People Get Reckless In These ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Stories
20. AITJ For Losing It Over A Friend Drinking My Drink Without Permission?
“I’ve known this girl (let’s call her Sarah) for about 3 years now because my (ex-) best friend (let’s call her Jane) introduced us when she got into the same class as her.
Sarah was at first very shy and never really said much, but was very friendly. After some time, she always asked some of our group friends if they could buy her something (including me). We never got money back, nor did she ever buy us anything.
I’m also more on the shyer side, and no one really saw me as an angry person. When I and Jane fought because she never asked me to hangout, nor did she ever try to make plans with me, but only with the other people of the group.
Me and the whole group didn’t talk for almost a year; we solved our problems, and I thought everything is fine. Sarah also has a problem with stealing crushes and partners, and that problem has she with the whole group except me because I think she was too scared of me (I’m 2 years older than her).
I have mental health problems, but I never told anyone in the group since I never had any problems with that when I was with them.
Now, to the part why I’m making this. I had a very lousy day yesterday and was crying all day, so I asked Jane and Sarah if they wanted to hang out because they were near my house, thinking I could get into a better mood.
We went to a supermarket to get some snacks, but Sarah didn’t have money with her, as always, so she asked me to buy her something (I haven’t seen her in a long time, nor do I hang out with her alone; we only text each other).
I said yes, since I haven’t had an issue with that because I feel generous with people I’m friends with. I paid for both of us about $10. She didn’t even say thank you, and we just walked out of the supermarket. I wanted to open my food and asked her if she could hold my drink since Jane opened her snack at the time (I can’t buy this drink anywhere else, so I don’t get it often.
Mind you, she had a bigger bottle than me and already drank half of it).
When I started opening my snack, I heard the click that you hear when you open a can. As I looked over to her, I saw her drinking my drink.
I got really angry and sad and just didn’t know what to say (I have a compulsive order, and I need to open every can when I buy it for myself with a specific rhythm, and I have to get the first sip). She just looked at me and didn’t even say sorry.
I said I still had some work to do and didn’t want to ruin the mood, since I was angry and sad; I just left and cried on my way home. Both of them think I’m being overly childish. Yes, I might’ve acted a bit too much, but I told them I had a bad day and cried much.
I told another friend of our group (she also has a small problem because of a boy with Sarah), and she thinks I have every right to be angry at her and knows how I feel. I think Sarah has no manners in this situation, and I ignored her for a while because I knew if I don’t ignore her, I might say some things I might regret later.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unfortunately, these girls had the opposite effect that you wanted. They did not cheer you up. Sarah’s behavior to open your drink and start drinking was very strange. And you’re sure you told her to hold your drink, right?
Sounds like you were too emotional to actually confront Sarah at the time.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Eww, my first thought was “Germs! How unsanitary!” And my second thought was how rude that was. I would have taken both my drink and the one I purchased for her back and thrown them out, telling her that her behavior is cause to forfeit my generosity of paying for her drink.
I would have then gone back inside and bought myself another drink. I would have to decide if it was worth keeping her among my friend group. Does she contribute anything to your friendship at all? And not just monetary.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you need to drop these people; they are not friends to you or don’t respect you.
And so why would you want to be around people who constantly mooch off of you and disrespect you? There are better people out there for you to hang out with. Find them.” PumpkinPowerful3292
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Friends For Their Lies And Gaslighting?
“I had two friends who I trusted after months of playing together after meeting on the online game called DBD. Last night, I discovered they had been point-blank lying to me and gaslighting me for weeks after I started to feel like they were avoiding me, telling me they weren’t avoiding me and that they liked hanging with me.
It turns out that they had been avoiding me for days, telling me they were playing with other friends or were not in the mood, but that it wasn’t because they didn’t like me but merely to play with other friends they don’t always get to play with, which I understood completely.
However, last night this all fell apart when they blatantly lied to me and told me they were going to log off early to fix their sleep schedule and faked going offline until they saw me hop off. For reasons I don’t know, I decided to hop back on to play more only to see them, as well as a mutual friend, playing together in a party, and all I could do was sit there and feel hurt as I saw them play game after game in a separate Discord I wasn’t in since they left the server we always used to talk.
After watching for a while, I texted his partner who is the other friend in this story and told her I knew she lied to me and that I saw what they were doing. At first, she tried to lie and tell me she wasn’t doing what I said she was, and then after a few more angry texts, she admitted she had lied, and she, as well as her partner (my other friend), were in a party with our mutual friend.
She proceeded to text that she felt terrible and simply wanted to not cause a rift or anything between me and her partner and tried to hide it so we could all continue to be friends, but I don’t understand how friends just lie and hide from other friends.
She then told me she was crying and shaking, which upset me as she knowingly lied to me and said that I should be the one crying, not her, which only made her worse. After texting in anger, telling her how betrayed I felt and how she and her partner have made me deeply upset, she told me she was getting a migraine and panicking due to the pressure.
I then got a text from her partner, who I will call Fake.
Fake: “I have enough text proof to get you arrested for harassment so if you knew what was good for you, you’d block her and go on about your way. You have stressed her to the max and I’m done with it.”
ME: You got caught in a lie.
Fake: “You are a bully, and you don’t respect women. I saw you text her in a fit.”
ME: You lied to me to my face. How am I supposed to feel? Happy? Tell her that you and her did a great job???
Fake: “We did head offline and I can prove it.”
ME: She told me you all are in a party. She didn’t show you all the texts clearly. (I then sent a screenshot of her confessing.)
Fake: “We don’t need an annoying little jerk like you.”
He then blocked me. I found out this morning the partner had a “panic attack” and had to actually finally log off while her partner continued to play with the mutual like nothing happened.”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, you’re NTJ for the panic attack, per se.
But you should grow up. They’re not forced to play with you every time they’re online, and it seems, how you took it so much personally that they didn’t play with you, they just needed a break from you. They probably lied so your feelings didn’t get hurt.
Just find new friends to play with.” Dense-Tradition4272
18. AITJ For Buying Substances For My Daughter?
“I (46 female) have two children (20 male and female twins).
My daughter has been staying in an apartment near her college campus since she was 19. She comes home for holidays and to visit during her summer break. On her most recent visit, my husband (55 male) took her car to get her air conditioning fixed. While he had her car, he found a pack of smokes in her glove compartment.
He hasn’t been able to give me a reason why he was looking in the glove compartment. He immediately came to me and told me about the situation. For context, I started smoking when I was about 15 years old and didn’t stop until my pregnancy when I was about 25.
I am also an oncologist, so I have worked with many people who have gotten cancer as a side effect of smoking.
After my husband told me what he had found, I sat my daughter down and had a conversation with her. I asked her many questions including why she had started smoking in the first place, and after a bit of badgering, she admitted it was because her friends and roommates had recently started using substances on weekends.
She didn’t want to participate in substance use but also didn’t want to feel left out so she had started smoking while they smoked. I asked her, since she was only smoking to fit in like this, if she would consider smoking herbal substances instead.
She told me that she had considered herbal substances first, but the only place that would sell to her without ID didn’t carry them. I offered to buy her substances that she paid for so she wouldn’t have to struggle with substances like I did.
She agreed and I bought her a box later that day. The way I see it is that my daughter is an adult and can make her own choices. She lives in an apartment that she pays rent for and is free to do what she likes.
As a mother, I can only hope she makes the right choices and I help her when she needs me.
When my husband found out that I didn’t scold her for smoking and offered to buy substances for her, he was infuriated. He told me that I was helping her learn to give in to peer pressure and pushing her towards a possible addiction.
When I tried to explain my view, he put it simply by saying if she is too young to buy her substances on her own then she is too young to smoke them. I told him fine, but if this was the case then he is no longer allowed to give our son beer when they watch sports together, as our son is too young to drink.
This enraged him even more as he said I was trying to compare poisoning our daughter to a traditional bonding activity.
Since this fight, our relationship has been incredibly strained, and I have been starting to wonder if maybe I was wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for failing to be a role model because you smoked 10 years yourself. Statistically and proven by endless studies, children of a smoker are much more eager to smoke themselves than children from non-smokers. Yes, you stopped smoking by the time of birth, but for obvious reasons the past cannot be changed. You should take responsibility for the upcoming addiction of your daughter.
