People Search For Answers In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Filing My Taxes Correctly?
“My (F22) mother and I have been arguing since January because I told her I will be filing my taxes as an independent this year. For some background, she has almost completely cut me off financially since I was 20 and she combined finances with her partner in my jr year of college.
It was very difficult to navigate in the middle of college but, I was fine with this and made it work, I do not expect her to pay for anything of mine.
In 2019 she did help me with my rent once (which she was paid back for) and came to visit me and took me shopping once as I was finishing my degree.
I was also still on her cellphone plan, which I have offered to switch to my own multiple times but, the whole year I have paid for my own everything, Rent, Utilities, Groceries, Clothing, etc.
I mentioned to her how I needed a W2 that was sent to her house from an old job because I was doing my own taxes the following weekend and she threw a fit.
Saying how she should get to claim me because I was on her cell phone plan and she deserved the dependent tax credit and the credit from me being a college student that year because if she didn’t get it, it would be a waste.
I told her how I had supported myself that year and I was on government assistance for one month while I was between jobs where I put on my application that I was living independently of her (because I am) so even if she wanted to, she could not.
It’s also worth noting that while I was between jobs she found out and called me screaming saying how I better not ask her for any money while I was out of work, and I didn’t. She thinks she deserves it because “she birthed me and she will claim me for as long as she wants”.
I told her thanks for the birth and for anything you have done to help me growing up, but I am an adult now and support myself. Then she said you’re not an adult, you were homeless for a week last year, you don’t have your own car, and you were on assistance.
It really hurt for her to bring all this up because I worked hard to get my degree and support myself in the last year and I have done it, with struggles but I have done it. She then went and told all of this to my extended family and now they only know her side of the story and think I am being the jerk in this situation (and I only know this because she made sure to tell me).
I filed mine and thought it was all over but today she and her partner called me crying and arguing that I need to refile because she only got 1/3 of what she normally gets and that’s not fair to her, and she helped me move and came and took me shopping and that drive cost her money so she should be able to get the credit because again, she gave birth to me and raised me.
She ended the conversation crying and again telling me how I am an ungrateful child, and honestly, now I feel bad, especially knowing how my extended family thinks of me now. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, NTJ, NTJ, NTJ!
Your mom is a piece of crap.
Legally she can’t claim you because she didn’t support you fully for at least 6 of the 12 months.
Her line about birthing you and that’s why she deserves it is UTTER HORSE CRAP. She made the choice to give birth to you, she made the choice to raise you, you had no say in any of it, it’s not your fault or responsibility.
DO NOT CAVE.
In fact, from this little bit, I’d further suggest you go full-on No Contact with her and any crappy family who think she’s right (especially if they’re not willing to listen to your side first).
You have worked hard to get where you are, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and to have the things you worked for, even if it’s just the right to file your own taxes.” thebaber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. File taxes appropriately. You can get into big trouble if you don’t and can get hit with major fines. They’ll see it as tax fraud and unless you’re super rich or have some kind of pull, you’re screwed. They won’t care what your mom said.
Adults can be claimed as dependents under certain circumstances, but paying the cell phone bill or occasionally helping out doesn’t meet the requirements.
Put in a change of address form immediately with the post office. You can do it online. Your mail will be forwarded.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a registered tax professional, SHE LEGALLY HAS NO LEGS TO STAND ON. SHE IS LYING, TAX WOULDN’T BE ON HER SIDE.
Here is the legal breakdown. You can claim a dependent student until 24. If you pay for their tuition. If said student makes more than 10,000 for the tax year., it’s over.
If said student pays for their own tuition, it’s over. If the student lives on their own and supports themselves, it’s over.
They are tested to pass the Residence test. Did DEPENDENT live with you or on-campus support? Did you provide 51 percent of all support income?
Did the dependant make less than 10,000? Did the dependant have taxable income, meaning does this dependent have to file a return? Will this dependent have tax liability? Your mom is wrong, you did nothing wrong, don’t amend your return. You will end up having to pay the tax and mom will not give you anything.
You are not for any purpose her dependant.” Ladyt1978
16. AITJ For Being Angry That My Cousin Stole My Baby Name?
“I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child – a little girl! I’ve known for years what I want to name my child.
The first name has sentimental meaning for me, and my husband and I chose the second name together. We’ve planned the name for years – when we started seeing each other and talking about the future, one of the things we always said was that our firstborn would have this name.
It’s gender neutral, so it didn’t matter if it was a girl or a boy.
As soon as we found out I was pregnant, we started referring to the baby by name. Because we’ve had this name in mind for so many years, our whole family knows the name and the meaning behind it.
We’ve already started decorating the nursery with little items that have the name or initials on them. There’s basically been no question that this would be our child’s name.
My cousin’s wife gave birth two weeks ago. They had refused to tell anyone what name(s) they were thinking about during the pregnancy, which is fine.
But the name that they ended up choosing is pretty much exactly the same as the name my husband and I chose for our baby. It’s exactly the same first name and then an almost identical second name. It would be like if our baby’s name was Mary Elizabeth, then the name they chose is Mary Eliza.
The actual name isn’t as traditional/common as that, so it really does stand out as being the same name.
I was pretty upset when I found out because they definitely knew the name we’d chosen and it feels weird and kind of spiteful to use it.
I know we don’t own the name or anything, so we can’t stop them from using it, but it still felt pretty icky. My husband and I basically decided to just be sort of privately weirded out but to try our best to ignore it.
I sent my cousin a text to tell him and his wife congrats on the baby and then didn’t reach out any further than that. I didn’t say anything to him about the name.
Well, it turns out that even though my husband and I are trying to take the high road here, the rest of the family is pretty mad.
Apparently, a bunch of them (including my cousin’s mom) have reached out and told my cousin and his wife that what they did is really crappy and that they need to think about changing their baby’s name. They’ve also reached out to me to say that they think it’s awful and that they know how much meaning the name has for me.
I absolutely didn’t ask them to do this, but I can’t pretend I’m not happy that people are “taking our side.”
My cousin called me yesterday and said that I need to call all of our family and tell them to stop pressuring him about the name and that I’m fine with it because they’re ruining his and his wife’s time with their newborn.
I have no intention of doing so because A) I didn’t ask them to talk to him about it in the first place and B) I’m not fine with it; I think it’s weird that he and his wife did this and I have no interest in defending him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d even go so far as to say they’re the jerk not only for stealing the name but for also trying to put stress on you while you’re pregnant.
The fact that they’re openly contacting you and demanding you take action means you likely need to give them some sort of response (vs just ignoring them).
And at this point, I think it’s fair to let your feelings be known. Otherwise, since others are being quite vocal, you’re going to run the risk of others continuing to speak on your behalf without you having a chance to set the record straight.
You can be calm, but firm and clear. Maybe something like:
‘I am pregnant and am dealing with enough on my own that I do not want or need to be involved in this. Their discussions with you are between you and them. I did not tell them to speak with you and have even kept my feelings to myself unless asked.
But, since you’ve now brought it up, I am personally hurt by your choice of name, given (insert examples of how the names were prominently discussed/displayed) and that you never even spoke with me about it, only to now try to have me defend your name choice to the family.
To be clear: I am not fine with it and have not told you I am. If other family members are also bothered and keep talking to you about it, that’s between you and them.'” karlamoonstonesofen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I definitely know how you feel.
I’m the oldest grandchild on my mother’s side of the family, and when I got pregnant everyone knew I was going to name my child after my grandfather. I was very close to that grandfather. Well, I suffered a miscarriage, and before I was able to get pregnant again, a cousin of mine had a child with his wife and used the name I had chosen.
Now, if he had also been very close to our grandfather I might not have been as upset as I was, but he wasn’t at ALL. In fact, he spent the entire time of our grandfather’s funeral making jokes with his sisters and making out with his (then) partner.
His mother even made excuses for her children being so disrespectful by saying they weren’t close to their grandfather. So the fact that he intentionally chose a name that he KNEW I had planned to use for my child simply because I lost my baby and didn’t get to use it absolutely infuriated me.
I still named my son the same thing I had planned originally, and I haven’t spoken to any of those cousins more than once or twice a year since then. Name your baby what you want to name him/her and let them deal with the repercussions of being absolute jerks.” quiltr
Another User Comments:
“A little different perspective which comes with my own personal experience. I’ll go with NTJ because you took the high road and your family is standing up for you so you don’t have to. Stay out of it.
My brother (stepbrother) and I share the same first name.
A cousin and I share a unique middle name which is a family name (he is adopted). As a child, I was upset I had to share my name with a brother who is 6 months older than me. 35 years later, we are extremely close and we reminisce about how much fun it is to have the same name.
