People Want To Know Our Personal Views On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For How I Handled My Partner's Concerns?
“Partner and I went for a weekend away at an Airbnb out on a farm hours away from anything.
There was a lab at this farm, she has the run of the place.
On our first morning she came along for part of a walk and buggered off, bunch of barking later, I didn’t think it was her, but also wasn’t worried cuz it’s her farm and her owners leave her to do her thing.
My partner is super worried and thinks the lab is in a possum trap or something.
I told him I’m not worried, I didn’t think it was our lab, and if it was, the owners are good people and leave her to her adventures, the land is a few hundred acres away from traffic or problems, and I’m not going to go tromping through potentially private farmland.
He said I was dismissing him. I said if he wanted to go look for her, he could, but I was happy to wait. Then he wanted me to call her owner, so I offered him my phone/her number.
Long story short, he doubled down and said he thought it was disgusting that I could dismiss an animal’s welfare like that and heavily implied I was a horrible person.
For context, I am a veterinarian.
And went off into the bush to find the barking, which turned out to be the lab, who was fine, she had found a possum and wanted to eat it, but the darn thing wouldn’t come down from a tree to be a snack.
He said he felt I was dismissing him. I said I don’t want to feed his tendency towards anxiety and I felt the dog was fine, or a farm dog on a property we couldn’t get to – but still fine.
Today on the drive home, he spent two hours either sarcastically commenting on what he felt I was doing wrong, or straight up yelling at me at intervals.
Not big yells but like ‘WHAT are you DOING’ if I was changing the radio on the console. Or yelling at me for matching traffic in a 100km zone, never more than 110.
I told him I didn’t want to make extra stops because I found the drive stressful with him already, he asked me repeatedly to stop or go on long detours to see something he wanted to see.
I had downloaded some podcasts/audiobooks because I find they help me focus on long drives better than music; especially with him in the car with me, I told him about them, and why I’d prepared them, I asked him to put one on and he put on music instead.
I end up halfway to a panic attack after the last barking criticism and stopped for fast food to take a break and cry.
He says he’s more risk-averse and if I drove better and didn’t dismiss his worries like with the dog, it wouldn’t happen.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is though. He is passive-aggressive and sometimes straight-out aggressive. Don’t allow him to treat you this way. He is a big boy, if he wanted to go investigate the dog, he could do it. Just because you didn’t feel the need to pander to his anxiety is not your problem.
I feel like this is probably a regular thing and not a once-off issue. I would think about whether this is what you want your life to be like.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I know a lot of people like to jump the gun but I honestly believe him to be abusive.
He is stressing you and causing you anxiety on purpose. He is also putting both of you in danger by causing you such high levels of anxiety while you are driving.” Dragongurl209
Another User Comments:
“Your partner sounds emotionally draining. You deserve to be with someone that recharges you, not someone that puts you down whenever they get a chance.
He was just plain wrong about the barking, and it sounds like instead of admitting fault he turns it into anger and holds grudges. NTJ.” yanivelkneivel
23. AITJ For Snapping At My Problematic Roommate?
“I’ve had the cat for 10 years. He’s always been a shy cat, typically he just hides. He is a large and strong cat. I’ve had about a dozen tenants at this house over the last decade, and only once has there ever been anything remotely resembling this kind of friction.
The roommate has been a friend for about six years but just moved in three months ago, escaping a bad relationship situation. I own the house so she’s actually a tenant, but I prefer to think of us as roommates. She is a heavy drinker. She has been sober most of the time she has lived here but has had a few weekend benders.
When she drinks she is pretty unbearable. Disrespectful, belligerent, sloppy, has absolutely no awareness or short-term memory.
The roommate and cat did not have problems until about a month ago. He will block her path, attack her feet, hiss, and growl and even attack the sliding glass door when she closes it behind her.
At first, I thought that it was just a dominance dispute. However, he gets very angry, especially when she is wasted. I started to wonder if she may have done something to him when she was drinking. He also hates wasted people generally, so it might just be that. When she drinks she even makes me anxious.
She expects me to solve the problem but is not interested in any input from me about what she could do differently. She alternates between ‘screw your cat, I don’t care,’ and buying him treats in an attempt to butter him up. I’ve tried to explain that this won’t work, but then she gets irritated that I don’t take her side and that I appear to be blaming her.
I just say that I’m trying to be solution-oriented. Then she says she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. At this point, I’m just annoyed that she keeps asking me to do things like fetching her laundry from the basement because my cat might be in the area.
Anyway, today she was wasted and the cat slashed her hand when she tried to pet him.
I told her that she was probably oblivious to any signals the cat might have been giving her to back away because she was wasted. She got angry that I didn’t take her side, showing off the cut on her hand. I basically told her that if two parties are having a disagreement and one of them is wasted, the intoxicated is always in the wrong.
She said I’m mean and a jerk and stormed off crying and then I heard her throwing things around in her room. This woman is 35 years old and seems to have the mental maturity of a child whenever conflict arises.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell the friend to stop drinking or move.
You are literally her landlord (who lives with her) and she is disrespecting your right to quiet enjoyment of your property.” Auroraburst
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The cat which you are completely responsible for is attacking someone for seemingly no reason. And your response is to tell her basically to kick rocks?
She’s your tenant, which means she has legally defined rights in your area. Be an adult, take responsibility, and help figure out why your cat is attacking this girl.” TheLaughingRain_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like your tenant needs to find a new place. Plus, animal instincts are usually much better at sussing out people who will be terrible cohabitants for their humans.
Trust the kitty.” RoxyRockSee
22. AITJ For Making A Scene At An Engagement Party?
“My (24f) fiance (28m) and I went to his best friend’s, Alex (30m), and his now-fiancee Nell’s (27f) engagement party today.
Essentially at the engagement party, I was talking to an older lady who had spotted my iron ring because she was wearing one as well.
(An iron ring is presented to engineers in Canada once they graduate) and I was asking her a whole bunch of questions about her career, which field of engineering she’s in etc. Turns out she was Nell’s future MIL’s sister then Nell and Alex came over to say hi and I congratulated them both.
Then Nell’s MIL’s sister and I continued our conversation and then Nell spoke up and said ‘Uhm, why are you lying about being an engineer? Don’t you work at victoria’s secret or something?’ And I was like ‘Yeah I used to work at Victoria’s Secret when I was in Uni but now I work as a Software engineer’ and then Nell started laughing a bit and said ‘No you don’t, stop lying’ and everyone visibly got really awkward.
My fiance came over and greeted everyone, and Nell continued to berate me in front of everyone saying that I was lying about my job and that my fiance shouldn’t be enabling me to lie to everyone by saying that I’m an engineer. I then told her to stop and I stood my ground and said ‘I wouldn’t ever lie about my job, I worked really hard to get to where I am,’ and then Nell got extremely upset and started saying that I’m ruining her engagement party, I’m making everything about myself and that someone like me cannot be in that field of work.
My fiance got upset and asked Alex if Nell was intoxicated or not because what she was saying to me was out of line and that she has no right whatsoever to speak to me like that. Then he and I both left early and I keep on getting calls and texts from her friends calling me a witch for being stand-offish.
My fiance got a call from Alex asking us to not make this a big deal and my fiance told him we’re not going to communicate with them any further until Nell apologizes to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds to me like Nell is projecting her own securities onto you.
She sounds threatened by the fact that you could work hard and be successful while I can only assume she feels like she hasn’t. Sounds like she wanted to put you in a box to make herself feel better about herself and didn’t like it when you didn’t stay in that box.
Good on your fiancé for having your back.” BeautifulButterflyx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but where did she get the idea that you worked at VS currently? Have you not spoken with her since you were in Uni? Did you just graduate quite recently?
Her whole someone like you cannot be in that field thing is gross regardless of what she meant by it.
I don’t think you are losing much by going no contact with this person. It seems like she is insecure about herself for some reason and jealous that you have done so well for yourself.” nohomish86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and how were you ruining her party when she started this nonsense conversation and refused to back down when wrong?
And what is wrong with her friends? I’d be appalled and tell my friend she needs to get her head checked for acting so rude and frankly delusional. And no, you and your fiancé should not apologize and should tell her and her fiancé that if she wants to make a very public apology on social media for her poor and frankly insane behavior, you might consider letting it go.” Freyja624norse
21. AITJ For Telling My Mom And Sister To Leave My Fiancée Alone?
“I’m getting married next month. We are keeping it small, with just immediate family and a few close friends in the park on a Friday afternoon.
