People Are Restless To Find Out "Am I The Jerk?" In Their Stories
17. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Move A Photo Of Him And His Wife?
“My (M32) wife Dahlia (F28) and I lost our apartment 2 months ago and moved in with mom temporarily. Issues began to arise between Dahlia and my mom so I had to ask my friend, Anthony (M31) to let us move in til I get enough money to rent out.
His wife was away visiting family and he agreed but even there, some issues started to arise.
Dahlia is very shy around Anthony. She grew up in a conservative home and so it’s understandable, but sometimes it can be a bit much I admit that!
For example, she freaked out when she accidentally drank from his glass, she also once made a fuss when he passed by the guest room when she was lying down and the door was open. Thankfully, Anthony was super understanding and we were able to talk some of these issues out.
Last night, Dahlia was passing the hall and noticed a framed picture of Anthony and his wife kissing hanging on the wall. She told me about it and said it made her uncomfortable. She asked if I could speak to Anthony about it but he didn’t take it well.
He gave me a look when I spoke to him and said this was ‘bonkers’ because first of all, his wife put it there. And second of all, the picture holds sentimental meaning to him and his wife, and argued that it wasn’t some ‘explicit’ picture of them, just a normal wedding kiss.
We started arguing and he said that it wasn’t like it was hanging in the living room wall or a perfectly lit room. I asked him to be a little more considerate because it’s not like I asked him to remove it completely, just move it elsewhere that Dahlia won’t reach or keep it off the wall til we leave.
He said he was sorry but still refused. I explained how Dahlia was feeling but he said that again, he was sorry but would not move the picture. We argued some more and he said that it was his house and that I was being pushy and kind of too comfortable to make such a ‘demand’ and be pushy still.
This morning, Dahlia refused to even come out of the room until the picture is moved. Anthony is refusing which makes it worse. Now I feel like I’m getting stuck between a rock and a hard place. Yes, she might just be overreacting but I feel like this isn’t such a big ask for Anthony to decline and turn down.
For what it’s worth, if it were me, I’d go the extra mile to make sure my guests are comfortable.
Anthony has been a friend of mine for 10 years. I wouldn’t have asked to move in with him if I didn’t have a such strong bond with him.
He himself constantly talks about all the things and situations I helped him out with and we are considered brothers.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me guess, the issues you had staying with your mother had everything to do with your wife being absolutely ridiculous.
This isn’t about being from a ‘conservative home,’ so what is really going on here? Was she raised in a cult, or is she affiliated with some fringe religious group?
Seriously, you’re staying in THEIR home and throwing a fit over him…kissing his wife in a photo?
And your wife is throwing a fit and refusing to leave her room until they take down their perfectly normal wedding photo?
And your comment about just doing it to keep guests happy is so baffling given the situation. Like, the photo isn’t the issue here.
And it’s not the only problem that’s already happened. So, your wife also freaked out after accidentally taking a sip of his water, does this mean he’s also not supposed to drink water in his own home to keep her comfortable? And then she got all upset because he had the audacity to walk past the door, which she had left open, while she just happened to be sitting on the bed. So, he’s also not allowed to walk through his home.
What else is he not going to be allowed to do in his own house, breathe?
It would be bad enough if you were just guests that were visiting for a weekend, but this guy was extremely generous to allow the two of you to stay there while you figure out your financial burden.
You’re not even guests in the traditional sense, you’re basically just roommates who aren’t contributing financially. And this is how you treat him for taking you into his home?
What is really going on with your wife? And why are you enabling this atrocious behavior and extreme entitlement?
You letting her continue with her childish tantrum, in SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME, is making you as much of a jerk as your wife. Though, I do wonder if there’s an underlying mental illness behind your wife’s behavior.
If you keep this up you’re going to need another place to stay.
And I’m sure that your wife will inevitably get you kicked out of the next place, and the place after that.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t about accommodating a guest’s reasonable, or only mildly unreasonable, preferences. Your wife’s discomfort with a picture of a kiss is so far beyond the norm that no host should reasonably be expected to accommodate her.
You say ‘conservative home’ but it sounds rather more than that. Might therapy help her to adjust to a more ‘usual’ societal norm?
And you are the jerk also because you sound much more aware than her of how odd her behavior is, and yet you’re trying to defend her.
When someone is unreasonable, their spouse is not honor bound to defend them. It sounds as though it would be a lot kinder for you to explain to her that her reactions are out of whack, and she’s the person who needs to be more flexible and accommodating.” wanderleywagon5678
Another User Comments:
“OMG dude – YTJ.
And your wife is a bit nuts.
Your friend is doing you a HUGE FAVOR by allowing the two of you to stay in his home – HIS HOME. You need to tell your wife that when you are in a position like this, she is in NO POSITION to ask people to change anything about their home because it makes her uncomfortable.
She needs to not look at the photo. THAT IS THE END OF IT.
You are not going to get any support here for this. You are 100% wrong to keep pushing this, and if you continue you will wind up not only losing the place to stay, but you will lose this couple as friends, and they seem like good people.
There is being conservative, and then there is becoming uncomfortable with completely normal photos of two MARRIED PEOPLE kissing. There is nothing that could even be construed to be immoral or improper about it.
Get her some therapy.” kimariesingsMD
16. AITJ For Eloping?
“My whole life my mother has compared me to my older sister. She would always put her on a pedestal and praise her.
I could literally never win with my mother, nothing was ever good enough. I was constantly criticized for everything. When I got engaged things changed. My mother was excited and wanted to be involved. My partner and I wanted to elope but my parents said they’ll pay for a small wedding as they paid for my sister’s.
I finally had the attention I craved from my mother. Even if she was judging me for every single thing. My sister would make snarky comments. I knew she wasn’t used to not being the center of attention when it came to our mother.
On my mehndi night (the pre-wedding celebration in Hindu and Sikh culture when the bride has the red-orange mehndi “stain” applied to her palms, back of hands, and feet), while I was getting my mehndi done my sister said she had an announcement.
She announced that after years of infertility, she was pregnant. Everyone was super happy and started congratulating her. It was like my mother forgot about me. The rest of the evening she neglected me and my sister loved all the attention she was receiving. I get that it’s exciting, she is finally pregnant after how long with the first grandchild, but this was calculated, she purposely did this at my event.
Once everyone had left I contacted my partner to tell him what happened and how upset I was. He understood why I was upset and suggested we go with our original plan, and get Islamically eloped. I knew my sister would pull something else at the wedding and my mother hadn’t messaged me once.
I was tempted but was worried about my parents spending so much money and things being non-refundable so I called my dad. My dad understood how I felt and said to go for it. Luckily we had a day break in between my mehndi and the Nikah (the marriage contract is signed during the Nikah and it’s during this event that the bride and groom say, ‘I do.’).
My dad contacted the Imam and the next day my partner and I went with my dad, my uncle, my partner’s brother, and my uncle to the Mosque. We did our Nikah then went out to eat. It was honestly perfect except my mother started calling me so I blocked her.
My partner and I booked a flight to Sydney and left. Once we got there that is when I unblocked my mother and told everyone on social media.
My and my husband’s phones have been blowing up with calls and messages from everyone calling me immature and a brat for doing what I did and disrespecting my mother.
My mother’s messages are all about me embarrassing her and everyone gossiping. And all the money she spent and booked on stuff for me. I feel like a jerk because I wasted those funds, even though my dad said it was okay and they can still celebrate just without us.
I feel bad for my husband, everyone is talking about how he married an immature brat. I can’t fully enjoy this spontaneous trip even though my partner and my dad have told me I should block everyone and enjoy my holiday. Maybe I overreacted? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You know who was there to see you married? The people who really and truly cared about you. Your thinking is going in the wrong direction! NTJ, so enjoy being married to a man who sees you unhappy and supports you in working to change that.
Celebrate that, though your mother and your sister cannot be counted on, your dad is a dad among dads! He also saw you unhappy, and immediately took steps to help you fix that. You didn’t waste the funds, your mom and sister did. (and they only wasted it in that they stole the focus of the event for themselves – so they wasted your time and the faith you invested in your mom to do right for you this one time, but her funds went where she chose it to go.)” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know it’s hard but don’t let the guilt in. Your mom and sister have shown you who they are and how they will treat you. Why would you want to have a wedding for them, when they are just going to ruin it?
