People Ask Us To Pass Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Siding With My Son-In-Law?
“My ex-husband currently lives in Maine, he’s moving back south. He came here to our city a few months ago looking at real estate to buy. He’s in the midst of closing on a house now, it’s in horrible condition though.
He currently lives with his son, daughter-in-law, and their one child. All four are moving down.
The house is likely going to take a few months to make livable. My Son-in-law (SIL) (31) is a licensed contractor and a real estate investor. He’s remodeled my entire house and does amazing work. He’s an incredible man and wouldn’t let me pay for the renovations.
My ex hasn’t really cared to physically be in my daughter’s life up until recently. She’s over the moon happy that he’s now wanting a relationship with her. He didn’t come to their wedding, he met her husband for the first time when he came down to look at properties.
My daughter’s father stayed with her and my SIL as he looked for a house to buy. The entire time he was grossly rude to my SIL. Verbally attacking him at every opportunity. He’d say things to my daughter like I can’t believe you married this. And he kept asking about my daughter’s ex, who fathered her child and left the second he found out she was pregnant.
It got so bad my SIL would stay at my house after work or would spend the night at a friend’s house. My SIL was especially upset because his wife would not defend him or tell her dad to stop. He defended himself and my daughter told him he was being overly sensitive.
My ex is closing any day now.
He called my daughter over the weekend and asked for my SIL to do the renovations/repairs on his new house. She agreed for him to do the work without even asking him first. He’s livid with her, and he’s refusing to go anywhere near the house. I don’t blame him. My daughter called me in a tizzy about the way her husband was acting so ‘immaturely’.
I told her he has every right to decline a job, no matter who the person is. She stated her father can’t afford a contractor, he can only cover the costs of materials so they HAVE to have her husband do the work. I was dumbfounded my daughter expected her husband to do the work for free after her dad treated him like scum.
She threw in my face how he did my house without taking money. I said that’s different, she doesn’t understand how. Said he’s already showing favoritism to her parents. I can’t get through to her. She hung up on me saying how messed up I am for still holding a grudge against her father and accused me of their lack of a relationship all these years.
She later texted me saying, ‘Thanks for encouraging my husband to hate my dad just like you hate him.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d say it sounds like your SIL has major mommy problems and you’ve stepped into that role as a mother figure for him. I applaud you for sticking up for him, that’s what a good mother does.
You sided with what’s right, not the person. Sounds like you love your SIL as you would if he was your son. That’s not common in families. Your daughter will hopefully realize what her dad is doing before she allows it to ruin her marriage. It sounds like she hit the jackpot with this guy, she’d be stupid to let anyone ruin things.
But, it also sounds like your daughter has daddy issues. Not sticking up for her behavior, but it’s common for adult children to remove any threat that would cause their previously estranged relationship to once again become strained. If that makes sense. Your ex clearly doesn’t like your SIL (does anyone even know what his reasons are?) In your daughter’s mind, dad doesn’t like him so suddenly she has a different opinion of him.
She might not have stuck up for him, but when she joins in with the insults, you can expect a separation to come. Like I said, hopefully, it won’t come to that point. If it does, try to be there for him as much as you can. Also, I wanted to ask, have you ever felt your daughter is jealous of your relationship with her husband?” howulikedemapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter desperately needs to grow up and stop trying to get approval and love from a man who didn’t want anything to do with her until she could take advantage of her. She’s acting like a little girl needing her daddy. She needs to remember that she’s married and she needs to be looking out for her husband – who she may not have for much longer if she keeps treating him like this.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re NTJ, your SIL is definitely NTJ. Your daughter and her dad are entitled and I’m sorry that she’s desperate to keep such a rude person in her life at a physical and emotional cost to your SIL’s sense of well-being.
Did you offer to pay your SIL for the work he did/did he offer to do it for free for yours?
Because it feels like your daughter is missing a crucial step in that process by using your house remodel as an example, that being, you know, consent to do it at a certain price.” ennomine
23. AITJ For Thinking My Sister's Opinion About My Move-Out Date Is Unreasonable?
“My current household consists of me (F28) and my two sisters, Sis A (F26) and Sis B (F24). We have been roommates for a few years now but I am getting married in a month and will be moving into my fiancé’s apartment at that time. (I haven’t done that yet because it will be about 45 minutes farther from my work than I am currently) I am working full time in a demanding job, I’m taking online college classes, and of course wedding planning.
All of this is extremely stressful for me right now so I haven’t really thought about moving plans because I hoped I could work things out with my sisters to have more time to move things out after the wedding since I am not taking classes in the summer. Ideally, I would pay my rent for an extra month (even though I won’t be living there) to give me time to move things out at a less stressful pace.
I would be able to come by after work and bring boxes home with me, then borrow a truck for the big pieces of furniture.
There is no reason for the room to be empty by a certain date since they are not planning on finding another roommate, they will just be splitting the rent between the two of them.
I had mentioned this a few times in passing but never officially, I just thought it would be a win-win for all as they would get reduced rent for one more month and I will be able to not add moving stress on top of the work, school, and wedding stress.
A few weeks ago Sis A let it slip that she expects me to have ALL my furniture moved before the wedding day.
I was completely shocked because where am I supposed to live in the week leading up to the wedding if all my furniture is gone? Additionally, the wedding day is in the middle of the month, if I have already paid rent they would have to prorate my rent and pay me back. (I am the first name on the lease so they can’t just kick me out).
Other family members have tried to talk some sense into her and Sis A, with Sis B’s agreement, has ‘graciously’ decided to extend the time I have to the end of the month, giving me an extra 14 days, 5 of which I will be out of town on our honeymoon. Sis A said ‘if there are still boxes here after the cutoff I will want to throw them out in the yard and light them on fire.’ I know it can be done and I will do it if I have to, I just don’t understand why the strictness when I am willing to pay for an extra month and they don’t have anyone else moving in.
So AITJ for thinking their timeline is unreasonable and objecting? (Note: I have been a good roommate, I have never gotten behind on rent, I pay the electric and utilities, and am not strict about the time when they pay me back. I rarely have people over and when I do it’s my fiancé and he leaves by 10.
We split chores. I do have the most possessions in the house but I let them use them and when I leave they will have to buy replacements. Our relationship has been good up to this point. I really can think of no reason for them to be so harsh and strict.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister sounds like she is jealous of you getting married, and now that it’s closer, she is acting out. She also sounds like she is lashing out for abandonment reasons, or does she secretly love your fiance? Her behavior isn’t normal and since this is coming out of nowhere, it has to be something like what I mentioned. No normal roommate, let alone sibling behaves like this.
Threatening to burn your belongings is a way over-the-top reaction. I would honestly put my furniture into storage now, pay for May and stay at a friend’s place. I would also straight up ask her what the F her issue is, and if she can’t stop behaving like a toddler she doesn’t have to come to your wedding.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here/No jerks here.
I can understand both your points of view. You’re looking at it as what’s best for you. There’s nothing wrong with that. BUT, they are also putting their lives on hold while waiting for you to get the rest of your stuff. You will be coming and going as you please for a month while they probably want to do things to your previous room/rest of the house.
Or just ya know, lay around relaxing. It’s adding more pressure on them and can cause anxiety by not knowing when.
UNSOLICITED ADVICE: Sit down and communicate with each other. Explain your point of view and listen to theirs. From there come up with an actual move-out date and a plan to meet it. Compromise.” TragedyRose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d get my things out ASAP. Like this week. I would CLOSE the utility accounts and get my name removed from the lease and let them sort it all out.
Honestly, they are probably mad you are ‘abandoning’ them and now they will have to pay more per month because you aren’t taking 1/3 of rent and covering all the utilities.
They are being spiteful and trying to inconvenience you as much as they believe you are hurting them. So perform some malicious compliance and move on with your new life.” pepperlandshine
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Vehicle?
“I (M18) was given a Jeep by my dad at the age of 16. I had to help pay for a new exhaust system, new tires, tire sensors, gas, oil changes, and some more that I’m probably forgetting.
Over the years I’ve had some mental health issues that my parents refused to get me help for since I was 14.
From that I started to neglect my own health and the Jeep. My grades dropped from A’s and B’s to B’s and C’s. My dad took away the Jeep saying if I don’t get my grades up in two weeks he would sell it and also said that it wouldn’t be that hard.
My dad always threatens to sell her.
When I first got her, I was in love but every time my dad threatened to sell it, my love for it would fade. It got to the point that my parents gave me a list of chores to do in order to get the Jeep back up to its former glory. My dad told me in private that if I failed to complete these chores in two weeks he would sell the jeep.
