People Want To Make Us Reflect On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Putting The Game On Hold Until They Pay Me?
“I (25 M) am a professional Dungeon Master and get paid per person per session to run online Dungeons & Dragons sessions. This actually accounts for a decent-sized chunk of income each month but is not my main source of income. With that in mind, I typically do not charge friends/family when possible.
Two months ago, a relatively close friend (22 M) and his significant other (21 F) asked to start a campaign. Awesome. I start up the preparations (about a week of work) and have everything ready to go. Then he asked me if three of their friends could join in as well because he mentioned it to them and they were interested in giving it a go.
I let my friend know that while I was okay doing him a favor by not charging him and his SO who I have met many times, I would expect payment of $10 per person per session for his other friends if they joined. He said that was fine and relayed the information.
The first session goes well and the automatic charge goes through while we started. At the end of the session, I look to see only $20, and a failed charge of $10 on one of the friends. I message him directly to no answer. Reach out to my friend and he lets me know it was a card issue and should be fixed now.
The second session goes well and… same thing happens. At this point I’m annoyed and still being ignored by this guy. So two days before the third session, I let everyone know that we will not be continuing until I receive a $20 backpay for the owed sessions as well as an additional $10 upfront from now on from this person since I can’t trust to get paid on time.
My friend seemed really embarrassed (this was over a Discord server thread) but his SO agreed and hinted to me that this guy never intended to pay anything. Since it was a five-session campaign it seemed like he wanted to skate by for free until the end and then ghost me since we don’t know each other personally.
My friend hasn’t said much to me since that message and we’re supposed to start session three tonight. AITJ for putting everything on hold?”
34. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Can't Forgive Him Until He Pays Me Back?
“I (29 M) don’t have a good relationship with my parents or my twin brother at all after what went down years ago. Ever since I was a kid (around 9 or 10) I’ve always been about earning and saving funds.
Selling recycling, offering housework on weekends or school breaks, and any money I got on birthdays/Christmas was also saved. Then when I was 14 had an actual part-time job every day after school plus weekends at my grandpa’s work. My goal was always to have this money for college.
My parents make good money but never expected them to pay for that. Around the time I was 18, there was over $28k (our grandparents gave us each a couple of grand as a graduation gift). Guess what my parents decided? Since both of us wanted to go to college they had taken funds out of the shared account I had with them when I was still a minor so the college fund could be split equally.
The funds I worked my butt off to save when my brother never did anything to earn for himself and all I ended up with was barely close to $14k.
I was royally mad. We had a huge falling out. My parents messed up by taking the money but it also got me so mad that my brother knew they stole from me and still accepted it.
He thought it was only fair too because he wanted to go to college and we knew with what my parents make he wouldn’t get much in financial aid. So he was fine with taking my money and I never talked to them again.
None of them have even met my partner or our 2-year-old son.
That was a huge betrayal for me which is why when my brother asked me for help recently I rejected him. He had a small business that opened right before the global crisis happened but since things went down he had to close it down and lost too much money paying for the spot he was renting out.
He came to me since neither he nor his wife are making enough to pay what they owe. They might not be able to afford their own place so he wanted to know if there was any way we could help.
It all reminded me of the grinding I had to do in school.
Community college wasn’t expensive but once I transferred to university that fund could’ve come in handy. So it all just reminded me the struggle was because they stole from me.
What I ended up telling my brother is I can’t forgive him or help him until he pays back what he stole from me.
We had a long argument. Bottom line he’s angry/hurt that I won’t help because of a mistake he made as a barely 18-year-old when right now they are suffering from real adult problems. Guess what makes me wonder if I’m a jerk is because his wife begged for help to and she didn’t do anything.
It’s just him that I can’t bring myself to help. AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Feeding My Friend's Kids "Normal" Food?
“I (24 F) have been a vegetarian for 10 years and I find that Indian food has some of the best vegetarian dishes, so that is what my diet mostly consists of, although I do love cooking vegetarian food from different cuisines as well.
So, for the past month or so, after my friend (36 F) started a new job, I have been looking after her kids (6 M, 7 M, and 9 M) from 11:30-4, M-F, as she works from 12-8 PM and her husband (42 M) from 7 AM – 3:30 PM, and they can’t afford childcare.
I don’t take any money from them for this as I know they both work minimum-wage jobs and do struggle, so I’m happy to help out where I can.
During the time that the kids are with me, they have lunch and a snack. Since I’m cooking for everyone, it’s usually Indian and vegetarian.
Although I do tone down the spices for lunch since they are kids. And for a snack, I give them fruits/chips/sandwiches with juice/milk. The kids love the food and always leave a clean plate, and the older one usually goes in for seconds as well.
I have had no issues so far.
Well, yesterday, my friend came over to my house and started berating me for ‘starving’ her children and ‘poisoning’ them by not feeding them normal food with meat in it. She demanded that I start cooking them proper food with meat, only using salt, pepper, and garlic, or she would call CPS on me for child mistreatment and neglect.
Apparently, her kids now don’t want to eat the food she and her husband cook and say that it’s bland, keep asking for my food and that it’s all my fault.
I refused and told my friend that I will no longer be able to watch her children and now she’s even angrier with me, and both she and her husband are calling me a jerk and saying that they don’t have any other childcare options.
It’s not a question of being able to afford the meat, as I work from home as a software developer and have a lot of free time throughout the day as well, but the food I cook has plenty of protein, carbs, and fats and all other macros and the children have never asked for meat either.
AITJ and should I just buy meat and let the kids make like ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch? I feel guilty that they will struggle to pay for childcare if I don’t take care of the kids.
ETA: The kids are not in regular school during that time.
Their parents took them out due a few months ago due to health risks still being high, and it is impossible to have kids social distancing. They are being homeschooled is what I’ve been told.”
32. AITJ For Rehanging The Mirror?
“My significant other bought a nice mirror for my house, which I really like.
It totally changes the room and I really like the style of the frame.
It was a surprise gift and she hung it on the wall herself (she has a key to my house) using my tools. She seemed proud of herself for doing the installation and I didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling her how badly she butchered the job of installing it.
Using cheap screws directly into the plasterboard, with no rawl plugs
Multiple holes where she’d clearly used a trial and error approach to get the screws in the right place to get it to fit
The mirror was 8mm out of level (I’m probably already a jerk for measuring this, but I was curious).
The mirror was visibly out of center to the wall.
After a couple of days, it really started to bother me so I took the mirror down, filled and repaired the screw holes and marked it up to be central, drilled new holes for rawl plugs, and made sure it is now laser level.
After doing that I was really pleased. I had a great-looking mirror, fitted properly and I have an amazing SO that bought me a really thoughtful gift.
My SO came over to my house on Friday while I was at work and noticed that I had re-hung the mirror and was really upset with me about it.
I said I love her, love the gift and love the effort she put into putting it up, but I just wanted to make sure it was done properly. She said I was treating her like a child by patronizing her and re-doing all her work behind her back and I should have just told her upfront if I had a problem with the way she did it.
I offered to show her how to do it my way, but that just seemed to make things worse so now we’re avoiding the subject altogether.”
31. AITJ For Not Letting Kids Stay Over At My Place Anymore?
“I’ve (F 25, single) never wanted kids but I’m open to it in the future.
Considering that I’m already 25 and I think children are even more annoying than I thought there were 5 years ago, so I’m pretty sure I’m leaning towards no.
I don’t really like kids. I don’t know what to say to them. They get into stuff that isn’t theirs, break stuff, and do things they’ve been told not to do.
I am happiest when I’m away from the mini humans.
No hate to anyone who wants kids/has them of course, but it’s not for me the more I think about it. I have many friends and relatives, cousins and even uncles and aunts who aren’t that much older than me, with kids.
I’m fine with meeting the children at an event for a few hours and then returning to my blissfully quiet life.
Recently I’ve had a friend ask me if she could come to visit me because she’s in town (she’s not from here) and I happily accepted. I have a guest room and she’s welcome.
She had a baby the last time I saw her and the baby was adorable as all babies are, but too small to really do anything. Said baby is a toddler now and an absolute pain in the butt. My friend only stayed one night, and yes he was there too, and I had a headache the whole time.
He was always yelling and that made things super awkward with the neighbours. He jumped on the sofa, and the bed, he almost broke a beautiful dish and marbles I have owned since I was 11, and he succeeded in unbinding one of my favorite novels. I still have the pages thankfully.
He was also the pickiest eater I have ever seen, and no he doesn’t have any allergies.
Ever since then, I’ve established that I’m no longer interested in having children in my home, but my friend doesn’t like that. ‘He’s a kid, he doesn’t understand’ is what I hear.
