People Risk Their Reputations By Asking Us About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Making My Partner Cry?
“In my partner’s (Britney) church they wear white garments but whenever the women are on their periods they wear their own clothes to avoid staining the garments.
As I was driving home from picking up the girls, our daughter Haley asked why she can’t go anywhere near the altar while she was on her period. Britney answered, ‘When you’re on your period you are dirty and you can never bring dirt near the altar’.
My daughter looked confused but sat quietly, I kept quiet but I was going to bring it up when we got home. We drove in silence for 15 minutes.
When we got home Haley ran up to her room and I asked Britney why she would say that and I don’t think it’s appropriate to make our daughter think she is dirty for something she can’t control.
She said, ‘Haley isn’t dirty, her period is dirty and I really don’t think a male is the one to be talking about this topic’. I said I may not know the most about periods but I know I would never make my daughter feel dirty because she has one like every girl her age.
She started crying, ran upstairs to our bedroom, and locked the door. I’m writing this at night on the couch in my day clothes with no blanket because she has refused to let me in.
Maybe what I was saying was dumb? Maybe I overstepped and should’ve asked Haley how she felt before bringing it up with Britney.
If I’m wrong, I’ll accept that and apologize to her. I feel terrible for being responsible for her crying. But was what she was saying right?
EDIT: Britney is Haley’s mother. Also, I’m not a part of this church just Haley and Britney I’m sorry I thought it was clear.
Also, it’s not always just white at the night services they wear yellow.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is why I really don’t like religion. Periods are a natural part of the body’s reproductive process. Are they super not great? Sure! But to draw a line between that and you being unclean in the sight of god (which is the inference I get here) is so gross it makes me want to scream.
Your partner needs to find a way to explain this to your daughter in an appropriate manner that doesn’t make her ashamed of her body. And she doesn’t get to pull the crying/locking out the card just to get out of an uncomfortable conversation.
If that’s a regular occurrence I’d recommend couple’s therapy to work on communication.” angelaheidt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OK, so that time of the month might make you ‘feel dirty and gross’ but how could a woman control that? God allows that to happen to women for a reason.
So I would hardly consider that dirty in God’s eyes. I mean what church teaches that?
I also find it super weird wearing white garments, but not wearing them when it’s that time of the month. How embarrassing that must be for the women wearing normal clothes.
That’s like yelling at the congregation and being like, hey look at me, Flo’s in town! But yall already know that when yall don’t see me wearing ‘the garment’.
If anything, your partner is the jerk. She made Haley upset and had her thinking she was dirty when she was not.
She has no control over that crap. God does not think she is dirty during that time. Shame on your partner though for even saying something like that to her.” wheresmypickles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ about this specific situation. Other than that? Let’s see.
Your partner who is the mother of your child is very clearly in a religious cult.
Not a regular church. Cult. This cult tells women that they should wear different clothing during their period (and I would bet my left pinky that it’s because they want it to be known by the rest of the members, not because of the garments) and aren’t allowed near the altar because the period is ‘dirty’.
The biological process that makes procreation possible is considered D I R T Y. She had no issue saying that to your daughter, making her feel disgusted with herself because she’s already been brainwashed to view the cult and its doctrine as something that needs to be adhered to and as a guide to life.
This guide is now telling her that a natural bodily function she experiences is somehow undesirable.
YTJ for letting your partner get your kid involved in this, for not getting your daughter out of there at the first opportunity, and for not breaking it off and taking your daughter to a deprogrammer as soon as possible.” MikrokosmicUnicorn
17. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's About To Lose Her Vision?
“I (27F) have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), a genetic eye disorder that causes visual impairment and sometimes complete blindness. I was diagnosed at 19 after experiencing some vision loss, I use a white cane to get around but I still have some functional vision and I use a lot of accessibility apps and features to use technology.
Two months ago my only sibling, Sarah (14F), was diagnosed with RP. She lives in the suburbs with my parents while I’m in the city. She’s busy with school/extracurriculars so we don’t get to talk that often but she would text that she was doing well when I asked. We have sister dates from time to time, so we went to a pizza/arcade place.
During dinner, I asked her how she was coping with the RP diagnosis and how she was feeling about her future vision loss. I let her know I’d always be there for emotional support, I’d give her some good tips on how to cope, and that there were so many resources to help her become independent in the future.
She was really quiet, got a box for our pizza, and then asked our Mom to pick us up.
When we got home, she was hysterical like I’d never experienced. She was so angry with me for saying that she was going to be blind like me!
She said that there are new treatments and she’s taking supplements and going vegan to stave off blindness and that I don’t support her if I think she’ll lose vision. I let her rant to me about this stuff because she’s 14 and in denial. I didn’t say this to her but there is currently no solid treatment for Retinitis Pigmentosa.
it progresses differently for everyone, but she will lose vision no matter what she does. I cried a lot and apologized before my ride came and I had to leave.
Well, my parents and family called me non-stop that night calling me a jerk because I told my sister that she is going to go blind!
She even got a bunch of her school friends to harass me on social media and via text. I feel really bad about it! Maybe it was too early for me to be talking about it with her. AITJ for telling Sarah she is going to be visually impaired?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The longer your parents let her believe the lie that there are treatments (as if you wouldn’t have tried them yourself in the last 5 years), the sooner she can move through the process of grieving and come to terms with her future—better to start learning what accessibility software, devices, etc. are available sooner than later and start becoming comfortable with them.
It sounds like your parents haven’t come to terms with both their kids losing vision and are perhaps feeding into these hopeful fantasies because they’re still in denial, too.
You are not a jerk, and you did not deserve harassment from your family or her friends.
Take care of yourself for now. Hopefully, in time, she’ll find acceptance and come to you for your experience and advice.” ChefofChicanery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her diagnosis is new, and she is young. Her reactions are probably more from fear than anything else. Your parents are not doing her any favors if they are not sitting down with her and maybe getting some therapy for her to help her cope with the changes she’s realistically facing.
It sounds like a difficult diagnosis for anyone to handle, and I commend you for your seeming ability to just face it head-on.
Your sister will need your comfort and support, as you will be the person who most understands what she is going through and can share your experiences with her to help her adjust. You have nothing to feel badly for.
What you said to her was out of love and concern and never meant to upset her. I don’t really think what you said is what upset her. I think she is just scared, angry, and feeling the whole gamut of emotions. I would probably feel overwhelmed, too.
She is lucky to have you as her big sister.” Effective-Gur-242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your parents ABSOLUTELY are. Refusing to acknowledge the reality of the situation is going to do nothing but hurt your sister in the end. If she’s hanging her hat on veganism saving her, she’s going to be DEVASTATED when her vision continues to deteriorate and might resort to dangerous ‘treatments.’ (I’m not saying veganism is bad or dangerous, but it’s not a treatment for visual impairment, and reliance on holistic treatments can get sketchy FAST) You had a duty to her as her sister, to be honest with her, and it is much kinder in the long term than what your parents are doing.
When they calm down, I would suggest recommending she go to therapy because it IS extremely traumatic.
Also, not specifically related to your question, but seriously, what are your parents doing that your little sister thinks dogpiling people on social media is acceptable? That is a ‘lose social media privileges and call the parents of the other kids doing it’ offense.
But in the short term, tell your sister (or your parents if she’s not talking to you) about why it’s very much not acceptable behavior and report the kids for harassment (because if they’re doing it to you, they’re doing it to others, and people who are probably actually in their age group.)” CeramicCephalopod
16. AITJ For Canceling The Family Vacation?
“Me (f33) and my husband Chris (m36) planned a one-week vacation to an out-of-state ski resort with our 2 kids. His cousin Martin (m38) lost his wife to cancer 6 months ago. She left behind 2 kids nearly the same age as my kids (6 &9). My husband is devastated by his best friend’s loss, (they’re so close that he sees him as a friend), understandably so.
He tries to help Martin and the kids. But in my opinion? He’s been doing a little too much for them lately.
He suggested we take Martin’s kids with us to the resort to get their minds off the grief a bit. I apologized and said it won’t work since we barely have a budget to cover our kids.
He insisted and then tried offering compromises but I still said it wouldn’t work. He was obviously mad but dropped it eventually.
2 days before the trip, I discovered that my husband had booked two tickets for Martin’s kids instead of our own kids. I was the one paying but he insisted on handling the booking and making reservations.
I was stunned… I called him out on it and he apologetically talked about how Martin needs some alone time away from the kids, how the kids need a breather, and how they need this vacation more than our kids do. I flipped out at him asking if he was seriously ok with prioritizing others’ kids over his own.
He said it wasn’t about priorities but doing what’s needed to help those kids out. I asked how his own kids will react once they find out but he said ‘I’m sure they’d understand’. I said no and decided to cancel the vacation altogether. He freaked out on me saying I can’t do that and making him look small in front of his cousin and family since they praised him for this ‘nice gesture’.
