People Give Plausible Reasons For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Only Buying Food For One Of My Three Daughters?
“I own a store in a small town in the middle of nowhere. The nearest Target is 35 miles away and the nearest Walmart is 43 miles. There are some items that I can buy cheaper from Walmart than from my suppliers so I need to go out there occasionally, maybe 1-2 times a month.
I have 3 daughters. Oldest (16), Middle (14), and Youngest (11). I always ask if they want to come and help me and it’s 50/50 with Oldest, Middle will help with any errand any time no questions asked, and Youngest used to go but she likes to watch TikToks in the car without headphones and stopped going after I told her she has to wear headphones.
I buy whoever helps me whatever they want from Walmart as long as it’s under $30. If you don’t come to help, you better hope Middle is nice enough to pick up what you want. If not, tough luck, should’ve helped.
Middle and I went to Walmart last night and she got some snacks then we got hungry on the way home and decided to go to our favorite burger restaurant since it was on the way.
Middle got a kid’s meal and a shake then asked if she could get another kid’s meal (burger and onion rings) to take to school today. I said yes because it was only $6 and she got straight A’s last semester.
We got home and Middle put her food on the coffee table before going to help me unload the car.
Youngest saw that Middle had food from the burger place and asked why I didn’t get her one. I said she didn’t want to help with my errand so she didn’t get a burger. Youngest complained that I didn’t say we were going to the burger place (we didn’t plan on going) and that if she knew we were going there, she would’ve come.
Then she asked to split Middle’s meal to make it fair. I said that was up to Middle and Middle said no. She took her food and snacks to her room before Youngest could do anything (she has a mini fridge in her room) and Youngest told my wife that I took Middle to the burger place and didn’t get anything or make Middle share her meal.
My wife wants everything to be equal and fair all the time and said I should make Middle share since Youngest didn’t know we were going to that restaurant. I said no and we got into an argument about it because apparently, that’s favoring Middle over Youngest.
The meal is long gone but my wife still won’t let this go so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have clearly laid out how things work, especially in regard to the errands and who comes to help.
Life isn’t fair, and different circumstances result in different outcomes. Middle went along, middle got to enjoy the perks. Sometimes the perks are greater than other times. Again, that’s life. The other kiddos were perfectly aware of the dynamics and chose not to come.
Their loss. If ‘everything were always fair’ then somehow the others will need to contribute their time and effort to make up for the time and effort Middle contributed, if they want to split the reward. But that isn’t really feasible, so too bad.
They made their informed choice, they live with it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This WAS fair! Your middle daughter went to help and got the reward for doing so. The others did not. It would NOT be ‘fair’ to give your middle child’s reward away just because the other daughter now wants what she got.
Your wife shouldn’t be allowed to punish your middle child by taking away her dinner/lunch. Now that wouldn’t be fair! And while we’re at it, your wife and daughters need to learn now that life isn’t fair. Never has been. Never will be. Learn it now.” SatelliteBeach123
24. AITJ For How I Dress At Work?
“I (39F) work in an office. I have worked for this particular company for going on 6 years. I have never been told the way I dress is a problem by either the owner or the vice president (the only people I am directly under).
I have dressed the same way since I started. Today I am wearing gray jeggings, a light blue tank with pink/grey skulls & butterflies on it, a pink blazer, and black heels (about 4”).
I also have light blue hair. This is typical of how I dress at work.
The issue: Until recently I was the only woman who worked here. Typical of the industry. Recently though we hired 2 women to help out as the company is growing. One is in her early 20s (we’ll call her Katie), and the other is in her mid-50s (we’ll call her Angie).
I am both of their boss, but it’s a very relaxed company so I treat them more like colleagues than someone I am a superior to.
Today Katie commented on my heels. She said they were cute and asked where I got them. I told her.
Angie then piped in that they are a bit inappropriate for an office (they are black, open-toed, 4” heels). I asked her what she meant. To which she replied they are a little risque to be worn anywhere other than a club. She followed it up with ‘But you usually dress a little inappropriately for an office.
I guess that’s the benefit of a relaxed company’.
I told her I didn’t think there was anything at all risque about the way I dress. And went to my desk to start work.
Later on, I overheard Angie telling Katie to take note, and not to dress like me if she ever wants to have a long-standing career and actually be valued. That the only reason I have worked here so long is because my chest is always on display and the men enjoy staring.
I will admit I have a large chest, but I NEVER show cleavage, even if a lot of my tops are more form-fitting. I also worked very hard to be where I am in the industry I work in and feel blessed to have found a company that allows me to dress like me (I do like showing off my body, I’m a little vain and spend a lot of time at the gym working on it).
I have never once questioned the way I dress at this company. But after overhearing what Angie said, I’m wondering if I should be dressing more conservatively.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s ironic Angie is telling Katie if she wants to have a long-term career not to dress like you when you’re the boss and Angie is just starting at a new company in her 50s.
Not to be ageist, but who seems to have a more stable career at the moment? Your outfit doesn’t sound inappropriate to me, and if your bosses don’t have a problem with it, I wouldn’t worry about it. The world needs more people flaunting unique styles.
NTJ.” Screamqueenjames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ & this is coming from someone in their 50s. Her comments are antiquated, childish, and absolutely inappropriate. I would have a meeting with her and let her know that when she is in a position of authority is when she can make and comment on the dress code or colleagues.
I would also let her know that you have been highly successful at this company for six years and if you or any of the other management team needs assistance with the dress code, you will seek her out.
Until then, she should focus on learning about her new company and her role there.
Do not let this pass. Her stating that your chest is the only reason that you were there is an absolute insult and needs to be addressed. I would also have this meeting with a witness in the room. Simply because I don’t mess around with things like this, I would also write her up and put her on probation.
It sets a tone for new employees and lets them know that they cannot get away with this nonsense. Good luck!” frick298
23. AITJ For Reporting A Coworker To HR For Heating Up Smelly Foods?
“I worked in a small office (one of several ‘units’ in the building under one company). Each office unit had its own kitchenette to warm food and make drinks.
One day a guy decided at 10 am on Monday to heat up 5 tuna wraps and carry them to his desk to eat (his desk was at the opposite end of the office from the kitchenette).
The office stunk of it. I did my best to ignore the smell and got on with my day.
The next day he did the same thing so I politely asked him not to as it was stinking out the office and several people were complaining about the smell.
His response was ‘I don’t care what you think. I’m gonna eat what I want, how I want, when I want, and there is no rule stopping me so get lost’. I want to note there was nothing to say you can’t eat and work at any time of day but there were rules on stealing food and on being considerate of others (mostly to cover people who had allergies but that wasn’t the specific wording).
This went on the whole week so by Friday all you smelt walking in the office was hot tuna, it even made our clothes smell! So I popped into the HR department (you pass it to get into the office) and asked for a complaint form.
The first thing they asked was what the smell was and I said it was part of the complaint. After doing the necessary paperwork I went home.
The next Tuesday as I was at the appointment on Monday the guy once again heated up the tuna wraps but this time the manager walked in, took his wraps, put them in the bin, and handed him a 7-day notice for breaching the rules on being considerate to others.
I changed jobs and I was reminded of this when the guy who kept heating up wraps came into my new job (I work at the front of the building) looking for a job. He saw me and told me I messed up his life by losing his job (lost his car, his flat, and his partner of 3 years, and had to move back in with his parents).
He left after flipping me off and without a job application.
Was I in the wrong for taking it to HR?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to address it with him personally. He basically told you he didn’t care. If you could smell it I’m sure your manager could smell it too along with other coworkers.
Also, you weren’t the only one complaining about the smell. I do think management should have had a conversation and addressed the issue with some type of verbal warning to give him a chance to straighten up. I’m surprised that there weren’t steps to corrective action.
That’s on the company, not you.” Ok-Blueberry-8142
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And from your description of his response to you after your request, he stopped his smelly practices, I think he was already large on HR’s radar for lots of things. You apparently added the straw to the back of the camel.
Bonus that HR could smell the stink when you went to make your complaint. Another bonus, he did not apply where you work now. He got himself fired but is blaming you. It is not yours to accept. He should man up and put the blame where it belongs, on his own shoulders.” solitarybydesign
22. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Mom To Apologize For Yelling At Me?
“I train my partner’s daughter in football (soccer). She is a goalkeeper and I’m trying to get her to lose the fear of diving.
I’m not part of her team but they asked if I’d take her 1-1 as well as help their other keepers.
I have been coaching for a good while and have played in goal for a number of teams for the last 20+ years.
In this last training session, she put in zero effort, carrying on wasting my time and hers as well as her teammates. I made the drills easier and more suited to her to encourage her and she still didn’t put the effort in.
As I said I do this to help not as a job. So every time she acts out I send her to run to the fence and back (she didn’t even do that properly).
About 30 minutes in she just starts walking through the drills and making no effort, I let out a groan at this.