You have a right to be happy and free from their petty nonsense. Your dad sounds like a stand-up guy, and he said it was ok, just remind yourself of that, and of the happiness you felt when you got married. Chances are that they would have ruined the wedding had you not eloped.
Your mom has some nerve in her talking about embarrassing her. How sad for her, but no thought to the emotional trauma she’s continued to cause you through your whole life. But she was embarrassed! Oh no. Don’t feel sorry for her. This is the result of her own actions.” chrono_explorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you need to demonstrate some resolve here. You made a decision on what was best for you based on all of the available information you had at the time. So, don’t look back now. It doesn’t matter if your mom is upset.
You’ve been upset at her throughout your life. She’ll get over it. Stay strong, enjoy your honeymoon, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. You had your reasons for doing what you did. Don’t second guess yourself… especially not because your mom got mad.
Even now, she’s not concerned about your feelings (like why you even wanted to skip your wedding in the first place). She’s only concerned with how it looks to other people. If she doesn’t care about how you feel, it’s okay to not care about how she feels.
Any time someone calls you an immature brat, just tell them that you’re sorry they feel that way and keep it moving.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Befriend My Mean Stepsister?
“My step-sister Amy and I (both 16F) are in the same grade at school, but we’ve always had different friends and classes so I didn’t spend much time with her until this year.
My dad and her mom met at a school event a couple of years ago and they got married this year due to an oops baby. Since her dad isn’t in the picture and my mom is overseas for work for a few years, the living situation has gotten weird and Amy and her mom haven’t done much to make that any better.
I could tell Amy hated the whole idea of our parents being together from the start, and I thought it was just that she didn’t like all the changes. I didn’t know until later that it was partly because of me. She makes a lot of comments about me being ‘Miss Perfect’ and how everyone caters to me because I’m pretty.
I think I’m average at best, I play sports so I stay in shape but I’m nothing special and I can’t do makeup to save my life.
Since we all moved in together, though, she has something snarky to say every time I do well at something or go out with friends or anything.
I’m in honors classes and AP because the teachers pass me easily because I’m a suck-up and an athlete. I get invitations and out-of-school opportunities because of my looks. My friends are all dumb jocks. People only like me because I’m pretty.
It’s really annoying and the parents wouldn’t do anything about it except just laugh it off so I finally snapped at her about it and said not even being pretty would make up for her ugly personality, so maybe she should work on herself instead of me.
She screamed at me and her mom got mad and told me I was being cruel. My dad did stick up for me but told me later in private that Amy has a rough time socially and is depressed and feels bad because I’m really high performing at school and people compare her to me now.
He asked if I would try to not be as obvious about doing better than her and if I could stay home more or include her in more stuff so she feels better.
I told him I’m just living my life and I’m not going to do anything different just because she was jealous.
I don’t want to hang out with her because she’s mean and my friends don’t deserve that. The best I’m going to do is ignore her from now on since she gets to throw shots but sucks too much to take one back now and then.
It’s causing a lot of stress and my stepmother says I’m a stuck-up brat. My dad has been trying to keep me home more, but I told him keeping me out of my clubs is going to look awesome for college scholarships so he’s frustrated. My mom says to just ignore them and do my thing, but everyone else thinks I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your stepsister’s shortcomings and issues aren’t your problems to deal with and the fact that your dad is even trying to hold you back is ridiculous. You apply yourself and it’s not your fault that you are high achieving, sporty, and have friends.
Her issues aren’t your problem. At all. Your dad and stepmom need to stop trying to punish you for your success.
Suggest family counseling. Y’all are a blended family that’s not blending right now. Amy needs to get over herself and stop being jealous and taking it out on you.
It’s unfair. And while what you said was probably not the best way to handle it. I get it. She’s been pushing you for a while. And no one has done anything about it. You need to have a serious talk with your dad and stepmom about how holding you back won’t help Amy.
It’ll only harm you. And that her remarks and comments are hurtful and you’re tired of being her verbal punching bag. Apologize for what you said so that you’re the bigger person. (I know it sucks. I’m sorry) and just keep living your best life honey bee.
I’m sorry that they are punishing you for your success. But have a talk with them about it. And tell them that you would appreciate it if someone would talk to Amy and tell her to leave you alone. If they don’t. Then you might have to sit down and talk to her.
Be calm. Be rational and try to keep any emotion you may have regarding this out of it. Because in the long run that’ll go a long way towards them actually listening. If you need to come up with a list of things to bring up.
And examples of words she’s said. Because you don’t deserve the verbal abuse.
Good luck OP.” Littlemisswhitelies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your dad definitely is. Any parent that would encourage or try to make their child less than what they are to make their stepdaughter feel better is a poor excuse for a parent.
It goes without saying that your stepsister and stepmother are in the wrong, but your dad is the one that is truly failing you right now. As a parent, he is supposed to be your protector and biggest advocate. He is supposed to encourage you to be the best that you can be not try to stifle you because he married a woman with an insecure daughter.
I know you said your mom is out of the country for work but you really need to tell her what is going on. Maybe she has extended family you could stay with if your dad isn’t willing to do his job as a parent.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but talk with your dad and point out that this is a situation that was not in your control. He made a choice to be with Stepmom. You have done nothing wrong except snap back after being bullied by your step-sister.
And that he had allowed this behavior. Explain that as your parent you are disappointed that he expects you to hide and be ashamed of doing well academically and in sports.
Suggest instead of keeping you home and forcing you to deal with someone who has gone out of her way to insult and hurt you to make herself feel better.
That they sign her up for activities where she would have the chance to shine and make friends.
Jealousy and comparison happen even with bio siblings but it is the parents’ job to navigate that without making the other child responsible for the other’s feelings.” Asleep_Dimension_120
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Accommodate My Classmate Who's Allergic To Many Things?
“I am in grad school and one of my classmates has a lot of food allergies. I’m fine with this. I have experience with severe allergies, including my own shellfish allergy. I really enjoy gathering around food so I often cook and invite my classmates over to eat and have dinner.
When I started doing this I asked for a list of her allergies so I could work around them. She provided me with a list of 5 allergens. So I cooked food working around these allergens.
When she got to my house she took one look at the food I made and told me she was allergic to something in it.
I offered to cook her something else but she told me she was so allergic that she couldn’t be around it. So I put it away and made everyone a different meal. I chalked it up to an accident and wasn’t too bent out of shape about it.
The next time I confirmed her allergies with her but when she showed up the same thing happened and we couldn’t eat one of the dishes I prepared because of an allergen that hadn’t been on the list I confirmed. This time I was pretty annoyed. Yesterday I was going to cook again and confirmed her allergies and she showed up and told me yet again that she couldn’t eat what I made.
She seemed annoyed as if I was not willing to accommodate her allergies.
This time I said to her that it wasn’t on her list of allergens and that I was kind of annoyed that she hadn’t given me the full list especially when her allergies are so severe that no one can eat these foods around her and that next time I am happy to accommodate her food allergies if she provides me a complete list.
The thing is now that it has been 3 separate times I am very annoyed. I don’t particularly enjoy hanging out with her but my class is small and I would feel bad not inviting her, especially surrounding allergies. My birthday is coming up and I just want to enjoy my favorite meal with friends.
It doesn’t have any of the allergens she has given me to date but I am not really willing to shift plans if she shows up and can’t eat my food.
WIBTJ if I texted her ahead of time telling her what I was making and saying I hope she can make it but if it doesn’t fit her dietary needs I look forward to hanging out in the future.
I am trying to be reasonable and accommodating so I would appreciate any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Consider not inviting her to future events. You have tried to be accommodating multiple times and each time, she has lied to you, either by not giving you a full list of her allergens or by later telling you she’s allergic to foods that she just doesn’t like.
Stop playing those games.
Most people who have multiple allergies would be honest about their allergies from the start and offer to bring a dish or two that they can eat, not expect a second full meal to be made for everyone.
Also, there are relatively few foods that cause people significant reactions from the oils in the air (nuts and shellfish can be problems,) and people who know they have such strong reactions tend to carry emergency medication.
It would be reasonable if she gave a list of items, offered to bring a dish or two, and didn’t eat one or two of your dishes.
Like others, I believe she may be a picky eater in addition to having some allergies and is using ‘allergies’ to control the food.
