People Get Sad Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Being Upset When My Fiancé Sabotaged Our Trip To Visit My Family?
“I (25F) have been with my fiancé (27M) for 4 years, and we’re engaged. His family lives an hour away, and we spent Thanksgiving day with them (RI). We live in Boston without a car, so we drove in with his extended family. I also have family in NYC, and since both of us had Black Friday off, we thought it’d be a good chance to visit them too.
We decided to rent a car near his cousin’s house since it would save time compared to returning to Boston. The plan was to leave Friday morning, spend Friday evening and Saturday in NYC, and return either Saturday night or Sunday morning to avoid traffic.
My aunt offered for us to stay as long as we liked.
I could tell my fiancé wasn’t as excited about going to the city, so I kept asking if he was sure and reassured him we could stay longer with his family if he preferred. He said he’d go if it made me happy.
The car rental was for 10:30 AM Friday, and we had breakfast with his family around 9:30. We asked his cousin to drive us to the rental place, but by the time we were ready to go, it was almost 10:15. My fiancé said he wasn’t in a rush and that the rental company would hold the car.
An hour later, he and his cousin went to pick up the car, but it had already been given away. He apologized and said I wasn’t clear enough about wanting to leave on time. He decided to book an 8 AM reservation for Saturday morning, and I reluctantly agreed, hoping we’d make it to NYC by Friday night.
Saturday morning, he went early with his cousin, but when they got there, the agency was closed until 9. I got upset, feeling like he was deliberately dragging his feet to avoid the trip. I asked for space to calm down, but he followed me, apologizing profusely.
When he kept asking me what I wanted to do, I started crying from the stress. Eventually, he pressured me into agreeing to go at 9, but I knew we’d be too late to see my family.
He then accused me of being a horrible partner, saying my “flexibility” ruined the weekend and made him miserable.
I had been trying to be accommodating, but now I was overwhelmed and frustrated. His cousin suggested he confirm with the agency before going, and it turned out the agency had no cars available, so it didn’t matter when we went.
We ended up traveling home with his cousins, who were returning to the city.
I’m feeling horrible about the whole situation. I didn’t want to dictate everything, but I also didn’t expect to be blamed for the plans falling apart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So – your fiance said there wasn’t a rush, and they would hold the car.
And when that turned out not to be true, he blamed you for not pushing him to get the car on time? You are in a no-win situation. It would have been miserable and your fault no matter what. You can try having an honest, heartfelt conversation with him – something along the lines of “I feel bad when you say this was my fault.
I am not assessing blame, it was a mistake and a bad situation, and I’m feeling like you think it was all on me. Can we talk about that?” How he handles it is going to tell you how the rest of your life will be if you marry him.
Please take this seriously. If you can’t have a conversation about a car reservation being messed up, think about how you are going to handle the financial/child/health stresses that come and are much worse than a car reservation.” Ashamed-Put7158
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would suggest thinking back on your relationship and trying to remember if there are any other red flags that you were blinded by love to see.
Him blaming this all on you is not ok when it was his doing. If he did not want to visit your family he should have just spoken up about it. If there have been other issues in the past you may want to reevaluate your relationship.
Remember it always gets worse when they think they have you locked down.Cartridgera
20. AITJ For Refusing To Play Board Games After A Fight With My Partner?
“My partner (23F) was prepping for her sister and some friends to come over for board games and asked me (23M) to help move a puzzle onto a tray of cardboard to clear up a surface.
I tried sliding the cardboard under while she slid the puzzle on top, but pieces ended up everywhere. She got up, stormed off, and said, “Forget it, I’m going to take a shower. You do it.” I sat there, dumbfounded, because she told everyone to come at 5 PM, and I still had to work for my corporate job until then.
I got really upset because she left me with the choice of either doing my job and leaving a giant mess for our guests or putting the puzzle back together and risking my job.
Not wanting to embarrass my partner or myself in front of our guests, I got to work putting the puzzle back together.
She came back half an hour later and asked me to help with something else. This led to an argument where I called her out for just leaving. She yelled that she had been doing things all day to prep and that I was barely working (I’m the breadwinner).
She was also upset that the puzzle hadn’t been moved when she asked me to do it the weekend prior, which I pointed out was because I’d fallen ill.
I apologized for that, but I also pointed out that the reason I was upset was that she asked me to help with something, and then when it went wrong, she immediately absolved herself of responsibility and walked away.
She said she understood I felt “abandoned,” but since she’s constantly feeling that way, it was okay. At that point, I dropped the conversation because I wasn’t getting an apology for literally being left to clean up her mess.
Around 5:30, she asked if I still had work.
I said yes, and I’d be fine with them having dinner without me. I also told her I wasn’t in the mood for board games and probably wouldn’t come out to play with her friends. She immediately said I was punishing her for our heated argument by not joining the event she had planned. I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to spoil her night, but my mood had already been affected, and I wanted to stay away to avoid ruining it for everyone else.
She then said, “I understand and will give you what you need, but I’m expecting a big apology later. I can put my feelings aside for this, but clearly, you can’t so let’s talk about it after the party.”
I don’t understand why I have to apologize just for needing time to process my emotions.
Honestly, I still feel hurt and not really heard in the aftermath of that argument.
AITJ? The only apology she’s given so far is, “I’m sorry I made you feel this way,” regarding our argument. She still hasn’t apologized for walking away and leaving me to deal with the puzzle.
I don’t know if I can stand this behavior if it’s really how she thinks it’s okay to treat me.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re feeling dismissed and your partner’s not hearing you. She’s making it about her, not acknowledging your feelings, and putting her needs above yours.
Take care of yourself and don’t feel pressured to apologize or do anything you’re not up for.” Cherry_Caitlyn
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Both of you … you aren’t absolved of responsibility because you were sick last weekend… do it on Tuesday when you are better.
She shouldn’t be bothering you during working hours if you WFH, that’s work time. You are the breadwinner but that doesn’t mean you don’t help out. She shouldn’t storm off. Either of you can pick up the puzzle in less than a minute, you don’t have to put it back together right now… sweep that stuff up, toss it in a bowl, box, bucket, or bag, and carry it on with your lives.
This level of bickering, fixed thinking, inflexibility, and lack of self-regulation (on both sides of the argument) screams neurodiversity. If you have neurodiversity it’s even MORE important to get couples therapy and learn how to ‘fight well’. It’s normal to have conflicts and disagreements, everyone has to learn to fight well with others, and people with neurodiversity often have social and communication differences that make this essential. I could be wrong on the neurodiversity thing, and if I am… still consider couples counseling because it’s blatantly clear you two cannot communicate effectively with each other.” Particular-Try5584
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook For My Ungrateful Dad Anymore?
“I’m very mad about this because it made my mom upset and more stressed than she already is. We cooked chicken fajitas with green peppers and diced tomatoes, the chicken we had gotten from the food bank because of our financial situation. We make it though and it’s pretty good, I’ve definitely had better chicken but I could definitely eat it and so could my mother.
We took it out to my dad and he complained it was too big to eat and he has no teeth so I understood that and my mom cut it up, I took it back and he complained he didn’t want it and it wasn’t good unless he got tomato, lettuce, and sour cream.
He had no tomato but my mom chopped up lettuce and we had sour cream, her food got cold doing this and I didn’t sit down to eat, only standing up doing all the delivery. I bring out the sour cream and lettuce and he shoos it away and says, “It flippin’ sucks I’m just forcing it down!” I’m frustrated and leave and scarf down the lettuce in seconds so it’s not wasted. I tell my mom and her and I get so frustrated at the way he’s acting, he comes out and says it sucks and never to get that chicken again from the food bank and throws away the food.
Later I’m peeling oranges for him and he wants to make a chicken salad, he grabs the fajita leftovers and opens it and it has canned diced tomatoes and green chilies in it and he goes, “Wtf is in the chicken I wanted to make chicken salad!
It’s going in the trash!” And he tosses it to the side to throw it away later. I stepped up and said there was no need to waste food and that I would eat it. Then he starts complaining that he has to make himself a corn dog for dinner.
Now I understand that you like what you like and sometimes you don’t like what people make, it’s fine but the problem I have is that he was so rude and mean about that making my mom stressed out and I’m not sure but on the point of tears with all his medical problems and her bad job.
I talked to my partner about that and he agreed it was rude and that he knew his parents would never do that to each other no matter if they liked the food they made or not, I’d never do that to my mom or partner and he said he would never talk to me like that.