Well maybe she could teach her kid a few things? Like respecting other people’s property? And maybe not to shout all the time? I keep hearing how ‘hard it is to take care of kids’. Then maybe don’t have any?
I keep getting told to be more understanding, but I’ve been firm on my no. I got told that I will ‘die alone as a spinster’.
I laughed which might have sounded a little maniacal now that I think about it.
So AITJ for not letting kids stay over at my place?
Edit: the establishment of ‘no you can’t bring your kids over to stay at mine’ happened when my cousin wanted to stay over with her two children.
I already know they throw tantrums daily. I said no. I got called all sorts of things.”
30. AITJ For Telling My Mother She Had No Right To Decide What's Good Or Bad For Me?
“My (21 m) parents weren’t ready for kids when they had me. My uncle and aunt (my uncle is my grandma’s youngest brother on my dad’s side) wanted kids, so my coming along was pretty much perfect for them. My uncle and aunt are farmers, and I live and work on the farm with them and my significant other.
My mom and dad used to visit but stopped when I was around 8 because my dad met his now wife, and my mom started going out with her partner. And I haven’t seen them since then until a couple of weeks ago on my 21st birthday.
My uncle and I were riding our horses today.
My uncle got a call, and it was my aunt. she said my mom and her partner had come for a visit, so we headed back. We were at a park close to the farm with awesome trails for riding, so it didn’t take us long to get back.
When we got back, my mom took one look at my horse and immediately said ‘Get off of that right now! You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re going to fall and hurt yourself.’
Her saying that was pretty stupid because 1) I’ve been around horses my whole life and I’ve been riding for most of my life.
2) She was gone for 13 years, so she doesn’t know what’s good or bad for me. 3) I’m 21, not 6. I think the reason she got concerned is that my horse is a Clydesdale and she’s not small but I’ve had her for 5 years and she’s probably my best friend.
I said, ‘Mom I get that you’re concerned but I’ve been around horses my whole life, I know what I’m doing.’ She said ‘It’s not safe for you!
Get off now!’ I started to say something else but she cut me off saying ‘I’m your mother. Listen to me now!’ That made me mad because I she stopped visiting 13 years ago, and even before that she didn’t visit that often. Because of that, I don’t consider her a mother figure.
If anything I consider my aunt to be my mother.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I said ‘Listen you were gone for 13 years. You met (her partner) and left. You don’t get to just come back and start calling all the shots. You have no right to decide what’s good or bad for me.’ I struck a nerve because she started crying.
Her partner swore at me as they left. My uncle and aunt defended me. Once my mom and her partner left, I dismounted and they said they thought I had every right to say what I said.
So AITJ for making my mom cry?”
29. AITJ For Giving Great Gifts To My Daugther?
“Over a year and a half ago I learned thanks to modern-day ancestry DNA kits that I fathered a child over 17 years ago with an ex-fling right before starting college.
Both her mother and husband kept us from knowing about each other because he didn’t want me involved as part of forgiving her for her apparent infidelity. We still learned the truth. After that, we wanted to know everything about each other. Sadie, my daughter, is such a wonderful person.
I’ve been really blessed to get to know her and be there for her as her father.
Right now she still has a complicated relationship with her mom. As angry as I’ve been at them for lying to me I’m learning to get past it while also telling Sadie to give them a chance.
She still doesn’t want to. And asked to come live with me as soon as she’s 18 until she can have enough to be on her own.
Since this weekend was her 18th birthday she wanted the whole family to go out to eat together. So it was them, her maternal grandparents and cousins, my family as well eating together.
Everyone brought their gifts. My gift to her that I didn’t tell her about (because I wanted it to be a surprise) was not only plane tickets for us to go camping in Yosemite once she graduates from high school next month but it was also to show her I’ve set up a college fund for her so she doesn’t have to worry about student loans or financial aid.
My daughter was beyond happy. I’ve never seen her cry that way from excitement, it was very emotional for me to make her so happy like that. The only problem that came after that was her mom ridiculing me for showing them up in front of everyone and getting her these big expensive gifts.
Her husband has felt bad ever since that dinner because the only thing they gave her was a bracelet with a family photo.
She acts like Sadie not being as happy with their gift had anything to do with what I got her when the reality was she didn’t want them there.
Her grandma convinced her to let them but obviously, I didn’t say that because then I’d feel like a jerk. But I did say doing this for my daughter wasn’t to act like I’m better than them, it was to give her something she’s always wanted and also invest in her future when I couldn’t be in her past. She continues to accuse me of purposely doing this to embarrass them not even discussing with them what I was planning on doing and getting their okay ahead of time.
She seems genuinely upset about it and I really don’t know if I stepped over a line. Sadie was going to be 18 when I made that decision so it didn’t seem like it was necessary to discuss it with them. Her husband even messages me this morning asking wasn’t it enough that Sadie is moving with me and I didn’t have to twist the knife further by winning her over with money.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Telling My Sister I'm Not Comfortable With Her Around My Kids Anymore?
“I am a mom (23) with 2 kids. It’s important to note that right now my husband is away to get a little bit of help. He is an amazing dad so it’s a little tough without him. It is just me and the kiddos right now.
My daughter is 5 and loves staying the night at my sister’s apartment. They watch chick flicks, eat pizza, do each other’s hair, go out to breakfast, a ton of fun stuff. My sister knows my husband is gone, and has been a huge help in his absence.
I’ll admit, without my husband I am a wreck, but I put on a good show for my kiddos. I love love love being with my kids, but it’s nice to let out some emotions when my daughter is gone. My sister had been a huge help.
Yesterday my sister was going to take her for the night. They were downstairs talking about what movies they were going to watch and where they would order pizza from. I thought they were on their way out, so I shut my door and lay in bed to let out some emotions.
My sister came in. She saw me crying and told me he doesn’t deserve me and that she has a hot rich co-worker she’ll introduce me to. I was pretty offended. My husband did not walk out or go to jail. He is getting mental help, and I made him do it.
He didn’t want to leave his kids and wife.
I told my sister that was inappropriate and that I have no interest in her friend or any other man. She got offended by this. My husband is pretty feminine for a straight man. He wears skinny jeans and oversized t-shirts, Chanel accessories, and sometimes he’ll wear my perfume.
He’s aware of this. ‘I have a smoking hot wife I’ll do whatever I want I really have nothing to prove,’ he’ll say.
She called him a homophobic slur, and said ‘Yeah cus I’m sure that stupid jerk satisfies you in bed right?
You can tell he has a small ‘down there’.’
I was disgusted. I told her I’m not comfortable with her around my kids anymore. I feel bad however for my daughter and I feel like she’s missing out on fun times and it’s really not her fault.
She’s clearly very mad at me. My sister has been so good to my daughter too, but it makes me nervous she’ll hear my sister say things like this. I had no clue my sister was a bigot like this, but maybe she was just trying to help.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At My Dad's Pranks?
“My dad has been annoying me with this stupid nonsense for years. He acts like a teenager I swear sometimes I feel like I’m more mature than him. My mom’s yelled at him a few times too because he also does it to her. He really doesn’t know how pranks work or when to stop.
It used to be dumb annoying stuff like giant fake spiders/roaches in the fridge or around the house, hiding in the shower to scare one of us. But honestly, he taking it too far.
Some examples he’s done to me for way over a year: taking all clothes from my drawer and hiding it all over the house so I can’t find them in the morning (has done it 4 times), putting whipped cream all the way inside my shoes so I can’t until after I put them on.
I’m lactose intolerant so one time he switched my almond milk out before I used it to make pancakes, it had me with mad runs all day.
My dad apologized for that one but the whole family was mad at him for a few weeks so he stopped with the pranks.
It’s not like if we don’t talk about it. He says we’ll laugh about it in the future but really I don’t see that happening and told him there are other ways to make memories than making everyone mad. A million times I told him to stop because all it’s doing is making me not wanna be around him.
All this week I’ve had job interviews lined up since I’ll be able to start working full-time after I graduate in a couple of weeks. I even bought a whole suit and tie to look more professional. Before I was leaving he asked me to help him take groceries out of the car cause he had to go to the bathroom.
Instead, he dropped a water balloon on me from the window when I was coming back in.
For the first time I was ready to cuss him out that’s how mad it got me. It made me more annoyed because he was laughing recording it on his phone telling me not to get too mad and that I can use one of his shirts for my interview.
It wasn’t even that though. This was my own nice suit I bought with my own money the interview was gonna be soon. But I didn’t cuss and just told him this is why he’s not gonna hear from me after I move in a couple of weeks and just think about that.
He told me to stop being dramatic but I still kept going. Just so he doesn’t wonder why I don’t like him anymore this is why so he better be ready to get blocked after I’m gone. His reaction made me feel good because he was very serious.
