People Take Their Power Back In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Mother To Stop Sharing My Naming Story?
“I (15M) and my mother (39F) have similar names due to my mother naming me after her. I don’t dislike my name at all. But the story behind it and how my mother constantly wants to tell it to the world is the problem.
For backstory, I am her second child and for her first child, my older brother (20M).
She wanted to know his gender, and she found out and named him. For me, however, she decided to keep it a surprise; however, for some reason, she was confident that I would be female and was dead set on naming me after her. Her name is Alexandra, so she would have named me Alexandra as well (fake names).
When I came out male, she simply named me Alexander (fake name).
However, she would constantly tell everyone she befriended, if we were together, the story of how I was named. It embarrasses me to no end, and I’ve told her over and over to please not tell that to every new friend she or I make.
She even told all of my friends’ parents the story despite me asking her not to tell them (she wants to meet my friends’ parents for the first time if I want to sleep over for whatever reason).
This all boiled down to Thursday when my mother and I went to the grocery store and, as we were leaving, a duo of charity workers came up to us to ask if we were willing to donate to their cause.
My mother, being the social butterfly she is, sparked up a conversation with them. As the two introduced themselves to us, my mother followed suit and, of course, told them the story I dreaded she would. “My name is Alexandra and this is my son Alexander.
He was supposed to be a girl and take my name, but he came out a boy so I named him after me.”
I got a bit angry and told her, “I really wish you wouldn’t tell every stranger you meet on the street; it makes me feel embarrassed and mad.” It got silent, and my mother’s face twisted, and she just told the charity workers that she’ll donate next time and started walking to the car.
The car ride home was silent and, when we got home, she told me that I really embarrassed her back at the store and that I should have told her something after we got in the car that I didn’t like her telling that story.
I’ve told her repeatedly that I don’t like her telling everyone she befriends that story and that I got fed up with her blatantly ignoring me and my request to stop. She just told me to go to my room and not come out.
She, of course, told everyone in my family what I did, and my stepdad and grandparents said I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that and that I should apologize to her.
My brother and best friend told me I was right to call her out since I’ve told her many times to stop embarrassing me with that story and that she needed to learn what I felt. I do feel bad and want to apologize and talk to her, but at the same time I still feel like I’m right and that she needed to feel what I feel.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve spoken to her about this before so she can’t say she’s unaware of your feelings about it. I guess maybe she wants to show off the fact you’re named after her but to do it to total strangers is a weird one.
If it took calling her out publicly for her to stop, then it was worth it. Ask her why she’s comfortable disregarding your feelings on the matter.” PrincessCG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it is probably not a good thing for her own sake to keep telling strangers that either.
I can only speak for myself, but if someone I barely knew followed up an introduction of their child with ‘they were supposed to be another gender,’ I might smile and nod, but it wouldn’t sit right with me. If there had been an ultrasound involved it could perhaps have been a different story, but otherwise it just kind of sounds like ‘I did not get what I really wanted and you need to know that.'” Slight-Progress4414
Another User Comments:
“It’s best to let this die down. Don’t apologize and don’t ask her to. You asked her to stop, and she didn’t realize how much you meant it. She felt embarrassed. Embarrassment causes anger. Let the anger fade and just go back to being kind.
Now that you’ve made a big deal about it, she finally gets what you’ve been trying to tell her for a long time. Wait and see if she takes it on board and changes her behaviour. If she does, then you succeeded. No jerks here.” HappySummerBreeze
19. AITJ For Letting My Mom Live With My Grandparents Instead Of Supporting Her?
My mom is AMAZING with my kids. But it’s become a multigenerational household from chaos. I cannot afford to provide the lifestyle to which my mother aspires, financially or emotionally.
She has undone every system I’ve put into place for the running of my household and care of my kids, and she will not stop doing “mom” things she feels entitled to do that I’ve expressly told her not to do. She mocks my minimalism and has slowly filled the house to the brim.
We moved into a bigger place at her insistence, but she’s now newly dissatisfied. She constantly complains about being stuck with my kids all day, but got upset when I looked into enrolling them in daycare instead. It’s misery.
I know her behavior is due to longstanding depression she won’t have treated, financial avoidance, and stubbornness having caught up to her.
It was like this growing up. I came in eyes wide open. She has good money coming in from pensions, despite a lack of planning, almost the same as my take-home pay… but she refuses to plan or budget, and basically has nowhere else to go at this point except to move in with my grandparents.
She called me asking to move in when I was planning my embryo transfer, and hearing her say she was essentially homeless (save my grandparents) was devastating. But it’s not new. We moved like 20 times growing up. This is just her rock bottom.
In our household, it’s like learned helplessness in her own life is mixing with being controlling in mine.
But at the end of the day, she’s miserable and so am I. I hoped having her join our household would give her a sense of purpose and belonging. This isn’t that.
Obviously, having my mother care for my children instead of putting them in daycare is ideal, but at what cost?
Daycare is pricey, but at least it can be planned around. Frankly, I’d like to just take an extended maternity leave and travel with my kids for a while (mom isn’t game, of course). AITJ if I let my mom go live with my grandparents instead of me supporting her financially?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I do suggest you read the book called “children of Emotionally Immature Parents”. It helped me learn to set boundaries and stick with them. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries, then she can find somewhere else to live. She is a grown adult.
You are a mother !! You got this OP!” Pristine-Movie-729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though you describe your mom as being “amazing” with your kids, the differences in your approaches to life will become more evident to your children as they grow older. And you will find it more difficult to raise them in the way you want.
Sounds like she’s conflicted also, so it may be time for a change of situation for both of you.” Becalmandkind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your children cannot grow up in a household like that. Your mother is disrespecting and dismissing you in front of your children.
That will make them feel unsafe, because ultimately you are their mom, and they need to know that you are in charge, that they can rely on you to take care of them, and that you will not let anyone supersede your care and love for them.” AshnZan
18. AITJ For Demanding My Stolen Stuff Back From My SIL?
“I’m 21F and so is my SIL.
We don’t have a close relationship because I don’t agree with her lifestyle or life choices. Since I’ve been with my partner (now fiancé), she has had a string of sketchy partners; most of them were wanted men, and she started to exhibit their behaviors.
When she moved back in with me and my fiancé, she brought her 2 kids and one of her baby daddies, who I now know was a known criminal. They came with a lot of stuff, and she even joked about robbing someone’s house before they came to us.
Fast forward to their two-week stay with us, when they (her and her baby daddy) robbed a neighbour’s house whose owner lived two houses down from us, which resulted in them moving out of our house quickly.
Fast forward to Christmas, and she stole $2500 from her brother, which resulted in him cutting her off.
Somewhere along the timeline, both of them started to talk once more. I had no issue with it because they are siblings, and I’ve ignored my older brother’s existence for most of the outbreak, and that brings us to now. I’ve recently bought some new clothes and gadgets for myself and kept them in the spare bedroom of our house.
I visit my mother frequently and come home to my stuff untouched. What I wasn’t aware of was that his sister was staying there while I was gone.
This weekend I came back and noticed that my stuff was all over the place, like someone was digging through it.
I cleaned up the room and noticed that some of my clothes were missing, along with a ring light, headphones, a dehumidifier, and earbuds. I asked my fiancé about it, and he said that he didn’t touch my stuff, but his sister was in the room for most of the stay.
I asked him to ask her if she took my stuff, and if she did, I want it back or the money she probably sold it for. She went on a whole tirade about why my stuff needed to be in a separate room and that I shouldn’t be accusing her of stealing.
She also said that if I loved visiting my mom so much, then I should keep my stuff there. I told her that I’m not accusing her and that I’ve already searched the whole house. I even stated that I could also go by my mother, since your mother hasn’t been in the country since you were a baby, which started an argument.
I don’t think I accused her of stealing; I just asked if she had my stuff, and if she did, I want it back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is your fiancé allowing a thief into your home?? It’s his job to protect you and your stuff.
