People Want A Ruling On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Missing My Sister's Graduation?
“My little sister (17) and I (22) have been best friends my entire life. I love her more than anyone and would protect her with my dying breath. In 2020, her high school graduation had the potential to be held somewhere indoors where she only got a limited number of tickets.
I BEGGED for one but she told me I was being selfish, and that she wanted my parents and other siblings to go. I was heartbroken. I begged for over an hour and even texted her friends to see if anyone had extra tickets. However, at the time, I thought that graduation was definitely happening indoors because of the way she spoke about the tickets.
After a week or two, I accepted defeat and decided that I would just go to class that day (I originally planned to skip for her) since I couldn’t go anyway. Here’s where it gets messy. My little sister had originally told me it would suck if I missed her graduation for class, but she understood— then she told me I wasn’t getting a ticket, so I decided to go to class anyway.
WELL— My class ended up being canceled so my partner and I decided to go on a trip, since we’ve been working SO hard and needed the break for our mental health, and I had nothing to do since I had to miss her graduation (I thought, with the ticket situation).
So my SO and I paid for our trip in full and headed off. My little sister is now livid at me. She says graduation ended up being held outside and everyone was invited, and I should have thought of her before booking my trip.
I told her I’d cancel it if I hadn’t already paid – and even offered to and she says I’m being ridiculous and that I’m inconsiderate. I pointed out she wasn’t even going to give me a ticket originally anyway— she argues that that was only if it was held inside.
Now she and my family hate me, think I’m a terrible sibling, and won’t speak to me. I’ve apologized 100 times and still nothing. This trip was paid for and important to me and my partner and our mental health, but should I have canceled it?
Am I the jerk?
EDIT: She says now that the ticket thing was a misunderstanding, and when the venue changed, they allowed more people (when the venue was indoors tickets were limited) and she wanted and expected me there. She said she wanted me there either way, but wasn’t possible when she only had a certain number of tickets.
She hasn’t spoken to me since and has turned all of my friends and family against me. Whenever I post about the trip they all message me to delete it and to stop rubbing it in. It sucks but honestly, I may deserve it because I did miss my little sister’s one and only HS Graduation.
(I did offer to celebrate with her afterward – she wasn’t interested.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But everybody is a bit ’emotionally weird’ here…? Is that a thing? Best way I can describe it.
Not sure why you spent an hour begging to attend an event to support someone who didn’t put you on the shortlist to attend.
I completely get disappointment, but to beg ‘let me celebrate you’ is a bit… odd.
Very nice of you to book time away. Once the situation changed to outdoor I completely understand how your sister would be disappointed you couldn’t attend. But again, to flip out (family included) when the response should have been ‘sorry you made completely reasonable alternative plans, that sucks’, that response is a bit… odd
And then it’s been turned around so much that you have offered to cancel, apologized for being snubbed, and then are still being slighted?
Definitely NTJ but everybody needs to do a bit of growing up.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“She might be YOUR best friend but you are not her best friend.
You aren’t even a favored sibling. I say this bc if you were, you’d have been at the top of that ‘it’s non-negotiable they get a ticket’ list. Then, she called you selfish for wanting to celebrate HER accomplishment and being disappointed that you were being left out (but not mom, dad, and OTHER SIBLINGS).
- why did they make the list and you didn’t?
- why is being sad at being excluded wrong?
THEN! THEN! Your brat of a sister expected you to PINE after an invite by literally making no other plans and essentially waiting by the phone for a call about a venue change THAT SHE NEVER BOTHERED TO CLARIFY OR TELL YOU ABOUT BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T IMPORTANT ENOUGH (for her).
Are you a mind reader? An administrator at this school with inside knowledge? Was there a memo or post-it about an open invite if the venue changed? NO there wasn’t (at least that you mentioned).
And finally, the cherry on brat sister’s cake is that she loves you so much, that she turned everyone against you with some sob stories even after you (and I can’t even believe you’d do this) were willing to set fire to funds spent on your trip to cancel and come support her and she told you no. And you can’t even enjoy the bit of happiness from your trip and you get the silent treatment (which is abusive manipulative relationship behavior regardless if it’s a sibling).
You are not her best friend. You are her doormat, her kick-around, her always there when wanted but never thought of…person. It says a lot about your sibling dynamics that you were willing to beg others for an opportunity to cheer her on and she is willing to let people eviscerate and ostracize you.
She’s manipulative and punishing you for displeasing her like the completely self-centered, narcissistic brat that she is and her age is not an excuse, it makes it worse bc she should know better or at the very least, not feel the need to destroy your social and familial ties.
She feels no guilt. Vindictive.
NTJ, but you will be if you don’t start standing up for yourself and expecting better.” SufficientWay3663
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t on her primary list of people to get a ticket. She let you know you aren’t as important to her as she is to you.
She wanted your parents (understandable) and all your other siblings, but not you? You had every right to go on that trip. Did she never tell you about the outside venue until she discovered you were going on a trip? Post about your trip. Block all those people who are giving you a bad time about your sister’s behavior.” Comment7215
14. AITJ For Cutting Down A 100+-Year-Old Tree In My Backyard?
“I (25F) have been transferred the deed of my childhood home. It only has about 10k left on the mortgage, I know it inside and out, and it’s nostalgic for me.
The home is in North Carolina, USA and I moved to California, USA a couple of years ago.
I came back to NC for a few months to get everything out of the house — 40+ years and three generations of belongings— and fixed it up a little, to get it on the market to rent.
I’m doing the majority by myself and only hiring electricians and plumbers as needed. A lot of things were overgrown in the yard since no one had been there for almost two years.
I’ve been back for a few weeks and have gotten 70% of the overgrowth, but a very large oak tree in the yard is the area for concern. It’s 2-3x taller than the house and less than 10 feet away from the back door and foundation of the home.
There are also about 5 feet of large, exposed roots that are major tripping hazards for kids and not ideal for cutting the lawn. I already had a specialist come out, and they came to the same conclusion. It’s a danger to the house.
For now, I’m only pruning the tree (yes, I know pruning during the summer is not recommended. I don’t have time to wait until winter) and landscaping around it but…
I’ve had several neighbors come to my front door questioning me about it because it’s one of the oldest in the neighborhood and no one wants to see it go. Ideally, I don’t either but do they expect me to move my house instead…?
The tree is HUGE. It hovers over the house and blows in the wind like doom at night. If I hadn’t spent half my childhood climbing it I’d be terrified of it. Every storm its big branches fall on our metal roof and my life flashes before my eyes.
It also gets struck by lightning every once in a while, but I’m not sure why… only this specific one.
Note: We don’t live in an HOA. Just a regular town that people drive through on their commute to larger cities. But they still informed me that they’d be ‘taking it up with the neighborhood housing authority’???
which I’m not sure actually exists.
I love nature and all, but I have 10+ other oak trees in my yard that will be the same size as this one in a decade or so that AREN’T 10 feet from the house.
AITJ for wanting to obliterate this tree?
EDIT: Important Additional Information
- The arborist recommended moving our HVAC unit to another side or removing our deck/patio and putting up a retainer wall and applying growth slow chemicals and pruning in winter that would keep the tree safe for another 5-15 years. This is at minimum a $5000 cost initially, easily more.
- Once the tree has breached that wall it would have to come down before disrupting the foundation of the house.
- Moving the HVAC would cost a very pretty penny on its own considering there’s no other spot to put it without either removing/changing the deck patio or removing a sidewalk.
- I found someone who’d cut it for close to free in exchange for the wood and only leave me one sizeable log for memories. My homeowner’s insurance is covering the rest of the cost.
- I’m not selling, only renting. I plan on retiring here one day and at this rate, I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy a home this size anywhere else
- The tree is a Southern Red Oak. There are two or three dead spots from previous lightning strikes but for the most part, it is healthy.
- We have zero regulations regarding tree removal on private property residences that aren’t under development.
- I’ll reach out to someone about moving it, but my state has trees over 2,000 years old, with many being 200-800 years.
Our tree is around 125 feet tall so I really doubt they would.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your tree. Your property. You had a specialist come out and also declare it a danger to the house. You checked the laws. You’re good to go.
All those people complaining would be removing it if it was damaging their house but they don’t care about that since it’s your house, not theirs.
You won’t please everyone and some people have strong opinions about trees, but they aren’t the ones whose houses will be damaged by intrusive roots.
Anyone that comes knocking, ask how much they would like to donate to the moving of your HVAC and slowing the growth rate.