16 guests total plus the officiant and the photographer. For her job, my fiancée works in a lab that sterilizes medical instruments and surgical equipment. There are strict requirements to work there in terms of appearance and the dress code. They aren’t allowed to wear any makeup at all, any kind of nail polish or fake nails, or any kind of perfume/cologne/body spray or other scented products.
If you do show up with any of that you are sent home.
My fiancée tells me since they are covered from head to toe with all their skin and hair covered no one bothers with trying to look good at work. They have to wear scrubs, a protective gown, booties over their shoes, a hair net, a face mask, glasses, a face shield, and double gloves.
We have been together for almost 2 years and living together for a year and I have never seen her wear makeup. I honestly don’t care if she doesn’t because she is comfortable with how she looks. She hasn’t bought or worn it in 15 years because of her job.
My mom and my sister are unhappy she isn’t going to wear makeup for the wedding.
They say she will look ‘washed out’ and ‘not good’ in the photos. We did hire a professional photographer for the wedding. It was our biggest expense but we want to have nice photos. He has photographed hundreds of weddings and he took our engagement photos. In our engagement photos, my SO didn’t wear makeup and she looks fine.
It was taken in the same park at the same time of day as our wedding will be. He is aware we are keeping our appearances simple and my fiancée is not wearing makeup and he said he can make it work as he did with our engagement photos.
At first, I thought my mom and my sister just wanted her to look her best in the photos even if I didn’t like the looking-not-good dig. I showed them the engagement photos but they weren’t placated. They didn’t let it go. My complexion, hair, and eye color are the same as my fiancée and I said I wasn’t wearing makeup either.
This is where I got angry because both my sister and my mom said it doesn’t matter what I do because men look fine without makeup whereas women don’t so it only applies to my fiancée and not me.
My fiancée said it was up to me how I handle it.
I told them if they mention the subject again or say anything to my fiancée again I will uninvite them to the wedding. I don’t even know why they care so much. But after I said I would uninvite them they were not happy and now both of them are royally mad at me.
They’re saying I shouldn’t mistreat or talk to family this way when they were just trying to help. Also as a man, I don’t understand why this issue is important.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable response. You don’t get to come to the wedding if you can’t stop criticizing the bride’s appearance, because nobody needs that kind of negativity on their wedding day.
Don’t make the mistake of believing your mother and sister were ‘only trying to help’. That’s a classic bully’s defense, right up there with ‘lighten up, it’s only a joke’. People who are genuinely trying to help know when to let it go (after the first ‘no’, that would be), they don’t get angry if their offer for help isn’t accepted, and they manage to offer that help without being insulting.
Your mother and sister are not ‘helping’ when they are telling your fiancée that the way she looks, the way she looked when you fell in love with her, and the way she will look as you spend your life with her, aren’t good enough. They were blatantly attacking your wife-to-be, and you were absolutely right not to put up with that.” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you love her how she is, she is naturally beautiful. If she is happy with no makeup on and comfortable without it then why should she have to wear any? I occasionally wear makeup, but my husband never says anything, also the makeup I wear is so light all it does is cover some blemishes and make my face not look so pale, come summer I tan anyways, and makeup is hot and can break you out.
Not sure why some women are so caught up in wearing makeup, if you’re confident in how you look then it won’t matter if you wear it or not. Seems your mom and sis are caught up in outward appearance and feel women just have to wear makeup. My 16 yr old daughter learned the hard way she is allergic to different makeup, so even if your fiance decided to wear it what would happen if on the day of the wedding her face broke out in itchy hives, talk about being miserable and just washing the face doesn’t make the hives go away, it takes a few days.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t care about the wedding photos, they don’t like when women are perfectly confident in themselves without makeup when they aren’t.
Listen, I was a pro makeup artist for many years, and I have seen this with mothers bringing their daughters in pre-wedding for a trial and forcing makeup down their throats when they don’t want it.
Not only making them wear it but dictating how they are supposed to look. I wouldn’t play along because it’s not my job to make people feel uncomfortable. If they did want a little, it was per the bride’s preference. Worse than being ‘washed out’, no brides want photos where they don’t even recognize themselves.
These days makeup should be a personal expression, not a requirement for women. In my career, I took great joy in making people feel their best. I wasn’t there to tell a woman that felt great natural that it isn’t her best. It is.
It’s 2022, and they are coming from a deeply oppressive misogynistic perspective that women are to look and act a certain way to be a real woman.
It’s nonsense, and it’s offensive. They need to straighten up and let her feel her best and express herself the way she wants. The feeling of self-consciousness does not mean she should as well.
Good for you for telling them that the conversation around this is over.” anneofred
20. AITJ For Saying My Opinions To My Friend?
“My friend (23F) decided to have a cousin’s party at her grandmother’s house. The issue is she and a couple of cousins while sitting next to me started making a list. As they went through each cousin they would talk about if they would invite them or not.
A few times they brought up 3 of their cousins. They were adopted into the family as small kids. They decided not to invite them because they were not blood-related. They then continued… another family they decided to only invite half of the cousins because they didn’t like that uncle’s second wife.
So they cut her kids out.
As the conversation went on it got worse. My friend looked at me and asked me if I thought the party was a good idea. I said. ‘No, I think if you exclude these other family members and they find out it could be hurtful to them.
Adding family drama.’ My friend said I was the jerk for not supporting her decisions here. I started thinking. It’s not my family maybe I am the jerk for telling her what I thought. Am I the jerk here? I should note my friend hasn’t returned my last couple of texts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The reasons she is excluding people over are very… off. She is extremely judgemental to exclude adopted children, Any child of a second marriage. It is bizarre, controlling, and off. I wonder how her grandparents would feel at this party. I will give unsolicited advice and say, your friend is showing you who they are here.
They are being discriminatory, rude, controlling, and mean. Furthermore, when they asked your opinion and you gave it they called you a jerk. In my experience, when you hang out with people like this, people will assume you’re a jerk too. I would reconsider this friendship.
NTJ.” Mundane_Shallot_3316
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She asked you a question and you answered her honestly. People shouldn’t ask questions if they don’t want to hear the truth.
Also, what a bunch of cows. ‘Oh no, they were raised with us, by our family members, but they don’t have our b***d so they’re not invited…’
‘Don’t like step aunt so her kids are out too.'” Boredpanda31
Another User Comments:
“You need to fix the age typo in your post to (13F). I did a double-take at that age. It can’t possibly be real.
It’s shocking that a 23-year-old would think and behave like this.
She’s incredibly immature, and I can’t imagine why you would want to be friends with her, because this immaturity is going to manifest in other ways, and sooner or later you will be on the receiving end of it.
I think you should consider it a favor that she’s not replying.
Consider blocking her and finding better friends.” cat-lover76
19. AITJ For Asking My Friend For A Break?
“I (18F) have been friends with someone I’ll call Joseph (18M) since we were in middle school.
We went out very briefly and broke up very fast, as do most middle school couples. We’ve kept in touch over the years and after some dramatic ‘first love’ quarrels, formed a very special bond. He’s told me on many occasions that he basically hates everyone else but me, and that he would do anything for me.
He was there for me during my tough times and vice versa. But as of late he’s spiraling down a path of self-pity and anger that I know he will pull out of but is painful to watch.
I try to help him along the way but he has started making comments that feel completely inappropriate and make me uncomfortable with how mean or blunt they can be.
He even made a very hurtful comment about one of my friend’s weight, which I gave him a stern talking to. He is agitated easily and loves to argue with me. He’s lost many friends this way recently but we usually just make up and reassure that we love each other and it’s over.
But it’s becoming repetitive. I was talking to him about going out again, and just general stuff about how I feel pretty and just hyping myself when he said ‘Can I bring you down a couple of notches?’ I said yes and he responded with ‘You’re not in the top 3 people I’ve gone out with.’ Totally didn’t expect that from him!
I explained that I didn’t really care about that, since I wasn’t hyping myself for him and that it was really weird of him to say that. I also mentioned that just because he doesn’t personally find me attractive or desirable doesn’t mean other people won’t. He did a 180 and apologized and expressed that he was embarrassed he even said that.
I still told him that it was better if we didn’t talk for a while, to which he explained he’s just going through a lot right now. I insisted on the break anyway, but I still feel bad. It’s been a few days and I’m thinking I may have overreacted and am just frustrated with how much we’ve been arguing lately.
Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled it well.
Your friend might be going through some stuff and may need professional help. Still, it doesn’t give him the right to treat his only friend like trash. It seems like he doesn’t know how to handle seeing others do well, so he’s trying to bring you down.” johnnyplonto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, going through a hard time doesn’t make the behavior any less toxic. If I had to guess I’d say the pattern of ‘fight and make-up’ is pretty one-sided with you doing all of the forgiving. Blunt is one thing but if he’s going to be unnecessarily mean and cruel with his comments, you’re absolutely right to set boundaries and give him some time for SELF-reflection and work.” whiterice2323
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like a toxic friendship that needs a forever break.