Not stand back and make excuses while she rifles through your things. It’s not an accident that she came over while you were away. If he wants a relationship with his sister, they can meet for coffee or lunch outside somewhere. This is a huge red flag” WhizzoButterBoy
Another User Comments:
“She has stolen your things and is going on the attack to hide the fact. If your partner wants to see his sister, he needs to see her outside of the home. You should not have to take your things to your mother to prevent them from being stolen.
NTJ” Individual_Metal_983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She definitely stole your stuff and your partner needs to support you. SIL needs to be told she is no longer welcome over the threshold until she returns everything she stole. This should come from my partner, not you.
My partner should also cut her off until she returns your stuff, and you should file a police report.” Clean_Permit_3791
17. AITJ For Requesting A Fork And Knife At A Filipino Dinner?
“I (18NB) had become friends with another college classmate of mine (18F), who is Filipino. And eventually, we became close enough that we started to hang out outside of school.
And it started with her coming over to my family’s home, because she was initially afraid of inviting me over to hers. But I guess that after some time, my friend randomly felt comfortable enough to invite me over to her home instead. But I think I could tell that my friend immediately regretted it after she invited me over for dinner tonight, especially when I requested a fork and a knife to eat with.
At first, they only refused once. And they simply asked me to try to eat with my hands, since that’s how they ate their food.
However, it seemed as though I was making them uncomfortable because I was so bad at grabbing the food with my hands, since I wasn’t used to it.
And I could tell that they looked displeased with how much I was struggling, but I didn’t want to say anything at the time because of how awkward the whole atmosphere was. However, they did eventually decide to give me a spoon to eat with after seeing me struggle so hard, although I can tell that they weren’t happy to do so.
But after dinner, it seemed like the whole mess was bad enough that my friend’s family was telling me that they wanted me to leave their home immediately. So, after leaving, my friend sent me a text telling me what happened.
According to her family, they believed that I was being rude to them by “acting” like I was bad at picking up and eating with my hands, since they had never seen anyone who was so poor at eating food with their hands.
And they believed that my being so bad at picking up and eating with my hands was disrespectful because they thought I was only doing it to mock them and to pressure them to give me a utensil.
I tried to explain to my friend over the phone that I wasn’t trying to be rude, and I was actually bad at eating food with my hands like that.
And my friend seemed to understand, although she did defend them by saying that her family didn’t believe the “excuse” that I could ever be that bad, since they argued that they had even seen beginners from cultures outside of their own eventually catch on with how to eat food with their hands properly.
And that my inability to do so meant that I wasn’t trying hard enough to respect their culture.
And because of that, my friend told me that her family was banning me from her home for good. She also told me that her family wanted to give me a “final message,” letting me know that I should try harder to become someone who can finally attempt to learn how to respect other people’s culture better.
I actually feel bad about the whole thing, because I didn’t mean to be so culturally insensitive to them. But also, at the same time, I feel like this whole thing was a bit of an overreaction. But am I wrong though? Am I actually the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on everything you said, you made an honest effort. They sound like jerk for not being better, more tolerant hosts. Did they try to show you how to eat with your hands better? Maybe you were nervous and that affected how you handled the food?
Did they try to put you at ease? And why would you have gone to your friend’s house to mock their family and culture — that wouldn’t even make sense.” New-Grapefruit1737
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ as written. You tried, they judged you for the mess, you asked for an alternative to avoid the mess, and they treated you poorly.
The only way you would be okay in their eyes is if you were instantly good at something with which you were unfamiliar, and that’s pretty awful. I’d personally fire back that your unfamiliarity isn’t the same as disrespect, but their attitude towards your genuine attempts was disrespectful to you, you were genuinely trying, and they basically called you a liar.
So you’re happy not to return to a home that was so judgmental and hostile towards you. Obviously, make it clear to your friend that they aren’t included in that statement, as they did try to help you, but don’t let yourself be made to feel bad by other people’s bad behavior.” RusevDayToday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you have a guest for a meal, you make them as comfortable as possible. I would have given you utensils and just said that you’re welcome to try eating with your hands as we are, but if you’re not comfortable, please feel free to use the utensils.
You make the guest feel comfortable enough to try the new way if they want, but you don’t pressure them, and you don’t judge. It’s really that simple. Extend your guest the same level of courtesy you’d want if you were the guest.” New-Vegetable-8683
16. AITJ For Not Adjusting To My Future SIL's Laundry Rule?
“My brother proposed to his fiancée last year, and after they couldn’t find an affordable house, my parents let them move into our basement. We have a big family—eight people and two dogs—so my parents had to rearrange the entire house, move their own bedroom, and put a lot of things into storage just to make space for them, all without a single complaint.
Lately, my brother’s fiancée has been making up rules for everyone in our house. On top of that, she’s extremely disrespectful of our space—leaving dirty dishes out when she cooks, keeping every single light on (including separate lights for her 30+ plants), and blaming her forgetfulness on her mental health.
One of her rules is that no one can do laundry past 10 PM because she “can’t sleep” with the sound. Instead of telling us directly, she made my brother send the rule in our family group chat. My mom had already told them that this might not always be possible since we all have work, school, and other responsibilities.
I work late and am a full-time biology student with at least two hours of homework most nights. One night, I got home at 6:30 PM, ate, and put a load in the washer before starting my homework at 8 PM. I finished around 9:45 PM and went downstairs to switch my laundry to the dryer.
My brother came out of his room to remind me about their “rule.” I told him this was the only time I had, and if I needed to do laundry, I was going to do it. He tried to argue, but I left it at that.
Then, he texted the family chat (with her in it), reminding everyone of their laundry rule. I repeated what I had told him before, and my mom backed me up, pointing out that I had started my laundry at 8 PM.
His fiancée then replied, “I just can’t sleep while the dryer is running… she just started the dryer right now,” as if it were my fault.
I told her I rarely do laundry this late, but if I have to, I will. She responded with, “I get it. I’m just trying to figure out what to do because I have an exam,” which irritated me even more. Like, close your eyes?
Count sheep? I don’t care. I told her I’m not waking up at the crack of dawn to do laundry when I have class at 8 AM.
My mom tried to keep the peace by putting towels in the dryer to muffle the sound, and I thought the situation was over.
But a few minutes later, my sister texted me saying my brother’s fiancée had left the house to go sit in her car because she “couldn’t sleep” and needed “privacy.” I found this extremely childish—she could’ve just tried to sleep.
I went downstairs to wait for my laundry so I could grab it before the dryer’s end-of-cycle song played. She eventually walked back inside, saw me, and silently walked past me down to the basement. My brother didn’t push it any further because he knows I’m not going to follow her ridiculous rules, but I could tell he was mad.
My mom later called me and agreed with me but told me not to argue with them (which I didn’t). Am I the jerk for refusing to let her make up rules in my own house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are engaged and have no idea when they will be able to get a place of their own, move into a HUGE family, and expect to have their needs and demands met 24/7?
This future SIL is living in a dream world. She is not the only person who needs privacy, sleep, and has medical/emotional issues. She can go back to her own home until she and your brother find their own place. Why is everybody all worried about her like this?
I can just imagine when they marry and they have their 1st child, the New Rules For The Baby’s Schedule will be grueling.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“Your brother must understand that if they choose to take advantage of the family, they are not in the position to dictate the rules.
If he does not want to accept that, try to communicate with his partner. If it doesn’t work either, just don’t give a duck what she wants. But I think you (and I mean not you alone, the whole family) should address this whole situation in a friendly way, if you want to keep the option of a good relationship with your brother possible.
NTA anyways.” ExpertOnBS
Another User Comments:
“Ask her to join you and your parents for a coffee one quiet morning/afternoon and talk to her about all this. Ask her why she expects the whole family to rearrange their lives for her. Be kind but hear her out.
LOL Remind her that she’s living there thanks to your parents’ sacrifice. Ask her how much longer she thinks she can stand not having her own place. If it turns into an argument, so be it. It might actually do all of you some good to clear the air.
And it might send her packing, along with your brother. Who knows. NTA Beggars can’t be choosers.” hadMcDofordinner
15. AITJ For Expecting My Grandparents To Vacate After A Temporary Stay?
“My partner and I are in our mid-twenties and got our first home in February 2024.