Help and maneuver her out of this situation where she is stuck, even though she doesn’t believe it. Also, the fact that you decided how to handle the situation without discussing it with her father is not fair towards him. It was him in the first place who came to you to discuss his discovery of the substances.
If he wanted, he could have scolded her right away. He didn’t. He came to you to discuss this topic as parents, furthermore. You should have discussed your decision with your husband first place.” casper671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what any good parent would do.
You respected her as an adult and her ability to make her own choices, but you still showed care for her and her health/well-being by offering alternatives. Even better that she accepted the safer alternative. Honestly, I wish my mother took it this well when she found out I was smoking.
Instead, her behavior around the whole thing (and a lot of other things) caused me to distance myself, and our relationship is basically nonexistent. Also, your husband’s point about some substances being poison but booze a “bonding” thing? Does he know booze is one of the worst substances to withdraw/recover from?
I’d rather my child smoke than drink any day.” Andromeda-Native
17. AITJ For Choosing My Inner Peace Over Visiting My Dying Grandfather?
“In late 2022, my grandparents got a divorce after 72 years of marriage.
At this time, I was renting an incredibly affordable apartment.
It was far from the best, but it was the only place in the city that I could afford.
My Gpa was very depressed and lonely. More family live in the area, but I am the only one that doesn’t have much going on, other than a full time job, so my Gpa really leaned on me.
He found a nice 3-bedroom house, and invited me to live with him for cheap rent.
It was a fantastic offer. I was finally going to be able to live in a nice house with a fence and a yard, for cheaper than I was paying for my crappy apt.
I found a coworker who was willing to take on the lease, and after a lot of waiting, stress, and frustration, I was able to squeeze out of it.
It was time to move in to the house, and my Gpa had a talk with me.
He looked me in the eyes and said he knew his time was coming, and that he wanted the house to be MINE to live in and take care of when he was gone.
It was simply too good to be true. I kept my expectations low.
The thing is, he kept telling me. It wasn’t until I was 100% moved in and things were going well that I finally believed him. I was never going to have to rent from a landlord again! I felt like endless opportunities were instantly unlocked and I was hopeful for the future, for once.
Moved in April 2023 and everything was fine through the summer. This is when my uncle enters the picture. My uncle had been living in Wyoming and, in July, he was fired from his job and lost his house with it. Him, my aunt, 6 cats plus a dog all moved back here.
They were staying in a camper at a campground nearby, unsure what their next move would be.
Without even talking to me, my Gpa invited them to live in our house. Without talking to me, my Gpa decided the house was no longer mine, that he would be giving it to my uncle.
All of this I had to put together myself, all while being left in the dark. I knew things were changing, but I didn’t realize how bad it really was.
It culminated one day, as I was leaving for work, I was stopped and told I had 2 weeks to get OUT.
I was absolutely blindsided. I begged them to let me stay. My grandpa said some very hurtful and hateful things to me. It was just cruel.
I was wreck, anxiety-ridden and unable to sleep, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest every minute of every day.
Things got increasingly hostile at the house, with them threatening to throw my crap out and change the locks. It was horrible.
A customer of mine heard what was going on, and invited me to stay in an extra space in his basement. It’s not the prettiest place in the world, but it’s a space for me to have peace.
I am still here now, as I am typing this.
Last week, my dad told me that Gpa was on hospice, with a projected 2 weeks to live. Heart failure. My dad says it would be good for me to see him, and that I’d be welcomed, but I have not had enough time to heal. It is worth noting he is receiving care IN THAT HOUSE.
Edit for clarity: I am a 30yo male. I have always had a very positive relationship with my grandparents and my grandpa in particular has been one of my biggest supporters. That’s what makes the sudden hostility even more confusing for me. I am a quiet person, mostly keep to myself.
Easy to live with. If I’m not at work I am usually in my room gaming. I was extremely grateful to be allowed to live in the house and certainly did not take it for granted. I trusted my grandfather wholeheartedly and I unfortunately believed him when he first set my expectations about what this house was going to be and what it meant for my future.
Final edit: I know this is not the edit any of you were hoping for, but my grandpa passed yesterday afternoon. I did not visit. I have to admit, the feeling I had was a rush of relief. I knew deep down I did not want to go, and unfortunately I made myself believe I was a bad person for not wanting to.
But I know that isn’t true. I was worried I would have regrets, but honestly, I don’t. At the end of the day, I have to protect my inner peace. Thank you all for your advice.”
Another User Comments:
“Hard to say. There seems to be a lot of jumps from he wants you to live there and is leaving you the house to he wants you out within 2 weeks and being told a lot of hurtful without a lot of context about what happened in the interim.
It also doesn’t help that it sounds like you were thinking of it as your house while your grandfather was still alive. Let’s be clear—it was his house and you were still a guest. I don’t know the rest of the story so I can’t give a verdict, but I have to wonder if that has a big part in why things went south.
So given that I don’t know what happened, I can’t say if you’re right or wrong for not visiting.” QuesoDelDiablos
Another User Comments:
“Are you sure there was no dementia or altzeimers lurking (even mild)? I genuinely think there’s more lurking there.
Take it from someone who has had Dementia and Alzheimers in the family. It can create mood swings, memory loss, etc. Change exacerbates it. Swallow the hurt and pain. Go see grandpa. Then move on with your life. It is not worth holding on to the anger of events that occurred over the course of less than a year.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I assume your grandpa lied to you so he could use you to take of him. As soon as his son was able to assume your place he kicked you out. Tell your father that if you regret that something you will have to deal with.
If you want to make sure your family doesn’t lecture you about it, you can go and just don’t enter in the room, will be registered that you go there and if asked your grandpa was sleeping at the time.” Individual_Noise_366
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Treating My Brother Better Than Me When Sick?
“For context, I fell sick with a high fever a few days after my brother fell sick.
To be frank, I suspect I fell sick because of my brother and I blame him for not being responsible enough when he was sick to wear a mask. He fell sick most likely because he slept over at a friend’s house who was also sick.
Anyway, this is not that relevant. We both are suffering almost the same symptoms such as coughing and high fever.
When my brother fell sick, my mother checked in on him every once in a few hours, brought him water and medicine, washed his dishes when he just left them on the table (usually we are supposed to do our own dishes; my mom said she helped cause he is sick), prepared breakfast for him, and brought him to see a doctor.
When I fell sick, she didn’t even bother to help me with anything she did for my brother. I brought myself water, I washed my dishes, and made myself breakfast even though I was really sick. All she did was ask me to take medicine, which obviously I would without her asking.
When my fever reached its all-time high, I only told my dad about it, and he asked me to go to the emergency department. My mom only knew how bad my high fever got because my dad told her. Well, this could easily tell you how ignorant she is of me being sick, right?
When I confronted my mom about it, she yelled at me saying that I’m angry over such a “small issue” (referring to her being biased in the way she treated me and my brother when we were both sick). I told her it may be a small issue to her, but it is a big issue to me.
Actions speak louder than words. She often says she is not biased, but you can easily tell from the way she treated me and my brother when we were both sick that she is biased. Also, she tries to guilt trip me by bringing up the fact that she don’t expect me to give her allowance and help her with things.
What a thing to say when I’m sick. Talk about adding insult to injury. I refuse to help her because all my life, she was never actually there for me as a mother. All she did was use money to shut me up. She calls me stingy because I don’t spend money for family members.
She says my siblings work part-time and don’t ask money from her, while I work full-time and didn’t give her an allowance. Actually, I paid for my own transport and meals while working. The only thing I didn’t do was give her an allowance. Maybe this is a controversial opinion, but I don’t think my mother deserves an allowance just because she “invested” in me and raised me from the day I was born.
As a mother, it is her obligation and responsibility to provide for me in terms of food, shelter, and other basic needs. If she can’t even do that, why bother giving birth to me? She could send me to an orphanage, and I would be eternally grateful to have escaped the tragedy of being her daughter.
If I do give an allowance, it is only out of goodwill, but now I won’t.”
Another User Comments:
“Ah, the smell of misogyny. Move out, you are not valued without the twig and berries. NTJ.” lovescarats
Another User Comments:
“OK the way you’re writing this you sound like an adult.