I refused to negotiate it but he called me horribly selfish and cruel towards grieving kids and said that he’ll make sure our own kids know how I’m behaving towards the other kids by robbing them of the fun they so much need and deserve.
We haven’t been talking and he’s so mad and keeps throwing a fit after a fit about it. Claiming I ruined it for everybody when I canceled.
I feel bad for the kids, I do but I don’t think what he did was right. AITJ for canceling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What?!? How does your husband rationalize that two children (roughly the ages of 6-9) would understand being left behind yet their cousins (who again; are also children between 6-9) wouldn’t understand that their aunt and uncle can’t afford to take them on vacation?
Like what? He expects one set of kids to be understanding of something like this but not the other set? Even worse is that he’s expecting the understanding to come from HIS own children?!? He clearly has a horrible case of hero syndrome and needs a reality check; desperately.
If he’s in such need to help Martin and his children then your husband can come up with the money for their tickets on his own or stay behind at home with Martin’s children while you take your children on vacation.
Would it suck to be without your husband?
Sure but at this point maybe not; seems like you’re the one who deserves a break/vacation. Not to mention that he has threatened to basically talk trash about you in front of/to your children. ‘He said that he’ll make sure our own kids know how I’m behaving towards the other kids by robbing them of the fun they so much need and deserve.’ Yet, will they know that their father was planning to give their tickets away with no real explanation and a ‘s*****t up buttercup’ attitude?
He’s gaslighting you and attempted manipulating a situation to his benefit. When that didn’t work he resorted to acting like a child throwing a tantrum and started threatening to tell your children the narrative he wants; effectively attempting to turn your children against you. This is the man you married. Think about that for a moment.
That he is willing to talk trash about you to your children in an attempt to make you look bad. All out of some petty wanna-be hero complex he’s got going on. Are you okay with that? If not; maybe it’s time to really truly reevaluate your entire relationship.
Frankly, I’d leave him but that’s just me.
Also just a side note here: why were you the ONLY one paying for this vacation that you were supposed to be taking WITH your husband in the first place? Like why was he not contributing ANYTHING besides his presence?
And when did he have the time to already brag to his family about the ‘nice gesture?’ Some things are not adding up here dear. Good luck.” Relevant_Birthday_89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. Does he hate your kids or something? Next time book you and your kids and leave your husband in Martin’s home so he can help him.
Your husband is a manipulative jerk. He didn’t want to help his cousin’s kids, he wanted to get PRAISED for ‘helping’ them with YOUR money, at the expense of YOUR kids and I bet he wouldn’t care for them there, so the responsibility of caring for the kids during vacation would all be YOURS too.
And while he is ‘so sweet’ in ‘helping’ his cousin he is an ABUSIVE jerk to you. Why? Because he wants PRAISE and not help.
He is trying to manipulate your kids WITH HIS LIES into hating you, seems like TRIANGULATION (when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings a third person into their relationship in order to remain in control) to me, I’m not sure, but I’m sure it’s emotional mistreatment against you and against your kids.
He is stonewalling you into submission.
Is he always this abusive, or are you in denial?” AwareHabit6916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He intentionally offered to take some responsibility for the trip knowing he was planning to lie to you and change the reservations. This was premeditated deception.
He also did this knowing you were paying for it all. So he was stealing from you to gift to these kids knowing you had said no. He was out nothing from this move.
Other members of the family knew enough to praise him but hadn’t said a thing to you, likely showing they were in on it being kept secret from you.
Assuming you were also going to be going with the kids and had paid for it, they would praise you too otherwise, no?
He was fine with his children finding out they weren’t getting a full week of vacation – when exactly? You found out two days before the trip.
I bet you were already packing some by that point. The kids were certainly getting excited. When was he going to make this known? When everyone was packed and ready to leave? Drop it on the kids the night before and gaslight them by claiming their disappointment is wrong when their cousins need a fun time more?
He also canceled your actual vacation by basically signing you up for a week of babysitting someone else’s kids. And expected you to be fine and in good spirits around them whenever you found out.
And what exactly was the plan for your kids? Were they going to spend a week with family and away from their parents instead of having a week for fun with their parents?
This man was a deceptive, disrespectful, selfish gaslighter in this move. And his family members are also on the hook for dishonesty. There is zero indication he regrets it or sees any problem with his actions, so he will definitely do something like this again.
Don’t be shocked if he decides his cousin’s kids need those college funds more, etc.” IndependentBoot5479
15. AITJ For Interrupting My Roommate's Art Club?
“I (f21) live with three roommates in a shared apartment. We all have our own bedrooms but share a kitchen/dining room area and two communal bathrooms.
One of my roommates Bianca (f23) has started hosting this art club in our apartment. I don’t fully know what they get up to but they gather in our dining room every other day at 7 pm and talk and watch TV until 10 pm then they all go home.
Whenever I walk into the kitchen, Bianca and her friends stare at me awkwardly and make it obvious they’re waiting for me to leave.
Bianca asked me via text to not ‘interrupt’ her club. I told her that’s unreasonable and that I pay to live here too, and I want to go into the kitchen and make my dinner.
She said I’m too loud when cooking and that the noises of the sizzling, stirring, etc are distracting. She asked if I could cook my dinner before the club starts.
I told Bianca that’s tough and that she doesn’t get to order me around. She said I should be willing to compromise and that I’m being unfair, and whined about how important the club is to her.
I told her to shut up and that I’m not interested in discussing it again because I’m not changing what time I eat my dinner for such a silly reason.
Bianca is now really angry at me and said I was bullying her and being a crappy roommate for not compromising.
I think she’s acting weird and controlling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And not only are you NTJ, but Bianca is MASSIVELY overstepping reasonable use of a shared common area without having cleared it with you and the other roommate.
Taking over the common lounge area with guests EVERY SECOND NIGHT (so fully 50% of all evenings) without even asking if it’s okay with the other people whose home it is would be shockingly entitled to begin with, and super inappropriate.
But doing so and then BANNING you from using your own kitchen as well? Like, expecting you to steer clear of everything but your bedroom fully half of all evenings in the apartment you’re paying as much rent as she is to live in?
Yeah, no. I mean, not only is it obnoxious, but she literally doesn’t have the right to do that.
Not ethically, but also not legally, LOL. She’s not the homeowner. She has no more right to those spaces than you do, and she’s being grossly inappropriate in even making the request. It MIGHT be okay to make a request like that for once a week, provided she spoke to you and the other roommate about it first and made sure you were okay with it, and even then asking you to stay out of the kitchen would be ridiculous.
You are definitely NTJ, but Bianca needs someone to put a pin in her sense of entitlement and deflate it a little.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She seriously cannot expect you to hide in your room for several hours in the evening every other day, because she feels she is the only one allowed to use the common area during that time.
She needs to either cut back on the number of days, switch with others on where they locate, so it isn’t always that apartment, start paying a lot more towards the rent, since she is commandeering so much space, so often, find a different place to live or rent on her own (so there are no roommate interruptions), or learn to******* up.
You are not being unfair. She is the one being unfair by thinking her wants to trump your wants and needs (since you do need to eat). You are also not bullying her. She is trying to deflect this back on you.
But out of curiosity, what is your other roommate’s stance on this?
Maybe you both need to put your collective foot down on Bianca’s behavior together.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A petty but effective approach: figure out what it’s worth to you to leave the apartment while they’re there. Include the cost of the Uber to a restaurant, your dinner there (don’t forget the tip!), Uber to a coffee shop, and drink there to ‘rent’ a seat for an hour or two while you study.
And you should be paid for your lost time Because you’re only getting ~1 hour of study time instead of ~2.5 like you’d have by being at your own apartment.
Then when everyone starts arriving for the art club go out and calmly ask for your $50 (or whatever figure you came to.).
When they’re confused about what you’re talking about explaining that Bianca said she didn’t want you living in your own home and cooking your own dinner there 3 nights a week so they could have an art club in peace. It costs $50/night for you to Uber to a restaurant and gets dinner instead of being in your own home, so obviously, they’re going to pay you if they want to kick you out of your own space.
If you do this before they all get settled in some of them may realize how ridiculously awkward it is and how stupid they’re being and just leave. Congratulation – you’ve gotten rid of the club! Or at least forced it to relocate.
If they stay, your best move is to stay with them and ask what art project you’re working on that night.
Just make it clear that it will be impossible for them to have their private little clique in your space.
If you aren’t up for that, it’s time to bring your Bluetooth speaker into the kitchen while you cook. Blast some music – preferably something obnoxious – while you cook.
And while you sit in the kitchen or living room and eat. And while you wash your dishes. Loudly.
You probably won’t have to put up with them again.” pupperoni42
14. AITJ For Not Caring If My Stepmom Doesn't Come To My Graduation?
“So my parents broke up before I was born. They weren’t married or anything like that either. I’m not sure of all the details but what I do know is my dad settled down with my stepmom when I was 3 and my mom was not my stepmom’s biggest fan.
