People Won't Quit In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Scolding My Partner And His Friends During Their Football Night?
“My (22F) partner (23M) last night was drinking and watching a football game with his buddies. I didn’t have anywhere to go so I stayed in and decided to work on my college project that was due in a week or so in the kitchen.
They had ordered pizza and chicken wings and they put all the food on the floor instead of on the table because there wasn’t enough space. I told him to put it on the table instead but he ignored me and told me he’d clean it himself later.
Anyway, I was trying to focus on studying but whenever a goal was scored they would get loud so I had to go sit outside on the balcony to completely focus. At one point they were making so much noise I had to go back inside to scold them like I was their mom to pipe down and let me do my homework.
My partner told me sorry but they were watching a football game what did I expect and I told him that it was inconsiderate of him to not think about my studies. He told me that I wasn’t even studying and I was also making Facetime calls but I told him it didn’t matter I made those calls to ask my friends ABOUT the project.
After his friends left he cleaned up thankfully but he left a drink on the floor so I kindly reminded him to clean it up. He got fed up with me and told me to stop nagging him like I was his mom and I should try having fun once in a while.
We still haven’t made up, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You knew about his plans beforehand. It’s not like he sprung this on you while you were trying to study. You could have asked him not to have friends over before the event or made plans to study elsewhere.
You don’t get to scold him for behaving as expected during the social gathering.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You decided to stay home knowing he was watching the game with the guys. You did everything in your power to ruin his night short of breaking the tv of shutting the power off.
He even cleaned up, but you had to point out the one thing he missed.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, unless this happens very frequently, you need to make plans to let him have the space for a few hours.
It sounds like you are jealous; that you don’t want him spending time with anyone but you or having a good time with anyone but you. If it was fully necessary for you to work on your project during this time you should have made better plans.
As simple as going to the library.” michael_entechsite
25. AITJ For Being Upset That My In-Laws Threw A Secret Birthday Party For My Son?
“I (F34) found out while picking up our one-year-old son with a partner (M32) from his grandma’s house, that his side of the family threw him a 1-year-old birthday without telling us. (Even though I think he knew about it).
Yesterday was my birthday, and we dropped off my 1-year-old at my in-law’s house because well he planned dinner and drinks for my birthday. Super sweet gesture and super grateful. Our son’s birthday was Friday and we had a cake and just invited both our parents because we are saving for the vacation we are taking soon.
We both agreed to no parties because we are trying to save. He was the one with the idea of no parties. When we picked up my son, I saw balloons, tablecloths, and lots of themed items. I threw out something in the garbage and I found wrapping paper, cut fruit containers, and a big container where there was once a cake.
I find out that his aunt and cousins were over and they just happened to “order pizza” and they’re being very secretive.
On the way home I asked, why didn’t they tell us they were throwing him a party?
And he said oh I don’t know maybe because we were busy? Or you’ll get mad?
Excuse me?! They didn’t even tell us? We could have come to get cake for OUR son and then went to dinner.
I was furious as he was downplaying it and my anger and saying I was overreacting. He said, “Well we had plans”…. As if the birthday boy was some random kid… this is our SON!
Am I overreacting? I think if it was a “spur of the moment” a simple text would have been nice telling us what they were doing for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I find this very weird behavior from them, and it honestly sounds like there’s more going on in the family than you’re saying. Of course, your child won’t remember this, and 1yo birthday parties are for the parents and family.
So why would they want to do it behind your back? Have you talked about no parties already? If they disagreed with you and wanted one, they could have offered to host and pay for it as they did, but just not inviting you looks like they deliberately didn’t want you there.
It would have been very easy to change your dinner plans, so they did it on purpose.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To me, throwing a secret birthday party is a very passive-aggressive way of telling the parents off for not throwing a big party themselves.
If it was out in the open, it’d make perfect sense for grandparents to say they’d take advantage of having the kid over for the evening for a little celebration but trying to conceal it is very weird. I’d be worried about what grandparents will be doing next as baby grows older” RelevantSchool1586.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s weird and overstepping. I don’t get the YTJs at all. You had a little get-together with cake. You didn’t have the budget for a big first party. Ok. The NORMAL response from others is to accept that, or possibly “Oh, we can help out with that!”, NOT “Oh, let’s have a secret party for OP’s kid”.
That is so very weird to exclude the freaking parents. This was a party with cousins and everything. I wouldn’t go nuts over it, but I would look out for other potential boundary issues. I could see them accidentally taking him to his first haircut or whatever (because you were just too busy at work!
It’s *helping /s). Huge issue if the partner sees it as no big deal, yikes. Co-parenting with grandma will be a pain. You might be already. ” maybeRaeMaybeNot
24. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Upsetting My Mother?
“I (23 of South-Asian descent) live with my family (mum, stepdad, and two younger brothers, 19 and 9) in a 3-bedroom house. I graduated last year and started working in September, and worked two jobs until I quit the lower-paying one in April.
I’m currently working full time, remotely, and am close to finishing my Masters.
I’ve been sitting on the idea of moving out since May, when my probationary period at my job was completed but didn’t say anything out of fear.
But yesterday, I brought up the idea of moving out next spring to my mum and she lost her cool.
I said that I would be able to look after myself and I would have saved enough to cover costs over the next few months before moving out so I would have a safety net.
There’s just not enough room in our house and there’s no sense of privacy. I’ve taken on caring responsibilities since I was 12 and I’m just so tired of doing it.
She’s saying that she had so many expectations for when I would start working and if I move out, who’s going to pay the mortgage (I’ve been paying this since December)?
and that she’s given me so many freedoms but it’s my fault that I don’t have much of a social life (I’m not sure I agree with this). I don’t have any plans to ever get married and she essentially said that if I’m not marrying, then I shouldn’t need to move out.
She’s been acting off with me since and she’s told my stepdad and I can’t read his reaction as he’s not spoken to me yet but I think he argued with her, blaming her for me wanting to move.
I don’t see what’s so terrible about me wanting to move out but AITJ for this?
Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume this is a cultural thing and a generational thing. Did your mom not move out of her parental home till she got married? There is nothing wrong with wanting to live on your own.
If it is a financial thing, talk to them about how they will take care of things when you are gone. Might even mean they will have to move, but even if this is the case, it’s not your responsibility and not a reason for staying.
Your mom will try to ignore the topic, to delay the inevitable. Try to stay out of the drama, present things as a given (not up for debate, this is happening), and find yourself a nice place to live.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Mom’s “plan” has been, and continues to be, to freeload off her adult child indefinitely. OP is an adult and is NTJ for wanting to have her own life. “Family obligations” do not include the obligation to pay your parents’ mortgage for them.
OP, how were they paying the mortgage before you started working? I assume they should be able to go back to whatever that arrangement was, right?” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ STOP telling her you WANT to move out. Plan your escape, find a place to live, transfer your stuff there – and then tell her again you will be no longer living at home.
Your mom will never agree, she won’t let you go willingly. “I don’t see what’s so terrible about me wanting to move “…. Mom will lose access to your money and you won’t be her servant anymore. Just make sure your mom does not get access to a key to your new place.” Excellent-Count4009
23. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad To Bring His Young Friends To My Home?
“My parents live in another part of the world than my immediate family (me and the kids) and visit for about 2 weeks once or twice a year.
My oldest is 7 and for the past 5 years, my dad brought his steady companion with him.
We are very close to her and her family. They broke up about 1.5 years ago and last summer when he visited he said he was bringing a “friend”. I initially told him, I don’t want my kids getting attached to his multiple partners and I don’t think it’s a good look to be bringing multiple partners in and out of our home.
He then proceeded to say that he was not going to bring just any random person to our home. I reluctantly agreed and we all had a decent time when they visited. Now 9 months later he’s visiting again and he says he’s not bringing the previous friend but wants to bring a new one.
He insists that this is just a friend and nothing intimate etc (which I don’t care to know) and he gets lonely so he needs company. He’s only visiting for 2 weeks, and I am annoyed that he literally cannot come and just hang out with his family without getting “bored”.
This will be his first time visiting in a while when the kids are out of school and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for them to bond more with their grandfather.
