In high school and the early years of our marriage, my wife danced for a ballet company and did commercial and fitness modeling on the side to make ends meet.
Now her ballerina days are behind her and we moved back to our home state for my job. She is now in school hoping to become a sports psychologist one day.
However, because of our finances, she teaches at a local dance school and does freelance photography to make ends meet. Her photography business actually has gotten quite a few clients and I guess that put her in contact with various local brands and businesses.
One of her clients told her that if she still did fitness modeling that she should go to a casting call for some new fitness brand.
When she told me I was supportive but didn’t think anything would come from it. Because while my wife eats healthy and exercises she hasn’t been doing the intense workouts she did when she danced professionally and she has had to buy a new size of pants for everything.
Today she got a call saying they wanted her to model for them and she was so excited. However, I guess I looked sort of awkward because I know the beauty standards in our part of Arizona are pretty much geared towards extremely fit where healthy eating and exercising is a full-time job.
So I kind of shrugged and said ‘Wow – I can’t believe it.’ My wife asked what I meant. I said that it wasn’t what I thought but that it seemed even the local beauty brands wouldn’t welcome stretch marks and loose skin (no matter how subtle).
My wife got offended and said, ‘well they do not seem to notice or care that my body has birthed a child – but thanks for pointing out I look different – it seems to bother you.’ I said that wasn’t what I said but that I guess I thought beauty standards were what they were and she walks away and says that it is at least what I was thinking.
AITJ for being surprised my wife booked a modeling gig?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The absolute audacity astounds me.
As a Pan woman, this kind of thing right here is why I’m taking a long break from het men.
Her photography business ‘actually’ has gotten a few clients. Like… it’s a surprise to you. Wow, this thing she’s spending time and effort on is actually working.
You ‘were supportive’ but didn’t think anything would come from it. What does ‘supportive’ mean in this context?
And she had to buy new pants! How dare she expect to be found beautiful in larger pants?!
What gets me is you said, ‘Wow – I can’t believe it.’ And she gave you a chance to save yourself. Her asking what you meant was your one chance to realize you messed up and remove your foot from your mouth.
But instead, you doubled down. TRIPLED down.
With quite possibly the WORST thing you could go with. You were so specific with the loose skin and stretch marks. Like… way to knife the mother of your child in the back and twist it.
Also… what kind of modeling? Is she going to be wearing revealing clothes? Because if not… why on earth are you bringing up stretch marks and loose skin?
If it’s a fitness brand then she’s going to have clothing on, and loose skin doesn’t show under spandex leggings.
But even if it did? So? The client liked her enough to hire her. Loose skin and stretch marks aren’t a big deal. It’s frankly weird that you focused enough on them to rattle them off like that.
You’re the jerk because it really appears like you’re surprised by any accomplishments she’s done that you mention here.
Or you belittle them in some way.
Your wife sounds like a catch – she has interests and passions, and she’s going to school and working 2 jobs on TOP of being a new mother. She appears to be a team player and a partner given what she’s doing to try to help the household. She sounds creative and must be caring to study what she’s studying.
If you don’t want her send her my way. She sounds e****g amazing.
Edited to add – Grovel my friend. Flowers, wining and dining, the works. And IF she forgives you, put in some work on yourself. Train your brain to look for the amazing things about her, every day. Because what you focus on becomes all you can see, and dude… bro… you are clearly focusing on the wrong things.” GoldenGoof19
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She looks different because she birthed your child but obviously she is still a beautiful woman. Obviously, you don’t appreciate her. Don’t be surprised when someone else does and you end up being on the outside. Remember, she can lose weight and tone up. Keep it up and part of that weight loss may equal your weight.” Public-Ad-9827
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you married a beautiful, intelligent, go-getter woman with her own business and are feeling extremely inadequate and threatened by her. Your pathetic attempts to neg her and bring down her confidence aren’t working huh? Feel like you’re losing control and she might wise up and realize what a guy with as little to offer as you are and leave you?
It’s the only explanation for this sad and means display of yours.
