People Prepare To Be Judged After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Share My Achievements With My Family Despite My Sister's Condition?
“I, a 26-year-old female, have an older sister who is 32. She had a tragic accident three years ago that left her paralyzed from the waist down. It’s been rough for everyone, but especially for her of course. Our family rallied around her, helping out as much as we could, and I’ve been there every step of the way because I love her so much.
But since the accident, it feels like I don’t deserve to have any good things happen to me, or at least I’m not allowed to talk about them. Every time something positive happens in my life, I get shut down by my family. When I got a promotion at work last year, I was so happy and excited to tell them.
I thought my family would be happy for me, but when I tried to share the news, my mom pulled me aside and told me to not now because my sister had a tough day. I ended up keeping it to myself.
Eight months ago, my partner proposed. When I told them, my mom immediately changed the subject, later telling me that my sister was feeling down about her own marriage struggles.
It’s like anything good in my life is an offense to my sister’s situation.
This happened a few days ago. I’ve been saving up for years to buy my first new car. I finally managed to do it and I was so excited. I thought my family would be happy for me.
So I decided to tell them. As soon as the words were out of my mouth the room went dead silent. My mom whispered to me, “This isn’t the time. Think about your sister.” My sister looked so sad and I instantly felt like the worst person in the world.
I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I said, “Can’t I share anything good in my life? I thought you’d all be happy for me.” No one knew what to say and I left the house. I’ve never done that before. Now I’m filled with regret and confusion.
I love my sister and I never want to hurt her, but it feels like I’m not allowed to have anything good happen to me. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I understand my sister’s life has changed drastically and I’m genuinely supportive and have always been there for her.
But sometimes I just want to be able to share my own life too. I feel so guilty for even feeling this way, like I’m being selfish or inconsiderate.
Her husband and even my parents share things about their lives freely and no one seems to mind.
But as the younger sister, I’m not allowed to share anything good in front of her so I don’t hurt her feelings. I get it. I really do. I understand she’s going through a lot and I don’t want to add to her pain.
But it feels like I’m not allowed to have any joy in my life around my family.
Now I know I owe my sister an apology for how I reacted. I never want to make her feel sad, but I’m struggling with how to approach my family.
I don’t feel like I should apologize to them. And honestly, I don’t think I’ll be sharing anything with them in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. But I’m curious: how does your sister feel about all this? Is she genuinely hurt whenever you share these positive things, or is your mom just being overprotective and jumping the gun?
Has there always been this kind of dynamic between you and your sister to a lesser extent before this? It just seems incredibly weird that you’re the only person in your family who’s not allowed to share good news.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you owe nobody an apology for living and celebrating the good things in your life. INFO: Is it only your parents who don’t want you sharing these things? Or is it also your sister? Is your sister even aware that your parents have asked you to silence yourself when good things happen?
“Hey, Mom and Dad always tell me not to let you know about anything good that happens to me, like my promotion at work, or when my partner proposed, or when I got a new car, because these things might upset you. I wanted to ask you directly, though.
Are you ok hearing about good things that happen to me? Or do you find them upsetting?” If your sister says she doesn’t mind or indeed that she WANTS to hear these things about your life, then you should just 100% ignore your parents when they tell you to remain silent.
If your sister agrees with your parents and says she doesn’t want to hear about your successes, then you should honor that request, but you should also start spending WAY less time with your family.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to apologize for this.
Not to your sister, not to the rest of your family. You didn’t do anything wrong. It sounds like your family is forming some bad patterns right now, and it might be a good idea to stop that before it sets fully. You say you and your family are spending a lot of time at your sister’s place to help out.
That’s admirable, to some extent, but it’s been three years. You don’t need to all be there, every day, especially if being there all together is giving your mom a chance to, well, pick on you. I’d spend less time with your family at your sister’s house.
Spend time with your sister, spend time with your family, but stop combining the two so much. And you can go ahead and shut your mom down if (when) she starts up again. “That’s an odd way to say congratulations, Mom, wanna try again?”” dryadduinath
21. AITJ For Confronting My Mom After She Disrespected My Fiancée While Intoxicated?
“I am engaged to “Aubrey” and we are planning a June wedding. I don’t think my mom is crazy about her, but I would describe the relationship as tense but fine. In general, my mom doesn’t meddle or get involved too much, but she has been kind of annoying about the wedding.
I just shut it down as needed.
Recently we went to my parents’ house for my dad’s birthday. This was the end of the night and my mom was somewhat inebriated. Someone congratulated us on our engagement and said they hoped we were as happy as my parents were.
My mom said “not possible.”
I immediately saw Aubrey tense up and asked my mom what she meant. My mom said “just no one can be that happy, ever. Good luck.” I was like do you realize that is insensitive? My dad told me to grow up and that she was inebriated. My mom then said “I love you.
I hope you are happy, but just no, it’s special, not everyone gets that.”
Aubrey straight out asked if my mom was judging our relationship. My dad at this point told my mom to stop talking, but he had a huge grin. So the next day I confronted my mom and said Aubrey was upset over what she said.
My mom told me she was inebriated. I said that wasn’t an excuse and she owes Aubrey an apology. My mom said we are looking for a fight and we are dramatic. She didn’t say if she was going to apologize or not. I said she might have been inebriated, but she still disrespected Aubrey.
The rest of my family kind of thinks I’m crazy and should just let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for making her responsible for her own words. Even if she was inebriated, she is responsible for her words and actions. But maybe she was just trying to emphasize (in a ridiculous way, I agree) that she was so happy with your father that this happiness is unique.
In your place, I wouldn’t care too much about what she says about you two.” amanhecicansada
Another User Comments:
“Slightly YTJ. Every single happily married couple thinks that no one could be as happy as they are in their marriage. Your inebriated mother was being flirty with your father, and probably hinting about things within their marriage you probably have no idea about.
Given that grin. Probably more than you would ever want to know. Your mother was inebriated and in love with her husband. The fact that your father told your mom to stop talking means she was probably going to spill well-kept secrets. The fact she said “I love you and I hope you’re happy, but just no, it’s special, not everyone gets that” hints at their marriage.
Not your fiancée. Your fiancée is picking a fight. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t the first time hon, given that she immediately tensed up. (It makes you wonder how easily she’s offended at things in other aspects of her life.” Mscatw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That was a lovey-dovey remark aimed at your dad, not you. If my husband made that remark about me, I would have a huge grin too. You are also completely ignoring that she also said she hopes you have that kind of love too.
I don’t want to be mean but it seems to have struck a serious nerve to get so defensive. There seems to be a lot of insecurity in your relationship. Having a rock-solid relationship comes with time and both partners actively loving, supporting, and functioning as a team.
There is no need to be defensive.” Cherry_clafoutis
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mother To My House Anymore?
“My mother lives in another country and does not speak one word of English. When I got married in 2019, I flew her here about 3 weeks before the wedding.
I really wanted her here for the day. As I’m an amateur baker, I was going to bake my wedding cake myself. My mum insisted she wanted to do it so I said ok. The thing is, she ruined the cake the night before the wedding.
I had no cake for my wedding.
During the reception, she was moody and saying she wanted to leave. She told my husband to take her home. Of course, my husband did not. She was upset because I was giving attention to my other guests and not just her.
Anyway, the next day I went on my honeymoon and she stayed in my house.
A few days later, she went to Spain to visit a friend. On the day she was supposed to come back, she missed the flight and I had to book another flight for her to come back.
She arrived in the morning and when I went back home from work, she wasn’t home yet. I went out looking for her. She then left. During all this time, she was moody and nothing was good enough.
She came back in 2020 for Christmas.
All good at the beginning. But after New Year, when she was supposed to go home, the flights started to be canceled.
I did everything to keep her happy.
She had her own bedroom in my house, food, everything she wanted. The only thing was that we couldn’t go anywhere when I was off because everything was closed.
My husband was WFH. She made my husband’s life a living misery. She was complaining about everything, walking around the house miserable, picking fights with me when I was working OT.
I finally found a flight to take her home. Paid all the tests she had to do and she left.
