People Can't Stay Quiet About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Asking My Husband If He Prepared Anything For My First Mother's Day?
“My husband (42m) and I (35f) had a son last year, so this is my first Mother’s Day. We both work remotely.
In April he was on a business trip for a few weeks, while I held down the fort (working remotely while taking care of the baby).
He’s not the kind of person to care about holidays, so two weeks ago, a few days after he got home, I told him I cared about Mother’s Day and what I wanted for Mother’s Day—a couple of small things including pictures, a new thermos, and to do something together as a family.
We’ve had a busy couple of weeks with him settling back in. He does look after the baby a lot, but I take bedtime and nighttime duty and also do a lot during the day. We both cook a lot, and we both do a lot of the chores.
Today (Mother’s Day) I woke up early to feed the baby. My husband was a little awake, so I asked him if I should expect anything for Mother’s Day and if he got anything ready. This is because I honestly would prefer to know so I’m not disappointed. He told me “When would I have the chance?” And started getting upset.
On the one hand, I don’t want him feeling bad, but on the other hand, he has had two whole weeks to do something, and he could have told me he needed to spend more time out and I would have looked after baby while he did Mother’s Day errands.
He got really upset with me and told me that he never had time. I asked him if we could come back to this conversation later, and that I was sure we would do something for Mother’s Day.
But I don’t know if my tone wasn’t right but he got very upset and said that I was abusive, because I was always doing things like this and making him feel bad. I apologized and said I never wanted to hurt his feelings, but he scoffed at that and asked if he should expect this for the rest of his life.
Then I asked him to step out of the room to calm down while I got the baby back to sleep. After some more back and forth he did, and I’m sitting here writing this now.
I honestly try to be reasonable and listen carefully to what people I love say, but I feel like I’m crazy right now.
AITJ for asking my husband whether he got anything ready for Mother’s Day first thing in the morning, and for pointing out that he had two weeks and was out multiple times in that period?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His excuse for not having time is weak. He could tell you that you will have a special day today and then just wing it, pack a cute picnic for the fam, take the baby out to get gifts while you nap, or just have personal time, etc. and it would still be better than nothing.
You gave him a heads up that you wanted to do Mother’s Day, even FED him gift ideas. He could have just gone on Amazon right then on his phone and ordered a thermos. This does not have to be a time-consuming planning process to make you feel special and appreciated on Mother’s Day.
and his response to your asking was not good. The only person he should be upset with is himself, and his anger is a problem.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- him calling you abusive is a pretty big red flag.
It is normal to want your husband to arrange something special for you for Mother’s Day. My partner ( not my kid’s dad) took them shopping for me because he loves and respects me. Your husband’s behavior is concerning to me, is this a pattern?
When he has dropped the ball does it always turn into your fault and you’re abusing him? Are you expected to be perfect and do nice things for him but if you ask for the same you are being a bad person?
Does he regularly make you feel guilty and ashamed? I think the best thing you can do for yourself this Mother’s Day is to start examining how your husband regularly makes you feel. I hope this is out of the norm, but I’d guess it’s not by how quickly you blamed yourself, his reaction about Mother’s Day is intended to train you into feeling guilty for wanting care and consideration from the father of your child.” Confident-Baker5286
22. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad And His Affair Partner To My Graduation?
“When I (18m) was 8 my family fell apart when it came out that my dad was involved with my mom’s best friend. I found out a few hours before my mom did. Dad brought us (me and my sister now 16f) over to her house to play with her kids and I saw them kissing.
Mom found out when she wondered where we were and came over and caught them in bed together. Mom left Dad, dad moved in with the other woman who was formerly known as “Aunt Mel”.
My mom put my sister and me into therapy because we didn’t adjust well to the changes.
I was upset enough about it more than a year later that I wasn’t at the wedding, because I was clear I wouldn’t play along with their “special day”. We also had a heated exchange a few weeks after he moved in because I told Mom what I saw and Dad was furious with me for making it worse.
My mom never badmouthed our dad or the other woman to either of us. She encouraged us to have a good relationship with them. Two years ago I sat mom down and told her to stop encouraging that with me because I would never have a good relationship with them again.
I stopped seeing my dad 8 months ago. It was close enough to my 18th birthday that I knew Dad taking Mom back to court wouldn’t hurt her in any way. But I was made aware that they had booked (free) tickets to my graduation.
We have limited numbers so parents can call the school and order some. The deadline happened last week and on the last day, I asked the school to give me the tickets my dad called in for someone else, which they did.
He found out and was furious. He called and berated my mom and demanded she get her parents to give up their tickets for him and his wife. I told him I didn’t want them there and I didn’t want them in my life anymore.
Dad told me I had no right to give up the tickets he had ordered and I had no right to stop him and his wife from watching their oldest kid graduate. I told him I was not their kid and I was ashamed to be his.
He raged at Mom some more after that and he also gave my sister a hard time until she told him they were terrible so what did he expect? I saw texts on her phone with Dad saying all kinds of things about me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – of course, you’re not the jerk. His reaction and behavior show complete denial and refusal to accept his responsibility for his actions and that he probably never will. He got robbed of having his cake and eating it too and it’s everyone’s fault but his.
I like your style. It sounds like it burned him” Syndicofberyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and congratulations on your graduation! To me, it sounds like your dad is probably mostly interested in looking the part of the good father.
You didn’t mention if it is a small town or a close-knit community, but I would imagine he and the other woman want to make themselves look good. Honestly, good for you to stop that. It’s your graduation and you have the right to decide who you want to present as you celebrate your achievement.
You don’t have to play into their performance of “we’ve done nothing wrong.”” Ms_Motley
they say that actions have consequences honey and dad and Mel’s are that he lost his kids due to THEIR ACTIONS.. not yours sisters or moms.. maybe his family are giving him grief cos of his actions but again that isn’t on you sis or mom either. Maybe mom should ring the school and tell them that dad and Mel may show up and cause a scene.. that way school can deal with them and keep you and your family out of it
21. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Sushi With My Partner?
“So me (27F) and my bf (29M) had been in an LDR for 5 years and last year I moved with him to his city (which was not a big deal since I’ve always wanted to move from my city, even before I met him).
I love Asian food, but in the past, I couldn’t go very often cause it was expensive and I didn’t work. Now I work but I don’t have a company.
My bf is the stereotypical nerd, like TBBT kind of guy, and he meets with his friends 3/4 times a week, I’ve tried to get into his hobbies but I don’t enjoy them, so he hangs out with his friends I usually stay at home and keep up with my readings, do some personal care, watch some tv shows or documentaries.
When he’s with his friends he usually goes out to eat, and since they also love Asian food, they go to Chinese restaurants or sushi restaurants usually once a week.
Now the problem is that every time I want to go to some Asian restaurant he’s “not in the mood” or he ate it too recently to enjoy it.
I asked him if he could suggest something different to his friends cause I really would like to go once in a while, and I have no friends here (I’m introverted and I’m having a hard time finding new friends), so he’s the only one I could go out with.
I have social anxiety and I couldn’t enjoy the meal if I went alone. He says that he will suggest something else but keeps going every week, and when I confront him, he says that everybody agrees on the restaurant and he doesn’t want to be a pain.
Yesterday I had a horrible day, I just wanted to treat myself and cheer myself up a little, so I asked him if we could go to a sushi restaurant. Again, he was not in the mood. I’ll admit, I was being petty, but I was fed up, so I delivered some, paying double for less food.
When the food arrived he asked if he could have some cause seeing it made him hungry. Now, I usually don’t have any problem sharing food, I offer anytime, but when he asked I was upset and told him that I “wasn’t in the mood for sharing” and that if he wanted he could order it by himself.
He’s upset now and I’m too. I talked to a friend of mine (in my hometown) and she told me that my behavior was kinda petty and childish.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had a bad day.
You needed a pick me up so you treated yourself to some sushi. He could have taken you out to cheer you up or maybe even offered to treat you to some. Does he leave you to hang out with his friends often?
How many nights do you get to go out with him comparatively? I just feel in a partnership you should be spending at least as much time together as he spends with his buddies. Not saying he can’t have time with his friends (that’s important as well)… but from the way your post reads it feels like you aren’t getting many date nights.” ttvnobigames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate sharing my food. Like my pizza is MY pizza. My tacos are MY tacos. Because it’s a moment of pleasure and my pleasure is to eat it all. If you want some, I’m willing to buy some from you but I don’t want to give my share.