YTJ – either go get yourself therapy to learn how to be a self-confident person who isn’t threatened by their partner to the point they have to look down on them and tear them down if they show any signs of success or growth or self-confidence that isn’t 100% dependent on you.
Or leave this woman alone, if you can’t stand to see her being successful and happy without you being the source, leave her so that she can thrive on her own instead of trying to force her to be smaller than you are.
A real man would be happy and proud of his wife if she was like yours. Don’t let your insecurities project onto her.” HelpfulName
Now that you see how ridiculous you sound, I'll answer. YES, you're the jerk. SHAME ON YOU!!! I hope your gorgeous, successful, intelligent, caring wife ditches your whiny jealous @*$ and finds someone worthy of her. You don't deserve or appreciate her.
7. AITJ For Suggesting That My Fiancée Pick Up Shifts?
“My (28F) fiancée and I (28M) moved states about a year ago, she got into RN school and we packed up and left in a matter of 2 weeks.
When we moved neither of us had jobs so we did a lot of grocery delivery services, the ones you see in commercials. Luckily gas prices were low at the time so it made due for the time being. I finally got a full-time job about 45 minutes from our apartment. Obviously not great for time-driving purposes but hey guaranteed money right?
Fast forward about 4 months, she got a full-time job working in a hospital setting while still doing school. Full-time in medical fields is about 36 hours a week but usually, 12-hour shifts, still kinda in the vid protocols too. She hasn’t been happy for the last few months in this position but with graduation on the horizon, it’s going to be better.
Here is where I’m not sure if I’m the jerk. I picked up another job, self-employment officiating youth and adult sports (yes we always need more). So on top of my 40 hours, I’m working an additional 15 hours during the week and another 16 on the weekends (sometimes more). We are moving apartments for more space in about 5 weeks and we split the cost of rent (just rent, I cover insurance/internet/electricity/etc.), but in total, we are going up about $800 per month in rent alone.
We wanted more space but she had some things that were non-negotiable in the search that drove the price up. After a certain point, I had enough off looking at apartments and said ‘I don’t care. Find the one you like and I’ll figure out how to make it work’. So to help offset that cost, I picked up this side hustle.
Decent pay just not home much anymore, plus the paid workout is nice. Now I haven’t asked her to pick up more shifts at work or find another part-time thing to do for money as I know she has a lot on her plate at the moment, but the exchange we had a few days ago upset me.
She told me that she feels disconnected because I’m not home and we don’t get ready for bed together or watch TV together anymore, or if I am home (rare) I play sudoku or watch things on social media (we watch tik tok together a lot because we send each other funny things) but I was called out for watching it ‘on my own’.
So I kind of snapped and told her that if she didn’t want me gone so much to pick up extra at work so I wasn’t working over 60 hours a week to make sure we had a roof over our heads. We have hardly talked in a few days. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think anyone’s a jerk here.
I think you’re both stressed out and you miss each other, so you need to build in some time for a meaningful connection. you are both working towards a future together that you want and maybe finances are tight for a while. she got a little weepy about it and complained, you’re tired from work so you snapped.
My suggestion is that you both apologize to each other and hold hands, make a full minute of eye contact, and then try to find a solution.
Things are different now. Maybe she misses those routines, but perhaps you make a new routine, something that’s not time-based, so you can do it together in whatever free time you have.” hallowiener8D
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you washed your hands of finding an affordable place and ended up with one outside your price (as far as your story goes you never discussed the increase in cost and how to cover it)
The situation has been fueled by her choices but you have made poor decisions with adapting to them (not talking about covering costs or why you took on more work) and snapped at her when you seem to have had major communication gaps.” Significant_Win6431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She can’t complain that you’re not home and spending time together when you’re out working to earn funds for the things she’s made non-negotiable.
So ask her what’s more important, the time together or the non-negotiables in the new place, cos she can’t have both if she’s not willing to work for it too.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’ve been working 60+ hour weeks to cover your partner, which she is aware of… And she knows where that money goes… And why you had to work more…
You are getting burned out working 60+ hours a week. It happens. And you snapped at some inane comment because you’re burned out working so much.
