People Confront Their Past Actions In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell The House I Co-Own With My Ex, Despite My New Partner's Insecurity?
“Three years ago, I bought a house with my then-romantic partner. The intent was to rent the house out (there were already tenants living there) and, maybe, move in together when we retired (we’re in our mid-50s).
We both saw it as an investment property with the potential of actually becoming our home one day.
Eventually, we drifted apart romantically, but we stayed in each other’s lives as friends. We still each have a 50% stake in the property and we don’t see the need to change anything.
We don’t know what our long-term goals for the house are, but the tenants are paying the mortgage and we turn a little profit every year, so we’re in no rush. We regularly converse on the phone or via text about mundane things like the tax bill, repairs, utilities, etc. I haven’t seen my partner face-to-face in almost a year now.
I have a new romantic interest now, and we’re probably going to get married. My new partner, however, is not cool with the arrangement regarding the house. She would like me to cut all ties with my old partner, including selling the house. She’s had a pretty consistent run of bad relationships, including two marriages and as many adult children.
In each case, her partner was unfaithful to her, and she endured it for as long as she could. So, the idea that there is someone else in my life who happens to be an ex-partner wigs her out considerably.
I’ve been 100% open and honest and even offered to let her read my texts to prove that it’s all business.
She doesn’t want to see them.
I’ve discussed all this at length with both partners. My old partner and I are in agreement that the house is an excellent investment and we would be throwing away a lot of money if we sold it now.
We bought it dirt cheap, and in three years, it’s already increased in value significantly. At any rate, even if I wanted to sell the house, or even my half of it, I couldn’t do anything without the approval of the other owner.
I don’t want to sell the house and leave all that money on the table. My intentions are pure (I am definitely NOT planning to be unfaithful to my new partner), but I want her to be happy, and I want a harmonious life together.
If she were on board with keeping the house, we could have love AND money. If I wind up selling the house (if that’s even possible), I don’t want to resent her for forcing my hand. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can still be respectful of your current partner’s insecurity while asserting a boundary of your own.
You are also allowed to have boundaries, even when they conflict with your partner’s. You will not be doing your new partner any favors by enabling the insecurity in this way. It just means when it crops up again, you will be expected to acquiesce to her demands if you set this precedence.
This action won’t say “You’re important to me. You can trust me,” it will say, “I’m validating your insecurity despite it being unfounded.” You are not her previous partners. She probably needs therapy to see the distinction. It’s unfair to punish you and make demands due to the actions of other people.
We all have baggage and we all have to make the choice for how long we want to carry it around with us and throw it at other people. She’s gonna need to make that choice eventually or this baggage is going to be a carry-on for the rest of your relationship.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…It’s good that you’re having this conversation BEFORE marriage. You shouldn’t have to make a financial decision like this simply to calm the insecurities of your new partner. Many people maintain friendships and other connections with past partners. If your partner cannot see the financial sense of your situation, this is not a healthy relationship.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“My advice is don’t sell the house and slow down. If you sell and then marry her she is entitled to half that money in the divorce which she has 2 of. If you keep the property she isn’t entitled to anything.
In three years you went from happily in a relationship, single, in a relationship, almost engaged… what is the rush? Just be romantic partners for a while and don’t combine assets. Also, this would be a deal breaker for me. I have investments, they are mine, they are my business and retirement plans, and they are nonnegotiable.
My future will not be compromised because you are insecure about someone else who hurt you.” Bibliophile_w_coffee
20. AITJ For Wanting To Limit Who A Couple Can Invite To Our Friend Group?
“I belong to a group of about 50 people (mid-30s – late-40s) who are friends/hang out regularly. It started as a fairly large group of college friends and then grew to include significant others and new friends. We have a discord for the group where people chat and set up get-togethers.
There are about 10 people who regularly make dinner/concert/movie/party/etc plans and another half dozen or so who do it semi-regularly. I am not an original member of the group, though I’ve been around a long time and I am one of the people who plans stuff a fair bit.
A couple of years ago, my friend Zoe started inviting a couple she’d known a few years ago (Annie & Ash) to join us. We didn’t know this until recently, but Zoe’s wife Zelda wasn’t wild about Annie (who has an over-the-top personality) and REALLY doesn’t like Ash (for reasons I’m still unclear on).
It appears that part of why Zoe introduced the rest of us to Annie & Ash was so that she could go out and have fun with Annie & Ash while Zelda would have plenty of other friends to hang out with.
Personally, I like Ash a lot, and get on with them pretty well (or I did?).
Annie can (to me) be loud to the point of obnoxious, so I stick to small doses of Annie.
Since they became a part of our group, they’ve introduced 3 other couples to the group. All of them have been terrible, each in a different way.
One of the couples actually got us thrown out of a bar AND a restaurant (two separate nights out), due to their fighting. None of us had EVER been thrown out of a place, and we were all very angry.
After the last dinner disaster with couple #3 (there were about a dozen people there total), several of the people got on Discord, angrily shared the situation, and then said that they didn’t want Annie & Ash inviting anybody else into our group.
When this was suggested, everybody else in the group either agreed with that or said nothing about it. Nobody disagreed. I think even the people who would be way too non-confrontational to suggest that were over all this recent drama.
Additionally, unbeknownst to Ash & Annie, a couple of people started a private chat discussing if they even want Ash & Annie around anymore.
I’m not in that group, but I heard about it from someone who is in it.
Ash & Annie are super-angry and are basically questioning “what kind of people we are” because of what is going on. Zoe (the person who started inviting them to stuff), is 100% on board with them not inviting more people and is feeling really embarrassed about her role in thinking they’d be cool people.
So, would we be the jerks if we told Ash & Annie that they absolutely cannot invite any more of their other friends to join us? If that means they stop hanging out with us, it seems like everybody is fine with that too. We just don’t want the drama anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“You have an unmanageable group. Too many people. Too much drama. However, YWBTJ if you tried to tell one couple that they can’t invite anyone else. That ship has sailed. The only way forward is to start creating a group for the event you’re planning.
Extend invites to the people you want to attend, and if they want to invite other people you can decide on a case-by-case basis. Maybe it turns into a smaller version of your current group, maybe not. ” jillian512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t get why this social discord concept is so weird to people.
A group of my friends created a social slack for similar purposes and it works well. Everyone complains about how hard it is to make friends and schedule stuff as an adult? Well, this is an easy way to invite a big bunch of people you know you get along with, and nobody has to juggle schedules.
You can easily make a doodle poll to find good times for stuff, or break off a group chat if you’re arranging a smaller event. It’s great! Tanking the whole system that’s worked for 20 years just because two new people are screwing it up? Nah.
It sounds like a thorny problem, though. At least most people seem aligned on not letting A and A invite more people. The best option would be to kick them off the discord, but you might get more pushback on that that could ripple through the group.
I think you’d be very justified, though.” HoneyLoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP have you ever heard of the 5 Geek Social Fallacies? Friendship is not transitive and ostracizing someone for being creepy or aggro does not make you mean. It’s totally fine to tell Ash & Annie they can’t invite outside friends, that’s basic social etiquette.
They are wrong for getting upset by your reaction. Zoe is also a light jerk for inviting this couple in when she knew others found one of them obnoxious.” QuitLate
19. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Stop Invading My Personal Space And Leaving Her Stuff In My Apartment?
“My sister A recently reconnected with me after nearly 6 months of no contact. Her ex-partner apparently made her cut me off, which doesn’t surprise me.
She texted me out of the blue and we got back together and hung out, it was awesome.
A couple weeks later she started asking if she could come over. Of course I said she could but I warned her that my apartment is small (260 sq ft studio) and is essentially a converted motel so the walls are super thin, and she needs to be quiet.
She agreed and came over. The first time she came it took her like 4 hours to finally get here, but she was taking the bus so I figured delays are fine. She ends up coming over with her new partner, J. I didn’t expect another guest, bringing the tiny, cramped apartment’s total headcount to four, but I shrugged it off (which is hard because I’m autistic, so this whole situation was very stressful to me).
