People Are Worried About These Rough 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Telling My MIL That The Dogs She Gave Up Are Now Mine?
“My (26F) MIL moved in with her partner 2 months ago who doesn’t like dogs, and so she decided to give up her 3 dogs for adoption.
Instead of putting them in a shelter and risking them being there for a long time, and getting separated my partner (28M) and I decided we would adopt them as we have the space, time, and resources to accommodate them.
All of the identification for the dogs (insurance, microchip, and vets) has been changed into my name.
They are very badly behaved dogs, as my MIL never put the effort into training them or walking them. It has taken a lot of effort on our part to begin the journey to improving their behavior.
We have noticed a huge change already, we can mostly go whole days without any barking, no accidents in the house, and no destruction.
We have so far exclusively taken the dogs to private dog paddocks to work on their recall and lead walking without reactivity issues.
We are then planning to progress to public footpaths and walks.
Now onto where I might have been the jerk. 2 weeks ago one of the dogs (9M) injured his hip during a particularly active walk. We weren’t sure what he had done at first so took a trip to the vet to make sure it wasn’t serious.
After an examination, and x-ray is was determined to just be a muscle strain that would improve with rest.
My MIL dropped in last weekend for a coffee and I mentioned how the dog had hurt himself but was getting better each day. She then proceeded to say ‘I expect he’ll be okay now because I think he just needed to see his mummy’.
This made me incredibly angry and so I told her that she lost the right to refer to herself as his mummy when she abandoned them and gave up all responsibility. She called me entitled for thinking they were my dogs now and left. I got some angry messages that evening from her, and my 2 SILs, again saying I was entitled and the dogs weren’t mine after just 2 months when they were my MILs for 9 years.
My partner is 100% on my side in this, as he knows firsthand how much time and love we have put into the dogs.
So AITJ? This was never a temporary arrangement to have the dogs and my MIL specified this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ MIL decided that after nine years she didn’t want her dogs anymore when she moved in with her partner.
When you adopted them they became YOUR dogs just as they would have if they had been adopted by anybody else. Owning them for nine years and then abandoning them doesn’t qualify as “mummy.” Quite frankly the fact that she and your 2 SILs are sending you messages calling you “entitled” is embarrassing for them-they’re the ones who are entitled.” purplpeanut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ lost her parental rights when she gave them up for adoption. Like seriously after 9 years she hiffed them out the door for to be with her partner and still expects that she is their whole world. Animals feel abandoned just like people.
Yes, they are lucky that you guys took them in and already had a relationship with them but they would have been confused and upset with their new life before they realized how much more loved they are with you. ” Pretend-Percentage45
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
So if they did dump them at a shelter and they were adopted, would they call up the new owners and tell them they’re entitled? If you asked her to cover some of the resources you’ve spent on the dogs these last couple of months, would she?
Doubtful. They are jerks and since they’re your bf’s crummy family, I’d mute or block them and let him deal with them.” friendlily
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay More Than The Online Price For Lost Earphones?
“I (23 F) went on a trip with my friend (23 F) from college, her partner (26 M) and his best friend (27 M), this best friend being the said acquaintance in my question. The first time I have met or spoken to this guy is on this trip.
One night at dinner, he gave me his earphones to keep in my bag for safekeeping as he wasn’t carrying any bag. I remember keeping it in the same place in the bag as my own earphones. We all got tipsy afterwards in our hotel rooms and were drinking till the morning.
Before we went to sleep, he asked for them back and I couldn’t find them. My own earphones are there only but his are missing. So I apologize a lot, feel awful about it and tell him that I can buy him new ones if he likes.
He says its okay and that’s that. I apologized several more times after that.
The day we are about to leave at brunch, he tells me to pay an amount that’s higher than what I can see on Amazon for the exact brand/type of his earphones.
His earphones are expensive and way more than what I usually spend on mine. I tell him that I will buy him the exact ones that he had or pay him that amount that I can see on Amazon but I don’t see any sense in paying a higher amount than the cost of his earphones that I can see online.
He doesn’t say anything.
Later I ask my friend and she says that I don’t really need to pay anything at all, because it’s not like I borrowed his earphones from him, he gave them to me on his own for safekeeping and that’s on him that he didn’t bring a bag and trusted/requested an almost stranger enough to keep something that was important to him.
She says that most people won’t pay him anything or buy him new earphones, and it’s not like I borrowed them or lost them intentionally. I guess I see this point but then I feel that they were lost from my bag so ig it makes it my responsibility and I should pay but idk.
He has texted me again a couple of times asking for money and I am a bit confused still, hence this post.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at best I would offer to split the cost of them from Amazon. I honestly do not think you owe him anything since you were doing him a favor by holding them.
You didn’t ask to borrow them I think this guy is trying to scam you. My guess is he took them back…maybe forgot at first if you all had been drinking…then you offered to pay for them and he figured he would get some funds from you.
He have might even found them in his pocket.” pudge-thefish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were going to give him anything, I’d find a pair of used ones on eBay and give him those, as the mysteriously ‘lost’ ones weren’t new. Or show him the price of the used ones and tell him that’s what you’re willing to pay.
I don’t think I’d pay anything, though. He made a choice to put them in your bag, believing that they would be safer there than in his pocket. There’s no implied contract saying you have to reimburse him for their loss. Even a safe deposit box inside a bank vault isn’t insured, you’re out of luck if someone breaks in and steals the contents.” chazzzer
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Child After My Grandfather I Never Met?
“So a little bit of background is my mother is an overly emotional person and is generally very difficult to reason with when something doesn’t go her way, its part of the reason I moved away when I was 18. I now live about a 16 hour drive away and its really helped me create some distance so we can have a better relationship.
I, 22f, and my husband, 28m, are expecting our first child, we haven’t found out the gender yet but we have been discussing potential names. His father is a little older and we decided if we are to have a boy we will use his father’s name as a middle name to honour him a little.
A couple weeks ago my mother called and asked if we had thought about baby names yet, I told her our plans to honour my father in law. I wish I would have kept it to myself because she started telling me that it would mean the world to her if I also honoured her father and included his name somehow.
Her father died when she was young so I’ve never met him and any time I asked about him as a kid she would break down and cry so I don’t know a single thing about him. I let her know that I didn’t really like that as a first name and we already picked a middle name, she argued that my kid could have two middle names and I just changed the subject because we don’t know the gender yet so there is no reason to argue about it.
Now that my gender reveal is planned for next month I’m starting to get nervous, she is coming out for the event and I’m honestly dreading possibly having a boy. Me and my husband dislike the name and feel its not our responsibility to carry on her father’s name especially since my brother is already named after him.
I don’t know what I’m going to tell her if its a boy but I think I just need to be straightforward with her. I think she needs to hear that I don’t know anything about her dad and I don’t want to name my kid after a stranger.
I don’t want to upset her but I’m also not willing to budge, I will not name my child after her father.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t tell her, that you don’t want to name the child after a man you don’t know but that you don’t want to call your child the same name as your brother.
Because this would get confusing for you to think about (let’s say the name is Jack) Jack or tell someone about Jack and it is not clear if you are talking about your brother or your son. It is a good reason not to name your child after your late grandfather without hurting your mom’s feelings (too much)” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Simply tell her that your names are already decided and the person she wants to honour has already received that honour via your brother. That was her right to name her own child and it’s your right now, not hers. Add that this is not a discussion or a negotiation and you will not tolerate push back.
If she tries to push back, remind her you said you won’t tolerate that and if she persists she’ll be told (not asked) to leave. If she thinks that’s a bluff and persists, uphold your boundary and escort her to the front door. In future, never reveal any baby names and shut down all discussion of them.” ghostoftommyknocker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for choosing not to name your child after someone you have never met and know nothing about. Naming your child is a deeply personal decision that should be made by you and your husband. It’s important to feel a connection to the name you choose for your child, and it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t feel this connection to your grandfather’s name given the circumstances.” Sea_Cartographer45
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Alzheimer's Mother Who Favored My Sister?