Anyway, I put my foot down and told him that he’s always welcome to stay at our home but his guests will need to get a hotel because I don’t think it’s good for my kids to be exposed to his random friends (p.s this new friend is 40 years his junior) he’s now angry at me but establishing my boundaries AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ let him be angry. He has already demonstrated that he won’t take what you said into genuine consideration and values alleviating his boredom over any of your concerns. Why should your home be subjected to a series of visits from different strangers when these are supposed to be family visits?
Their presence would change the whole dynamic. It doesn’t matter what label he wants to give these people or what their actual relationship is if each is just one more in a succession of people you never get to know.
The intimate once-a-year family visits in your home aren’t the time and place for just anyone he cares to drag along. He’s being self-centered. He’d be the only one who knows and is comfortable with everyone. Of course, he doesn’t mind, but this isn’t only about him.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was going to go with YTJ until the very last sentence. A forty-year age gap is trouble with a capital T and you would do well with your family to avoid whatever is going on there.
I’d say if they are still together in a few years, then it’d be fine. But for now, your compromise seems appropriate.” Glanced4
22. AITJ For Not Responding To My Mom's Calls Immediately?
“My mom (51F) and dad (53M) got divorced last year. I, (23F) and my sister (19F) got stuck in the middle quite often.
Long story short, my dad kept the house. My sister and I still live with Dad. Mom lives elsewhere. My mom calls nearly daily. Sometimes, I’m busy after she gets off work (job hunting, out with friends, on a date with a partner, etc.) and miss her calls.
Every single time I miss her calls, however, she calls another two times and texts 4-5 times to see if I’m “still alive and breathing”. I do get back to her after some time, but sometimes I’m not next to my phone, I’m driving, or I’m in the middle of eating.
I say “Yeah, sorry I was busy doing something and couldn’t answer right away.”
She automatically tells me that I don’t care about her, and that “people only care when you’re 6 feet under”. I’ve heard “You never loved me, you’re selfish and only think about yourself.
I hope you end up old and alone with your bitter attitude.” This has all been said to me for not answering the first call.
I haven’t been the only one to tell my mom to seek out mental help.
I know she has some trauma, as a lot has happened to her immediate family and herself (I won’t go into too much detail, as some of it is very graphic and traumatic). But, at the same time, I don’t think any of it warrants this reaction to not picking up the phone the first time.
So, AITJ for not responding to my mom’s calls straight away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is going through something. She may also feel that you have “chosen” your dad over her. I am not saying any of this is true but you need to understand her perspective, regardless of whether this is factually correct or not.
There may be some options to help. Set some specific time aside to talk to her. When and how often needs to be up to you. Talk to her about the boundaries that you need to set. She can message and call anytime, But, you do have a life and obligations outside of her and may not respond immediately.
This does not mean anything other than you are busy with something you cannot drop straight away. This does not mean you do not value her and her reason for contacting you. Hope your mom seeks some help, whatever that may be to her.” Swimming_Employer_45
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ but suggest to your mom that she text first to see if you can pick up. You shouldn’t have to pick up while on a date with your partner or if you’re eating, and you can’t pick up if driving.
How rude of your mom to assume you can stop in the middle of something to answer her call. Nope. She’s being dramatic and needs to get over herself. I’m 60F with 2 kids and wouldn’t expect either to pick up immediately.” HorseygirlWH
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Dad A Key To My New House?
“I have a very complicated relationship with my dad. He drinks pretty heavily and can get quite angry easily.
Growing up with him has led to a lot of traumatic memories. Multiple people in my family, including my sister, have cut him off because of this.
I recently purchased my first home. Real estate where I live is notoriously expensive.
My dad gifted me some cash to help out with the deposit, as he did with my sister a few years back. Over the past few months, we’ve been renovating the house together as this is his hobby.
Today we were discussing getting a locksmith in to change the keys.
He spoke about how he was going to keep one of the keys, and I immediately disagreed with this and told him directly that I wanted privacy, and that if he wanted to come, he could text me. I told him that I want my house to be peaceful.
Growing up with him, I feel like I never had the opportunity to just relax. If he has a key, I’m fearful he will show up, inebriated and unannounced. We always argue when he’s inebriated, and it always ends in broken glass on the floor and me crying myself to sleep.
He got furious and called me ungrateful, said it was his right because of the cash, said he wasn’t going to help renovate anymore, said I was just using him, etc.
AITJ? Some so many people can’t afford a house who would probably think I’m being incredibly ungrateful.
Maybe I just need a dose of reality. My partner told me that I should have just waited until the house was completed to say anything. But I feel like that’s even more disingenuous.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Dad’s reaction tells me everything I need to know.
If he had simply been disappointed, I might be thinking, “It’s pretty normal to leave a key with someone you trust. Maybe leaving one with Dad wouldn’t be so bad.” But then when he got all furious and entitled about it, I knew that you were correct.
That and the fact that others in the family have cut him off completely. To maintain a relationship, you are going to need to be good at setting boundaries. Denying him a key seems like an excellent start. Good work.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards NTJ overall. I do think that both parties, you and your dad, should have communicated expectations regarding the cash gift for the deposit and renovation assistance in the first place. You both had different expectations.
At the end of the day though, this is your home and not your dad’s. He’s not entitled to come and go as he wishes, and having boundaries and clear communication about that expectation is okay in my book, even if he’s not happy about it.” DPP_MightyPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not wrong to not give keys to anyone, especially to anyone demanding one. Hold your boundary, giving him a key will only feed his entitlement. We installed new locks that have both keys and keypads.
NO ONE has a physical key to our house, which means no one can copy a key. We have several visitor codes to just the front door, and we just delete them as guests leave. Not necessarily recommending that here because this would just be kicking the can down the road for when you delete his code and he throws a fit then.
In the future though, a key/keypad combo is great for keeping track of all of your keys and ensuring no one gets one that shouldn’t.” ResoluteMuse
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Seat To My Sister?
“So I (17F) had a little altercation with my little sister (15). So we were all (me, mom older and younger sister + brother) leaving for the grocery store.
We had been doing this escape room thing just 15 minutes before and I was really tired. I sat down on the stool in our room and my sister then walked up with her shoes and says I need to move.
She says I need to move because she needs the stool to sit on while she puts on her shoes. I say no, I’m tired can’t you just sit down on the bed? She starts whining saying no that I need to move and she doesn’t want to sit on the bed. I tell her no again and she starts whining to our older sister about how I won’t give up my seat.
She had plenty of options and other seats to choose from but had to take mine. And my parents and older sister say I was wrong for not giving them my seat to her.
After the “incident,” we are all sitting in the car and I’m sitting here in the back.
I was really upset that my older sister and mom chose to only talk to me about what I did wrong and not her. I know it may sound childish but I believed that I didn’t have to give up the seat.
My older sister and mother then started saying it was because we were already leaving and that if I wanted to go to the store I should just give my seat up.
So AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and… This implies a LOT is going on with your family that of all the places in the universe that exist where your sis could sit to put on her shoes, she picks the one you are sitting on, and the adults in your life say you’re the problem.
This shouldn’t even register as an issue. It should be a “just put on your shoes little sister”. sit on the bed, the floor, whatever.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the seat, but this is just all normal family stuff, just let it go – you will not be able to remember it by next week” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Using Work Emojis That My Partner Thinks Are Flirty?
“I (F31) started seeing a new guy, Tim (M38) about nine months ago. We’re both European if it matters. I’ve been keeping it extremely casual at first because there are kids involved.
He’s a mature man who has a lot of responsibilities, is smart and open to new things, and legitimately a very kind person who helps others in need. We met through mutual friends.
We’ve been sleeping over at each other’s places more regularly now and are officially in a relationship, which is why I’m comfortable working from his home occasionally as well (we both WFH so it took a bit of getting used to).
I did so today. For my work, I stay in constant communication with my team through Microsoft Teams. It’s a requirement. We write and are in meetings with each other pretty much the entire day and rely heavily on teamwork.
In Teams, you can send little reaction emojis to other people’s messages and my team does so very often.
We send each other thumbs up when we get an answer we need or a good suggestion and if someone solves an issue or comes in with a great idea, they get hearts.
Tim saw and has a huge issue with it because he feels it sends the wrong impression and is altogether too flirty. I showed him everyone in my team uses it, from the team lead to our senior-most employee (who’s in his late 50s).