So I understand that those who are not like me don’t understand me… but the judgment of others on that doesn’t affect me. I’m like that and if you want pizza go buy yourself a freaking pizza. lol.
So from my point of view… I’m with you 1000000%, especially given the context.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date To Accommodate Everyone's Schedules?
“Fiancé (28F) & I (34M) are choosing wedding dates ~12 months out. The wedding event will be casual group meals at a small Caribbean island for 30-35 people.
We wanted to work around major conflicts for all attendees as much as possible.
We excluded dates (1) in high season (would be >30% more expensive, out of budget for >20% of attendees); (2) bad for 5 attendees working on private school academic calendars; (3) overlapping with hurricane season.
A window of three consecutive weekends remained.
3 conflicts emerged (1 each week):
* Best Man has a weeklong event for work where he is the face of a globally renown institution. Was recently promoted to the top-2 position of his organization at a staggeringly young age.
A large part of the job is relationship-building with alumni and people at peer institutions. The income from teaching at this event is meaningful to him.
* Fiancé’s best friend has volunteered as a counselor at a week-long camp for children with a congenital illness for 15 years.
Camp is the same week every year; he serves as a counselor at 1-2 other similar summer camps each summer. He is deeply passionate about this work.
* Future SIL (32F)’s daughter (my niece, 13F) would need to skip last days of 8th grade to attend.
Fiancé’s parents’ stance (and maybe SIL’s): if my niece is unable to attend our wedding, my SIL (maid of honor) cannot attend because that family (2 parents, 2 toddlers, 13) shouldn’t have to split up. (I.e. if one cannot attend our wedding, none of the others will).
13yo lives near the school (1hr from SIL’s home) with biological mother during the week, split weekends. There have been many trips to Disney World where one or multiple children, including 13, were left behind with family.
Potential compromises:
1. Schedule during hurricane season (backup options for a wedding with a storm = 0).
2. Schedule during high season (will break 6-10 people’s budgets, cost >$10K more for us)
3. Schedule for date that excludes best man OR forces him to skip his work engagement
4. Schedule for date that excludes fiancé’s best friend OR forces him to skip the counselor role
5. Postpone by a year (disappointment, delayed timeline for having children, making fiancé feel less young and bridal at the wedding)
6. Abandon this wedding plan, and do something local/at another place.
(No money lost, A LOT of time spent researching and coordinating current plan)
7. SIL & family attended the wedding without the 8th-grade daughter, who could stay with her biological mother, missed our wedding.
8. ???
I say 7 is the least bad option, my fiancé fears forcing it would cause a WWIII-level conflict within her family, and wants peace.
SIL says would not have budgeted 2 school skip days for 13yo for the Nov ’24 Disney Cruise if she knew our date when they booked (6mo ago) – she could have used skips for the wedding instead. We advised guests June ’24 months ago, that I limited how early we chose firm dates and wanted time to nail prices before committing.”
Another User Comments:
“And this right here is why people just elope. OP, check the ten-day weather forecast, (hurricanes – bad), and give your family a ten-day notice, whoever shows up shows up. You can’t make everyone happy.
You can’t work your wedding perfectly into everyone’s schedule. Somebody is gonna be unhappy, and somebody won’t be there for your special special day. Pick your date and do it. Just get married. If an eighth grader misses the last few days of school, it isn’t the end of the world, and it isn’t as important as working with disabled kids at camp or a huge work event.
If the eighth-grade kid’s mommy won’t leave her, then pick another maid of honor and get on with it. I roll my eyes. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“You should have a local wedding. Destination weddings are expensive and difficult for the guests.
It’s not a vacation for them. It’s work. They have to show up at certain times. They have to do pre-arranged activities. They have to buy clothes for the wedding as well as clothes for the rest of the trip.
They also have to spend money on airfare, hotels, food, and more. Worst of all, they have to take vacation time off work because they have to get married on a beach that means nothing to anyone. Change your wedding plans.” Fresh_Sector3917
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When planning a big event — especially a destination one — it will not be possible to coordinate every single person’s schedule with no overlap. You have chosen the option that ensures the most people can come and that works with YOUR plans and YOUR budget.
Contrary to popular belief, your wedding is actually about you! If they want to come, they can make it a priority, and if they choose not to accept your invitation, that’s up to them. Based on your mention of the Disney World trips, it sounds like they’re being dramatic and giving you an all-for-nothing ultimatum, which is ridiculous.
My mom had to miss a few weddings when we were in school, but she would never have asked the hosts to reschedule — she either got childcare, let us miss school, or politely declined and sent her best wishes.
This just isn’t your problem, and you’ve done all that you can. Option 7 is the way to go.” amoebafr3ak
19. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Toxic Mother After She Disrespected My Partner And Ignored Our Wishes For Our Son?
“I, 22 F and my partner, 22 M became pregnant around June of last year. We met in December 2022 (I know. fast movers, huh?) My mother has never been the nicest person to me growing up and there have been times in the past I have cut contact, but always ended up coming back for some reason or another.
My mother seemed to be ok with my partner for maybe the first 3 ish months we knew each other. However, it quickly got toxic. At a family gathering after my grandfather passed away in November of last year, she would only speak to my partner in the most heinous way and make aggressive comments to him in front of everyone.
At one point she castrates him and indirect comments about how he was not family and could be replaced. After gathering she and I ended up getting into an explosive argument in the driveway of my grandparents because of the way she was treating him.
I was a week away from induction when we laid down the first and only boundary for our unborn child: We don’t want him plastered all over social media. He’s not a trophy.
My mother has over 1,000 social media “friends” and I was not comfortable with people who would never meet him having easy access to pictures of him.
I gave plenty of reasons and examples. My partner gave an example about his father because he is not a good person. My mom commented “I think it’s stupid I can’t post pictures of my grandchild because (partner’s name) has a messed up family.
I lost my patience and told her what she said was wrong. She tried to “apologize” a few days later, but only explicitly apologized for how he felt, not what she did. I told her I didn’t want her in the room when I delivered because I wanted my partner to have a good memory to look back on.
She had no emotion about it and told me good luck. We told her we did not want her around our child since her actions have proven she has not changed since I was a child and I don’t want my son to suffer like I did.
My mom and stepdad have cut ties, but I have received video proof they talk horribly about us every chance they get. About how I am lazy, a slob, self-righteous, etc.
AITJ?? Did I overreact or make the wrong decision?
I didn’t want to cut out my mom. I’ve cried so much since having my son because I JUST want my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did what was best for you and your family.
If she cannot get her act together that is her problem. The fact that she cannot change her behavior and accept you as you and your partner is just childish for her. And of course, you cried a lot.
You just became a mom and you probably have no idea what you are doing, you are stressed, probably tired and that would make anyone emotional. You are doing a great job and even tho you want her there to guide you, you don’t need her.
Your son loves you already with all his heart. You got this.” dizel20
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. So sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, especially during such a significant time in your life. Setting boundaries, especially when it comes to your child’s privacy and well-being, is not overreacting—it’s necessary.
Your decision was about protecting your family, and that’s admirable. It’s okay to prioritize your own and your child’s happiness and safety over toxic relationships, even if it’s with family. Take care of yourself and your little one.” sweety-naomi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what was best for you, your partner, and your child. They are your immediate family now, and your parents are extended so if they can’t respect your partner, and you were treated poorly, don’t let them around you or your child.
I do not doubt that everyone she speaks to about you knows she’s full of crap. I know it’s hard and it hurts no matter what because that’s your mom, but it’s something you have to let go and let be.
You can’t control her behavior but you can control how you react to it.” ThunderboltToke
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Visit Right After I Give Birth?
“I 30 (F) am pregnant with my second baby, he is due September 21st. Just for a little back story, my husband 30 (M) is from Brazil and we have been married for 6 years.
My husband’s family all still live in Brazil, we typically visit them once a year and they visit us once a year for at least 2 weeks or sometimes around a month.
I know these visits are very important for my husband so I always try to be flexible and understanding even though the trips always take all my PTO and when his parents come here they stay at our house the whole time.
Here’s where I am having a problem, my husband just came to me and said that his parents are coming to stay at our house for Christmas and New Year’s (2 weeks). I will be freshly returning to work from maternity leave and I know it’s going to be a very sensitive time for me with high emotions.
My husband cannot wrap his head around this and does not seem to care.
I told my husband it would be one thing if they came here and could stay at a hotel or something but since they will be staying at the house the timing will be a lot for me, trying to navigate going back to work with a new baby.
I am not someone who wants a ton of help, I enjoy my privacy. I already have a son (3 years old) so I have an idea of how it will be.