I did that list of chores in 4 weeks, but some stuff happened and my dad said it was fine. later he gave me more because it wasn’t enough. I did it because well my dad would yell at me and the chores were away from him.
A few days later I was talking to my mom while getting coffee and I said, ‘I’m just waiting for dad to sell the Jeep.’ I told her my reasoning, Dad keeps threatening to sell it.
And I lost my interest. My mom asked me if I wanted to keep it if my dad stopped the threats and I said I don’t know. the vehicle is worth 12,000 or more.
The last time my dad talked to me about it I told him to just sell her then.
My parents talked and from what my mom said my dad wanted me to have the Jeep and was trying to motivate me into doing better.
Maybe he was and I just took it the wrong way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is the issue with using sneaky ways to try to ‘motivate’ someone, especially with overly harsh consequences: you wind up training the person to distrust the overall situation.
It’s not your fault that you have emotionally disconnected from the car… It’s actually a very healthy coping mechanism.
Your father taught you that you could lose the car at any moment, therefore, you have stopped counting on it as being ‘your car’. You now know that the car comes with strings and your willingness to accept those strings at any given moment is based on what the strings are, not based on the car.
When I was in a similar situation to you, I laid out very clearly where my boundaries were, what strings I was willing to accept, and which ones I was not. And then I left the ball in the other person’s court. We came to a mutually acceptable (and mutually beneficial) compromise, with the understanding that if they attempted to put any additional strings back on, I was going to opt-out of the arrangement altogether.
And they knew that I had my backup plan in place.
If you are looking for some advice, I would suggest figuring out exactly what your boundaries are, and then clearly articulating them. And congratulations… This is part of growing up and becoming your own person, not just the child of your parents.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and ‘No jerks here’.
He’s your dad. He wants you to do better. He’s looking out for you. He thought you loved the Jeep, so by telling you he’ll sell it (which he probably wouldn’t anyway) he thought he’d get you motivated to do chores, and improve on yourself.
I’m not sure about the mental issues part, but I don’t think that has anything to do with your dad trying to push you to be better unless your mental problems are stopping you from doing so.
When you’re older or a father you’ll understand.
And ignore any other comments that might tell you that your dad is abusive or something ridiculous. He just wants to make you the best version of you possible, you’re supposed to be tough on your kids if you want them to be good.” Interesting_Ad3754
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get wanting to motivate your kids to do better but threats and anxiety aren’t the way to do it and if you can’t motivate without threats then you suck. If you truly don’t want the Jeep then don’t take it and don’t work for it but if part of you does talk to your parents and let them know what they’re doing isn’t okay and it’s not helping.” CallItHowISeeIt19
21. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Therapy Appointment For Work?
“I work part-time at a feed store for farm animals. The store is notoriously always hiring and always has a train wreck for a management team.
However, I needed a job and since they’re always hiring I went for it. On top of being part-time at the feed store, I am a full-time college student, I go to therapy every other week, and I try and stay above water as much as I can.
Back to the present day, I requested 5 days off in May, 10 days in June, and a weekend in July off.
When I got hired I had specifically mentioned that summers are usually fairly busy for me since my mom lives out of state and I try and see her as much as my schedule allows. So that’s why I put in the June request, and for the most part, they seemed fine with it. In July I have a vacation that is already paid for and has been scheduled since January (I had another job in January that okayed this trip), and that trip was also okayed. Both June and July trips have been okayed.
Now to the days, I requested in May. Since my semester started in early August, we get done in May. Normal school year length, however, the days and times I have finals take place during days I would normally work so I requested them off. That’s 3 days, the final day I asked for was my birthday weekend.
Yet again, I have plans that my last job okayed, and everything is paid for, is non-refundable as well. My manager wants me to make up those hours (not a problem at all usually, I have really bad workaholic tendencies so I’ve pulled 12’s with a five-minute notice before), however, they want me to cancel my therapy appointments for the next month and come in right after my last class.
I refused. ‘My therapy appointments aren’t for fun, I have to go.’ is basically what I said to my manager.
Side note, my manager already has almost all of the women who work there filing complaints against him with HR. He’s fairly bigoted and definitely asks us things he’s not allowed to ask. However, this never applied to me until he asked who my therapist was and if he could talk to her to see if I was lying to get out of making up hours.
I also refused this, I want to take this to HR, but I don’t want to be the complaint that ends up being his last strike before they fire him. I don’t know what to do. I can’t cancel my appointments but he’s refusing to schedule me on any other day. I genuinely have no idea what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“You said you don’t want to be the complaint that causes the manager’s last strike.
Why not?
He is the reason he has so many strikes, not the women who ‘told’ on him. HIS behavior caused this. If you don’t tell them what happened then he’s going to continue to act this way.
Other women will be subjected to this behavior and they shouldn’t have to be. The only reason he’s continued to do this for so long is because people are letting him get away with it by not saying anything. He’s not getting enough consequences befitting his actions.
This is considered ‘victim-blaming.’ You are not going to be the reason he gets fired; he brought that on his own self.
BUT YWBTJ for that and only that if you didn’t tell and he kept doing this and caused another woman to be treated inappropriately or harassed. Your testimony could stop that from happening.
That being said, NTJ for not giving up your therapy appointments for work. Going to these therapy appointments is no different than going to regular doctor’s appointments.
You could be healthy physically but unless your mental health is healthy then it’s not going to be beneficial to you or anyone else. There is still too much stigma against mental health treatment these days and there shouldn’t be. You know what you need to keep your body and mind healthy.
Do not give any of that up for a part-time job with a manager who doesn’t even respect you (or any other woman).” Wobblingoblin01
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It doesn’t matter if you WERE lying to avoid working certain days. It’s not like you’re backing out of a shift that was already scheduled, you are just unable to work on the days he wants to schedule you on. It doesn’t matter if you are unavailable due to an appointment or because you have a soap opera marathon planned, you are UNAVAILABLE.
He has no business calling your doctor, not to mention that your doctor is legally not allowed to discuss any part of your treatment with him. Doctors are not even allowed to confirm whether or not you are a patient. Please go to HR. Your boss is a complete jerk and if your VERY warranted complaint is the last straw, good riddance!
Consider it as you doing your part to take out the trash and make your workplace better for everyone.” mariamaria81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Go to HR. If he is being inappropriate and this is his last strike, that’s on him. Not you. Tell him you won’t be there until after your Medical appointment, end of the story.
He doesn’t need to know it’s a therapy appointment, that’s private.” FunHippo3906
20. AITJ For Refusing To Withdraw To Give $50 To A Random Stranger?
“I was approached today by a middle-aged black man as I was loading my groceries at 1:30 pm.
He was dressed in unwashed clothes, missing most of his teeth. He very nicely and empathically said he needed help because ‘he was bleeding from his rectum’. I said he needed a doctor and he replied he needed his suppositories. He then added he and his son need help and that somebody was picking them up on Thursday but they needed money until then.
I asked how much. He said around $48. He seemed like a nice guy very polite and in need. I wanted to help him.
I typically have an emergency 20 bucks but that’s it. So I said ‘I can maybe help with a $20.’ He said he needed more but he would hustle. I open my wallet and see that I have spent the $20 and have zero leftovers.
I told him ‘I am sorry I am all out of coins’. He says to me that I could go to the store and get some. I look at my watch and see that I might be late picking up my son from school at 2 pm if I go back to the store for cash.
Also, I didn’t really want to give him $50. So I said, ‘I am sorry but I need to pick up my son.’ He stomped off angry and said, ‘Well why did you say you would help?’ AITJ for not returning to the store for cash? I have been feeling guilty ever since I left the parking lot.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You had to go get your kid and it was unfortunate you didn’t have your emergency fund. Just a tip for the future: get to a safe place before opening your purse or wallet, preferably away from the person asking for coins. You can always say no and then go back to them when you have the moolah in hand.
Never let anyone follow you to an ATM either.” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable for him to ask for more if he needed it. As well as the specific amounts can leave a person assuming it’s for illegal stuff, as someone in a bad city truthful people are grateful for anything.” LunarThrive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy will have another story for someone else, the moment that you left. Don’t feel guilty, that is how he supports himself.” wind-river7
19. AITJ For Calling Out A College Kid?
“I (24F) was watching my younger sister’s (18F) college soccer game. My partner and I were sitting next to another college’s boys soccer team.