Tell them if they can raise X amount then you will keep the tree until it gets to the damaged part to which then you will expect donations for the damage caused. Upfront donations of course. They won’t put their money where their mouth is” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You did all the work to figure out the best solution, and the best solution based on your post and edits are for the tree to come down. There isn’t a way to trim/prune that doesn’t just kick the can down the road.
Also, the money and literal energy spent moving everything and building a wall will cause more environmental damage and use of resources than cutting down the tree. Environmentally, cutting down the tree is a better choice as well. We are supposed to co-exist with nature, not succumb to it entirely, and you are better off cutting it down, planting some new trees at a safe distance, and ignoring the nosy neighbors who come round knocking.
Throw in a ‘bless your heart, but the tree is gonna fall down anyway, I’d rather do it before it falls on me, but you are kind to be concerned’ and you will have adapted perfectly to southern life.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Much as the thought of losing such an old tree makes my heart hurt, it’s a danger to your house and anyone on your street would do the same if the roles were reversed.
You should look into how much the wood itself is worth, depending on length/quality, etc. you could be sitting on a good bit of money. If possible, you should see about getting it felled whole instead of in pieces, old oak is insanely expensive, at least where I come from.
(Obviously, you’d have to sell it to someone who was going to get it treated properly, I think oak takes some 7-10 years of drying out and treatment before it can be used for anything). Just a thought.” DefiantDifficulty806
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Spouse Shared A Hotel Room With A Female Friend?
“A few weeks ago my spouse (M44) said he wanted to go to the states for a shopping trip to scope out prices of building materials. I offered to go with him but he told me that I didn’t need to take time off of work and that he would be gone for a day trip and maybe ask one of his buddies to go with him.
About a week later, he said he was going to go with a female friend he’s known for years. They slept together once, 20 years ago but she is married to his other friend of over 20 years (He doesn’t know they had slept together). I was a little jealous but put it out of my mind and told myself, ‘it was just a day trip.’ Three days before they were about to leave, he told me they were going overnight, on a Friday.
I was upset about this but was assured that there was nothing between them and that they would have separate hotel rooms.
Long story short, I found out that she had only booked one room and by the time he tried to correct the error, there were no available rooms due to football finals.
He shared a room with her and lied about it that night. When he returned home he apologized for lying and said he knew I’d be upset about them having to share a room. She had sent me a message when they were leaving the states, thanking me for, ‘lending him’ to her for the weekend.
I sent her one back stating that I had no control over the weekend and that I thought it was inappropriate for them to share a hotel room. She was apparently hurt that I was essentially calling her a dirty woman.
We went for coffee and she stated that she didn’t appreciate that I insinuated that she was a dirty woman who couldn’t control herself and that there has never been or will be anything intimate between my spouse and her.
(She doesn’t know I know about 20 years ago). When I asked why she didn’t book two rooms from the get, she said she thought it was an unnecessary expense. She then pointed out that we were all in our 40s and none of this should matter.
Am I the jerk for wanting them to have separate hotel rooms in the first place or feeling this jealous? Does being in your 40s change what should make you uncomfortable in a relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“Regardless of activities that did or didn’t happen, it’s a bad look for both of them.
Two people married to others sleeping in the same hotel room on a trip without their spouses is a weird thing to do for most normal people. Even if they had no intimate history there is no reason to try to invalidate your feelings about this, it was inappropriate.
When you take vows you’re tasked with guarding one another’s hearts against needless pain and this was a jerk move by both of these spouses. Appearances are important when it comes to perception around people, he would probably be mortified if the shoe had been on the other foot here.
If it came to light with whoever they were shopping for materials for that they shared a room it’s going to lead to a lot of rumors and then not only do you have the idea in your head that something could have happened but a lot of other people might also think/know that something happened and repeatedly make you aware of their belief.
You’re NTJ here, they’re both jerks here.” Smuff23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He lied to you, that’s what you are upset about.
You aren’t calling her a dirty name, she’s trying to turn the issue into her being a victim, when in fact what you are upset about is your partner doing something he knew you wouldn’t like and lying to you.
It doesn’t matter if you are 40 or 20.
You get to decide what you are comfortable with, with your partner. It doesn’t matter if others feel differently, that’s how you feel. If your partner disagrees, he should have told you and not lied about it.
I don’t care if my partner stayed with a female friend, but I would care if he lied about it.
The lying is the problem, and now it’s a big problem because now you can’t actually trust your partner, particularly with this female friend, because he proved himself untrustworthy.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m not saying there’s necessarily anything going on between them but they’re both being jerks in their own way. Your husband was deceptive and if he’d just been honest with you about the shared hotel room you might’ve been able to work something out in a way that preserved your trust in him.
The female friend sounds like she has ulterior motives, it seems to me that she wanted to shove the fact that they shared a room in your face. Her actions also seem suspicious and the language she’s using with you seems gaslighty, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was trying to seduce your husband.
This means you and your husband need to have some very open communication about all of this. You and he can’t control what she does, but he can control his own actions and you ultimately get to decide if you want to stay with him based on his actions.” AloyLudo
12. AITJ For Wanting To Open A Forbidden Box?
“My (24f) mother passed away about a month ago. Since then my sister (39) and I have started to clear out the house. It’s the house we grew up in. It’s obviously been difficult going through mom’s things especially because my sister is super protective over so many things.
I think she would prefer to do it alone because she keeps asking me to not be ‘too nosey’. Anyway, today I was going through the attic and found a metal box with a note on it that just said ‘Do not open’. I brought it to my sister and said we should find the key and try to open it and she became angry.
She said I was disrespecting my mother’s wishes etc. I told her I didn’t think it was a big deal and we should open it. (I didn’t say this but it’s not like mom is around to care about her stuff anymore?) My sister insisted I put it back and not try to open it.
She and my mom were always a bit closer and had their own little secrets together. I guess because my sister is the firstborn? But I think she’s being too dramatic about a random box. But maybe I’m wrong, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is being quite entitled it seems, ‘too nosey’?
You are literally cleaning out your dead mom’s house, how is that being nosey? Does she not realize you’re her sibling, that you are also your mother’s child, and that your opinion on what to do with your mother’s stuff also matters? I would say maybe try taking the box without your sister realizing it, and find the key to open it yourself.
You have just as much reason to go through your mother’s stuff and decide what to do with it as she does.
I remember when I was cleaning out my grandmother’s house with my mom and her 3 sisters (as there are 4 of them girls and no guys) would take the stuff my grandma said was specifically for one of them.
Whatever stuff was left that hadn’t been specified who’s it was, they put on the table and decided who wanted/got to take what. There was no fighting or objections to it, you found it you get it.
You are literally cleaning out the house, why would you put it back?
What if it’s something special and that’s why it says do not open? Wouldn’t you want to keep it safe?” TheHomoUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, but I’m gonna venture to say NTJ. We don’t know who your mom didn’t want to open the box in the first place, and frankly, she probably didn’t think of the event of her passing away.
If I had some deep dark secret but made a box for it, it’s probably for my own remembrance but likely wouldn’t think about my own death in the situation. You could have an unbiased third party open it and see if it’s bad and needs to be destroyed or not that bad and tell you, OR you just open it yourself while recognizing the risk of knowing what’s in there.
It could be scarring for all you know, but humans are naturally curious.
If I had a dying wish that nobody open this box of mine or find something, I wouldn’t keep it in a box saying ‘DO NOT OPEN’, I’d literally bury it somewhere away from home or have someone else do it.
If it were that important that nobody knows. My own curiosity would get the best of me, so I wouldn’t be able to call you the jerk bc that would make me a hypocrite. Just keep in mind that if you do open it, be aware of the risks (including demons and the apocalypse cause The Mummy taught us that) and also tell us all what you did because now I’m invested (obviously I’m half-joking but if you’re comfy telling us then go for it or at least state if you opened it and why/not).
But to conclude, I don’t think you’re a jerk. But I also don’t think your sister is either. It’s just a difference of POVs when it comes to opinions about life, death, one’s wishes, and also curious instinct.” Vyra_Lew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There’s a reason many people select a third party to assess an estate.
You don’t know what’s in there. It could be anything from embarrassing to your mother, illegal, or even a valuable item. The Estate should be aware of what it is for proper assessment and potential tax burden. If it was valuable enough and the truth comes out later not only could one or both of you lose out on it, but the government might levy a tax on it.
And even if it is embarrassing, it might be important to know regardless. Many mysteries were later solved by information found during estate searches. Anything from criminal cases to the old family grudges of ‘who ate grandma’s pie Easter ’87?’