So I told her to either do the drills or we were done for the night, she then walked off, and I punted the ball in the air in frustration. Then I started to tidy up the equipment.
This is when her gran walks over and starts on me.
This woman who arrived late did not see anything apart from whatever she was looking at on social media and I was frustrated that we’d just wasted time. She goes in on me and screams at me saying that the only reason her mum isn’t saying all this is because I’m in a relationship with her (basically I’m sleeping with her and she won’t do anything about it) and accusing me, saying I kicked the ball at the girl!
I try to defend myself and explain why the session ended early and my frustration but I’m not allowed that, she raises her voice to me in front of 40 kids and numerous adults calling me all sorts of words. So, I decide I have had enough of the verbal abuse so I walk off.
I get my partner back at the house and tell her that I will not be spoken to like that by anyone and until she apologizes to me I will not be speaking to or setting foot in her house.
Now fast forward a few weeks and it’s viewed as I should just let it go.
As her Dad said ‘You know your mum won’t apologize, that’s how she is even if she is wrong’ but I’m sorry if someone isn’t big enough to admit when they’re wrong, I’m not accepting that I should just let it go. To me, it sets a precedent that there are no consequences to her actions toward me and others.
Because I refuse to fold and I’m sticking to my guns. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a classic example of ‘no good deed goes unpunished.’ You are volunteering your time, and sharing your expertise, and not only does the player ignore your instructions but the grandmother rips into you with accusations and personal attacks.
Who wouldn’t be livid? It stinks for the players who were actually putting in the effort.
It sounds like the blame for this conflict is 99.99% on grandma and .01% on you. If you want any hint of remorse from GM, you have to dig deep to find a tiny area for improvement in your own responses to the situation and use that as the opening to a conversation with GM.
She will never admit to any fault if you place 100% of the blame on her. The best you’ll ever get from her is a commitment that she will act differently if the same situation happens again.
As a top-notch coach, you know that even the most elite and talented players can improve – and so can you.
Think really hard about everything you did, and everything you did not do, before grandma went off on you. Think of how you responded to GM. Is there anything you could have done better? Talk to other coaches for ideas on how to deal with the slacker players and screaming from crazy family members.
Every coach has these problem people, so I’m sure you’ll get lots of ideas. Be sure to talk to people who coach girls and women, because there are slight gender differences.
Think of GM as a terrible player who needs coaching. She did EVERYTHING wrong, but like one of your players, you need to focus on her most egregious error.
She can’t change everything all at once, so figure out what her biggest mistake was and only ask her to correct that going forward. Focus on the future. She can’t change the past and is too proud and stubborn to eat humble pie all by herself.
Start the conversation by sharing what you may do differently in the future, and invite her to do the same.
Good luck!” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s family is used to not rocking the boat and always giving in to her mum to keep the peace.
But you grew up in a different family and have an outsider’s point of view. To you, she is an adult who needs to apologize to you. To them it’s, ‘but it’s faaamiillly.’ You have to establish boundaries or she will verbally abuse you for as long as the relationship goes on.” User
21. AITJ For Kicking My Uncle Out Of My Grandma's House?
“My grandmother passed away this year. I cared for her for 7 years. When she died, she left her house to me. Her son (Uncle A) and I have had no relationship since before I was born.
Onto the story; Three days ago, Uncle A stopped by.
I have met him a handful of times because of Grandma—he stopped in to see her once a year (New Year’s Eve) and wouldn’t answer her call any other time. He started asking questions about the house, whose name it’s in, who owns it, why I’m here alone… which made me wary.
I said, ‘My house is nobody’s business but mine and I won’t be answering any more questions.’
His questions made me uncomfortable because; he tried to sue my mother for her house. He bought my great-grandmother’s house despite the money coming from all of the family and it was meant to go in multiple names.
When my grandfather passed away a few years back, he also tried to sue my grandmother for this house.
He tried to guilt me by telling me of the trauma he had with my grandmother and being raised not by her but by the kids, so her second husband got to live with her.
Before he could go on, I said ‘Your relationship with her doesn’t mean anything to me. I understand you have trauma but I don’t know you for you to trauma-dump’.
He got aggressive, asking why I didn’t care about him. I explained that I barely knew him and that ‘My relationship with her is what’s important to me.
I don’t care about yours, the same way I don’t care about my siblings’ relationship with her.’ Just to emphasize that I wasn’t ruling against him specifically.
He demanded to know if it was because he was gay. If that’s why I was choosing to block him out.
This made me laugh. I told him no because I’m a lesbian. Then accused me of withholding her death from him. I didn’t know he didn’t know—again, I don’t have contact with him! His siblings should’ve been the ones to tell him!
But he insisted that as Grandmother’s next of kin, it was my obligation to find him.
After that, he told me that I was taking away his right to grieve his mother by not letting him stay and by not going through her things.
He started to raise his voice and yell at me, I have PTSD and it set me off.
So I told him to get out of my house and not come back. That he’s not welcome here anymore. That, should he ever be here again I will call the police for trespassing.
Yesterday, Uncle A’s husband came over, yelling at me for disrespecting my uncle.
Saying that I’m a jerk. That I don’t deserve this house. That I’m just a dumb little girl who needs to grow up and get off my high horse. I slammed the door in his face and had a mild panic attack.
But now I can’t stop thinking if I did something wrong. I know that he’s her son but she’s dead now. This is my home. This is where I spent my childhood. This is where I’ve been living.
Did I overreact?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being a vulture, picking for property to add to his portfolio or other things he has no right to. He didn’t learn your grandmother had died because no one was close enough to him to tell him, probably because they knew what he would be like.
You looked after your grandmother where her own son made just over a handful of visits in that time. You’ve earned the house.” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and so sorry for your loss. If you cared for your grandmother for 7 years, you absolutely deserve the house.
And she left it to you. You can’t leave your mother’s care to others and then expect to swoop in after she passes to try to claim assets. (If he has any legal rights here, I’m sure you’ll hear from his attorney. Hopefully, your grandmother’s will was written by someone who made it clear that she was intentionally not making any provision for her son.)” PurpleVermont
20. WIBTJ If I Want To Reconnect With My Ex And Our Daughter?
“I (37M) am a recovering addict.
I started doing illegal stuff when I was 17. I was physically mistreated by both my parents and turned to illegal substances for comfort.
I met my then-partner, Catherine, when we were both 19 and I fell in love quickly. She was the opposite of me, she was kind, loving, and had a beauty I had never seen before.
Our relationship went fast and before I knew it she was pregnant when we were 23. I decided I didn’t want my child to see her father like this and began to clean myself up.
My daughter was born and it was truly the best day of my life.
I was determined to not give her the same childhood horrors I had. I was still struggling but I didn’t relapse. Catherine and I were married soon after Audrey was born and life was perfect for me. I’m proud to say for the first 6 years of Audrey’s life I didn’t touch any illegal substances.
That failed when I lost my older brother to illegal substances and that set me off again. I got rehooked on pills to help with the pain. My and Catherine’s marriage fell apart and she filed for divorce. I eventually found myself divorced, homeless, addicted, and without my little girl.
I often found myself outside of Audrey’s school watching her on the playground, receiving class awards, doing class plays, all without me there.
It wasn’t until she was 8 and I hadn’t been there for over a year that I realized I had to get myself together.
I rented a crappy apartment and worked every day at some fast food places. I would go multiple nights without dinner so I could give Catherine money.
After I saved some money up I enrolled in a local (debt I’m still paying off) college and graduated with an engineering degree.
I got a decent job and moved out of my crappy apartment to a tiny, but much more livable apartment.
This entire time I hadn’t been allowed to see Audrey but kept in contact with Catherine. She sent me photos, and videos, and occasionally let me talk to Audrey.
Now to the present day: I have a very good job, a 2-story house, and a backyard, and am in a much better mental state. I have been paying child support on time each month, sending Audrey an allowance for whatever she wants. She comes over every weekend.
Last night Audrey asked if she could come live with me permanently because she wants to be with me more.
I talked to Catherine and she told me that she was okay with it. Catherine asked if she could come over on the weekend and I told her she was always welcome.
Catherine and I have been interacting more and I’ve honestly been holding out hope that we fix our relationship. The reason I think I may be a jerk is because I was talking to a coworker and he called me an entitled jerk for thinking it was ok for me to be back in their lives.
Saying I traumatized my family when I left and that I should’ve stayed gone.
I nearly broke down because I really thought I fixed things. I know I hurt my family but I believed they forgave me. I really just want my daughter and Catherine back.
WIBTJ if I let my daughter live with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, congrats on becoming clean, and full respect to Catherine for never truly shutting you out of the narrative, you were in a position where you were unable to care for her, but she clearly made it clear to Audrey that her daddy still cared.
I wouldn’t pin your hopes on reconciling with Catherine, but just being friends. But the important thing is that Audrey wants to be with you. However, I wouldn’t let her move in full-time, maybe a few days a week on a trial basis so you can build from there.
