People Wonder Who We Should Scold In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Continuing To Pump For The Twins?
“I’m 37 yo female and my husband is 35 yo male. We just had identical twin girls. It’s been so rough trying to breastfeed so I went with pumping.
I pumped with our first so I figured my husband would get it. Well, since the twins have been born he has had animosity toward me because I’ve been pumping again. He gets annoyed and says that I’m just saying I need to pump when I wake up so I don’t have to get the baby to sleep or he asks when are you just going to stop?
Due to not pumping as often as I should my milk supply has dwindled. I never ask to pump while both babies are awake because I know how challenging it can be with 2 babies at once.
I’ve explained the physically uncomfortable feeling it causes when I don’t pump, he just doesn’t get it or care or both. He just thinks it’s an inconvenience and a cop-out from having to hold the baby at different times.
Am I the jerk for continuing to pump for the twins since there are two babies vs one? I just can’t imagine that what I’m doing/asking is unreasonable. I’m considering quitting pumping due to this, although I don’t want to. I’m tired of bracing for nonsense when I let him know I need to pump.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The pumping isn’t the issue, the issue is that HE THINKS YOU’RE USING IT AS AN EXCUSE in order to make him do more of the work caring for the twins.
What?!? Do you and your husband equally split the workload of raising kids and managing the household? Sounds like he’s unhappy with his share, or it’s a stress response to dealing with two babies at once. Whatever is going on with the workload, you need to talk about THAT because it’s not about the pumping.” Business-Lettuce2864
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is putting more pressure on you because he’s ignorant.
If it was something simple, it wouldn’t be so serious but lady… you need to pump or else there could be consequences to your body and your production.
Treat him like an idiot because he is and don’t let him make you feel guilty cause he’s too lazy to research or to even try to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.” Powderkegofspite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… the fact that you are nursing twins is remarkable. I know how hard it was when my daughter was hanging off me constantly, I can’t imagine two of them. Pumping keeps your supply up (I pumped and nursed and had enough supply that I was donating the surplus) and if anything it’s a good idea so he can feed the girls and bond with them too.
Sounds like HE’S the one copping out of holding the babies. My wife and I each had one and we both fed them both and took great enjoyment in getting a chance to bottle feed and bond with the one we didn’t birth and we also enjoyed being able to help each other out.
Tell him to ask a few moms he knows how bad you hurt.
And tell him that can actually cause issues when you try to feed them. Stop asking for permission to do what you want with your own body. Those babies are being taken care of and are healthy and well. I hate how people feel like they can comment on a woman’s nursing practices (it enrages me when people chastise women if they decide not to nurse too).
It’s like your body autonomy disappears.” Paperdawl
22. AITJ For Grounding My Son?
“My (40M) oldest son (16M) recently had his 16th birthday and I know being 16 is kind of a big deal for teens so I decided to get him a lot of gifts. He likes to play video games very often I’m not too strict with him about this so he plays a lot. So I got him a ps5 btw which took forever to find and new gaming gear (headset, games, controller, gaming monitor).
I also got him some cleats (he plays soccer).
He was so excited and happy and instantly was using the things I got for him. It made me happy to see him enjoying the things I got him. Well about 2 weeks after his birthday I received a notice from the school that my son was in jeopardy of failing 2 of the classes he needs to be promoted to the next grade level.
I was confused considering that my son hadn’t shown signs of failing in his report cards so I called the school and that’s when I learned that my son had been making fake report cards and had been showing me fake ones for almost the entire school year.
I asked the principal if I could view his real grades and turns out his grades in those 2 classes have been horrible all year.
I did the math and he needs at least a 75 or higher in those 2 classes to pass for the year. I was angry that my son was lying to me all this time so I decided to take away all the things I had bought him and hide them somewhere.
He got home from school and asked where his games and consoles were and I just gave the notice from the school and told him to explain himself.
He just stood there in shock and I said that he will never see those games again unless he passes those classes and why would he lie to me about a serious problem like this?
He said those classes were hard and lied because I would freak out like I’m doing now. I asked why he never asked me or any friends for help and he said they don’t take the same classes as him and I wouldn’t understand the work.
I had enough and told him he was grounded and wasn’t allowed to play his games until he passes the year and if he didn’t there would be big consequences.
He claimed I was being unreasonable and was only looking at the bad in this situation because he has good grades in all his other classes. I told him those good grades wouldn’t matter if he failed those two classes and stayed back.
He got mad and walked off calling me a bad parent and a jerk. That hurt me deeply because I try to give him the best. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment and refusing to speak to me even though I’m trying to find ways he’s comfortable with so he could improve his grades. Now I’m thinking that I took the wrong approach to this situation and that taking his gaming gear was not the right response to this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but grounding is not going to be an effective solution here. You need to talk to him when you’re not angry (remember the rule of animals and kids: never deal with them in a fit of passion) and try to thoroughly understand his point of view. Remember when you were that age, there were things you would hide because you were scared of getting in trouble, too, and sometimes it was because you feared whether rationally or not that you would get punished instead of helped. Plus, he’s a hormonal teenager without the logical skills of an adult.
He did wrong, so grounding is appropriate, but also let him know you get it, and if you can’t help with the work, see if you can get him a tutor or individual attention from the teachers. Then, consider instead of making this an all-or-nothing situation, letting him earn back privileges – give things back one at a time if he can prove he’s working on understanding the work, if he’s being responsible in other areas, etc.
And please, consider his future punishment based on his effort, not his results; that is if you see him making an honest effort to fix the situation, but he isn’t quite able to recover from being held back, don’t continue to be angry with him.” telizjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your young man of a child has done a big bad and needs to understand that lying is unacceptable and not how you get ahead in life, that there are consequences.
If he does not ‘smarten up’ and put in the effort, he will be held back and that is hard for anyone. He is also a child… and sometimes children need to feel like they hate their parents… because you are his parent, you’re not his friend right now; you’re looking out for his best interests… which he has yet to realize.
He’s angry and needs some time to cool down, but approach the subject differently when he has, in a helping way instead of angry.
You can suggest how you can help him improve his grades so he can pass into the next year. Suggest that every time he shows he is improving his grades that he can have some time with his games maybe… as an incentive?! You don’t want to be too hard either, he is still a kid learning from his mistakes. You’re allowed to be angry with him, he lied to everyone and that would upset any parent, but you also have to guide him to the right path.” pelorizado83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He lied to you, even going as far as to make fake report cards so he wouldn’t get in trouble. That’s even worse than failing and not asking anyone for help. My brother tried stuff like that, but my mom worked for the school so there was no fooling her. The people saying if he was afraid to tell you, you must be a bad parent are idiots.
Teenagers lie.
He didn’t lie because he was afraid of you, he lied because he didn’t want to get in trouble like he is now. Same reason my teenage brother lies all the time. My parents aren’t bad parents at all, but actions will have consequences. If you crash the car, you don’t get to drive until you fix the car.
If you’re failing, you don’t get to do anything until all your homework is done until you’re passing. If you lie, your punishment is always worse, either longer or electronics are taken away. He lied because he didn’t want there to be consequences for failing, but your job as a parent is to teach him actions have consequences, and lying makes them worse.
Of course, he got mad and threw a tantrum, you did something he doesn’t like. He doesn’t have to like his punishment, the whole point is that he doesn’t. You did the right thing. Don’t give in to a child trying to convince you not to punish them, that’s what kids do. Just stand your ground or he will continue to lie to you knowing he can get away with it.
He’ll get over it eventually.” Worth_Raspberry_11
Was your son too scared to tell you what was happening? I take it there was no online log in for your son's school were you could monitor his results during the year? If there was, why weren't you utilising that? What about parent teacher interviews? Did you attend and was anything said? If you didn't attend or couldn't and didn't make contact with the teachers then that's on you.
You may be far better off communicating with your son about what he can do to help salvage the situation. Taking away his gaming may have more far reaching consequences than you think. It may be completely punitive so he's not even going to try at school because it becomes a matter of what's the point if there is nothing to enjoy.
The gaming can be used as a tool to motivate him and there may need to be boundaries around use. It's not a natural consequence. A natural consequence is failing but that's not ideal which is why you may need to work with him so there is an outcome that doesn't mean he needs to repeat a year. He may need to go down a level or change subjects. There is no point doing subjects he hates or isn't good at because you think he should do it. Far better to find something he is good at and enjoys and aim for that rather than what you think he should be doing.
21. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Embarrassed Me?
“I know my mum is toxic and people always tell me to cut her off, but I just can’t do it. I have taken the key she used to have to my flat away from her, but my family is the kind that is ‘close’ so it’s hard to get out.
I (26f) live in my own flat and am soon to be moving in with my partner (29f) of 6 months.
My mum basically told me I was stupid for doing so because she has only met my partner once, so I asked if she and my dad and sister wanted to come to my place for take-out to meet her.
