People Look Forward To Our Verdict On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Singing The "Clean-Up" Song To My Toddler Whenever My Mom Tries To Give Me Advice?
“I (22f) have a 3-year-old daughter called Odie.
I was living on my own when I got pregnant, and I’m still living on my own and handling everything by myself. My mom babysits only when she asks if she can because really I don’t do much other than work and then hang out with my kid.
My mom loves my daughter more than anything, but she’s never been shy about telling me how much she did not approve of me having a child so young, or that she doesn’t approve of Odie’s bio dad (that one is fair I’ll give her that), she doesn’t approve of my job, etc. I’ve told her before how much I don’t appreciate her lecturing about my life choices under the guise of giving me ‘advice’ and I really don’t appreciate her doing it in front of Odie.
I don’t want my daughter to listen to that stuff. I don’t want Odie thinking that my having her when I was a teenager ‘ruined’ my life because it didn’t and I don’t regret any of it.
Since my mom still continues giving me ‘advice’ pretty much every time she comes around or we visit her, I’ve started randomly singing the clean-up song.
I swear it activates toddlers like they’re little sleeper agents because as soon as Odie hears it, she’ll immediately drop whatever she’s doing and start cleaning while singing it too.
The first time I did it, my mom was definitely confused, but she’s caught on to what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, and now she’s pretty upset.
She said it’s immature of me to use my child to get me out of conversations I don’t want to be in, and that it’s incredibly rude for me to start singing in the middle of her talking just because I don’t like what she has to say.
I think that there were probably much more mature ways to go about getting her to quit, and I do agree that suddenly singing in the middle of a conversation is rude, but also I kind of feel like this is the least confrontational way of ending the conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow. NTJ.
Your mother should not be talking about adult issues in front of your child. If she wants to harangue you about your life choices, the least she could do is do it in private and not in front of your child.
Please don’t take this to mean I condone her haranguing you about anything.
Children should at all times be shielded from adult conflict, which is what you’re obviously trying to do. If your mother can’t respect this boundary, then perhaps you might consider limiting her interactions with you and your daughter.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and a tip of the hat for a seriously genius handling of the situation. However, we both know this isn’t going to work forever and you may well have to lower the boom on your mom and let her know that she either knocks off the disrespectful crap or she won’t be seeing much of you or her granddaughter.
After all, if your having a child so young was such a terrible thing, then your mother should not be inflicted with the awful result. Sometimes you have to use a pretty big clue stick to get a message across and boundaries are clearly not something your mother understands.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Stop’ is a complete sentence, but your mother is ignoring your stated boundary. Singing to distract or engage your toddler may be rude, but it sounds like justified rudeness to me (not something I say lightly, either).
Your mother needs to learn to stay in her lane.
Tell her, explicitly and clearly, that you do not want her to initiate any conversation ever again about your life choices. Tell her the consequences if she ignores you (i.e. leaving her home immediately, or telling her she needs to leave your home immediately, etc.).
Even better if you document via a completely unambiguous text or email. That way if your mother develops sudden amnesia, you can bring out the communication as a ‘reminder’ that you have made your wishes and boundaries clearly known.
Your mother is failing to see you as an adult, let alone a successful one.” BunnySlayer64
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Baby Stay With Her Grandma For Four Days?
“My partner and I just had our first child just under three months ago. We live with my mother who is an hour and a half away, 90 miles, from her family. She goes down to see her mother maybe two days each month and stays there and comes home to be at work.
The issue is her mother is saying she doesn’t see him as much as my mother who we live with does, and is worried he won’t get to know her. So she wants us to bring him an hour and a half away, drop him off with her, and pick him up four days later.
I’m telling my partner no, I won’t get behind this. While yes you are his mother and have an equal say, I can’t get behind this. If her mother lived closer, eh maybe. But over an hour away, him not even being three months old, neither of us there if something were to happen and if something does us being that far away.
So while I can see why she’s upset, denying her mother the opportunity to spend time with her own grandson, I don’t think it’s the responsible thing to do.
(Additional context): My partner’s mother lost her and her other two kids a few years after they were born.
So I can see how this plays into her worries… but I still can’t seem to agree with our son being that far away from either of us for that extended of a time.
Edit: Her family is accusing me of trying to keep him away from them when that’s not the case.
In turn that’s causing my partner to be very angry/upset with me because now she’s starting to believe I don’t care about her family or our son knowing them etc.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 3-month-old is awfully young to ‘drop off’ with grandma 90 miles away for 4 days.