Remember your daughter is a teenager, that’s a hard time to navigate if you are building a relationship and because of everything, it has to be handled delicately.
Also, ignore your colleague.” AngelIslington
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, you have a responsibility to always be sober and never relapse again.
You have to remain a constant in your child’s life and for yourself. No matter what. I hope that you make sure to stay active in personal therapy as well as any program you utilize for accountability with your sobriety. Relapsing doesn’t mean you are a bad parent and it seems like you have worked incredibly hard to better yourself.
Your coworker was wrong and your child will benefit knowing that you turned things around and made a mistake but also fixed it.” HappyLifeCoffeeHelps
19. AITJ For Giving My Landlady A Mother's Day Gift?
“I (f) moved to Canada 3 years ago and when the global crisis happened I lost my part-time job.
I was a full-time student and I couldn’t afford rent, tuition, and other expenses simultaneously so I had to move out of my old apartment. I found a new room (just a room in a house) and even though I couldn’t afford it, I decided to speak to the owner about the rent and that’s when I spoke with my landlady.
She (60s) told me that she could rent the place for half the price because the situation has been difficult for everyone and she wanted to help me out. So I moved into her house and she helped me A LOTTTT. I didn’t have a car so she drove me to interviews, we went grocery shopping together and honestly it was nice even to talk to someone during those times.
In return I cooked for her, I made Indian food so I started cooking healthy food 3x and I made her lunch when she went to work.
I got a high-paying job probably 4-5 after moving there and I started paying her the rent that she originally posted. I offered to pay her the difference but she refused to take it and rather asked me to save it for a rainy day (for myself).
Once I paid for her car’s monthly payment because she had to use her paycheck for some medical emergency and that’s about it.
So this is our relationship, we talk every day about our jobs, about my relationships, everything. She has a son (late 20s) who stays in the same house but they don’t get along very well (he doesn’t work etc etc).
So naturally for this Mother’s Day, I gave her a gift (not very expensive, a 100-ish dollar purse that she was looking at every time we crossed a certain store). She was very happy but her son didn’t like it. He called me a jerk for buying HIS mom a gift (he didn’t get her anything) and when I told this to my parents and friends they told me I was out of place to do that.
So, was I a jerk for getting my landlady a gift for Mother’s Day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, showing appreciation, to a kind, generous person is never wrong. It doesn’t matter if it costs $1 or $100, it is the thought behind the gift that matters.
Her son is angry, because you showed appreciation to someone he should appreciate, and made him realize that.
He could have given her a piece of paper, that said I love you Mom, and she would have treasured it. He couldn’t be bothered.
You did nothing wrong.” MorgainofAvalon
Another User Comments:
“A gift is a symbol of one’s feelings of appreciation, admiration, affection, a plethora of emotions.
You are not the jerk for being a human being who expresses any one of these emotions. It makes you mature, courageous, and caring. Don’t let others shame you for being a decent human being in touch with your emotions and empowered enough to express them appropriately.
Shame on them for being limited in their scope of gift giving.” sub2865
18. AITJ For Inviting My Grandparents To Come And Live With Me?
“I (36F) have three teenagers. My grandparents obtained legal guardianship over me as a baby which has contributed to a strained relationship with my mama and siblings due to how they treat us.
My grandparents are up in age. There was a discussion of me moving back home to take care of them. I was in the process of getting things in order to move back when I received a call from my grandparents telling me my mother, sister, and my sister’s four kids had arrived in the middle of the night with some ‘sob’ story.
My grandparents proposed if they maintained their home, helped cook, and took care of them, they didn’t have to worry about paying bills and would even help with my sister’s kids. A more than fair trade, right, so I postponed my move. Briefly afterwards my brother moved in due to a divorce.
A year later they turned my grandparents’ house upside down. Valuables have come up missing as well as money along with neglecting my grandparents. I learned my brother who has a great paying job hasn’t paid them a dime.
I packed up my kids and moved back.
My grandparents’ home had been turned inside out. Everything was either broken or needing fixing along with children’s handwriting all over! My grandparents stated they would handle them. They did this to an extent by buying limited food, stopping them from borrowing their cars (when they weren’t taking them without permission), and even having the cable cut to certain rooms. My grandparents are non-confrontational people with big hearts.
The house I was living in before moving back sold so I found a nice home here out in the country with a little land and put in an offer, which was accepted. I invited my grandparents to come live with me once I closed. They said yes.
My initial plan was to move my grandparents out and have them served with eviction notices. My grandparents had a plan. When ‘moving day’ came I was expecting drama, but no one was there. (I learned that my grandfather had given my mama and sister money to go get their hair and nails done once the kiddos were off to school to avoid any kind of drama.
My brother was at work.)
That night my grandparents had texted them to let them know that they had moved out and they had 90 days to vacate the premises but in the meanwhile they would need to have the utilities transferred into one of their names because they would no longer be paying the bills.
They left disrespectful voicemails on my GP’s voicemail. I blocked them. Then they started calling me. Accusing me of robbing them of their ‘livelihood’. My brother had the nerve to say how he didn’t have the money to pay bills, but he had money to go buy a Harley!
Let’s just say it wasn’t a pleasant conversation, but now my grandparents are a little upset with me about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Get your grandparent’s house on the market, and send someone professional over to remove anything left that’s precious to them (and hasn’t been trashed).
It can always go into storage or find a home with someone your grandparents choose, who will appreciate it.
Don’t deal with the rest of the family further unless it’s in writing. But save those trashy voicemails. You can go to the police about abusive or harassing calls.
And it’s a good excuse to block their numbers, too.
Enjoy your new home, and tell your grandparents that you’re sorry it upset them to hear how you had to speak to the people involved, but you’re not about to let anyone treat them like that, or take advantage of their kindness, ever.
I’m sure they understand, but conflict is always stressful. Keep future contact in writing, and if necessary, via lawyers. NTJ.” the_esjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And yeah, I see why your grandparents are upset. You’re the safest person they can be mad at without suffering for it.
Sit down with them and tell them you love them, and that if they want to be upset with you, that’s fine. Because if keeping them safe and cared for means you make some people mad, you’re willing to make people mad.” kevwelch
17. AITJ For Blocking My Biological Dad After He Cut Off My Insurance?
“My father and my mother split up when I (18f) was about 6 years old, and my brother was three. The split was messy, even though they weren’t even married. It tore my brother (16m, 3 at the time) and me apart. My father somehow managed to gain custody of both of us due to a biased judge who hated my mom’s family, and that’s how I became miserable.
Growing up, I began to realize how awful of a person my father was. He was a narcissist, a womanizer, a sexist, a racist, and a homophobe, all the hatred you can imagine was in this man, and he was obsessed with my mother. He got to a point where he made us believe my mother was dead because she couldn’t talk to us on the phone without my father interrupting by yelling at her.
I don’t want to go into all of the details, but that man did some absolutely atrocious things to me, my mom, and my brother.
Now onto the main issue. Ever since I turned 18, I’ve been avoiding every possible interaction with my father at all costs.
I conveniently ‘forgot’ to wish him a happy birthday the day of and sent him a text the day after, which is what he’s made me do to my mom in the past. He was really petty about it the last time I called him, but I brushed it off.
Our last big fight happened 2 weeks before Father’s Day when he invited me to go on vacation with him. I told him I would only go if he paid for me completely, as I would be missing a week of work and school, and my car can’t drive that far and back and make it in one piece.
He blew up at me, calling me selfish, told me that I only ever talk to him when I need something and that the only reason he hasn’t cut me out of his life yet is because I’m his daughter. Obviously, I was upset because even after ruining my childhood he wanted to call me selfish.
Screw you, dude.
So when Father’s Day rolled around, I decided that I wouldn’t text or call him. He had made me go years without speaking to my own mother, he can have a taste of his own medicine. I was done with him and his nonsense.
The next day at maybe six in the morning, I got a text from him. ‘Your insurance is canceled.’
Now, while I was living with my mom and stepdad, he still had me covered under his insurance, which is why I felt obligated to talk to him up until this point.
When I turned 18, I talked to my stepdad, who also had me covered and we decided that if something happened to my father’s insurance I would still stay covered under my stepdad’s insurance, so when I got this text I wasn’t worried. I simply replied, ‘Okay thanks’, and blocked him on all social media I could find him on.
I’ve been thinking it over for the past few weeks and I wanted to get some outside opinions since I’ve been feeling guilty about making that decision.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You will be an idiot if you ever open up contact with him again.
He used you to hurt his ex-wife and then mistreated you and subjected you to living in a toxic environment. Now that you are an adult he thinks he can continue this and you won’t do anything back. So the best revenge that you can do are 4 things: 1) Go out and be a success in your life.
Live well and be who you are. 2) Get therapy, with all of that crap you were subject to, would not hurt to see a professional to help you get rid of that emotional and mental baggage. 3) If you do decide to get married, do not invite him to the wedding, and if you need anyone to walk you down the aisle, ask your brother, or if your stepfather is a decent person who shows genuine care for you, ask him.