He’s mad my dad is like this and said to me, “At this point, if your dad is gonna act like this, your mom and you should just stop cooking for him and let him cook for himself.” I agree with him, but I feel like it would lead to problems. I’m moving out soon, but until then I do not want to cook for him at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you need help from the food bank he should definitely NOT be wasting food. Calm down take a deep breath and try to calm your mom down as well. It’s easy to complain when you’re not the one doing the cooking, maybe let him cook his food for a while to see if his attitude changes.” Glittering-Crow-1899
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ However, I would cook for him.. a couple of corn dogs, and when he asked WHAT? I would say I saw how much hard work Mom put into cooking just for you to be a jerk, so I’m skipping the part where my food gets cold because you want to whine.
Enjoy! And I would exit stage left!” blumouse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with about 15% No jerks here. I think it is great that you have empathy for your mother and stand up for her. I certainly don’t blame you for being disgusted by your father’s tantrum.
For one thing, tantrums are never attractive, especially not in grown men, for another your mother tried her very best in a lousy situation. I am sorry that your family is having to go through this. Now to the 15%. Maybe cut your father a little bit of slack.
He is in a tough situation too. Maybe even more, because many men feel that they should be able to provide for the family and when they are not, they feel like failures. You also mentioned your dad not being able to chew the chicken, which he should cut up himself by the way, but this tells me that he has trouble with his teeth that can be very painful and take away your appetite completely.
I am not suggesting that you start cooking up a storm for your father immediately, but have some empathy for him too.” FragrantEconomist386
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Double For Steaks At A Friend's Dinner?
“I (m25) and my partner (f27) were recently invited to a friend’s house for dinner. For context, my partner has a family friend (ff) (m30). We will all normally cover for each other if the other couple is short on funds.
Last week, ff and his pregnant partner (bm) called me and invited me and my partner over for dinner. He told us he was cooking steaks and wanted to have us and another couple over because they missed us. I gladly accepted and told him we’d be there after work.
He then asked me if I wouldn’t mind stopping by the local grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner and offered to send me the money before I went. I gladly accepted as they live 30 minutes from the nearest store. Items included charcoal and a few sides for dinner, around 30$ in total. While shopping, he texted me and asked me to pick up a few things (about 35$ worth) for the other couple joining us.
and sent me $30 more to cover it.
Fast forward to after dinner, ff pulled me aside and told me that he and bm “do not appreciate the nickel and diming” and that since they were providing dinner, the least I could do was cover the sides and that him having to send money “rubbed him the wrong way”.
I showed him my bank account with $6 in it (I just started a new job so things are tight) and told him I would have if I could, but I genuinely could not afford it. He then said that money was tight with the baby on the way and that they were being generous by even inviting us over, so we were going to have to find a way to “settle up.”
Going off of our usual dynamic, I offered that dinner was on me and my partner next time and figured that was that. He then told me that the steaks were $20 apiece and that I would need to pay for mine and my partner’s because they “needed that money”.
I’ve never had any issues with him or bm and did feel for their situation so I offered to pay him when I get paid later in the week. He said that was fine and then asked if “we were settled before (my partner) came in?” I thought it was a weird question but said sure.
After that was over, I walked into the kitchen and overheard BM telling my partner that they had ordered the box of 12 steaks for 120$ and recommended that my partner check out the company as they often have deals on certain food. They had gotten the steaks for $10 a piece and ff was asking me to pay double for them.
I then asked the other couple privately if they were paying for their steaks to which I got no’s from both of them.
Now ff is texting me asking when I’m going to pay him, but why should I pay for a dinner that I was invited to (when the other couple was not being expected to pay) much less double what ff had paid for it?
We’ve hosted each other plenty and never asked each other to pay.
AITJ if I tell him that I don’t see why I should have to send him any money. I get that it’s only $40 but I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong. Especially when he offered to send me the money for the grocery trip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry but this is one of the most RIDICULOUS things I’ve ever heard. If people invite you over for dinner, the expectation is that they pay for food, drinks, etc and you repay the favor down the track by doing the same for them, etc. Occasionally you may offer to bring something but it’s certainly not customary to pay them like a restaurant.
The fact he asked you to pay for everything, wants double the money for steaks, etc but conveniently didn’t ask the other couple to bring anything says to me these people are sketchy. Also, OP it’s NONE of other people’s business what’s in your bank account, So don’t ever feel you have to show other people your finances, that crosses so many lines if he demanded you show him.
I don’t know where to begin! These people are NOT friends, You need to walk away as you’re being used.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is pretty bizarre behavior. When you host, you’re paying for food and the guests really should show up with something like drinks or dessert, at least in every social circle I’ve ever seen.
If money is tight and the host needs reimbursement, it should be said at the time of the invite. Hitting you up for money after everything has been agreed to is pretty grubby, especially when it’s obvious you’re broke. And then asking for double the actual cost, yeeeeaaaah, that’s some jerk behavior for sure.
Maybe they’re baby crazy, but still, you’re not in the wrong here.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this guy sucks and is trying to gauge you for some reason. Also, who hosts a dinner party then foists the costs of the party on the guests?
Yeah, you could have told him you’d cover the sides since you were making the trip to the store, but unless that was the plan from the get-go/invitation, that’s stingy of him to request it after the fact. If they wanted to do potluck so everyone contributed, they should have said that at the beginning.” Ill-Abbreviations933
17. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister For Not Helping With Our Parents And Lying About Her Whereabouts?
“I am the eldest daughter and I am visually impaired. My sister, her child, and I live with our parents. My sister is off and on again with her spouse. She brought a large dog to stay with us.
Since last July, Parent 1 had a stroke.
She needed care and aid, and my uncle helped me with taking her to appointments. Last September, Parent 2 was diagnosed with cancer. (Now mostly cancer-free) I have been the default person to care for both parents as my uncle manages their health. We come up with schedules, call for appointments, get home care, and help in any way possible.
My uncle is responsible for mainly taking my parents to appointments unless I use a rideshare to take one parent as I am visually impaired and cannot drive. My sister would make time once in a great while to take people to appointments.
Since July, I have been caring for both parents, managing schedules, prescriptions, appointments, taking care of my cats, and doing chores and housework mostly by myself as P1 was still able to clean (she is a worry wart clean freak.) My uncle handled the background and smaller things, while I maintained it.
I was also given the task of picking up her child from school, which is within walking distance. Since my other sister stopped, I also had to pick up her days of picking up the child.
Fast forward to when P2 had to go to surgery to remove most of the cancer.
I was with P2 the whole night in the ER and was there when they decided to get surgery that would prolong his life. The day after surgery, my sister could not decide on her own to take off work. I learned the morning of that she had work and I had to pick up the child that day.
What I wanted to do was go visit P2, or at the very least take a nap as I had been up all night with them the night before. My sister called, said I needed to watch her kid, then decided to come home early.
All is well. As soon as she comes home, oh, I left keys at work. Be right back, let me take the child, and then go get P1 as they were visiting.
Later, I found out, that she lied, went to the salon, and didn’t let me know.
At that point, I was angry, from lack of sleep, and lack of basic courtesy. I was expecting her to come back with P1 so I could take a nap. I was upset, erased the schedule for child pickup, and told her to do it herself.
She was angry. She decided to quit her job to take care of the child and start helping with parents as of this month. I went to my uncle about things she did, saying she lied, she doesn’t tell me when she leaves so I can keep an eye out on P2 when they call for things.
Later, during a family meeting, my sister wants no part in collaborating for our parents’ well-being, knowing she is selfish, and part of the problem. She told me to stop venting to my uncle about her and her bad decision-making. I would if she just let me know where she was so I can keep a lookout.
She still does the bare minimum to help, only helps with P2, does no housework, and barely manages her own things.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for you with all that you are dealing with. But you may need to make changes in your living situation or put your foot down with the others.” Novel-Vacation-4788
Another User Comments:
“Ooookaaaay…… So you live at home and care for your ailing parents, with the help of your uncle. The end. Seriously. Your sister lives there, but you don’t ‘work’ for her, you work for your parents. And I don’t know where you live but you should check to see if there is a government stipend for being a home health aid for your parents.
NTJ to be beyond angry and exhausted” VegetableBusiness897
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Dog Is Badly Behaved Compared To Mine?
“I (25m) have grown up with dogs, from big to small. I finally decided 2 years ago it was time for my own that wasn’t just a family dog.