They’re all chatting and heckling each other and the players, as is to be expected.
My sister gets kicked in the chest by another girl trying to get the ball. The boys all go ‘oooooh.’
One of the boys says ‘It’s okay, she can take it, she’s got a great chest.’ I heard a few of the other boys go ‘Jacob you always take it too far’ and a few others laughed. ‘Jacob,’ says a couple of other foul things about her body that I didn’t fully register because I became so angry.
About 10 seconds after that comment, I stand up and address it. Here’s where I think I was the jerk. I was seeing red and was beyond furious.
‘That’s my sister you’re talking about. I cannot believe you are that disrespectful! How dare you make those comments about women’s bodies? You should be ashamed of yourself.’
My partner stood up after I finished speaking and said ‘Cmon guys. You’re all adults.’
The whole time ‘Jacob’ had his head down. He said ‘I’m sorry’ and said ‘I am’ when I told him he should be ashamed. I went and sat back down and didn’t give them another look or interaction beyond that.
I think I was unnecessarily aggressive and am feeling remorseful about speaking sternly to a boy in college.
I didn’t tell my sister about this interaction, I figured she didn’t need to know.”
Another User Comments:”
“NTJ, he needed someone to put him in his place. But, as a former college athlete, you might actually want to tell your sister.
I say this because there’s a pretty big chance that the two teams interact/hang out/attend the same events and parties on a regular basis. To clarify, this is not how the majority of us act, but she might be getting ostracized and not even know why.” GoldenFrog14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Men think they can say this about women and it’s so disgusting and I’m so glad you called it out.
If they wanted some nice lady to gently hold their hand through a Treating Women Like Human Beings course, they should call their mothers.” Impossible-Pause3788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he’s old enough to talk about your sister like meat, he’s old enough to survive a sharp talking-to. If anything, you’ve given him an important lesson about women being real people with opinions, feelings, and family, just like him.
He clearly needed some tutoring there.” allthecactifindahome
18. AITJ For Not Wanting Reminders Of My Dad At My Wedding?
“I (31F) am planning my wedding for next year, so far it’s been smooth sailing, both my family and my future in-laws have been supportive and for the most part have let me and my partner (34M) plan this the way we want (small and fairly laid back).
This issue came up last weekend when I was talking to my mom (50’s F) about our plans for the ceremony, she asked what I was planning to do to recognize/incorporate my dad. He died really suddenly when I was young, our family was completely devastated and I miss him every day. I told her I hadn’t been planning on doing anything to incorporate him and I can tell she was unhappy with that, she asked if I would consider reserving an empty chair or doing a little memorial table with his picture.
I really don’t want to do either of those, like I said, I miss my dad and wish more than anything he could be here, but I don’t want to be reminded of what I’m missing on a day that’s supposed to be a celebration. I can’t even get through a father-daughter dance at other people’s weddings without having to step out…
I also get where my mom is coming from, my dad was the love of her life, and of course, she’d want to see him represented at their only child’s wedding, but I just don’t know if I can do it.
So, AITJ for not wanting reminders of my dad at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding and you get to have the day that you want. Is there a middle ground here? Could you give your mom a small token that represents your dad at the rehearsal dinner? A locket with his picture in it to wear to the wedding? Or ask for a piece of jewelry he gave her to use as something borrowed?
That’s much less in your face than a memorial table.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I totally get where your mum is coming from, and empty chairs/memorial tables are a fairly common thing so makes sense that she’d ask. However, your feelings at your wedding trump hers. I think maybe if you explain to her that her suggestions would, for you, not be including your dad’s memory but bring up the painful reminder that he’s not with you, it may help.
Choose a time where wedding talk isn’t happening and bring it up calmly. Perhaps suggest a less visible way to include his memory, so that she knows he’s included but you don’t have to stare at the space he would have been?
a photo locket of your dad attached to your bouquet
an item of his clothing stitched into your dress or similar (a friend of mine’s beloved grandad passed away a week before her wedding, she used the tie he’d been planning to wear to wrap her flowers)
have your future husband wear something of his if that might work – a pocket square, a tie, tie pin, cufflinks?
borrow something from your mum that your dad gave to her – a piece of jewelry perhaps? Even her engagement ring just for the duration of the ceremony?
include their wedding flowers somewhere
if you’re having the sort of ceremony where you make a grand entrance, perhaps the officiant could speak about your dad before you appear – so that your mum hears words that (maybe you’ve written, maybe both you and your mum could write it together) celebrate your dad, his impact on your life, the example their marriage set, but at a time where you won’t be emotionally wrecked by it.
if your dad has a grave or memorial, take your bouquet to him after the wedding. Perhaps go with your mum so that you can tell him about the day.
One thing I’d definitely try to do is spend some time with your mum one-on-one before the wedding to talk about your dad, maybe look at their wedding pics, and get emotional. I have the feeling that your mum is unhappy because she feels that you’re choosing to exclude your dad’s memory, where the truth is more that it hurts you too much to include it.
Sending you love and hugs if you’ll accept them.” FlossieRaptor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you feel like you can handle it, you might want to have some small token of your dad with you as a reminder. In another thread here, I read a post from a bride who had pinned a photo of her late father to her shoe so he could ‘walk’ her down the aisle and I thought that was absolutely lovely.
I think it might be a good compromise to make your mom happy as well. Something to consider maybe?” mariwil74
17. AITJ For Being Mad That My Best Friend Spends So Much Time With His Partner?
“My friend has a significant other (SO) who lives in another part of the world. There they have different school hours and so sometimes it makes it a little difficult to talk.
While I love both my friend (as he’s like my big brother) and his SO (while I’m also just friends with the guy), it’s becoming more and more upsetting how they spend every possible second together.
My friend just got back from a trip, and while he was on that trip he couldn’t talk to us as much.
That’s okay, I would only be upset if he ignored his family to talk to us. But as soon as he got back, he’s been talking with his SO the whole time. It’s hard to even get a word out of him that isn’t about his SO. I’m glad they’re close and it’s working out well for them but even my own mother left me in the dust for her man.
Along with my best friend of 4 years. I don’t want this to happen again even though it already has. I’m not going to do anything to break them up or something selfish like that, but I just feel like a jerk for hating how they spend every available second all over each other.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it sounds like your best friend is acting pretty normal for big love, especially one that is far away and you feel like you have to plan and create all this time.
But it sounds like maybe you’re projecting some of your issues about feeling like your mom abandoned you for a guy onto your best friend.
Your best friend is not your mom. You are not someone that everyone will automatically abandon for a guy. I’d just say ‘I miss you and I might be sensitive about this because of my mom and XYZ, but I feel like we don’t hang out as much! Can we do this activity together and block some time out?'” violetbaudelairegt
Another User Comments:
“You sound very young and jealous. Your issues with people are not your friend’s responsibility. Get a hobby, maybe some therapy, and be happy for your friend that he’s so in love with. You’re allowed to feel insecure but if you were to try to vilify him for it or blame him in any way it would be YTJ.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“Your feelings are valid to feel, however, you need to support your friend in having such a good and loving relationship. If you let this jealousy get in the way of supporting your friend then you’ll be a jerk.
It’s normal to feel jealous but it is not ok to act on those feelings.
Acknowledge them and work through them, or get therapy if you can’t. But don’t hurt your friend over it.” ImpressBoring8503
Another User Comments:
“You can’t help how you feel, but the reality of life is that people in romantic relationships naturally want to spend as much time together as possible. Whether or not you’re the jerk here depends on how you deal with it.” rpepperpot_reddit
16. AITJ For Being Upset About My Friend's Lie To Not Come To My Baby Shower?
“I (37f) used to work at a school. My coworker ‘June’ was my closest friend there. June would sometimes complain about how she never goes out on the weekends because her husband wants to stay home & play WoWC (World of Warcraft, a video game) with his friends. I offered on multiple occasions to go out and have drinks & let loose.
She never took the offer but would continue to complain. I’ll also add she was trying for years to get pregnant but it wasn’t working.
Cut to a year or so & I got pregnant on my second attempt with my husband. She was very happy for me. She had stopped trying for a while to work on her own self-image & mental health.
She’d joke that she was ‘so jealous, but super happy still.’ Later she expressed that when she said she was working on herself it was a lie & she still wants a baby. I didn’t know but I’ve always been a trusting ear for her to vent to.
Anyways, she wanted to plan my baby shower and was excited too.