But you don’t need to continue this game. Don’t invite her. If confronted, tell her that you’re not able to accommodate her because she hasn’t given you her full list of allergens three times in a row.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please continue to invite her but say that you have realized that you simply don’t have the ability to cook a safe meal for her.
Ask her to bring her own food so that you will know she is safe.
If you really, really want to host her and cook for her, then flip it around and request that she provide a recipe or a list of ingredients that she knows are safe.
If you do that, then shine a light on it so all the other guests understand what is happening. Send out the invite to everyone and include a description of the recipe (with a full list of ingredients). Say something like ‘I look forward to seeing everyone at 7 pm this Saturday.
Allergic Annie has kindly shared a special recipe that she has confirmed is completely safe for her to eat so you can all look forward to having some Stewed Prunes with Almonds (link to recipe and ingredients) as well as some other delicious food’.
Then if she shows up and can’t eat it, don’t scramble and cook anything new.
Just say that’s really too bad. Everyone else will understand that you have tried your hardest.
Then get her to bring her own food. But honestly, you can skip directly to that. Someone with that many (supposed) allergies should not be eating food out of their control anyhow.” coffeecoffi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She gave you a list of foods to avoid, so her throwing out additional foods she cannot eat is just suspect.
To then do that three times in a row just seems bizarre – that she wouldn’t update her information before agreeing to attend an additional meal makes no sense whatsoever.
The logical assumption is that she is either pulling some strange power trip or is just so entitled and egotistical as to believe that an entire meal should be scrapped because of her likes and dislikes.
At this point she has cried wolf too many times and just cannot be safely accommodated – you already did more than you are reasonably required to do to accommodate her every allergy multiple times, and if she cannot even be in the same room as other people eating foods she has not even listed as an allergy, then it is not safe for her to attend.
Call her bluff and let her sort herself out – she used up any goodwill she did have for her allergies by playing games.” nrsys
13. AITJ For "Revealing" My Pregnancy At My SIL's Wedding?
“I (27f) have been with my partner (28m) for a little over two years now and I’m 7 months pregnant.
Last week we went to his sister’s wedding, I’m not super close with most of his family but we grew up in the same town so I knew a lot of the people who were at the wedding. I haven’t told a lot of people about my pregnancy, I’ve had a lot of anxiety about miscarrying throughout it so we decided to only tell close friends and family and when I post on any social media I wear baggy clothes and pose so that my bump is hidden.
I wore a loose-fitting dress to the wedding but it was still very obvious I was pregnant.
Because I’ve been keeping my pregnancy pretty hidden it was a lot of people’s first time seeing me pregnant and I had people coming up to me pretty much all night congratulating me.
I could tell his sister was upset about it so I tried to downplay it when people came over but there wasn’t much I could do about it. The day after the wedding my partner’s mom called him mad that I wouldn’t say anything to people beforehand because I took the attention away from his sister all night.
I feel bad for his sister but I don’t think I should have to make a pregnancy announcement before I’m ready and I am not sure how I could’ve told people beforehand aside from calling up the entire guest list which is just ridiculous.
My partner is on my side but his mom, sister, and apparently a lot of his other family members are upset with me.
AITJ?
Edit to clarify: The bride knew, everyone’s immediate family knew about it, and close friends knew about it. My partner and I grew up in the same town, and went to the same high school but didn’t start seeing each other or even really become friends until after we graduated college.
A lot of the wedding guests knew us but we hadn’t seen them in years. Most of them do follow me on social media though because we all went to school together.
The reason we didn’t announce it on social media is that my partner and I have a few thousand followers on social media combined and there were maybe 100 people at this wedding who knew us enough to be shocked but weren’t close enough to tell.
I didn’t think about posting beforehand but even now looking back I wouldn’t tell 2000+ people on social media just so the 100 at this wedding would know specifically.
My partner and I live far enough away from our hometown that running into people and them seeing me pregnant is an issue.
I’m not going to make a full announcement until the baby is born. We were keeping it really secret until I made it to 20 weeks (only immediate family and a few friends knew) and since then it’s been more like we haven’t been going out of our way to tell people.”
Another User Comments:
“This expectation that people notice absolutely nothing in the world aside from the bride for the entire day (because let’s face it, no one ever cares if the groom gets attention) is ridiculous. The bride can’t be talking to everyone at once, but apparently, when she’s not talking to people they should all be staring adoringly at her and whispering to each other about how wonderful she is.
NTJ, it’s not like you made a big announcement, she invited you and you just existed as a pregnant person. If she can’t handle your existence at the expense of her fragile little ego, why did she let you come to start with?” HappyFriar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people aren’t entitled to a social media pregnancy announcement and you aren’t required to tell/’announce’ to people you aren’t even close to or don’t talk to.
You’re allowed to exist and be pregnant without having to answer for it to a bunch of distant relations, former classmates, and relative strangers.
This idea that every moment has to be ALL aBoUt ThE bRiDe is stupid. I can’t imagine having been mad about this at my wedding. Currently pregnant and don’t plan on ‘announcing’ anything on social media. I just think it’s a little tacky and frankly, it’s not everyone’s business.
When did this become a requirement?” Chemical-Fox-5350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to announce your pregnancy when you’re ready. Whether it’s on day 1 or the day of their birth. Situations like this are rough because it’s always seen as ‘stealing attention from the bride’ but in your case, you didn’t go to the wedding with the malicious intent of announcing your pregnancy.
You even said it yourself ‘I was keeping my pregnancy hidden and it was a lot of people’s first time seeing me pregnant’. You always hide a 7-month pregnancy. You even went as far as wearing a baggy dress.
Plus people were coming up to you about it.
Not vice versa. It would’ve been a whole other story had you been the one announcing it at his sister’s wedding but you weren’t. This is something that may never go away but stand your ground that you did nothing wrong.” Foxfire_vixen
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister-In-Law Her Dog Back?
“My husband’s sister got a dog in 2021, a Jack Russell Terrier.
Because of her horrible time management and lack of planning her day-to-day life, she only took care of the dog for the first couple of months of having her but after that, she’d either dump the dog to her parents or my husband and me.
My husband and I have a dog of our own and she’s very friendly with SIL’s dog. We adore dogs so we didn’t exactly mind having an extra dog at our house but we were just bothered with SIL’s entitled attitude of refusing to take responsibility for a choice she made.
We had talked to her about that multiple times and she always made excuses that she’s struggling right now financially and that once she gets a proper job with proper work hours she’ll get the dog back.
She got that job, got the dog back but only for 2-3 months, and then kept dumping her dog to either us or her parents again and only took her to her place once or twice a week.
In July SIL announced she’ll be moving to Australia for good and that took us by surprise because she hadn’t made any mention of moving to another country before. After we talked about that we asked what about the dog. She said that she’s really sad she can’t take the dog with her but Australia is really strict on animal laws and moving animals there so she’ll have to take a lot of action that she can’t afford at the moment so the dog would stay in Italy with us.
She said she wished she could take the dog with her but she agreed to change the dog’s info on the microchip and have us adopt her dog. I can’t say I was surprised and tbh my husband and I didn’t trust her to have the dog with her since she’s been really irresponsible with that.
So a few days ago she came to Italy to visit us and announced she’ll have the dog do all the necessary procedures so she can bring her to Australia with her. My husband and I reminded her that the dog is now adopted by us and after all, we don’t trust her to be responsible with her.
She thought we were joking but we insisted we were not giving the dog back. She was mad at us and my in-laws, aka husband’s parents, believe we are the jerks for insisting to keep the dog from her instead of giving her back to SIL because in their words ‘She got the dog originally, you wouldn’t have the dog if it wasn’t for her and the dog is hers whether you agree with her choices on how to take responsibility or not’.
We are still planning to refuse to give her the dog. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should make clear to your in-laws that the dog IS yours – you adopted her. You are her owners. Your SIL GAVE HER UP. Once she did so, she lost all claims to the dog because, again, SHE GAVE UP OWNERSHIP.
I mean, if you sell a used car, you don’t get to demand it back just because you changed your mind some months later on. And the people who bought said car certainly aren’t obligated – legally or morally – to give you back said car, which is now legally theirs.
I would use the adoption of a child as an analogy but frankly, that makes your SIL look even worse and more of a jerk so I’m sure it wouldn’t go down well with the in-laws.” Hodgepodgehedge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She clearly doesn’t really care about the dog.