I haven’t been with men in a while and I find this extremely immature and stupid. Tim says I’m invalidating his feelings by saying so and is put off by it. My best friend is telling me her partner doesn’t like it either and my mom thinks it’s extremely silly and to just stop.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is a huge red flag. That’s why he’s so insecure that he’s jealous of team emojis about work content. And you heard his concern, but decided not to take action and that’s an affront to him that you didn’t immediately heed his demands.
I’d immediately break up. I’ve broken up over similar things. These little things so early in relationships build up over time. Next, he’ll be annoyed when you smile at the barista who gives you coffee– that was too flirty. Then he’ll be annoyed you texted your platonic guy friend.
Then he’ll be annoyed with the thumbs-up of a guy at work. Then he’ll criticize your clothing. And slowly over time, his demands get larger and larger because he’s insecure and controlling. It’ll never be good enough. Just run.” Suitable_cataclysm
Another User Comments:
“It’s kind of weird how he gets upset about that. I (as a guy) frequently send heart emojis in comments from colleagues (male and female) when they help out, give useful suggestions, etc. It’s pretty normal as far as I’m concerned. Perhaps there is some underlying insecurity issue present on his part or a previous experience with an ex which may explain the behavior (if he had an ex who was unfaithful to him for example then he may tend to read into stuff too easily when a heart or kiss or hug is involved due to such experience perhaps; it’s the only thing I can think of that would make sense why he is so sensitive about something objectively normal in a work environment).
NTJ. Could be worthwhile to talk with him about it to see why it’s an issue for him, but could be a signal that he has controlling tendencies which would be a red flag for a long-term relationship potentially.” YellowHued
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t see the problem with using Teams emojis (and I quite like this last version of them). More important here thought: this Tim is showing insecurities and jealous behavior toward… coworkers and flipping emojis! I think serious flags are raised here and this deserves to be dug into a bit to see if Tim has other surprises to reveal (like severe trust issues and controlling behavior).” space_yoghurt
18. AITJ For Defending My Choice To Buy A Smaller, More Expensive House In The City?
“My sister (24F) and I (26M) grew up in a small town that I pretty much got chased out of.
I ended up a couple of hours away in Chicago. I love it here. There are things open after 7 PM, I can walk and take transit everywhere, and there are actual jobs for disabled people like me.
A few months ago, I bought a house in the middle of my lease.
It’s an 800 sqft bungalow in a lovely neighborhood that didn’t need any work at all. It cost $220,000. For comparison, my sister bought a 20-year-old 2,400 sqft house for $170,000 last year. In our hometown, my house would go for maybe $80,000. She’s not in a bad area or anything – it just has nothing to offer young people who haven’t lived there for several generations.
My sister came over yesterday to see the house for the first time, which was an event in itself because she was scared of Chicago. She liked the photos and called it a “good starter home” (I plan to live here forever), but was pretty disappointed when she got to look around.
She claimed it was barely bigger than a studio apartment. She asked how much I paid, I told her, and she said, “Um, I paid $50,000 less for something much newer, prettier, and 3 times the size.” I went, “Okay? Congrats, but I don’t care.
I’d rather buy somewhere I want to live even if it costs more.” She accused me of being condescending and said that I shouldn’t act like I was too good for our hometown. I told her I wanted to move past this and offered to walk with her to the KFC a couple blocks away.
She said she’d rather go home, and that I should reimburse her for gas since she drove “out” (2 hours) to see me, only for her to “have to leave” after half an hour because of my “attitude”. I told her I wouldn’t be doing that and that she chose to leave, and she went, “You’ve turned into a complete jerk ever since you moved here.” I told her to leave, and she left.
I’m not sure who’s the jerk here because we aren’t the type to involve family in our arguments. But she’s telling her friends who are saying I’m a jerk who just wanted to humiliate a woman.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There was no reason for her to keep bragging about her house even when you explained your reasons for paying as much as you did. She was the one who chose to belittle your home which you were happy with, then expected that you pay for gas because you supposedly ‘had her leave’ when she slandered your home and then proceeded to call you a jerk.
I hope you like your new home, regardless of what anyone says.” That one r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she was condescending and then when you gave her back the same energy she got offended? Don’t give her gas money, don’t give her another ounce of your energy.
You both live very different lifestyles and that’s OK. Congratulations on your forever home purchase I’m sure that you’ll be happy for decades to come. It sounds like she doesn’t approve of the lifestyle that you’ve chosen or the area or anything.
Let her be miserable. You’ll be happier if you go low contact.” United-Manner20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was being condescending when she belittled your home and compared it to your own. Everyone knows that real estate is about location and that most of the cost is for that.
As someone from Vancouver, there is nothing you could buy for either of those prices anywhere within dreaming distance of the tri-cities area here, and that doesn’t take away from that the fact that’s awesome and impressive you were able to buy a home in a city you love so young!
Congrats! She’s taking no accountability for her behavior, so it makes sense her friends will back her up because it’s unlikely she’s sharing the situation clearly.” rumple
17. AITJ For Taking My Partner On A Hike She Wasn't Prepared For?
“My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 3 years and things have been going well for the most part, we are very different people I think the differences between us usually make us stronger and a better couple.
I am an avid hunter, fisherman, and hiker. My partner’s idea of spending a day in nature is listening to music on her dad’s porch with the potted plants, and I don’t see why that doesn’t count, it’s just different.
When we first started our relationship, I cut back on my time outside, not consciously, I just wanted to spend more time with her and because at the time I lived pretty far from her, it became a choice of which I wanted to do.
However, we moved in together at the beginning of this year, and this summer has been the first summer that she has seen exactly how often I like to be outside.
She told me that she felt neglected, and said that she felt like it was a part of my life she wasn’t welcome in.
Not the case, so I told her that if she wanted to go, anytime, then she was welcome, but I knew it wasn’t her kind of thing, so I stopped asking. Because of that, I took her to this berry patch I knew about, and we both had a great time, even if she got too hot when the sun came out, and we had to leave a little earlier than I would have liked. Anyway, we had a couple of small outings like that, berry picking, pawpaw hunting, light hikes, etc.
I was invited back to my home State for a hike I have been on many times with friends (Devil’s Bathtub if you know it). I asked my partner if she would mind me going, because I hadn’t seen these guys in a while, and we could catch up.
She ended up asking if she could come, which is when I hesitated. This hike isn’t too difficult by any means, but I was unsure she would have fun, based on what I knew about her. I explained that it was a little harder than the hikes we had done and that it would probably be best to work up to it a little more.
She got offended, thinking I was saying she couldn’t do it, which isn’t what I meant. I tried to explain that it might not be as fun for her as the other hikes we had. She insisted it was no big deal, and that she would have a great time, so I decided to trust her judgment and agree.
So we go. And it goes about as well as you’re picturing. We made it about a quarter of the way through before she started getting upset, it was visible, but she didn’t say anything. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but she was just quiet angry, and snippy the whole time.
When we got to the car she started crying and accusing me of ‘setting her up’, because it was harder than she expected, and said I should have told her that it was that hard. I told her that I had, but she said that I didn’t explain it well enough and that I made her look like an idiot.
In my opinion, I did everything I could to warn her, and she is an adult who had the facts, and internet access if she wanted to double-check her theory it would be no trouble. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You warned her.
You suggested working up to it. She insisted she was fine. This is on her. My partner and I are similar to you two. My partner always tells me how difficult or long a hike is and I decide. She’ll tell me if it’s super steep too.
I don’t take it personally. I see it as caring about me and gauging my abilities which isn’t a diss by any means. I’ve bowed out of many hikes. You shouldn’t be attached to the point you can’t enjoy your outdoor activities.
You can enjoy hobbies separately. You can go on easier hikes with her.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where’s her sense of agency? She’s not a child. She could have checked out the hike beforehand online. Instead, she doubted what an experienced hiker told her and foolishly went ahead anyway.
I have super pale skin. You know how I don’t get burnt? I wear a hat and sun-protective clothing plus a ton of SPF. Were you supposed to dress her too? She sounds exhausting.” suggie75
16. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Contact With My Ex Who Keeps Reaching Out?
