People Get Ruthless In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Hiding My Partner's Anime Body Pillow And Mousepad When My Parents Visited?
“My partner (M/32) and I (F/27) have been together for a year.
He’s only met my parents once over the holidays last year because they live pretty far away. They’ve been visiting this past week and since he and I just moved in together they were excited to see our new place and get to know my partner a little more.
We have an extra bedroom, and this has become my partner’s gaming room for the most part but we agreed when guests come over it would be a second bedroom. He likes video games and anime in particular so he has a lot of toys and artwork that he’s collected over the years from different games and such.
One thing he has is this anime body pillow that features a suggestive anime girl on it. He also has a mousepad for his gaming computer that resembles a busty anime girl. Before my parents came over I asked him to take down his toys and stuff so they could be comfortable.
I was upset to see that he left the body pillow and the mousepad in place.
I don’t feel comfortable with either item but he’s really into anime so I’ve always kind of left it alone. But I didn’t think it was appropriate to leave it in there when my parents would be staying over.
I took the cover off the body pillow and put the pillow in the closet and I put the mousepad in a drawer in our room.
When my parents arrived and we showed them to their room, my partner noticed the missing pillow and mousepad.
Later, when we were in bed, he brought it up to me and asked why I hid them. I told him I didn’t think my parents would feel comfortable with those things in the bedroom and when they leave we could put them back.
My partner got upset. He told me that he feels like I’m ashamed of his interest in anime. He said he’s spent his whole life feeling like people think he’s weird for being into anime and he didn’t expect his partner to be “just like everyone else”.
The next day, I noticed him taking some of his manga books off our bookshelf and putting them into a box. I asked him why and he said something like “I’m putting them away so you don’t have to look at them anymore”.
I feel really bad, I feel like I hurt him but I just really didn’t think my parents would feel comfortable sleeping in a room with those items. But now he’s just acting so distant and cold and he’s not engaging with my parents at all.
They keep asking me what’s wrong and I don’t know what to say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a pillow featuring a life-size suggestive drawing of a woman is not appropriate. There is so much appropriate representation of women in anime and he picked super-objectifying things.
So it’s not about you not wanting to support his love of anime, but him being upset he has to look in the mirror that he has inappropriate content lying around as decor and that’s not appropriate for all company… He’s saying he expects you to be cool with his weird fascinations.” abdbfnh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You put aside something very specific to make your parents more comfortable. His emotions are understandable but adults talk through these things. Giving your parents (who are on a rare visit and are completely innocent) a distant cold shoulder is a red flag.
He is showing you his level of immaturity. Think about what this means for the rest of your life with him. The bottom line, he is a jerk for how he is treating your parents. What you did is no excuse for it, and I am saying this as someone who also likes video games and anime.
He is out of line.” PurpleNoneAccount
23. AITJ For Prioritizing My Education Over Visiting My Partner?
“Just for context, I’m a 22-year-old male, studying industrial engineering, 2nd semester. I couldn’t pursue education for 3 years because of an illness, moved out from home for university due to what I suppose was a narcissistic father, therefore I have issues assessing this situation. Also, first relationship.
It is currently pretty stressful, as I have an oral exam coming up, where I have to know all the physics lab experiments we did (16 in total) by heart including all of the theory.
Therefore, I am very stressed and studying as much as I can.
Seasonal allergies make focusing even harder.
Usually, we see each other during the weekends because we live 1 and 1/2 hours apart. I couldn’t see her last weekend, because I had to finish the physics lab protocol, which took almost the entire weekend.
I have an oral exam this Tuesday, so I couldn’t manage to make time to visit her.
Studying at her place doesn’t work, because her parents have a dog, which causes allergic asthma for me, making studying and concentrating even harder.
She texted me that she was hurt and felt like she was not important enough to me, especially now that she had her wisdom tooth removed. She also suggested going our separate ways.
I feel terrible for not being able to visit her, but I also feel like I must not fail this education, as I already lost 3 years due to combating an illness and I don’t have anyone to rely on financially (my father doesn’t have any income, mom raises my 8yo brother on her salary).
So I wonder, am I unreasonable?
Am I a terrible person for not making the time?
A bit more context, we text every day regularly (sometimes it would take me a few hours to reply when I was in a study session), and up until the conflict we would talk over the phone for about an hour every evening.
I sent flowers her way to cheer her up after surgery.
Whenever she visited me, I usually always surprised her with a bouquet and fresh strawberries, or homemade cake, maybe fresh crépes, affordable silver rings, or for Easter I prepared an Easter basket with edible paper grass and chocolate eggs.
I also always paid for our meals when we went dining (two times until now).
I am also usually the only one to tell her I am glad to see her.
She doesn’t reciprocate anything I mentioned here, but still tells me, that she feels like she is not important enough.
The only verbal affection I receive is occasional “I miss you” texts. More often than not I feel like she doesn’t care and while she expressed, that it is hard for her to be vulnerable, in general, I pick up more negative signals than positive ones (which could also be an issue of my perception).”
Another User Comments:
“Danger Will Robinson. She knows this is your education, that you’re studying hard, and that you’d love to see her if you could, yet she STILL is giving you the guilt trips. A good partner is understanding and supportive, and she’s not either one of those in this scenario.
Does her behavior remind you of some of the stuff your dad did? That might be a hint here. She seems self-centered at the least, demanding everything from you and offering very little in return. In any case, focus on your education.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly this might be a good learning experience for what you want in a relationship – is it supposed to cause you stress or to provide you with support in stressful times? Is the effort supposed to extend only one way? How does she show you that you are important to her?” stealing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% You’re prioritizing your education & your future. There’s also a good reason you can’t study at her place. “Am I a terrible person for not making the time?” Not. “I sent flowers her way to cheer her up after surgery.” You’re the reverse.
It’ll hurt for a while but I’d take her up on going your separate ways because you deserve a *lot* better IMO. Best of luck with the exam.” Apart-Ad-6518
22. AITJ For Complaining About An Autistic Classmate Disrupting Our Quiz?
“I [18F] am an engineering student, and today I had multiple quizzes. I was kind of stressed already, but I became even more frustrated when an autistic guy [18M] in my math class interrupted our quiz.
Let’s call him “M.” For context, M is kind of weird. I don’t interact with him much. He brags about having autism, and talks constantly over our professor, and he also gets offended because nobody gave him any compliments on the trans pin on his backpack.
I don’t care what M does in his own free time, but I was already annoyed about him talking over the professor. Today, he decided to interrupt our math quiz which frustrated me even more. In the middle of the quiz, M suddenly stood up.
He started talking super loud and saying that he “has to take his ADHD medication at this time.”
My main issue is how loud he was talking. He also didn’t even approach our professor to tell him this. M just started talking while he was still standing by his seat.
The professor ended up having to pull him out of class. I don’t understand why M wouldn’t just walk up to our professor and whisper instead of doing this. Our professor even told us what time the quiz would be. M could easily have told him this at the beginning of the quiz or right before it.
As soon as M started complaining about having to take his meds, I could not focus anymore. And this quiz was especially important. For this class, we only have five quizzes and three exams. We aren’t graded on anything else. I think I did okay on the quiz regardless of M interrupting, but I’m still really annoyed.
M is in college so he’s probably moderate or high-functioning. I kind of feel like he should know better. I was venting about M today to my friend on the phone. I was in my room during the call, and my roommate overheard me when she came in.
She called me “cruel” and told me I should have sympathy for M. I don’t have a problem with M himself, I just want him to stop interrupting class.”
Another User Comments:
“Look I’m queer and autistic but there are some things that if you have made it to college should be relatively straightforward or something you’ve memorized as a social rule that is an important one.
Being quiet during tests and quizzes is one of them. NTJ, being a minority, neurodivergent, or disabled doesn’t exclude you from having to follow the rules and just being polite to others.” eonssong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – autism is not a reason for a grown man to be interrupting an exam loudly.
If he has got to college, he knows fine well how to quietly excuse himself. He is just being a notice box. Complain to your professor officially, then the disability support unit in your college can add this behavior to the list the asd student needs to work on and hopefully use it to provide single exam accommodations so he isn’t interrupting other students doing exams.” No_Apartment7927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fact that someone is neurodivergent (I have 2 cousins who are non-verbal) doesn’t mean they get a free pass to do whatever they want, and that includes not following the classroom rules. Perhaps your roommate says that interrupting the class may seem harmless to her, but that attitude of justifying the guy because of his neurodivergence is dangerous when it comes to cases like my cousins’, which can cause serious harm to other people.