He didn’t even tell me anything when I left or after when I came back.
Ever since he’s been serious tho. He’s not even talking when we have breakfast, doesn’t smile and I don’t talk to him either. My mom says that seriously hurt his feelings and I shouldn’t say stuff like that when that’s just his way of tryna have fun with us.
But I’m not seeing how telling him what’s gonna happen is wrong. I’m fed up. Does it make me a jerk for hurting his feelings in that way tho?”
26. AITJ For Eating Food My Partner Hates?
“I (F 33) love sharing food with my partner (M 33).
He and I like to switch and swap if we have a takeaway or if we eat out. I have no problem at all. We’ve been together for five years.
However, in the past year, it’s escalated from us sharing to him simply eating most of my food.
I at first was a little annoyed but it only started out as him taking a bit more than usual. Then it escalated from here and there to him outright taking food off my plate while I was sitting right there eating. I have tried to set boundaries by giving him a portion myself which didn’t work he just took more, then I tried not sharing which didn’t work, I tried eating away from him but that didn’t work.
Eventually, I got so frustrated I snapped and asked him to please stop eating all of my food or taking it uninvited. He apologized and it stopped again for a bit. Then began again. It got to the point where mealtimes with him became stressful for me, I became anxious and depressed about it.
So two days ago we were out to dinner, I ordered a starter and a main with food I knew he just did not like, to prevent him from stealing it.
He didn’t really react until we got home and he was furious, asking why I did that, saying ‘I know you did that on purpose’, It’s childish and petty, why did you embarrass me like that?
I’m sorry to say I lost it. I didn’t shout but I basically told him straight that if anyone was the embarrassment it was him. I told him how I felt and that I’ve lived in fear of mealtimes because no matter how often I asked him to stop stealing my food he wouldn’t- often finishing my food for me before I’ve had two mouthfuls, I’ve been polite, I’ve addressed it but I can’t take it anymore so if he’s going to carry on I’ll just have to eat food I know he hates.
He looked stricken but then called me a nasty selfish jerk and hasn’t spoken a word to me since, even though I’ve tried to talk to him.
I’ve also suggested therapy because I think there’s a deeper issue here that’s developed over time as it didn’t happen for the first year and a half.
Anyway, he refused that.
I should have tried the different food option earlier but this situation was just a gradual sneak-up that escalated and didn’t enter my mind. AITJ?
Edit: He’s not displayed any other previous abusive/controlling behavior. He doesn’t comment on my weight, even if we eat the same food he’ll steal mine.
I asked if he had competition when growing up like if he didn’t eat it did someone else and he said no plus he’s got no siblings.
Other than the food business I’ve felt he’s been a very good partner but obviously maybe not.”
25. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Lying To Me About Not Having Kids?
“I (37 f) and my husband (48 m) have been married for 9 years and finally decided to settle and have a family a few years back only to find out I have fertility issues, which wouldn’t be a problem before I met him because I never intended to have children of my own since I grew up in the foster care system and have always wanted to adopt.
But my husband insists we have at least one biological child before adopting any. My husband wasn’t able to have kids with his ex-wife before they divorced. He told me going into this relationship he always wanted to be a father and was disappointed he never had children.
(or so I thought) I posted a series of social media posts looking for someone close to us willing to be a surrogate for a child, explaining the whole situation. But his ex-wife reaches out and tells me that won’t be necessary because he already has two bio children, with her.
I was absolutely taken aback to find this out. And even more, I’m confused, because both children are under the age of five. (For more backstory: I knew she had children but always assumed she remarried and had kids with a new partner.) I confronted my husband about what his ex-wife said and he let the truth just spill out.
He admitted that he had kids with her while still with me, but told me that it wasn’t a big deal since now that I know he can get partial custody and we can treat the kids as our own, in addition to the baby he STILL wants with me.
I blew up at him calling him ridiculous for thinking I would want to stay with a lying piece of work, LET ALONE have a child with that person. Then, I yelled at him to get out and made him go live at his sister’s house for a few days while I cooled down.
He still hasn’t come to talk to me after a week of trying to talk things out. His family is blowing up my phone and calling me names for ruining the amazing relationship we had. I regret what I said and just want to make things right. Am I the jerk?”
24. AITJ For Telling My Daughter My Partner Is Paying For Half Of Her Trip?
“So I (34 M) have a 13-year-old daughter Marisa with my ex-wife Kate (35 F). I and Kate started going out senior year or HS, got married at 21, and had Marisa that same year. Me and Kate divorced when Marisa was 7. Nothing nefarious happened. We just were always at each other throats.
I felt like she didn’t enjoy being intimate anymore, felt like she was cold and she was always on my butt about things. Constantly demanding me to do things. The divorce went smoothly. No alimony or child support because at the time Kate was making double what I was as a nurse.
We split the large expenses for Marisa right down the middle. It was tough for me at first because I didn’t make that much. And Kate never gave me a break, always making me pay half. We have a tradition with Marisa. We usually take a summer trip and a winter trip with her.
Alternating which parent takes her on each trip. We total up the cost of the trip and split it in half. I’ve done well for myself the last few years and now it’s not even a worry like it was when Marisa was younger.
Kate remarried a dude with 3 kids who owned a restaurant.
The global crisis shut down the restaurant. For the last year and a half, I’ve been going out with Jessica (28 F) who is a former friend of Kate. They have some beef for whatever reason, I stay out of it. So last year Kate comes to me and says she can’t afford the trips this year.
I didn’t want to give her a break, but I remembered it was for Marissa, so I paid and took her on both. My daughter knows both of us to pay for these trips typically.
Kate comes to me again this year and says she can’t afford the trip.
She said her family needs all of her salary because her husband didn’t find a job yet. I told her that really isn’t my problem. She tells our daughter that ‘Mom and Dad can’t do the trip this year’. Marisa was devasted and I was mad.
I told my daughter the trip was still on. My partner learned about the situation from me. She said I’ve taken her on so many trips already and wants to form a closer bond with Marisa so she would like to go on the trip and pay for half of it.
I told Kate that Jessica was paying her half so she should thank her. Kate blows up. Telling me that Jessica wasn’t allowed on the trip or she wouldn’t let Marisa go. I reminded her we have a custody agreement so that wouldn’t be happening.
And I fully intend to let Marisa know that Jessica is helping make this happen. As I think it’s right to give Jessica credit and Marisa needs to know that. Kate is calling me a jerk. Saying I’m purposely trying to make her look bad. I said that she has made her financial decisions and those aren’t my issue.
And I shouldn’t cover for her anymore. Our daughter deserves to know which parent is making things happen and Jessica deserves that credit as it might help them form a closer bond. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Abandoning My Dad For My New Job?
“I (28 M) have been working for my parents’ (62 M & 62 F) company as a tradesman for the past 11 years.
It has been great working with my dad and I have learned a lot. It is also a small company with only a few employees and I perform a vital role in their business structure. However, I feel that I am underpaid for my role, essentially only able to save a small amount each month.
They are not intentionally underpaying me as they are not making much profit since the start of 2020. Additionally, I live in an area that I hate, and my partner moved to another state that I would love to live in.
I put my resume on Indeed to see what kind of salary I could demand from my parents and after a few weeks had many recruiters asking for interviews, and one company in the same city as my partner.
I interviewed with that company, loved what they had to say about the company and they offered me a job paying about 70% more than what I earn now.
I went to my Dad expecting him to be disappointed but ultimately happy for me. He was not happy. He said that I was stabbing him in the back and that he was now financially ruined. He has very little retirement saved and without me to help with the business they would not be able to make enough profit in the coming years to sustain that and they might need to sell the house.
He also said that he would have been able to retire by now except that he prioritized my training over profit expecting me to take over one day.
I understand he is scared of the future but what he said was very hurtful. I ultimately decided that I need to do what was best for me and take the new job.
I haven’t moved or left the current job yet but it is coming up fast.
I know that I am doing what is best for me but I can’t help but that I am the jerk for leaving. Do you think I am the jerk?”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Part Of My Grandmother's Funeral?
“My step-sister, who I’ll call ‘Lilith’, has been treated like royalty ever since my mom married her dad.
Her mother died when she was 9, which is very sad and not something I hold against her, but she’s now 21 and her mother’s death is STILL used as an excuse for her behavior, and the blatant favoritism is aggravating.
I’m caught underage drinking? I get grounded for three months.
She’s caught underage drinking? She gets therapy. I get bad grades? I should have tried harder. She gets bad grades? Just a symptom of her trauma. I make a mild joke about her when she’s not even there? I’m a bully. She curses and screams at me?
