People Review Our Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
21. AITJ For Refusing To Contact My Absentee Biological Father And His Other Kids?
“I, 15M have been refusing to get in contact with my biological father “T” and his kids.
T has never been in my life and would refuse to get in contact with me, not even paying child support. As a kid, I would try and get to know him more but he would always blow me off or cancel last minute.
Lately, he’s been trying to get in contact with me, even my sister has been trying to contact me.
But I don’t want anything to do with them, he’s been in and out of jail for years. I feel bad for my siblings though. But I just want nothing to do with them, they have done nothing until recently to try and talk to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your life and you have no obligation to T or his other kids. If you want to meet/have a familial relationship with the kids, you don’t necessarily have to have a father-son relationship with T either.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and I hope you can find your peace, be that with T’s kids in your life or without them.” Ciphree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish I hadn’t met my biologicals. They suck. Back then, now, if they live long enough in the future too.
Been lied to, spit on, stolen from, blamed for what they did to me as a toddler, you name the nonsense, I got it. The only thing that I take from it is acceptance of myself, the realization I am doing the right thing in how I live my life, and forgiveness of those two.
Yeah, you gotta forgive them, because it’s for your soul to move on, not for them. Can’t forget someone if you still hate them, you know? Good luck honey. Be strong. Maybe one day you will be ready.” Alarming_Awareness83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will let you in on a secret: people are capable of change.
It doesn’t mean let them in blindly just because they SAY they’ve changed. But I like the “trust but verify option.” Yes, you are perfectly within your rights to say “no, you hurt me too bad and I want nothing to do with you.” But it is also acceptable to say “okay, what’s your deal?” Have they legit turned their life around?
It’s okay to set what I think of as stairstep boundaries. Or baby steps, if you prefer. For example: Dad says he’s sober and wants a relationship. Okay, you’ll visit him for dinner twice a month and he has to get tested every x weeks.
Once he’s proven himself there for a certain length of time, maybe up it to overnight visits. The key here is you deciding what you’re comfortable with, and his reaction to your stipulations. Because if he has truly changed, if he truly wants to make amends, he’ll be willing to do what makes you comfortable.” MadWitchLibrarian
20. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Cousin Use My VR Headset?
‘I have quite a few game systems and I let plenty of friends and family play on them if they want to.
The only exception is my cousin, who doesn’t listen to me at all and breaks my stuff when she doesn’t get her way. I work a lot so most of my family doesn’t really get to see me a lot.
My aunt came over yesterday and of course my cousin went into my room even after I told her not to, which I saw coming.
I have to put a password on everything I have because of her and she walks out whining that I put a password on my VR headset. My aunt tells me to unlock it for her and that they both came out to see me because I didn’t have work.
I told her I wasn’t unlocking it so she told me “If you don’t unlock it, we’re going to leave.”
I looked at her and said “go for it.” She started yelling at me saying “All we wanted to do is come see you for a couple hours!” To which I responded “No, you just wanted cheap babysitting for a couple of hours.” She immediately got my cousin and left and I haven’t heard from her since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“HAHA! NTJ, using your VR set is not coming over ‘just to see you’. If they came over ‘just to see you’, no games would be involved since that is counterintuitive to the whole point.” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A VR headset is not cheap and is fragile. A child who already has issues with destructive behavior has no business touching a VR headset. Also, if they were there to “visit you”, then why did she immediately run to your room and demand you unlock your headset?” Zestyclose-Page-1507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your aunt clearly takes you for a moron if she’s saying “WE came to see you because you didn’t have work,” but is trying to force you to let your little niece use your VR gaming headset which we all know she’s going to be playing the entirety of the visit at your residence.
Furthermore, your aunt’s got some freaking nerve to demand you let your niece use your gaming devices that you pay crazy amounts of money for! Not to mention how the pattern of your niece breaking your devices never got brought up which makes sense given how I’m sure the aunt would’ve either denied it or blamed you for it.
You’re spot on that she just wanted to use you for free babysitting OP, and frankly, I’d ban her from ever coming back to your house ever again. I mean really, do you even like this woman and her little entitled brat because from your post it doesn’t sound like it.” desolation29
19. AITJ For Dressing In A Way That My Best Friend Thought Was "Too Gay" At His Birthday Party?
“He’s been my best friend since we were little kids, and I’ve noticed a kind of weirdness between us since I came out. We haven’t spoken about it but he makes little jokes all the time like “you’re being so gay” or like he (jokingly) gets upset sometimes when I talk to a guy in public or he thinks I’m looking at one.
He’ll just be like “ugh, I get it, you want to be with him” and he gets (seriously) weird about me hanging out and talking with guy friends. We still hang out a lot and he’s willing to hug me with no issue when a lot of guys I know won’t even hug their other straight guy friends, so I didn’t think he had any real issues with me.
I went to his birthday party wearing eye makeup and a skirt. Honestly, this did make me a little nervous because I’ve been trying to change my style up but I didn’t think he would care. When I showed up, he basically ignored me, he didn’t even bother to look at the card I made for him, and just kept talking to his other friends.
When I tried to talk with him, literally everyone just kept talking over me and the ONE time I was mentioned was him making a really stupid joke about me to his friends. It felt really lonely because I’m not a party person, I was really only there to spend time with him and it was like he completely ditched me when I’m his best friend.
I ended up just talking to his sister. I told her I couldn’t get a chance to talk with him, so she told me she’d talk to him, and when he finally did, he took me to another room to just tell me how I ruined his party by “looking gay.” He told me I took the attention away from him, that he now had to defend me because everyone was making fun of me, and made a ton of really stupid remarks basically saying I wanted to hook up with his friends because they play hockey which is not like me at all.
I was really upset, I felt like I was going to cry but I didn’t want to do it in front of him, and I ended up walking home at night a really long way.
My mom says I shouldn’t have dressed that way because it is attention-seeking even if I don’t mean it to be, and that it put him in a situation where he was uncomfortable and ultimately made his birthday all about me.
I honestly should have known he wouldn’t like it because of the weirdness, but I wasn’t thinking about it like that, when I should have been because it was his day.
I want to apologize to him but I also still feel really hurt. All I can think about is how stupid he made me feel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is. Those jokes and comments about being with every guy are messed up already. You should be able to dress up how you want. It’s not like you were wearing a big fancy dress, just a skirt and some makeup.
It’s not your fault that his friends were being jerks and he needed to defend you. That’s their fault. He shouldn’t be treating you any differently. You’re still the same person as before you came out and he shouldn’t be treating you like you’re someone else.
And even if you weren’t gay, the way you dress doesn’t really define your sexuality.” smoothmovemoby
Another User Comments:
“Info: How old are you both? You two sound very young. Some high schools are very conservative places. If you are the only out gay person he is friends with, and or the only one at your school, and the only boy he has ever seen in public in makeup and a skirt, he is struggling.
It sounds like you both need some support. Do you have any older allies in your lives? Talking to him is a good idea. I think preparing for outings is a good idea. Telling him that as a human, you will be both talking to other humans neutrally and possibly flirting with certain humans when you are both out in the world.
Get him to talk about why that bothers him. It is not a negotiation, you will do those things, but talk about why he has trouble with it. If he can’t handle your new style, and you don’t want to participate in events like his birthday without your new look, you two may be losing compatibility as friends.
At the same time, it sounds like this is new and he wasn’t prepared. If he is 13 to 15 in a small town, he needs some education and support. It is not your job to provide that, but something to keep in mind before throwing the friendship away.” CatelinaBaylorfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and congrats on the bold fashion choice. It sounds like you are both fairly young. His friends are obviously idiots. Your friend was an idiot in this case. It sounds like he still wants to be your friend, but he isn’t quite brave enough to go against the crowd yet.
A lot of young people do stupid things looking for peer approval at a certain age. When everyone gets older, you will see more people having the maturity and confidence to stand up as allies and cut off the idiots. The tide will turn. You would not be a coward if you didn’t feel like dealing with his idiot friends even if it meant cutting back some on your friendship.