And the very sad truth is of all the possible reasons for your sister to not want to look in there, the most benign is that she wants to respect mom’s privacy because she suspects something bad.
But it could be that she knows mom hid some wealth or valuable object and is hiding it from you so you don’t get your fair share. Families have literally been torn to pieces when dividing up a loved one’s possessions and other dark stuff (and historically b***d feuds and wars).
I won’t comment on the possibility that some have speculated on potential parentage issues as others have done so thoroughly, but that’s also a possibility.
However, you mention your sister has been telling you to not be nosy before and has been protective of a lot of things.
To me, that rings out a lot of warning bells that she might be stashing things, hiding things, or otherwise removing property before it can be assessed and divided up. I would highly suggest setting up a third party to catalog the property or else insist that everything be done openly with another person present.” Kiyohara
User Updates:
“The box wasn’t my moms. It was my dad’s actually and it contained diaries and love letters.
Both my parents were gay. They both grew up in a Christian community that was deeply, deeply, homophobic. My dad was sent to some kind of conversion therapy at one point when he was young.
Obviously, I don’t know the full story and neither does my sister as we only know what my mom has told my sister. When they got married they had decided to ‘not live in sin’ and be a ‘real’ family with good values. Whatever that means.
So like a lot of hyper-religious people they married very quickly and nobody batted an eye as this was the norm. Their plan was to continue living where they grew up forever, but then my sister was born. The way my mother had explained it to my sister was that something clicked in both of them and they realized they couldn’t raise their child in an environment that toxic.
Especially a daughter. So they up and left. At like 22 they left everything behind and didn’t look back. (I was always curious why I didn’t have any grandparents when seemingly everyone else did. Unfortunately, I know why now.)
They stayed married though. I guess the trauma of being raised and being told that the very idea of homosexuality is disgusting really stayed with them.
My sister said mom didn’t really want to talk about it.
Here’s where there’s a little bit of uncertainty. My dad definitely had some kind of long-time and long-distance affair with a man. According to my sister, he was away on ‘business trips’ sometimes. My mom didn’t know the entire time but she did find out eventually but she didn’t know the full story.
I guess she accepted it because she knew that, while they did love each other, they weren’t really in love with each other. She had told my sister she ‘would do the same if she had been brave enough’. We have glanced over the love letters and the diaries but haven’t thoroughly read through them.
It feels a little invasive? They’re definitely love letters from a man though. Maybe we’ll read them in the future and get more answers, but at this point, it doesn’t feel right.
Now, how did my sister know all of this and I didn’t? So in the years after my dad died, my mom started having ‘friends’ over.
To my sister’s knowledge (at the time) they were just friends my mom had made. Until she accidentally saw my mom kissing one of her ‘friends’ when she was around 25. That’s when she found out a lot of what I’ve been telling you guys here.
She found out more over the years. The reason I didn’t know comes down to trauma. She was so deeply afraid of getting rejected by one of her kids for her s*******y that she never intended to tell either one of us. Now I want to make a note here that my mom never raised me to be homophobic.
She was never homophobic to anyone outside herself. My best friend is gay and whilst I was nervous about telling my mom that, she welcomed him with open arms. It was just that she couldn’t imagine anyone loving her if they knew. And that’s usually what my sister and she were whispering about.
I was always bothered by them keeping secrets from me. Always worries when they would stop talking if I walked into a room. But this is what they were talking about. My sister tried to convince my mom that I wouldn’t care that she was gay.
And I wouldn’t. But my mom never wanted anyone to know. In her mind, my sister knowing was just bad luck.
That is also the reason why my sister was so concerned about me being ‘nosey’ when going through the house. After mom passed and in her grief, she became super protective of my mom’s secret and wanted to keep me from it.
Not realizing this was hurting me.
We’ve had several long conversations about this and it’s been exhausting and heartbreaking. I wish both my parents were here so I could tell them I love them no matter who they are or who they love. I wish they got the chance to live their life with someone they were truly in love with.
It’s been a rough week and I’m sad. I don’t believe in any kind of heaven or afterlife, but I hope they’re happy and at peace wherever they are.
Anyway, hug your parents while they’re still here.” wierdboxthrowaway
11. AITJ For Not Going To My Wife's Gender Reveal Appointment?
“My wife and I are expecting our first baby together. We made an appointment to find out the gender of the baby. To me, this is very important (I had hopes for a boy) unfortunately, on the day of the dr appointment I had to attend my friend’s birthday that I remembered last minute.
I asked my wife if we could cancel the appointment and go another day but she looked shocked that I even considered canceling the appointment and going to my friend’s birthday. I said I had no choice. She said canceling the dr appointment was off the table because these appointments are restricted to a specific time and date and we can’t miss it so she’ll go alone.
I told her no because that’d be selfish of her and besides this will ruin the news of finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl. She cut the discussion and told me to go to the birthday party.
I did then later find out she didn’t cancel the dr appointment and went with her mom.
I came home seething and blew up at her. I started arguing with her about going behind my back and doing this without me. She said it wasn’t her fault I prioritized a party over my child. I told her I didn’t prioritize anything; she literally could’ve canceled and we would’ve gone another day but clearly, she was trying to steer the fight in a direction where I look like the neglectful and irresponsible one.
We fought some then she said I’m probably angry with her because it’s a girl but I responded that she was wrong. She went outside the room claiming I was ‘stressing her out’. Now acts like I owe her an apology on top of everything else but I feel upset and like I was deceived by her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You prioritized a friend’s birthday over attending the appointment. A friend who is so important you completely forgot their birthday until the day of the party. It would have been very easy to apologize to your friend and explain you’re not coming because you’re finding out the gender of your baby.
Any decent friend would be excited for you.
Your wife is correct, these appointments can’t be changed on short notice, they need to be booked weeks in advance and the scans need to be done within a certain time frame. The fact you don’t know any of this and your wife is pregnant makes you a jerk.
Being a parent means making sacrifices. You need to choose what is really important to you, hot tip, it should always be your wife and kid/s. If you still have a wife, because unless you start eating some humble pie and apologizing for your major *******, she might realize she doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t there when she needs them and blames her for their trashy choices.” DeedlesD
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not that easy to reschedule doctor’s appointments and she has to go at very specific points of time during her pregnancy to check the baby’s progress. If there was an emergency, ok reschedule but for you to go to a party???
Are you serious? I really don’t know why you had to go to a birthday party and ‘had no choice’, but it doesn’t matter. Clearly, your pregnant wife felt like she wasn’t a priority, & you made this all about yourself, not her.
On the flip side, could your wife have asked the tech to not tell her the gender and just write it down and seal it in an envelope to take home and open together?
Sure. But you chose to be at a birthday party instead of the appointment, so it clearly wasn’t THAT important, and I don’t blame her for deciding not to wait on you. You’re just making it a big deal to be a jerk.” PermaCaffed
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As she stated, appointments ARE in fact time-sensitive. Depending on where you live and how busy the office is, a missed appointment may not be able to be rescheduled at all and you’d just have to wait until the next round of ‘normally’ scheduled appointments.
The ‘gender reveal’ appointment is actually NOT about gender as far as the Dr is concerned, gender is something they just happen to usually find out at the same time. It is timed specifically to check for very specific growth milestones that allow the doctors to make sure everything is ok, the baby is healthy, and there aren’t any serious complications occurring.
The fact of the matter is that YOU prioritized the friend’s party over the VERY important doctor’s appointment. You need to go grovel at your wife’s feet and apologize profusely for being a jerk!” Extension_Plantain29
10. AITJ For Calling My Sister's Teacher An Idiot?
“I’m f23, moved out, my sister is 15 & is still living with our parents. A few days ago, my parents asked me to pick her up from school because she got in trouble and they couldn’t.
When I get there, I ask the teachers what she did to get in trouble because my sister is a very non-troublesome student.
From my knowledge at least.
They tell me my sister disrespected them and walked out of class. I ask her if that’s true and she says how she was on her period and asked to go to the washroom, but the teacher said no, she said it was an emergency, but the teacher still said no (his defense was that he was explaining a ‘big project’ that he wanted her to stay and listen to before going), so my sister basically interrupted and announced that she was on her period and needed to go.
This just made the teacher mad because she interrupted and he told her that her period doesn’t give her a free pass to leave when she wants.
Her response was to argue back to which he said she’d get detention if she kept doing that.
Then she told him to ‘screw off’ and walked out of class. Of course, I laughed at the situation because my sister doesn’t get that mad nor does she do something that is ‘rebellious’. But I was also slightly annoyed that this man had the audacity to tell her what he did, so I told him that he kind of asked for that response, and that you should let a woman go when she’s on her period because it’s very messy, uncomfortable and just annoying if you just make her wait to go.