There is also a language barrier, they speak Portuguese while I speak English.
If they have the baby, it’s hard for me to be able to communicate anything to them and my husband is not the best at it. I just feel emotional about this and somewhat uncomfortable because I know myself and I know that so fresh after adding a new addition to the family I am just going to want privacy and to be with my babies.
My husband did not come and discuss this with me either, he just came to me and said they are coming for Christmas and New Year. I wish he would ask how I feel about it or try to at least discuss it with me.
Side note- This pregnancy has not been easy on me so far, I have been in and out of the hospital with kidney stones so this problem is adding extra stress/anxiety that I do not need right now.
AITJ and am I overreacting? Or do I have a valid reason to be upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He didn’t ask, he told you. I bet he can’t wrap his brain around it and doesn’t seem to care because it’s easier to deal with you being upset than it is for him to tell his parents to get a hotel.
Was this the first time you ever were not flexible or established a boundary with his parents? Because that’s what it sounds like.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but IDK what to say. You don’t have a partner that cares enough about you to listen to what you want and need. He decided without you and dismissed you when you explained how you felt.
He wants what he wants, and that means what you want means nothing to him. So no, you are not overreacting, but this is a symptom of a much, much bigger issue.” JustAsICanBeSoCruel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband doesn’t treat you as an equal. I would cancel the visit (if only to teach your husband a lesson) and say he needs to check with you first and ask you, not *tell* you.
You’re his wife and the mother of his children. You deserve consideration and respect. He is no longer a bachelor, he can’t make decisions unilaterally. Your marriage is 50-50. He is selfish, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of you not *only* as his life partner, BUT also as the mother of his children.
Nip this behavior in the bud. Tell him you will be canceling the visit, and he is not to make arrangements without consulting you first.” Jealous_Life4945
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Wife Take Our Kids On Mother's Day?
“My ex and I broke up, and were never married, when I was pregnant with our youngest child who is now 12 and our oldest is almost 14. Ex moved 20 hours away when our youngest was five months old. He was following a better job.
Plus he was bored of our home state and wanted a change. He told me this before he left and when I asked about the kids he told me he’d still be an involved dad, just at a distance.
I have primary custody. He sees them for three weeks in the summer and every other Christmas/Thanksgiving. It’s not a lot and the kids aren’t very close to him and have grown to enjoy the time with him less as they get older.
Part of this is because they don’t feel like he makes enough of an effort. Another part is the fact he got married 2 years after the move and he has more children with his current wife. So the kids feel replaced. I can’t blame them.
So I put them in therapy to help them through this.
I hardly ever hear from my ex or his wife. I get three emails from him a year and maybe five replies if I’m lucky (which is him giving me dates and me asking him questions and getting replies to those).
The kids do not have a close relationship or any type of bond with their half-siblings.
Sunday morning we got the shock of our lives when my ex’s wife showed up with her and her ex’s kids and said she came to get my kids to spend the day with them so they could be with her and their half-siblings.
My kids said they didn’t want to go and walked away without saying anything else to her. She looked so offended at the door and told me to make sure they got ready. I told her no and told her she didn’t get to just arrive.
I told her they were spending Mother’s Day with me, their mom. Then I closed the door and she stayed with her kids for a few minutes before leaving. She got home later that night (they flew apparently) because both she and her ex sent numerous emails saying I should have sent the kids with her and made them celebrate her for a change since she’s been their stepmom most of their lives and they have siblings who wanted to see them.
Ex also claimed if I refused to share, I should have invited them in to spend some time all together. They called me a jerk and unreasonable. This continued all day yesterday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Jesus Christ!
The gall of this woman. You say you have primary custody. Is that by the courts or an agreement between the two of you? If it is by the courts, I think it’s time to go back. if it is just an agreement between the two of you, you should find a lawyer to write up something official. This random woman sees your children 1/12th (if that) of the year.
She flew to your home, without warning, ON MOTHER’s DAY to demand that YOUR CHILDREN spend time with HER instead of THEIR MOTHER! I would have sprayed her with a garden hose and yelled to get off my property.
Just. What an absolute jerk.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex’s new wife has huge cojones to show up at your house uninvited, after years of barely acknowledging your children, to demand they spend Mother’s Day with her.
You had more than every right to say no, especially since your kids were uncomfortable with the idea. You get what you put in, and since your ex and his wife haven’t put anything into a relationship with your kids, they have no right to reap the nonexistent rewards.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They turned up UNANNOUNCED on Mother’s Day to take your Children? It’s MOTHER’S day, YOU are the mother. Your kids see this woman maybe twice a year if they’re unlucky. She’s seriously delulu if she thinks she ANY kind of mother to them.
As for expecting you to invite them in, in what world is that going to happen? Side note, just WHERE was she expecting to take the children, if she had to fly in and didn’t get home till late at night because they had to fly back?” dropshortreaver
16. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Favoritism-Showing MIL?
“I (42) F and my Husband (52) M have been married for 22 years. I was 19 when we married. MIL (72) F has always treated me differently.
It started as she would bite my head off. For a long time, I ignored it. After years of tolerating her actions, it got to a point where I did not want to visit with her. I had expressed this with my husband, he said it was my fault because I didn’t say hi when we got there.
Most of the time they were talking when the rest of the family was coming in and I was extremely shy at that time in my life. It got to the point where he would beg me to go with him saying “It was for him”.
As bad as I didn’t want to go I would give in for “him”. Fast forward, we now have 3 children and she treats them the same way she has me over the years. It is just us she treats this way.
My BIL (42) is married with kids and MIL dotes on him and his kids. My kids found out that she had given their cousins gifts for Christmas that were pretty expensive but not until we were gone. She once said that she wouldn’t be buying birthday gifts for the in-laws (meaning the spouses of her children) besides BILs wife, meaning just me.
I was the one to buy gifts for her at Christmas, birthday, etc.
I have since stopped. I’ll be honest my husband isn’t really the greatest gift giver and is usually trying to round something up last minute.
She has said things to my kids about our financial situation which she would know nothing about. Her words were “They are wasteful with money”. We have a paid-off home, a new car, and a business that sustains our income.
She has also said other things that have bothered my kids. They are aware that she shows extreme favoritism towards the other grandchildren and it hurts their feelings. She has paid other grandchildren and neighbors to mow her grass but has never offered my kids who have to take our equipment to do it with.
It has gotten to the point where my older two children (the younger one doesn’t know any better yet) don’t want to go but my husband forces them. Mother’s Day I didn’t go, her birthday I didn’t go.
I feel like it’s a little bit of jealousy because we are doing better than the BIL, she has just not liked me from the get-go. I don’t know but I refuse to go where I’m not wanted. AITJ for refusing to go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but MIL is. This is pretty narcissistic behavior. And your husband is not far off from being one himself for supporting her shenanigans rather than standing up for you. Someone who gaslights you or begs you to “just put up with it” or whatever for their sake, does not have your best interest at heart.
I have said it elsewhere, but it bears repeating here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with severing ties and going low/no contact with toxic people in your life, even family. I am 53F myself and heard the line “Yeah I know that they’re but they’re also your so we just gotta deal with it.” most of all my life.
No. You. Do. Not. Those days are long gone. Time for some seriously deep soul searching and asking yourself if this is the environment you want to be in for the rest of your life.” Taliyahna70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my sister was the golden child of the family. she got better gifts for Christmas, her birthday was remembered and celebrated, and the other six of us were forgotten. they all came to her high school graduation and her wedding but didn’t bother coming to the rest of ours.
cut them off when my mom died, even when she was alive I stopped going to their house.” Chandlerbringingg
15. AITJ For Not Extending Dog Sitting For Friend Due To Morning Commitments?
“I have a good friend, I’ll call her Ally. Last weekend, Ally and her partner went out of town and asked me and my partner to watch their dogs for the weekend.
We also have two dogs and we are happy to watch friends dogs, especially when friends agree to watch ours when we need it.
Ally’s dogs are quite a bit older than our dogs and they have some special needs (insulin, eye drops, medicine, etc.).
It’s a bit extra to do but it’s only for the weekend, so no big deal. Fast forward to Sunday, and their flight home kept getting delayed. Instead of getting in at 9, they would get in closer to midnight.
Ally asked me if I would prefer it if she still picked them up that night or if she should come in the morning. Normally, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but my partner and I both had to be out of the house at 7 for appointments that morning, so letting out all 4 dogs and giving injections and medicine to their dogs while also keeping our dogs away from their food while they eat just seemed like too much to deal with so I said we’d prefer if they came that night.