Integration is giving the person the support to live as normally as they can, not treating them as babies and telling the others to deal with it.” Ice_breaking
21. AITJ For Wanting To Evict My Friend's Disabled Son Who's Been Living Rent-Free For Years?
“I offered a friend a place to stay two and a half years ago when she was homeless. She was supposed to stay for just a couple of weeks, as she had a Section 8 voucher. Instead, she moved her then-18-year-old son in, then disappeared after a couple of months.
Her son J was working with a case worker and said he was looking for a living situation. Jack is trans, autistic, and has OCD and a sleeping disorder. He quit school in the 7th grade, so doesn’t have much of an education to get a job.
Time went on, and, for various reasons, he couldn’t get into any housing programs through his social worker.
A year ago, I told him that he would have to find a place in a year. That time has come up. He still hasn’t found a place.
Jack was just awarded disability but hasn’t received it yet. I suspect that now that he has disability income, it will be easier for him to find something in the next couple of months. He has an aunt he could live with, but he doesn’t want to, because she lives in a different city (same state), and he doesn’t want to deal with the transition.
He also doesn’t want to live with his sister, because he doesn’t get along with his sister’s roommate. He says he’d prefer to go to a shelter, rather than do either of those things. I don’t think Jack understands what being in a men’s shelter in one of the U.S.’ most dangerous cities means.
Part of me feels like I should offer to let him stay for one or two more months to let him find something, now that he has a little income. But I’ve developed so much resentment towards him because he’s never once offered to help out or do anything to pay rent or his part of the utilities.
More angering for me is that I’ve struggled to even get him to do his part of the kitchen chores, like unloading the dishwasher (which includes his dishes), taking out the trash, or replacing the paper towel roll, once he’s used it. I also feel frustrated and resentful that Jack bugs me to drive him to places that he could take public transportation to (he has a card to use free public transport).
I know some of these things are related to his age and disabilities, but it also seems kind of ridiculous.
Should I have to explain to someone that they should offer to help/not freeload? Is expecting him to offer an ableist? Is it appropriate or fair for me to resent an autistic person for that?
Should I let that resentment keep me from offering him a place to stay for a couple more months?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say you would not be the jerk depending on how you go about this. Your friend stuck you with her kid… Where is she now?
Whatever the reason not everyone can and is willing to be a caretaker, so don’t feel guilty for that. Autism is a spectrum and it’s not always easy, nevertheless, it seems like Jack has a family and a support system but prefers you, as you seem to cater to his needs and wishes.
I say how you go about it because an autistic person with OCD doesn’t easily change their environment. He is your friend’s child and not biologically related, which would change things, so I would suggest reaching out to your friend or his aunt or his sister and letting them know this is ending, they need to pick up from here.
I would say you have done enough.” Spiritual_Garbage358
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please contact social services yourself. You need help getting this person on their own feet. You would not be a jerk for making an effort to get him out of your home.
You have been extraordinary thus far. It is also reasonable for you to be resentful at this point. Also, in the meantime ask for some trivial amount of money for “rent” and make a chore list. Make it a requirement that he show you his progress in looking for a place to live and if he doesn’t there are consequences.
Maybe the same thing for a job (it’s unclear to me what his limitations are)? Do everything in your power to make this a better situation for you and less of a free hangout for the kid.” eowynsheiress
Another User Comments:
“You’ve made living with you too comfortable, why would he leave free rent and housekeeping service?
He’s not your responsibility, he has options: an aunt he could live with and a sister. He doesn’t want the inconvenience of moving to a different city or getting along with his sister’s roommate. In real life, we don’t always get to decide where we’re going to live, but rather, where we have to live due to circumstances.
Perhaps if he lives with the aunt or sister, they’ll find a way to get in contact with his mother and make her step up to deal with her son.” Amazing-Suggestion77
20. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Friend's Dog After She Failed To Care For My Cats?
“So I have a friend, we’ll call her A. A has 3 pets, 2 cats and a dog.
She can’t have her cats live with her due to allergies in the home so they’ve been living with me and my cat for about 8 months. She buys the food (just for her cats which is fair) and cat litter which all the cats use.
A’s dog is very poorly, in heart failure at the moment. She’s on a strict routine of a lot of medications and supplements, and a strict diet, and has to be taken outside for toilets roughly every couple of hours, sometimes more.
I’ve had her through the day and overnight every time I’ve been asked, sometimes for multiple days, sticking to the medication food, and toilet routine to the letter.
So overall I take full responsibility for all of her animals 100% of the time I’m asked to.
Over the time I’ve had A’s cats, I’ve had to go away a few times, and the agreement was she would come and feed them and my cat too.
But 4 out of 5 times, she hasn’t, despite saying she would. They’ve been left for 3 days sometimes because she ‘works too much and is too tired’ to go and feed them.
Both myself and my partner have been seriously upset by this every time it’s happened, as I’m sure you can agree is understandable, pets are a responsibility you can’t just not bother with because you’re too tired. I’m often very tired when looking after her dog but I never miss anything she needs.
Last weekend, A rang me. She kept saying how she was going away for the weekend and dropping hints that she wasn’t sure of who could have the dog. I stayed quiet because my partner was planning to come over for the weekend and I knew he’d have a lot to say if he turned up and the dog was there, as he keeps saying I shouldn’t have her dog when she doesn’t look after the cats.
So she gets to the point where she asks me if I can have her. I say sorry no not this time. She asks why. So I explain. And it all kicks off. She’s not happy. She says my partner is a jerk and that she’s not a jerk, she was ill one time and working 80 hours the next (there have been at least 4 times she’s not bothered).
She says it bears no context to me looking after her dog.
I might be the jerk because realistically I could have had her dog and told my partner to mind his business, I might not be because I do think it has context and everyone in my life I’ve mentioned it to has immediately brought up how she doesn’t feed and water the cats.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already essentially adopted her cats, and she’s expecting a lot of you (or anyone, for that matter) to take care of this dog…poor thing and all. Water under the bridge now, but you didn’t have to explain your reasons for not taking the dog, and she was out of line to even ask that.
A simple “That’s not going to work for me” would have sufficed, and then just stick to that response no matter what else she says. Once you say why you can’t do it, it opens the door for people like this to start shooting down your rationale.” WelfordNelferd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is taking advantage of you. You’ve been incredibly accommodating with her pets, especially her dog who requires a lot of care. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries, especially when she hasn’t reciprocated in caring for your pets. You’re not being selfish by prioritizing your plans and relationship.” sensiblescarlet
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, and she very much is the jerk. She has a ton of pets and is not responsible enough to look after them. Her asking you to take care of her sick dog again after she refuses to look after your cat and hers at least 4 different times just because she’s too tired is ridiculous.
It doesn’t matter if it’s cats or dogs, pets are living beings that rely on you to look after them and you’re responsible for them until death. Dropping the ball on these animals is unacceptable. You are not the jerk.” rxifle
19. AITJ For Starting Dinner While My Partner Was Busy And Leaving After He Complained?
“So I started seeing a guy about six weeks ago.
Our schedules are opposite of each other so we have been spending the weekends together. This past Saturday I got off work at seven. I went and bought everything needed to make homemade tacos, salsa, and chips and stuff to make breakfast the following morning.
I get to his apartment and he comes down to help take everything up to his floor. He told me on the way up that the maintenance man was there to fix something. Cool. Right? Wrong! So they’re talking about football and I started to cook dinner.
The maintenance guy is there, long enough for me to make the hamburger for tacos, and then he leaves. I asked for the strainer for the hamburger meat. He stands up off the couch and says “I hate that you’re being pushy.” I was like what are you talking about?
He said I came in and started making dinner and didn’t give him any attention right away. I told him he was talking to the maintenance guy and that I figured I would get started because I had worked eight hours and was starving because I hadn’t eaten all day.
So I go and sit down. I’m crying at this point.
Then he handed me the remote as I was sitting on the couch and said here change the channel since you don’t like MMA. Then he said let me turn down my music since you don’t like it loud.
I said this is your house you can do whatever. He blares his music on the fourth floor of his apartment building and I KNOW that people all around him can hear it. You can’t even hear the TV over the music. You can’t even think straight cause it’s so loud.
I just said he should turn it down some. And I don’t like fighting/MMA cause I have dealt with mistreatment my whole life.
So I asked him if he wanted me to leave cause he just kept complaining. I thought I was doing something nice and making dinner.
He said no. But then he proceeds to keep ranting at me. I got up and told him to enjoy his dinner and breakfast. I put my shoes on and left.