Upon arrival at my flat, my mother looked around, started making huffing noises, and looked around in disgust.
10 minutes after arrival, my mum walked into my kitchen, told me I was a disgusting pig, and PULLED OUT MY CLEANING SPRAY to clean the kitchen.
I was mortified and my partner was sitting there in disbelief. There were 2 plates in the sink from our lunch and she asked what we expected her to eat her takeout from if we had not cleaned the plates. She then insisted she HAD to put the dishwasher on and clean the entire kitchen and enlisted my sister to help while tutting and telling my partner ‘I’m sorry you have to deal with this mess.
I’ll bet you won’t stand for it in your house’.
As I was getting the table ready, my mum began tutting again and went to get the vacuum from the storage cupboard and began vacuuming the entire house.
After this we ate then they complained some more and went home.
As I was taking my partner home, we discussed what happened with my mum and my partner told me she was embarrassed as well, she was upset because she was worried my mum would do the same when we lived together, which I assured her she would not be allowed to come into the house if she tried it.
Anyway, my mum called me today to ‘chat’ and told me my partner was ‘nice enough’ like it was a compliment. I told her how much she embarrassed me last night. She told me I was the embarrassing one for living in squalor and I explained that she had gone overboard, embarrassed me and my partner, and made the whole night awkward. Mum said I was the one who made the night awkward by MAKING her clean my flat.
At this point, I told her that I would not be inviting her to my place anymore and I would not contact her until she contacted ME to apologize for what she did. She told me I was overreacting and she was the victim here. I cut off the phone and I put her number on snooze.
I feel like I’m justified, but at the same time, my sister texts me to tell me I’m in the wrong because my Mum just wants to be helpful and I’m a jerk for making her feel bad for trying to help.
So I’m at a loss. AITJ for yelling at her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She could have set you aside and told you to take care of your place nicely if she was really pressed about it, not walk in like it was her place and do whatever she wanted and then make it seem like it was all your fault for what happened. Good for you for standing up to her, and while I understand why you can’t somehow cut contact, going low contact would probably be best if you can’t go no contact completely.” h4tdogchizdog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom made the evening entirely about her by refusing to respect your boundaries in your own home, she could have respectfully excused herself if she preferred not to be there instead of insulting you and forcing your bewildered partner into doing what she said (clean). Apparently, your partner’s willingness to follow orders was a measure of her worthiness to your mom because she’s now considered ‘good enough’.
You’re right, you didn’t do anything except try to have a nice evening with your family. It sounds like you’re creating excellent boundaries by deciding to no longer interact with your mother until she apologizes and ask her to leave your house if she tries to repeat this behavior in the future. If that still proves to be too much attention for her and she begins making a scene about this as well, stop inviting her over and go out to eat with the family instead, this has the added benefit that you can leave at any time if she becomes difficult.
She does not get to dictate how an independent adult lives in their own home ‘because she cares,’ she also does not get to be disrespectful to those independent adults just because (insert whatever excuse she used this particular time here) she decided your home wasn’t clean enough.
It sounds like she’s trying to ‘bond’ with your SO over trashing you, fortunately, you’ve discussed this here with your partner and she can respectfully disagree with your mother when she tries doing this in the future.
Consistency in this will demonstrate to her she’s dealing with a team she can’t manipulate against each other and she’ll likely change tactics.
If she is not giving you and your partner the same courtesy and respect you give her, she doesn’t have any right to have access to you or your home.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t bend op.
Your mom is entirely out of bounds and toxic. Your sister is a good little flying monkey for your mom but do NOT let them convince you this is ok. Make a nice life with your SO where you uplift and support each other and protect each other (and yourselves) from toxic people you share DNA with. Good luck!
P.S. block your sister’s number as well, at least for a month or two because her job is to get you to fall back in line now.” Jovon35
20. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate's Sister To Pay Rent?
“So I (23M) am a student who lives with 2 other male students, who I will call C and M, in an apartment.
So the apartment is 2 bedrooms, 1 living room, 1 bathroom, and a kitchen.
I took 1 room for me, C and M shared the other bedroom and the living room is a shared place for all of us to watch tv and stuff. We split the rent 45/65 with me paying 45% and them paying the rest.
This changed when C’s sister L moved in with us for what was supposed to be a few days until she finds a place for what is now 2 months and counting.
So now C and L are sleeping in one room while M has to sleep in the living room. Now, I understand the situation and how hard it is to find an apartment but I don’t know how long this will continue. Having to share one bathroom and kitchen 4 ways while also having the living room acting as a 3rd bedroom is pretty annoying and not what we agreed upon.
When I asked if we could split it 3 ways after the second month, C got mad and tried to guilt trip me saying that I don’t like his sister which is not true.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is though! Having difficulties in finding a place is one thing, but free-loading is a different one! You guys should sit down & talk about rent, utilities & food before temp becomes perm!
She is too comfy!” Soulrica
Another User Comments:
“Even with you having a bedroom for yourself, four people sharing an apartment while one of them pays 45% of the bill is not reasonable. In fact, it doesn’t sound reasonable for the original three.
The apartment has five spaces, let’s say each accounts for 20% of the rent. One space is yours (so 20% of the rent for you), three of them are split three ways (another 20% each) and one is shared by two (10% each) which comes out to 40% for you and 30% for each of them.
That’s assuming the bedrooms are equal in size.
Now there are four people. Your room is still 20%. The second bedroom is still 10% for each occupant. The other three rooms are now split four ways, 5% per person per room, and 15% each. So you should pay 35%, C and L should pay 25% each, and M, having been booted out of that second bedroom, should be responsible for the remaining 15%.
This takes into account that M now has to share his ‘bedroom’ with three other people, but not the inconvenience of the rest of you having to respect the living room’s new function as sleeping quarters.
Either way, nothing about this adds up to you paying 45% of the bill. NTJ.” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 3 guys in a 2bdr/1bath is already tight. Adding anyone else is a burden.
Two months is enough mooching for L. Time to move out or pay up.” AJWordsmith
19. AITJ For Reporting A Cop?
“Crime has increased in my area lately, so I got 2 security cameras, which have stopped multiple break-ins.
My elderly neighbor called me this afternoon for help, because twice in the past few days she’s had what seems to be giant rotten salami dumped in her front yard. Last night, she heard/saw someone walking back and forth in front of her windows at 11 pm.
The weird point was the dumped salami, about 20 pieces, about palm size around cut about 10cm thick spread across about a 7-meter area.
English isn’t her first language, so she asked me to help her call the non-emergency police line to request extra patrols around the area. I told the cop if she heard anything, she’d call me and I’d go check it out. He told me to have my husband go check, which I brushed over. After a bit more talking, I said she would call me if she was scared and I would go check, and the cop again said to send my husband to check for her.
After more chat about the neighbors not being helpful, the cop again said ‘you should send your husband over to check on her’ when I quietly said I was actually a widow.
I was also in the US Marines (living in Australia now) so I know how to take care of myself, which they don’t know, but I’m so hurt and insulted that they would immediately assume that I had a husband to go check instead of me.
Sure, I can throw his ashes at an intruder. I don’t try to pass my trauma onto others, but he was so insistent I send my husband over… like… WHY??? The whole interaction has made me sick to my stomach and I had to specifically say that my husband was deceased for him to take me seriously.
I want to call and report him for trying to force me to send my (late) husband over after I made it clear I’d be supporting my neighbor.
I don’t want to be a Karen though, but the whole exchange left me sick to my stomach…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s funny how when you ask cops to do their supposed job… ensuring that a neighborhood is safe… they tell you to do it yourself or send your husband. Understandable that all the assumptions this cop was making would be upsetting to you, and telling him to get lost would be the least outrageous thing you could do.
Dunno if a report will do anything but you certainly wouldn’t be wrong to make one.” LyrisiVylnia
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ – You can call and complain, but I’m not clear what you think is going to happen. The cop’s suggestion that you send your husband over is pretty obviously rooted in the ‘if there’s a male intruder doing weird stuff around this lady’s house, it’s probably better to send a guy over rather than another lady.’
The cop’s assumption that you have a husband and that you’d be in more danger than this hypothetical husband is obviously rooted in sexism (but also, do you think other cops wouldn’t do the exact same thing?), but it also clearly has nothing to do with your actual husband’s passing. This cop had no way of knowing you were a widow or that you were a marine.
He’s just thinking ‘it’d probably be better if a man checked it out, in case this guy is some creep or whatever.’
I’m very sorry for your loss, and it sounds like some of the intensity of your response is really rooted in your grief. If it’s going to make you feel better, I’d say go ahead and call, but I’m very, very unconvinced that they’ll take this complaint very seriously, myself.” Samael13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to report him but I don’t think the ‘send your husband over’ comment is what you should focus on. You were calling to get a property check done and in my area at least, that’s something that an on-duty patrol officer is supposed to do while on shift if they aren’t going to calls or doing traffic stops.