How old is everyone here? Is your brother, a minor and you an adult or are you both adults? Are you both minors?” Etiacruelworld
15. AITJ For Refusing To Venmo Money On A Duplicate Wishlist Gift?
“I (21F) got my sister (18F) two things for Christmas and a third thing for her birthday (a few days after Christmas). I purchased all of these things off the wishlist she sent our entire family at the start of the holiday season. On this wishlist, you can “reserve” items so others know if the gift has already been purchased, and the list maker can also see the reservations at the click of a button.
I am pretty proactive when it comes to getting my Christmas shopping done, so I purchased everything in late October-early November. Sometime after I purchased her gift, however, she removed one of the gifts I got her and replaced it with the same item in a different style.
I did not see this change as I already had done all my shopping, and when Christmas day rolled around, she opened my gift & loved it. A bit later, she opens a gift from my other sister (23F), and it’s the same gift in the new style.
Immediately, she realizes she has two of the same thing and says she prefers the one my older sister got. She turns to me and goes, “You can return it, though, right?”
I was pretty hurt hearing that. I got a bit teary-eyed but hid that I was upset and tried not to be too offended that she wanted me to return the gift I got her.
In my mind, she could return that gift and keep the other one I got her, end of story. I sent her the information for the return, and that was the last I heard from her.
Now, a month later, she’s reached out to ask if the money from the return came through (I hadn’t checked, really) and if I could Venmo it to her so she can get something else she wants.
The situation rubs me the wrong way because I reserved the item in advance on a list she sent us to get her gifts from, then took it off the list without bothering to look and see if it had already been purchased. I feel like she should just keep the other gift I got her, plus the gift I gave her for her birthday, and call it a day.
WIBTJ to not send her the money? How do I even communicate this in a text without getting into a fight?
Context into our relationship (a likely unnecessary blurb for those interested, feel free to skip):
She’s a teen, and most of the time, somewhat mean to me (as teens tend to be).
We have moments where we can laugh and hang out, but the past couple of years, she always has an attitude—there’s always a problem, no matter what I do.
She and my other sister often leave me out of the plans they make & get each other really lavish gifts (iPads, AirPods) while telling me the “limit” for their birthday gifts to me is $25.
Needless to say, I don’t feel really enthusiastic at the idea of being bullied into buying her another gift (which is what it often feels like with her), but I don’t want to be the bad guy and make things worse.”
Another User Comments:
“So let me ask two clarifying questions. 1. You want your sister to keep the Christmas gift from you she doesn’t like as much and return the one she likes more from the other sister to placate you? 2. Did you give the extra info because you want answer based on you alls relationship as a whole or since you said we could skip it do you want us to look just at this situation?” ReasonableGrass2384
Another User Comments:
“Ywbtj next time include a gift receipt that way she won’t have to insult you by being honest. Why are you so hurt that she thought you were responsible enough to keep receipts or mature enough to say “I refuse to return a gift I have given you.
It is yours to sort out how you will.” Now talk it out like an adult with conflict resolution skills.” zombieqatz
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – absolutely. You gave a gift that turned out to be a duplicate. It’s only reasonable that she would want to return or exchange it, since it’s redundant.
You already gave her the gift. It, or its value, is hers, now. Refusing to give her the funds if the return went to you instead of her would be essentially theft. If you don’t like how she treats you, then stop buying her extra things.
But if you buy her extra things, don’t resent her because of a decision you made. Sure, it sucks that you don’t have the same relationship with her as your other sister. But that’s the way it is, and acting out because you’re jealous of their situation is immature.
Doing things to try to buy her affection is also not a good plan; that’s the way to get into an abusive relationship, not a healthy one.” IAndaraB
14. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Friend After Her Ruined Surprise Birthday?
“It was one of my best friend’s birthday recently. Birthdays are pretty negative for her, and for months, she was stressing over the fact that she didn’t know what she was gonna do for it this year.
So when it was a month before her birthday, I told her not to worry. I would take over and plan something for her.
Even though I’ve been struggling financially lately, I made it work. My friend likes anything simple or aesthetic. So while her sister and I took her to this garden that was an hour away, our friend & her mom were back at her place to set up for a small surprise once we got back.
She seemed to really love the garden, & although we got pretty tired at the end, things were still going smoothly.
Once we got back to her place, we surprised her & all went well. She had opened her presents & once we sat down to eat with each other and two of her mom’s friends, I could tell that my friend’s mood started to go down.
She ended up going to the living room, & my friend & I joined her. She apologized & said she’s having a mood swing. She proceeds to make comments throughout the rest of the time saying she basically wishes she hadn’t gotten a surprise because she would have preferred to have a bit of say on what we would do (as well as invite because she only really wanted us there).
She was pretty sad & when I attempted to come up with something and say we should start baking together with the stuff I bought, all she said was eh. We ended up spending most of the time in her room, & eventually our friend had to leave because she had homework.
Since my friend turned 21, she said we should go to a hookah bar because “I wanna at least do something for my birthday.” (She is not a drinker). At this point, I was really hurt. Her comments only continued, with her saying stuff like that she just wanted the day to be over, or that maybe her 22nd birthday will be better.
Honestly, the hookah bar experience wasn’t even a good time, unfortunately.
Once I left, I cried. My friend had clarified to me multiple times that she was incredibly grateful, but it didn’t take away the guilt & sadness I felt.
I already know how my friend is when it comes to control, so I regret thinking surprising her with all that we did was a good idea.
It was her birthday and she deserved to have a say.
However, I haven’t really spoken to her for the past two days. It’s selfish of me to make this about myself, but my friend’s honesty just didn’t feel good. I had poured time & money, that I don’t even have, into her birthday because I wanted to relieve her of the stress she faces every year because of it.
The last time my friend messaged me to hang out, I told her that I wasn’t really feeling all that social. I think she can tell something is off, but I don’t have the energy to communicate.
AITJ for wanting some space from my friend right now because she got upset on her OWN birthday that I threw?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wish I had a friend like you. If she wanted input she should have said no to your idea of planning something and made a plan. She seems to be her own worst enemy when it comes to her birthday.
She was rude and did not behave in a grateful manner. I would use this as a learned lesson. Don’t get involved in planning of her birthday ever again. You’ll only get burned.” SpecialistAfter511
13. AITJ For Not Adding My Coworker To The Group Chat?
“I (F29) recently got promoted to a leadership role at work.
I’m not in charge of anyone, but I go to different locations, start up and run a program until a permanent person gets hired, I train them, and then I leave to go to another location. There are 4 other people in this role throughout the company.
My previous role used to be the permanent person at a work location. Every month, we would have meetings with the other people in our area group. So I was very close with my area group (we’ll call them Group A). We even had a group chat we talked in almost every day.
Certain people hadn’t been cleared to go to our work location yet, so we all met at a library central to our area. My new coworker (we’ll call her Andrea (F50/60ish)) and I were assigned to work with Group A until we were cleared to go to our work locations.
I get to the library and see Andrea, so I go up to her and say hello. We decide to wait for everyone to show up before finding a space. Everyone shows up, and we reserve a study room to hang out and get some work done.
Now Group A is a get your crap done and move on group. They’re awesome people, but they won’t do things for the sake of doing them.
Andrea meets the group for the first time, and she comments that everyone is so young. We’re all around 20s except for Andrea.
Andrea continually brings up the fact that she has grandchildren our age. So we’re all working, quiet, and focused. Andrea mentions that we should play a game because it seems like no one knows each other. (Not true but whatever.)
The next day we’re back at the library.
Andrea and I get there early, and I suggest reserving a study room. I then say I’ll text the chat I have with Group A. Andrea says nothing. Everyone meets up in the study room, and there’s a new employee, so I say, “Oh, I don’t think you’re in the chat.
Can someone add her to the chat?” Then it’s the same thing as the day before. Andrea mentions our ages, complains that we’re quiet, and then the day ends.
Each day, I let Andrea know I’m texting the group to let them know where we are.
On the last day we are at the library, I’m running late, so I let Andrea know. She says, “Okay.” Ten minutes later, Andrea calls me and starts yelling at me that she has no idea where anyone is and how there is a group chat that she isn’t part of.
I finally try to get a word in, and she hangs up on me.
I finally get to the library and meet up with the group. I walk in, and everyone except Andrea says hello to me. Andrea then gets up, hugs everyone except me, and then leaves for the day.