A 3-month-old is (and should be) very attached to mom and dad at that age, and suddenly having no mom and no dad for 4 days straight is just cruel to the kid.
If grandma has enough free time that she wants to have a 3-month-old full-time for 4 days straight, grandma has enough free time to come visit you guys for a couple of days each month.
Or you two could go visit grandma and leave the baby with her for an hour or two while you go out to eat or something.
My grandkids didn’t start overnights with me until they were around 4-6 years old. Until then, we visited (in both directions) as often as we could.
And even once they started overnights, we started out with a single night the first few times, then eased up to 2 nights, then 3, and so forth.” BogBabe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mother isn’t your child’s regular caregiver, it’s understandable you would not simply drop off a very vulnerable baby with her.
It does seem there could be other solutions though, like you 3 (you, partner, and baby) all going down for 4 days, or her mother coming up to your play to stay over for a bit. My general position on grandparents having access to grandbabies is always that if they want to complain about not enough visits, they should come to visit.” reggiesnap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It would be one thing if you and your partner had to go somewhere and needed someone to care for the baby while you were gone. But doing this just to satisfy her mom’s granny lust is not reasonable. Her mom can drive to visit you if she wants to spend time with him more than she does right now.
This type of thing at this age is only appropriate if it is in the best interests of the baby or the parents. Other people’s ‘wants’ are not a priority. And other people who get pushy about their wants being more important than the parents’/baby’s well-being get a time out.” Forward_Squirrel8879
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Wake My Husband Up For A Wedding?
“My husband has time management issues (not sure if that’s the proper term for it). This has been a recurring issue wherein for example we have plans early the next day and he plays games until dawn and he will give me a hard time waking him up after and we end up really late to the thing.
I have talked about this with him several times, one was last week when he promised me he would help put our baby to sleep because I had a terrible backache, but he ended up sleeping through the night and I had to do everything myself anyway.
Today he has a wedding to attend, I am +1 and ready to leave anytime while he is still asleep. He has shut his alarm off several times and refuses to wake up, so I decided to stop trying. I don’t even want to go to this wedding because I’m so tired from work so it honestly works for me.
The reason he’s so sleepy is that he played games until 5 am this morning and he had chores earlier today.
So, WIBTJ if I just… don’t wake him up?
Other info: the wedding is not for a close friend or anything, just an old coworker so he is not entourage.
UPDATE: He finally woke up, I gave him misery the entire car ride (told him I was upset and that this JUST happened last week and his stories don’t mean anything at this point. I also told him that if he does this again, I refuse to be late with him and we will go separately or I won’t go at all) and when we arrived, we were already 2 hours late and some of the buffet food was already gone haha.
Thank god for free-flowing wine otherwise I would have just been annoyed the entire time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If this was a one-time thing, then it would be very jerky of you. But this is a repeat problem, he ignores his responsibility as a father and a friend AND he gets angry with you for forcing him awake.
If gets upset when you wake him up, that means he doesn’t want to be woken and you are complying with his wish.
He accepted the invitation to the wedding, it’s his event and his responsibility. It’s not your problem he decided to ignore that.” DancinginHyrule
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your husband has massive time management issues, for which he is a jerk.
He has come to rely on you to get around this by waking him on time and for that, he is also a jerk, but you have so far accepted this system.
To suddenly refuse to do something you have willingly done before with no warning I would see as a jerk move. You have created a status quo between the two of you and to suddenly change it with no warning, when there is something at stake is wrong in my eyes.
To inform him ‘no more’ and refuse to help him in the future I would see as completely fair, and in fact, recommend it. But he at least deserves to be aware he needs to change his ways.
I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to intentionally cause him trouble, but I always see it as better to take the high road and keep yourself clear of any poor behaviors, lest you end up becoming the jerk yourself too.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only is he an adult who can manage his time, but he’s also your partner who you are raising a child with. The fact that he is saying he’s turning off his alarms and going to sleep and that you’ll need to wake him up is ridiculous, don’t do it.
But honestly, it sounds like you should take this giant red flag that not only is he not pulling his weight as your partner and a father, he’s thrusting even more responsibility upon you and not respecting you.” JCBashBash
17. AITJ For Not Asking My Parents For Money For My Wedding?
“I’m not a wedding person. So I think it’s a little hard to wrap my head around why my fiancé is so upset, so I am looking for an impartial opinion.