In June 2024, we went to visit my grandparents. They had all of their things packed, saying they needed to move out of their apartment by the end of the month and would be staying in their car if they couldn’t find another place to go.
My partner and I went home and talked about how we couldn’t let that happen, and we wanted to offer them a room in our home until they could find something.
We just got our first home so that we could have our own space, so we wanted to be clear that this was meant to be temporary while they looked for somewhere else.
The text I sent said, “Please keep us updated on the housing situation. If you guys aren’t able to find anything before you have to be out, we have an open room for you and Pa until something comes along.” They didn’t find anything and took our offer.
They moved in, and my gma asked how much money we’d like from them per month. My partner and I talked and decided that we didn’t want them to give us anything, so that they could save it and hopefully help them find something easier.
The next month, she decided to give us money anyway.
She’s the type who won’t take no for an answer and insists that we take it. She asked a couple of times throughout the first few months, “Are we okay still?” To which I would reply, “Yes,” under the assumption that they were still looking and just having a hard time finding something.
Now, eight months later, I have become frustrated with the situation because it feels like they stopped looking. My gma must have picked up on my frustration, and this morning she started a conversation by saying that she’s sorry they’ve been such an inconvenience, and that she has asked us repeatedly if they could stay here, which is why she pays us rent.
I told her that she never asked if they could stay here; the only thing she ever asked was, months ago, “Are we okay?”
Well, of course I’m not going to say, “No, you’re not okay,” especially when we think that they’re looking for somewhere, as she said they were.
I told her yes, under the impression that she was asking if they were okay being here still, given how long it was taking to find something. Then I said that I never said you guys had been an inconvenience; it would just be nice to have our own place again.
Lastly, I told her that they weren’t paying us rent to live here permanently. What really got me was when she next asked, “Then why did you ask us to live with you? Why did you ask us?” I said, “We never asked you to live with us; we offered you a place to stay while you looked for something, because you were talking to us about living in your car.” That really hurt; she could ask me that and make it seem like we did something wrong, when that’s not what happened at all.
Again, she went back to saying, “Well, I’m sorry we’ve caused you so many problems and we’ve been such an inconvenience.” It really felt like she was trying to turn it on me and make me feel bad. She ended it by saying they will be out of here as soon as possible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — be clear and respectful that they have not been an inconvenience and you love them, but that there was a misunderstanding and you want to clear it up. The expectation is that this is a temporary situation while they actively look for somewhere to live.
Maybe you can even offer to keep an eye out for apartments and send them listings. If your grandparents try to turn it on you, you can feel confident that you are in the right and that you didn’t leave space for confusion.” LindaTonta00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s manipulating you. Start setting aside the money she claims is rent and save it. Then start looking for a place within their budget and make appointments so you can take them to sign a lease. When they inevitably say they haven’t saved a deposit, first and last month’s rent, tell them they have—the “rent” they were paying you.
This will very likely result in them being mad because this situation has never been about not having a place to go. It’s always been about moving into your home. It’s far too convenient that they just happened to have to move out when you were visiting and were going to have no choice but to live in their car if no one helped them in that very moment.
I hate to say it, but you got played. The only way to get them out is, like I said, passive force. You’re not going to physically push them out, but you are going to use some subterfuge to manipulate the situation to your favor.
Good luck.” Foreverforgettable
Another User Comments:
“You straight got played. Your first indicator was that they were suddenly in an emergency situation and told no one until it was too late. Question: Do you know if it’s even true that they were being evicted? That they even looked for another place, or did you just take everything they said at face value and now see they’re not who you think they are?
Do you even realize now that their intent from the start was to live with you permanently and gma’s using every guilt and manipulation tactic in the book to get you to cave? Y’all need to give them a deadline to find their own place with the added bonus of having nursing homes on standby if they don’t.” sable1970
14. AITJ For Cutting Off A Friend Who Made A TikTok Hate Page?
“I (22F) and my group of friends all got together when we started university.
Our main group was 7 people along with a few others who hung out with us sometimes. I met my friend, we’ll call her Sasha, in late 2020 due to a mutual friend. The group got together soon after, and we all got very close.
Sasha was the type of person to go through times when she would not talk to anybody for a few weeks and then come back and continue on as if nothing happened. While it bothered a lot of us, we tried to be understanding.
The only issue was that when she came back, she would use us to talk about all of her problems and lean on us for help; if one of us tried to talk to her about ourselves, it would somehow be turned around to how difficult her life is.
Around a year ago, two members of our group stopped being around her for their own reasons. It sort of ended up becoming either three groups or two. Anna and I bounced around the two groups. Anna had been friends with Sasha for a long time as they were family friends before uni.
It stayed like that for many months before Sasha randomly stopped talking to Anna and me for a month. During that time, the two of us got closer to the other two. Sasha came back as she always does, but it was not the same.
She started to talk rudely behind our backs and would make very little effort when talking to us.
Sasha eventually decided to let us know she did not want to see us again, and we let her go. We had been arguing for months about different things, and it was exhausting.
Around a month ago, the four of us remaining found out that Sasha had gone out of her way to create a TikTok account which consisted entirely of videos talking about us and how terribly we treated her by picking the other two over her.
While it is extra nasty towards Anna and me, it also included our two other friends.
Anna and I do not know what happened, but if Sasha felt so hurt that she created a whole hate page, we can’t help but wonder if we’re in the wrong.
If there is more to the story, I do not know it, and nobody we have asked has anything to say. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you’re right. Mental health isn’t an excuse for this behavior. She chose to talk bad about you behind your back, distanced herself, never cared about your problems and made everything about herself, and now she’s trying to make you the villain.
Absolutely disgusting behavior.” apyr_0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not your friend. Her mental health issues do not entitle her to be a jerk to people. The world at large needs to take accountability for their actions and deal with the consequences of those actions.
Supporting your friends/family through their struggles does not mean they get to treat you like dirt. Seriously? A TikTok hate page? That’s so juvenile and just plain stupid.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Rejecting A House With Pre-Set Room Assignments And Parental Strings Attached?
“I (M20) and my partner (F20) had been considering moving to a nearby larger city to be closer to some good friends and to have more of a scene for younger people. It turns out my brother (M17) was planning on going to college in the same city.
When I dropped out of community college last school year, my parents (both in their 50s) were so desperate for me to go to school that they offered to pay my partner’s and my rent in any city, as long as we were going to school.
When we brought up moving to the city, my partner mentioned she was considering going to trade school, and my parents completely jumped on the idea.
They pushed me to go to school as well, and I made a jump decision to possibly go to a different trade school.
Now we’re a month from the original conversation, and my parents have almost closed on a house they expect my partner, my brother, and me to live in. The opportunity is amazing and not something I really expected.
Now, however, the entire agreement has changed, including dictating what room we will have, the spaces that we take up, and that we will be having to pay rent.
My parents have made so many plans for the different rooms in the house that they seem to have completely neglected any of our actual needs or provided any space for the items and furniture we already have.
I can start an apprenticeship in the field I’m interested in that will take far less time than going to school for the same qualifications, and my partner is in a spot where she can get grants to cover her schooling.
We honestly value more independence and space than just having rent partially covered. It’s a pretty nice house, brand new, but that doesn’t mean much if we don’t get to use it or truly live in it. I don’t want to disappoint them by changing my mind, but it seems like buying a big fancy house was almost a ploy to control my life again (I moved out about six months ago after disagreements following my dropping out of community college).
I’ve attempted to have a conversation to negotiate just having a bigger bedroom, considering that there are two of us, a cat, and we both have decent-sized collections of books, vinyl, music equipment, and art. These conversations usually result in them blaming my partner, saying that she is demanding too much, and that I need to remind her of all the positives.
I remind them that it’s me coming to them, expressing my feelings, to no avail. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They didn’t buy a house for you to live in; they bought a house you can rent while they decide everything about how you live in it, in a way landlords usually won’t.
Take this as a lesson about the strings your parents will attach to gifts (to the point they stop being gifts) and make your decisions assuming you’re on your own financially. That way, if they pull back, you’re not completely screwed.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents that you and your partner have taken everything into account, and due to the changing terms and conditions, you feel you would be better off living elsewhere and won’t be moving in. Point out all the changes to the agreement, and all the failures to accommodate your needs.