“So I(20m) and my former partner (20f) broke up roughly a month ago. It was entirely her decision; I was caught completely off guard when she told me that she was leaving.
Since she left, I was a mess for the first two weeks; I couldn’t imagine life without her (we were together for almost 4 years). The day she told me, she packed up everything moved out of my house, and took one of our dogs with her.
Since then, I’ve found it a lot easier to do chores and take care of the house, whereas before she did a large portion of the household work since I work a lot. She’s been going out and partying and seems to be enjoying her newly found freedom, hanging out with the people she despised for our entire relationship.
The point of this post is, that I’ve since been trying to sell the house that I bought for us and decided to move closer to my family. I have received better job offers and have been a lot more comfortable at my house by myself, besides the occasional wave of missing her and feeling lonely.
She only gets in contact when she needs something, and I want to tell her that I have been doing well without her. But every time we text, I feel like my healing has to start all over again. I do still want her at times, but I don’t think I’m wrong to not want to talk to her.
Also, in the beginning, I offered her help to make sure she and my dog were okay. She still had one of my credit cards until recently. She was financially dependent on me in our relationship. I wasn’t going to just drop her and let her struggle.
So, WIBTJ if next time she reaches out for something, I tell her no and tell her I’m doing good and I don’t want to keep getting my feelings dragged back into her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you absolutely should be putting your mental health and your best interests first. At some point, she might feel upset that you are moving on (‘reaching out for something’ could be a guise to see if you are moving on), but that is her problem, not you.
Good luck” AdOdd7148
Another User Comments:
“She left you. After 4 years. She’s out having fun. Why are you even in contact? Are you a masochist? Shut her down, go no contact, start your new job, sell your home, move, and don’t look back.
You deserve better. Save your communications for your next partner. By the way, a therapist would say you want to tell her your ‘life isn’t that bad since she left’ because you want an excuse to communicate with her and because your brain hopes she’ll somehow be hurt by the fact that you’re getting over her.
She doesn’t care. She left you. That’s all you need to know. Stop focusing on what she thinks and how she’ll react. Stop further contact.” Old_Length7525
Another User Comments:
“Don’t tell her anything – She doesn’t want you, but she doesn’t want you free and available.
She wants to party and be with whoever she wants, then use you as her backup plan B. Stop the credit card ASAP. Sell the house. Don’t answer her texts – at least not straight away, make her wait a few hours or the next day.
Move away. Lose her number.” User
15. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Family Regarding My Baby?
“I’m 19 turning 20 and I have an almost 7-month-old baby girl. I’ve been “kicked out “ from my family (only mom’s side) because I set boundaries with them about my baby.
Before Mother’s Day I got in a small car accident, when my mother came by to check on me she made a comment about my daughter saying she should skip a few meals which I got mad at and told her to leave.
Then Mother’s Day I went over to my grandmother’s house and they both made rude fat comments about my baby I let it go and made my baby a bottle only to find my baby in the hands of my 5-year-old cousin unattended as I freaked out my grandmother takes the bottle from my hand and tells my cousin to feed her, I grab my baby and leave before I say anything rude.
The next Sunday my older cousin had a baby shower my mom tried coming up to me to grab my baby and I said to not be too long since she’s attached to me she of course gets upset and not even 5 feet away talking bad about me knowing I can hear.
As I got home I sent a group text about why I have rules set in place for my daughter ( ask permission before you do anything with my daughter) they said they earned the right to grab their granddaughter anytime they want and said if I don’t let them then I am no longer allowed to be around them anymore.
So AITJ and should’ve let them call my daughter fat while doing whatever they want with her ?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you need anyone to give you an answer? You know the answer. Your baby your rules. NO ONE has authority over you when it comes to your baby.
Keep your precious girl away from anyone who tries to ignore your rules. That goes for your mother and grandmother especially it seems. If you have to go LC that is on them.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but a good mother!
Here is the thing in your story that got my hackles up. Someone saying they had earned the right to grab your daughter. NO . . .NO . . .NO! Being a grandparent is a privilege and not a right. Rights have to be earned, they are not self-granted. What did she do to earn that right from you?
You are the mother and you get to make the rules for your child. If she, or others, do not respect your rules, then the consequence of that is no time with the grandkid. If you are not dependent on them financially or for a place to live you can enforce this, but if you are dependent on them then you will have to just be selfish with your child when you are in their home.
Another thing, your child is not a baby doll to be passed around to whoever, whenever, she is not a toy! Good luck!” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a great mom and you are protecting your baby from some terrible people.
Babies are rarely fat. And your family focusing on others at this age is a red flag. And I can’t believe they feel entitled to grab your daughter whenever they want. It must be very hard to be rejected by them.
I’m sure you went through a lot of verbal mistreatment and unrealistic expectations yourself. I wish this time was all fun and cuddles for you, but it sounds like you need to close the gates and take time away from them before you can consider in-person visits.
You need to protect your daughter and yourself.” No_Garbage_9262
14. AITJ For Being Upset Over The Wrong Cannoli?
“My partner and I are vacationing in Italy. Yesterday I bought an amazing cannoli (my first cannoli in Italy). My partner discouraged me from buying another one to go (which is what I wanted to do) because he thought it would melt in the car.
Today we left the island we were on and are staying in Naples. I saw a cannoli in a dessert shop that looked identical to the one I had yesterday while we were pulling our luggage on the street on the way to our Airbnb which was very close.
I pointed it out to him and said “Yay! They have the cannoli I want, look it’s exactly like the one yesterday.”
After we were settled for a few minutes in the Airbnb, I said “I want to go back for that cannoli I saw and get a lemonade too.” My partner then said, “How about you take a shower and I will go get it for you?” I was thankful and said that would be awesome.
When he came back he had lemonade for us both, a dessert for himself, and two cannoli that were nothing like the one I saw. He told me he couldn’t find the one we saw. After taking a bite (it was not very tasty in my opinion) I said, “Thank you so much for getting this for me, and at the same time I wanted the cannoli I saw”
He was livid and told me I was ungrateful and high-maintenance. And turned it into an argument about how I am so hard to travel with. I wish I would have just gone and gotten it myself from the beginning.
Had I known it would turn into an argument, I would have. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Is this a common behavior, or is it completely new? Either he was trying to be nice, or it is a bit manipulative.
But being so angry, if you expressed yourself as politely as you claim, is a bit disturbing. It’s not high maintenance if you offer to go yourself. I hope you can find the one you want later :)” Yes_Im_the_mole
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I feel like he tried to do something nice but it wasn’t good enough for you. You wanted a specific cannoli, but I bet he couldn’t remember which one and figured they were all the same.
You should have gone yourself if the specific cannoli was that important.” Top-Ad-2676
Another User Comments:
“Unless you have any reason to think that he wasn’t being honest about not being able to find it, YTJ. You don’t assert your own opinion or initiate your action and then don’t like the outcome.
You could have got two the first time, you could have gone yourself… If a cannoli is that important, go get the cannoli. As he had already explained that he couldn’t find it, thanking him for the one he got but then turning it passive-aggressive with the crack about it not being the one you wanted is the jerk behavior.” SpaTowner
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Parents' Dog?
“A few years ago my parents got a terrier which mum treats as her “baby” and mum is number #1 in the “pack”. Because both my parents work full time, Mum drives the dog to my grandparents every morning.
However, my grandpa has gotten dementia (sadly untreated because he isn’t aware and he gets upset if the topic is brought up), so he forgets if he has taken the dog for a walk and if the dog has been fed. This led to him giving the dog unhealthy things such as butter, and sand sausages in the dog food although we’ve been explaining that he can’t do that (which he forgets).
The dog has food at all times but of course, human food is much more interesting. The dog eats a little at a time like a cat.
Mum has said a few times that she wants the dog to be in my flat to learn to get used to other people living in the same building.
This doesn’t work because the dog is very suspicious of every single sound and if she sees people walking past the house (growling/barking) there is no way to control the dog when she starts barking. The dog barks until she feels finished. I’m scared that the dog will bother my neighbors (as I have to make sure they’re not bothered, this is a rule by my landlord/flat company) and I don’t want to get in trouble with my landlord because of the dog.