My fiancé has ideas for some big grand wedding. It means a lot to him, and while I would prefer to just elope, I am doing my best to research everything and plan an amazing wedding.
I’m not poor, and neither is my fiancé. We can afford quite a substantial wedding as is, just not the big fancy venue he was hoping for. He asked what my parents were going to contribute.
Here’s the thing – my parents do have a bit of a wedding fund saved up, but they’ve been under a huge amount of financial strain lately.
Last year, my dad had a heart attack, and this year my mom had surgery. Now their house is having issues that come with a hefty bill. When I told my parents about the engagement, they mentioned the wedding fund, and I told them that I would love it if they spent it on the house, and their comfort would mean a lot more than a wedding upgrade.
When I told my fiancé this, he got very upset with me, saying that it’s his decision too, and just because I’m the bride doesn’t mean I’m entitled to make all the decisions for the wedding. I don’t disagree with him, but I didn’t want to drag my parents’ finances into it.
He wants me to go back and ask for the money, but I refused. I think we can have an amazing wedding without it.
AITJ?
EDIT: Nothing’s been booked, and no other decisions have been made. The only decision I made was that I told my parents to use the money for something else and told my fiancé I would not be asking for it.
UPDATE: We had a long conversation this morning about everything. Fiancé agreed that he was the jerk and apologized for everything. He’s offered to scale back the wedding entirely. His family has been putting a lot of pressure on him to have the splashiest wedding and it sounds like they’re not going to contribute as much as they did with his sister’s.
They’re the ones who pushed that this venue is a ‘must’. My fiancé told me that he spent last night realizing that he wants this wedding for the US and not just doing what his family demands, and he feels horribly guilty for getting mad about my parents’ money.
He only wishes I told him, not because he thought he deserved to make the decision, but because he felt as if I’d been keeping it a secret from him. He said that we can elope if I want to, but I know he still wants a big wedding for his family so we’re looking at options in the middle that’ll make us both happy!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was money for your wedding, put away for you, and honestly, the groom wasn’t known, you were the intended recipient. The groom being him is just happenstance. you had every right to ask your parents to use it in a way to make them more comfortable during a hard time.
I may be leaning towards your side because I agree big weddings are honestly just a rip-off and a waste of money, the memories are what matters. Not the size of the bill.
Also, seems kind of a jerk to be mad at you for using your money to help your parents instead of buying flowers that will wilt and a fancy venue.” sinloxie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not making all the decisions about your wedding. You’ve advised your parents, who are struggling financially, to use their own money to pay for their home and medical bills. He is not entitled to a single penny of your parents’ money.
In all honesty, neither are you (not that it’s an issue for you). Their security and well-being will always take precedence over a party.
Keep your finances separate when/if you marry. A joint account for bills is fine, but don’t allow him unfettered access to your money.
This entitled behavior isn’t something that will disappear with wedding vows.” walnutwithteeth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to sit down and have a long hard talk with him that ends with a serious reconsideration of the relationship. When two people don’t share the same vision of the size and scope of their wedding, it’s a good test for the hundreds of compromises and negotiations that are ahead of you.
He needs to scale back, and you need to know that he can not only compromise graciously but without holding resentment. Ultimately, very little in a happy marriage is about who gets whose way. It’s about how you treat each other along the way. After 12 years of a very happy marriage, I can tell you a lot about this topic.
I’ve rarely seen couples who hold resentment over the wedding end up well.
Under no circumstances ask your parents for that money. You did the right thing.” LadyCass79
16. AITJ For Not Liking It When My Roommate's Partner Asks Me To Clean?
“My roommate (21) has their partner over almost every night, like 6-7 nights a week. This breaks our lease but I’ve decided to let it go since we all lease separately, I wouldn’t get in trouble for their partner being there.
The problem is that their partner constantly demands me to do chores in my own home. The partner pays no rent, no portion of utilities, and really contributes in no way other than walking the dog sometimes (which is appreciated). I work, play a sport, and take 6 classes at my university.
The last thing I want when I get home is someone who doesn’t live here telling me to do the dishes.
I do keep a relatively clean space but I won’t have an aneurysm over the dishes not being washed for a night.
What really got me was they finally left today the partner told me ‘I expect this to be clean when I get back’. I kinda lost it and told them that they have no business telling me how to maintain my own home that I PAY FOR!