Make it clear that whether they like it or not, those things matter a great deal to you, and that you are able to get those things on your own without their assistance.” _gadget_girl
12. AITJ For Not Sitting With My Partner During His Brother's Dinner Because I Was Focusing On The Chores?
“We’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half, and I told my partner that since I come from a culture that is very family oriented, it’s strange to me not to know any of his.
I’m living at his apartment with him and his roommates for a little bit, and since he mentioned “oh yeah, my brother is coming for dinner,” I was excited.
I had a few things to do around the house. He mentioned wanting to leave things nice since he said he was stressed about how the house looked. His brother was going to have dinner with him at 8pm, and my social engagement wasn’t until 11pm, so there was plenty of time.
But he said he’d “introduce” us; he didn’t actually invite me to dinner.
When he got home, he started complaining about things and about time, and sat down, and as I was looking at the clock, I realized there was still a lot to do.
The atmosphere was tense, and he kept trying to get me to sit with him, so I pointed out that there wasn’t much time left and he would get more upset if things weren’t ready by the time his brother arrived.
As we were in this limbo mood, I cleaned the kitchen and put things away, all while he sulked because I wasn’t cuddling.
He complained that this wasn’t helping and that he wanted me to show him some love. I told him this was me showing love as best as I could at the time, and I went into the living room to calm down. He kept texting me while I was in the other room about how unloved he felt and how ungrateful I was being because he’s really good to me.
This hurt because I’m his partner, and I know how he’d feel if things weren’t ready in time. I was just trying to prevent him from having more stress. When his brother arrived, he didn’t introduce me; he didn’t acknowledge me, and I waited in the living room by myself for hours while he had dinner with his brother.
At one point, he came to give me a plate of food, said “sorry,” and left. That made me so sad. I wasn’t able to cuddle with him and give him hugs while there was so much left to do, but what I did was the support I was able to offer.
After I left, he texted that he’d feel more comfortable if I slept on the couch so he could have some space, and I said this seemed weird to me because isn’t it more awkward to have to take items out of the room in front of your sibling to give to your “yet to be seen” partner so they can sleep in a whole other room?
He asked if I could wait until his brother left. At this point, six hours had passed since his brother arrived, and I was killing time on the street. He texted “you’re welcome for the food, by the way,” and I went home and texted back that I’d rather sleep this off and talk another time and they could just enjoy their time together.
I think he’s acting like a jerk because I helped and did things that he couldn’t realize he didn’t have time for because he was in a freeze state from overwhelm. I think there’s a time to talk and a time to act, and talking felt like wasting time.
Am I the jerk for not just sitting with him?”
Another User Comments:
” This story is so weird… If he had his brother over for dinner and didn’t include you, he is so TJ. But did he really not include you or did he think you were just sulking in the other room and refusing to meet his brother, and that’s why he asked you to sleep on the couch?
Because it’s bizarre to me that you waited for an intro instead of just going to the door to say hi when he entered, and it’s bizarre that you didn’t just assume you were included for dinner” Kasilins
Another User Comments:
“How does it feel to be his side chick, or his placeholder until someone ‘suitable’ comes along?
He’s acting as if he’s ashamed of you and doesn’t want you to meet his family. He is NOT treating you like a partner. Value yourself a bit more. Have some self-respect and drop him like a dirty diaper. You deserve far better than this dummy.” CrazyOldBag
11. AITJ For Withholding Payment From Carpenter Who Never Shows Up?
“I (40F) hired a carpenter (39M) to replace a basement window and install trims on all the windows in my rental property for a total of $740 (I pay for the window).
On 2/10, he requested a $350 deposit, which I paid promptly, and he assured me he would start on 2/11. As I also want the entire place painted, I asked him if he could do it and for how much. He claimed to have 10+ years of experience painting.
After that, he started suggesting other repairs—replacing the flooring, caulking the bathroom, patching holes, and even painting the bathtub with enamel. He offered to do all of this for $850, provided I bought the flooring. He requested a $650 deposit, which I paid. On 2/11, he did no work because his wife called and he needed to go home.
I reminded him that we had families scheduled to view on 2/15 and asked if he could meet the deadline. He assured me he would. By 2/13, very little had been done—only the living room and kitchen were supposedly painted, but they already looked fine before, so I couldn’t even tell if they had been repainted. Meanwhile, the wallpaper had been peeled off and left scattered on the floor.
On 2/14 at 9 PM, he texted that he couldn’t finish everything on time because he had prioritized snowblowing for other customers over our project. He promised to show up at 6 AM the next day to clean, mop the place, and install the basement window. He also said he would bring a helper, but assured me that he would cover the extra cost. At 7 AM on 2/15, I called him since I was at the house.
He said he overslept but would head over immediately. Then, at 7:26 AM, his wife texted me, saying he had fainted and needed to go to the hospital. He never showed up that day or the next.
We gave him another deadline—2/20—and he promised he would finish by then.
But on 2/17, he was still absent, so we asked for our $1K back so we could hire someone else. He reassured us he’d be done by 2/20. On 2/18, he told us that he had been evicted and had no money, so he asked us to buy $340 worth of materials and deduct it from the balance.
We agreed just to keep things moving. However, when we arrived at 2:30 PM, he still wasn’t there. By 2/19, we reminded him again about the deadline. He said he would finish “a majority” of the work that evening. When I checked on 2/20 at 2 PM, the window trims weren’t installed, the floors weren’t done, and nothing else had progressed aside from the painting.
He then claimed that his wife had gone through a traumatic experience 2 months ago, and he couldn’t leave her alone due to her anxiety. While I sympathize, he never told us this before and had consistently given other excuses. Tonight (2/20, 8 PM), he called my husband (41M) and said we needed to pay him $130 now for paint because his estimate wasn’t enough.
He said it was his grocery money. I told him I had no problem covering the $130, but I wanted him to provide the receipt and that I would only pay him once all the work was fully completed. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming there’s a contract, so definitely go by it.
That will help you if/when you go to small claims court. I wouldn’t give him a dime more until the contracted work is done, like ‘50% until x items are done, then another 25% until completion, upon which the balance is owed’. His personal issues are just that—his.
You’re running a rental business, you need him to do xyz work, and he hasn’t. Either refund, or complete the work.” DixOut-4-Harambe
Another User Comments:
“I spent quite a bit of time in the construction field. My best advice is cut your losses and find a new carpenter.
The tasks you described are all pretty basic and shouldn’t take more than a few days. Any more money you give him will just be more money you lose. Even if he does indeed do the work (I’m not hopeful of that outcome) it will likely be poor.
You can try to go after him to recoup your losses, but the chances of you seeing that money again are very slim. I hope you have a contract that either specified a completion day or included the phrase ‘completed in a timely manner’ so you can simply fire him without paying anything more and he can’t put a lien on your property.
It sucks, but I think your best bet is say goodbye to him and the money you spent and find a more reputable carpenter.” Flashy_Machine8635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gonna guess he’s (and/or his wife) probably got addicted to pain pills or something like that.
Either way, he’s ripping you off. Ask for receipts, and go with him to the xyz store and pay for materials yourself, and keep track that he isn’t making you pay him for materials and then using those materials for other people’s projects; he’s probably also ripping you off.
Also, do you have a Nextdoor or other social media type thing? Ask in your local groups if anyone has used this guy for projects and see what other stories are out there about this guy.” Abject_Director7626
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Manipulative Work Behavior?
“To clarify, I [18F] work at the same place as my sister [19F]. While it’s not the greatest job (mainly based on how boring it is, but it pays the bills, plus jobs aren’t really supposed to be fun, so whatever), I am grateful that she helped me get in with this job.
Every other week, we both get a 4-day weekend off (Thursday – Sunday), and during that time, my sister decided to go to Atlanta to meet her online partner of 5 years and not tell anyone at work where she went for some reason.
This would have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that she extended her time off and stayed in Atlanta for an additional 2 days, due to not only scheduling a train ride back to where we live (North Carolina) just hours before Sunday ended, but also because there was a tornado warning that delayed her ride.