So this pattern continues for about a month and gets worse and worse every time. I tell her my work schedule, that I now work overnight and get home at 4:30 am and sometimes have my other job at 6 am (which I’ve since quit). She seems to disregard this and just pops over whenever she feels like it, usually after a brief text (that I miss because I’m working or sleeping) mentioning that she’s coming over.
The last time this happened, A came over at 2 in the morning completely unannounced.
“I tried texting you!” Yeah, 10 hours prior, and she didn’t even ask to come over. The text said “hey my phone’s back on.”
But to make things worse. Remember how I said my apartment is 260 sq ft and a studio?
She doesn’t seem to care and keeps bringing stuff into my apartment. Boxes, bags, suitcases, even a baby stroller that she “found” (stole). I mentioned to her that I didn’t appreciate her bringing things to my apartment because I don’t have space.
Her response? “You have a whole closet.” A closet that’s full of my OWN STUFF?? Possibly?? Idk that one sure is a thinker.
She asked if she could come over and I sent her a text basically explaining that I don’t appreciate her storing her stuff here and being inconsiderate of my apartment and other tenants trying to sleep, and she didn’t respond for two days.
Her response was finally “text me in the morning when you wake up so I can get my stuff.” I was NOT mean or hostile, I was setting boundaries.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s either hoarding by proxy or trying to move in.
Pack her stuff in trash bags and let her know that she either takes her stuff with, or you’re dragging it to the dumpster. You mention she stole a baby buggy and left it with you. Never let a thief in your door, and do not get caught with stolen goods.” AnnoyedRedheadedMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I feel like this might be one of the cases where someone comes back into your life and does bad things, on the expectation that because they were gone the people they left will try to do anything to keep them around.
I don’t know if that makes sense, but just feels like she is trying to test her limits with the new attention she is receiving for being back. She has no excuse for doing this though, it is your place, and you already stated where you stood.
If she can’t respect that and takes it too far, as if you were a jerk for speaking up, then the loss is on her. Can’t help them all. Besides her stealing stuff, as you hinted, isn’t a good sign either. Why is she bringing stuff she stole to you?
Could she be stealing your stuff? Overall doesn’t sound like someone you should be letting into your apartment if she is gonna act like that. I would suggest asking her to go out somewhere public if she wants to see you? State that you just feel like getting out of the house and getting some fresh air with her as an excuse to throw it off?
Just wouldn’t trust someone like that around my personal belongings, or in my space at all if they blow up over things when you just try to explain yourself. Hope everything gets solved, best of luck!” underdanewrocks
Another User Comments:
“The problem is you’re NOT setting boundaries but you should.
I agree with other comments to pack her stuff up, set it outside your door, and tell her it’s there and she needs to get it before someone else does. Don’t be home when she arrives. Tell her she can’t come over anymore but you’ll meet her somewhere else if she wants to hang out.
Don’t answer the door if she stops by. You need to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. She’s walking all over you. She sounds toxic. I would limit contact with her even outside of your home.” Ok_Perception1131
18. AITJ For Wanting My In-Laws To Call My Son By His Given Name?
“My partner (m 25) and I (f27) had a beautiful baby boy recently.
Since the moment my in-laws, mainly his mother, found out I was having a boy she pushed for a very traditional, to their culture, name. However, we picked a traditional English name. We aren’t married so my son was also given my last name, which my partner was supportive of but again, his parents were not.
Now every time she addresses my son or talks about him, she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him and says things like “give me my baby!” At first, it was funny, but now it’s getting on my nerves. I try to smile and giggle through it, especially considering they’ve been so helpful with bringing us dinners since I had a c-section and am still in recovery from it.
WIBTJ if I asked her to call him his name? Or should I just grin and bear it and pray it’s just a phase?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It bothers you that she refuses to call your son by his name. It should bother you because it’s disrespectful to you and your son.
Yet you haven’t addressed it. Instead, you smile and giggle when she does. Even though I think she is rude I also think she is doing it because you are allowing her to. The next time she calls him another name simply correct her.
And correct her every single time. Her: ”How is Brandon?” You: ”Dillon is good” If you are not comfortable correcting her or worry about her getting angry have your man deal with his mom.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. “Now every time she addresses my son or talks about him, she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him and says things like “give me my baby!”” He isn’t her baby, he’s yours.
You gave him a name you want him to be addressed by so MIL should use it. Can your husband tell her? She might take it better from him.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“She is being disrespectful. My dad tried this. I cut him off the first time.
He objected. I told him flat. If he liked the name so much he shoulda named me that. Or adopt. Our child. Our name. Period. He let it go and apologized. Be firm. Simple. Matter of fact. Your husband needs to do it. It’s his mother.
You doing it will cause an uproar. Not being respectful. And it’s clear she is the one not being respectful. Good luck. Nip it now.” Efficient_Link8579
17. AITJ For Confronting My Friend Who Ignored My Grief After I Supported Her Through Hers?
“I (23F) lost my mom suddenly late last year. 2 days before New Year’s and 11 days before my mom’s birthday. My friend (23F) lost her mom when we were 17.
We went to a dormitory school. When she lost her mom, I was there for her.
I slept by her side for 6 months, fed her sometimes when she was low on energy, and even bought her a new blouse as she said her mom promised to buy it for her before she passed.
I am not active on social media. The only way I announced my mother’s death on my part was through our high school group chat and through WhatsApp status.
Many of my former classmates gave their condolences and 2 of my closest friends called me constantly for 3 days to make sure I was not alone.
She however never said anything, she saw my message in the group chat, saw my status, and didn’t even give a reply.
Not even a simple WhatsApp sticker. I didn’t do anything about it. On my mom’s birthday, I messaged her ‘hey, you know my mom died last year right? It’s her birthday today. Can I call you for a bit so that I’m not alone with my thoughts?’ She replied with ‘oh yeah, I’m sorry for your loss.
Don’t call me, I’m busy today. I’ll call you when I can’. She never called.
Last week, our friend group finally managed to hang out for the first time in 6 months due to our busy schedule. That day, everyone gave their condolences to me personally except her who stayed quiet.
While chatting about various things, the topic turned to her missing her mom. She cried and told us that she has a mini pillow keychain made from her mom’s clothes and the scent always soothes her and makes her cry. I ended up crying a bit and subconsciously said ‘yeah, same’.
She stopped crying and said it’s not the same. I asked how and she said because her mom passed 6 years ago, her scent becomes faint while mine is still ‘fresh’. She told me that I’m downplaying her grief. I snapped, stood up, and told her ‘how am I downplaying your grief when I acknowledge your feelings and said I related to it?
You weren’t even there for me when my mom died and this was our first conversation in 3 months.’ I also reminded her about the things I did for her when her mom passed and stormed out of the cafe.
One of my friends followed me and comforted me.
I never went back and went shopping alone then went home. Later that night I apologized in the group chat for ditching them. She replied telling me I’m a jerk for the things I said to her and for ditching the group when it was the first time in a while we managed to gather together.
I told her I’m sorry for ditching them but I’m not apologizing to her because my feelings were valid too.
2 of her closest friends said I’m the jerk while the others are on my side but some said I should still apologize a bit. Now that my mind is clearer, I feel like I am the jerk for lashing out like that.
She did lose her mom at a young age while I lost mine during my adulthood. So her grief may be greater than mine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. My condolences on your loss. I lost my mother Dec. 27 and am still shook. You owe no apology, especially not to this ex-friend, BUT if you absolutely want to say something to the group, all you need to say is “I’m sorry you had to witness my reaction to so-and-so, who I was there for when her mom died but who has mostly ghosted me since learning my mom died. I’m not apologizing for being angry that she let me down.
I’m just sorry I did it in front of you guys since you have been really supportive of me these past weeks.”” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She could have at least sent you the usual:” I’m sorry for your loss”. Her being triggered by your loss doesn’t mean you can’t feel left alone.
She ignored you while you went through one of the hardest parts of life. After you helped her through hers. She’s not worthy of being your friend. Tell the others what she did in detail and never see her again. Whoever is on her side is a jerk.” cyberpudel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your former friend doesn’t have the monopoly on grief. Perhaps she thinks adults don’t feel grief when a parent dies but she is wrong. After 6 years her grief has dulled much more than yours has and the fact that she never even expressed condolences to you when you finally met up; and the fact that she changed the topic of conversation from your fresh grief to hers were total jerk moves.