I know she made life difficult for them. I know she was jealous about my stepmom being introduced into my life while I was so young, but mom had primary custody of me back then (and had until I was 7 when I wanted more time with my dad, which she agreed to).
I only know of the bad b***d because of my stepmom. She would talk a lot about how possessive my mom was of me, how jealous she was, and how she had treated them badly. I was even shown some of the stuff my mom had written to her.
It annoyed me to be told because I had no idea my mom felt this way. She was willing to let me spend more time at my dad’s which meant less time with her, she would let me call my dad or other paternal family members while I was with her.
I can’t say she didn’t treat my stepmom badly. There is proof of that. But honestly? That doesn’t change how I feel about my mom. I did choose to live with her full-time again when I was 9 because I hated being around my stepmom’s constant need to bring up stuff to me.
She’d try to use me as a go-between and dad wasn’t great about stopping her.
I’m a senior in high school right now and my dad and stepmom keep talking about how I’ll be graduating in May of next year and how excited they are.
I’m actually going to be graduating older than I should have because I got really sick in 2018/2019 and had to repeat it. It was tough. Which makes their talk even worse. My stepmom has told me how she doesn’t feel comfortable with my mom being there after everything and that she thinks I should be at a point where I help to protect them from someone who has caused so much heartache.
I told her my mom would be there because I love my mom and want her to watch me graduate. Stepmom told me I needed to look at the bigger picture. I told her I didn’t care what my mom had done to her. That she was still my mom and I still loved her.
She told me I would make the day very difficult for her and that as my parent she would hope I would want to make it easy for her. I told her she didn’t have to come if she expected to be treated as the most important person there.
She wasn’t able to talk and I continued by telling her that I would never pick her over my mom and that she needed to learn to accept that.
She told me to get out of her face. My dad was pretty annoyed about the whole thing too.
AITJ?
Also, because I know it will be brought up, I talked to a couple of other people who confirmed that my mom has always hated my stepmom and did make life difficult for them. These are people my mom is close to. I have also talked to my mom but she’s very reserved about it all.
But it is true that she did not like her and wanted to make a life for them difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Any parent or parental figure who trash talks another to the child is a jerk. Always. No exceptions.
Your stepmother has always massively overstepped her place by insulting your mother to such an extent that you refused to live in her home.
Meanwhile, your mother has never spoken of her dislike of you. You’ve had to hear about it from other people. That is good parenting.
Focus on the people who want to benefit YOU, not expect you to benefit them. You are the child in this situation.
It is NEVER your job to make life easier for your parents and their partners. Graduation is a big deal and if people aren’t going to celebrate you, they don’t get to be a part of your day.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just a thought.
Your mom may have ‘made life difficult’ for your dad and stepmom because they are bitter, vindictive, and insensitive people and were very much like that back then too.
You’ve been shown ‘proof’. But have you been told about everything that your stepmom did to provoke the situation?
Look at how your mom has behaved since. She hasn’t bad-mouthed them to you. She agreed you’d spend more time with them when you wanted to. Even now, she won’t trash them when they’re both clearly jerks.
You’re not getting the full picture here and my gut tells me that your mom was provoked many times verbally and with stepmom overstepping, and then when she finally reacted, it was kept as ‘proof’.
In all cases, your stepmom doesn’t have your well-being at heart, she just wants to be the victim and make you go NC with your mom over some twisted ‘loyalty’.” MamanBear79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only reason you know about the conflict between mom/stepmom is because your stepmom has made sure to let you know.
SHE is the one dragging you into all this.
If you love your mom and your mom has been good to you, then you don’t need to push her aside to make your stepmother happy. As you said, you can invite whoever you want and let them sort themselves out – anyone who is uncomfortable shouldn’t come, and anyone who starts drama will be asked to leave – because this is your day.
Just because your mother behaved poorly with your stepmother doesn’t mean your stepmom suddenly gets priority in your life. To be honest, I imagine your stepmom played a nice role in all the drama if she is saving text messages and sharing all this with a child; she clearly lacks impulse control.
Stick to what you want and tell your dad – you and stepmom are invited, but so is mom, and if that makes you uncomfortable don’t come. I want you all there, I want no drama, and how much you all like/dislike each other is between you, and you should all be able to act like adults for one day and just avoid each other.” mfruitfly
13. AITJ For Giving Out Clothes That Don't Fit?
“I invited 6 of my friends for a party and mid-party we decided to spontaneously have a water fight in my backyard.
Obviously, after the water fight, we were all soaked and I told my friends they could just change into all of my clothes for the night.
Unfortunately, one of my friends couldn’t fit into any of my clothes and she became very upset that I suggested a solution that excluded her.
She said that she obviously wouldn’t fit in my clothes so it was insulting/insensitive for me to tell her to do that.
Since the water fight was spontaneous I didn’t consider this scenario to ever happen or how to deal with a situation like this.
I suggested she could just borrow a shirt from my brother but she said it was embarrassing and that I was super inconsiderate to make this scenario even happen.
I can understand how it could have made her upset, but I don’t think she should have expected me to have plus-size attire for her to wear on standby at my house.
She’s not speaking to me and actually walked home wet because she didn’t want to stay anymore… She told me to think about how my actions make other people feel and IDK if I need to apologize to her.
I’m 50/50: I didn’t intentionally do that and she shouldn’t expect so much from me, but also I did suggest something that excluded her and put focus on something she may have been insecure about (weight/body)…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a shame that it ended like this because it doesn’t sound like anyone was too mean to be a jerk here. Your friend should not be trying to make you feel bad though, I don’t think that’s fair.
People can’t help when they get embarrassed and sometimes when people get embarrassed they act in ways that are not logical. I feel sorry for your friend but I also don’t think there was much more you could have done.
I hope that these conversations happened in private, rather than in the main group because suggesting wearing your brother’s clothes Etc. Could have just been more embarrassing for her.” Cheap_Doughnut7887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As the plus-size friend, I wasn’t/wouldn’t be upset.
I’d laugh it off and ask for a couple of towels. Maybe take a shower so I could have time to throw my wet clothes in the dryer. No one’s really a jerk as it’s hard to control your reactions, especially if the size is a personal insecurity (I’ve been there) and on your side, it’s normal to become more defensive when you’re being made to be the jerk and have unreasonable expectations placed in you.
With that being said, maybe just send a genuine text letting her know that it wasn’t your intention to embarrass her or hurt her feelings. It’s up to you whether it should be an apology but personally, I always take the apology route when I’ve unintentionally made someone feel bad.
It makes the other person feel more comfortable in an uncomfy situation like this and lets them know that their feelings are understood. If you choose not to, that’s alright but there’s just no need for any conflict or a weakened friendship over it.” Equivalent-Phase-436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is very sensitive about her weight, not your fault. You offered the group clothes instead of sitting around wet or having to go home. Makes sense. You in no way singled her out and when she did not fit your clothes you offered her your brother’s shirt.
Unless the only shirts he has have his name on them, no one at the party would have known it was not an oversized shirt that was yours. You did nothing wrong. And I am considered obese. I would have just been like ‘Nah thanks, no way my big butt will fit in your clothes’ and laughed it off.
Hopefully, she gets some self-esteem and self-love soon, no one else can do it for her.” Corduroycat1
12. AITJ For Letting My Neighbor's Kid Destroy Our Hedge?
“So in my neighborhood, the houses are built sort of like a sandwich. So there is my house, my driveway, a shared hedge/fence, my neighbor’s driveway, and then his house.
I hope that is clear.
My neighbor has two kids each of whom have their own car. So they have four cars and my family has two. There is no street parking. Our driveways lead to detached garages.
His kid has the bad habit of parking in my driveway when I’m not home.
He can park between our houses and just walk to his side entrance.
I am sort of done asking him not to do this but I’m not calling bylaw enforcement or towing him. I didn’t want grief in the neighborhood.
Yesterday he did it again.
So I parked behind him and went for a bike ride. We are enjoying a beautiful summer day. When I got back I noticed that the hedge was torn up. It was kind of hard to miss.
I guess what happened is after he got home everyone else left.
I have no idea why he didn’t call a cab or an Uber. What he did instead is drive over the hedge between our driveways.
These aren’t little raspberry brambles. These are thirty-year-old hedges.
Anyway, his dad is sitting there looking at the hedge. He asks me if I know what happened. I said come over for a beer and we can check my surveillance.
So now the kid is choked because he has to pay to replace the hedge and his car is all scratched up. I guess he had been warned he would be fired if he was late for work again.
So the kid thinks I’m the jerk for blocking him in on purpose, which I guess I sort of did.
But the consequences were completely unintended. I was planning on moving the car to let them out when I got home.