It’s been 2-3 weeks, and I had to go to a training for 3 days this week. I walk in, and Andrea is there. I say, “Good morning,” because I’m like, there’s no point to holding onto this. Andrea completely ignores me all 3 days. So it seems like she’s still upset about it.
So AITJ for not including Andrea in the group chat originally?
Another User Comments:
“Well I feel like yah, you’re kinda the jerk on this one. You blatantly added new members to the group chat in front of Andrea, but not Andrea. Although, I don’t think she should have yelled at you, but she was probably really frustrated that she had no way of communicating with anyone and that no one showed up in the meeting room.
And then in the post itself, it sounds kind of like you don’t really like Andrea? That’s the vibe I get.” hardworkingtoilet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s called “ageism” and you won’t understand it til you get older. If it’s a work group chat, then everyone is included – even if they aren’t someone you are “friends” with.
You can have other group chats, but if you are making plans for work, you don’t post it somewhere you have deliberately left someone out of……….” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I know you probably didn’t intend to isolate her from the group, but by not adding her to the group chat that’s essentially what happened. I get that she’s older, but she possibly wouldn’t have kept mentioning how quiet it was if she had been part of the group chat and had seen the messages.
Technically, she could have grounds for an ageism complaint. It’s hard enough to communicate effectively across generations, but it’s impossible if you’ve been excluded from the conversation. I would offer her a genuine apology and then take some time to reflect and learn from this experience.” Efficient_Poetry_187
12. AITJ For Not Helping A Golfer Who Wanted Free Coaching On My Day Off?
“Let me preface by saying that I am a golf swing coach by living. I have been in the industry for a long time and worked at many different golf courses involving anything from grounds work to being the head pro.
I currently work for a national company (chain) that offers year‐round tech‐infused golf lessons that generally run about $100 for each 30‐minute lesson. So, my time runs at a rather expensive rate. In most areas of the country, this is a very standard and average rate for golf lessons, just for reference.
I have Fridays and Saturdays off while I have to work on Sundays. So last Friday, during the day, I decided to go out for a nice 18 to treat myself for my birthday, which was the day before, and had to work for it. I booked only one spot for myself, figuring that I would be paired up with another couple of golfers because that’s usually how it works these days to manage flow and pace of play.
I’m kinda used to it after playing for many years and dealing with the popularity of the sport. But sometimes you just end up being paired with other strangers who are so bad and have no idea about fundamentals. I can tell because I literally teach golf for a living.
This dude in my pairing was not having a good time and just about chunking and shanking everything. I do not think he hit the ball over 100 yards the entire time, and he got all mad at me when I wouldn’t give him swing advice or coach him on how to properly play… on my day off.
When I golf, I go into a full zen mode, and I literally try to think about nothing except hitting straight balls. After about the 20th chunk, he finally snapped and screamed at me, “WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME OR TELL ME WHAT TO DO BETTER?!??!?
AREN’T YOU A COACH?!?!?!?”
I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I asked him what he does for a living, and he said he was an accountant. I said to him, “Okay, how about the next time you’re enjoying your day off of work, you go ahead and crunch a bunch of numbers on this spreadsheet that I have for me all for free.
How does that sound?” His face turned all sour, and he just huffed and puffed and slammed his club back into his bag, letting out a big hefty “UUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH.”
I tried shaking hands with them after the round, but it was clear he had no interest and was sulking the entire time, didn’t look me in the eye, and just acted all annoyed and mad every single time I hit a decent shot, as if he was jealous of my playing ability… Like, sorry, I’ve been playing all my life, dude, what am I supposed to do?“
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have encountered a person who walks to a doctor at a party and starts explaining random symptoms. Some people don’t understand boundaries. Just try to find another golf course where nobody knows what you do for a living.” Backgrounding-Cat
Another User Comments:
“Changing someone’s golf swing is for the driving range. Not the course. As I’m very very sure you know, it’s about mechanics and repetition. You can’t just say hit it better, and they’ll do so. You can’t also get them to loosen up after the fact.
Gotta stretch before even taking a swing. Also, no amount of help you give can get rid of a gnarly hangover. Which all of my friends and I have on an early tee time.” EmergencyLavishness1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Field coaching someone outside a driving range is bound to be a multiple-hour pain in the backside.
I’m not about to do a more difficult version of my job for free either.” Petefriend86
11. AITJ For Letting A Stranger Crash On My Couch Without Roommate Consent?
“So I (27M) share an apartment with my partner Nick (25M) & friends Gabe (25M) and Sophie (26F). This happened about a week ago. There was some bad weather in our area that caused a decent amount of damage. People from surrounding communities immediately banded together to aid in the volunteer effort, including Nick, Gabe, and myself.
During 3rd day of volunteering, Nick and I met Matt (25M). He seemed like a great guy. Nick and I got lunch with him, during which he mentioned how he’d be driving all the way back home tonight and all the way back in the morning to help again (4hr round trip) before he’d need to go into work again the day after that.
I asked him if he had anywhere in town to stay, and he said he didn’t know anybody and that he didn’t have money for a motel, so I offered up the couch at my apartment. Matt was very grateful and accepted.
Nick asked me to send a message to the roommate group chat about it, which I did.
Gabe gave me a thumbs up, and after a couple hours Sophie replied saying she’d be swinging by after work to grab some things and then would head to her parent’s house for the next couple nights. I told her that sounded fine and to drive safely.
I didn’t think there was an issue until yesterday. We try to have a group night every couple of weeks to hang out and discuss stuff since there’s four of us sharing one place. During this, Sophie brings up that next time someone wants to bring a stranger over to stay the night, she would rather be asked if she were comfortable with it rather than simply given short notice that it was happening.
I asked Sophie if Matt staying the night was the reason she stayed with her parents and she said yes. She then said that she wasn’t originally going to say anything about it, but that it bothered her a lot and she thinks it’s a pretty big deal and wanted to discuss it since our potential lease renewal is coming up.
I felt blindsided. I explained why I offered Matt the couch and told Sophie she should’ve spoken up at the time. She admitted that she was wrong in hanging onto it for several days, but that I was also wrong for inviting a stranger to stay the night without asking, and that she was worried to say something because it seemed to her like she was already outvoted and that we wouldn’t understand.
I told her that she’s right, I don’t get it, and I think that she’s overthinking it and being a bit selfish. She hasn’t volunteered and now she is making a mountain out of a molehill.
We got into a bit of a fight from there, and now she isn’t speaking to me.
Gabe said because he’s friends with all of us he wants to stay out of the conflict, and Nick says that my heart was in the right place, but that maybe I could’ve handled it better. Who’s wrong here? Is there something I’m not seeing?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand wanting to help Matt out and offering a place to stay, but here’s the thing: You share a living space with other people, Sophie included. Those people have an equal say in who comes and stays overnight in your shared living space, especially strangers.
It’s not just about a simple head’s up; it’s about making sure everyone feels comfortable and safe in their own home. Sophie clearly felt uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger, regardless of your good intentions, staying over without her prior consent. And her decision to go to her parents’ place makes sense given she didn’t feel safe or comfortable.
Instead of understanding her concerns, you dismissed them and told her she was overthinking it. Now, I get that you feel like you were just trying to do a good thing and were taken aback by Sophie’s reaction. However, you’ve got to remember that everyone’s comfort zones are different.
What feels okay to you might not feel okay to someone else. Here’s another thing: Sophie’s decision not to volunteer has nothing to do with her right to feel safe in her own home. Bringing that up was unnecessary and a deflection. Finally, when Sophie tried to express her concerns, instead of acknowledging her feelings and apologizing for not consulting her in the first place, you became defensive and called her selfish.
She wasn’t overthinking; she was thinking about her safety and well-being. Gabe and Nick’s reactions tell you something too. Gabe doesn’t want to be involved, which is fair enough. But even Nick, who initially supported your decision, has indicated that maybe you could’ve handled it better.
You need to apologize to Sophie for dismissing her feelings and ensure that, in the future, all decisions involving outsiders coming into your shared living space are made collectively.” Umiel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – He’s not a ‘friend’ – he’s a stranger that you just met and Sophie had never met.
Also – and I can’t believe I have to point this out to you – Sophie is a woman. You invited a strange man into her home to stay the night and told her that she had no choice in the matter. Your other male roommates are jerks too for not having her back.