I didn’t sign up to take care of the dog as I have lived by myself for years now (edit: I work part-time and earn my own money). The dog has separation anxiety when she is away from mum (having a favorite human is a trait in this dog breed), it doesn’t matter that I’m next to the dog because I’m not mum, so I can’t calm down the dog.
(The dog has been left home alone for an hour or so and is not crated during that time.) WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. The dog is your mom’s responsibility, she can ask the favor of other people but ultimately she has to find a long-term solution.
She can get the dog used to being alone, hire a sitter, etc. The fact that you don’t want any trouble with your landlord is an extra in my opinion. You could also state that you don’t want to be at home responsible for the dog when you need to study/work or just go out as you please.
Those are valid reasons but the fact that you just don’t want that responsibility should be good enough. The situation might be different if you are living alone with your mom’s money.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am constantly bewildered by people who get dogs that need to be created for hours and hours on end because they can’t be there.
Dogs are social creatures. It is not fair to them to be left for hours and hours alone. People are jerks when it comes to dogs. It is not your job to take on her irresponsible decision. I grew up with dogs, and currently have 2 dogs (Large) and 2 cats- all of them rescues.
They all love each other, but it took time, of course. It works because I work from home and always have. It is not fair to leave dogs alone for 8 hours a day or more. Your mom should look at Doggie Day Care for her dog if she can’t be there.
But of course, she is looking at you for free Doggie Daycare. Sorry to hear about your grandpa. I get it, my mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer’s, and it has not been pleasant to try to get treatment support for her, since she would blow up, whenever we gently asked. Good Luck!” banjadev
Another User Comments:
“I feel torn about this because, on one hand, I belong to the family so I should help out/contribute and I don’t want the dog to have a bad life. On the other hand, I didn’t have a say in their decision to get a dog in the first place, so it’s not my responsibility.” VisibleAnteater1359
12. AITJ For Feeling Conflicted About Lending My Car To My Roommate Again?
“I’m facing a moral dilemma regarding my roommate, Mark (26M), and I could really use some outside perspective.
About two weeks ago, Mark asked if he could borrow my car for his sister’s wedding, which is happening out of town. Initially, I agreed because I understand how important this event is for him and his family.
However, here’s where things get complex: I’ve let Mark borrow my car in the past, and it’s come back with scratches, dings, and once even a dent!
Despite this, I’ve always covered the repair costs and tried to be understanding.
Adding to my dilemma, last weekend, I lent him the car for another trip, and it came back with more scratches and a dent. This made me really anxious about lending it to him again for such an important event.
I’ve been torn between wanting to help Mark out for his sister’s wedding and protecting my car, which has been damaged multiple times before. I know he needs the car for the wedding, but I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
I hesitated to retract my offer because I didn’t want to let him down, but as the wedding draws closer, my anxiety about my car’s condition grows stronger.
Mark got upset when I brought up my concerns, accusing me of going back on my word and letting him down when he needed help the most. Now, he’s giving me the silent treatment, and I can’t help but feel guilty.
Am I the jerk for feeling conflicted about lending him my car, or is it understandable given the circumstances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s repeatedly damaged your car and did so again last weekend and has never covered the repairs and expects to still be allowed to borrow it whenever.
Also he’s clearly not a good driver–I think I put maybe 2 dents and a couple scratches on my car in 16 years of driving it, and 3 of those years I was street parking in a city. Is he listed on your insurance?
It sounds like he may have been driving it enough that he should be, and if he were to get into a serious accident you might end up with huge repair costs your insurance might not cover if he’s not a listed driver and uses it often enough that your policy would require him to be.” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“Do not lend your car unless you can afford to replace it and eat the cost. I’m guessing he’s not listed as a driver on your insurance. He’s shown that he has no respect for your car.
He returns it damaged and doesn’t take responsibility for the damage. He damages it whenever he drives it. How often do you damage it? How is it possible to be this careless with someone else’s car? You’d be a fool to ever let him drive it again.
Stop being a pushover. Stand up for yourself. Demand payment for all past damage. He can rent a car like an adult.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me ask you a question. Imagine he crashes your car on the way to the wedding.
Totals it. You’re out a vehicle. How do you feel then? This is the type of situation where you must weigh the risk vs. the reward. You’ve already loaned the car once. You’ve seen the results (risks vs. rewards). You’d only be the jerk to yourself if you keep doing it.
Protect your assets!!!!!!!!!!!” stxrmchaser
11. AITJ For Playing Injured In A Basketball Game Because My Mom Told Me To?
“Yesterday I played at a basketball game even though the day before I got a bad kick in the foot. I was a bit concerned about going but my mom insisted on making me go even though she wouldn’t be there.
During the warm-up, I was hobbling a bit and I was in pain a little but my coach didn’t notice so it was just fine.
I got subbed in in the 2nd quarter and I played pretty well but it was noticeable that I had some difficulties running and sprinting so my coach subbed me out in like 5 minutes and told me two things:
1- He didn’t want me to risk getting more injured;
2- I should’ve told him before the game since it wasn’t fair that I got called instead of someone else when I couldn’t play at my fullest (The maximum number of players per team is 12 and we are 16, so each time someone doesn’t get to play and just watches from the stands).
I fully agreed with him and I’m pretty sure I would’ve called him to say that he should have brought someone else but my mom always belittles my pain and tells me to suck it up so I didn’t have much of a choice.
Today at lunch I told her how it went and she said “You should’ve played through it and stopped being a crybaby” So when I told her I was playing and it was my coach who was worried she was like “Oh sure”
Then when I got mad she accused me of being a crybaby AGAIN and said she was just “stating facts” when SHE WASN’T EVEN THERE.
So I got up, told her to shut up, and went to my room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, obviously you’re NTJ. But please pay attention to your mom’s behavior. You say that she’s not that bad, just a little annoying, so that’s good I guess. But in my experience, the “suck it up” attitude usually extends to other areas as well.
Broken heart? Suck it up. Laid off from your job? Suck it up. That lack of support and nurturing can affect someone’s mental health and sense of self-worth over time. It can cause people to endure things they shouldn’t have to because their barometer for what is worth being upset over is messed up.
I won’t even go into her lack of trust that you’re even telling the truth! I hope you have other supportive adults in your life! Big hugs from a random internet stranger!” YoDJPumpThisParty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mom is a huge one.
I understand where you’re coming from. When I was about 15 or so I twisted my knee badly while snowboarding. My parents didn’t care. I remember they wanted to go skiing the next day and I couldn’t push my foot into my ski boot, because my knee hurt so bad.
My dad forcefully grabbed my leg and pushed it in. I remember screaming out in pain, but my dad and mom just yelled at me and told me to stop being so dramatic. Pretty sure I had torn something, because 25 years later that knee still isn’t normal. I’ll never forget how they treated me.
It’d honestly be super sad when parents ignore their kids telling them they’re hurt. Like, why would you lie? Next time your mom is hurt give her the same (lack of) care that she’s given you.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here — your mother’s behavior was atrocious but your coach is right you should have told him about your injury. It’s particularly bad that you didn’t mention it when you arrived but just hobbled around hoping he wouldn’t notice.
You only get one body. Playing when injured is bad for your whole team, your coach, and for your future. NTJ for Yelling at your mother, but you are focusing a lot on whether she was there or not which is irrelevant.
She is not your coach.” ViolaVetch75
10. AITJ For Inviting An Online Friend To My House Without Telling My Mom First?
“I am a 15-year-old girl and I am not conventionally attractive. I know someone is going to say no, you’re beautiful, the outside doesn’t matter but I am not conventionally attractive.
Numerous people in my school have told me, my aunt has hinted at it, I am just not pleasant to look at.
I have tried making friends but I am either made fun of or my throat closes up and I forget how to talk altogether so I opt to making friends online.
I tried this app IMVU. And I met this girl there, it was hard to meet genuine people because some people are peculiar. But she’s really nice, she doesn’t ask for inappropriate pictures or anything strange. We have been talking about meeting up.
She told me her mom doesn’t mind driving her all the way to meet me and I knew my mom would never allow that so I invited her over and told her my address. I told my mom my friend is coming over and she was happy at first and asked me about her and I told all about her and told her I know her from online.