Feel free to let him know how hurtful this was (it is educational). I hope your friend is the good guy you think and develops the confidence to show a backbone. For now, just keep being brave (and stylish).” balancedgray
18. AITJ For Wanting My Long-Term Houseguest To Pay Rent Or Move Out?
“We have a house guest who moved in last year. The houseguest is early 20s and is a family friend. This person moved in while in between housing last summer. They have been here for a year without house chores or rent. I guess I assumed to save money for their own place?
Twelve months later they are still here, not doing household chores or paying rent.
We are now moving, and this person is planning to move with us. We did not expect this and I am not sure how to deal with it. I don’t think we can continue to house people for free.
But how do you even bring it up? AITJ for wanting rent?
I think I may be the jerk for waiting so long to bring this up.”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk for waiting this long, but you are… um… someone who made a very unwise decision to not rock the boat.
NTJ. You deal with it by saying “hey, moving with us isn’t an option, so you have until (date) to figure out a new housing situation.” Then if the person complains, you say “dude, you lived with us for a year rent free, and you didn’t even help with household chores.
You should be saying thank you, not complaining.”” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for wanting this person out but for your passive way of doing it. How over a year have you not had this conversation yet? Then you were going to move and just assume the guest wouldn’t come with you?
Why would anyone have expected the situation to change when you moved? By you never discussing this it would be reasonable to expect that the status quo would continue. Why you have accepted a person adding no value for a year is beyond me but since you did you did.
So you need to have the conversation and demand rent and a division of later.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very reasonable to ask for chores AND rent, if you do decide to let them move with you. It’s awful that the person didn’t even help around the house while mooching off of you.
Don’t do this to yourself. You can say, “hey, we’re going to need to you start paying rent and divide the cleaning duties.” Otherwise, ask them if they’ve found their own place yet since ‘you and xx’ are moving and she can’t move to the new place.” extrabigcomfycouch
17. AITJ For Discussing My Partner In Therapy To Improve Our Communication?
“I (20f) talked about my partner (19m) and our relationship in therapy recently. I’ve talked about him twice, and I told him that I had talked about him to help me learn how to communicate better with him and regulate my emotions (I have trouble with that from past trauma, and I want to learn how to communicate in a relationship properly).
When I told him that I had said something about him in therapy, he flipped out and got really mad. It unsettled me because I see it as learning how to handle situations and better express myself because I have trouble with that, but he said it unsettled him that I talk to someone (that he will never meet and that I literally pay to talk to, and that is legally not allowed to talk about anything I tell her) about him.
I kind of understand why he’s upset, but again I see it as something to benefit myself, so I don’t understand why he’s so upset.
AITJ for talking to my therapist about my partner and things going on in our relationship even though it makes him unhappy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He probably assumed if he was brought up in therapy that he was painted as a villain. While assuming isn’t great, I can see why he would, because therapy is often used to help individuals deal with and process difficult emotions.
I will say personally that unless you feel like you need to tell someone, it’s probably better not to tell them they got brought up in therapy.” Give-Me-A-Dollar-Now
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You talk about EVERYTHING you need to talk about to progress and heal. He may have interpreted it as you went there to bad mouth him or blame him.
Could you probably phrase it as you talked about your feelings about the relationship, and things that are going on that affect you in different ways? Because it’s not that you were talking about him in a gossipy way, but how it affects you. Maybe you two need to demystify therapy a bit and for him to understand that you need a professional to assist you with some stuff, the same way you get a trainer at the gym or go to a dentist if you have a bad tooth.
It’s not a bad thing. And he’s an important part of your life – it is expected that your shared life will come up, and he’s a key player, and by knowing about him, you can identify if you need any coping skills or new tips for handling stuff to be a better you and a better partner.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I know for a fact my partner talks about me at their sessions and I talk about them to my healthcare professionals as well. Maybe whenever you’re ready, you can ask him to join you in a session and that might help him understand better.
If he doesn’t want to though and continues to react this way, I’d say it might be time to let go of this relationship. He should want you to better yourself and not discussing an important relationship may not be to your benefit.” Prize-Sign-2294
16. AITJ For Celebrating My Birthday Without My Stepsiblings?
“My mom is married to Mark. Mark has two kids from another marriage. Mom has me with my dad. And Mom and Mark had my siblings together. Ever since Mom and Mark got married, stuff has been put on hold whenever my stepsiblings aren’t around.
Can’t celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday, Christmas is done whenever we have them, Halloween had to be done all together. They said it wasn’t fair to exclude some of the family. I never wanted to postpone stuff. I hate doing it. Their presence there doesn’t make me any happier or enjoy it anymore.
So for my 16th birthday a few weeks ago I made plans and I even included my younger siblings in it. My mom and Mark went off because of it. They said it was wrong to exclude my stepsiblings and to intentionally do it when they weren’t around.
I pointed out I did it intentionally on my actual birthday, which I had always wanted to do, for every birthday. I got grounded. They asked me to apologize to my stepsiblings but I didn’t. And they see me as a jerk for not regretting it and not even wanting to apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My birthday is on Christmas and EVERY SINGLE YEAR I had to go to my very conservative Christian family’s get-together. I had to get dressed up, act “appropriately,” and deal with my dad being stressed and rude due to the pressure of impressing them.
This would lead to the inevitable argument between my parents on the way home. My family is also super judgmental and gossipy so the whole experience was just, all-around, unpleasant. It took me until my 30s to say screw it, it’s my birthday and I’m not going.
Good for you for finding the strength to stand up for yourself so young. Enjoy your birthday! Also, happy sweet 16!” Msspggy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would tell your mom and stepdad that they have only cemented your want to disassociate from them. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
They want to talk to you give them a printed-out card that you will only speak to them when your other parents are there. (dad and or stepmom) In the notion of being fair. They want a hug wait until all your siblings get one first. They want to celebrate their birthdays or anniversary you have to wait for x to come.” Divine_Mind257
Another User Comments:
“How long have your mother and Mark been together? Where are they for all of these things anyway? The other parent’s house? I could see maybe Christmas because my ex has my son for Christmas Eve and he does all his stuff and I have my son Christmas day and we do all our stuff so I could see kind of wanting to have like a family Christmas event.
But I don’t see why you would have to postpone your birthday celebration because of them. Can they not ask the other parent to hang out with you on the day of your actual birthday so they can celebrate it? And I completely don’t understand the Halloween thing like how do you guys make up Halloween on a day that you’re all together?
I’m pretty sure there’s only a day to go out trick or treating or I guess now there’s a day before a day after whatever they do for little kids. Is there some like weird custody thing with Mark and the other parent? It just seems ridiculous that after more than a year, they haven’t been able to figure out some kind of schedule where you can actually celebrate your birthday on your birthday and it seems like you guys are waiting on them to do holiday stuff instead of it being better planned so that they’re there and it’s not whenever they are with you guys or with them.” Missmouse1988
15. AITJ For Calling My Friend A 'Crybaby' After He Mocked My Short Stories?
“I’m 20F and my friend “John” is 19M.
Yesterday, I completed a set of short stories that I’ve been working on for a while. I am really proud of my achievement, and my friends are too.
John is my near-best friend, so I decided to let him be the first one to read my stories.
When he read them, he joked “These stories are sooo bad, I’m gonna cry”. I replied jokingly “Aww, never knew you were a crybaby”. He went silent for a while, then told me that was insensitive. I apologized, but he said I was a jerk and was sexist towards men.
I told him I 100% didn’t mean it that way, but he just shrugged. The whole situation was so awkward after. Later, I found out that he told some stuff to my/our friend group – and some of them are mad at me. AITJ? Was my joke hurtful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t say anything about his manliness you directly responded to his jeer with your own and he took it personally. That said a lot of guys are sensitive about being emotional. My father used to lecture/yell at me because I cry when I am angry, frustrated, or sad.
Which I guess men aren’t supposed to be able to do physiologically or something from his POV.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looks like he IS a crybaby. And also, sounds like fragile male ego, like nothing’s wrong with showing emotions, and what you said was barely mean.
Unless he has a history of being bullied for showing emotions or something like that, that triggered him OR you said more than what you wrote here and targeted him for being sensitive, you’re NTJ here. He’s overreacting and kinda proving you right lol. Like others here pointed out, it’s funny that he jokes about your stories and said they were bad and then got upset when you joked about him being a crybaby…like aren’t you allowed to get upset at him for that.” CicadaPleasant9512
Another User Comments:
“14 years ago I made a joke to my partner. He told me he didn’t like Mac n cheese and I asked what kind of a weirdo kid was he to not eat the ultimate kid food. He got so mad at me, and then he got sad.