To explain everything that went down in those few hours would take a long time, but to summarize, she eventually managed to take the train back home.
Also, because her partner doesn’t have a license and his mom didn’t want to drive her to the train station, she demanded that one of us give her money for an Uber, or else she would quit her job.
That would ultimately result in her being unable to pay for the mortgage and car payment, which, in turn, would leave us without a car or a house.
Since my mom didn’t have the money for an Uber, I had to give it to her instead.
This morning, my mom came to pick her up from the train station in our city, and when she returned home, the first thing she asked me was how work was.
So, in turn, I told her that work was okay and that a few coworkers had asked where she was because of her various no-call no-shows.
She then asked me if they were male or female, and I told her that it was both. This is how the conversation went:
Sister: “I told you not to talk to any of the females at work because they’re all jealous of me.”
Me: “You’re telling me every single female at work is jealous of you?”
Sister: “Yes. Don’t ask me how I just know. I trust the males there much more, and they care more about me.”
(This last part is really weird, considering that she had been telling me how men at work would inappropriately touch her and make lewd comments, but whatever.)
Me: “You don’t see how it’s wrong to assume that all the women at work are jealous of you and to hold the men there to the same standards.”
Sister: “No, because I’m right.”
She would never explain how she knew that all of the women there were jealous of her, other than by saying that a few of them looked at her strangely.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her if she doesn’t want you answering questions about where she is, stop no-showing at work. It’s really concerning that you are all so dependent on her job. And she thinks this lets her call all the shots like demanding Uber money.
Why has she been allowed to get away with this behavior?” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“Your sister sounds extremely immature. You did not HAVE to give her money. If she is dumb enough to quit her job, then that’s her issue. She is holding you to ransom.
The correct response was ‘You do not get to dictate to me who I do and don’t talk to. If you have an issue with them, that’s between you and them and doesn’t involve me. I would appreciate it if you left me out of it.’ Your sister is insecure, petty, and manipulative.
The sooner you can extract yourself from her clutches, the better you’ll be for it.” use_your_smarts
9. AITJ For Contacting My Partner’s Ex When He Asked Me Not To?
“My partner, Octavio [27M], was in an accident that caused significant damage to part of his lower body. He’s had moments when he mistreated medication to cope, including several near-death.
He sent me a Snap of him with pills in his mouth at the end of January, saying it was a lethal amount. After that, he didn’t respond to any of my attempts to reach him for nearly five days. Though I considered requesting a welfare check, I [26M] didn’t feel it was necessary because he mentioned his family was around and had asked me not to visit because they didn’t know about our relationship.
They knew of his condition, and I figured they would be watching him attentively.
During those five days, I tried reaching him through Snapchat, video calls, and even asked local police and hospitals about him, but no one could help. I went to his place, knocked several times, then tried his window.
I heard the TV on and knocked on his window, but still got no answer. I called him through Snap and only heard a ring, but received no response. I didn’t have his number, but the only person I knew with it was his ex, Juan.
Out of desperation, I asked my own ex, Gabe, to contact Juan for me through Snapchat, thinking it would be better for Gabe to talk to Juan than for me to do so given the tumultuous history between the three of us. Gabe’s attempt to contact Juan didn’t work out, and I never got a response.
Since he had no reason to contact him further, Gabe blocked him.
About a day later, Octavio reached out and told me he was alright, exhausted, and passed out. I was so relieved, and things seemed okay. However, I made a mistake by not telling Octavio about my attempt to reach Juan for his number.
Some time later, Juan contacted Octavio and told him about my attempt to get in touch with him through my ex, and a few days after, Octavio confronted me. As Octavio did, it became clear Juan had exaggerated the situation, making it sound like there was more to it than there actually was.
Octavio was upset, saying I did the one thing he asked me not to do—contact his ex. We argued for hours. I apologized, explaining I was just trying to check on him through the means available to me because I was concerned about his long absence, but Octavio didn’t believe me.
He was convinced that I had been talking to Juan during the time he wasn’t around and even thought I’d sent Juan videos (part of Juan’s embellishments, I presume), though the only contact I had was through Gabe’s brief conversation with Juan. Octavio still believes this, and without any way to prove otherwise, my explanation falls on deaf ears and sows greater distrust against me.
I left the decision to break up to him, and he is torn. He told me he wanted to be alone for a bit, to never contact his ex again, and that I couldn’t go over as I originally planned that day. All of which I respect.
I know I messed up by reaching out to Juan, but I’m wondering how bad my actions were given the context of the circumstances I found myself in. I accept whatever happens.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself if you stay with this guy. He has more red flags than a Soviet May Day Parade.
He’s manipulating you. You don’t have your partner’s number? His family doesn’t know about your relationship? You did not mess up – worrying about someone who you think might hurt themselves is not messing up. He put you through the emotional wringer, but he gets to decide if you stay together?
I really hope this is fake, but if it’s real, dump him! He’s a jerk.” Anxious-Marketing525
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Octavio and Juan definitely are. And the fact that he believed Juan over you says a lot. Not to mention the fact you don’t have your own SO’s number is weird.
Just let it go.” Lazy_Part5665
8. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Brother's Mess?
Hiya there, Here I am since I am pretty sure I’m NTJ. But I don’t know after my mom and brother both said I am. So, I’m going to leave this up for y’all. So here is some background, my brother and I live in a house separate from our parents’, but it is in the same compound.
I am in med school, and my brother works remote for 3 days a week. We don’t pay our parents rent, and they don’t ask that we do. Now here is the trouble.
My brother is a slob. He showers whenever he has to go to work (thankfully) and maintains his personal hygiene (he brushes his teeth when he remembers, too).
But that was because he got bullied in high school and didn’t have a lot of friends in university because of it. So, he managed that, but anything else? No.
I, on the other hand, have ADHD. And if you have it, you know how hard it is to focus in a messy environment.
Every time I come home from class, I find dirty clothes on the ground, dirty plates on the desk, and food wrappers on the ground. I can’t study there, so I clean the house every time before I sit down to study. I think it’s because he knows that he never bothered to clean up after himself.
Now then, I have finals coming up on February 28, and they gave us some time off to study. So yesterday I pulled an all-nighter after cleaning up the house, and I woke up at about 1 p.m. today. I got up out of bed and went to my parents’ place to greet them.
Lo – and behold, my brother is still in bed even though he was “working”.
Anyway, I found just my mom, and she told me that my dad had to go out of the city on an emergency to prepare some paperwork for his company as they have a meeting in Washington next week.
(Thanks.) She looked kind of worried, so I offered to make lunch. Forty-five minutes later, my brother shuffled in after seeing a snap I posted of me opening the oven. He said hi to my mom, then fixed himself a plate and shuffled back to the house— not even thanking me for the meal. (You’re welcome, I guess.)
So, I kept my mom company on the compound for a while. Then I went back to my room to make my bed. When I left my parents’ place to borrow a pen because mine had run out of ink, I saw my brother still at his desk with his empty plate still on the freaking desk.
As I went upstairs, I told him to clear the table. Mom, who was still on the compound, overheard this and asked why I didn’t do it for him. And I told her that I wouldn’t always be there to clean up after him.
Then suddenly, they both started screaming at me and insulting me, and to top it all off, they called me a jerk and a gossip.
Anyway, it’s 3:20 a.m. right now, and that plate is still on the desk, making it impossible for me to study. But I refuse to clean up after him anymore. So, reddit, AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is a slob. Cleaning up after him is not doing him any favors, and he needs to start adulting.
If I were you, I’d let everything sit as he’s laid it and not lift a finger. I’m curious at what point he will decide he should clean up. How dirty does it have to get before he can’t stand it? NTJ. Next time your mom starts yelling at you or telling you to pick up after him, tell her she can do it; you’re not his mother.” Loquacious555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brother needs to clean up after himself. If he won’t, just gather all of his mess and put it in his bed— clothes, dishes, trash, all of it. Gather it up, dump it in his bed, and close the door. You won’t have to look at it.