I’m told to be nicer to my ‘sister’. My own biological mother and even my older brothers always prioritize her over me and I’m treated as ‘lesser than’ to compensate for her losing a parent.
My grandmother passed a week ago and my family is planning the funeral. We have a text chain to decide on details, and Lilith offered to do the eulogy for my mother’s branch of the family.
I’m named after my grandmother and was fairly close with her, so I always thought I would do it. So after Lilith offered, I let everyone know I’d rather do it and explained very vulnerably in a whole paragraph why I wanted to do the eulogy for my grandmother.
My mom and brothers vote for her, of course, and say instead I can do one of the Bible readings at the funeral. But I refuse and tell them if I can’t do the eulogy, I don’t want any part in the funeral. My whole life, Lilith takes things away from me, and now she’s even taking my grief away from me.
She HAS living grandmothers, but that doesn’t matter and I need to give another thing up because Lilith’s grief comes first. My family is saying I’m petty, but I’m just so sick and tired of being a third-class citizen. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Causing A Fight Between My Parents?
“I (M 23) am bi. I came out to my parents when I was 16. I was worried about my dad, as he is quite religious, but he took it surprisingly well.
Mum, however, said b*********y wasn’t real, and told me that it was either a phase or a stepping stone towards me coming out as fully gay, which she also wasn’t happy about. We argued for a while before I realized I was talking to a wall, and we dropped it.
When I was 18 I moved out for uni and met a girl called Ava. We hit it off instantly and dated for 2 years. Mum adored Ava, we went out a lot as a family, the two of them even did things without me and Dad. Over time the spark died and we both felt it, so we decided to stay friends.
It was amicable, we still love each other, just not romantic. Mum was devastated, spent a long time trying to convince Ava to take me back, and scolded me for driving her away (because of course, it was my fault).
Around a year later, Ava introduced me to her friend Joel at a party.
It was obvious what she was doing, she basically pushed us together and sprinted away, but Joel was cute, so I didn’t complain. We danced around the romantic thing for a long time, both too chicken to make a move in case it messed up our friendship, but looking back, friends don’t hold hands or kiss each other on the cheek as much as we did.
Ava calls us idiots to this day. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and live together, and I’m confident he’s the one I want to grow old with. Dad loves Joel, but Mum hasn’t really given him a chance. She’s civil, but it’s clear she isn’t happy with me going out with a guy.
Last week Mum invited us over for dinner. Joel was excited, and I thought maybe she was making an effort. I got a text from Ava on the day, saying my mum invited her, and asking if I was aware. I said no, and she decided not to go in case Mum tried to get us back together in front of Joel.
When we showed up, Mum was in a foul mood. After a tense hour, Mum asked why I forced Ava not to come. I assured her I did no such thing, Ava is a close friend of both me and Joel, and it was her decision. I asked why she invited Ava in the first place, and Mum said she ‘just wants what’s best for me’, then not-so-subtly glared at Joel.
I saw red and unloaded all of my pent-up feelings about how she’s never given him a fair chance, and how she assumes Ava was better for me just because she’s a girl. She told me that I’d never be happy with Joel when I could be in a ‘normal relationship’, and it got silent.
I saw Joel start to tear up, so I took his hand and left.
That night, Dad showed up with a duffel bag, said he and my mum had argued when we left and has been staying in our guest room since. He still hasn’t spoken to Mum.
Everyone on Mum’s side of the family is calling me selfish and immature for causing this rift. I feel guilty, because I ultimately caused this with my outburst and bad communication, and I can tell Joel blames himself. I don’t know what to do. So AITJ for letting things reach this stage?”
20. AITJ For Expecting An Apology From My Wife To My Mother?
“We just celebrated the first birthday of our only child. Given the social isolation recently and our child’s first birthday, we had a rather large party to celebrate. This was meant as a celebration and an opportunity for family and friends who have not met our little one to see her for the first time.
We have been planning the party for a few months now. My wife asked my mother to make a custom embroidered dress for our daughter. My mother has an embroidery hobby and she does pretty amazing designs on dresses.
My wife and mother have been discussing the dress for months.
They went shopping together for materials, looked up designs together, etc. My mom has made multiple modifications based on my wife’s suggestion to make a perfect dress exactly how my wife wants for our daughter.
My wife seemed pretty happy with the final product. It took my mom over 2 months of working on it to finally complete it.
One day before our daughter’s birthday, my wife’s mom (let’s call her Sue) decided to visit. She had a gift for our daughter as she couldn’t attend her birthday party. She was planning to go drinking with her friends, which she does every single weekend and she didn’t want to cancel plans with them.
I felt a bit disappointed but I didn’t say anything.
On the day of the birthday, our daughter was wearing a dress that was not the one my mother made. I was a bit shocked. My parents arrived shortly after and they were obviously surprised. No one said anything, we had a great time at the party.
Later that night, I called my parents and I could hear my mom sobbing in the background. She was obviously upset about the whole situation. My wife didn’t say anything at all to any of us.
I brought up the issue the next day. I suggested as politely as I could that perhaps she should have discussed things with me beforehand.
My wife responded that it was her daughter and she didn’t need my permission to pick her clothes out. Her mother is important as well. Sue bought her granddaughter a dress as a gift and my wife wanted her to wear that instead.
I asked her to call my mother at least and talk about the issue.
My wife responded by saying she doesn’t owe anyone anything. She wasn’t going to do anything like that.
I was a bit surprised because she has never spoken this way before. My wife and my mom get along super well.
Things escalated from that point into a yelling match.
I looked at the ‘receipt’ that Sue had with the dress. She bought the dress literally the same day she got it for us. She purchased it from the bargain at the local Walmart for $3. I am not looking down on the gift due to price, but it was a very bad dress.
Sue is also a millionaire thanks to her deceased husband.
I am fuming and mad. I stepped away to calm down and not escalate this.
Am I the jerk for expecting an apology or some kind of conversation from my wife to my mother?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids?
“I (32 M) am child-free.
Not because of childhood trauma or because I think the earth is overpopulated. I just don’t like kids and don’t want to invest my time and energy in raising them.
I have an older sister (35 F) and a younger brother (28 M). My sister has 3 kids, ages 7, 5, and 2.
I moved out of our hometown when I was 19, so I have never lived close to them.
When I visited during the summer, I was more than happy to take the kids out for a couple of outings. But I usually either had one of their parents or a babysitter with me.
Now my older sister tends to dump her kids on anyone she can sucker.
She is a stay-at-home mom but the kids spend more time with our parents or our brother.
For years now, my brother would call to vent to me about her, about how she just drops her kids at his doorstep and leave, and she wouldn’t answer her phone, so he would be stuck with them for hours.
I moved back 3 months ago, and from the get-go she wanted me to set up a room for her kids in my house. I shut her down hard. I also told her that I will not be babysitting her kids, not unless it is a true emergency and she can’t find a babysitter.
She thought I was bluffing.
The first time she dropped unannounced to leave her kids I didn’t open the door. She said that she will be leaving them and I will be forced to act ‘like a decent uncle’. I said all that will do is get the cops called on you for abandonment.
She was furious.
I haven’t babysat the kids once these last 3 months. I took them on 4 outings, but no babysitting to suit her.
Now she is calling me a jerk for not helping (I don’t care about this part), but my younger brother is also mad at me for not helping ease his burden a bit.
I told him it’s not my fault that he doesn’t know how to set boundaries with her (after years of trying to gently encourage him to stand up for himself and commiserating with him). And now he is calling me a jerk too. So AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Spending A Lot On My Wedding?
“I (24 F) and my best friend (25 F) have been best friends since we were 2.
Now after high school, I decided that I wanted to go and start my own business so I got a degree in business management while having a small business on the side. After I finished my degree in my business I put all of my time, effort, and savings into growing it which ended up being a very financially rewarding decision.
For me as I now own a very successful business. I met my fiancé (32 M) 4 years ago and we got engaged last year but decided to have a long engagement because I wanted to lose some weight which he said I didn’t need to do but was completely supportive of.
My fiancé is a orthopaedic surgeon so we’re more than well off, especially as we have no plans to have children. Now, after high school, my best friend was doing a degree in chemistry but dropped out after 2 years when she became pregnant. I was there helping her out emotionally and financially throughout the whole of her pregnancy as she decided she didn’t want to work through her pregnancy and wanted to become a stay-at-home mom, which I totally supported. However, her husband works a 9-5 job in an office which pays enough for them to get by but not enough to live in luxury.
Because of this, I and my fiancé try and help them out the best we can and always let them borrow money when they need it (we helped them with the down payment on their house.)
However, now that we’ve started planning our wedding properly. We’ve got a beautiful venue, an open bar, live music, a 3-course meal. I’ve got the perfect dress, we’re paying for all of the bridesmaids’ dresses and groomsmen’s suits, and we’ve got beautiful little gift hampers for each of the guests to take home and overall we went all out because we can only have this day once.