Don’t apologize, just move on and realize this person is no longer your friend, and perhaps never was anything more than an emotional vampire who used you when it suited her. To reply: Don’t call me, I’m busy today to someone you care about when they reached out, shared their grief, and asked for support is unfathomable.
Compare that to how you responded to her grief, and how much each of you cared about the other becomes painfully obvious.” J*************1
16. AITJ For Dismissing My Partner's Panic Attack As 'Just Anxiety'?
“My partner and I have been together for 8 years. He suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, which got worse after he got sick. He had a chronic illness as a child and his family works in health care.
He tried a new medication for ADHD today.
He felt good and focused/different and then called his family to talk about it. A sibling of his is going through a lot of anxiety and hypochondriac tendencies right now and my partner was trying to be helpful but was admittedly stressed. I could hear him on the phone just getting worked up.
2 hours pass and it must be at the peak of the ADHD meds, he starts feeling tired and has been sweating from all of the talking. He hasn’t had a chance to eat or drink since breakfast and now it’s the afternoon. Starts feeling anxiety and takes some anxiety meds.
They don’t kick in right away and he feels some chest tightness so he calls his mom and starts freaking out. I try to give him some water and tell him to lie down and breathe and be there to calm him. He’s scared that the new meds are having a really bad effect.
He tells me he needs to call 911 and I say I don’t think you need to. It didn’t seem like he was going through anything life-threatening.
He has had these panic attacks before and nothing ever ends up being wrong with him. He has gone to the ER and has gone in the ambulance maybe 3 or 4 times last year for this exact thing.
Anyways, he calls 911 and the EMTs come and I say he is having a panic attack. His symptoms seem to be getting worse because he is kind of hyperventilating and says that his body is tensing up and his vision feels fuzzy. At the hospital, the doctor did some tests and a chest x-ray.
They didn’t find anything and said it was a panic attack. They discharged him and we went home.
I am exhausted because the whole day has been stressful with him talking to his family and his sibling’s situation and now this happened. I could sense that his sibling’s situation could trigger this.
My partner and I are talking later and he STILL feels like something else must be going on and that I was dismissive in saying that it’s “just anxiety”. He said I preemptively told the EMT people that it was a panic attack and that they didn’t treat him right.
I just told them what I thought was happening. I said he has been dealing with stress in the family and that he started a new medication and was nervous.
He keeps getting told that he’s healthy and things are okay but then he jumps right back on Google and finds articles saying that it could be x,y,z.
AITJ for not validating his symptoms? He’s upset that I don’t understand and that he physically thought he was going to die. To be honest, he’s right – I don’t have panic attacks like that, but I know that he can get through it and that he’s not actually dying.
When I say this, he gets very upset because this time it could’ve been something else and not just a panic attack. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went to the hospital with my first panic attack. After that, I recognized what was happening and eventually learned how to head them off.
He DESPERATELY needs therapy to learn the techniques to do the same. Apart from anything else, I assume you’re in the US. This must be costing a fortune. He needs to learn to cope.” Remember1959
Another User Comments:
“He needs to eat and drink on his meds or they won’t work right!
My heart rate goes crazy and I get a bit light-headed/fuzzy in the brain if I’ve not eaten for a while on my ADHD meds. I can imagine that would only make a panic attack feel so much more serious. I used to have ADHD meds that made me not want to eat at all so I had to have big big breakfasts to compensate (high protein is necessary).
NTJ – once he’s calm explain how important eating/staying hydrated is.” Peace-Technician
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in your partner’s exact position (down to the googling even) when I was in my early 20s. Panic attacks can (very convincingly) feel like you’re dying, but you are right in telling him he does not need to call an ambulance.
I also did it two or three times before I really sat down and realized I had to confront the possibility it’s all psychosomatic and NOT a real threat to my life that (I felt) everyone else was ignoring. It helped to have a plan in place with my husband when it got that bad.
We often just went and sat outside and talked and I calmly breathed until I no longer felt so badly. I hope your partner can make peace with himself through self-work and help. It’s much brighter and less scarier on the other side.” Crimzonnclover
15. AITJ For Removing My Groupmates' Names From Our Project After They Refused To Participate?
“I (21F) am graduating college this March. I am one of the few students who will receive the highest honor. And it is not because I am smart, I just love studying and I am really hard working. I even experienced not sleeping for two straight days just to study.
For my last term project, our prof asked us to create a research paper that involves a specific question and applying mathematics to a simple situation. We were grouped randomly without me knowing that they had already chosen me as their leader. I really wanted to do well with this project since I might not get the job that was offered to me if I lose the award.
So I messaged every one of them. I asked them what time was the most efficient for them so that we could have a meeting, but they ignored me. I told them that they could share their suggestions through our group chat. I always ask them but never get an answer.
I was so stressed since we were only given two weeks and there were only 3 days left. I even approached all of them on campus but they kept on saying that I should start it already since they are busy. I always see on their IG that they are hanging out with their friends and partying all night.
When I could not handle the stress anymore I let it out to one of my friends and she showed me a message from my groupmates. The message was “Let’s not do anything. She will do it since she doesn’t have a choice. She will lose her award if she doesn’t do it.
And we know her, she will not remove us from our group.”
The first feeling I felt was sadness. My friend told me that I should not write their name on the project I finished. I messaged them and said, “If we cannot communicate properly, I think we should disperse this group and do our project individually.
Thank you.”
My prof already agreed to it. I told my prof that our schedules don’t match so we cannot collaborate with each other.
3 out of 6 people from our group agreed. The rest saw my messages and I assumed that they also agreed.
On the day my prof returned our project, 3 of our groupmates who did not respond were marked failed. They were told that they did not pass their projects.
And they told my prof these exact words, “What? How come we do not have our project? Whatever OP passed is also our project.”
But my prof already knew that we dispersed the group. And their friends actually told me that they read the message about doing the project individually but they still believed that I would feel sorry if they failed and would still allow them to share my project with them.
Now, they told me that I changed and I have no heart anymore. It just makes me so sad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They chose to try to take advantage of you, to avoid doing any work, and you decided not to allow that, which was entirely reasonable on your part.
You did them the massive favor of warning them in advance that you would not be putting their names on your work, and they chose to ignore that. As a result of their choices, they failed. This is 100% due to them, and the choices they made.
They are mad that they got caught and that their laziness and attempt to take advantage of you didn’t work, and they are calling you names because they don’t have the courage to accept that they did this to themselves. Don’t be sad, they have shown you who they are, and it reflects on them, not you.
And it has nothing to do with your heart – you can feel sorry for them that their laziness meant they failed and that will cause them problems, but it’s not your responsibility nor is it your fault. You don’t owe them an apology (if anything, they should apologize to you for trying to take advantage of you and for then being mean to or about you because they had to deal with their own crap for once).” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for getting your prof on board. Usually, they won’t do that. These group projects are so dumb; it’s like schools do not understand there’s a huge and well-documented difference between one-off (single instance) tit-for-tat vs ongoing/iterated tit-for-tat.
In a healthy work environment, people can’t free-ride like that (at least not so blatantly) because they will be working with the same people in the future, it’s not a one-off.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They used you to try and get a good grade.
You didn’t do anything wrong, they aren’t worth being friends with or associating with. In other words, they were lazy and wanted you to get them a good grade. Don’t feel bad OP you did the right thing.” Remote-Ranger1903
14. AITJ For Not Allowing A Disabled Player In Our Pickup Basketball Game?
“I (35M) play pickup basketball every week on a specific day of the week as that’s best for everyone’s schedules.
We play at a public park. A few months ago a guy and his disabled friend came. They were new and we let them play. We play standard pickup rules. 1s and 2s. Winner stays. etc. The team with the disabled guy on their team got run off the court.
It was essentially 4 on 5 both ways. There was lots of frustration from everyone.