He actually cried to me in anger. He said, “I was a very weird kid, thanks for pointing that out to me.” He was a typical popular kid with a few insecurity issues, but he wore them like a crown. (And he wore penny loafers like foot crowns… I don’t really understand, he’s a dozen years older than me, and apparently, it was a thing then.) But the point I’m trying to make is that he always made me feel bad about engaging in equal teasing banter.
I was shamed for how I made him feel back then, and now that I have wasted 15 years of my life I am still trying to break free from him. Yes, I am still with someone who can’t take a joke, and every time I have tried to leave it has proved to him how awful of a person I am.
With a friend, it would have been much easier. Just ghost.” A_crybaby
14. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Not Helping My Struggling Single Mother As Much?
“My single mother has been working hard trying to provide for me and my sibling (16) having two jobs and struggles with bills and rent.
Before college, I would work to raise money and help her out with small bills. As time passes, now I am looking to move and transfer to a different college in a different city and I would like to have my own place.
In order to move, I need to save and my mom knows about my goals and what I want to do in life and what’s the next step.
I have been trying to move for the last two years and grow to be independent and have delayed it because she needed my help a lot more. She’s always struggling, living paycheck to paycheck. She asked me if I can help for rent and I said to her I can’t, I’ll try to help as much as I can but I’m really trying to save and she started to cry and get mad that she’s not getting my full help like she did other times.
At first, it would be 50 -100 dollars here and there and now it’s going from 200 – 400 dollars.
I feel really bad for not helping my mom as much after all the hard work she does already but I’m trying to save extra in order to move out and not delay it again for another year.
My partner (21m) said I have to be firm with her and say no and put myself first in order to help her in the long run. AITJ for not helping my mom so much? AITJ for trying to leave while my mom is in a tough spot she’s always in?”
Another User Comments:
“After some responses – I’m going to go with no jerks here. Nothing here says the mom is unreasonably wasting money; she’s just trying to do her best. She’s a single mom, on her own – and that’s tough. Likewise, OP doesn’t want to not help at all.
She just wants to be able to save to get out. At this point, I think the best thing they do is sit down and work something out that has OP contributing something consistent that helps (vs ad hoc requests), but still allows her to save up to move out.
While it would be great if parents could contribute to 100% provide for children as they become adults, not everyone has the luxury of that situation. IN FO: Are you paying any rent/helping out with any bills at all? Honestly, at 20 – living at home, it’s not unreasonable to ask for some contribution.
However, rather than it being ad-hoc (request here, request there), it should be agreed upon and then not changed.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ. I’m truly shocked at a lot of these responses. As someone else said, this day was going to come eventually.
(You moving out) What was your mom’s plan? I understand what a lot of people are saying… “You’re an adult, you’re living in her house, you need to pay your share”… You’re still her daughter! You’re trying to continue your education, you want to move to continue your education!
Are people skipping over this part?! Which, in the long run, will enable you to provide for yourself and your future. Hopefully in a career you choose, doing something you enjoy, and not having to live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t know what cynical world these people are living in….
BUT most parents want that for their kids. Want their kids to be independent and to have a better life. NTJ at all!! Do not listen to these people. I’m truly beside myself reading a lot of these comments. That’s outrageous in my opinion. My family would go without if it meant helping me move forward.
I’m not saying that is what your mom should do! I’m just saying…. I just…. believed that’s what most parents would do and want for their kids.” ilikechocolate021
Another User Comments:
“Ok so here’s the thing. Your life isn’t your mother’s life.
Your life will be whatever you make it. If you continue to stay with your mother you will continue living her life. If you move away you will start your own life. I understand things are difficult but people choose their own path. Children are never supposed to fix adult problems. You will never succeed in putting someone else first. Your feelings are valid.
Money isn’t the help your mother needs. It helps the situation but not the problem. I say this with no judgment. I also say this coming from a similar situation.
Boundaries are something you will have to learn. Your mother is USED to your help.
She will have to learn to go without it. She shouldn’t have ever expected you to pay for anything or made you feel like you should take on her problems, especially at 16. You shouldn’t feel bad for giving less help. Children don’t choose their parents, you are having to make the best out of your situation.
Good on you for being good to your mom. Hopefully, your mom and siblings appreciate what you’ve sacrificed. BUT how can you help them if you can’t even help yourself? This is where boundaries come in. You need to work and/or go to school in order to help yourself let alone the next person.
Also, the stress it puts on you will not be good. You don’t want to end up resenting her or your siblings for your life not turning out how you want. Life is what YOU make it and I trust you will make decisions that best benefit you.
You never said you were cutting your mom off so I know you will help when you can but when you can’t… stand on it!
I say all that to say the best thing I ever did for myself was move away from my parent.
My life is so much better. My life and their life are completely different. We still have a relationship but with a lot of boundaries. Sometimes I get mad that they’re still the same but it doesn’t change the love I have for them.
I help them within reason but absolutely do not enable them. Once I learned my boundaries I understood they are just someone I need to love at a distance & that’s 100% okay. Hope everything works out for you. Wishing you the best.” Milkshakebaby-
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay And Cook For My Friend's Thanksgiving Dinner?
“I (54f) have been invited by a friend (50f) who I will call Ann, to come to her house for Thanksgiving. We all live in Italy, but spent many years in the USA, and have several American friends in the area. Ann heard that I make a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my house every year for my family and a couple of friends (6 people total).
It is quite difficult to get all of the supplies here (no buying canned pumpkin, or cranberry sauce!), so I make every single thing from scratch. Over the years, I’ve also acquired all the dishes and tools and spices – know suppliers for the more exotic things, and am an all-around good cook.
So Ann, who was born in China but lived in the USA for 20+ years, asked if I would come to her beautiful (and much bigger) home, and “teach her” how to make the whole dinner. For a group of 12 people instead of the usual 6. I was hesitant at first, because we live a very modest lifestyle, and Ann and her (British) husband are very well off, but I figured it would still be fun, and I would enjoy putting on the feast for new people and in a beautiful kitchen.
After I agreed, the problems began. First, Ann wanted to have the dinner on a day that isn’t Thanksgiving, to make it more convenient. I decided it wasn’t all that important, since we live in Italy. So it is scheduled for the Sunday prior to the actual day.
Then when we were planning to meet to go shopping for all the ingredients, she asked if I could do all the shopping and she would “reimburse me for her half”. I asked what she meant, and she said that I’d be paying for half of everything.
So not only would I be doing all the shopping, all the planning, all the cooking and teaching her as well, but now I’m expected to pay for the food?
I told her I could not do this (we really don’t have the budget!) so now she’s trying to alter the menu she agreed to (turkey & fixings, candied yams, roasted veggies, an appetizer, and pie).
Really a modest dinner by American standards.
She then made a comment that “her” friends don’t “eat like pigs”.
She then went to another guest with my recipes and asked her to prepare my pumpkin pie so she didn’t have to buy the ingredients.
Bear in mind, Ann and her husband are very wealthy. I’d estimate the whole dinner for 12 might cost €200 for the ingredients, and my labor Ann gets for free.
She thinks I’m being “stubborn and ungenerous” (ie a jerk).
My family thinks Ann is taking advantage of my kindness and her miserly ways are ridiculous since she’d spend double that amount for lunch out on a whim.
So AITJ for refusing to “contribute” to the meal or be bullied into this nonsense? My family wants me to just bow out and tell her I’m not comfortable with her attitude. I’m tempted because this feels toxic and manipulative.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how it would be fair to pay for half the groceries since you do 6 people and this would be 12, if you were joint hosting. This does not sound like joint hosting, it sounds like Ann wants to get all the accolades while you do all the work!
She wants you to ”teach” her how to make the food—how much do you bet she’ll ask you to show her and she’ll just “observe” the process? And of the 12 guests that Ann wants, are 6 of them all the people you usually have, or are more of them people she wants?