I’m not into canceling people after one mistake and there is power in forgiveness and growing through things together, but this is not that. This sounds like a negative cycle that’s not going anywhere.
Find some friends that encourage you, empower you, and make you feel good about yourself.” mo3me
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Borrow My Makeup?
“I (17F) had two of the same eyeshadow palettes since one of them was about to expire. My sister (18F) always asked me to borrow one of them to use. Before it wasn’t a big deal to me since she would always return it. Before moving out and going to college I decided to give her the old palette in hopes that would convenient things.
Well once she started making visits home for the weekend she kept forgetting to bring home her makeup (knowing her this wasn’t a shocker) but also started to not return things nor wash my beauty blenders as I told her to. She also used up all my face wash without asking me if it was mine, completely dried up my eyeliner, and found some of my brushes in bags along with hers.
At this point, I was worried she would take it back to college with her.
So the next time she asked to use my pallets for her eyebrows I told her no. Multiple times. She went into my room to take it anyway and I tried to take it back from her.
She argued that if I asked for something she would have given it to me. I told her that didn’t matter and that it was my palette. I also brought up that she dropped her own lip gloss outside on the grass outside of our hotel room on a recent trip we went on.
If she couldn’t keep track of her own stuff what makes her think I’ll trust her with mine? She went back into the bathroom before flipping me off and closing the door.
We haven’t spoken to each other since and I’m still upset that she doesn’t respect me or my things.
But at the same time, I wonder if I gave her another chance she would have actually returned it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to give her your makeup or makeup tools. She’s not even respectful about it. Makeup and tools are too expensive.
Besides sharing causes bacteria and should really only be used by one person. My friends and I have done each other’s makeup, and I used to use my Mom’s makeup when I was a kid, but it was returned immediately, and it was a very respectful, friendly situation.
Your sister is expecting you to just give it to her, she can shut up and buy her own things. I would start hiding it when she comes home.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Absolutely no wrong in not wanting to share, especially with such a disrespectful and crass person.
Consider putting out cheap and common stuff while hiding the good ones somewhere she won’t know to look for while she’s still home since reasoning and rationale don’t work on her. Makes me wonder how she lasted in college like this.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“It’s not sanitary.
Sharing is caring doesn’t apply to makeup. Sister or not you can and eventually will get some sort of bacterial situation and then have to throw away all of your makeup so tough love is best in this situation. She’ll eventually get with the program.” Wild_Candle9522
17. AITJ For Not Giving My Cousin His Money Back?
“I (17F) have 2 1-year-old rabbits which I both love very much. About a week ago my aunt and cousin (11M) came to our house for lunch.
My cousin was feeling down because his parents are getting divorced, so I showed him my rabbits. I warned him beforehand to be gentle and not startle them as they are shy, and at first, it went alright.
I have no idea what struck him but after a while, my cousin decided to bring the rabbits out.
He picked one of them up and headed for the door, I went after to stop him as my rabbits are strictly indoors, but he would not return her to me. He ended up opening the front door and putting her down, and my rabbit bolted because she was scared. I don’t really remember much of what happened next, just me yelling at him, crying, looking for my rabbit frantically (which probably scared her into hiding), and screaming at my mother and aunt too when they did nothing to help.
At the end of the day, my aunt gave me $300 for my lost rabbit, saying she would deduct it from my cousin’s savings, and that was when he started to cry too. I didn’t want the money but took it anyway because at least my cousin got punished.
4 days passed and I would go around the neighborhood to find my rabbit whenever I had the chance, my other rabbit also showed significant anxiety without a buddy.
At last, I found her in the yard, a little dirty but otherwise looking okay. I spent some of my cousin’s money for a check at the vet’s, then kept the rest of it.
Now that my cousin learned that I found my rabbit, he has been pestering me to return the money.
I told my aunt about him and she told me to ignore him, but my mother said I should at least return the remaining amount to him since I found my rabbit and all is well. I am not that angry at him anymore, but don’t want to and probably won’t return his money, AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand that your cousin is going through a difficult time right now, but that does not excuse his actions. He is 11 years old, definitely old enough to understand and respect your request to be gentle with the rabbits. As soon as you told him to bring the rabbit back to you, he should have immediately done so and apologized.
Your aunt giving you $300 from his savings account was a very nice gesture, but it would not have been enough if your rabbit was lost forever. I’m so happy you found her and she was okay! There is no reason for you to give back the remaining amount because your cousin should realize that his actions have consequences.
Yes your rabbit was found and she was fine, but he still should be punished for all the turmoil you went through. His hounding you for the funds just proves that he has not learned his lesson. Additionally, his mother told you to keep the money, so I see no reason why you should give it back.” legallyasif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin didn’t give you the money. Your aunt did. The fact that she deducted it from his savings to discipline him is between them. You are not part of that transaction.
If you decided to return the rest of the amount, you should return it to your aunt, not your cousin.
Preferably in private, without telling your cousin.
Don’t undermine your aunt. I get that you’re not as angry anymore because you must be very relieved that your rabbit is safe and sound, but what your cousin did is still very serious. As a mother, I can tell you my kids would be in the worst trouble of their lives if they acted this way with someone else’s pet, and they would deserve every bit of punishment they got.” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The money doesn’t even cover the emotional damage done (to you and to the animals). Yes, you found it but that was not guaranteed also nobody knows what the rabbit experienced in its time away from home. (Make sure to check for hidden wounds and be on the lookout for infections).
Also if they are strictly indoors and not immunized keep them separated for a time and make sure to check for diseases.
Your cousin should get a serious sit-down, his asking for the ‘extra’ funds shows he doesn’t understand how bad his actions were.
Also, the extra funds might not even cover the time you spent searching for your animal (could calculate that and tell your mother that actually you need more damage payment than 300.)
(Your emotional damage, animal emotional damage – both of them, money spent on the vet, amount the bunny had cost when purchased, your hourly wage for searching – at least min wage but actually more because you have to spend the time you would have normally used otherwise and are in an extreme situation emotionally.)
Also, you don’t know if you will need to use the funds later on for vet bills, as the bunny could have caught something outside or brought home a surprise in form of parasites.” Mischungu
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay Longer With My Family?
“My family and I decided to book a trip to Greece for the summer.
My entire family is Greek and they were all born in Greece so we all decided to have a family vacation in addition to visiting family who still lives there. The family who is going on the trip is me, my parents, siblings, my two aunts, as well as my two uncles.
Although most of my family is in Greece, my mother’s parents moved to Brazil for work-related reasons and have lived there for close to 10 years. My mother has not seen them in person for over 17 years and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to see each other in our motherland.
Our initial return date back home is August 1st but for my grandparents who live in Brazil, their return date is August 20. My mother decided that she wants to extend the plane tickets for herself, my dad, my siblings, and myself for an extra 2 weeks, however, I want to return home with my aunts and uncles because I have school-related issues and I do not want to stay an extra 2 weeks.
My mother thinks I am ungrateful and rude for not wanting to stay the extra 2 weeks with my grandparents after not seeing them for 15 years. Am I wrong for going against my mother and not extending my plane tickets? Should I go against my own wishes and force myself? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have personal things to take care of at home. She shouldn’t force you to stay an extra 2 weeks longer if you don’t want to.” Triplicated
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a choice and you exercised it. It’s not ungrateful when the ‘help’ extended wasn’t asked for, it was thrust upon your lap.
Plus you have a valid reason to want to return home as planned. She wants to extend her stay due to feeling guilty for staying away for so long due to her own selfish choice and now wants to make up for lost time. That’s a her-problem, not a you-problem.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“You’re not in the wrong. You’ve fulfilled the responsibility of maintaining family ties by visiting them. You have other things to do in life as well.” AmericaEvil
15. AITJ For Expressing My Feelings?
“I (20 M) recently got too overwhelmed with emotions which I keep inside as it will only hurt others if I talk about how I feel.
But recently my parents were saying that they were not that bad parents when I brought up 1 small thing they did which upset me. I started laughing for some reason hearing them say they are not that bad parents when they have damaged me as they punished me for expressing my emotions as a child and would yell at me for hours for stuff I don’t even remember.
What I do remember is when I said I’ll do better next time they just said it’s always the same and kept yelling at me.
In high school, my dad would not respect my space and used stuff he bought me from time to time just to show me he can do that and that really bothered me but if I would bring it up they would be like my house my rules.