For a few weeks, they were there and a lot of the regulars were angry that they were essentially guaranteed a loss if they were on the same team. He and his friend stopped coming for a few weeks so we thought we were rid of our issue.
They showed back up this week and I told him that he couldn’t play. I felt bad and the disabled guy didn’t fully understand. But his friend understood. And flipped out on us. We tried to calmly explain the situation. It’s brutal to be on the same team.
The guy was having none of it. Called us all jerks. We asked them to leave. Are we the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, playing with mixed ability games is horrible for all parties. That’s why disabled leagues exist, so everyone is on a level playing field.
I remember in college I used to run some pickup in the gym when I stayed one summer for the summer semester. Then the D1 Top 10 basketball team walked into the gym and handed us our backsides for about 3 hours straight. That was not fun at all.
They would never show up during the regular school year because they had actual practice, but they couldn’t play together with the coaches in summer at certain times because of NCAA rules and so they came to the rec gym and just yammed all over us barely breaking a sweat.
Same if I and 5 HS Varsity has-been-never-wases had walked into the wheelchair basketball league that was run at the university. In fact, they had an EXCELLENT wheelchair club team who traveled the country to play other wheelchair teams, but never played against abled-bodied teams. It’s just two different levels of play.” RogerPenroseSmiles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s more of an “I feel like a jerk for not allowing a guy to play and have fun, but it ruins it for everyone else.” Sucks but just because some random person wants to join doesn’t mean you have to let them, disability or not.
It’s not the YMCA.” nlnj_a
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is good at some sports, BUT not at basketball, I think it’s fair to say, hey you aren’t up to par to play on this part, disabled/not, out of shape/not, etc, that’s not the part that matters, what matters is are you at this level of talent.
You could go the other way also, if some ex-D1 NCAA player who almost went pro came to the court, and all of a sudden anyone he played with won, would folks even decide they didn’t want him playing also? I have seen it happen.
Being WAY above or below the talent level is a reasonable reason for not allowing someone into a standard rotation. NTJ.” JaydedXoX
13. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom's Friend Who Body-Shamed Me?
“I hate my body, it’s a long-term insecurity of mine which is no secret. I have scoliosis which affects how my body looks and even if I didn’t have this, I wouldn’t have the ideal body.
I’m lanky and what they call “skinny fat”. I grew up overweight and had an eating disorder to lose the weight but have now near enough fully recovered. It is no secret I had an eating disorder and I’m open about it.
My mom’s best friend is obsessed with her weight.
She even has gone half blind and is still obsessed. You meet her what’s the first thing she mentions? Her weight. You wanna eat? She’ll tell you she can’t because of her weight. It’s insane as she is an elderly woman and it’s just sad to see someone so obsessed with their weight at that age.
She has even made comments to my mom saying she needs to lose weight, my mom is going through menopause and because of this is gaining some weight, but is perfectly healthy and still the most beautiful woman I know. I’ll call her friend Jackie.
Jackie whenever she sees me starts grabbing at my waist and hips and makes comments that make me really uncomfortable such as “Cutting down your diet is the best thing you ever did” “Keep it up you don’t want to end up pudgy again” “Now you have a grown woman body” “The weight loss has made you look more busty”.
These were all comments she made when I was under 16 years old. Now I am much older and saw her yesterday.
I’ve gained weight as I mentioned previously am near enough fully recovered. As it’s not too relevant I won’t disclose much but I am far from chubby, I am a size 6 whose weight is perfectly healthy for my age and height.
As I was at my eating disorder peak when she last saw me, she looked at me in disgust, even being half blind, and said “What happened”. She grabbed my stomach “flab” and started talking about how displeased she was. I didn’t even listen to most of the words she said as I was in disbelief.
When she mentioned my legs I lost it as they used to be my biggest insecurity.
I snapped at her and told her someone who’s not eating yet is still her weight and has no right to comment on how I look. I then stormed up the stairs.
My mom says I’m being unreasonable for saying that to someone mentally ill, and thinks it’s normal for people of the older generation to act like that, yet she says she won’t invite her around again.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
While there might have been a calmer way to respond yourself was fully understandable and there’s no need to be kind to someone who isn’t kind to you. Age and mental health are no excuse for rudeness and while the woman is unlikely to change your mother should have a chat with her about inappropriate topics, particularly to someone recovering from ED. I don’t care how old you are you don’t comment on someone’s weight unless you know them and their goals well and it’s positive.
Avoid that woman at all costs.” Stormschance
Another User Comments:
“Nope. NTJ. And grabbing your stomach “flab”? Firstly, that is a Bad Thing, it is over the line and she is definitely in the wrong for that. Secondly, I would never, NEVER advocate a solid, authoritative slap to the face for someone who would touch you inappropriately in such a fashion.
That said, were I in the room when she grabbed you in this way, and asked by someone in authority what I saw, I would claim to have been looking very closely at the wall, and that I didn’t see anything resembling a slap. I did hear a short sharp noise, but darn it, didn’t see what happened. No idea.
Mom’s BFF did have a gobsmacked face, but I assumed it was out of shame at having grabbed your stomach the way she did. I did find it odd that she had a red handprint on her face.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and if she ever puts your hands on you again I’d make it very clear that she’s not allowed to touch you.
This person has no respect for your struggles or your bodily autonomy/personal space and you should stay very far away from her. I understand that she probably has her own body image/eating disorder-type problems, considering how aggressive she is being with it. This is very much about her own issues with food and beauty standards.
But if she’s not going to change it’s just not safe for you to be triggered like this. It’s an extreme trigger, not just one little comment. You fought hard to get better and she’s going to mess you up all over again. Protect your peace.” littlestgoldfish
12. AITJ For Moving Out With My Fiancé Against My Parents' Religious Beliefs?
“For context I am 21f and my fiancé is 23m. So my dad’s a Jehovah’s Witness and has said when my siblings and I were growing up that he’d never push his religion onto us, which we were fine with, but at the same time always used it as an excuse as to why certain things weren’t allowed. Quick example, I’m not allowed to get a tattoo while I live under his roof because his religion doesn’t allow it.
My mum was brought up in a strong Catholic household but says she doesn’t practice or believe in it and I’ve never seen her once go to Mass etc. but when it comes to certain things she quite quickly goes back to her religious learnings.
So my fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and he proposed on Christmas Day last year and we’re very happy. Despite being together for a few years we haven’t been able to do certain things like a normal couple, we aren’t allowed to spend the night together or go on holiday together because my parents are completely against it so we started looking to move out about a year ago when it became financially possible.
But then due to my fiancé having to go into hospital moving out became postponed and once we got engaged we started looking again. His family was really happy for us when we told them we were moving out but my parents were angry and disappointed that we weren’t ‘doing it the right way’ and that we were going against their morals as we’re unmarried. My dad in anger also said to my mum that he doesn’t want to be part of my wedding because of this and that I’ve made a mockery of him when it comes to his religion.
They’ve been quite emotionally manipulative in the past about things similar to this so I wasn’t expecting the best reaction but I wasn’t expecting him to come out with that. My dad has also said I have embarrassed him with his congregation as he has gone around telling people that my fiancé and I were doing things ‘the right way’ and that he might not be able to progress higher within his congregation because of me even though I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness so I don’t see how that is anybody else’s problem.
I still plan on moving out, we have found a place that we love and are in the process of signing things but I hate the idea that my parents can’t even be slightly happy about this and would understand things from my point of view.
I don’t want to rush my wedding just so they’re happy as they know I’ve never had any interest in religion and don’t live my life by their faiths but I don’t want to lose my relationship with them. AITJ for going against them like this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was raised in this cult and made the break from it many years ago. Although I’ve learned not to blame the brainwashed it’s still tough when your parents choose faith over family. You do you, and your father’s aspirations to rise in the congregation are not your concern; as a matter of fact, it was a cheap shot for him to even mention that.
Hang in there – live your life as you see fit and be happy.” wizard10000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a fully grown, legal adult, and it is time for you to figure out your own life, your own morals, and make your own decisions.