AITJ for getting dinner started while they talked? AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to go back twice and confirm that you said you were only six weeks into this relationship. Break up now. You have a history of mistreatment so you may not have a clear idea of how healthy relationships look. This is not it.
You were doing something nice, you acted appropriately by starting on food, and he gave you a hard time for no reason.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but with your history of mistreatment, haven’t you noticed the red flags flying? He was upset because you didn’t pay proper homage to him when you walked in the door, and then doubled down with his verbal temper tantrum.
You’re only six weeks into this relationship – cut your losses now, before you’re in too deep and don’t know how/are unable to extricate yourself from this man.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to leave him. That behavior was unacceptable and purposely meant to hurt you.
I strongly urge you to seek therapy for the mistreatment in your life (I think everyone should do therapy because life is hard). You need good people in your corner, not people who belittle or berate you.” throwaways906
18. AITJ For Correcting My Half Siblings About Who My Real Father Is?
“My (16f) parents are divorced. I was 3 when their marriage ended. They share custody 50-50 of me still. For as long as I can remember Mom has always blamed Dad for it and said he was unfaithful.
My dad never said anything. He refuses to badmouth Mom. But I know he dislikes her. My grandma (dad’s mom) told me mom was the unfaithful one and she’s the one who even got pregnant with someone else’s child and had a medical procedure to try and conceal it, that dad had asked her directly and suddenly she was no longer pregnant (this was after me).
I can’t know the truth. But I lean more in favor of my dad.
The reason? My mom remarried when I was like 5 and she has tried so many times to push dad out and get her new husband in. She has lied to the kids she has with her husband and told them he’s our dad and when I go for a week, it’s to some “uncle” and I mistakenly think he’s my dad.
So I have half siblings who’ll refer to my mom’s husband as “our dad” and they’ll step in to correct me when I call him by his first name. I usually end up correcting them and around and around we go.
I dislike my mom’s husband.
I think he wants me to accept him and let him take over from Dad but he never stops to listen when I say I love my dad and it upsets me when they talk poorly about him. He always tells me I should have him instead of Dad at Father’s Day activities.
This was worse when I was younger and that stuff was more there. He’d always try to get me to go to Father/Daughter dances with them (including purity ones which eww). And he’d get annoyed when I’d say no. He’d tell me he puts so much work into me and I should return the effort.
My dad tried to get custody from the judge at my request, we were in court literally weeks ago, but the judge said I need to continue 50/50 until I’m 18 and if either parent attempts to prevent that then the other will get full custody of me.
So I’m stuck here and my half-siblings, the older they get, the more annoying they are about correcting me, and then I correct them too. I told them the other day that their dad isn’t my dad and I don’t even like their dad or love their dad.
My mom heard and she told me I needed to stop correcting them and they just love me so much they want me to be their full sister and I’m being a bully to them correcting them all the time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom is engaging in some toxic gaslighting here by refusing to tell your half-siblings the truth and by trying to prevent you from having a normal relationship with your father. She and her husband need to knock this off. You have a father and while mom’s husband has been helping raise you, you’re under no obligation to see him as a replacement for the father you still have.
I’m sorry that the courts didn’t see it your way but you’ve made it this far. Did any of this come up at the court hearing? Parental alienation is usually something judges strongly frown on. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even close to it.
“she told me I need to stop correcting them” Well, there’s one super duper easy way she can achieve that: Tell her kids the truth. Because honestly, while your half-siblings can’t help it, that’ll make you resent them as well because they keep trying to correct you based on what they think is the truth.” DutchDaddy85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Again the same old issue of remarried parents trying to move the new spouse into the house and start their pretend family drama over the existing kids. Your mother and her new husband are wrong and all you can do is correct the record and keep on correcting the record.
Eventually the younger kids, your half-siblings will catch a clue of the truth and stop pestering you. Be a rock here for your dad’s and your sakes.” PumpkinPowerful3292
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's New Guy To Stay Over?
“I (32M, gay) live with my roommate (30M, gay) in a two-bedroom apartment. Shortly before our lease started, he began seeing someone new.
That relationship didn’t last long due to some red flags in his then-partner’s behavior.
A few days ago, my roommate showed me some profiles of guys he matched with on some apps. I had encouraged him to get back on the apps, as he often struggles to move on from relationships.
He seemed open to the idea of taking things slow, which both I and his friends had advised.
Enter his latest match (29M). They hit it off quickly, spending an entire day FaceTiming. While I thought it was cute, I kept reminding my roommate to “pump the brakes.” The day after they first met (two nights ago), my roommate ended up spending the night at the guy’s place, even though he’d initially said he wouldn’t.
I reminded him the next day that he should stick to his convictions and mentioned it’s risky to stay overnight with someone you’ve just met.
That evening, I found out the guy was coming over to our place to watch football, which neither of us cared about.
The guy was loud and yelled at the TV, which isn’t something my roommate or I do, but I didn’t mind too much since I’ve experienced that with family members. My roommate was trying to shush him, so I appreciated that he was being considerate.
As the night wore on, I started getting the sense that this guy might spend the night. I texted my roommate, “He isn’t staying the night, is he?” but didn’t get an immediate response. Two hours later, I sent a confused emoji. My roommate replied, jokingly telling me to let it go and that they were “being good.” I responded that I wasn’t comfortable with a stranger spending the night, especially since they had just met.
His response was confusion, so I reiterated that I wouldn’t bring someone home for an overnight stay unless we both knew the person well. I figured the decision had already been made, so I locked my door and texted my roommate, “But you do you, goodnight.” I had a hard time falling asleep after that.
At 2 AM, my roommate texted saying the guy wouldn’t spend the night after all and they were heading to the guy’s place. I’m glad I voiced my discomfort, but AITJ for making it a big deal?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: it is fairly common for roommates to have romantic partners/one-night stands and spend the time without clearing it with their roommates.
Also, he isn’t your child, he can decide this without your input. You were completely overbearing.” Additional_Day949
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your reasoning was you don’t want strange guys you don’t know well to spend the night at your place because everyone deserves to be safe and comfortable in their home.
Slight YTJ if the reason is as it sounds and you just think your friend is moving too fast. Okay as a friend to offer an opinion, but then drop it. You’re both adults and you sound way too invested.” ImpressionAcademic
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Ex-Fiancé Didn't Love Her?
“I have a friend, let’s call her Tiffany, who has been seeing Brad for five years. Tiffany was absolutely in love with this man. Every time she spoke about him was always in high regard. Every time we were on the phone or at dinner there was always at least one point in the conversation she would bring him up.
I generally didn’t mind because in all regards their relationship seemed healthy and had no extreme red flags. Brad treated her very well, he was in therapy and paid for all their outings, and vacations.
Fast forward five years of seeing each other and he finally proposes.
Tiffany never suspected anything but decided to post on one of those “Are we seeing the same man” social media groups and that is when the truth comes out. Turns out Brad has FOUR different partners and allegedly had a wife in his home country of India.
Now, where he had all the time for this I have no idea but once Tiffany found out the truth she was devastated.
For three straight months after the breakup all she could talk about was Brad. You could come to her with a problem and she would still find a way to relate it to Brad.
For a long time, I patiently listened to her vent since she was grieving but at some point it got annoying.
The other day we were at dinner and she was again lamenting her broken relationship and going about how she couldn’t believe he would do all that and love her.
Now this may be where I am the jerk because I quite bluntly told her that Brad didn’t love her. I told her that there were at least two women who felt the same way about Brad and believed he loved them too.
I’m not a cynic and I don’t believe that every one who betrays their partner doesn’t love their partner but it’s circumstantial and in this circumstance, he didn’t respect her and one of the foundations of love is respect.
She called me mean and refused to listen to what I had to say and abruptly left the dinner. Now I agree that the way I said things was harsh because I was fed up with hearing Brad’s name in every conversation but I also believe that once she accepts that he didn’t love her it’ll be easier to move on.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean…. I think it’s reasonable to still be struggling 3 months after a breakup when your fiance, who you’ve been in a relationship with for 5 years, is betraying you with multiple women… Constantly hearing about it could be wearing thin on you, which is fair, I guess.
But maybe you should suggest she talk to a therapist to help her process this devastating turn of events in her life and find a way forward (when she’s ready).” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“I think you could suggest she gets herself into therapy if she is not already.
She sounds traumatized and rightfully so. It’s not your job though to listen to her looping and not thinking about how you are doing a lot of emotional labor beyond reasonable to ask of a friend. Say sorry for being harsh but stand your ground saying it’s too much to constantly talk about him.