I’m the kind of person to jump into research mode before I make big or even small decisions so for about a year I was researching what dog would be best for my lifestyle, required training, saving money for future vet bills, and getting all the necessities out of the way like beds, bowls and anything else a dog needs.
I ended up getting a mixed breed dog, AmStaff x Rhodesian Ridgeback x Staghound. Predictably he was and still is an energetic dog and grew decently big. Because he’s a big boy I was understandably strict on training and socialization. He’s a very well-behaved dog aside from the occasional back chat when I tell him it’s not play time.
The only other problem I’ve had with behavior is separation anxiety when he was a pup but he’s all good now.
My half-sister (19f) decided last year to get a dog on a whim (please do research on how a dog would fit your lifestyle before getting a dog).
A cute little kelpy. It’s very clear an energetic dog like her does not fit into my sister’s lifestyle and that she doesn’t bother much with the dog outside of its basic needs once it is older and I do not like how she uses negative reinforcement with her dog when she does bother to correct the dog’s bad behavior.
Even though the kelpy can be badly behaved, I dog sit her a lot and love it, she loves having a big friend like my dog and all the activities we do. One of the days I was dog sitting and my sister came to collect her my dog barked (one bark to be exact) he does this to indicate someone’s at the door because I’m a bit of a deaf jerk.
When she was let in all I got from her was how badly behaved my dog was because he “barked at her”, hey or thanks for watching my dog for me just that.
This was early in the morning so admittedly I was a bit of a grumpy jerk and just told her at least my dog does his business outside after that I proceeded to say goodbye to the adorable but misbehaved dog (not her fault) and told my sister “ok, bye bye time to go away now”.
After that ordeal of course I got a call from our dad calling me a jerk for how I “rubbed her nose in it that my dog is well behaved compared to hers” and telling her to go away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Esh. Yeah her comment was stupid.
I do think if you were not grumpy you would have reacted differently. I do think saying time to go away probably was a final blow for her to blow up and was quite rude. I don’t think it was necessarily the rubbing but probably the convo.
Because I am pretty sure if you said hey you don’t remember I can’t hear that well and that she isn’t barking at you but for me. She might have been like ooh yeah. Do have to say she might be looking for something to point out because of jealousy.” False_Slide_3448
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Confront My Sister For My Grandma And Mom?
“Long story short my sister is over a decade older than me and our brother. She has kids already. Her husband is in the military so they move all over the place.
They’ve seen our parents about five times in the last six years as a result. My Brother and I still live in the same city/state as our parents and see them often.
Right now they’re overseas and have been for a few years. The daylight hours are completely switched. Our mom doesn’t get up before 9 AM unless someone makes her, and she doesn’t stay up past 10 PM.
She couldn’t sleep a few nights ago and called our nephew. He answered but didn’t get to talk for more than a few minutes before his mom had him go outside for a walk, since he’d been indoors all day. They’re strict about the kids not having too much screen time and exercising.
After they got back he called back and they talked.
My mom was so hurt that my sister cut their conversation off that she started bawling. She was still upset when I talked to her later that day. I just got off the phone with Grandma, who’s furious and hurt that my sister cut them off and that she doesn’t visit them, and when they are around they’re always doing activities.
Going to museums, zoos, hiking, etc. They’re a super active family. BIL’s family is the same, and they travel often so the kids see his family a lot more than mine. One of the kids to this day calls me her other aunt’s name.
My grandma is writing my sister a letter telling her how awful she is for making sure that our mother knows she means less than a walk to her.
She expects me to do the same and she wants me to be ‘brief and brutal’. She said she and my mom need an army to protect them from our sister but all they have are two soldiers (me and my brother). Then she went off on a long list of everyone else in our families who’s dead, how she and my mom are going to die, and a bunch of other stuff.
By that point, I was the one crying and I don’t remember a lot of the rest. I remember she said she doesn’t care if it goes against what I believed, I still need to tell my sister how awful she is.
I am not a brutal person.
And honestly, as terrible as that was of my sister, our mom rarely ever reaches out either. Even when they lived in the States she didn’t go visit them nearly as much as she could have. She’s already retired. They were a plane ride away and she went to see them twice in 5 years.
Both of them are seriously upset, my sister has hurt them a lot, but no part of me wants to be involved in this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma calling you “soldiers” is so bizarre, as if you are weapons to use at her disposal when she feels like hurting someone else.
It’s almost like she’s determined to go to “war” with your sister over this. Your mom and grandma are being very dramatic about this and creating conflict over something very small. Your mom and grandma shouldn’t be expecting your sister to modify her child’s schedule around their whims. She still got to talk with him when he finished his walk.
I can understand being disappointed that the conversation was cut off for a bit, but your mom and grandma are actively choosing to be hurt by this and creating conflict. You are very right to not want to get involved. You are not a “soldier” for your family to use whenever they feel like hurting someone else.
You are a person who has the autonomy to decide whether or not you want to be involved in family conflicts.” SalsaNoodles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have a dog in this fight and you need to stay out of it. Planes fly both ways.
**Your mom and grandma could easily be flying to visit your sister and her kids. They are choosing not to.** This isn’t the 1800s where moving away meant you never saw loved ones again. **They could be calling and Facetiming those kids once a week if they wanted to.
They are choosing not to.** The reason this one call, which happened to occur at a bad time on the other end of the world for your sister’s family caused your mom to go into a meltdown, is because your mom has allowed the relationship to wither to nothing.
I call my parents every single week and talk to them for several hours. I call my niblings and siblings regularly. Sometimes I call and one of my little niblings is having a bad day (just like your nephew was!) and my sibling announces that kiddo needs a break and we end the call early.
And it’s not a big deal if one call is cut short because we talk all the time. What is needed here is not a long angry manifesto (which will only make the situation worse.) What mom and grandma need to do is make reaching out and staying in contact a regular, weekly effort.
They need to fly to see them too. If they choose not to and the relationship sucks, they have only themselves to blame.” dragonsandvamps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’re correct to not want to be involved in this. Do you know how your mom, your grandma, and your sister interacted in the 10 years before you were born (and maybe a couple of years after that)?
There may be some history there that no one has told you about. No sense walking blindfolded into a minefield.” HedgieTwiggles
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Was Abusing My Hospitality?
“One of my friends had gone on a multi-week trip to see distant family overseas with her temperamental mother. I warned her that the trip was going to be a disaster but she still went.
Several days before the trip was supposed to end she texted me and asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks.
Her mom went off on her and basically kicked her out. Long story short she flew back and I opened my home to her.
The first few days are alright and I gave her some slack due to jetlag and overwhelm. After those initial days, I asked her to start helping around the house a bit as she was home all day and I was out working.
I offered to do the dishes if she vacuumed the place. For context she has very long hair maybe 2.5 feet it was literally everywhere. I am neurodivergent and the things I hate most in the world are nail files and hair on my feet.
I also thought that she would understand that “tidying up” would include small things like wiping down the counter and emptying the garbage bags (I take them out with me when I leave).
I have a PS5 that I told her she was free to use when I wasn’t home. After a week or so of staying with me, I would leave the house in the morning with her on the PS5 and come home to her on the PS5, hair everywhere, and my single-serve food eaten.
I have them because I struggle with depression and it helps a bit. I have things like boxed mac n cheese so it wasn’t that she couldn’t cook.
I could tell that her mental health was declining and I asked her if she was still in therapy.
I originally encouraged her to go. She said that she wasn’t and hadn’t been for the entire trip. I was shocked. I questioned when she would start it again and she just brushed me off.
I’m just going to list other things that she did that got on my nerves: bought groceries and used them once, took racy pictures on my bed, started reeking because she doesn’t wear deodorant and hadn’t showered, ate all my sweets, never offered to make me dinner, never left the apartment, got grumpy when I wanted to use my PS5, bought about $700 worth of PC parts after she told me she was flat broke because of the flight, and took over my living room to build it.
After many conversations about how this wasn’t working for me, I kicked her out. Her dad contacted my mom and said that if I spread derogatory info about her online he would pursue legal action. We are both adults FYI.
AITJ for kicking my friend out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know it’s not really the same thing but I’ll stay at my sister’s house for sleepovers (We’re both adults and live in the same city) just so we can hang out. I’ll be there from between 2 days to 5 depending on the week.