He was very very stubborn and said something along the lines of how waiting for just a ‘few minutes’ isn’t that hard and how my sister was just being overdramatic. I called him an idiot and said that he, as a man, should not say nonsense like that when he doesn’t really know what it’s like.
This just turned into him calling me disrespectful and how he’ll just talk to our parents, so I just took my sister home telling him he can just complain to them if he wants.
My parents think he is in the wrong, but that I shouldn’t insult him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a man, he doesn’t get to determine when she needs to be allowed to go to the bathroom because of her period. A female teacher would be smart enough to know that if you are leaking through your protection, you need to go immediately or you will have to change clothes (which you may not have).
I am a teacher and would also say ‘screw off’ to that teacher. I have also instructed my daughters to walk out if they are on their periods and teachers refuse to let them go.” Bookqueen42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That teacher was out of line.
Emergency situations happen and he could easily explain a big project to a student later. Your sister should never have said ‘screw you’ to him, of course, but he should allow a student to use the restroom if they need to, no questions asked. As someone with endo, I remember multiple times in HS I had ’emergency’ situations and needed a bathroom immediately because my period made me pukey.
If a teacher had denied me that I would have barfed all over their classroom.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not in the wrong. He is a man and he doesn’t know about periods. He could have given information to her in a break or later.
If someone has to go to the bathroom, they have to go and they don’t have to provide information. She is not the type of student asking to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, so he should not have said no repeatedly.” Coco_Dirichlet
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Landlord Make Me Homeless While I'm Pregnant?
“I (33F) have been privately renting an apartment since March 2021.
I have always paid my rent on time and kept the place in pristine condition.
My Landlord (LL) phoned me at the end of Feb to extend the lease for another year. We talked, and I explained I would be going on holiday to visit my partner for 2 weeks.
He already knew of the pregnancy. We agreed that the rent would increase, I asked to forward a lease renewal with the updated agreement.
The day of my holidays come. LL wished me a pleasant trip as I leave. The next day, LL calls me out of the blue and tells me I have a month to leave the apartment.
I break down while on holiday, I can barely think of anything else. Throughout my holiday I email a local renter’s advice organization and ask if this is legal. I also try to find an alternative place to live. I ask my landlord for help in this by returning my deposit, but he refuses.
When I get home, LL tells me ‘I need the apartment for a family. You will be out by the deadline and then I’ll return your deposit’. I’ve 2 weeks left and nowhere to go. I explain this and ask for more time. Again I am shut down.
I’m 5 and a half months pregnant. I also have Hyperemesis. The sickness can be between 15 and 27 times a day. I’ve been hospitalized 3 times because of dehydration.
Finally, the renter’s org replied to me and said that what he is doing is completely illegal and I’ve not to leave the apartment.
They all advise me to handwrite a letter telling him it’s not a legal eviction so I will not be leaving. I do so. I immediately get bombarded with texts, calls, and emails threatening me with legal action and generally being abusive. LL also suggests that I have lied to people regarding the situation.
I didn’t respond, except to ask for any disagreements/updates to be done via post, as is the law. I got a letter back the next day. It said the date of Termination but didn’t include the rent increase in the actual notice of Termination.
The renter’s org said I don’t have to agree to such an increase as it wasn’t included in the legal document. Even if I did agree, it couldn’t be implemented for 90 days. I am now 6 months pregnant, and my condition is not great due to the stress.
Finally, the time for rent came and I gave my normal rent as I was advised. Again LL went insane. He demanded the increase be put into his account immediately. He even pounded on my front door at 8:30 am. I work from home but didn’t answer.
I reminded him that all disputes must be given by letter, as per the law. The landlord insisted I was breaking the agreement and he wants me to leave before August and I’m not getting my deposit back now. I have refused to leave without a suitable alternative.
I have been trying but there is a serious housing crisis in my country right now. The local authorities are still processing requests from Jan. I wish I could just leave and cut my losses but neither of us is very well paid and I don’t have anyone that can afford to help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In the UK here. On the off chance you are based in the UK too I hope you read this comment.
Your landlord cannot evict you without serving appropriate notice first. Once the notice expires and if you are still on the property, your landlord still cannot evict you without going to court for a court order (there are exceptions but it doesn’t look like your situation is one of them).
Even after getting the court order he still can’t just change the locks/remove you forcefully. If they do try to change locks or do anything to make you leave without an order it’d be classed as unlawful eviction and it is a criminal charge that can bring about prison time in some cases.
There’s so much more I can say but I’ll be typing away all night!
Personally, I’d follow the advice of the organization you spoke to for now and start looking for a new place as soon as possible.
You’re about to become a mother and you’re going through a tough pregnancy already.
No need to add extra stress to yourself at such a difficult time and deal with a jerk like him. Find somewhere nice for both you and your little one and best of luck to both of you!
NTJ at all.
Edit: deposit – if you’re in the UK and you’re having issues with getting it back find out which deposit protection scheme your bond is registered with and speak to them.
They will likely have single claim processes that are designed for situations like this – when a tenant or a landlord refuses to release funds. It turns out your bond is not registered you could go to court and there are some very hefty fines if the landlord is found guilty – again, it depends on your contract type.
Also, in some parts of the country, it can mean getting your license as a landlord revoked.” Fun_Discount_8059
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s his rental and he wants it. It seems you haven’t officially signed a new lease agreement? Is that correct?
If not, he has the right to kick you out. Now there are a certain amount of days he has to use to do so but he very well might be in the right. I would start looking for a new place just in case because, with no legal agreement with signatures, your time is running out.
I get you’re pregnant and sick but that’s not his issue. He’s being a landlord where he thinks of himself. It’s not unheard of and we all face them sometimes. Sadly. Being pregnant doesn’t make you special to him. Start looking and preparing because it seems it’s only a matter of time.
Not trying to say it’s fair morally or ethically but he’s a landlord. He doesn’t have to be fair or ethical. Saying poor you and this is unfair is true but might not help you.” Ihateyou1975
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, stay strong, safe, and diligent.
Rely on friends and family and keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing by keeping everything legal and aboveboard. As was stated earlier keep records of everything and when given the opportunity/chance, leave. He’s TOXIC. He’ll go full-on jerkhead if/when given the opportunity to do so by doing little things that you cannot prove like damaging property, using scare tactics, or trying to get you busted by the authorities or child protection services.
If you can afford it, install cameras, they’re relatively cheap with a 24-hour recording device that can go right to your computer. You can make it known that you’re doing so or get the ones that are like spy cameras that are small enough not to be noticed so that you can record without anyone noticing.
Oh, and I’d say get a dog, I don’t know if your country may have any laws that would allow you to have pets due to health issues (service animal) which would therefore make landlords accept them whether they’d want to or not?
Hang in there, take care of yourself and just know that you’re one baddie mama jammer!!” Sarajaysweet
8. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband's Doctor Like A Karen?
“Husband has a sore foot.
No injury or medical condition would explain the pain but he hasn’t been able to walk properly for about a week. Being the absolute pain in my butt that he is, he’s refused to go to the doctors until today, apparently he preferred to just pop paracetamol and complain to me.
It’s gotten progressively more swollen and misshapen looking and today it’s gone a funny color and he can’t put any weight on it. So I called our GP who has sent him to the walk-in clinic at our local hospital.
We finally get seen and the doctor refused to even examine it.
Told him without even looking at the foot that it was a sprain and he wasn’t going to prescribe him any painkillers so not to ask. Then he started demonstrating some kind of exercises that involved going up and down on tiptoes and flexing the toes.
I asked if he would please just look as it has gone nearly black in some spots and looks similar to how my wrist looked when I broke it a few years ago. He huffed at me and asked where my medical degree was from.
I put my back up and demanded to see another doctor or his senior. I was the jerk here because it wasn’t me being treated so I get he thought I was a pushy cow – my husband wouldn’t say boo to a goose in medical situations and would have accepted the doctor’s instructions without any questions about actually needing to be examined.
The doctor left and we heard him outside the cubicle telling the senior doctor that they have a confrontational spouse who thinks her Web MD searching qualifies her to instruct real doctors on how to practice medicine. He also states that he suspects my husband of exaggerating to get substances.
By the time the other doctor arrives, I’m seething and layout exactly what went on and explained I only want someone to look at the foot before sending us away.
He looks… cue X-rays, an MRI, the good painkillers, and a walking boot cast thing with the potential to need surgery because he’s got 7 stress fractures in that foot – probably from running.