She never followed up on it though, but my other friend ‘April’ did. She asked me questions about what I wanted and helped me choose a date. Of course, I accepted. I invited June & she expressed she was really excited and ‘wouldn’t miss it!’ Cut to shower day & I get an early morning text from June.
She claimed she’s stuck in city ‘A’ (3.5 hrs away). That her car had just broken down and she planned to get back that day for the shower but can’t make it now.
Now I know how June fakes excuses and this was one & I was a bit upset. I texted her back that night saying it was fine.
She said she wants to come by another day & bring the gift she bought. I told her, I’m home all day so she can drop by whenever is best for her. She never did. A week or so goes by & she texts to ask me if I have any uhhhh ‘sandwich left’.
No mention of visiting or baby gift. I told her we ran out of sandwiches, sorry. She said ok. Never heard back again & we went to NC.
If she was emotional about her pregnancy issues, I would’ve understood. If it was hard for her to go, it would’ve been ok. Like another coworker who couldn’t come either, she could’ve dropped by days before the shower to catch up & bring the gift. I just want her to be honest. I found out June finally got pregnant & had a little boy.
I recently saw them at a local playground. I know she knew I was there but neither one of us said hi or spoke. We know there are no friends anymore. Am I the jerk for being upset with her?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re entitled to be upset with a friend. But if you know someone has a reputation as a flake, you sort of anticipate that behavior over time.
It sucked that she didn’t follow through but if she was suffering emotionally and couldn’t put on a brave face, I get that. Fertility is a sensitive issue and it’s often the woman who bears the weight of fertility issues in a relationship. It is also hard to face those whose fertility works without any issue.
It is a sting that pierces deeply. You can say you understand but it feels like part of your womanhood was taken from you and it takes time to develop the emotional maturity to accept.
It isn’t unusual for adult friendships to fade. It’s unfortunate. She wasn’t considerate but I don’t think it was the actions of a jerk.
It can be hard to reach out after a significant event with hurt feelings. She flaked in the end and you’re not the jerk for dropping contact.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to your question of being upset with her. Although it sounds like the friendship is over, cut your losses and move on, emotionally.
She’s moved on, you should too.
As a side note, it sounds like June was very depressed and dealing with her own stuff. She also may be an introvert given the fact she didn’t want to go out and party.
Regardless, the key to any relationship (friendship, partners, whatever) is communication. If you or the other party cannot properly communicate with each other, your relationship will falter.” vadieblue
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and I think you need to let this one go. It sounds like she was dealing with some difficult things. Attending the party might have been difficult for her, and even if you claim that you would have understood if she was ’emotional’, it might have been harder for her to admit her feelings, maybe even to herself.
It’s not like she insulted you or stood you up, she didn’t come to a shower. It’s no big deal.” Forward-Beyond4739
Another User Comments:
“Well… You knew being honest about what was really bothering her, was not her strength. And yet, when she might be dodging being honest about what’s really bothering her, you expect her to be upfront about it?
Yes, I think she would benefit from learning to speak up, but part of friendship is – for me – being there when a friend is not capable. And with you having a hunch she was sad or angry or having a conflicted feeling about you being pregnant, you could’ve reached out to her.
So I would go with ‘everyone sucks here.’ But it’s not too late to take the first step and start the conversation you guys should’ve had years ago.” curlyhack
15. WIBTJ If I Complained To My Landlord About My Neighbor's Parking?
“I live in a terrace house that’s been converted into 2 flats (owned by the same landlord). I’m in the downstairs flat and my door is at the back, whereas the upstairs flat entrance is at the front. The flats share a drive which is at the back.
A couple of months ago new neighbors moved in upstairs and at the time they didn’t have a car.
About 3-4 weeks ago my new neighbors got a car. It’s pretty old and inexpensive and it doesn’t look like they care about it much. Naturally, they park on the drive that we share, next to my car.
For the past couple of weeks, they’ve been parking ridiculously close to my car, to the point where I can’t comfortably get in or out of my car. I can’t move over anymore because there’s a brick wall on either side of the drive but they have plenty of space on their side.
Today I have noticed there are chips on the edge of my driver’s door (from having to rest my door onto their car to get out) and it’s upset me quite a bit considering I have a nice car that I take good care of and I saved up for ages to buy.
I didn’t see any damage to their car, however.
I want to call my landlord and complain about the situation. My partner who I live with says that’s taking it too far and I should just talk to them first. Now I’m not a very confrontational person and I also don’t see them ever because we have separate entrances.
Also, to be quite honest I don’t know how to say ‘stop parking like a moron, or drive-in (I reverse in) and we can both get out in the middle’ without being patronizing because to me this is something so obvious. My partner won’t speak to them because they don’t speak very good English and he’s afraid of coming across as rude, whereas I’m from the same country as them so I could tell them in my native language I guess.
I think I might be the jerk here because getting the landlord involved is pretty serious I suppose, and since they’re new tenants it might backfire on their tenancy to have neighbors complain about them.
So, I’ll let you be the judge. WIBTJ if I complained to my landlord?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you didn’t try talking to them first and went straight to your landlord.
You’re all adults, I’m sure they could understand, and would probably thank you for coming to them first. I understand not wanting to be confrontational but it doesn’t have to be unless you make it that way. Just knock on their door and explain nicely and politely that you need a bit more room to get into your car and could they please park a little further to the side.
If they get defensive or refuse THEN you can contact the landlord. If you really can’t stand the thought of talking to them at least leave a note.” smithshelbyk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe ask your landlord to get someone to paint a division line for parking and to mark each spot with the unit number.
This way there is a clear marker if they are in your ‘spot’.” Nyankitty666
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You need to talk to them, and the fact that you point out you would sound like a jerk (and giving examples like ‘stop parking like a moron’) shows this.
Grow a pair and tell them politely that you’re having trouble getting out of the car because they’re parking too close, to the point that they’re chipping your door.
If they act like jerks then you can escalate and reach your landlord.” pedroyarid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you don’t want to talk to them directly, you could always try leaving a note on their car or their front door and if that doesn’t work, contact your landlord.” miamia1965
14. AITJ For Refusing To Drop My Son Off For An Easter Family Portrait?
“My ex and I share custody of our 9-year-old son. I’ve always been generous and flexible with my ex until she started being greedy and inflexible with me. For example, I allowed her to take him to see her family over the holidays and occasionally let her keep him extra time all at the expense of my time.
A few times I had asked her to let me get an extra day or two and she is quick to point out the custody arrangement or a million reasons why she can’t do it. I told her that the next time she asks me for a custody favor then I’m not doing it.
I had my son this week and out of the blue, my ex texts me to ask if she could pick him up to do a family photo with her husband and their kids.
I said no. I pointed out the custody agreement and said I had a million things why I could not work on that request.
She was furious and told me she had planned all this out. I told her to plan that on her time. Now had she worked with me on things, then yes, I would have allowed it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have planned this on her own time. However, and I’m not saying you should always honor her requests, but why not be the better person and allow them to get their family portrait when she planned for it and just ask for more time to make up for it later?
My parents divorced when I was a kid and I am so thankful they never spoke ill of each other, they were flexible with time with my brother and me and did their best to make the best out of a less than ideal situation. Your kid will notice if this is not the case.
Should it only fall on you to be a good co-parent? Of course not. But you stooping to her level doesn’t help yourself or your kid.” GMaharris
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ‘everyone sucks here’. She’s not being fair by not being flexible for you when you’re flexible for her, and she should have organized it in her own time.
And in most other circumstances I’d say you’re not the jerk but the fact that this is a family portrait, that makes you kind of the jerk too. Not because of your ex but because of your son.
These pictures will hang in their house, probably until they’re gone, and your son is excluded from them, and that could negatively impact your child.
It’s important that he feels like he’s just as much family to you and your ex as your new families are and this was not a great time to draw that line, for the sake of your son.” borninsaltandsmoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My dude, you need to go back to family court and file for a hearing with a judge; explain what she has been doing in regards to YOUR custody time.
Then ask for them to amend the custody arrangement to INCLUDE ‘At no time shall the parent who has custody during the time arrange to give the child to the other parent who is NOT scheduled for custody time. To whit, unless there is a LIFE THREATENING medical emergency involving the child, the child WILL stay with the parent who has custody during their custody time.
If this amendment is violated by EITHER party, there will be the consequences of (insert XYZ here). Further, it is the court’s recommendation that all communication between the divorced parties will be done in a family court-approved texting application in order to prevent any misunderstandings.’
Then STOP communicating with your ex without the family court-mandated texting app.