It sounds like it’s basically been an accessory for her that she likes to have when it’s convenient. Further, she allowed you to adopt the dog. It’s your dog now. It’s part of your family. I would say that if she wants a dog in Australia so much she should look into adopting one there.
I’m sure there are plenty of dogs in shelters who would love a home but I don’t really think that’s a good idea. I get the feeling she’d drop it back off at the shelter once she got bored with it. This is another reason to not let her have the dog back – when she gets bored of having it around she’ll inevitably bring it to a shelter or re-home it again since that seems to be her modus operandi and you’ll be too far away to adopt it again.” The_Evolved_Ape
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: if the dog has been in your care the majority of its life, and legally is also under your name, then she’s your dog. You’re her family. SIL & PIL seem to just see the dog as an animal, not a creature with feelings and needs that aren’t being met by SIL.
You’ve given this dog a home that she wants to uproot her from to just be taken and neglected in another country.” TheHoly_Coast
11. AITJ To Telling My Nephew The Truth About His Bio Parents?
“The nephew in question is James (17m). He’ll be 18 in December.
The other nephew and nieces in question are Cole (28m) and Melody and Briony (30f).
My sister is the biological mother of Cole, Melody, and Briony. Their father died when the kids were 8 and 10.
My sister married James’ dad 15 years ago and she never formally adopted him but did raise him as her son. There was a lot of tension and conflict in the home and Cole, Melody, and Briony all moved out immediately upon graduating/turning 18. The relationship with my sister then ended. It also ended with James and his father.
I stayed in contact with the three of them though and have always known where they are and that they are not interested in reconciliation.
Ever since my sister took on James as her own, they have allowed him to believe she is his biological mother and that the other kids are his biological siblings and it was only a few years ago I realized he believed they shared the same father as well.
My sister and her husband have always encouraged James to believe that his siblings love and want to know him and that they will have a relationship one day. He has been craving that more in the last 2.5 years or so.
He has mentioned it a number of times.
Some family members and I tried to convince his parents to at least tell him the biological truth so he’s not faced with it from people who will not care about cushioning his feelings or making sure he’s okay. They refused. My sister said there is no biological truth.
They are the parents and all four are their kids and it ends there.
James has been talking to me a lot about finding his siblings and being excited to have them back in his life. He mentioned how maybe he could reconcile their parents and them too.
And how he hoped to prove they were never replaced by him and that he knows it must have been hard to have a baby come into the family so much later. He believed that was what the estrangement was about. What his parents told him.
I decided he needed to know after my sister and her husband refused yet again to talk to him. So I was honest. My sister wasn’t his bio mom and his dad was not their bio dad. They were not b***d siblings. I told him I loved him and it didn’t make him less of my nephew but I didn’t want him blindsided by not getting the response he was expecting.
He asked me if they would actually want a relationship with him. I told him no. He confronted his parents about the lies and the way they were setting him up.
My sister called and told me I was a jerk and stepped out of my place by telling him what I did without her and her husband’s consent.
I can see my nephew (James) struggling and trying to work out his head after the truth and it makes my sister’s words hit harder.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Everyone has the right to know their biological history.
It’s weird when nonbiological parents attempt to live a fantasy of being the biological parent, but it’s sick, twisted, and cruel when they force the child to also live within that delusion against the child’s will and/or without their consent.
The truth had to be told by someone, and it takes courage to be that someone, especially knowing you will get the backlash because your family will find it easier to be mad at you (a reasonable person) than your sister (an unreasonable person who might have unpredictable and disproportionate reactions to criticisms).” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, their lies were setting him up for cruel heartbreak. What did they think was going to happen? He was obviously going to search and eventually find the other kids and they would’ve told him the truth. You thought of his feelings and spared him more pain.
Also my god he thinks everything was his fault, and his parents let him believe that. That is unbelievably cruel. He’s carried that around for so long and they never said a word, and let him believe that he was the cause of the other kids leaving.
I can’t fathom that level of guilt and the pain it must have caused him growing up. His parents are monstrous to see that and let him believe it.” chrono_explorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were right to think he needed to hear the truth.
He absolutely did, for many reasons. One being in case of medical stuff he might inherit from his bio mom/mom’s family. Another is if his bio mom’s family wanted any kind of relationship with him, the dad may have well cut them out and denied them.
Another is in case of an inheritance/will from bio mom, something he should really look into. And another is for the very reason you posted OP, he is looking for what he believes are his bio siblings, what’s going to happen when he finds and contacts them?
If they left home and went no contact as soon as they could, that implies that your sister and her new husband tried to force the relationship dynamics and it did not go well, for anybody, at all. What they (sister/BIL) did, and are still doing is disgusting.
It’s not ok. All of this is on the sister and BIL. None of it is on the kids, any of them. It would be nice to try to explain the situation, to the older nephew and nieces, about the lies the youngest was raised believing, and explain the truth being told to him.
It’s entirely up to them if they have a relationship with him, but they really shouldn’t take what the supposed adults did out on him. I feel terrible for your nephew, keep being supportive OP!” nosey_introvert92
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Meet My Daughter?
“My (29f) SIL Annie (34f) got out of rehab 2 months ago.
3 weeks ago, I gave birth to my daughter, Sarah (3 weeks). Annie and I were on good terms, and she is really trying to get better and rebuild trust with all of us. She genuinely is a really sweet person.
Sarah was in the NICU for her first 2 weeks of life.
We brought her home for the first time last week. The doctor has said not to let too many people around her to make sure she doesn’t get sick again.
Annie really wants to meet Sarah. Normally, I would be excited Sarah would have such a caring aunt.
However, the doctor said not to let many new people be around her.
Annie thinks the real reason I won’t let her around Sarah is because she was in rehab. My MIL says she has been calling me a jerk and that ‘I don’t trust her’.
This isn’t the case, but I want to have a good relationship with Annie, and I am worried that if I don’t let Annie meet Sarah, our relationship will be ruined forever.
AITJ for not letting my SIL meet my baby?
Edit: No one outside of my husband and I have met Sarah.
I probably wouldn’t let them meet her until 3 months old or when the doctor says.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are protecting your child by following your doctor’s orders. If this isn’t exclusive to her, I am not sure why she is trying to make it about herself.
Her blaming you for not trusting her doesn’t sound like she is as far along the program as she maybe thinks.” vcatacarte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so long as this rule is applied to everyone and not just SIL then you are absolutely not the jerk.
If it was just SIL you were refusing to see the baby and letting other family like her (other siblings etc) see the baby then you would be; as this isn’t the case she has no leg to stand on saying you are punishing her for being in rehab.
Enjoy your new baby!” chroniccomplexcase
Another User Comments:
“Your baby was in the NICU for 2 weeks. She is still recovering, and her immune system is nonexistent right now. She shouldn’t be around people until she’s older and her system starts building. You’re doing what you need to for your child’s health.
It’s hard for people to understand, but it’s necessary for the child’s well-being. Tell in-laws what the doctors said and that it’s a precaution, not a distrust thing. NTJ.” Livetorun123
9. AITJ For Hiring My Niece?
“I own a daycare. My niece (18) came to me this summer and asked if she could work for me while she’s in college.
My niece is an incredible young woman. She has years of experience and amazing references, and she basically ran a daycare disguised as a summer camp over the summer. I know her previous bosses and they all speak very highly of her. I told her I wanted her to go out and find a job working for someone that isn’t family but if her job search doesn’t go well, she can come to me.
Within 3 days she had a job at a daycare starting in the fall. The pay was good and the owners seemed lovely so I didn’t think she’d have a problem there. She was supposed to work from 8-10 on Mondays and 8-1 Tuesdays-Fridays.
On her first day, my niece was told they lost students and they can only have her from 8-10 every day.
My niece was frustrated but said she was nervous about working 22 hours per week while in school anyways, plus she only needs enough to pay for gas and for her to go out every now and then so it’s not a big deal. Then they started asking if she could skip class and cover for the other teachers.
It wasn’t ideal but it was only a couple of times a month and my niece said those were unimportant classes so it wasn’t a big deal. Over the past 3 weeks, they’ve texted her right before she was about to come in to tell her they don’t need her that day 4 times.
On top of that, she just found out that the car she just bought needed quite a few repairs costing close to 6 weeks’ pay so she needs more hours, not less.
They did this to her on Friday and then again today so I told her I want her to quit and she can come work for me.