The good news is that in a little while she gets a pay increase and you can drop your side gig. The bad news is that you both need to apologize to each other. You for snapping at her for missing you.
Her for not thinking through her comment about you ‘never being home.’
This is just a thing that happens when everyone is working too much and is tired and stressed.” JetItTogether
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel With My Friend Again?
“I (23f) traveled to a nearby beach with three friends, but the one this is about is Thalia (26f).
Day one was alright, but during dinner, she was chewing with her mouth open and the noise was just stressing me, and when we were getting ready for bed she decided to sleep with only a thong on. We asked her to put a shirt on but she said she didn’t bring one to sleep in.
The next day it was fine, ignoring the fact that she was walking around the room getting ready with the same outfit for bed, leaving the room a mess with her things spread through the whole room, and that she had dirtied the floor with her popsicle.
She also left the stick on top of the mini-fridge instead of in the trash.
That night we decided we would go to a bar, but wouldn’t drink too much because we were in a different city that we didn’t know very well, and we all agreed we would be aware.
Each of us had the same drink, but we decided to stop at the third and we felt absolutely no effect, but she Thalia kept drinking and ordered a shot.
She was gone for 30 minutes without telling us, while we were worried sick. She ignored us and continued drinking. We all agreed it was time to go back.
At this moment, we realize she is extremely wasted. Stephanie’s mom called her and she answered it with ‘Stephanie, your stupid mom is calling’. We took the phone from her and apologized, but the phone stayed with me when we hung up.
She gave us trouble getting into the uber, going up to our bedroom, and taking a shower.
The next morning, the bathroom was covered in vomit. On the way back to our city she was breathing deeply the whole way but didn’t say anything, when the car stopped, she vomited while still in the car. This is the second time she does that, drinks too much and vomits in the car.
But as always she didn’t apologize.
I admit we all have an episode much like this one, but this being the second time she acted like that put me on edge. It’s been three days since we got back and she didn’t apologize for anything she did. I told her I wouldn’t be traveling with her again because I don’t want to risk a repeat of this weekend.
It was supposed to be fun, to take our minds off of work, but the only thing I feel when I remember this trip is stress.
She said that I was being a jerk, too sensitive and that I should just forget and move on. The other girls agree she was way out of line, but still… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who constantly feels the fury of hormones, let me reassure you that you are mostly justified in your outrage. (The messy room thing or chewing with her mouth open are forgivable offenses.)
The thong sleeping (shudder) and overdrinking episode show me that your friend is immature, mentally unstable, or perhaps both.
Her fun time seems to involve herself without disregard for how her actions could impact your time away.
It’s one thing to drink and have fun, but to disregard all limits (especially when you’ve discussed only having a drink) shows she doesn’t really know how to limit herself.
I’d definitely leave her behind next time. And her wrath about you leaving her behind? Brush it off. With behaviors like that, this girl will certainly plow through friends.” Princess-1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and bill her for the cleaning of the car and hotel bathroom. She insisted on walking around topless despite knowing you were not comfortable then got wasted, put herself at risk of vanishing without letting anyone know where she was going, insulted your friend’s mother, got so sloppy wasted she puked in the vehicle, and basically took zero responsibility for herself.
She’s a train wreck and has no shame, she didn’t even apologize for her intoxicated behavior so I’m guessing it’s the same as her sober behavior just without a filter. She didn’t just get wasted, she ruined the trip and has no remorse. Bill her for cleaning then cut off contact. She’s not healthy.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – vacation is about relaxing and having fun but she definitely doesn’t seem very considerate of her ‘friends’ – if I was in this situation I would be stressed too. It’s up to you if you want to vacation with someone but she also gave you enough reasons to show she isn’t a great travel buddy.
I hope that she tried to clean the bathroom! Because if not major major jerk. While on top of not apologizing for vomiting in someone’s car (whose car was it? An Uber driver or one of yours/your friends?)