While I’m there, there are certain things I’ll do. I’ll make supper sometimes, nothing fancy either boxed stuff or frozen meals. I make sure the water in the fridge is full, I’ll do up some of the dishes that had been left before I got there, I’ll put the pop cans and recycling in their places.
If it’s the day before garbage day I’ll help take the garbage and recycling out. It’s not a lot but it’s little things my sister doesn’t have to do when she gets home. You are not asking for a lot from your friend. Some common decency isn’t that hard.” Nerdygirl1984
Another User Comments:
“I feel like I should add that I helped her a lot in the last year. She was in an abusive relationship and would consistently break up and get together again. Multiple times I picked her up when she was sobbing about something her parents had said or done.
I encouraged her to go to therapy and she did for a while but I was her primary therapist. I helped her get a job, which she quit on the first day because it was “too much” in her words. I wanted to be there for her when no one else would.
I feel like I did as much as I could for her while trying to avoid having an emotional reaction to her lack of help. I should have said this in the post but I did end up yelling at her to leave and I threw all her things outside my door in rage.
I’m kinda short and weak so it was more a dramatic slide.” Plum3ri
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Non-English Speaking Cousin To Join Our DnD Game?
“I (29F) have been playing DnD as a player for only about a year. Last week at a family get-together, I found out that my cousin also plays (about 2 years now), and I mentioned that it would be cool to all play together. Some of my other cousins know about DnD but have never played, and they suggested that I DM a one-shot this summer.
I’ve never done that before, and the thought makes me nervous, but I was also kind of excited to give it a try. For context; they are all about 19-27.
All my cousins have a group chat, so today I asked who all would be interested in playing, so I could start looking for a short campaign.
Four cousins and my 2 sisters were all enthusiastic (the others haven’t responded yet, but it’s already shaping up to be a big group of players to juggle, so I may have to split the group). And then another cousin, “Ned” (21M) also said he wanted to join.
I love Ned but he has a mental disability, so he tends to act more like a pre-teen than an adult. We’re not from an English-speaking country, but all of my other cousins are close enough to fluent that I wouldn’t have to translate any of the materials I’d be using as DM.
But Ned doesn’t speak a word of English, nor can he role-play very well.
The cousin who has played before (21M) and I both speak about 50-50 English and Dutch, and we can all use the source materials (player’s handbook, DnD beyond the app, etc) without issue.
So my first instinct was to say that Ned couldn’t play. Both because it would put a huge strain on me as a first-time DM as well as the other players to translate for him, and because I don’t know how fun it would be for him if the jokes and story beat constantly had to be explained to him.
He’s also a bit of a slow learner so I’d have to sit him down in advance and go over how the game works at a pace he can understand. That in and of itself isn’t an issue, but it is more time that both he and I would have to put in, and he does live a two-hour car ride away.
My sister was confident that she and the other players would be able to help him out, and that it’s only a one-shot after all, so I shouldn’t exclude him.
I explained the language thing to Ned, and while he did seem uncertain for a moment, he said he was still certain he wanted to join.
Am I being ableist in denying him a chance to see if he likes it? He’s only ever shown an interest in trains, so this is new territory for him. I do feel bad because I know he just wants to be included, but I also know that when we play board games he sometimes gets frustrated because it’s more difficult for him.
So, WIBTJ for telling my cousin he can’t join our one-shot campaign? Any suggestions for what I can do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you shouldn’t have put out a general group invite for your first game. Seven players is an insane amount to manage as a first-time DM; you want 3 4 plus you.
You can let him and others know that you’re happy you got such a big response, but that you are going to prioritize the players who have some experience and/or can read the source material in the original language and maybe run a second game sometime in the future.
Also, for your own sake, limit character creation to PHB plus maybe one other book, and don’t try to run a homebrew setting for your first game. There are a million scenarios that you can choose from or adapt.” AUniversalTruth
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- yet.
You invited all your cousins to a family-wide group chat. You can’t just backtrack now without really hurting your cousin, especially as everyone will be talking about it. I’m not a DnD person so I don’t quite know how it’s played, but could you team Ned up with a cousin who would be happy to translate and explain as things go?” Fianna9
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Hoarder Mother To Live With Me?
” I’m a Filipino-American reaching his 30s soon. I have lived with my mom for like ever. I moved out back in 2020 because I wanted to experience having my own life etc. A year later, I moved back in at my mom’s house so I could save up for my place.
My sister has moved out since 2019 and never moved back. Got herself a house and I was left to take care of Mom. Not her fault, she deserves to live her own life. Now, I want it to be my turn. My sister and her partner agreed to let my mom live with them.
I told her I was done being our mom’s caretaker and it was her turn. They’re happy to do so but of course, with some rules. My mom’s ignorant. She doesn’t listen to me or my sister. I will admit, I do think my mother is a narcissist and if it doesn’t benefit her, she will not care how it will affect me and my sister.
We grew up in chaos and with my mother’s hoarding. She just takes whatever free stuff she can get and I’d end up having a panic attack because space becomes scarce due to her hoarding and shopaholic tendencies.
During senior year in high school, I asked her to buy me some socks for a school event after her shift which was 11:30 pm and she got into a car accident.
Since then, she always has blamed me for it because I asked her to buy me a pair of socks. Her life went into a mess after that she said. Anyways, fast forward, I decided I needed to move out and have my own life.
I pleaded with her to move in with my sister but she lives 1 hour away. I still wanted to stay in the area but again, I want my own space without her. Ever since she keeps making me feel bad that I don’t want her with me.
She also doesn’t want to stay at my sister’s because it will be an hour’s commute for her to work and she’s 63 and scared to drive on the highway at night.
My sister offered to help her find a new job closer to her house but she wouldn’t budge because it’s an easy job and she’s making decent money for her age.
We told her she didn’t even need to work that much and could work twice a week. We would pay all the bills and she could get her retirement money or work a side gig for her own expense. Again, she wouldn’t budge because she doesn’t want to be told what to do.
I told her I couldn’t make my plans around anyone anymore but my own. If we had a better relationship, that’d be a different story but she’s SUFFOCATING ME. AGAIN, she still makes me feel bad and makes side comments. I told her she could stay maybe once or twice a week with me but that’s it I also warned her I might get in trouble depending on where I’ll be renting and I don’t want her in the lease because that’ll just give her the power to stay with me.
So here I am telling her every day she cannot live with me and we are not moving in together. If she ends up being homeless because of her stubbornness is not my problem. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m assuming it’s a cultural thing to have your parent live with you.
But if this isn’t something you wish to do, then, don’t. Get yourself a small, one-bedroom apartment and move. If you can move an hour in the opposite direction, then I would do so. As an adult, you have the right to live your own life.
Your mother will figure it out.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither you nor your sister should be stuck letting your mother live with you. She will likely see your place as hers and try to exert control. So long as you are negotiating with your mother, she doesn’t need to face reality.
Tell your sister that both of you need to respect your mother’s wish to stay where she is and stop negotiating with her. If she’s still working, she’s able to live on her own. If you are worried about her, you and your sister can check in with her by phone and take turns checking in on her in person on weekends.” Valiantrabbit49
11. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Mom's Cat After Her Death?
“My mom got a cat around maybe 6 months ago, on the anniversary of her mom’s (my grandma’s) death. She really has grown very attached to this cat and loves it very much, as I think it’s a way to have someone she can be close with ever since my grandma passed away (as those two were inseparable).
My mom asked me today in a hypothetical that if something were to happen to her I would be willing to take care of her cat. I told her no. My rationale is because of the following:
* I would most likely be a very bad cat parent to the cat, and I would be very scared to end up as a neglectful pet parent to it.
This is similar to the reason why I don’t want to have kids of my own.
* I have schizoid personality disorder (professionally diagnosed), and I don’t experience love or affection for others, including this cat. In a way, I’m a very selfish person (I focus a lot of my time on my work and a lot of my time alone away from people or social interactions), but I know this about myself.
* A cat, like a child, should have a parent who is committed to them and who loves them. Because I cannot do so, I should not be a parent to it (I’m not saying everyone with SPD shouldn’t be parents, I’m just saying I myself and not comfortable with it for me, knowing what I know about myself).
* The caveat you may all be wondering: yes if my mom was in the hospital tomorrow, I would be taking care of her. I feel that is reciprocal given our history together with her as my caretaker. I do not feel the same context applies to myself and the cat.
* I would only want to be a temporary caretaker of the cat before I could find better alternatives for it (hopefully another family that could take him in, with their consent), or other alternatives that are very human.