She may have not wanted to hear it, but the truth is she needs to have some type of boundaries or time boxing herself in conversations” Ilurvehuskies
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s insane to me that you find it unreasonable for her to still be grieving a 5-year-long relationship after 3 months.
It’s gonna take time. I would say you could maybe have a gentle conversation with her after 6 months, but 3 months after finding out the person she thought was her life partner betrayed her repeatedly and was stringing her along, that’s all still really fresh.
15. AITJ For Outing My Brother's Affair At His Wedding?
“I (24F) and my brother (28M) have a mutual friend (25M) who we’ll call Jay, he has been my friend since Middle School and we all started hanging out during Junior year of high school.
Jay is a gay man and had a crush on my brother ever since they first met, my brother on the other hand was very vocal about being straight. 5 years ago he met his now ex-fiancé (27F) who we will call May. May is a sweet and stunning lady, and I don’t know how my brother bagged her, but I suppose miracles happen.
Their “wedding” was 4 days ago, and I still feel a little bad. A day before the wedding and Jay were hanging out and doing outfit prep, this he went to the bathroom, and while he was in the bathroom he got a text from my brother, I was curious so I checked it out, and that’s how I found out that for the past 2 years my brother has been having an affair with Jay!
(He proposed a year ago) It was late, and I didn’t know what to do, so I decided in the morning before the wedding I would confront my brother.
When I confronted him, he told me that he wasn’t going to break off his affair because he was straight, so it wasn’t being unfaithful.
I should also mention that he told Jay that he got permission from May to have their “intimate sessions”(this was a lie). My brother used Jay’s bad luck in finding partners and the fact he was crushing on him for his pleasure, and I couldn’t stand for it.
I was in shock. I wasn’t sure what to do, but when we were asked if there were any objections, I spoke up, I said that this couldn’t happen because my brother had been having an affair with Jay and that he lied to Jay about what it was, he even told Jay not to tell anyone because he wasn’t out yet, when in truth he was just toying with him!
After May and Jay both heard the truth they were distraught, May threw her ring and ran out of the wedding and Jay started crying.
Now I’m getting flooded with texts, some saying I’m a jerk, some saying it wasn’t the right time, some saying I did the right thing.
That’s not what I care about though. Jay is currently locked up in his apartment and won’t talk to anyone, except the occasional thank you text for me bringing him food. My brother is furious. The one positive is that May thanked me and we have plans to go out for brunch Sunday.
So, what do you think? I know I could’ve done some things better but I was overwhelmed and confused, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the timing. You could have stopped her before going into the church. This would have saved her the embarrassment.
NTJ for telling though” Adventurous-travel1
Another User Comments:
“I understand you were in a tough spot and acted out of a desire to protect your friend and ensure honesty. It’s a difficult situation with no easy answers, but you were trying to stand up for what you believe is right.” RadiantRebelz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did right by Mary and Jay to let them know. Mary deserved the truth before she got stuck with him in a marriage that would no doubt end in divorce. Jay deserved to know he was just being used. It would’ve been best if you could have talked to Jay and Mary before the wedding, but since you said that was no option during the wedding is better than after.” Meikeetc
14. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Hanging Out With My Ex's Nephews Now That He's Seeing Someone?
“I, 33 female, had a nasty breakup with my ex, 33 male. We met in high school and were together from ages 20-28. Long story short we broke up many times and among the reasons was infidelity. When we first started being together he was highly involved in his nephew’s lives.
They were 3 and 1 at the time, now 16 and 14. In 2022, my ex and I started hanging out as friends again. I know, bad idea.
This lasted about a year and ended with him leaving me alone at night while on a trip to Boston. We had a small disagreement and he walked off with room keys, subway passes, and credit cards.
I had a 10% battery on my phone and was able to hail an Uber to the hotel where I begged the front desk to give me access to the room. It’s been a year and a half and I still have no contact. His nephews lovingly refer to me as an aunt since they grew up very close to me.
I’ve taken them out several times throughout the past year. We avoid discussing their uncle and when we do it’s them that initiates it. I politely change the subject. Times they have discussed him, they say he’s let himself go, he’s a recluse and alone.
We had always discussed if he ever started seeing anyone my access to the kids would stop out of respect for his partner. Call me weird but I think it’s weird having an ex hang out with your family. So last week I noticed on social media a name keeps popping up in my recommended friends.
Curious I looked at the page and it’s his current partner who he’s been with for 5 months. He also hasn’t been a recluse. All the times I’ve taken them out have been because he was with her. Essentially he panned off his nephews on me because he was too busy.
Now I don’t care that he’s seeing someone. My feelings are long gone. My question is, do I discuss this with his nephews? Halloween is coming up and I know they like me taking them to the events. Am I wrong for no longer doing so?
Do I need to discuss this with him? I prefer no contact but if I need to set a boundary I will.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so you only kept in contact with the nephews to have access to your ex? Because that is what it sounds like.
The moment he was no longer single you drop them like a hot potato. Either you care about them and love them for who they are, or you only see them as an extension of your ex and don’t love them for their own sake.
The nephews lied about your ex being a recluse because they feared losing you. Guess you proved them right.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for continuing to develop a relationship with these boys knowing you’d one day stop it abruptly when your ex started seeing someone new.
I agree with you, it is weird having that ex still hanging with your family, but you should’ve cut that tie years ago. Instead, it seems you’ve carried a relationship with the nephews ultimately being a safe space for them, only to just cut them off with no warning.
I get you mean well, but you’re going about it wrong. Your ex sounds like a piece of work, and I understand if you want to be rid of all ties with him completely if that’s the case, that’s what you gotta do, but don’t do the back and forth with the nephews.” alleymind
Another User Comments:
“Girl…. Live your life. Why are you making life decisions based on this man? So are you going to cut his nephews out until he breaks up with his partner and then buddy up with them again after that? Those kids deserve way better than the little flip-flop game you want to play with them.
You say you’re over him but I can’t see any reason why you’d want to facilitate a relationship with him because let’s be honest, you’re still in his life. You’re using his nephews as an excuse. Cut ties with everyone, there are so many other people out there.
You’re giving his new relationship more courtesy than he ever gave yours. Be so for real….” CATTYBAG
13. AITJ For Wanting To Drift Apart From My Roommate Over Her Toxic Relationship?
“I (29f) have been living with my roommate (25f) since the beginning of 2024 and she’s been in the same situation for the past 2, going on 3, years.
And that’s legit all she constantly talks about. He (26m) keeps flipping on whether or not he wants to commit to her.
And it’s starting to drive me crazy. My roommate and I both live and work together, (I know that’s a mistake but we’re in too deep now) so I hear about their drama on the daily, during the commute, during our downtime at work, and then again when we get home.
I have asked for some boundaries and for her to please stop updating me, but if it’s not about him then we legit don’t talk. Which is tough because we were friends before they’d even met.
I have tried to be empathetic, and give her space to vent.
Sometimes I get overprotective of my friends, but I’m done being the one who picks up the pieces every time her partner does something horrible to her.
I’ve told her, begged, to leave this man, but she says “she’s not looking for advice.” While I know I have no idea what happens behind the curtain of their relationship, however, I reached a breaking point when he dumped her before her birthday, and she got so intoxicated she locked herself in her room and called him (basically bailing on the birthday party she hosted at our house.
Leaving me to entertain her other friends I don’t know.)
Now whenever he’s around I’ve started to get genuinely upset to the point of disgust. And it’s making me not want to be her friend anymore. Maybe I overstepped but I’ve asked my roommate to stop bringing him to our place for the sake of our friendship but she’s said this is her home too and it’s “not fair.”
The worst part of it all though, is that we have really thin walls that divide our bedrooms and I’ve had to use earplugs if I hear so much as a laugh.
AITJ if I let things fizzle between us until eventually we’re not friends?
Or should I ask her again, to keep him away from my peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by always listening to her ranting and you’ve communicated this to her, it is on her to hear you and respect you and find some other person to rant to if she needs it that badly.
If she is unable to see past her need to rant, she is not much of a friend, unfortunately.” GroundedHedgehog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but I agree you can’t just ask her to not have her partner over since she does live there and it’s not fair for you to police who she sees even if you do live together and it is annoying.
If it bothers you that much you always have the option to move out. There are some people out there who see their romantic relationships as more important than their friendships… do you want to be friends with someone like that? Sounds like if nothing else you two need space from each other.” Alarming_Setting_455
12. AITJ For Raising A Guide Dog Puppy Despite My Brother's Allergies?
“Recently, my parents agreed to raise a puppy with me for a guide dog organization.