If I were in this position I’d cancel on Ann and go back to doing your own dinner.” Ivorypolarbear
Another User Comments:
“She’s “invited” you into her home for Thanksgiving, so you can cook the meal in her kitchen, but she wants you to pay for half the food and not pay for your services while you cook and teach her.
I think you should speak to her husband about his wife and how she treats the guests in his home. I wonder if he has any idea at all. FYI she is not a friend. She has insulted you on so many levels. Do not make this meal, and do not continue in this relationship.
She is incredibly toxic and entitled. She is incredibly disrespectful to you and your friends by saying her friends don’t eat like pigs is abhorrent. She gives your recipes to another guest without talking to you first and gaining permission? She acts like someone who has no class at all.
She may be rich, but she has no substance. You don’t need this kind of person in your circle. Friends are kind and don’t take advantage of each other.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell her you would be happy to teach her AFTER Thanksgiving because you decided you want a more low-key dinner with friends on the actual holiday (Thursday) and you already have plans for the date she has selected – you completely forgot – oops.
If she gets the ingredients, you’ll be happy to coach her on cooking after THANKSGIVING. She won’t, don’t worry, she wanted a shopper and cook for her friends.” ShipComprehensive543
12. AITJ For Insisting On Keeping My Room Door Open In A Shared Flat?
“I (23M) moved into a 2-bed flat with a friend of a friend James (25M). I’d met him a few times prior and he seemed nice. We realized we both worked in the same area and were looking for flatmates at the same time and things just fell into place.
Living together has been going well (4 months) apart from this major issue.
I like to leave my door open and am not a big fan of complete quiet. The way my room is laid out is like a big L-shape. You open my door, there’s a small corridor and the rest of my room is around the bend.
You can’t see into any of my room apart from a coat hook and where I keep my shoes. I can’t see out either unless I walk around the bend. I also like to leave it open to listen out for unexpected guests, the kitchen timer on the oven, or if something falls because James has a cat who likes to knock things over.
The cat also coming into my room to sit with me is another bonus.
James doesn’t like me leaving my door open and often shuts it when it is. He wants his privacy and doesn’t want me to hear his phone calls or when he has friends over (if I hear he has a guest, I will put on headphones so can’t really hear them anyway).
He said he has no privacy when I have my door open and wants me to keep it shut if I’m just sitting in my room anyway.
We had a small talk about it and the “only solution” was to keep my door shut. His comfort takes priority over my own somehow even though we are both renting the same flat.
So I got a heavy doorstopper in hopes he’d stop trying to shut the door because he’d have to move the doorstopper. He still hasn’t stopped and tonight he called me a jerk for trying to keep my door open with force. I think that’s a huge overreaction on his part and insisted on my door stopper.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Common areas are just that: common to both of you. If he wants privacy on a phone call, then he can go into his room and shut the door. It’s rude of him to assume he is entitled to privacy outside of his room in the place you both pay rent for.
That being said the only time I see it as reasonable for him to even ask you to close your door is if he has an intimate date over and they are watching a movie or something in the common room. Closing your door in that context would be the respectful thing to do.
This living situation may not be a good fit for you two.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell James to walk his backside to his own room and close his door if he wants privacy. At least you got a door stopper, If I wanted my door open and someone kept closing it I would either remove it from its hinges so there’s no door.
Or throw whoever kept closing it through the door. You both have a right to the pursuit of happiness and James needs to back off. Your room your rules.” Ok-Refrigerator-19
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’ll be honest, it’s fine for you to do but I could not live with you.
I could not see your door and not think you were constantly listening in. Creepy as heck. Therefore out of our whole flat, I’d only be able to relax in my room. Doesn’t seem fair to either of us. So I’d be leaving. Honestly. It’s weird.
Lots of people would think it’s weird and intrusive. The only thing that would be worse would be if you were actually peeping around doors too. I feel sorry for your roommate but one of you needs to go. He’s not a jerk for bringing it up, as much as I hate to admit it because I think you are creepy, you are not the jerk for wanting to have your door open.” Equivalent_Job_3699
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Give His Event Ticket To My Estranged Brother?
“My brother (28m) and I (32m) don’t have a good relationship. He treated me terribly during a difficult time in my life and hasn’t apologized or shown any remorse.
Despite this, I decided to forgive him for the sake of my parents and to keep the peace in the family. I’ve made it clear that I’m not looking for a closer relationship with him, but I’ll show up to family events if invited.
Fast forward to late December—there’s a big cycling event happening, which my dad and I were both interested in attending since it’s one of the few things we share a passion for. I thought it would be nice to go together, so I called him, he was excited, and I bought two tickets.
Then my mom found out and totally freaked out because my brother, who lives abroad, might be in the country that day. She was worried it would be “unfair” to him if my dad and I spent time together without him. My dad, however, didn’t even know if my brother would be home that day.
Meanwhile, the tickets sold out, so I told my mom I couldn’t get any more. I was relieved and thought I had saved myself from a fight about not wanting to go with him. She was really upset and called it “a horrible situation.” I told her I didn’t think she should be acting this way over me simply inviting my dad to a cycling event.
Last night (14 days later), my dad called to tell me he was planning to offer my ticket to my brother since he thought it would make things easier. He doesn’t know if my brother is in the country on that date or whether my brother is even interested in attending, but he would offer him the ticket anyway.
I told him I didn’t think that was right and that I wasn’t going to any sports event with my brother. If it’s such a big deal that I invited my dad to this event, then he could just stay home.
I’m really heartbroken by this.
I feel like I made a huge sacrifice by forgiving my brother, but it’s never good enough. They always demand more and now I can’t even invite my father to an event.
AITJ for not wanting my dad to give his ticket to my brother and for standing my ground on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t go with your brother either. If it’s so unfair in your mother’s opinion, why doesn’t she arrange to do something special with bro while you’re out with dad? Or dad can do something special alone with bro the next day?
It doesn’t have to be so ridiculous. I know a mom like that. It’s exhausting. Not just for you, but for your dad. I know you feel angry, but take a second to remember, he was excited about it and now he’s potentially having to give it up.
Why? Badgering. Easier to do what she wants at whatever cost to himself than to listen to her carry on for who knows how long. I’m betting she could hold a grudge for years without batting an eye. Sorry dude. Hope it all works out!” KaoJin-Wo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would rescind the offer of going to the event. Get the ticket back from your dad if necessary. When they ask why, tell them that because they are prioritizing your brother on a might-show-up day over your scheduled well-in-advance outing, you’re tired of always being an afterthought to them.
Then go with a friend or sell the ticket(s). Let them know that they ruined something that was supposed to be a fun thing for you and your dad over your brother’s possibility of being in town, and now you know for sure who the favored child is.
Then be done with bending over backwards for them and that includes being around them when your brother is around them. Remind them that they chose this, not you. You tried it their way and they wanted to shoot on you. No more. It’s your way now.” kem81
Another User Comments:
“Tell your father that you will not be going with your brother, and if he (your father) is now declining your invitation you’ll invite someone else or return or sell both tickets. And you need a final decision from your father now as to whether he will or will not use the ticket, because the cost of the ticket will be wasted if he cancels at the last minute.
You will not accept your brother as a substitute for your father if your father does cancel. NTJ. When you invite a guest to go to an event, said guest must not substitute another person. This applies within families as well as among friends.” SavingsRhubarb8746
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Ignores My Birthday For Christmas?
“I (F16) had my 16th birthday this week (November) and the whole time my family just talked about Christmas, now don’t get me wrong I like Christmas but ever since I could remember my mother and younger sister have always celebrated Christmas when it was my birthday.
My mother even goes as far as to put up the tree on the day of my birthday and when I try to protest she just says I’m overreacting and that we can just decorate it for my birthday.
Now I’ve accepted this fact but this week was different.
My family went out of town to visit family on my birthday weekend and told me that we would do something for my birthday but when the day came my mom was with her friend and her daughter the whole time, and my sister was only talking about Christmas and what she wanted and even shopping for herself while I sat in the car crying because I was being ignored. We got home and I found out that for my 16th birthday, my parents got me a poster.
So may I get an outsider’s opinion?”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry your birthday was a letdown. November and December and even January birthdays get screwed! Everyone wants to combine them. They don’t do that to August birthdays! Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about it.