You need to move out of there as soon as you can. Stop doing anything for your brother. If Mom tells you to, tell her she failed him. She needs to teach him how to take care of himself— that is a parent’s job, to raise their kids to be responsible and respectful.
Your brother learned neither. That is on your parents.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in this situation, and I understand why you have normalized it for yourself. Your mom likely took care of your brother and let him live as a child before he moved out, and now you are a replacement mom.
It can happen gradually, and you might not realize how bad it is until you can’t handle it anymore. When I hit my breaking point, I got a lock for my room, my own dishes, a mini fridge, and spent more time out of the house.
The house looked like a health hazard, but I spent all my time in my room, which was always clean. I cooked with my own dishes, cleaned up after only myself, and then kept leftovers and ingredients in my personal fridge. The only way out is to cut him off— just be prepared for a negative reaction from your parents when you do.
If they are anything like mine, they have outdated gender roles and think my brother is unable to care for himself because he is a man and their precious golden baby boy at the same time.” Notthatgirl2003
7. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Cut 21st Birthday Party Costs?
“So, my friend is having a birthday party next month and for each of my friends (5 people total) it will cost us each around $150 ($750 total).
My friend goes to college in Valdosta, which is approx 4 hours away, so we were planning on driving down on a Friday and we would get to her dorm around 9pm to hang out.
Then, the next day we are planning to drive down 2 hours to a beach, check into our hotel, go to the candle activity, go to the beach, go to dinner, and come back to the hotel to hang out. Then, we would check out of the hotel, go to brunch, drop my friend off back at her dorm (2 hour drive), and then drive back home (4 hours).
Overall, that would be only one full day of activities, 12 hours of driving, and approximately $150 spent. Am I too cheap or is this unrealistic for college students to be able to afford? It is her 21st birthday, so I feel bad and don’t want to ruin the experience.
Yesterday, me and 2 other friends brought this issue up to her over FaceTime and asked if we could cut down on costs and lighten the amount of activities we are planning on since it is such a short amount of time.
My friend said “I’m not used to guests having to pay for decorations,” which set her off.
She abruptly hung up and sent these text messages.
Her: We can cancel. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but I just don’t want to deal with it and it’s fine. I’m sorry y’all, I just can’t. I know that might seem immature, but I’ve already been stressed about it and it’s just not in the cards for me to keep being stressed about it.
I’ll come up to (our city) at the end of March and we can do something then. That’s fine. The thing is, y’all, I already didn’t like asking y’all for help. And I already felt the hesitation and I was already talking to my therapist about it and it’s fine.
It’s cool. I’m not tripping. For some reason in this group chat there is this difficulty with being honest at the expense of others. I don’t appreciate that, especially in this case scenario. I gave y’all an opportunity to be honest with me and y’all should have thought that out before offering to help me.
Now I’ve gotten my hopes up. I’ve ordered a dress. I’ve planned everything out just for y’all to trip for $10? “I thought the host should buy the decorations.” We are friends. We aren’t randoms hosting people we barely speak to.
Other friend: I just didn’t want to ruin the vibe and you said that you had already thought I was feeling some sort of way, so then why didn’t you say anything?
Her: Because that’s NOT MY JOB. It’s not my job to sit around and read your feelings and ask you about them. It’s my birthday. I don’t know if y’all forgot that.
Me: Let’s think on this before we speak, y’all.
Her: Oh, I’ve been thinking plenty.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s ridiculous. One person doesn’t get to spend everyone else’s money however they see fit. What is it with some women and planning how everyone is supposed to spend their money? Men do NOT do this. It’s weird to me that this seems to be a frequent issue with women’s parties and trips.
Also, what the heck is a “candle activity” and why is it so expensive? edit: I just re-read and realized it’s the birthday girl herself who is making these demands. That’s even worse. It’s not a friend misguidedly trying to plan the perfect day for her friend — she’s deciding all of this for her OWN birthday gift. Yikes.” NinjaLogic789
Another User Comments:
“Girl… I had my 21st birthday a couple of days ago. We went out for coffee and had a nice chat with friends before going home and enjoying my night alone. We paid for our own coffee, and they gave me some nice handwritten cards, which I treasure so much.
This is so inconsiderate and disrespectful. I would never expect my friends to pay for anything for me. Plus, the way she is responding to you all trying to (reasonably) communicate with her, she acts so childish and manipulative. Tbh this would be a friendship-ending situation for me, and I’m a huge people pleaser / non-confrontational.” Brilliant_Gazelle433
6. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Screw Off When He Expected Me To Shield Him?
“My brother (12M) and I (16F) weren’t always very close. We have different interests, different beliefs, etc., but our one common ground was related to our parents. My brother is not sporty nor studious. He hasn’t ever liked sports, but at our parents’ insistence he tries to study, especially before exams. His passion lies in music, and he is a beautiful songwriter, in my opinion.
I would not consider myself sporty either, though I used to play before I focused my attention fully on academics. I am, however, in love with science. Pressure only makes me work better, and it works out well for me during exam season. The panic helps me focus.
My parents do not support my brother’s passion, and they make it very obvious, but they usually do not stop him from writing either. On the occasion (usually before a big test) they make him study in order to pass, but for the most part, they leave him alone.
However, my dad gets mad sometimes after he’s had a particularly bad day and sees my brother writing instead of studying. At these times, I usually step in and tell him that I’ll ensure my brother studies. Most of the time, he leaves after I say this.
But sometimes he’ll stay longer and continue screaming. When he does this, his attention often shifts to me instead of my brother, since my brother never defends himself and stays quiet as he is very non-confrontational. My father then continues screaming at me.
I didn’t mind this either until recently, when my grades started dropping too.
They are still worthy of an A, and so my mother and father still congratulate me, but I am no longer scoring the highest in my class. My father has now started insulting me specifically during these arguments. This does affect me, maybe more than my brother, since he never had an interest and was only studying under duress, but this was where my interest lay.
One day (not really different from the rest, no stress or anything; I just reached my breaking point), my father was in another one of his moods and started shouting at my brother. This time, I did not step in. I noticed my brother’s eyes flickering to me, waiting for me to help him, but I never did.
After my father left, my brother asked me why I didn’t back him up amidst sobs. I bluntly told him (mostly not to make it too emotional, so I wouldn’t cry myself) that he was older now and should learn to speak up. He cried harder, telling me that he couldn’t, and I knew it, and that I should have told our father what I usually do, as I could actually argue.
I completely lost my temper, bewildered that he wanted me to take the hit for him and was blaming me for not doing so. I told him to “Screw off and learn to stand up for himself.” His dependency on me was hurting both of us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and neither is your brother. I am so sorry that you are living with your father’s mistreatment. Neither of you should have to go through what he is doing to you. It is clear that you love your brother deeply and you don’t want him to take the brunt of your father’s tirades, but that doesn’t mean you should have to.
Is there anyone you can talk to at your school?” sjog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither is your brother. His freeze response is how he’s learned how to cope with the mistreatment. Your dad is a jerk because he’s verbally abusive. Where’s your mom? Does she join in?
If not, try talking to her about effective ways for you to communicate as a family without the shouting. If she joins in, I hope there’s another trusted adult you can speak to. In the meantime, both you and your brother should look up the grey rock method.
It won’t magically cure the situation, but hopefully it’ll help with how you respond.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“ESH except your brother. He is 12 and evidently not as ‘tough’ as you. You don’t always have to stick up for him, but you don’t have to also verbally mistreat him.
Keep going this way and you will turn into your dad. Ultimately, here, your dad is the biggest jerk. He should not be screaming at his kids like this. Your mum is a close second because she isn’t sticking up for you and your brother.” CrabbiestAsp
5. AITJ For Withdrawing From A Friend Who Uses Manipulation And A Child To Guilt Me Into Being Available?
“I (25F) am child‐free, so maybe there is some aspect of parenthood that I’m missing here. My friend Stacy (26F) had her first baby about 9 months ago, Hailey. Stacy and I had some tension brewing in our friendship since she was pregnant. In the past, my time and energy had been very much available to Stacy.