I understand that your dad is disappointed that he didn’t manage to convince you of his religion, but he should be used to that because he didn’t convince your mom either! I am blown away by the idea that a non-JW daughter blocks his progress in the church but a non-JW wife does not?
Anyway, whether that’s true or not, his church’s crazy beliefs are not your problem. Go on living your life. Welcome your parents into it, but don’t let them hold you hostage.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“Hi! Grandchild of Jehovah’s Witnesses and daughter of a lady who struggled with what you’re going through.
Here’s my experience with JW. I hope it helps. Let me begin by saying that if you give in, even a little, they will take as much as possible. Their religion is based on guilt-tripping, isolation, and control. It’s like a rope around everyone’s waist tying you to the next person.
One’s around you, your dad, his higher-ups in the congregation, etc. they’re pulling him so he’s pulling you. It only ends when you cut yourself off the rope chain. His issues in the congregation only exist because he allows them to. My nana said on my mother’s deathbed that “I didn’t get the opportunity to get her to commit”.
On my mother’s deathbed! After Grandpa died she started to realize how the people who really love her unconditionally were us and she will lose us if she doesn’t back off. She’s been so much better these last few years. She’s still in the congregation but she’s mellowed out.
It’s unfortunate, but not doing what they demand of you is the best course of action. It’s up to him to realize he’s being manipulated and used by the congregation. He needs to decide what is more important to him, you or them. I know it’s hard to think he may cut you off but he will try to convert any future kids if you choose to have them.
My advice is to hold your ground, live your life how you want, and keep a barrier between your dad and your life/family. He can be in it, but have solid boundaries.” KrzyLdy
11. AITJ For Resenting My Family For Taking Most Of My Salary And Limiting My Freedom?
“I work full-time and earn money now. When I was young, my father lost his job, and he did not try to look for another.
He did work as a personal assistant but his income was not steady. For as long as I can remember, we always had money issues. I am now 22 years old and stay at my uncle’s house with his family in my working location. My older sister wanted to do a master’s but because of the recession, she can’t find a job.
Now, I give my parents 85% of my salary. The rest 15% I take, to clear off my credit cards. My uncle does not expect me to pay for anything, but the catch here is that I have to sacrifice my freedom, my privacy, and my me-time.
I cannot go out often, I cannot eat any of my favorite foods (cause my aunt cooks the most, and I help her around). I love eating eggs, but I can’t eat in their house because we’re all vegetarians.
Tomorrow I am supposed to go out and stay at my friend’s to have a fun weekend (which of course includes drinking, and they don’t know I drink).
But now I can’t because my aunt and cousin will be alone in the house (my uncle went on a business trip) and she is afraid of staying alone. This is not the 1st time something like this has happened, where I had to sacrifice my independence, to not have any favorite food, to not buy anything (because I don’t have money, I gave it all to my parents).
If I had kept my full salary, I could rent a small place and live comfortably. But I can’t because my parents need my money.
AITJ to hate that I am the one making all the sacrifices? Hate that this is not fair?? AITJ for not being grateful that I have a house, food and they do not ask me for money but only my independence and privacy?
AITJ to hate my father that he couldn’t care enough about his family’s finances? I expressed my feelings to my mother, that this is getting a bit hard. And my mother said that I should just keep adjusting (as I always have from my childhood) and not be selfish and that it is my responsibility to help my family out with finances.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving away 85% of your salary is not sustainable. You deserve to have your own life. If you need to help flip it 85% to yourself and 15% family. You said if you keep your salary, you can move out. Honestly, do that. Asking you to work to provide and on top of that not being able to have a life and live by other’s rules at 22 is not encouraging to you.
At this rate, you would never be able to provide for a family you create for yourself – spouse and kids.” RLS2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you fully subsidizing your parents? You need to be financially responsible for YOU to provide a home and necessities for your own career and future.
Time to turn the spigot off. Your parents have abused you financially and been very manipulative expecting this to continue. They were responsible for providing for you as a kid. That was THEIR job. You are not liable to pay them back. This sounds like a cultural thing.
Get out and live your life.” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with middle class, you’re being taken advantage of by your family. It is not your responsibility to give them 85% of your salary, your mother is just laying a guilt trip on you.
I’m sure the pressure has been happening your whole life so it’s easier said than done, but you’re an adult and don’t owe them anything. If moving out on your own and living your life is what you ultimately want, then go and do that.
Your dad doesn’t work because he doesn’t have to – since you’re supplying all the money he has no incentive to get a job. When the money stops, trust me he’ll have that incentive – he’s an adult, don’t worry he’ll figure it out.
Go be free and live your life.” Croissantal
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Mention My Brother's Engagement At My Wedding?
“I (22F) am getting married in July this year. My brother (26M) and his partner are going on a trip to Greece the month before the wedding. My brother wants to propose to his partner while in Greece which I am okay with because it is not at my wedding.
However, my father wants to use his speech at my wedding to mention their engagement because it is one of the positive things that will have happened this year. I told him I did not want their engagement mentioned as it is my wedding and would like the focus to be on me and my fiancé.
He told me that is selfish and that I’m basically the reason my brother is not engaged yet because of my own engagement. My brother has apparently waited to not take attention away from me but he himself has never brought that up to me.
Again, I am fine with them getting engaged before the wedding and even think it is a perfect opportunity to get engaged I just don’t want the engagement mentioned in my father’s speech so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no way for your father to subtly mention this in his speech.
Any mention of it will quickly draw significant attention to it and away from the event of the evening. There are two things that should never be announced (either in formal portions of the evening or on the side): 1.) Engagements & 2.) Pregnancies. The question now becomes how hard of a line you want to take with your father.” GaHistProf
Another User Comments:
“So let’s see – so and so got engaged, I got a new job, I am seeing someone new – hope it works out, my new puppy has stopped chewing my shoes – the speech is supposed to be about the bride and groom, not the father’s stuff.
Tell him he cannot make a speech and ensure that your groomsmen stop him if he tries. Advise him that he can tell everyone at the wedding about his son’s engagement, person by person – maybe on the receiving line – “hi, glad you could make it, by the way my son got engaged” should do it.
(Note that my sarcasm is showing here). NTJ.” Canadian987
Another User Comments:
“The only reason that you should ask your Dad not to mention it in his speech, is so that you can mention it in yours. It sounds like your brother has been looking out for your interests, and not attempting to steal your thunder by delaying his proposal. I think we can assume that once his proposal happens most of your family will know well in advance of your wedding, and others who know him might find out some time before the speeches since his fiancée will be wearing an engagement ring.
Your speech should be about sharing your joy with those who are closest to you, and part of that would be acknowledging your brother and his fiancée and hoping that their future wedding is filled with as much love and happiness as yours.” Fullback70
9. AITJ For Calling My Future Sister-In-Law Entitled Over Wedding Budgets?
“I (23F) am getting married this November. My brother (27M) is also engaged to “Kelly” (28F) and their wedding is in October, five weeks before mine. I am Indian-American and my fiancé is too. Kelly is white. Unlike a lot of Indians, my parents have always told my brother and me that they won’t be paying too much for our weddings because most of their savings have gone to our college funds and now their retirement accounts.
We got engaged a few weeks apart, and our parents told us that they would give us each $25,000.
My in-laws are more traditional and have more money so they’re paying for most of my wedding. My parents are only paying for my pre-wedding events and part of the wedding ceremony.
My in-laws are paying for their pre-wedding stuff, most of the wedding ceremony, and the reception. My parents have increased their budget for my wedding because my in-laws are contributing a lot and they don’t want our events to look inexpensive in comparison. My in-laws also want to exchange a lot of gold and other gifts so my parents have to pay for that too.
We haven’t finished booking everything, but it looks like our part of the wedding will cost around $50,000. My parents are not giving my brother and Kelly any extra money. They helped my brother buy a house three years ago and said they don’t have any more money for him.
Kelly’s wedding is going to be a lot smaller than mine as a result. All of her pre-wedding events are going to be very small and at home. Her wedding ceremony is also very small and close family only. The reception is the only bigger event but it still won’t be too extravagant.