A lot of jokes came out of it. As for my cousin and me, we both hold our middle name with a lot of respect for who we were named after (we are 3 years apart in age). Don’t make it a big deal for the children, let them grow together with the same name and make it fun for them.
Nicknames can be good too, which my brother and I had sometimes. Though when one of us got in trouble our first name was used and we would both book it out of the house and meet up to find out which one was in trouble.
Then the safe one would gleefully meander on home. Hopefully, your children will be the best of friends.
As for your cousins, it was not a good move on their part to take a name they knew you cherished a lot and wanted to give your firstborn.
It was a jerk move. How you deal with the situation with your cousin will be more important than holding a grudge and driving a wedge between the children.” OneManLost
When your child is growing up they won't be around this cousin much, right? Your child will know their name is special and why. I'm sure everyone will tell the cousin and his wife they were in the wrong the rest of the time they are around.
15. AITJ For Staying Up Late To Take Medicine?
“On Friday, I (20f) got a UTI and my doctor prescribed a medication that I’m supposed to take every 12 hours with food. I took my first medication around 12 pm because that’s when I had food and I wanted to get rid of the UTI as fast as possible.
I was already missing out on my classes for the day as well as an exam. At the time, I did think about how taking it at noon meant taking another one at midnight. I thought about just waiting until Saturday morning to take my first pill, but my mother convinced me otherwise and told me to rest on Friday, so I did.
I ended up going to sleep around 1 am on Friday (or Saturday morning).
My roommate (21f) confronted me last night (Sunday night) about why I was staying up late. I was confused as to why she was asking me because I did mention to her on Saturday afternoon that I was staying up an hour or so later than usual because of my medication and how I need to have food with it.
It seemed like she had understood the first time, however, she was in the middle of getting ready to stay over at a guy’s place that night.
She brought up how we have a roommate agreement form that we would be in bed by midnight and that she has insomnia, so it’s hard for her to sleep.
Up until she brought up the agreement form, I felt bad that I was keeping her up. When we were filling out the form, we said that we would generally be in bed by midnight anyways, however, I think this is one of those times that it’s acceptable to be up a little past midnight because it’s for my medication.
I was also peeved that she brought it up because she didn’t come back into the room until after midnight to begin with that night. She was out all day with a guy she’s been seeing. That wasn’t the first time that she’s come back to the room past midnight either, but I haven’t complained about it because it’s her life (I’m not her mom) and it didn’t bother me all that much.
Last night, I told her that I’d try to push back taking my medicine until dinner and that I’ll just take it in the morning the next day since I’m feeling better anyways. The problem with that is that I don’t eat breakfast, and nothing is open until 7 am.
I eat at 11:30 during the weekdays because that’s the time I have an hour break between classes. I could wake up earlier to get breakfast at 7 am, but since my medication time is already around 12-12, I don’t see why I should have to skip taking my medicine when it’s only for another few days.
It’s not like we’re sleeping at midnight either. We’re usually in the process of getting ready for bed at 12 am.
So I decided to just take my medicine at noon today and I’m going to take the next pill at midnight, but I would like to know whether or not I’m in the wrong for this.
Edit: I realize that the timing for my medication doesn’t have to be strictly 12 hours later, but I’m really forgetful about that kind of thing, so I set a 12-hour timer to remind myself when I can take my medication. I’ll actually be taking my medication before midnight tonight (probably around 11 pm) to try and fix the problem about me staying up late.”
Another User Comments:
“What? NTJ. Ridiculous that someone tries to control your bedtime anyway tbh (if it works for both of you normally that’s fine, that’s just wild to me though I couldn’t imagine asking someone to go to bed earlier). If someone is being sufficiently quiet I’d say them being awake doesn’t matter so long as they’re not being loud, or disruptive.
That’s ridiculous that she won’t accommodate for medication. Especially when she doesn’t follow it perfectly. If she needs so much from a roommate because of insomnia, she might not be well suited to having a roommate. (I know financial situations might force it but she should at least try a sleeping mask/earplugs/etc because this seems ridiculous).” skatingdogs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your medication is meant to be taken 12 hours apart, as best as you can. Taking it at 10 pm and 12 pm shouldn’t be an issue at all.
And the agreement with your roommate to be in bed by midnight is weird, but you do have that agreement.
So if it has really been bugging her then that’s fair for her to say something. But like you said, it’s just a few days more if you want to keep taking it at midnight, so whatever. But it seems like the easiest thing to make everyone happy is just take it at 10 or 11 or whenever you go to bed.” bespokedermis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking some kind of medication on an empty stomach can really mess you up depending on how your body reacts. Also, I’m gonna assume you weren’t going wild at like 1 am and were likely just sitting/laying there which I don’t see how that could affect how she sleeps.
Roommate agreements are a great way to set some ground rules, but if someone is pulling it out at every little infraction then it’s just annoying and pointless.” KingdomKey10
14. AITJ For Flipping Out At My Friend?
“Over the weekend I (22F) was hanging out at a friend’s (22M) house with a few other people.
Around 11:30 pm we decided to go dancing at a club about a block away. I had gone through about half a bottle of wine by this point but I didn’t feel irresponsibly intoxicated or anything. Perhaps I was wrong though because once we got outside I almost immediately slipped on black ice and smashed my face into the sidewalk.
I got up and asked my friend if I looked okay—again, I must have been worse off than I thought because I was covered in mud and could already feel my eyebrow swelling, but he told me I just had a little scrape on my chin and I believed him.
We stayed out for about an hour and got back to his apartment at 1:00 am where I immediately went to go check my face out in his bathroom mirror. I discovered then that the entire left side of my face was scraped up and I had the beginnings of a black eye.
(Two days later, that black eye has become a deep purple, swollen mess). I started freaking out over the injury while trying to wipe down any blood/mud that was on my face and said something like “How could you let me go out looking like this?” meaning it as a joke to distract from my hysterics.
Once I said that my friend started yelling at me about how it was dark and he couldn’t see my face clearly. Again, I don’t remember exactly what was said, but we got into a shouting match where I told him I was only making a joke because I was freaking out about my face and didn’t understand why he was being so aggressive.
He continued to yell at me anyway, but I can’t really remember what exactly he was angry about, though I’m pretty sure it still stemmed from the joke. He ended up kicking me out of his apartment at around 1:30 am and I had to get his neighbors to call me an uber to get home since my phone was dead.
He texted me several hours later to ask if I got home safe but I didn’t reply because I wanted an apology for getting blown up at and kicked out before I spoke to him again.
AITJ for jokingly blaming him for letting me go dancing with a messed-up face and then proceeding to ignore his text?
We have a relationship where we tease each other a lot so I’m still shocked over how badly he took this comment and I want to know if it really was that bad of a thing to say. I obviously only blame myself for the injury and never implied that it was his fault, I really was just trying to make light of the situation by saying I shouldn’t have been out in public with such a messed-up face.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not his fault he couldn’t see how bad the damage was when it was dark outside. It probably looked worse when you got back from going out than it did when you first fell. I doubt that he got that you were joking because a joke in the middle of being hysterical (your words not mine) usually doesn’t come off that clearly.
It probably sounded to him like you were blaming him. Him kicking you out seems extreme but honestly at the end of an intoxicated night telling your friend to peace out is normal. I’d kick any of my friends out if they’re still hanging around at 1:30.” psswrdistaco
Another User Comments:
“‘He texted me several hours later to ask if I got home safe.’
I wouldn’t give this person another minute of my time. Not only did he downplay what could have been a very serious injury (you could’ve done major eye damage, or even cracked your eye socket), he put you in an unsafe position after yelling at you.
I don’t think he actually cares about you as a person, I think he just wanted to salve his guilty conscience.
NTJ.” Lexi_Banner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your joke was fine, and I think he wasn’t TJ for misunderstanding and yelling about it because you were both intoxicated and misunderstandings do happen.
But him kicking you out, especially when injured, was going much too far. Hope your eye feels better soon.” Reddit user
13. AITJ For Wanting To Go To The Gym Instead Of Hanging Out With Friends?
“So my friend tells me he has been talking with another friend to record the upcoming season of Better Call Saul and for us to all watch it together at one of our houses.
He and my other friend know I have been going to the gym trying to get in shape for this spartan race coming up in 5 weeks. They have known I was doing this since the beginning of January. My friend tells me that they are going to be watching this tv show together and want me to watch it with them cause we all like it.
Now this friend, whom we will call Charlie, said that he and this other friend, whom we will call Mike, have been discussing this for a week. Charlie told me about the interest in watching the show before but I assumed it would be at our own houses as no clear plans were stated to me prior to this conversation.