“My mother (63) was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and has moved in with me (35), my husband (40), and our daughter (4).
My mom and I have not had the closest relationship throughout my life, I was closer to my dad (who passed when I was a teen) and my younger sister (who now lives overseas) was always closer to my mom.
When my sister was born, and continuing on even now in adult life, my mom has been wrapped around my sisters finger. My whole family has acknowledged it, even when we were kids. My mom has always babied her and been closer to her than with me.
There have been specific instances I always remember in my life where my mom flat out cast me aside in favor of my sister (even on the day I got engaged).
I’ve had resentment towards her this whole time, always keeping my distance so I don’t get hurt again.
Now that she was diagnosed and could not live alone, her only option outside of a living facility was to live with me. At first I thought it harmless but as time goes on, it has been increasingly affecting my mental health. She is mostly clear headed but has moments where she isn’t and it’s hard to tell if the way she is behaving is part of her past patterns or because of the disease.
It drives me insane and brings up feelings from past trauma all the time.
My anger and resentment has only continued to grow and I’m at the point where I don’t want to care for her anymore. My husband and I were going to try for another baby right before we had to take my mom in, and now the stress is so high, I cannot imagine having another baby while also caring for my mom.
I feel like I got the bad end of the stick because my sister lives overseas living out her dreams and I am the only family to care for mom, putting my life on hold to do so.
I feel like a jerk because, typically, if you are able, you take care of your parents in old age, and I absolutely do not want to anymore.
On surface level, I could definitely be a jerk, but with our rocky relationship that stems from childhood, I’m not sure that I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Being a caregiver is hard. Being a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s is incredibly hard.
It will take a toll on you, your husband, and your daughter. It sounds like you’re quickly approaching a point where she is going to need more care than you can provide. There is no shame in finding her a facility.” ahknewb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Studies have actually shown that Alzheimer’s patients do better in the long term if they start out earlier at a facility, because then they have memories of the place. What’s more, your mother hasn’t been a good mother to you. You aren’t obligated to care for her now.
Tell her that you’ve realized it’s more than you can handle and that she can’t move with you. If your sister “loves your mom so much,” she can move back home and care for her.” crystallz2000
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I’m completely ignoring all the background details because Alzheimer’s is enough on it’s own.
Taking care of someone who has it is an extremely hard full time 24/7 job. It might not be yet but it will be. Very few people are capable of handling an Alzheimer’s patient full time, even with training and experience. NTJ she’s beyond your ability to help.” TheVaneja
21. AITJ For Distributing Missing Person Flyers At School?
“My neighbor, (fake name) Jackson, (14M) recently went missing in early March. My mom made some flyers for his parents, who are genuinely nice people. I (14F) wanted to help by passing out some of the flyers at my school.
So my mom was supposed to print some of the flyers for me to take to school, which had been approved by the police department.
It was a basic flyer, with his photo and info. Including the departments number. She had forgotten to print them and sent me it digitally, I take a photography class so I decided I would just ask him to print a few out for me.
So, my school does A and B days and that day I didn’t have photography so I went to him during advisory passing period to ask if I could come by during lunch to have something printed, he agreed so I came back during lunch.
When he saw what it was he didn’t refuse and just asked questions. He ended up printing 10, I kept all 10 copies.
I wanted to go to my counselor to ask him to help me pass them out, or if I was even allowed to. He wasn’t there so I asked another counselor who said he was out sick.
So I gave her 1 of the flyers then went to the attendance lady and gave her one before doing my own thing.
Around 10-20 minutes later my school’s security guard came up to me and brought me to the attendance office. He said I wasn’t allowed to do that.
He said that 1, they couldn’t prove the flyers were real because there was no way to tell the police department had approved it, 2, they couldn’t prove that Jackson was even a part of the school district, and 3, that staff weren’t allowed to print anything that wasn’t school related. Which is a rule I had NEVER heard about before.
He said the my photography teacher wouldn’t get in trouble but would if it happened again.
I told my mom the story today and she’s upset about it, she said that doing that wasn’t his right. She plans on emailing my counselor about it and taking it up with him.
My dad says I did everything right, and that I shouldn’t have been scolded.
So, AITJ for passing out missing persons flyers at my school?”
Another User Comments:
“A call to the police department would tell if they approved. A call to the attendance office could verify if he was a student or not.
Seems very off a school security guard wouldn’t be in the know about a missing student or would worry about what staff was or wasn’t allowed to print..” Kris82868
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A few phone calls could’ve verified all of that information. And if he did attend that school, the school should’ve already had something posted for other students and parents to be on the lookout.” LaceyLynne
20. AITJ For Standing Up A Guy Who Wanted Me To Pay For His Photo Shoot?
“I met this guy online last year. We became good friends and went on a few outings. Ultimately, it ended because I wanted to be in a relationship and he thought that was “too serious”.
Despite my frustration at being informed of this fact 5 outings in, I tried to amiably part ways with him.
Over the next few months, he would try to remain in contact with me and try to initiate meet-ups. I declined each time, mainly because I had come to suspect that he looked down on my degree and potential career path for not being lucrative enough.
It’s worth mentioning that he is currently unemployed and is not actively pursuing any educational/vocational training.
A few days ago, he texted me while I was in a class, trying to initiate a meetup. I told him that I would be going to McDonald’s after class and that if he wishes to talk, he could come there.
He agreed.
A few hours later, he asks me if we could go somewhere other than McD, somewhere with a “better background”. When asked why, he responds that he wants to take good pictures of himself. I told him that I just wanted a burger and if he wants, we could go to an upscale coffee shop nearby and he could get himself a coffee and I’d take his pics.
He said that he did not want anything and I could just order something at the coffee shop and take his pics. I informed him that this shop (that I have been to, on a special occasion) is quite expensive and I, being a college student, cannot afford it.
He points to my profile picture on the app that we are texting on and asks where it was taken. I told him the place (which is a posh market). He argues that I can afford the coffee shop. We have that back-and-forth for an hour.
In the end, I text “I will just be going home then”. He reacts with a thumbs up to this message. An hour later, he is apparently there, despite my informing him that I’m going home.
He proceeds to send me angry texts, telling me that I am ungrateful for standing him up, just because I did not want to take his pics.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Block him. He’s a breadcrumber. He’s literally staying in contact with you so he can take up your time and attention when he wants it. Look how he behaves when he doesn’t get his (unreasonable) way. That man is a friend to no women.
NTJ ” Office_Desk906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly you would be the jerk to yourself if you didn’t block him on everything after this and cut contact. The fact that you continued talking to him despite his stalking/calling is very concerning. He knows he can push your boundaries and use you.
No amount of explaining will stop him from his delusional thinking. Cut all ties, keep records of his calls, and tell him you’ll contact the police if he keeps harassing you.” earthenlily
19. AITJ For Refusing To Commit To Preparing Meals And Running Concession Stand For My Son's Baseball Team?
“My son is on a player pitch baseball team. He’s 10. Coach sent a text last night to all the parents giving assigned dates for parents to run the concession stand and provide a crock pot meal during the season.
My assigned date was a day I can’t make. For context, I’m a single mom and a nurse who works all sorts of bizarre hours to balance my time with my kids between when they’re with their dad (who lives in the same town and we do 50/50 and are very amicable.)
I initially was surprised to see that I was committed to something that, to me, feels very overwhelming. I work long hours on the days they’re with their dad so I can be home on days they’re with me. I am struggling to stay on top of my day to day life sometimes.
I’m burnt out but my kids deserve the chance to have their own hobbies so here we are.
The idea of having to plan, prep and cook a meal and be managing a concession during a game that is important to me is really upsetting and has been causing me a lot of strife.