Ever since they got engaged, Kelly has been talking about wanting a big Indian wedding but that won’t happen because of her limited budget. We were talking about our wedding plans yesterday and she said she feels like my parents don’t think her and my brother’s wedding is as important as mine.
She said they should give them more money to make it fairer because her wedding is so much smaller than mine and it’s going to be overshadowed because my wedding is just a month later.
I told her that my parents have already given them a lot of money for their house and if you count that, they’ve given me less than my brother.
She said that it’s still not fair because everybody is going to remember my wedding and not hers. She said I shouldn’t have chosen a date so close to hers and if I knew that my wedding would be so much bigger then I should have had my wedding at a different time to avoid overshadowing her.
We had a bit of an argument and I said that she’s really entitled to expect my parents to spend more and expect me to schedule my life around her. She got mad at me and left. My brother called me this morning and said that I should be nicer to Kelly because she feels bad about not getting her dream wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think a lot of people don’t understand the cultural differences between Indian weddings and non-Indian weddings. Your parents have been very generous. To BOTH of their children. I would steer clear of getting drawn into further discussions on it.
If she brings it up again, don’t fall for it, just deflect and refer her back to your brother and parents.” Amazing-Wave4704
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. And for context, OP is spending $100K on her wedding. HER parents are giving $50K so they don’t look cheap next to the inlaws so that means the inlaws are giving at least $50K.
This is a “Your Mercedes is bigger than mine!” situation. Both you and SIL are jerks.” Spearmint-Gum-3825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a cultural thing. His parents are paying a lot. You are also the daughter and in some cultures, the daughter’s wedding between two Indians is always huge.
Kelly isn’t Indian so doesn’t follow the same customs that a pure Indian wedding would. Also, brother received funds for a house! How wonderful. Kelly should be thankful for such a wonderful start to life.” Ihateyou1975
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Family About My Financial Struggles While Supporting Them?
“My mom is a single mom and made a lot of sacrifices when my sister and I were growing up.
She also got multiple jobs to make ends meet. Unfortunately, as my mother got older she started getting sick with different health issues and it’s gotten to the point where she’s had to retire earlier than she liked.
I went to college which was four hours away from home.
I got student loans and I had a small grant that I didn’t need to pay back to help with my time whilst at college. I also had a part-time job but I was already struggling to make ends meet. My mom was never good with money and making it last, we later found out she has dyslexia, she’s improving in her budgeting but still struggles.
Soon after I started college two weeks after my mom got paid she would get my sister to ask me for money to borrow which she never paid back, I wasn’t bothered about her not paying me back as I just wanted to make sure my sister and mom weren’t struggling.
They asked me every two weeks after she got paid as she had two weeks to wait till the next payday.
I ended up getting a second job alongside my first job and studies. I looked into my finances and did a strict budget plan and worked out I could save a bit of money by making sacrifices.
I bought a 10kg bag of rice which would last me for months, I bulk bought different beans to go with rice, occasionally tinned tuna, stocked up on mayo, and I only drank water for three years, it saved me money so I could send the money I saved to my mom and sister.
I’m currently in my hometown visiting my mom and sister. I recently discovered someone I knew from college moved to my hometown and we had a catch-up. He came to my house and we spoke about college and he said he still remembers the sacrifices I made so I could support my family and that he still admires that and salutes me for that.
My mom asked him what sacrifices I made. He told her the full story about me getting a second job, strict budgeting, not going out, etc and she was really upset. My sister remained calm but yelled at me when no one else could hear and said she feels guilty because I was struggling and I didn’t tell them.
I don’t regret anything but does this make me a jerk? I feel like one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a wonderful person for putting your family’s needs ahead of your own wants. Do not feel like a jerk for what you did. You did it for love.
I am sad for you that this story ended with them seeming ungrateful. Hopefully, their reaction is just the shock setting in and they will express their gratitude eventually. You keep being you.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a choice and don’t regret it.
Your sister and mom are upset as you made a sacrifice for them. It likely makes them feel guilty, even if you never intended to make them feel that way. You should just talk to your sister about why you did it. And let her know how it made you feel knowing they were taken care of.
And most of all tell her you did it out of love for her and your mom, and no guilt is needed as she would likely have done the same had the roles been reversed as that is what people who love each other do.” AlbertaDaisy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and please know that you are a treasure. I also have a question for you/them…how often did they actually ask how you were doing, a young adult newly at college? If it was like my family, not at all.
Or if it was asked, there was no time to answer really as it was quickly followed up by a story about them. Regardless, they have no reason to be angry, they are just embarrassed. But that also doesn’t need to be your issue. I would just shrug and say yup, that’s how it was, I wasn’t hiding it but here we are.” Klutzy_Initiative_13
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Bridesmaid At My Estranged Dad's Wedding?
“So bit of backstory, I’m 17f and my dad left me, my sister, and my mum for another woman and moved an hour away from us when I was 11. He was extremely verbally abusive to us and had multiple mental breakdowns which he ended up blaming them all on me when I was just 13.
Ever since then, my relationship with him has been very on-and-off and unpleasant. He claims when he doesn’t see us he gets depressed and has to go on medication yet when my sister and I see him it puts us in a very bad mental state ourselves.
Recently he has told us he is getting married in May to the woman he left us for and would like us to be his bridesmaids. After a lot of thinking and late nights, I decided to gently tell him I couldn’t be his bridesmaid as it’s in the middle of an important school year for me and it would be too much.
He told me he understands and had no hard feelings towards my decision. Of course this would be too good to believe.
After meeting with him again a month later, he informed me that if I wasn’t able to come to the wedding as the bridesmaid I wouldn’t be able to sit at the head table with them or be with them in any way.
This meant I had to sit with strangers as I don’t know any of his new family or friends. His wedding is in no way a traditional wedding as there will be a “bridesmate” (a male bridesmaid). If he can make exceptions for his friends then why can’t he make exceptions for his own child?
I simply don’t understand why I’m being punished for deciding it would be too hard to be the bridesmaid for his wedding and was wondering if anyone had any insight as to if it would make me the jerk for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many of us would have gone NC quite a while ago. You have been extremely patient. Considering being part of this wedding at all seems generous under the circumstances. He’s being a jerk, not for the first time, and I think this would be an excellent opportunity for you to just walk away.” RobinFarmwoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing the “honor” of being a bridesmaid. That said, if you aren’t part of the wedding party why would you expect to be seated at the head table with the wedding party? And why would you want to be seated with a verbally abusive and manipulative man anyway?
If none of the family and friends you knew when you were younger are going to be there, why would you want to bother? Definitely NTJ if you decide to skip this event and stay home.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hope you have been able to go to therapy for the things this man has and is doing to you.
From the sounds of it; interacting with him is harming your mental health and perhaps reducing contact with him for a period of time and discussing with a therapist how he makes you feel will help you.” HistoricalInaccurate
6. AITJ For Making My Dad Cut Off Contact With My Stepsister After She Lied And Ruined Our Family?
“My parents divorced when I was 3. My dad remarried a woman, who had a daughter called Lily, the stepsister in this post, and she was 4 at the time.
Lily and I never got along. Her mom and my dad got divorced when I was 10, but my dad still had visitation with Lily because her bio dad was not in the picture and he’d been filling that role. My dad remarried again a year later, and this wife came with a son, Max, who was 14 at the time.
I adored Max from day 1, and he thought I was incredibly annoying, but he did make an effort to be nice to me and play with me sometimes.
Over the next couple of years, we became close. We had similar mental health issues and bonded over that, which is not a great reason to be close with someone but it seemed like no one else understood.
Lily hated that we were close. Neither of us was close to her and she couldn’t stand it. When I was 14, she made up a lie that Max and I were “in a relationship”, and told my dad and Max’s mom. They both believed the lie, and it ended their marriage.
Max and I were also banned from seeing each other, and both of our relationships with my dad were ruined.
I barely spoke to my dad for years afterward. Late last year, I had dinner with my dad, where once again I told him Lily had lied. This time when he asked her, she admitted it apparently.
He has been trying to get back in my good graces ever since. He’s offered to go to therapy with me, buy me a house, anything under the sun. He and Max are on their way to mending the relationship but I’m holding out.