When you are an adult and have your own home/family you get to decide when and how you want to celebrate your day, until then, realize you are lumped in with the overhyped greed-fest that is known as Christmas.” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but as someone with an actual Xmas birthday, let me tell you that it is much easier to make your own plans, do your own thing, and not expect everyone else to make you the center of the day. I know that’s frustrating to hear, especially at sixteen – everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday!
But you can only control yourself, and you should plan accordingly. My advice is geared toward a teenager, who doesn’t have quite as much autonomy regarding who they are spending birthdays with (yet!!). Please don’t accept this behavior from romantic partners or friends – there are people who will make your birthday special, but they take time to find and marry.” catsndogspls
Another User Comments:
“You could always make Christmas about your birthday. Buy yourself some presents, wrap them in birthday paper, write cards wishing you a happy birthday, put them under the tree, and make a point of opening them on Christmas day. If they’re going to blatantly ignore you and your birthday when it happens, they’re earning some disruption of their Christmas.
I don’t actually recommend doing that. That kind of escalating retaliation usually doesn’t make anything better, especially when your parents are being mean to you at a time when you depend on them. It wouldn’t make you the jerk, though. That’s how NTJ you are.
They are nowhere close to reasonable on this. I’d expect them to make more effort than this if your birthday were on Christmas itself.” My_Dramatic_Persona
9. AITJ For Wanting To Break My Lease Early Due To My Roommate's Boundary Issues?
“I (24) and my roommate Sarah (25) have been living together for over a year. We originally had a third roommate, but when that didn’t work out, Sarah and I moved into a two-bedroom apartment six months ago. We share a bathroom, but her behavior has made living together increasingly difficult, and I’m feeling frustrated.
Sarah is unmedicated, does not go to therapy, and has bipolar disorder, ADHD, and autism. While I try to be understanding, she often uses these struggles to justify her actions. She frequently frames herself as a victim and gets upset over minor things. For example, if I ask her to pick up toilet paper or if I’m on the phone at night, she can have emotional outbursts.
It’s exhausting.
One issue is the bathroom. When we moved in, Sarah took over the entire under-sink area, so I used the bathroom shelves for my things. But she moved my items to the bottom shelf without asking. I texted her, saying it wasn’t fair since she already had the under-sink area.
She replied with a long message claiming I was being unfair, which made me feel dismissed. When I responded, she accused me of disrespecting her boundaries, even though I was just replying to her message.
The kitchen is another problem. Sarah occupies most of the fridge, pantry, and cupboards.
She owns about 50 mugs (I have one), and at least 50 plates she doesn’t use(uses mine) but refuses to donate. I’ve expressed frustration about the lack of space, but she brushes it off. She also claimed I took over the coat closet, though we split it equally.
Split down the middle.
A more personal issue came up when I bought two concert tickets for Sarah and me. She sold her ticket to my best friend when she couldn’t go, but later texted her saying she could attend and expected my friend to give the ticket back.
My friend refused, and Sarah blocked her, claiming she was “bullied.” This sense of entitlement only adds to the tension.
Other boundary issues have come up as well. For example, I bought a sectional couch, and once, I was napping on it when Sarah came home and demanded I move so she could use it.
Another time, I was on the phone at 11 pm and Sarah pounded on the wall to make me stop talking. She also texted me at 1 am, telling me I couldn’t turn on the bathroom light. I feel like my personal life is dwindling because if I sneeze too loud in my room, it’s an issue – let alone having a personal life.
I’ve asked Sarah to move her bed away from the shared wall, but she refuses, saying it would ruin her “aesthetic.” Every time I set a boundary or voice a concern, she accuses me of bullying her.
I’m reaching my breaking point. I have six months left on my lease, but I’m considering breaking it early.
I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, and it’s emotionally draining. I don’t think things will improve, and I can’t keep living like this. Am I wrong for wanting to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Do not break your lease.
Stop walking on eggshells. Did you get up off the couch when Sarah demanded? Don’t. You could sit up and let her sit down, but I would not be leaving it for her. If she doesn’t move her bed, then tell her to get headphones.
If she balks, then tell her, that is on her. You are no longer living like you do. You are not exceptionally loud, you are living normally. If Sarah does not like it, she can break the lease. If you do, you are giving her what she wants.
If she talks about boundaries, ask her why she is the only one allowed to have them? She cries victim. “You are not a victim Sarah. You are a bully. You are not willing to work together. You cry victim every time you feel you don’t get your way.
Maybe you should live alone. One of us is moving at the end of this lease.”” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was in my 20s I persevered in several living situations for way longer than I should have; I now believe that whatever it costs to break a lease is worth one’s peace in one’s home.
Six more months of this sounds not just unreasonable but untenable. You’re right to leave. If you feel like being generous on your way out, you could do the work to find a subletter to cover the remainder of your lease. The essential issue, though, is that you and Sarah are incompatible as roommates (granted, I’m also not sure she’d be compatible as a roommate with anyone).
So I think you’d also be fine to simply honor the bare minimum of your contractual agreement as a renter in the event of breaking the lease, and leave the choice of new roommate up to Sarah. All that being said I do hope Sarah eventually finds it in herself to seek out the help she clearly needs.
This sounds like an exhausting way to be in the world, and she must on a fundamental level be deeply unhappy.” mimsicalmarch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset. YTJ for letting her use you like a doormat for her muddy boots. Stop. Do not give in.
She wants to throw a tantrum? Fine. Let her. You teach people how to treat you. Unfortunately, you have taught her that she just has to throw a fit or run her mouth, and you will comply. So stop. Yes, she will throw a fit.
Yes it will get ugly. But also, yes, it will work if you are consistent and do not give in. Or, she will leave. Either way, a win for you. Also, I know plenty of people with her issues, myself included, and that is not an excuse.
Shame on her for playing that card. Makes the rest of us who try, look bad. Ugh. She is not your friend. Probably never was. Certainly never will be again. Wait out your lease and cut ties. If she gets violent or threatening, call the cops and get a restraining order.
Good luck.” KaoJin-Wo
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split Vacation Costs Equally With Friends Due To Budget Constraints?
“A few friends and I are planning a holiday trip together. We’ve been talking about all the activities we want to do, but some of the options are really expensive, like fancy dinners and guided tours. Since my budget is a lot tighter than theirs, I told them that I’d love to join but would only be able to pay for the activities that fit within my budget rather than splitting all costs equally.
This didn’t go over well with a couple of friends. They feel that splitting everything equally is just “what friends do” and that it’s awkward if I go off to do my own thing for cheaper options while they stick to the pricier plans.
One friend even said that if I’m not willing to split everything evenly, I should reconsider going on the trip.
Now I’m wondering if I’ve been unreasonable by setting a boundary about what I can afford. AITJ for telling my friends I won’t be able to split all costs equally?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! Firstly, congratulations for doing the right thing and having the “money convo” BEFORE the trip! Secondly, NO that is not “just what friends do”. Yes, some friend groups may work that way, but in this instance, REAL friends would understand that you are coming to them and explaining reasonably what you can afford.
Why are they against you splitting the things you can and bowing out of the things you can’t? It’s not like they will be paying extra for you… I mean, if your friends would like to know what MY friend group would do, we would pitch in and cover for you on the things you couldn’t afford because we can (how do they like the table-turn there???) That’s what MY friends do…” Ok-Horror-1049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The beauty of planning trips as adults is that everyone can decide what they want to do, and what they CAN do, and whenever there’s downtime, you’re all together… Traveling with friends is supposed to be fun, and isn’t all about having the headcount to split all of the costs.
It sounds like your other friends have different priorities, and they were looking for the headcount to subsidize the pricy activities they want to do… You’re traveling more for the experience of hanging out with your friends, etc. It’s very normal for friends to break up into smaller groups, or to do their own things while traveling.” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being overly rigid. It does not have to be all or nothing. I get that it’s frustrating if there’s an expensive activity that is cheaper if mass-booked, but the reality of your group dynamic is that you are, by the sounds of it, a group of varied disposable income.