Now, I don’t want to invite her to come anymore. First, because she wants to come and spend 3 months visiting and second, because of all the above.
Am I the jerk because I don’t want her here anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She will NEVER be happy, as your examples have shown.
Save yourself the trouble and schedule short visits and by short I mean 2 days max. But that’s me…. Have a talk with her about how her attitude affects you and your husband and if she gets defensive and doesn’t want to listen to you, well then….” DatguyMalcolm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A visit for 3 months? Oh, NO. If you have to see her, out of guilt, I suggest you fly to her city and get an Airbnb and stay for 5 days. But keep in mind she was just here 2 years ago. Most families that live in different countries don’t see each other very often.
Once every 5 or so years is enough. When was the last time your brother either visited her or had her visiting him?” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“You should be honest with her. Tell her how she behaved and how it made you feel. Tell her 3 days is too much to spend in her moody, unreasonable, selfish presence, let alone 3 months.
Tell her how it was for you. Tell her you love her but from now on a weekend is more than enough time to spend together. But not for a while. Not until you’ve gotten over her last visits.” Shoddy-Put1109
19. AITJ For Taking Away My Partners Key Until He Addresses His Drinking Problem?
“I (23 f) have been living with my partner (23 m) for 2 years now.
Things have been slowly evolving into fully living together. About 1.5 years ago he got into a bad argument with his friends causing him to be isolated fully except for 2 people and me. His drinking habits have become problematic. Meaning that before I talk to him after work he has to have at least two LARGE (1 drink = 3 shots) drinks before I’m able to talk to him without getting one-word answers.
His parents think I’m an enabler because I don’t yell at him for making his own decisions, but I’m starting to see their standpoint. They think I’m just giving him a free place to drink 100% of the time without consequences. He doesn’t pay anything towards rent, utilities, wifi, electricity, etc. I am currently unemployed and living off of my savings but he refuses to help because he says he’s “saving up for a house.”
Recently I got fed up with him bringing home a handle of cheap booze every day and I took his key to my apartment off his keychain. My thought is that if he can either admit he has a booze problem or he can go at least 2 weeks without drinking at my apartment he will get his key back.
If he wants a free place to drink he can buy his own place rather than using my apartment. I feel that it’s harsh but I don’t want him to think of my place as a free place to drink. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh I’m sorry as this situation sucks, but if you’re living off your savings, and he refuses to help and pay anything because he is “saving for his own house” he is a selfish jerk. Honestly, that’s not fair and you know that deep down.
I’m sure you have had great times, but he needs to get himself together. I would suggest not giving him that key back at all yet, and suggest he get his own living situation where he has to fend and pay for himself, and see how that goes for 3-6 months, then you will know if he is serious about making things work, you can still be together, just not living together.
Don’t cave, because he will most likely cry to you and try to manipulate you so he can stay living there, but this isn’t your burden to bear. You can explain that you want to be with him (if that’s what you want) but will support him in different ways, just not living together right now.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A handle of liquor is almost half a gallon. It’s like 60z or so of liquor… He’s going through a handle a day? A shot is 1.5oz… he’s doing 40 shots in day? At that rate, he’d literally be drinking all day long and still be inebriated. That’s a serious addiction.
He can’t physically be very well at this point and I would be concerned about DTs if he goes cold turkey. This is like slow detox and rehab not cold turkey levels of serious if what you’re saying is accurate. I highly doubt there is a savings.
He’s drinking the money at this point and I seriously hope he isn’t driving anywhere at any point. I am surprised he has a job at all at this point. He’s got to be inebriated at work too. You’re NTJ for refusing to live with someone (and foot the bills for someone) who refuses to acknowledge a pretty serious and obvious addiction.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are being a jerk to yourself. At 23, you should be building a life for yourself. You want a partner who is equally ambitious and self-supporting and wants to build a life too. In his current state (bringing home handles of booze every day), your partner isn’t doing any good for himself or you.
And, never again let anyone move in who doesn’t pay their fair share. You are worth more than that. Call nonsense on his statement that he is “saving up for a house.” In a way, his family is correct that you are enabling him to continue drinking, no job, no responsibilities at all.
He needs more help than you can give him and he has to want it for himself. He may need to hit bottom (which won’t happen as he is freeloading in the house you are paying everything for) before he decides to get the proper help.
What are your own dreams and wants? Because guaranteed as long as you are propping up a heavy drinker, you will have zero chance of achieving them. I wish you well and hope you can get out of this.” DS3333
18. AITJ For Siding With My Husband In An Argument With My Daughter?
“I (33f) had my daughter (19f) young (you can do the math). When she was 10, I met my husband (45m).
We now have 6 kids together (8m, 7f, 5m, 5m, 3f, 1m).
My husband has been an amazing father to my daughter and they used to have a good relationship. But since she went to college, she’s been practically screaming to anyone who’ll listen that my husband took advantage of me and made me have babies, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I wanted kids with my husband because I loved him so much and wanted our family to be complete. We didn’t mean to have so many, but we have the space and resources, so we welcomed the surprise and left it up to God on how many we have.
My daughter came home over the weekend and got into an argument with my husband. I don’t know how it started because I was cooking and they were in the living room, but my husband said she was being nasty to her sisters and he tried getting her to stop when she blew up.
I heard her yelling that he was a creep and could never love me or all the kids, that he’s making me have babies. I ran into the room and tried to calm the argument but when that backfired, my husband told her to get out.
My daughter scoffed and looked at me. I told her to get out and she looked heartbroken, but she left.
I haven’t heard from her since, even though I’ve reached out. She’s okay, she still posts on social media (last I saw, she blocked me).
She’s my daughter and I love her, but she was incredibly nasty and mean to the man who raised her when her own father didn’t care. I’m torn. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wuff. This is a sucky situation. I’m willing to bet that your daughter is learning about power imbalances at school, and something in your relationship is telling her that your relationship represents one.
Now, it could just be a reaction to her really realizing and internalizing that you were 23 and he was 35 when you got together, and that you had so many children at such a rapid pace, both of which are often indicators of a problematic dynamic.
She might be reacting overly strongly to the appearance of the situation, which, to be clear, is concerning from an outside view. It could be that you and your spouse have a perfectly healthy relationship based on mutual respect, affection, and a genuine love of lots of babies.
If so, continue to reach out to your daughter and show her compassion, but be firm that you are happy, safe, and respected in your marriage, and comments are neither warranted nor wanted. However, I’m not willing to say she’s the jerk in this situation.
Frankly, the optics are concerning, and she grew up with you both. You should consider that she could be reacting to something real, and consider what that might be. No jerks here.” fibchopkin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. See this from your daughter’s perspective. A man 12 years older than her young single mom shows up and within a year her mom is having a baby and has been pregnant pretty much ever since.
It IS creepy to an outside observer that this older man started seeing a young woman in a difficult situation and then had her have kids repeatedly while she stayed home to care for his kids. The fact that you refer to your 8yo as the oldest child and the fact that you talk about wanting to complete “our family” with your husband belies that you seem to not consider your daughter a real part of the family.
This is likely what your daughter has picked up on and feels like her whole life and relationship with you went out the window as soon as your sugar daddy appeared. She feels abandoned and unwanted and when she identifies the fairly creepy facts about your husband you agree with your husband about throwing her out without hearing her side.
She didn’t handle it well, but she is only 19 and has been likely dealing with a lot of resentment for the past 9 years as her mom pulls more and more away from her. Reach out to apologize and try to talk with her. Otherwise, she will likely cut you out of her life permanently as soon as she can, and continue to resent her half-siblings for stealing her mother.” TendoninBOB
Another User Comments:
“Puh. Soft YTJ. She was an only child for 11 years and now she has 6 siblings. That would be completely overwhelming for anyone. She didn’t grow up with siblings and now has kind of lost you to all of her siblings. There is a lot of resentment for you to have so many children in that short amount of time.
Also, you put her through a lot of change during her teenage years which is hard enough. And she does not want to be angry at you so she projects it to your husband… like he is responsible for her to kind of lose her mum.
