People Want Their Revenge In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Being Furious At My Friend For Contacting My Partner's Ex Against My Wishes?
“Last week, I (23F) received a message from an anonymous Instagram account claiming my partner (23M) of 5 months is a liar and a deceiver. This shocked me because I finally feel I can trust someone and work through my past traumas.
I asked the account for proof but didn’t get a reply right away. When they eventually responded, they only mentioned personal details about my partner, like his “anatomy curves to the left” and that he’s “dominant in bed.” This wasn’t proof, so I requested actual evidence, but instead, they attacked me personally, calling me names like “ugly” and “insecure.”
I suspect this is his ex trying to stir drama. My partner has been reassuring throughout, even offering to let me look through his phone. I trust my instincts, and there’s no solid evidence to suggest he’s lying.
Throughout this, I kept my best friend (23F) updated and specifically asked her not to contact his ex.
However, she ignored my request and texted her anyway, saying, “I’m sorry, you’re going to hate me, but I texted her.” I was furious and told her she crossed a serious boundary, dragging someone into a situation they might not even be involved in. I told her that if my partner broke up with me over this, our friendship would be over.
I know my reaction was wrong; I was angry and triggered by past experiences. My friend and I have had many arguments recently, including one during a trip to Paris that left me feeling panicked and frustrated.
Interestingly, what the ex-partner said about their relationship mostly confirmed what my partner had told me.
She expressed her insecurities and admitted she had no proof of any deception.
I apologized to my friend, acknowledging my harsh words. She claimed she needed space now, and her sister and partner unfollowed me on Instagram. She deleted all our photos together and cut me out of her life.
I feel like I might have ruined our friendship, even though I wasn’t the one who crossed the boundary first. While I regret saying I’d end our friendship, I also feel betrayed by her actions. I understand she might have thought she was helping, but it wasn’t her place to involve herself without my consent, especially when I was already dealing with a lot of stress.
I’m left questioning whether my reaction was justified or if I’m to blame for how things unfolded.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend crossed a major boundary by contacting his ex despite your clear request. It wasn’t her place to interfere, especially when the situation was already emotionally charged for you.
It’s understandable to feel hurt, but take this as a lesson about trust and boundaries in friendships.” EchoFable24
Another User Comments:
“Your friend was a jerk. You didn’t need to apologize. She’s now turned herself into the victim and getting her sister on board with their petty actions.
Hold your head high, you’re in the right. Maybe she’ll come back, maybe she won’t, and you can decide if you care then.” Fit_Try_2657
Another User Comments:
“Your friend made the conscious decision to reach out to his ex knowing it wasn’t what you wanted – she had to know you wouldn’t react positively?
I honestly think your reaction in the heat of the moment was pretty fair and you even apologized for how you spoke! NTJ” Nice_Ad1951
24. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Class Notes With A Distracted Classmate?
“Long time lurker, first time poster. Genuinely curious to hear everyone’s thoughts since this is the kind of low-level problem I think AITJ is great for. Fake names and some minor details were changed for privacy.
I (22F) am in my senior year of college and am taking an upper-division English course (I’m an English major).
On the first day of class, a guy sat next to me and introduced himself as Ken. Ken’s a computer science major and was only taking this course for his required humanities credit, so he was looking for friends to study with. I participated a lot in class and over the next couple of days, Ken kept complimenting me after class saying how good my contributions were and how neat my notes looked. He also continuously complained about how confused he was, but here’s the kicker.
Ken does NOT pay attention in class. Whenever I would glance at him, he’d always be on his phone, scrolling through Snapchat Instagram, or some other social media site. To me, if you’re confused in a class but are always on your phone or otherwise not staying focused, it’s partially your fault.
I kept offering to go over the material outside of class with him, but he would brush me off, claiming he was busy.
The primary issue arose yesterday. After class, Ken turned to me and asked if I could share my notes with him because he didn’t understand anything the professor was talking about and wanted to prepare for the midterm essays we had to write.
I nicely told him no, explaining that I worked hard on my notes and wouldn’t give them away for free just for him to constantly be on his phone. I said while I’m happy to help him study, I’m not going to take the class for him.
Ken seemed offended and just sort of left without saying anything.
I didn’t think I was the jerk until later when I was relaying the situation to a friend. She just looked at me weirdly and said there was no harm in sharing my notes since the class isn’t curved, and I’m just making his life harder.
She also said that he might have a learning disability that makes it difficult for him to pay attention and I was being unnecessarily cruel to someone who was probably struggling a lot. I defended myself by saying that even if it technically doesn’t hurt me in any way, I just feel taken advantage of because he’s not even trying and expecting to reap the fruits of my labor.
My friend just rolled her eyes and changed the topic.
So now I’m here, feeling sort of bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ken knows what he’s doing and he didn’t raise an issue when you told him no. If he is having a problem with the class, why doesn’t he go to the instructor’s office hours for help?
Your friend is not helpful. If she believes Ken has a learning disability then maybe she can direct Ken to the office that helps those with disabilities get accommodations. However, I doubt at this point in his education that Ken has a learning issue. Those are usually identified much earlier than college.
Why is Ken taking an upper-level class not in his major for a gen ed credit? Those are usually filled by lower-level classes. Seems weird.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Ken has a documented learning issue, he can go to the university and request that they hire a note-taker for him.
The note-taker gets paid for providing clear and detailed notes, without ever knowing who is receiving them so the person’s privacy is protected. (Source: I made decent money doing this in college) If Ken doesn’t require this kind of accommodation, he needs to put in his work to pass or fail.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if he has a learning disability then he should talk to the student resources department who will ensure he has the proper accommodations. He’s just a poor student who thinks he’s above learning the humanities. And of course, he’s asking a female student for their notes.
Why would you even offer to help him study? He’s not going to help your grades in any way and probably be a time suck. Only study with actual peers who pay attention and can contribute to the study session. He made his life more difficult by not paying attention in class.
He can ask the Professor for help or the TA for help if he’s confused. Teaching him isn’t your job. But I can guarantee that the professor and the TA have already clocked his behavior and would probably ask to see his notes and what he’s confused about.
He wasn’t expecting you to push back but good for you!” Such_Wash1696
23. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Siblings For Neglecting Their Cat?
“I (21F) have been seeing my partner (26M) for over a year. I moved in with him and his family in March after being evicted by my host family, as I have no family here. Initially, I had a good relationship with his siblings: his brother (23M) and sister (20F).
My partner owns a calm cat, and his siblings adopted a very active kitten, Gigi, last December.
Initially, they took good care of Gigi, but their attention waned quickly. His sister was often with her long-distance partner, and his brother started going out all day.
After a month or two, my partner and I ended up handling most of Gigi’s care, including getting food and cleaning the litter. We don’t mind, as we love the cats, but it’s frustrating when his siblings don’t meet their responsibilities and often forget to help.
When I’ve raised this before, I’ve been met with anger and name-calling.
The main issue arose today when Gigi was spayed. We dropped her off at 8 am, and when I woke up at 2 pm after a nap, I found out that my partner’s siblings had left to see their dad (who lives overseas) and wouldn’t return for two days.
They didn’t inform us in advance, and my partner and I were left to handle Gigi’s post-surgery care. This was especially difficult because Gigi needed a lot of attention, and we had made our plans.
I was overwhelmed and messaged them, expressing how unfair it was to leave us with the responsibility, and asked if they could at least come home at night so we could get some rest. They responded by calling us “dramatic” and insisted we shouldn’t make a big deal out of “just 2 days.” Their mother intervened, telling them to return home or face eviction.
This led to a huge argument, and their brother insisted he did nothing wrong labeled me as rude and disrespectful, and requested me to get out of here. Their sister, on the other hand, threatened to move in with her partner and did not want to return home.
While I may have been harsh, my intention was to be acknowledged and not treated as unimportant. I feel disrespected and unappreciated for all the care I’ve given Gigi.
So AITJ for expecting them to take responsibility for their cat and for calling them out for their lack of involvement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should tread carefully as you’re the guest there. I don’t know if you pay rent. But a very possible scenario here is that the mom decides to side with them over you and your living arrangements are put at risk.
You’ve been living there for 6 months now and I don’t know if it was set up as temporary but you should also consider trying to find your place if you’re struggling with what comes along with living in your partner’s family’s house.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Without your intervention, the kitten would be in bad shape. The brother and sister are bad owners and need to be called out for it. I am curious why the mother was not left in charge of the kitten’s care if you had alternate plans.