Now, when I was talking to my best friend about this – who is also my maid of honor – she bought up possibly having the same venue for her wedding which I thought was lovely but I didn’t know if they would be able to afford it (i didn’t say that though) so it was extra awkward when she asked about the price, so I told her (it’s around $32000) and she went ballistic asking how much my whole wedding costs.
I really didn’t want to tell her but she ended up getting it out of me and she went crazy (my whole wedding amounted
up to about $72000) which then sent her on a tangent of saying we’re so irresponsible spending that much money on 1 day, that her husband only earns $60000 a year to support the three of them and if she knew we had that much money to just throw around she would’ve asked us for more when they were struggling financially earlier on this year.
She finished by saying that I’m a horrible friend for not helping her out more and that she was outraged that we thought it was okay to spend more money on 1 day than her family gets to live off in a year.
I don’t think I’m a jerk but she’s been sending me messages about how inconsiderate I am so maybe I did go overboard and spend too much so AITJ?
UPDATE: This amount of money on our wedding really didn’t put that big of a dent in our bank account due to the savings we have accumulated and if we wished we could’ve spent a lot more which I’m pretty sure my friend is aware of and it only adds to her anger.
We don’t live in a huge mansion or anything just a moderately sized house in a nice neighborhood and try not to flaunt our wealth or push it onto people – we never discuss it and try to digress if the subject is bought up. We donate 10% of our combined earnings to various charities.”
17. AITJ For Telling On My Husband?
“My (f 35) sister (f 30) is a single mom. My nephew is 6 years old. He is the prince of the family. The family loves him so much. My husband and I consider him as our own because we can’t have children of our own so we give him all the love we have in our hearts.
However, my husband always jokes about ‘adopting’ my nephew and often brings up how my sister isn’t being ‘a proper mother’ simply for needing to work. This annoyed everybody and made my sister uncomfortable so I told him to stop.
We used to occasionally watch my nephew while my sister worked. She offered to pay us to watch my nephew regularly (3 days a week) we agreed but refused to get paid but she insisted out of generosity.
My husband was happy with this arrangement. He said at least he won’t worry about paying for some things like his smoke packs and gas (currently out of a job).
It’s been like this for weeks. Last week I was out and told my husband to stay with my nephew til I get back from the pharmacy.
I get back quickly and I overheard this conversation he had with my nephew. My nephew was asking why his mom was being all the time. My husband told him she had bills to pay and issues to fix. My nephew asked why his mom is struggling like that and my husband said ‘Well, If she didn’t make a dumb decision to have a kid in these circumstances then she wouldn’t be dealing with all of this.
Maybe if she ever lets us adopt you one day then you’ll have a better life’.
I was stunned. I walked in on them, pulled him into the kitchen, and blew up at him asking what he was thinking saying such a messed up thing to his nephew.
He said it was fine and that my nephew probably didn’t understand what he said anyway. I said he was wrong because at 6 kids understand and looking at how quiet my nephew got it confirmed that he understood. I lashed out at my husband, told my sister about what he said and she told him that from now on out he is not allowed to be watching my nephew ever.
He pitched a hissy fit saying I messed everything up and escalated the situation and made my sister keep his beloved nephew, who’s like a son to him, away from him.
He’s sulking about it saying I made the situation worse and punished him for saying something so minor.
I feel bad because he treats him as his son and buys him toys.”
16. AITJ For Leaving After My Coworker Tried To Teach Me How To Wash My Hands?
“I (17 F) work at a chain bakery popular in my city. I work the closing shift after school most nights with me and my other coworker who we will call Dan (30something).
I’m going to be frank, I do not like Dan.
He is mean and condescending, constantly making fun of my looks, my manner of speech (English isn’t my first language), and my age.
I get annoyed by this incredibly quickly and working with him overall is very difficult especially because he will consistently slack off during rush hours, and will consistently make orders wrong constantly and then make me fix them and deal with the customers.
I haven’t said anything to my manager yet because I don’t wanna make any trouble because I’m the youngest person that works there and I don’t think anyone would take me seriously.
But yesterday was the last straw.
I didn’t have school yesterday so I decided I would take an opening shift, and to my surprise fan was also there.
I had closed up by myself there the day before and when I got there Dan asked if he could show me something.
He took me into the kitchen area and started demonstrating how to currently wash your hands like how you would explain to a five-year-old. I asked why he was showing me this and then he said it was because last night I had left my period b***d on the light switch and when he came in today he saw it and thought it was disgusting.
So I asked him where the supposed period b***d was and he showed it to me. He said he hadn’t wiped it because he said it was gross. It was jam.
It was the bright pink strawberry jam we use to fill donuts, and this idiot thought it was period b***d.
I told him I was clocking out and that he could find someone else to cover my shift or do the morning rush alone. I was so done with him.
He said that wasn’t fair and I said tough luck.
So AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend Negative Things About Marriage?
“I (33 f) am mom to Leah (2 f) and set to be married to Jim (30 m) in a year.
I work as a waitress. Jim is not Leah’s bio dad. He hasn’t been in the picture since he found out I was pregnant. My friend Sam (32 f) married Kyle (36 m) a month ago. Sam works as a school administrator. Kyle manages a warehouse.
We went to dinner.
We’re planning our wedding for 2023 and wanted to hear what it was like being newlyweds. They were going over everything when Sam mentioned children. She said they were excited about trying for kids. I asked her what she meant, and she said that now that she has a house and is married, she can finally start, which they have.
I told her having a house and a husband didn’t mean she shouldn’t have started. To be honest, I wasn’t aware she wanted kids. Her wedding was childfree and she never jumps into conversations in our friend group when the topic is about kids.
She said she wanted to bring kids into the world when she had a healthy relationship and a house with a yard for them to play in.
She said the house they have now and moved into last year is big enough for 2-3 kids.
I said being married doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy. She said hers is and I told her it is now but divorce rates are high and that if they split, she’d be on her own.
Kyle said that I was assuming too much. I said I wasn’t but they should think about what if it doesn’t work because that’s what happened to me. I went on to say that I love Leah but no amount of planning could have prepared me to be a single mom.
Sam said, ‘Well, I’m not you’ to which Kyle muttered ‘Thank God’.
Jim told Kyle to be respectful. Kyle said he wasn’t the one being disrespectful at the table. I said if my comments hit a nerve so easily then maybe it was a sign that they knew I was right and had a point.
Sam asked if I was mad that she chose to wait for the right man to come along to produce a child and I didn’t and that I was speaking more through regret than personal experience
I told Sam I do not regret Leah to which she said, ‘No, but it certainly sounds like you regret the timing.’ I said the timing was fine and that I was doing fine caring for Leah, but then Sam brought up the financial issues I was having with my job.
I told her not everyone can go to grad school and work when they have a family and a relationship. Sam was single for 3 years before meeting Kyle. Sam told me that was her point, that she had different priorities than me, and that’s why she is where she’s at and I’m ‘stuck’ where I’m at.
The check had already been paid, so Jim said we needed to get home to relieve the babysitter. I’ve told our friend group what happened and they say that it was my fault for criticizing Sam for her choices, but I wasn’t. One friend thinks Sam went too far with her comments about regret but agreed that I sounded jealous of Sam (I am not).
Jim’s family and my parents agree with us, though. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Ruining My Mother's "Proud Mom" Moment?
“I (21 NB) am graduating college with my bachelor’s. I am the first one to graduate with a college degree as I am the oldest child. I walk the stage tomorrow for my degree after 4 long years.
My mother (53 F) helped me pick my outfit out about a month and a half ago.
She told me I would probably need to get the pants hemmed a bit since they were a little long. So I work 2 jobs and had finals and I forgot. That’s on me and I admit it. A safety pin or two can fix the job though, not a big deal to me because, with the shoes I have, it’s maybe an inch too long.
She also asked me to get my eyebrows done this past week. Again, I forgot. I’m also transitioning schedules and jobs so this week has been a bit hectic, to say the least.
3 days ago, my mother and I got into this fight because she is upset that I forgot the hemming of the pants and my eyebrows getting done, saying I ‘ruined her proud mom moment’ (because apparently, I’m going to look trashy) and I ‘always ruin her proud moments’ and ‘am an ungrateful brat who never does what she asks.’ She called me so many names that my significant other heard that his jaw literally dropped. I haven’t really spoken to her in 3 days because of this.
She also kept brushing over the fact that it is MY graduation, and more so her ‘proud mom moment.’