All of you MEN – but mostly you – owe her a big apology. Never do this again. Also hope you have another bro to replace her when it’s lease renewal time. You dismissed her valid concerns and arguing with people here just confirms that you are an entitled selfish jerk.” MamaBearMoogie
Another User Comments:
“Dude…YTJ. You always make sure your roommates are ok with someone spending the night, particularly if it’s someone you’ve known less than a week. Doesn’t matter why you offered the couch. He could be a freaking saint. That has no relevance.
You invited a strange man into an apartment where a woman lives. Kudos for her for not making a big issue about it since she had somewhere to go, but she would have still been justified if she had made a stink at the time.
You wanna know what you’re refusing to see? You made her feel unsafe in her home. You essentially told her that her comfort level where she lives doesn’t matter to you. That you are essentially clueless when it comes to a woman’s concerns about her safety.
It’s not that he was a stranger to her (which is enough to unnerve her) but that he was essentially a stranger to all of you!” cachalker
10. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mom And Grandma With Tech?
“I (26m) live with my mom (60F) and grandma (85F), and of course I’m kinda tech-savvy, which resulted in them always asking me for help with stuff, like TV, cellphones, etc. I used to help them, but their attitudes started to become a pain in the butt.
They are pretty stubborn and refuse to accept that they’re wrong with some things sometimes. Like, “No grandma, this isn’t how you send a message” “but this is how I always did it and it worked!” when she’s actually messing up. Any attempt to correct her or teach the right stuff makes her go on rants about how I’m having a bad attitude, how I just don’t wanna help her, or I’m being lazy.
Also, she’s old and forgetful, which is normal, right? So with some little things that aren’t the norm, I just go and do it when she needs. She always asks me to teach her, so I end up spending a lot of time explaining things in baby steps, just for it to repeat.
When I tell her that and “Just call me when you need, it’s easier,” I receive something like “Okay, don’t teach me then, but I’ll remember this when you ask me for something” or “You’ll grow old one day too and see how good that is.”
One time, she got a new phone. So of course, I spent an hour setting it up. The problem is she didn’t remember her Google account, and she didn’t have another backup. When her contacts and YouTube feed didn’t transfer to the new phone, she started her rants, and by this time I was starting to get fed up with it and said, “Look, I just spent an hour doing this for you and you’re being ungrateful just because I couldn’t do miracles!
You’re the one who asks me for help but still argues with me about basic stuff, and I don’t know everything too, so there’s things I can’t do and you refuse to accept it, so bye,” and went to my room. Thirty minutes later, she comes in with both phones and says, “Okay, just undo everything then.”
My mom, although her age of 60 may paint her as oldish in your minds, is pretty well-kept. She looks mid-40s, parties a lot, and knows how to do most stuff. The problem is that she’s very much like grandma, but manages to be worse.
Her tirades about my “unwillingness to help” even though I tried what I could are snarky as heck. Things like “We really can’t ask you for help with ANYTHING, right? Needing you is the same as being by myself” when I simply didn’t know how to do something tick me off so badly.
And the worst part is, since she’s kinda knowledgeable about basic tech, there’s a lot of stuff that she manages to do on her own when she wants to. But when she sees that she’ll have to search on Google, learn something, explore her phone (or whatever), or watch videos, she calls me to do that in her stead while she goofs off.
So I tell her, “I’ll have to look it up exactly like you, so I can’t help,” and rants inbound.
So I blew up and now I refuse to help at all. They take it up to other parents or technical assistance, without the attitude they have with me (ugh).
Sometimes they still try, and arguing ensues. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like they want help, they want someone to jerk at. When you ask someone for help, you should accept the help. I would say, one, find a new place to live.
Two, if they’re having problems, send them to professionals. I used to work for a cellphone company and spent a lot of time just helping people with their phones. Most of the time, folks were willing to listen and learn because it was my job to know how to do a lot of that stuff.” Th3FakeFatSunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could try and make them write it down (that’s what I did with my mom), but if they’re going to insist they didn’t do anything wrong, then it’s unlikely they’re going to write the instructions down. All you can tell them is you don’t have the time or you don’t have the same tech.
I’m grateful my family are Apple people, so I don’t have to deal with them!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is only so much you can do. If they can’t or won’t learn what you’re teaching them, then it’s a pointless thing anyway. You’ve said you would still help with anything big or unexpected, and I think you’re doing the right thing.” Icy_Independence7405
9. AITJ For Choosing To Not Forgive My Mother For Enabling My Abusive Father?
“So, recently my father died. To be precise, he drank himself to death. He had been a heavy drinker for as long as I remember, and while he wasn’t like nightmare intoxicated, he was still checked-out, unpleasant to be around when intoxicated (so usually), engaged in some low-level emotional mistreatment (not that often), was unreliable, generally not a nice person to be around.
I tried to save him from his drinking for years, but when I was in my late 20s, I realized that I can’t actually save my father from himself (and also he hadn’t even visited me in the hospital when I had multiple life-threatening medical emergencies because he was drinking, not to mention any sort of help that I desperately needed).
And I basically decided that enough’s enough, I will no longer enable his behavior. My mother decided to stay with him and continue to enable him. Her life, her choice. I told her once what I think about it and let it go.
I have moved to another country, we had a strained if polite relationship, until at one point I was in a very, very bad psychological place (severe PTSD related to the above-mentioned medical stuff) and I asked my parents for help (to come to my place to take care of my pets while me & husband went to the most important yearly event for our jobs).
My parents arrived, my mother decided my apartment is too messy (it wasn’t hoarder-messy, it was “last deep cleaning was 2 weeks ago messy”, no mold, no trash, no food remains in weird places), and they just left leaving me/us in a lurch.
So that was the moment when I think I stopped loving my parents?
I definitely stopped even thinking about relying on them in any way. I called every week or so out of a sense of duty, I visited once per year or less, and I was quite happy with it.
And now, dad’s dead (I can’t find it in me to be very sad, except that I wish he had chosen his family instead of booze – he refused treatment, even though he had full access to it and generally was in favor of psychological therapy).
I don’t have siblings. My mother will be alone (she does not have close family members, except for one cousin and my father’s family). Family members think I should either move back to the home country or at least spend much more time with her.
I will not. I don’t think I love her anymore. I will support her financially if she needs it, I have declined all parts of inheritance I would have gotten from my father so that she can be comfortable and I can not be tied to her with money.
I will attend the funeral, and I will not say all the things I want to say about my father out of respect for her. But I don’t want to be close with her, and I know she wants to and she thinks I should forgive her for past mistakes.
I do not feel much anger anymore, but I am unwilling to risk trusting her again.
Am I the jerk?
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you follow through with this. In a sense, your father was mistreated. Your mother enabled this. It makes complete sense why you would not want a relationship with someone who enabled your father’s mistreatment.
Sounds like you are in a healthier place and there’s no reason to return long term. You can forgive your mother and still not have the relationship she desires. Until she fully apologizes and accepts the damage she did by enabling her husband, I’m not sure there’s a relationship to be had.” tallerthanu17
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. A parent is someone who is loving, nurturing and caring. They may not be perfect, but they put the child first while they are indeed children. Unfortunately, you were not raised by “true” parents. You have made good, healthy choices for yourself.
You are allowed to do that. It is unfortunate that your relationship with your mother is so damaged, but that isn’t your fault. Be kind to yourself. Edited to add… Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life.
You can forgive your Mother for her mistakes, and move forward.” Youwhooo60
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the only things we can control is who we let into our lives. It’s OK to not want to have a relationship with your mom. You’re not hanging her out dry since you’re willing to help her financially.
There’s nothing in the world that says we must have an emotional relationship with anyone, not even our moms. You do what you have to do to protect your peace. Maybe one day the feelings you have will change. And maybe they won’t – who knows?
But all we have is today and if you feel like this is what you need to do, then by all means, do it.” summertime_fine
8. AITJ For Being Honest About My Friend’s Parental Mistreatment?
“I (26M) have been friends with “John” (26M) for about a year. We met through mutual friends and formed a really tight-knit group. He and I are probably the least close within the group, so this past weekend I struck up a conversation with him at a gathering to bond with him more.
It went really well at first, then we came to the topic of parents.
John said his mom is a gigantic homophobe who hates him for being gay. He’s brought this up multiple times before, so I already knew it was a sore spot. I invited him to vent and he enthusiastically took me up on that.