Your partner’s siblings sound like complete jerks. It might be worth a conversation with your partner and mother to determine what needs to happen moving forward. If the mother is already at the stage of threatening eviction, you’ve probably got backup in the home. You may also want to intervene and claim Gigi as your pet and have the sister sign over ownership in whatever official capacity you can manage.
Otherwise… I hope her partner’s apartment allows pets.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re providing and helping out when it’s not even been needed. Gigi isn’t your cat and doesn’t need to be your responsibility. The siblings are pushing her onto you because they lost their kitten obsession phase and because they don’t want to be responsible for THEIR CAT.
Honestly, if they don’t step up, I’d say work to get Gigi under your name or your partner’s because the siblings may try to rehome her if you two leave the house. She is better off with you and your partner than them.” User
22. AITJ For Not Being There For My Friend After Her Dog Was Euthanized?
“I have been friends with this girl for about 4 years.
Her dog was very recently euthanized and I feel terrible.
I tried to text as much as I could over the weekend, but I really suck at comforting people. I truly tried my best though.
This will seem irrelevant, but it’s important. In the first couple weeks of the school year, I had a free first period.
I told her this and she thought we wouldn’t be able to see each other in the mornings. A couple of weeks later, my free period was switched to 7th so I could get a class I wanted which was only available in first period.
I never told her my schedule got changed, not that I didn’t want her to know, but because I genuinely forgot.
This morning, she saw me sitting with a few of my friends. A couple of hours later, she sent me a paragraph about how it’s a jerk move to not even ask her if she needed company when she didn’t even know I was here in the mornings, to begin with, and how I couldn’t even think to do the absolute bare minimum.
She went on to say that she would’ve done that for me if I were in the same situation.
Here’s the thing; I was in almost the exact same situation just over a year ago. The only difference is I knew about a couple of weeks in advance while she only knew a day in advance.
And she did not do what she claimed was the bare minimum. I even went back to our texts on August 3rd (the day my dog died) and if you were a random person reading the texts, you would’ve never thought it was anything but a normal day.
She never mentioned my dog until a month or two later, and I never even questioned it.
I’ve been feeling like a terrible friend ever since she sent that. I can’t focus on anything except what I could’ve done differently. I really could’ve been more available, especially in such a hard time in her life.
I regret not talking to her in person. But I really don’t know if I’m the jerk because she claims I failed to do the bare minimum as a friend when she did less than what I did in the same situation.”
Another User Comments:
“There are stages to grief. Some people get really angry and really blamey. People are mad and sad about the loss, but they can’t be mad at death. They want to pin their anger on someone. Looks like she’s pinning hers on you. NTJ but recognize it for what it is.” ladystetson
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re the jerk in this situation, you’re merely human and sometimes we forget to tell people things. I would try and sit down with your friend to talk through the situation and explain it from your point of view (though I wouldn’t bring up their lack of comfort from the year before as that would make it worse)” Fun-Ad-6192
21. AITJ For Wanting To Evict My Aunt From My Grandfather's Apartment?
“I(18M) was recently promised to be able to rent one of my grandfather’s apartments who was recently fighting cancer,
While my grandfather was fighting cancer, my grandmother and I were the only two who constantly visited him (most family members still have, but we were the only two daily) and throughout this entire time, I’ve always stayed by his side.
Now recently since I’m turning 18 (and making some decent money) I’d like to rent my apartment and finally have my own space my grandfather, who owns multiple properties, heard about it and offered me to rent his apartment which I’ve said yes to,
(Now for some context about this apartment, it is in the best area in the city and usually will cost around 3-4k USD a month but my grandfather said he would rent it for me for around 1k USD a month)
Now I was supposed to get into the apartment in early to mid-August but because my family went on a trip, I chose to stay home and take care of our pets (a dog and a cat) in the meantime, my aunt (38F) just got divorced and she has 2 children from this divorce, My grandfather called me asking if she could live in the apartment for 3 months and then I would get in and I’ve said yes since I would’ve gotten into the apartment in late September anyway because I stayed at my parent’s apartment so I figured why not.
So around a month passed and my mom suddenly called me from abroad, We’re having a fairly normal discussion until she drops the bomb: “By the way, about Grandpa’s apartment, you probably won’t get it. I’ve talked with my sister and I know her, she won’t give up on the apartment” my mother said.
Now obviously I was confused and mad but I chose to act cool and just ended the call early. It seems my grandfather does not know and I know for a fact that if I tell him about it he will kick her out of the apartment since me and I were always really close and I’m saved in his contacts as “favorite grandchild” even before he was fighting cancer.
But she’s still divorced, a single mother of two children, and both kids are below the age of 4 and it’s not like I’m losing any money for it just missing an amazing opportunity. So tell me, will I be the jerk for kicking her out of my grandfather’s apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement with your grandfather. You allowed her to stay for a set period. Now you just want your agreement honored. I would talk to your grandfather. Let him sort it.” eowynsheiress
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Birthday Party With My Best Friend's Creepy Partner?
“My best friend (26f) and I (24f) have been friends since my freshman year of high school. She’s the funniest person I know and a very kind, supportive friend. However, one of her biggest flaws is her constant need for male validation. She has always been really “boy crazy.” She is always telling me about whatever new guy she’s talking to, and there’s a high turnaround.
This isn’t inherently bad. I respect whatever she wants to do with other consenting adults in her free time, and she should be able to talk about her experiences with her friends. However, it’s constant and sometimes when we hang out it will be all she wants to talk about the whole time.
She started seeing someone (27m) a couple of months ago. He’s all she talks about. At first, he seemed like he treated her ok and she’s happy (so she says) so I had no qualms about this relationship.
One day she called me crying and said she found his ex’s inappropriate pictures on his phone.
He had purchased her explicit content. He defended this by saying he has an addiction to explicit content. Of course, I thought this was disgusting and encouraged her to break up with this awful person. But she didn’t do that. With peace and love, she has no backbone, so she accepted his apology and they tried to move on.
She knows I hate him and so do the rest of our friends, but she still talks about him incessantly as if nothing happened.
Another day I woke up to a bunch of notifications of him liking my posts on Instagram at like 2 am. Weird.
I told my friend and she dismissed my concerns and told me I should be friends with him.
Another time he sent me pictures of racy clothing and lingerie and asked me what I thought my best friend might like. It made me feel so gross, but again, my friend didn’t think it was an issue.
My birthday is very close to my best friend’s birthday so for many years in a row, we’ve had a joint celebration. She of course wants her partner to be there so I told her she should have her celebration this year and I’ll have mine.
She was extremely hurt by this and hasn’t talked to me since then. Now I feel bad. Maybe we can find a compromise? I don’t know what to do at this point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But, honestly, you should have a conversation with your friend about how you feel.
Sit down with her in person and tell her how much you care for her and also how concerned you are about him. She is hurting, as I’m sure you are too. But tell her that if she is going to be with him, then you’ll have to distance yourself to an extent.
Part of that is by having a birthday that doesn’t involve him. Then, reassure her that you still value your friendship with her and still want her in your life….just not him. And if you lose her friendship because of this, then just know that it isn’t because anyone is right or wrong or good or bad … your paths just went separate ways.” ZestyZebra2022
Another User Comments:
“This title doesn’t make sense. Are you going to plan your party and not invite her, or is the issue that you don’t want to have a joint birthday? Either way, it is okay to tell her that her partner makes you uncomfortable and that you don’t want to be around him.
Just understand that it may put a strain on your friendship as it will likely mean seeing her less. It’s okay to have boundaries as long as you communicate and explain them clearly. Let her know that you value her friendship but her trying to force you to spend time with her partner is not appreciated.” Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh
Another User Comments:
“You haven’t done anything that enters jerk territory since you have all the right to choose who gets invited or not. But this will ultimately affect your relationship with your best friend and cause her to resent you, all the while this gives her a reason to want to side with her creepy bf.
IMO, your birthday party should be the least of your concerns. You need to have a proper sit down with your friend. NTJ.” YourLaundryBasket
19. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Pay Back The Money He Borrowed After His Wife Insulted Me?