You need to make sure she gets still enough one-on-one time and not always with all the children…” Remote-Equipment-340
17. AITJ For Not Attending My College Friend's Wedding After She Blocked Us?
“When I was in college, I immediately clicked with 3 girls in my class. I am closer to one of them, we were like sisters. 2 years before graduating, she and one of the guys from our class started seeing each other. 3 months into their relationship, she stopped going out with us (her friends) insisting that she doesn’t have the money, which we understand.
One day she opened up and said that the reason she doesn’t go out with us anymore is because she hates it if her partner looks at other women. We were a bit disappointed in her but she said sorry for saying ‘no’ to us every time.
Fast forward, we graduated, got jobs, so we planned to meet again. We planned to go swimming in this Forest resort. Each of us has things that we are tasked to bring, hers are cooking utensils (which she deliberately said she would bring during our planning, we never forced her).
She said that she’ll bring her partner (the same guy from college).
The day came, but she never showed up. We waited for her for hours until past lunchtime, we were hungry. We cannot cook the meat we brought because she’s supposedly the one to bring all the things for cooking.
We ended up eating just the fruits. We called her, but she never picked up her phone. That same day, we tried to reach her on social media but she blocked us! That was the last straw.
Years passed, and then one day she invited us ‘through our college group chat’ to attend her wedding.
Then she ‘asked someone’ to talk to us on her behalf and tell us she’s sorry, and that she’s expecting us to come to her wedding. We did not. Almost all people from our class came and wondered why we, her ‘friends’, did not show up.
Her mom was furious at us, blocked us on social media, and said that we are not ‘real friends’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What the heck why would anyone attend the wedding of someone who blocked them?! NTJ at all!! She’s likely alienated a lot of people in her life and/or has failed to make new friends since college.
Her expectations were wildly delusional, do not feel bad in the slightest.” smackof_ham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A friend does not do what your “friend” did. You are utterly in the clear. She is a jerk for suddenly inviting you to her wedding after so many years.
Clearly a gift grab. Ignore her and her family’s shenanigans if you can and continue on in your jerk-free life.” MonkeyMagic1968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all for not going to the wedding of a person who has ditched you in the past because of her silly insecurities.
Even if that was not the case, she didn’t even properly invite you… seems to me she only wanted you there for the gifts or because she secretly wanted to rub it in your faces that she’s marrying the guy she imagines you wanted for you or something like that.” elimoon333
16. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Ex-Wife's Cat Despite My Partner's Objections?
“My ex-wife and I split in mid-2019 and we had two cats. I kept the one that was my cat before the marriage and my ex kept the cat (let’s call him Peter) that we obtained during the marriage.
We got Peter in early 2018, so I knew him for a year and a half before we split. He was born under my grandpa’s house and my mom fostered him for a few months before my ex and I got him. For that reason, he is kind of special to me and like part of the family.
Fast forward to early 2020: My current partner and I got together.
Anyways, fast forward to May 2022, my ex-wife contacts me out of the blue and says she is having some serious medical problems and can’t care for Peter currently and wanted to know if I could keep him for a few months.
I told her I would need to discuss it with my partner and would let her know. I had a conversation with my partner about it and she agreed to let him stay on a temporary basis (a few weeks up to a few months).
Peter is very playful and likes to get into things. My partner doesn’t care for cats too much and she is getting very annoyed with Peter and wants him gone ASAP. She insists that I take him to a shelter. I told her that I don’t want to take him to a shelter because I don’t know what will happen to him.
I tell her that I want him to either end up back with my ex-wife, in a permanent home with a friend or family member, or permanently with us.
A few times a week, she makes jokes about accidentally leaving the door open and letting him outside or taking him to the county shelter when I’m at work.
This really makes me angry. I tell her that by saying this, she is showing disrespect for animals and for me. She says that I’m the one being disrespectful for even asking to keep him permanently when that wasn’t what we originally agreed on.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m sorry, but you can’t keep Peter in a home with someone who’s already made repeated threats (and yes, they’re threats, not jokes) to get rid of him one way or another. Either get her out of your life immediately and make sure she can’t get back into your home to take revenge or find Peter accommodations where he’ll be safe now.
Personally, I’d take Option 1, but you are way past the point where this is an argument you should still be having, so do something instead of hoping it’ll all work out if you’re just insistent enough.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. You’re putting the cat at risk, and your partner has shown you her true colors.
Puke Green and an unfortunate shade of brown (I love that phrase and will keep using it). Any pet you ever plan to have is at risk. Normal, sane people do NOT threaten pets. Period. And you are still with her, why? You’ve seen that she’s selfish, manipulative, and will threaten the things you love in order to get her way, and you’re letting her anywhere near you and the animals?
Totally the jerk for that.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner absolutely sucks. It’s one thing to have an irrational dislike because the cat represents your ex and also not liking how cats behave, but the fact that she asked you to take him to the shelter despite knowing you’re caring for him for your ex who is very ill but loves him very much is taking it to MASSIVE JERK territory.
She literally asked you to throw out a living creature you and your ex love despite this whole agreement being started in the first place so Peter can stay in the family and be cared for so your ex can get him back once she is better.
She asked you to renege that agreement in the cruelest way possible – disappear him from your home and BOTH your ex and your lives completely. Not to mention, in most places, pets are legally property – what she asked you to do would qualify as theft. This is bigger than just disliking cats.
Your partner has shown you who she is – petty and cruel and uncaring if she jeopardizes a living creature’s well-being just so her counters are clean, plants are unchewed, and doesn’t have to look at something that says you had a past life with someone else.
Really think about what else your partner has been doing in your relationship that you’ve rationalized as quirks or “just her personality.”” mignyau
15. AITJ For Telling My Former BIL He Expects Too Much Family Involvement From Us For His Stepkids?
“My sister was married to former BIL until her death 9 years ago. My niece was 3 at the time and my nephew was newly 5.
BIL was never particularly close to our family. I always suspected he saw my sister as disposable. But after she passed away we tried to keep things good and friendly for the kids. When he remarried and became a stepfather we were told we should include his stepkids in our family for my niece and nephew.
We did. Not to the same extent. But we are in their lives. Same with his two other children with his current wife.
BIL knows we don’t love his stepkids, though. That we include them for my niece and nephew more than anything. It bothers him.
He said all kids should be nieces/nephews/grandkids to us. He told me they’re no different than my niece and nephew. Which is wrong, but I always try to not fight him on it.
He has threatened to cut us all out of my niece and nephew’s lives in the past and my parents told him they knew what grandparents visitation rights would look like.
He doesn’t want them to have those and so he hasn’t followed through.
A couple of weeks ago he had a dispute with my parents. He showed up at their house to discuss something and was annoyed to see their wall of grandkids didn’t include his step or younger bio kids.
They told him it was a wall of photos of their grandkids, not children they included to be kind and for the interest of their grandchildren. He said those were their grandchildren now. That they shouldn’t see them any differently or love them any differently.
He said he was there in the first place to make us include all the kids this summer in the family BBQ we were having because my niece and nephew had expressed wanting more time with us that didn’t include their step and half-siblings. My grandparents said that was always something for just my niece and nephew to be included in.
He went off on me and two of my siblings after my grandparents said that. I told him that he expected too much from us and from my niece and nephew. He told me to get lost. He said his family deserved better and we had “poisoned” the kids to make them feel like they didn’t have one regular nuclear family.
He blamed us for my niece and nephew saying no to being adopted too.
I keep wondering if I should have ignored him when he went off on me. I don’t feel like this helped at all. This whole thing I regret. Feels like we tried to include them some of the time in the best interest of the two young members of my family who live with BIL, but all it did was set up more expectations that we can’t meet.
AITJ for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“Those are the kids of someone who was previously a complete and utter stranger, and you guys already do include the children in plenty. You don’t owe the kids the relationship a family member would have.
Him trying to force the issue would just make it a sense of obligation and not come from a genuine place, which is worse for everyone involved and most especially the kids.” hauntedmellow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this situation were caused by a divorce the likely outcome would be your family would only interact with your niece and nephew.