So now as a college student due to other complex things in the past I don’t know how to deal with my emotions or not treat every new person as a new person and feel like they just want to take advantage of me (this is a complex issue that will involve a whole new post to explain) so when they asked me why I laughed I just spilled all of this which I never do for good reason.
At night my mom said sorry and she would only say negative things so I can prove them wrong and motivate me (which did work but I am paying the price of that motivation now).
I have recently been forced to revisit the past because of my recent diagnosis of ADHD and I now stay awake at night at 4 am so I will be too tired to think about my emotions, and if I do the suppressed ones come in and I hyperventilate.
But when my dad came in the room he started crying and said he did what he did because he had good intentions and his execution was wrong and asked me to please forgive him like 3 times and I couldn’t say I do because it won’t be true as even though my parents are better people now I still have all these damages possible for life and I don’t know what to do to heal and this bothers me so much that I am screwed forever cause of this and ADHD.
AITJ for talking about my feelings in such an open way to my parents because doing so made them cry and I could not even say the words to make them feel better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t even think for one second that you are. You’re allowed to have feelings.
You’re allowed to express them. It’s healthy. Your parents need to know what they’ve done to you. They hurt you and if it hurts them to hear that, then good. Maybe they can take this as an opportunity to do better for you.” moonbaby07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Them crying is not your problem. You are entitled to your feelings especially since they were part (or all) of the cause.
Due to my parents kicking me out at 18, I ended up going no-contact with them. I also have issues when I get upset. I’ll go mute. That one was because my dad would yell at me in the car and I found out that if I stayed silent, he’d stop eventually.
But as another has suggested… Therapy, potentially family therapy, is a good idea and first step.” admiral652
14. AITJ For Snitching On My Best Friend To Her Family?
“My best friend Dee had a very strict upbringing, her family is the typical Asian household with extreme rules and regulations, but Vi (another friend) and I are brought up in an Asian household but not as extreme an upbringing as hers. And if you are brought up in an Asian household it’s like as long as you are still living off of your family you have to abide by every single rule they say, like curfews, constantly asking permission to just go to malls, birthday parties, etc. And sometimes they gave her permission to party or go out if Vi and I are there with her to accompany her.
So Dee met this Guy online (25 M), Dee is in college taking up Engineering which isn’t a cheap course at all, her college tuition & expenses are shouldered by her family. Her partner is a walking red flag. He always asks Dee to cut classes sometimes during an exam and makes Dee go to his house in another state which is like 3-4 hours away from her university.
Whenever she goes to that guy’s house, the guy and his family ask her for money.
One time she went there and she had money to get back to her house and she asked me to wire her some funds. Days after that I talked to her cousin, the only one in her family that knows that she is in a relationship, the reason she ran out of funds was that her partner threw a fit when they were hanging out at the mall and her partner wanted to eat at an upscale restaurant that he can’t afford and he has guilt tripped & manipulated Dee into giving him funds.
But Dee has only a weekly stipend from her family and her allowance for that day was only for a bus ride to go home. And I found out that I wasn’t the only one she messaged asking for funds because she was stranded somewhere. She also contacted Vi and her cousin.
We all wired her funds. That they used to eat at the restaurant.
The last straw happens when she was supposed to go to her university to pay her tuition with her family’s money. Then she goes missing. The last thing they heard from her was that she was going to my house and was going to sleep over.
But she never came to my house. After 3 days her mother & brother are slamming on our door and demanding me to release her daughter and I keep telling them that I don’t know where she is. They caused a scandal.
After they went to my house they went to Vi’s house with the cops.
And they checked Vi’s house and Dee was not there. So I contacted Dee’s cousin and asked her if she knows where Dee is and what on earth is happening. She told me that Dee has a huge sum of money that she was supposed to pay for her university but didn’t pay it.
And then her family is accusing Vi and me that we did something to Dee because of the funds. It was very stressful. So I snitch her out and told them that Dee has a partner who likes asking her for funds. And voila they found Dee there and she gave the funds to her partner.
And Dee was very mad at us. But she didn’t know the stress and shame that this ordeal caused us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m normally very much ‘don’t out people’ in any way, but your friend could have been in danger. Yes, her parents may be stricter with her for a while but hopefully, that will keep her away from her gold-digging partner.” Boredpanda31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you had to do. Her parents thought you did something to her, and you had to clear your name. She didn’t tell anyone where she was going, not even you, and she used a sleepover with you to cover up her disappearance.
Plus, that guy has a lot of red flags. If she wants to have a needy partner, she needs to find a way to get funds that aren’t taken from friends and family.” HermioneGranger152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t have used you as an alibi without your knowledge.
Any consequences arising from that action are solely on her.” Prokristination
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Ask My Sister To Take Graduation Pictures With Me?
“My sister and I fell out a few years ago and only in the last couple of years did we make amends and start talking to each other again. But we aren’t nearly as close as we were before the fallout.
We don’t communicate much and it’s just small talk between us when we do meet each other.
Anyway, I am going to take my graduation pictures this Wednesday since I graduated with a bachelor’s degree this year. It’s going to be with me and both my parents. But two days ago, my mom brought up the idea of inviting my sister to take the pictures with us but I don’t feel comfortable with her being there.
First of all, she has a daughter who is extremely attached to her and if she goes, the daughter goes and I don’t really want a toddler running about when I’m taking the pics. I adore my niece but I’d rather be quick in the studio.
Secondly, she stays quite far away from me and my parents and if we were to come, my dad would have to drive all the way to her place to pick her up which would stress my dad out.
There’s a lot of heavy traffic where she stays and she can’t drive so my dad will have to go through the trouble of picking her up. I don’t want my dad to get stressed before the shoot since I just want all of us to be relaxed and happy to take good pictures.
Thirdly, she’s horribly unreliable with time and schedules. Whenever there is something time-sensitive she has to go for, she always ends up flaking or being late for it. And there’s always drama whenever there are plans made with her. I don’t want to go through the disappointment of having to reschedule or be late for my appointment just because she couldn’t make the effort to be on time and stick to the plan.
I know she has kids but with any plans, she’s told about it with ample time to make plans and get ready so there’s really no excuse. I don’t want to risk it with her, hoping and praying that she’s magically the most responsible and considerate person ever.
My dad would definitely like her to be there but he always takes on too much on his plate and doesn’t listen to reason when it comes to his daughter.
He’ll insist on going to fetch her from her place but it would cause him a lot of stress and it’ll make him moody if things don’t go as planned (late for our appointment, traffic, etc). So to save him the trouble and us the grief, I’d rather her not be there.
My mom agrees with me and tells me to not mention this issue to my dad. I agree and haven’t done so. But it’s just my own conscience about leaving a family member out of a portrait despite not being close with her anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For the most part, anytime one of us graduates we typically just do the graduating person’s pictures, and then on the actual day of the ceremony have relatives take pictures of graduating person with parents, siblings, and whoever was there to celebrate with them gets their picture taken as well.
Maybe ask if your sister could stay the night before at your parents’ house and then in the morning she comes with her parents to the studio for pictures? I am wondering if your mom wanted one photo of all family because it’s easier to do that when you already have a photographer set up.
My mom does that sometimes.” AlternativeAlias42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is all up to you and who you want to be in the photos. That should be the end of it. Although since she is unreliable and her kid has attachment issues, I would say to keep her out of it as well.” iwantfrys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is YOUR time and moment. Your graduation pictures should be with the people you want. If you don’t want her in them, that’s up to you. You’re the one who will have these pictures for the rest of your life and look back on them.
You may look back and regret her not being there, or you’ll look back and be glad she wasn’t. Hindsight is 20/20, so do what would currently make you happy is my thought.” ERCalm
12. AITJ For Giving My Sister's Best Friend Tampons And My Shorts?
“Last week, I (17M) was watching over my step-sister and her friend (11F). They were going around the house and at one point I noticed the friend had a dark stain on her shorts.
I let her know, and she was mortified, apparently, it was her first period. I went to my parents’ bathroom and grabbed a tampon to give to her, and she seemed scared. I asked her if she was ok with these and my step-sister said her mom taught her how to use them and she’d help her friend.
Anyway, now to the shorts. The friend is bigger than my sister, so her clothes wouldn’t fit. So I grabbed some old gym shorts that I had and gave her to wear. Everything seemed ok, and her mom picked her up not too long after.
So, my stepmom gets home and said the girl’s mom called her freaking out, saying I was a creep for giving such a young girl a tampon instead of a pad and giving her my own shorts.
My stepmom and sister don’t think I’m the jerk, although they said I could’ve offered a pad. But they didn’t really mention it anymore.