Also, a note worth mentioning is the plan is for this to be a weekly occurrence. I had no plans to watch it at my house because I would be going to the gym as it is the only time I have to do so other than Sunday.
I work 9 am-7 pm every day except Sunday. So after Charlie tells me we would be watching it at Mike’s house, he asks me if I would be able to come. I said no I won’t because I have to go to the gym to prepare for this race coming up in 5 weeks that I am in no way prepared for.
Charlie then proceeds to ask me (very sarcastically) if I would rather choose the gym over hanging out with my friends and watching a tv show. I’ve been preparing for this race for months, lost weight, and paid a couple of hundred dollars in race fees and gym membership fees and it’s really important to me.
I feel as though that kind of question is really crappy and shouldn’t be asked so I got a little heated.
I explain if I miss it once a week to watch this show, I would miss a week at the gym which I feel is a lot of reps and miles I won’t be running to prepare for this race.
He then proceeds to continue his position saying that I would rather go to the gym than hang with friends and that he, “knows where my priorities are.”
Again, I feel that’s another crappy thing to say. So after arguing with him about how crappy I feel that is and me explaining how much money I have spent, and how much time and energy I spent for this race, I feel that a week’s worth of time at the gym is a lot of reps I’m missing for this race that is really important to me.
He asked me if I’ve missed the gym before and I have and they are not always the best reasons but crunch time is here and I’ve gotta give my best effort these last five weeks to accomplish what I’ve had my eye on since January.
Now he is upset that I chose the race and the gym over us all watching a tv show we like together when it premieres every night.
Frankly, I am quite upset over what I feel are questions that are quite ridiculous and his lack of understanding of how important this race is to me.
AITJ for being upset over this and my decision to choose the gym over watching tv with them every Monday night?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, like you’ve said you made a huge investment in this race, going to the gym, paying the fees, losing weight, etc. That’s a huge commitment that you’ve already made for yourself.
No matter what, that race means so much to you and if they are your friends they should recognize that and be supportive.
You’re right, the questions do raise some serious red flags here, even if they’re meant as jokes. If Charlie seriously thinks that a TV show is more important than the race that you’ve put so much of your time and effort into, then he’s TJ.” LavenderDame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
In my perspective, you invested a lot of funds in race fees and gym membership, and do not have much time around your work schedule. Going to the gym ain’t cheap. I was competitive swimming and the time between practices should be no longer than 24 hours in general, to keep the skills.
Plus, you mentioned that the race is in 5 weeks. Your friends can wait another 5 weeks to hang out with you.” Maya_111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This race obviously means a lot to you, and honestly, you can hang out and watch shows any time, you only have a specific amount of time to prepare for this race.
For them to be rude about something that means so much really makes them TJs.
That being said, good luck on that race! I hope you do well.” Reddit user
12. AITJ For Not Telling My In-Laws I'm Having A Baby?
“My husband and I are having our second baby, I’m currently 20 weeks and we just announced it on social media after we got our gender scan this past weekend.
So, my husband doesn’t have a relationship with his parents. In fact, none of their children do…they have four children and nobody speaks to them. The entire family is estranged. His parents are devout Jehovah’s Witnesses and it’s really messed up the kids and caused them all to stop speaking.
Long story short, when we got pregnant with our daughter I wanted my husband to reach out and tell his parents because I thought it was the right thing to do. He did and they were very excited and started showing up. They were at the hospital after she was born, they bought us a lot of stuff that helped out, his mom made me special tea to help me with breastfeeding, etc. Honestly…I was glad they were around for our daughter’s sake but they really got on my nerves.
My family is Mormon and they would come into our house and make comments about us being in a cult, they would leave Jehovah’s propaganda around, try to trick us into going to sermons by saying we were just going to lunch, sign us up for newsletters, and just be an overall nuisance by coming over without being invited. They live over an hour away and so when they showed up uninvited I felt guilty not letting them in because they drove so far to see their grandchild.
I just felt like a monster not opening our door to them.
But then out of nowhere, they just stopped coming over… they didn’t call, didn’t email… complete radio silence. I was afraid I offended them but my husband said that was their MO and that they are taught to cut off communication with people who turn from Jehovah.
I know they’re okay and safe because I’m friends with my husband’s other family but his parents for whatever reason no longer wanted to keep in touch with us and their only grandchild.
So, it’s been over a year…my daughter is almost 2 1/2 and she has no memory of my in-laws.
So, when we got pregnant again it was just a no-brainer that we wouldn’t tell his parents because they aren’t in our lives anymore. My husband literally doesn’t care, he calls his parents ‘those people’ and he just wants to focus on his family now and not them.
So, when we announced on social media that we were pregnant, I knew his aunts and cousins would see it and tell his parents but I didn’t think they would care to say anything about it. Then today, I received an email from his mother and it basically said how disappointing and embarrassing it was to find out they were having another grandchild by other people.
And how she doesn’t recognize her son anymore and he’s a stranger to her and Jehovah and just a bunch of other crap… she also spelled our daughter’s very common name wrong and said she was going to suffer in life without her grandparents there to guide her.
It’s so stupid but I can’t help feeling bad. So, AITJ for not telling my in-laws about this baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They obviously damaged their kids with their crazy beliefs, and then willfully chose their religion over a relationship with your family.
Notice how even this limited contact ends with the implication that your kids need them (and by association their religion) to help guide them?
I’m not a fan of any religion, but my general rule is that if your religion makes you choose between it and your friends/family, then it’s a cult.
Your children definitely deserve to be shielded from cultists.” alek_hiddel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I grew up Mormon and while I have my own issues with that particular religion, I know EXACTLY what it’s like to be LDS and deal with JW.
Them calling you a cult was probably one of the nicer things JW will say about Mormons. If you are raising your children in the LDS church that’s reason enough to not let your IL in your life because the JWs genuinely have a weird hatred for specifically the LDS church and it will just foster negativity.” rhik97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t know people question themselves on 100% normal and correct decisions. They don’t care, if they didn’t care for their own children, conveniently forgot their grandchild as you didn’t succumb to their pressure, what makes them entitled to know about this?
Your future child is just a way for them to try and convince and coax you to be their minions.
You guys made a perfectly good decision OP. Enjoy your pregnancy and live a happy life keeping those people out. Your children will not miss them.” abhirupc88
11. WIBTJ If I Didn't Request To Room With This Girl?
“I’m a college student and this next year is the 1st that I will be able to live in the upperclassmen apartments.
My three roommates I’ve had for 2 years and I plan to stay together. There is another girl who is friends with the group (though I have never been close to her), and she immediately assumed that she would be living with us as well.
The only reason I can think of as to why she assumed that she would live with us is that at the end of our freshman year, she wanted my roommates and me to split up and have two of us live with her, and the other two live alone.
She assumed this without talking to any of us, and we firmly told her that that would not be happening, as the four of us wanted to stay together. Underclassmen dorms are a max of 4. She took this as a “well you can live with us next year”.
I have never liked this girl. I’ve known her since I was 14 and she has always made me uncomfortable. We talked a little in high school, but she and I were never close as she is extremely religious and would constantly judge me. She is super condescending about religion and comes from a very conservative background.
She has shamed me for being a democrat and was nasty when I caucused for a democrat a few weeks ago. To the other girls, she is very friendly and nice, but not to me. I have done my best to be kind to this girl but she makes me feel awful about myself, and I constantly worry that there must be something wrong with me since I’m the only one in our friend group who has a problem with her.
It’s time to sign up for housing, the group includes my original roommates, me, another friend of ours, and the girl I can’t stand. The way sign-up works is that every group member gets an individual card to write down who they want to live with.
I know all the other girls are writing down all 5 other members (6 in total). But I can’t bring myself to write down this girl’s name.
I have brought it up to my friends that I do not want to live with her, but they won’t listen.
She is loud and always says rude things “without meaning to”. She also doesn’t respect boundaries and has taken my food before without asking (I have some dietary restrictions, which she also seems to think I made up for attention). My friends were more concerned with not hurting this girl’s feelings, but in doing so have made me feel as if my feelings are irrelevant.
I cannot stress enough how anxious this girl makes me feel, and how vehemently opposed to living with her I am. I have no other viable options for roommates, as all my other friends are already in full groups.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to have to live with this girl, but I can’t bring myself to write her name down on my request form.
My form is not the only one, so I don’t think not writing her down would seriously affect anything.
Would I be the jerk if I don’t request her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to live with her, so you shouldn’t say you want to live with her.