She was hesitant so I offered her $20 per hour (she currently makes 17) and 20 hours a week. She accepted, I made an appointment for her to get fingerprinted tomorrow, and she stopped by today to pick up her paperwork. She should be set to start by Thanksgiving (hopefully sooner, it just depends on how long it’ll take to get the results of the background check).
She told her parents that she was quitting to come work for me and her dad texted me calling me a jerk for ‘stealing’ her and saying it’ll look bad on her resume if she only works somewhere for 2 months. I told him future employers may be curious and ask about it but it shouldn’t be a problem if she explains that her hours were cut, she was getting sent home on a regular basis, and she was being asked to skip class on a regular basis.
Her parents still think I’m in the wrong for hiring her, especially because I wouldn’t hire their other daughter (who doesn’t like kids and has no experience), so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really hate that toxic mentality of how people should stay at jobs where they’re being treated poorly and taken advantage of no matter what.
You did the right thing. She was being asked to skip class, and her education should be her priority right now. And then they’d wait until the last minute to cancel her shift? So basically, she is a student whose life is supposed to revolve around a job where she rarely ever even works?
Her bosses and her parents are the only jerks in this situation. I am grateful she has you to watch out for her, and I’m confident you’ll treat her a million times better.
And there’s a good chance they’re only bitter about you refusing to hire the other child.
Ignoring the fact she has no experience, which would be reason enough for it to be a bad fit, she doesn’t like children? What is wrong with these people?!” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your daughter develops a history of only working two months somewhere, that’s a red flag.
If it happens once or twice, no one thinks twice – they might ask about it, but especially as it’s further in the background no one cares.
Her previous employer was displaying all the hallmarks of a toxic workplace, so good on you for getting her out of there.
Just make sure you treat her the same as any other employee.” Biokabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As for the resume thing. Typically you only list the most current jobs you have. So a couple of years down the road, she may have multiple jobs she can list.
And she can easily put the reason for quitting as ‘due to educational demands I accepted a new opportunity that was presented that was a better fit for balance between work and education needs.’
Or something like that. She doesn’t have to throw them under the bus she can be polite etc about it and be done with it.
And most employers don’t care about college temp jobs.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Help My In-Laws After The Way They Treated Him?
“My husband’s parents divorced when my husband was 1 year old. When my husband was 3 years old, his mother married someone else and she had 3 daughters from that man. The man she married is much older than my MIL. Step FIL has olive tree groves. He harvests olives 4 months a year and spends the money he earns there all year.
My husband took care of every need of the house until he married me. He helped with the olive harvest. He took care of house repairs etc. After we got married, his SF got a mental illness because of his old age, thinking my husband did something even though he didn’t do anything, and cut all ties.
I did everything I could to reconcile them, but Step FIL didn’t let my husband in the house. He even threatened to divorce my mother-in-law if she continued to see my husband.
FIL’s health has deteriorated further this year. He was hospitalized several times and suffered partial paralysis.
But since we all know that he will not be able to harvest olives this year due to his health, my husband made an offer to his family. My husband would harvest the olives and give ALL the money to his mother. All we wanted was the gas money we spent and a wage for our time.
My husband works a normal 9 to 5 job but would take his annual leave just to harvest their olives.
His eldest sister and mother said that they didn’t want this, that they would rent the olive trees to someone else to harvest them and get a lump sum in return.
They said that they would divide the funds they received equally into 4, that it was more appropriate. If you couldn’t do the math, let me explain; Sister number 1 (28), sister number 2 (22), sister number 3 (15), and my MIL. That’s 4. My husband was suddenly ostracized from the family and we were shocked.
Yet we didn’t say anything.
We just said, ‘okay.’
Some time passed, then we decided to rent someone else’s olives. We made a deal with someone and started doing this as a side job this year. By the way, this is all because we have a 1-and-a-half-year-old and times are rough.
We didn’t have enough savings.
Sister number 1 called today and said that they couldn’t find anyone to rent their olives, they were afraid of going broke, and that their elder brother should come and collect the olives.
I said it would never happen.
Because first, if they had rented the olives, they wouldn’t have included us.
They officially branded my husband as a half-brother. They did that, they went there. They knew we had a little baby and we were struggling, yet they didn’t care. Second, we tried to help at first but they refused. We didn’t even want anything anyway.
My husband said that he would not be comfortable if he did not help his family in such a situation and that I was a jerk for thinking like that.
Now I’m asking you; AITJ because I don’t want him to help my in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No, his family ostracized him, he owes them nothing at that point.
Unless there’s a major benefit in it for you guys, you shouldn’t go out of your way to help them.
Don’t outright ban your husband from helping, but make it clear that they were in no way ever going to help him, and as his wife, you have priority access to whatever time he would otherwise be spending collecting olives for them.
If you’re good at something, like collecting olives, never do it for free – especially if the people who want you to do it were jerks.
Let them extend the olive branch.” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re protecting him from the emotionally abusive family that used him his entire life and then tossed him to the side.
He married you for a reason and as his partner, you want what’s best for him even if he doesn’t see it yet. Try to have a talk with him about your concerns but make sure you hear him out and also understand if he still feels he NEEDS to help them.
He was conditioned by his family for his entire life it’s going to take years to break free of their mental hold on him.” Randotron-80085
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband wants to keep his relationship with his family and I understand that but you can’t let that blind you from narcissistic behavior.
All they want him for is to harvest the olives. They don’t care about him. They basically kicked him out of the family. If he does this then he is showing them that they can walk all over him. You should be focusing on the three of you.
Not anyone else. You three are a family. You don’t need anyone else’s approval. They shouldn’t have even considered asking you.” idekgirl2003
7. WIBTJ If I Stay At Home On Thanksgiving?
“I (38F) and single with no kids. My younger brother and SIL live about a 2-hour flight (10-hour drive) from me in another state.
My mom lives about an hour’s drive away from me. My brother has a 3-year-old son and my SIL is 6 months pregnant. In the past, my mom has hosted Thanksgiving dinner for extended family, but since my nephew was born, my brother hasn’t wanted to travel.
He wants to host Thanksgiving at their home and invited me and my mom.
However, my brother texted to say that there was not enough room at their home for me to stay there. They have 3 bedrooms and a basement that is being renovated into a guest suite, but it’s not completed yet.
My mom will stay in the guest room, which has a bed that only sleeps one person. I asked if I could stay on their couch, but my SIL has a rule that no one can sleep on the couch because it’s an expensive couch.
I asked if I could sleep on the futon in my nephew’s room, but they said no because it would be disruptive to his sleep and nap schedule and comfort. I asked if I could sleep in their living room on the floor or a foldout bed and they said no because it would be messy/disruptive to the shared living space and my nephew’s play area.
There is not enough room to put a fold-out bed in the guest room where my mom will sleep because it’s a small room.
I’m worried about finances in general and the holidays are always a bit stressful for me, money-wise. I have a well-paying job and I freelance on the side, but I have a lot of expenses and I live in a high-cost-of-living city.
To visit my brother and his family for Thanksgiving, I would need to purchase a flight ($400-500), 2 nights in a hotel ($400-500 ish total), and miscellaneous things like Ubers since they live in a residential area that is not close to where the hotels are.
When I expressed my concern, my brother offered the use of some hotel points he has and said that ‘mom won’t come without you, so just hurry up and get this arranged.’ I confirmed with my mom that she’s booked her flight and will visit regardless of my plans.
I really don’t feel welcome and I feel like my brother and SIL just saw me as a necessary inconvenience to get my mom to attend. My only motivation for going would be to see my nephew. Financial stress and generally feeling unwelcome are cons of going.
Would I be the jerk for staying home? I’m concerned that I’m being overly sensitive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds like an uncomfortable, stressful, and expensive Thanksgiving to me. Stay home, relax, and save yourself the cash and the hassle.
That said, does SIL think she’s fooling anyone with her ‘no sleeping on the couch because it’s expensive’ nonsense?
She has a kid and has another on the way – that thing is going to be put through the wringer a whole lot more than it could ever be put through even if you slept in it every night for a year. Sounds more like she doesn’t want you there.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stay home and make your own plans. Even if it is just to watch crappy Hallmark movies and eat whatever you want.
It does seem fairly obvious that your brother only wants your mom there and your presence is something they will tolerate.
So make plans for yourself that weekend. Treat yourself, or get together with friends.