She said okay.
Then once they landed, I got a text from Ally saying that they were tired from traveling and they had to wake up in 5 hours to start work in a different time zone and if it was okay if they picked up their dogs in the morning or if she should come get them now.
I had stayed up waiting for them since I was under the impression they would be coming that night, so I said that our schedule was too chaotic in the morning and that it would be better if they came now since I had already packed up all their dogs’ stuff.
I also live 7 minutes from the airport, so I didn’t think that was too much of a task for them.
Fast forward to today and Ally sends a message saying that she doesn’t think we are a good match for watching each other’s dogs based on the situation, and that we each should look for a different sitter in the future.
I was taken aback by that and said I think that there was a misunderstanding and lack of communication and that I didn’t think such a drastic situation was necessary. She essentially said that she needed a sitter with more flexibility and that the “right thing to do” in that situation was for me to offer to watch them longer from the beginning.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She sounds entitled. You guys had agreed already on the days when you could watch their dog. Their flight got delayed and you already accommodated as much as possible. It is okay to have your boundaries.
Why did she even offer to pick up their dog that night if it wasn’t something they could do? She is also asking for a favor that you are allowed to say no to.” LostndConfused_
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Toxic Mother To Our Wedding?
“Me (24f) and my fiancé (25m) have been together for 5 1/2 years, have a 2-year-old son, and have been engaged for two years. Now, his mother (53) has never approved of me, even blaming him for everything that went off in our relationship.
Funny enough, most of it was because of her rudeness to me, calling me a derogatory term, and unstable, just because I was diagnosed with mild autism.
My fiancé has somewhat of a strained relationship with his mother, as she’s always been quite controlling, and likes to gaslight him a lot.
And he completely cut off his sister (27) for always trying to cause drama in our relationship. Even the relationship with his brother (22), who usually stood by him has been tainted.
The last shenanigan they pulled was on his birthday.
His mother, sister, and brother, tried to bribe him and gaslight him into spending his most recent birthday with them, instead of the birthday I had planned and prepared for, even paid for. My parents had made cakes and I even managed to get his best friend to join, who’s always busy with something.
My two brothers and their SO (plus one kid) made time for it. It was originally a surprise birthday, that his family knew about, so they went behind my back, and even blamed me for a “miscommunication”. When all the bribing and all didn’t work, they called CPS on us.
That was the last straw for his sister though. Bonus: His mother said it was best if our son (planned pregnancy, btw) was never even born, saying he would be better off.
We recently moved to a different town, and he isn’t even telling his mother where we live.
He doesn’t want her near our son. Our wedding plans have changed a lot since we first started planning, and I told my mom about not inviting his mother, which he agreed to, and my mother says that it’s a jerk move to do because she is after all his mother.
We don’t really wanna invite her, even if it’s an obligation, and I am also worried that when she finds out about our wedding, she’ll start a lot of bs drama again, even drag our names through the mud, and tarnish our reputation, since that’s the kind of person she is, but we don’t want her to ruin our wedding either.
Would we be jerks if we didn’t invite her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You want a drama-free wedding and it’s your wedding, so it’s your guest list. You’re within your rights not to invite anyone you believe would start a lot of aggro on the day.
But, from the sounds of his family, you need to be prepared for the backlash after she finds out. Either she finds out *before* your wedding and tries to gatecrash, or she finds out *after* and goes berserk and blames everything on you.
It seems like you’d have drama either way. So you have to decide between the lesser of two evils. I wouldn’t invite her and risk the backlash so that the wedding could go smoothly. Then if she kicks off afterwards, at least you had a drama-free wedding.
It sounds like your fiancé is on board with not inviting her, not just you. If he wanted her there, then I’d be saying differently. But as he doesn’t seem to, I think you’re not the jerk.
If someone called CPS on me, regardless of other things they’d done, I would be NC with that person. And the fact she said it would be better if your son hadn’t been born… nah, that’s crossing a line you can’t uncross.
That’s major jerk behavior.” JaneDoe_83
13. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Father's Day With My Absentee Dad And Distant Uncle?
“Growing up, my dad was not involved in my life. I think I have seen him in person a total of like 20 times. He has various addictions and pops in and out of my life (sometimes jail), so I have always viewed the situation like I don’t have a father.
In my eyes, he abandoned me.
About my uncle (my mom’s brother), growing up, we would see each other on birthdays or holidays. As of lately, since I’m an adult now (28f), for the last couple of years we’ve only done some holidays and some birthdays together.
My uncle, his wife, and his daughter don’t come to my birthday dinner, but I go to theirs when/if I’m invited. I give gifts and contribute towards the meals. I understand it may be related to saving money.
Along with this, whenever I do go out for dinner with my mom’s side of the family, it is always a nightmare. They are always extremely rude to the staff and at the most recent brunch (Mother’s Day), they caused a scene about the 20-minute wait time and demanded a reduction in the bill.
It was humiliating and they told me I needed to loosen up for not being able to laugh about the situation when they were joking about it at the table.
In between Mother’s Day brunch and now, my uncle had a last-minute cookout for Memorial Day which he told us about two days in advance.
My partner and I already had plans, so I could not go. My whole family was very disappointed in me although I felt that those expectations were pretty unfair. My mom treated it like I was choosing my partner over my family.
When I told my mom that I didn’t want to go to Father’s Day, she said “What, do you have plans again?!” As if I always bail or something. I explained that I didn’t have plans but I didn’t understand why it was necessary to attend this when I wouldn’t have a father to celebrate and my uncle hasn’t gone to any of my birthday dinners for the past 5 or so years.
I know it’s not tit for tat, but especially since we haven’t previously celebrated this holiday together, I thought they would be more understanding. She explained that it wasn’t about me and I should be there to support and celebrate him as a dad.
Last night, my mom sent me a screenshot from my uncle’s wife of reservations for dinner that included me even though I had declined. AITJ for not wanting to go because I don’t have a relationship with my dad or even a close-ish one with my uncle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sperm donor has to act like a dad to be honored like a dad. And if you don’t want to honor your uncle, you don’t have to. Just because he fathered a kid doesn’t mean that you have to celebrate him in any way.
I sense some bitterness in your relationship as it seems to be one-sided with him and his family. An invitation is not a summons to present yourself for jail. It’s supposed to be a fun event, and it sounds like you don’t enjoy it, so don’t go.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are an adult and can choose to attend or not for whatever reason, being a prior commitment or not. Sure it may be desirable if you could, but being forced to because it’s family is just silly.
So enjoy the time not going at least you won’t have to deal with listening to their laughing about their boring prior rudeness, right? That in itself will be worth not going.” Mustng1966
12. AITJ For Telling My Uncle He Deserves His Misfortune Due To Past Actions?
“My uncle, I won’t use his name, was like my big brother growing up.
He was one of the people I was closest with. But that all changed when my grandma passed away. You see when my grandma passed away, she left me her car. It was a 2005 Ford Focus I think it was.
Anyway, my uncle convinced me to give it to him because he said he would keep it safe for me, and me having no reason not to trust him said sure because I couldn’t trust anybody really to keep it safe.
(My grandma didn’t write a will saying it was going to me, it was my word against most everyone although I’ve always been the favorite grandson because I was essentially the first grandson to carry on my grandma and grandpa’s last name.) He took the car (it was more of an SUV) and gave it to his adopted daughter who took his last name when he married his ex-wife whose daughter wasn’t biologically my cousin and as far as I’m aware she doesn’t talk to him after my uncles and her mom’s divorce.
(Makes me think that he was unfaithful to her he said they had a falling out but I don’t trust him to tell me the truth.) It honestly does make me a fair bit angry that my uncle took what belonged to me for someone’s gain that had no right to gain from my loss.
Long story short, I have posted on social media about my uncle taking my car and tricking me into giving it to him and how I lost and that’s not what I’m posting about. I have since forgiven him for what he did, and we talk and we’re cordial but I don’t trust him and I never will after the past. Currently, my uncle is homeless and he’s living out of his truck with his kids because his ex-wife was evicted and he took the kids until she got established and got a better job.
He would have had a place to stay with his partner but the thing is he went down to Louisiana to mess around with an old flame in Louisiana while he was seeing his ex and his ex-even while she’s on vacation said flat out he can pound sand she doesn’t care what he’s going through.
My question is AITJ for telling my uncle that he deserves this for what he did to me in the past and for the fact that I feel that karma is getting him back for what he did to me not to mention I feel he’s an idiot for being unfaithful to his ex?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sure, he might have taken the car from you, but you didn’t fight it. However, kicking him when he is down and calling it karma for taking the car is going over the line.