I don’t get to go to all of my son’s games – because I work every other weekend in order to keep my commitment and get benefits. I’m lucky if I’ll make half the games. I’m a very present mom and missing games is hard.
When I can make the games, I want to be available and engaged. Watching him play and him knowing I’m paying attention is something that’s important to me.
I love my job, despite the schedule which can be stressful, is also flexible in many other ways that are helpful to me in this stage of life.
I messaged the coach to basically say that while I care about the team and don’t want to be unsupportive, that I cannot be committed to helping in that way. If other opportunities to help came up and I could help then I would gladly volunteer.
He basically told me he would switch the weekend to one I would be at a game so I could help.
AITJ for refusing to commit to this task? I am so torn up about it but ultimately feel like it’s not nice that his coach signed people up to bring a meal and work during the game without discussing it beforehand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ >My son is on a player pitch baseball team. He’s 10. Coach sent a text last night to all the parents giving assigned dates for parents to run the concession stand and provide a crock pot meal during the season.
You ask for volunteers, you don’t assign people volunteer duties. You pay for your son to participate in the league. You are not a league employee. You don’t owe them your time to run to the concession stand or make a crockpot meal for the team.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You pay a fee for your son to be on the team. Any fundraising, or meals for the team, should be on a volunteer basis. It’s wholly inappropriate of the coach to tell you that you would have to do this, and then to only offer to switch your days when you said you were unavailable. ” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Saw an amazing saying on here: Voluntelling…. When someone tells you that you are doing something for others/ when someone volunteers you without discussing it with you. Tell the coach they are asking the impossible of you but when they need somebody to volunteer again you would be happy to check your calendar to see if it suits.
You are doing your best and your kids cone before the whole team. It’s fairly likely that there are other parents who would be happy cover extra shifts. ” International-Fee255
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents To My Engagement Celebration With Friends?
“My now fiancee and I went on a vacation last week Sunday- Thursday. I popped the question Wednesday night and she said yes. We got back late Thursday and I planned a celebration at a bar/restaurant my friend manages Friday night. It wasn’t huge or anything, it was just their back private room that had room for about 25ish people.
It was all put together relatively late notice when my friend told me the people who rented previously cancelled and I could have it free if we committed to bar minimum for the bartenders. My parents live about a 3 hour drive away, fiancee’s parents are a 2 hour flight or 11 hour drive.
While both of us get along with our parents, neither of us really find them “fun” and she has trouble relaxing around them so I planned the celebration primarily as a friends event. I told some of her college friends who live out of town and they came in for it, then I invited our closest friends in our city and my sister and her husband since they live in the same city.
Besides sister + her husband it was just friends of ours.
We had a great time and everyone was really happy for us. We had facetimed both of our parents the night of the engagement and told them both we’ll have to celebrate with them soon but didnt invite them to this event.
Her parents dont even know about the friend celebration but my parents found out when my sister sent a picture of the four of us. Then my parents called the next day to ask about the party and I told them it was a good time.
I thought they were just happy and curious, but no, they then went on a pity party about how they weren’t invited and spent more time complaining about that than anything else. They said im already starting everything off on a bad note by not inviting them/soon to be in laws.
I feel like they’re just overreacting and Im going to let them cool off for awhile, but IDK, my brother (who lives on the other side of the country) said they called to complain to him too about it.
Was I really that bad for not inviting them?
”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can have multiple celebrations if you wish. Family is what you make of it – it sounds like you had plenty of family there and had a great time. Don’t let them tarnish that!” PsychologicalArt2892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my partner and I have already said were going to do a friends party before anything with fam too.
I love my parents but a celebration with them and her parents would be far different than with my friends. Siblings who are close in age are a lot more like friends than parents.” throwraW2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You on short notice planned an informal bash with your and her nearby friends.
(I am presuming that you are friends with your sister and BIL). Not a formal, planned, long in advance engagement party with parents and so on. There is no need for your parents pity party. They will get into the usual wedding events (unless you elope to avoid their scenes…)” bkwormtricia
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Friend's Party After She Excluded Me Due To Jealousy?
“My friend, I’ll call her Hannah for this post, is having a birthday party on Saturday. Her actual birthday was last Sunday but for scheduling it worked out better to have the party this week. When I asked Hannah if she wanted to do something on her birthday weekend a few weeks ago she was kind of vague and mentioned she might go see her parents so I said cool, and didn’t mention it again.
Later on Sunday a mutual friend of ours mentioned she’d been out last night with Hannah, and some other friends of ours. I was surprised, and she was surprised that I didn’t know. I debated not even asking Hannah about this because I don’t have to be invited to everything, it’s not like we’re joined at the hip.
But since she invited all our mutual friends and must have blocked me from her stories so I didn’t see (our friends aren’t super active on social media but Hannah is), I figured I would bring it up in a non-aggressive way. So I just messaged her “heard you were out last night, hope you rung in your birthday in style!
Happy birthday!”
Hannah messaged back saying thanks and she’s sorry she didn’t invite me but she really didn’t want to deal with me getting attention from men on *her* birthday. I was pretty shocked at this. Not only because I never asked why she didn’t invite me, and because it felt like such a cruel reason to not invite me.
Again, I don’t mind not being invited to everything, but to invite all our mutual friends and not me because of some dumb “competitive” thing just seems really mean spirited. I told Hannah I was hurt and she said I shouldn’t be upset that she wanted one night to enjoy herself on her birthday.
I really don’t want to go to her birthday party now. Just because now I’m going to be wondering if I’m secretly bothering her by being there. And because I feel like she clearly doesn’t value our friendship very much if it’s more important for to get hit on by club rats than to hang out with me.
My best friend says we should both not go but he doesn’t like Hannah anyway. And my dad says I shouldn’t go. But all my partners are mutual friends with Hannah and I don’t want to bring them into this situation. So WIBTJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s jealous of you. How sad that a day that is meant for her to celebrate with her friends, she feels so resentful towards one of them, they’re excluded. I wouldn’t go either. That is very much not a friend if they’re so fragile, they feel that way.
Edit to add the obvious NTJ” Wrong_Restaurant_611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She excluded you from a friend group thing due to her own insecurity. But also, if you didn’t want to ask her, I wouldn’t have mentioned it all. In effect, you were asking her in a passive-aggressive gotcha comment.
It would have been better to just privately ask her, “I know we’re all adults here and I won’t always be invited, but I understand you went out with our friend group to celebrate your bday. I would have loved to celebrate you with our friends.
Is something wrong? Has something happened that would make you not want me there?”” Pretty_Little_Mind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When friends give you advice you never know what their intentions are but when a father gives you advice you can almost guarantee that it’s right.
Don’t go to the party as your dad suggested. If you do it will teach Hannah that it is okay to treat you like a jerk. If you are asked you didn’t come tell everyone what Hannah previously said and from now on you refuse to spoil any more events for her.
Hannah is not your friend. Block her and move on!” User
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accept Diving Lessons As Repayment From My Ex-Partner?
“My friend was foolish and was driving inebriated and totalled a car she was renting monthly. She had to pay $3500 and I lent her the money because she didn’t want to ask her parents.
We were seeing each other at the time and this happened when I went to visit her for 2 weeks on a Caribbean island where she was doing an internship.
Fast forward, she is on a different Caribbean island and got a job there. I am visiting her in a week, now as my ex-partner.
She offered to “pay for my advanced open water diving course” to help pay off her debt, which to me doesn’t make sense because then she would spend the same amount of money and doesn’t help her pay me off. I also don’t want to do it on this island because it is way more expensive than in other places.
When I visited her on the other island she knew someone and said she could get me PADI-certified for free, and they did it. But then later she held it over me and expected me to pay for everything, when I thought she was doing it as a nice gesture and not to get things out of me.
And she didn’t pay this person to give me the lessons, it was a favor to her as a friend.