This situation is not really different so it is your choice to include (or not) your former BIL’s step and bio children in your family’s functions. If you had a really close relationship with BIL that continued to the present likely you would include them all.
However, that doesn’t sound like that is the case and BIL does not get to demand it. No info to the contrary your nephew and niece are now 14 and 12 so if they don’t want to be adopted by their stepmother IMO that is their decision.
While they were young when their mother passed that doesn’t mean they have forgotten her and they may have said no for that reason.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sorry that ex-BIL’s expectations of family haven’t gone to plan. But that’s not your fault in any way.
I would be going to see a lawyer, to get some kind of plan in place. I can’t see how you can be made to feel as much for his stepchildren as much as your own grandchildren. It’s an unfair expectation. My concern is especially around the possible adoption.
Would your access be more limited if that happens? Because I bet he is putting pressure on them. And after this, I expect you are not going to be invited as often. Get some advice: put plans in place and execute them only if necessary.
Good luck.” boniemonie
14. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Buy Me My Own Clothes?
“I (17f) am a triplet, so I have two brothers my age.
I’ve always had to share clothes with my brothers, along with everything else, and have never felt like I had anything that was mine. Recently, our younger brother, Dan (15m), has shot up and is now taller than us, so our mother agreed to buy him some new clothes.
I asked for new clothes too, as nothing I have fits me properly, but she just gave me his old ones.
I’ve never felt comfortable going to parties or on outings because I’ve never felt I had nice enough clothes, but this summer I’ve been invited on a beach trip with some friends and would really like to go as I am fed up with missing out on everything.
I told my mother that I seriously needed clothes that fit because I can’t wear sweaty hand-me-downs from a 15-year-old boy forever. We discussed what I wanted, mainly shoes, undergarments, and jeans that actually fit, but a summer dress and bathing suit would also be nice.
Things seemed to be going well until my younger siblings (12m & 11f) said they wanted new clothes too. This started an argument, which my mother blamed me for causing, and she refused to buy me new clothes. She said my bad attitude is why I don’t have friends, not because I never go out with them, and that I am a bad influence on my younger siblings.
AITJ? I suppose I should not have brought it up not around my siblings, but Dan and Jack always ask for new clothes and they don’t get this response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re the scapegoat in this family. Meaning most of the mistreatment goes to you and you’re treated as less-than.
Having clothes is a basic necessity, and your mom would probably argue that she’s providing that, but she’s really not. She’s treating you as the lesser part of a set, not an individual. A normal response when your younger siblings asked for new clothes too would’ve been for her to say “This clothes trip is for OP.
Next time will be your turn,” not to yank this away from you and then verbally abuse you. Because that’s exactly what she did. I’d say start planning now to get out as soon as you hit 18. You deserve a better life than this and at the bare minimum a wardrobe that will make you happy.
Please know that you didn’t ask for anything outrageous and your attitude is very good considering the “role model” you’ve had to deal with. All you asked was to be treated like a person and to have something that felt like yours.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d straight up tell her that if she refuses to buy you 2 packs of women’s undergarments, a swimsuit, a pair of jeans, and a dress, you’ll be informing family members, the school counselor, and the teachers at school that you are being neglected at home.
You’ll tell them that she refuses to buy you women’s products and you are forced to wear boy boxers belonging to your younger brother. Maybe she needs to be shamed to get things moving. Tell her you will be happy to pass these women’s items onto your younger sister when you outgrow them.
You refuse to be neglected by her a minute longer and if she continues with her behavior, you’ll be moving out as soon as you turn 18 and never speaking to her again. You need to shame her. She needs to be ashamed of her behavior.
She’s neglecting you.” Namshoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is neglecting you. But I’m going to suggest some strategies to get what you need rather than tell you to report her or something. Check women’s shelters. Often they can help provide basic necessities like socks and undergarments.
You may also be able to ask about other items you need, though I do not know that shelters provide such items regularly. Check BuyNothing groups on social media. You may even feel comfortable posting an “ISO” or “need” request. This may help you get decent hand-me-down shoes for free.
Not as good as new – but probably better than outgrown teenage boy shoes. You may also be able to acquire clothing this way.
If you have a job or access to a little cash, try second-hand or thrift stores. I personally get 90% of my items second-hand because I cannot afford to buy ethically made clothing (like – not made in sweatshops) but buying second-hand doesn’t profit the gross companies, and I believe it’s better for the earth to keep stuff out of landfills as long as possible.
So if you feel weird thrifting, those are good reasons to do it regardless of your financial situation.
For a swimsuit, you’re probably going to either need to ask friends for a hand-me-down or to borrow one. You can aquire one second hand or get one off BuyNothing but I don’t like shared intimates personally.
You may be able to find a really cheap bikini top and then just wear athletic shorts with it, call that a swimsuit. But pools don’t usually let you in unless you have a suit.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Using My Credit Card To Pay The Group Bill For Points?
“I (32M) found a fun little hobby of using my credit card amenities at any given opportunity to get free flights, dinners, etc.
I do this by making my regular purchases on credit and immediately paying them off to prevent interest.
Today, I met with some buddies for lunch and the waitress came to ask if the bill was together or separate but got pulled away by another table.
I saw my friends pulling out cash and debit cards and offered to just use my card to pay and everyone can Venmo/Apple Pay/Zelle me their tab. I told them not to worry about the tip and I would cover it from my own pocket.
The main reason I did this is because 1) my credit card was offering extra points for dining at this particular chain and 2) Paying the tab would push me past a points margin that would get me a free first-class flight.
No one complained or mentioned anything at the time but later one of them pulled me aside and said he thought it was manipulation and I was taking advantage of them, even though no one else had the intention of paying with a credit card.
I told him to relax and that if it bothers him I’ll be sure not to pay for his portion of the tip next time and he called me a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I thought everyone did this. If you take on the extra admin work of taking on the charge, dividing up the bill, and making sure your friends pay you back the correct amount, you earn any side benefits you happen to get from your card.
Your friends earn the convenience of not having to deal with the admin and also not making the server’s life harder by splitting up your bill a thousand ways. It would be taking advantage of your friends if you somehow made them pay more than they would otherwise pay separately so that you could get your points.
But you did the opposite and your friend is taking offense at nothing. Maybe you should help him find a new credit card with a good points system so he can start earning some himself.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s a weird reaction for your friend to have.
How is it manipulation? They’re paying their share to you instead of the restaurant and you’re paying the restaurant directly. My friends and I actually take turns doing this, so we all get a turn racking up rewards points, frequent flyer miles, etc. Also wanted to note that what you are doing with your CC (using it, then immediately paying off the balance) does wonders for your credit.
I actually used this tactic to repair my damaged credit – my score went up 120 points over the course of a year.” sportsfan3177
Another User Comments:
“Hahahaha your friends are a joke. I initially got my credit card for business expenses for tax purposes and some ease of mind, but I’ve since begun using it for nearly all personal purchases.
The rewards are AMAZING and I get great cash credit as well. I have one very low required payment per month, but I always pay in full what I have charged. I just want the rewards and to get an even higher credit score. Props to you for being responsible and knowing how to use your card wisely.
I will always live by this, “don’t charge what you cannot pay on the spot in cash.” If I can get rewards and things for free with my hard-earned money, I’m going to do it! NTJ.” Active-Subject267
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Nonbinary Friend Be A Bridesmaid If They Don't Wear A Dress?
“I (22F) am getting married soon and want a traditional style wedding with all bridesmaids and all groomsmen being uniform in their clothes.
Originally I had 4 bridesmaids, all women apart from Ellie (24NB).
Ellie occasionally wears dresses and dresses femme so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem to have her as one of my bridesmaids. They were happy to be asked and accepted, knowing they would have to wear a dress and makeup.
They were kind of uncomfortable with the dress being pink but that wasn’t something I was going to change since me and my fiancé decided on our wedding colors being pink/navy months before. We decided on a long, simple A-line dress for all the bridesmaids with approval from everyone.
About a month before the wedding, Ellie texted me and told me they’d no longer be wearing a dress and makeup. They had short hair at the time of me asking them but it had since grown out. They told me the combination of the dress, makeup, and long hair would make them feel uncomfortably feminine.