And there’s nothing wrong with you for disliking somebody your other friends like. Friendship isn’t transitive. You may like A who likes B, and still think B is a jerk. I wonder if the annoying person behaves differently with you than with your other friends; it’s easy to be nice to most of the people in a friend group.
‘My friends were more concerned with not hurting this girl’s feelings, but in doing so have made me feel as if my feelings are irrelevant.’
Do you want to live with people who make you feel that way? You’re signing up to spend a year not just with a thief who belittles your restrictions, but with the people who think that’s perfectly okay.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you need where you live to be a place where you feel comfortable and can relax. Not somewhere that you’re going to be constantly on edge because of a flatmate. I know several people who ended up dropping out or transferring university because they were so unhappy with who they were living with so if you’re uncomfortable make sure you don’t live with her because you’ll regret it otherwise.” peppermintpulp
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Aunt Visit My Son?
“So for a bit of background history, my aunt is my late dad’s sister. After he passed away, my siblings and I tried to cut all ties with her as she’s completely manipulative and made us feel like crap every time she came to visit us.
My auntie dominates conversations and you can’t get a word in especially if it goes against what she says. She’s belittled my mum on numerous occasions. But my mum still speaks to her and is civil with her just because she’s my dad’s sister.
My son is now 3 and a half months old and she’s been getting in touch with me.
She messaged the other day asking if she can come on Sunday afternoon to see the baby. (She lives about 2-3 hours drive away). I asked my partner and she agreed. I offered her a period of 2 pm to 6 pm (making an excuse that we have plans after this time).
She agreed to this time saying “perfect time.”
Come Sunday, we’re home at 2 pm. It turns 3:30 and she still hasn’t arrived, I text my cousin to see where they are as I thought he would be coming too. He says he’s not with them but they would be with us by 5 pm.
(Getting a bit late but okay, I messaged her saying it’s still okay to come but we had plans for 6 pm so she wouldn’t have loads of time with the baby). My cousin then messages me at 6:30 pm to say their ETA is 8 pm.
It turns 8:20 pm and I get a text from my brother saying Uncle has turned up at his place and asks him if he’s going to my mum’s and my brother does.
Brother (let’s call him Jay) says not only are my auntie and uncle there but there’s also a couple of other women that they’ve picked up (really distant relatives that I’ve probably never met). Jay then says they want to come over and it’s already after 8:30 pm.
I say no as it’s too late (we get the baby ready for bed at 9:15ish). I tell them they can’t come as the baby is in bed already (lie). I get a few more texts from my brother saying she’s all sorts of ticked off.
Jay calls me and asks if I can speak to her, I obliged but she refused to talk to me.
Then they ask if they can come in the morning (she decided to stay the night at my mum’s place). I again say no, as I need to get ready for work and she’s insisting it would only be 10 minutes (it would never be 10 minutes and by this time I don’t want her to come anyway).
I just felt sorry for putting my mum and brother in the situation. My partner was really ticked off and annoyed with me as I knew what my aunt is like but gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Her reason for not getting back to my previous messages is that she doesn’t have 4g so only uses WiFi and had no credit to get in touch with me.
She messaged this morning saying she didn’t realize she needed to make a “strict appointment” and how I can’t take 10 minutes for her but she had a nice time seeing my brother and mum and telling me to have a good day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to see anyone you don’t want to see, especially if that person manipulates you or otherwise makes you feel bad. It’s common courtesy to schedule a time to meet and to notify the other person if plans change and you cannot make it at that time.
If, in the future, you decide to allow a meeting for the sake of familial harmony, agree on a meeting place outside your home. That way you can leave either at the end of the scheduled time or when you decide enough is enough.” moonbeamcrazyeyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set clear and reasonable boundaries which your aunt clearly didn’t take seriously. Don’t blame yourself for your brother and mom being in that situation, either. Your aunt’s behavior is nobody’s fault but her own, and it’s not your fault if your mom and brother struggle to put their foot down as you have.
You’re not a jerk just because you don’t let her walk all over you.” ZucchiniPasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s inconsiderate, and that’s not something you need to deal with. My family used to pull that with me. Show up unexpectedly and pound on my door until I answered. As a young married couple, there was more than one awkward interruption.
Between that and inviting me to do things when they knew I had work, or an hour before it started, I cut them off for a long time. I surround myself with good people, sometimes that doesn’t include family, so they get cut from my life.
You have the right to raise your child the way you want, and set the rules for your house to how you live your life.” AnarchyAcid
9. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Solo Trip Without My Friend?
“My close friend L (25F) and I (25F) studied abroad together in B in 2015. It was a very important period in both of our lives. We’ve reminisced lately about returning in abstract terms like “wouldn’t it be cool to go to that pub again” or “I want to go to the park we lived near” but never made specific plans.
I want to take a solo trip to B this year. My close friend Q lives in B with her partner. Q studied abroad with us and was friends with L years back because I brought them together. They’ve not spoken since Q moved 2 years ago.
Q has told me she would host me but implied that I am the only one of our old group she wants to host (I’ve hosted Q four times so it’s also an exchange). Q works so I’d mostly be alone.
Going on a big solo trip has always been on my bucket list. I love solo travel because you can explore without having to compromise with someone.
I am also an only child/introvert so I value alone time. Even on group trips, I try to spend at least an afternoon on my own. L and I never argued over that but it clearly caused tension and hurt L when I asked for alone time or did a solo weekend trip even when I explained my reasoning.
Over the years, I’ve also discovered that L is quite sensitive and doesn’t handle inconvenience well, especially in high-stress situations. She can get very grumpy, especially if we are dealing with obstacles like getting lost or a canceled train. It’s understandable and manageable, but people who get easily frustrated/are rigid aren’t the best to travel with.
L and I’ve since joked about how we didn’t travel well together and bickered especially one-on-one. If this weren’t the case I might be willing to invite L, ask Q if L could stay with her, and schedule alone time. I’d ultimately prefer to go alone though.
My plans to solo travel to B recently came up with L. I explained why I want to go alone (but didn’t mention my reasoning for not inviting L specifically). L has since been cold with me and making snide comments about how she wishes she could go to B and the like in a really passive-aggressive tone every time we’ve interacted, even though I don’t bring it up.
I’ve asked and L insists everything’s fine. She’s obviously upset but I know for a fact she is afraid of any kind of conflict, so I’ve dropped it for the time being. I haven’t addressed the attitude/comments upsetting me. It’s an issue I’ve repeatedly tried to talk to her about but it always causes her to freak out and nothing ultimately changes so I’ve accepted that if I want to be L’s friend I have to deal with that kind of attitude from time to time.
She’s otherwise great.
AITJ for not inviting her even though she really wants to go and likely won’t for the foreseeable future if it’s not with me? I’ve been told I am not TJ by some friends that already aren’t fans of L’s behavior (so they might be biased) but I still feel incredibly guilty and am struggling to fight the instinct to invite her along.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, L is seriously guilt-tripping you. That’s a toxic behavior trait. L doesn’t sound like a pleasure to be alone with, so I don’t blame you for not wanting to take her, heck, even Q made it oddly explicit that only you were invited.
You might want to re-evaluate your friendship with L. Think of all the good times you’ve had, and all the bad times (having to walk around on eggshells around her), does one outweigh the other?
As for this post, no you’re NTJ. It’s a solo trip, not a duo trip.
You’re under no obligation to invite her. Let her sulk, but don’t feel bad about it.” ChiquitaBananaKush
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Even if you and L were the best of travel mates, if you want to go alone, go alone. You are not obligated to accommodate anyone just because they’re jealous of your good fortune.
I love traveling alone, and I’ve found people are a lot more friendly when I travel alone vs with others who can fall into bad attitudes quickly. IE – I planned a trip to see the pogues in Boston on St Patrick’s day. A good friend BEGGED to join me.
I said fine. I got to go on the tour bus, did a solo pub crawl, and had a glorious time. Friend was incredibly jealous and upset and decided to leave a day early. I said “Cool. See ya,” and the tantrum that followed was so obnoxious I ended up just going along.
So while I did get to see the pogues, I spent the rest of that Patrick’s day in the NJ airport instead of Boston common, and even then she complained and moaned because I didn’t want to rent a car and drive or waste funds on a hotel room when I had a perfect one IN BOSTON.
It was a disaster and we haven’t spoken much since. That’s an extreme example, I’m sure, but seriously go and enjoy yourself on your own. If she wants to go later and invites you, super; if not, it wasn’t meant to happen.” _Save_Bees_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way to deal with someone being passive-aggressive is to completely ignore it. Act like they’re not behaving out of the normal, and they’ll either stop or eventually confront you (which would at least give you a chance to tell them to back off).