My mom called me foolish for weeks and took my phone & laptop from August until now and deleted IMVU even though she saw that the messages weren’t peculiar.
Now I have to resort to using a library computer.
I am so upset, my online friends were my only outlet and my mom took them away from me and I lost my opportunity to meet my best friend.
Am I being foolish?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom is right – you should not be giving your location to strangers online.
How do you even know this girl is who she says she is? But I don’t think your mom handled the situation appropriately. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time making friends but you need to do it safely and watch out for yourself.” meowingtondrive
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Giving your home address to an internet stranger sounds foolish and reckless. You could have arranged to meet at a public place instead. It shows incredibly poor judgement on your part and I don’t blame your mom for confiscating your computer because of it.
Question: Have you ever video chatted with this person before? Or have all your previous communications been written/through their avatar? Are you 100% sure, they are who they say they are? etc.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“Yes, I’m sorry but you should never give out your address.
Even if you believe you know 100% that you are safe, it’s just not a good idea in general. It sucks that you don’t have a place to feel comfortable and surrounded by friends, but you should always let your parents know before giving out any personal information.
I would suggest asking your parents if they can sign you up for some sort of art class or maybe even a local library gaming event. Just because you don’t have an easy way to make friends does not mean it would be impossible to make friends.
No jerks here, just plain ignorance from a teenager who wants a friend.” Timely-References
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Spend Her Prize Money On K-Pop Merchandise?
“So my (38F) daughter (13F) recently won a gold award in her math competition. She asked what she would be having as a prize since she’d only been getting a bronze award last year.
Her dad (47M) said she could spend whatever she wanted $150 on whatever she wanted. She said she’d choose from an online shop she wanted.
Yesterday, she confirmed with me that she was gonna buy a $50 album first and spend the rest of the $10 later on another shop.
She said she was going to get some Korean boy pictures. At first, I didn’t say anything because her exam was tomorrow (which is today) so I wired the money. This evening right now she asked me that she knew what she wanted and she was gonna spend $90 on some stuff.
I told her upright I was not going to buy this for her because it was just some piece of paper. I allowed her to buy anything she wanted even if it wasn’t her own money on stuff like stickers which she didn’t need and she’d at least spend $30 every time she ordered one.
I was honest with her and told her I only wired the money because I was afraid she’d get sulky and do badly on the exam today.
She said I never keep my promise and I’m a jerk because her dad refused to buy her a piece of paper that was worth $90 and she said she’d pay for the album herself because she had saved about $120 with chores.
I said I was not going to wire the money either way because she should save money and not spend money on some boy. It’s not like I didn’t allow her to buy the K-pop stuff, I did but the price is getting ridiculous.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can explain to her that you think it is frivolous, but you need to let her spend her money on what she wants. You can also try and help her find a less expensive version, but ultimately she has been responsible for saving her money for this thing, she deserves to buy it.
You controlling her money right now won’t help teach her anything except not to trust you with her money in the future. She’s only 13, she’s still a child. Let her enjoy childish things while she can.” halobreakerrr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, to put it simply, it’s her money that she worked hard to earn. Once it’s hers, she has every right to use it to buy whatever she wants. It might seem stupid and excessive to you, but to your daughter, this is her interest. Is it an insane amount of money to blow?
Sure it is, but that’s her decision to make. She’s not going to learn the value of money if you don’t let her make these mistakes. I know that you think you’re doing what’s best for her, but you’re doing damage to your relationship.
Also, you and your husband made a promise to buy whatever she wanted. You can’t just break that promise because you dislike what she wants. You think that you’re teaching her some lesson about not wasting money, but you’re just telling her that it’s okay to break promises.
You set the precedent for the relationships you want. I’m just saying that sometimes you just gotta let your children live their own choices.” Cool-Limit192
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I collected J-pop (Japanese pop rather than Korean) idol merch for 7 or 8 years.
That included the pictures. They are collector’s items and it’s a fun hobby where you meet tons of other fans from all over the world! It’s fun discussing the merch with each other, which limited edition photo cards you get, and stuff like that.
You said anything she wants. Don’t change it just because you aren’t happy with what she chooses. Also, for the record, these could likely be sold for close to the bought price. With how big K-pop is right now, depending on the group and what the photos are (limited edition, popular tour, special event, etc.) she may even be able to MAKE money on them.
I sold a bunch of mine and it funded my entire trip to Japan.” cespirit
8. AITJ For Taking A Job At Starbucks For Fun While On A Career Break?
“I am unable to work in my (high paying) trained career field for some time due to factors mostly outside of my control. My husband works but makes below median wage and we have decent savings. I don’t need to work and can wait out this period before resuming my career.
But it will be around 3 months before I can work in my field.
My kid is in daycare, we have a nanny.
I’ve basically been living the “trophy wife or forced vacation” life. I thought I’d go do something “fun”.
Now I don’t have enough money saved up to do some tour around the world or anything fancy like that. And we moved to a VHCOL area. I already did mini trips to places for 2-3 days at a time (solo) and am not a fan of traveling alone.
So I interviewed and got a job at Starbucks. I posted on social media that I’m going to be a barista at Starbucks and it’s going to be great/fun, and can’t wait to wear those cute green aprons.
A distant friend called me and said it was inappropriate to post about a job that I got for fun to fill in my boredom and I’m mocking the “lower class” and how I’m shoving it in their face that I do their forced job for fun knowing I can quit at any time.
Starbucks was one place I wanted to work in college but never got to, so I thought it would be entertaining. So was I a jerk for working a (slightly above) minimum wage job for my entertainment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend was out of line. I had a friend like you when I was a student, she was way older and she had started working in the local computer club. Her husband was very rich, and she didn’t need the money at all, but her son spent a lot of time in such clubs and she liked spending time with young people, having some sort of social life, and having reason to get out of home.
Yeah, you can quit any time. That’s a privilege you have because of your family’s financial circumstances and you are aware of it. As long as you are not rubbing this in the noses of your colleagues, you won’t be a jerk.
There are plenty of reasons why women take jobs where they would be overqualified – to fill the time, to not lose the labor habits, to get some extra financial independence, to meet new people, have new contacts, and to go outside of the home.” stealing
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not to the friend, but to your husband. He works full time….your kid is in daycare, you also have a nanny, and you just spend all your savings on fun stuff. You got a part-time job to pay for fun stuff.
And I hope you aren’t talking to your coworkers about how fun it’ll be to work at Starbucks for fun money to go on vacation and about your nanny.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“Social media is the place of happy faces and funny memes.
I cannot imagine many folks would post that they are so desperate for money that they took a minimum-wage job. However, I could see someone posting this as a silly, funny dark humor FML status. This doesn’t seem to be OP’s situation, but her social media friend doesn’t know the circumstances of her taking this job.
You shouldn’t put people down period especially when you don’t know their backstory. NTJ This is your “friend’s” problem, not yours.” Some_Range_9037
7. AITJ For Wanting More Balanced Communication With My Wife?
“I am 34m and my wife “Polly” is 32f.
Like a lot of couples, we debrief after our workdays. Polly works in a high-touch, high-interaction job, so we usually say our hellos, make dinner and then eat separately so she can wind down a bit.
Then, afterward, we sit in the living room and shoot the breeze.
Polly has a mild neurodivergence which means she tells… let’s call it “branching” stories. She will get bogged down in side stories and background stories and details that, frankly, add nothing to the core story about her workday.
That’s usually fine, but I’ve noticed it getting a bit worse, to the point that, by the time she’s done, it’s time to watch a show and go to bed. I mean, I’m spending upwards of an hour just listening and adding “mmhmm” and “oh wow”, because she says she gets even more distracted when I ask questions.
I brought this up with Polly, and she said that I am asking her to mask her disorder, and that’s just how her brain works. I get that feeling, I really do, but I am starting to feel like I’m a side character here because she takes up all the airtime that we set aside to debrief.
Here’s why I might be a jerk: I said “Well, we all change our communication styles based on context, right?” And she said that’s different, and that masking is not code-switching.
I just want some time to talk about my day, too, but I don’t want her to feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ. This is one of my pet peeves. If someone wants to talk about work and all of it is negative, I’m checking out. I’m not a therapist. I’m not getting paid for it.