I told them that they either had to wear the dress or they couldn’t be a bridesmaid since I didn’t want her to be the odd one out.
I’m being told by them and another bridesmaid that I’m being petty and a jerk and Ellie is even threatening to not come to the wedding at all.
I thought it was a fair request at the start since they originally agreed to it but now I’m starting to wonder if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any chance Ellie would be more comfortable in the groomsman attire? It seems strange they don’t want the dress or makeup but isn’t really clarifying what would make them comfortable and then still wanting to be a bridesmaid to the point of not attending.
At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and they are there to support you. You’ve addressed the rules and traditional weddings are where gender roles are really at their performative peak so this late in the stage there is only so much you can do.” kimrockr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was all agreed beforehand, money has been spent on customized clothing (with their approval) they don’t get to change their mind at the last minute without consequences. They appear to be acting very unreasonably and I question your friendship with them if they can’t handle feeling a little awkward for a few hours.
To those who say why can’t the bride handle the change, in addition to the above points there are going to be pictures, videos, and conversations about this for the rest of your life. You deserve to be able to have the simpler parts of your wedding run smoothly and turn out the way you’ve imagined.” bcrbaby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained clearly to Ellie the theme and dress code in advance and they complied. If they were not comfortable with the theme, they should have said it to you before and sought a compromise, or maybe go as a guest, but not give you an ultimatum and be like “if it’s not my way consider me out.” Where did your friendship go?
I think that the fact they would rather not be your bridesmaid due to a color (pink) is childish (sorry for my harsh opinion). Like, the priority is not their likes or their looks and conformity: it’s about your wedding and your couple (I don’t think you’re a bridezilla just for asking a theme, heck, themes can be used even in birthday parties without much trouble and good organization).
Now that I think about it, if your friend feared looking too feminine because of their long hair, they could opt for a bun for example, or a hairstyle similar to older times where the hair was around the head, depending on her hair of course.
There are solutions. Nonetheless, it kinda shocks me they said that ultimatum to you, personally I consider it rude since you are the person to celebrate on that day, the organizer and your choices should be respected, to a reasonable level of course.” Sea_Sapphire_2168
11. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Seat When The Train Ticket System Screwed Up?
“I was visiting some friends in a city a few hours away by train and booked a ticket back to the city I lived in online (US, Amtrak). I booked the ticket about a month in advance, and a friend told me to edit my ticket to put myself in the quiet car, which I did on the same day I booked it.
So the day of the trip comes, I’m on the train and someone sits down next to me. No big deal, that’s how trains work. The other person stays on the train for about the first two hours of the trip, got off the train, and I had the row to myself.
About two stations after they got off the train, another person got on and sat next to me.
At the station after that, though, things got rough. An older woman boarded the train and came right to the row that the other person and I were sitting in.
She looks down at us sitting in our seats and asks us to move since we’re in her seat. We both look confused and tell her we’re in our seats, and she responds that it’s hers.
We all pulled out our tickets and, turns out, everybody was partially right.
My ticket had my car, row, and seat number so I was 100% in the right spot. The person who sat down next to me’s ticket, however, had the exact same car, row, and seat number mine did, while the woman who had just boarded had the seat next to me where the person next to me was sitting.
I figured that when I edited my ticket to be in this seat the system must not have updated that it was now taken, and tried to explain but she was having none of it. She insisted I move so the other person could sit in my seat or the other person move since they were in the wrong seat.
We tried to explain that this was no one’s fault and that we weren’t doing it to be rude. I offered that since both I and the other person were getting off at the next stop and the other person had gotten there first that we just keep sitting where we were and then when we get off she could take the seat.
Ironically enough the one stop and handful of minutes we expected to wait turned into over an hour after a fire on the tracks ahead forced us to wait outside the station. I looked over at her a couple of times during the delay and she just kept giving me a death stare.
I felt bad for inconveniencing her, but then again all three of us were in an awkward situation. I figured it was fair for myself and the person next to me to stay where we were since we had gotten on first and were only staying on for one more stop, but obviously, she disagreed.
So who, if anyone, was in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were in your assigned seat. The person who got on and had the same ticket as you should have said something to the train staff when they realized their assigned seat had been double booked and was already occupied. There was nothing you could do before the lady got on because you had no way of knowing about the screw-up.
The other person should have moved when the lady got on because they were sitting in her assigned seat. The screw-up with your ticket and the second person assigned your seat should not have inconvenienced anyone but the two of you and should have been addressed by the other person as soon as they realized.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The ticketing system screwed up. If anyone should’ve moved, it was the other person, who was obviously in the wrong seat. The “dispute” didn’t even really involve this woman, you and the other person were the ones with the messed up tickets.
Anyway, if it were really so important to her, she could’ve gone and found a conductor to resolve the issue.” Zazzog
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You weren’t obliged to give her your seat. She was right to feel annoyed, although she shouldn’t have blamed you for it.
My rating is slightly wrong. The relevant train system is a jerk (or the people who made it, badly). This warrants a complaint.” BigBayesian
10. AITJ For Refusing Service To A Customer Who Mocked My High-Pitched Voice?
“I (21m) have a naturally higher-pitched voice, and while I can put power behind it, there are times I can be mistaken for a girl.
I work at a gas station/convenience store hybrid in the midwest that has a policy of making it right and kindness above all else towards customers/guests.
I used to work for this store the year before, but transferred for college and back again, and in that time period, this one man (30s-40s?) started coming to that store.
This specific incident happened a few days ago, and even writing it out now I feel all sorts of butterflies in my stomach.
I clock in and get to handling the shift-change rush and I go through the usual greeting and niceties expected from the company.
This man pauses for a second to stare at me, and then goes to say (paraphrasing here) “Why don’t you sound like a man?
Huh? Huh? Huh? A real man has a deep voice.” He even laughed and got closer to my face.
This is where I might be the jerk, but I honestly saw red in that moment and told him off in a harsh way. I firmly denied him service and asked him to leave.
He got really meek and asked to let bygones be bygones and things of that nature, but I was too focused on wanting him away from me to give a darn.
However, after cooling down, and the more I ruminate on it, the more I feel like I’m holding him responsible for the entirety of my insecurity about my voice.
At this point, I’m unsure, as some of my coworkers backed me up when I asked them but I honestly feel guilty.
So, AITJ for not serving someone over my voice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t just insult you over your voice. He chose to intimidate you by getting closer and laughing at you.
In any workplace I’ve worked at anyway, you’re free to deny service if you feel like the customer is being rude or out of line. And him trying to minimize the situation by suggesting to let “bygones be bygones” was him realizing you can stand up for yourself.” BlueCanuck96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also uh, this isn’t about your voice…it’s about a guy who was hoping you were a trans man so he could verbally or physically assault you. That’s why he asked. That’s why he started to physically intimidate you.
That’s why it feels so weird. Your brain is trying to make it about your insecurity but it’s about his bigotry. My trans butt would love it if he were never served again.” MasterpieceOk782
Another User Comments:
“This happened to one of my coworkers.
She has a super deep voice and she was a waitress waiting on a surgeon who told her he could surgically alter her voice to make her sound like a “normal woman”. She said she liked her voice fine and it’s unique to her.
She sounds like a 50-year-old male who has been smoking his entire life, for reference. For the rest of the night as she waited on this man’s table, the doctor pretended like he couldn’t understand a word she said. She’d bring him bread, the bill, anything his table needed and he’d be like, “what’s that?
What are you even saying? I literally can’t understand you”. Way to drum up business lol. Wish she had stood up to that bully like you stood up to yours. NTJ.” neeksknowsbest
9. AITJ For Leaving My Grandparents' House With My Sisters Due To Step-Grandpa's Guilt Tripping?
“My (f 17) sister Iris (f 13), my sister Meg (f 4), and I visit my grandparents who live across the country every summer. During one of my summers, I got very homesick and my step-grandpa (m 56) guilt-tripped me about it the whole time. This made me feel terrible so I didn’t go again for several years.