Admittedly worse than it needed to be because he didn’t get any treatment when it first started to hurt.
The second doctor and someone from the hospital admin come and apologize for the first doctor and ask if we want to make a formal complaint.
So I did because the outcome of his not listening to the patient or family could have been worse. Husband did not.
My husband said later that the first doctor may get sacked because of me complaining and I should have left it because no real harm was done.
Was it a jerk move to complain? I don’t usually have Karen tendencies but he was just so patronizing and dismissive and I kept thinking what if it was a young mother with a sick baby and he dismissed that – not everything would stand its ground and there could be really serious consequences.
Edit: I’ve shown hubby the post and he’s starting to realize how serious it could have been and is going to email the admin guy we saw this afternoon – he gave us his contact details for my complaint. He’s also agreed that delaying treatment the way he did was incredibly stupid and has decided to chase up the counseling referral with the GP so he will be less useless in future medical situations.
Thankfully we were eventually given appropriate treatment and hopefully, the follow-up will be positive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Primary care doctor (GP) here—examining the body part being complained about is literally the very most basic thing in medicine. This was not a complicated diagnosis to make, and so it calls the doctor’s professionalism into question in a major way.
It is really important that the hospital be made aware of things like this as it’s generally very hard to fire physicians without a well-documented pattern of inappropriate management. It’s a pain to replace a doctor and no one does it on a whim.
It’s also common to get patient complaints about things that are not actually bad performance—not giving antibiotics for an infection, running late on a day when an earlier patient had a real emergency, etc. So a few minor complaints wouldn’t usually put his job in jeopardy.
So you can also rest assured that it’s very unlikely that he’ll be fired if it’s his first offense, and if it’s a pattern, it will give them important documentation.” terracottatilefish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: When someone loses their job over incompetence, it is that person’s fault, not yours for complaining.
The Werefrog wouldn’t have settled for just a formal complaint, either. The Werefrog would have taken his diagnosis (provided without examination) to a lawyer along with the real diagnosis and filed malpractice. That is exactly what happened here. The doctor provided a gross misdiagnosis that could have had horrible repercussions had you not sought a second opinion.
If he gets fired, he deserves it. If he loses his medical license, he deserves it.
This whole thought that you shouldn’t complain to get someone fired is nonsense when the employee takes an action worthy of complaint. Complaining to management that the store is out of choco-nut-bars and getting the cashier fired is a jerk move.
Complaining about a doctor whose misdiagnosis was achieved with no examination is not a jerk move, even if he can never work as a doctor again.” The_Werefrog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes being a medical advocate for a loved one, means pushing people’s buttons.
Your gut was telling you that something more was going on. Good for you for speaking up.
Obviously, your husband has a hard time speaking up for himself. Sometimes people don’t want to be a burden or cause problems. My step-dad tripped over a sprinkler head a few years ago.
He broke his arm in several places. He had bone showing through his skin. He didn’t want an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He was in shock and embarrassed that he tripped but also has this weird sense of not wanting to trouble people.
Try not to be so hard on your hubby.
‘Husband said later that the first doctor may get sacked because of me complaining and I should have left it because no real harm was done.’
The doctor won’t get fired. But will probably be reprimanded. And hopefully learn not to brush off the next patient’s concerns.” Turbulent_Cow2355
7. WIBTJ For Telling The Professor My Friend Lied During Her Speech?
“My friend is taking speech class this semester. Her first assignment was to write and talk about someone who inspires them. So she decided to interview me. I was proud and answered all of her questions. How I grew up, my love for crafts, and how I worked hard to start my own business.
The assignment is due next week. She sent me a copy of the speech to proofread. She greatly exaggerated everything. She talked about my struggles, illegal stuff, and gang wars. Which was not true at all. When I asked why she did that, she said that it’ll make my story sound better as no one wants to listen about someone who barely struggled in life.
That it’s just an assignment and the teacher won’t care. When I asked her either change it or interview someone else, she refused as this does happen to people and I shouldn’t make it seem shameful.
However, it matters to me as I know other people in the class.
I don’t like people lying about me as it creates a false image. She had another friend proofread the speech instead. Last night, they sent me a link to the counselor’s office and if I ever need help, I can come to them. When I told them that was not true, they said ‘admitting my problem is the first step.’
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would contact her professor ASAP with a copy of the draft she sent you if you have it still. Explain everything you have above and that you do not want to be the topic of her speech anymore. You will be very upset if she is allowed to go ahead with it as the lies will have a very real impact on your reputation.
The professor will shut that down fast. I disagree with the comments that you need proof she is lying for the professor although that would be handy to send to the proofreader friend if you have them. It would be fine to see the professor without the draft if you don’t have it and it will still be enough to get this shut down.
This could have a very real impact on how people perceive you, especially if they believe the lies she wrote, found out it was a lie and thought you made up your life story to your friend. I don’t think you can rely on your friend to tell the truth, but even if she did, the story of the girl who lied for attention will spread faster and further than your friend correcting the immediate friend group later on.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“You’re 100% NTJ and especially given what she’s lied about, I think that this really doesn’t seem like a true friend. Especially if she’s naming you in it too. It is absolutely worth speaking to her professor about especially if it is bothering you as much as it seems to be.
What I will say though is it is entirely possible that the professor won’t care or do anything. When my friend was doing a post-grad in journalism she interviewed me for a piece on youth mental health services because I’d struggled a lot from the age of 14.
She was literally told by her professor to ‘ham it up’ for better effect. I told her I had plans for my death but in her story, I was halfway doing it at times. I understood and I was never named so personally it was whatever but all this just to say, the professor may well be in on it in some way.” shessomecnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For so very many reasons!
A large part of the problem, too, as you have already seen, is that she is showing this to other people and they are believing her lies–in fact, they are believing her lies over your truth!
That’s a problem. A big problem. Because she will be shaping how other people perceive you going forward, not just in that class. Worse, at some point, people will forget how they heard all those things about you and when they find out that they are not true, they are going to assume that you are the one who lied. Lies have a habit of growing like that… I have seen it happen about even the most innocuous things–and this could be interpreted down the road as you trying to the fake background to get ahead unfairly.” AlvinOwlHirt
6. WIBTJ If We Use All Our Parking Spots During The Open House Next Door?
“A small house was just built at the very end of our street while our house is the last house on the left. We have 3 cars and will eventually need 4 and we use the 2 spaces in our driveway and the 1 (eventually 2) on the street directly in front of our house.
The seller (who can be pretty temperamental) wants us to not use the parking spots on the street for the open house, but my mom is worried that people will see those spaces as not being occupied and move in thinking that they can use them.
I’m honestly in the middle and I really am not sure what to think. I know the poor lady who had the house built wanted to move in but by the time it was finished she couldn’t afford it anymore so she really needs to sell it to get that money back.
But I also don’t want to not have our parking spaces. What do you guys think?
EDIT: So it turns out I wasn’t aware that the house being built doesn’t actually have the two spaces in their driveway that’s required by law.
So the county inspectors are over there right now.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Yes, they will move in and they will use those spots as needed. From what you’ve said they’re public spaces, you do not own them or control them in any way. It’s first come first serve.
You should be decent people and leave the spots open as much as you can for the open house so people can park. Nothing to do with future use but people will obviously need to park to come look at the house. Now again, that’s what a decent person would do, not that you HAVE to.
You can choose to be a jerk, it’s not illegal or anything.” Fastr77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for using the spots like you normally would during the open house, since it’s a public street the seller can’t stop you from parking there. But you WOULD be the jerk if you get upset at whoever moves in if they ever use those spots, because since it’s a public street you can’t stop other people from parking there either – so putting 2 of your current 3 cars in the street spots during the open house when you have 2 driveway spaces would be a jerk move too.
Regarding your explanation… if you move your 3rd car somewhere else, that would make the viewers think street parking isn’t going to be an issue, and then that makes the buyer’s life more difficult when they move in and find there’s going to be competition for the spaces.
There’s no way lives aren’t going to potentially be made more difficult here.” abfa00
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The real estate agent has no right as well as your mom to claim the parking spots on the street. Especially when you have 3-4 cars and expect to ‘own’ public parking spots makes it that your mom is more of the jerk in the story.
But the parking space on the driveway is yours, and the ones on the street are for everybody (I guess?) So park wherever you need to park when you’re home. But consider that you are asking a lot from your neighbors by taking up this much space.” Lenepena
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s a public street, so they aren’t your spaces, but to me that’s irrelevant. I hate false advertising. Making potential buyers think there is ample public parking when at least half of that parking will always be unavailable is misleading.