He could have called an Uber. He could even have called in sick.”
Another User Comments:
“It was his fault since he felt the need to use your driveway as his personal parking space.
Therefore, he is right to have to pay for it. You followed the rules, he didn’t. If he wants to blame someone, blame himself because he should’ve been parking in his own driveway, or make arrangements with you to make sure it’s okay to park in your driveway.
NTJ.” MiggyTennis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You asked him to stop parking in your driveway, and he didn’t listen. Basically, he’s trespassing when he does this.
You had plans. You parked and did your plan. You parked in your driveway. Not your fault he parked there and didn’t ask, and you had nowhere else to park your car except in your driveway that you paid for.
What else could you have done? Tried to push his car out of your way? Parked in the next neighbor’s driveway because this kid took yours? It was your parking space, and you parked there.
Not your fault that you didn’t assume he would need to leave, and went about the plans that took you elsewhere.
You weren’t responsible to guess when he needed to leave. HE was the one doing wrong to you here.
His mistake, not yours. He made a bad decision, then made another bad decision to fix it for himself, and that one has consequences, which he must now pay.
His bad decision, not yours. If he continues to blame you instead of himself, he needs therapy to learn how to take responsibility for his own behaviors. This is not your fault. Not in any way.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you have asked them NOT to park in your driveway on more than one occasion, and they still do.
NTJ. The only way you could possibly be the jerk is if you had never asked them not to park there, their car was running, someone was inside the vehicle and said to you, we’ll just be a moment, and you parked there anyway and left. And even then, it’s your driveway so you can do what you want.
If you don’t want to get blocked into a parking space that doesn’t belong to you, don’t park there. It’s not hard.” Agent-Ally
11. AITJ For Not Helping In Babysitting My Sister-In-Law's Baby?
“So my sister-in-law that I am not close with just had a baby.
From the moment I met her brother she said I was taking him away from her and has just always been snub with me. For years I tried to build a relationship with her but in the last couple of years, I’ve decided it’s healthier for me not to even try.
He has expressed in the past that she never liked anyone he was in a relationship with.
Now that the baby is here my husband expects me to help him babysit every weekend he’s off work at our house while she goes to work.
Since I don’t want to help him and I don’t want to engage with the baby, he’s holding our 12+ year relationship over my head saying this isn’t going to work for him. I would never mistreat the baby but I’m just not interested in going out on the town with the baby.
My husband works out of state and now every weekend he comes home he has the baby all day Saturday from 6 am to around 7:30 pm.
At this point, I feel like I’m taking a backseat to the baby because his sister doesn’t have other options for child care and they don’t believe in hiring a babysitter because they said they don’t trust a stranger to watch her.
So when my husband is home on the weekends, if I want to spend quality time with him, it’s with his sister’s baby too. Mind you, his sister has never wanted anything to do with me but now that she has the baby she wants me to be available when she needs childcare.
She has asked me to watch her during the week while she’s at work, but since I said no, she and my husband (her brother) have been upset with me.
I was hoping to get some insight on how others would feel in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Where’s the baby daddy? Why isn’t he looking after his own child unless your husband is the baby daddy? He’s also staying the night now? Next, he’ll be staying every weekend with her and you’ll never see him. He’s acting like the father.
It sounds like it is time to have a serious conversation with him about everything. Also insist on marriage counseling as this situation just isn’t working. If he refuses, start checking out lawyers and pick the best one you can afford.
If you divorce him, (which I hope you do as you deserve a thousand times better than him), during the divorce process ask your lawyer to make a condition that your H gets a paternity test with that baby.
If he and his sister refuse, request that your lawyer petition the court for one. Be prepared that they will deny, deny, deny that anything is going on and deflect, blame-shift, get over the top angry, slander you, the whole works. It will get ugly.
Once it’s court-ordered, the truth may come out. Or not. Something is just way off with him and his sister.” Thisisnotalibrary97
Another User Comments:
“Y’all are BOTH reevaluating your relationship because there’s a new element at play. Stress aside, remember that it’s not at all unusual for relationships to change when a baby comes along.
In this case, the baby isn’t yours, but she’s still a game changer for your relationship.
Your husband wants to be a father figure to this kid because her actual father sounds like trash. Fair, reasonable. He wants his partner to join him in that.
That’s a fair want. He can’t demand it, but he can want it. And it sounds like, for him, that want is a deal breaker. He would rather have either no partner or a different partner instead of you if you don’t fulfill that role for him.
You don’t want to take care of this baby or share your weekend time with him with her. And honestly, that also sounds like a deal breaker for you. You aren’t happy to go on like this forever.
A baby showed up and maybe your ideas about how to handle that baby, maybe what you each want, aren’t compatible.
And that’s ok. It’s normal. It sucks, but it’s normal.
Something’s gotta give, or the relationship has no future – and it’s nobody’s fault.
No jerks here.” Think-Ad-8580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s kinda a red flag that he is holding your relationship over your head to get you to agree to watch the baby.
And their relationship does seem a little weird, that maybe the sister is jealous of you being with your husband that’s why you don’t get along. But I would just make it clear that if she wants all this help, that if and when you have a baby you are going to expect her to come over to watch your baby a childcare since you and your husband did it for her.
But I think you need to talk to your husband and set boundaries with the whole situation, and maybe consider couples counseling.” Hopeless-night
10. AITJ For Going Missing?
“I (F27) have been married to my wonderful husband (M30) for five years but we have been together for seven years in total. In all that time, my parents (F58 and M60) have never really taken a shining on him, but everyone has always been amicable.
That is, everyone except my sister (F22) who seems to think that the world revolves around her. She is the light of my parents’ lives and can do absolutely no wrong in their eyes. Simply put, my husband and I generally keep our distance from her.
Last weekend was my dad’s 60th birthday, and everyone was invited. My husband and I went knowing that my sister would be there, but we didn’t think too much of it. We expected a pleasant evening celebrating my dad.
It is important to note before we go further that my husband follows certain dietary restrictions as part of his religion, which I am keeping vague, but everyone in the family knows and has been accommodating thus far.
Unfortunately, after everyone had eaten dinner, my sister announced that she had specifically asked the caterers to add in some of the restricted food items so that she could test ‘if (my husband) would even know the difference.’ To say the least, I. WAS.
FURIOUS.
(Just for clarification purposes: The restricted ingredients were added into sauces and there were no noticeable pieces.)
My husband and I were both absolutely appalled and just walked out while my sister yelled that she ‘didn’t get the big deal’ and that we need to take the sticks out of our butts.
My parents had absolutely nothing to say and just watched. They later texted me that I should consider the fact that my sister is young and didn’t know better. I did not respond.
I guess that leads me to the title, I have absolutely gone no-contact with everyone since the party and have not responded to a single message or phone call.
Nor has my husband. When my parents showed up at the house, we did not open the door. When they showed up at my work, I did not go to the reception. I have not laid eyes on them at all.
Today, some cops knocked on the door saying that they had received a missing persons report and were looking for me.
Fortunately, that was all solved quite quickly in that I never actually went missing, but now my friends are saying that I wasted police resources when I could have just texted my parents back saying that I didn’t want to hear from them. I just feel like a grown woman should not have to justify where she is to her parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I highly doubt your parents weren’t in on it. That is revolting behavior and would be unacceptable from a teenager, let alone a grown adult. Your parents knew you weren’t really missing, they filed the police report in an attempt to guilt/force you into contacting them.
Your parents could have called your friends or your work if they thought you were actually missing. Do NOT give in to their blatant manipulation and contact them, even to tell them off. They don’t deserve it.
I’m very sorry your husband had to deal with that, but this is a ‘true colors’ moment.
Your family has shown you the kind of people they really are, and that they’re proud to be that way. They aren’t going to change unless they want to, and for something like this? It’s going to take a while, if it ever happens. They clearly don’t want your husband in their lives, and since you’ve entered a partnership with him, I’m sorry to say it also shows how much they want you around.
Because either they think you don’t love your husband enough to stand up for him, or… I have no idea. On one hand, asking your sister what on earth prompted her might help you understand how this could have happened. But on the other… no contact, at least for a While if not indefinitely, might be the best bet.” CeramicCephalopod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents think your 22-year-old sister is too young to know better? It sounds like the crux of the issue is that your sister & parents are bigots. The whole added the ingredients to see if your husband would notice was utter nonsense.
This isn’t a case of your husband saying he hates the taste of the ingredient, this is a case of your husband following dietary restrictions for religious reasons. Your sister is old enough to know that when people have dietary restrictions for religious/ethical reasons it’s not about tasting it.
It’s a good thing he isn’t allergic as well but from the reaction of your family about what she did, I’d be willing to be they wouldn’t have cared (I also bet your parents knew what she did).
Also, what is wrong with your friends saying you wasted police resources?