4) If you ever have a child, do not invite your biofather, or sperm donor to meet your child, that should be a hard no and a relationship breaker if anyone tries to get you and him to reconcile before you are ready or wanting.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You knew it was only a matter of time before he canceled your insurance and you were smart enough to have backup insurance. I’m so glad your mother found someone new who also seems to love you.
I’d cut your bio dad out of your life completely.
You are amazingly strong and healthy after going through what I can only imagine was miserable.
Live your life well and never look back. He doesn’t deserve it.” debdnow
16. AITJ For Letting My 6-Year-Old Daughter Fly Alone?
“I (36F) have a daughter (Evelyn – 6F) with my wonderful wife (Ashley – 34F). Evelyn loves her grandparents (my in-laws) and talks to them regularly. My in-laws have been pressuring us to pay them a visit for a while now during these calls. They often argue that we travel an awful lot due to my interest in different cultures and it wouldn’t kill us to go see them.
Now I don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws. We’re just fundamentally different people and they don’t accept my differences. However, when do go to see them as a family I try my best for everything to go smoothly. It rarely does.
Ashley is really busy with work.
So am I. Evelyn has been asking us to go see her grandparents. My in-laws are asking to see Ashley and Evelyn. So what Ash and I came up with was the idea for Evelyn to fly to her grandparents, stay there for a week or two, and come back home.
We bought a whole lot of gifts, went through packing with Evelyn (She already knows a lot about it since we travel a lot), and informed my in-laws of the visit. She was so glad to be able to fly alone and we told her everything she needed to know.
And we followed standard procedure for everything. Sent in the documentation, etc. Now we clearly said Evelyn was coming to see them and they somehow interpreted it as the three of us.
So I got a call from my MIL who was extremely angry that I let a six-year-old go on a plane alone without parental supervision (even though she already picked up Evelyn without any problems as we had previously arranged).
She called me all kinds of names including a selfish person and a horrible mother. It took every bit of self-control I had to not return those kind remarks.
When I told Ashley about all this she was so angry that she took a day off of her crazy work schedule to go get Evelyn and come back home.
This created a huge drama in the entire family (when Ashley got Evelyn her extended family was all at my in-laws’ to see her). And I am getting all kinds of messages from Ash’s side saying I created a divide between loving parents and their daughter.
I honestly didn’t think I did anything that would make me a jerk but after all the messages I just want to know what strangers think. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is a very weird situation. Why would your in-laws yell at you and not at their own daughter?
And why didn’t your wife clearly communicate with them, did she not need to tell them anything about your 6-year-old’s routines, likes and dislikes, etc.? I can’t imagine just sending my kid to someone without discussing all the details of his stay, that was irresponsible.
As for sending your daughter on the plane alone… Personally, I’d never do that kind of thing without a really serious reason, this is a small kid, all kinds of stuff can happen. So while this whole thing is mostly on your wife since it’s her parents and thus ultimately her decision, the parenting choices you both made are quite questionable.” BigBlueHood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You and your wife did nothing wrong and there are many kids that fly unaccompanied from this age and perhaps even younger. Evelyn was obviously comfortable enough to do this and probably had a great adventure and was looked after by the flight crew.
Your in-laws were also very aware of what was happening.
I gotta say that your wife did the right thing by going and picking Evelyn up when they had their tantrum.
And you didn’t create a divide between your in-laws and you guys. They did that themselves.
They aren’t the loving parents you describe. They sound controlling and they want things on their terms. I’d also think twice about leaving Evelyn alone with them in all circumstances. You already don’t have a great relationship because they don’t like different to them. You will have no idea what they would be saying to Evelyn which would be confusing her too and it can go very pear-shaped if they manage to alienate Evelyn from you and her mom in some capacity.” KitchenDismal9258
15. AITJ For Still Having A Relationship With My Son Despite What He Did To His Ex?
“I am a widowed woman with a 23-year-old son, Jason, since I’ve lost my husband it has always been me and Jason and I have no one else. He had this beautiful partner whom he stupidly two-timed and broke her heart. Her mother had called me about what my son did and I confronted him and stopped talking to him for a week then insisted that he goes to apologize to his partner and her mother and cut ties with his mistress which he did but his partner and her mother didn’t accept his apology.
After 2 months passed I called them in and had Jason apologize again which they still didn’t accept. I understand and respect their decision, my son was a jerk in this and I always reminded him how stupid he was for wasting this beautiful gem and taking her for granted.
1 year has passed, our ties are non-existent but we follow each other on Instagram so I see and they see what I post. Last week, Jason and I went to an Italian restaurant together, we ate and had fun, something we promised to always do since his father left us because his father used to take us out to this restaurant, he loved it so much and I love it too.
It’s what reminds us of him the most and makes us feel his soul. We took a selfie and I posted it then his ex called me on the phone and called me a misogynistic woman for supporting a liar, that I was the reason Jason had an affair.
I didn’t answer her and hung up. I never supported Jason’s actions and I never told him it was okay to have an affair. I can’t disown my son or cut ties with him forever.
Am I a bad mother really for hanging out with my son?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, he’s your son. Of course you still have a relationship with him. His ex is off her rocker if she thinks you would completely disown him over what he did. Maybe if there were children involved or abuse… Yeah infidelity sucks and he was wrong to do it, but it happened and their relationship is over now.
The end. Lesson (hopefully) learned, and it won’t happen again with a new future partner. The ex needs to let you guys go now and move on with her life.” Complex_Chapter7262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son did something less than great. You obviously weren’t happy about it, but he’s still your kid.
They can want to cut ties with him, but they don’t get to tell other people what to do and if every person who had an affair (or did something morally similar in terms of hurting another person) was to be banned from family meals out, the restaurant industry would collapse.” Special-Light5297
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband For Taking My Food?
“Ever since the whole work-from-home thing started, it has been difficult for me and my husband to adjust to the new norm. It’s been difficult to manage time between work from home and household chores. Since my husband’s job is a lot more demanding and mine is more flexible, cooking and doing the dishes falls on me (he does help when he can with minor things).
I have developed a habit of cooking extra breakfast in the morning and just cooking lunch for my husband since I like breakfast items a lot more than lunch (for context, I’m Indian and I am talking about Indian dishes). Lately, my husband has started asking for some of my food and offering to share his halfway through the meal and asking me to take some of his.
It’s not like I hate the food I make for him but I do greatly prefer mine. I started asking him before making breakfast if he would like me to make enough to cover him for lunch as well and he always says no and proceeds to have some anyway when we sit down to eat.
I tried to make more breakfast anyway and that results in some of the food getting wasted and I hate wasting food. And I can’t even reduce the meals I make for him since he’s not consistent with eating mine and could fall short if he doesn’t.
I finally had enough today when he proceeded to take my food after confirming he did not want it for the nth time and I snapped at him which resulted in him calling me childish and petty and refusing to eat with me anymore. I do feel petty being angry for such a small thing but gosh, I want to eat what I like!
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re doing more than enough for your husband by making all the food in the first place. His being wishy-washy about what he wants and effectively forcing you to eat something you wouldn’t prefer after you put in the effort to make what you actually want is what’s childish.
Not you.
When asked if you want some of it, you can’t say no only to be shocked later when you find out there’s none of it for you.” CreativeAirQuotes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s a grown man, yet he’s acting like a child.
If he was at his office he would have to fend for himself for food, so he needs to apply the same rules at home.
Tell him his temper tantrum actually solved the issue of him constantly stealing your food so it did you a favour. I bet that when he sees he’s shooting himself in the foot he’ll soon change his tune.
But, end of the day: you need to stop mothering him and start being his equal, not his subordinate.
If he doesn’t appreciate what you do, stop doing it.” curious_seahorse1
13. AITJ For Being Happy About Getting Into The College That My Sister Dropped Out Of?
“I (22f) have a problem and while I’m trying to be empathic to my sister ‘Mandy’ (20f), I can’t help but feel angry and resentful so I wanted to come here for an outside perspective and discuss this with (hopefully) unbiased outsiders.
When I was in Middle School my parents thought that it would be a good idea for me to visit an older cousin ‘Jen’ (28f) whom I was close to at her college campus. I was excited to see her again so I agreed and fell in love with the school she went to.
It was going to be my goal to go to that college and study hard while working a part-time job to help save for tuition.
I was so excited when I applied because I was so confident that I would get in and was crushed when I was Waitlisted and then rejected. I locked myself in my room and cried for a few days because I was so focused on this one school that I didn’t prepare myself for a future that didn’t include it.
Fortunately, Jen was kind enough to visit, allowed me to whine about my disappointment, talked about Community College, and gave me the pep talk I needed. I took a year off to just work and then went to a really nice community and during that time Mandy applied and was accepted into my dream school.