“Around July of this year my (20) Dad (43) asked me to borrow $500 promising to give it back by August and pay interest, August came and he asked for an extra $6k something happened and I ended up giving him $3k, now he owes me $3.5k and to be honest I don’t need the money right now, I was saving it to go to college this fall, but since he asked for it I decided to take that as a priority and wait until next year and go in spring.
I don’t live with him, his wife, and my stepsister (16), but since she’s young and they are a little abusive with her I try to hang out with her when I can, we recently hung out and she told me that in one conversation with her mom she started saying “You are starting to look fat, and that way to dress, you are starting to look like X (me)”
I know it’s a small comment, and something probably stupid, but I never talk about her or my dad at all, I know what she means, I grew up hearing it from my mom “You look fat” and “You need to dress more feminine” “no one is going to be interested in you if you still looking like that”, the problem here is, they kicked me out of home, they said horrible things to me in the past, now I’m helping them to keep the house that they are struggling to pay (letting my dad borrow my money because he has no credit left), and she has a little “business” (not a business imo) where when I can I buy stuff from.
So, WIBTJ if I out of nowhere ask my dad for the money back by the end of the month no matter what just because he still can’t get his wife to get my name out of her mouth?
I don’t want to be seen as taking advantage because they need something from me, but after all this time and the help I give them not thinking of all the bad things that they did, and mainly SHE is still not even a bit grateful make want to take any help away and not help them anymore in the future.
Finally, sorry for any grammar error, English is my second language”
Another User Comments:
“Please don’t be surprised that he will not be returning the money. He won’t have it. You can and should ask, but don’t expect it. Don’t lend him any more money, and he’s participated in putting you down previously.
It’s abusive. They are taking advantage. They are not nice people. You are trying to earn love from people who don’t sound capable of giving it to you. I’m sorry. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“You will never get that money back. Consider it a lesson learned and never “lend” money again.
Go ahead and ask for it, but prepare for him to treat you like you’re the jerk for bringing it up. That’s how it works. You help them out of a jam. They feel embarrassed that they owe you money (and don’t want to pay it back), so they hope and expect that you will just forget about it.
You bring it up. You become the bad person for bugging them. Every time.” BrnEyesInSF
Another User Comments:
“You need to get your money back simply because it’s your money! You don’t need a reason to ask for it (not even a legit or snarky reason).
My gut tells me you should start asking ASAP in the hopes you’ll get the money back someday. As others have commented, I don’t have a good feeling about your loan being repaid. But I’ll keep my fingers crossed. NTJ.” Aware_Welcome_8866
18. AITJ For Calling CPS On My Hoarding Sister?
“My sister (48F) has 4 children (10m, 12f, 16m, 20m) with her ex-husband (62m). They aren’t legally separated but split the kids 50/50.
I visited her recently and discovered just how bad her mental health and hoarding is.
12f is staying with her full-time because of a fight she had with her dad. After 1 month, her hair is completely matted to her head, she has no clean clothes and hasn’t showered in days.
According to her, my sister says she doesn’t have to use deodorant, brush her hair or teeth, or shower if she doesn’t want to. When I told my sister I was worried about how her kids were living, she told me I was not allowed to see her daughter ever again.
I was talking to 20m and he said she tells the kids their dad mistreats them by making them do housework, take care of personal hygiene, and complete schoolwork. He also sent photos of her house and it is disgusting. Piles of garbage, dirty clothes, and rotting food everywhere.
If there was a fire in the kitchen they would all perish because there is no way out. He said they all like going to her house because they can just play video games all day and don’t have to do anything.
I called cCPSon her and now she and the kids aren’t talking to me.
She called and screamed at our mother first, thinking it was her. Our mom said it wasn’t her, so obviously it was me. She used to fill her bedroom with garbage as a kid and scream when our parents made her clean. Her ex also sent me photos of their house and how disgusting it would be if he came back from a work trip (pre and post-kids).
She blames the kids for the mess, but also she refuses to get help or even let her ex have the kids for a few months while she gets it together.
Here is where I might be the jerk, she’s been dealing with mental illness and lost her job because of chronic pain.
She had a horrible experience at the hospital 4 years ago and has PTSD from it. She needs help. If she loses custody, her ex will get the kids full time and, according to my sister, he is manipulative and abusive. She claims he doesn’t send her enough money (he sends her enough to cover her rent and some utilities) and that he is strict with the kids.
I know the kids love their mom, is that enough to overlook their living situation? Should I have just left it? Will living with their dad be worse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone needs to look out for the welfare of those kiddos despite their mother’s mental health issues, as unfortunate as that may be.
I won’t claim to be an expert, but I was a court-appointed special advocate and also volunteered extensively as a certified domestic violence counselor. In my experience, kids are VERY rarely immediately removed from their home without the caregivers being given the opportunity and resources to first correct or address their behavior/ living situation.” Remarkable-Name-3456
Another User Comments:
“The ex doesn’t sound manipulative or abusive for making children take care of their hygiene and do some chores around the house. Your sister, on the other hand, has clearly shown that she is incapable of providing these children with a clean and safe home.
NTJ” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is exposing her children to an unhealthy environment and is likely causing them psychological trauma. Her kids deserve to live somewhere clean with parents who RAISE them, not just let them do whatever they want. I’m not trying to hate, hoarding is very serious, but if she won’t do it for her kids, she’s not doing it for anyone.
-someone exposed to hoarding as a child.” Ok_Existence
17. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Wheelchair-Bound Friend?
“This is a difficult topic to talk about so please bear with me. I, (15f) have a friend (15f) let’s call her Sarah. For context, Sarah has been in a wheelchair almost her whole life. She doesn’t have a lot of friends because of her disability, so I am one of her main friends.
Our friendship started last year, but it was rocky, and we took a break. This year, we started reconnecting. I hang out with her during school and that’s not the problem. The problem is, that she wants me to be by her side 24/7, holding her hand every second of the day.
Literally.
At first, I didn’t have an issue with it, but then she became super clingy and always wanted to know where I was at, at school. She would tell me to hold her hand going to her next classes and wanted me to walk with her, even though we were going to different places.
If I say no to her, she would beg and beg until I am forced to say yes, or she would say: “fine, I’ll just stay here.” Like an elementary schooler. (We are in high school btw.) It’s not just holding her hand I am forced to do, but she would tell me to get things.
Here’s the part where I will be sympathetic. I understand that she’s in a wheelchair, and there are some things she needs help with, and I help her with that.
That is the part I am not worried about. The part that I am worried about is her asking, mind you, not just me, but other people to do things for her even though she is capable of doing it herself.
This is not just a one-time thing, but an everyday matter. I just think she’s clingy and gets upset when someone tells her no. I want to set some boundaries so that we can both be comfortable, but I feel like if I tell her, she’ll get defensive and think I am a bad friend.
I am going to be honest, she asks me to do things for her that she can do herself and wants me to be by her side 24/7, it is kind of draining and it feels like I am her servant.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to set boundaries. You don’t explain why she’s in a wheelchair, or if she’s used the chair her whole life, which could come in handy for some context here. But if she’s asking you and others to do things that she can do, just tell her “no.” If you want to be her friend, you need to be honest about how you feel.
You don’t need to use the word “servant,” as she would likely get defensive at that. But if you’ve only been friends for a year, and you’ve already had to take a break… why? Think about that. Are you friends with her because you genuinely like her?
Or are you friends with her because you feel sorry for her? I don’t know her situation. Or how she was raised. Maybe she’s been sheltered and is used to relying on people for every little thing (even things she can do herself).
You’re not doing her any favors by enabling her to act helpless. And if this friendship is causing you to feel more stress than fulfillment, it’s time to set some boundaries.” abstract_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Sarah needs to learn the difference between a friend and a caretaker.
You should not be holding her hand or regularly fetching for her things she can do herself. Given that you’re in high school, it seems appropriate to talk to a school counselor or parents (yours and hers) about this. If Sarah needs an aide, that should be someone separate from any friends she makes.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been on both sides of these relationships, to be honest, and both ways end up hurting each other. You will get hurt by prioritizing someone else over yourself, and If she relies on you too much she will get hurt and bitter when you genuinely cannot be there for her and won’t be able to take care of herself.
I recommend having a conversation setting boundaries and making sure she understands that you still want to be friends but you are your person.” User
16. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Roommate's Rent While She's In Rehab?
“My partner and I moved into a shared house earlier this year with 2 other people who already lived there.