This will keep a record of every time she tries to get you to let her take the munchkin when it is YOUR custody time. If she calls you, immediately say ‘No. You have to use the texting app. I am not talking to you any other way.’ Once she ‘HAS TO’ leave a paper trail, she’ll knock that off.
Good luck, My dude!” Wise-Excuse1015
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
With regard to your ex, you are not the jerk, assuming that you’re not leaving relevant info out of your story. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire and this seems like a proportionate response.
However, with regard to your son, you are the jerk.
What’s best for him? Being excluded from a family portrait probably isn’t it?
You need to find some other way to resolve this without using him as a ping-pong ball. Is there mediation available through the family court? Involve a lawyer? Make sure you have everything documented first though.” Perenially_behind
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Best Friend To Be Friends With My Ex-Best Friend?
“I (14f) used to have a best friend who we’ll call ‘P’. We stopped being friends because it was becoming toxic. However, she started making my life miserable. She turned most of my friends against me with lies (we shared the same circle of friends). She also talked trash about me behind my back and made everyone else do the same.
I fell into a deep depression. I had no one left until a handful of them came back because they realized she just isn’t a good person. I ended up becoming really close to one of the friends who came back and she’s my best friend now. We’ll call her ‘S’. So S is still friends with P and on good terms and she mentions how nice P is once you get to know her in front of other people.
She claims she’s still friends with her since ‘she didn’t do anything to me’. It’s really hurtful to hear since S knows everything P did to me. I may have started making passive comments to S about her friendship with P and she’s catching on. I feel bad confronting her because after all, I can’t force her to not be friends with someone.
So AITJ for confronting her?”
Another User Comments:
“As much as you don’t want to hear it, yes, you are.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand where you are coming from, but we don’t get to make choices for other people on who they can and can not be friends.
Find time with this friend without the other person, of course, but you don’t get any say on who they are friends with.” Tricky_Dog1465
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ.
As much as it pains you, you cannot dictate who people around you get to be friends with. You are allowed to cut toxic people out of your own life, but your friends get to decide who to allow into their own circle. You have to decide if you can live with them being friends.
If the answer is no, then that is okay, but you will have to step back from your best friend too.” XANDERtheSHEEPDOG
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Making passive-aggressive comments isn’t the same as confronting her. If you want to talk about it then tell her that.
At the same time, if she is actively defending your bully, she isn’t your best friend.
That might be hard to accept, but it will save you a lot of hurt in the future. People that don’t stand up to bullies are kinda enable to continue their bad behavior.
When you’re as young as you are, these things are hard to navigate. I’ve been there, just protect yourself here. If you want to have a conversation with S about this then sit down and don’t accuse, but ask for her reasoning.
Ask if she truly understands what P did.
I’m not sure this will help, especially since it’s easy to become defensive.
You’re right that you cannot tell her who to hang out with, but you can decide who you want in your life and what you’ll accept from people.” Throwaway-2587
12. AITJ For Not Being Communicative With My Parents?
“I (29M) am the 3rd child of 7. My parents are almost empty nesters, just our 7th sister (15F) remains at home. Of the grown-up children, I am the only one who lives far away from my parents (~2000 miles and 2 time zones).
The other grown siblings all live within 200 miles of and same time zone as my parents. Pretty much the only regular contact I have with my parents is a weekly phone call on Sunday afternoons which I almost always have to initiate. Sibling number 2 (31F) lives in the same city as my parents. Both she and her husband work 5 days a week so they use my parents for free babysitting and have dinner with my parents at least weekly.
Additionally ever since sibling number 6 (20M) went to college, my parents have played regular (multiple days per month) hosts to a variety of guests, mostly my cousins and 5th siblings (22M) college roommates. These guests usually stay for an average of 5 days or so.
Last week was my birthday. When I tried video calling home the Sunday before my birthday, I found out that my parents were busy throwing an Easter egg hunt for my cousins’ children.
I let them go immediately because they sounded stressed and were obviously very busy with their guests. They said they would call me back. They didn’t.
On my actual birthday, the only family member that called was my 4th sibling (25F). My parents only texted me while I was at work (but because I can’t have my phone on me during work, I didn’t get their message till after I got off which was early afternoon time for their time zone).
I was a little bit annoyed that they didn’t call but I didn’t say anything and assumed that we would talk the following Sunday.
On the Sunday following my birthday, I knew that my parents would be hosting all 6 of my siblings and their families for an Easter dinner so I didn’t call them, and instead waited for them to call me.
They didn’t call. At 1am my time the next day my mother texted apologizing for not calling and mentioned that my 5th brother’s roommate had the stomach flu so she had postponed the family Easter get-together with my siblings to avoid exposing my other siblings. I replied curtly that I was sorry for not calling because I didn’t want to have a repeat of the week before (i.e. catching them at a bad time).
I don’t know if she caught the sour note in my tone for being forgotten (this isn’t the first time they’ve not called me) especially since this was 2 weeks in a row around my birthday (although full disclosure I’m one of 3 April birthdays among my siblings, but none fall in the same week). After sending that message I felt like an A****e for replying like that to her because she was busy taking care of my brother’s sick roommate.
AITJ for replying to my mother like that? Additionally, WIBTJ if I continued to wait for them to call on Sundays because I want to see if they actually care or not (my schedule isn’t that busy on weekends so they call at any time and my parents know it)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I am not convinced that your family is either.
It sucks that they didn’t acknowledge your birthday though, and I am sorry for that!
It sounds like there is a lot going on in their lives, and a lot of people that they are managing or interacting with. That doesn’t make it ok for them to neglect your relationship with them, but they could be so caught up in their own lives they don’t realize what they are doing and how it is hurting you.
As much as it sucks, you live so far away and being timezones apart will almost always result in a more distant relationship.
Before you do anything, you should communicate with them as an adult and tell them how you feel. Even if it is as simple as a ‘Hey, I feel like I am the only one initiating phone calls, and the feeling that you are forgetting me really hurts.
I have tried to be mindful of events you have going on and that you are busy, but I can’t be the only one that cares if we talk. I will wait for you to call first for a while.’ If they care about you and your feelings they will try to do better.” Skye-is-falling512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But… you moved far, far away. You’re not an only child, you’re one of SEVEN. Your parents’ lives are full of the people w****e in their lives every day: a teenager kid, several adult children, grandchildren, other family and friend groups of houseguests… the truth is that they love you, but you aren’t a real part of their lives.
It sounds like you’re short of family where you are while your parents have family coming out of their ears! You no doubt have a good reason for living where you do, but, frankly, you’re expecting an unreasonable amount of attention & closeness from this long-distance relationship. I’m afraid phone calls or even video calls are nothing compared to living, breathing people in front of them, people they can hug and share daily life moments.
I’m sorry, if you were an only child I think your folks would prioritize things like talking on your birthday; you’d probably feel guilty about how much they said they missed you! Instead, your folks have a lot of family & friend relationships to occupy them; it’s not that they don’t care, but I think you’d have to be physically present in their lives again to get the sense of connection & the affection you’re longing for.” nappingthedream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but they have shown you that you are a lower priority than your cousins’ kids and your brother’s friends. It is time to make your weekends about yourself and if they call they call. If not, it is not much of a loss since you are doing almost all of the work to maintain the relationship.” Sea-Path6713
11. AITJ For Cutting Off My Roommate's Internet?
“I own a house where I rent the two main floor bedrooms to two friends. I’m in charge of all bills and we split the costs of usage-based utilities equally between the three of us.
I’m abroad for two months to be with my family. Before I left we had a housemate meeting to address how to split bills while I’m gone.
I said I would continue to pitch in for the internet because it’s a bill I’d be paying anyway. Same with garbage/sewer (which I pay for 100% anyway).
However, before I left, my basement flooded and now needs to be waterproofed. Because scheduling is complicated (they’re booked weeks or months out), and I’d like to do it before it has the chance to rain, even more, this had to be done while I’m gone.
I made sure the crew would be coming in through a lockbox and private side door so that they don’t disturb my roommates.
Well. They cut through the internet cable in the basement. Oops. I got a series of texts from the roomies, they called a tech who pointed out the cut cable. Roomies were understandably upset.
I did my best to coordinate from over here, but the fix ended up being complicated and the house was without internet for a whole week.
When it was up again, my roommates, one of whom runs a small business and needs the internet for it, asked that I pay the bill in full this month.
I told her I didn’t believe that was fair and we argued, citing some reasons back and forth.