Neither you nor your husband has any obligation to answer calls/messages from or open the door to someone with whom you do not wish to interact. You are an adult, you have your own home, and your parents are not paying your bills or otherwise supporting you so there is no reason for them to know where you are at all times or for you to have to interact with them.
Your friends should be outraged on your behalf that your family showed up at your place of employment in what can only be perceived as some sort of ridiculous ‘I will not be ignored’ power play.
Let your family know that if they continue to press the issue, especially if they show up at your or your husband’s workplace and/or have the police show up after they try to file a missing person report again, that you will look into obtaining a restraining order.” pottymouthpup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You never mess with someone’s food, ever. Your sister had something added to the food that your husband had either not eaten in years, or had never eaten at all. He could have been made sick by this, not to mention the risk of him being allergic.
22 is old enough to know exactly what you’re doing. Your sister has been a legal adult for 4 years. That said, even a child can understand that it’s wrong to sneak something into someone’s food.
Your parents need a wake-up call since they are plenty old enough to know better and should have supported you in this.
I’d be interested to know how sister was able to make the caterers add to the food. Who hired them? If your parents did they should not be taking instructions from your sister. Even if she was the main contact, asking them to add several specific ingredients in a way that couldn’t be seen should have struck the caterers as odd.
You didn’t waste anything, your parents did. It sounds like they only reported you missing, conveniently forgetting to also report your husband as missing. I doubt they told the police that you had an argument.” Entorien_Scriber
9. AITJ For Not Naming My Son From My Husband's Family?
“I and my husband are pregnant with twins (yay!).
In my husband’s family, all the first men in the family have the same name and surname.
Example: My husband’s grandfather was called John Will Smith, my father-in-law John W. Smith II, and my husband John W. Smith III and it’s something taken only for the firstborn’s families (so brothers and cousins don’t have that name).
This ‘I’, ‘II’, and ‘III’ is what would correspond in English, but in my language, it is much tackier.
My husband was almost convincing me if one of the twins was a boy to follow that line, but when we found out they are 2 boys…
We both agree that this tradition gets to be tacky, but it’s something familiar and yes, there’s pressure from his family, but let’s get to the points:
I want my last name in the name, so it was already a problem before we found out the gender of the babies, because they only have the great-grandfather’s last name.
I don’t want our other baby to feel bad about being born later and not being able to participate.
The bizarre resemblance to the monarchical system.
I gave examples of names, but the real ones are very long and the last name is very difficult to even write (29 letters total), so I think it’s difficult for a child to learn it.
My second child ‘couldn’t’ have the same name.
So I said I didn’t want to follow the tradition, because we won’t have any other children besides the twins and I think it’s ok to create new traditions or just let people go free. But I said that he could choose any other name, but this is something that despite that we’re both parents, we also have to protect our children and I don’t think it’s healthy to do that.
My husband is angry with me, saying that he is also a father and should be able to choose a name and that it was his desire/dream to follow tradition.
I won’t even comment on his family’s reaction, but my husband told them to stop pressuring me because of the pregnancy (high risk).
AITJ?
Extra: These options of the names, I already suggested, but he wants the tradition, John Will Smith, not Ryan Will Smith or John Caleb Smith (example). That’s our issue, he doesn’t want to compromise in this way. Yes, we talked before we had children, before marriage.
The biggest problem is being twin boys. If it was a girl and a boy, I probably would have agreed. There’s no way to predict that you’ll have twins (exactly the amount you want to stop) and that both will be boys. There are no cases of twins in the two families and no IVF.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The middle name compromise is extremely reasonable.
It’s not guaranteed that the younger brother will have a problem with it, but certainly, being twins and losing the entire ‘family’ name to your brother only a few minutes older has the potential for bad b***d.
I think your husband is only thinking about his own feelings here… And it’s fine to do that, it’s fine to think about your own feelings, but you don’t get to make unilateral decisions that affect 3 other people just because of your feelings.” Think-Ad-8580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my FIL and his dad have the same name Sr/Jr and my husband have a different name because of how confusing it was to have two people with the same name.
A few options, but naming a child is a Two Yeses, One No situation so your husband needs to be willing to compromise.
You can turn one of the names (first or middle) into a new family middle name. This is what my in-laws did – my husband, and now my son, have my FIL and GFIL’s first name as their middle name, and my kids will have the OPTION of that as a family name for their kids.
You can use the family name as your older twin’s legal name but have a totally different name as a nickname. That way legally the tradition is continued, but socially he has his own identity. The challenge with this is will your in-law’s family insist on calling him by the family name, and now he’s in a ‘club’ his twin brother isn’t in.
Can you give the first name to one son as the middle, and the middle name to the other son as the middle, and then you get to pick the first names uniquely? That way together the twins make up the full name and everyone gets to be in and not be in the club equally.
He doesn’t want to compromise in this way.
He needs to if he wants his sons to be named anything having to do with his family’s traditions. Does HE genuinely like the name, or does he ONLY want this because of tradition? If he genuinely likes the name then he should be open to compromise so he can use it.
If he only wants it because of tradition then he needs to understand that having twins means things have changed.” dreamgal042
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your son, you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into naming him something you don’t like but if you ultimately decide to go with his family’s naming conventions, you can always use your side of the family to come up with your other twin son’s name so they wouldn’t feel left out.
It might not have the same traditional weight but I’m sure your side of the family would love it and the chosen relative would feel honored (and you can use your last name as a middle name if you feel uncomfortable giving them different last names, my sister did that for our stepfather when her son was born.) Don’t see that suggestion as an encouragement to do it, though, they’re both your babies and you have every right to veto a name.
Every firstborn girl in my family gets the same name so I really feel you, when my sister was pregnant and didn’t know if she was having a boy or a girl, she wanted to end the tradition if she had a girl and got friction for it.
Don’t let them bully you into it and don’t be afraid to stand your ground after the birth. If they don’t like the baby’s name then they don’t need to suffer by calling him it, a firm rule of ‘no seeing the baby if you won’t be understanding’ will go a long way to temper expecting grandparents’ attitude.” certifiedtoothbench
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Ditch A Halloween Party For Me?
“My partner and I (27f) are living together and have been invited to a Halloween party. I am terribly sick and can’t go, we haven’t spent much quality time together and I asked him if he could stay in with me tonight and watch movies.
I have been having a horrible time lately with my mom relapsing and not only that but I’m having the flu that’s completely wrecking me and I have crying fits almost every couple of hours.
I am clearly not bothered, nor have I ever been with him going out without me (we both go on trips separately spending weeks without each other) but I asked him to stay in today because I could use some support in these awful times.
He got so upset and called me nagging and controlling, why should he be obliged to stay in because I am sick and unwell and that if he stays he is just going to resent it? He said that my mom’s relapsing isn’t my fault and that his staying in won’t fix anything.
I got pretty upset at his disproportionate annoyance with me making such a request. This is my second relationship in life and maybe I’m inexperienced but I am not asking out wanting control. I am feeling very sad. I got so upset and started crying to which he said are ‘crocodile tears’ and that I’m doing that to make him stay.
So AITJ for asking this of him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Leave this man. You are clearly not a priority for him, otherwise, you wouldn’t even have had to ask. And please for your sake, seek help. Sometimes when things out of your control go wrong, you need outside help to fix them.
And no, his staying wasn’t going to ‘fix anything’, but that was not the point. You needed to feel supported and loved and frankly, it’s sometimes just nice to know you’re more important to someone you care about than a Halloween party. I wish you the best. Please care of yourself.
He was right about one thing though. Your mom’s relapse is not your fault. However, expecting you to not take it hard is just unreasonable and childish. I suggest once you’re ready, find yourself an adult. Have a great rest of the night. I hope you’ll feel better soon.” Idiotwithaphone79
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He is a jerk for how he reacted, but we also don’t know how much care he has been giving you lately, maybe he has been with you a lot and trying to navigate you being sick, and having crying fits every couple of hours, I’m assuming that has been going on longer than just the night of this Halloween party?
You’re not a jerk at all either, partners should 100% support each other, but sometimes being the carer for someone going through a tough time can also be equally as draining, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, but they need breaks too, and maybe he just snapped because he really wanted to go to this party, and needed to relax for a bit?
It’s hard because we don’t really know what the exact situation is. If this has been ongoing for both of you or if this genuinely was a one-off time where you asked him to stay in and he just spoke to you like crap unfairly then he needs to check himself in the way he treats you and supports you.
But is he usually a jerk like this? Is this kind of behavior when you have been sick or struggling a little mentally out of character for him?” Plus_Pause4090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy crap. I mean, he wasn’t a jerk if he compromised with you if he really wanted to go but the way he reacted to you asking speaks volumes.
Like if he wanted to go AND cares about OP, he would have said like I’ll come back early or go in late just to say hi to friends. Or say he would make up for it the next day, like literally any kind of compromise or attempt to make her feel better.