Because he made me feel like I wasn’t welcome since I missed my mom.
This year is my first year back since then and my little sisters got homesick and he did the same thing to them. My sister Iris calls our mom every night and he said something along the lines of “stop calling her every night and just talk to us.” My sister said “she’s our mom why can’t I talk to her,” and he said, “because this is my house.” I spoke up and told him that he doesn’t pay for the phone or the data on it so he doesn’t even get to suggest what she does with it.
It was the end of the discussion for the day and he stopped pushing it until we were all eating breakfast and he told my sister “if you don’t want to be here that’s fine.” She said “I do want to be here I just miss my parents” and he said “well you don’t act like you want to be here and if you don’t that’s fine you can leave if you want we won’t care.
We just feel like you don’t love us. You can just leave if you don’t.” She started to cry so I told her and my other little sister to go get their stuff together. When he asked what I intended to do once they got their stuff together I told him we were going to leave.
He began to make a fuss about this and my grandma (f 51) asked us to not leave. I told her that I loved her and we’ll call her every night but we will be leaving.
I went to get my sisters’ suitcases and called my aunt to come pick us up and take us to her house and she agreed. So we got our stuff together and left. I called my grandma that night and we didn’t talk to our step-grandpa and he didn’t want to talk to us anyway.
I talked to my sisters to make sure they were okay and my sister Iris thanked me for standing up for her and my sister Meg didn’t understand what was happening.
My step-grandpa called my parents and said I shouldn’t have done that since they only get to see us once a year for a few weeks and my parents said that they can always come down they just choose not to.
I do understand that I took away the only time they had with them at their house but they said if we didn’t want to be there we didn’t have to be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma’s husband ruined the trip with his ultimatum and extreme guilt tripping “you can just leave if you don’t love us”..
who says that to someone who comments missing their mom? What does your grandma say to you in that situation or when he’s being so rude and dramatic? Because if she’s not standing up for you and shutting down that kind of behavior then she evidently doesn’t really value your time with them.
You’re a good older sister to stand up for you and your little sibling and to get yourselves out of that situation when the adults (grandma and her husband) throw a little tantrum like that.” Rose717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your adult grandparent is emotionally manipulating you.
That’s messed up. I get that he’s old and probably feels sad that he doesn’t get visited a lot but that is not an excuse to try to manipulate literal children into spending more time with him. I would tell your parents the whole story and let them know that you weren’t comfortable with the fact that your grandpa tried to guilt trip you all so hard about TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS that your sister cried. Super not ok.” Rrainbowbb
Another User Comments:
“These ages are confusing to me. 51 is awfully young to have a 17-year-old granddaughter. She must have had your parent when she was extremely young and your parent must have also been very young having you. Maybe your grandma didn’t ever get a chance to grow up and know how to stick up for herself and her family.
Your step-grandpa is a jerk and is trying to emotionally manipulate you. That isn’t healthy. I’d recommend you make sure your younger siblings don’t go back without your parents when you go off to college. He gives me the creeps.” Zestyclose_Media_548
8. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Complete Treatment Before Attending My Wedding?
“I am planning to get married in December. We’re aiming for a small to medium size wedding. Our immediate family is a definite on the guest list, but I am hesitant to invite my older sister.
My sister has severe mental health issues. She has a psychotic disorder that can make her quite dangerous and scary. She also has unpredictable mood swings, an eating disorder, depression, and migraines that cause her a lot of pain. She has caused us a lot of grief and I have some issues myself due to it.
She ended up being hospitalized and made a lot of progress. She was even able to go to college. But she relapsed and attacked a guy she was seeing. She’s been in and out of therapy since and generally living an unstable life.
My mom wants me to invite her because she thinks it would be wrong to exclude her and it would give us a chance to reconnect as we haven’t seen each other in years.
So, I agreed I would invite her, but only if she has completed an inpatient treatment program and has been on her meds consistently.
My mom thinks this is unfair because she doesn’t think she could complete a program in time for my wedding. She thinks as long as she’s taking her meds and attending her therapy appointments, she’ll be OK.
But I don’t want to take the risk of her flipping out at my wedding. My mom said she’ll personally escort her out if she misbehaves, but I don’t want it to happen in the first place. Am I being unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The bottom line there is NO guarantee. Your sister could go inpatient, be on meds, and still flip out. Or she could continue with her current situation, and be fine at the wedding. Your mom is right, however, that it’s unreasonable to set requirements timing does not allow for.
Access to an inpatient situation may or may not be available on the timeline you have. And if it’s not, that requirement is just not realistic, regardless of what you want. Don’t use that as a way to dodge making the decision. Overall you need to make the difficult choice of inviting your sister and knowing her reactions may be unpredictable.
Or excluding your sister, and knowing that will be a painful thing for multiple people in multiple ways. It’s your event – so you need to own that decision.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
NTJ. I do see where you’re coming from, I’m sorry to hear about your sister it must be hard for your family.
To be honest, your mom wanting you to “reconnect“ during a wedding may not be the best time. Weddings are stressful a lot of things can happen it may not be a good time for that. I understand not wanting surprises, there is no guarantee the stress of the event may trigger something for your sister I don’t know.
It is your day, a new beginning for you, so you get to decide who to invite, ultimately the decision is up to you.” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While I understand where you are coming from, I don’t think you can make this demand of your sister.
Not in relation to your wedding. That is a huge amount of pressure to put on someone for a day that is actually not about that person at all. I don’t think it’s crazy for you to request that of your sister in order to remain in your life or in order to have visits with you.
But making that demand for your wedding at which your sister will be only one of 100 important people who are still less important than you feels controlling and possibly cruel and unreasonable. You can’t give someone else a timeline like that in which to get their life together.
You can’t force her or anyone else to do what you want in this way. If it were me, I would not invite her to the wedding and explain very clearly why. Clearly does not mean ungently: you can say that in order to be in your life, she needs to do these things.
If she does them before the wedding, things could be reconsidered about her attendance. If she doesn’t, she still has time to complete them on whatever timeline she sees fit. Meaning it’s an open end date for reconciliation. Good luck. Addiction is hard on everyone.” annrkea
7. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Underage Sister To A Nightclub Concert?
“My (18M) favorite artist is coming to my city in a month, and I’ve asked my dad to get me a ticket. No one under 16 is permitted. My little sister (14) also likes this artist. I’ve made it clear that I’m not taking her or sneaking her in.
Now, as one of the oldest kids in the family (second born) I’ve always had to sacrifice my fun times for a little sibling. This sibling, however, has never done so.
The last time I took her out to a daytime concert, she turned off her phone to ignore my calls.
I started panicking because I am in charge of my little sister and so I’d be in deep trouble if anything happened. She was with her friends at the concert and I was with mine, but I was walking over to check in on her every couple minutes to make sure she wasn’t drinking or being harassed by any people.
Towards the end, I tried calling her to tell her that it’s time to leave, and the calls weren’t going through. I found her with her friends sneaking booze. I told her how it’s not safe to have your phone off if you’re not with me and I’m trying to call because I need to know that she’s safe.
She started getting mad at me for “yelling at her” and started being all rude…so I said that I’m not going with her next time.
So, this is the next time. The opportunity for me to go out is here, and my dad is calling me unreasonable for not wanting to take her.
I have my reasons
1. “Last time…”
2. It’s a nightclub event and it’s no under 16
3. I don’t wanna babysit while I’m trying to have fun with my friends
So I’ve been told that either I take her, or I don’t go.
If I go without her, I’m being a jerk. So…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your father is setting a horrible example by demanding that you sneak someone into a club when she doesn’t meet the age requirements. She can’t go and that’s all there is to it.
Also, you’re 18, so your dad can’t stop you from going if you don’t take her anyway. You’re at the age where you have to start putting your foot down and establishing boundaries for yourself and how other adults treat you, including your parents. He can huff and puff and be mad at you if you go, but that’s it.
He needs to understand that as much as you do.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! How is she supposed to even get in if she’s underage? Shouldn’t your dad be concerned that she’s trying to go to an event that she’d have to sneak into?