My roommate said I overreacted but our other roommate agrees with me. I guess I could have been nicer but AITJ?
EDIT: I just talked to my roommates and we’re going to sit down and set some boundaries here soon!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she went too far.
It’s an age-old question. They don’t want to spend time where ever she lives and so are camping out in your gaff.
He doesn’t like her residence and so she is putting up with the standard of hygiene with 3 lads. She can’t change you but is young enough to think she can deal with the situation.
She would be happier back in her own digs.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the audacity some people have is astonishing.
I‘d tell him he can either clean it himself if they bother him so much or even better get his own apartment since he‘s basically illegally staying with his SO.
And you shouldn‘t have been nicer, I mean he expects this to be clean when he comes back, who does he think he is? He doesn‘t even pay rent and acts like he owns the place.” x56789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were 100% correct in what you told them, and there was no need to be nice about it.
If he wants it to be cleaner, then he can do it or pay someone else to. And if you guys are paying utilities, he needs to start paying more for his nearly ‘every day’ guest. Not to mention, if she is there all of the time, that doesn’t allow you the freedom to enjoy your space (e.g., walk around in your skivvies, lounge around, etc.).” OGRealityCheck
15. AITJ For Criticizing My Workmate's Knowledge Of The Chinese Language?
“A new guy joined my team at work today. We work remotely and there are weekly meetings. He seems nice enough.
Our team lead, whenever we get someone new, likes to have the rest of the team introduce themselves. It’s the same ‘my name is X, I’m from Y, and one interesting fact about me is Z’ that practically everyone had to do in high school on the first day of class.
New Guy’s interesting fact about himself was that he knew Chinese. Of course, our team lead asked him to say something in the language. He then clarified that he can’t speak it or understand it when it was spoken to him, but he could read and write it.
He then picked up a notepad and scribbled what he said meant ‘thanks for having me on the team,’ but no one could confirm the accuracy because no one else knows any Chinese.
I asked how it was possible to be able to read and write but not speak it and he said he knows pronunciations but never remembers the right tones and that people speaking Chinese tend to speak too quickly for him.
I told him that technically, saying he knows Chinese is an exaggeration. It’s like if I said I know Spanish because I could text with my Mexican MIL but couldn’t follow at all when she’s talking with my wife in Spanish. You might know some of it but you don’t ‘know it.’
The meeting got awkward and quiet and afterward, my team lead pulled me into a private call to say I wasn’t being welcoming. Later, another coworker that New Guy was shadowing told me New Guy had apologized to her if he came off as a liar and had asked if he should take knowing Chinese off his resume.
I think he’s being too sensitive like it’s cool if he can read Chinese writing, but it still doesn’t count as knowing Chinese. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, he probably could have phrased it differently but there was no need for you to have a go at him like that, as the not-new employee you should have been more welcoming.
That’s why people are mad at you.
Also, this:
‘I asked how it was possible to be able to read and write but not speak it’.
Shows that you have no idea what you’re talking about and had no business criticizing him. The different tones and inflections are very difficult to master, it makes perfect sense he has learned the written language but is struggling with the spoken part.” undertherosetrellis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, this wasn’t a language fluency exam it was just his fun fact. Being able to read and write in another language IS a fun fact. Yes, he could have been clearer that ‘I have reading comprehension of Chinese’ rather than ‘I know Chinese,’ but if we’re quibbling over technicalities it sounds like he said he knows Chinese and not ‘I speak Chinese,’ which he doesn’t.
You were indeed not being welcoming. If someone said their ‘fun fact’ was that they were 6’2″ and I took out a measuring tape and proved that technically, they’re only just over 6’1″, I wouldn’t be incorrect but I would be a jerk. You just humiliated this man in front of new co-workers for no reason.” reggiesnap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your team lead was absolutely correct in that you were not being welcoming.
Being able to read and write Chinese is still pretty cool and impressive. You’re being unnecessarily nit-picky at this point by claiming he doesn’t ‘actually know the language.’ It’s literally just a fun fact he was trying to share.
It was a very rude and unnecessary thing for you to point out in this meeting. Your new coworker was probably embarrassed on top of the typical new-job anxiety. He’s not being sensitive – you’re being a jerk.
You should apologize to your new coworker one-on-one.” 0eozoe0
14. AITJ For Letting My Brother Face The Consequences Of His Actions?
“My brother is a pathological liar. He has been almost as long as I have known him (it started when he was 7-8 years old).