But I feel weird. Was I a creep and a jerk? I’ll admit I could’ve looked harder for a pad and maybe gotten one of my stepmom’s shorts, but I didn’t feel comfortable going through her stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, a pad probably would have been better just because it’s easier to use. However, your stepmom should probably have those on hand and in an easily accessible place for your sister thus saving you from hunting all over for them. Plus you did consult your stepsister on that so I feel like you went above and beyond here.
You gave her what you could find and helped and I would imagine that most parents would be grateful.
As far as the shorts, it’s an article on clothing. I don’t understand the freak out there at all. Clean shorts that just happen to have been worn by a man before?
Please don’t worry about this. You did the right thing.” Prestigious-Name-323
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You handled it perfectly!
Sure a young girl probably can’t use a tampon and would need a pad. But you really wouldn’t know this unless you had had that conversation with someone!
Good on you for giving her clean clothes to wear. That was an MVP move and shows that young girl that boys aren’t weird with periods and that they understand.” OpinionatedAussieGal
Another User Comments:
“I would have offered a pad initially – not because of her age, but because putting a tampon in can take some practice, even if it’s been explained to you.
These things are always much easier to deal with in the comfort of your own home too.
You can kind of understand the friend’s mother freaking out, because, I’m sorry to say, girls experience harassment from an early age, and presumably she didn’t know you.
But between you and your stepsister, you did a great job of being kind, calm, and helpful to the friend.
You’re a good person and NTJ.” Enough-Builder-2230
11. AITJ For Parking My Car In A Communal Space?
“I (28F) moved into my mum’s investment property in January. There are four units and each unit has its own garage. There are also three car spots located centrally within the units. The car spots have recently had unit numbers painted on the ground despite them being common property.
The three car spots have been self-allocated to all the units except my mum’s. My mother advised me before moving in that I can park there as it is common property and since it’s so close to my front door and it constantly remains empty, I park my car there.
Within the first few days of me living there, my neighbor backed into my car (it is about 30m from their garage and my parked car so I’m not sure how they managed it!) But they reluctantly repaired it through their insurance.
A few weeks ago, my neighbor came up to me and advised me that it was ‘legally her car park’ and asked me not to park there.
I am quite an anxious person so I stood quiet, went inside, and asked my mother to send me the deed to review. The deed clearly stated that any land outside of the boundaries of each unit is common property and the car spots do not belong to anyone. I was pretty annoyed that firstly, the other units were banned together to paint their own numbers on the ground to claim the spots (leaving my mum’s unit out), and secondly that she tried to say it was legally her spot despite that being untrue.
However, I’m not a confrontational person so I continued to park there because it’s right next to my door and she had no legal right to the car spot.
Last week she texted me and again asked me not to park there because her husband likes to reverse into it (even though there’s plenty of room to reverse).
I simply responded by advising her what the deed states, asked that any further correspondence be directed to my mother (the landlord), and included a screenshot of the section of the deed showing that the car spots are for everyone. She then said it would be common courtesy to ask her permission to park there and finished the message off by saying ‘whatever’.
She then mistakenly sent a screenshot of my message and called me a witch. I did not respond and just asked my mother to reach out to her directly to resolve it as I’m not the owner.
I’m pretty mad that she lied, claimed a car spot that wasn’t hers by painting the ground, and then passive-aggressively texted me to try and get her way.
Oh and also insulted me!
I’m not home much as I travel rurally for work but when I’m home I continue to park next to my front door despite my neighbor’s request to park somewhere else. Initially, I thought she was wrong and entitled but now I’m starting to think I might be the jerk for parking in the car spot, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re doing your mum a favor. I wonder if past tenants have had problems with the neighbors before. I think they think you’re young and are not about all the time so can bully you to try and claim the spots. Take pictures of your car and be sure to park in all the spots, showing pictures of your car in them so none of the neighbors can prove exclusive use.” Agreeable_Reaction29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, most old people like to whinge and complain about anything possible and think they deserve our respect when they are usually completely out of line like in your instance it’s common property and they are starting to harass you about this. Just threaten to call authorities if they want to continue to harass you over a common car park.” Gizzkhalifa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you stated, it’s not owned by anyone, even if they paint on it to ‘claim’ it. It’s still legally common property, so your neighbor is completely wrong. You did right sending her to your mom, as she is the landlord.” Dork86
10. WIBTJ If I Report An Employee For Airing Out Our Drama?
“I live in a small town and have lived here my whole life.
I frequent this store every day as my spouse works there & I know all of the workers there. Now, this is where the issue starts, my old roommate just got a job there.
Rachel moved in with me because she was in a really rough spot, we had an agreement that I wouldn’t make her pay rent when she moved in, she owed people funds.
So I let her live rent-free for 3 months, and I was paying all the bills. I was charging her $150 to rent a room. Things were great at first I was excited to have my friend living with me, but then things hit the fan very quickly, Rachel started drinking a lot & couldn’t hold down a job, and the room she stayed in didn’t have a bathroom.
I had the master bedroom which has a bathroom, there was another bathroom 15 feet away from her room that she could use, except she chose not to, I worked at 5-7 am, and she would have friends over very late at night, I don’t care as long as you’re being respectful.
She would walk her friends & her friends with benefits through my room to use the recreational room while I was sleeping & they’d be wasted & they would just chill in my room while I was trying to sleep. I brought it up to Rachel many times & she said it would stop, but it never did.
She let people stay at our house when no one was there, one day someone stole several hundred dollars worth of makeup from me. Things got worse.
I was afraid to come home & see her so I would go park a block away, walk home, & climb the fence & through my window to hide for hours until she would leave so I wouldn’t have to be confronted by her.
I had to evict her.
Now things were fine for a while, during the process of kicking her out I found out I had cancer and she was accusing me on the internet of faking it.
Things died down so I assumed that things were blowing over until she started drama at my job.
She had told someone I had an issue with them because I had previously been sleeping with someone they had slept with once. This is not why I had an issue with this person.
So now this girl comes up to me at work & started threatening me & asking why I had a problem with her & that I supposedly had talked all this trash about her & she heard it from Rachel.
I messaged Rachel and the conversation was less than pleasant. She tried to justify it by saying she was wasted and mad and that’s why she did it. I ended up quitting my dream job & entered remission for my cancer. Yay!
Well now it has been 3 years, no issues at this point, but she got a job at this store & has started talking about it, I’m friends with most of the people that work there.
Someone that works there told me tonight that she was talking about me & our issues, normally I would just let these things slide but I know what kind of person she is and she isn’t going to stop there. My spouse works there too & he knows everything but this just puts me in an uncomfortable position.
I don’t want there to be problems when I go in there. WIBTJ if I asked the manager to speak with her about this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you try to make your personal issues into a professional matter, your issues had nothing to do with the person’s job or the manager.
Confront her yourself if you don’t like what she’s saying, it’s your problem to handle and no one else’s.” crocodoodles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If this is the kind of subject she brings up with employees, and it makes others uncomfortable, then it should be reported to the manager for creating an uneasy workspace.
However, let it simply be a voice of concern rather than an actual complaint. Let the manager know to stay on alert about Rachel.” RedEmissary
9. AITJ For Not Going To My Friend's Bachelorette Party?
“My (29F) sister was invited to go to a bachelorette party for her (29F) friend who is getting married soon.
The friend group organizing the party added everyone to a group chat where they were discussing what to do, where to go etc. At some point the original plans of a chill wine and dine and maybe having one or two more drinks at a bar, turned to having drinks at the bride’s house and then going to a nightclub (with live music) where they’d buy at least three bottles of booze and (I quote based on their texts on group chat) ‘Whoever can’t afford it, better not show up’.
My sis has always had health issues with her stomach, if she drinks more than 1-2 glasses she throws up and is in immense pain. She felt like she’d be the party pooper if she didn’t drink a lot and since she doesn’t know the friend group (only the bride) she wanted to explain the situation to them.
As soon as she did, the bride’s friend group, and especially a girl called A, started saying my sister is only mentioning it cause shes obviously planning on not paying her share for the booze and doesn’t care bout the bride. Some quotes:
‘Wow I have issues myself u know but I’m not gonna mention them in group chat cause I care about the bride having a great bachelorette party.’
‘Omg if u care that much about the money say so directly don’t use excuses.’
‘I – who really loves the bride – wouldn’t mention such unimportant stuff on such an important day.’
You get the gist. They kept saying more similar stuff on the group chat and basically trash-talking her.
I along with two others told my sister to simply show up at the bride’s house for the first part of the bachelorette party, give her a lovely gift, and not go to the nightclub after since the bride’s friend group is obviously not gonna make this a fun experience with that attitude (plus A was getting on my nerves).