Now, it seems again she must have connections and can get someone to do the lessons for cheap or free, and this way she doesn’t have to pay me back as much money.
After offering to “pay” my advanced diving course she said, “I mean you are already staying with me for free.” That really rubbed me the wrong way. I am spending over $1000 to visit you, she is the one that was begging me to visit… We have a complicated relationship and we had a big fight about the money situation last time, because it felt to me she was very transactional, “oh I got you diving lessons so now you owe me”, instead of “oh I got you diving lessons because I love you and want to do nice things for you and dive with you.”
So now I don’t want to accept the diving lesson offer because I said I didn’t want to do the lessons there because it was so expensive, and she seemed offput. WIBTJ if I said no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even reading this felt overly complicated. If you take the lessons, she will deduct it from what she owes.
It doesn’t matter if she got them free, if you do it, you would have paid x amount. Keep it simple, don’t accept any “favors” if you want your $3500.00. Ps – I’d get a hotel to avoid any further “charges”. PSS – Never lend money to this person again.” Reasonable-Bad-769
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If your friend is proposing to give you something of value to pay off a debt she owes, it doesn’t actually matter how she obtained that thing: it matters how much value you place on it. Perhaps she would be cashing in another favor to get you diving lessons, perhaps she’s good at persuading people to give her free stuff, whatever – it doesn’t matter.
Do you want diving lessons? How much value do you place on them? As things stand, she owes you $3500. She proposes to arrange diving lessons for you in partial payment. That’s fine, as long as you both agree how much of the debt the diving lessons will cancel.
You’re not obliged to accept market value of the lessons on that particular island.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you will never get your money back from her. Also stop visiting her because she’s going to try to deduct room and board from the amount she owes you.
The lesson you’re learning cost you $3,500. Always remember never to lend large amounts of money without a written, notarized agreement of repayment in place.” Clean-Fisherman-4601
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Half-Brother Use My Laptop To Apply For Jobs?
“So, my (f14) older half-brother (m34) is currently trying to apply for jobs because his current job is in his field but not at the level he wants to be at. However, the applications for what he’s trying to apply for (a paramedic firefighter position, what our dad did for 26 years) require the resume to be made and the application filled out through Microsoft Word.
My brother has a Macbook that doesn’t have a word, and his wife has the same thing. My dad doesn’t have a computer and my mom has another Macbook.
But my dad (m58) got me a gaming laptop for Christmas and I absolutely love it.
I use it for everything and prefer it to using my phone whenever possible so most of my friends (both online and in real life) message me through Discord and I’m a part of a few servers. Because it’s a gaming laptop, it runs on Windows.
So because of this, my dad wants to let my brother use my laptop to fill out his application and resume.
But the thing is, I don’t have the full version of Word and only have the (currently unused) free trial available that I’ve been saving for a day when I need it for a school assignment or college application or something.
But him using my free trial isn’t even my main issue. My main issue is that when my brother comes over to use my computer, it’s probably going to be while I’m at school, and can’t be sure that he’s only accessing that one part of my computer.
I think it’s also important to note that I barely know my brother. He’s twenty years older than me and he’s only ever lived in the same city as me in the past year. We do not have the same bond as I do with my sister.
If it had been her asking, I would’ve just silenced my discord notifications so she couldn’t see my texts pop up but otherwise leave it alone. But with my brother, I am not nearly comfortable with him to let him have unfiltered access to my laptop and all of my files, search history, texts, and everything else.
But when I told my dad this he told me I was being a jerk and I needed to let my brother borrow my laptop because he’s family and has been going through a rough patch. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of these people are giving you a hard time because you told your age.
Not one single person who has commented so far would hand over their computer to a near stranger, who also happened to be a family member, which makes it worse. As they all know. I am in my 40s and know this. And would never, ever give my privacy away like this.” Fooftato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why doesn’t he buy an Office license for his Mac laptop? 150 USD or so, and he can use it anytime at his convenience. On his own own computer, that he knows how to use? Where does he have access to all of his stuff already?
Where he can keep the stuff he creates without having to transfer it back? When your trial runs out, he will have to buy a license anyway. And, if he wants to do right by you, he would have to buy you a license when you need it.
Why not just buy one now?” madcap_funnyfarm
14. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Special Recipe With My Ex Mother-In-Law?
“My ex-husband (Jacob) and I lived with his Mom (Marry) and step-dad prior to us getting married and Jacob joining the military. I continued to live there while Jacob was in basic training. Marry and I did everything together at that point because her husband was away at this time too for deployment.
I thought her and I had a great relationship but I found out that she had been writing Jacob and telling him things like not to sign power of attorney papers over to me, not to trust me… Jacob put her in her place eventually but I never really let my guard down with her after that.
And as you can imagine, this type of behavior from her was not an isolated incident. I managed to mirror her fakeness and we got along just fine for the 10 yrs my ex and I were married.
Fast forward to last year when I had to take Jacob to court to have the custody agreement changed for the safety of our children.
Jacob tried to keep Luke, our oldest, from being a part of the custody case because he was going to be 18 in less than 6 months and was going to be able to testify. Our other two children were under 10 and would not have as much of a voice because of their ages.
But the way my ex-in laws, the ENTIRE family has treated Luke because he stood up for himself and his siblings makes my b***d boil. Mary (Luke’s grandmother) and Aunt telling him they couldn’t or won’t talk to him until court is over because they don’t want to take sides.
But they continued to visit and talk with his dad. They continue to make plans and never follow through with them even now and court ended in September 2023. Breaks my heart.
The point of all this is, Mary (my ex mother-in-law and Luke’s grandmother) text Luke a few days ago and wanted him to ask me for MY sweet potato casserole recipe.
I was originally going to give it to her (people pleaser in me).
This is a dish of mine that is requested often when I’m invited to parties. I’ve had a few ways I’d like to respond to her request…. “Goggle it”, it’s not gonna be the same but it’s as close as you’ll ever get again…
AITJ for refusing to give my Ex Monster-in-law my recipe that I tweaked and made my own?”
Another User Comments:
“Time to block her and all the ex family. No response needed and tell your kid to ignore her too, just like she did to him.
NTJ But please get all your kids into therapy. Divorce sucks but it sounds like there were even more trauma in that household.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but make sure your kids have it, my mother took a recipe to her death bed and all the family would have loved to have known how she made it.
It was a chocolate trifle, we called it death by chocolate.” Dranask
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Simply make it a NO. But if you want to avoid the drama, pretend to be helpful – Tell her: There is no recipe, you do it on the fly.
BE vague. 2-3 potatoes, some butter, onions: Not to few, but not too many, that is very important, … Have fun, this can be a good way to get back at her while seemingly being helpful. But if you don’T want to talk to her, simply ignore the requests.
She has not even asked you.” Excellent-Count4009
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband Over His Hidden Debt?
“Me (39F) and my husband (43M) have been together 9 years and married 3. We have 3 kids (14, 13, and 5) but the older 2 are his from a previous marriage.
We’ve been renting for our whole relationship, but I’ve always wanted to buy. Our landlord is now selling, which means we have to move.
We had a meeting with a mortgage advisor this week. Ahead of the meeting, the husband said he had a poor credit history and wasn’t sure we’d get a mortgage because of some missed credit card payments.
When I lookedoth our credit scores, the average puts us in the range of being accepted for a mortgage so I wasn’t worried. Come to the meeting, it’s revealed that he’s sitting on £40k+ of debt, spread over loans and credit cards.
It felt like a complete gut punch to find out that way – I think I was in shock because I didn’t react initially and it took me a few days of floating through life to comprehend what this means for us and our relationship.
I tried to have it out with him last night after our youngest was in bed (the older 2 at their mum’s) and his reaction was so defensive and aggressive. He said he isn’t good with funds, chronically overspends and always has and what do I want him to say?