Let your brother know that you appreciate the invite, but you just can’t swing it this year. And then have your own fun.” PaganCHICK720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. It’s a host’s job to make a guest feel wanted so your brother is already doing a poor job of hosting.
Frankly, he should have led with purchasing your hotel room for you using points, and perhaps you would have felt better about the whole thing without all that ‘what about…’ nonsense that just made things so much worse. Just be mindful of not cutting off your nose to spite your face – make plans with friends for Thanksgiving or invite some others in similar situations over, so you don’t regret your decision later.” psatty
6. AITJ For Not Paying A Courier To Tow Their Truck Out Of My Driveway?
“A courier came to my house while I was at work to drop off a parcel. The courier called me and advised they got bogged between the stones and dirt in my driveway and they could not get the van out.
I have never had this issue before as I have had many visitors and tradies come to do work and drive out of my driveway just fine.
The courier is very agitated and blames me for having an inadequate driveway for their van. They ask me to come home to help them get their van unstuck from my driveway.
However, I cannot just leave my job in the middle of the day, and it’s not my fault he got stuck in my driveway. So I advised them that I didn’t know how to help them and that they could call their courier company to assist them.
They threaten me more and said if I don’t come and help them, they will call a tow truck and I will be liable to pay for all the costs. I have cameras around my house and I watched the courier suddenly break and skid into my driveway causing the tires to sink into the rocks.
I also watched the courier ransack my shed to get shovels and wood to try and dig their van out and not even return the tools back to where they belonged making a mess. Eventually, the courier gives up, calls a tow truck to pull out his van from my driveway, and gives me multiple abusive messages asking me to pay his towing bill.
Am I the jerk for not willing to pay the courier the towing expenses to get out of my driveway?”
Another User Comments:
“They should be able to properly navigate a driveway. Clearly, they cannot. This is a personal problem for the courier, not for you, and just because they can’t do their job without messing it up doesn’t mean that you should have to forfeit time away from your job, as well as money out of your pocket.
NTJ.
You also wouldn’t be the jerk if you reported them to their company, not only for their lack of professionalism in the matter but also for trespassing, ‘borrowing’ your things without permission, and the advanced lack of decency for failing to return those things back to their rightful location.
You already have video evidence and you get bonus points if the threats were done via text.” Electrical_Source_57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should call the company with the video proof and all the horrid messages he sent you. You are not responsible for his stupidity.
If he treated you this way with no regard just imagine the way he treats any other clients. I would also let them know that you are calling the police because he had no right to enter any buildings on your property and he was threatening you.
File a report about it and protect yourself and the company he works for can protect themselves and their business reputation.” TheBlueLady39
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to file a police report against that courier immediately. And call their company and file a complaint against them, and send the video footage.
And send him the bill to fix whatever damage they did to your yard.
Seriously send the footage and all the messages, everything the courier said to you, to the company. Send it to their HR, send it to whoever’s in charge, send it to whoever you can find on the company website that looks important, send it to the local news too.” rainbow_mak3r
5. AITJ For Beating A Kid At A Game?
“So this happened at a small Halloween get-together I went to with a few work friends. A lot of them are older than me (28) and are at the point where they have kids like the person whose house we were in.
They are somewhere in their 50s I don’t know the exact age but they have a few kids, the youngest of which was like 8 or 9 and was at the party.
The kid is just bored and trying to do something, his dad mentions that I might play some of the same games he does, and yeah sure enough we both play smash brothers.
Kid asks if I want to play a game and I’m bored so I agree.
This is where I totally wipe the floor with the kid. Like no contest at all. He tries several different game modes and rules to try and get a win and he takes the L every time.
After a few losses, he’s getting visibly frustrated, and his teenage sibling tries to keep him calm to no avail. I keep letting the kid play me as long as he wanted to, I wasn’t particularly egging him on or anything either I would usually just ask if he wanted to go again.
Eventually, the kid has a mini tantrum and his dad has to stop what he’s doing to scold him and send him to bed. It was a little awkward for everyone.
No one ever directly put blame on me for it but I could kinda tell from the vibe in the room that they low-key blamed me for the outburst as well.
And there were lots of small comments saying things like I was a little harsh or asking why I couldn’t just let him win one, or why I didn’t stop playing with him after he started getting mad. I just told them I was having fun and left it at that.
I’ll admit to not being the best read on social situations but I feel like none of the blame should be put on me at all. I don’t feel particularly obligated to go easy on him just because he’s a kid. I’m not like a go-to tournament smash player but I’m at least decent at it and I didn’t hold back at all when playing him.
Which I didn’t see an issue with but after reading the room afterward it seems like maybe I should have. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Read the room. You weren’t at a tournament, you were at the kid’s house. How would that have felt to you as a kid?
You didn’t have to let him win every game, but perhaps share your knowledge with him. Show him moves he didn’t know or share your strategies. That way it’s much more fun for him, and it’s more interactive. You’re sharing something instead of it just being a competition.
Or if you didn’t want to interact with the kid, don’t play.
YTJ. Especially for saying ‘I just said I was having fun.’ No one cares if you had fun if the kid is leaving in tears. You made it seem like you took joy from beating him again and again.” dreamqueen9103
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but in this case, it’s not actually about beating the kid at the game. That part is irrelevant to what makes you actually the jerk in this situation. You were at a social event with other people (coworkers no less!), and when you saw the child getting frustrated and even his siblings were stepping in to try to tone things down, you didn’t let up.
The kid’s meltdown ruined the atmosphere for everyone, they clearly were annoyed by it, and you encouraged that to happen. You ignored MULTIPLE warning signs that continuing to beat him would lead to trouble, instead of suggesting a different game, switching to something co-op, or changing the goal instead.
There are tons of ways to maintain a relaxed atmosphere that doesn’t involve going easy/letting someone else win. YTJ for making everyone present uncomfortable.” serpentinization
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So much. You’re a GROWN ADULT. Of COURSE you let the kid win, if not always, then most of the time.
Did you really still think you outran your parents as a kid or won all the games of sorry or cards? Nope. You play to ALMOST win and make the kid work for it then congratulate them on beating you. You might win the occasional game to make it seem real, but you don’t ever, ever pull the sort of crap you just did.
Not even with an adult and a pick-me-up game; you don’t just absolutely humiliate someone for NO GOOD REASON. You really dropped the ball on this one. The good news is that now your coworkers know what sort of person you are, and to watch their backs when you do anything that involves cooperation.” maroongrad
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Breed My Dog?
“My partner (30m) and I (27f) have a 2-year-old dog. We got her from a foster home at 1.5 years old, and only have had her since April.
She is a beautiful mixed breed with a personality.
My partner says we should breed her, keep one pup, and give away/sell the rest. I REFUSE to.
We haven’t had her long, and we’ve been playing catch up with her shots and vet exams, and now need the $1,100 to get her fixed (the foster didn’t get shots done on time and didn’t care to get her fixed as a puppy). Add food/toys/basic needs… it gets expensive as all pet owners know.
My partner doesn’t care much to take her for routine visits, and only agreed to get her basic shots done. He thinks taking her for boosters/shots/routine visits is a waste of money because his parents have never done so and their family dogs lived to good ages.
He believes if we breed her, we wouldn’t incur any extra costs, and we could sell the pups to good homes. I keep telling him no and he doesn’t understand that.
The pups will need their shots done BEFORE being sold. We would most likely need to pay for them to be fixed as well (I’m not for people using dogs to ONLY breed for pay).
All the extra dog food/puppy food we would need to pay for. WE BARELY have the space for us, the dog, and 2 cats. Nvm mind space for 2-8 puppies. I would have to vet every applicant because I’m not selling or giving away dogs to just anyone.
Even though I work from home, I don’t have time for potty training and the time for basic training.
He keeps bringing up breeding her w/ other good-looking dogs & making beautiful puppies that would be the best and have her personality, and I just get mad.
I keep telling him we barely have the money for her vet visits/shots/getting her fixed and he says we wouldn’t have to get the puppies fixed and just sell/give them away. It’s been causing a lot of issues between us. To be honest, just having her has caused some problems. We argue A LOT about her care, not only medical but in general.
Ex; I don’t like having her in a cage for 5-8 hrs unless it isn’t possible. He doesn’t care if she’s locked in her cage for hours on end. We both went to diff locations and he was back in the area (20 mins down at a friend’s house) and didn’t bother driving over (or asking the friend to take a diff route that passes our home) to let her out, stretch, go pee, and feed her.