This is the reality of a trip together. Your solution is a reasonable one. As would be suggesting that they keep the pricy activities to a minimum/only do things everyone can afford seeing as part of the point is to spend time adventuring together, I’d assume.
It’s not your job to subsidize the pricier activities. Your suggestion was a fair compromise.” junglemice
7. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom For Constantly Changing My Oath-Taking Ceremony Plans?
“My mom (F50) and I (F23) have a plan for my oath-taking ceremony this November 5. We already planned this event, where we will eat, and what place we will go after the event.
Some of the plans were changed because of her. For instance, she said we’ll just rent a car so that my aunts will also come to the restaurant. But then she changed it, and she said we will just have dinner at our house. I was just like, “Okay, if that’s your final decision.” (Mind you we planned this for almost two months.)
On November 3, she got angry at my father for some reason. And she texted me, “I don’t wanna go to the ceremony; just go with your partner.” She did this twice; I already bought 3 tickets (for my parents and my partner), and it was quite expensive.
I was so frustrated, and I replied, “Then don’t go; all of you just don’t go. You always change your plans as if you’re VIP.” I don’t know why she always does that. It makes me sad; this is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration because I passed my board examination.
But she ruined it. I also blocked her after expressing my frustration. She changes plans when it’s inconvenient for her, but for me? She doesn’t mind.
AITJ for saying that? I’ll accept the criticism.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I hope you go with your partner and have a lovely time!
Invite dad separately if you want (can make clear mom isn’t welcome). Do you have any friends who might like to use the ticket and support you? Go out to eat anywhere you want after. Sounds like your mom’s house isn’t the option you want anyway.
Don’t bother buying anything else for mom. After all, what’s the point? She can buy her own and then go or not.” DragonBard_Z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you said wasn’t rude or even offensive to her as a person, in your frustration you just reiterated what she had already suggested herself.
This event is very important to you, so the reaction is understandable. She could (and should) have put her own issues aside for one day in support of you, sounds like it’s not the first time she’s done that.” berried_aprons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling frustrated and especially now that your oath-taking ceremony is supposed to be important, which, of course, is understandable, because you are disturbed about your mom’s indecisiveness and how it’s affecting a major milestone in your life. You have worked so hard to plan the event, and it’s just frustrating when someone keeps changing the plans at the last minute.” twilightmia
6. AITJ For Taking A Chair From A Girl's Table After Getting Her Number?
“I was at a bar with my friends and I was waiting at the bar to order a drink. I notice two girls to my right, I make eye contact with one of them and I compliment her on her costume because she was wearing something on Halloween.
We chat for a bit and I eventually get my drink, so I ask her for her number and ask her out suggesting to go for coffee or a drink another time before I head out. She gladly accepts and gives me my number. We go our separate ways.
I go to my table with my friends and it can’t seat all of us as we’re a big group and it’s a busy night at the bar. About 10 minutes later, I looked around to see if there were any free chairs anywhere. I spot only one chair free in the entire bar, which is at the table of the girl whose number I got who is sitting with her friends.
I go over to the table to ask someone if I could take that seat.
When I got to the table, everyone was in a conversation except for her, so I asked her as I didn’t want to interrupt other people in their conversation. I look at her and ask “Is this seat taken?” She says it isn’t, so I ask if I could take the seat back with me.
She says yes, so I smile and thank her, taking the seat back to my table to talk with my friends.
As I was leaving the bar to go home, I ran into the same girl, so I asked her about something separately. It then transpires that she was upset with me for taking the seat away rather than sitting and talking to her, ending the sentence with something like “Maybe I’m just overreacting from being intoxicated”.
After I realized why she was upset and when I understood it from her perspective, I tried to explain that it was a genuine misunderstanding, what the thought process was from my side, and tried to assure her that I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings and that I apologized if I did.
I woke up this morning to find out that she blocked my number. With all of that said, am I the jerk? Personally, I think she’s overreacting even in light of me apologizing and explaining that it was a genuine misunderstanding, though I’m happy to admit if I’ve done something wrong and take responsibility.
I intended to spend time with her on a separate occasion when it was just the two of us. I didn’t talk to any other girls that night or ask anyone for their number. The reason why I didn’t talk to her more that night was because I was with my friends and wanted to spend time with them, as well as her being with her friends and me not wanting to take her away from them.
Even if we had sat and talked, I would’ve felt really awkward considering her friends would’ve been right there and witnessed everything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re fine here. The only slight thing you could have done better is communicate what you meant. In my experience, “is this seat taken” is usually a way of asking if you may join someone.
If you want to take a seat away because you need it, best to say something like, do you need this chair? But again, that’s a slight issue, and her blowup over it is totally out of proportion and tells me you probably dodged a bullet.” DisplacedNovaScotian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though I admit, I can see where she may have been upset. “Is this seat taken” usually implies you’re interested in sitting and talking with her, and since she wasn’t in conversation with anyone else she may have been feeling left out already just to have the guy she’s interested in suddenly snatch the chair away instead of staying to flirt and whatnot.
Again, I don’t think you did anything wrong, and I do think the whole thing is a harmless misunderstanding, but she’s probably just taken it harder than she should have and may be dealing with some insecurities this incident amplified for her. It’s a shame, but no big deal really.” No-Category5363
Another User Comments:
“The thing is, you are right. She did misunderstand. However, her blocking you may or may not be because you did anything wrong per se. She may have been embarrassed by the whole situation. For future reference or anyone reading this, my suggestion.
Go up to her and be straight up right from the get-go. “My friends and I need another chair, and fortunately, the one next to you appears to be available for us to take to our table. It did give me a chance to speak to you again, though.
Is this chair free to take?” If she says yes. “Alright, thank you. I will let you get back to your friends and will go back to mine. Text or call you tomorrow?” She will likely say yeah or something about when would be best, and then you both move on.
It seems that her thinking you wanted to sit with her right then, created the problem and then made her feel bad when she realized that you didn’t. Confirming the contact and reassuring her that you are interested but pointing out the situation and your impression of it would likely have avoided all that.
Then again, sometimes things are just awkward and don’t go well. Brush it off and move on.” Fiyre_Walker
5. AITJ For Not Personally Informing A Friend About My Mom's Funeral?
“My mom died unexpectedly four months ago from surgery complications. My friend called to ask about funeral arrangements when we were at the funeral home in the middle of making them. After the arrangements were made, I posted on social media. I of course had lots of stuff to do.
Get photos, a minister, flowers, clothing, plan for the reception afterward, etc. My dad was distraught and my brother lives several states away, so everything fell on my spouse and me.
I know this friend saw my post on social media because he commented on it.
He never came over, called my dad, sent a card—nothing. I admit it hurt my feelings. After four months I asked him what was going on. Turns out he’s mad at me because I didn’t call him specifically to give him the information.
I told him he had no reason to be upset with me and certainly shouldn’t punish my dad over what he feels was a serious offense. He said I should know better and “family” doesn’t find out via social media. I told him that I was the one in mourning and that this wasn’t about him.
AITJ for not specifically calling him with the information?”
Another User Comments:
“My dad died in January. We were in such shock and buried in such grief I have no idea how we got anything done Somehow we arranged the wake and funeral, posted it on social media, and put a notice in the paper.
It felt like hundreds of people showed up-many of whom I never expected to be there. Some were people I hadn’t seen in years This is to say when people care they make it about the person grieving. Your ’friend’ is a self-centered jerk.” Dlraetz1
Another User Comments:
“He’s lucky you posted the info on social media. My brother died on August 27 of this year. His wife sent me a text, letting me know she found him dead in bed that morning. I tried to follow up with a phone call after I got the text.
Mailbox was full. They live in California, and my sister and I live in South Carolina now, so we couldn’t drop by their house to give her support/comfort. She didn’t bother to notify our other brother who lives in Georgia, so we did. We heard nothing else from her despite numerous texts and phone call attempts, even writing to her through snail mail.
We finally get one of those letters written to everyone, like the annual Christmas letter one sends out annually notifying friends and family about the past year’s events. This was a mini biography documenting his life. There were many errors. She even got our father’s name wrong!
The last paragraph on page 2 mentioned his funeral services in September. We got the letter on the 3rd Wednesday of October. Despite the many attempts for information, we got the funeral information almost 2 months after he died. We are family and we weren’t even given the courtesy of a text or phone message, which would have been ok!