He then left and went to the pub, leaving me with our 5yo who had woken up crying. I just don’t know where to go from here. I don’t think I handled last night well-I was angry and I did shout, but I’m so hurt.
It’s less about the funds (though that terrifies me as someone debt averse) but more that he didn’t talk to me about it at any point in our relationship. Also worth noting is that his mum left us £50k for a deposit and he spent £40k of that 2 years ago clearing debt.
I feel like the trust is gone.
I want to get through this but I can’t see him putting in any emotional effort to understand my position. His approach is to carry on like nothing’s happened, as we did after the inheritance spend was revealed. My natural approach to things is to avoid conflict, but I don’t know if I can carry on as if nothing’s changed. I don’t know what to do.
Can my relationship recover from something like this?”
12. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About Damaging A Neighbor's Property?
“So my father [64] and I [m38] were on a walk in our neighborhood and we passed by this nice colonial style property with like carriage house and whatnot and a 4-5’ white picket fence along the parameter.
Behind that fence are even taller thick privacy bushes. About mid-way along that parameter, behind the fence there is a break in the bushes there is a 6-7’ high stump of a tree that is old weathered, and termite eaten and whatnot but serves essentially the same purpose as the privacy shrubs.
My father took his walking stick and started poking at and breaking away parts of the inside of the tree, that faced the street, nothing majorly destructive just little bits and pieces. I exclaimed “Dad!” and shook my head as I continued on our walk.
This prompted my father then to ask a series of bizarre questions about my childhood that he very well knows the answer to, like was I picked on as a kid? Did I have trouble in school, the culmination of which was him asking if I knew why I was so judgmental?
According to him exclaiming “Dad!” and shaking my head is me judging him. I responded yeah ‘cause I don’t think that it’s right to damage people’s property or to assume that someone would be okay with me doing so. This is my projecting my beliefs onto other people and that it’s okay for him to do that because he decided that it’s okay.
I find this to be asinine but when he asked who says it’s not okay to do whatever you want to someone else property, the best I could come up with is “the world” partly out of frustration, partially out of just the absurdity of the argument.
And how there is no way he would let someone take this stance with him. Or if I had ever behaved like that as a kid! It ended up with me trying to end the conversation when he just flat-out denied asking a question that I was responding to.
So I said I was done, and he continued to keep talking so I turned around and walked away. To which he chided.”
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Leave After She Upset My Daughter By Comparing Her Dads?
“My husband and I are both in our 30s, we are expecting our first child very very soon. I also have another daughter who is 8, with my ex. We were together for a few years before having our daughter, but then he met someone else and decided to leave.
This was when our daughter was only two, so she didn’t know much about what happened.
My ex didn’t want to be very involved in our lives or co-parenting because he wanted to “start over”, anyways I didn’t want my daughter to spend so much time with someone who didn’t even want to.
So he got to see her a weekend a month. His new wife treats her politely and he always makes an effort to have fun with her and ask her about what happened since they last met. They are not as close as ideally a dad and his kid would be, but it is alright.
My mom was very angry about the whole deal because she told me when my ex and I were together that she didn’t think this would end well. She was right and I fully accept that. She thought it was very unfair that her grandchild would not have a good relationship with her dad, at least the kind of relationship she would have wanted her to have.
Anyway, the current situation: my mom is staying with me for a few weeks because my due date is very soon. Yesterday I heard her tell my husband that she knows he’s going to be a much better dad than my daughter’s dad is, because he loves his child a lot already.
My daughter was also there and she said no, my dad loves me too. I was upstairs but I was trying to come down because I didn’t think this was headed anywhere good. My mom told my daughter that she shouldn’t lie to herself, what kind of a dad only wants to see their kid once a month?
My daughter ended up crying almost all day. I kind of lost it and told her I didn’t want her staying for the birth, she was also angry and left, and now I feel guilty. She means well, and maybe she’s right that I shouldn’t mislead my daughter about how much her dad cares.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is right, but that doesn’t mean she should be telling such things to an 8yo. She’s not wrong to praise your husband for being a good dad and stepdad, but again she shouldn’t be comparing them in front of your daughter.
It’s not up to Grandma to decide that 8F is ready for “the truth” any more than it’s up to her to spill the beans about Santa and the Easter Bunny. My step-kids are now 26F and 28M. Their half-sister is now 18, and is living physical proof of their father being unfaithful to their mother.
But while 28M knows better, 26F still chooses to believe her dad when he says he started seeing his 2nd wife AFTER separating from their mom.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP regardless of what your mother thinks, she should never tell a child anything that hurtful.
Your daughter will figure all of this out on her own as she gets older and who knows they could become closer as the years go by. As long as your daughter has a great relationship with you and your husband, that is all that matters, and your mother had no right to make those kinds of remarks in front of your daughter, it was extremely uncalled for.” Otherwise-Wallaby815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT you should have listened to your mom from the start. She was out of line for saying that in front of your child and then doubling back when your daughter said otherwise, but I question how much your mother was involved in the downfall of what happened with your ex.
I am not excusing your mom’s actions at all, but if your mom had to pick up the pieces for you and step up with your daughter when your ex left then she must have STRONG resentment towards him and you. I would figure it out fast because your mom will not care to fully let your daughter know all the details of this mess as she ages.
The only person I feel sorry for is your 8-year-old and current partner.” SweetSerenityxx
10. AITJ For Wanting To Skip A Family Gathering To Avoid My Grandparents' Insensitive Comments?
“I (20/F) am not my parents’ bio child. My mom (37/F) is technically my half-sister and my dad (37/M) is her husband. My biological parents are both addicts and have been in and out of prison for most of their lives.
My parents got custody of me when I was 2 and I was adopted when I was 5. They are my real parents and I love them more than I can describe in this post.
My dad’s side of the family also has a history of substance use and because of it my dad aged out in foster care, and has had no contact with his parents since he was about 15.
That was until last year. His parents got clean about four years ago and last year they began to make amends with family. My aunt (my dad’s sister) was the first to have contact with them after which she told my dad that they had truly turned their lives around and deserved a second chance.
Eventually, my dad gave in and we had a nice family reunion. Everything was going relatively well until his parents began making comments about my parents not getting any younger and how they’d make “cute babies” (I’m their only kid).
My dad laughed it off and made a joke about being a happy empty nester since I left for college and would not make the mistake of starting over.
His parents didn’t get the hint and kept on going about how lovely it would be to have more children in the family and how they wished to become grandparents one day. Their wish came true and my aunt had a beautiful baby boy last month.
I’ve already met the baby twice but my aunt will have a gathering to celebrate the baby’s first 40 days of life (it’s a thing in the baby’s dad’s culture). I haven’t seen my dad’s parents since that first gathering. Up until now I always had a good excuse to avoid them but this time I know it’s a big deal for my aunt and I’d like to be there but the idea of hearing their comments again makes my stomach turn.
My dad told me to come and he’ll make sure that his parents keep their mouths shut but I don’t want that sort of tension around my aunt who just had a baby. I honestly don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fear seems well-founded. Dad’s parents sound problematic.
I hear that he’ll “make sure” to control his parents, but I doubt that’s a promise he can keep. How can he stop them? Perhaps you could sit this one out, and he could report on whether they make these kinds of comments again. It sounds like your Dad’s parents are going to be more involved in family events going forward, and it will be a bigger and bigger stress on the family if you can never attend at the same time as them, so I’m hoping that there is a path for reconciliation.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, but I think your dad needs to hold a bit of the responsibility here. He needs to make it clear that they do have a granddaughter (you), that he does have a child (you), and that he won’t tolerate them treating you like you aren’t part of the family.
They adopted you. You ARE their family. If they can’t accept that, well, he went 20+ years without them in his life, he can go for a lot more.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So sorry you have sneezing. Hard to tell if it’s allergies or a cold this time of year.