I’ve also forgotten to bring items on vacation (ie her not bringing PJs) but would never think it was ok to just go without them and make people clearly uncomfortable (maybe she has a different relationship with her friends than I do with mine, I don’t know).
I would have just worn a day shirt as my PJs and doubled up on reusing my clothes to make up for that outfit or bought a cheap t-shirt on the trip. There are ways to get around it.
Being messy – eh there are just soooo many people that do this even though it is kind of inconsiderate when other people are sleeping in the same room with you but that’s how they live and that how they are.” TVDfan29
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Cry Herself To Sleep?
“So I and my fiancé have a 6-month-old baby girl. She was sleeping amazingly until now. She was sleeping from 1 am-10 am without waking up. Now she won’t sleep till 4 am and wakes up every 4 hours. Last night was a particularly hard night and we put her down in the crib and I couldn’t get her to stop crying.
My fiancé started saying that I just need to let her cry it out. I told him I didn’t want to and that it hurts me to hear her cry in pain. He shot back that his parents let him and his brother cry so did that mean they were bad parents? I said of course not and I wasn’t saying anything like that.
He went on about how I need to just let her cry and that it’s hard but I’m a big girl now and need to just tough through it. He told me ‘if I fall asleep and find out you went to her I’ll be upset’. I don’t know if he was joking or not but I started crying and he just fell asleep.
I feel awful because of what happened and feel like I’m the jerk because of it. He hasn’t brought it up yet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s allowed to disagree with your parenting choice, but the way he expressed it was just mean and controlling. I also don’t like the argument ‘my parents did it, are they bad parents?’ It immediately puts you on the defensive, because it makes and defense of your position an attack on his parents.
I bet his parents used crib bumpers too, but you don’t because it’s a SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) risk. Like, best practices change, and people in the past aren’t bad parents just because things are done differently now.
Is this kind of argument a habit with him? If so, I’d recommend individual counseling, so you can learn ways of responding to that kind of attack.
If it is a habit, I wouldn’t recommend couples counseling, as he’d just try to use the same techniques there.
On a practical note regarding the baby, she could be teething. I have good sleepers as well, but their sleeping always goes off when they’re feeling uncomfortable. My youngest just got her six-month vaccinations and is cutting her first tooth, so she’s insisting on being cuddles central at the moment.
It will pass, but in the meantime, I’m comforting my daughter who feels sick.” the_lusankya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the part that stood out to me is that she was crying in pain and your fiance wanted to let her ‘cry it out’. I’m betting she is teething, so letting her cry herself to exhaustion is cruel. The way your fiance handled your disagreement was heavy-handed and controlling.
First, he is NOT the boss. You are supposed to be a partnership. At the moment, the answer to, ‘if I fall asleep and find out you went to her I’ll be upset’ is, ‘you can be upset if you want to, that’s your choice’ and do what you feel is best for your baby.
However, it is best to look for advice from your pediatrician and other child development experts, not your or his parents.
Scientists have learned so much about early childhood development in the last several years making your parents’ generation’s parenting advice harmfully outdated and some of it downright dangerous (co-sleeping, anyone?)then you and your partner decide on a course of action together that will be healthiest for your baby. Lastly, teething. Her pediatrician should be able to give you guidance on how to soothe the pain to give her some relief.
Also, many times, when a baby is getting sick, they will be really fussy before they start showing symptoms, again not the time to let them cry it out.” Worth-Ad776
Another User Comments:
“4 am is a terribly bad time to be deciding your collective approach to soothing/controlled crying/etc.
This is something you both need to get straight on together as a parenting strategy, ahead of time.
Not something to argue about for the first time when the baby starts crying in the wee hours.
I’m not going to say which approach you should take because I’m not an expert. But you need to ask your relevant baby expert and also do some reading about the options so you are clear on what you’re doing and why.
Then both of you need to stick to the strategy you agree to.
You’re both doing what you think is ‘best’ for the kid right now, but you need to a) find out what actually is best for the kid and b) agree on it.