I would call again and let the non-emergency line know that you requested a special property check and not only were you told no, but you were also told to investigate it yourself. I think you’d get further if you played up the fact that the guy didn’t do his job in getting a property check coordinated rather than the fact that he suggested your husband take care of it despite not knowing your personal circumstances.” twocatsanddog
18. AITJ For Wanting To Have A Birthday Party?
“My birthday is coming up soon, and I’ve never had a real birthday party. I’ve always had friends over and just hung out but never a party. But just once I want to experience a real party. I asked my mom to have it in the side of our yard, there wouldn’t be many people maybe 7, which are people they have met and people I consider very close to me.
Besides this, there is an annual crystal show I’ve wanted to go to so I asked to go to that but for family, that being the weekend before my actual birthday.
So today I asked (as my bday is 2 weeks away) if we had bought tickets and what day so I can plan my birthday. My mom, in turn, goes ‘you are not having one, who’s gonna pay for it?’ I never asked for them to, I was gonna pay for everything myself (cake, decor, gift bags, etc), and then she goes ‘stop making plans for things without asking the property owners it’s rude.’ At that point, I just walked away, I never planned a date or anything.
It’s sad that I’m a child having to plan my own birthday because my parents don’t want to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, ‘property owners’ it’s your home too. Sounds like they don’t even treat you like their child. To be honest, I’d be calling CPS on them myself because there seems to be more going on than you’re telling here. If you’re paying for everything then pick a location other than at ‘home’.
Like a park or something. It’s crappy your mom is acting this way, she should do better.” Mlady_gemstone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they should be grateful that you’re even paying for your own party. It’s kinda sad that you have to though. They’re your parents, they should want to make you happy. I would understand the kind if you were like an actual adult, but you’re only turning 17 and they still won’t even throw you a party.
A party that YOU are paying for. That’s really sad, I’m sorry about that. I hope you’ll be able to enjoy your birthday tho!” GhostlyJax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have the right to have more than just friends hanging out. If you were planning on paying for it do it at the park if the weather is going to be nice.
Could you ask your friends if you could have it at their house?” Booklovinmom55
Seeing as you are paying for everything, just have the party at another location. Even at your best friends house. And I wouldn't be too surprised if their parents help throw an awesome party for you.
I would be making plans to get as far away from your parents when you have finished school. They aren't being your parents. They aren't supportive. You owe them nothing.
Move out and live your best life with without them as a millstone around your neck.
17. WIBTJ If I Want My Soon-To-Be-Ex-Husband To Keep His Feelings To Himself?
“I (30F) separated from my husband (33M) recently. I was a stay-at-home mom (self-published author) and our two children (almost 4 and 7) are neurodivergent with some minor health conditions (only relevant because of the extra appointments and therapies (OT, Speech, and PT) those entail.) My oldest recently had to be pulled out of public school and because of the lack of options in our area, is now homeschooled.
My ex works 50 hours a week minimum and has very little/basic knowledge of our kids’ medical history and needs (by his own choice). Taking all of this into account we AGREED on a 20/80 spilt custody arrangement. He has stated that once we file the paperwork if the courts try to grant a higher support payment than he is open to, he will request 50/50 custody to avoid paying any child support (possible where we live) and then just bounce them around to different family members during his time, no concern for their education or best interests.
All of this is relevant.
Here is the part that is causing issues. Every time he takes them for a visit (he has only been doing overnights, so half the time we agreed on, and they get upset wanting me) he uses the line ‘I only get 2 days with you, and mommy gets 5.’ He has used this so much and I’m assuming in an accusatory way that my 7-year-old has started asking me why I get so much more time than their dad does.
This is also coupled with him deciding a time to bring them back to me, which is always earlier than I would suggest, and then running late and telling my oldest that they won’t get to do all of their plans unless I agree to ‘give them more time’ and calling me so my 7yo can ask for more time. And the icing on the cake, yesterday, he doesn’t have them because he went on a trip with his brother instead but got them Thursday night to Friday morning, he talked to them on the phone and told them ‘I don’t feel good.
I’m sick because I miss you so much. Last night you fell asleep without talking to me, I thought you were forgetting about me.’
I get that he is allowed to feel his feelings, but I don’t think our kids should be involved like this and he shouldn’t be telling them feelings like this.
So WIBTJ if I asked him to keep his feelings and comments about the custody arrangement to himself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is emotionally manipulating them. And that is a typical narcissistic trait.
He cannot be allowed to keep doing this.
I’ve (now 36F) been through family court (in Australia) with my daughter’s father (now 56M), who would (and still does) do these kinds of things. I was your age (roughly) when I finalized my custody arrangement.
It’s not healthy for them, and it makes them feel guilty about things they shouldn’t.
Unfortunately though, while you can tell him not to, there’s really no way of policing it. So my suggestion would just be to document, document, document. Every time he does something like this, write it in a dated diary. Every time your boys mention something to you about him, write it down, even if it’s not that bad at the time. Every time you do handovers where you are both present, write down what happened. Keep all text messages, emails, etc., and don’t communicate with him unless it’s in writing.
Do not speak to him on the phone. If he tries, tell him you will only communicate via text or email and hang up.
Even if a mutual friend tells you something, or his family contacts you. Write. It. Down.
It sucks, it’s time-consuming and so hard, and I completely sympathize. I’m sorry you and your kids are going through this.” quokkaloft
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks to have parents saying stuff like that to you, but your children are too young to understand that it’s his own making. In his mind, he is probably trying to prove to them that he cares, but the result for the children is different. I’d recommend having counseling on how to do co-parenting and bringing it up then to avoid it getting even messier.
However if not, try to phrase it like this, I assume your intention is to show how much you love them, but maybe you can phrase it differently so you don’t trouble them with guilt and then present the alternative which is for him to prioritize them more?” FlowerOk3892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but girl start documenting this crap!! This is a horrifically emotionally manipulative way to treat such young children.
Record and save everything you can because I suspect you’ll need it in the future when he tries to pull some shady stuff.
It sounds like he’s setting the scene for eventually trying to poison your kids against you with the line that you ‘forced’ him not to see them. It might even be worth seeking the advice of a child therapist as to how you can healthily counteract this messaging – you’re clearly the only mature and responsible parent these kids have, don’t let him try and use that against you if you can help it.” invomitous-rex
16. AITJ For Still Holding A Grudge Against My Dad Because Of His Reaction During My First Period?
“I am 16F and my dad is 45M. I got my first period in the fall of 2019 when I was 13 and in 8th grade. Neither of my parents had ever taught me about periods so I had a bit of a ‘Carrie’ moment.
Telling my mom was hard enough. She was upset because I’m an only child and she didn’t want me to grow up.
I told my dad a few weeks later and he said, ‘great, my daughter is a witch now!’ in a tone like he was mad at me.
Yesterday my dad asked me about the most annoying thing he ever said to me, and I said the period reaction incident. He kept trying to justify it and said that I should stop purposely holding a grudge.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, both of your parents did you a disservice for not letting you know how your body would change and then were insulting when you did get your period. I had a lot of friends that had no idea that they were going to get one until the day it happened. I was always the girl who had lots of hygiene supplies in my locker and helped lots of classmates in middle school and high school.
My mom had the surprise happen to her and she didn’t want her daughter to be caught unaware.
Be the girl who is there for other girls and later be the woman there for other women, always carry a period emergency kit (mine is one of the snack-sized ziplock bags with a couple of pads, tampons, panty liners, and some ibuprofen that I always carry in my purse/backpack).
Even in my 30s, I have helped friends with a surprise period.
Be proud of your body (even if it can be annoying at times).” lightofdarkness42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The toxic masculinity with that statement alone makes me upset. Periods hurt they can get to the pain scale of a heart attack at times. To guys that think like this listen we’re not gonna be a ray of sunshine when we’re bleeding uncontrollably and feeling as if a bulldozer is crushing our abdomens.
And that’s not including the acne, mood swings, food cravings, backaches, and the various other things they cause. Imagine having a heart attack for five days straight, sometimes even longer, and bleeding uncontrollably would you be in a good mood? I don’t think so.
Also if he doesn’t like the answer then he shouldn’t have asked the question.” krazycorgi25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are holding on to this because what he said was an important tell about who he is as a person. You should hold on to this. This incident is a warning to you about your dad’s true feelings about women and you in particular. It is also a warning to you about what kinds of information he can be trusted with.
The fact that he continues to be defensive tells you that he has not changed. Please learn the lesson that this incident teaches you.
He can’t be trusted with even the most simple and basic information about your female body, information that any adult with the most basic level of maturity (male or otherwise) should be able to address respectfully.
Please do not get further pain for yourself by sharing any other intimate information with him until and unless he spontaneously apologizes and understands what he did wrong.
Don’t try to convince him further. Making your dad be a mature adult is not your job. He is not there now, and may never be there. This is a painful pill for a young person to swallow, and you have all the sympathy and care from me. Look for healthy support elsewhere. You are wise to seek feedback elsewhere.” LilyGrowsFromMud
15. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute Toward Condolence Flowers?