What if ample parking is super important to the buyer? It won’t be the seller’s problem, it’ll be your problem. I agree with your mom.” MissAnthropy_YIKES
5. AITJ For Still Making My Father Pay For My Schooling?
“When my parents divorced, my mother was given primary custody and my father had to pay child support. My father was also ordered to cover 80% of my university costs.
My mother was not the greatest person so I moved into my grandmother’s home when I was 16. I’m not very close to my father because he lives 4 hours away. He is remarried (like my mother) and has two younger children.
When I was 18, I found out from my father that my mother had stolen most of the funds from the education account that she had access to.
She has since left the country and he has no way to get the funds back.
Well… maybe I’m the jerk but I don’t really think the issues between my mother and father are my problem.
I still sent him the invoice for my university fees and told him he’s legally obligated to pay for it.
I covered my share using scholarships.
This has put my father under a lot of financial stress and he is struggling. He’s told me it’s causing huge issues in his marriage and his ability to provide for his younger children.
But I couldn’t get larger grants and scholarships because of my father and mother’s financial status.
So I’m still expecting him to pay for my schooling.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. But your dad sucks the absolute least.
You’re in the wrong because you are expecting funds that you did nothing for. It grosses me out when adult children think that their parents owe them anything.
They don’t. You are not entitled to the fruit of their hard labor. It’s not yours and you don’t have any moral claim to a penny. If you were my child sending me a bill that you incurred in this situation (you knew the funds in the account were stolen and that it was for this, but it didn’t exist anymore but you went and signed up for school you had no way to pay for), I’d feel so disappointed and upset.
Your mom is in the wrong for taking the funds, clearly. The real problem is with her. I don’t get why you’re acting like your dad is somehow the bad guy or the responsible guy for your current tuition… AT ALL.
Your dad is in the wrong for not suing or pressing charges against your mom, and for allowing her to have access to the funds after the first inkling that she was going to (or did) dip into them.
You are also in the wrong for both of these things.
Since legality is different from morality, I have to (unfortunately) also say that if your dad legally agreed to pay for school, he legally has to (although I definitely think YOU shouldn’t hold him to that at all).
But the wording matters. If he agreed to put a certain amount in a trust, he’s done that already. But if the legal document/record shows that he has to pay for tuition, unfortunately, your mom screwed him over with a loophole. But morally, you should totally see that you have both been robbed and both lose out on those funds.
Expecting him to pay twice is gross, on your part.” headfaceperson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He was ordered by a judge to pay. Sadly, him not safeguarding the funds is a matter for him, your mother, and the police. It honestly isn’t your problem. If he had simply promised, I would have a different judgment.
But there’s a court order here.
If he can’t pay, he needs to file for bankruptcy. The fact that you can’t get additional funding because of his finances, suggests that he can pay it but refuses (although this differs by area – in my country, family finances only affect your funding if they’re very high earners).
If he filed for bankruptcy etc to explain legally why he can’t pay, your funding situation would change. He isn’t. He has a court order to pay. He needs to pay and pursue your mother through the courts/insurance. That’s it.
Edit: A judge ordered him to provide the funds.
Him losing them is HIS problem. He was court-ordered to provide them. I don’t understand commenters saying it’s OP’s responsibility when a judge literally ruled that it was their father’s. He needs to provide the funds or say he can’t by filing bankruptcy, that’s the law.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for dad. Dad saved funds for your college expenses. You knew the funds were gone. Legally, he is required to pay 80%. Life doesn’t care about fairness or legal though.
Did you discuss it with dad in advance and go to a more affordable college or did you go to an expensive college?
80% of $10K is much different than 80% of 200K.
All this crap about suing the mom is a pipe dream. That money is gone. Dad (or OP), if in the States, would spend tens of thousands of dollars to sue the mom, and win, but for what?
I am sure she is broke and judgment-proof. So that is tens of thousands of dollars (that dad probably doesn’t have lying around) that could go toward college that he just wasted. (Source: my ex stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from me, it would have cost $50K for a civil suit and when I won, he would still be judgment-proof.
Suing and winning may feel good, but I would have just been $50K poorer because collecting the $ would never happen.)
And expecting him to now pay 80% – legally, yes, you can do that but realistically you cannot get b***d from a stone. It seems to me like you are doing what you feel entitled to (fancy college) instead of finding a solution that works (realistically affordable college).
You and your dad should have figured out an affordable college, not a dream college before you embarked on your college career. Then he could have a realistic dollar figure to help you with. It sounds like you went to your dream college. State universities and community colleges are still good schools.
It sounds like you sent the bill for four years of college after you attended the college, with no warning or discussions with dad about your plan to do this. If so, that is trashy.
If this is for the first semester of college, I suggest you look at cheaper alternatives and figure out how much dad can contribute each month, and find a solution that works for both of you.
This is not an unsolvable problem. YTJ if you dropped four years of tuition on dad unexpectedly. If that is not the case and it was only one semester, YTJ if you don’t take reasonable steps to find a workable solution.” whiskeysour123
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except your mom.
This isn’t your mess to clean up, and he is trying to do the right thing as well (ish).
I do think you should extend some grace in the situation, such as transferring to a cheaper, state school, if you have picked an expensive, private one, or working every possible avenue to get extra scholarships, grants, and financial aid.
I wouldn’t exonerate his obligation yourself (let the courts do that) or start ignoring the order by taking on loans out of guilt, but showing you understand and trying to help a bit would likely go a long way.
I say this both because this is a crappy situation your dad did not make, and because I think he has a very, very good chance, if he checked with a better lawyer to revisit the current situation, of being told he had fulfilled his obligation and is not required to pay twice.
Especially if he did something like declare bankruptcy. Or he could just decide, in a fit of pique, to simply not pay it, or pay months late. That happens every day. You don’t have the means to take him to court to enforce it, especially not in time for the next semester should he decide not to pay.
You’d have to pause to drop out for a bit. Even if they order him to pay after, he could just… not pay it again. Or move states, and then you’re screwed because that makes it next to impossible to enforce. And they won’t feel too obligated to chase the money down for you, since you’re legally an adult, and he paid child support.
In any of those cases, you would want to have maintained a good relationship so he continues to give you some money for school, simply because he wants to.” millac7
However. She might have stolen the money while they were married and he never checked until it he did check and it was all gone. Still, the money was in a special account and your mom stole it. I'd take her to court and make her start making payments to put the money back. She is a theif.
4. AITJ For Calling Out Our Cook For Being Dishonest?
“I (48f) hired ‘Julie’ (25f) to cook for my family of 4.
She cooks us a few family meals a week and delivers them. This has been working out for us for a few months, but she recently told us she would start charging double what she was initially charging. We were quite shocked. She’s a good cook, but she’s not a trained chef or anything.
It’s just a hobby for her. We offered her a little more pay for some of the groceries but double seemed excessive. She turned it down and said she would give us a few weeks to find someone new, but that felt unfair to us.
We hired her because her cooking style/tastes were similar to ours, and we have dietary restrictions that she was able to accommodate. Had we known earlier on that she would bail so quickly, we would have hired someone else from the start so they could learn our tastes.
I pointed out how the amount she was getting now was generous for someone who isn’t a professional cook, and that she needed to be realistic about her prices since we could dine in at a nice restaurant for the amount she was asking.
She told us to do that and wasn’t open to negotiation. Even after looking up costs of groceries and utilities and showing her the data on the profit she was already making, she wouldn’t budge. I then got angry and told her off for trying to scam us after she cited the rise in food prices (which we offered to cover, but that wasn’t good enough for her) and how she valued her free time (she cooks for her family anyway, so she’s just making extra portions for us).
She got really cold and quit on the spot, not even giving us the few weeks to find someone new. I totally understand wanting a little extra to cover the rising cost of food, but doubling her prices all of a sudden seems really scummy and ridiculous.
I called her again and offered to pay the extra cost of groceries plus a 10% raise, but she blocked me. I really don’t understand the audacity of demanding a 100% raise for a pretty easy and flexible part-time gig. AITJ? What am I missing?
Edit since everyone was asking: she delivered once a week, five meals for 250, but two are very young children/an infant, so really just for two adults.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you’re conflating two very different things. She doesn’t have to be a ‘trained chef’ to be a professional cook, which she very much is, and this most definitely isn’t a hobby for her – and YTJ for treating her as though it is just because she didn’t train at the Cordon Bleu.