No jerks here, or maybe everyone sucks here for not having a plan on this already.” Left-Car6520
4. AITJ For Calling My Sister My Half-Sister?
“My (14M) mom passed away when I was 7. My dad pretty much drowned in his grief. My parents wanted one more kid but they wanted to wait until my mom finished her Ph.D. but she passed away before she could. A year after her passing my dad hooked up with a woman and got her pregnant and she left right after the baby (my little sister now 6F) was born.
He didn’t even say anything to me or introduce the woman as his partner. He barely acknowledged her the couple of times I saw her.
So it’s been my dad me and my sister. He always talks about my mom but tells my sister she was her mom too. He never mentions the woman. I never told my sister about her other mom but I think she should know.
I told my friend’s mom about how she was my half-sister and my dad somehow found out and he yelled at me for 10 minutes about how we were siblings and my mom was her mom.
I don’t think I was the jerk but my friends are not supporting me and my friend’s mom said I should apologize because I’m not old enough to understand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Biologically she is your half-sister. And when she gets older she needs to know that. Because any family medical history that you have will be 1/2 different for her because her mom has a different medical history than your mom. And IT WILL COME OUT, it needs to. If your mom’s family doesn’t have a history of certain kinds of cancer, and her biological mom does, it will affect when scans and tests are needed in her life.
Your dad is in denial, but as your sister gets older he needs to own up to this so that it doesn’t adversely affect her physical health. And the sooner he addresses it in a way that she can understand, the less it will affect her emotional and mental health too. Having a parent lying to you your whole life can cause all sorts of issues later on.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your dad shouldn’t be making up all these lies about you guys sharing the same mom, it just makes for confusion later and you should have a talk with him about it. Your sister is really young and in time the truth will come out but right now I think it’s not really necessary for you to point out that you’re only half-siblings, all it will do is make her feel the division between you.
I think you should simply acknowledge her as your sister and if it comes up later or she has questions then you can elaborate that you’re sisters through your dad’s side.
As it stands all either of you have is your dad so you should stick close to each other. You were fortunate enough to at least know your mom for a little while and it seems she’ll never have a chance for that with her own mother since she essentially abandoned her.
I imagine it must hurt a lot more to hear your mother willingly abandoned you rather than hearing stories of a loving mother who simply passed away and feeling like you at least have that shared experience with your sibling.” Substantial-Ad6622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it sounds like your dad had her to fulfill the dream of that second kid, for the sake of his grief.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that woman was just a surrogate since she so easily decided to have nothing to do with the baby.
Your father’s lie/denial is not your lie/denial. You have a right, to be honest, and say that your sister is your mom’s kid is a lie about your mother that doesn’t need to exist in your life.
In your dad’s, sure, that’s how he’s dealing with his grief (honestly, if that’s the case he needs therapy). But not yours. And, so long as the fact that she’s your half-sister doesn’t manifest into hatred for your half-sister, I say it’s fine to make that fact known. You should def tell your sister when she’s older, for the sake of medical and not living a false life.
But right now, as of 6, she doesn’t need to know. Maybe when she’s 10-13?” Fit_Potential2416
3. AITJ For Forcing My Brother To Help In Taking Care Of Our Mom?
“I (F27) live with my husband (M29).
My mom (F58) has early-onset dementia and was diagnosed around a year ago. She’s been living with me and my husband, as none of my other family members were willing to let her stay with them.
There was a certain pressure on me specifically to be the one to look after her because I happen to be a nurse and I should ‘know about this stuff’, but it’s a lot different when it’s your own mom.
I know she’s only going to get worse. At the moment, she’s still enjoying life and is quite happy to watch her favorite movies and play card games. She can’t be left home alone as she’s very vulnerable, and could accidentally start a house fire. She also frequently forgets where she is.
I have one sibling, an older brother ‘James’ (M36).
Until recently, James has never helped out with caring for our mother.
James lives with his wife (F35) and they have two kids, (M11) and (M8). I’ve asked James a few times in the past for help, and he frequently uses his kids as an excuse and says he’s too busy taking them to and from school or some extracurricular activity.