“In the Before Times, I had a group of women I ate lunch with every day at work.
We are all late 20s – early 30s. We were really close.
Whenever somebody in the group experienced a close family loss we would all send some flowers or an Edible Arrangement to share our condolences. Grandparents, step-siblings, that sort of thing. Since there were about 8 of us it was pretty cheap and I was more than happy to contribute and help make my friends’ sad days brighter.
Obviously, working from home for 2 years has changed our friendship dynamic a bit and we’re not as close as we used to be. We have a group chat that used to be very lively but has died down a bit. One of the women, the one this story is about, has notably not been participating in the group chat. She basically only pops in when she wants to brag about her great workout or a new purse.
We had weekly, scheduled video chats for a while and she never joined, not even for our secret Santa swap!
So here’s the problem… apparently, her SO’s aunt passed away, and the group wants to send an arrangement. I don’t want to participate for a few reasons: 1) we’re not really friends anymore, I haven’t talked to her in well over a year; 2) I only knew about the loss through a third party; 3) it wasn’t even her aunt who passed; 4) our group has shrunk a bit so I’d have to contribute more than usual – not a ton, but enough that it’s annoying especially considering I am the youngest & most junior/lowest earning member of our group.
I told the group I was going to sit this one out and they’re not happy. ‘She’d do it for you!’ they said… but the thing is, I don’t think she would. And I don’t do things for people with the expectation or even desire for reciprocity, anyways.
I asked a couple of friends what they would do and the group was split – they all understood but some think I should have just done it anyways as a favor to the women I’m still close with.
Now I’m feeling kind of bad…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the friend you speak of is what we refer to as ‘fair weather friend.’ These are friends that only pop in when things are going well, but otherwise they are not to be found. With one exception, when they need something. You have politely bowed out and there is no need for you to bow to peer pressure and donate.
As you stated, things have changed.” Appropriate_Self_113
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
This is less of an issue of what a ‘good person’ would do and more an issue of what the dynamics of the group are. Assuming that per that group etiquette you should participate, you may be a bad ‘group member’, but the term ‘jerk’ is used exclusively for those who have acted in a way that is contrary to how one would act in civil society.
A bad member of a certain group or a bad employee would not necessarily be a jerk.” Somerandomedude1q2w
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but financial issues are an easy way to dissolve friendships, unfortunately. An SO’s aunt does not automatically entitle her to an arrangement of sorts. Based on all the information offered I would stick to my guns and hold out. Say it wasn’t financially accessible for you and other reasons stated above and your lack of closeness to a non-work friend’s SO’s aunt warrants you to sit out of this one.” ajkert
14. AITJ For Not Joining My Parents For Lunch?
“My parents and I (21F) went to see my sister’s new house today. For this, I’m just wearing pajamas and my hair is in rollers, etc. On the way home, my parents wanted to stop for a pub lunch, to which I said no, this wasn’t the plan, I have other things I need to do today, and I’m not dressed for it.
I don’t want to be seen like this.
They parked up anyway and went for lunch, leaving me in the car. They locked it, it’s a hot day, and I don’t have any water. If I open the door, the alarm goes off. I’m also on my period and need to go home to change my pad asap.
They’re answering my texts but haven’t acknowledged my discomfort at all.
They sent me a photo of their starter but of course, that just made me feel angrier and like they don’t care.
We could have gone home first, and then gone out but whatever, they’re the adults, and their say is final, as always. It’s a 3 hour’s walk home, and I don’t have a house key on me.
I need help with what to do.
How do I cool off without setting off the car alarm? And how do I handle the situation when they come back because they’re going to be mad at me for being an issue? Maybe I am unreasonable. I should have just gone with them.
You tell me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for not wanting to go in dressed inappropriately, but there is no way you should have allowed them to lock you in the car.
Yes, set off the alarm and let them know you are uncomfortable and hot! Most dogs would do this if they had hands and could talk. (Not saying you are a dog, it’s a problem that happens during the summer when people lock their dogs in the car ‘for a few minutes.’) They are jerks for doing this and so what if their lunch is ruined?
They should have told you to get dressed better before you went to visit your sister’s new home. By the way, 21 and leaving the house in your PJs, come on!” Appropriate_Self_113
Another User Comments:
“I seriously find it sad and an eye-opener about our education system that a 21-year-old person cannot figure this one out. Open the door and let it squeal! Take out the curlers, run your fingers through them and go in and get some food and a beer.
No one but you cares what your hair looks like. And while you are in there find the lady’s room and use the machine. I am going with YTJ for being an adult and not being able to solve the problem.” sarahlampi
13. AITJ For Disapproving Of My Partner And His Best Friend Exchanging Clothes?
“My SO and his best friend are exchanging clothes. We have been together for 9 months and only recently I have discovered that after fully introducing me to his friends a few months ago, I have been hesitating to say anything about it until now.
They exchange boxers, briefs, jackets, T-shirts… etc and it’s just…
weird. They are both good when it comes to finances, they don’t need clothes or anything, they just do it. When we sleep together, I smell his best friend on him. When they go to the gym together, they exchange their outfits too. It’s pretty frequent too, I even find some of his best friend’s boxers and briefs in the laundry. I gently asked him about this and he said that it’s because they love each other’s scent and they feel very comfortable being this close to each other.
I told him that this is a bit odd (I lied, it’s so weird!) and he said ‘maybe but it’s my best friend, do you have an issue with that?’ which kind of rubbed me the wrong way, I told him that yes, it bothers me because it’s just weird and I’m setting some boundaries here.
He got pretty defensive, mad at me, and said that I have no business in this, it’s his body, it’s his best friend and they do whatever they want as long as they are not hurting anybody.
I still find it weird. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re both entitled to your feelings around this. I wouldn’t like the idea of switching undergarments either, but that is a personal thing. If you can accept it, and let it go (so truly move on from the issue and not bring it up again) then that’s fine. If you can’t, you’re going to have to take a good look at this relationship—is it something you can live with or not?
He won’t change, most likely, so the choice is yours really. Accept it or move on.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling weird about the situation. I understand if they want to exchange clothes, but exchanging boxers is a little strange. Passing on a nice shirt or pair of pants is one thing, but boxers is weird. It’s also odd to admit to your partner that you like your best friend’s smell.
It’s also weird that he doesn’t wash the friend’s smell out of the clothes. Now you have to decide if you want to be a part of this strange relationship.” Appropriate_Self_113
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna give a ‘no jerks here’ here. I think you’re not wrong for disliking this situation, even because exchanging undergarments is not hygienic and can lead to diseases (also, maybe this is something worth pointing out to him because it can lead to disease in you too.)
BUT
I think he might be clueless about his relationship with his best friend. I read in a further comment that they both are bi, but it could be that either his best friend has had feelings for him for a long time and convinced him that these things, like exchanging clothes to smell each other’s scent, are normal for friends; or they don’t know that they have feelings for each other.
You’re not wrong for wanting to end the relationship, tho.” User
Another User Comments:
“Well, even being all fancy and etc like us humans evolved to be, there are still some things very primal about attraction, and one of them is called pheromones, Which are volatile substances we naturally produce that ‘talk’ to other human’s noses (and brains!) without us even realizing it.
Pheromones aren’t only for -mating- purposes, we are social creatures, so we take a lot of comfort from feeling the scent of each other, babies, for example, get instantly calmer when exposed to their carer’s scent, it can mean safety, protection, friendship… Your SO is just constantly rubbing his friend’s scent over himself, and I don’t think that’s really healthy, because it either shows co-dependence, attraction, or both.
After growing from being toddlers, we also start to distance ourselves from our parents and get less ‘marked’ with their smell identities to be able to develop our own and later, to share our unique scent with our partner(s), and those pheromones are also related to how we are attracted to others, they give cues about our hormones and we ‘read’ others. While your partner’s friend’s scent might be comforting for HIM, it’s something strange to YOU, because you don’t perceive it the same way.
Your SO can choose to rub on his mate’s sweat or whatever, but you can establish your own boundaries regarding it and not being comfortable with it, like a smelly perfume, he can absolutely love it, but if you hate it, you both need to figure it out and compromise. And yes it’s weird. NTJ.” Exciting_Grocery_223
12. AITJ For Not Including My Friend's Research In My Project?
“For a task for uni, I had to make a presentation searching for 3 nice posters. When I was talking to a friend and the question came up about what I’m doing I told her of my task and asked if she maybe knew some examples. However the posters she showed me either weren’t fitting or not as good as the ones I had found. I thanked her for all examples and also commented on all.
When I was done with my presentation she wanted to see it and I showed her. She immediately started to insult me and told me how bad of a job I did, that it didn’t even seem I study what I study because I would suck so much at it.
Only a bit later I realized that the reason behind her rage was that I didn’t include one of her unfitting posters.