My sis texted them explaining how she will show up at the bride’s house and will, of course, pay for the stuff they had already discussed and agreed on (cake, decorations, etc) but she will not be coming to the nightclub since she doesn’t feel that comfortable anymore with their attitude.
They proceeded to say ‘oh well you were always welcome’, ‘omg I hope you’re not offended we were just having a discussion jeez’, ‘well I will do the right thing and come since I love the bride, even though I won’t drink much but you do you girl’.
Sister now feels like a massive jerk for saying she is not coming to the nightclub since the bride was really looking forward to having her at the bachelorette party.
Sister thinks she’s being a bad friend and showing up at the house only isn’t enough and the bride will end up hating her. So, she wanted an outsider’s opinion: Is she the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell your sister that she is being ‘gaslit’ by this group of women.
The fact that they guilted her over her medical condition, made accusations about her not wanting to pay, and basically roasted her on a group chat is brutal. When she decided not to go, they suddenly said, ‘We were just having a discussion, jeez.’ They’re now making her the villain when she doesn’t want any part of their toxic behavior.
They sound brutal. Absolutely brutal.
Tell your sister to keep her distance, walk away from toxic comments, and avoid them as best she can going forward in life. She’s not being a bad friend. The bride is the one who has a gaggle of bad friends that are basically bullying your sister.
The sooner your sister can remove herself from this group of jerks – the better her life will be. Gawd, I just want to hug your sister – this exact kind of trashy behavior makes me cray-cray.” DragonFireLettuce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! They are legit mean girls bullying her. I’m very disappointed in the bride for not sticking up for your sister more.
Your sister could have gone to the bride and maid of honor and let them know her concerns in a more private conversation, but ultimately what was said in the big group was very rude and she shouldn’t have had to feel like she needed to defend herself.” batmandi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you have health issues, then you don’t have to drink, and I totally get not wanting to be the only sober person around a bunch of wasted people you barely know. ‘Just having a discussion’ when they were being rude to her, and acting like it was unreasonable for her to be upset, I wouldn’t want to be around those people either.” Sketchy_Eraser
8. AITJ For Not Liking My Mom's Partner?
“Recently, my (15m) mom (38f) got a new partner (41m). I know nothing about him, but suddenly he comes over nearly every day to be with my mom. Literally, all I know about him is his name and that he doesn’t drink coffee, and I haven’t even gotten a chance to talk to him because all he wants to do is be with my mom.
All the time.
The other day, I was having a perfectly good conversation with my mom. She was telling me some stuff about her childhood and giving me advice and all that when suddenly, the guy called. She cut me off mid-sentence, answered the phone, and talked to him for hours.
Yesterday, I decided to bring it up. I basically told my mom that I don’t like her partner, I hate how she puts more time into him than her own kids, and I basically feel like he’s an intruder in the house because again, I know pretty much nothing about him.
(Quick note: I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder called Generalized Anxiety Disorder that’s basically all the different types of anxiety mixed into one. I can’t even order at restaurants myself. My mom is one of the few people I can talk to, and her partner definitely isn’t.)
Anyway, my mom basically told me I was being an unreasonable brat and she has the right to have men over if she wants to.
I said I understand and don’t disagree, but maybe go to his place sometimes so he’s not here, and maybe help me get to know him so it’s not so bad. She started yelling at me. Just the usual ‘you’re so disrespectful, that’s just like a boy telling me who I can and can’t have around, etc.’ Some of it didn’t even make sense.
Now I’m thinking that I should’ve gone about it better or left the subject alone, but I also think my mom was being unnecessarily mean, so I don’t know. It’s confusing. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if I had children and was interested in a man, I would first make sure to see how he would behave towards the kids and have them spend some time together, especially if I want to be in it for the long haul.
Not everyone likes kids and stepparents can be mean. Your mom isn’t the only one who’ll have to deal with the guy, you will too, so it is stupid that she did not think about having you two get to know each other.” i_know_nothing123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom and her new partner are being selfish turds focused on themselves with not much regard for the effect on you. Everything you said to your mom was appropriate. A parent shouldn’t bring a stranger into the home, especially one making no effort to introduce himself.
I’m sorry she’s acting more like a teenager than a parent right now.” usernamefred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there is a middle ground to be had here.
Maybe you can ask your mom to organize a time for the three of you, and any siblings you have, to interact.
This way he’s not a ‘stranger who sucks up all my mom’s time,’ he’s a ‘guy who comes over periodically, and also there was that one time we went to the aquarium, I guess he’s ok.'” LittleFeltSpock
7. WIBTJ If I Ask My Upstairs Neighbor To Be Quieter Through A Note?
“I live in an apartment below someone. And I totally understand that noise in an apartment is like Thanos… inevitable. I also hate being ‘that’ person but I have reached my breaking point.
I’m pretty sure their work hours have them getting home between 9-10 pm. Either that or they’re just purposely being jerks. Anyways… from about that time until well after midnight all we hear is CONSTANT pacing. I mean heavy footfalls that shake pictures on the walls, aiming for the creakiest floorboards, the works.
That’s bad enough but EVERY night I swear the following occurs: they get a small ladder, one that’s high enough for them to get as close to their ceiling as possible. From there, they drop what I can only assume is an 18lb + bowling ball. And this happens anywhere from midnight to 6 am.
I don’t know what on earth they’re doing but indoor midnight lawn darts come to mind.
Earplugs don’t work… I’ve had to resort to earbuds and a white noise app. I can’t hear them but it also means I can’t hear anything in my own apartment either. Someone breaks in?
Nope… won’t hear it. More importantly… if something happens with my kids, I won’t hear it. If my son, who recently started having seizures has one, I won’t hear it and that is life-threatening. My daughter probably would since their rooms are next to each other and the 2nd bathroom shares a wall with her room.
But that’s not a guarantee.
The hubs and I currently don’t live together so it’s just me and my kids (20 and 17). The cops get called to our complex at minimum once a week so face-to-face confrontation is not something I really want to get into, especially in the middle of the night (I work days and they don’t seem to be home during that time so talking to them then is out as well).
Also, I’ve lived above some jerks… one chick, I swear if an ant farted she was slamming on her ceiling (our floor). And that’s why I can’t stand being ‘that’ person. But sleep deprivation is getting the best of me. I have a nice divot in my ceiling from throwing a boot after being jolted awake by said bowling ball one night.
I know… a childish move but again… I was exhausted and had just experienced a mild, fear-induced cardiac event thanks to them. I will say that the noise stopped after that… maybe they realized 2 am wasn’t the time for suplexing one another?
So… WIBTJ if I left a note politely explaining that I work days and my kids have to be up early for school?
I would NEVER ask them to like tiptoe around their own home because that’s just ludicrous. I would just mention that we’d greatly appreciate it if they could be a bit more cognizant of the fact that the people who live below them are trying to sleep and try to keep it down at night.
My son is hard of hearing so he is spared the noise since he doesn’t sleep with his hearing aids. But my daughter and I are running on fumes on a daily basis because of these people.
Edit: for example, it’s after midnight and they’re STILL pacing around, creaking floorboards.
Ugh!”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ. Yes, it’s an apartment and noise is inevitable BUT there’s also a reasonable expectation that people will do what they can to not make unnecessary disturbances. Dropping something occasionally because you’re clumsy? It happens and that’s fine.
But dropping things every night? Nah that’s not ok. If you’re worried about your safety after leaving a note, don’t even mention who you are and what apartment you’re in. Just sign it from a neighbor and hopefully, they stop. If not, go to management and file a complaint, you might not be the first one.” pilates_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless your apartment complex explains that you’re allowed to make noise. I know some apartment complexes have rules (such as ‘no music or loud noise past 10 PM’) but that varies. Start by leaving a note, but be polite, maybe throw in some cookies. If nothing gives, or if they’re rude about it, talk to the apartment complex owners.
It is completely unfair for you to have to deal with it. I would be fuming.” shushhhhhh13
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk, but being someone who has lived downstairs a few times… I don’t think the problem will ever be fully resolved. I’d maybe ask the landlord about a transfer to a different apartment if this is that big of an issue, especially if your child is having life-threatening seizures and this is making it to where you can’t hear him.” SignificantBelt1903
6. AITJ For Supporting My Daughter's Decisions?
“Both of my daughters live with their mother. My oldest turned 18 this month. She has recently expressed that she is having issues with depression and has a desire to move away from her mother and stepdad. Her mother has told me recently that she is having issues with doing her school work (homeschooled), and that she is basically making her own living situation a personal self-made misery.