Don’t waste any more thought on your inconsiderate friend.” annedroiid
8. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Hold Our Engagement Party In July?
“I (28F) got engaged to my fiance in 2019. He lives in Ontario and I live in BC. We will call him G (28M) for the story.
So, a little background, we are Indian and Indian weddings are huge. There are multiple events, the main ones being the engagement party, wedding, and reception.
Traditionally, the wedding is hosted/planned/paid for by the bride’s family and the reception is hosted/planned/paid for by the groom’s family. Engagement parties aren’t very necessary and there is no traditional “rule” as to who hosts it.
Now for the issue. There have been a couple of issues in wedding planning, the first issue being that I wanted to get married in 2021 while G wanted to get married in July 2020 because he had a lot of family visiting BC at that time, so it was very convenient for him and his family.
I was not ready to get married so soon and I had some career goals I wanted to complete before getting married. And July overall was not a good time for my out-of-province family to come in. It ended up being an issue but G agreed to wait till 2021.
However, he then said if it’s gonna be that far away, the wedding should be held in Ontario instead. That was a problem for me and my family because I never had imagined getting married anywhere else. But eventually, we agreed and we moved on.
Having my wedding in Ontario rather than BC means only a fraction of the people I know will be able to come out and attend. It’s not ideal but compromises have to be made on both ends so we were all okay with it. So my family and I had the idea to hold an engagement party in BC about 8 months before the wedding.
This way we can have a party with all our friends and family and it’s still a wedding event. So when I told G and his family about our plans to host/plan/pay for the engagement party, they said again, if you guys want to do smth you should do it in July 2020 since his family will be in town.
Otherwise, he doesn’t want to do an engagement party since only 20 of his relatives will be able to come.
This is what bothered me. We got into a fight because I don’t think it’s fair of him to tell us when/where to hold this party.
We want to do this for all the friends and family that won’t be able to attend the wedding. And in my opinion, if all of his family can’t come, that’s okay. They will be there for the wedding anyway. Over half of the people I would want to come to my wedding won’t be able to come.
So AITJ for not agreeing to hold the engagement party in July?
EDIT: I suggested we do the party way after July, like 6 months or more after so it gives enough time for his family to be able to come back. I am open to delaying it even further, perhaps even 8 months after July, but he still doesn’t agree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
20 of his friends and family is still a LOT. You’ve agreed to have the wedding in Ontario which means a lot of your family and friends won’t be able to attend. He got 100% of what he wanted in that discussion. Now you’re trying to have an event that your family and friends can attend and he won’t budge?
Why? It’s like he’s saying you can’t do anything for the wedding unless his whole family can be there and isn’t considering your family at all.” ElephantJuiceYoyo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re giving up being able to have all your family/friends at the wedding, the most important event of this process.
Sounds like he wants everything to revolve around his family with no consideration for yours.” International-Aside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already compromised on your end by having the wedding at a time and place where you can’t have all your loved ones present.
He can make a similar compromise for the engagement party.” CharlotteLucasOP
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re both looking out for your own interests. Presumably, the wedding and engagement are to celebrate the both of you coming together. No one should be more important than the other.” Thrwforksandknives
7. AITJ For Being Upset No One Got Me A Present?
“So to put this in perspective I’m a (14yr f). My birthday was yesterday (a Sunday). Now on to the story..
As most 8th graders I go to school Monday- Friday, and normally if your birthday is on a weekend you get gifts and such on the following Monday.
I feel like a brat typing this out but I really want to know if I’m being selfish for feeling this way. You see, I always go all out for my friend circle. I’m always making homemade cards and putting a bunch of thought and effort into my gifts.
I love baking so I always bake things and hand them out to my friends. And they always love it. So for some of their birthdays, I baked them anything they wanted, (I asked if they would want a real gift beforehand) and if they didn’t I would spend upwards of 30 dollars on gifts.
Always paying with my own money since my parents would only let me spend 10 dollars on gifts max.
Now just saying my friends said they were getting me gifts. All of them, and I made known that I wouldn’t have a birthday party in advance.
I wouldn’t have cared if they didn’t give me anything. But they said they would, so I expected it. Right? Wrong. Monday shows up and I walk into class and my amazing guy friend hands me a gift. I’m fully appreciative and hug him and tell him thanks.
I’m happy. I get out of class and wait for my main friend group. They look at me and give me a happy birthday with a fake smile. None of them have a gift at hand. I guess I mentally had kinda prepared myself for this because I always feel like the third wheel of the group.
But this crushed me.
Just a couple of days ago it was another person in my friend group’s birthday and they got hugs and happy birthday sung to them every minute along with a showering of gifts. This also happened during our friend group secret Santa, when the friend who had me, didn’t show up without any notice.
But another girl in my friend group’s person hadn’t come and so they had already put together some stuff for her. So I sat through everyone getting gifts knowing I wouldn’t get one, but it was fine because at least I had my friends with me right?
When I brought up this and the fact I didn’t get any presents up to my amazing guy friend he said he was surprised, because one of my closest friends (let’s call her G) gives presents to EVERYONE. My amazing guy friend said that it’s ok if I’m upset.
But I feel so trashy for feeling this way.
Also, I decided to sit somewhere other than my group’s table and none of them cared. Which stung because I know if one of them left the table I would go after them and ask them to come back.
So, AITJ for being sad my friends didn’t get me anything for my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This story reminded me of my birthdays in middle school. I know how much that sucks. 8th grade was a really hard year for me. Had some toxic friend groups and got bullied. On my birthday my only real friend decorated my locker, and someone decided to tear it all down in between class periods.
There are some crappy people and they still have a lot of growing up to do. One day you’ll have some good friends that will appreciate your hard work and do the same for you. You’ll really figure out who your true friends are in these next few years.
Good luck to you and happy birthday.” xmilkyfish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what kind of hit me was you calling yourself the 3rd wheel of the group. Those aren’t your friends. You bake things for them but what have they done for you? But then remember about your secret Santa, sweetheart, it really sounds like they don’t want you in their group but they don’t know how to tell you that to your face.
But I like your guy friend, he was there for you, that’s what friends do. You’re not the jerk, your ‘friends’ are.” BearBear0110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope there is a surprise for you if not find new friends don’t be depressed over jerks.
But change your mindset of being a full-time giver. If you keep on giving and never expecting to receive, people will look down on you and your gift will have no meaning to them. In life, you have to give and respect yourself enough to hang out with people that give back.” cryptodict
6. WIBTJ If I Started Putting Less Effort Into Seeing My Grandparents?
“I love my grandparents, but I feel like they don’t care that much about spending time with me these days. Growing up we didn’t live near my grandparents so we only saw them on trips. My cousins live much closer (90 minutes away for the 1, 30 minutes for the other 3 who are siblings).
I grow up, get a job, and move, so I don’t live “close by” but my Mom moves back close to the family after her (very unpleasant) divorce. When I would come to visit my Mom, my grandparents always wanted me to see them too.
So we would drive about 75 minutes each way, so call it 2.5 hours to spend the day with them. That’s fine, but they wanted us to do Sunday dinner… except I had to drive home on Sunday and it was a 5-hour drive home from where my Mom was.
So now I have 7.5 hours of driving instead of 5 in one day. I asked that either A) we do Saturday so I can ride with Mom or B) if it MUST be Sunday could we do it where Mom lives instead? They did that a little but gave me a hard time for not wanting to do it their way and complained I didn’t visit more often.
Flash forward. I move for work and now live too far away to drive to visit. I see them on holidays or birthdays a few times a year. Then suddenly I get a client in their area. Wonderful! I try and schedule these visits so that I can see them either before or after, even if it means a horrible red-eye flight.
Most recently I had an in-office visit with no dinner (rare) so I told my grandparents I would be able to spend all of Wednesday after about 3 pm with them. I show up and am chatting with Grandma when Grandpa comes back from work with cousin #2.
Cousin #2 is special needs and stays with them every week after family dinner on Sunday and spends Monday with them and mows the lawn (it’s what he loves) with Grandpa. But this week it had rained and he didn’t get to mow like normal. So they had him over, on Wednesday while I was there from over 1000 miles away.
Needless to say, we didn’t really get to visit. I get that he is disabled, but they see him EVERY WEEK, literally a minimum of 3 days a week and frequently more often. I was hurt that they couldn’t have had him either miss mowing one time or do it a different day that I wasn’t there.