A professional is, by definition, anyone who gets paid for doing something as a career (as opposed to an amateur, who does it for free, for the accolades, or barter, etc.). Lots of people end up in career paths they weren’t ‘trained’ for. Similarly, Julie may not have gone to cooking school, but she clearly knows her trade.
She is, in every objective way, a professional cook. In fact, you literally refer to her as ‘our cook’.
This is how she earns a living, whether you choose to acknowledge it as such or not. It is not her ‘hobby’; she doesn’t do it for fun or entertainment.
And the fact that she may or may not cook your meals simultaneously with those for other people (her family or anyone else) is, frankly, none of your business. As long as you are getting the meals you pay for, that’s the contract.
YTJ for not only trying to tell her how to run her business but trying to undermine her as a businessperson.
You are absolutely within your rights to choose not to pay her stated prices, but it’s downright obnoxious of you to suppose that you know better than she does how she ought to run her business or to suggest that she isn’t a ‘real’ business person to begin with when you’ve literally been patronizing her business as a client for several months.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She is a professional cook. She gets paid to cook, therefore she is a professional.
‘Making extra portions’ can add a lot of time and effort. She’s not giving away her leftovers to a friend, she’s making entire meals for a FAMILY OF FOUR.
Just because cooking is something she enjoys doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be fairly compensated for her time, effort, and skills.
People do their hobbies when they want, as often as they want, and the way they want. She was cooking for you on a regular basis and to your specifications.
That doesn’t sound very ‘flexible’ to me. It sounds like a job, not a hobby.
Cooking for a family of four every week isn’t easy, especially when dietary restrictions are involved. It involves a lot of research, planning, shopping, prep, and cleaning. Not to mention the actual cooking process and delivery.
You refused to pay her fairly, accused her of fooling you, and now you’re crying that you have to figure out your own food because she dared to stand up for herself and refuse to be disrespected. Giving you a heads up was a courtesy that you clearly didn’t deserve.
You’re not entitled to her cooking, and she isn’t obligated to make sure your family is fed. That’s your job.
Cook for yourself if it’s so easy.” KettenKiss
Another User Comments:
“She didn’t fool you. She realized she made a mistake.
This is her first professional cooking job (I am inferring), and her lack of experience caused her not to appreciate the costs or time commitment. Underestimating costs and time is pretty common for anyone in business, but particularly in new ventures.
It’s possible she could have better communicated the change.
It sounds as if she might have just laid it on you, or maybe that was not part of the post. But I don’t think it makes her the jerk because she has a right to charge what she believes is fair for services rendered, even if the change is unexpected.
I am no food industry expert, but it’s not surprising to me that a cook who delivers food to your home would charge similar to what you would for a sit-down restaurant. Grocery delivery by itself costs a premium. Now add cooking. And, yes, have you been to the grocery store, lately?
She ain’t lyin’.
She is right. It’s not a negotiation. She picks her price, you pay it. Or you don’t. Your choice. What makes YTJ are your efforts to push her into still providing a service to you at a price to which she does not agree.
It doesn’t matter what you think the price should be, based on your research of grocery costs. She probably did the same research, and that was how she came to the wrong conclusion. She doesn’t owe it to you to work for you. You need some other solution.
She is not available (except at her new price). Having a cook is a luxury. Respect it as such.” mightierthor
3. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Partner's Christmas Dinner?
“I visited my partner’s family for the first time and it was so awkward. I was literally just sitting there at dinner and his mom starts talking about how the neighbor girl is single and pretty, and a good Christian (ick) and she was going to invite her to New Year’s.
I was sitting there like… what. It felt like she was trying to ‘put me in my place’ or something and despite my partner declining he was being very unassertive about it when I would have been saying ‘WHAT ARE YOU SAYING MOM’ in his shoes.
So I got up, got my casserole, cake, pie, and wine from the kitchen, and headed out. Drove home to my place. And texted my partner ‘Not here for this reality show drama lol. Is your mom always like this?’
He asked me where I was and I said I’d headed out, I’m not into the trashy reality TV drama vibe.
He asked where and I said I was at home.
He said he didn’t want me to spend Christmas alone and I said ‘Come on by then!’ And he felt conflicted because his family was already tense after they realized I’d left with my cooking and the dessert
I said, come by or don’t, just tell me when you figure it out.
But then I ate a bunch of casserole and cake, drank a lotta wine, and fell asleep.
My partner was texting and calling a lot when I was asleep but I missed it all.
He had apparently decided to leave the party and spend the night with me but when I didn’t answer he ended up staying.
The next day I asked him if he sorted things out with his mom so she doesn’t go saying that anymore. He said he’d said he wasn’t interested when it was happening.
I asked if he could have a serious talk after the fact because I was there when it was happening and I don’t think she got it.
He wasn’t sure (???) So I just made other plans for New Year’s because even though he’d invited me to his I wanted a good time and not to be dealing with pettiness.
My partner was frustrated I dipped on New Year’s too, and it’s been an ongoing argument. I think he should have chewed out his mom on Christmas for being petty and weird. He thinks I shouldn’t have ghosted with my food especially because I’d brought a few big parts of the Christmas dinner.
AITJ for dipping on Christmas dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…
She had her own agenda. She made it clear that you weren’t a viable option for her son in front of everyone. He didn’t stand up for you. You know your boundaries and act accordingly.
By removing yourself after not being defended you made your point and likely prevented a messy holiday dinner scene. If they’re upset about the food being gone they should’ve been upset with mom, not you… but it’s clear they all agreed with her or all of them lack any decency to act as hosts should.
If your partner did as you say I’d move on if it were me. You’re clearly a strong independent person who knows enough about how she wants to be treated and left where you weren’t welcome. If your man can’t be your partner and say even the most basic ‘mom stop’ or ‘mom I’m not interested in anyone but my beautiful partner who’s sitting right here’ then what will he do in another situation that’s escalated or threatening..?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
His mother sucks for acting like a careless jerk. She knew how she was behaving, and probably would have behaved exactly the same on New Year’s.
Your partner sucks for casually brushing off her behavior with a polite decline, and probably didn’t do much better when he sat her down to talk.
He also sucks for expecting you to go to another family event so soon after this chaos. When you’re visibly disrespected, they are the ones who have to earn back a second chance. You don’t have to hand it right over to them.
I’ll one-up this by saying he also sucks for expecting you to go to his parents’ house for every holiday event. You shouldn’t be expected to spend New Year’s with these people.
And you suck for basically taking Christmas dinner and sneaking away.
You are also my hero for taking Christmas dinner and sneaking away. You might suck a little, but you suck the least, and owned that situation like a boss.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“I’m not really afraid to be a dissenter, so everyone sucks here/YTJ to me.
Not a super big one or anything but you certainly overreacted.
If all the mom did was mention the neighbor and your partner declined, it’s majorly messed up to just assume someone should react at the level you want. It’s fine to want that, but treating them like the bad guy for not using your solution for a solved problem is a bit petty.
Unless I’m missing something he shouldn’t have to ‘chew her out’ just make it clear he likes and is going out with you especially if it’s once.
Point 2 is just leaving immediately with no communication, which is just a terrible way to go about any problem in a relationship.
This being the source of the question is what makes me think YTJ. Like if you like this relationship you should want to react better in these situations, just like you wanted him to act ‘better’ when his mom said what she did.
Reflection should make this clear this isn’t how this situation should have gone, and honestly, you can only control what you do in it.
I agree you shouldn’t go to any of the family events if they’re acting like this though.” Doctursea
2. AITJ For Still Holding A Grudge For What Happened 10 Years Ago?
“My (26F) mom passed away at childbirth, so it was pretty much my father (50M) and me, with the occasional visits from my grandparents (from both sides).
Since I lived with just him, I took on a more masculine style and likings, like ‘one of the boys’ but the only boy was my father. I was Rexy (for T-rex, because I was obsessed with them for years), I had no Barbies (he bought me a few but I was like ‘ew’), and I had almost 0 dresses or skirts, he also did my hair really awful every time.
When I was around 12, he began going out with this woman called Maria who had a daughter (15 at that time) named Stacy. While Maria was a total sweetheart, Stacy was horrible. She bullied me for not looking like ‘a girl should do’, and for liking ‘man stuff’ like cars, bikes, and stuff like that.
I have to admit that I also didn’t have many friends while growing up (neither female nor male) so my person was my dad, and as I grew up I got involved with what he liked. To make things short, Stacy would often throw awful comments about me being a boy, a weirdo, etc and my dad would do these same comments in a less-bully way, but they hurt me more because he was confirming that while Stacy was ‘his daughter’, I was his ‘son’.