And isn’t he concerned that last time she went with you she was drinking when she shouldn’t have been? On top of that isn’t he concerned that she might turn her phone off again, then something bad actually happens to her? I would say to them “if she wants to go she should go by herself because I’m not going to be responsible for someone who disregards my authority.” Because when you did have authority and responsibility for her she disregarded you completely.
She’s young and will have plenty of more opportunities to go to concerts.” Own-Register-2923
Another User Comments:
“Nope nope nope NTJ, go without because her actions have consequences. She has no heart for doing this spoiled brat behavior. You’re 18 years old, and she can’t go anyway.
You could bring her along but then ditch her (alert them that she’s minor and pretend she’s not family but it definitely would make you a jerk).” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Requesting My Favorite Song At My Own Wedding?
“My husband (31m) and I (28f) have been together for 5 years. His family is more conservative and likes to stick with more traditional based views. They graciously offered to host the wedding party in their gorgeous villa right on the lake. I didn’t really talk to my husband’s side of the family all that much throughout, but we always had an amicable relationship and I thought everything was fine.
About midway through the party, I requested the song ‘Cloudbusting’ by Kate Bush to be played – it’s always been my favorite song. I’ve had a deep love for Kate Bush ever since I was a child and my husband knows how much she means to me (and he’s somewhat begrudgingly become a fan, too!).
As we danced to the song, I became emotional and it’s something I will remember for the rest of my life.
The next day, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying that I was being “selfish and inconsiderate towards the other guests by picking a song that they were unfamiliar with” and that it was “inappropriate music for a wedding.” I told her that it was my wedding and that I could request whatever music I wanted, and at that point, she got upset and said I was ungrateful for all the work they had put in.
I do owe her for hosting the wedding, but at the same time, I think it is perfectly reasonable to request a single song, especially since it is very important to me.
My husband is torn – on one hand, he supports my decision, but on the other, he is encouraging me to apologize in order to placate his mother.
I don’t think I should on principle, but I also don’t want to make my husband feel guilty for choosing my side. So AITJ for requesting a song at my own wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if I were you I would take this as a serious signal that you and your new husband need to get on the same page about his mother, immediately.
It’s not a good sign that on literally day 1 of your marriage, your mother-in-law hits you with an absolutely ridiculous and baseless complaint, and your husband is siding with her. If you can’t present a united front to his mom you’re gonna have a long few decades of fighting with her.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, and no one decent is going to tell the bride (or groom!) they aren’t allowed to listen to music they like at their own wedding. Hold your ground here, otherwise I see similar events continuing to happen. Your husband’s mom seems fairly entitled and like she’ll continue to pull stuff like this, especially if you give in now.
I would also talk to your husband about the situation. He may not want to deal with his mom being upset over this, but he should support you when you’re in the right here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, what?! This smacks of his mother having real control issues, and not being able to stand that this was something she didn’t choose/decide.
It’s literally a song. Tell her thank you for everything, but this level of fuss over one song, at YOUR WEDDING, is silly. Then ignore her having a tantrum; she’s clearly used to getting her own way by making a fuss, so don’t indulge her or pander to it Also good luck!” theHannig
5. AITJ For Calling Out Hypocrisy On A Former Youth Minister's Wife's Political Post?
“I have a bunch of people from our old youth group from church on social media. I haven’t seen most of these people since HS either. So a few days ago, the old youth minister’s wife (neither of them has held a position in the church for a long time to my knowledge) posted a super political post that basically bashed immigrants and another that was cringy at best about a different religion and culture.
I’m so sick of so-called “Christians” saying how people should act yet being completely intolerant jerks and not seeing how hypocritical they are. A lot of people I used to think were great Christians are now showing me their true colors and I’m starting to give zero cares how they see me when I stand up for what I believe to be right.
So I responded to my former YM wife’s social media post with “It’s really crappy when people pray for the ‘least of these’ yet spend every other day of the week stepping on them.” So now I have a bunch of my old “friends” telling me I shouldn’t have said that, my mom telling me the same thing, but I have a few old friends saying I was spot on.
Yes, I could have ignored it, unfollowed, went on with my day but I’m just over the hypocrisy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s going to put inflammatory political messaging out there to the masses, then she needs to be able to handle the response.
And it’s your former Youth Minister’s wife… not your boss or mother-in-law. I don’t think you’re going to be creating a lot of awkward social situations by disagreeing with her.” JennnnnP
Another User Comments:
“Nope. I happen to be Christian. And last I checked, that is actually a call to be more “Christ-like.” Not perfect, no. But a little better than I was yesterday.
It is a call to be more righteous, which shouldn’t be confused with self-righteousness. And in fact, there is a pretty seminal story about Christ taking a bullwhip to some people doing stuff He didn’t think oughta be done in church that they thought should have been appropriate.
This former youth minister’s wife has a right to express her opinions. And you have the right to express yours. Despite many people thinking (apparently) that confrontation with a member of the clergy (even peripheral) is somehow inherently sinful. You didn’t jump to your feet in the middle of the sermon and stage a protest. You just offered a differing opinion appended to her publicly voiced one and moved on.
Not the jerk. Or if you were, it’s of a kind the world (and the church) needs more of.” Acktion69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think those who are telling you that you were wrong were raised with the mentality to stay quiet and not cause conflict.
What you said wasn’t conflict all you did was state your opinion on their post where they stated their own opinion. Like you said they made it public so they shouldn’t be shocked or offended if someone has an opinion that is different from their own.
They should know that the Bible says God accepts and forgives everyone and that no one should cast judgment but him so hateful comments like that are not practicing what they are preaching. Honestly, I’m glad you did it because “Christians” like that are what make others dislike all Christians because they think we are like that when it’s not true just they are the ones that cause the drama while the rest sit quietly so are unseen compared to them.” cara1888
4. AITJ For Explaining Menstruation To My Young Cousins?
“I (18 Male) am transgender, I am ftm and everyone who is a stranger to me sees me as a guy. A few days ago, I was with my aunt (43 female) and her kids (5-7).
When they saw a tampon in my bag they all asked what it was. I explained to them, even the little boys were showing genuine interest and were happy to be taught.
Well, when my aunt found out that I taught them about menstruation, she started screaming things at me.
Calling me slurs, saying that no kid needs to know that, etc. All the kids were confused at that point. I thought that since they were curious and that some of those kids will go through menstruation soon that it was okay, it’s not something inappropriate.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt is wrapping this taboo around something that happens to literally half the planet once a month for 20-30 years. Menstruation doesn’t need to be shrouded in mystery. Stuff happens (or in this case, blood happens), and this normal biological function deserves no more and no less attention than what is needed to maintain health and safety.
For a kid, that includes the knowledge that it happens, and it is not something to freak out over.” JudgeJudAITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids asked, you explained in an age-appropriate way. Even more important, those kids learned that when their mom won’t give them a straight answer about something, they can ask their awesome older cousin and he will tell them.
That’s pure gold right there. I was raised similarly to your cousins and was lucky enough to have a friend’s mom who became my ‘safe’ person for questions like that. She gave me tampons for swimming so I wouldn’t have to sit out in PE.” Spallanzani333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your aunt is purposely keeping these kids ignorant of one of the most normal and natural things in the world. This is going to hurt them in the long run. Absolutely educate them on age-appropriate aspects. 5-7 it’s more about personal anatomy, consent, that these things happen and are okay stuff like that.
They should know words like puberty, period, and the general concept of the changes they can expect. I’m so tired of seeing kids go into shock because this is such a traumatic thing and these ignorant adults don’t warn them. The amount of 11 yr old girls I met this year alone that don’t know the word period or puberty is so freaking saddening.
Everyone should be educated on it.” NotSoBunny
3. AITJ For Being Sad About My Friend's Death And Upsetting My Partner?
“Today, while on my computer, I got a message saying, a distant friend of mine that I did music with for several years until I moved last year, died unexpectedly a week ago. I muted the call I was in and slowly walked to my bed. I said to my partner what I just found out and he asked why she died and whether she was old.
She was in her 20s and I don’t know much more. Also, I am considering traveling to her funeral if I can.