He told me all about how his mom made his entire childhood heck. It was truly awful stuff. I was, of course, very sympathetic and did my best to be a good listener.
I didn’t realize something was off until he concluded by saying his mom kicked him out the day he turned 18 and he’s had no contact since.
It caught my attention because earlier he told me he figured out he was gay in college. I asked if he got kicked out before or after starting college. He said before. Now confused, I asked if his mom even knows he’s gay. He said, “Duh, she’s my mom.
That’s why she always hated me.” I said, “Oh, she told you that? That’s jerked.” He said, “No, it just all made sense when I found out I was gay.” I asked a few times in different ways why he thought it was all due to his sexuality, but he kept saying the same things.
I eventually suggested that it didn’t seem like his mom had mistreated him for being gay and that there are many other reasons that could explain what she did. He got angry and repeated the same thing again, raising his voice. At this point I realized I needed to de-escalate, so I was like, “OK, OK,” but he didn’t take that well and started shouting personal attacks at me.
Our friends got involved. They tried getting John to calm down, which only made him more mad. Eventually, someone had to escort him out of the apartment. After he left, everyone asked me to explain, so I did. They all comforted me, said John was way out of line, but some of them implied that I shouldn’t have provoked him in the first place.
John eventually came back to get his stuff. He half-heartedly apologized to me and we shook hands, said no hard feelings, then he left.
I’ve since further discussed the incident with my friends. No one thinks I was being a jerk on purpose, but the consensus is that I should’ve read the situation better and not pushed. They say John is probably deeply traumatized and blaming his mistreatment on homophobia is his way of coping.
And though I was well-intentioned, my actions were veering towards playing therapist, which simply wasn’t my place.
I see their point, but I still feel like I wasn’t wrong to try to get John to look at things more clearly. Misinformation and inaccuracy cause a lot of harm.
Friends should be able to talk about these things, right? Or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“What is the effective difference between ‘his mom hates him for being gay’ and ‘his mom hates him’? What good would it do convincing him it was something other than homophobia?
‘Misinformation and inaccuracy cause a lot of harm’ applies more to things like borax drinking… YTJ, I think, though unintentional; his making assumptions about people is maybe worth checking, but his situation with his mom is different.” judgy_mcjudgypants
Another User Comments:
“The path to jerkery can be paved with good intentions.
Pointing out the logical flaw in his analysis did not change the fact that his mom mistreated him throughout his childhood. He didn’t want to work through all the other reasons that could ‘explain’ why his mom hated him and was cruel to him because there are no valid reasons for a parent to behave that way towards their child.
You didn’t mean to be, but YTJ. Apologize for getting hung up on the details and thank him for sharing something painful with you and I suspect your friendship will survive this.” AvariciousDishes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were not there. He lived it for 18 years.
Just because he realized what was happening after the fact does not mean that it wasn’t true. (He was a child! How could he understand at the time?) And even if he is wrong, how does it hurt you to let him go on believing what he believes about his parents?
They were crappy parents in any case. Does it matter to you why they were crappy parents?” MissAnth
7. AITJ For Confronting My Mom Over Abandonment And Neglect Of My Siblings?
“So my (26f) mother 46(f) left me and my siblings (31f and 22m) when I was 6. We all had different dads, so she left me with my known heavy drinker father, who died a year after due to his addictions.
She knew about this (by her own admission) yet never got back in touch. My siblings went to live with the dad of the younger brother who later would kick my sister out. Me and her were raised by my maternal grandparents, where it wasn’t great.
A lot of the trauma that led my mum to leave originates with my grandmother. My grandmother has narcissistic qualities (I believe she would meet the diagnostic criteria of NPD as a psych grad, but I don’t have the qualifications to make that statement in certainty); I was the scapegoat and she was the golden child, this caused a lot of tension with me and my sister growing up.
My mum came back into my life when I was in my late teens. I couldn’t believe it. After being targeted by my grandmother for so many years, I accepted her back straight away without question, whereas my sister kept a distance between them.
She didn’t really bother with my little brother beyond texting as he lived far away.
Me and my mum since she’s been back have had a fantastic relationship, although I’ve always felt she was more a super close friend than a mother.
Recently, me, my sister, and my brother have started to become close again due to my sister’s baby. We have started talking about my mother for the first time together. I realised I had a lot of unresolved issues and questions, and realised whenever we’ve talked about it, it will turn into a conversation about how hard my childhood was and how hard life was for her when she left, and I leave feeling bad for even asking.
I let this feeling lie for a while, but the other week I phoned her and told her how I felt, and she started to say how hard life was for her, but I said that I can’t believe she’s making this about her.
That all of the things that happened to her, I had nothing to do with, whereas all the things that happened to me, she had a part to play with. I was also mad that she hasn’t given my sister or (especially) my brother the time of day.
She also has genuinely convinced herself that because she left my brother when he was two, she basically didn’t harm him in any way (which, due to common sense and my psych degree, I think is complete and utter bs). After this, she went really cold on me and has told me what I said really hurt her, as she’s been nothing but there for me the last few years (which is totally true, but only for me, not my siblings).
She has now said that this has changed our relationship, and honestly, it’s tearing me up. I feel so, so, so awful and I’m finding it hard to sleep. She has truly had a hard life and has been good with me. I feel like I’m being ungrateful for her, but I also don’t like that she avoids the topic and hasn’t been there for my siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re probably looking for answers she doesn’t have. Her mom obviously jerked her up. She might also have mental illness. Regardless, don’t expect resolution from your mother – she doesn’t have it to give you.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“So she was 14 or 15 when she got pregnant with your sister and she came from an abusive home?
It’s not super surprising that your mother has a lot of issues. Your anger and resentment towards her for having you and for the way your childhood went are absolutely reasonable, but I am struggling to frame your mother as completely being a jerk for that because it seems that she has not had many realistic opportunities to learn any coping or parenting skills and she never really had any role models for being responsible either.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have gone through (and am still going through) something similar with my father. Whatever you have to say or vent to her, you are well within your right. Her theory about not hurting your brother on a deep, psychological level after leaving is nothing but denial, and she definitely knows this deep down.
I have had to come to the conclusion that my father will never change, and if I want a relationship with him, I need to forgive him. I am still not sure I can forgive him for the damage he did to me. Maybe you are a bigger person than I am.
I sincerely wish you the best.” Economy-Current8427
6. AITJ For Getting Mad When My Brother Shared My Nap Video?
“So this story involves me, my (closest in age) older brother and a family group chat involving our whole immediate family.
It starts with me going to sleep later than normal, then waking up earlier than expected. This can be due to letting the dog out that sleeps in my room to go to the toilet or let my cat inside. After that, I turn on the heater (as it’s a cold morning) and sit in the family room to watch some YouTube.
I then quickly get tired and decide I want to take a nap to relieve the tired feeling by sleeping on the couch.
I should note that I am a bit overweight and not secure with my current health. I’ve been through a lot of death and am still recovering physically from the added weight.
This causes me to snore (at a manageable level enough to hear in silence and proximity but not enough to wake up someone across the house). This is also not really something I’m comfortable with because it’s been joked by siblings and family members that my snoring is obnoxious and difficult to deal with when in close sleeping proximity.
While I tell them it’s not something I can control, they still mention, whenever I snore, masked behind some snarky remark.
Anyway, so I got to sleep on the couch with YouTube in the background. I wake up to find in the family group chat that my brother had filmed me for about 30 seconds sleeping while my shirt pushed up and belly ‘hanging out’.
You could see my big belly and snoring.
I was angry about this and when we talked, I was quite agitated and hostile towards him. I asked him why he did that and he said he thought it would be funny. The message he sent before the video was “good morning everyone” and then the video.
He knows I’m not comfortable with my snoring or weight. Yet he still thinks it’s funny to send that to the family.
While yes it’s my family, I can’t help but still feel embarrassed and ashamed that that is what I look and sound like sleeping.
I told him to delete it and he acted indifferent about it but agreed to. He seemed to not recognise that it’s not something I would’ve liked done.
I did react firstly by sending some pictures of him on his old Insta sticking his tongue with the response “I’m sorry for sleeping boss.
I won’t do it again boss. Also this you?” I did end up deleting like 10 minutes after, but he didn’t see it, I don’t think.