We wanted to be at the funeral which given it was in California, we would have visited the grave of our mother and grandmother (they’re in the same vault). I’m so angry, but given she never notified us before the services, I believe I’m justified. Your friend is not.
NTJ.” ExplanationNo8707
Another User Comments:
“There is a circle theory, but I can’t remember the actual name of it at the moment. The idea is that you have concentric circles. The person most affected is in the innermost circle. The next people most affected are in the next circle.
People are placed in other circles depending on how close they are. The next step is that support should only be flowing inwards towards the inner circles. No one can expect special treatment and support from anyone in a circle closer to the center. So your dad would be in the center circle, you and your siblings would be in the second circle, etc. Your friend would be several circles (at least) out.
He has no right to expect any kind of special consideration from you. You would give your dad support. Anyone in a circle further out than you should be giving support to you and your dad. Not the other way around. You had more than enough on your plate without having to cater to someone who presumably wasn’t even particularly close to your parents.” regus0307
4. AITJ For Not Paying My Friend For Her Unused Festival Ticket?
“In September of last year, my friend & I decided to purchase tickets for a 3-day music festival with camping in March 2024. The total was roughly $700 each. Note that she lives in a different state to me (Australia). I recommended she buy flights ASAP, or as soon as they come up on sale but regardless, flights from her state to mine aren’t very expensive.
You can easily get flights for >$200 return, even less on sale.
In December last year, she decided to quit her well-paying job. I again recommended getting flights before she no longer had an income. Instead, she got a kitten.
I sent her a message a few weeks before the event checking on her travel plans.
She still hadn’t bought flights & was conflicted about attending because of her kitten.
It comes to the week of & I’d been calling her daily to see if she’d made a decision. It’s only TWO DAYS before the start of the festival that she conclusively says she won’t be attending.
She also specifically said, “Do you have anyone that would take my ticket?”
Unfortunately, no one else in my life enjoys this genre of music. I also am not safely able to attend a 3-day festival solo due to serious medical conditions.
Once she said she wasn’t coming, I immediately listed both our tickets on the official resale website, as well as, 2 other resale sites.
The festival was sold out, so I was hopeful that they would be sold but unfortunately, there were hundreds of other tickets up for sale. I even saw some listed for as low as $67. I had exactly 1 inquiry about the tickets, which led nowhere.
Regardless, I waited until the Thursday night before I packed my campervan and got ready for the festival & still even left the tickets up until we were driving to the festival. I managed to convince my partner to come with me, despite him disliking the genre immensely.
After the festival, my friend asked me when I was going to pay her for the ticket.
Her argument is that my partner used the ticket so either he or I should pay. My counterargument was that:
1. She bailed last minute.
2. I tried to sell the tickets but they didn’t sell.
3. She knew it wasn’t safe for me to attend solo, leaving me the option of wasting both tickets or paying for both, which I can’t afford.
4. She had said to me “Do you have anyone that can take my ticket” which to me meant the ticket was on offer for anyone available to go with me.
5. I don’t believe my partner should have to pay either as he was attending only as a favor to me.
Everyone I’ve spoken to agrees I’m in the right. She said that she spoke to people who believe that I should pay the full amount of the ticket, but I wonder if she actually provided the full story.
She did not reply to my last two messages, & this has been weighing on me so I thought I’d get the opinion of some internet strangers before I attempt to reach out again lol.
So, tell me, AITJ for not paying her for the ticket?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can reverse the stupid logic of her argument and come up with an equally silly demand. Tell her that if your partner hadn’t stepped up and taken the ticket you wouldn’t have gone to the festival for medical reasons which she knew about, and since you couldn’t sell the tickets at such short notice, you’d have been out $700 dollars, which by her logic your friend would have therefore owed you because it is her fault you couldn’t attend.
So tell her, that she should be thanking you and your partner for going to the festival because he saved your friend an additional $700 dollars that your friend would have owed you for your ticket. See, anyone can make dumb demands. The only thing I will say is when she said, can someone ‘take’ my ticket you should have discussed what the cost was going to be for that (i.e. zero) but that was a little bit of miscommunication.
I ‘might’ have seen her point if she had given you a lot of notice and you had agreed upfront to sell the ticket etc. However, with such short notice and the fact you couldn’t sell the ticket, it was going to go to waste.
For what it is worth, I’ve bailed on a few concerts over the years and have always given the ticket away so that the other person could bring someone along for free as a last-minute incentive. If you’re wondering why, it’s because I get ill a lot and can’t attend, and often my wife is left wanting to go, so she will take a friend in my place.” Ready-Zombie5635
Another User Comments:
“I’d go with NTJ, simply because if you hadn’t used the ticket no one would’ve, and she wouldn’t have received money either. I can understand why she would want to be paid if someone used the ticket she bought with her own money, but also, if you hadn’t gone and no one bought the ticket she also wouldn’t have gotten her money back.
In the end, she would’ve rather let her ticket go to waste than have it be used by a friend. Both have the same financial impact for her, yet only one of those solutions seemed to bother her.” Worth_Tip_4877
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, this was her ticket.
She had the option and right to sell her ticket and failed to do so. You attempted to sell her ticket as a favor to her, and you were unsuccessful. She is owed no refund because no refund or resell occurred. Your partner stepped up so you could attend.
Everything is square. Nobody can create money out of thin air for her. She paid and canceled and accepted the risk of her ticket purchase going to waste. I strongly suspect she would have flaked anyway, given she didn’t commit to buying a plane ticket ahead of time.
NTJ. If any mutual friends are pressuring you, inform them of the full story and mention that you can’t refund or reimburse her for the sale of her ticket because there was none and that she left you in a position where her actions left you unable to attend.
Your partner attended as a favor to you, not to take advantage of a free ticket. He does not owe your friend compensation for the position she put you in. State it as a matter of fact that is not up for debate and let them have their own, private opinions that they keep to themselves.” pdubs1900
3. AITJ For Calling Myself "Dad" To My Puppy?
“I got a puppy a few months ago. He’s coming up to 5 months old soon, he’s been difficult but he makes me the happiest I’ve been since I can remember. I used to think calling yourself “dad” or “mum” to your dog was a bit cringe but never had a problem with it otherwise.
When I first got him my mother would always tell him “go to dad” (she also loves calling herself grandma too lol) or just generally call me dad to him. It began sticking with my whole family so they began saying it too. It’s slowly grown on me and he responds to it so I’ve found myself doing it too.
My friend was over yesterday, we were catching up over coffee since she recently went on a trip with her partner. We were in the backyard enjoying our coffees and out of the corner of my eye I saw my pup nearly catch a bird.
I shout out to him “no, come to dad” before he can go after more of the birds that are flying away. My friend got upset over this and said it’s disrespectful to parents and that just because I have a dog it doesn’t make me a parent.
I tried explaining that I know it’s nothing like having a child and it’s just habit at this point but she was having none of it so I dropped the subject. She left shortly later.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Who knows how my cat thinks of me in her little feline brain (“PERSON is home!”), but I refer to myself as mommy or mama when I’m talking to her.
“Mommy bought you some treats!” If she’s stretched out on my lap purring away, I’ll croon as I’m petting her, “Yes…mama loves you, too!” Your friend might have some parental issues or abandonment issues (or difficulty conceiving) but she’s being very weird and wound up about it.
You and hundreds of millions of pet owners worldwide are NTJ.” MysticYoYo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The trainer we worked with encouraged my partner and me to think of ourselves as “mom” and “dad” to our dog. Dog packs and human families are both basically led by parents and thinking of yourself as parenting the dog is an easier mental leap than thinking of yourself as a pack leader.
I also think that your friend might have very limited ideas about what being a parent is. Calling yourself your pet’s parent doesn’t take away from or mock people who are parents to human children. If you can be open to someone calling themselves “dad” to their dog, cat, turtle, or whatever, then you can open yourself up to the myriad of paths available to becoming a parent to a human.” Sir_Finnward
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People with kids often think it makes them special and that nothing can compare. They are wrong in many ways on that front. Your friend is one of those fragile humans who thinks your bond with your dog threatens their “specialness” as a parent.