Myself and my partner moved into one room, which we paid $700p/week for between the two of us ($350 each). The others pay $500 each for their rooms individually. We never hit it off with the others and had some minor issues, our things going missing, etc. Never anything too serious, but enough that we never got past the “just housemates” relationship.
A few weeks ago one of my housemates (Call her Beth) told us she was going to rehab for 12 weeks. Do what you need to do. We asked if she would still be able to afford rent and she said yes, so no dramas.
A few weeks in she messaged and asked us if we were able to cover part of her rent as she’s struggling financially while in rehab.
However, she only asked my partner and I to cover this, not the other housemate. I was confused as to why it was just the two of us being asked and not our other housemate and didn’t understand if this was her asking as a favor or because she believed we should be paying more.
I talked to my other housemate about this and whether she knew the reason why she wasn’t being asked and she said it was a conversation Beth brought up but she wasn’t sure.
The next day we received a very hostile message from Beth about us talking behind her back, telling us we had been done a favor by being able to live in a place where we could have mates over, be ourselves, etc., and that we already aren’t paying enough for the room.
I have always seen shared houses as “you pay for the room” and therefore see our pay as already significantly higher than theirs, despite it being cheaper as individuals, because we share the one space. Beth sees it as we are paying as individuals and therefore we are not paying enough.
In the message she sent, she insisted that we pay the new amount of rent (with the increase she had asked for) otherwise she would get “fair work” involved (I didn’t know how to tell her fair work is the wrong organization for this issue)
My partner and I do not want to be paying extra rent because we have been forced into it through threats and are planning on refusing. I think, although as individuals we pay less, our room is still significantly pricier than theirs, and told them they are welcome to get a roommate to make their rent cheaper.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it sucks for your roommate that they’re in a position to need rehab, that has nothing to do with the current situation. You agreed on the room rate, and you did what’s normal in terms of covering rental costs.
The only time where it may make sense to pay more is bills and utilities, as that’s where a per person formula makes more sense.” SlightQuality1457
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Beth has a cashflow issue and is trying to rectify it by re-writing an agreement you have with rent.
She is upset that you talked to the other housemate behind her back as she was trying to mislead you to pay extra and you’ve caught her out.” IamMaggieMoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m also not sure where you live but 700/pw for a single room in a shared house is ridiculous.
My husband and I are in Australia and we rent our house for 390/pw. The whole house to ourselves, and it’s 390 a week. Utilities are not included but they still don’t even come close to being 2.8k expenses a month for 2 people and 2 cats.” oxcelotl
15. AITJ For Wanting To Change Therapists After He Accidentally Emailed Confidential Session Notes To My Dad?
“I (28M) have had this one therapist for about a year now. Since our first session, I’ve made great strides in many aspects of my life, including now having a loving partner for the first time ever this summer.
I have made so much progress that we moved from weekly sessions to biweekly sessions a couple of months ago.
However, the main reason I’m in therapy has more to do with facing intense parental pressure to level up in my career (along with the intense internal pressure I already deal with).
Naturally, that is one of the main topics I discuss with my therapist.
He usually sends me session notes after every session; these used to be texted but are now emailed. But yesterday when trying to email the notes to me, it somehow got to my dad instead.
You know, the subject of one of the paragraphs on my notes. It was completely general info but of course still confidential. My therapist said he typed my name but somehow my dad’s email came up, which makes zero sense as I’ve never even told him my parents’ names, much less their emails.
For clarification, my email is my first name + middle and last initials, while my dad’s email is his first + last name (we have different first names). Nothing in common email-wise.
I frantically called my dad to tell him that there was an email sent to him in error from my therapist about the notes from our session and to just delete it.
Of course, he reads it anyway and we have a 45-minute discussion in the evening because he hyper-fixated on the one part of the email that talks about “our relationship improving” (he’s my hero). He wasn’t angry, just sad. I kept trying to reassure him of the fact that he was my hero but he was still sad, it was a discussion that just did not have to happen at all.
I’m feeling a lot of things. I’m a little annoyed that my dad read the email I told him to just delete, though I understand it’s human nature to be curious. Mostly I feel like my privacy has been violated by my therapist’s irresponsibility (how the heck do you not quintuple check the email address for goodness sake) and I didn’t even open the Google doc he made with our notes last night.
I’m thinking of cutting ties with this therapist and the agency in general and finding another counseling provider that maybe works more closely with my health insurance (for cheaper sessions). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, that’s a rough situation. Honestly, I don’t think you’re a jerk at all for considering cutting ties with your therapist. Sending confidential notes to the wrong person—especially a parent who is part of the issue you’re working through—is a huge breach of trust. Even if it was a genuine mistake, it’s still a pretty serious one.
I get that your dad reading the email was maybe out of curiosity, but it sucks that it led to a 45-minute convo that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Your privacy should be a top priority, and if you’re feeling violated, that’s valid.
If you do decide to find a new therapist, I’d definitely bring this up with them as a learning experience for what you need to feel secure in the therapeutic relationship. Good luck, man!” User
14. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Unemployed Brother Who Mocked My Fear Of Driving?
“I am 20f and my brother is 36m.
I do not have my driver’s license yet. I’m not proud of this, but it’s just how it is right now. I have severe anxiety surrounding driving and have genuinely freaked out behind the wheel. It’s not due to trauma or anything, I just really struggle.
I do have a permit. I’m in therapy and hope to be licensed before I’m 21.
Because of this, I sometimes rely on people for rides. I am in college four days a week and I work two days a week. I take public transport to school and that works perfectly.
But, either my mom or my partner takes me to and from work two days a week. I still live at home and my work is 7 minutes away. My mom has no issues helping me out here.
My brother was recently at my mom’s house and dug into me.
He was saying things like “When I was your age you would have gotten bullied so bad for not driving” and “What a shame you make mom drive you to work like you’re a child” and just all around being mean to me. He also said something about me being lazy which set me off.
Now, here’s some context about my brother. He has not had a job since he was around 25. He is not disabled or anything like that. He claims he’s a “stay-at-home dad.” Both of his children are school-aged. He also wasn’t even working before his oldest was born.
His wife works, but it is not enough to support the four of them as he regularly calls our mom crying saying that he can’t pay rent and they are on the verge of being evicted. She gives a huge amount of funds monthly.
So, when my brother was making fun of me I said “At least I have a job and all I ask mom for is the occasional ride, not her pocketbook.” He was livid and said I didn’t know what it was like to have children and bills etc etc. Nobody else was in the room btw.
True enough, but don’t dish it if you can’t take it, man. My mom told me I shouldn’t have said that, but also agreed that he shouldn’t have been saying what he said to me either. My brother is still upset at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s only poking at you about driving because he’s deeply insecure about his failures. How embarrassing that he has to bully his little sister to try and feel better about himself. Also, I’m in the UK and passed my test at 25 (manual/stick and we have to have hundreds of hours of lessons).
So what? I passed. You do you, honey. People like your brother are frightened that one day someone will see all their insecurities.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has no right to criticize you for not being “adult enough” when he’s not taking care of his responsibilities.
As a 31-year-old non-driver (also due to driving anxiety), there are so many ways to get around while not being behind the wheel. It sounds like you’re handling it well, he’s in no place to judge you.” Spoonthievery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s deflecting and that’s on him.
Also, my sister (4 years younger) and I did our driver’s licenses at the same time because I’m like that. I matured later and I didn’t feel good about doing it any earlier. My auntie’s always had a driver’s license and I believe she’s driven 3-4 times in her life.
It’s one of those things that’s just not for everyone. Don’t feel insecure about it, don’t let him bully you for this.” lujza_blaha
13. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Unhelpful Brother To School?
“My brother (21) has a driver’s license but is scared to drive so he usually has to bike or take public transportation.
It normally takes him about 1.5 hours to get to work. Now they’re renovating the train tracks which is why he has to take a bus that takes a while longer to get him to his destination. He goes to work from Monday to Thursday but on Friday he has to go to school.
To get to that school he now has to switch buses multiple times and I understand that that is super annoying. I work from home most Fridays so I’m a little bit more flexible with my time.
Now this is the situation. My mom drove him to school the last two weeks because she was home but now she is back to work and told me to drive him.
Normally that would not be the problem but my brother has been acting like a complete jerk to me for the last couple weeks so I’m just not interested in driving him.
Whenever I ask him to do something for me he never does it.