Mine was essential that the Internet is a joint responsibility in most shared housing situations, I’m paying my share even though I’m not using it so it wasn’t out of place for her to call a tech instead of me, also I’m in a different timezone thousands of miles away taking care of the family (it’s not the ‘fun’ vacation that it might sound like), we have good friends who live right around the corner who would have been happy to let her use the internet at their place; there was nothing I could have done to speed up the fix.
Hers was that it was my basement project that I was eventually going to make money off of anyway, so the workers I hired are responsible, so by default, me; that I’m on ‘vacation’ with all the free time in the world having fun; that I’m the landlady and managing all utilities are my responsibility; she lost business because of it.
Ultimately I told her that if she was unhappy about the internet service I had set up, I would just cancel my account for the house and she could set a new one up instead. She gave me a snarky ‘fine,’ probably thinking I was bluffing, but I shut off the service. Now she’s demanding I turn it back on since it’s my responsibility as landlady and she’s losing business.
AITJ?
Edited to Add: There is a rental agreement. It lists all utilities and who is responsible for them. For Garbage, Gas, and Electricity, the providers are stated explicitly. Internet is listed as a shared responsibility with no specific internet provider named. When we first moved in together, we talked about what plan we should have for the house — knowing that she needs/uses it more than me and the other housemate (or tenant, I guess).
In the past, we’ve gotten close to going over our allotted monthly data and she acknowledged that she uses it more and would cover the costs if it went over. She agreed to just hop onto my account since I already had one set up and could easily transfer the service, whereas neither of them had a pre-existing account with other providers.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for turning off a shared utility between 3 people because you had a disagreement with one of the roommates/tenants.
I don’t think her asking about the internet bill was out of line. Because of the work you’re doing on the house, she was without internet for a week. Still paying for it and losing funds through her online business.
It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility as the one who hired the workers, the landlord, and the one in charge of utilities. All your arguments about why you shouldn’t have to pay don’t relate back to the issue. It doesn’t matter what time zone you’re in or how great the neighbor’s wifi is.
It’s still your responsibility to fix. At a minimum, you should have offered to foot the bill for the week the internet wasn’t working.” galpalnykki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It sucks and wasn’t your fault directly that this issue happened. Workers are responsible and the people who did that job should be reimbursing you for costs incurred by their mistake.
But as a landlord you are responsible for damages to your tenants that’s been caused by your actions directly or indirectly. Your tenant suffered business damages from this, you should at least have the decency to pay the internet for the month and add it to the bill you should be sent to the repair company that caused this issue.
Even so, if she agreed to take on the internet for herself (bluff or not), you shouldn’t immediately shut off the internet and say ‘You asked for it’, that’s petty and major jerk behavior. Especially when you know her business depends on it, be real, you know you were being a petty jerk here. You need to apologize and make this right with your tenant and hope you can repair the damage you’ve done to your supposed ‘friendship’.” thedeadlysquirle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your hired contractors caused your two tenants to go one week without internet. One of your tenants lost moolah because of the downed internet service. Because your tenant lost money from your contractor’s mistake, they asked that you pay for the internet in full for one month. You refuse and then tell them they can have internet in their own name and cut service.
The cut in service caused one of your tenants to lose even more money from not having internet. You are a jerk and malicious. Be prepared for a falling out with your friend tenants.
Also, the cherry on top of you being a jerk is that you also punished your other tenant while trying to punish the tenant that works from home.” another_bright_day
10. AITJ For Changing My Family's Schedule?
“I (17m) and my brother (14m) never had a good relationship, but it has become even worse in the last few months. He intentionally farts very loudly if he’s near me, he keeps me from sleeping by playing some stupid videos on his phone loudly, and if I tell him to tone it down he instead just bursts out laughing every 10 minutes which wakes me up anyways (we slept in the same room).
And this all caused me to sleep on the couch instead but this often triggers my allergic reaction, still better than breathing my brother’s farts all night long tho.
So a few years ago, I came up with a reversed schedule where I will be at dad’s house while my brother is at mom’s house and the next week I will be at mom’s house while my brother is at dad’s house etc…
you get it.
But my mom rejected it as it would cost her a lot more gas funds because she would have to drive us to school 12 months a year instead of 6 months a year.
Now a few years later, finances aren’t a problem anymore because I just take a bus and considering the relationship with my brother has gone downhill, I decided to bring up my reversed schedule again, this time my parents didn’t really have much reason to refuse it and although they weren’t happy with me basically cutting my little brother off just for ‘being annoying’ they allowed me to change it.
But I can’t help but feel like a jerk after seeing my disappointed parents, even though I think I have done nothing wrong as this change doesn’t really affect anyone and now I don’t have to deal with my brother’s nonsense.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are disappointed because you are making life a bit more inconvenient for them.
It’s not (mostly) because they don’t like seeing the bad relationship between you & your brother – it’s because they used to get weeks off from parenting, with the house to themselves for seeing people or slobbing in front of the TV (or whatever they like to do with their free time).
Not your problem.
They should have been better parents and stopped your brother from bullying you when he was much younger.
You say that he is 14 now, and this has been going on for years…? So he was under 10 when his bad behavior started…!?
They really should have sorted it out back then.
Because they didn’t, the consequences of that are now on them.
So – there is no need to feel guilty, but do expect either or both of them to find reasons to stop your new rotation system, as soon as they can.” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you shouldn’t have to put up with this level of deliberate annoyance. Hopefully, he will grow out of this phase and the two of you can look forward to a better relationship as adults.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents are for not putting a stop to his bullying and enabling him by telling you he’s just ‘annoying’. Good for you to get rid of him.” GrayDottedPony
9. AITJ For Paying My Employee One Month Short?
“A coworker of mine, let’s call him John, is sharing a phone plan with another coworker of ours, we’ll call him Clark… Anyway, Clark is moving away and won’t be paying for his share of the phone plan once he leaves since he won’t be able to use it (the new location is outside the service area of the phone plan).
This all happened rather short notice so they both couldn’t plan ahead of time.
The cell provider requires John to provide 3 months’ notice in order to cancel a line so if he cancels it today, John will still be charged for three months until he’s allowed to release the line from his plan.
Now I’ve lived here for about 6 months and never felt the need to have a phone plan.
While this has been inconvenient at times, it hasn’t really bothered me. I offered to pay for two out of the three months in order to help him out. This way I would be able to have a cell phone plan for a little while (three months) to try it out and he wouldn’t be out $90.
He wants me to pay for all three months and I’m not going to do that because if I wanted to pay the normal rate I would just get a cell plan for myself and pay for it.
I gave him $60 and I have the SIM card but we still haven’t reached an agreement. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m perfectly content without cellular data as I can just use VOIP services to call when I need to.
We haven’t hit a major dispute yet but I suspect in the upcoming months he will become agitated that I don’t want to pay him for all three months (which he has to pay for regardless.) and demand that I either give him $30 for the final month or return the SIM card to him after two months since I only gave him $60.
The way I see it, I’m saving him funds ($60) and at the same time, I’m getting a free month of cell service ($30) while I try it out and see how I like it.
I will keep this post updated as the situation develops. Feel free to suggest edits if this is confusing to read.
Edit: I forgot to mention that at one point he said ‘I’m not just going to give you free cell service’ when I tried to explain that I was seeing it as a win-win.
UPDATE: He brought it up at work and kept calling me out on being cheap in front of the rest of the staff so I told him I don’t want the SIM anymore and I want my $60 back. He tried to backpedal and tell me to just keep it for three months but I was done with the situation.
I now have my money back and couldn’t be happier.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re doing this person a favor and if he wants to recoup the additional $30 he should ask for it from the person who bailed on the plan.
I do feel like solidifying the terms of your agreement before taking the SIM card and giving him money might have benefited you in the long run, especially if you feel he’s going to be difficult going forward.
This coworker definitely doesn’t appreciate that you are helping them out of a difficult situation.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You two have tried to make an agreement, and so far you have not found common ground. Happens all the time. I’d also point out that you’re arguing over thirty bucks. Give him another fifteen and see if he goes for it.” steven-daniels
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re the idiot. This is a John and Clark problem. If you want to try a phone plan, do it on your own. I get you were trying to help John out, but that’s why you’re an idiot. It’s already a messy situation. You implemented yourself, especially with the money involved. Cut your losses, and let John and Clark figure themselves out.
It sucks Clark couldn’t get more notice, but a contract is a contract, so Clark owes John.” thenina2708
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Except for John.
First and foremost, Clark should be paying the 3 months to buy himself out of the plan. I’m not sure if that came up, but if they were splitting and he left, it’s his responsibility.