Work already sucks for me. I don’t need to hear the highlights of your bad day. They’re all bad according to you. It’s emotionally draining, especially if you know that there’s no solution to it. There could be a solution, but they just want to vent.
It’s infuriating.” works with glass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to do what Polly did and then I went to speech therapy for a year and it helped immensely. She can cut her stories down to the essentials, she just doesn’t want to.
I’m with you on how annoying it is. It takes forever for a friend of mine to get through her story and by the end, I can’t even remember what the point was of the original one.” Thewhirlwindblitz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this isn’t asking her to mask, this is vocalizing your needs about how you two communicate with each other. Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean she gets to do what she wants all the time and nobody can say anything about it; she’s in a relationship with someone else who also has feelings and requirements of their own.
Her needs do not preempt yours, and you’re not wrong for talking to her about how best to balance them.” RJRoyalRules
6. AITJ For Prioritizing Other Friends Over Those With New Partners?
“I have some friends who recently got partners in the last few months. Their partners seem nice enough, and I’m happy for them finding companions. I am single, however.
Now that they have partners they have difficulty finding time to hang out.
Every time they do want to do something they want to bring their partner along, consult her before going out, stop hanging out to go see her, choose hanging out with her over me, or skip hanging out because they ran out of time with their partner.
They’ll only hang out with me if their partner is satisfied and doesn’t want to spend time with them – which is rare.
I thought I’d be upset about this, but I’m not really. They’re adults making a decision. The issue is, I have other friends that I hang out with now that I don’t have this issue with; and we’ve stopped hanging out with them effectively.
Like, we’ll have parties and maybe not invite them, or we’ll go out and not ask them to come.
They’re both starting to get annoyed about this, but there’s only a 20% chance they’d show up – and if they did they would bring their partners and/or just leave early/show up late.
I’ll also pick hanging out with my other friends over them when they finally get time to squeeze me into their schedule. This isn’t deliberate, I’m just not keen to hang out with someone who will probably bring their partner, can only hang out for an hour, and could cancel at the drop of a hat if their partner feels like it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the issue isn’t so much the partner as you are shown to be a low priority. It is understandable to not want to be a third wheel on couple-y activities, which would also make you NTJ, but the fact that they are de-prioritizing you is IMO the bigger issue.
The easiest conflict resolution however is that if you’re hanging out with other friends, throw them an invitation but don’t wait up for them/assume they aren’t coming. If they show, they show, if not, no one cares.” squats_and_sugars
Another User Comments:
“It costs nothing to still send invites for group hangs and parties. Don’t continue to expect them to be there but if you want to have friendships that last, don’t completely drop them. Their relationships might not last forever, or if they do, you don’t want to be the one who has issues with their partners.
People grow and change, it’s okay to drift apart but don’t push friends away either. I’d say keep offering invites but it’s fine if they only pop by briefly or don’t come every time. I’m gonna say NTJ but the attitude and way you describe the partner issue, which you claim isn’t an issue but is… feels a little immature.
But I don’t know them so it’s not my place to say lol.” Daveyfiacre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have friends who are single and friends who are married and I happen to hang out with the single ones more often just because we have more similar lifestyles.
If you still want to keep those friendships however I would try to approach it differently. It could be as easy as just telling them “Look I know you’re busier than me these days, let me know when you want to hang out and I’ll be there”.
That way you’re not the one planning things only to have them bail” ReflectionSweet7222.
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friends To Set Me Up With A Guy They Like?
“I’m a 29 gay male and single at the moment, and I’m not upset about it either. I have two friends one of which I live with (we’ll call him Chad and another friend Mark ).
The problem I’m having is that one day and Mark were out participating in a Pokemon Go event and it was just the two of us until we met a group of players during the event we asked if we could join them and they said yes.
One person in this group is the guy that Mark and Chad are trying to push me toward (we’ll call him Dan). Dan is a nice guy and at this point, I’ve only met him like three times and yes he’s gay too (I think).
My point is that I think he is a nice guy but I don’t see him that way you know. But Mark keeps trying to get me to go out with him and has even tried to set up a lunch date.
I thanked him for trying but I just don’t see him like that. A week later Chad meets him and agrees with Mark on trying to set me up with Dan. I’ve told both of them on and off to stop trying to make me go out with this guy and said he’s not my type.
Chad said that since I barely go out and talk with anyone I can’t have a type. What annoys me is that they keep pushing it even now and I feel like I can’t even fight back but I can’t back down.
I don’t even feel like being in a relationship right now. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had a friend do this to me. Sent a guy my picture and scheduled a double date with her, her husband plus him and me.
Then gave me his number to text him before the date to get to know him before we met. I was annoyed. I never said I was looking for a partner and the guy was not my type. She got mad when I told her (repeatedly) that I wasn’t interested. “He’s a great guy and he makes really good money”.
Ok??? I’m still not interested. She blocked me after that lol” RedOrca396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You know all this is suspicious, maybe it’s my imagination but this sounds like a trap, maybe Dan already liked you and your friends are trying to help him go out with you.
Your “friends” are not real friends, friends never break boundaries and don’t keep pushing you to date someone you don’t like. Man, the best thing is to cut contact with them, the same thing happened and they almost did it!
But I couldn’t go out with him, I felt so uncomfortable and like it was my obligation to go out with that boy. I never liked him but the social pressure is strong and even more so if it comes from “friends”.
In the end, it bothered me that they didn’t respect my limits and that they put me through that. It only made me dislike those people and NC.” HomeworkDry4850
4. AITJ For Wanting To Skip My Friend's Wedding For A Nearly Free Trip To Europe?
“One of my (F36) best friends (F33) is getting married at the end of November. She met the groom(M39) in June, fell in love, and decided to tie the knot.
There’s more on that subject but the point is; I just came back from a dinner with college friends where I was offered a round trip ticket to Madrid for free (well – I’d have to pay the name change which amounts to 150 USD approx.
I don’t live in the states nor have a visa. So the ticket is direct from my city to Madrid with no layovers)
The trip is for two weeks, BUT the departure date is two days before my friend’s wedding.
Sadly changing the dates is not an option, only the name.
I have never been to Europe, this is one heck of an offer! I have friends that I can crash with to save money on lodging and would be staying in hostels to keep expenses to a minimum.
The thing is, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find a round-trip direct flight for the equivalent of 150 bucks, typically the price for that route is around 1500+ USD!
I don’t have a lot of money but I do have some savings I can use.
I don’t even know how to bring this up with my friend, we just came back from her bachelorette and she’s just so excited. I’m not part of the wedding party simply because that’s comprised of her immediate family but she did say she wanted me (if I could) to wear a dress aligned with the color her sisters are wearing.
Would I be the jerk if I told her I wouldn’t be going to her wedding because I have the opportunity to go to Europe with an almost free ticket?”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t make up my mind, that’s such a difficult situation!
The roundtrip offer is so amazing, almost too good to be true. It would be a shame to skip it for a “single event” that just happens to fall into that time. Then again, it is the wedding of a very close friend, who seems to want to share her special day with you.
My advice right now is: to talk to her about it. See how she would feel. Tell her you’re so torn up about it, but it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Then decide according to her reaction. If she feels so strongly about it that it would lastingly harm your friendship you’d have to decide what’s worth more to you: the friendship or a two-week trip.” backyard chick
Another User Comments:
“I think the issue is that you have already committed to going to the wedding, and this is not something like a work trip or family emergency that could not be helped. So, if you want to go to Madrid, go, but go knowing that you ditched your friend after agreeing to attend her wedding.
And also that it may alter your friendship (which I do not think is unreasonable of her).” TA_totellornottotell
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but I would encourage you to look at getting a credit card with airline miles, charging your normal expenditures, and then paying it off each month.
You will rack up free trips in no time. And if you don’t go to the wedding, it will affect the friendship no matter how much you apologize or try to smooth things over. So which is more important to you?” Ask_Amy
3. AITJ For Lying About My Grades, Yelling At My Mom, And Running Away?
“I (17F) am studying to become a doctor, as per my mother’s wish. I also got high grades, but recently, my grades started to falter. I got concerned that my mother would hear about the recent exam I had had a lower grade.
I didn’t want to let her down. So, I lied to her about it being graded late.