She decided the appropriate response would be to call my SO (28 M) to tell him that since ‘he’s the logical one, he needs to talk some sense into me’ and bashed me the entire time, calling me names, and even said she’s embarrassed to have me as her kid.
She’s refusing to come to my ceremony along with my father and sister unless we make up because due to me forgetting these small things I apparently appreciate nothing and don’t deserve her attendance at my ceremony.
I haven’t apologized because I don’t really think I did anything wrong.
My dad and other family members keep calling me saying I was a jerk for not doing the small things that my mother asked of me, and in doing so and not apologizing I’m being disrespectful. however, she asked me to do things that would require me to be available during normal 9-5 business hours which are when I work both of my jobs, not to mention finals and all of that.
Apparently, that’s not a reasonable excuse for her.
So, maybe I’m crazy but AITJ for not apologizing to my mother for these things and ruining her proud mom moment?”
13. AITJ For Not Liking My Roommate's "Friend"?
“I have been in therapy for 10 years and am diagnosed with PTSD.
My dog is task-trained to help me during panic attacks.
My (26 F) roommate (24 F, Janet) is a close friend of ~6 years and my roomie. 8 months ago, she started going on casual dates with Brad (25 M).
Brad eats my food without asking and damaged several items of mine. After he damaged a favorite item, I asked Janet if he could not use it when he came over.
She asked to see the damage/about how I knew it was Brad. I showed her and said he was just the last person to use it that I knew of. She agreed Brad should not use it and apologized.
He tried to take my dog somewhere (did not mention where).
I started to feel scared to leave my dog at home and asked Janet if they could please not do that. She got defensive and insisted Brad is ‘always nice’ to my dog. I tried to de-escalate, saying that it was not about him, specifically.
Brad started showing up unannounced at night.
Each time, I asked Janet if she was expecting anyone. When she said she wasn’t, I peeked through the door and saw it was him. At this point I’m uncomfortable.
One morning I see he left the item he damaged while he was in the bathroom. Janet was there, so I asked, ‘Is he using that?’ and she responded ‘Oh but I’m with him.’ I said, ‘I don’t want to ask for something just for him to look for loopholes’.
She started crying. Brad came out, saw she was crying, and started yelling: ‘What is it now?! You ALWAYS have a problem and I’m sick of it!’ I started shaking, but said, ‘Please don’t talk to me that way. You are a guest in our home.’ He kept yelling, ‘I’m sick and tired of you making this such a hostile environment!’ I went back to my room and had a panic attack.
Brad kept yelling, then he/Janet started laughing.
I told Janet that Brad’s behavior concerned me. She told me I was overreacting; Brad was sticking up for her because I was being ‘ridiculous.’ I asked her for a 20-minute heads up before he came over because he made me feel scared (this would give me time to grab my things and either go to my room or go to my partner’s).
She said that was doable and promised to do so.
Multiple times, Janet and Brad have ‘surprised’ me at night while I took my dog out. Each time I have a massive panic attack. The first time, Brad kept walking closer to me after I asked him to stop.
He started yelling because he ‘just wanted to clear the air and apologize.’ After the most recent ‘surprise,’ my fingers, face, and legs froze. I fell down into the grass and was unable to move for an hour. Janet and I have not spoken since.
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Cutting My Mother Off?
“I’m (25 M) from a third-world, conservative country.
A very conservative, patriarchal but also somewhat progressive and rich country. I met my lovely wife in college, and we got married 6 years later.
So my mother is a very conservative woman. She has made a lot of sacrifices in her life to become the epitome of a label called mother, she gave up her job for me when I was a kid so she can concentrate on rearing me.
My mother was planning on an arranged marriage (like she had with my father) to a wealthy family.
My mother figured out our relationship 3-4 years in, and was very against it, but then convinced herself that I would eventually marry the girl of her choice. But well, it didn’t turn out the way she wanted it to, but she eventually accepted.
To be frank, I wasn’t okay with the mental distress she had caused the both of us, and my wife decided to eventually let bygones be bygones. My mother decided to come over to our rather small unit in an apartment complex to see how we were faring.
You see, my mother raised me ‘preciously’ by not letting me do any housework, or to even pick up after my own things, or even wake up by myself. Until I had to go to a dormitory system as a mandatory measure for my education, I didn’t realize I was incredibly coddled. Luckily I didn’t move in with my wife yet, and eventually, when we did after our marriage, we shared our responsibilities and took over whenever the other isn’t feeling well.
And my mother wasn’t happy. She called my wife slurs in our language and told her that she made her precious son experience hardship. She told her she wasn’t a woman, and she was just… a caricature of womanly parts.
I blasted at her, booked her a hotel and a ticket back home (we live in a different city, again due to economic reasons), and asked her to get lost. I was so enraged, and I told her she had no right to decide what I want, and that I was willing to break all relations with her at that instant if she were to speak a word to my wife like that.
And she cried saying that she wanted the best for me, and she always wanted me to be treated like a prince, and this marriage would eventually make me unhappy because a man who is ‘blinded by lust’ will eventually realize how he isn’t fit for it, and when years pass by, it would be very difficult for me to get a proper standing in this house.
My wife was shocked, and she even told me to not break things off with my mother, and we could pretend only when she was coming over, and just placate her in her olden days. I just can’t accept it. My father and some other relatives called me up and told me I wasn’t being a filial son to my mother who worked so hard and gave up everything for me.
That I am a jerk for taking things too far, and I should try to work a middle-ground between them instead of either forcing her to accept and apologize or cutting everything. Even my wife agrees.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Estranged Father's Medical Bills?
“My (F 29) parents divorced when I was about 10 years old and I have had no contact with my father after a year because he made the choice to prioritize his new family, step-son (33), and eventually his children with new wife over my brother and I.
No visitation after he got remarried at all. When we called to ask when he was going to visit us, he would just say that he was busy.
Before the divorce, I was literally Daddy’s little girl. His beloved golden child. No joke. I thought my father was the best and I wanted to marry a man like him when I grew up.
So, the fact that he just dropped my brother and me off has caused a deep-seated wound deep in my heart which I will never ever forgive him for causing.
He never paid child support so my mother had to support my brother and me as a single parent.
She decided not to take him to court as she never wanted anything to do with him again. (Parents had 50/50 custody).
However,18 years is a long time, and thanks to my mother’s love and care for us, I have already forgotten about him and moved on with my life, same goes for my brother.
We have both grown up to live comfortably in our lives, take care of our mother and love her to no end.
The story is that this morning, his stepson (33) contacted me via social media and said he wanted to talk to me regarding ‘OUR’ father, and I was confused at first and then remembered that yes, I had someone like that in my life.
He told me that our father has a medical condition and treatment costs a lot (sent together with screenshots of his medical reports) and it would be nice if we could pay his bills and also that my ‘father’ wanted to speak to my brother and me. I told him that, that man lost the right to be my father when he decided to not have any contact with us and also that ‘HIS’ father’s medical bills are non of my concern so as his children, you shouldn’t go around harassing random people for money.
Also, all those years of unpaid child support could be used to cover his medical expenses. After which he called me a vengeful and heartless jerk, to which I just replied with a smiling emoji and blocked him.
I talked to my mom about this and she said while I have the right to be angry with him, he is still my father and is unwell, so I could help them out a bit.
I told her ‘No way am I going to pay for his bills. He has his children to pay for it, so let them settle it. He made his bed, now let him sleep on it’.
Was I the jerk here?”
10. AITJ For Being Concerned About My Daughter And Reading Her Diary?
“I have a daughter, whom I’ll call Nova, who just turned 13 last month. I also have a 10-year-old son named Aiden. Their father, Justin, and I divorced when Nova was 6. We are in good communication with each other and we each have 50/50 custody.
I did remarry 2 years ago to a man named Michael. Michael is really good with Nova and Aiden and respects the rules that Justin and I have set regarding parenting.
Nova was very social and outgoing growing up. We have had a good relationship, and she has always come to me when she’s had a problem.
But recently, being a month, I noticed she was exhibiting out-of-character behavior. She was not going out with her friends as often, and she never really brought them up anymore. That’s just one example, I guess, but I have noticed a change in her behavior. She was a lot more introverted and quiet.
I tried to casually ask about her friends a few times, and she would mumble a quick response and return to what she was doing.
I have spoken to Justin and my husband about it (separately) and both of them said had noticed something peculiar.
When I saw no change over the next few weeks, I felt like I had to take action.
Last week, when my kids were packing for their trip to their Dad’s house. (At the time, Michael was on his guy’s trip.) I snuck into Nova’s room when she wasn’t currently there and skimmed through the pages of her diary. I found a few reasons as to why she had changed. She wrote that she was fighting with her friends, struggling to maintain friendships, and having a lot of social anxiety problems. She didn’t want me to find out about it, she wrote.