You seem to be asking for 3 months of service for the price of two, which also isn’t cool. You say that if you wanted to pay full price you’d just get your own plan, but this post in and of itself is proof of all the other things you’re avoiding in not doing so.
This is only a win/win for you and Clark.
Either way, John is paying for a service he’s not using. He might lose less with you paying for 2 of the 3 months, but that’s still not a win.” JBagginsKK
8. AITJ For Blaming My Friend For Her Bunny's Passing?
“Last week my friend, Jennifer’s rabbit ran away after he was placed down on the ground for exercise as rabbits need an awful lot, and ran into the woods.
Their yard is not fenced in and he wasn’t on a harness or leash. She was very torn up when he got away and spent the rest of the day looking for him.
24 hours later she caught the rabbit and I received the message. Rabbit is home. He’s not well, covered in ticks. He seems sick.
I assumed he went to the vet at some point last week. As she spent a very long time discussing him. It was clear he wasn’t well from text alone. I did not receive any pictures of him and since I’m 3000 miles away I didn’t see him in person either. She never took him.
Now our friend group is spilt 50/50 as I exploded on her for not taking him to the vet last week if she knew he was sick.
Pretty much five minutes after she told us, he passed last night. And her response was ‘well my mom didn’t make an appointment’ like she couldn’t call the vet herself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, bunnies are so sensitive to their surroundings. They can literally lose themselves of fright. If the bunny needed exercise, they should have built a safe enclosure.
It could have been attacked by any type of animal during its ‘exercise’. I feel bad for that bunny, your friend should never have pets if she won’t care for them properly.” Run_Rabb1t_Run
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Too many irresponsible people get bunnies without doing their research first, and innocent souls suffer.
I hope she doesn’t do this to another innocent animal. (Bun mom of 20+ years.)” Left-Occasion-8445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s old enough to know better and when you have a pet you are responsible for knowing what that pet needs and how to keep them safe.” dragonkeeperemme
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Baby To Be Left Alone With A Dog?
“I thought this was absolutely common sense that you don’t leave children alone with dogs, especially small children/babies, regardless of the breed of dog.
But I got into an argument with my MIL and my husband today with them saying I was being overprotective. I got super angry, and now I’m worried I’m being the jerk for having this boundary. Long and short of the argument was me saying that’s my one rule for watching my kid, and it doesn’t matter what dog it is, and them saying that I am being overprotective and paranoid.
Please advise.
Edit: My husband has fully taken accountability and fully admitted he was wrong. My MIL has never been wrong about anything in her entire life though, so I doubt she’ll start now, but at least she will never have a dog because FIL is severely allergic. I will just have to be extra vigilant anyways!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No way do you leave a dog alone with a young child. Babies and toddlers don’t know when to back off. It’s not fair to the dog and can be dangerous. No matter what breed. My dog is the sweetest lab ever but I would never ever leave him alone with a young child.” angelbuttons77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This should be the law. So many kids are injured or even harmed because they have been left alone with an animal and treated like a toy. Naturally, the animal is going to defend itself no matter how friendly it usually is around the family.” bendytoepilot
6. WIBTJ For Asking My Roommates To Give Me My Share Of The Airbnb?
“My (25M) flatmates (25M – A, and 25M – B) are two of my best friends, they’re going to be away for a month and they want to rent out their rooms in the flat to cover some of the costs on the holiday they’re going on.
I’ll have to share the lounge and kitchen with anyone who stays, and the bathroom with whoever takes B’s room (A’s room is an en-suite).
I’m conflicted as to how much would be fair to split the total we’d get from renting out the flat, as I’m going to be in charge of hosting these people and cleaning in-between guests, as well as sharing the flat with random people I’ll have never met.
But at the same time, I can appreciate that what we would be making money from is nothing that I own, so what is the cost of what I’ve outlined above?
So…
WIBTJ for asking for 1/3 of the total they get?
Edit: Lots of people have spoken about cleaning; I’ll be responsible for all cleaning between guests. It’s only for ~3 weeks so I’m doubting it’s going to be more than 4 sets of guests.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is worth a conversation about expectations. Like, are you cleaning out the rooms between guests, or are your friends hiring a maid service?
Do the guests have to take out their own trash? Will there be space in the fridge allocated to each room? Are the renters allowed to have guests over? Can they throw parties?
Make sure they recognize you’re the on-site host proxy, meaning you have to triage anything that comes up. That in itself, plus your keeping a close eye on belongings and premises, is valuable service.” Decent_Ad6389
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. I would ask for half. It’s you who has to play host, keep the house clean and up to hosting standards at all times. It’s you who they will come to with their complaints, and it’s you who will have to live with these people, and it’s you who will have to deal with them if they are bad guests.
It’s YOUR environment you agreed to share with them and they won’t be there and it’s your time your friends are volunteering as well.” mabsmash7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like you have the worst share of this scenario. If I had to choose between sharing space with one or two strangers or willingly renting out my room to someone (I wouldn’t want to do that either, but they’re apparently willing) knowing that I had a trusted friend in the apartment to make sure they didn’t ruin my stuff, I’d choose the latter.
I would hope they got your non-pressured consent before they made this decision. Edit: I agree with the people that say asking for half is fairer.” lagabachita
5. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Mom She Will Never See Her Grandchildren?
“I and my (20) partner have been living with his mother and stepdad for a few months now. We are getting our own home at the start of June and will thankfully be away from it all.
We have brought our dog with us and are living in what is essentially a shed with electricity. The arguments are non-stop and will start over literally anything, for example, I didn’t go and look at the new door lock that they’d had installed and for that, I was called an ungrateful tramp and told me and my ‘rat dog’ should get out.
I’m slightly convinced that she may have a narcissistic personality disorder but I’m not 100%. She has thrown hot coffee over my partner and thrown a gin glass at our window (among various other things )
The newest problem came today, whilst they were out we had noticed my dog had gotten grubby so I’d asked my partner to go and give him a little wash.
He went in and the brother’s ex was in the kitchen (a long story for another day) he proceeded to get a flannel out of the draw and wipe down the dog, for context he is a small terrier, he puts down the flannel to move the dog around to wipe the other side and she proceeds to throw the flannel on the floor.
This happens a few times before he has had enough and goes outside to call his mum to ask her to have a word with the ex about her antagonist behavior. She and my partner don’t get along so it is not uncommon for the ex to do things to try to wind him up.
When he called his mum he was told it was his fault and to let her do it and she says ‘you and your selfish little girl have ruined my day out’ and that ‘you two have had loads of days out this week you’re being unfair.’ I have been working every day this week since and my only day off was this Sunday when we took the dog to the park and had a picnic.
She then started screaming saying she wanted us out and would call the police if we didn’t, to which we reminded her she needed to give us a notice period for us (which would mean we would be out at about the same time anyway). We aren’t meant to pay her rent as she lives in a council house and the council has informed her we shouldn’t be paying her and if we do her payments will be decreased, however, we do pay her rent to help out but don’t say anything to the council.
I seem to be her scapegoat for most of her bad moods and any argument she wants to start and I’m not sure why but this time I’d had enough, I could hear her saying my partner could stay and she wants me and dog out and what I can only describe as a barrage of insults against myself, so I snapped and said, ‘If this is the way you treat me, I dread to think what you’d do to my children, you’ll never be seeing them as long as it’s up to me.’ To be honest I’m terrified of leaving my dog at home with them whilst I work, as their youngest son has grabbed him by the neck before with no consequences so what may happen to a child sickens me to think about.
She has been telling everyone I’m emotionally blackmailing her so I’ve been ignoring her.
It was harsh but I don’t want my children subjected to the mental torture that my partner has had to endure for so long… AITJ?
EDIT: he has made the decision long ago that he will be going to NC with his mum when we leave.
The first time he was kicked out was at 16 and he was left without a home, luckily he was taken in by some extended family but every time he’s gone she has begged for him to come home and he’s had enough. I’m not making choices, if he was on her side I would simply find other options for myself alone.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner has an abusive mom? Tell him to go to therapy and learn to stand his ground. YOU keep your head down, thank her for letting you live with her, and leave asap. You’re definitely not helping him by making threats about nonexistent grandchildren and forcing him to make choices between his mom and his girl.
You’re way too young to be making those threats anyway — you’re practically children yourselves.” blackandwhitepaint
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Living with cruel, narcissistic people is very hard. They tend to put all the blame on someone else.