Over the past month, I’ve been a lot pushier with James and told him that she’s his mom too, and the least he can do is help out one day a week.
Now over the past month, every Sunday, James takes our mom out for the day, normally to go get coffee and go for a long walk in the park.
She really enjoys it and looks forward to it. It gives me and my husband a break as well.
James’ wife has made it very clear that she’s upset with me over this. She said I’m ‘stealing James’ and that James should be spending time with her and their kids. She accused me of making her life difficult and said that when James comes home from it, he doesn’t want to help out with housework or entertain the kids.
I told her that was not my fault and that our mom’s care needs aren’t negotiable, and it was not fair for me and my husband to do all of it when James is capable of helping.
She said we should just put her in a nursing home. I told her that we can’t afford a nursing home unless she and James want to go 50:50.
She said there’s better stuff they want to spend their funds on. I told her that’s tough t*****s and James will have to keep helping out then. She said I’m a jerk for ‘forcing’ James to help out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t mean to be, but your mom’s care is an enormous burden for you and your husband.
Your brother coming once a week for a few hours to help out is really the least he can do. If he’s too drained afterward to help with the kids or around the house, that’s really up to him and his wife to figure out. They chose to have kids, so that’s on them, that isn’t your problem. I’m sure you also have ‘better stuff’ to spend funds on, yet here you are providing what is basically full-time, round-the-clock care and funding it fully from what it sounds like.
Your brother’s wife is a major jerk for not even trying to be understanding.” Theabsoluteworst1289
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Children are not responsible for their parents. It is a nice thing if they decide to take care of them, but there is no obligation. Your brother has his own priorities and they don’t line up with yours. It was your decision to take your mother in.
If you cannot do it alone anymore you have to find a solution. It strongly depends on which country you are in, but many countries have federal programs to help elderly and disabled people. If you cannot financially pay for a nursing home you should take a look if your mother can apply for these programs.
Your brother has a right to live his own life.
It is not your place to guilt trip him into doing more than he wants to.” MillipedePaws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe a rotation would be better. I can understand that it would not be ideal for dad to be gone with mom every Sunday. And yes certainly you can bring the kids, but they are not going to want to go every Sunday either.
Especially as dementia gets worse, it can be confusing for the kids and grandma.
I’ll be honest though, this is a tough position. I do empathize with him having two kids and having to juggle this, but it doesn’t mean that you should be shouldering it all either. I think a different schedule might need to be worked out.
But also his wife’s stance that they have better things to spend their funds on is problematic.
Are they hurting for money? Don’t get me wrong, facility care IS expensive, but eventually, it’s going to be necessary and y’all really need to get a plan in place for that when happens.
And unfortunately, you need to recognize that though it might be what’s fair, you can’t force your brother to pay for any of that if he’s not willing to.
You may find yourself on the hook for her care expenses alone.” alyssinelysium
2. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend Her Wife Has Psychological Issues?
“I read medical records for a living, including imaging, physical therapy notes, neurologist visits, etc. I work side-by-side with doctors and psychiatrists and have for 13 years.
I have a friend whose wife suddenly became disabled by back pain, three months after he married her. One day she was active and happy, the next day she was totally debilitated and spends most of each day in bed. She did not suffer an injury.
Background: his last wife became disabled and he supported her for years. Wife #2 knows this.
I asked to see her imaging and was surprised at what I saw. I told her, ‘This doesn’t explain your pain.’ In his reports, her doctor described her as having a ‘heightened response’ to pain and said there was nothing more he could do for her.
My friend’s life is ruined. She can’t work, and he can’t support them both on his retirement benefits, so he’s had to go back to work. At home, he has to massage her and comfort her and do all the housework, shopping, etc. He has no time to himself, can’t leave her unattended, and can’t bring her with him. She has no insurance, but she’s covered by his, now that they’re married. He pays all the co-pays.