Apparently, she fell in love with it too and while she was smart enough to apply for other schools the one Jen went to was her first choice. I’m not gonna lie, a part of me twinged inside knowing that my sister got into ALL the schools she applied for and I really started to feel negative about myself, but I worked to keep it to myself and even helped pay for some textbooks.
Despite being upset with myself I was still really happy for Mandy. Her first semester she opted to do it remotely because of the global crisis but in the Spring she moved into the dorms and when we would talk she seemed happy. Then one day she came home early and apparently wasn’t going back.
I didn’t ask why because it seemed like a sore subject.
Then I applied, got in, and managed to get a partial scholarship and was overjoyed. I had to take an alternate path to get there but I was finally going to be able to go to my dream school, and since I did all my Gen-Eds at my Community College I was going to have very little debt.
I have been over the moon, but recently Mandy exploded at me for bragging. I still don’t know all the details but apparently, Mandy was kicked out and she thinks I’m cruel for not only applying to ‘her school’ but making posts about it on social media and telling everyone in the family because it’s drawing attention to her situation.
I’m more than happy to tone it down but our mom thinks that my getting in is reward enough to just stop talking about it, like at all, no social media posts, mentioning my school life to family, and not even say the name of the school in the house, but I don’t think that’s very fair because when I was upset about not getting in I didn’t tell Mandy to be quiet about her joy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seems like they did not have the same rule for your sister when she got into your dream school. Too often the kid that wines and complains the loudest gets catered to and the one that tries to be the bigger person is relegated to that role permanently.
‘Mom, when Mandy got into this school I did not expect her to hide her joy or keep quiet about her life to protect my feelings – and you didn’t ask her to do that either. Back then her joy was considered more important than my disappointment, and now that the tables are turned her disappointment is more important than my joy.
Can you please explain why my feelings, good and bad, always take a backseat to hers?'” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds miserable. First off, it’s not her school, it’s Jen’s. And was she not ecstatic when she got accepted and you were waitlisted?
Now that the tables are reversed it seems hypocritical of her. She had her chance, and she lost it and got kicked out, not your problem. You worked hard for this, and clearly, she didn’t care enough about the school to stay. The only one who’s cruel is her for being selfish and immature, airing out dirty laundry on social media like a child.
Congratulations on getting in, very happy for you.” gandalfgrumbledore
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin To Come With Me To A Friend's House After Prom?
“I (18f) am going to prom this weekend and I’m taking my little cousin (8f) with me. She was diagnosed with cancer a while ago and her chances of surviving aren’t good so we’re trying to give her as many fun experiences as we can in case she doesn’t survive.
I got special permission from the school to bring her to my prom and she’s so excited. I’m happy to be able to give this to her because there is a good chance that she won’t be able to go on her own.
I was finalizing the plans with her parents recently and told them when we would be coming home so they could come pick her up and said that I would be going to a friend’s house after. My aunt asked why she couldn’t come with me and I told her that even if I don’t drink or smoke while I’m there, I can’t guarantee that other people won’t and I wouldn’t want to ask them to do that anyway.
My aunt got really upset and asked why I couldn’t give her a ‘full prom experience’ and suggested I stay home with her after prom instead and invite a few of my friends that I trust over. I told her that I wasn’t going to do that because we would be getting ready together, and spending the entire prom together and then she tried to guilt me into saying yes by telling me it might be the only prom she ever goes to.
I stood my ground but she kept bringing it up to me and always talked about how she was dying and I’m prioritizing myself over my cousin.
This isn’t the first time she’s gotten upset with me for excluding her. In January I went dress shopping with my friends and when I told my family I had bought my dress my aunt got mad I didn’t take my cousin with me.
When I mentioned that I got my dress or that I was going somewhere after prom without her, my cousin didn’t care until her mom made a big deal about leaving her out, and then she got upset. I really don’t mind taking her but it is still the only prom that I’ll get to go to and I want to be able to enjoy some of it without watching out for my little cousin (I’ll enjoy it with her there but obviously it’s different when you have a little kid you’re responsible for).
I feel bad my cousin is upset but I don’t feel like it’s my fault because it was her mom making a big deal out of it in front of her that really got her upset about it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is extremely generous of you to take your cousin to prom. After getting ready and having a few hours of fun, your cousin is going to be exhausted. You need time to cut loose with your friends. And having an eight-year-old with you at all hours is not good for her health.
Your aunt isn’t really angry with you, she’s upset her daughter is going to die. She wants her to experience so many things and knows they won’t happen. Take what she says with a grain of salt. She’s grieving the childhood her daughter can’t have.” Special-Attitude-242
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because your aunt shouldn’t be forcing you to put your cousin in a situation that could be unhealthy for her, but she’s also grieving. Can you try to talk to her about it when she’s calmer and focus entirely on the ‘I don’t want an 8-year-old to be around smoking and drinking’ aspect?
She may be seeing it with blinders as ‘OP wants to hang out with her friends without (cousin)’ (which would not be unreasonable on your part but also isn’t the only reason you’re putting your foot down). You’re allowed to have your own life, despite the terrible situation your cousin is in.” author124
11. AITJ For My Conditions On Renting Out My Mom's House To A Friend?
“My sister and I live together as roommates. She’s my half sister but I just say sister. My mom has recently decided she wants to move back to her country.
My mom has a house that is about a little over 20 grand from being paid off. She asked me if I would continue to pay for it, it is mine otherwise she would sell it.
Obviously, no-brainer, I would pay for it. My problem is I still have several months on my lease and I wouldn’t be able to afford monthly payments for both my apartment and house.
My leasing office allows me to sublease. I told my sister about it and asked her if she wanted to she could also live with me since she had her baby. She agreed.
I went back home so my mom could sign me on to the title and switch over the bill to my name.
While I was back I decided to go meet up with some friends. They asked if I was moving back and I told them that I was, that I would be paying off the house. Later on in the day, I got a message from an old friend, asking about my situation as I still needed to find someone to finish my lease.
She asked me if she could stay in the house and pay rent while I searched for a leaser. She was getting out of an abusive relationship and needed a home for her kids. I agree, it would help me pay for the house. I told her that since it was just going to her and her kids, she would be responsible for the utilities and 200 dollars of rent.
Which would come out to around 400-550 total for her. And, also, no cats since I am allergic to them.
She then texted me that I was being unreasonable. She said she wouldn’t be able to afford that, and that I was taking advantage of her.
I told her that was a very reasonable price. She also said that she should be allowed to have whatever pet she wants since she is paying me for rent. I told her I wasn’t going to argue, that was the set price, otherwise, I could rent to someone else.
Was that an unreasonable price? I don’t want cats in the house since I am planning to live there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s definitely not an unreasonable price considering you’re paying both your lease and the mortgage for the next few months or until you can find someone to sublet.
How is $200 unreasonable? She asked to rent and that’s definitely a steal. It’s also completely within your rights as a landlord to put limitations on pets. To be honest, I wouldn’t rent to her even if she agreed because I think you may have issues down the line as well when you do find someone to sublet and want to move into the house.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First, it’s your house, so you set the rental price. If you want to know if it’s ‘fair’ you can check with a real estate agent or advertisements to get an idea of what the rent on like properties is.
Again, you may set your rent at whatever you want.
Second, I made the mistake of letting my tenants have a dog. The dog damaged a door and there was fur everywhere. My wife is allergic so I had to thoroughly clean when we moved back into the house.
Third, invariably the children will cause some damage to the property over time that will need repairs. If you’re not requiring any sort of security deposit be prepared to pay for any repairs yourself.
As to the deed, will your mother’s name be removed before you make payments?
If not, I highly recommend seeking legal advice and having papers drawn up clearly stating at what point and exactly under what circumstances the property becomes yours. There are far too many stories of family deals going sideways.
Good luck to you. Hope it all works out.” 51225
10. AITJ For Being Mad During My Brother's Graduation Party?
“I (20F) have been living with my dad since I was 16, I always consider myself a daddy’s girl and always loved my dad a little more than I love my mom. He is my best friend and my greatest comfort zone.
Yesterday, my brother graduated from high school and my dad decided to have a huge party to congratulate him.
He bought all the decorations, and food and even ordered a cake. I felt kinda jealous as I saw him putting everything together because since I graduated in 2020 we didn’t really do anything to celebrate (I’m not mad at my brother just my dad).
I wasn’t really mad about the party or so I thought until everyone came over congratulating my brother and handing him gifts. No one congratulated me for graduating or sent me any gifts, not even a text.
So the day went on. I tried not to cry almost the whole day, we all ate and played games then my brother opened all his gifts.
As I watched him open his gifts I kept remembering the day I graduated and how sad I was that no one was there smiling or congratulating me and no one saying how proud they were for me. I walked outside as I felt a couple of tears going down my face, what I didn’t know was that my dad had followed me.
He asked what was wrong and I just told him nothing and that I was ok but he didn’t like that answer so he kept asking. I got angry, and that’s when I yelled ‘I feel like you do everything better for him (my brother) than you do for me’.