A couple of days ago he went downstairs to get himself a bottle of water and I asked if he could bring me one too. His only response was that I should get my own. My job at home is to do all our laundry so I folded everything in baskets (one for my parents, one for him, and one for me) in the last couple of weeks I have always asked him to take my parent’s basket upstairs because I recently had surgery on my knee and struggle with carrying things upstairs.
He’s never done it so usually I end up doing it.
Then two days ago I went grocery shopping and when I came inside with the bags he had placed his slippers directly behind the door which I didn’t see and tripped over the grocery bags and ended up falling.
When I told him in the evening he said that he likes that spot for his shoes and that I should have looked better… they were in the middle of the way… you had to step over them to go somewhere.
Needless to say, I’m pretty upset about his behavior and I don’t feel like driving him when he continues to treat me that way.
But now my mom is kind of expecting me to drive him because she told him I would without even asking me first.
Am I in the wrong for refusing to drive him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to be more empathetic towards your brother, but he sounds like a very selfish person.
You have the right to refuse to do a favor when he won’t do so much as bring you water. Especially since it’s only inconvenient but not impossible for him to get to school on his own.” Visible_Car_8547
Another User Comments:
“Living in harmony with the people in your home is not the job of just one person, everyone has a responsibility to chip in and do their part.
You and your mom seem to be stepping up, but your brother isn’t. It’s unreasonable of him to expect you to drive him around if he’s constantly disrespectful and disregards you. If your mom questions you about why you’re not driving him, it should be easy to explain that he gets to experience the consequences of his bad behavior.
It’s not that everything needs to be tit-for-tat, just that he can’t expect to be a jerk and still have everyone eager to help him out. NTJ” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“Refuse. If your mother will give you grief, drive him. Just not on his terms or his time.
Take care of the clothes just before you are supposed to go out, Move his slippers or whatever he left in the way, just before you are supposed to go. Take your time. No pressure. NTJ” Horror-Reveal7618
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do Things My Partner Likes Because They Embarrass Me?
“My partner [18F] has been getting upset with me recently for not doing things that she says would make her happy and that she thinks I would enjoy because I think that I’d be uncomfortable doing these things.
It all started when she wanted to put makeup on my face (in a feminine way – blush lipstick etc) which I didn’t feel very comfortable doing, but to compromise I let her partially do it, on the condition that she not take any photos.
She got quite upset that I wouldn’t let her take any photos, which I thought was a reasonable thing to ask as those photos would be quite embarrassing for me. Her reasoning for wanting the photos was for the memories, but I don’t understand why the memory itself wasn’t enough.
More recently she wanted me to learn to do a TikTok dance with her, which I knew that I wouldn’t enjoy, but offered to start learning with her anyway on the condition that she neither records/uploads it anywhere nor makes me do it in front of anyone else.
(Again this is because I find it quite embarrassing for me). After about 5 minutes of learning the dance, she told her sister that we were learning it and said that we would show her, which annoyed me as I had quite directly requested her not to make me do it in front of anyone.
She then got upset at me and said it was unreasonable of me to put my fear of being embarrassed over her happiness.
The most recent incident was today, she was talking about a yoga class that she wanted to do with me, and I told her that I don’t like yoga (as I’ve tried it in the past) and that I’d be willing to do a class with her but not a yoga one.
I did slip up and mention that I would be embarrassed if my friends saw me doing a lady’s yoga class, but I know I wouldn’t enjoy it. She got very upset at me and started arguing with me, within earshot of her family which was more embarrassing for me.
She loudly said she was mad that I kept putting my embarrassment over her happiness, but I didn’t understand why my not wanting to do something that I wouldn’t enjoy was so unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As far as I can tell, NTJ – it sounds like you have to do everything your partner wants to do, regardless of whether or not it affects your happiness or not.
You shouldn’t have to do everything someone asks that would make them happy, especially if it makes you unhappy. A relationship is all about compromise, not forcing someone to do something they don’t wish to do. You have tried many of the things she has asked you to, so it’s not like she can use the excuse that you’ve never tried these things either.
Everyone has different standards for what is comfortable for them, and so if you’ve tried doing the things your partner wants to do but then don’t enjoy them, that’s okay, and she should accept that. An interesting experiment you could try would be to ask her to do something with you that would make you happy and put her in the same situation – perhaps something she hasn’t done before and maybe embarrassed/uncomfortable trying.
How she reacts will be very important in deciding whether to stay in a relationship with this person.” depressypenne27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’d be one thing if you refused to do anything she likes. But she keeps picking things that it’s completely reasonable, and honestly predictable, that you’d feel uncomfortable doing.
She’s not asking you to watch a movie you’re not interested in, she’s picking things that would be humiliating to you. While it’s good to not care what others think, that should be accomplished for your peace of mind. Not to make an unreasonable partner happy.
She needs to stop putting her ego before your comfort.” RutabagaNormal1912
Another User Comments:
“Mild ESH Your partner needs to understand you’re not a dress-up doll – and while encouraging you to do things she thinks you’ll enjoy is one thing, trying to fit you into some mold so you can be what she imagines as the perfect “relationship” is not ok.
Also, there’s a difference between asking, encouraging, and coercing. You, on the other hand, should try getting out of your comfort zone and really should worry less about being embarrassed. Also, if a simple argument is embarrassing to you – you do need to raise your embarrassment threshold.
Either way, this doesn’t sound that serious. Find some sort of compromise and figure it out. Or don’t and find a new partner who’s less “embarrassing”.” Sure-Beach-9560
11. AITJ For Not Stepping Down So My Co-Worker Can Join My Desired Team?
“My coworker and I are part of a graduate program in the tech department of our company where we rotate between different teams and specialties.
I’ll leave out any specifics just to make sure they don’t see this.
Anyway, we’re responsible for contacting the manager of the team that we want to work with next. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been speaking to the past graduates about wanting to join, let’s call it team x.
I set up a meeting with the manager of team x where they approved me rotating into their team at the end of the month. I let my manager know who has helped me organize any learning material or anything else.
The problem comes where my colleague who’s in the grad program, we’ll call her D.
D messaged me to say that she’s also interested in team x but learnt they only take one graduate at a time. I subtly mentioned that I’ve met with the manager of team x and told our manager about it already. I’d like to also mention that D has been involved in these conversations of me talking about wanting to join team x so they’ve known for a while that was my plan.
D started going on about how her current rotation has prepared them in a way for team x. ITeam Xlike she was trying to tell me it was better for her to rotate into team x inTeam Xof me. I explained to D that she knows I’ve already had multiple meetings with team x and our manager so I can smoothly adjust to the team so why are they telling me this now?
My inner thoughts: is D expecting me to decide to just “step down”? It took a lot of work for me to convince them to let me join their team so that should go to waste? D can always join the team once I’ve completed 3 months with them but why does she want to do it immediately knowing that I’ve already prepared for it?
I told D that I was not making the decision to stop working towards working with team x and I’ll leave it up to our manager and the manager of team x because I simply just think it’s not fair for her to put that pressure on me.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are responsible for managing your career progression and D is responsible for managing hers. It is wildly inappropriate for her to behave as if trying to shove you out of her way is a valid technique to get ahead.
Be deliberately obtuse when she hints and if she has the nerve to ask, the appropriate answer is “absolutely not”.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….You are correct. You will leave it up to the managers to decide. I think a co-worker knows that you will likely be the candidate since you have already put a lot of work into the team.
If co-worker continues as they are, just respond with, “I not stepping aside if that is what you are trying to do. Again, I will let the managers decide on who gets to join team X anTeamdo not wish to discuss it with you anymore.
I wish you the best of luck”.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t make placement decisions. The team leader does. D wants to clear her path, one by one. (Telling you she wants it. Then you drop out. Then Steve drops out. Then Juanita falls for it and drops out.
Then Chou-Li feels sorry for her and drops out. So she’s the Last Woman Standing.) NO. That’s not how placement works. You apply, you say how you’ll fit in, and you wait. For the placement leader to make the decision! Not you! Tell her you’re interested and you wish her the best in her career path. ” Popular-Way-7152
10. AITJ For Playing Video Games After My Partner Missed Our Planned Dinner?
“My partner and I live together. I am 29 and she is 26. We’ve lived together for 6 months. I have been very busy at work and with life so yesterday I was looking forward to cooking dinner for my partner and me and relaxing.