He messed up his life, no doubt, but it was because of poor choices, not karma.” Russvert
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Legally speaking, if your gran didn’t sign the title of the car over to you or leave it to you in a will – the car didn’t belong to you.
It doesn’t matter doodly that you were the ‘favorite.’ Your uncle was a jerk to pretend he was ever going to ‘return’ to you the car that was his by law. You can stay angry with your uncle as long as you want to but alleging on social media he took the car and he deserves to be homeless is abusive.” NanaLeonie
11. AITJ For Not Asking My Future Sister-In-Law To Be A Bridesmaid?
“I (F 30) and my fiance (M 31) will be getting married next year.
Some back story, my FSIL (F 37) asked me to be her bridesmaid when she was getting married. To be very honest, I did not want to do it as I’m extremely introverted and didn’t know any of her bridal party.
But, I said yes to my fiance obviously because I felt like I had to say yes. I helped with the bachelorette party and paid for the basic bridesmaid’s things (dress, bach party…). It was not a big deal for me, I only included this information for context.
Some background on our relationship, we are cordial and chat when we see each other or during family gatherings. Outside of that we don’t talk or hang out. I have a sister and a small close-knit friend group that I have known since I was in middle school and I always knew they would be my bridesmaids.
My sister is not part of the party simply because she didn’t want to and I have no issue with it. I never considered asking my FSIL but was okay with being part of hers. I had also asked my fiance way before I asked my bridesmaid if he wanted me to ask his sister and if it would be a problem if I didn’t.
He said he didn’t care and it was up to me. All that to say, we aren’t that close and I was honestly surprised when she asked me to be part of her party. Also important to note is that I have 4 bridesmaids while my fiance has 5 groomsmen.
I don’t care about the evenness as I asked people who I feel are my best friends and I have 4. Didn’t want to add a 5th person randomly for the sake of evenness. Adding this detail as some people have stated that I should ask FSIL since I only have 4.
Now to the issue, my fiance had let me know that my FSIL was upset and refusing to attend our wedding because I did not ask her to be a bridesmaids. She said a few things about how she was questioning my character, that she was thoughtful of me, and asked me to be part of her party.
She also said she would be embarrassed to attend when she wasn’t part of the party. I didn’t think it would matter this much to her, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I should be obligated to ask her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This happened to me. I asked my husband if he wanted his sister to be a bridesmaid. He said he didn’t care. They aren’t super close, we aren’t close. Became a huge deal. I was ambushed by extended family at an event where they told me it was completely understandable that my step-sister wasn’t in the party because we weren’t close, but SIL should be in there!
I caved. And regret it to this day. Almost 20 years later.” Cautious-Plan-4193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your fiance need to handle his family without throwing you under the bus. If he wants her at the wedding, he can have her on his side.
This is not your problem and she has no right to expect this of you or try to emotionally manipulate you by saying she sees you differently now.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to choose your bridesmaids. Having someone throw a tantrum for not being included is an extra reason NOT to include her.
She questioned your character, and “threatened” not to attend. What’s next? She’ll hold her breath until she turns blue? Your fiancé needs to address this and tell his sister to back off. She can’t be trying to bully you into this.” FuzzyMom2005
10. AITJ For Not Being Able To Afford A Boat For My Friend's Birthday?
“I (28F), Mari (26F), & Zack (29M) have been really good best friends for the last few years.
Mari about 2 months ago messaged our group chat saying they wanted to celebrate their birthday at Lake Havasu. Right from the get-go, I mentioned to her that I wasn’t sure if I could make it since I had two trips before and after that weekend, which would’ve been too much financially.
Knowing this, she said it was going to be a chill weekend and we’d mainly be by the lake so I said yes. Zack also mentioned he’d be tight on money since he was going to visit family out of state.
With all that said, she continued with the birthday festivities.
Mari got an Airbnb that would’ve cost $100-$120 for the whole weekend (a pretty good deal) but then they mentioned all the extra things they wanted to get like a cabana and a pontoon, which would’ve added at least $350 PER PERSON.
Our group dwindled to 6 of us so that also made prices go up for each of us. The majority of us began expressing concerns that this was out of budget and that we could sacrifice all the frills and still have a good time.
The cost didn’t include how much we’d spend on gas, food, and booze so all of us knew this would’ve easily moved to the $600-700 range. Both Zack and I didn’t want to ruin the plans so we kept reassuring Mari that we’d still have a great time and make the most out of it to which she ghosted us.
She then decided to cancel it because she saw it as a mini “vacation” and if she knew we couldn’t do the boat and everything else, she would’ve planned a trip elsewhere. The trip was canceled a week before it happened.
Moving to now, Mari’s birthday was a few days ago (and before the planned trip) and some of us (who were on the trip) messaged and sent our birthday wishes to her. Turns out that she’s being petty and hasn’t responded to any of us.
At first, we thought the day of that she was busy, etc. until I found out my younger sister (who was also going on the trip) got a “thank you” response from her the same day whereas we, her main BFFs, didn’t.
We’re all annoyed at the matter since Mari is trying to blame us. In the past, she has broken one of her closest friendships over birthday plans. From the beginning, we expressed our financial concerns and she dismissed them.
So, am I the jerk for not being able to afford a boat for my friend’s birthday? Any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wanted everyone to celebrate her birthday her way but wasn’t treating everyone. So everyone had to shell out over $700/person to celebrate her.
That’s not reasonable. You and Zack and others all clearly couldn’t afford it. It’s wild to be angry at people for that. If she wants to go, she can go solo. Not everyone has the same finances and even those who do, don’t necessarily want to spend it on you or your birthday.
Mari is being selfish and petty. Let her be.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I make more money than my friends and also have no kids so I can spend more than they typically can. This means that when I want their company for things that I think are possibly out of their budget, I find a way to pay for it.
If they absolutely won’t let me, I pick something else. I was supposed to go to a show and I wanted cool seats which I knew would be too much for her. So I bought them and then said: “Hey, I’ve got an extra ticket if you want to come with, my treat”.
I didn’t insist she find money to pay for my extravagance. This person is not a good friend. It’s not even like they didn’t know or weren’t sure about the budget. You were upfront and polite about it.” SnooPets8873
9. AITJ For Refusing To Follow The Neighborhood's "Newest Neighbor Party" Tradition?
“I (f25) have just moved into a neighborhood a couple of weeks ago and so far it has been very peaceful. From the neighbors that have come up to me, everyone has been very friendly and welcoming which I appreciate since I’m not from around the town.
I have noticed that some neighbors have been having frequent parties the last couple of weeks but I chalked it up to it being celebrations since I know one neighbor’s daughter just graduated high school, and July 4th is coming up.
I have been to some of these parties to get to know the other neighbors better and one person who stands out to me is this one neighbor, Melinda. (Not her actual name)
At a neighbor’s party, she came up to me and introduced herself and we talked for a while.
This is when I learned about the “Newest Neighbor Party”. The newest neighbor is supposed to throw a grand party showing off their home and entertain the neighborhood as a whole thing. Melinda told me since I was the newest neighbor, it was my duty to.
I thought Melinda was joking when she told me this as it didn’t make sense to me and I laughed. This seemed to have made Melinda a little angry, as she said she was serious that it was a tradition in the neighborhood, and that I had 2 weeks to host a party.
This was 2 weeks ago. Yesterday was the day I was supposed to do this “tradition” but I happily stayed in bed. Melinda and a couple of neighbors came and rang the doorbell but I ignored them and enjoyed binge-watching childhood shows.
I decided to go outside today and Melinda came up to me furious, saying that I didn’t do the tradition and that I was being a bad neighbor.
The thing is however, I asked some other people about this “tradition” and they have heard some people do it, but mostly never really mentioned it to be a reoccurring thing that each new person in the neighborhood should do.
I told Melinda that I wouldn’t be throwing a party anytime soon as I didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of people coming into my home let alone me having to entertain them.
Melinda got angry, saying that the neighborhood was like a “big family” and stormed off.
I let it go, but the neighbors that were with Melinda at my house that night have been telling me I should’ve just done the party and that I’m leaving a bad impression.
I think my reason is justified, but I’m not sure.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Look, I love a neighborhood with a good, friendly community. It helps make the world a better place when people are kind to each other and help out. But some people, like Melinda, take it way too far.
A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they’ve been voluntold to do so.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Trying to force someone to have a party that they’re not comfortable having in their own home is rude!