If you’re unfamiliar, this means that we would take in a puppy, keep it for a year, and give it back. It would then train to be a guide dog at their facilities and hopefully become a guide dog.
For some context, my older brother “Kyle” just entered college as a freshman.
Kyle was very distant from me and our parents when he lived with us. Now, he attends an out-of-state college and hasn’t come home at all since he left in August. I still live with my parents and do my best to be helpful around the house.
The way our schedule has worked out recently means that we won’t get the pup until June. Kyle is also planning to come home for the summer at this point, and he will also be coming home around June.
My parents called my brother a few weeks ago and told him that we were going to be raising a puppy.
They had him on speaker phone and I was nearby, so I heard him go, “Ugh? Why?”
He texted me later asking if it was my idea, and I said yes. Kyle then said I shouldn’t have done it and that he didn’t want to “deal with” the puppy during his break from school.
I reminded him that he doesn’t live here anymore, it’s not his choice to make, and he will probably end up spending most of his time at work or friend’s houses. I also tried to explain to him that the puppy wouldn’t be his responsibility, as I would also be off from school and be able to watch the puppy full-time.
Kyle then said that since he’s allergic to dogs (he is, but his allergy isn’t deadly and can be mostly helped by Zyrtec) this was a really bad move. I explained that I and my parents talked about this a lot and were already doing the classes even though my dad is also allergic and that if he wanted things to change, it was a bit late.
He called me a bad sister and hasn’t talked to me since (though this isn’t unusual for him).
Now I can’t help but wonder, WIBTJ for raising a puppy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This might have been your idea to have the puppy but it wouldn’t be happening if your parents hadn’t agreed to it.
It’s your parent’s home and they not only agreed to it but are participating in the classes. Your brother doesn’t have to like the idea but it’s not up to him. He is taking his frustration out on you because likely your parents won’t tolerate him talking to them the way he is talking to you.
I love this program and think it’s a lovely thing to do. I have fostered dogs and it’s rewarding. It’s hard to let go of them when they go to their forever home but it’s worth it, and knowing you gave it a loving home before it goes to learn to help people will make it worthwhile.” Queasy-Sport-7234
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Uncle Who Constantly Complains And Blames Our Grandma?
“I (16F) yelled at my uncle (37M) a few months ago.
My uncle is an immature adult and he always has been. He complains about being lost in this world and not knowing anything about anything.
I’ll admit, he grew up with parents who were not so cultured or knew how the world works and that might’ve messed him up but so did my mother and my other uncle. He never failed to remind his parents (my grandparents) of their terrible jobs raising him and how he’s messed up and a lost cause because of it.
Since my grandpa passed away the heat was now all on my grandma. I won’t get into the nitty gritty details but after a messy divorce, he ended up living with his mom again and the complaints grew more frequent. How she set him up for failure, how she never supported him, how he was never guided to the right path, etc, etc. The complaints were valid at first but it slowly turned into an “I’m right.
You’re wrong” mentality where he won’t accept any pushback towards him. It started to annoy me. I’m a very non-confrontational person and usually keep my thoughts to myself. I have never talked back to adults or family members for that matter until now.
We (me, my mom, and him) finished up work and were walking around the city.
They got into a conversation that turned into him complaining that my grandma doesn’t contact her friends and how she’s a horrible friend for not reaching out once a week (I wish I was kidding). My mom fought back by telling him that he was worse for not even calling or texting his sister(her) while she was at her all-time low which got him rambling on how he was the best and how everyone was after him.
I snapped. Yelling at him to shut up which got him even more defensive saying how my mom started it first. I told him off saying that he started by attacking his mother and my mom just pointed out HIS own mistakes calling him out.
Something happened that made him angry and my mom told me to apologize which I did half-heartedly. We had an awkward ride home and I haven’t talked to him since. My grandma called me a few days later scolding me for talking back and told me to apologize to him again.
He complained to her about my behavior while conveniently forgetting to mention his faults. I told my grandma how it led up to that point but said I would apologize again which I still have not. My parents are on my side while my grandma is on his.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some families struggle with boundaries. Unfortunately, it sounds like you may be a part of one. They’re always taken aback when someone sets them, and that’s all you’ve done here. Stick with your mom, she needs all the help she can get, but she needs to have your back too.
That would also be a good conversation to have.” BottomfedBuddha
10. AITJ For Convincing My Parents To Let Me Inherit The Family Business Instead Of My Irresponsible Older Brother?
“I (26M) am the half-brother of “Jake” (29M), who has been considered the heir to our family business, avian breeders, for as long as I can remember. Our parents assumed that Jake would inherit it because he was the eldest. He’s grown up presuming this, and he currently works at the brewery full-time.
Here’s where things get complicated: While Jake is talented and has a good rapport with customers and the birds, he’s also been quite irresponsible in his personal life. He has a pattern of playing fast and loose with his health and finances, leading my parents to worry about his long-term ability to truly run the business.
Despite this, he’s never been irresponsible with the business itself, and it’s clear that he loves it.
As our parents have gotten older, I began to notice their concerns about Jake’s lifestyle becoming more pronounced. They started discussing their plans for transferring the business to him and whether he’d be able to manage it all.
After several family discussions, my parents admitted they were uncertain about Jake’s ability to sustain the business in the long run due to his other issues.
During one of those conversations, I suggested that maybe I could take on more responsibility and learn the business, to make it a smoother transition for Jake and the company.
My parents seemed to warm up to this idea, particularly since I’ve taken part in significant projects at the brewery, albeit part-time.
Over the next few months, I spoke to my parents more about how my vision for the breeders could help it grow and suggested implementing some changes that I felt could attract a broader audience.
I think they found my energy refreshing, and finally, I managed to convince them to seriously consider passing the business on to me instead of Jake.
When I shared the news with Jake, he was devastated. He feels that he deserves the business since he’s dedicated his life to it and has been led to believe it would be his.
He believes I’ve stepped in as a backstabber and that my parents are enabling me instead of trusting him. He argued pretty calmly – I think he was stunned – and then left. I haven’t seen much of him for a week, but he’s stopped partying and being dressy and flashy.
It broke my heart to see him so crushed, as he’s genuinely passionate about the breeder – for all his many faults, he’s been dedicated towards it. It’s the one thing he’s responsible for. Also, while it’s from our father’s family, his mother helped run it and there are her touches all over it.
My parents seem to be on my side, but I can’t help but feel bad for Jake. I didn’t start this to hurt him, but I believe it’s what’s best for the business’s future.”
Another User Comments:
“You convinced your parents to overturn Jake’s entire life plan, which he had been working on for a long time. And you did it sneakily; it’s not as if you and he had been in open competition for as long as you were able to compete. Moreover, you do not indicate that the business means nearly as much to you as it does to him. He will probably see you as ruining his life for no good reason, and he will be right.
YTJ (It may be worth noting here that, in my view, AITJ is not a forum about law or policy. I am not saying, nor am I by this disclaimer denying, that OP did anything that is or ought to be illegal.)” philautos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ So you decided to pull the rug out from under your brother. Your parents decide instead of doing something more fair it can only be one sibling or the other, pitting you two against each other. It sounds like he spent a lot of time working on this.
You admit as much as yourself. Frankly, you’d all be dead to me. What a terrible thing for parents and a sibling to do. If you cared you wouldn’t be doing this, you wouldn’t just casually go with everything your parents want to do, you’d try harder to make sure your sibling is being treated fairly.
You just make excuses. You need to fess up, it’s possible, you just don’t want to. ” Vapin-All-Day
9. AITJ For Leaving My Friend At Her Apartment Complex Without Ensuring She Got Inside Safely?
“My friend (23F) and I (24F) made plans to go to a small convention this past weekend. I picked up my partner and then drove us over to my friend’s (we’ll call her Hannah) apartment complex which is about 10 minutes from the convention center.
We decided to Uber there since parking would be more expensive. When I saw Hannah she was clearly under the influence and she admitted she had chugged a large beer earlier.
For backstory, Hannah admits she is a heavy drinker and cannot handle being sober.
The day earlier she said she’s been good about not drinking lately and doesn’t even want to get super inebriated anymore, so I trusted that she could handle herself.
We head over to the convention center but stop at a restaurant to get some food before going in.
Hannah had two IPA beers at the restaurant, but she did not seem inebriated so I was not very worried. We then head into the convention and of course, there’s a bar there… Hannah then heads straight to it to grab a white claw and gets upset at me for not wanting to drink one with her.