Anyway. I would sit down and have a deep conversation with your dad and explain to him you don’t see a relationship with his parents being in the cards for you. You were hurt by what they said and you need to do what’s best for you in this regard.
Also, explain your choice to your aunt. If you do decide to go, keep your distance. Be polite but don’t engage first and maybe read up on gray rocking and see if that’s something you can do emotionally.” Connect_Guide_7546
9. AITJ For Being Upset After My Fiancé Secretly Used Our Joint Savings?
“My husband secretly used our joint savings on comic books. I got up this morning and woke him up saying I wanted to re-address the funds thing.
He immediately got up and we started to talk. I told him that I wanted my share back as soon as possible, within this week preferably. I didn’t care how he would get the funds back and I told him he was free to sell the comics if he needed to.
Now, onto the COMICS. He didn’t lie about the price. He showed me the receipt and yes, it did cost as much as he had told me it cost. I just wanted to clear that up too now that I also have proof.
Anyway, I asked him about where the funds went and here is what he said, (and provided texts for me to see): He started off with an apology and said he’d give me the funds back.
He re-stated the gift thing. He ordered it in back in February and, as per the shop site, didn’t expect it before the end of March (it may sound strange to people from normal countries, but I’ve waited for my packages for up to 2 months sometimes).
He expected he’d get his salary right on time to pay for the comic but this didn’t happen as his pay ran two days late (which it was, I remember) and the package arrived on time, so he (in his own words) carelessly took the funds with the intention of returning it.
I asked why he didn’t return it, he apologized and said he wanted to but that wasn’t enough for me. The rest of the funds went to pay a bill from the apartment he rented prior to us moving together. Long story short, THAT SAME BUDDY I MENTIONED had moved into that apartment when my fiance moved out (and he and I moved in) and the buddy stayed for like a month and left without paying that month’s utilities.
Instead of calling the police, the owner of that previous flat called my fiance. Since he knew his buddy couldn’t pay for the darn bill, he ended up paying it so she didn’t call the police on the buddy. I saw the text message exchange.
When asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he knew I’d be very upset but that he felt it was the right thing to do (to pay for the bill) and that he now realizes just how stupid he was. Kept on apologizing and for calling me a jerk for being mad.
I told him my trust is very hard to be earned back and that, should we stay together, I will not be interested in mutual savings or anything similar to that. I gave him a two week deadline to give me my funds back and he said he’d give it back sooner than that.
I told him I will save on my own and that he’s free to do what he wants with his funds. He asked me if I could reconsider and start a travel fund again (this time, using a proper bank account, etc.) but I refused and will not entertain the idea.
We have decided to stay together but I am super cautious about going forward. I have suggested couple counseling so we can figure out why in the world he does such mindless things without asking me or even trusting me and he has agreed to the idea, so we will see.
There’s a lot to (re)build but at least now I know what actually transpired. Still mad at him but yes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know it’s just a mental slip, but I read that as “he doesn’t take you seriously.” You can’t take funds out of mutual savings and spend it without discussion.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. I broke up with a guy over this. I was younger, partner still lived at home. (College aged) Saving for a trip, we both put funds in a jar on his windowsill. He claimed his mom took the funds for rent.
I brought it up to her, politely just asked if she’d taken funds from the jar, as it was actually our combined funds for a trip. She had no idea what I was talking about. ” ConejillodeIndias436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to be upset.
As I read about his reaction a second time, I have to wonder, has he done this before and paid back the funds into the envelope before you noticed? That doesn’t make it ok, but it could lend credibility that he didn’t see this as such a big deal and that he’s really going to pay it back.
If so, I’m guessing he’s learned his lesson this time.” jofrot
8. AITJ For Calling Out My Grandmother's Disrespect Towards My Mother?
“My grandmother (75F) is very traditional. Growing up, I used to love her stories and would listen with no problems but now that I’m older (17F) I’m starting to realize she’s not as good a person as I thought she was.
Recently my family has gone through some rocky times due to how busy my mom is with her work and the frequent trips she’s been taking for work to various places including India and France.
It should be noted that my mom (49F) is my father’s 2nd wife.
My father(50F) married his high school sweetheart at 19 as soon as he graduated then went into the army. My grandparents adored that woman and considered her a daughter. While he was deployed his first wife who I’ll call Maria ended up being unfaithful to him while he was deployed in Italy in 1998.
He divorced her shortly after and while he was in the process of divorce he met my mother and they hit it off. About a year later they married as soon as my father’s divorce was finalized. My grandmother hated the fact my father moved on so quickly and expressed her disapproval of my mother at every opportunity.
After that, the rest is history and they’ve been married nearly 30 years. It was only recently I discovered my grandma’s distaste for my mother. I figured it out by her snide comments to my mom and the fact she took my father and her grandkids including me and my siblings out of her will.
She’d criticize my mother at every opportunity and make comments on the fact she was busy and successful. Saying things like she wasn’t spending time with her son and that my mother was neglecting us by being away from us so frequently.
Recently at Easter dinner, my grandmother made a comment to my mom who was talking about her recent trip to Spain and said “I don’t understand how my son puts up with your absence, he’s a person too and you’re ignoring him,” the table went silent and my mom didn’t say anything and my dad was gobsmacked. I had enough and told her she was being ridiculous and cruel to my mom for no reason.
She was shocked and said that I was being very disrespectful.
My parents are asking me to apologize but I refuse. She has no right to treat my mom this way.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother is a bully. Never feel bad about standing up for yourself or for those you care about to a bully, even if the bully is family.
Her behavior towards your mother and you and your siblings is atrocious. I’m going to be hard on your Dad for allowing this to go on for so many years. It is shameful of him and disrespectful to both his wife and to you children that he continues to expose you your grandmother’s mistreatment and then make you feel like you did something wrong when you stood up to her.
He is the one who should standing up to her, let her know that she’s way out of line and notified her years ago that if she continues to demean and insult his family she will be cut out of their lives. Sadly, you seem to have more spine than your father does.” Opinionated321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think there is any excuse for your grandmother doing this in front of you but there might be for her disliking your mother. There are always two sides to a story. Either way your father should have put an end to this some time ago.” AdAway593
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk- Your Grandma, for taking out her frustration with her son and DIL, on her Grandkids. You, for complaining about your Grandmother being judgemental, while being judgemental against your half sister. As for her will, that’s her business. Not a good look, complaining that you won’t get a person’s things when they die.
Why do you expect to be in her will, if you don’t like or respect her?” Big_Owl1220
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Distant Friend About My Surgery?
“I (33F) recently had surgery for something that no one previously knew about, as in it wasn’t a medical issue anyone knew I had until I told them I was going in for surgery. I told the closest people to me about it before I went in.
I didn’t tell one of my closest friends (34F) though because of her recent behaviour. We usually talk every single day about everything about our life & day on the phone & messaging but recently in the last couple of months she’s barely been replying, she’ll read my messages & not reply for days or most likely will not reply at all.
Sometimes she’ll read & then a day or two later will reply just saying “lol” which obviously is odd.
I asked her if everything was okay several times & still kept communication open on my end for her & let her know I was there for her.
We live very far away from each other so I can’t visit her specially for this. She denied each time anything was wrong & said she was just busy, but I know her life is actually less busy these days as she’s scaled back on work & I can also see her doing fun stuff on social media with other friends & family (Obviously that doesn’t tell the real story of whether she is going thorough something or not though).
Also if someone’s busy they don’t stop communicating with a close friend like that & never find the time to talk a little more at other times & they would acknowledge themselves that they hardly get time to talk to you at the moment & miss you.
Nevertheless whatever the reasons it does mean our relationship has changed at the moment & communication isn’t the same, well it’s almost non existent apart from my feeble ignored attempts. So when it came to my surgery I didn’t feel able to tell her something so personal, sensitive & difficult for me.