Even before this, she said she couldn’t work because of the global crisis, because of age discrimination, because there were no jobs that fit her skill set, because jobs she was overqualified for paid too little, etc. She talked about how she couldn’t work in every conversation I had with her.
I’ve tried asking him leading questions like, ‘Has her doctor discussed anxiety’s impact on pain?’ and, ‘What’s her doctor’s plan?
Surgery? (no) Physical therapy? (Didn’t help) Opiates? (She won’t take them) NSAIDs (Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatorys)? (She can’t take them) TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) unit? (Didn’t help) Acupuncture? (Didn’t help)’. His answer: ‘They don’t know what’s causing the pain, so they don’t know what to do.’ This is code for, ‘The etiology’s not physical.’ If there’s a possible physical reason for the pain, a doctor will explain and address it.
I’ve told him that in all my years, I’ve never seen this level of suffering from a (benign) condition like hers. I keep hoping he’ll put the pieces together: she needs counseling. She needs to see a pain specialist. She’s got a host of psychological problems: depression and bulimia are two she’ll admit. She appears to have features of a personality disorder or two.
She has no friends and her family barely speaks to her. This. Is. A. Psychological. Issue.
I can sit my friend down and explain what the imaging and exams mean including dermatomes and objective signs of impairment like reflexes, impingement tests, strength tests, and EMGs (Electromyographies).
Should I? He’s a very smart man. He seems to be almost willfully obtuse about this.
Maybe he’s not ready to know, doesn’t want to know. Maybe I should stay out of it.”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion YWBTJ if you did that. You’re not a doctor, despite your work experience, and even if you were you’re not her doctor. Anything you say will be dismissed and may have the added effect of having you fall out with your friend, in which case you’re unable to support him in any way.
You’ve already done what I would consider the most intense thing you can: gently offer a leading opinion and give him food for thought.
At the end of the day, he’s a grown man without impediments who makes his own decisions. All pushing harder and leveling accusations against his wife will do is make you an enemy when that’s likely the last thing you want to be here.
I don’t disagree with your assessment but hitting harder at the point with your friend isn’t going to achieve what you hope and might make it so your friend winds up isolated from outside perspectives altogether.” armchairshrink99
Another User Comments:
“While it’s clear that you are obviously concerned for your friend, YWBTJ to sit down with your friend and explain the imaging and exams, etc. You are not a doctor or a mental health professional.
It sounds like the symptoms you are describing could possibly be FND (functional neurological disorder) or PPS (persistent physical symptoms), which can cause numerous physical symptoms and presentations that do not have an ‘organic’ cause. The symptoms are NOT psychological, are very real and have a detrimental impact on someone’s day-to-day life, and are to do with ‘software glitches’ within the nervous system.
While it definitely sounds like your friend’s wife could benefit from psychological support, especially since she has disclosed feeling depressed and struggles with an eating disorder, it is ultimately her choice whether she engages with that or not.
A more helpful approach would be to point your friend in the direction of FND/PPS resources so he can make the decision as to how he wishes to support his wife.” definitely-someone-1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For reference, I am a p*************t.
You are not a medical professional of any kind. You have no expertise that enables you to determine whether or not this is of psychological cause. Nor can you determine whether she has a personality disorder. You use medicalized language to seem smart such as dermatomes but knowing their existence and understanding their relevance in various contexts is very different.
You are not HER medical professional. You are not entitled to her medical studies, nor are you able to make inferences about her care. You are not HER doctor and are not familiar with HER situation and symptoms.
Imaging is unreliable and often doesn’t reflect the symptoms. 30% of people in their 20s have a disc bulge on imaging but they are not always experiencing pain.
Likewise people with normal imaging experience tremendous amounts of pain. When we send for imaging we are looking for serious/sinister pathology. We are looking for tumors (benign or cancerous), major disc herniations or sequestrations resulting in neurological deficits, or fractures. Just because someone’s imaging is normal doesn’t mean their pain isn’t real.
Pain is multifactorial. It needs to be considered from a biopsychosocial approach and regardless of what factors are driving the pain, it is still disabling.