* I would NOT want to go through euthanasia (as the cat deserves a good life.
My inability to be a caretaker should not preclude this cat from living a full life)
Understandably, as soon as I said “no”, my mom’s face went very emotional, and she was really struggling to hold back tears. My mom really loves this cat and I can understand how that is very hard for her to hear.
I completely understand her emotional reaction (because she very much cares for the welfare of this cat), and I can see how I could be a jerk because, as I’ve mentioned, I am admittedly a very selfish person when it comes to my time and my connections with others.
But I just don’t feel it’s right for the cat to have a parent that would end up giving it a bad life.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Perhaps, instead of a blunt response, you might consider expanding on your answer to indicate that you understand her attachment to the cat even if you have none, yourself and that because you have that understanding, you would make sure that her cat was well taken care of, despite not being the one to take care of it, personally.
Also, the text of your post makes it quite obvious that while you have no attachment to the cat, you are also no kind of monster.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“It’s good to be self-aware, and if you truly believe that you’d not be a great pet parent – by all means, it is better for the cat to find a loving home.
But I feel like the cat is more so a symbol of maternal love in your mothers eyes, and possibly an extension of her relationship with her own mother. While what you said is true, I think it’s the concept that the bond she had with her mother, and with this cat, will truly be over.
Something that likely is difficult for her to come to terms with, especially while factoring in her own eventual demise. I think it’s one of those situations where giving soothing/comforting statements outweighs providing the blunt honesty of the scenario.” Voyager1022
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Parents More Money?
“For some context, my parents and I are immigrants. I came here as a very young child, and have been in the U.S. ever since (20+ years). Growing up, we were not rich at all, we actually started off as lower class and moved up to middle class for some time then some things happened with a failed business venture by my father and then we went back to “lower class”.
We were not “poor” per se but we made enough to get by, my parents tried their best!
Fast forward to now, I graduated from university a few years ago after deciding to go to community college for 2 years and then transfer to university, sacrificing the full “university experience” in exchange for no debt upon graduation.
I still live with my mother but I have a stressful but rewarding job that pays me about $4-4.5k/month after taxes. My mom asked me to pay some bills which added to my bills, I was a bit reluctant, but I agreed. My bills and the new ones I’d help my mom with added up to about $250-$500/mo.
So after paying this and sending $1k to my Roth every month I have about $3k/month to spend on other things and save a percentage of.
Then a few months later, pretty recently, my Dad asked to meet up with me to ask for a favor.
We meet, and then, he asks me to start giving my mom $1,000/mo to help out since she’s “sick” and getting older, and then gives a whole financial spiel on how “money is meant to be used instead of hoarding it” and how I should be “spending it more”.
Frankly, on the outside, I was nodding my head, but throughout the whole convo on the inside, I was just… rolling my eyes.
I have never specifically asked anyone for money in my life. Everything from my credit score, having no debt, money in my bank acct, checking, investments, savings, investment knowledge, and new job attainment has been a product of ME seeking this info out for myself and applying it.
My parents never gave me any financial advice or guidance growing up, and tbh, although I love them to death, I would not really take financial advice from them now. I also remember my sibling calling me “greedy” or something along those lines before due to my frugal nature.
I decided to give my mom $700/month, then my Dad asked for it to be raised to $800/month, so I agreed… then my mom tried to ask for it to be $1k, but I declined because at that point I’d rather just move out right now than to give $1k out of my check monthly.
I am saving up for many things, such as a new car, a house down payment so I can move out, etc. My job is increasingly stressful and when more people just keep asking me for money with their hands out… I start to remember the blood, sweat, and literal tears it took for me to get this and it irritates me….
A lot. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your parent’s reasoning is totally wrong. Everything your dad said is totally wrong. You shouldn’t take any money-related input from anybody in your family ever again However, you also should pay your mother’s rent, at a minimum.
$250-500 is probably way short. You should pay for any food or other things you consume too. Complaining that $700-800 is expensive compared to rent is probably wrong and also doesn’t make you look great either. Figure out a fair rent and stick to that, maybe with a formal agreement.” AdamOnFirst
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you were living rent-free at your parent’s house for a while as a college graduate. In this market, depending on where you live, $1000/month is pretty standard rent. In many markets, that would be a really good deal. Your parents aren’t being unreasonable in asking you to pay a monthly rent at this point.
If you’d rather move out, then go ahead and do that. It will likely cost you more than $1000/month between rent and bills, but you’d have more privacy and autonomy. However, as long as you stay there, you are a jerk for not paying the full amount they’re asking for rent.
You say you’ve only got $3000/month to save from, but that’s after you’ve already put $1000 into your Roth IRA; that is savings. I admire your financial prudence, and I disagree with your father’s assessment that money is to be spent rather than saved. Still, it’s time for you to pay your own way.
That includes rent.” TurtleTheMoon
9. AITJ For Leaving My Birthday Dinner Early Due To Anxiety?
“I am a minor and still live with my parents for obvious reasons. We went out to celebrate my birthday earlier tonight at a chain steakhouse in our area. For some background, whenever we go out to eat, my dad can be quite a Karen when it comes to not getting his order correctly, which always makes me anxious.
I am not diagnosed with anything, but almost everyone close to me suspects autism or something of the sort as I get overstimulated very easily, especially when I’m anxious, as well as the fact that I can be very picky when it comes to spice in foods (and a few other reasons that are not super relevant to this post).
As I said, we went out to eat tonight to celebrate my birthday. I was already feeling pretty anxious due to some other things that are happening later this week, and that amplifies when I’m hungry, (my mom uses the term, “anxious” in the same way someone would use “hangry,” just changed to how I respond to it.) My anxiety is what caused this whole interaction.
So, we order dinner, and everything’s going fine, I’m just a little overwhelmed by the noise since my dad doesn’t like it when I wear them since he sees it as “disrespectful” even if they help me focus better on what we’re talking about. I was just fidgeting with a new toy I got, and my mom ordered fit or me like usual after I communicated what I wanted.
Long story short, my order came out wrong, it was too spicy for me so I just picked at my mac&cheese since I didn’t want to make a scene about it even though we asked for it differently. My dad realized what was wrong, and got mad at me for not saying anything before acting like a jerk to the waiter who was very clearly not at fault, and asked for the manager.
Blah blah blah, he was rude to them too, and it made me feel anxious enough to the point that I was pretty sure I was going to have some kind of anxiety attack, which I’m glad I recognized. So, I grabbed my mom’s keys, told them I needed air, and rushed out to the car since everything was just becoming too much for me to handle, even when I tried to cover my ears and close my eyes.
I locked myself in the car until they came out about 15 minutes later with the boxes of food. My dad was yelling at me on the way back home for being disrespectful and leaving dinner early like that. I couldn’t really respond since it was one of those times when I just couldn’t get myself to speak because it felt like something was blocking my vocal cords or something like that.
It’s a few hours later now and he hasn’t spoken to me since the car ride home, and my mom only told me goodnight which is unusual for her since she usually tries to sit down and talk to me after these incidents but she didn’t this time, so it makes me wonder if I really am the jerk this time and maybe I should have stuck it out longer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What were your alternatives? Have an anxiety attack in the middle of the restaurant? It’s not like you made a conscious choice to be anxious or have difficulty standing up for yourself. I mean, it’s probably a smart idea to find some solutions to the anxiety- getting a diagnosis would likely help a lot- but no, you did nothing wrong here.
I can see how your dad is making all of this so much worse- the fear of him going all ‘Karen’ as you put it is a pretty big motivation to keep your mouth shut. Stand up to him and he’ll yell back; don’t stand to him and he yells at you for not standing up to him.
Yuck.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Overly Dependent Gamer Nephew With His Homework?
“I’m a 20-year-old female in Architecture College, with classes from Monday to Saturday, 7 AM to 5 PM. I’ve always been independent, handling my own paperwork and requirements without help—everything from grades to birth certificates. My parents support me financially, but they don’t know much about applications or how to use technology (they’re in their 60s and from a generation that didn’t grow up with it).
My nephew, who is 13 and about to enter high school (we don’t have a middle school system—just Elementary, High School, and Senior High School), is one of the laziest and most incompetent people I know. He’s addicted to gaming, and while I enjoy gaming too (Valorant, Baldur’s Gate, Overwatch), he misses his assessments because of it.