I apologized and told her that out of all examples I chose the 3 best and unfortunately I could not include one of hers. However, she did not accept my apology and proceeded to trash my presentation. In retrospect, I should have been clearer and more open about why I could not use her research. I get that she is mad about the ‘lost’ time she invested into me without a payoff so to say.
But I’m still baffled at the reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your assignment, your grade, your choice. The best I can guess is you somehow wounded her ego. You ask for a suggestion and didn’t like what you saw so you went a different way. Life is going to be full of these situations. Your friend needs to humble herself or the real world will.
She may have ‘lost’ time and didn’t get the payoff she wanted, but that happens in the real world all the time. Two questions, one, did you get a good grade, two, what would have happened if you used her suggestions and you received a bad grade?” firehawk349
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what was best for the presentation. Don’t know why she’s so hung up on it.
It’s not like she was part of the presentation. And it’s probably best to have a conversation and figure things out. Or if you’ve already had one don’t be friends with this person.” trees1nthewind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want a good grade and she wants someone to tell her ‘good job’. Her desire to be validated is not your problem, especially when you didn’t even ask her for help.” Powderkegofspite
11. AITJ For Naming My Playlist Something "Insulting"?
“Yesterday I (23f) made a Spotify playlist I titled ‘twelvey’, consisting of all of the music I loved when I was around the age of 12. Standard nostalgia gratification. When I was 12 I thought my oldest brother (now 34) was the coolest person in the world, so naturally, I listened to all the music he did.
He listened to allllll the 2000s and early 2010s emo, post-hardcore, pop-punk, etc bands, and it was the first thing he and I ever properly bonded over given our big age difference.
I showed him the playlist to be like hey look! I made a playlist of all of our fav music from back in the day. He did not react how I thought he would.
He got mad and said I shouldn’t have called the playlist ‘twelvey’ because it’s an insult and lots of people, like him, still listen to that music and might be offended, plus artists can see what playlists their songs are added to so one of them might see ‘twelvey’ and feel like they are being made fun of. I told him I don’t think Escape the Fate is sitting up at night scrolling through fan playlists but whatever.
I named the playlist twelvey because it’s a cute throwback playlist for myself. I made it a secret playlist so that no one who is an active fan of that music stumbles on it but he said artists can still see it so I should change it.
Anyway, we’re both stubborn (unfortunately, lol) so neither of us is backing down. I think I might be the jerk because I could just change the name of the playlist to make him happy but I don’t feel like giving in when I think he’s wrong.
So AITJ for naming my playlist ‘twelvey’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a perfectly logical, nice name for a playlist like that, and unless you have some real unknown indie stuff on there I can guarantee the last thing an artist will be doing is looking through playlists with their songs.” TheIrishninjas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How is that an insult? Honestly, he sounds overly sensitive, is he okay?
Could it be that something else is going on there?
It’s first of all not that serious, it’s a playlist based on the music you listened to then. Second, I truly cannot see how it could be insulting to anyone. Third, you’re right, none of those artists are actively looking at the playlists made by fans. I highly doubt they care how you name it.
Neither would their fans I imagine.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guess your brother is taking the name personally because it’s the music he still likes now. But you chose the name because of what the music represents to you, so it’s not about him.
However, if your goal with the playlist was to honor a shared memory with your brother, you might consider naming it something that connects both of you.” Prestigious_Isopod72
10. AITJ For Messing My Friend's Grades Up?
“I have a lot of difficulties in biology, and if I don’t get a good grade this year (where I live, classes end in June/July, so there are only 7 weeks left) I won’t be able to finish high school.
I’ve been trying hard enough, but still, I need a few more points to pass the course.
We recently received a video production job, which is quite simple to do, although it takes quite a bit of time. My group is four people, however, none of them showed interest in doing it. I talked to all of them, one said he just didn’t care (he got a good grade in the subject), and another one needs the grade, but he just shoved it all over to me, with the excuse of ‘not being good at it’ (I’m not either), and the last member gave the excuse of being sick, which, in my opinion, is a ridiculous reason, since he continued to send us messages and talk to us, comment on series, and others.
I’m sick too, but this was made irrelevant since ‘I’m better than him’.
Even to send me the images of our project done in class, they only did it after I asked for the third time.
I understand that they don’t want to do it, after all, we have a lot of work during these weeks, and this one just joins to be one more, and I didn’t want to do that work either.
I wouldn’t mind doing it if everyone would help, help me with some other job, at least have empathy, or at least try to pretend they have the slightest interest in helping.
I know that if I tell my biology teacher that I’m the only one doing the work, I’ll probably get a higher grade for it, or that he’ll take it into account when giving my final grades.
Two of the members of the group already receive a lot of work grades for the work of others, and seeing this happen with a grade that I need, in the midst of so much work, makes me frustrated.
They’re my friends, and I didn’t want to jeopardize their grades. I’m not the type of person who minds putting the names of people who didn’t do the work, to get the grade too, but it’s a grade I really need, and telling the truth can benefit me.
I wanted to know the opinion of other people outside, who don’t know me, nor my friends, to know if I was being a jerk, to tell the truth. (If it was not clear, we will deliver the work only on Monday.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t damaging your friends’ grades, they are. They can be part of the team, do their share of the work, and get good grades.
If they decide not to, there’s no reason they should expect a good grade.
That said, it might hurt your friendship if they blame you. Keep in mind, though, that you may want to think carefully about how important it is to you to keep friends who are willing to let you do their work, and aren’t willing to step in and help with yours.” SeveralPrinciple5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In the long run, biology grades are meaningless once you graduate. What is important is developing a responsible work ethic. You’ve done a good job. Your partner, on the other hand, isn’t too worried about their biology grade and their personal work ethic is non-existent.
Some people just try to glide through life doing as little as possible, relying on others to do the work.
They eventually get found out and face the consequences of their idleness much to their dismay.
Other people grind away taking on the most difficult tasks because they need to be done. You’re a grinder. Hand in your work as your own. It will be meaningless in a few weeks. But you may allow your friends to suffer the consequences now when the stakes are meaningless, instead of letting them slide when the consequences are much more serious.
Who cares if they get angry with you? In another 18 months, most of your high school friends will have faded into history and you’ll have new friends.” bolshoich
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whoever does the work gets the grade. Just like with the little red hen. None of her friends wanted to help her plant, water, gather or grind the wheat, but they were all there at the smell of the delicious bread.
Just like the bread being for those who worked, the grade should be for those who did the work. No work, no grade. Or bad grade, whichever works.” TKD_Mom76
9. AITJ For Inviting My Guest's Significant Other Over For Dinner?
“I bought a condo and decided to let a friend of mine (let’s call her Sarah) live with me as a roommate/tenant. We got very close, almost like sisters.
One day Sarah told me her friend got kicked out of her place and asked if she could stay with us for 1-2 weeks.
I didn’t want to because I have never met the friend but I did reluctantly agree. Let’s call the friend Linda.
Linda comes over the same day and immediately makes a few strange comments about how nice my condo is compared to how bad the area is. I let it slide.
I find out later that Linda’s SO (let’s call him James) is actually a good friend of mine from university.
We all had a cute little ‘wow such a small world!’ moment.
The next day I message James to catch up and he already knew Linda was staying at my place. I told him he should come over while she was there so all of us can hang out, and he excitedly agreed.
When I got home that day, Linda was gone. Sarah came home slightly after and immediately asked me why I was flirting with James.
I was very confused. Sarah explained that my inviting James for dinner is essentially me saying ‘James come look at the beautiful condo that I bought while your partner is homeless’. I told Sarah that she should know that would never be my intention and it seems like they are assuming that out of internal insecurity. She asked me to apologize to Linda for speaking to James without asking her permission first and I refused. This event caused my relationship with Sarah to sour and she moved out a few months later.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. James was your friend anyway and you were doing both Linda and Sarah a favor by letting Sarah stay at your condo. For them to say you had bad intentions for inviting James over is ridiculous and unfair to you.” OrcEight
Another User Comments:
“Going to give an NTJ vote on this one, although you probably should have discussed your previous friendship (with her SO) with Linda before inviting her SO over.
Not sure what Sarah’s issue is in this whole deal. You’re probably better off without them and the drama, to be honest.” ericinvalpo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you’re right they are both dealing with insecurity issues. Linda probably got into Sarah’s ear once she found out you invited her SO over for dinner. No loss for you over their insecurity.” Appropriate_Self_113
8. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Ask For Permission Before Getting Food?
“I’ve (M25) been going out with this amazing guy for about a year now.
Recently, I got sick and my partner was hanging out at my house when I found out. We decided to stay together in my apartment to prevent further spreading.
One day, my partner just stood up and told me he was going to grab a snack. I stopped him from doing that because I felt like it was very rude of him to just walk to my kitchen and grab stuff he didn’t buy.