Pain is influenced by psychological factors, and pain is influenced by the environment, and the social situation (for example, socioeconomic status) as well as pathophysiological/pathoanatomical factors. All of these sensitize the ‘pain center’ in the brain and produce the sensation of pain. It doesn’t matter if the cause of the pain is still real. Saying someone’s back pain isn’t disabling because there are significant psychological drivers to their pain is insulting.
It is not something an individual can control.
The one thing that you have been accurate about is the need for a pain specialist and psychological input. I would also put in physiotherapy because most people try physio for a few weeks and then decide it doesn’t work when realistically most back pain patients need more time than a few weeks to notice a substantial improvement
It sounds like you would be offering unsolicited advice which is, by nature, not requested.” beyondthebinary
1. AITJ For Ignoring Our Daughter When She Tries To Get Our Attention?
“I have 2 daughters, one of them is Abi (22) and the other one is Ana (16)
When Abi was 16 she suddenly started to act weird like screaming and yelling for no reason. We were very worried about her so my husband and I put her in therapy and we did everything we could to help her.
Ana always tries to do whatever Abi does for example when Abi turned 14 she joined the basketball team.
When Ana turned 14 she did the exact same thing. There are many more examples
When Ana turned 16 she started to act exactly like Abi. It was clear that she is only doing this to get our attention and there is really nothing wrong with her so my husband and I decided to ignore her behavior hoping she would stop acting like this which after a month she did.
However now she is giving us the silent treatment, I was talking to my sister about this and she told me we are jerks for ignoring her when she tried to get our attention
Edit: I told her she should start seeing the school counselor. Her school has a really good counselor that could help her. She told me to ‘get lost’ which just proved that she doesn’t want help, just attention.
Now she is grounded and hopefully, this will help her to stop acting so childish.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Repeating her sister’s behavior at the exact age where she did it was deserving of therapy before all this. That is absolutely not healthy.
You say she was just trying to get your attention, so why weren’t you giving it in the first place?
Wanting attention from your parents is perfectly normal, ignoring your child is not. If she is so desperate for your attention she’ll do everything her sister did, that says you gave her sister all the attention and she now thinks to get the attention she has to be her sister.” justheretolurkreally
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Tell me you’re a narcissist who has made your youngest child your scapegoat in fewer words next time.
Your youngest daughter is clearly struggling if she is resorting to copying her old sister to get attention instead of developing her own personality.
Your favoritism for your eldest daughter is obvious to strangers on the internet – I’m sure your youngest child has also noticed it.
Ignoring problematic behavior isn’t going to make it go away – your 16-year-old daughter isn’t a puppy, and your attention isn’t all that valuable a reward, since you clearly don’t like your youngest child.” AcceptableEcho0
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It doesn’t matter whether a child’s illness is real or a scam, it is your job to treat it like it is real. Why? Because it demonstrates that being sick is serious, that it requires immediate medical evaluation, and that it should never be downplayed or ignored. These health lessons can save lives because they teach a person to listen to their body and prioritize self-care, which when done early can prevent or otherwise treat conditions that can ruin a life.
And if the child is faking, the child then must endure all the treatment hoops and maybe also being diagnosed by a professional as a faker, which is embarrassing and punishment in and of itself. A good child will not likely fake an illness again because they will not want to go through unnecessary doctor visits. And if you want to add additional punishment on top of it, you can make the child responsible for paying back costs associated with the health care (either as garnish allowance or as additional household chores) which were incurred due to fakery.
Finally, by treating all illnesses, whether real or imagined, as real, you show your child that you believe them when they say they need help for something out of their control. That trust is priceless and lays foundations for your child to behave similarly to their children, should they have them. It also encourages your children to be honest with you and to maintain an open dialogue about what they are going through and how they are feeling.
While you have established this relationship with your older daughter, you have seriously damaged it with your younger daughter.
You should admit to her you went about this the wrong way and consider family therapy to work through why she copycats and why you downplay and punish her when she copycats.” armchairepicure