We had this planned all weekend. My partner is more of a social butterfly than I am so she had plans yesterday morning with her friends. She had brunch at 11 and I was planning on having dinner ready by 630. I expected her to have a few mimosas at breakfast but nothing too crazy.
Maybe she’d get home and take a nap before dinner.
Brunch turned into going to one more bar after (around 1 PM). Which turned into more bars. Which became bar hopping all day. She was texting me insisting that she would be home in time for dinner but by the way she was talking, I could tell she was intoxicated. I started making the pasta around 5 pm.
Around 5:30 I saw on her snap story that she was doing shots at a bar in a completely different neighborhood of Chicago. I didn’t want to be the partner who nags so I let it go. I was getting seriously annoyed because I was thinking oh great she’s gonna be hammered for the nice night we had planned.
At 6:30 she was not home yet. I saw on her location that she was now at a different bar from where they were taking shots. I ate and asked my friends if they wanted to play PlayStation so I packed up the food, put it in the fridge, and hopped on PlayStation with the boys.
My partner arrived home around 71:5 PM intoxicated. She asked what I was doing and what about dinner. I said she was late, and dinner was done but it’s In the fridge so she can heat some if she wants. She apologized for being a little bit late but gave me a half-hearted laughing apology saying “You never know what to expect when the girl gang goes to brunch” I said that’s fine but I now have other plans.
She called me rude and went to bed. We haven’t talked much about it today but I can tell she is being passive-aggressive so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Enjoy being in a relationship with a jerk then…. She bailed on your dinner plans Didn’t apologize Bragged about her friends Called you rude…wtf?
Insulted your food and is now passive-aggressive She has no respect for you….and this will continue until you break up with her. Then she and her girl-gang will continue with their antics because this is the center of her life. Not your life with her, you are just an accessory she plays with in her downtime.
NTJ but keep building some boundaries and stand up for yourself. But it seems she won’t care if you break up with her and slightly looks down on you for staying with her.” AnonymooseVamoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Like you said, she was home almost an entire hour late, did she seriously just expect you to sit at the table with a cold dinner twiddling your thumbs and waiting for her?
And the fact that she just door-dashed her food and insulted your cooking is even worse. Your partner doesn’t sound very mindful of you, your time, or your efforts. And the fact that she’s giving you the silent treatment to try and make you look like the bad guy is even worse.
Honestly, she put her “girl gang” ahead of you. I would stop and re-evaluate your relationship with her: has she frequently been picking her friends or other things over you?” One_Thousand_Winds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You made dinner and she wasn’t home when planned. All she had to do was heat it.
Her plans changed and she expects you to wait at home like a puppy but she can’t be flexible when you do other things? Sure her plans changed but you didn’t put it against her. Her change of plans was the reason why you changed your night.
She didn’t bother telling you she’d be home later. Did she want you to just leave the food out to spoil? I’d have her tell you what she expects then point out how silly that is for anyone to just sit there and wait.
If she expects the courtesy to wait to eat then she needs to text or call when she leaves. She sounds like an immature jerk and I’d die on this hill.” 0KOKay
9. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Banned Friend Create A New Social Media Account?
“My friend was banned from a romantic social app a few years ago. When he told me about this back then, he said he contacted the app and wrote a lengthy email asking to be unbanned. They did not lift the ban.
Last night I received an access code via text, which I found odd because I didn’t try to log in to any Google account anywhere recently.
Shortly afterward, my friend texted me that he tried making a Google voice number because it wouldn’t let him use his phone. Then says he’s trying to make a romantic social app account, but his number was banned some years ago. Then thanked me and said he appreciated it before I even opened his text.
I responded by saying I can’t do that because my Google account is tied to my parents’ Google family account. Then I told him that I remember him mentioning he got banned from the romantic social app a while ago, but he never gave details.
I think he was somehow violating their terms of service. However, what I said to him was it sounds like you’re trying to circumvent the system….sus.
I think it’s worth mentioning he regularly refers to women in derogatory terms and can come off as rather misogynistic, which I find upsetting, disrespectful, and simply uncalled for.
Anyway, he tells me it was a ban that was unjustifiable, but on a deeper level, is a bit ashamed of my attitude because some big corporation banned him, he’s supposed to roll over and simply accept that fate from 7 years ago. Over something that was equally unjustified?
He says. Then tells me he’s equally ashamed I’d even remotely call him out on that and take their side and not be a supporting friend.
He and I live on opposite sides of the country, and last saw each other 5 years ago.
We occasionally talk on the phone, but we’re not as tight as we used to be. And a lot can change in 5 years.
I have NO IDEA what specifically he was banned for, but imagine it must’ve been pretty bad. After politely telling him no, I suggested it might be worth reaching back out to the app, acknowledging what he did was wrong and why, explaining how he’s learned from it and will make sure it never happens again, and then maybe ask if it’d be possible to have his ban lifted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You do not want his mess tied back to you in any way. Stand firm, do not let him use any of your digital identity now or ever!” SisalSiren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s not a friend. The LAST THING you need is the police showing up at your door when he does something stupid had you let him use your number.
It’s quite bold to even do that without asking you if it’s cool.” SnoopyisCute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he tried to use YOUR number without asking and saying no is a valid response, especially if he is trying to get past a ban (that there is a (probably) justified reason for).
I think your friend knows that, as you live on opposite sides of the country, nothing much would change if a big argument (like this) happened. He probably has not asked his friends (the ones whom he lives and talks to every day) for their numbers or rather tried to use them without permission.
I’m probably not meant to say this, but don’t waste your time with him, he isn’t worth it.” StaticOwl9825
8. AITJ For Expecting My GF To Deal With My Aging Dog's Accidents?
“So my nearly 16 year old labradoodle, who I’ve had since she was a puppy, has been getting progressively shakier on her hind legs because of arthritis. She’s on pain meds, still has a great appetite and is otherwise healthy and up and moving, albeit a little bit slower since her age.
But she’s having bouts of incontinence, giving no indication she needs to go outside before pooping. What’s worse is that because of her arthritis, she’ll sometimes fall back in the middle of her business and can mash into it as she thrashes around to get up.
It’s all on vinyl flooring so she’s not creating any permanent stains, and it gets thoroughly disinfected/cleaned asap. But my partner has had enough.
When we met, she was a single mom of three. She knew that I didn’t really want kids, but I accepted them anyway.
We moved in and bought a house together and have been together for four years. As a single guy with just my dog, my lifestyle and household responsibilities have had to change tremendously — I’d say far more than hers. I do most of the cooking, cleaning and house projects, so her life has gotten far easier in the relationship.
Which is why we’ve been having blowout fights because of my dog’s accidents.
Of course I think it’s disgusting when it happens, and I’m not thrilled cleaning it up on a nearly daily basis, but I think my partner’s outrage when it happens is an oversized reaction.
Besides a gross sight and smell, until it gets cleaned, there’s no permanent damage. The problem is that she works from home, so if it happens when I’m at work, she either has to clean it herself, or live with the smell until I can get home to clean it.
We’ve tried leaving her outside for hours in the morning, changing her dinner time, using diapers (the poop somehow still got out), but she inevitably still poops in the house. The current fight is me telling her to be quiet after suggesting I put my dog down.
I was incensed at her lack of patience and compassion for a dog I’ve had longer than she’s had her kids. So am I the jerk for expecting her to accept the difficulty of having a senior dog, or is she the jerk for lacking the patience for the accidents in the house?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you had a problem with living with children you shouldn’t have moved forward with the relationship. That has no bearing on the situation. Your dog is suffering and in pain. She has daily accidents your partner has to address. There’s no waiting until you get home while dog mess festers and your animal suffers.
You’re being disrespectful to your partner and cruel to the dog. Take the dog to a vet and let her go. Then stop being selfish. The relationship won’t survive if you continue to be disrespectful and self-centered.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your poor dog.
I know things like arthritis sneak up on you, and you get used to it so it doesn’t seem so bad… but the morning my girl strained so hard to stand that she messed herself was the morning I had her pts. I hope you do the right thing.
Your girl deserves dignity and comfort.” EffableFornent
Another User Comments:
“YTJ there are children in the house that can get very sick if you miss a spot or something transfers. You need to talk to your vet about what’s best for the dog she can’t be having any quality life messing on herself daily.