Ignore her and the other ones trying to pressure you. None of them matter. It’s not your job to do as they say and you don’t have to impress anyone, least of all them. I would get security cameras, if I were you, the kind that you control with your phone so you can see who’s at your door and around your whole house.
Hopefully, you won’t have to call the cops on her. Enjoy your new home!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is ridiculous. There are places like this? It’s not a sitcom? Cause I bought my house several years ago and still haven’t met my neighbors… I recognize every dog and their general neighborhood but I wouldn’t recognize them without their dog or outside of their car-to-door travels.
Anyway no, you don’t need to do anything like throw a party. But neighborhood bullying isn’t supposed to be tolerated either, right? Y’all need to stop with the whole outsiders/west side story nonsense going on here. If the neighborhood is like a family then the home is like the bedroom, if you do not have permission to enter, then you should not enter.
And locking the door is also allowed in this family scenario. No is an answer.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife About A Potential New Job Until It Got Serious?
“I (26M) have had a few interviews with a potential new company but chose not to tell my wife (27F) until it got more serious.
Some background: I’ve worked at a large tech company with great benefits for the past few years, including an on-site doctor my wife loves. We’ve been planning to start a family in the Fall, and having that doctor during pregnancy is important to her.
She’s also reducing her anxiety medicine since it’s not recommended while pregnant.
My current job is solid but involves monthly travel (a couple of days a month), which isn’t ideal for starting a family. I just got promoted, so I won’t get another raise for a couple of years.
Recruiters sometimes reach out, which stresses my wife out about the possibility of me changing jobs.
Recently, a startup that fits my skills and interests perfectly reached out. A couple of people there came from my current company, which helped my consideration.
It’s for a position that could lead to being a Founding Sales Engineer, and the technology’s potential is high. Despite startup risks, they have solid funding and cash flow. I chose not to tell my wife until I knew it could go somewhere (I still have a couple more interviews).
When I felt confident, I shared all the relevant information, emphasizing that I could drop the opportunity if it made her uncomfortable. Her comfort and happiness come first. I addressed the doctor issue, reached out for recommendations for other practices, and discussed job stability, pay, and benefits.
The new job pays about $25k more with a higher base salary-to-bonus ratio and is remote with no travel.
She did not respond well, mainly because I kept it from her. She saw it as lying, and she has made clear keeping things like this away from her is lying.
I fully admit this was wrong and communicated how I should have handled it. She’s still upset, which I understand, but I’m trying to better grasp how bad a decision it was not to tell her from the start.
A little more context: She has had a couple of jobs but prefers not working full-time. My salary is nearly enough for us to live on as long as she does some part-time work. We have to budget heavily and have faced unexpected expenses like a dog surgery and a new water heater.
This new job would give us more financial room, which would be nice for starting a family. Also, the on-campus doctor is about 25 minutes away, whereas we could find a different doctor closer. Not ideal, but it offsets that part a little bit.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not disclosing the early interviews but I understand why she is upset. If the position is offered to you, I suggest you think long and hard before accepting. You’re about to enter a stressful time in your life. Will you get pregnant quickly or will you need the help of reproductive technology which is stressful *and* costly. And once you have a newborn life is even more stressful. Joining a startup will mean long hours, uncertainty, and work stress.
I understand not wanting to miss out on an opportunity but you need to have an emergency fund in place in case this ends abruptly. Do you have family money that would tide you over if necessary?” Long jumping-Lab-1916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gets stressed over hearing about job changes, and that stress will bleed over to you. And she doesn’t even work FT, which makes the pay raise you’d receive significant for the household.
It’s a remote job, so it’s not like it’d involve moving” MrMagicMarker43
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As you said, you didn’t make any firm decisions or even switch jobs. Really what you did was get some necessary information for the both of you to discuss whether you switching would be a viable option for the two of you.
I can see why she would be upset, but if even the idea of you getting a job offer stresses her out, first determining there is a viable offer seems to be an important first step before a deeper discussion can be had and causing unnecessary stress.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Get Rid Of Her Unused Large Items?
“My partner and I have lived together for 3 years, and been together for 5. Ever since we moved in together she has begun to accumulate large, hefty items. Here is the catalog:
– a disc golf goal and accessories from her mom
– a large (6-person) table she refurbished with her dad
– chairs from her mom for said table
– an extra large fold-out table for parties, also from her mom
I have no issue with her having these items in theory, but the problem is she has never once used any of the mentioned items – I’m not exaggerating.
We don’t have space for a full-size table and chairs as we’ve only ever lived in small (~1000sq ft) apartments and it’s just the two of us. She doesn’t play disc golf, has never tried, and we have never needed the fold-out table either.
For the past 3 years, we’ve lived together she has placed her large, unused items in the biggest closet in our apartment, and we’ve used the secondary closet as a shared closet space between the two of us.
It’s absolute chaos – there isn’t enough room for our clothes and shoes since it’s just one small closet, so clothes end up overflowing and things get disorganized easily. As someone who likes things organized, it is often miserable and overwhelming.
However, I haven’t had the heart to push very hard about her getting rid of any of the things mentioned.
Today, I met my breaking point. We just moved into a new apartment and once again our biggest closet has become a storage unit for things I know she will not touch for the foreseeable future.
I asked her if she would be willing to get a storage unit, and she said no “Why would I pay for a storage unit when the closet works as one?” I explained that the leftover, smaller closet was not going to work for our clothes, as had been the situation before.
She said, “Well it will have to, it’s been alright so far”. I finally said, in a moment of heated anger, “If you don’t care enough about that stuff to pay to store it, and you never use it, why don’t you just get rid of it?” This offended her and she left for a walk to cool down.
AITJ here? Am I being unreasonable? I know that apartments are tight and things can’t be perfect, but my god if I have to give up the biggest closet for a 6-person table and chairs and disc golf set that has never once been used AGAIN I’m going to lose my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her that you need to split the closets. She can have the biggest one and you don’t care what she stores in it. You take the other one for yourself. NOTE: There are many cultural beliefs out there that you need to keep a gift and pull it out to at least show when the giftor is around.
This happened to me and my mom wanted to know if we were using it, enjoying it, etc. I wish I had learned to say ‘no’ to the stuff a lot earlier. I realized that I was the giftee of the stuff others didn’t want.
Once I realized that, it was easy to sell it and donate it.” G0t2ThinkAboutIt
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t use something in a year, donate it so that someone else can use it. Simply hanging onto things just to have them is a waste.
That table might be exactly what someone else needs but they can’t get it if it’s in your closet. If items have sentimental value, then they should be out and visible so they can be appreciated. How can you appreciate something that is hidden away?
Worst case, if she wants the table when you get a bigger home, she should ask her parents to store it. NTJ” Just4notherR3ddit0r
Another User Comments:
“I can’t even imagine what size of apartment closet would accommodate two tables, six chairs, and whatever the disc golf thing is (I assume it is some sort of large outside yard game).
Way too much stuff. One question though—I would guess that the dining table and chairs could be used daily. I’d compromise there, but an extra buffet table and an unused outside game, have to go. NTJ.
This would be driving me nuts. My husband has some stuff in the garage that he bought from his old condo in 2014, but…it’s in the garage. Not a bedroom and we’re not tripping over it.” lmholot1981
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Commenting On My Dietary Choices?
“I (20f) just learned I am autistic like I found out about 3 days ago.
I was diagnosed 5 years ago but nobody ever told me because they thought I didn’t notice. I, of course, noticed and just thought there was something wrong with me but that’s another story.
One thing that I struggle with and have struggled with for years is trying new foods.
I eat a lot of healthy food but not an extremely wide variety. My mom made a spread with a lot of food for dinner today. There was a truffle pizza, boiled eggs, chicken (just plain chicken sliced), cut-up vegetables, a salad, her version of garlic bread, and maybe a couple of other things on there.
I’ve never had truffle pizza and don’t know what truffle is so that was a no, I don’t like boiled eggs, I only eat plain chicken with ketchup and we were out of ketchup so that pretty much-left vegetables and a piece of bread soaked in olive oil.
She knew I wasn’t going to eat the meal stuff so she picked up a Trader Joe’s Mac and cheese for me on her way home from work. When I joined everyone for dinner, my sister (22f) asked why the bottle of salad dressing was on the table and my mom said not everyone likes that dressing (I only like it with ranch or some other dressing that my neighbor makes).
My sister said they all know I’m the only one who doesn’t like it and poured the dressing in the salad anyway.