My dad looked at me shocked and asked what was I talking about and that I sounded crazy. I told him that he had never given me a graduation party and that I was all alone that day too. He told me it was because of the global crisis that we couldn’t throw a party and that I should appreciate that my brother even had a graduation.
He then proceeded to call me selfish for ruining my brother’s party and that I should’ve just stayed in my room if I was going to be a spoiled princess.
That hurt a lot coming from him since like I said I always considered myself a daddy’s girl.
I ran to my room and still haven’t left it. I feel bad for getting mad because I’m starting to think I was probably being a spoiled princess so I’m wondering, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you literally left the room to compose yourself and didn’t say anything until you were pushed. It’s normal to be upset when someone, especially a sibling, gets something you didn’t get to have either due to favoritism or other reasons.
You didn’t take it out on him at the party and removed yourself when you realized you were getting emotional. If you wanted to make a scene and act like a ‘spoiled princess’ you would have done it in front of everyone.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Feelings aren’t right or wrong, it’s how you handle them that matters. It’s completely valid to have mixed feelings about someone else’s grad party when your celebration was stolen by a global crisis. You didn’t get to experience so many fun senior moments, so it’s completely normal to be upset about it.
The way you handled those feelings was to show up and support your brother. And when you needed a moment, you went outside and handled your feelings privately. Your dad was the one who followed you and insisted on knowing what was wrong instead of leaving it alone when you said it was nothing.” Legally_Blonde_258
9. WIBTJ If I Snitch On My Teammates?
“I (f 19) am on a college sports team. We have a captain’s group chat that which almost all the team information is sent in.
This includes things like what time a meal is, when the bus is leaving, what clothes we are wearing, etc.
At the end of spring, I got kicked out of last year’s group chat. According to my team, this never happened, but it did.
This year I was simply just not put in it. I don’t know why. The only thing I can think of, is some of the players think I am a snitch when it comes to drinking since I don’t go to team parties.
This is because they got caught breaking drinking rules last year. I am not a snitch, just allergic to smoke and can’t drink because of medications. I have never said anything to the coaches about what they do in their free time.
I have asked 2/3 captains to add me and one said she couldn’t because she didn’t make it while the other one straight up didn’t reply.
I have now missed multiple team events because I have not been told about them. My coach is mad at me about it, and now I have to have a meeting with him.
I know that telling him the reason I’m missing things, that I’m not in the group chat, would further drive a wedge between me and my team because it’s sort of ‘snitching’ but at the same time, I don’t want to get in trouble anymore.
He knows I just got prescribed new medications two weeks ago, so I theoretically can blame the meds and try to work it out with the team. I just don’t think that doing so would do anything.
So WIBTJ for essentially snitching on my team in order to get put in a group chat they don’t want me in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your team is, in theory, allowed to have a group chat without you. They can plan what they wish and do what they wish in the confines of that chat. What they are not allowed to do, however, is exclude you from team events by utilizing that chat.
If your butt is on the line because of their trashy behavior, you have every right to call it out.” chernygal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t tell the coach, go to the captains and say that you have gotten in trouble over not attending meetings so either they add you or you will tell the coach exactly why you keep missing events.
Also, say how you’ve never snitched before and just can’t attend these events for medical reasons. Then bring up that if thinking someone is a snitch for not attending, maybe they should double-check which one of them will take care of you when your medicine makes you go haywire.
Usually that shuts people down.” Insert_Username_Thx
8. AITJ For Wanting My Pregnant Partner To Come With Me To An Event?
“I (m 21) and my significant other (f 22) are social media influencers. We have to host/attend a lot of social events for our career, and we have rarely attended alone since getting together (over two years ago).
Last weekend a friend of mine (who’s really known in our community) had a massive event with many important people.
My SO wasn’t that interested in attending because she didn’t like some of the people who were invited, but after a bit, I could convince her to go with me.
The week before the event she brought up again how much she wished to skip it but I told her that I had already confirmed both our presences. I told her that she shouldn’t complain that much because all she had to do was look nice (since she wasn’t participating in any of the activities my friend planned), which was easy for her because she already is beautiful.
She agreed to go.
I must mention that my SO is 11 weeks pregnant so I always try to be as supportive as possible although sometimes (like this time) I feel like she has to go out of her comfort zone for a bit, it’s the best for our careers and therebefore for our baby.
Before we left our hotel room (the event was in another city) she told me again she didn’t feel like going but then she changed her mind.
The event was fun, when we arrived a lot of people complimented her so she was in a better mood, after some time, however, she was starting to look sad so I asked her if she wanted to leave, she said yes so we said goodbye to our friends and left.
Back in our hotel room, we changed into our pajamas, I was talking about the event and other stuff, and out of nowhere, my SO started crying, like straight-up sobbing.
I got really worried and asked what was wrong, after a few minutes she told me she didn’t wanna go to the event but I ‘forced’ her.
After some time I could calm her down but the next day she was very distant with me and she looked sad. I’ve tried to talk to her again but when I ask her what’s wrong she says ‘nothing’.
Was I really wrong for all this?
I was just thinking about the best for our careers but maybe I unintentionally hurt her? I’ve talked with my parents about this and my dad was on my side but my mom told me my behavior was kinda trashy so I am very confused.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your PREGNANT partner told you on numerous occasions that she didn’t want to go, and the only reason she did is because she was pressured by you. It seems like you don’t have a clear sense of boundaries, OP. Being pregnant is both physically and emotionally hard on a woman, and you should be doing everything to support her.
Careers aren’t the only important part of your future, by the way. I would recommend actually listening to what your SO has to say, and taking ‘no’ as an acceptable response. You could have gone alone. There is a distinction between pushing someone outside their comfort zone, and completely disregarding their thoughts and feelings.” Inevitable-Bit-9849
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
There are some (many) things more important than your career. It doesn’t seem like it was normal for your SO to turn down events, maybe you should have listened to her feelings on this one? Not to mention she is carrying what I presume to be your child!
The first-trimester pregnant people might not show much on the outside, but for many it feels super terrible on the inside.” jmoneycgt
7. AITJ For Causing My Stepbrother To Get Punished For Something I Did?
“Yesterday, my (M 16) stepbrother (M 9) went to my bedroom while I was out and somehow broke my iPad, the screen was cracked. He begged me not to tell Dad (my stepdad) and kept saying sorry, but I still went and told him cause I’m tired of him always breaking my stuff.
Of course, my stepdad asked me to forgive him and said he would pay me back like he always does. I got angry and told him Scott (my stepbrother) always gets away with everything because of him, and he told me it’s normal for kids to make mistakes.
Since I was annoyed by how Scott never gets punished for what he does, I sneaked into my stepdad’s office room, stepped on one of his pens, and went to my room. When my stepdad returned from work he yelled asking who entered the office, and I said that I remember my stepbrother being there earlier.
He called Scott there and reprimanded him for sneaking there and breaking the expensive pen. Scott looked at me and asked me to tell our dad he didn’t do it but I just said I had no proof to defend him.
I was expecting Dad to give him a light punishment so I could point out his hypocrisy, but he instead said Scott wouldn’t have an allowance for two weeks and that he couldn’t attend his best friend’s birthday party this weekend.
I was as surprised by this as Scott was. Scott and his best friend attended the same school until last year, and the birthday party was the first time they’d meet in person after said friend moved. I know cause Scott has been repeating it ever since the kid invited him.
Scott begged our dad to let him attend the party but he said no and that this will teach him to be more careful with other people’s stuff. Scott ran out crying and has been in his room ever since. I talked with my friends about it, and the one who suggested the pen idea thinks Scott deserves it, but another one asked me how could I hold the lie when I saw my little brother sad like that and now I’m starting to feel guilty about it.
AITJ for what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except Scott. He’s a kid and when he broke your iPad it was an accident. His dad blew it off. You broke your stepdad’s pen on purpose and blamed Scott – jerk move. Then stepdad hashed out the punishment for Scott because he supposedly broke something of his – now all of a sudden he cares if Scott breaks something?
Jerk move. Very inconsistent. It’s good you feel bad, you should. Fess up to stepdad, apologize to Scott.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Don’t get me wrong, your stepdad’s also a jerk for valuing his own stuff but not yours, but this wasn’t something you did to your dad, it’s something you did to your brother, who’s a super young kid.
To be clear, this won’t teach your brother about being careful with other people’s things, it’ll teach him that his brother is out to get him and that he can’t trust you. Wasn’t your original goal to point out your stepdad’s hypocrisy?
It sounds like you decided against that when you realized you would then be held accountable for your own actions, which is, for the record, wildly hypocritical.” sr9876
6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Giving My Concert Ticket To His Friend?
“My significant other (m 18) and I (f 18) planned on going to a Tyler the Creator concert this past August, and we were supposed to go this weekend. These tickets were really expensive, as they’re VIP.