He asked me what he could do to make it right and I said Lily can’t be in his life. I can’t have him in my life knowing she’s in his after she destroyed so much in my life (the time after her lie was really hard).
I didn’t expect my dad to agree, but he did.
Ever since Lily has been contacting me in every way possible. She alternates between begging me to reconsider and calling me evil for taking her dad away. I had contact with her once to tell her this is what she deserved, and she ruined several people’s lives over jealousy of a man who dropped her like a stone.
I still get some of her messages on various platforms and it does really seem like she’s struggling with what she did and the consequences, but despite various people telling me it was cruel to tell my dad to cut her off, I can’t bring myself to feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lily did this to herself. She didn’t just ruin your and Max’s life, but her lies caused damage in your father’s second marriage. Not saying he’s a saint because he certainly isn’t. But she didn’t just mess with your life.
She hurt 3 other people as well. She’s facing the consequences of her actions so I don’t think that’s anyone else’s fault but hers. If she cared about your dad so much, she wouldn’t have made such a ridiculous lie.” Embarrassed_Advice59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Send one final message to her “Lily, you made up a lie that not only ruined my father’s marriage but also took away someone I was genuinely building a friendship with. You did it because you were jealous that I was closer to Max than to you.
Instead of just understanding that you and I didn’t have that kind of relationship you destroyed other people’s relationships. My father asked me what he could do to fix his relationship with me that was strained because of YOUR lie and I told him the truth.
The only way I could grow to forgive him was if he cut you off. I don’t want you connected to me in any way, shape or form. I can’t trust that you won’t lie again when you’re feeling slighted. So that is what I told him.
He chose his relationship with me over his relationship with you. He could’ve said no, but he didn’t. Now you have to live with a destroyed relationship caused by your lies like I had to. Do not contact me ever again.”” seanthebean24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t some simple frame-up lie between step-siblings. She claimed you and Max were being romantic with each other. It caused a divorce and wrecked other relationships too. Now she gets to see what it’s like. Just be careful since your dad could end up secretly reestablishing his relationship with her behind your back.” Owenashi
5. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Son Was Scared To Come Out To Me?
“My youngest boy “Trevor” (16M) finally told me he was gay yesterday on his birthday. He came home from school holding his partner “Jorge’s” hand and just announced it.
I was a little surprised because earlier last week I asked if Jorge was his partner and he kinda just shut down on me and just kept repeating that he wasn’t a (slur)… I just gave him a hug and told him I loved him.
Then his brothers and his Ma took their turns getting their hugs in.
I asked him later what changed and why he reacted like he did when I asked and he told me he was afraid. But me asking and then not making a fuss made him feel safe.
I was confused cause as far as I know I’ve never said anything explicitly homophobic though I don’t think I’ve been super supportive of anything either to be fair. I asked why he was so scared and he tells me cause I’m such a gruff country guy and that we went to church every Sunday and how we’re farmers.
Where we live. How I’d sometimes laugh at Grandad’s jokes about “girly boys”. It hurt me to hear him say that and to think I wouldn’t love him. I told him as much and he got mad and said it’s not about me it’s about how he feels.
I tell him I know that but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. He tells me I should just be glad he wasn’t afraid to tell me now and that I was overreacting. He stormed off upset. My wife says I should just take the win and leave it at that and not to worry about before.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Speaking as a bisexual girl who’s been raised by liberal parents, let me drop a truth bomb: no matter how much you tout your “ally” badge, we kids can still feel a tad jittery about opening up, especially if we sense even a hint of prejudice lurking around.
It’s crucial to acknowledge his feelings, cut him some slack for feeling reluctant, and offer unwavering support. Don’t flip out because he hesitated to come out—that’s just par for the course.” firstdumbbrunette
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I think the fact that you are having this moment of introspection is good but you really are making this about yourself.
Try to look at it this way, if your son did not feel comfortable coming out to you, it is 100% your fault. Period. HOWEVER! That does not mean you’re a bad person. You should start to appreciate and realize just how much homophobia is in our language.
Try to think of yourself as a gay person for a day and listen to the way people talk in person, on TV, on the radio. Think of the way that religion condemns things and makes certain people feel more normal than others or more acceptable than others.
The correct response to your son is more and more unconditional love. When he gets upset, respond with love and compassion. When he gets mad respond with love and compassion. When he blames you, respond with love and compassion. THIS. WILL. HEAL. IT.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m queer, and I have a very supportive family, but it still took me a few years to come out. Coming out is intensely personal, and everyone should have the right to do it in their own time. Even for someone you know is supportive, it can be really difficult and scary to come out.
He’s right, it’s not about you. You can absolutely feel hurt that he didn’t tell you sooner, but that’s something you need to deal with on your own, or with your wife or a friend. It’s unfair to put those feelings onto him.
This might be a good time for some self-reflection, and an apology.” Character-Draft-6503
4. AITJ For Eating Peanuts Next To A Child With Allergies At A Baseball Game?
“Looking back, I may be the jerk, but I came back to my seat after purchasing peanuts to eat at a baseball game and the person next to me (I don’t know them) tells me I can’t eat the peanuts near her son because he’s allergic.
I said, you’re at a baseball game, there are shells everywhere and it’s not like I’m going to put them in his mouth. She was adamant that I was a jerk for even considering eating them still and said her son is allowed to attend baseball games just like everyone else.
I told her she was annoying and that she should expect peanuts and peanut products while at a sporting event.
However, it was a kid so I went to the standing room only to eat them and stayed there for the rest of the game..
too annoyed to go back. In hindsight, I feel like I may be the jerk because I don’t have allergies. So I don’t know what it’s like.”
Another User Comments:
“Some peanut allergies can be triggered without eating peanuts and just coming in contact through skin, air, etc. That said the parent of this child with the allergy should know how to handle a public event where peanuts are consumed. It’s not on you to go the extra mile for her child.
It should have been her job to do what was necessary to keep him safe and not expect every stranger surrounding him to cater to them. She could have moved her child to another area, but she chose to be a witch to you. NTJ.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t know. It’s a baseball stadium. “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was written in 1908. Peanuts have been associated with baseball in the cultural consciousness for over a century. She could have moved, herself, or she could have at least offered to reimburse you for the peanuts.
But she just demanded you get rid of them. Nope. She is annoying.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Peanuts are widely enjoyed at baseball games and parents of a kid with a peanut allergy should never consider taking their kid to one unless they have a peanut-free section.
They can expect people eating peanuts everywhere, peanut shells littering the ground, and peanut residue touching the seats from previous games. This is literally one of the riskiest possible environments she could have picked to take her son.” dragonsandvamps
3. AITJ For Telling My MIL To Stop Interfering In My Relationship With My Mother?
“My MIL scolded me a few weeks ago for not giving my mother more access to my son (6 months).
That time my husband told her we are the parents and do not need her to interfere in decisions we make for our son. He also told her that none of this was her concern and she should stay out of things when she does not know the full story.
MIL tried to argue with my husband but he shut her down firmly.
Two weeks ago my MIL brought this up when my husband was not present and I told her that I understood she felt she was advocating for a fellow grandmother and mother of a grown child.
But she didn’t understand my mother. I told her my mother was a cold and uncaring mother. She had three kids and my older siblings had no contact with either of us for over 20 years because as soon as they were able they moved out.
That even when they were minors living with us they spent most of their time out of the house. I remember she was just as cold to them as she was to me. I told her I have never felt loved or cared about by my mother.
And that I went very low contact with her because it’s difficult to have a relationship with a parent who responds with “why are you so sensitive” whenever you try to bring up the topic of the coldness. I told her my mother accused me of being too sensitive and so emotional my whole life.
I told her I was never held, hugged, or kissed by my mother in my memory and I do not want that for my child. And that I do not want to have her around more to expose myself to that pain and that I have worked on myself for many years to be a better mother than she was.
I told her I did not want to discuss it again and asked her to have some compassion.
On Thursday my MIL stopped by and told me she ran into my mother who told her she was trying to meet her grandson. She told me my mother was very upset.