She had said I would make a big deal about it.
Then she caught me. She called me a jerk and said it was an invasion of privacy. She told both Michael and Justin, and they think that it was an awful idea and I shouldn’t have done it.
I do feel bad about reading her diary, but I found out that she was struggling. So, AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Pay To Have My House Cleaned?
“It’s winter and so we have a humidifier going in the living room. I had a friend with her 11-year-old over.
He wanted to watch a movie so I put on Disney+ and his mom and I went to talk in the kitchen.
We ended up stepping outside so I could show her what my plans were for our garden this spring. She’s really into homesteading and had great advice.
When we were done, we went back into the house and eventually went back to the living room. It smelled really weird in there and I have a very sensitive nose. It kind of smelled like pee so I wondered if my cats peed in there but they were all in hiding because we had people over.
It really bothered me and I kept investigating before I realized the blue water holder of the humidifier was green… I pulled it out and it smelled like pee. I was talking out loud while doing all of this and her son was basically like ‘Yeah I peed in that.
I think it’s really cool how it makes my pee just disappear!’
To which I immediately wanted to vomit and burn my entire house down. I was stunned and so disgusted and the mom was like shocked. She excused herself and her kid and left.
It turns out he has a humidifier in his room to help with his chapped lips/dry nose and he’s been doing that in his room for months.
I threw my humidifier away and realized I never wanted to go into my living room again because there is urine mist all over the room.
The mom asked if there was anything she could do to make it up to me and offered to buy me a new humidifier but I said I’m fine with just never owning another humidifier, but I would really appreciate it if she would split with me or pay the cost to have my living room professionally cleaned. I want the carpet, sofa, and drapes steam cleaned, the walls cleaned, and every nook and cranny cleaned. The idea of even walking into my living room makes my skin crawl.
She said that was too much and she can just buy me a new humidifier. She didn’t plan on doing any cleaning to her son’s room. She kind of sees it as a nonissue.
I’m so disgusted but I feel like she should at least split the cost of the professional cleaning.
She’s refusing and calling me the jerk for trying to take advantage of the situation to get my living room cleaned. We’re kind of in a stand off and I’m wondering if I’m being a jerk. Is this really asking for too much?”
8. AITJ For Letting My Stepmother's Baby Call My Wife "Mama"?
“My father married my now stepmother late in life after an accidental pregnancy. For reference, my father is 71, my wife and I are 32 and 30, and my stepmother is 41.
My stepmother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer while pregnant and it has progressed to stage 4. She has less than a year to live.
We’ve already worked it out between the 3 of us that after my stepmother passes on, my wife and I will be adopting the baby. It’s the perfect solution.
My father will get to fully retire and have a more appropriate grandfather role, my wife and I will be able to have a second child, and our older child will be able to have a younger sibling that they’ve already bonded with since we already do most of the care for the baby because she’s far too ill.
I came over to visit and show them pictures and videos of the kids. I didn’t think about this, but in one of the videos, the baby can be heard saying ‘mama’ to my wife. She got angry at that and asked if we allow the baby to say that, which we do, and it came out that we would be adopting the baby when she passes on.
She balked at that and said she would never allow it, but quite frankly, that’s just not her choice. I tried to tell her not to worry about it and that we would make sure she wasn’t forgotten, but she got angry and tried to say that she would stop it.
I shouldn’t have engaged, but I did and I ended up telling her to get over it because that’s just what it was going to be. She started crying and I stormed out.
My father is upset with me for upsetting her, which I feel bad about, but she’s the one who made a big deal about it.
She never had to even think about it. She brought it up, not me. We didn’t want to stress her out about it because there was no need to, but what did she think the reality of this situation was going to be? My wife and I are already the ones raising this child.
My father is too old to fully raise another child or even want to. I don’t think it’s my fault that she pressed for the truth and then didn’t like what she found.”
7. AITJ For Going Shopping With My Stepdaughter?
“I (30 F) have been married to my husband Dan (36 M) for almost 4 years. We don’t have any kids together, but he has a 10-year-old daughter from his last marriage, Emma. Dan and his ex-wife Eve, both get equal time with Emma. Dan and Emma have always had a good relationship, and I love Emma to death… she’s a great kid.
On the other hand, Eve and Dan don’t get along and she has never liked me… and I understand the resentment. Dan has said that when they were together that he was not a great husband to her, and their divorce was tough on everyone involved.
The problem started when Dan was worried because Emma was acting like something was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell him anything.
I eventually talked to Emma, and she told me that over the holiday, her cousins had made jokes about her chest/body and told her that she needs to wear a bra. She thought that her training bra would be fine with the shirt that she wore that day, but that the cousins still noticed her chest and made fun of her.
She didn’t feel comfortable telling her dad what happened, because, in her own words, she ‘felt gross.’
I did the best that I could to comfort her about what happened. I told her that she isn’t ‘gross’ but rather that she is perfectly normal, and her cousins were just being awful.
She seemed to feel better after we talked for a while, and I told her she’s always welcome to talk to me about ‘girl stuff.’
Later I told Dan what she said, and I asked him if it would be weird if I took Emma out to buy her a couple of bras with different support/padding, along with new clothes.
He said that he didn’t think so and he even offered to go himself but said that he would be clueless, and it would probably be awkward for both of them.
So, the next day I asked her if she wanted to go, and she was up to it, so I took her.
We didn’t get her anything crazy, just some clothes and undergarments to last her until she promptly grows again in a week.
The night before Emma was supposed to go back to Eve, I (stupidly) decided to text Eve to let her know what had happened, that Dan and I had handled it already, and that while Emma was okay, she might want to check in on her.
Eve sent me a super long reply, saying that it was not appropriate of me to have ‘body conversations’ with Emma and that I had crossed a pretty serious line. Eve said that in the future, she wants Dan and I to let her handle all body conversations and situations with Emma… because these things should be handled by her mother… something she said I would understand if I had kids of my own.
I told her that if I had known this was important to her, I would’ve reached out to her and let her handle it… but I was only trying to help Emma, a child that I love dearly.
It was pretty clear that her feelings were hurt that she missed a milestone with Emma and that she doesn’t trust me.
Dan says that she’s just inventing problems, but I can’t help but feel like even if I had good intentions I might have accidentally overstepped.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Wife's Music Career?
“I (M 30) have been married to my wife (F 37) for about six years. We got married quickly, due to me being active duty, and she ended up pregnant soon after.
Marriage goes on, another beautiful baby, etc. But the entire time one issue (for me) persists in her music career.
My wife is a trained Opera singer, and very disgruntled that she had to give up consistently gigging to raise the kids.
Due to the fact that singers often charge as contractors, we get hit heavily on taxes for her music, which often pays relatively low (80ish pre-tax for about 3-4 hours).
She would often book gigs even on days when I was on ‘Port & Starboard’ duty, leaving me with the kids after what was essentially a 36-hour-long workday.
Recently she booked a show, which I was happy for her about. The show ended up taking place over 3 months, with my wife driving about 25 miles each way (with a $5 toll one way).
It also paid a total of $300, and my wife was gone from the time I got off work until 11:30 – 12:00 most nights. She also made sure to go out to eat after every show with her friends.
When I argued about this, I was told that I just don’t care about her happiness and that she deserved to be able to perform because she had watched MY kids while I was deployed. She also gets mad and says I just don’t want to watch my own kids, which I guess is fair.
The music has gone to the point of us needing to pick our next house based on her being able to perform, as I’ve got a work-from-home job. This will put us in a city or small suburb, which I’ve repeatedly expressed not being interested in.
She also argues that I was aware she was a singer and should have been prepared for this.
I don’t know, I feel like I both am and am not the jerk.”
5. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner Over Doing The Dishes?
“My (F 27) partner (M 28) is in his second year of being a doctor and often works 10-12+ hour days with a 1-hour commute.
It’s very stressful and has been a hard adjustment for him. I also think he has undiagnosed ADHD and depression as he often struggles with motivation and doesn’t even notice that things need to be done around the house.
We’ve lived together for a year and a half now and have frequent arguments over his lack of help.
I do all of the housework. Vacuuming, dusting, tidying, cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, watering the plants, taking out the trash. Before I moved in the one thing we agreed would be his responsibility was the washing up. That is the only task I expect him to do consistently, and even then I often have to do it.
Now, having a tidy home is very important to my mental health. This is something he was well aware of before I moved in. He knows I find it really overwhelming and stressful when things are messy. His lack of support has been incredibly hard on me. He’s unusually messy, complains when I ask him to do something, and I carry the emotional burden of doing everything.
I’ve also been struggling with motivation, stress, and burnout, making this all even harder.