I know it’s hard to think about putting your dog down but you can’t just watch her suffer because you want her around that’s selfish. I’m not saying you have to I’m just saying listen to the vet and maybe there’s a better solution” BriefHorror
7. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Friend's Neglected Hamster?
“I’ve been taking care of my friend’s (Joey) hamster (Poppy) for about 6 months now because he had to move temporarily and wasn’t able to take her with him. From the start, I have understood that Poppy is essentially a foster pet to me, and that she would be going straight back to Joey when he returns.
Poppy is approx. 18 months.
Over the last 6 months, Joey has been sending me money to take care of Poppy. It was quickly obvious that he’s sending me about 1/3 of what it costs to take care of a hamster, but I didn’t mind covering the extra because I hate confrontation and love Poppy very much.
Joey has also never reached out to ask after Poppy, it’s always been a conversation I start and he never seems particularly interested. Because of this, I have been contacting Joey less over time.
Recently I was looking through my photos of Poppy and found the pictures of her cage at Joey’s house.
Her bedding was so thin on the ground that it would’ve been impossible for her to dig (which is very important for a hamster’s health). The bedding was also so old and dirty that it had turned from white to grey and beige. At the time these photos were taken, I wasn’t paying much attention and knew next to nothing about hamsters so it didn’t ring any bells.
Poppy was also a lot less sociable when Joey first left, initially she was prone to teeth gnashing, squeaking, hiding a lot and found being picked up distressing. Nowadays she is still quite antisocial, but can handle being carried and out of her cage for much longer stints.
Until I looked back at her cage at Joey’s, I thought it was because I was new to her and hamsters notoriously hate moving, but now I’m not as sure.
I am taking Poppy to a vet and will be getting their opinion as far as what is best for her health as she isn’t getting any younger, but I am very reluctant to hand her over to Joey when he returns in a couple of months.
Admittedly, I really love her and would hate to see her go, but I’m not so weird that I would refuse to give her back if I was sure she’d be ok.
So, WIBTJ if I kept my friend’s hamster?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
This is a conversation and a negotiation that you need to make with Joey. It’s not your pet, you know this and right now you’re trying to ‘justify’ stealing a hamster simply because you don’t want to be told ‘no’. Time to put your Adult pants on and have the conversation that you’re working so hard to dodge.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“I am having a hard time with this one. I would get him a new hamster. I’m a bit of a jerk, I might even try and get one so similar he wouldn’t know. Tell him I loved her so much I couldn’t imagine life without her, so I got myself a replacement…though I wouldn’t tell him until a month later so he wouldn’t put two and two together.” OhmsWay-71
6. AITJ For Confronting A Golfer Who Hit Into Our Group Without Warning?
“I was playing a 9-hole course in the area with some buddies and it was packed. We waited on just about every tee box for the group in front of us to get some distance before we would hit. And for most of the day, it was fine until we got to the last hole.
The last hole is a sharp turn at the end of the fairway (just about 90 degrees) so you can’t see the green at all until you get up toward the end of the fairway. We saw the group in front of us hit towards the green, so we drove once they had cleared.
When we went up to our shots, we saw that the group in front was still on the green, so we waited for them to clear. While we were waiting in the middle of the fairway, we heard a thud and saw a ball right next to our cart.
I turned around and saw the guy behind us had just hit. He shrugged and walked to his cart, so I picked his ball up.
After we finished putting, he pulled up and asked “Did one of you take my ball?” I answered “Yes, I grabbed it” and started walking in his direction.
He asks if he can get it back and why I would take it. I told him I grabbed it because I wanted to ask why he hit our group with no warning. The conversation went about as follows:
Him: “I waved my hand at you guys”
Me: “Did you see us wave back or give any confirmation that we saw you?” (This is where I’m afraid I may have had a snarkier tone)
Him: “Are you getting aggressive with me?”
Me: “What? No, I just want to understand why you would hit us if we did not confirm knowing you were hitting us.
Did you see us wave back or anything?”
Him: “Well” *shrugs*
Me: “Whatever man, just have more course awareness next time”
I tossed his ball back and walked back to my cart, with him yelling about how I needed to keep the pace of play and that I had no awareness.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Even if you were aware he was there, it is still crazy to be hitting a ball towards a group of people who are standing about where the ball is going to land. What if you lose it in the sun?
You move out of the way, but they miss hit? Have more course awareness? If he was being course aware, he would have seen you were waiting for people too. Mention it to the course management.” Consistent-Permit966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He was wrong and you weren’t.
He should know the rules as well as courtesy to other players of the game. He failed. You could have reported him to the office. They would know who was playing behind you and they would tell him what he did was wrong.” LoveBeach8
5. AITJ For Arguing With My Wife After She Ran Over Our EV Charging Cable?
“I (40m) had a big verbal fight with my wife (40F). We have been married for 14 years.
We mostly are good together and have the occasional fights, but they do get resolved quickly. We both work full-time jobs and we have 2 kids that keep us busy driving them around to various activities after work and during weekends.
Onto the incident. We have a 2 car garage and we have 2 EVs both new (bought within a week of each other a month ago).
This morning we both took 1 kid each to different activities. I reached home first. I connected the EV charger to my car as it was running low. The charger is setup on the wall next to where she parks. I park in the other spot in the garage.
When I charge my car, the cable snakes on the floor across her spot to reach my car.
My wife came back an hour later with my other kid. I was talking to my kid and he mentioned that we ran over the charging cable.
I checked the charging station and the cable was ruined. The cable is hardwired into the station and the station is hardwired into the wall. Now I have to get a new charging station and get an electrician to replace it. I couldn’t believe it and asked my wife if she ran over the charging cable.
She said she did because she did not see it on the floor because she was being careful about the mirrors touching the wall.
I was honestly very annoyed and asked her how she could not see the cable and does she not look at what was on the path in front of her car.
She said it was not her fault because I didn’t tell her I was charging my car. It escalated into a verbal fight and we both are sulking now.
I am always careful that I don’t run over things in the garage as with kids there is always stuff lying around in the garage.
What annoys me the most is that she is not even apologetic about it and seems to believe that it’s my fault. She also doesn’t deal with buying a new charger, scheduling an electrician. She doesn’t even know how much these cost.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. OMG, this is so stupid. You shouldn’t have his/her specific spot when one spot is where the charger is located. The only car that should be parked in the spot near the charger should be whatever car needs charging/or is already charged. If you just parked in your “wife’s” spot (where the freaking charger is located) the cord wouldn’t snake on the ground in “her spot” for her to run over.
With this arrangement she was going to eventually run over the cord.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Mate, I’m torn between YTJ and Everyone’s a jerk here. Maybe she should apologize. Maybe not. I don’t know. She made a mistake, but it wasn’t malicious.
She was trying not to damage her brand-new car and that’s pretty freaking relatable. My dad got a Lexus brand new. Three days later, he put it in reverse instead of drive and he hit a brick wall. My mum didn’t start a fight and my dad didn’t apologize.
She laughed and he called the insurance company and life just went on.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You left the cable in her parking spot, where her wheels go. What did you expect to happen when she arrived home? By the time she enters the garage, she may not have even been able to see the cord snaking across the floor over her car bonnet.
You left an unexpected obstruction in her parking spot and she failed to see it. It’s too bad she didn’t see it, and too bad it now needs to be fixed but that’s on you. You behaved like a jerk to turn it into a big blow-up.” AlohaSmiles
4. AITJ For Confronting My Mom After She Refused To Help Me During Food Poisoning?
“Sunday after work I started feeling horribly ill, then I realised I have food poisoning. It was absolute agony. Before it got too bad, I called my mom (she was in the other room and I was hugging the toilet) and asked her if she could get me something from the pharmacy.
She told me there were no pharmacies open because it was like 8:30 in the evening (relatively small town).
I checked Google, and told her there was one closing in 30minutes, it’s a 5 minute drive away. She insisted that she knew their hours and knew that they were already closed. I started vomiting again so I just dropped it.
I was sick the entire night, I slept maybe 40min straight before having to run to the bathroom, I was crying from stomach cramps and it was all around just miserable. Not being able to sleep, I got so mad at her and started seething every single time I was hurling my kidneys out.
The next morning when she was finally awake, I confronted her and told her that was a messed up thing to do, I would have at least checked if the pharmacy was open if she felt that bad. She started insisting that it was closed, but my reasoning is: that most businesses set their hours on Google right?