I decided to call a friend, who I will call Y, that I won’t be able to work with the group for a while.
Y and I work in a music group, with two others that will be called A and S. I know they are worried since they tried reaching out a few times. I just told them I needed to study for my grades to go up again and to not alert my mother about work since she is NOT a huge fan of it.
It didn’t take long for A to call me up again for us to hang out (work) for me to relax since I was having a hard time focusing on my studies. I did end up joining Discord with the rest of the group being shocked except for A.
We did end up working. The background noise of the group helped me to relax a bit. They asked me to join the next day. I said I probably can’t so S will just DM me when the MV is up.
All seemed to be just fine until my mother asked me about my exam, I just said the same thing. Only for her to say that she went to my school to ask for it. I just confessed about how I was afraid of her response.
She then said she would get rid of my phone because it was a distraction to my studies. I refused to give it to her but she tried to grab my phone and it flew into my aquarium.
A few days later, A and S found me at the park, asking me what happened to them, obviously worried since I never got to respond to the messages they sent.
I told them what happened and S snapped and told me to stand up for myself.
I later got home to my mother cooking, waiting for me to ask me something, but I asked first to let me work with the group and I’d make sure my grades would go up.
She said that I shouldn’t let any other distractions keep me from my studies, adding how the other kids around me working hard with good grades while mine was going down. To which I said I didn’t want to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I was given a very disappointed look by her, which made me scared. She then asked if this was me doing this for my friends, not her happiness. I retorted and just yelled about how I felt. She looked even more disappointed. I even wanted to take back everything I said, until I remembered what A said, run away when everything feels like too much.
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I just ran. I ended up at Y’s front door. I knocked and Y showed up. I just launched myself at them, crying. I don’t know for how long, but I know Y was trying to comfort me, but I am scared. What do I do now?
I’m now currently in Y’s house typing all of this, lost about what to do next. My mother is looking for me, to get me home. I don’t know how my father will react to this since he is at work and I still have to attend classes on Monday.
So, AITJ for yelling at my mother and running away?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your job to make your mother happy by becoming a doctor. If you don’t want to be a doctor, don’t be a doctor. If your mom tries to guilt trip you, and she will a lot, you’re going to have to learn to ignore her.
Continually tell her that making her happy is not your job. NTJ, parents that guilt their kids into being a doctor/lawyer/whatever to make the parent happy are always the jerk.” NoHorseNoMustache
Another User Comments:
“You are the most immature 17-year-old I have ever read about.
You sound like a 5yr old. Your mother sounds like a jerk for trying to make you do things you don’t want BUT if you never speak up then don’t whine about it. If you speak up and then panic and run away, you are just being a brat.
All that being said are you being mistreated? Because acting the way you did and how you got scared when your mother was disappointed, was not healthy. ” Wide-Author-342
2. AITJ For Calling Out A Couple For Blocking The Parking Lot At My Son's Football Game?
“My wife thinks I’m the jerk, but I think people don’t get called out for their nonsense anymore.
I was at my son’s football game, looking for a parking spot. The lot was pretty full around the spots close to the fields, but the further back you go, there were plenty of open spots (where I ended up parking).
I made the mistake of looking for a spot close to the fields with no luck. I got to one area close and there was a lot of congestion and no one could move. There was a car waiting for someone to leave their spot blocking the side aisle, but no one could move through the main aisle because someone decided to park at the end of the median area and not in a spot (see picture link for the marker).
This essentially made the main aisle one-way. It was a nice day and I had my windows open…it just so happened that the owners of this vehicle came back while I was stuck in the jam. I somewhat loudly said, “Oh, I wondered what kind of jerks park there, blocking all the traffic”.
The woman in the car responded with something like “yea it’s me, I parked here” Meanwhile the husband started going off about how I needed to calm down, and that it was not a big deal. I did holler back again that he was a jerk and that he single-handedly caused the whole parking lot to get jammed up and made it a one-way.
So AITJ? I told my wife that we need more social shaming of these types of people and that I didn’t “take it upon myself” to police them, but I’m sick of no one having a backbone and calling jerks out.”
Another User Comments:
“Nah… this is one of those where emotionally I’m in the NTJ realm with you. Your wife is wrong, in that people *do* need to be called out on stupid stuff they do when they just don’t seem to have awareness that others exist. Maybe this planet might just be a little bit more pleasant and everything might just work a little bit better if people realized we’re all in this together so we should spare a thought or two for our fellow humans.
e.g. the person who blocks the whole grocery aisle with their cart. The person who stops right in a doorway to look at their phone. The person who is in a full parking lot goes to their car, enters it, and takes 15 minutes to finally leave.
That said… while your wife didn’t mention it, I imagine part of her objection had to do with you don’t know how that situation might have escalated. The problem with jerks, such as that couple, is that they can overreact.
Again NTJ tho.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The guy for blocking the parking lot but also you for how you handled this. Just because you CAN be a jerk, doesn’t mean you SHOULD be one. Was it really necessary to yell out the window at this guy?
How do you know he wasn’t going to do more than just yell back? People are nutso these days, try to keep it together. This situation could have been way worse. Be careful out there, “calling people out on their nonsense.” FFS.” BluBeams
Another User Comments:
“ESH Yes the person that blocked the parking lot is TA for being inconsiderate. However, yelling at people is just not the way a mature adult behaves. If you have a grievance go up to them and speak with them like an adult.
If you can’t do that, take down their license plate number and call the police. Yelling at someone out of your car window doesn’t make you brave, strong, or courageous. It makes you immature. People don’t publicly shame because “they don’t have a spine”.
They don’t do it because anyone who has matured past the age of 18 knows that it’s not how adults interact. just like immature kids might yell at the bus driver for missing a stop.” HikerTom
1. AITJ For Not Moving Out Of My Parents' House To Let My Sister Move In?
“My husband and I, both in our late 30s, have been living in a 3-bedroom house owned by my parents in Los Angeles for a little over a year. We have a lease agreement to stay here for five years while we save enough for a down payment on a home.
My sister and her husband, both in their early 30s, are planning to move back to LA from out of state and start a family. Given the high cost of housing and rent, they’ve struggled to find a place to live.
While my sister hasn’t directly asked us to move out, she has hinted at it, and our mom has strongly suggested it, primarily because my husband and I don’t plan on having children. They believe it would be best for my sister and her future kids if we vacate our current home.
My husband and I have discussed this and decided to stay until we are explicitly told to leave. Even then, we plan to bring up our verbal agreement to stay for at least another four years. With the current housing market and economic conditions, buying a home is not feasible for us right now.
If we were to rent another place, our budget would only allow for a one-bedroom apartment, which isn’t ideal given that I work from home and need the extra space.
We are comfortable where we are and have been diligently saving to eventually buy our first home.
However, I can’t help but feel guilty for potentially hindering my sister’s plans to start a family because they can’t afford a place of their own. As the older sister, I wonder if I’m being unreasonable. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Neither you nor your sister can afford your place. Pot meet kettle. You both are trying to take advantage of the situation. You first claim you have a lease then you later say it’s a verbal agreement.
Which is it? Because verbal agreements are difficult to enforce. But a written lease gives you a legal advantage. This is a family issue and it sounds like you are going to lose because once she has a kid on the way, the family is going to push you out.
The question you have to ask yourself is how far are you willing to go to demand the lease be honored. Because this has the potential to cause a serious rift in your family. NTJ since you have a lease, regardless if it’s verbal or written.” Top-Ad-2676
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think it’s reasonable for you to want to stay in the house, and you have a verbal agreement. Sister doesn’t have to move to LA—that’s a choice she made that she needs to live with.
I also don’t think either would be the jerk if they simply asked you to move, because you can always say no. I think only the parents have a right to demand you to move, but even that is a gray area on jerk-ness because they do technically own the house and can decide who lives there.” CharmingGarlicky
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A lease requires you to pay rent to your parents for living in the house. If you don’t, it’s called a gift. You don’t have any right to live in that house for 5 years, no matter what they said.
It’s a 3 bedroom. Can’t you and your sister both live there? I get that it’s inconvenient for you to share, but it’s the right thing to do. When you get your own house in 5 years, you can have it all to yourself.
Right now you are saving money, which means roommates.” onelegflamingo2
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