I get blamed for not helping him with his homework or teaching him, but I’m in college, and I have my thesis to work on.
When I was 13, I didn’t have academic help from anyone (except financial support). I learned to be responsible and take care of my own academic needs.
I don’t want to help him because I feel he’ll become lazy and overly dependent on me throughout high school. I want him to learn how to handle his own responsibilities, but my parents constantly scold me for not helping him.
One time, he had to get a stamp on a paper for enrollment.
He paid for it but never returned to get the seal, saying he didn’t know he had to. This is what I mean when I say he doesn’t take initiative. He’s free to make mistakes like that, but I wish I could see him at least try.
It feels like he just waits for me to fix things for him.
Weaponized incompetence? Definitely. My parents keep spoiling him, and it frustrates me. I won’t lie; I feel jealous, wishing I had that kind of attention and help growing up. But I also worry about what will happen to him in the future without my parents or me around.
Maybe it’s because I’m grade-conscious—if I fail even one assessment, I’ll be kicked out of school—but I don’t understand how he gets away with not putting in the effort.
I’ve sacrificed my social life for academics, which I was taught to do, and now I kind of regret it.
But at the same time, I want to set a good example for my nephew without getting taken advantage of. I also want him to enjoy his childhood. He won’t be a kid forever, and I don’t want him to grow up too fast. But I’m really worried about his future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why aren’t your parents helping him? I know someone who’s been getting a monthly allowance and had everything done for him since he was 12, he’s now 26, has never had a job in his life, is completely incapable of doing anything on his own, and always asks other people to help him (do it for him) with the most basic things imaginable.
He’s not in school either and essentially just lives the most hedonistic entitled life you can imagine (smoking daily, going out clubbing, watching TV, video games, etc). Your nephew is still young, but babying him will never teach him to be independent.” ZacTheBlob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would propose a compromise: Give your cousin tips: He should set an alarm to stop playing at a certain time, he should go to bed at x time, he should first do his homework before gaming, etc. things you figured out for yourself by trial and error but know they work.
Make sure to do this either in writing or in the presence (by phone if not physically of your parents/his parents. If he decides to apply the tips great. If he doesn’t, you tried to help him You can’t baby him and sooner or later he’s gonna have to be on his own two feet.” Organic_Start_420
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Discuss Religion With A Customer At Work?
“So today I had an odd encounter at work and I want to be prepared for when they inevitably come back. So background, I work in sales and I’m Hispanic (will be relevant in a minute). I had a customer come into the store today with her 3 kids, she paid for them to run around and play and after a while, we talked about day-to-day things and whatnot.
Then after a while, she started a new topic and began with “So do you believe in the afterlife life?”, a bit confused with the sudden change I gave my 2 cents about it. Then she started to go more and more religious, talking about her struggles, how she found God, and that he sent her here to find me.
Because she could tell that I was feeling empty and unfulfilled and that God could fill my emptiness. She wasn’t preaching about wanting to save my soul or something, just that God wanted to speak with me. She told her personal marriage issues and her husband’s financial issues, and then she asked God to help her make a change in their lives and that she “heard” God’s voice, and that led them to a new church.
And ever since then, their lives have been so fulfilled and I should consider coming down to their church as there are others like me and it’s a fun place to be.
She even told me I should come to have dinner with her family next week.
She sat and talked to me for a solid 30-40 minutes and as I was the only one in the store I couldn’t go anywhere. Looking back she asked me a lot of questions that seemed more like interview questions rather than curiosity. How old I was, whether have I lived in the state my whole life, do I have any kids, how many siblings I have, how spiritual I am, if I have any emptiness and feel like I’m not good enough?
Any time someone walked by she talked quieter, spoke in Spanish, or just didn’t say anything until they went away which seemed really weird to me. For the cherry on top, after all that and inviting me to her family home for dinner, she never told me the name of the church she goes to or thanked me for listening to her.
I know at some point she will come back, maybe with her husband, I’m not sure. But I don’t want to have an entire conversation again about religion. I don’t mind talking with customers about everyday stuff and whatever but this, it felt wrong. I was cornered and had nowhere to go, and I knew the higher-ups would throw a fit about upsetting a “Potential Customer” by not wanting to deal with her.
Is there something proper I can say to her if she tries to bring up religion again? WIBTJ if I told her I don’t want to talk about religion while I’m working?”
Another User Comments:
“She sounds like she’s part of a cult, or interested in kidnapping you.
Be very wary. All you need to say to her is you are not interested. No, thank you. You’ve got to get back to work. Tell her you’re an atheist. Tell her you’re a Buddhist. Tell her you’re Wiccan. An atheist is best because then you can just say you don’t believe in god and put that on repeat.
NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your manager about this. Tell him or her you feel uncomfortable. If she tries to corner you again, pick some phrase – “Can I help you with (whatever it is you do)?” – and repeat variations on it.
“I’m here to assist you with (whatever it is she’s supposed to be doing here)”. Sooner or later she should give up. In a pinch, “I am afraid I cannot help you with that. Would you like to speak to a manager?” usually works.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She has scoped you out, ‘how she found God and that he sent her here to find me. ‘, I would have stopped her right there. You should have or now just say you are not interested and please do not talk of this subject again.
And said if that is all, you have some other business to attend to. And turn around and ignore her. If she persists, even your boss would agree you have every right to escort her to the door. Because after that point it becomes harassment and she would be trespassing.” Mustng1966
6. AITJ For Retaliating Against My Abusive Mother's Insults?
“My mom and I (25f) have never had the best relationship.
Throughout my childhood, I did my absolute best to stay in line. I was a star student. I graduated top of my class and attended a prestigious university. I didn’t sneak out to drink or use substances or fool around, and I was relatively introverted. My mother did an amazing number on my self-esteem growing up.
My mom is emotionally and verbally abusive. She construes any little disagreement as an attack on her character. Any mistake I made — and today still make — was made to be a huge misgiving. If I was wrong, I was “stupid”. If I was being a smart aleck, I “thought I was so smart but really I was just a freaking idiot”.
Insults were hurled daily against me. I grew up watching her attack and insult my dad, who was a great father to me. My brother isn’t in contact with her anymore except for special occasions. My sister was a heavy drinker in her teenage years, and I remember it being particularly rough, as my mom would lose control and sometimes even get physically rough with her.
She always told me to never turn out like my sister and would put her down all the time. However, now that I’ve grown, it appears that I am now the scapegoat and my sister should avoid ME???. She immediately goes to putting people down whenever there’s the slightest hint of an issue.
Well, now that I have grown up, I am at a loss. I always believed I should just let her be, given her traumatic upbringing. But any argument we have devolves into screaming. I cannot defend myself. I can’t even say “sorry” and agree with her, because she will sense that I don’t truly mean it, which results in more arguing.
She claims that I hate her. She asks me why I am so combative as if I am the one starting arguments, rather than acknowledging what is happening: that it is she who starts arguments, who insults, who puts down others. When she is in a bad mood, she will come to me and find a reason to be angry with me.
I’ve come to know there is no way for me to find peace unless I stoop to her level.
Which is precisely what I do now. Does she want to tell me I am miserable? I bring up examples of her dumping misery all over me and my siblings.
She calls me combative? I tell her that her offensive style of communication is the reason she has no friends. She tells me she walks on eggshells around me. I say oh, no, mother. Walking on eggshells is indeed the reason your son does not talk to you anymore.
I look for faults of hers that have caused me great pain and I throw it all in her face. I know it’s not right. But darn, it shuts her up.
So like. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should follow your brother’s steps and cut ties with her.
It seems she hasn’t changed at all and continues to spread misery. It’s time to prioritize yourself; a relationship where constant conflict is the norm isn’t worth it. Focus on healing the wounds from your childhood that your mother left, and if she ever sincerely apologizes and changes, then maybe you can consider rebuilding the relationship.” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“I’m not making a judgment here, but I do want to say that even if it shuts her up, maybe try to completely ignore her instead. Humans are creatures of habit, and YOU may become too comfortable doing it right back to her, to the point you start doing it to others without realizing it.
Break the cycle.” Pristine_Pie_2254
5. AITJ For Refusing A Play Date Between My Daughter And A Friend's Rude Child?
“My wife has a close friend group that includes “Tony,” “Tina,” and their daughter “Terror.”
I first met Tony at a wedding. For context, I work from home in the arts, and I didn’t own a suit, so I rented one.