After that, he became noticeably irritated but he didn’t talk about it. It started to annoy me too because he should just ask before grabbing something that isn’t his right? I told him to stop acting like a spoiled brat.
Since then we haven’t been talking very much and I feel like he’s just waiting until he can go home again. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re both staying together while you’re recovering. He shouldn’t have to feel like he has to ask for consent just to get a snack. If you’re worried about what groceries cost, have a conversation about that and share the expense.
When you’re staying with someone for a prolonged period of time, it isn’t acting like a ‘spoiled brat’ to just go and get yourself a snack.
Do you often call him names like that? It’s rather worrying to read.
If my significant other behaved like this and called me a ‘spoiled brat’ for getting myself a snack I would definitely just be waiting to return home.” SeekingBeskar
Another User Comments:
“Unless there is way more to this story, YTJ. You are okay with him staying in your home but expect him to ask your permission to eat your food.
He isn’t a guest in your home anymore with this extended stay and should be able to feed himself when he’s hungry. It’s not like it’s very safe to others if he ran off to the store every time he wanted some food and it’s not very economical to constantly order.
I can understand if he was a freeloader but I am not getting that vibe from what you described in your post. Please make your partner feel comfortable in your home as you were the one who okayed him staying there.
If it’s an issue with food, explain that he might need to contribute when food runs low cus it is understandable that two people consume more than one person. If it’s a matter of house manners, I don’t see him returning to your home after this.” Ecstatic_Specific477
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You exposed him to a communicable illness and now he’s stuck at your house for two weeks.
If he was constantly in the kitchen making messes and eating you out of house and home, that would be one thing. But, the poor man just wanted a snack. It’s honestly infantilizing to expect a fully grown 25-year-old man who you have been in a relationship with for an entire year to ask for permission to eat.
Is this the longest amount of time you’ve spent together?
It sounds as though you’re not dealing well with having him in your space. Chastising him like a misbehaved child, reminding him he didn’t pay for what’s in the kitchen, calling him a spoiled brat… all very petty and unnecessary.
Yes, he is just waiting to go home at this point.” JasmineAndCloves
.
7. WIBTJ If I Cook Dinner For My Wife?
“My wife (32F) is a vegan and she loves telling everyone so.
She always tells me (31M) to go vegan, really being annoying about it. Whenever I try to make dinner, she’ll stop me and make it herself because she thinks that I’ll sneak meat or eggs or some stuff into it. I respect her veganism, I’d never do that! I really love cooking, but I’m never allowed to use the kitchen anymore because of this.
Whenever I ask to make her dinner, she also says it’s disrespecting her and calls me an anti-feminist. She used to be such a fun person before she became aggressively vegan out of the blue.
My wife’s birthday is tomorrow, and I was thinking of making her dinner. A completely vegan dinner. I know she doesn’t trust me and it would be disrespectful in her eyes, so would I be the jerk if I made her dinner tomorrow?
I really want her to take a break and enjoy herself with me.
EDIT: I want to make her favorite food, tofu salad. So it isn’t anything random.
A bunch of people were asking if I did something to provoke her into not trusting me. I did absolutely nothing.
UPDATE: I tried to talk to my wife about getting counseling. At first, she didn’t answer, then she started screaming at me about how I was ‘verbally abusing’ her (I wasn’t) and how I ruined our marriage (what did I do?).
She admitted to being unfaithful a few months ago and finding a new man. She says she’s lost all love for me. Well, we’re getting divorced now. I guess it wasn’t about veganism or trust issues at all, it was about infidelity.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife needs a reality check. You are allowed to cook whatever you want and can use the kitchen as you please.
She can decide whether she eats your food or not, but personally, I would not put up with my partner constantly accusing me of untrue things. Especially if those accusations are completely baseless. And calling you disrespectful and anti-feminist is not ok either. You need to have a good stern discussion with her about this.
Don’t make her dinner tomorrow though. Both of you will just be disappointed if you do and she will just ruin the day.
Get her a nice cake or takeout from a vegan restaurant maybe?” Nemini20
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you know she doesn’t want you to make dinner, you know it won’t make her happy. Don’t be passive-aggressive.
She sucks for not ‘letting’ you cook. She sucks for thinking that you will trick her into eating meat. Unless you displayed behavior that would cause that to be a reasonable conclusion.
eg. you’ve said ‘oops I put butter in the dish, guests are vegan meh what they don’t know won’t hurt them’ or if you are a forgetful sloppy cook that cross contaminates.
The solution isn’t to do what you know she will hate.” shhh_its_me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should probably reconsider your dumpster fire of a wife. How annoying and neurotic.
It also displays her lack of trust in you, plus she’s throwing around buzzwords like anti-feminist to try to get her point across. Just ew. Or I guess enjoy being harassed by an annoying vegan who won’t let you use your own kitchen.” oobatubaa
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You and your wife need to either get marriage counseling or divorce because she’s got some severe trust issues with you, but you still need to respect her wishes.
I understand that it comes out of a place of love, but you really need to not do the thing she insists she doesn’t want you to do.
And for real, you guys NEED to talk about why she doesn’t trust you. Probably with a therapist present.” Realdudemanguy
6. AITJ For Being Unsupportive Of My Sister's Third Baby?
“My sister has 2 sons, aged 4 and 5. This year, she announced that she was pregnant with a 3rd child. I’m grateful that my sister is able to bring another baby into this world however I don’t think my sister and her partner are in a suitable financial position to take care of 5 people. She has never worked in her life and lives off her partner, who works as a DJ and does gigs at concerts and nightclubs.
I’m not sure whether they receive funds from the government but trying to clothe, feed, and shelter 5 people whilst ALSO paying council tax under 1 salary will not guarantee a comfortable life for this baby. On the other hand, it’s assuring that they are able to claim child benefit and because neither of them earns >£50,000, they won’t have to pay any of it back.
I’m the only one in my family who thinks that they should be more financially stable before having a 3rd kid so I’m not sure what to think.
I’m only 16, so I’m not really sure what financial options they have to help themselves apart from the one I mentioned above. I told her directly in front of our family that I was unsupportive, and none of them took my side.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By your own admission, you don’t know their actual financial situation, you’re just assuming their ability to provide for their family without having any actual clue.
Even if you were completely correct about their financial situation, though, it’s not your place to announce that they shouldn’t be having this child. I mean, what do you want them to do, get rid of the baby because her sixteen-year-old sibling doesn’t think it’s a good idea? She’s already pregnant, dude, you’re not going to accomplish anything other than making yourself look like a jerk by telling her she shouldn’t have another child.” Sarahbeara13
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand your point and I agree with you. I think that this is a very well-thought-out opinion for someone of 16. However, your timing is what is at issue here. Once they have announced another pregnancy they have made the decision to go forward with it. Bringing up the negatives at this point is only going to make them feel bad about an already stressful situation.
I’m sure they know this is not ideal, but they have made a commitment. What they are looking for is support, not shaming. I hope that they are able to get into a better situation and that you are able to have a good relationship with them and their children.” unionmom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If the siblings are 4 and 5, then waiting any longer would likely create a challengingly large age gap.
There can also be financial benefits to avoiding large age gaps between children, for example, less disruption to whatever future career she attempts once all 3 children are in school.
3 children is not an excessive number. Not every human adult is capable of or interested in producing offspring, so if every human who did only had 2 or fewer children, the human race would go extinct. It’s, therefore, necessary for some people to have more than 2 children, and 3 is the smallest number larger than 2.
Suggesting that people aren’t entitled to have children unless they have a high-earning career is borderline eugenicist. Sounds like you don’t approve of the father’s DJ career, despite not even knowing how much he earns. So what do you suggest?–that their 4 and 5-year-old kids wait another 6 or so years while he takes online courses or retrains in some other career, starts in some entry-level training position, and gains enough experience that he becomes a higher earner than he is now, all just to be entitled to reproduce again?” mathandmedicine
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it’s two-sided. When it comes to not supporting your sister’s choice to have a third child due to your reasonable concerns about their financial stability, you’re NTJ. When it comes to TELLING your sister that: YTJ.
It was not necessary for you to say that whatsoever and, at your age, you should already know that there’s a time and a place for speaking on other people’s lives and choices, seemingly unprovoked. Unless she specifically asked you ‘hey, little sister, what do you think about me choosing to have a child?
Do you support my decision?’ then you should probably have exercised some common sense tact and kept that to yourself.” ShadowCoon
5. AITJ For Reacting Negatively To My Friend's Confession?
“I (21f) have a friend (22f) that is a part of the LGBT community. I personally never cared who people like, if that makes them happy then I have nothing to say about it (and many of them are great people and we still talk).
So back to the topic, we met online (last winter), I was basically the initiator, because we had mutual interests and she seemed like a nice person, we got along just fine, but after some time she started making some flirty comments on my looks, actions, etc. I paid zero attention to that. I am used to that. That’s how I speak with the majority of my friends (both female and male) and she brought up her s*******y along with one of these comments and waited for my reactions.