They were actually a birthday gift to him from his dad for us two to go together. I don’t really listen to Tyler that much and I wouldn’t call myself a huge fan, but my SO is and I enjoy listening to his music.
I was really excited to go, it’s spring break and it gives us something fun to do.
Last week, we were hanging out and talking about the concert, and he randomly started asking me if I even really wanted to go. He started saying I wasn’t even a fan of his, and the pit would overwhelm me since I’m pretty small.
He said that if we went, he would want to run around the pit and do his own thing. I told him it would make me uncomfortable to be in the pit by myself if he did decide to run around and do whatever, as I’ve never even been in a pit before.
He started getting angry and saying that’s the whole point of the concert, but I was confused because I told him from the beginning that I would appreciate it if he just kind of watched over me. I never told him he couldn’t have his fun, just make sure I’m okay.
Then I remembered that a few months back, he was trying to get another ticket for his friend to come with, but they had already gone way up in price and he just didn’t have that kind of money. So I asked him if he was trying to make me say I no longer wanted to go by scaring me, so he could give my ticket to his friend.
He admitted to this and apologized for trying to manipulate me. At this point, I was pretty upset and just the way he was handling it made it worse. It was pretty obvious I wanted to go, but he kept trying to push me to let his friend go instead.
Eventually, I was sick of hearing it so I just told him to do whatever he wanted and take his friend. His argument at this point to try and make me feel better is that his friend is a huge fan of Tyler and this would be an amazing experience for him blah blah blah.
I just feel like he just should have asked his friend from the beginning when getting the tickets, knowing then the same things he knows now, and saved me the disappointment. Especially when it was a gift for us two to go together. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
He doesn’t want to babysit you at a concert, but he shouldn’t have lied. Communication issue, however, something tells me he didn’t wanna hurt your feelings. NOT okay to lie, regardless.
YWBTJ if you go, to be honest. You said he can have fun… but has to look after you?
You said he described what his fun was, and you said no to it. It’s a PIT. You have NO idea what you are in for.
It’s 100% okay to not like concerts or be interested, but go to a less… intense concert with him if you must. Tyler the Creator?
Girl, no.
Don’t go, you’ll ruin it for the both of you.” littlebutbigyk
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here a little. His father’s gift was with the intent that you go together. He has had months to have a conversation with you about what he intended to do at the concert and instead tried to manipulate you into giving up your ticket.
You told him out of anger/frustration (which you have every right to be) to take his friend.
For what it’s worth, it sounds like his apology was sincere about the manipulation, but be vigilant that it stops. You do not want to be with someone who uses manipulation to get their way – it’s not a good sign.
Best of luck.” MaltedBarleyMaven
5. AITJ For Not Talking To My Dad After We Found Out About His Infidelity?
“Yesterday we found out my (F 21) dad (M 52) was basically having an affair via social media by talking to other women and trying to send them money.
(He doesn’t know how PayPal works so it bounced) We saw he was messaging multiple women, sending their photos to his mates to ask what they thought.
We found out because my dad stopped really talking to my mum, he would be on his phone or his tablet constantly.
Kept lying to Mum saying he was talking to a family friend or was in a group chat.
My dad works days and my mum works afternoons. So during the morning, she decided to get on his tablet and go through his social media. She discovered all this stuff and proceeded to drag me into it to complain to me about it.
She called him and had a go at him where he just lied and laughed at her while she was legit looking at the evidence.
While looking through everything it dawned on me that HE WAS TALKING TO LADIES MY AGE. LEGIT I’VE NEVER FELT MORE DISGUSTED IN MY LIFE.
I felt so sick I had to go to sleep.
When I woke up I had to get ready to go to work (worked the afternoon shift) and he came home. I was so angry and disgusted that I ignored him when he tried to say hello and tried to yell at me for ignoring him.
I slammed my bedroom door in his face because I didn’t want to talk to him and I also had to get dressed for work.
While at work apparently he apologized and realized what he did and my stupid mother forgave him.
He has a history of this type of behavior, from constantly watching adult films to looking at women in the street inappropriately while he drives by.
I’ve seen it, all from a very young age. I have lost all respect for my father and I want nothing to do with him from now on.
My mum is mad at me for not wanting to talk to him and keeps saying he realized he messed up, and he won’t do it again.
AITJ for not wanting to talk to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And at your age, I think you shouldn’t let yourself be used in this situation anyhow. If you want no part in it, let it be known.
Honestly, I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk to him, I can’t wrap my head around why old people go for people literally their children’s age, that’s definitely weird and uncomfortable.
And if he’s sending them money… I mean that’s really looking for a relationship that’s just lewd, and really I don’t know why your mom would drag you into it, it’s an issue between the two of them.” pendemoneum
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, you’re traumatized, shocked, hurt, and angry and will be for some time.
Allow your parents space to work through this because your mom is also suffering. Remember as children we do not really know the ‘inside’ story of our parents’ marriage so allow them the space to work this out. Nothing excuses infidelity and it’s a difficult event to process and navigate through but do not explode or implode your mom needs you.
Simply be a grown-up and tell him you’re angry, disappointed, and need space.” Living2fullestUSA
4. AITJ For Making My Daughter Cry At The Restaurant On Her Brother's Birthday?
“My (F 45) daughter (12) decided 2 weeks ago she wants to be a vegetarian. I was fine with that. I would support and encourage her if that’s what she wanted. For the past 2 weeks, she has been looking down on the rest of the family with snooty comments like ‘You know that will just sit in your colon, right?’ And ‘It doesn’t make you THE murderer, but it def makes you the accomplice.’ Her brother (7) is getting sick of it and so am I.
Especially when I just get home from work and I just want to relax and enjoy my meal.
3 days ago was my son’s birthday and we decided to take him out to his favorite restaurant. This place had vegetarian options so I was not worried about my daughter being upset about that.
I asked her if she wanted to go and she excitedly said yes. We got there and when the waiter took our order, my daughter decided she wanted a mushroom burger. I said, ‘Woah, I thought you wanted to go vegetarian?’ She said ‘I’m taking a break since it’s a special occasion.’ I told the waiter to cancel that order and give us a few minutes.
I looked at her and said ‘Look here missy, you have been nothing but a jerk these last few days with your passive-aggressive comments since going vegan, vegetarian, whatever! You either commit to it now or you get nothing at all.’ She didn’t even look at me, she just flopped her head on the table and started crying the moment I started talking.
My husband did nothing but said ‘Way to go’. She didn’t move her head the entire dinner even when I asked if we needed to talk outside, or go the the bathroom to collect herself. Nothing. We got home and she just went to her room.
My husband thinks I’m the jerk because I had to ruin a night out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Demanding an instant commitment is ridiculous. Even adults have to explore their options in various ways as they consider committing to a lifestyle change. She’s 12.
Starving her to punish her for being rude isn’t productive, but it could lead to an eating disorder.
You should have given her appropriate consequences as soon as she started criticizing others. But punish her rudeness, don’t punish her for still being in the exploring phase.” Master_Post4665
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 1. Don’t call your kid names, it’s disgusting. If she is acting like a ‘jerk’ just remember kids mimic what they’re taught, & how they think their parents perceive them. (If you tell a kid they’re bad they are going to act bad.)
2. You’re the parent, act like it. Don’t give her an ultimatum in public, parent through the lesson of sticking to her values. If she chooses to eat a burger have a conversation at home about whether being vegan is an appropriate choice for her.
3. You made your son’s birthday about your daughter & you should apologize to him too.
It doesn’t matter that your daughter had her head down, it put a damper on the night. A birthday is important to kids & you made it about this tug-of-war with your daughter.
& it could’ve been avoided by waiting to have a conversation at home rather than being mean to a child in a restaurant.” sage_ley
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Friend's Wedding Because He Did Not Make Me A Groomsman?
“I (28m) have been friends with ‘A’ and ‘B’ since middle school. We were best friends all through middle school and high school, had a standing ‘Thursday night sleepover’ for a couple of years, and continued to text in a group chat and see each other occasionally.
Since graduation (in 2014) B and I grew into a different lifestyle. We want to further our education and build a career and family. Whereas A wanted to enjoy college party life and have fun while he could. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it’s important information for context.
So why I might be the jerk: When I got married in 2018 both A and B were groomsmen in my wedding. We may have lived different lifestyles, but we are all friends still. They were a huge part of my life, and I wanted them to be a part of my wedding so I could cement them in my life as important to me, even if we don’t hang out all the time.
Flash forward to this year, we got our wedding invitations and neither B nor I are going to be groomsmen in A’s wedding. A is an only child and has very little family so I was expecting both B and I to be invited to be groomsmen.
However, A chose 8 guys from his ‘partying’ friends group leaving both B and I off the list so I was extremely hurt by this.
I do come on here a lot and any of the posts around weddings tend to lean towards ‘It’s their wedding, they can make the decisions they want’ and while I do not disagree with that, it does not make my feelings any less hurt.