At times, I felt that she took advantage of my empathy and willingness to bend over backwards for her. She lived about an hour away and was always in some form of drama or crisis. I drove up to be with her nearly every single weekend, and the times when I told her I couldn’t for one reason or another, she would beg and usually guilt me with things like “I’m in such a dark place, I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m alone, I really need this.”
She also did a lot of passive-aggressive shutting down of conversation when she didn’t get what she wanted, leading me to always give in and put my own needs aside. This went on for years. I grew tired of this pattern and started therapy, where I learned to set healthy boundaries, speak up, and prioritize myself when it was important.
These changes led me to cut the weekends I spent with her in half. I was in the process of buying a house, starting a new job, and a master’s program, on top of family issues. I knew that she saw the change in our friendship and wasn’t happy about it, but thought that with time she would understand and adjust. She never did, and insinuated that I changed because I didn’t support her pregnancy or because my partner was manipulating me into not spending time with her.
I explained to her many times that this wasn’t the case and that I am doing all I can to be there for her.
Things came to a head when I had a health scare. I told her about it, and the next day she tried to call me.
I was on the phone with someone else and couldn’t answer, but texted her immediately after to let her know and make sure that everything was okay. She once again got upset because I didn’t answer right away, and I had had it.
On the very rare occasion that I asked for support from her, she had to make it about herself. I didn’t usually call her out, but this time I did. I told her I didn’t understand why she had an attitude. She said, “Thanks for making me cry,” and then didn’t respond to me for over a month.
Then, when she finally did, she didn’t ask about my health. She didn’t apologize or even bother explaining. She instead accused me of using her daughter as a pawn by not acknowledging her. She said that Hailey didn’t deserve absolutely any effort just because she and I were in a fight, and that it was so messed up that I would add Hailey into the equation.
I’m so confused. Hailey had nothing to do with the fight, and Stacy was the one who had ignored me for over a month. What was I supposed to do in this scenario? I can’t text a 9-month-old or just show up at their house.
I’m genuinely lost. Can someone please explain this to me? AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her old manipulative tricks don’t work anymore, so she is trying new ones. You do know, don’t you, that most friendships—even healthy ones—end over time?
People just grow apart, move in different directions, or, in this case, one friend finally gets fed up with the other’s behavior. You don’t owe her anything, so walk away completely and avoid her entirely.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve had this situation with people too.
You’re in a one-sided friendship and she expects you to be at her beck and call. I’m not sure this is fixable considering how she’s acting. You should start distancing yourself. She is not adding value to your life; she is creating drama and stress.” Unhappy-Prune-9914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Bail on this friendship. This is about controlling you and making sure you keep bending to her whims. She doesn’t care about anything outside of the attention you give her. My regrets to poor Hayley, who is going to have a rough go growing up with such a self-involved mom.
She didn’t miss a beat using that kid to try and guilt you into apologizing.” Motor_Dark6406
4. AITJ For Not Being There To Say Goodbye In Person To My Step-Sister?
“My parents have been divorced since 2011—and my dad remarried in 2014.
I’ve known my stepmom since I was 12 years old, and in a lot of ways I’d say she’s like a second mother to me. We say I love you to each other and have our own relationship. However, I don’t get along with my step-sister.
I met her when I was 12 years old, and she was 30.
When I was a kid (I’m now 24), I lived in her old room, which caused a lot of jealousy. She would also constantly talk badly about me to her stepmom, saying I was weird, spoiled, etc. I was a child, so I was most definitely not perfect, but, like, I still don’t get this.
It’s been a while, and she has a husband and son now. We aren’t the best of friends or anything, but it’s no longer actively hostile, and things are mostly pleasant.
This past Christmas, my step-sister came to visit. She lives in Germany. Things were mostly fine, and my stepmom mentioned to me she hoped that we could all spend time together and get along considering the bumpy past my step-sister and I had.
Everything goes fine until the last day.
I was aware my step-sister was leaving, but I didn’t know what time of day her flight was. I already had plans to meet my mom along with my blood-related sister (this was the only time I would be able to see her while I was in town) to see a movie together.
So, I said, “If I don’t see you, goodbye and nice to see you!” to my step-sister the night before. I also sent a text before the movie.
We went to see the movie, and when I got out, I had several text messages from my stepmom asking where I was as my step-sister was leaving.
I responded, explaining, “Sorry, I didn’t see these because I was in a movie, I was with my mom, and I texted/said goodbye.” My stepmom doesn’t reply.
I got home kind of late, and my dad let me in, and things seemed a little weird.
Apparently, while I was gone, there was a fight about some other stuff, but it boiled down to my stepmom saying, “Well, I guess blood really does run thicker than water, huh?” to my dad and getting incredibly angry about the fact that my sister and I were not there to say goodbye to my step-sister.
The fight escalated, and she also went on to say, “Just go back to your (my mom’s name)! Go back and take your girls with you!”
My dad said that last bit was confusing because they never really talk about my mom. This is all told from my dad’s perspective, so who knows if it’s true or if it’s incredibly watered down.
**Anyway, all of this to say**: Should I have made more of an effort to be there on the day to say goodbye to my step-sister? It clearly was pretty important to my stepmom.
From my perspective, I had already said goodbye, and I wouldn’t have really cared if my step-sister hadn’t been present to say goodbye to me before I left town.
But I still feel bad that it caused so many issues, and I wonder if there’s something more I could have done. Thanks for reading all of this if you did.”
Another User Comments:
“This fight was not about you. This fight was about their broken marriage, and your (future ex?) stepmom just verbally lashed out to everyone and made it look like this was her reason to go completely crazy.
But it was never about your absence, and as long as these two don’t work it out, stay away from this mess for your own mental health. If your dad tries to drag you into this mess, bow out and tell him to solve this mess on his own.
Those are his marital problems, and that’s not on you.” MasterpieceOk4688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk about overreaction—that’s definitely not the reason why your stepmom had a meltdown. Your dad and your stepmom are probably having other issues in their marriage, and she’s lashing out at you instead.
My advice is to steer clear of her for now.” Key_Advance3033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t really about you not being there as much as a marital spat that escalated into dragging you into the fight to prove a point about how your partner feels neglected by him and his kids.
You did your part by being civil and saying goodbye via text, which is enough given that you are not close to your ss.” Armorer-
3. AITJ For Feeling Like I Come Second To His Dog?
“I need to start off by saying that I LOVE dogs. I’ve always had dogs, and to me, dogs are family. They are, and deserve, everything. That being said, I am starting to feel frustrated at my fiancé’s dedication to our dogs’ needs compared to mine.
As a bit of background, my fiancé has a very reactive pit bull. She is so loving and sweet to her people, but she’s a handful. She is super high energy, and trying to train her reactivity is nonstop. But I really love her and she’s part of the family.
When my fiancé and I decided to move in together, I made the decision to have my dog (a husky) go live with my parents. My dog is extremely timid, and that personality combined with a reactive pit bull would never work, especially sharing a home.
It would be way too stressful for both of them. It was a really hard choice, but I knew it was for the best. And my parents adore her. I’m so grateful to them for taking her, and while I miss her terribly (she’s halfway across the country now), it was the best choice for her wellbeing.
But since moving in, I’ve realized how much of a priority my fiancé’s dog is. Again, not an issue, and I love the way he cares for her, but my needs are often pushed aside for her. EVERYTHING revolves around her and how she’s feeling.
If she’s extra clingy that day, we don’t go anywhere (even if we had plans). It’s only slightly bothered me until recently, when he told me to get a hotel room after a surgery that I’m having in a few weeks to recover because “it would be too much to take care of me and the dog.”
I’m having a pretty invasive surgery, and will need to be pretty low-key for a few days. I was nervous about this, because the pit bull always jumps on me whenever I enter a room and plays pretty aggressively. I asked my fiancé if we should board her for the first few days, just to have things a bit calmer.
He travels a lot for work and boards her when he does, so she’s very used to boarding. He was immediately shocked that I would ask that, saying that he would never board her unnecessarily. However, he has done so in the past when he has had a big work event or needs to focus on something, even when he’s in town.
His reasoning this time is that he will be boarding her a few days before my surgery for a work trip, and then again a week later for another work trip, so he won’t have much time with her. He said that he wants her to be home as much as possible, and instead suggested that I get a hotel room to recover.