We’ve had many conversations about this. He says he doesn’t have time to help, and that it makes sense that I do everything since I’m always home (as I was doing a full-time degree online from home).
I always say it takes him 10 minutes to do the dishes, and if I weren’t here he’d have to do everything himself anyways. I often leave these conversations feeling disrespected, and that he ‘doesn’t have the time’ because helping me is just not a priority.
I have tried to compromise and make it easier for him.
One day I even categorized a list of things into what I can let go of, what I can/have compromised on, and what simply needs to change. And in the last few months, he has made significant progress. I often thank him for this and acknowledge everything he’s done.
But I still do the vast majority of the housework, have to ask him to do stuff, and have not healed from the burden and lack of respect I’ve felt the last year. But the one thing I still expect him to do is the washing up, and still, he often complains.
Today I asked him to do it as we had no clean dishes for dinner (I now only ask when we have nothing to cook with, yet another compromise), and I was upset when he said he didn’t have time. I said I didn’t want to discuss it anymore because it wasn’t going to make me feel better.
He then spent half an hour arguing with me, then angrily finished the dishes in 4 minutes.
I’m so tired of feeling like I’m asking for too much. Before we started going out, he said housework should be 50/50, but even now it’s only 90/10. I get he has long days, but this is the only thing I ask him to do consistently and I even waited until it needed to be done.
So, AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Slamming The Door In My Neighbor's Face After She Woke My Baby Up?
“My husband (25 m) and I (24 f) moved into the current house we live in a year and a half ago.
He’s in the military so we live in military housing with our 6-month-old baby. The houses are duplexes so we always have a family living on the other side of us. The entire time we’ve lived here we’ve never had any issues or problems with our neighbors but they recently relocated to another state and a new family moved in.
With military housing, they provide lawn care service and people come out twice a week to mow the lawn and take care of the yard. They come on the same days at the same time every week so I plan my daughter’s nap schedule around it. My daughter was a colicky baby and has always had a hard time falling/staying asleep.
A few weeks go by and no one comes by to do the lawn. I thought it was a little strange but assumed they were busy. A month goes by and still nothing so I called the main office to ask when they’d be out again. She said they were currently in my neighborhood and would get to my house shortly.
I thanked her and hung up. A few hours later I realized they had left and everyone’s grass had been cut but my house. At this point, I’m super confused but don’t want to keep bothering the office people over something trivial, so I drop it.
Day’s later, my husband was coming home, and the lady next door was outside and she stops him to have a chat.
She mentioned that when she first moved in she told the people in the office not to send anyone over to do the lawn because she wanted to do it herself. We share the lawn so I was annoyed she did that without talking to us about it beforehand or at least letting us know she had afterward.
It was annoying but not a huge deal and I let it go.
Well yesterday minutes after I put my baby down for her nap, I hear a lawn mower. It’s not on a lawn mowing day so I immediately know it’s her and I’m annoyed. As quickly as I could I threw my shoes on and go outside.
I tell her my baby is trying to sleep and ask her to do it at another time. I wasn’t rude but she could tell I was angry. She said she would and I thought that was the end of it and go back inside.
Two minutes later she’s slamming on my door and ringing the doorbell repeatedly (after I literally just told her my baby was inside trying to sleep) to ask me if I could let her know when the baby was up so she could.
Waking my baby up in the process. I didn’t say anything to her and slammed the door in her face. When my husband got home I told him what happened and even though he agrees with me, he thought I could have handled the situation better and not slammed the door on her.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancé About "My" Engagement Ring?
“My fiance Tom (25 M) and I (25 F) have recently gotten engaged after being together for 2 years. My family and friends were so excited for us as I didn’t have the best history with men in the past. Needless to say, it was the happiest day of my life.
What happened next came to me as quite a shock. I received a message from my best friend (Anna), letting me know that the ring my fiance had used to propose to me to was in fact the exact same ring he used to propose to his ex (Jessica, not real name).
The picture was still up on Jessica’s social media, dated about 3 years ago.
I had known that Tom was previously engaged before. The reason for their breakup was always unclear to me. Tom would get defensive talking about it or said to not bring it up again. I took this as him not wanting to talk about his past relationships, something I could relate to having a bad past myself.
At first, I didn’t want to believe he could have used the same ring but my friend told me it was a unique design and there’s no way it could be a coincidence. It’s an exact copy.
As my friend pointed out, you can tell that it’s the same ring he used to propose to Jessica because it’s a unique design.
It’s a square diamond tilted to the side with smaller ones surrounding it in a pattern, the same layout, colors, etc.
I went to confront Tom asking if he re-used Jessica’s ring to propose to me. He denied it and told me to stop making things up. That I’m being paranoid.
Then he started to question me… How did I come across this? Why am I going through his ex’s social media? Basically making me look like the bad guy. After arguing back-and-forth he finally confesses to re-using the ring and saying there’s no reason for me to be angry and confronting him like that.
How he doesn’t see any issue in proposing to me with that ring? Also told me to be grateful he proposed and that I should stop being such a ‘spoiled princess’ and a jerk to him. Said that women should be thankful for getting such a pretty ring.
Now I don’t know how to feel. I do think that I have the right to be angry and that he shouldn’t have re-used the ring. A ring that was a promise made to another woman. But on the other hand, I don’t know if I completely overreacted and was a jerk for how I handled the confrontation.
So am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dog's New Owners To Rename Him?
“I used to have a German Shepherd named ‘Willy’, but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so Willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me.
I am not gonna lie, I did feel like I’d given up on Willy. I’ve had him since he was small but I did thorough digging to find him the perfect home and the perfect family. I’d met up with the family and they embraced him right away.
They seemed nice and all and agreed to keep in contact so I could learn about how Willy was doing.
This took place in December. I got busy with the holidays then loads and loads of work and was only able to call the family to check on Willy last week.
Anyways so while I was with them on the phone I heard a small girl yelling ‘Rudy’ repeatedly. I asked who Rudy was and they casually said it was Willy but they gave him a new name. I was absolutely shocked I asked if they were being serious with me and they asked what was wrong.
I absolutely lost it on them telling them that that dog already has a name that was given to him by his owner and they should respect that. Plus all his legal papers are under the name Willy but I was surprised when they said they took care of that legally… like how…
I told them they had no permission to rename the dog point blank period. But they argued that Willy is theirs now and I have no say. I told them they were dead wrong and demanded that they have some respect and stop confusing him and start calling him by his real name.
They refused and we got into a huge fight on the phone and social media where they threatened to block me. I was so mad I took the argument to their place where they threatened to report me for ‘harassment’.
I decided to take a few days to let things settle down then I’d visit them again but my fiancee thinks I’m overstepping and should let the family decide this stuff without harassing them which was an expected thing to hear from her since my stepson is the reason I had to let go of my dog in the first place.
She got offended but I told her that siding with strangers mistreating my dog did not paint her in good light though I started thinking she might be right.
So AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Allowing Our Daughter Join Her Significant Other's Family Vacation?
“My husband and I have two daughters, Carla (19 F) and Bárbara (17 F). I began to work again when Bárbara turned 12. We’ve never struggled with paying bills or having food, but we didn’t have much money to spare.
This meant no vacation trips, only going out once or twice a month or every two months, clothes every 6-12 months, etc. None of my kids have been to the US before (my husband and I have for work), and even when we’re doing much better now. We still don’t know when we might be able to since we’re paying for Carla’s college and will be paying for Bárbara’s next year.
Bárbara has been going out with Alan (18 F) since she was 14. Our families know each other, but we aren’t particularly close. They invite us every year to Tiago’s birthday, and we do the same with Bárbara’s. She has spent every Christmas there since she was 15 and she attends every family function with Alan.
His family is well-off and even when we have tried to interact more between ourselves, we don’t have a lot in common. We’re civil though. They’re very respectful and indeed adore my girl.
Alan’s dad is having his 50th birthday in two months. The whole family is traveling to a ski resort in Utah and a week ago, Alan’s mother came to our house to ask my husband and me permission to take Bárbara with them.
They offered to cover all of her expenses and give daily updates with photos and videos so we could make sure Bárbara was okay. They also offered to sign a responsibility letter in case something happened. I asked why they were inviting her and she said Bárbara is like family now and Alan would love to have her there.
We chatted for a few minutes and she asked us to answer her by the end of the month.
My husband and I gave it some thought and we decided not to let her go. We are aware that saying yes to this trip opens the door for future lavish trips that will include her.
We can’t afford anything like that, and we might never be able to, and while Bárbara does because of her SO and his family, Carla will be home, unable to enjoy things as her sister does. My husband was sure of this too, but he came home today saying that we might be jerks for punishing Bárbara for the things we can’t afford for Carla and that it might not be fair.”