I’ve talked to my wife and therapist about it and they both suggest we send a gift to show support but skip the wedding if it will negatively affect my mental health, which I think it would.
B is somewhat hurt but leans on the ‘It’s his wedding, his choice’ part of all this.
I haven’t talked to A about this, as I don’t want to be the cause of problems during his planning. I figured the best thing for both of us is not to go, send a gift, and let him reach out to me for a reason instead of going to him to tell him.
So, AITJ if I skip my ‘friend’s’ wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You have said in your story how you have kind of gone your separate ways now but are still friends, of course. People do change, and as you may still be friends, it may not be the relationship you once had in your head as it is in his.
I get why your feelings would be hurt, but sadly, these things do happen as we get older. If it would affect your mental health, then that is understandable but still feels like you should still acknowledge his wedding at least or the relationship you currently have would become further strained. However, if you are still close, having a conversation would also be best.” Gizaaaaaa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you skip the wedding. You say you aren’t that close anymore so no big deal. Go and celebrate your friend’s big day and go home. You get to go to the same party as everyone else. If you are not as close to this friend now and you skip the wedding you are sending a signal that you don’t care that much.
Note: I’m assuming this isn’t some far-flung destination and it’s relatively close and inexpensive to attend.” Rooster_Fish-II
2. AITJ For Calling My Wife's Refusal To Carry Our Cat "Weaponized Incompetence"?
“I moved in with my wife back in May. Prior to that, we were long-distance for years. When we combined households, I brought my two cats.
There was some friction at first, because she’s very much unfamiliar with animals – in her entire childhood she never had so much as a gerbil.
But she did warm up to them over time. She still isn’t entirely comfortable though, so as a compromise the house is divided into ‘cat’ and ‘no cat’ areas – they’re allowed free rein of the basement, they aren’t allowed into the bedroom, kitchen, or bathroom, and they’re allowed out in the main floor, but only when I’m home to supervise them.
So far, this compromise has worked well for us.
The incident occurred on my day off. I was still in bed when my wife, who was getting ready for work (she leaves very early), woke me up. One of the cats had escaped into the main room, and she needed me to come get him to put him back downstairs.
I’ve tried to show her how to wrangle cats before. How to pick them up so she’s supporting their weight, how to shoo them out of a room, how to use a spray bottle as a deterrent to keep them off furniture, etc. However, she’s been reluctant to use any of what I’ve taught her.
So, she did none of those things and asked me to help instead. When I asked her why she didn’t simply pick him up and put him in the other room, she said she literally couldn’t do it. That the cat is too heavy.
This is a 12.8-pound neutered indoor house cat who has the sunny disposition of a brainless orange tabby.
This is NOT a Maine C**n, a hefty boi, or a feral tom cat. He will happily let people pick him up and move him; he likes the attention.
I expressed disbelief at this. A child or a little old lady can pick up and move a friendly house cat.
It’s not difficult, and it is something she needs to be able to do in case this kind of thing happens when I’m away at work.
And here is where I may have erred: I used the words ‘weaponized incompetence’. I love my wife dearly, but this isn’t an isolated incident with her, and I am NOT the only person in her life she’s done this with.
Having seen a bit of the family dynamic in action, I think she learned from a young age that she can get out of certain tasks by pleading helplessness.
Now she’s furious with me, less so for the cat thing and more so for the use of the words ‘weaponized incompetence’.
She’s also mad at the implication that I don’t actually believe her when she says she physically cannot lift a cat. (She has no disability or inability that would preclude her from lifting that amount of weight).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do think she just may have a general fear so I think this is why she ‘can’t lift it’.
Not because of the weight but because of being scared. Which is fine. But, and this is why I say you are NTJ, I do also believe she is being unreasonable about this situation. Keeping your pets in the basement for the majority of their lives is not a fair compromise.
These are living animals that deserve to be in the home. Not in the bedroom? Fair. Not on the countertops? Fair. The rest is not and I think she will slowly build up on that because she simply is afraid or just doesn’t like cats.
Who cares if the cat is in the living room? Finish getting ready and leave. The cat isn’t going to chase you. This would be a deal breaker for me though. My cats are part of the family. You don’t need to pet them but they deserve to roam freely (within reason) around the house.
I think y’all need to have a serious conversation on your living situation before this builds up even worse because this will only be the beginning.” LitlFox
Another User Comments:
“Soft everyone sucks here
While your assessment that your cat is harmless might be accurate, animals can sense when people are stressed or agitated and may respond accordingly.
Please keep in mind that up until about 3 months ago, your wife had never had any kind of pet. Your cat would likely behave very differently when you (who would be calm and comfortable) pick it up versus your wife (who would be stressed and uncomfortable).
I had a cat growing up who was sweet as can be to me but could be quite aggressive to other people.
Your wife is clearly not comfortable with the cats and hasn’t had a lot of time to acclimate to them. It certainly seems to me that her issue was with picking up the cat at all, not that it was ‘too heavy’.
She should have simply been forthright about her reservations. I don’t know if I would go as far as to call it ‘weaponized incompetence’ (and you probably shouldn’t have used that word choice regardless), but it does chafe a bit that she wouldn’t be honest about why she wanted you to move the cat for her.
I think you both need to apologize for your part in this conflict and have a thorough discussion about your expectations and plans for managing your household. I don’t think that just keeping the cats segregated is a sustainable long-term option.” JPenelope
1. AITJ For Keeping A Secret Storage Unit Full Of My Old Stuff?
“My wife and I moved in together 6 years ago after 3 years of being together. When I moved into her place, she didn’t want a lot of my stuff in there because, either she had it already or deemed it as junk. She didn’t want my posters, my toys/action figures, and a bunch of other things.
She wanted me to get rid of it. I tried appealing to her and finding a compromise, but she was unwavering in her stance. I almost gave them away until my friend just told me to put them in a storage unit since it wasn’t a lot of stuff and they held significance in my life.
They were things I’ve had since I was an undergraduate and remind me of different times in my life. I’ve always been nostalgic and never wanted to throw anything out because I feel like these items are memorabilia for another time in my life that will never come back.
So, everything went into a storage unit. I started with a locker but now I have a 5×10, not because I have that much stuff but because I like to spend some time staying in there and just go down memory lane every now and then.
I do it once a month or once every 2 months. I even got things from my parents from my childhood there.
My wife has always been the practical one and never kept things unless they were super important or had major significance in her life.
She would honestly just throw out 90% of the things in the unit if not all so I always told her that I took care of the things she didn’t want to keep but I did. Even now when I make purchases, I know she won’t let me keep them, they basically go in the unit.
Recently, my wife has been asking our kids to get rid of the toys they no longer play with, but you know kids, they don’t want to do that despite the fact they didn’t really care for their old toys, they don’t want to get rid of it either.
They were so upset and crying all day. So, I basically donated the toys that went untouched most of their lives and were still in good condition and kept the worn-out ones in my unit. I took my kids with me to show them the toys and told them to not worry and I will take care of the toys for them.
When we got home, they were all happy and cheery. When I asked them what’s up, they spilled the beans. I never told them to keep it a secret but at the same time, I didn’t expect them to squeal. My wife was very angry and demanded to see the unit.
I showed it to her and as expected she deemed all of it as junk and wanted me to get rid of it all. I refused because I’m the one paying for it. We have separate finances, and this doesn’t affect her in any way.
Now she’s not talking to me, and everyone has been bashing me for keeping such a big thing a secret from her. I just wanted my own space/den. I probably shouldn’t have hidden it, but I know she would never approve of it, and I didn’t want unnecessary tension/drama.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. Simply putting your things in storage is a sensible compromise. I think it’s worth exploring why she’s so invested in getting rid of things that are important to you. You aren’t cluttering up the house, and the storage unit does not seem to pose a financial hardship.
You aren’t hurting anyone by having a small space of your own. I can understand why she might be irritated about the secret-keeping, but insisting that you get rid of the unit is overkill. Is this about keeping the house de-cluttered or about maintaining a sense of control over you?” RavenAmethyst
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She shouldn’t be unilaterally dictating what you’re allowed to keep. You’re an adult and that’s not okay of her. However, you sound like a hoarder who can’t throw things away and that’s not healthy either.
You should be able to pare down mementos to a box or two. Not a 5×10 storage unit! That’s concerning.
However, where you really screwed up is undermining your wife by going behind her back and letting your kids keep things without telling her.
If you thought her decision to have them get rid of stuff was wrong, you should have talked to her privately. Also, kind of sounds like you’re turning your kids into hoarders keeping lots of worn-out toys. You should be teaching them to keep ONE not a bunch.
They’re all going to end up with sheds like you are full of crap.
I grew up in a Packrat/borderline hoarder house and that was their rationale: ‘Everything has memories.'” Pessa19
Sorry, but a woman who won't compromise and dictates what her man can and can't keep in HIS home is heinous and needs to learn to compromise. But if you haven't insisted for yourself, at least you're protecting your kids. Well done on that score.