Like an hour later, my dad follows up with this chat should be filled with happy things about each other.
I don’t really know if he was talking about both of us or just one.
So AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s exactly how described it in the last 2-3 sentences. It was probably meant as a harmless joke, but as soon as you stated it made you uncomfortable, he should’ve deleted it.
Also, while he probably didn’t have bad intentions, he should’ve thought about it before filming you if he already knew that you’re insecure about your snoring and weight.” Merlinia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are basically asking if it’s ok to be upset that someone committed a gross breach of your privacy and hit you on issues he should know you are sensitive about.
The answer is, of course, it’s ok to be upset. He is a jerk in this situation.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Ruining My Mom's Birthday Over Family Secrets?
“My (16F) maternal and paternal families were family friends even before my birth. There are photo albums of my mom and dad playing together as children, and I live in a small town so my entire family is pretty close-knit. I really despise being unfaithful (my past two partners were unfaithful to me).
My mom is an identical twin, and I’ve always assumed her twin, my aunt, Emily, was dead from the way my family talked about her and the lack of older pictures. Recently, I’ve found out that’s false.
Emily is alive, apparently ran away, and my family has no idea where she is now.
My mom’s birthday was coming up, and I figured having her twin sister with her on her birthday would be a great present, so I found Emily on social media and contacted her. I told her I was her niece, and that I wanted to extend an invitation to my mom’s party.
And here is when the true story came out. Emily was originally engaged to my dad when my mom became pregnant. She put her wedding on hold to help her pregnant sister. A month before the due date, Emily found out that her fiancé (my dad) had been unfaithful with her twin (my mom), and the baby her sister was carrying was her fiancé’s.
Worse, my ENTIRE FAMILY had known and kept it a secret. Emily told me after she left, our family had never tried to contact her.
My family knows I hate those who are unfaithful. I was planning on talking to them, but my mom’s birthday was coming up and I didn’t want to upset her.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t look my parents in the eye. I feel nauseous whenever I do. My parents are pretty good parents, and I love them, but I kinda hate them. They married and had my two siblings after doing all those things to Emily.
Today, on my mom’s birthday she started crying because she missed Emily (she does this on every birthday. Part of the reason I thought Emily was dead). That was kind of the last straw. I exploded, calling her, “A dog so desperate for attention she was willing to sleep with her sister’s fiancé to feel good about herself,” and, “You might have well killed Emily, so don’t start crying now,” and some other nasty things.
When my dad started to yell at me, I yelled at him too and then the rest of my family. I told them I hate those who are unfaithful, I hate them, and I wish I wasn’t born to a bunch of unfaithful. I also told them that Emily had a family that they would never meet, that they never knew about, because of their actions.
I then went up to my room and locked the door.
I felt good for a few minutes, but after the anger left my system, I feel horrible. Not only did I insult them, but I did it in front of the younger members of the family, including my siblings.
I hear my mom sobbing and some family members crying (which is really rare, as they aren’t big on emotions). I’m typing this to try and gain some perspective and I’m just wondering where to go from here. And how do I look at my family without being disgusted?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You heard half of a story and decided to blow up on your mother when she was already sad. Good people can also do messed up things, life is messy. What your parents did was objectively wrong but the way you’re acting is disproportionate.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Very gentle on your part. You already know where you’ve messed up and why. Your parents though… Why do parents think their kids are clueless? What did your mother think would happen if her twin actually showed up? Did she think there would be rainbows all around?” Individual_Soft_9373
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They are the jerk because (assuming what Emily told you is true) they did some awful things back then. But you handled this badly as well. I’ll go easy on you because you’re only 16, but still, you did come here to AITJ for a judgment.
The time and place and manner to have it out with your mom was not on her birthday, in front of everyone, via a yelling match where you called them all terrible names. The time and place and manner to have it out was privately, calmly, with just your mom and dad, on a day before her birthday, minus the yelling and name-calling.
It is possible they have a side to the story which might change your judgment of them. It’s also possible they don’t, but at least you would have given them a fair hearing.” ThisWillAgeWell
4. AITJ For Not Tipping And Then Complaining About Poor Bagels?
“I go to a Bruegger’s Bagels about once every other week, a very suburban bagel chain that serves bagels, bagels as sandwiches, and an array of other breakfast goods.
Today I got in there around 1:30, 30 minutes before closing.
I’m the only customer. It’s a small location with two people behind the counter.
I order two bagels with cream cheese, toasted.
The person manning the cash register rings me up. I input my debit card. I don’t tip.
They hand me the bag a minute later.
I say thanks and leave out the door.
I get home and open the bag, and the bagels are poorly toasted (i.e., only slightly warm, and my house is 3 minutes away from the location) and also not cut.
It’s a silly thing to write on the internet about.
The food is totally fine to eat and it tastes mostly good, but it strikes me as a sloppy job.
First, I jump to the conclusion that I didn’t tip, and they were like “screw this guy” and did the bare minimum.
My personal stance on tipping is that if I’m standing at a cashier and ordering food that’s going to come out a moment or a few moments later, tipping is totally off the table.
It kinda annoys me when some places turn the card reader around and it says 25% tip as the base.
If I had ordered something complex, or something where a person was going to put effort into that item, I would have tipped. But what I ordered strikes me as almost the simplest item on the menu to curate.
I think the reason why I’m writing on this form about this is because this isn’t the first time this has happened at this location.
In previous months, again where I was not tipping and ordering the same order, there were similar small errors, mostly around the bagel not being toasted (usually not at all), poorly cut or not cut, etc.
I also thought about the angle of “it’s late in the day for this person’s shift, perhaps they are just really tired and are missing the mark,” which is somewhat understandable, but it’s crappy for me and my experience buying an overpriced bagel. But I thought back to the incidents that occurred over the past few months and thought that I might be the jerk not throwing them an extra couple of dollars.
Right now my mindset is that I’m just going to avoid that joint and use other breakfast food options, and to also just get my own bagel supplies from the grocery store. I stopped going to that Bruegger’s after being previously annoyed at their service and thought to give them another go recently, but I think it’s over with them.
As an aside, this is a non-conclusive list of scenarios where I would totally tip:
1. I sit down and food is brought to me / a server comes to my table.
2. I am given advice on what I should do/order.
3. I know/see the individual regularly and we have good interactions.
4. There’s some type of ‘skill’ or craftsmanship put into the product.
5. I spend an extended period of time with that person for that service (i.e., an Uber ride).
I used to work in the service industry. In my opinion, it’s almost always a crappy place to be.
I personally think that tipping shouldn’t exist because it’s mostly a tool for corporations and small businesses to pass on costs to the customer, rather than provide people a stable working income. It’s just bad for the working class in my opinion.”
3. AITJ For Halting My Mom’s Payment Over Stale Soup And A Messy House?
“I (30F) live with my single mom (54F), my grandma (78F), and my brother (19M).
I earn rather well and work from home. I barely have any free time because I also do freelancing, which means I’m not too social. My mom never had a stable job.
She would have been homeless hadn’t my grandma allowed her to stay at home (the house was inherited from my late grandpa). Now, my relationship with her is rather…complicated. She is enormously emotionally dependent on me; she has always been, hence she never allowed me to learn basic chores like cooking, doing laundry, etc. She used to cause drama if I even tried, and so did my grandma.
Instead, they insisted that I study, get a nice job, etc. Five years ago, my mom lost her job and wasn’t able to get another one due to her age and lack of commitment to work. Grandma has her pension, but mom has nothing. I started then paying for the food and bills—the whole deal—and my brother just got a job recently; he helps as well.
Since mom didn’t get a job anymore and I don’t know the first thing about cooking or cleaning, I commissioned her to do so and offered to pay $500 (a decent salary for our country), plus providing high quality food and medical care. Her tasks were cleaning, doing the laundry, and cooking.
It worked out pretty well until she and grandma recently found a church that started taking up their time. I get that they needed a distraction, but it also means that the house is usually a mess, and she will cook large batches of carrot soup to eat at breakfast and dinner.
If you try to order takeout, you have to order for all 4 of us, or she and grandma will complain, and I can’t try to cook or even make myself a sandwich (even though I buy the food) because she and grandma will start nagging about how good the freaking soup is and will tell me that “there is fresh soup made in the morning, you can eat that.” It’s getting ridiculous because I end up my day pretty beaten up and hungry.