She expected me to yell at her, (I tried to cheer her up after she told me that, because she couldn’t come out to her family and they always put so much pressure on her: ‘we were already married at your age’, ‘when will you introduce us to your partner?’).
We never met in real life, even tho we study at the same university.
We did not hang out one-on-one, but she is nice to talk to and discuss some topics, so it really was heartbreaking, but after some time (about 2 months later after we started talking) I learned that she presented me as ‘her Ella’ (name changed) to her friend group and they were discussing me (my looks, my account, my personality and always sent pictures of objects that had my name or were related to me in some way) and then she asked me about seeing people, to which I replied that I am not ready.
I don’t think about seeing people and I rejected a few already. I am not financially stable or mentally (I just had a rough period in life). She did not respond to that and pretended to forget. After a few weeks, she comes back with the same question and gets the same answer. Time passes, but we are still friends and talk often (as much as possible, bc sometimes I don’t even have the strength to reply).
And out of the blue (this is how I see it), she confesses to me ‘I like you more than just a friend’.
I did not know what to do and personally felt nothing after that, after a few minutes I asked her to give me some time to reply properly to that. I truthfully replied that I don’t want any kind of relationship right now.
I am not ready. We agreed to not let that affect our friendship, but now I don’t even want to talk to her. I feel angry. I feel lost and want to cut all contact, for now. AITJ for reacting and feeling that way?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re entitled to your own feelings. There’s no point trying to change them. Trust that you know what’s best for you.
I think it’s natural to be overwhelmed by a confession like that, taking time is probably a good idea. You’re feeling angry because this topic puts a strain on your friendship, that’s to be expected.
But she is also not the jerk. She is interested in you and when you answer her ‘not right now’ it’s logical for her to try again later. Discussing you as a good friend and love interest with her friends is also normal and okay.
Now she’s developed feelings for you. I get it, that you’d rather not have her confess them to you because it puts pressure on you and makes your friendship awkward. But I also think honesty is always the best way. Would you want her to lie to you and repress her feelings? That would have been awkward and stressful, too.
Just take your time and come to terms with how you feel.
Be open and honest with her, just like she was with you. That’s what friendship is about.” beerandcore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I would suggest instead of putting her off by saying not now, that you let her know if you would ever be into a relationship. It sounds like you’ve been trying to spare her feelings, but she could be feeling led on.
Still not your fault for that, but better to draw a boundary since her confession obviously affected you.” Relevant-Economy-927
Another User Comments:
“She has developed feelings and at no point have you been clear about your shooting her down, and she had every right to express her interest and ask about yours.
You’re upset that the relationship is now changed from your point of view from mutual friendship to unrequited romantic interest. This is a sad development for you, and her, as you both wanted a different result/relationship than what you got.
Neither of you is ‘wrong’ or a jerk for feeling what you are… though the dynamic might never be the same again, so don’t assume it can go back to the way it was.
No jerks here.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to be in a relationship but YTJ for getting mad at her. I only say that because it sounds like it was clear that you were trying to friendzone her to keep her around.
That’s also not cool. She is being honest with you about her feelings and it reads like you knew she felt a certain way about you and kept her around anyway.
It is not possible to be just friends with someone who has feelings for you. She gave you time to think at first, during which you kept talking to her and engaging in a friendship.
You got what you needed from her and she was just telling you how she would like things to progress. If you don’t want that, then let her know you cannot be friends and don’t keep her at arm’s length. That’s mean.” Curls_Knight
I do find it interesting that in all OP's demurrals the explanation is "I am not ready to be in a relationship any time soon," rather than "you are a woman and I will never date one." It's pretty understandable from how it's been framed that the friend is confused about whether she has a chance to build something more than friendship. If it is a matter of timing rather than interest, be transparent about how long it might take (i.e. it might be years, rather than weeks or months); if it is simply never going to happen, be transparent about that too. If either of these cause her not to want to remain friends, that's her prerogative, and if her feelings for you make you less interested in her company that's your prerogative; either way, it's fair to empower folks to make /informed/ decisions in these situations, rather than being vague and noncommittal.
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Parents A Percentage Of My Salary?
“I am a male in my mid-20s in India. My family comes from a farming/laborer background, and as such we were poor/lower middle class during my childhood. However, I and my sister got well educated and now earn well above the median income for the country. My income would soon be among the top 10% of the country.
Over time, my parents’ situation has also improved. They have paid off all the debt, own a house and some farm, they have income via pension from govt, and will soon be getting a significant lump sum as my father retires. All this is to say that all of us are now in a good financial situation.
Ever since my early 20s, since I started getting a stipend, I have been paying my parents’ electricity and phone bills.
Now that I am employed, I have given them around 500K INR over the last two years. They want to renovate the house, for which I am willing to give a one-time amount of 1M Indian rupee. I think this is a reasonable expectation, as they paid for my degree fees (which I was willing to take a student loan for).
Now I am switching my job for much higher pay, and my mother has been asking that I should give her 10% of my income.
Initially, I thought she must be joking, but later I realized she was serious. I denied giving them any recurrent amount, as I feel they are being entitled about it. However, I offered to continue to pay their bills, get them medical insurance so that they won’t have any unexpected costs, and also offered to fund their travel if they wished to travel somewhere. However, they don’t want this, and would only accept monthly payments.
Now she has pulled my sister into this, and she too feels that it is my responsibility to give them a monthly amount. The justification being given is that they educated me while others of my relatives didn’t (educate their children). Also, they say it feels good if the son is giving some amount regularly, as they can proudly share this fact with relatives. Another justification given is that they won’t ask for money when in need due to self-respect, so it’s better if I proactively give some amount regularly.
I don’t mind giving them any amount if they need it, and I am willing to make sure they won’t be in financial trouble (by buying insurance), but I feel this entitlement to my income is wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The whole reason behind their unreasonableness is so they can boast to their friends about what a good son they have.
A lot of parents use their children for their own self-esteem.
It’s not healthy. You’ve already been generous and you are continuing to offer to be extremely generous. Shut down the conversations with your sister immediately. Tell your parents that your offer stands and it’s that or nothing. They’re not going to be happy but frankly, I’m wondering if anything would make them truly happy.
Well done for working your butt off.
Well done for trying to be a good son. It’s a shame you’re just not quite good enough for your parents but they’re going to have to live with that.
NTJ.” SassyPieHole173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s culturally appropriate for parts of the country but if your family is well off on their own, they shouldn’t expect any sort of monthly stipend from you.
In fact, you might be able to argue that you want to respect them and their ability to make ends meet on their own merit and that you don’t feel comfortable giving them a monthly stipend. Make them see how it’s less respectful to be receiving allowances from their son.
That all said, it’s an old culturally appropriate practice and you sound a bit more liberal so there’s bound to be friction.
It does sound like they’re not understanding your point of view though. Maybe approach it from the idea that you won’t expect something like this from your children when you’re old and retired.” undermined-coeff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your parents have the money to live more than comfortably but they want your money as a point of pride or as a humble brag to their friends and relatives.
With the state of the world, this is absolutely crazy thinking to me. You have a great position now, but you need to be saving and thinking about your own future and a family if that is what you want.
It was good of your parents to pay for your schooling but it seems like you have already more than repaid them for this. If it’s such a big deal, I would add up what parents paid, subtract what you have already given to them, and see where things land.
If you can afford to pay off anything else that you ‘owe’ them, do it and let it be known that you don’t expect this conversation to come up again. If there’s one thing I can’t stand is someone doing something for me then throwing it back in my face later!” moew4974
3. WIBTJ If Eloped Instead Of Having A Big Wedding?
“My fiance (37 M) and I (28 F) became engaged about a week ago.
Our dream is to elope, inviting only immediate family members as witnesses.
We want to elope in lieu of a traditional wedding for the following reasons:
First, we are from different states. I’m from the east coast, he’s from the south, and we currently live in the Midwest. To plan a wedding in my hometown would require his family members to travel, and some would be unable to attend– and vice versa.
It would also be difficult to plan, as we are currently located at least 4 hours away.
Second, on a similar note, both he and I have friends all over the country, and in various places in life. Many of the people who I’m closest to would either be unable to attend or would have to make significant sacrifices to do so. I simply don’t want to place stress on my friends, nor do I expect them to pay thousands to attend my wedding.
That being said, if I did have a traditional wedding, doing so without being surrounded by my chosen family would cause a lot of pain and anxiety for me.
Third, neither my fiance nor I enjoy being the center of attention.
Fourth, due to the unpredictable nature of travel restrictions and inflation in the US right now, I don’t want to put down a lot of funds (particularly of the non-refundable nature) that may ultimately be wasted if we are forced to change plans at the last minute due to unforeseeable circumstances.