Might be a good idea to talk to that bf and find out who he supports more, you or his mom.
If he sticks with you and supports you, then you should probably move out and go to NC with his mom. If he sticks with his mom, he is not worth the keeping, and things will just get worse.” RoyalRose-85
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your partner’s mum is quite a piece of work, but the whole angry ‘you’ll never see your grandchildren’ thing — when you don’t have children yet (thank goodness) was less than helpful.
Don’t throw out exit lines when you don’t even have an exit plan yet.” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think about moving out on your own to protect yourself and your dog. Your partner can follow you when you get to your new place in June. If your man can move out with you, even better.
Otherwise, I suggest you find a temporary foster, or maybe a relative can take your dog until you move.” wind-river7
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Urinate On My Hands?
“We recently had flooding in my area that severely damaged our water infrastructure. We currently don’t have much water in our municipality and water comes and goes, so everyone is trying their best to preserve as much water as we can where possible. My house has been somewhat lucky and had slow streams of water coming in, but the water cut out completely today so we’ve been using pool water to flush toilets, etc, which is already such an inconvenience and not the most fun.
My problem is that my husband has asked me to try to use less toilet paper when I urinate and has even suggested I use ONE wet wipe for every TWO pees to save water, toilet paper, and flushes. Now I’m currently 2 weeks away from giving birth, I’m so uncomfortable, and I have to pee fairly frequently considering a baby is pounding on my bladder throughout the day.
I feel like this is quite an unreasonable ask, and quite frankly, extremely unhygienic, especially considering washing my hands is using a ton of water because wet wipes and/or 3 squares of toilet paper aren’t the most absorbent. But he’s quite upset that I won’t even give it a try.
Am I being unreasonable here for saying I should at least be entitled to one wet wipe per pee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When it comes to saving for washing hands. Do you have foaming soap? Use that then use a ladle to scoop water from a pot. One ladle full could rinse both hands. Otherwise, you’ll need two ladle fulls to wet then rinse. Hopefully, you have power or gas to boil the pool water for hand washing.
If water comes back on for a short while. Fill every glass, bowl, and pot with water. To use for drinking water and hygiene.
As for the toilet. You’re pregnant. Your husband can schlep every bucket of water needed for flushing. Although I’d reduce that as much as possible by throwing TP in the trash.
So, you only need to flush pre and post-poo.
Also, if you don’t have power, that pool water is going to get rancid fast. So, if you don’t have a way to boil it. You should not use it for hygiene.” Velocityg4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and maybe get some hand sanitizer if you can.
I know it can’t replace washing and I’m not saying don’t wash your hands after you use the bathroom but maybe it could help cut down on some hand washing to using less water when it’s appropriate.” KMich31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pee as often as you like, wipe as you like, and wash as you like.
If you need to save water can you throw out what you’re wiping with and flush a little less often? I feel like that’s a much more reasonable solution.” Alarmed-Le0pard
3. AITJ For Selling A Pizza That Wasn't Mine?
“I work the nightshift at a hostel/hotel, and there’s little opportunity to make an extra few bits of coins compared to the other shifts. Recently there has been a policy put into place which means that the area behind the front desk where I work needs to be clean at all times and we can’t keep food that people have ordered but don’t come down to collect in this area after it’s arrived. It’s ‘unprofessional’ looking.
We don’t like to waste the food, so either we eat it ourselves if the person doesn’t show up, or we give it to someone else if they come in asking if anywhere is open that has food.
A man comes in that night and asks if there is anywhere that’s still open. I’m the only one at the desk, and I say no. I offer him the pepperoni pizza that was behind me and he insisted on paying me, not the hostel, just me.
I didn’t want to at first, but relented and took like 4 euros from him. He wasn’t wasted, or at least he didn’t look intoxicated or didn’t smell like booze. No one came down for that pizza and I assumed they just forgot they had ordered it.
My family says I shouldn’t have done that, that I’ve profited off of someone else’s stuff that wasn’t mine.
I’m not sure what to think myself, as I know it’s not our responsibility to bring the food up to a guest, especially when they leave no such instructions to do so. We don’t have room service.
Am I the jerk? If I am, I’ll know to not do that again. If not, I probably won’t do it again either way as this is the first time this has happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the sentiment behind what your family said is correct. In this situation, it seems like no harm no foul, but selling items that don’t belong to you for a profit makes you a jerk in other situations.” logfromrenandstimpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that he paid you so much as he tipped you for giving him the pizza.
Especially considering you politely declined before too.” pnb10
2. AITJ For Destroying Our Friendship?
“My friend asked me if I wanted to go to the skating rink with him on Saturday so I agreed. I decided to invite my friends A, S, N, and M.
A and N were together at the time I invited them.
A couldn’t come because of her mom. The rest could come so on Saturday, we went skating.
While we were at the skating rink N got mad at something and basically ignored everyone the whole night except for when we were driving back to my house.
N, C (the one who invited me), and S all got a ride back to my house. On the way to my house, A texted me saying that N broke up with her.
Now literally a day later, N moved on and started going out with S again. N and S had previously dated and it was a really toxic relationship.
I just feel like a jerk because I know N still had feelings for S but I still invited S. A is a really good friend of mine but IDK if she’ll be mad at me when I tell her this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with the event you planned. This is their own mess and would have happened anyway.
These people sound exhausting to be friends with though.” SlammyWhammies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t control what your friends do or don’t do. If the break-up wasn’t your intent then you’re good.” TTFAA2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, you probably saved your friend a lot of heartache and issues because N sounds like a piece of work.” Scared-March7443
1. AITJ For Commenting On My Son's Eating?
“I (42F) have two children.
My oldest ‘El’ (16m) and my youngest (11m). El has always been really weird with food. When he was younger he would chew up food and then spit it out in the bin when he thought nobody was looking. He never wants to eat the food we adults eat, always eating what his brother eats.
Even his brother eats more varied food than him and so does his younger cousin. His cousin eats all the same food as adults but El won’t touch it. Even when we go out to restaurants he always wants to eat pizza or something from the kid’s menu and it’s really weird.
El is also very light and super thin.
He weighed 44kg during a physical in school a few years ago which was considered underweight for boys although no concerns were raised as El is a trans boy who doesn’t want to transition medically so it wasn’t seen as weird biologically for a girl.
We’ve always made jokes about El being thin and needing meat on his bones.
The thing is, El does finish his food generally and eats leftovers too. He’s been caught eating leftovers from our dinner. I would joke that he was eating leftovers like a homeless person and say ‘It’s like we don’t feed you’ whenever he eats leftovers. We’ve taken him to a doctor and he’s said he doesn’t see himself as overweight so it’s not like he has an eating disorder.
Apparently, El has told his friends about the things we say to him and his friends think it’s a gross thing to say to him but all the adults know it’s just fun and games and we say it to encourage his eating. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like your son has an eating disorder which you are actively making much, much worse by constantly making comments about his eating habits.
Your ‘fun and games’ are clearly making him self-conscious to the point where he is literally going to his friends about it in concern. How exactly do you see that as ‘fun’ or ‘games’ for him? Teasing a child (or teenager) who struggles with what they eat and their self-image (and it’s so much worse for trans kids who struggle with body dysmorphia – a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance – as well) isn’t cute or funny, it’s just bullying with laughter involved.
Your child needs therapy, and not just a pediatrician with a scale and an ‘ideal weight’ chart. Eating disorders don’t always present clearly in someone’s body size. Either way, though, you need to stop commenting on how he eats. It’s cruel.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
This is disordered eating. Whether or not it’s classed as anorexia or not is immaterial. There is shame and distress in this eating pattern.
Mocking a child with difficulty with food is incredibly damaging. However, you sound like a supportive parent in many ways and I’m sure you can find a professional to help you and your son adjust your current attitudes toward eating. Or address it yourselves in open conversation if you think you’ll manage without either of you feeling persecuted by what the other is saying.” IGiveBagAdvice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The chew & spit thing is active disordered eating. Eating disorders are very common in the trans community, and even if he wasn’t trans, & even if he didn’t have an ED: poking fun at someone’s eating/weight/build is always in bad taste, & is always a jerk behavior.
It’s good that you use his name and pronouns, but you can’t pat yourself on the back and say that’s the ultimate end of everything you can or need to do, as the parent of a transgender child. Creating an environment that effectively keeps your child sick with a restrictive eating disorder & most likely gives him negative thoughts about his own body is not allyship, nor is it good parenting.
Time to do better.” sunflowers-in-space
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