Like he didn’t actually have to stay but could have reacted completely differently, apologetic she was unwell and could not come, understanding that she wants to spend time with her, especially with what she is going through, just like anything but getting upset at her for asking.
Maybe he really wanted to go to the party, but what else is it? Does he not like taking care of you when you are sick? Does he compromise other times or just this time? Does he get upset at you often? Does he provide support when you are down?
Does he try to set up quality time together on his own?
This incident doesn’t look good for him but without knowing more dynamics of the relationship it’s hard to paint a full picture. Could be a one-off thing or could be much deeper than that.
Only going deeper because you said you have less experience with going out with people and asking for advice. It’s not controlling to ASK for him to stay, controlling would be taking his car keys or telling his friends you aren’t coming.
You’re NTJ just for asking.
How he responded makes him the jerk.” OldKing7199
7. AITJ For Not Speaking To My Family After My Brother Asked For Help?
“I (23f) have an older brother (29m). Our parents obviously favor him (not an observation, simply a fact they have stated many times).
Due to our parents never being interested in my life, I grew up learning how to handle all my problems on my own.
I never show any negative emotions, never talk about any issues I might have, and never trust them enough to rely on them. My brother, on the other hand, never had to deal with a problem on his own, since mom & dad always rushed to help him.
This resulted in him being completely dependent on them even after he got married and moved out (in our culture, children usually live with their parents well into their 20-s).
He got married a year and a half ago and since then has only visited us a handful of times despite living 30 mins away.
Despite that, every week, he calls and asks for help. His most recent issues (in the span of a month): he didn’t have any vegetables left and needed me to bring him vegetables from our parents’ garden; he needed help at university and wanted me to do the work for him; he needed my partner to bring him documents from said university (my partner also studies there) because he didn’t know where to go to get them.
And the most recent issue: he called me while I was in the middle of a very important meeting because he was scared he was going to get fined for being late on turning in signed documents to a government institution and needed me to find out what he should do.
I don’t know, I have nothing to do with that.
When my parents came home, I told them this was getting absurd. He’s not a baby, and I’m not his personal manager. He should be able to handle his issues on his own, and I’m not going to fix everything for him.
My parents told me I was acting selfish and that I needed to help my brother. They also brought my partner into the conversation, saying that he was also selfish since he was going through the same things at university and should help my brother.
My partner does in fact help my brother every week, going as far as delivering him documents because my brother can’t be bothered to get them himself.
So now I don’t want to speak to any of my family members, because I think I deserve some space.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can do it without your parents causing big problems for you, cut all support for him and focus on your own studies. If you can move out, do. And your partner needs to stop doing your brother’s work for him.
If you need to push back more gently, then don’t do things as promptly, maybe every two weeks instead of every week. I’d want to go on strike – no support at all – but I can see how that would get hard for you.
And I think your partner needs to start finding his assignments getting tougher / more time-consuming etc- less time to help… He shouldn’t be doing any of that stuff. Ridiculous situation. I hope you can get out of it soon!” Maleficent-Fennel-13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s your family you should help your brother and you have. But he seems to have been coddled so much he doesn’t even try to do anything by himself. You making a boundary for your own mental health isn’t a bad thing.
As for you being selfish when is the last time he helped you?
Or that he took time out of his day to make your life easier. It seems your brother only asks for favors and never gives them so why isn’t he selfish?
I would be very clear with your parents about your needing space and why.
Your parents have said many times they favor him over you which led to them prioritizing him over you. Now you are prioritizing your own well-being over them so they shouldn’t be surprised.” sillykn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only do you deserve space, you need to reset this whole family dynamic.
Start calling your brother to help you with every little thing, loudly, and then complain to your parents that he won’t. Make your own calls about desperately needing vegetables.
Be bad at helping him. In fact, make a nuisance of yourself.
Your parents may demand that you help him, but they are not remotely being fair to you – and you don’t have to help him just because he’s your brother.
This type of gender preference might be common, but that doesn’t make it normal, good, or healthy.
You don’t have to participate.
And your partner absolutely doesn’t need to get roped into this. Your parents can choose to make your brother the center of their world, but that doesn’t mean he’s the actual center of the world.” Think-Ad-8580
6. AITJ For Refusing To Homeschool My Kids?
“I (32f) and my husband (32m) have been together since high school, my husband was homeschooled schooled his entire life and I went to public school. Now I and my husband knew that if we had kids that we would send them to public school because we don’t have the time to homeschool and don’t want to give up our careers to homeschool school the kids.
Now the problem comes in when my MIL (60f) found out at a family barbecue that me and my husband plan on sending our kid (5f) to the same school I went to growing up, which just so happens to be a public school. My MIL proceeded to blow up at me about how my kids need to be homeschooled and how I must be forcing my husband to send our kids to public school.
Once we finally got her to calm down, she started to insist on homeschooling the kid, even though we told her no that she would not be homeschooling our kid she tried to convince us to at least send the kid to private school, which we also will not be doing for the fact that we don’t have the money to throw at a private school.
My SIL is now saying that it’s not that big of a deal and that I should not have made a big deal at the family barbecue and that I should have accepted my MIL’s offer and let her homeschool, my kid. So AITJ for refusing to homeschool my kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A teacher here. When it comes to homeschooling, most parents aren’t able to provide the expertise and ability to replace all the teachers their child would have had at school, nor the interactions children need to develop their social skills. Homeschooling is really only the best option when school isn’t an option, say for reasons of bullying, medical or mental health conditions, short-term relocation, or a child excels in another area (child actor, sporting athlete).
It really isn’t something to be done ‘just because’, and the home-schooled kids I’ve taught that have returned to class always stand out because they struggle with the pace, and with making friends, as well as having gaps in their knowledge. Stick to your guns.
It isn’t your MIL’s decision to make.” Curious_Puffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – public school, being around their peers and learning other viewpoints, having friends and not being cloistered is incredibly important to a young child’s development. They need to be around other people and learn social skills – and if SHE’S the one homeschooling, she’ll have total control over what they learn, don’t learn, and you’ll have to trust that she will do a good job which it honestly sounds to me like she wouldn’t.
She’d end up using the kid as her free therapist and venting to them or badmouthing you behind your back and trying to put a rift between you. Absolutely do not put your child’s education in this woman’s hands.” Dark_Moonstruck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your child; your choice. Especially if your husband is in favor of the public school cause he’s ok with his kid not getting the same education he did, and that’s kinda telling right there. Your MIL should not be inserting yourself in this decision, tho.
Furthermore, depending on where you live, private schools aren’t always the better option. If your district has a good public school system, this does happen, especially as most private schools have looser standards for teachers than public. It kinda just becomes expensive bragging rights to say you didn’t send your kid to public school if you are in a decent district.
Charter schools can be a crapshoot as well.” whichwitch9
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister-In-Law To See My Baby?
“My SIL can be a nightmare. She’s exceptionally controlling & demanding. She takes control over plans & often demands we change our plans to suit her. She is also a liar who presents her side of the story in a way that omits key facts or downplays her own terrible behavior in a situation.
Last year she caused a massive family argument because she took her mum’s phone & read her private texts. She used the information she’d found out to make trashy social media posts & just cause drama. When confronted, she lied before later admitting it but saying she’d done nothing wrong because her mum had left her phone unlocked. No apology, and everyone just agreed to move on.
Her fiancé recently broke off their engagement – he’s sick of her behavior – so now things are even worse as she seems to think that the family should make even more allowances for her because her life is falling apart. Two months ago we invited the family over to our house.
We said we weren’t going to be eating (we were skint) but if people wanted to eat at our house, they were welcome to bring takeout to our house & eat at ours.
Sister said she wanted everyone to have a takeaway so told my partner to just order a takeaway & that we should all eat together.
He said no. She argued back and said she had been looking forward to having a takeaway at ours and she didn’t understand why he couldn’t just do this one thing to make her happy. He again said no, she was welcome to eat whatever she wanted at ours, as was everyone else, but we wouldn’t be eating.
This was apparently unacceptable to her so she called their Mum crying and said her brother had been horrible to her. Their Mum is a very naive lady who instantly believed her (despite the whole phone fiasco last year) and my partner then received a message from his Mum saying ‘we aren’t coming over now, I can’t understand why you can’t just be kind to your sister’ he said ‘how have I been unkind?!’ And Mum replied with ‘I’m sick of the arguing I’m done’ then she left the group chat, along with the sister.
My partner wants a quiet life & to just move on so invited his Mum round on Monday to see our baby (her granddaughter). She spent the time telling my partner that he needs to apologize to his sister because her life is hard. She then asked if she could take the baby to the shops & he agreed. Unbeknownst to us, she actually took our baby out to see his sister.
When she returned with the baby I asked where she took her. She said the shops. I had a sixth sense about it so I said, ‘did you take her to see his sister?’ She admitted she had. I was upset that she took my child out to spend time with the person who is so toxic & who NEVER apologies for her actions & that she did it behind our backs.