What broke my heart was that he called Stacy ‘Peach’ like Mario’s princess while I was T-Rex.
I did a 180° in my looks at 15, I brought dresses, and skirts and dyed part of my hair a sweet pink which made Stacy laugh at me even more and my dad was like ‘whoa!
Pink? that’s for girls’. On my 16th birthday, Stacy put black dye in my shampoo and ruined my whole look. I guess it was the stick that broke the camel’s back because I cried so horrible to the point of not breathing and I told my dad in front of Maria and Stacy what she had been doing all of those years, along with my dad’s awful remarks and subtly enabling Stacy’s awful comments.
In the end, he left Maria and Stacy because it was obvious there was no going back for me after that, he eventually married my now step-mom when I turned 20. My dad apologized, we talked about it and a year after that we attended therapy until I was 24.
I don’t like to talk about it, I think it broke my relationship with my dad in a way we will never be able to fix, I know he doesn’t have my back.
Yesterday, while talking he tried to joke about it and I said that I didn’t want to remember it because I’ll never forgive him for joining Stacy in her bullying.
He said it couldn’t be possible that I’m still holding a grudge, I say I am, and that I always will because he absolutely broke my heart and confidence. He tried to argue, but my step-mom said that he needed to let go because my feelings are my feelings.
I still cry when I remember it, but he says I’m a jerk because he left them and made amends with me.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have every right to feel the way you do. However, I’m not sure whether your father truly knew how his and her comments were affecting you.
Many men have the problem where they don’t see a problem affecting one’s emotions unless they are explicitly told. Unfortunately, for a long time, learning to empathize with people was disproportionately focused on women. Not to say men weren’t taught it at all, but they weren’t really taught to ‘look for the signs’ as much.
If you didn’t explicitly tell your father, chances are he didn’t get it. It sounds like he was truly just trying to play with you. I was like you and my father said similar things but it was all in jest. If your step-sister hadn’t been making fun of you like she was, it’s possible you’d have just read it like he was playing with you.
When your father saw how much she had hurt you, he got rid of them, which is a very appropriate response and a response that a lot wouldn’t take. It seems like your father has truly tried to make amends, and I would suggest you meet him in the middle and let go of this grudge.
He shouldn’t have made a joke about it and you need to set boundaries in regards to that. It really sounds like you need to learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your father.
Right now, by not letting go, you are doing yourself more damage than good.
It sounds like your father really tried to be there for you and involve you in things as a kid. Being a single parent isn’t easy and it’s even harder for men to raise little girls by themselves. Your father kept you after your mother passed because he wanted and loved you.
He sounds like he was very involved in your life. Don’t let these few years color the rest of your relationship for the rest of your life. I would suggest you both go into therapy again, and you with the objective to forgive him. You don’t have to forget, but right now, it sounds like you are letting this one issue take control of your relationship with him and it will continue to cause you damage and hurt if you keep hanging on to it.
It can be very damaging to your mental and physical health to hang on to your things as you are.
I understand you’re hurt and you have every right to be hurt. You’re not a jerk for feeling the way you do. You can’t choose to feel a certain way but you can choose to try to heal from it and mend your relationship with a father who loves you as well as a father you love.
I wish you the best and I hope you both can find a healthy way to deal with this situation.” Mysterious_Tadpole75
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But only in the slightest. Here’s the thing, dads are human and it really does sound like he didn’t know how bad it was affecting you and when he realized it he upended his entire life to make it up to you.
But that’s not enough?… it really should be. He sounds like he loves you very much but made a mistake, all humans do that – even dads.
Sometimes we have to push past the pain of past hurt to forgive and that’s hard. And NO that does not work the same when people are in abusive relationships and will keep causing pain, but when someone unintentionally hurts you and genuinely shows remorse and makes amends, those are the times you should work towards forgiving.
I’m 37 and still need my dad, don’t sacrifice your future relationship for this. I’m sorry this happened but it’s not worth a life without a father. Forgive him.” julesB09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it seems your dad was oblivious to the effect his words had on you.
While not good at all, when you finally told the truth about what has been going on he left her and you both went to therapy.
Your dad actually does have your back and is trying to make things right. He can’t change the past but I hope you realize that your dad chose you.
I really hope you’ll be able to move past it and develop a deeper and loving relationship with your father.
So many kids don’t get parents that would not only choose them and leave their partner but also go into therapy. You are quite fortunate.
Maybe what you both need are better boundaries.
Explain to him that you’re not able to joke about the past and you might never be and for the time being – it would be best for him to not bring it up.” dabblingdabbles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He obviously wasn’t purposefully hurting your feelings, you never even communicated that to him until the day you snapped. So he’s having fun, enjoying his life and relationship with you, and then out of the blue, you tell him that he’s been doing it wrong for however many years he was doing it.
So he only just found out at that moment, immediately tried to fix it by leaving a ‘total sweetheart’ for you, and it’s still not good enough?
If you can’t offer a REAL solution to yourself and your dad on how he can amend this relationship, then you’re just unnecessarily playing the victim.
Doesn’t sound like you even want to fix the relationship with him. You’ve just accepted that it’s ruined. You’re only driving a wedge further between you two which is sad as you and he went through the same awful and traumatic experience and now he has to continue going through that alone because there’s obviously no pleasing you.
I actually feel really bad for you dad. I could understand taking time to get over it, and discussing that with him, but to be a victim for that long is ridiculous. At what point are you going to stop letting this define the relationship between you and your father?” WhoseFaceIsThis
1. AITJ For Buying All But One Person A Drink?
“I went out with some friends this weekend. I gamble a little, I stress a little because I’m one of those people that will quit if I win 20 bucks. I won about 100.
Well my friend Sara brought her friend Lisa along. Lisa doesn’t seem to have many friends besides Sara and she’s kinda annoying.
She talks over people, makes everything about her, and always has to be right. She’s not my cup of tea but I tolerate her.
I decided to be nice and get my friends some drinks/shots whatever. I didn’t include Lisa because I don’t like her and whenever I do something nice she thinks I’m her new bestie.
Plus she’s kinda a mooch, if she’s drinking beer and someone else gets a round she switches her drink to a more expensive mixed drink.
When I got a round of shots and the bartender gave my friends chips (for their drink) I heard Lisa say to Sara ‘I guess I don’t get one.’ Sara looked at me but I just shrugged.
Then when Lisa went to the bathroom Sara said ‘would it have been so hard to just be nice and get her a drink?’ I said, ‘No, but why? She’s not my friend, she’s yours.’ She said it was a jerk move and I should have just been nice.
Our friend Adam told Sara he would have done the same thing.
My line of thinking was that I hadn’t seen these friends in a while and I wanted to do something nice. It’s not like I said, ‘haha I’ll buy drinks for everyone but Lisa’.
Maybe I should have just kept my winnings to myself instead.
AITJ for getting everyone in our group drinks except one person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that would be your friend Sara. Sara brought Lisa and got annoyed when you didn’t buy a drink for Lisa.
That’s on her for bringing her. You aren’t friends with Lisa, why would you buy her a drink? All the people saying YTJ because you bought a round for your friends and Lisa isn’t your friend can suck eggs. Why, because they have the sense of entitlement that what you do for friends you do for the people they brought with them.
Nah, my friends when I was younger would buy me a drink (rule of thumb with this group was you didn’t have to drink it if you didn’t like it), I tried stuff I normally wouldn’t drink, some were great others burned like a mother and tasted like cough syrup.
I had friends who when they learned I was in a specific location would show up, buy a round of drinks for myself and my bestie, and disappear after talking to me and handing me the drinks. If Sara thinks getting Lisa a drink was that important she should have paid for her to have one.” Patient_Gas_5245
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You sound like you’re 10 years old.
Sometimes adults just have to******* up. There are plenty of people I can’t say I’m friends with or even like, but if they’re in a group, and I’m buying the group a round, I’m ‘obviously’ not going to exclude them.
You’re old enough to gamble, so you’re old enough to not be acting like that.” Pale_Height_1251
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t invite that other person your friend did. That friend that invited her could have given her their free drink or bought her one.
For the people saying you should have paid for her, they are wrong. If all the friends invited an extra, you would have been out tons of cash, by that rule. You weren’t hosting a party, you were buying your friends a drink.” Mean_Knee9426
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, big time!! You do not buy drinks for everyone in the group and exclude one person. How would you feel if they had done that to you?? You singled her out on purpose to make her feel bad. If I were your friend who brought Lisa I would not hang with you again.
You are mean and act like you are still in high school.” sarahlampi
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