While I do not know all of the details, I felt it was important to support my daughter in whatever path she chooses in her life, as she is now an adult and capable of making her own decisions, even if that means leaving the homeschooling behind.
While I want her to finish school, I did not feel that this was a good time to add to her depression by getting on her case about it.
I let her know that the only thing that I want is her happiness and safety (don’t want her to try to leave and live on the street) and that I want her to think about her options and not make any decisions that she will regret later.
This has not gotten crazy yet, as I am fairly certain it will once she tells her mother and stepdad that she is leaving, and I fully intend to help her as much as I can financially, and otherwise.
I also have not shared any of the conversations with her mother as I know things could change, and she talked to me in confidence about this. I worry that it may affect the relationship I have with her mother, and also my other daughter for me showing my support, but I truly feel like it was the best thing I could do for her.
What do you think? AITJ for supporting my daughter in her decisions, and keeping her conversation private for the time being, or should I have been more encouraging about sticking it out longer and finishing her home school?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she needs to finish school in some aspect.
Maybe not being lorded over by mom, but I’m sure she could find a way to finish. I think the problem with your initial post is that there’s no real conflict. She’s 18 and yeah you might have an issue down the line with your ex, but that’s only if she finds out and finds a way to blame you.
At the end of the day, who is the jerk? It sounds like mom is just trying to get her daughter to complete school, which is a good thing.” rocker49107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She won’t come to you if you blab every conversation you two have in private to her mom, but I do think you need to encourage her to finish school.
She is almost done and having an education is important. If she needs to take a break once she graduates to figure out what she wants to do, that’s fine, but don’t let her lose her education because she is going through a difficult time.” jeansareformalwear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you’re concerned and want to help but there needs to be a serious discussion about how this will work.
You need to tell her what you’re willing to offer and what you expect from her before she leaves. Be very clear that your support is not meant to be an extension of childhood (someone else pays the bills while she plays around). If mental health is the issue, make evaluation and treatment a condition of staying with you.
If she wants a break from school, okay, but she needs to get a part-time job so she’s not idle.” Flat_Contribution707
5. AITJ For Just Wanting To Get Passing Grades?
“I am 23 and in my last semester of uni and I have a big 50-page paper to write.
I talked to my dad today and mentioned my paper extension and I mentioned at one point I just want to pass at this point and he got upset as he started saying he’s telling me to do my best and I shouldn’t settle for average and I’m ok with being average.
However, I said it’s not ideal but at this point, it’s best for me to just graduate so I can start getting a career and all and it’s just a one-time thing and I have worked really hard on this paper either way, and its a hassle, so I kinda just want it done.
I have passed all my other courses, but this is the only one left and I got good grades A-B, B+’s and all. So AITJ for saying that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re at the end of your university experience then as long as you pass this final part you’ve already pretty much done ‘your best work’ before you even turned this in.
But I get where your dad is coming from and although pushy and a bit overbearing there is some merit. In your opinion you are explaining that you have done the best that you can do, so you’re not exactly just settling for a passing grade.
Perfection is the worst trap for university students.
I say this as someone who pursued law school and a Ph.D. with a lot of imposter syndrome. At some point it is okay to say, I’ve done the best I can do and just turn it in. If you feel that’s where you are then be confident and don’t beat yourself up about it or let your dad’s critique bug you too much.
Getting to the finish line is merit in itself so be proud of that part.” itineranthistorian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I totally get this and feel it as I have been there. If your dad has been to college he’s forgotten what it feels like to be in your position and if he has not been to college he has no idea so you can take what he says with a grain of salt.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad isn’t the one taking the class nor is doing the assignment. As long as it is a passing grade and YOU are happy with it, your dad cannot be mad. My dad was like this my entire middle school years up to the first year of high school, he was always on my case about getting 100% in all my classes, and it got to the point where I was stressing out so much in my 8th grade year.
The moment I realized that getting a C or 70% was a miracle was after the very first quarter of my English honors class + other honors classes. After that semester whenever my dad would complain about my grades being less than 90, I would always tell him to go do my assignments in my place since he really wanted those 100s.” theshortonewithcurls
4. AITJ For Complaining About The Noisy Kids At The Playground?
“I live in an apartment complex that has 2 playgrounds. I have been living in this complex for 14 years, but recently moved into a different unit. This new unit’s patio faces both playgrounds, which has been very annoying. I have no issue with kids playing outside and enjoying themselves, but I draw the line at screaming.
There is 1 kid specifically that plays at the playground daily and screams the entire time he’s playing. His mother, along with 3-4 other mothers just sit there and allow him to scream for absolutely no reason. There are times that they actually have to raise their voices to speak to each other because her son is screaming so loud they can’t hear; mind you, they’re all sitting together.
Today, I was watching my tv and scrolling on my phone. I heard the boy screaming a few times, but just ignored it and continued about my business. After a few minutes, I couldn’t ignore the screaming anymore, it was genuinely concerning. I thought the kid had possibly hurt himself by how he sounded and how long he had consistently been screaming.
At this point, I was highly irritated because I should not be able to hear a child screaming with my patio door closed AND my tv on high – that’s ridiculous. I decided to go see what was going on and as I was walking up to the playground I heard somebody yell out their window, ‘stop screaming’, so I knew I wasn’t the only one finding this really irritating.
When I found the little boy he was sitting under the playground just screaming and his little friend told me another kid hit him. As this was happening, his mom finally decided to come to see why her kid was screaming b****y murder, so I asked her ‘is this your kid screaming like that?’ She’s foreign so I couldn’t understand a lot of what she said, but I know for a fact she said ‘it’s a playground for kids to scream’, to which I responded, ‘there is a difference between screaming and yelling and screaming is not okay just because it’s at a playground’.
She kept excusing his poor behavior because it’s a playground, so I told her I would just report her to the property manager, to which she responded ‘do it, report me.’ I told her I planned to and was ready to walk away when somebody from their window started yelling, ‘he’s a kid, he’s playing’.
I said, ‘I understand he’s a kid and he’s allowed to yell and have fun at the playground, but screaming is not necessary or appropriate’ – please remember this is a DAILY occurrence. I finally left it at, ‘you like to hear kids screaming for no reason but I don’t.
There is no reason to be screaming just because it’s a playground. Other people live here too and I don’t care what else you have to say about it.’
It has been reported to my property manager via email and I can usually expect a quick response. AITJ or a Karen for approaching a mom because I’m tired of hearing inconsiderate little kids screaming outside my patio?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is essentially a no-win situation. The screaming kid is clearly extremely annoying. But kids do a whole lot of things that adults don’t need to/can’t do, and one of those things is making an amount of noise that feels excessive to us.
Clearly, this particular kid would have been better off living out in the country somewhere that he could make all the noise he wanted without inconveniencing others, but he didn’t get so lucky.
While I completely empathize with your frustration here, you’re not likely to get corrective action from either the property manager or the mother – kids making noise is a nuisance, not a threat, and the mom has already made it clear she doesn’t agree with your take on the situation.
They may even come from a culture where outdoor screaming is a form of expression – who knows.” DubiousChordate
Another User Comments:
“I am not going to say YTJ for not wanting to listen to a kid screaming because frankly it’s not something many people relish hearing but I wonder if it occurred to you that the child might be non-neurotypical. You’re passing judgment on a mom in a situation where there is an obvious language barrier.
Her response to you was probably a result of your confrontational approach, my guess is your tone and body language telegraphed your anger and frustration loud and clear. You don’t seem to consider any explanation for his screaming other than poor behavior and the implied poor parenting which in spite of judgment already passed make you a jerk.” SmallTownAttorney
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I distinctly remember my mother teaching me not to scream as a child – screaming is for emergencies. Despite the fact that it’s a playground kids should still be expected to behave in a manner that takes into consideration their surroundings, and screaming is not appropriate unless it’s an emergency.
Otherwise, how does anyone know when the kid is screaming for an actual reason?!? This kind of behavior makes me absolutely nutty. Tell the apartment manager. They likely won’t do a thing, but if enough people complain maybe they’ll ask the parents to actually parent their kid.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. For one, the screaming was justified because he was hit, but other than that I totally agree with you. Ok kids are loud, but why are they screaming like they’re about to be murdered, I never understood that. Kids can be noisy in the playground, but yelling like an ax murderer is after them is just not okay.
Such screaming is for emergencies (unfortunately there have been cases where people thought ‘oh it’s only children screaming’ and someone was unfortunately harmed.)” Sahsame
The problem with continual screaming is that when there is something to scream about, people ignore it because “those kids are always screaming”.
3. AITJ For Being Disappointed With My Birthday Gift?
“My (31F) husband (28M) and I have an 8-month-old daughter. We each have our own car and with it, our own car seat. Sometimes people will look after our daughter and we will leave one of our cars for them so they can drive her around, as we don’t have a spare car seat.