I got home almost 3 hrs after him and stood home to take care of her and spend time with her while he stood out for another 4 hours. We fought because I just wanted him to stop at home for 15-20 mins to take care of her.
That’s all. I wasn’t asking him to come home & stay.
This is my first actual dog and this is something we are butting heads on, and I just want to know if I am the jerk in this situation.
ETA: This is NOT $ based, he wants a puppy just like our dog.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, so much NTJ!
There is not all that much market for mixed breed puppies with totally random ancestry and no health testing for genetic problems, and pregnant and whelping dogs require vet care. Some dogs need c-sections, which cost thousands of dollars.
Plus, it’s exhausting. You need to take time off from work, you need to supervise and socialize and market the puppies. If your lovely dog passed away as a result of whelping (a thing that happens) or isn’t into being a mama dog (which also happens), you get to hand-raise a litter of puppies.
In order to legally keep a dog registered in most cities, you need to keep their rabies shots up to date. Your partner is the jerk here.” eaca02124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner has his head in the clouds. First, there is no guarantee that the puppies would have their mom’s looks, temperament, or intelligence.
Point out to him that animal shelters are full of dogs that need homes. Even if he wanted to give the puppies away, he would have a hard time finding homes for them. Most people adopting a dog would want to know if the dog’s shots were current.
Some local laws might even require the shots, at least the rabies shot.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Breeding responsibly takes a lot of time to research, expense, and dedication. The responsible breeders I know do it as a full-time job (they may have another full-time job, but the breeding aspect is equivalent to a full-time job in itself).
You have to know what can go wrong medically during the pregnancy and birth – and be prepared to handle it (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically). You need to understand genetics, do genetics testing, and understand how to match an appropriate male to reduce the risks of passing on bad genes.
You need to appropriately train and socialize the puppies so they are ready to go to their first home. And then you have to vet the homes – answering questions, reviewing applications, conducting interviews, calling references. There is so much that goes into breeding that many people don’t realize – you can’t just stick a male and female together and cross your fingers for a good outcome if you want to remain moral and ethical.
Breeding is also very expensive – between pregnancy checks and genetic testing and such – only quality breeding of purebreds is ever going to have a positive financial return. Quality puppies cost thousands of dollars – that’s not so the breeder can make a ton, it’s so they can just cover their costs.
It’s incredibly irresponsible to just take a pet and breed it without putting that type of commitment behind it. There are too many unwanted dogs in the world already.” SlowMolassas1
3. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend I Need Time To Myself?
“My best friend hangs out at my apartment a lot with me and I love having her over. But, and I made this clear to her, I have an introverted personality and ADHD. I can get overstimulated easily and sometimes by the weirdest things. It’ll cause me to have headaches and it can get to the point where I have to shut myself in my room for hours with everything off bc it all irritates me.
So I made it clear to her that there are days I’m not cool with her coming over. She typically does respect this, too. But the other day, she didn’t.
She had been spending the night with me for the last week and I was okay with it but then I went home for the weekend and I was around my parents and my little kid nephews and there was so much energy going on and I never had a night to myself the whole weekend.
So by this point, I’ve gone 7 days without time to myself which is probably the most I’ve gone. Then Sunday when I got back to my apartment I had an hour to clean and prepare for a dnd session I was running. After that, my friend stayed while I did homework.
Then it got to be 9 at night and she mentioned spending the night and I said ‘Well I actually needed to have the apartment to myself tonight.’ She just didn’t respond so I went back to doing homework thinking she would get the memo.
She didn’t bc she just called her partner and talked to him on speaker, not making any moves to leave. It’s also important to mention she was so bent on not going home bc she thought her parents were mad at her and that they were still awake and didn’t wanna deal with them.
By 11 she hadn’t left and I had gotten ready for bed and literally said ‘I’m going to bed soon’ and she didn’t acknowledge what I said. I eventually went to the bathroom and when I come back she sits on my bed and just keeps talking to her partner and me.
So I try to be more direct and I turn my light off and say ‘I’m going to bed’ and I lay on my bed with my face in a pillow as she continues to talk to me and her partner.
By this time it’s 12:30 and I’m extremely irritated. This is to the point where she once tapped my leg to get my attention and I nearly exploded then and there.
I finally muted the call so her partner couldn’t hear us and I said: ‘listen I love you and I know your parents are annoying you right now but I need sleep.’ She just stared at me, unmuted the call, got her things, and left without hardly looking at me or saying goodbye.
AITJ?
Edit: No, she is not special needs or on the spectrum or anything like that. She’s in therapy for separate reasons and has even asked her therapist if it’s a possibility before and was evaluated before she said no.
She didn’t walk home.
My apartment is on our college campus and she lives 20 min down the road in a gated neighborhood that has 24/7 security guards at post. So she just drove back home.
This wasn’t the first time I had indicated I wanted to be alone. Prior to the dnd session, she was helping me clean (which was something I didn’t ask her to do she just offered to come over and help since I’d only have an hour to clean and finish writing the session) when she mentioned something about watching a movie with me tonight and I told her ‘I kinda need the apartment to myself tonight’.
On top of this, the next day she called me because I asked if she was mad about the whole situation and she said she wasn’t because she knew I would need time alone that night but like… to me it doesn’t line up with how she acted.
And she had also called to ask to watch a movie at my apartment when I had already told her I had a lot of schoolwork to catch up on and I couldn’t. I had to cancel plans with another D&D group because of this too.
She still asked after I had told her no the first night and over text before she called. And she specifically said she had called to ‘convince me.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was not a shock. You told her at least three different times, in different ways, that you needed to be by yourself with some quiet.
If she had maybe gone out into another room with her phone and left you alone, that might have been tolerable, but what did she do? She sat on your bed, one of the most private places a person can have, and actually physically touched you to get your attention back on her.
As an introvert, this is my idea of misery. I’m really glad you asserted yourself and made your case very clear to her. She must have some other place to go to escape her parents, besides your home. If she decides to stop flouncing and feeling sorry for herself and comes back to speak with you, you need to hash this out with her.
Meanwhile, good for you for being assertive.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend needs to sort out her life so that she’s not just escaping to your place all the time. It clearly doesn’t seem to be about spending time with you, just using your place.
But you need to be direct and not assume your friend will pick up clues. Why on Earth didn’t you just say ‘hi, you can be here for a couple of hours tonight but that’s all. I really need an early night’ etc, and then there’s no need to make a performance out of it?
Your friend needs to be more respectful of your place but you need to clearly communicate the rules exactly and not rely on dropping hints.” Est666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was super rude of her and you have every right to make people leave your home regardless of introversion, ADHD, or whatever.
I do think you need to try being more direct tho. Not because it was unclear whether or not you wanted her to leave, because I think it was pretty clear, but because it will make it harder for her to claim she misunderstood and show her that you are serious about your boundaries and aren’t going to let her get away with ignoring them.
It doesn’t have to be harsh or aggressive, just firm and direct. ‘I’m going to go to bed soon so time for you to go home.’ ‘I need to get some sleep tonight so I need you to leave by 9.’
If they seem like they aren’t making moves to leave, I like to help them out.
Bring any stuff they may have left around the house over to them, ask them if they have their phone/keys/charger/whatever they might have gotten out at some point that you don’t see in their hand, start cleaning up the area they were hanging out in, take their dishes to the sink, unlock the front door and stand near it, say the usual ‘goodbye’ lines (thanks for coming, I’ll let you know about the XYZ, text me when you get home safe, etc.).” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your friend obviously doesn’t understand social cues about when to leave someone’s house but you could have also been a lot more clear. Next time just say, ‘I’m tired and I need you to leave no later than 11 tonight so I can rest.’ And at 11 say, ‘Well it’s time for me to get some rest. I can walk you out but then I need to say goodbye.’
It’s great that you can set boundaries for yourself, not everyone can advocate for themselves very well. But if you want people to respect those boundaries then you need to be clear about what they are. Hints can seem polite at first but when the other person clearly doesn’t understand then you should be more concise otherwise you end up looking rude.
Just talk to your friend and apologize, this was clearly just a misunderstanding.” Sweetsmyle
2. AITJ For Asking My Sister And Her Husband To Pay Rent?
“My parents built a house to raise their family in and decided to both officially keep half of it in their name after their divorce.