Later on, she goes back to get another and the bartender gives her a free shot. Towards the end of our time there, she wanders off again and then comes back (no white claw in hand) but admits the bartender just gave her 3 more free shots.
I’m honestly so over it at this point because she is very inebriated and calling me a dumb jerk for not drinking with her. She’s also constantly accusing me of having her phone and wallet even though they were both in her hand. We leave the building and call an Uber.
We all get in and Hannah starts yelling at me and the Uber driver that we are going the wrong way (we were going the right way) and saying incoherent sentences. The Uber driver starts asking her to be quiet and that she is scared, almost kicking us out.
I beg Hannah to be quiet and she gets so defensive and acts like I am belittling her for asking her to calm down. We get dropped off at her complex and Hannah is continuing to yell at me and calling me a dumb jerk for having her phone (while it is in her hand) I just head to my car and leave with my partner.
The entrance to her lobby was right next to us and the guy at the front desk could see her through the glass doors if she needed any help getting in.
AITJ for letting my friend get so inebriated and then leaving her without making sure she made it up to her apartment safely?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had many experiences with inebriated people. Family and friends. When people get that inebriated, they lose their sense of self. But often booze can bring out their true thoughts. So it’s possible that if she was calling you such nasty things, she may think them when she is sober.
She is your friend who is 23… a grown woman. She doesn’t need a babysitter. Especially not with the way she was talking to you. Yes, it was likely the booze, but still not okay. The question, what did your partner say/ do about the things she was saying/ doing to you?” redskys2024
8. AITJ For Considering Sending My Pregnant Sister Back To Our Abusive Father?
“For most of my (M28) life, it’s always just been me taking care of my sister, Lyla (F18). Our dad, Will, was always useless and mean, and after our mam died when I was 17, I got us out of there. We’re closer than any other siblings I know, more like father and daughter.
I’ve always done everything I could to keep our kid safe and give her a better life than what I had. Recently, it’s felt like I’ve been losing her.
She’s always had a mouth on her but recently she’s been a nightmare to handle. She’s turned our flat into some chaotic Indie student’s bar, where people overall hours drinking and smoking, blasting music.
Half the time I’m kicking out lads I’ve never seen before and telling them to leave back to their mum’s. I’m busting my butt on building sites all day and she acts like I’m the enemy for not indulging her in it. Her partner, Damon (M20), is properly filling her head with fantasies that she can’t afford and acting like he’s God’s enlightened messenger because he’s read half a book once and goes to some posh arts uni, he’s treating my Lyla like she was some kind of inspired muse for his kitchen sink student film.
Last week our kid told me she’s pregnant, she said it in her normal defiant way, but I know she’s scared, I’ve heard her crying at night, she looks at me with these blank stares as though she was a thousand miles away. Damon’s filled her head with this fantasy that they’re going to live this bohemian, artsy life with their baby in some squalid flat and she’s buying it.
I know his type, he’s just playing house before he goes back home to mummy and daddy in London and forgets all about Lyla and the baby.
My partner, Rose (F30) isn’t Lyla’s biggest fan and she’s been patronizing to her since she found out about the pregnancy, like telling her that “not everyone’s cut out to be a parent, are they, love?”.
She’s been telling me that our relationship is unhealthy because I’m practically her dad and suggested sending her back to our actual dad.
That’s been stuck in my head since, I’ve got this deep love for Lyla, she’s been my little shadow. It’s like we’re two halves of the same person, but I’ve tried being her mate, her big brother, and her dad but it’s not working anymore.
I hate the idea of Lyla living with our dad, but maybe it’d give her a taste of real life and our dad has always adored her, it’d get her away from all this, but when I mentioned it to Lyla, she rolled her eyes and told me that I’m no better than him.
At the same time, I can’t let her act like she’s invincible because I know where that leads, I’ve been through it myself.”
Another User Comments:
“Lyla is your child. You’re a young dad who is not equipped for the teen dilemma at the moment.
She is afraid, even before she gets pregnant. She’s like thinking she is going to be abandoned by you as well. She is going to have to do a crazy amount of growing up, but don’t blow up everything you have done for her by emotionally abandoning her.
Lyla also needs a real attitude adjustment, which the current situation is going to knock her in the teeth. Don’t give her a reason to continue the defiance due to her pride. On a separate note, Rose was born without compassion. You can do better.” Ok_Routine9099
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Ladies and gentlemen the Northern Englishman in all his glory, strong and caring, practical and loyal. Look, you can only do what you can do, she’s 18, and you can chuck her out possibly, but you can’t really ‘send’ her anywhere. Take her out for a walk somewhere you can talk and ask her what the plan is because you’re starting to panic.
It may be that they can rely on a certain amount of support from his parents, so I’d want to know what their stance is and preferably meet them, that might help calm your fears of him heading back to London. On that front, by the way, I live about 30 minutes on the train outside London and I’m about to move up by the Humber because the rent is half.
Unless his parents are super rich and are buying them a place in the suburbs I’d bet like most of my friends they stay near where he went to uni, which I’m gonna guess is Manchester LOL” Ebechops.
Another User Comments:
“Without either of your partners, I would sit down and have a real, proper talk with Lyla with the condition that if she walks away while you’re talking she’s going back to your Dad.
Ask her what happens when the baby arrives, and who’s paying the bills. What if her partner walks away (like you suspect he will)? Talk and get to the bottom of what’s going on, not avoid the tough conversations because it doesn’t sound like you’ve been particularly good at setting boundaries to avoid being like your father.
Just in case you’re wondering, setting boundaries with someone taking advantage does not make you like him at all.” Blobfish_Blues
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Friend Gas Money When He Uses My Utilities?
“I’m 18, all my friends are 18. I’m the only one out of my friends to have my place. I live in a cute, 2 bedroom townhouse with my baby while my friends still live with their parents.
My closest friend, I’ll call him N, is over a lot.
He’s over basically every day just to hang out, and he’ll occasionally spend a night over. He uses my hot water, eats my food, etc. I charge him nothing because he’s my best friend.
He likes to go out – shopping, and coffee, and drives to the next town over for no reason.
I always say I’m happy to drive myself but he insists on driving all 3 of us because he likes listening to music together etc. (I don’t drive him because I don’t have my full license yet)
When the drive is longer than 10ish minutes, he expects me to pay him for gas.
I have an app where you put in your car make and model, the cost of gas, and the distance you’re driving and it calculates exactly how much it costs. He expects me to pay half of it.
The other day we went for a trip to a faraway town to visit a bookshop, it was an hour one way.
I didn’t want to go but he insisted. The trip used a lot of his gas, he made me put the trip into the calculator and calculated that I should be paying him back $15 – $20 of gas for the trip. He said I could just buy him lunch instead (which ended up costing more!)
This is crazy, right?? I feel like I’m not in the wrong here. I open my home to him, and he’s always over, eating my food, and using my utilities and he expects me to pay for gas? I know it’s expensive but $15 of gas compared to my $500 weekly rent + $50 weekly bills?
I genuinely just don’t believe I should have to pay him anything. It upsets me, that I don’t send him an invoice when he takes a 20 min hot shower at my place. I feel like this should be a mutual agreement, he stays at my house and I don’t pay for gas when he drives me around.
What does everyone think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…But have you talked with him and said everything you said to us? How, when he comes over, what he uses, and what it costs you? Yet he demands you pay for his gas? When he uses the one that insists you tag along?
(Which by the way, he is not doing for your company. He wants you to pay for gas). I would tell my friend, “Sorry, we cannot hang out. Nope, I do not want to tag along. I cannot afford a friend like you”. He is using you to be the adult he cannot be on his own.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, have this conversation with him. Don’t bombard him with a list of things he owes you as that will spiral into an argument quickly and will just put him on the defensive. Just be reasonable and tell him that the general cost of the things he’s using in your house outweighs the costs of gas so it would be nice if you could come to a mutual agreement where you don’t own anything to each other.
If he doesn’t understand that then he’s a big jerk and maybe you should start invoicing him. Let me be clear though, that path ends in the dissolution of the friendship.” NoMarsupial159
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds to me like he’s inviting you for these drives just so he can recoup some of his gas and make it cheaper.
Especially when you don’t want to make a particular trip but he ‘insists’. I would simply stop going for drives with him and also have a conversation with him about how he uses your utilities and space for no extra cost, and yet expects you to pay for stuff you don’t even want.” Ldowd096
6. AITJ For Selling A Vehicle With A Rebuilt Title And Only Informing The Buyer Last Minute?
“I feel like a piece of junk. I sold a vehicle with a rebuilt title. I didn’t put that in the ad, but I informed the buyer when he started loading the Jeep on the trailer BEFORE he signed the title.