After laying in bed with my cat for a bit I noticed him looking at me. “Are you really upset now because of this?” He asked. I said “well yeah..
I spent a lot of time with her… did you really just ask me why I am sad now?”
“Well you laying in bed like this really brings my mood down.”
“..but this is not about you.”
“But it STILL is saddening me too!”
“And it’s still not about you!”
I got a little bit angry at the end because I felt he should take a step back and put the feelings of someone who just lost a friend over his own. But then I also do understand that he wants me to know how he feels and his emotions not be swept under a rug.
We are living in a one-room apartment so I now consider taking a bike ride outside, so I wouldn’t be around him, bringing the mood down even more. But I feel like that’s not ok for him to demand from me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s bummed out because of empathy, but instead of understanding that his bad feelings are because he’s empathizing with someone, he’s blaming you for making him feel bad because he doesn’t know how to sit with hard emotions. You’re allowed to mourn and you just found out about it.
If he’s bummed out so hard that he can’t handle it, he can leave the place and do something to distract himself. It’s not your fault that he doesn’t know how to cope with hard feelings.” KatHaplee
Another User Comments:
“My ex-husband used to get really irritated at me if I was ever sad about something that didn’t involve him.
He once made me promise to never have depression or anxiety because it would be a dealbreaker. When my grandmother died, my sadness ‘caused him to leave the house for a few days’ and then he made me pay for the hotel. Your partner has to work on his empathy if he is even capable of it.
NTJ.” mnbvcxz1052
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 9 years ago, one of my dearest friends (f) passed suddenly. My partner (m) and best mate (m) were there when I found out the news. My mate was to go to a bachelor party, but he texted one of the guys saying he will be a bit late, just to make sure I was OK.
My partner had asked him if it was ok to get a few things that are my grieving go-to items, while he stayed to comfort me. The next day telling another (no longer) friend (f) of my loss, they said I ruined their weekend and that I should feel happy about that.
Death often helps people see the true colors of others.” OriginalDogeStar
2. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Childhood Stuffed Animal To My Niece?
“I (22F) have a 7-year-old niece who I love dearly.
I have had my stuffed animal who I’ve named “Doggy” since I was 5 years old. I sleep with him every night and he is my comfort. My grandma gifted him to me when I was sick with the stomach bug and ever since then, he has been by my side.
My sister asked me if she would ever consider giving Doggy to my niece because I am too old to have a stuffed animal and because my niece loves doggy too. I said no because he isn’t just a stuffed animal, he is my comfort and I have to have him to sleep.
She thought I was being ridiculous and my parents think I’m being childish. I can see where it’s silly for me to sleep with a stuffed animal at the age of 22 but it’s not something I am ready to let go of.
I offered to see if I could buy her a similar animal or maybe I could find him on eBay but she said no she wants mine specifically.
It has been an ongoing issue and they will sometimes state snarky comments saying how I should think about my niece and stuffed animals are for her age.
I would say I would buy another one of doggy that looks identical but they are nowhere to be found considering he is 18 years old.
Everyone in my family knows I love doggy more than anything I don’t get why they would want me to get rid of him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am 35 (as of today!) and still sleep with stuffed animals. It hurts no one. That’s your special Doggy, and don’t let anyone treat you like a jerk for still sleeping with him. I’m glad you have such a loyal buddy.
They really help our darkest hours, don’t they? I have many stuffed animals in my bed. Not too long ago I had horrific nightmares. I woke up clutching two stuffed animals – and they were both gifts from my brothers. They brought me comfort and helped me calm back down when I woke up.” DeterminedArrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s some weird power play from your sister going on here because there is no need for her to insist that her daughter has to have a used 18yo stuffed animal. One that she and your niece have no emotional or family heirloom connection to.
No reason at all except she wants to take it from you to be cruel or she thinks she’s “fixing” you by making you be her version of an adult. Honestly? I wouldn’t put it past Sister to throw that stuffed dog away the minute she got ahold of it because “it’s for your niece” is an excuse to adult you.
And with your parents on her side, I would be hiding it in a very secure spot at all times.” AliceReadsThis
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, I’m in my early 30s and I have a comfort stuffed animal that I love dearly and would defend vehemently.
I’ve had Timmy the Timber Wolf since I was ~6 and he went through high school, college, and grad school with me and now sleeps next to my bed or on my dresser in my and my partner’s room, along with their childhood comfort stuffed animal. You are absolutely allowed to have a stuffed animal. This is a great opportunity for your niece to learn that when she wants something, she can get one of her own.
Please hold on to Doggy and don’t give in, you deserve your little guy! I would potentially consider hiding him in case your sister tries something stupid, but only if you feel that’s necessary. I would get Doggy a “friend” and then have that friend around for a while until your niece asks about it, then give the friend to her.” d4nkgr1l
1. AITJ For Wanting My Name To Stay On The Minivan Title After Paying For It?
“My (33m) partner (f38) bought a minivan together 5 years ago. We also had a kid together 5 years ago. Had the kid in January, and bought the car in June (I think). She wasn’t working at the time but didn’t want the car to be solely in my name, which was fine with me.
At the time I had pretty good credit, hers was not great, so I cosigned, and have made almost all the payments myself. Since then, she has been a SAHM until the last couple of months when she started working again, and she’s made those payments for those months that she’s been working.
So today, she made the last payment on the car. Whoopee!! But right after that, we were discussing taking the loan company off the title, and she said we could take my name off too. I asked why, and she said because it’s her car.
Which, we bought it to be her car, but it’s been a shared asset since I’ve been the one paying for it. I told her that I felt insulted to have her want to take me off the title, since I have close to $16,000 invested in it.
She said I’m greedy and a jerk for that, that it’s her car, not ours.
As she said, she supported the household while I worked to make the payments, and that’s definitely true and I don’t want her name off the title, I just think it should be shared. For reference, I have a truck that I bought before our son was born and that I paid for solely.
If anything, I would put her name on that title, if for no other reason than to keep the peace but even then I don’t think it’s justified necessarily. I also have another cheap car that’s technically in my dad’s name.
I’ve solely paid all our bills and expenses for years, to the point of putting myself into significant debt to keep us afloat.
I’m working my way out of that debt now, but I can’t help but feel taken advantage of to be taken off the title when I’ve kept a roof over our heads and food on the table for years. And I haven’t had any help on that debt since she’s been working, either.
I’m still paying for everything, while she’s putting money into her savings.
Am I overreacting?? I’ve made every effort I can over the years to make it clear that we’re equal partners regardless of who’s paying for what, but this makes it feel like equality isn’t a shared concept.
So, am I the jerk for saying I want my name to remain on the title?”
Another User Comments:
“So, NTJ but I think you have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to you and your wife and assets. A lot of women are taught very young to always have a financial safety net ESPECIALLY if the marriage dynamic has her as the primary caregiver/SAHM.
Having the van in her name could be a bit of that safety net – not that she ever intends to leave you/be left, but she has sacrificed her career (even though she’s returning to work now) and financial independence for you, the child, and your family as a whole.
While it might not seem like a big deal to you, it could provide some mental health security for her knowing that she has assets that are hers should anything happen down the line.” Amaline4
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. “I’ve made every effort I can over the years to make it clear that we’re equal partners regardless of who’s paying for what.” I don’t get that from your post. You literally said you feel taken advantage of.
I understand you think the van should stay in both your names or that perhaps she should buy you out if she wants it in her name. This is totally reasonable if we’re just talking about money. But maybe from her perspective, you’ve had all the economic power in the relationship for years while she’s been contributing in other ways.
If this is an equal partnership, why can’t the car that each of you drive be in the driver’s name? IMO the disagreement about the car is a symptom of an underlying relationship issue that hasn’t yet been identified or addressed. Control, insecurity, resentment, trust…there could be a lot to unpack here.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“Marry her. She feels unsafe – clearly. She’s years out of the workforce. She has worked tirelessly with no pay while you banked into both your checking and 401k. She has no assets if you break up. So why haven’t you married her?
At least that way she’d have financial security.” Anewday84