This also means when we drive to events with other family members (e.g. my sister) we usually go in two cars. My sister (F36) doesn’t have any kids.
Cut to today. It was my birthday and already wasn’t feeling great but my sister told me she has a great present planned, so I got really excited. Turns out, the present is her (and her partner and my dad) buying a car seat for their car so things can get easier in the future.
Here’s the thing: I was (am) really disappointed! While I appreciate what they’re trying to do, I feel like it’s not really a present for me at all.
AITJ for being disappointed that my present isn’t really for me?”
Another User Comments:
“Well that present was for them and for the family as a whole; it wasn’t for you specifically so it does make a bit of an odd present to celebrate you on your birthday.
(It would make a better mother’s day gift, for instance.)
But it’s not that unexpected for things like this to happen now that you’re a parent. They wouldn’t have bought the car seat for themselves, too. It is for your family and to make life easier for you all (and so you can hang onto your car).
So I’ll have to say no jerks here.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Completely valid where your feelings are coming from. Since it’s your birthday you expect it to be all about you, and there’s nothing wrong with that! A present like that is not as thoughtful if I may say, it’s more for your baby.
If they want to be helpful they should have bought you a spa day. So you could relax.” No_Historian_5724
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to break the trend and say YTJ (which sounds harsh but not meant to be). You’re a young-ish parent. You’ll need to accept that things won’t be mainly about you.
People are going to put your child first, just the way things are going to be from now on. Truthfully, at your age, I wouldn’t expect gifts from other adults outside say a gift card, some drink you like, or some minor home improvement tool.” hatmantc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or gentle YTJ if you are sulking or complaining.
Presents for adults are hard. I actually feel like getting any present from siblings at the age where you all have your own kids is lucky, but that might just be because my family isn’t huge in presents.
But the gift isn’t a car seat for the daughter the gift is that they are willing to babysit and make your life easier.
Think of the gift as all the time you save removing a car seat from your car and putting it into theirs and back. Or working out lifts in one car while they use yours to avoid having to juggle the seats.
The gift is the babysitting and the help and making everyone’s life easier.” TheLizardsCometh
It's not hard to move a car seat from one car to another.
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bond With My Nephews?
“I have two older brothers; brother A (38M) & brother B (35M). They both live in the USA and each has two kids. 5 years ago, they got into a massive fight and have not spoken to each other since.
Over the years, I have spoken to both regarding the fight and it’s difficult to verify who was in the wrong as both tell me the exact same story but puts themselves in the victim’s seat. However, there are details in the overall story that make me believe that brother A is in the wrong here.
My relationship with my brothers: Due to several circumstances and just how life turned out, I haven’t seen my brothers in person in over 15 years, but we remained relatively close as they both stayed in touch with me while I was growing up. Sadly, I haven’t met my nephews yet, in person.
Despite the fight happening back in 2016-2017, brother B has made a continuous effort to get my parents and me involved in the lives of my niece (7 years old) and nephew (2 years old) by calling us at least once a week to let us speak with the little ones and play with them via video call.
They are both really cute and my sister-in-law recently installed the 7-year-old messenger as she wanted to speak with me more often as opposed to waiting for my brother to call me (she messages me daily which is amazing). Even though we have not yet seen each other in person, this has allowed us to build a good relationship.
On the other hand, my other brother (A) has become distant since this fight and doesn’t really speak to us (our parents and me) that much anymore, which is extremely sad as I was a lot closer to him when I was a kid. We WhatsApp each other for only birthdays and Christmas/New Year – the last time we had a PHONE call was in 2019, so I have only spoken to that side of my nephews less than 5 times.
I feel like brother A hasn’t made an effort for his kids to speak with me like brother B has, and over the years, I have lost interest to build a relationship with them even though I know this whole drama is not their fault, to begin with. I am much closer to my brother B’s kids and for that reason, I’m genuinely more interested in using my time to build a stronger bond with them than with brother A’s kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You CAN NOT force a relationship with people you honestly know nothing about or hear from. B made it easy to maintain a dialogue with his kids but A hasn’t. This isn’t your fault or the kids. Please remember though in the future the kids may reach out to you and the rest of the family when old enough.
Do not turn them away when they do this. Try for their and your sake. Just keep an open door for them.” Long-termMemory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If brother A isn’t making effort for you to form a relationship with his kids, there isn’t much you can do.
It’s unfortunate that the kids are missing out on a relationship with you, but it’s not your fault that brother A isn’t trying to get you to spend time with his kids.” HermioneGranger152
Another User Comments:
“Phone/text/Messenger/Facetime/Zoom work from both ends so unless you contact him and he ghosts or is cold to you, you are equally responsible for the demise of this relationship.
His perception is possibly you all sided with B against him so he is no contact with B and low contact with the rest of his unsupportive family. Or he just doesn’t care.
Ever thought to do the mature thing and ask him?
Everyone sucks here.” Flocceenaucee
1. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner About Going Out?
“My partner (29M) let’s call him B wanted to start a D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) play group with his friends with him as the DM (Dungeon Master).
For weeks none of his friends seemed interested and B was upset that they had put so much time and effort into the story. I (31F) am not a fan of D&D myself, but weeks ago (when B’s friends were not interested) I took a day off work and booked us both in for a 4-hour game of D&D in the city.
Between this time B’s campaign started with his friends and they surprised us both by being super into it having fun and now even helping B enthusiastically.
I explained to B I only purchased the D&D tickets to cheer him up if his friends disappointed him. I said that I wouldn’t mind if he rather one of his mates come and take my ticket as long as we could still hang out as planned afterward.
His friend took my ticket but he and B did not offer me any money for them. I dropped B and his friend into the city to go to the game and I went to visit a friend for lunch. I came back to the city hours later to meet B.
We had planned a dinner and I had asked earlier if we could go out with one of my other friends for cocktails after dinner. B asked if I could park the car and come and get them, which I did. B and his friend were pretty wasted but put together.
The three of us went out for another quick drink before B’s friend went to catch the train home. We walked back to the car and I was a bit annoyed that B didn’t offer to pay for the parking fee, since I drove, paid for the game tickets, and now the parking.
We went and checked into our hotel (which we split the cost). I spoke about meeting my friend after dinner, which B didn’t give a firm answer. We went out for dinner which was nice, but close to the end, I was texting my friend asking where we should meet her.
B said his hangover was kicking in and he wanted to go back to the hotel. He said I was welcome to go and meet my friend alone and he just wanted to go to bed. It was about 9.30 pm. I only had the one hotel key card on me since I thought we would go home together and since it isn’t a hotel with a concierge if he was to take the only key and fell asleep I wouldn’t be able to get in and if he left and didn’t have the key he wouldn’t be able to get in earlier.
I ended up getting pretty upset saying I had made time for him and his friend, taken time off work, booked something I didn’t really want to do to cheer him up, let him and his friend have the ticket, and not asked to be paid back and it was unfair and hurtful that now I wanted him to come and be social with my friend for probably only an hour at a cocktail bar and he wouldn’t be flexible.
I implied he was being selfish, and just ordered us an uber back to the hotel together.
B called me out on acting like a jerk, by getting upset he wouldn’t come out and say it was my choice to go back to the hotel. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ‘choose’ to go back to the hotel, you had to due to HIS decision because otherwise, you wouldn’t have been able to get back in. Therefore he can’t pin that on you.
If it was a spur-of-the-moment meet-up with your friend, I’d understand him not wanting to do it, but he knew in advance it was happening.
Being wasted earlier isn’t an excuse, it’s a choice. As for the money, it sounds like you gave them the ticket without asking for compensation so that’s probably on you.” seventeenblackbirds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Once he’s sobered up and understands the logistics of why everything happened the way it did he might understand why he’s the jerk in this situation.
If he doesn’t feel selfish after all that, then he’s probably just a jerk.” rocker49107
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You suck for expecting to be paid for the tickets you offered up and for not discussing splitting costs of parking etc… beforehand. You also have a part in him being wasted/’hungover.’ You said he was already a little wasted when he and his friend returned, yet you went out for more drinks and then got mad when he couldn’t keep himself out for your friend.
Side note: I’ve never gone to a hotel and only requested one key if I was with someone else. I know you said why you did it, I just don’t think it’s the best idea.
Dungeon Master sucks for not thinking and being considerate enough to offer to pay for parking since you were kind enough to purchase tickets to brighten his spirits.
He also shouldn’t have had too many drinks with his friend knowing he had obligations later in the evening.
Communicate better.” Thart85