Some time after the surgery she found out about it through someone else mentioning it (who assumed she’d already know) & messaged me really upset & offended that I didn’t tell her. I explained I didn’t feel able to tell her due to what felt like a non existent relationship with her now & after already attempting to get through to her.
She denied the change in relationship & non existent communication even existed & just said she gets busy like it was all normal & is now acting like I betrayed her & caused issues in the friendship. And she’s saying something as serious as surgery should go beyond anything else & that she wants to be there for me & I didn’t give her the chance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, getting busy is one thing, but increasing engagement on social media and hanging with local friends, while allowing your communications to go unanswered are all indications something is up. She is close to ghosting you and yet when confronted she’s being less than honest and denying it.
I don’t blame you for sharing something that is very personal to you. Bottom line is you don’t owe anyone notification or explanation if you don’t want to share with them.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first f all, you owe no one but your partner an FYI about your medical procedures.
If I made a friend feel like they were not worth my time of day unintentionally, I would be apologizing and trying to make it right. I would never shift the blame to them, ESPECIALLY after they had a medical procedure!” SugarFries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone deserves a front row seat to your life. You don’t have to tell anyone, without any real reason. The fact that this “friend” is always too busy to reply, initiate or engage in texts and conversation is more than enough reason. I would have told her “You’ve mentioned how you’re so busy lately, and i see online you’re busy doing xyz, that you can’t even reply to texts timely, so I didn’t want to burden you” but I’m petty like that” elsie78
6. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Roommate For Kicking Out My Partner?
“My roommate (31m) and I (18m) have lived together for about 8 months now. We have a house on one of the Friesian islands.
We both work at the same holiday park. My partner also works here and he was kicked out of his house about 4 months ago and became homeless. So I asked my roommate if he could stay and that was fine. He was not allowed to pay rent since that is subletting and he could not be on the lease because of his age.
It was all discussed with our landlord and he was fine with it.
It went pretty well, my roommate was barely home anyway so I had company as well. My partner did most of the household chores since he only works weekend and me and my roommate both have full-time jobs.
There was a bit of friction in the beginning but after my roommate got a partner he was fine with my partner living with us and even said he could stay with us instead of living in the company housing.
My roommate suddenly sent a text in the group chat of me, my partner, him, and another friend:
“Heeyy, I just ‘cleaned’ (he threw everything in another room) the living room and I’d like to keep it how it is now. Partner, I don’t think it’s possible with you living here so I want you to go into the company housing (he doesn’t work enough to qualify).
All the stuff that was downstairs is now in the shed in case you cant find it, it’s there. OP, I hope we can keep the living room like this together. Have a good day!”
I was incredibly mad and told him that if he was to throw out my partner I wanted him to contribute to the household as well.
Like, cleaning his facial hair out of the sink, putting his dishes away, maybe sweeping the floor sometimes, tiny stuff like that which he never did.
My exact words (translated) were: “Then I want you to also do something for once like (examples) and much more!”
He said that’s just the way he lives and I could find something else if I didn’t like it.
He refuses to talk one-on-one and my partner is no longer longer welcome in OUR house.
AITJ for blowing up at him?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
Your roommate should have given your partner more notice. He’s not wrong for changing his mind about the living agreement, but he should have given your partner time to make alternative arrangements. I understand it’s not ideal to have a minor living with you, especially when this causes friction and doesn’t pay rent.” Evening_Mulberry_566
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate’s way of informing you and your partner was not okay. Otherwise, your roommate’s decision to no longer allow for an extra roommate is okay in my opinion. The excuse for not contributing (subletting not allowed) seems like an excuse. He could buy groceries or pay for the electrics.
To the people objecting to the age difference. ” modestyblame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your roommate knows they are being unreasonable which is why they told you over text. You need to have another discussion with your roommate and landlord. Especially since the landlord knows about your partner.
I would suggest you start looking for another apartment. It’s a really unfortunate situation, but even if your roommate lets your partner stay, he’s going to continue to make a fuss about it and it’s going to be hard to keep living in that kind of environment.” real-nia
5. AITJ For Trying To Be Friends With My Kids' Bus Mates' Family?
“So for context, these people live down the road and their kids (9&6) ride the bus with mine (8&6).
My kids talk about their kids all the time. My daughter and their son even exchanged stuffed animals for valentine’s day, like little sweet hearts. The kids have been asking for several months if we could visit them. I decided we’d drive down yesterday and I’d introduce myself, give them my number so we could set up a play date.
Only the dad and kids were there when we stopped by, we talked and exchanged numbers and the kids played for about 20-30 minutes before we left. My youngest son and their youngest son even hugged goodbye. I thought it was a really nice introduction, I was really hoping we could be friends with their family.
I text the mom this morning because I wanted to make sure she had my number and we could talk about getting the kids together to play. She replied several hours later telling me she didn’t want her son being around girls outside of school and they were old fashioned and it was inappropriate for me to show up at their house unannounced and to never do that again or else, because “that’s not how things are done around here”.
I’m just generally confused I really just wanted our families to be friends we have kids all the same ages. I don’t know how I should have handled it to introduce myself differently. I just replied to her text with “sorry to have bothered you I’ll tell my kids not to bother your kids anymore sorry”
I spent alot of the afternoon crying especially since I had to tell my kids they couldn’t be friends with them anymore and they were heart broken. We live out in the country and all our neighbors we’ve met so far have all just driven over and introduced themselves.
I don’t know what I did wrong. When we stopped by, the dad didn’t act like we were bothering them or we shouldn’t have come over we had a really nice chat. I thought he would really hit it off with my husband. I told my husband when he got home that evening it be great to have them over for a BBQ I genuinely thought we might be able to be friends I just don’t understand why she was so upset or what I did wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think this neighbor has some issues. I have several ideas, but really, who knows for sure why she acted as she did? Please don’t assume that your going to introduce yourself ruined any possibility of a friendship.
I don’t think anything could have worked out with this woman no matter what you did or didn’t do.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- sounds like some couples I know. Turns out that their family was abusive. Even though the husband may have seemed nice, he may be abusive to the wife or vice versa.
They can talk to each other in school ( the kids ). Maybe make a school counselor aware of the situation. It’s something they might have to watch the kids to make sure they’re okay.” Capow1968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and definitely not something to be crying over.
My guess is they are very religious and keep their circle small. No harm, no foul – be friends with the other neighbors you’ve met. I don’t think you needed to tell your kids they couldn’t be friends with those kids because they could still be friends on the bus and at school.
You could have just said their parents don’t want their kids to do play dates or sleepovers so they are only going to be at-school friends.” a_vaughaal
4. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner Financially?
” I am 32 F and my partner is 31 M. I work in finance and make pretty good money.
I live alone in my house that I own, drive a 2 year old car, and take multiple vacations and trips every year. I have been seeing my partner for about 5 months now and it’s casual. I have told him I am not looking for any long term relationship.
My partner is divorced with 3 kids. They live with their mom full time because he has no house. I have never met them and intend to keep it that way. Though he has a decent job, the kids’ mom won’t or can’t work and a major chunk of his salary goes to alimony and child support.
He shares a rented apartment with a friend.
When we started seeing each other, I knew he had way less money to spend. I just liked his company so I paid for our outings. Lately though he has been getting on my case about how much I spend.
I normally just laugh off the comments because I know he is straining financially. But last week when I invited him on a trip to Europe this summer, just for two weeks, he got mad at me. He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track.
I was taken aback and told him I am not his bank. He said it’s not about being a bank but it was how I lacked basic empathy. That I knew he had no funds to even take his kids out for a proper day out, no place to stay with them overnight and yet I never offered to help.
That all I do is spend money on stupid selfish things.
I asked him to leave. He left. Afterwards he did call me and apologize profusely saying he was upset because he had seen his kids that day and they said something like he hated them because he won’t take them out.
He was just frustrated with his situation and then I offered to take him on an international trip. I got where he was coming from and has accepted the apology. But this still bugs me.