I haven’t said anything to them about it, but it’s been brought up to them before (on several occasions) that they frequently ignore all other grandkids for cousin #2. To be clear I’m not talking about refusing to see them or completely cutting them off, just not making an extreme effort when it doesn’t seem like the time I arranged to spend with them matters to them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re definitely doing enough as it is. They shouldn’t be able to guilt you into spending more time with them if they don’t put in effort on the rare times you do visit. At the very least they should warn you that Cousin 2 might be joining you all, but if they’re not valuing the time you spend with them, they don’t get to ask for more.” PetiteCanard
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Invite Her Friend To My Wedding?
“So, I (25 F) am getting married this year, and my Mother has been an absolute nightmare. My fiancé (28 M) and I are planning to have a small wedding of about 100 people, as that is the maximum amount of seating at the church.
About 8 months out, I asked my Mother who she wanted to invite to the wedding. She said only family. I said okay great, I’ll send out the Save the Dates. Then about 4 months out, she says she wants to invite her two best friends. I say okay, they won’t get a Save the Date, but I will be sure to send them invitations.
Then she comes to visit about 2 months out from the wedding, and while we are out to eat with my fiancé, she says that she ran into her, “gay friend” she hadn’t seen in like 10 years at the grocery store and invited him without asking.
I have no idea who this is and have never met him. I say absolutely not, we have invited about 130, so I need some people to not come and the invites have already been sent out. She said she couldn’t crush him because she already told him he could come and she would give him her invitation.
I said, but you can crush me and give away a precious memento?
She got mad, my fiancé was trying to stay out of it and she threw some chips at him and told him he needed to discuss this. I said no. Conversation over, do not throw food in public, I know you are just trying to embarrass me so that I will give in.
I will personally message this man and tell him he is not invited if you don’t. She left it at that.
Then she started sending me pictures of this man to me saying he was so excited to come, and that I now needed to invite him to the rehearsal dinner because he was like a brother to her.
Even though she only refers to him as “gay friend” and not his real name. I lose it and message this poor man and tell him as politely as I can that he is not invited to the wedding.
My Mother then goes crying victim to my Aunts that I am an ungrateful monster that won’t let her invite one person to the wedding, even though she is paying for it.
(I would like to clarify that she did not want to pay anything and wanted me to have a Las Vegas drive-by wedding. My Dad graciously offered to contribute so I could have a nice wedding. He ended up giving us a little less than half the cost, and my fiancé and I paid for the rest.)
She said I had “shown my butt one too many times” and that she would never move to my town to be close to me. My Aunts think it was mean of me to message that man, that he probably wouldn’t have come anyway, and I was just stirring the pot with my Mother for no reason.
At this point, I might just write her a check for the money my Dad gave me to get her to leave me alone.
So, AITJ for not letting my Mother invite one extra person to my wedding? Should I have just let it go?
UPDATE: So my Mother sent me a screenshot of one Aunt saying how she hopes all these mystery guests show up, otherwise it will just be an expensive family reunion and my Mother should be able to invite one extra person. I sent this screenshot to said Aunt and said what is this?
She said she was sorry, that it was a private message that wasn’t meant to be mean. I said that it was incredibly hurtful that she took my Mother’s side, especially since I had always defended her when my Mother says nasty stuff about her and her family.
I gave a specific example of something my Mother had said about her, which I won’t list here for anonymity.
Long story short, this Aunt sent a video of her crying to the group chat with me, my Mother, and other Aunt. In the video she said that her child had been on her phone and saw the nasty thing my Mother had said and blurted it out to their whole family, causing some major drama.
Aunt blames me for bringing up the past and causing unnecessary pain for her family.
My Mother felt bad and said she should have never invited her “gay friend” and apologized. I felt bad that my Aunt is going through issues with her family because of something I texted, so I apologized as well.
So, basically, it was an apology throwdown and we are all just trying to move past it all.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom sounds like my mom. NTJ. 150% NTJ. She has no right to just invite people to your wedding, especially just random people you’ve never met.
Your wedding isn’t some free-for-all reunion for her and her friends. Somehow I think cutting her a check for what they’ve paid for won’t help anything, it’ll only make it worse. (“It was never about the money! Now you’re making me look bad!” etc., etc.) The problem with narcissistic parents is that the only way to appease them is to do exactly what they want, but what they want changes so much that no matter what you do you’re screwed. So here’s what you do instead: do what makes you happy because you’ll never be happy if all you do is try to make your mom happy.
(I’ve recently just started doing whatever makes me happier and our relationship has improved immensely.)
Also, what the heck does “shown your butt” even mean? Is that supposed to be a roundabout way of calling someone rude? (She’s also probably bitter about you sending her that self-help book… but hey, she was asking for it.
Your mom sounds like a piece of work, I feel for you and your dad.)” m3gauley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother sounds like such a self-centered person who makes everything about her. Had I been in your situation I would un-invite my mother, send her a check for what my dad paid, and not invite her again until she formerly apologies.
Heck, you shouldn’t even send her the check, since it’s not her money. However, it would de-escalate the situation a tiny bit when I un-invite her since she wouldn’t be able to use the whole “I paid for the wedding, but wasn’t even invited” excuse.
Following through with this could go both ways. It could destroy your relationship with your mother, depending on how stubborn she is, or it will make her realize that she’s a jerk, and then step up for her mistake.” Grumpits
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ: However, this is the part where you start having really insane decisions relayed to your mother by your family.
The basic goal – make her so embarrassed that she won’t invite her gay friend. You might even luck out and get some collateral dropouts from people who aren’t in on the lie.
Your new wedding theme is all dubstep.
You’re requesting everyone where Canadian tuxedos to the event.
The open bar will serve nothing by Mad Dog 2020 and Fireball and will be open during the ceremony.
Find a local infamous cult leader, and start strongly implying he will be leading the service and providing the punch.” freecain
4. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Job Since I'm Out Of School?
“This has been bothering me for a while now and I just want to see people’s opinions on this.
So a bit about me, I’m near 20 and it’s almost a year since I left high school. I live with my parents and though they love me, they tend to be overprotective because I’m the youngest in my family. Along with that, they didn’t let me get a job because it’ll “distract me” from my work.
They also don’t let me learn how to drive because multiple reasons (Can’t say it here). But now that I’m out of school, I asked them if I should try getting a job. They said sure but I need to “prove” that I can actually do it; which I said sure.
Now the reason why I want a job is because I think it would help me to have more experience to be around people. For years I hated going out in public for I always think people are looking at me and/or judging me on how I look or act and I easily have a panic attack when I’m left alone for too long.
But now I’m trying to get over it and want to get my own money without using my parents’ so I can feel responsible for myself.
So for months, I’ve been washing dishes 6 days a week for $25 dollars a week (so around $4 a day). I didn’t complain really since I’m getting money and I managed to gain around $700 for almost half a year (I don’t usually buy stuff unless it’s something I really want, which is kind of rare, to be honest).
But if I did have to complain, my parents do tend to use a lot of dishes/silverware/etc. every night; leaving me a pile for me to clean up, but I didn’t complain and just accepted it.
Everything seemed fine till February came and I started feeling like I should try asking my parents if I should try getting a job again.
But when asking them, they still think I’m not ready and if I want to earn more I can do more chores. So they offered me to clean 2 of the bathrooms in the house 2 times a week for $15 dollars a week and if I do a good job it would be $20.
It sounded like an okay deal, but I feel like I would be better if I worked an actual job. They then said, “It’s probably better for you for you will have more experience when you live on your own.”
It may sound reasonable, but to me, it’s something different for I know what they actually meant.
But I’m not saying it here for that’s a long story and it’s off of the subject.
So now I’m typing this to know if it’s selfish of me to want to work elsewhere than to work at home so I can gain “experience” when I eventually move out.
I do believe it’s good to learn how to clean for yourself when you live on your own and I want to help my parents, but I don’t think it’s something I should do forever.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. your parents are handicapping you. Also, why did you ask if you could get a job?
And what’s with the ‘you have to prove you can do it’ stuff? You’re an adult. You should be working if you’re not in school. You don’t need their permission for anything. and they don’t have a right to restrict you either. Honestly, this situation is toxic as heck.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are an adult and you will need to work a real job eventually unless your parents plan on completely funding your life. And it will definitely help you overcome some of your social anxiety, even though it may get worse at first. A part-time job seems like a good compromise if they really throw a fit.” trick_tickler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why are you asking your parents’? You’re 20 years old and you don’t need their permission. Start applying and work towards becoming independent. In the meanwhile, look up strategies for interviewing.” clutzycook
3. AITJ For Not Wanting Sick People Around My Baby?
“I have a 3-week-old and have tried my best to keep him home and others away from him who were sick. My MIL texted my partner saying “the best present you can give your dad is if you bring the baby so he can hold him” so he was like can we go please and I was like it’s just going to be your immediate family right (who we’re fine with because they were there at the hospital the day I gave birth and had already held the baby)?