Then she told me I should forget about the past and let her be a better mother and grandmother in the present and future. She told me I was wrong for holding the past against her and she clearly does care now. She spoke to me like I was a child and I became angry.
I told her to keep her nose out of my business and that none of this concerned her. My husband was not home at this time. My MIL became angry and I told her to leave.
She complained to my husband. He told her she deserved everything I said and more.
He also accused her of lacking compassion. He told me not to worry about his mother and he said he won’t let this happen again. She told me I did not need to be so rude to her face and I should learn how to disagree without getting so angry.
This is what makes me pause and made me want to ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL is sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. But worse, she is manipulative. “She told me I did not need to be so rude to her face and I should learn how to disagree without getting so angry.” Did she want you to smile as you told her to screw off?
I would be petty enough to intentionally make her mad, just so I could accuse her of being “rude.”” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL feels threatened by the fact that you will cut out a parent or grandparent. This is about HER, not you or your mom or your relationship.
She feels like if she can force your mom back in your life HER position as grandma/matriarch/head of the family/controller of your adult life and child…. will be secure. If you can cut out your mom you can cut her out and way more easily since you aren’t attached to her at all.
And that’s her true motivation. Control. Your mom not being around is a reminder that it could happen to her if she’s too toxic and she wants some sort of control over the situation. By forcing you to accept a toxic parent and grandparent in your mom through guilt trips and nagging she is really trying to force you to accept any toxic behavior from her towards you and your baby while still having a guarantee of her place.” ManagementFinal3345
Another User Comments:
“First of all, as a mother, my heart breaks for you. If there is something more beautiful than hugging and transmitting love to your children, I don’t know it. I’m deeply sorry you were deprived of that love. As a grandmother, I understand the desire to see and be in the life of a grandchild, but your mother hasn’t earned this right, and if she hasn’t changed over the years, she would not bring anything positive to your child.
MIL was absolutely out of line. The next time she brings up the topic (unfortunately she strikes me as someone who doesn’t listen or respect boundaries) ask your husband to escort her to the door. You don’t need her insistence in your life.” ConfusedGranny0
2. AITJ For Continuing To Invite My Friend Over Despite My Brother's Discomfort?
“I (17M) have a brother “Ryan” (14M) and I don’t know why but he despises my friend “Damian” (17M).
As far as I know, Damian has been nothing but nice to Ryan. About like a week ago, Ryan told our parents that he’s uncomfortable with how much Damian’s been around lately.
I was confused because Damian and I don’t hang around him and when he’s over we’re usually just in my room playing games.
So when I asked Ryan why he was uncomfortable he just told me that he just is and it’s not my business. I told him that it was my business since Damian is my friend and he basically got our parents to say that he’s not welcome anymore.
He told me that he’s just uncomfortable and that he’s over too much. This kind of just made me upset because he was being vague and when I went to talk to my parents they told me that he told them the same thing and I’ll still be able to invite Damian over just less from now on.
I was upset but I agreed. Since Ryan said he was uncomfortable I did not invite Damian over until yesterday. We literally just played basketball the entire time and only went inside once we were finished to get some water and go to my room.
Ryan was still not happy about this despite us not even being around him.
When Damian left Ryan got mad at me and told me that I should’ve just stayed outside and not allowed Damian’s presence to be around him. I told him that we weren’t even around him and that he was being unreasonable and he got mad at me and went to go tell our parents but they took my side which only made him more upset.
Our parents told him that they tried to accommodate him already and they can’t just ban Damain just cause he doesn’t like how much he’s over.
They said that he hasn’t been over in a while so if he’s really bothered by it he should try and stay in his room.
My brother did not like this and went to his room when they said that. After a while, he told me that I must not care about how he feels if I continue to invite Damian over and I again asked him why he doesn’t like Damian and he just told me to go away and leave him alone?
That was yesterday, and today whenever I tried to talk to him he was being very passive-aggressive to the point I just stopped talking to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is missing information and your brother is unwilling to give all context for his discomfort.
It’s either petty or something he’s uncomfortable disclosing, and you and your parents can’t make an informed decision either way unless he elaborates. The best-case scenario is he’s being petty and he can learn to work out being around people he doesn’t like.
If something more serious is going on, be prepared to listen to both parties and not minimize the circumstances.” petit_macaron_chat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you do not know the reason and he agreed to allow him over. I would definitely not be able to call him a jerk (yet) though because it seems like there is a massive side of the story being left out.
Not saying that you are in the wrong, but if your brother and parents are reacting that massively it is pretty clear that something happened that he does not feel comfortable talking about. Is there any chance you could do a sort of heart-to-heart with him to figure out why?” ChickenPale907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could be something bad, or something stupid, but it’s hard to know if your brother won’t talk. That said, my first instinct is to think your brother has a crush on Damian and is suuuuuuper uncomfortable about it and thinks it’ll all be fixed if Damian just isn’t there.
Does your brother or your parents have very vocal negative feelings about gay people? Like, are your parents openly homophobic making your brother scared to talk? Or does your brother constantly say 14yo boy-level homophobic stuff in a very “I’m super not gay I swear!” way?
Cause if either of those are true…” SpecificBug688
1. AITJ For Telling My Wife She's Detached From Reality Over Our Parents' Financial Choices?
“When I told my wife that my parents prefer to not spend funds on traveling for tourism (because they own only one apartment, both are employees working in middle-class jobs in a country that has an economic crisis), my wife said that “her parents too, prefer not to spend funds to save for their retirement (noting that they are already retired and are living in a very good country, own several properties, consisting of at least 1 building they are renting, two apartments they are renting, a shop they are renting, a piece of land, and 3 apartments in an area with high rent, two of them rented, in a touristic area of another country).
I then told her that she seems detached from reality. She considered what I said offensive. AITJ?
Important background info:
Last year, we traveled abroad with her mother (to take care of our baby when we wanted to go out at night), and I asked her then to make her mother pay for the ticket and hotel and for her expenses.
She didn’t like that, because she considered that we have to pay for her mom’s trip and expenses since she is doing us a favor. I was not very financially comfortable back then, and also I did not think that her mother “needed” our help with the expenses, so I did not accept covering her expenses during that trip.
Today (1 year later), I suggested to her that I’m thinking of paying for a budget vacation trip for my parents (around 600$ in total) so that they meet us in a country abroad (we live in another country than them), and to also have them help us with our toddler during the nights so that we can go out alone.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Her parents’ financial status and your parents’ financial status are irrelevant here. There was no need to insult her, especially when you consider that different countries are at play; being well-off or not could look incredibly different depending on where someone is living right now.
Plus, her parents may simply be well-off by the standard of their country, but qualify for abject poverty in another and the same could be said of yours.
But you’re primarily the jerk because any time you are bringing someone along for the main purpose of childcare, you need to cover the cost of their travel, meals, and their time spent with the child(ren).
It’s nice to treat them to souvenirs or a night off from watching the baby but that’s not one hundred percent necessary it’s just an additional gesture of thanks and goodwill. So stuff your opinions about the income variances between your in-laws and your bio parents where the sun don’t shine because that my friend ain’t any of your darned business!
Whether you hire a nanny or bring the little one’s grandmother along – whichever granny it is – pay them for their time and travel just as you would a professional nanny! Bad enough one of them had to raise someone like you who doesn’t know when to mind his own business or shut up; doubly rotten that you’d be so miserly about paying the person you want to ensure your child’s safety and happiness on a vacation.” EmeraldAthenry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you have to even start a fight on this? The actual conversation was “my parents prefer to not spend funds on traveling for tourism.” “(My) parents too, prefer not to spend funds to save for their retirement.” “(You) seem detached from reality.” Based on the actual conversation, the other info isn’t needed.” Puzzleheaded_Team846
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You decided to pick a fight with your wife based on…how each of your parents chose to spend their funds? That’s ridiculous. What you said was rude and it’s a silly thing to have an argument over. Who cares what her parents spend their funds on vs.
yours? Why are you upset by her saying her parents also don’t like spending funds on tourism? You really need to learn to pick your battles, dude.” lihzee