I think I deserve to know who my baby is spending time with. I’ve said I don’t want my baby to see the sister until she actually starts to take responsibility for all the drama & hurt she causes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, your MIL isn’t some naive lady. She is an enabler of her toxic daughter.
She came to your house telling your husband to apologize to his sister. When that didn’t work, She purposely lied to you about where she was taking the baby.
That isn’t naive, that is manipulative.
So now you need to put your MIL in a time-out and let her know that if she can’t respect your boundaries regarding his sister, then she no longer can see the baby and she is not allowed to take the baby anywhere unsupervised.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do know his moms is not naive right? She’s being willfully obtuse so she doesn’t have to bother herself by getting involved. It’s that lazy parenting that got everyone here in the first place.
Good parenting is finding out both sides of why the kids are fighting and getting to the bottom of it.
It’s not blowing them off and telling them to just be nice to the other and shutting down any discussion from the slighted party.
That’s how you create children like your SIL.
Even better, MIL just showed you she doesn’t care about your boundaries, even where your baby is concerned if it means pandering to your SIL.
So yea, I wouldn’t want either of them near my kid either.” alyssinelysium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d ban grandma from taking the baby ANYWHERE. She violated your trust and took your child somewhere she didn’t tell you and took her to someone you know is a horrible person who could do who knows what.
I could foresee her deciding to pierce your child’s ears or get her a haircut or anything else like that without your input, and then if called out on it, throwing a fit and claiming that she was doing you a favor. Don’t let the grandmother take your child ANYWHERE without you or your husband there too, no matter how much she whines and begs, and if she can’t follow your rules, go no contact.” Dark_Moonstruck
4. AITJ For Making Use Of The Benefits From My Job?
“So, I (23M) recently changed my job. I now work for a railway company and, among other things, one of the benefits that this gives to me is having free transportation on a lot of trains and having to pay a little fee for high-velocity ones (the fee for booking a seat, to be precise) and it’s always first class, too.
I live in Europe so public transportation arrives almost everywhere, and it’s quite comfortable.
I and some friends were talking about our next vacation. Apart from choosing a destination and a place to stay, we were obviously talking about how to get there. They wanted to take the bus because it’s cheaper since HV trains can get expensive.
I said that I and my partner (22F) will take the train (I would pay for her ticket since I don’t) since I have this advantage that my job gives me, it’s faster, and it’s more comfortable. I would split everything else (accommodation, events, and museums, which I would also pay less for because I’m a uni student, but I proposed to split the whole payment into the same amounts).
They didn’t like it, because they saw it as if I was bragging about my benefits. They say that if you travel with other people, you should stay together in everything. Either I go with them on the bus or I will spend the vacation by myself (they were trying to take my partner by their side, but she is currently supporting me, also because she prefers the train.
And it’s not only because she won’t pay it, but she also suggested we split the ticket in half). My partner is in between but she would ultimately choose to stay with me if they continue.
I don’t feel like I’m bragging or anything. I never said anything when on other occasions, people choose to come by car instead of using public transport (I don’t own a car).
So, AITJ for wanting to use my benefits, or should I step back and take the bus with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Take your partner and have a great vacation together. Your friends are being petty. Does it really matter about the travel to the destination?
In my opinion, it’s about the time spent together. You’re a working person trying to get from point A to B in the best way possible. You bust your butt at work? The benefit of said butt busting is riding on the train for free.
Your partner wants to go with you, you paid for her ticket. That’s doing it responsibly and saving a buck. Smart.
Or you can cave and ride the bus and curse yourself for not holding your current position. This could be a course-altering decision for some.
Be an individual concerned with what serves you best or cave to the pressure and be another shlub in the group. Lemming or free bird.” mi55mary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you sure have some jerk ‘friends’. You could bring up the car thing as part of your argument.
However, if your ‘friends’ are already treating you this poorly, I would not go on vacation with them. You really want to spend all that time and money with people that are constantly snarking at you or ignoring you? Been there; it’s not fun.
Take your partner on a trip for just the two of you and enjoy your time off.” Extinct-Pink
Another User Comments:
“While NTJ, you should be able to use what you’re able to use, especially if it helps out moneywise. However, I’m thinking your friends are looking at the travel part on the bus as a big part of the experience.
The time together on the bus would give a lot of togetherness and maybe that’s part of what they want to experience. You and your partner choosing the train, again very reasonable, may make them feel it will take away from the whole experience. Them getting upset and saying you’re bragging about your benefits may be just to cover their possible hurt feelings and make them feel like you don’t want to travel with them.
No matter what, you’re NTJ. You have a benefit that is great. But I’d ask to make sure feelings aren’t hurt due to traveling separately. Part of the fun of a trip is getting there. If they actually feel you’re just bragging, that’s definitely on them and they need to get over it.” Cheesychocolate6866
3. AITJ For Prohibiting My Daughter From Being Vegan?
“My wife and I have 8 kids between us (I know, it’s a lot. No need to comment on it). This post is mostly about our 13-year-old, Gina.
Gina came to me recently and said that she wants to be vegan. I told her I’ll pay for groceries but she’ll have to plan and cook her meals, she can’t live off of frozen food or takeout, and her mom and I will be making sure that her meals are healthy before taking her grocery shopping.
She was not thrilled. She asked if we could make small changes to our diet to accommodate her, like switching to vegan pasta and cooking the meatballs separately but we said no because we aren’t going to change our food/eating habits. After all, she wants to be vegan.
She said okay and went to her room. Then she started sending me and my wife links to expensive pots and pans sets (one set was $800), plates, cups, and bowls for $200, and her own utensils. I asked why she was sending it to me and she said she needs new pots, pans, plates, etc. because ours are ‘contaminated’.
I told her ours are perfectly fine and if she wants her own she can buy them with her allowance and start babysitting.
Later that day, I got a call from one of my sons saying that Gina was telling him and my other kids that they have to get all of their snacks out of the fridge in the game room (the game room has a kitchenette) because she needs it for her vegan food.
When I called and asked what she was doing she said her vegan food can’t be in the same fridge as our food and it’s not fair to make her go all the way to the garage when she’s hungry so she thought taking over the game room kitchenette would be a good compromise.
I told Gina I’m done with the vegan nonsense and that she can’t be vegan while living in my house. She threw a temper tantrum because she thinks I’m being cruel and she’s barely spoken to me since then so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.
Edit: About me not changing our meals to suit her, I don’t change any of our other meals when the other kids don’t like them. They’ve all known from a very young age that they either eat what we cook or they make something themselves.
My 19-year-old hates mushrooms. I don’t avoid mushrooms to accommodate her. I’ll cook with mushrooms whenever I want and if she doesn’t want to eat it she makes something for herself. This vegan thing won’t be any different.”
Another User Comments:
“Oof I was prepared to say NTJ until your temper tantrum.
And blowing up that she won’t be vegan in your house? That was YOUR temper tantrum.
She’s behaving VERY poorly about this but you can’t sink to her level.
I suspect she’s acting out for attention. With 8 kids, I imagine she feels quite forgotten and 13 is a tough age.
Taking a little more interest in this – cooking a meal with her once a week, maybe – might help. Or any other hobby she has (not hobbies you have that you expect the kids to take part in).
Try to make more one to one time with all the kids.
Prioritize either you and your wife getting one to one time with each of the kids at least once a month
And for god’s sake don’t take that as ‘I’ll tell my wife to do it’ – the idea is you each take 4 kids per month, that’s one a week, more doable.
One to two hours, once a week, doing something one to one with that specific child.
It can be tied into keeping the household running (ex. Making a special dessert or meal, going shopping, DIY stuff, yard work, car repair) but make sure the kid is getting your full, quality attention and it’s ultimately a positive experience.
YTJ because you’re the adult and your child is acting out as a result of your parenting.
(To be clear I don’t think veganism is innately attention-seeking. It’s more the progression that when op wouldn’t change meals for her she then starts demanding her own pots/pans then starts emptying out the communal fridge, etc)” littlebitfunny21
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Gina’s behavior is over the top, but she is 13. 13-year-olds behave like this. They tend to be extreme, needing to go absolutely all in rather than small incremental changes. She absolutely needs to find a way to compromise if she is going to be vegan in a house with non-vegans.
What I don’t understand is why you are insistent on doing no compromise on your side. Her request that meatballs be cooked separately is reasonable. What’s so hard about doing minor changes like that? This whole thing feels like you were purposefully trying to set her up to fail.
Your outburst pretty much confirms it.” anglerfishtacos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Gina is being unreasonable and you obviously can’t and shouldn’t just bend to her demands. But telling her she can’t be vegan in your house is a surefire way to make sure she feels like the things that matter to her aren’t important.