So why would they list 9 if they don’t close at 9?
She just basically told me “I’m not in the mood to drive now, you can suffer until I’m willing to help you.” She apologized but I genuinely don’t think she feels bad, because a while after that, I told her I was tired and didn’t want to go to work, because I slept so little.
(I still had to go to work) she said, “I know me too, it woke me up every time.” And that just broke me. You heard me be sick the entire night, not once did you ask if I’m okay, not once did you even offer me a glass of water?
I would have done that for her! When I told my friend I was sick the next morning he immediately offered to send me some stuff he knows helps. That’s the bare minimum right?? Like you are supposed to do that for the people you care about?
I want to confront her about it because it hurts me so much, but I know she’s going to say I’m beating a dead horse and reluctantly apologize. WIBTJ if I confront my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however what I would ask you is “what would that confrontation achieve?” Since you live with her, other than the catharsis of getting this all off your chest, is a confrontation going to help the situation or just make things worse?
Especially if you are already physically unwell, do you need to have a fight that you’ll end up vomiting up halfway through?” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“No, you wouldn’t be the jerk. It’s completely understandable to be upset with your mom’s lack of empathy and willingness to help when you were suffering.
It’s okay to express your feelings and try to have a conversation about it, even if it might be difficult.” Feisty_Faye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stock up on some meds for common ailments like different painkillers (headaches, muscle pain, etc), throat lozenges, indigestion, skin creams, etc. Don’t bother telling her since she didn’t seem to care.
Keep them in your room ready for whenever you need them. This way you don’t have to try begging her for help thus will hopefully save any further arguments from happening.” Mysterious_Shark_15
3. AITJ For Considering Skipping My High School Reunion Due To Past Bullying?
“I (28F) just got the invitation for my 10-year high school reunion. When I was in school, I was the stereotypical overachiever (read as desperately stressed about getting a scholarship to college because I otherwise couldn’t afford to go), and I ran for student council.
I wasn’t particularly popular, but I made one of the representative positions and was fine with it. Once I’d joined, I then learned that our student council members were responsible for handling the reunions forever.
At 17, that seemed fine – I had way more things to worry about than throwing a party every 10 years or so.
Then that year turned into the worst bullying nightmare of my life. Rumors were spread by an ex that (amongst other things) I got my good grades by sleeping with teachers, and that I was telling cruel lies about my friends behind their backs. There were worse things that felt too triggering to write out.
His friends even got teachers to believe some of it, including the guidance counselor who I went to for help. It was a small school, so everyone knew everything pretty quickly, and my friends didn’t stand up for me. I had only moved to town my junior year, and the rest of them had been going to the same schools forever, so I guess I get it, but all in all, I was incredibly glad to graduate and put those people behind me.
It took a LOT of therapy, but I’m finally gaining control of the mental illnesses that those years helped feed.
Ten years passed, and I got my invite to be part of the reunion. I deeply don’t want to go! I’ve checked the RSVP list, and one of those bullies has already said she’s going.
I’m in a better place now – a successful career, an incredible spouse, and a strong spot in our community. I could go and show they didn’t have a permanent effect on me (kind of a lie, but I at least look successful lmao) and hold up my end of the promise I made to help back in school, but the idea still makes my whole body fill with dread.
WIBTJ if I just ditched the whole thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a class officer my senior year in high school. Like you, I was mostly thinking about padding my college applications. When reunion chatter started for our 10th, I was looked to to help out with it.
Despite living 600 miles away, some assumed I would take a role. I politely, but firmly, said I wasn’t able to. Was never asked again. The notion that a 17-year-old is going to sign up for a lifelong responsibility to organize class reunions is laughable. Typically, some busybodies stay local and want to organize one.
If they don’t, oh well. And don’t worry, you’re not missing anything. TV and movies have made reunions into some major life events, but they’re not much of anything. I went to my 10th, it was … fine. Chatted with a few people, had a few beers, and called it a night.
My 25th reunion is coming up, and I can say for certain I will not be attending.” MattJFarrell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are they going to do if you just say no? You don’t have to go and you sure as heck do not have to help organize.
Your mental health is worth *so* much more. It sounds like you’re living a great life now! I feel you wanting to show them how it didn’t have a permanent effect on you. Don’t give in to the impulse. Who cares about them, you’re doing you, are in a better place, and they don’t matter.” freerange_chicken
2. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Overly Attached Best Friend During My Pregnancy?
“I have had a best friend for over ten years. Recently, I feel like we need to experience and do everything together because we are best friends, especially since I’m expecting.
She automatically assumed she would be in the delivery room with me and my husband. She wants to come over every single day when I get the baby. She wants to be by my side every day in the last weeks of my pregnancy to make sure I am all right.
She maybe wants to move next to our place so I will always have her. I truly appreciate that but I have a feeling that this is too much and going in an unhealthy direction.
I had a talk with her about that, I told her that I appreciate her support, but I would not like her to be in the delivery room with us because that is an intimate family moment, also I don’t want her to come every day to see me since I will be exhausted probably and probably don’t want too much company, but of course she is welcome to see the baby and welcome to visit after I recovered. I also told her I would not prefer her to move next to our place.
I explained to her that we would be best friends forever and support each other, but we are grown-ups. We have our obligations and also our own lives outside of the friendship and those can’t be mixed. I could see she felt sad, but sadly that’s how I see life.
She then asked me if I would put my own family (kids and husband) before her and I said they are my priority but of course, she is also very important to me and that didn’t sit well with her. She got up disappointed and said that I was putting someone who I have known less before her and that she was disappointed that I didn’t want her to be a part of the most important time of my life.
We didn’t talk since. I am not sure if I came off too harsh, but I truly think this is not normal from her side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cue Regina George “Why are you so obsessed with me?” If she wasn’t there for the conception, then she doesn’t need to be there for the birth (unless invited, of course).
Her heart may be in the right place but she is coming on WAY too strong with her offers of help and support. And her comment about choosing your husband and child over her? Yeah, that’s what married adults with children do, friend. Does she have a partner, kids, or a life of her own?
It feels like she is trying to live vicariously through you or insert herself as a permanent fixture in your family. You weren’t harsh, you just set a firm boundary with her. She might not like it, but it needed to be said. If she moved in next door, you’d probably never be rid of her.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ yeah, something is up with your bestie. Is this a change for her? Or has she always been this way? Can’t say if you were harsh, but what you wrote is so very reasonable and realistic, and her response isn’t. Your little family of husband and new baby SHOULD come before even the best of BFFs.” Salty-Initiative-242
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Over-Complimenting Me?
“I (f30) met my good friend (f30) Kristy at work a few years back.
She and I were on the same team for a bit and I helped her learn a few things she wasn’t as familiar with. She left that company a while ago, but we still go to dinner and hang out regularly.
She constantly tells me how she always talks to her relatives, other friends, and partners about how smart I am.
I went to an event with her sister and Kristy spent the entire time telling every person we met how much of a genius I am and how hardcore I am. Every time we hang out now, she tells me all of her family and other friends can’t wait to meet me with how smart I am.
For reference, I went to my state university, got okay grades (3.0), and got the same job at the same company Kristy did as well as her partner. I am good at my job, but it’s not like I walk around sharing random trivia or even discussing things like politics or anything that sounds “smart”.
I led a team when I worked with Kristy (which she did not do), so she saw me delegating, reviewing, and managing other people. I have never been rude or set unrealistic expectations for team members and never got that feedback from leadership or other team members.
Her partner confessed to her that he feels insecure around me because of how smart and successful I am. She broke up with him because of that. I told her I got what he meant because even I felt intimidated and uncomfortable with how much she kept talking about me to other people I had either never met or barely interacted with.
It also bothers me because she makes me sound like this aggressive, non-emoting robot that went to Harvard. She never mentions any other qualities that most friends consider like being kind or funny, just intense, hardcore, and smart.
She felt really hurt I said that and there’s nothing wrong with complimenting her friends.
I told her I knew she meant well, but to me, she was setting unrealistic expectations of me to random people and it has now started affecting her other relationships. AITJ should just accept the compliment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, her behavior is really weird and off-putting.
Why is she essentially bragging about and trying to endorse a co-worker to her family? Is it possible that she has a crush on you or something? She seems to have a bit of an obsession with you if she spoke about you enough to make her partner feel insecure” [deleted]