The whole time from the beginning inquiry to the end of the transaction was maybe 3 hours.
They looked the Jeep over and decided it was worth it. It was a 1989 Jeep YJ, largely rust-free, running, driving, for 3500. I live about 30 min away from the Georgia border, and so did the buyer.
I didn’t know he was titling the Jeep in another state, but I guess I kind of figured since he was coming from there, I thought maybe he was just passing through since he was already driving when he called. I never had a problem with the rebuilt title in mine, especially considering it’s a very old vehicle with many owners, comes with the territory, and the last owner did not inform me.
Now in the used car world, especially in rural North FL, what you see is what you get. You go to Bubba’s property, look at his truck, and he’s going to stand silent with arms crossed across his gut, and he’s not going to divulge more than you ask about.
I’ve been taken advantage of in the past buying and selling used vehicles and Southern niceness and feigned ignorance before, but now I overcompensated.
After being informed, they talked of an inspection process they’ll have to deal with, and I looked it up later and it seems Georgia does a safety inspection.
The Jeep would need a horn button to pass and replace a couple of bulbs at least. That’s the part that makes me feel bad.
The only thing that makes me feel better is I didn’t think it was a big deal, they loaded the Jeep fast, I sold it at a loss and below market value, and I did very clearly point at the title where it shows rebuilt.
I even bought a Carfax as penance, and the Jeep has been registered in Georgia since being rebuilt in 1990. Jeeps always, always need work, and you can bet you’ll lose time and money to everyone you buy.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely a jerk. A rebuild severely lowers the value and can be very hard to insure by some insurance companies.
You are hiding important details about the vehicle which is lying.” Gixxer_King
Another User Comments:
“Hard, hard YTJ. A salvage title can dramatically reduce the resale value of a car and you should have mentioned it both in your ad/listing and a 1-on-1 conversation or message as soon as possible.
This may not have been your intent, but you did exactly what dishonest salvage car dealers do: you created a sunk cost (the buyer’s time) which makes them more likely to go along with a deal they otherwise would reject. In this case, it seems like the buyer doesn’t mind so no harm was done but you lucked out on that.
They have every right to be upset.” Dr_Brapp
5. AITJ For Asking Neighbors To Stop Cutting Across My Lawn And Disrupting My Dog?
“I live in a friendly community-driven small neighborhood. A couple of houses on my side of the street have steep driveways but are manageable.
Over the years my neighbor (let’s call them “Cindy”) and their good friend “Rob” have had the habit of crossing over my lawn right by my house steps (instead of walking up their driveway and across) when going over each other’s houses (my home is sandwiched between them both).
It’s not great and it does feel invasive as I now have seen through my ring camera multiple times of their walking past AND looking towards my home. I’ve tolerated it…when I’ve been given a heads up and genuinely I am trying to be an understanding neighbor.
However, I noticed when I have left on vacation (which sometimes I share in passing) that their walking over my grass exponentially increases and they don’t say anything. Lately, even when I am home they are doing the same and walk across with their dogs.
Here’s the thing: I have a dog and since working remotely now more than I used to, my dog is very protective. So now when they walk over it sets my dog off barking which has disrupted several work calls and meetings. I’m able to calm my pup down.
I finally drew the line this past week. My partner and child were quite sick and at 8 am. Saturday my neighbor decides to walk across, Cindy sees my dog barking and continues to walk across.
At that point, I sent a kind but to-the-point text (I even asked how they were as a general check-in).
I explained the situation that having them cut across with my dog barking is tough and that it woke my partner and kid up who are sick and trying to get better.
I never got a response back nor an apology even though they have seen me a few times while running errands etc. Now I’m second-guessing what things they might be telling our other neighbors and potentially creating misguided bad blood.
And yes Cindy is the type of person that knows and tells everyone’s business. I’m just surprised they haven’t said anything, though realize it might be saying more about them than me.
AITJ for asking neighbors to respect my property and help keep my dog calm?!!!
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone cutting across your lawn for any reason makes them a jerk, particularly here where they are just too lazy to walk down to the sidewalk and don’t seem to care about your pleas.
Start downloading and saving all the Ring videos you have of them cutting across your lawn so you have enough for a good montage down the road. Put up some yard ornaments, heavy planters, or other obstacles that disincentivize their use of this route. if they keep doing it, have an attorney send them cease and desist letters threatening to sue them for trespass and property destruction.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ These people are rude and entitled. If the behavior doesn’t stop, post your ring videos on the Nextdoor app. Also, put up signs saying no trespassing in case you have problems in the future, it will serve you well to have some documentation.
These people are not your friends, just jerk neighbors. Life is too short to worry about what the neighbors are saying.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My son crossed our neighbor’s yard to visit a friend as the neighbor was putting their Rottweiler on the leash.
The dog got free and chased my son. He wasn’t hurt but he was scared. The neighbor came over apologizing and I told her she did nothing wrong. Then I told my son he was trespassing by crossing their yard. No one has a right to cross your property.
Unfortunately, you may need to put up a fence if they continue, unless you want to involve the police. But that could make for even more difficult issues with your neighbors.” CaffeinMom
4. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Trip To Care For My Anxious And Sick Wife?
“My (27M) wife (28F) has always had a major problem being home alone for any amount of time.
She deals with a lot of anxiety. I try to be patient and accommodating to it as I get that living with anxiety can be very difficult, so I’m curious if I was in the wrong here.
I had a long weekend trip to see 2 of my friends that I have been close with for a very long time.
The trip was a Thursday-Sunday, so 3 nights, 4 days. My wife started getting a little bit unwell a few days leading up to it, having a low-grade fever right around 100F, so I told her we would monitor it. The day before she got more unwell so I got her a bunch of medicine/liquids/snacks and everything she might need, but she wanted me to cancel my trip to take care of her.
I did look at options to see if could reschedule to some other time, but the airline wouldn’t let me do that. So I decided to go on my trip and if my wife needed me to come home I would.
Anyway on Friday, she was saying how I needed to come home to take care of her.
I did take a look if I could change flights to the next day (Saturday) but once again I couldn’t. I thought the original time was just because I had already checked in, but it turned out to be the type of ticket I owned
My wife kept saying I needed to come home to take care of her. At this point, I would be flying home on Saturday instead of the original Sunday, and it would be $350. Now I’m self-aware enough here to admit that I didn’t want to fly home early regardless of course, but paying that much to fly a single day early to take care of her seemed ridiculous.
At the same time, it felt like her anxiety was driving so much of it due to how she was communicating with me about it (For example saying she was scared of being unwell while home alone)
It has turned into a whole thing where I feel that the requests were unreasonable, and she feels like I abandoned her while she was unwell.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Is she seeking treatment for her anxiety? I’m assuming she is just asking you to never leave her alone instead. Is this just like a basic upper respiratory infection and she has no risk factors that could make this serious?
I’m assuming she isn’t going to get dehydrated and has a near-zero risk of ending up in the hospital. Has this kind of thing happened before? Where she restricts your ability to leave because of her anxiety? Do you comply, and end up never getting out?
I’m assuming you are very accommodating. Saying this, it sounds like she’s not taking care of herself and asking you to pick up the burden, so she’s a jerk and you’re… NTJ.” ThrowFarAway9988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you don’t need to stay home and take care of her because she has a fever.
Yes, getting unwell sucks but if she has everything she needs, there’s not much you being there can do. If she was unwell then it would be different but a fever isn’t enough reason. Not to mention the fact that most grown-up people with a fever can just take care of themselves.
Maybe that’s selfish but idk that’s what I do.” Senior-Sleep7090
3. AITJ For Taking Over Planning Of My Friend's Bachelorette Trip?
“A few weeks ago I was added to a bachelorette group chat.
The bride is one of my partner’s closest friends, who I have also become close with over the years. She decided not to have a traditional bridal party (her brother will be her MOH, and there won’t be any bridesmaids), she just wants a bachelorette weekend away with a group of 10-15 girls.
She asked her best friend to organize the whole thing.
Over the first few weeks this girl never asked who would be able to come, never specified exact dates, and only sent screenshots of a handful of emails from houses/villas that rejected her (either due to no availability / not wanting to host the beach party).
I was starting to stress out about this, because we were about 8 weeks out at this point, and essentially had nothing planned.
At this point, she texted the group asking for help. She said that she couldn’t find a place for us to stay and that we may need to cancel/reschedule.