Then I was eating and my sister started talking about how I really shouldn’t be eating the Mac and cheese and that the food my mom made is a lot better for me, especially considering my stomach issues (I have ulcerative colitis and she and my parents have been trying to convince me for years that if I just changed my diet I’d be able to cure my incurable condition and stop getting 8 weeks worth of medicine every 4 weeks).
I told her if I wanted her opinion on my diet I’d ask for it and she kept going on about how she just wants what’s good for my health and how rude I am. My mom told her to stop but also said that she was right and that I needed to email my doctor about changing my med schedule (she’s been bugging me to change it from every 4 weeks to 6 weeks for 2 years now).
I told everyone to shut up and now they’re mad at me for being rude so AITJ for telling my sister that if I wanted her opinion I’d ask for it?”
Another User Comments:
“Autistic sensory issues aren’t something that can be switched on and off at will.
It isn’t as simple as choosing to eat or not eat something. Neurotypical people in general don’t get this. I agree that talking to your doctor or a dietitian is a good idea but that isn’t going to be a magic bullet that makes the sensory issues go away.
You’re in for the long haul with this and they need to be as well or they’ll do more harm than good. (Says the mom of an Autistic son)” rosedagger67
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I struggle with new foods but my partner is understanding however he is encouraging.
This worked for me so I’ll share it and you could try it or not. We cook/ order food we 100 know I like for me and he has something different I try it from his plate and if I don’t like it I never have it l.
It gives me a chance to try new food but doesn’t put pressure on me to finish it and food is not wasted so I don’t get guilty. I also found not to straight up dismiss something. For example, I always hated onions and veg just turned out I don’t like my mum’s cooking as it’s mush and it was a texture issue Vs a taste issue.” Randomstranger192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the salad dressing but shows that it isn’t about your health to her, but rather control. I’d point out to her that salad with ranch is still healthier than no salad.
Unless you eat only mac and cheese or comparable food for every meal, there’s nothing wrong with having a “bad” meal every so often. My bigger concern is with the push to change how often you take your medicine – is the change from every 4 weeks to every 6 weeks something your doctor is recommending, or something your parents are choosing?” waldrop02
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Making Our Female Friend Uncomfortable?
“I (Greg) was at a bar last night with my uni (college) friends Edgar, Allan, and Po (pseudonyms obviously). We were all drinking pretty heavily as Edgar and I had just finished our final exams. Po is this amazing international student who’s been the queen of our friend group since she joined. She fitted right into our dynamic and banter seamlessly.
Anyway, Edgar was being his usual sleazy self, constantly hitting on Po and making everyone visibly uncomfortable. Seriously, I had to move his seat when he left the table so he wasn’t cutting her off from the rest of us, she’s 5-foot-nothin’ so couldn’t see over his big head.
I could tell she was grateful by the way she looked at me.
For some background, in our Discord server, we often stay up late gaming and chatting, and sometimes it’s just the three of us left on the call – me, Edgar, and Po.
And let me tell you, it gets uncomfortable fast. Edgar starts making these suggestive comments, and Po’s trying to laugh it off, but I can tell she’s uncomfortable. I feel like I need to stay on the call to make sure Edgar doesn’t cross any lines.
It’s like I’m babysitting their interactions, waiting for Po to excuse herself so I can finally relax.
Edgar’s also always trying to show off in front of her and it’s honestly embarrassing. We went out to get Boba (which Po loves because her Mum always used to make it for her).
We were having a great conversation with lots of laughter and Edgar cuts in to do a dumb joke. He honestly can’t read a room to save his life, and it’s moments like these I question my friendship with him.
Anyway, back to the bar. Things seemed to get better once I remedied the seating situation, but here’s the kicker: Allan got kicked out shortly after for being too intoxicated (he did a backflip on the dancefloor). Po left with him (to make sure he got home okay).
And Edgar had the nerve to act all surprised and concerned, like “Oh no, Po’s gone off with that loser Allan!” Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the real loser here – you’ve been making Po uncomfortable all night!” So I called Edgar out on his nonsense, and he got all defensive and stuff.
He’s like “I’m just being friendly!” but we all know what’s going on. I was pretty vocal about it, maybe even a bit too vocal… let’s just say I had a few choice words for Edgar.
AITJ for telling Edgar to back off, or was I justified in speaking up?”
Another User Comments:
“Going to say light ESH purely because if you care about Po, you should have talked to her and checked what she is comfortable with you doing about Edgar. There’s a reason some women get nervous when turning guys down, and while nothing you describe is actively violent, Po might be worried about things escalating.
By talking to him without talking to her, you could put him on the defensive and this could potentially make him more aggressive towards her in the future. So yeah, not fundamentally the worst idea to step in, but you shouldn’t have unilaterally decided to say something.” ConstructionNo9678
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You and Edgar want the same girl and neither of you know how to get her. If she is the queen of the group, then I certainly doubt that the queen would have a problem shutting down any unwanted advances from her subjects.
The thing is, Po likes Allan. He’s not sweating her. He’s being his stupid intoxicated self which is more authentic than either you or Edgar. Edgar says what do you think? What he said about Allan is the same thing as you think.
Stop the white knight act.” Fluffy-Pollution-998
4. AITJ For Snapping At My Ex For Misrepresenting My Profession?
“My ex, who is also my daughter’s dad, seems to like telling people socially that I’m “a medical professional”.
If I’m there I’ll always set things straight, but I’ve also never actually told him afterwards to stop.
I’m a hospital clinic manager, more on the numbers and systems side of things but also some processes. I started medical school decades ago but dropped out partway and went into research; my career since has been in healthcare but always on the data side of things.
Today we brought our kid to an orthodontist to ask about braces. Partway through the consult, he mentions that I “know more about this kind of stuff” than he does because I’m “actually a medical professional”.
The dentist turns to me with interest and she says “Oh, are you a doctor?”.
I start clarifying it, and he cuts in and says “You went to medical school though”. I can see the dentist starting to ask another question about it, so I turn to him and snap “Can we just drop it please”.
So the dentist just moves on with the consult.
Later he explained that he was trying to make sure I was included in the discussion more as he felt she was directing her conversation more his way than mine.
I hadn’t gotten this impression, but all I said to him was that it’s not worth mentioning in a consult because if they think you’re in the profession they’ll explain things less, so it’s not an advantage.
What I didn’t say, was that I was furious that he’d share my personal story with someone that we were in a professional setting with.
It was not his place to bring my career up, and I was there to get professional advice not chat about my personal life.
I try to minimize what I say to him because we now have a purely co-parenting relationship after years of conflict, and he has a history of overreacting and blowing things up so I always try to say as little as possible and only what’s needed for co-parenting.
Because my priority with him is to avoid unnecessary drama, I’m not going to bring this up again. I know that things would be different if we could have the talk-things-out kind of relationship.
But I want to know for myself – was I the jerk for snapping like that, or does he overstep?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your daughter seems to be the one with the adult-like grasp on this situation. Your refusal to talk things through with your ex, on grounds that you are trying to avoid conflict and drama (what was THAT in the dentist’s office?), is a non-excuse.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say you’ve never actually asked him not to do this, and it seems he honestly had good intentions, so how was he to know it bothered you, especially to this degree, if you’ve never said anything?
You’re gonna have to make an exception and talk to him if this is an issue for you and you don’t want it to keep happening. Say something like “I appreciate your motivation in telling people that I work in the medical field, but it bothers me when I have to explain my job to people, especially in a professional setting.
If I feel that knowing my job would benefit a situation, I’ll decide when to bring it up, so can you let me take the lead on that from now on?” If he fights you on that, then he’s the jerk, but until you talk to him about it, he can’t be faulted for doing it.” Intelligent-Pay-5028
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How can anyone know how you feel about something unless you tell them? He isn’t wrong. You’re in the medical professional field, and it sounds like the ortho was just trying to gauge at what level you were.
You’re also right. If they think you know, they’ll skip stuff to save time. The ortho had nothing to do with why you’re upset and didn’t need to be snapped at. Your ex sounds like he is coming from a good place.
Just talk to him.” hexadecimal-
3. AITJ For Commenting On My Partner's Lipstick Color?
“I love my partner to death and I think the world of her.
We are on vacation in Mexico to celebrate her birthday and we’ve been taking pictures left and right of her.
One night we found a restaurant to sit at and eat, and we started going through the pictures we’d taken.
She gets to one of them and says oh I like that one, what do you think about my lipstick color?
Normally my opinion is whatever makes you happy sweetie, but this time for some odd reason I just wanted to answer the question.