He said yes.
We get there, five minutes pass and there’s a knock on the door. The father’s friends and two teens walk in. The two teens were obviously sick with pink noses and coughing up a storm. I told my partner I wanted to leave and he insisted we stay for another 20 minutes until the halftime show ended. I agreed under the circumstance that he put my son in the parents’ room far from everyone.
Which he did. When we were leaving the friend’s wife told my MIL she wanted to take a picture with the baby who was only 4 days old at the time and I said no. The family was shocked but I held my ground. And we left.
Fast forward to this past week we go to the in-law’s house to pick up some mail and my partner’s youngest brother and father ran to see the baby and were up close touching his hands and talking to him. After the brother said hi he went to his room and was there the rest of the time until he came out to say goodbye, which was when I noticed he had a pretty bad cough, the dad tells him to give the baby a kiss goodbye and I nearly screamed not to, followed with “I’m sorry but can you please not, I noticed you coughing.”
He was like “But I’m not sick.”
I said again, just please don’t, I don’t want to risk it. And the father said, just put your hand here on his hand. And I couldn’t help but ask again if he could please not.
He touched the baby anyways and two days later here I am with my poor little guy super congested and coughing.
I start work tomorrow and my partner will be taking over care of our baby and I asked him to not go to his parents’ house but to stay at our home until the baby gets better, he responded with “You need to be nicer to my brother and my parents, they’re just excited about the baby and you’re blaming everything on them.”
My only response was, “There’s a high probability that your brother got him sick and I don’t need my son to get worse.”
I know babies are bound to get sick and I know that it might not have been the brother who got him sick.
But am I the jerk for asking him to not go? And for basically saying his brother got our baby sick?
I guess also, am I the jerk for asking them not to touch the baby?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am a pediatrician. I tell the parents of all of my newborns not to let people with respiratory symptoms near their child, and also to be VERY careful about who they let kiss their baby.
Young infants are at exceptionally high risk of severe complications and death from flu and RSV. I have taken care of such babies in the hospital many times, and I’ve also watched babies die of those illnesses. The only way you can protect your child against illness is to keep sick people away.
You are doing the right thing to take care of your baby.” 2-travel-is-2-live
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who the heck kisses someone else’s newborn. My ILs tried that crap. I specifically told them DO NOT KISS MY SON AT ALL. What did MIL do?
Kiss my son on his cheek. And guess who didn’t get to see him again other than to say goodbye.
I’m pregnant with my second son and I literally darn someone to try me. My rules are as follows:
- You don’t kiss my baby, you don’t kiss his face, head, hands, whatever.
Don’t put your nasty mouth on my precious sweet boy.
- If you’re sick, you wear a mask and sanitize your hands and keep your face away from his, or you don’t touch.
- You better be up to date on your whooping cough and flu shots for the year or you don’t touch my baby.
- No smoking around my baby and if you are a smoker then you wash all the way up your arms and change your clothes or you don’t touch the baby.
- You follow my rules the first time or don’t come around.
Oh, and I send this via text to all family that intends to visit.
If it makes me a jerk, I don’t care and neither should you. A baby’s life is more valuable than someone’s feelings.” pi35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start keeping track of these incidents. You may need the info later if you ever have custody issues.
Create a new email address somewhere but do not put it on your phone. Whenever something happens send yourself an email saying something like “today partner took the baby to see a sick person even though I asked him not to since the baby keeps getting sick.” Just a short summary of what happened and don’t put any emotions in it since a judge may look at it someday to decide if you are a good parent.” shelaconic
2. AITJ For Leaving The Vet A Terrible Review?
“So a bit of context, my wife and I had a rottweiler named Bella. 2 weeks ago (Monday), we came in from work to find her acting odd. Wouldn’t move around, wouldn’t eat, etc. The next morning, we took her to our normal vet and after a night stay, was told she had a massive, well…mass on/in her spleen and was bleeding internally.
Through their recommendation, I picked Bella up and drove across town to another vet so she could have the mass & her spleen removed. They performed the surgery and this thing was huge! 3lbs! She spent the night again because her b***d count wasn’t rising like they wanted (it finally did) and the following afternoon we were allowed to bring her home, after paying a $1,400 bill.
The next day (Friday) she was back to being unresponsive so we went back to the second vet.
They hold her overnight and do a b***d transfusion that we were told should have been done before she left the first time. We go see her and she’s doing..ok.
Saturday we’re told she’s got internal bleeding and they are going back in to see if anything was missed & to put draining tubes in. We come see her again late that evening and she barely lifts her head and hardly wags her tail (totally not Bella).
Monday morning, we’re told to come in. The vet tells us that Bella isn’t responding to any of the meds or treatment. They say they can try steroids as a last-ditch effort but it’s not likely to help. Through tears, we decide that it’s not worth putting Bella through more pain so we put her to rest and have her cremated with the ashes returned.
We’re called and told the ashes are in, and there’s a balance. This is where I lost my cool. I’ve already spent $1,400 and now they’re wanting another $1,600! I demanded to know why it was so high and their reasoning/excuse/whatever is that they kept her there for 4 days, performed another surgery, and the price of putting her to sleep and cremation.
Now, I’m not an idiot. I knew there would have been a cost for the last parts but that’s ridiculous in my opinion. I started to argue but my wife told me that if I was going to be a jerk, I could leave (a sure-fire way to tick me off more).
After having to give a financing plan to cover the bill and having to put the remaining balance on a credit card (financing wouldn’t cover the full cost even though the interest rate was UNGODLY), we leave and look at the container and discover that they didn’t take a paw print of Bella (every pet we’ve had put to rest got one from our original vet).
This set me off even more, to the point that I went onto their social media and blasted them for all I was worth. Had I known they weren’t going to do it, I would have taken Bella back to our vet where they actually cared about our pets instead of pure greed. My wife keeps calling me a jerk for handling it the way I am.
So, am I the jerk for being ticked off at these people blindsiding me with a $1,600 bill & no paw print?
Edit: So I need to clarify some things now that I’m more level-headed. We knew going in that the surgery was going to be expensive, which is why we didn’t complain about the $1,400 original bill plus we were told the cost before Bella ever entered their building.
This wasn’t emergency surgery technically. Our vet could have done it, but it would have been 3 days before they could do it. The second vet had an opening that day so we went there. They emailed us last night the itemized receipt and the cremation was $600.
Keep in mind, the other vets send out the pets to a third company while this vet does cremations onsite. My dog that died last year was roughly the same size and only cost us $150 (not including the euthanizing). I called them this morning to ask why the cremation was so high, they told us it was because they had to store the body for a week…again, they do their cremations in-house so there shouldn’t have been a reason to do this.
I had to take my cat to our regular vet (annual shots) this morning so I showed her the itemized (just to get an idea) and she about spit out her coffee.
The paw print. I get it, new vet, should have asked but as I stated in the comments they are the only vet in the area that doesn’t do this so in our grief we didn’t think to ask.
This was 100% our fault.
This is where I don’t believe I was as much of a jerk (still am, don’t get me wrong) as I’m being made out to be. Thanks to the character limit, a lot of what happened was cut out. The vet’s attitude.
The day after the surgery, when we went to pick Bella up the vet tech was laughing and saying that she was happy because she had won the office pool on the weight of the mass removed. This ticked me off but Bella was seemingly better so I shrugged it off.
The day we went in to discuss options, the way the vet acted made it seem like he’d rather be anywhere else in the bored, not uncomfortable sense. Him just putting Bella to rest and walking out without saying anything made me mad, but I was consoling my wife (who had Bella in her lap).
Couple this with the tech that came in and rolled her eyes after asking if they could take the body and yeah…I was mad, but also grieving so I just let it slide again. We’re not the only ones that have complained about how cold these vets are when dealing with people.
The lady that shrugged at me and said they don’t finance after hitting us with the $1,600 bill is what lead me to be mad enough to make my review (which I took down) & this post last night. Had we known (hindsight is always 20/20…) we would have taken Bella to our normal vet and had them put her to rest instead of putting her through all that pain.
The $1,000 for her post-care was excessive for our area, there were no multiple transfusions..just the single one and that should have been done right after the first surgery. Would that have made a difference, couldn’t tell you. All I do know is we were told it was going to happen and we paid for it to happen so to have it show up on the second invoice also set me off.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I work in vet medicine and while my heart breaks for you, your reaction was both inappropriate and unfair. It’s because people react this way and damage reputations on social media that veterinary medicine has become the profession with the highest rate of mental health issues.