I enjoy banter, but I don’t typically joke around with people I’ve just met. I prefer to get to know someone first. At the wedding, someone complimented my suit and asked what brand it was. I explained that I didn’t own a suit because I didn’t need one, so I rented it.
Then this irritating guy, Tony, starts going on about renting tuxes for prom. After a couple of jokes, I told him it wasn’t a tux, and I didn’t see the point in buying a suit for one night. I walked away after that because I didn’t want to ruin the evening by decking him.
At Christmas, Tony and his daughter Terror showed up at the friend group’s holiday gathering. We weren’t staying long, so I gave Tony a quick, polite greeting and mostly avoided him. Later, I was talking to my wife and Tina when Tina suggested setting up a playdate for our daughters since they were about the same age.
My daughter lives with my ex, who is a great mom, and I figured if the logistics worked, it might be fine.
But later, when we were driving home, I told my wife I didn’t want my daughter around that girl. Terror was a smart-mouthed little terror, and I didn’t think she was a good influence.
Plus, I didn’t want to spend any more time around her dad—he was a jerk. My wife understood and made excuses to avoid setting anything up.
The topic came up again at another get-together when some of her friends asked if we ever got the girls together.
I said no, and when they asked why, I told them the logistics didn’t work. They suggested a sleepover, but I told them again that I didn’t want my kid around Terror. My daughter is polite, respectful to adults, kind, and sweet, while their kid was loud and disrespectful, and I didn’t think they’d be a good match as friends.
My daughter already had enough friends, so I declined.
On the way home, I asked my wife if she was upset, and she admitted she was, but not with me. She had told her friend what happened and explained that a playdate was a no-go, but she was irked that they kept pushing for it.
So, I’m wondering—am I the jerk here? Do you control who your child spends time with partly based on your view of their parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ‘Play dates’ are stupid; unless the kids ask for them. Your kid is 13 and that’s too old for that anyway.
Imagine being 13 and getting told to have a sleepover with a kid that you don’t know. Sounds like Terror has no friends. Not your problem.” Agreeable_Resist8931
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn here. So soft YTJ. Maybe this guy is a jerk or maybe he’d had a couple too many and acted like a jerk.
You wouldn’t know because you’ve never given him another chance. Choosing to call a child you’ve met twice “terror” and just assuming because of those interactions she’s a horrible kid is cringy. Your dislike of her father also likely influenced how you view her. 13 is old to be outright arranging play dates but your wife and her friend could take the girls out and see if they get along.
You really can’t have too many friends. It’s good to have friends outside your school friends group as those can go south fast and then your kid is left friendless.” shadyrose222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have no reason to want these people in your life and plenty of reason not to.
And 13 is too old for play dates. The fact that these parents keep pushing indicates that their child doesn’t have friends. Probably because of the attributes you mentioned. Regardless of the reason, your daughter isn’t a therapy animal.” AdOne8433
4. AITJ For Not Distancing Myself From My Straight Best Friend Because His Partner Is Jealous?
“I’ve (19M) have always been close to my best friend “Ryan” (19M) since kindergarten. I’ve always just been one of the guys to him and even when I was outed 8th grade year in our little podunk town and some of our friends dropped me he never treated me differently.
We still had sleepovers, slept in the same bed, roughhoused/wrestled, hung out, etc. Oddly enough he was my first kiss cause. 9th grade year Valentine’s Day I was complaining about never having kissed anyone cause I was the only out kid then and he just kissed me to shut me up.
But we’re like brothers and that was completely platonic.
We moved in together for college and before long he started seeing this girl “Jessica” (20F) and I found my partner “Taylor” (21M). Jessica was cool at first but over time she seems to have gotten jealous of me because me and Ryan still spend a lot of time together and we still hang out the same way as when we were kids.
She started making snide remarks to me all the time (Ryan’s not the smartest so he didn’t catch a lot of it) or getting upset every time we hung out which is a lot. About two weeks ago she came up to me at a party alone and accused me of having an affair with Ryan asking me if he was just closeted. I assumed he was straight.
She then accused me of being a “creepy stalker” and I needed to back off and let him be with her. I told her I was not trying to stop him from being with her but she just told me to back off again.
I told Taylor about it and he thinks maybe it’s ok if I pulled back from my friendship with Ryan just to get her to relax, but I told him that wouldn’t be fair to Ryan’ especially without him even knowing why and I wouldn’t just leave my best friend like that.
So I promptly ignored her warning and just went back to the usual with Ryan.
Over the weekend we had made a pallet on the living room floor and fell asleep rewatching the Star Wars movies like when we were kids. I woke up to Jessica glaring at me.
Ryan was still asleep so I went outside with her to ask her what her problem was. She starts going on about how I’m still making moves on her partner and I guess Ryan woke up and heard us outside. He asked what was going on and she just said nothing just a bad night at work.
I who’s had enough of her decided to be messy and explained what was going on. Of course, Ryan got mad and that started a whole argument about how he’d spend time with whoever he wanted and her not getting to decide who his friends are etc etc. Taylor thinks I just should’ve followed Jessica’s lead and played it cool and that I was messy for no reason.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is her jealousy, her warped imagination, her awful standards, her problem. She is being pretty homophobic and is trying to split two great friends up. She sounds pretty toxic and it won’t get better. Sounds like you and your mate have always had each other’s back – don’t let her change this, and even if you get distant for a year or two, he had your back when it mattered and I’m sure you got him in the future.” OneEyedMilkman87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should probably talk about this with Ryan and Jessica together because this won’t create a nice environment for all three of you. Just sit together and try to find a solution that gives the partner a more comfortable feeling, but won’t affect the friendship too much.” annoniemie
Another User Comments:
“Telling the truth is NOT being Messy. Being messy is lying to your partner. Trying to break up a lifelong friendship. Telling others who they can and cannot hang out with. You just opened Ryan’s eyes and now he gets to decide to stay in this toxic relationship or dump her controlling rear.
My vote is for the latter. Why is it that people think that two guys, one straight and one gay can’t just be friends.?And always thinking the gay guy has ulterior motives. Just like guys can’t be friends with girls for the same reason.
There MUST be something going on. NTJ protect your friend at all costs.” liquidsky72
3. AITJ For Attending My Niece's Communion Against Her Father's Wishes?
“My brother-in-law, “Bill”, split up from his ex-wife a few years ago.
His ex has primary custody of their daughter, my niece, “Nessie” (8). I don’t know all the details, but it was somewhat acrimonious and he was by all accounts more of the jerk in that situation, although of course relationships are tricky and I’m not judging them for divorcing.
I have known Bill and his ex since we were all teenagers (we’re all now in our 30s). As I said, I have no reason to be unfriendly with his ex because of their breakup, and although we don’t hang out socially anymore, we do go way back and I love Nessie.
So I didn’t think it was a big deal when Nessie’s mom invited me and my kids, as well as Bill’s sister and her kids, to Nessie’s birthday party last year. We went, and it was as fun as a kid’s costume party is going to be, cake was eaten, no drama.
Bill wasn’t there, but I didn’t really expect him to be hanging out at his ex’s new place (due to the acrimonious nature of the divorce).
But then apparently, after the fact, Bill freaked out on my MIL and read her the riot act. He laid down the law, as it were, that none of his side of the family was to have any contact with Nessie (and, I guess, his ex) except through him.
MIL was distraught, SIL said okay to keep the peace, and my husband (Bill’s brother) is really angry at Bill but willing to agree to his terms since Nessie is his daughter.
Now Nessie’s first holy communion ceremony is coming up and Bill isn’t going (not sure why, haven’t got a straight answer from MIL or husband), and is saying that we (aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents) shouldn’t go or he’ll be livid.
WIBTJ if I showed up anyway? I’ll feel bad for Nessie if all the other kids have their extended families in the church when they walk down the aisle and she doesn’t. I’m definitely going to send a card and gift, but maybe openly defying Bill’s request is a bridge too far, especially as I’m “only” an aunt-in-law.
For context, Bill has a history of being a bit of a creaky stair (as per Captain Awkward), and throwing temper tantrums – but has also had some trouble within his own family. I think he’s had some money and mental health issues over the years, too.
Finally, he has a new partner who we just found out is pregnant. (I swear, I’m not judging, but MIL is, shall we say, unimpressed with this turn of events.)
I’m confused about why Bill is being so controlling about his family’s contact with his daughter.