I know that his dog is his first priority, but the fact that he would prefer that I recover in a hotel is really bothering me. Maybe I’m just being selfish and jealous of the dog, but at some point, I would love to be the priority.
Or have my needs somewhat considered. AITJ for feeling this way, and for asking that he board the dog? Or am I just being jealous of a dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. If the dog could impact your healing, it’s reasonable. HOWEVER, I think if the best solution he has is to send you to a hotel, there is a much bigger issue here.
ESPECIALLY because it’s clear he boards her for other things. Some people are just suuuuper anti-boarding. When you have open incisions, the last thing you should be doing is going to a hotel or some other environment where you didn’t clean it yourself and you can’t easily eat healthy.
I think this should just be your eye opener into where your partner’s priorities are at and what he values the most. I’m sorry but he is so far out of touch and out of line. Not really an easy thing to explain to someone who thinks this is rational in the first place.” Miss_Judge_and_Jury
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight. He wants you to recover from major surgery alone in a hotel room so he can spend time with his dog? That’s ludicrous! I’m not one to jump on the break up and run bandwagon that Reddit loves to spew, and I’m a HUGE dog person, but honey, you need to think about this.
This man is not available, he’s already married to a pit bull. Do you want to be the other woman to a DOG? NTJ but you will be if you let yourself be prioritized like this.” DecemberViolet1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
You will never come first… ever. I don’t know if you’re planning a family, but the dog would come before your kids as well. Despite you believing that “dogs are family” you rehomed your dog to live with him. So, if you stay in a hotel after surgery who would be there to support you?” Consistent-Leopard71
2. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend's Mom To Back Off With The Baby Shower?
“So my best friend, E, just found out she’s pregnant. They were trying for a while and she is over the moon. We’re already talking about her shower.
So anyway, her mom calls me and is demanding to throw the shower. Now, I would have no issue with this, but E has specifically said she wants it at my house because there’s space and she wants me to plan it. Her mom kept pushing to do it, so I said that it’s E’s party, not mine, and that she should ask her.
Then her mom kept saying she wants it to be a surprise.
When I tell you, E would be freaking livid about a surprise baby shower, I’m not joking. She needs to be prepared for social things and would pretend to enjoy them. Her mom kept pushing and saying she knows her daughter and that this is what she would want.
I pushed back, but she got annoyed and wouldn’t stop. So I just sort of said… Okay? I’m not gonna lie, we’re all scared of her mother lol.
So I called E and said, “Why don’t we have the shower at your mom’s house?” She really wants to throw it.
So E said there isn’t space at her house. I told her that I genuinely want to throw it, but it means a lot to her mom. So she called her mom and said, “I appreciate that you want to throw me a shower, but there’s more space at (me)’s house.”
Her mom threw a fit, telling E that she doesn’t appreciate anything she does for her and other unkind things. I texted her mom and apologized. I wasn’t trying to start anything. Her mother was a colossal jerk to me. She said I was two-faced and controlling, and that I wanted everything to go my way.
I still responded nicely because she’s older than me and told her it’s just a party and that I have no stake in it, but I’m sorry that I upset her. She got even ruder and said she didn’t give a crap about my opinion.
So I shut her down and said verbatim, “I understand that you are upset, but this is a non-issue for me.”
Context on why her baby shower is a big deal: Her wedding was a disaster. Her (SIX) sister-in-laws showed up to the wedding in basically wedding dresses that were all blue.
Everything she had picked out for the wedding was changed behind her back because his family was paying for the wedding. They literally made her cry 3-4 times at this wedding. So I had promised her that I would throw her a mega baby shower to make up for it.
I don’t think she’s moved on from the trauma that was the wedding.
Her mom is going around telling people how I’m sneaky and went behind her back to get what I want. I apologized like 4-5 times (even though I really don’t feel like I owe her that much of an apology, but whatever).
E said she doesn’t even want a shower anymore and cried. Her mother told her that if I throws the party, she’s not coming. I don’t even understand why her mom made this a thing so early.
So now I feel like crap. I really didn’t intend to start drama at all, and her mom and I had a good relationship before this.
E says I’m not in the wrong, and my husband told me he doesn’t even want E’s mother in our house after this, but I feel really bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t get why you’re apologizing. You tried to reconcile E’s plans with her mom’s, but her mom can’t be reasoned with.
Your concern for your friend is admirable. This poor woman just seems to get shoved around by everybody. I hope you are able to support her in finally getting a party on her own terms, even if her mother and other difficult people aren’t there.” CuriousTiktaalik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Your friend needs to learn to set boundaries, or her mother and in-laws will take over every major event in her life. Stop being overly afraid and overly respectful. You’re an adult being mistreated by another adult. Respond to her mother like you would anyone else acting like that.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“Stop apologizing: you’re not in the wrong! E wants the shower thrown at yours. Plans were made before her mother started to plan. Just say: ‘We were already planning a party at my house. It’s a shame that E’s mom is upset, but E doesn’t need two showers.’ Just matter-of-fact, no apologizing.
When two people’s wishes collide, the one most affected gets her way, and that’s E, not her mother. I will warn you, though: her in-laws will cause just as much trouble at the shower as they did at the wedding. Six people in wedding dresses is a statement, not a mistake.
How bad is her husband? Why didn’t he push back on any of his family’s madness? But also, why is anyone planning a shower when she’s only 8 weeks pregnant? That seems recklessly early. Everything should go well, but who wants to store baby stuff that far out?” Vuirneen
1. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Unappreciative Family And Moving Out?
“I’m a 22-year-old (f) in Canada, that’s been through a lot more than what a young adult should have gone through. Be it being preyed upon by adults at the young age of 9–12. To being emotionally neglected and regularly criticized for my looks and my intelligence for years by my family members.
Basically, all you need to know is that during my adolescence, my parents weren’t there because they needed to work extra shifts and jobs to pay for the house I live in. They enforced Christian ideology and basically had me on a leash. I didn’t graduate high school because of the recent health crisis, and didn’t complete college because of the recent health crisis and financial issues.
So now, 3 years later, I’m working a job I hate but is the only job I can get for the bare minimum, while my parents are now both unemployed and relying on me to pay for everything. Gas, water, electric, internet/cellular. For a family of four: my parents, myself, and my grandma, who helps pay for groceries.
Just recently, my mother has gotten cancer and had the tumour removed from her brain. Now my dad has to stay home to take care of her and won’t look for any other jobs and tells me to go and work instead. Mind you, before my mother got the tumour, we were in crippling debt and almost lost the house.
And for some reason, now that this whole situation has happened, I have to practically lecture and scold my parents as if they were my children instead of the other way around.
So just today, I had to talk to my father about cutting costs on things we don’t need and to tell my mother to stop buying food she doesn’t finish eating, even though I know it’s difficult for her to understand.
But still, they yell at me, saying that I’m being a disrespectful, ungrateful child and that God will smite me for talking down to them.
We’re a Vietnamese household, so the volume can get a little loud, but all I said was basically that she should stop buying junk food and snacks when we can barely afford the essentials.
But instead, I was criticized for being selfish and greedy, for disrespecting their authority. And in the heat of the moment, I said that I gave up and would be moving out, no longer paying for the bills and finding my own apartment to live in, so that they would never ask for help from me again.
So does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for supporting your parents. And you also don’t have to tolerate any more mistreatment from them. Unfortunately, it sounds as though they will resist any efforts you make to establish reasonable boundaries.
You may have to cut them off completely to get out of this situation. But you do need to get free of this or you’ll be supporting them and the consequences of their poor decisions forever.” Moose-Live
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You only get one life.
Figure out what you want to do and live your life on your terms. I know it’s hard when you are raised one way and your culture has expectations of you, but this is not a life. Move out. Maybe even move away. If you wanted to study, do it now.
Find work you enjoy, or at least don’t hate. I would not give them any more money. You’ve already said what you are going to do, so follow through. It will absolutely be hard, but you won’t regret it in the long run. They took care of themselves before, they can do it again.” AccomplishedGrass567