If she really cares about this, she will have to adapt and accept that she can’t control other people (and that your food being in the fridge with non-vegan food doesn’t contaminate it), and figure out how to make it work. A lesson that is valuable to learn and can extend to other areas of her life.
Your approach not only shuts down a very basic way to let a middle child in a large family have some basic individuality and agency but also puts you in a position for Gina to decide her parents don’t care about her beliefs and not give you a heads up the next time she wants to make a major life choice that actually matters.” queertheories
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your kid should be able to try going vegan, so banning it, even in frustration, does make you a bad person.
However, her demands were unreasonable and she didn’t negotiate or try to plan with you. I recommend signing your kid up for any basic food-handling classes you can.
She’ll learn that mean doesn’t contaminate things when stored properly, and you don’t really need separate cookware. If you can find a vegetarian one or a vegan one you know isn’t gonna be culty, that’s a plus. Alternatively, learn about ethical meat consumption like hunting and small butchers.
I understand that it’s frustrating, but your daughter is probably feeling big feelings about coming to terms with where her food comes from. She has a right to decide what she eats (within reason).” noniway
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend $1000 On A Vacation?
“Wifey (36F) and I (39M) went on several vacations to sunny destinations prior to the global crisis with our kids (6 months, 4, and 6 y/o last time).
Every time, we would join the inlaws and stay at an Airbnb location and cook our own food for 3-4 weeks long. Aside from the airplane ticket, our share of the food and drinks, and activities, we didn’t have to pay for anything else. Our cost would be maybe $4,000 for a month.
Of course, the global crisis happened, and prices are completely out of whack right now. My inlaws and both BIL from my wife’s side just came back from exotic vacations and it’s making my wife really want to go on a vacation too (I think she has an inferiority complex / competes with their lifestyles).
The inlaws aren’t going this year, so we don’t get any sort of free ride. We priced a 2-week vacation at an average all-inclusive resort and it would be over $10,000 (not including activities or extras).
We did a shorter vacation this summer in a large city and visited a few places.
The entire trip was tense (lots of driving with kids, a 2-year-old that wasn’t in a good mood). We rented a single room meaning that at 8:30 PM we would have to close the lights and basically not talk because the kids would be sleeping. My wife was stuck to her phone screen every night and basically ignored/avoided me (we have issues).
We came back home totally exhausted from the trip.
Now, because of the cost and how our last ‘vacation’ went, I don’t want to go this year. I don’t personally care what the BIL are spending their money on (also, they only have 1 grown kid each) and I am absolutely not looking forward to spending my time alone at the resort or camping in our room watching Netflix.
I’d rather spend the 10K on improvements in the home. For the same amount of $, we could change our dishwasher (10-year-old builder-grade piece of work), get a 4k projector, change our furniture in the living room and buy each of us a season pass at the local ski mountain.
On the other hand, we’re upper middle class so we could probably afford both at the cost of pushing back some life objectives of mine (like getting a cabin or a plot of land or starting a business).
My wife says it would be depriving our kids of a lifetime experience which I don’t really buy and we’ll probably go next year anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for having this discussion on Reddit instead of communicating with your wife.
You said you have issues. What are you doing to fix them?
You want to upgrade your home and your wife wants to provide experiences for your kids, and you’re saying you can afford both… at the cost of YOUR life objectives.
Does your wife want this cabin or plot of land or business you plan to start?
It sounds like you’re trying to save your money for your personal goals without taking into consideration your wife’s priorities. If you wanted a partnership, you wouldn’t be asking the internet for opinions… you’d be talking to your spouse.” J-Laur
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here yet. But I’m guessing you just don’t value vacations (yeah you went before but only where you didn’t have to pay for a lot of it) and she does (her family of origin apparently has that culture so makes sense) because there is probably a decent sized space between a minimal, one-room driving trip like what you took and a 10k international vacation.
In light of that, this all-or-nothing attitude is strange. You need to talk to your wife and come to an agreement on where money is going to go and what your goals are. So maybe not two weeks, but one week. Maybe it’s a less distant/exciting location and a nice hotel suite with two bedrooms and a pool to sit out by during the day.
There is an in-between and wanting to take a vacation that has some convenience/relaxation to it is not exactly ridiculous.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a family of five. Things cost what they cost and you were fine with vacations when your in-laws were subsidizing you.
But, the issue is not the 10k. It’s that you’re in a marriage but your mindset is ‘I don’t want to’ instead of ‘let’s discuss together how we should best prioritize the family’s financial goals.’ Do you feel unable to discuss your wants and needs with your wife, or are you just aggravated that you can’t make unilateral decisions?
It literally DOES NOT MATTER why your wife wants to go on vacation, it’s just that she does. Your attempts to delegitimize her desires in order to get your own way is just self-rationalization.
Have you sat down and reviewed the budgets/finances with her?
Have you guys tried to find a different type of vacation to go on or for a shorter amount of time? Have you explored a staycation in which you can get in a lot of quality family and couple time?
And for the love of God, why are acting like one bad vacation, in which one or both of you were clearly not great at planning, is anything other than a sign/learning moment for what not to do next time?
I get that it was your first vacation without built-in childcare, but seriously, how did you think quality couple time would work when there were three small children in the same room? And what else did you expect your wife to do, because you sound incredibly resentful that she didn’t just stare at the wall and watch the paint dry.” xkdchickadee
1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom After She Broke A Promise?
“My mom has this guy who she met a year ago. He used to come over every single day from 4-8 and stay over at our house every Saturday night. For almost 6 years, it’s been just me, my mom, and younger siblings at home, so her partner coming over 24/7 was weird.
Whenever he was over, my mom’s attention would always be on him and him only. I and my siblings became the second priority in her eyes when we should be first no matter what. It took a toll on me the most for this because I and my mom have a close relationship and her not paying attention to me really sucked. Because my mom only ever paid attention to her partner, I started feeling like my and my mom’s relationship didn’t matter in her eyes.
I told my therapist about this and how I wish her partner could stop being over all the time.
My therapist, after it got bad, invited my mom to a session (with my permission, of course) and helped me express how I felt about the whole situation with my mom’s partner.
My mom had admitted that she realized that this relationship was taking on a toll on my siblings and me and that she had noticed that she was getting her priorities mixed up. It clearly meant a lot to me that this changed because I cried during this and could barely speak words, so thankfully my therapist knew how I felt and could help.
Anyways, my mom told me the next day about a schedule her partner would have to follow. He’d get to come over every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, plus every other weekend. This lasted only a week or two before he moved to a city 2 hours away.
He had stayed over at my house the weekend during his move which meant the following weekend, he can’t stay over. However, when the next weekend came, he did stay over, despite what my mom had promised me. So when my mom came into my room to talk to me, I simply ignored her or gave very shallow responses.
I couldn’t bare talk to her. I felt and still do feel betrayed. I feel guilty and that I’m wrong in this situation but I also think that my mom doesn’t deserve much respect and happiness from me after breaking such a huge promise.
That promise meant a lot to me, and she knew that. I feel sick about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, apparently what you believe is your mom has no right to a romantic relationship. An evening of 4-8 pm every day and sleeping over Saturday is not 24/7.
Unless you were being neglected to the point of not being fed, never being spoken to, no care given whatsoever 24/7/365 (none of which you have indicated), it’s difficult to see what this ‘toll’ was on you and your sibling’s other than having to learn to share your mom’s attention after having it all to yourselves for the six years prior.
Now he’s moved two hours away and can only visit at weekends, you’re still throwing a tantrum that it can ONLY be every other weekend. Yes, you should come first, but that doesn’t mean mom must sacrifice every aspect of her needs in servitude to your wants.” ItisntRocketSurgery
Another User Comments:
“Yes, NTJ but take control of your life and tell her that you’re hurt and disappointed by her dismissing what was really meaningful to you (the promise during therapy) and that she made a commitment and you feel like she should hold herself to it.
Getting it off your chest (not an attack but just an expression) will make you feel better and also doesn’t give her a pass for what she’s done. Being silent might create tension but saying it out loud and asking why and expressing how her dropping her promise so quickly and seemingly easily actually makes her accountable and it’s her issue to resolve, not yours.
You want your mom. You expressed that, and she responded well, and now it seems like it was nonsense. Ask why. Maybe you’ll get a legitimate answer you hadn’t considered or maybe she’ll flake. But it’s a HER-problem, not a you problem, and that should be out in the open.
You deserve better. Good luck.” dresses_212_10028
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You and your mom had an agreement that if everything had stayed the same she absolutely should have stayed true to it. However, circumstances changed and you’re not exactly being understanding of how this changes things.
Her partner can’t be there during the week so it’s reasonable for him to stay over the weekend for an extra amount of time. You and your mom need to talk to reach a new arrangement. I would also suggest that you work with your therapist to find ways to understand that it’s okay for your mom to form important and strong relationships with others.” Necessary-Cup-9628