I say something along the lines of, it’s a dark red lipstick and I think it blends in with your skin…meaning no contrast.
She completely shuts down the rest of the dinner, and I’m trying to figure out why.
When we step out of the restaurant she explodes, accusing me of being a colorist and not liking her skin color. She says it hurt her feelings.
I understand it hurt her feelings, but the way she just started accusing me of almost being racist got me instantly on the defensive.
Because I didn’t say anything about her skin color but more so why does my partner think I’m this nasty person? I DO NOT hate my partner’s skin color, she’s beautiful. I would not be in Mexico with her if I didn’t like her skin.
Anyway, we left the restaurant and walked 25 minutes back to our Airbnb and she did not say a word to me though entire time. When we got home, we started getting ready for bed and I noticed my partner was locked in on her phone.
I ask her what’s up. What are you doing? To which she responds in shock that her two male friends think that her skin is perfect.
At this point, I’m upset because I didn’t say anything about her skin color, but more so I’m upset at the fact that she already told two people, I don’t like these guys and haven’t met them, about the situation and put words in my mouth.
We get into an argument because I told her I do not like when WE don’t fix the problem, and she goes/uses other men to cope. She ends up locking me out of the room.
I feel really bad that I offended my partner’s feelings and immediately apologized and explained myself, but she went to other guys to talk about our problems….and she’s painting me as the jerk to others…”
Another User Comments:
“How long have you 2 been together? Since you haven’t met all her friends. Did you each pay your way to Mexico? I’m confused as to why she is blowing this up and making this a big deal. Especially if you told her everything in this post. Sounds like she might be scapegoating this “argument” for something else…?
Is there something else going on?” berryblitzen
Another User Comments:
“Man, maybe you should apologize and TRY to explain very calmly that you didn’t mean to hurt her, that you never meant to disrespect her or her body/skin color, and that you were just answering a question, that you never thought it would be racist or hurtful.
Because you know maybe she is just sad you didn’t like her lipstick when she was feeling that the color she chose was the most suitable, ok the lipstick blends in but, she still looks beautiful no matter what and she is still valuable and valid for feeling that that was a racist thing to say if she’s had racist comments towards her in the past as I get it.” Outrageous-Ad8576
2. AITJ For Confronting My SIL After She Cancelled Babysitting For A Gig?
“I (f/31) wanted to give something special to my husband (m/34) for his birthday. Since we are living far away from our families, and are fairly new expats, I didn’t have babysitters, and our friends were not available to babysit so I coordinated with younger SIL (f/40) “Jill”, to buy concert tickets for us to have a long overdue date night.
The coordination was 3 months in advance, she agreed to come for 4-5 days, spend some quality time with her nephew and we’ll show her our new home.
Fast forward, everything is dandy she hypes up my son, until 4 days before the concert.
She called us that she hasn’t told her band to find a replacement, and she cannot cancel the gig. Since she’s a musician, I understand it’s her job.
They have a good relationship but since my husband is the youngest he often sweeps things under the rug.
I wrote a message to her, that her brother would never tell her, but she needed to be a little considerate and at least give us more time so we could manage.
Suddenly my phone blew up, with her texts.
In her words “I was being selfish and a drama queen because she needed to be there for my other SIL (43y) “Amy” who had some health problems for 6 months, and she had a minor procedure in the time when Jill would be visiting us.
Even though the first reason was her gig.
I naturally was upset since I am close to my Amy. I talked to her daily she assured me we didn’t need to come home, and it is a very minor problem.
The worst came afterward when Jill started badmouthing me to the whole family, that I don’t care about anyone but myself, I am a selfish drama queen, etc. Amy called me after her procedure that she was very sorry about the chaos she allegedly caused, which was ridiculous because she didn’t choose to have health problems. Jill just chose to mock me and throw Amy under the bus for a gig
I understand that a concert is not a #1 priority, but Jill didn’t even apologize for hyping out my son that his aunty is coming (he’s still asking why she didn’t come). My husband asked her to apologize to him, because we’re trying not to badmouth his aunt so he can learn a lesson, and told her that he’s disappointed and asking (come on he’s 4 yo) she just laughed it off.
My mother dropped everything and paid the transfer fees for the plane ticket so she could help us out, ended up paying a lot for which Jill was asked to give it back to her, 2 months later she still laughs about it and is actively complaining why I said that if she comes to visit she won’t be staying with us.”
Another User Comments:
” YTJ – you shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of the siblings like that “The husband is the youngest he often sweeps things under the rug. I wrote a message to her, that her brother would never tell her”.
You were upset I get it, but when it comes to people watching your kids, you can’t assume you can rely on people. I do think the reasoning for her canceling and her excuses were bizarre. You had a right to be upset but the appropriate response would have been “son was so hyped up and looking forward to seeing you, this is going to let him down” and have her talk to your son.
You still would have been mad, upset, etc. but could have avoided drama and conflict in the family. Now you know for the future, you can’t rely on SIL.” grapefruitviolin
1. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Home Country For Better Opportunities?
“I am 29 almost 30 years old woman! It’s kinda weird I use the word woman for myself when I feel just like a little girl being controlled.
In the last 3 and half years of my life, I received a very generous scholarship abroad to get a master’s degree.
Being from a very religious tight-knit family I begged them to let me go and said it was only three years and I would visit in the middle of them which was a promise I kept. I argued that such a degree would make my CV so much more attractive and would make my salary higher later; to which my dad agreed but of course my mum didn’t.
So I went and got my masters abroad and I finally had the sense of freedom that I never knew, the sense of responsibility!
After graduating I got my work visa after letting them know that I would apply for it to which they disagreed but I got it anyway.
However, I returned to my country to see them first since it’s been 2 years since I saw them … Now they refuse to let me leave again.
I have a once-of-a-lifetime opportunity to live a better life with 10 times more of the salary I am getting now in my country … and it’s not only about the money it’s also about the quality of life and feeling out of place all the time in my own country.
They call me selfish for wanting to leave. They said I am abandoning them! I even took a job that I hate to prove that it’s not that I want to leave but that my life can be better.
I get 1/4 of what I can get if I am working abroad, even with fewer hours. I am also exhausted physically and mentally. I can’t live like this!
To be honest, I also understand that they gave me their all while raising me and I understand that they want me next to them … but what about what I want?
What about my future? They think I am a jerk for leaving them, am I ?!
I have a younger sister as well but their relationship is not so good at the moment either because of a big family issue between them.
This makes them even harder on me, as they are relying more on me to take of them and to keep the peace in the family…is that my role ?!
I understand they love me and I love them but I am not getting any younger … am I selfish?
Am I a jerk ?! Please help because I feel like there is a huge weight on my shoulders and I feel like my heart is so heavy that sometimes I can’t even breathe!”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, you’re an adult.
Walk out that door and live your life. If they try to physically restrain you, you can call for help, because you’re not a minor child and have a right to leave. You need to decide which is more important to you: obedience and acceptance from your controlling family, or living the life you want/need. Abusive parents will make you choose, but it is entirely your choice, and there is nothing wrong with choosing to meet your own needs first. They may eventually accept it, they may cut you off.
Take a deep breath, brace yourself, and make the choice. It’s your life, and you only get one. NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You NEED to get out of your parent’s control and live your life.
Don’t give in to your parent’s guilt-tripping you. As long as you’re a decent human being and honor your God, you’ll be fine. If you don’t leave, you will regret it. Good luck.” Ah_leave_me_alone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. You’re a grown woman who doesn’t have any obligations to anyone. Your parents are being very selfish. They are trying to keep you from living the life that you want & to live the life that they want for you.
It’s your life. You do what you want with it. They have no say. Especially since you will be making money. Just go & don’t give a second thought to your parents. If you don’t, you will regret it.” NOTTHATKAREN1
It’s not he doesn’t care about the holidays it’s that he expects YOU to sort them out on his behalf.. see Father’s Day NOTHING another a card nothing.. if he asks why ask him when did u have time u care for the baby 90% of the time the house etc and everything else in between it’s only a holiday right what’s the issue.
You need to sit and think about whether his calling you abusive is a regular thing cos if it is he’s gaslighting YOU… your not the abusive 1 nor are you unreasonable asking to celebrate Mother’s Day seeing how u spent 9months growing a human then you gave birth and he Can’t get u a new flask and arrange a day trip after spending however long away on business leaving u as a single parent to a newish baby.. honey what does this guy bring to your relationship other than a salary cos he seems to have the personality of a brick wall