Is it about us being friendly with his ex? Is it the new partner? Is he justified in this, like, is it normal for divorced parents and families? I feel like he’s being a jerk to Nessie, but I might be wrong. I don’t want to stir up trouble with Bill, but the way I was raised I’ve got auntie duties that aren’t subject to quarrels between grown-ups.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nessie is your niece and your kid’s cousin. Your ex-SIL, *who has primary custody* is inviting you to milestone events in Nessie’s life. You should definitely go and support Nessie as you are her family. Your BIL isn’t Nessie’s sole or even primary parent so, he doesn’t get to unilaterally dictate your relationship with her.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your BIL is out of line. The divorce doesn’t give him the right to dictate who can and cannot have a relationship with his daughter. Nessie deserves to have her family to celebrate important milestones in her life, regardless of her parents’ personal issues.
If Bill has concerns or issues with his family’s relationship with his ex-wife, he should address them directly and maturely, rather than resorting to ultimatums and controlling behavior.” LeahLocketz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this feels very vindictive and isolating of him. Understandably, he has issues with his ex if they had a nasty divorce, but he needs to get over his broken pride and let his kid be with a loving family without holding the relationship hostage.
Maybe a good therapist could help him heal whatever is broken inside, but he does not sound like the type to accept such advice. If you go around him there will be fireworks, but if he refuses to compromise it might be worth it, that will be your (and your family’s) call to make.” Penetal
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Unstable Ex At My Wedding?
“So I am getting married in mid-2025, and while planning for my wedding, have been kinda helping with my friend Jessyca and her complicated relationship.
Anyways, Jessyca has been seeing this guy, Stan. At first, it was going well and I expressed happiness for her relationship as she had been single for a while. But over time, the relationship had gotten more complicated. I used to have a habit of meddling in friends relationships but after going to therapy and working on myself, I’ve tried to stay out of it unless severe mistreatment is happening.
A quick recap of their relationship: Jessyca and Stan have broken up about 3/4 times in 4 months. First, he was unfaithful to her, but she begged him back. Got back together and broke up with her right before her birthday. He reached out and tried to be friends and she agreed and didn’t tell anyone he asked her to get back together and she said yes.
Well, that time, he broke up with her a week later after blocking her on everything as he was going through a nasty divorce and “doesn’t need unnecessary stress”. She cried and begged him to not leave but he did, claiming it would be the last time they would see each other (he told her that last break too).
It’s a revolving door of her waiting for him to come back and he does when it’s convenient for him.
So I know I messed up by telling her this a month after the breakup, but I told her I wasn’t comfortable with having him at my wedding given the history and hearing all the crap he did to her.
I expressed that if she wants to be with him again after all that, whatever, it’s her life and choices and I’d accept it.
She went off on me via email, saying I had no right to make such decisions for her, essentially forcing her to be dateless at my wedding (I never told her that, did suggest she could go solo), that I was condemning him and not letting him “redeem himself” if they were to get back together.
She also stated that she didn’t want to be dateless and it wasn’t fair since I don’t feel comfortable meeting strangers right off the bat but I told her exceptions would be made in this case. She expressed she still has hope he’ll come back and he just “needs to get over his stuff”
Originally I read the email and didn’t register how mean it was towards me until my fiance commented on the language and accused me of something I never said/implied. I sent a text asking for space, defending myself from the accusations, and that it was such a far jump to say “I’m forcing her to be dateless” because her ex isn’t invited. I ended it by saying I’m done with this situation and I have nothing else to say about the topic.
She replied, saying she was surprised by my message and she also wrote something “long” about the situation. Like what else is there to say?
Anyways, I know I’m a jerk for making that comment way too soon, but given the background, am I the jerk for setting that boundary in case he does come back, that both my fiancé and I don’t want him there?”
Another User Comments:
“This is over a guy she’s been seeing for four MONTHS? Do they make each other friendship bracelets, too? A wedding is an adult business. Doesn’t sound like she is one. I’d uninvite her. Don’t worry about this. They’ll have a kid and have been broken up another 4 times by next year.” SolarPerfume
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, you’re allowed to dictate who’s there and who’s not, I don’t think it’s out of line to say that you don’t want someone you don’t like who’s not even seeing your friend right now to be at your wedding a year from now.
That’s a very fair boundary to set. Plenty of people go to weddings solo and the world continues to turn, forcing her to be dateless for one night is hardly the worst thing you can do to someone.” JNF919
1. AITJ For Wanting To End My One-Sided Friendship With A User?
“Melanie (31F) and I (31F) have been friends for years, but now our friendship is one-sided. Melanie has a son and lots of family/friends with kids. I don’t have children myself.
She’s a party girl and popular, while I like to stay out of the spotlight. I work more hours than she does and am often exhausted, but despite that, I’ve consistently been there for her.
Over time, Melanie has lived a life of luxury—driving fancy cars, vacations, expensive restaurants, and designer clothes.
I, on the other hand, have reasonably struggled here and there. The father of her son still exists, but she says he doesn’t contribute much, and I don’t pry. I’ve watched her son when she wanted to party or date, year after year; she has a big support network of family and friends, but it feels like I’m her go-to.
At times she’d ask me to watch her son even when I had to be at my job the next day, and she wouldn’t always stick to the agreed time. She’d show up hours late, and there were occasions when she’d call me last minute to help with something that seemed urgent, but I was left feeling deflated by her “emergencies”.
She posts often about how much she spends on beauty and self-care to stay “put together,” but she never mentions paying for childcare in real life. Her hair, lashes, and nails are always done, and she makes snarky comments about women who don’t keep up these things like she does, which often means I fall into this category too.
Our conversations revolve around her son, partying, or favors. If I say no to something, she tries to sway me with food or booze, as if my boundaries don’t matter. When I say no, she’ll disappear for weeks, and it feels like she’s only around when she needs something.
When I mentioned something pricey/quality I was considering, she reacted with surprise or even disbelief, asking, “You’d pay for that?” followed by a list of things she couldn’t afford at that moment. It’s strange. If I’m dressed up, she’ll comment, “I see you got dressed, where’d you get that from?” It’s never playful; as though she finds it strange that I look nice, even though she spends a lot on her appearance.
These little comments make me feel uneasy, and I’m realizing that I’ve been giving so much without receiving much in return.
Recently, I decided to keep my health and career plans to myself because it feels like Melanie isn’t genuinely interested in me as a person, just in what I can do for her.
Although I decided to start a new chapter, she has contributed to my decision to leave the city. Moving away feels like the best way to take control of my life and focus on myself. I don’t want to watch her son anymore, he’s a good kid—but it doesn’t feel like a genuine act of friendship.
I wonder if I’m wrong for stepping away, but it’s been hard not to feel like “the loser friend” who only exists to be a free babysitter. I’m beginning to question what “community” really means. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Melanie is not your friend.
She has been using you for a very long time to further her own ends – either as a free babysitter or to make herself look better by belittling you. It’s time for you to walk away from this relationship, no matter how you do it, or your mental health as well as your own personal growth.
Good luck” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ… but YTJ, if you stayed around, continuing to be Melanie’s doormat. And a fresh new beginning is what you deserve while getting away from Melanie Mooch. Because that’s what she is. Please don’t feel guilty for wanting to take better care of your mental health.
Melanie has zero consideration for you or your time. Move towards a new life with zero guilt on your end. And her son is NOT your responsibility either. You already played a role in his life, and it’s a shame his mom didn’t value that.
If I were you, I’d move far away, get a new number, and just start fresh. Easier said, than done, but you deserve good things and good people that support you and lift you. Melanie isn’t one of those people!” Lisabelart
Another User Comments:
“Friends who also have kids can trade off in child care so there is an ROI for everyone.
Friends who don’t have kids of their own, who watch someone else’s child may truly love the opportunity to watch Jr. or they may do it out of a sense of obligation. Regardless, friendship requires give and take for both parties. If the childless friend watches someone else’s kids, what’s in it for her?
“Friends” are not built-in babysitters unless they choose to be. Move wherever you want! Taking care of this kid isn’t your problem or responsibility. Time for some new friends! Or perhaps renewing old ones that may have distanced over time. Take classes somewhere, do some volunteer work, join a gym, pursue a hobby-plenty of opportunities to meet some new folks with whom you have something in common, and develop a healthy friendship.
You are not the loser here. You won your freedom from this miserable lady and halted the theft of your time and energy. Enjoy your newfound freedom and friendships!” mumtaz2004