Forget them. There will always be someone to complain. Feel bad for a person who only learned to love unconditionally or be responsible once they had a kid. Feel bad for a person who doesn’t have the heart to know what a dog/pet can do for a soul.
I understand that a dog and a human have different needs. I can leave my dog home alone, only have to feed it twice a day, don’t have to buy it clothes or send it to school. But I still think about him every moment we aren’t together.
I forgo things and leave parties so that he will be okay. He is the one there when a parent dies, or I get divorced. He has saved me. Your life and your relationships that make it more full are YOURS and you can name it how you please and refer to yourself whatever feels good to you.
If someone outside of that is offended by your love for something or someone else… That is their problem and says more about them than you. Love is love, baby. Don’t let the haters get you down.” orangemoonflower
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Put More Effort Into A Co-Worker's Gift Than Mine?
“My (30F) husband (32M) has always been a great gift-giver, but in the past few years, he has not nearly put in as much effort. We’ve been together for 10 years. One birthday he gave me custom engraved necklaces of our dogs and I loved it.
This year for my birthday he asked what I wanted (which I hate) but I ended up picking out my own bag and ordering it myself.
Now on to the part that makes me upset… at his job, he works with all women, and he is their boss.
They are doing Secret Santa for Christmas and he got matched with a girl who loves to read and is into fantasy genres like dragons and magic. He bought her probably 7 different dragon-themed little gifts and trinkets (a tapestry, glass dragon egg, a little journal, etc….).
None of them were super expensive, so if that was all it was I wouldn’t have thought twice about it but he also crafted a handmade mosaic of a bunch of different dragons that he stenciled on from images he found online. It looks great and he’s super talented with things like that, but I can’t help but be jealous and think “why can’t he do something like that for me?” He spent hours on it and worked on it every night for a week.
One of the gifts arrived in the mail yesterday and I said “is this another gift for her?” He said yes so I said “I feel like you’re going over the top and it’s a little unfair I had to pick my own gift for my birthday when you did all this for her.” He replied saying everyone goes over the top for the gift exchanges and it’s not that deep… and that was the end of it.
Also, I think part of it is he feels like it’s a competition on who gives the best gift because at previous exchanges there has been a clear “winner” who gave the best gift. He’s seemed standoffish and short with me ever since we’ve had the conversation.
Am I the jerk for bringing it up?”
Another User Comments:
“May I suggest an up-front conversation with your husband… “Hun, we need to talk about your actions and the signal they are sending to me, whether you mean it or not. In the past you have picked meaningful gifts, it wasn’t about the money spent, but showing that you took the time, you understood me, and you wanted to surprise me with something personal and meaningful.
However lately like my birthday, the signal you sent was, I can’t be bothered just pick something and buy it for yourself. Now I watch you spend a lot of your time and effort on another woman. Spending a week making her something with your own hands and researching and buying multiple gifts for her.
This isn’t about spending money or even getting gifts for someone else. It is about the fact that your actions and time are telling me you care more about her than you do me. Has our marriage grown to a point that we are just coasting or because we are together neither of us should try or care anymore?
Because I am honestly hurt to watch you spend your evenings crafting something for her and watching gift after gift arrive for another woman, when you spent one sentence on me “buy something you want”. How do you think I feel? This hurts and makes me question the state of our marriage honestly.”
Honestly, I might even dig a bit more, before the conversation something like. “Hey hun, how does this secret Santa work? Do you organize it as the manager?” “Oh you do, how do you all pick who gets who?” Not saying this is happening, but a lot of the effort and excitement for him, especially as her boss, makes me wonder if he intentionally picked someone as his person that he was interested in.
Because I would be asking, did he do this last year, why the change in his pattern/behavior?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I mean, how can you expect YOUR HUSBAND, to put any time, effort, and consideration into YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT when he’s clearly far too busy making sure his coworker gets the most thoughtful little dragon-themed love package possible?
NTJ. Sounds as though you’ve hit a nerve because he’s being standoffish. Meaning, there’s clearly a nerve to hit. His Christmas gift/gifts to you this year better be spectacularly thoughtful. You’re not even asking for much, just something caring and thoughtful.” AsparagusWTweak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I want to focus on the Secret Santa aspect…. these things are normally limited to one item or have a dollar limit, usually no more than $25 to avoid situations like this. Imagine Colleague A opening all these special interest pricey gifts and then Colleague B gets a bag of socks and a cheap candy bar.
I have been a part of a Secret Santa where there was daily gifting into a stocking on their desk, but this also had a total gifting dollar limit.” Vxing404
1. AITJ For Refusing To Give Candy To Late Neighbors On Sint Maarten?
“I, 21f, live with my parents in the Netherlands. Here we have a tradition on November 11 called Sint Maarten. It’s where kids make their own lanterns, go door to door, sing songs for candy.
Kinda like trick or treating. In my neighborhood, we have the rule that the kids (and their parents) can only come to the door for candy between 6 and 7 pm. No sooner and no later. It’s also a rule that the houses that participate need to have a candle outside next to the door.
No candle means no songs/candy.
Now we have new neighbors (they moved here 6 months ago, but this is the first time they participated here), with 4 kids between 9ish and 15ish so of course they were welcome to participate.
Now I was home alone during Sint Maarten because my parents were with my aunt, who’s really sick.
I was really busy with my projects for college, but between 6 and 7 pm I happily put a candle next to the door and prepared a bowl of candy. Many kids came to sing songs and it was adorable. At 7 pm I blew out the candle, grabbed the rest of the candy to snack on (there were 3 pieces left), and went back to my projects (I had a deadline that evening).
Around 9 pm the bell rang. I opened the door and there were the new neighbors. The kids immediately started singing songs. I didn’t know what to do and when they were done I politely told them that the planned hour for Sint Maarten was already over.
The mom said that they couldn’t participate then, because she absolutely couldn’t miss her TV show and that her husband was grocery shopping.
Now I’d like to point out that we have a group chat with all the adults in the neighborhood and each year the rules are repeated. These new neighbors are also in this chat.
I told them that it wasn’t my fault that they had other priorities and that I didn’t have a candle outside. The mom told me that because I had the decorative lights above the front door on, they assumed that I was still participating. I explained the rules again and told them that it had to be a candle outside the door to prevent confusion.
She asked me if I was really going to deny her kids candy after they sang me a song. I told them that we didn’t have anything left and she got even more mad. I pointed out that even if I had any left, I wouldn’t have had enough for all her kids.
She demanded that I go find candy for her kids, when I told her that the best that I could do was some fruit, she scoffed and said that I had ruined Sint Maarten for her kids. The kids started whining for candy and the mom told them that I didn’t have any for them
In the meantime it was almost 9:30, my deadline was for 11 and I still had a lot to do. I was tired, stressed, and had a headache, so I was grumpy. I still tried to be as polite as possible and told them that I had to get back to my project.
The next day there was a message in the group chat from the mom saying that her kids were disappointed that they couldn’t participate and that she expected better from a neighborhood with so many kids.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please, please, please go to the group chat and inform everyone that they showed up at your house at 9:00 because mom was too busy watching her TV show.
She wasn’t just a little bit late, 2 hours past is absurd. She is the only person who is to blame for her kids missing out. She’s obnoxious and entitled. You are a bit of a jerk for engaging with her, why argue? For that matter, why even answer the door at 9:00??” Aromatic_Recipe1749
Another User Comments:
“Are you close or friendly with any other neighbors in that chat? I’d ask them to respond with “it’s unfortunate that your children missed out on a yearly tradition. It’s worth reiterating that the only thing signaling that a house is participating is a lit candle- nothing else counts.
The entire neighborhood stops giving out candy at 7 sharp. Hope to see everyone next year!” She needs to be humbled by group consensus and put in her place by being reminded of the rules.” Mouthy_Dumptruck
Another User Comments:
“I guarantee this wasn’t only about you it’s likely she got a No at most places.
The only exception I made on Halloween was the older kids were still out at 8:35. I explained that trick or treating ends at 830 but since I was still out front packing up the Witch Scene I set up, they could have the last of the bowl since it was the last they were likely to get.” Ok-Bookkeeper-373