I love planning trips and am a very type-A person, so I decided to jump in. I went a little crazy and created a spreadsheet with 8 prospective hotels/villas/glamping sites (all at different locations and budgets, as this was not discussed prior), I also confirmed who would be able to join us.
I created a poll and asked all the girls to vote for their favorite places (I asked the planner if
this was okay at first, she said it was).
I confirmed with the bride what her preferences were (without spoiling) and booked the favorite (with free cancellation, just in case).
I (and most of the girls) thought that we were set. Everyone seemed to agree.
Unfortunately, at this point, the planner started intervening. She had some sort of problem with my ideas/actions, but wouldn’t address it directly.
She suddenly said that we should book another place (that got very few votes), which was only free for one night at this point – and shorten the trip.
Nobody said anything to this, so I politely told her that the bride wanted to spend the whole weekend with us, and I didn’t think it was a great idea to drive 4 hours on a Friday just to check out on Saturday at noon and drive right back home.
She then started sending places that were ugly / not the bride’s style, extremely expensive, or an 8-9h drive away from where we live. She even asked the bride to change the dates of the bachelorette. Everyone is trying to be polite so they are not responding to her, so I’m left being the bad guy and turning down all of these ideas.
I feel like a jerk for constantly criticizing her ideas, I also feel like she may be annoyed that I “took over her job” (even though she asked for it)… but if I don’t do it nobody will and I’m worried that we will not be going on a beach trip at all.
Am I out of line?
AITJ for taking over planning my friend’s bachelorette trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ wasn’t doing the job well, and +1 for asking her if you could help before doing your spreadsheet. It sucks that everyone else has clammed up and it’s up to you to address her current changes to the plans.
I think you need reinforcements before doing too much more as it feels like she isn’t handling things well. Talk to this woman and explain your concerns. Maybe let the bride know. I think the next person to confront her should be someone beside you or she (the friend who was tasked with the planning) will blame it all on you when it doesn’t go well.” Pac_Eddy
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ it was not your job to take over planning. If the others were freaking out like you about how badly the planning was going, the bride should have been informed so that she could deal with it.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You and the bride are jerks. So the bride asked someone to plan, and you went behind her back to plan something else, and are not even telling her the facts. “I feel like a jerk” .. you are. Things will come to a confrontation at the bach trip or the wedding -and it will be YOUR fault.” Excellent-Count4009
2. AITJ For Wanting To Discuss My Son's Partner's Mother's Behavior With Him?
“I (59f) met my son’s (28m) partner’s (21f) mother (whom I believe is only 40) for the first time at the hospital when my granddaughter was born.
My son had been seeing his partner for only six months when she got pregnant, so they’ve been together for about fifteen or sixteen months in total. She moved in with him when she was only a few months along.
She gave birth a few days ago. In the hospital, I met her mother for the first time. Previously, I didn’t know much about her, only that my son’s partner was the second of five children, and that she and her older sister have a different father from the younger three.
The partner’s mother showed up at the hospital in pajama pants, a crop top, and some shoes that looked like slippers. It looked like she hadn’t even bothered to shower or get ready. We were waiting in the hallway until my son and her daughter were ready for visitors.
I tried to make conversation with her. I mentioned how much I’ve come to know and love her daughter and was glad to finally meet her. She said she liked my son and was glad that her daughter had found someone with a good job who would be a good father to her grandchild.
My son is college-educated and has a well-paying job. However, the way she said it rubbed me the wrong way because it seemed like that was the only thing she cared about—not that my son is polite, kind, hardworking, and treats others with respect.
I feel like if I were to judge her daughter just based on her job and/or education, she wouldn’t be that impressive. But I’m not like that because I find her to be a very nice girl.
After some awkward small talk, with her mother mostly giving one-word answers and eyes glued to her phone, a nurse came out and mentioned that they were ready for visitors.
The partner’s mother jumped up and rushed in, taking the only empty chair available when I had a bad hip and walked with a cane.
She held the baby first, and when it was my turn, she and the partner were talking, acting as if I wasn’t even there.
Her mother was joking around, being a bit inappropriate and immature, and it felt unsettling. After about forty-five minutes, I left. I found out later that her mother stayed an additional hour before leaving to let the baby bond with my son and his partner.
It’s been a few days, and I’m still rubbed the wrong way. I just found the partner’s mother rude, immature, and maybe not the best influence. I want to talk to my son about my feelings and just get a feel for how he truly feels about his partner’s mother.
He is non-confrontational, will go with the flow, and not say anything or set any real boundaries if he’s uncomfortable. He will open up if I ask him. I just want him to be careful and also want to be sensitive because I don’t want to offend his partner.
Would I be the jerk if I bring up my feelings about his partner’s mother to him and see if he feels the same way?”
Another User Comments:
“Bring up what? You’re not in a relationship with this woman and neither is your son. He’s in a relationship with her daughter.
So you don’t think your son’s partner’s mother is refined enough for you. Who cares? Your son has known her for the duration of his relationship with his partner and is unbothered You would be the jerk Nothing good will come of it. You’ll just be estranged from his partner and probably see less of your grandchild.
Unless it’s your end game to be alienated from their new little family, mind your own business.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk Why are your feelings about this woman important? Who asked you to be friends? You two didn’t connect. That’s okay.
She rubbed you the wrong way, and that’s okay too. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is. What’s going on in their lives isn’t about either of the grandmothers, it’s about becoming parents together. What exactly, do you think you will achieve?
Other than stirring up drama and adding stress to the early weeks of a huge life transition.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. So let me get this straight. Your complaints are: 1.) She didn’t dress up when her daughter gave birth 2.) She praised your son in a pretty standard way but it wasn’t exhaustive enough for your liking 3.) She held her grandchild and talked to her daughter.
Why on earth would you trouble your son, who should be focused on the joy and struggle of being a new father, with such petty non-issues? Just…move on and live your life.” United-Signature-414
1. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Store After My Mom Lied About Her Shopping List?
“So my mother (47) and I (15m) agreed on Friday to go out.
This was the specific schedule: We stopped off for her doctor’s appointment, got fuel, and then went to 2 shops. The first shop was just for a couple of things I wanted, the 2nd shop was for 3 things I wanted, and she said she would get “2 other things”.
I hate shopping trips so I clarified that her items will only be 2 or 3 and that they will take about 10 minutes to get. She agreed.
Friday comes, it is all going smoothly and we even get a nice lunch. Then the shopping. From the first shop, a small Asian shop, I got the stuff I wanted, but I was in a bad mood afterward because my mum yelled at me in the middle of the shop for putting the food into the bag inefficiently.
So we went to the huge supermarket, and my mum was getting the “2-3” things she needed, while I went to search for my items. I could only find one of them, but she said after she got her items in 5 mins she would come and help me find them, and we set a point to meet in 5 mins.
Well, she wasn’t there, and I spent 20 minutes walking up and down the shop trying to find her, and she had a full cart of stuff, nowhere near the original section we had agreed on. She said, “Give me 5 more mins then we can get your items”.
By that point, I had enough, so I just walked out of the shop to sit on the outside benches. She threatened to not buy my items but I just said go ahead.
I waited outside for literally 40 minutes, and she came out with the cart full.
She was furious with me and when we got in the car before she could yell I asked her why she would lie to me, and she acted like she didn’t at first, but eventually said quote “It doesn’t matter whether I said 2 items or 200 items” so just admitting she lied. I stayed completely silent and recorded her yelling on my phone.
She started calling me ungrateful and said I should have “Asked her to sit down and do all the shopping for her”, then she started insulting me and saying I’m an idiot, fat, and a “horrible child.” She then says I ruined her evening and when we got home said something along the lines of (again, this doesn’t translate well) “Our relationship has ended for today, don’t talk to me”.
Well, I’m at my dad’s for the weekend and I seriously think she is in the wrong, so I’m thinking of saying that quote back to her, minus the today, next time she speaks to me until she apologizes. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Are your dad and mom separated?
Because I see why. I have half a mind to call this post a joke but that would be insulting. Are you kidding me? Did she get angry at you for wearing a bag inefficiently? What are you a foot soldier? Where are you going to war?
I am so dumbfounded at why she is so angry at you. NTJ, Your mom is being toxic and is now trying to guilt-trip you with that last line. That said you guys time things way too much I won’t judge for that but I get the feeling that you guys don’t want to spend much time with each other on how the shopping for only 2 items and planning the thing went but that’s not the issue here.
Your mom overreacted for no good reason and she did lie. That recording you have, show it to your dad that will tell him and others how she treats you when alone.” Turbulent_Problem500