I want to travel with my fiance to a popular elopement and vacation destination, inviting immediate family to witness the ceremony. I do not expect gifts, as I would with a traditional wedding. When I told my father and stepmother what I want, they were excited for me. When I told my mother, she was very upset. She told me that I’m being selfish, that I’m going to hurt the feelings of some family members (including her mother), that it was extremely disappointing, and that it was about her, too.
I knew she was going to be upset, but I wasn’t anticipating a reaction like this. I did tell her my reasoning, including the fact that my mental health would be negatively affected by a wedding. I got hit again with, ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed, just tell me what to do and I guess I’ll do it,’ said in the most passive-aggressive tone possible.
I want to just roll my eyes and move on, but truthfully her support means a lot to me, and that reaction really hurt. I’m no longer excited about planning – I’m anxious and sad. Multiple close friends are encouraging me to elope anyway and that she’ll get over it, but this position is really hard for me. I can’t clear my head enough to decide.
So – WIBTJ for choosing to elope?”
Another User Comments:
“Lovely stranger.
Your mother is wrong. She is under the misapprehension of a lot of entitled mothers who believe their children’s weddings are about them. They are not.
Your mother is now punishing you for disappointing her by saying unkind things to take away your joy.
I’m sure that most of the time she is a perfectly lovely mother but right now she is behaving like a spoiled three-year-old.
Your reasons for eloping are valid. I was excited to read about your plans. It’s an amazing thing you are doing and it’s something that a lot of people wish they had the courage to do but often don’t because of the fear of disappointing someone in the family.
This is your mother’s disappointment to deal with. The bottom line is you can either please yourself and your husband-to-be or you can please your mother.
It’s time to be selfish and please yourself.
NTJ.” SassyPieHole173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your reasons 1 to 4 don’t matter for this: you both would like to do it. That’s reason enough.
And for your family: boo-hoo.
Yeah, they will be disappointed but this will happen anyways. Aunt Maggie has to sit next to Cousin Frank who insulted her in 1980, that’s so rude of you. White napkins!
How boring. Not a specific church or no church at all. Heathen! (Sarcasm if that’s not obvious)
You will never please everybody but you know what? You don’t have to because that’s still your wedding. Your relatives can do it as they please with theirs. They don’t like it? They better******* up.
Do what feels right for you, not to please relatives.” MasterpieceOk4688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have tons of valid reasons to elope. It’s your wedding. You have every right to do it.
At the same time, I can understand your mom was hoping for a big wedding. Some people like that. If she doesn’t get one, she is of course allowed to be disappointed. But claiming that you’re selfish and that the wedding is about her too is ridiculous.
That puts her in jerk territory. Your preferences are simply different. So either one of you will be disappointed with the wedding. Since it’s YOUR wedding, it makes more sense to go YOUR way.
You could offer a compromise. Elope for the wedding, but a few weeks later have a big after-wedding party close to your mom’s city. And then a few weeks later maybe another one close to your fiancé’s place.
Everyone had an easy-to-reach party, everyone is happy, and you have a nice and quiet wedding day like you’re hoping for.” HildoBijl
2. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Job?
“I almost straight walked out of my midnight job tonight. I work with my fiancé and though we work in the same building we have separate bosses. He had a medical emergency, his coworker is calling 911 and yelling for me because I’m in the freezer.
So I’m trying to help him and tell her all the info for 911 on the phone. An ambulance comes and we obviously have closed the store.
They are taking him, I call my boss and she says to call your coworker. I call no answer (not her fault her phone is super old and normally doesn’t work). So I ask can someone else come in as I’m looking out the front door at the Ambulance. Nope, and you can’t close our side of the store (at night there is only one person on each side).
He is taken to the hospital. A replacement comes in for him and basically asks why I’m here.
Replacement calls fiance’s boss to talk and his boss says call mine. I tell them I did and I can’t leave. Then a bit later I got a text my boss will be in. So I don’t know if the other one called her but if she did I thank her.
Only as I’m wrapping up to leave she goes on about how oh she can’t be here more than 5 hours, nothing I can do at the hospital anyhow, etc. I leave, keep any comments to myself, and clock out.
I am a polite person and this was the first time at a job that if I didn’t need my paycheck I would have said figure it out over the phone and walked out.
I didn’t know what was going on and was crying. Only that didn’t matter to them… he couldn’t be released if I wasn’t home and it seemed all they cared about was that they wouldn’t get a good night’s sleep. AITJ for looking for a new job after this?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
First off, you are always entitled to find a better job and improve your situation in life.
It doesn’t matter how grateful you are towards them or how it affects your co-workers, if you want something better, that is your right.
As for this job, your health and the health of a loved one are much more important. Your boss is the jerk for putting you in this position. You should definitely look for a new job and leave them as soon as possible.
I would also write a bad review on Glassdoor so others can know what kind of employer they are.” Somerandomedude1q2w
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The medical emergency of a loved one trumps any obligation to a job every time. It’s the boss’s responsibility to come in and cover or find coverage or close in these moments. You are never wrong when you decide it’s time to find a new job for any reason.” Psychological_Tap187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a medical emergency, and if I was your manager, I would have told you to go with him and come in myself. That’s the job of a manager. Also, you should ALWAYS be looking for a new job. You’re more likely to be hired if you’re currently employed.” tidymaze
1. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Stick To Our Plans?
“Background info:
- For work-related reasons, my partner and I have mostly just 1 whole day/week we can spend together, I also have a son so this ‘couples day alone’ is effectively only once every 2 weeks.
- I have anxiety issues in new situations involving many people, he is very aware of this as I have thoroughly talked about it.
- We had a major fight on the first occasion we were at a gathering of his friends as I felt I’d been ignored in some moments, having beforehand been told I’d need his 100% attention for the 1st time as I try to fit myself in (anxiety).
- He promised me a 3-days-trip almost 4 months ago.
We had a bank holiday we (33F & 37M) could spend together on Monday and on the weekend. We decided we should take this 3-days-trip he promised me.
On the bank holiday, some of his friends invited us for a grill party, and he told me ‘I don’t care about what we are going to do, the thing that matters to me most is staying with you that day’.
We agreed to spend the day together, leaving the grill-party optional as we were both not sure it would be a great idea seeing how it went down the river the time before. He did not reassure me, nor tell me that he would be comprehensive or help me out in any way if we would participate this time or in any way let me know we would be in it together.
Some days before he changed his mind, asking me ‘Seeing that I’ll spend the weekend with you, I’d like to go to the gathering on Monday, are you ok with it?’ I told him he should go, as every answer would cause issues, he was happy with me agreeing and didn’t even ask me if I was still willing to go with him. I felt uncomfortable with the fact he shoveled the decision-making on me, and I told him two days later I wasn’t happy with him changing his mind and putting me in the position to be the one to say either yes or no.
Had I said ‘No, you already made plans with me’ I would have felt the one forcing him to spend the day with me, as he clearly told me his preference was for his friends. Having said ‘Yes, do what you really want to do’ left me bitter & sad about his change of mind. As I told him I felt he wronged me it started a fight, he simply blamed me for having said yes when I preferred no and that my not being completely open was the main issue.
He recognized he changed his mind and knew well before it would cause an issue if he would have told me otherwise to which we both agreed but blamed me for not ‘letting him feel free to ask’ and denying that every answer I would have given would have had a consequence. He knew what my desire and preference would have been and admitted also to it, but he still felt it is his right to ask me to give him anyway the ‘waiver’ to his preference.
AITJ for having said yes or is his behavior of changing his mind and forcing me to be the one to take charge of the final decision and consequences the issue?”
Another User Comments:
“You sound exhausting. Your partner is not your caretaker or your therapist. He does not have to spend 100% of his time caring for or managing or catering to you. You need to learn other ways to help yourself, find other people to be your support, find ways to be your OWN support, and learn to respect other people’s wishes and time.
You are not going to have a partner for very long if you continue manipulating him and making these absurd demands. Nor should you probably have one. YTJ.
If it matters, I have severe anxiety myself.” annrkea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You never said you weren’t going to go to the grill party in general. It was kept open as an option for IF either of you felt like it.
He felt like it and thus asked if it was okay if he went either way.
You said yes. That’s all, if you said no then he probably wouldn’t have reacted as strongly as you think he would’ve. You agreed to him going and he’s well within his right to be upset about it.
You honestly sound exhausting, needing his 100% attention during a gathering with his friends is almost ridiculous.
Sure you said you felt ignored, did you actually try to have conversations with his friends?” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“People change their minds and that’s okay.
What he said was valid he’s already spending the weekend with you so going out to hang out with his friends rather than with you for one day is totally fine.
The reason there was no right answer is cos you gave him no right way to ask.
You are clearly high maintenance and you seem exhausting to be around in general so just like you knew there wasn’t a good answer you could give he knew there wasn’t a good way for him to ask cos you just want your own way with no deviations that you don’t approve of beforehand.
YTJ cos ppl change their minds and this is such a minor thing and you’re being entirely unreasonable about it.” Tiffany_Case