The last thing I wanna eat is the soup, and they will complain if I go out without them at lunch or dinner time because they know I’m looking for something to eat. Since my brother goes out to work, he has more freedom than I do and occasionally sneaks me some food, but that is completely stupid, of course.
Today I reached my last straw. When I got off work, I went to the kitchen to get the freaking soup and found it stale. Perhaps it was the heat—I don’t know—but mom insisted it was fine and went berserk when I went to throw it out.
She started crying and causing drama, and in a flash of anger I told her she is not receiving her payment next month. The toilets have not been cleaned in three days, the soup was stale, and laundry is not done, yet she was talking on WhatsApp to her church friends when I got off work.
She definitely could have done her chores. As soon as my brother got home, she went to him crying, and he took her side, which got me thinking. AITJ? I’m just sick and tired of the whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made her a good offer and, as she always does, she did a crappy job and now is getting fired. She has no motivation.
You’re still supporting the household and she doesn’t have to lift a finger. Hire a housekeeper for $500 a month.” ToastMmmmmmm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pay her for work and she is not doing it. Tell her, if she is not gonna do the job, she can find another job and you hire another person who does the job and prepares decent food.” RichPerformance2369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do not know how it is in your home. Here is what I am thinking: You are parentified. That means your mother views you as the parent. That should stop. It is probably best if you get your own place if possible, get some distance between you and your mom.
Then you should also learn to do some chores—not teaching you that stuff is a way for mum and grandma to have some kind of leash on you. Get independence. NTJ. You had enough; it is completely understandable. Also, the whole church-thing is weird to me.
It does not sound to me like a good influence?” Complex_Machine6189
2. AITJ For Refusing To Send A Birthday Message To A Toxic, Abusive Friend?
“Today is my (M34) best friend’s birthday (M34).
We’ve been friends for many years, always had a good relationship. I helped him come out as LGBT, supported him when he ended his heterosexual marriage, provided support in his new relationship.
I’ve been there through religious matters, family issues, problems with neighbors, good times, and challenging ones.
It happens that every now and then he disappears, doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t reply to my messages.
So I used to send messages to his partner (M18) to check if everything was ok.
We became friends, and he started to open up to me. During those conversations, I realized that my friend was an abusive person, which triggered memories from my past. As a result, I started trying to make them both understand that it would be better for each of them to follow their own paths.
I didn’t pressure any of them, just had an open conversation.
They broke up (a decision taken by best friend), but apparently, they got back together. I say “apparently” because I don’t have any official information about it.
Amidst all of this, I realized that not only his partner but I also became a punching bag.
He criticized me about my clothes, my personality, and my decisions. All on a childish level.
I got quite upset, but still, I tried to keep some sort of contact. All I got back was silence or very few words in response.
I had a small surgery recently.
I told him about it, but he ignored me. Sometime later, I texted again, also ignored. On my birthday, I received just a “Happy Birthday” with a brief sentence. When I wrote back, there was no further response.
I got really upset. Haven’t been able to be in the same places with him anymore.
I decided to go on a break in my religious activities so I don’t have to be with him. It’s been more than a month that I don’t join our religious meetings and he didn’t ask me if I was ok.
I talked with his partner about it and I got the following text from my friend
“You know, today I found out that you were surprised that I didn’t ask why you weren’t attending the meetings at the spiritual center… It’s funny… When you have some problem, you don’t come to me to talk about it. I know I distance myself and don’t share much, but I at least try to tell you what’s going on with me.
But the opposite hasn’t been true for a long time!
Were you surprised?
I was surprised that you didn’t offer to come home and help me out energizing my new home… That’s fine, you have your own commitments, opinions, etc…
But not asking anything afterward???
(Asking me)
Not asking about my relationship status?!?! If you’re so curious, why didn’t you come and ask me?!?!
So, if you want to know or talk about me, come and ask me directly. If you don’t want to talk to me, don’t ask others about me.”
I didn’t write back and don’t want to. As well as I don’t want to send him a birthday message. AITJ for giving up after being insistent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You admit he’s a toxic person with abusive tendencies. The text is just another way for him to try to reel you in to feel bad for him and make him the victim, even though he’s been the one neglecting the friendship.” mariposachispas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My eyebrows shot up and disappeared into my hairline the minute I read his partner’s (victim’s) age. There is no way in the world you could be the jerk for protecting your mental health and well-being by staying away from a mistreater.” BoopityGoopity
1. AITJ For Refusing To Include My 12-Year-Old Cousin In Hikes?
“Me (17f) and my friends like going on “hikes” together. They’re not intense or anything. We’ll usually walk from my house to a park and back, and get food along the way.
But we still always have fun, and we could all use the exercise.
My aunt and uncle found out about our hikes and asked if I could also bring my cousin Lily (12f), since they said it would be a good opportunity for her to get out of the house and be active/socialize as well.
I agreed to bring Lily on the next hike, which ended up being a mistake.
The hike with Lily: The hike me and my friends planned was to a goat farm. The round trip would be about 6 miles total, with plenty of breaks to get food, check out other stuff.
Lily was okay with this at first, but I don’t think she realized how long 6 miles actually is.
It was going to be hot that day, yet Lily wore a jacket, refused to leave it at the house, and I ended up having to carry it in the backpack.
She also wore flats despite being told to wear sneakers. She didn’t want to borrow a pair from me, and ended up complaining about her feet being sore the whole time.
We went to a sandwich place for lunch, but Lily refused to get anything.
Lily had to go to the bathroom later, and refused to use a porta potty because she said it was too gross for her, so we had to turn all the way back around and buy something new from the sandwich store so she could use that bathroom.
When we actually got to the goat farms, Lily wasn’t interested in the goats, and complained that they were gross and she wanted to leave. While returning home, we went to a boba place and Lily complained that she wanted McDonald’s instead. We stopped by a park close to my house, and Lily complained that she was bored.
Lily dragged out the hike by at least an extra hour, closer to two, honestly. Lily made it super exhausting and dragged down everyone else’s moods by complaining the whole time. I told my aunt and uncle (not in front of Lily, of course) that Lily joining our hikes was not going to work out due to the reasons listed above.
They asked me to give Lily a second chance. They suggested accommodating Lily by shortening our hikes to only the park by my house, or only hiking on days where they could pick Lily up if she got tired. I told them, sorry, but no.
Why I’m posting: Lily had to switch schools this year due to moving. Lily’s made two friends at her new school so far, but one spends the summer with her dad in California and the other is away at dance camp, so Lily doesn’t have any friends of her own to hang out with during the summer, other than online.
My mom said she wouldn’t force me to shorten our hikes to accommodate Lily. But she reminded me that in middle school I became friendless due to a former friend making up drama, and right now Lily is also without friends due to circumstances out of her control.
She asked me to have compassion and empathy for Lily and at least consider it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Lily is 12. You and your friends are 17. Lily lacks the stamina and the judgement to participate in your hikes, and it’s not really great for you for a 12-year-old to be socializing with a bunch of 17-year-olds.
It puts you more in the babysitter category. Your aunt and uncle need to find some other 12-year-olds for Lily to hang out with. Girl Scouts/Guides, summer camp, church or other religious group, swimming lessons, sports team, art classes at the rec center, you name it.
Not stick you with trying to integrate her into a groups of young people 5 years older with completely different interests. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“If you’re 17, I’m assuming your friends are too? Lily needs friends much closer to her age. Maybe her parents should look into signing her up for summer camp so she can interact with kids her own age.
It’s also not fair to you and your friends, having to babysit Lily. Maybe suggest family hikes (on days when you don’t have hiking plans with your friends) to slowly get her used to hiking. That way her parents and your mum can be involved too, instead of putting it all on your shoulders.
NTJ.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would say ask Lily if she even wants to go on these hikes or if it is just her parents trying to force her out of the house. If she genuinely wants to go, then talk to her about appropriate footwear/clothing etc. Also, if she actually wants to go and you are willing to ask her to help plan a hike you would both enjoy.” TeriJules
You are young enough to learn a very important skill from this mess which is: mind your own business. Your views on faithfulness apply to how you conduct your relationships, not what anyone else may or may not do, and it is certainly not up to you to 'punish' other people for long-ago relationship messes. It's a pity learning this has involved inflicting such pain on the rest of your family, though.