There are costs associated with treatment. They don’t change based on the outcome of the case; b***d products were given, nursing care provided and surgery performed. Unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t what you (or the veterinary team) wanted – but it doesn’t change the cost of the work provided.
As for the paw print – it depends on which service provider they’re using on what will be included in the ‘base’ package. You didn’t communicate your wishes. They’re incapable of reading your mind. If you wanted a paw print you should have asked for one.
For what it’s worth – $3000 for 2 surgeries, multiple b***d transfusions, and 4 days of hospitalization is a DEAL. Where I live the bill would have been $8,000+ even if it was capped.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been on that side of the exam table more times than I would like.
The grief can be crippling. But abusing the very people who struggled to save your dog’s life because they simply asked to be paid for the services they provided is completely inappropriate and frankly, makes you a giant, steaming jerk. We pour our hearts into every patient we care for and when they don’t make it, we take that pain to heart.
They didn’t deserve the treatment they received. You owe them an apology.” FieldPug
Another User Comments:
“I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s clear you loved Bella very much and her loss has been unexpected and very painful.
However, YTJ here. I understand the frustration- I’ve been a vet tech for years and I worked in a specialty/emergency hospital for a long time.
Unfortunately, 24-hour care is expensive. It sounds like they did two surgeries and a b***d transfusion plus 24-hour 4-day intensive care. B***d products alone are very expensive and for a dog that size, they’d have needed a large amount. I’m guessing they took her to the second surgery in an emergent situation that couldn’t wait – I’ve had to do rapid emergency surgeries without being able to contact owners before because it was a life or death situation.
You mentioned $200 being expensive for sending the spleen to the lab – unfortunately $200 is actually pretty normal for a pathology review at a lab. It’s usually done by a large diagnostic lab and they’re pricy.
As far as the vet “making a mistake” there are many, many reasons this could have happened. She could have had a previously unknown genetic condition that predisposed her to a clotting disorder.
She could have been suffering from complications of her splenic tumor that cause a lack of clotting. She could’ve had a bleed that wasn’t visible during surgery and got worse after she recovered. It’s impossible to say without further research, such as specialized lab tests or a necropsy.
Most owners don’t elect that route and I don’t blame them.
As far as the euthanasia issue goes, honestly, I’ve worked in four clinics and we only regularly did paw prints at one. I assume you’re talking about the clay paw prints? I would do an ink paw print for clients who requested them but it’s definitely not standard.
We didn’t even have the clay at most of my clinics. It would have been nice if they offered to do one but if they don’t normally offer it then it just may not have been something they thought about.
As for the staff not seeming “empathetic” unfortunately, we see a lot of death in this field.
It’s hard sometimes to know when to grieve with an owner and when to keep a poker face. Some clients feel worse if the doctor or tech is openly upset. We’re kinda taught to try and be quiet and not emote in these situations. I’ve been unemotional in a room with a euthanasia and then gone to the back and cried over it many a time.
It just is a part of being in that field.
I’m glad to hear you’ve realized that posting a negative review blasting the clinic was a bad move. I truly hope you and your wife are able to process your grief and feel better soon.
Losing a pet, especially suddenly, is horrible, and believe me when I say the vet staff feel for you as well.” lizifer93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I only say that because you’re focusing on what they’ve charged you. You received services and they cost money.
Unfortunately, those charges don’t go away because they couldn’t save your dog.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is horrible, especially under these circumstances.
I absolutely understand you being upset with their attitude. I had a similar experience. We had to go to the emergency vet for stitches.
$750 for 4 stitches and the vet never even looked at me. Just went over the quote sheet and pushed it towards me. I wasn’t happy about how much it cost but I was MAD that it seemed like they didn’t care about my dog and I’m sure you feel the same way.
You’re focusing on the bill and to be honest $1400 for 4 days of hospital stay with various treatments and a solo cremation isn’t bad. If you want to leave reviews I would update and focus on the lack of customer service and compassion.” Roxbury_Bat
1. AITJ For Being Angry My Fiancé Isn't Going To Meet My Family?
“A bit of backstory: It was my fiancé’s birthday a while ago, and unfortunately, we ended up arguing on that day.
It was about how suddenly he couldn’t make it to an event we had been planning for over a year, which was him meeting my family, due to his dad getting remarried. I was annoyed about this random picking of the date since they’re not getting actually married until a month after this but want to have a ceremonial wedding on this day.
He kept making comments about how he didn’t want to go, how I was so lucky I couldn’t go, and it just spiraled a bit as some fights do.
I had reached out to a friend about the situation which ended up making it worse since she caused me to become more fired up.
We had been arguing by text, I didn’t know he was with his friends at this point, and his phone died in the middle of the argument right after he told me he was going out with his friends.
Anyway, it got to the point where his friends posted pictures and videos chanting screw women, women can screw off, leave him alone we’re on a night out, etc. It was very clearly directed at me for arguing with my fiancé (his friends would throw their arms around him, he was in every post that contained it, etc.).
I got very upset because they were people who I had considered my friends, the person posting these videos and pictures was friends with all the people my fiancé worked with and all of our other mutual friends who weren’t on this night out.
This isn’t the first time my fiancé and I have had an argument where his friends have reacted this way.
There was a time I was feeling very homesick (I was 4,000 miles away from my hometown and close friends) on a night out and his friends just kept making comments about me “having a moment.”
Another issue was his friend was making jokes about women having miscarriages, I got upset because I had had one, left the table, and my fiancé said nothing to him about it.
When I removed this person from social media, not only because of his comments but his misogynistic posts, he made jokes in a group chat about how I can’t keep him and my fiancé apart.
When I expressed how I was upset about the posts that were made on the night out my fiancé defended his friends because they were only trying to make him feel better.
I got annoyed at him because I felt like he didn’t care and was willing to allow his friends to say anything about me they wanted. This resulted in more of them stating I was being overdramatic.
They do often make jokes about “women” and whenever another member of this group gets in an argument with his partner it usually is just comments of “leave her, you’re better off single.” They’re all in their mid-twenties so my argument is that they should be more mature.
Am I the jerk for getting upset that he never said anything to his friends about this behavior?
Edit: Asked for more information so the “wedding” is on July 4th. I’m American, so normally the only time my extended family gets together is on that date, my fiancé is not.
He has met my mom and siblings, but none of my other family members. Since my dad died due to gang violence, it has become important for my family to meet my fiancé. The date is also one my fiancé and I had planned on getting married on when we got engaged. We made jokes about it and whatnot.
We decided not to and to get married next year.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
They suck: The videos are unbelievably rude and passive-aggressive. Screw women? I would criticize your partner for being friends with them, but apparently, you considered them friends too.
He sucks: Your partner implicitly endorsed their behavior while being present and defended it later.
You both suck: Every person in this seems to know too much about one another’s private conversations. Your fights are being narrated to friends who fire you both up. Stop it.
You suck: So, it was his birthday, and that is the time that you just happen to get into an argument about holiday dates?
If in the past you’ve also gone out on a night when you’re homesick and been visibly upset all night and stormed or sulked away from the table, it’s possible this is being perceived as attention-seeking behavior that is disruptive of their friendships.
The fact that his friend said “you can’t keep us apart” seems to suggest that they could be interpreting it like this.” clbrownn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand him, I really do. I’m sure he really feels like his friends are trying to cheer him up.
That’s no excuse for allowing them to behave the way they do and not stand up for you. Friends of your significant other should be scared to say anything bad about you in front of them. I know I would not allow any negativity about my partner and she would not allow any about me.
He needs to support you 100% and failing to do so because of peer pressure from his friends can be a sign of immaturity.” sko1616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This group of men sounds misogynistic and immature and territorial. It doesn’t sound like your fiancé wants any conflict with them so he ignores the bad behavior.
The fact that he made excuses for his friend after you confronted him about the upsetting posts shows that he is not considering your feelings first. You need to accept that when these kinds of conflicts arise he’s not going to be there to defend you and ask yourself if you’re okay with that going forward.” just_coy
Another User Comments:
“Let’s get to the source of the problem. You are upset that his father picked a wedding day that interfered with a “meeting” with your family? Come on now. YTJ. And it sounds like you have “drama queen” moments whenever you think he is not putting you in the spotlight above all rational choices (like going to Dad’s wedding).
And you are so self-centered that you think his wedding day is “random” and it is only the effect on you that matters. You ARE going to the wedding with him, aren’t you?” Reddit user