AITJ for not helping my partner financially?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… his life is not your mess to clean up, and how on earth does seeing each other for 5 months obligate you to loan him money? Who in their right mind in their thirties wants to move in with someone they’ve only been seeing for 5 months, especially with children involved?” Beneficial_Mix_8803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s too early in this casual relationship for you to be paying for a two week holiday for him, not to mention for him to expect you to invite him to live with you. You aren’t interested in ever meeting his kids, and he’s looking for someone to support him and his kids. The two of you aren’t compatible for any long term relationship. Just break things off now.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “He went on a rant about how I never even offer him to move in or loan him money to get his life on track.” You’ve been with him 5 months, which is way too early to ask that of you. You’ve been honest & direct in saying that you don’t want a long term relationship.
The issue is, he’s either not hearing you or he’s hoping you’ll change your mind. You’ve been generous in paying for things because you like his company but he’s taken that as an invite to judge you for how much you spend & on what.
The flag is changing color. Take care with this & with him.” Apart-Ad-6518
3. AITJ For Trying To Resolve Conflict With A Friend Who Criticized My Gift Presentation?
“So last December, I (M18) had a friend, L, (F17) who I got Secret Santa for. She would be very rude, and unfriendly and make jokes towards my relationship with my partner (F19) but would play it off as playful jabbing.
So, for Christmas my partner helped, and I got L a plushie that she has been wanting for months.
While I thought she liked it, she went to my partner behind my back and said that I did not care “enough” about her because I put it in a plastic Walmart bag. I did not have the resources nor the time to get her a holiday bag – it took me enough of my paycheck to get this plushie.
L is very much a ‘if you have a problem with me, come talk to me’ person so I was confused why she didn’t talk to ME. L got upset when I asked her to talk about it and said I need to learn how to keep our relationship and friendships with others separate.
She ended up giving half of an apology.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. L kept her distance from me, and refused to talk about me, and I didn’t want to have any issues within our friend group before Christmas so I thought it would be a good idea to try and talk to her about why it feels like she doesn’t like me.
L got defensive immediately and started ranting about how she feels outcasted in our friendship, and all she wants is a friend group with no relationship to start drama. I was confused and explained to her how she was the one causing conflicts while my partner and I stayed back and watched it happen and/or would take blame to make the situations less tense.
L grew more angrier at me and blocked me but started texting my partner instead and told her how much we messed up and that their friendship was only just a label.
She also lied and said she would not bring in our other mutual friends, but I got several text messages and even kicked out of a group chat without any reason why.
Recently, I’ve had a few of our mutual friends apologize for ghosting me and explain how it isn’t right what happened, which left me wondering if I’m truly in the wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you must realize that.
Honestly it sounds like she might want to be more than a friend. Is that possible?” Pure-Relationship125
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex About Our Son's Speech Therapy Appointment?
“I, 29 and my child’s dad, 32M, have a very tumultuous relationship. I had a beautiful boy with this man and he has done nothing but make me miserable throughout my pregnancy and even now.
We have had custody battles and ultimately we are 50/50 but I’m primary. So I’m a single mom, working full time, and the sole provider for my child as he has not contributed much since he was born. We have had communication issues, naturally, but I try and keep him in the loop about important things like how he’s doing in school, his health, etc. I usually tell him when doctor appointments are and most of the time he either doesn’t respond or just doesn’t show up.
A month ago he showed up to one of the appointments where the doctor stated that due to our son not speaking as many words as he should, she was going to refer him to a speech therapist. She did a month ago and I made the appointment which was recently.
I did not tell him when the appointment was because 1. He did not ask for a whole month about it or follow up and 2. I had other things on my mind I didn’t think to message him to tell him about an important appointment for his child that he did not express interest in.
I messaged him the day of the appointment to let him know of the findings in which he proceeded to become angry with me. Stating that I’m withholding important information from him, that I don’t want to involve him in his health and safety, that I’m hiding things from him, and that I pretty much want total control over our son’s care.
I then made him aware that I am only responsible for our son and our son only, I’m not there to make him responsible for his son.
He did not message once to follow up on the appointment and most of the time doesn’t show up to these said appointments, so why is he so mad now!?
I have put effort into co-parenting with much resistance and this is just another added thing. I feel like as a father, who attended the doctor’s visit, he should’ve been proactive in finding out and following up to see if these important appointments were made.
I just need to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make a shared online calendar and put things on there. Email him the link and text it to him too. Keep copies of the email, and copies of the calendar every time you update it.
Then it’s all up to him to review it or not. Your post was a little unclear on the custody and child support. Are there legal agreements in place? Is he paying the court-ordered amounts? If no to either/both of those questions, get with an attorney and get everything nailed down legally so you have easier recourse for him not paying what he should.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may be responsible for informing him of important events in your son’s life (and a doctor’s appointment does count as important); but (a) stuff happens and we sometimes forget which is what happened to you and (b) he’s also responsible for meeting you halfway and showing some interest about those events which, apparently, he does do.
My advice is to create a shared Google calendar in which you, he, and eventually your son can write down his appointments so that everyone knows the same things at the same time.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“Both of you are incredibly poor parents and your child will suffer because of it.
You should not have withheld that information from him. He should have been more proactive about the kid’s appointments. Neither of you thought about what was best for your child. You certainly wouldn’t like it if the kid had to go to the doctor/hospital during his custody time and he didn’t tell you until afterward.
Communication around doctor’s appointments is the absolute bare minimum. You both need to do better.” Impossible_Rain_4727
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Help Me Pack For My Move?
“I am moving to another country in a few weeks and I’ll admit: I’m behind on packing.
My parents have offered to come to my apartment and help me pack as I only live ~an hour from them now.
The issue is that I have a strained relationship with my mother to say the least, and after much discussion with my therapist and(now ex) partner (who I am still in good terms with and live with) I have come to the decision that it is best for my mental health to stop trying to be close with my mother.
My Dad came up to help me pack a few days ago and was a bull in a china shop. He was very frustrated by me trying to wrap my things in bubble wrap and insisted things don’t needs to be organized or wrapped as they are just going into storage for now.
While this is true for now, the idea it to have my things shipped to me at my new place in the coming months, and it would be easier to just take the bins out of storage and ship them than to open them up and reorganize/wrap things to prevent breaking.
He doesn’t see it that way and insists I just throw everything in the bins and sort through it later.
Today my parents got together (they are divorced) and called me, to let me know in no uncertain terms, that they will be at my house on saturday to pack my stuff and they would prefer if I wasn’t there to slow them down.
I had made a promise to my ex partner/roommate that I would not allow my mother to be in the apartment without me before he went away on business (he’s still away)
While I can see it would make the most sense to just be here when my parents come up, I really don’t want this to happen at all.
I can’t see this going smoothly at all and I want to feel safe in my own home, that would not be the case with my mother here, and my Dad helping made me want to rip my hair out. As much as I appreciate their wanting to help, their refusal to take “no” for an answer makes me even more uneasy.
I don’t have a choice though, they’ve made it clear that they will be here on Saturday whether I like it or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because someone knocks on your door doesn’t mean you have to let them inside. I would let them know **very clearly** that they are not needed nor welcome on Saturday.
If they persist and show up anyway, you ask them to leave. If they do not leave when asked, you call the police to remove them as trespassers. Good luck with your packing and with your boundaries. :)” omg_pwnies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting them to “help” you pack.
It’s your stuff, so you have control over it. They have no responsibility to help you pack, let alone undeniable right to do so. Feel free to change the locks on your door, or take more drastic actions if needed.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ.
You’re behind on packing, and something’s gotta give. You’re running out of time for a permanent move. Get sharpie markers and tell them to write down what’s in the boxes, on the outside of the boxes. You’re going to reorganize as you please, at your new place.” Alfred-Register7379
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