They paid it off together and when my mom died her half got split up between my sister and me, so a quarter of the house is officially in each of our names. The other half still belongs to my dad.
I (25f) moved out 6 years ago and my sister (27f) has stayed in the house with her husband (29m) and their son (8m).
When I first moved out we agreed that they should pay me rent since it would be better for me if we rented the house to someone else to get some extra income. Until now we really haven’t followed through with it, because I had a full-time job, could afford my life by myself and they both were still in school.
Since then a couple of things have changed: I quit my job and started University last year. I live in Germany, so I don’t have to pay tuition, but with my rent, bills, food, books for Uni, and the semester fee I have to pay, I still have many expenses.
So besides going to Uni full time, I now have 2 jobs to pay for everything. Until a little earlier this year everything was fine, but since everything has gotten more expensive I really can’t afford my life anymore. But with work and studying I’m already at around 60 hours a week, so I just don’t have the time (or energy) to get another job.
I remembered the agreement a while ago and have talked to my sister about it, who refused to pay stating that they don’t have enough money either. Both of them have full-time jobs and because they live on our owned property they don’t have to pay rent, just the costs that come with a house.
I’m asking for about half of what I could get if we rented the house to someone else and got a quarter of that amount, so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. It still would be better for me if they moved out and we got tenants.
My dad got involved and said that they really don’t have that much money and can barely save anything every month, which really upset me because I had to dip into my savings each month to cover rent and my bills. My best friend doesn’t think I’m the jerk here, because it simply is what we agreed on.
AITJ?
Edit: My sister does not have to pay for major repairs on the house and the taxes and such are covered by my dad. She does not pay a dime for the house that is not caused by her living there (utilities etc). And because of the 1/4 of a house I officially own, I don’t qualify for student loans (Bafög for the Germans).
So taking out a loan to cover the extra expenses is not a possibility either.
I also don’t live in the same city anymore. So moving back in isn’t an option.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly it was kind enough of you to let it go for so many years up until now, and they should respect and appreciate that by paying rent now.
If they can’t figure saving after paying you rent, they need to re-assess their lifestyle and spending choices.
However, as much as I agree with you, I’m sorry to say that I don’t think any resolution will come from this that won’t end in some bitter feelings.
If the rent is important to you (and you don’t mind slightly annoying the family, since BIL and dad seem to be backing her up on this), stand your ground. If it’s not worth the hassle, let it go, because even though you’re absolutely right, it may not be worth losing family over it.” Stroopwafeled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so you have the same right of residence as your sister/husband and their son?
You’ve been paying rent for 6 years while she has been living rent-free in a house 75% of which isn’t owned by her. She will continue to live in that house rent-free for the rest of your life.
They have gotten used to living this lifestyle because you’ve been too nice and they have taken you for a ride.
Your father wants to keep seeing his grandson and she will weaponize that relationship. Don’t expect any help from him.
Move back into the house – take your 25% or sell the house because she’s making an idiot out of you.
See a lawyer. Something has to happen to cause this to change.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m sorry this is probably gonna screw your relationship up. Legally, they don’t actually owe you rent, your only real recourse is to force a sale.
Morally they should just pay you like it was agreed, but if both she and your dad don’t agree they should then I doubt you’re gonna get paid. Legally you can threaten to force a sale of the property or them to buy out your percentage, but that will destroy your relationship with them.” Sufficient_Cat
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepdaughter Over A Dirty Bathroom?
“I (42M) have a stepdaughter (15F) from my marriage with my wife (40F) and a biological daughter (13F). We have been married for four years, but I and my stepdaughter are not particularly close and neither are she and my bio daughter.
This week, I came home after work and went to use the common bathroom (the one that is shared by my daughters) since my wife was in the shower.
My bio daughter was at my ex-wife’s house that day. When I went into her bathroom, I found it a complete disaster. There was hair in the sink, shampoo bottles in disarray, and it was littered with tampon wrappers and used tampons (you could literally see the b***d).
I yelled at my stepdaughter and told her to come clean the mess she made, to which she snapped back that it was her bathroom and that the hair and shampoo bottles were bio daughter’s. I asked if the tampons were hers and she said they were.
I told her that she was living in my house, she pays no rent, and that it was unacceptable to leave used tampons lying in the bathroom because it’s unsanitary and absolutely disgusting to look at. She went crying to my wife who said I was overreacting and that it’s a normal teen girl thing, and that I was being offensive by calling the tampons disgusting since it’s part of being a woman.
My wife also complained about how bio daughter left the bathroom messy too, but I said hair and shampoo bottles vs literally used tampons lying around were different (I did tell her I would talk with my daughter, though).
I said that when my stepdaughter buys her own house, she can leave all the tampons she wants but under my roof, she’ll dispose of them properly, and keep the bathroom clean.
I also said that if I see this happen again, I’ll ground her and possibly take away other privileges. My wife and stepdaughter both think that I’m being unreasonable, and dramatic and that I’m favoring my bio daughter.
AITJ?
Edit: Tampons were literally lying around, not in the trash.
To be specific, a couple on the counter, one on the floor, and one behind the toilet bowl. Wrappers were all over. That’s the reason I told her to dispose of them properly. Shampoo bottles were in the shower area (there’s a designated shelf for the bottles but they were just on the floor and some toppled over).
About the rent thing – definitely worded terribly and that’s on me. I said that in response to her argument that it was her bathroom and meant that she was not paying for anything, I provided her with this space and expect her to show some appreciation and cleanliness by simply keeping it clean.
UPDATE: I took some time to reflect, calm down, and did apologize to my SD about the rent comment. Among other things, I told her that she was welcome in the house and that she was free to the bathroom for all her needs, but also said that I expect more sense of hygiene in the future.
I also called my daughter, briefly explained the situation, and told her we will be having a family discussion when she comes home about overall cleanliness.
To my utter shock, when I asked SD where she disposed of the tampons since I noticed they were all gone and the b***d was mostly cleaned off, I found out that she flushed all of them down the toilet and it’s completely clogged. There’s a trashcan in the bathroom.
I don’t know if she did it out of anger or out of ignorance, but my wife is refusing to do anything about it.
I’m at a complete loss here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the way you handled it wasn’t ideal but as a person with a period, I’d have lost my mind if I went into a shared bathroom and there were used tampons anywhere except the trashcan.
If she’s having mental health issues that are manifesting this way then yelling isn’t going to fix anything and she needs help, hopefully, you can have a calmer conversation with her and find out if this is a symptom of that or just her not caring about a mess.
If it’s just her not caring then yeah punishments like grounding or loss of privileges might be the way to go.” AmoraLynn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here is why. It’s not because you don’t want to have to see a dirty common bathroom. It’s because you failed to treat your stepdaughter as a person.
There are ways to approach a situation, and you just berated her and then made her feel unwelcome. The whole you don’t pay rent thing really makes a teenager feel like they don’t belong there, but simultaneously have nowhere to go. It’s an awful situation.
Edit: I want to add… does this bathroom have proper accommodations for a teenager? A trashcan with a lid, a toilet scrubber, paper towels, and cleaning spray under the sink, a drawer for her hair and skin products, a spot for her toothpaste, toothbrush, and deodorant, a drawer or basket for tampons, pads, liners, etc.” Essssssssssssss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The b****y tampon on the floor is disgusting. While understandably OP wanted the bathroom to be cleaned immediately, the relationship with your stepdaughter could be delicate, especially when this is a shared bathroom with your bio daughter and your stepdaughter is the only one being yelled at.
If your bio daughter did not say anything about the tampons everywhere, does she do the same thing on her period? I think what you should’ve done is wait till your bio daughter’s also home and talk to BOTH of them. Cleanliness of a shared bathroom is a shared responsibility.” Present_Couple5007
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you clearly view your stepdaughter with disdain and handled this very poorly. Teenagers and tweens are not known for being the tidiest people on earth. The appropriate way to handle that is to calmly, CALMLY, gently, GENTLY guide them into learning better habits for keeping things neat.
Not to fly off the handle yelling, shaming, and humiliating them. And you should have asked your wife to handle the menstruation-related aspects of this interaction. Also, 15-year-olds are CHILDREN – they do not ‘pay rent’ anywhere. Get a grip.” tedhanoverspeaches