I have been on the other end of his lies more than once. I was two years older so was always supposed to forgive once I’d get an apology from him, which was always forced by our parents. Some of the lies in childhood I was subjected to: that I had an affair on one long-term partner and slept with her best friend, that I had stolen my best friend’s dad’s family ring (it was stolen for real but not by me), that I had given him permission to use my locker in school (which our high school did not allow), that I went out with friends when I was home, in my room.
The lie that made me cut him out of my life happened when we were 20 and 22. I had just moved in with my then-long-term partner. She and I had been together for almost 3 years at that point. My brother then told her that I had fathered a child with one of my exes and that I had abandoned my child so I could get girls easier.
She believed him enough that even when she realized she was wrong, the relationship was broken beyond repair.
I told my brother after this that I never wanted to see him again, that he was dead to me and I hoped one day his life would fall apart because of all his sick lies.
His response was we were family and I couldn’t disown him forever. I told him the family are the people you love and how could I love someone like him.
It’s been 15 years since that went down. I got married to my wonderful wife, we have four amazing children together and I have not seen my brother since.
I also have a strained relationship with my parents because I do blame them for not taking care of the problem a lot sooner.
So this is what I know. But I don’t really care so some details could be wrong. My brother was married. He lied a lot to his wife and her parents.
His wife was sort of aware of what he was like, but her parents were not. He and his wife had children together and they lived in a house owned by the wife’s parents. His wife passed away suddenly and some of my brother’s lies were exposed. His wife’s parents did not want him in their house and kicked him out.
They also kept all of his wife’s stuff and denied him everything but the clothes he and the kids owned and the kid’s toys. They offered to raise his children but he refused. Then he lost his job because of lies. My parents took him and the kids in.
Now they want us to makeup and they want me to help him out. I told him he got what he deserves and now he is facing the consequences of his actions and that I’ll never ever help him. I told them he is not my family, his kids are not my family and I am nothing to do with this.
They asked how I could turn my back on innocent children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely, absolutely, certainly, 100%.
You are not responsible for the choices he makes and the consequences that have come as a result of them. His children are innocent in all of this so it is your choice whether you wish to meet them or not but you are certainly not obligated to.
Your parents asked you how you could turn your back on innocent children but remember your brother’s actions led them into that position in the first place and they also never supported you during all the times your brother caused you trouble. On top of this, his in-laws offered to raise his children for him and he REFUSED knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to care for them properly.
You also have your own family now that you need to consider in all of this, how would it affect them if you were to reconnect with your brother? Is that really a risk that you’re willing to take?
In any case, it sounds like reconnecting with your brother would just be taking 10 steps backward from the life you’ve made for yourself.” noidea1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother will find a way without your help. Tell your parents if they had stepped in and done something about his lies when he was younger, (about the time he was destroying your life and when you asked them to step in) he would not be in this situation now.
Remind them that you made your attempts back then, but they didn’t help and he continued to lie and ruin your life. This is on them and on your brother.
If you’re feeling particularly evil, you could just lie and tell your brother that you’ll help and ghost him.
Kinda give him a taste of his own medicine.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly hasn’t changed at all, and letting him back into your life would very likely create the same stress and misery you had before you went no contact. I feel bad for the kids, but it seems like your parents are trying to use them as an ‘in’ to force you to see your brother, so I think you’re absolutely right to set a hard boundary where they’re concerned, and not allow either you or them to be used as pawns.
You also have to protect your own kids from a situation that could very easily hurt them. Imagine if e.g. your brother repeated the lie about you having and abandoning another child in front of them, and they believed it? That kind of thing can mess with anyone’s head, let alone a child’s.” Serononin
13. AITJ For Calling My Partner Selfish For Not Picking Up My Kids From School?
“I (M36) have been with my partner (F32) for 2 years. I have 2 boys (m13 & m9) from my previous relationship. Their mom is not in the picture.
I work full time and my partner used to stay home and take care of everything else (I still help out here and there) yet she would complain about the kids causing constant messes, not receiving proper discipline, and accidents like breaking a vase, and the list goes on.
She complained that she is more of a parent than I am which’s not true since I provide an income. yet she decided she wanted to go back to work and started looking.
She found a potential job and her interview was yesterday. I called her to remind her to pick the kids up from school since she’s responsible for it but she said she was about to start her interview and told me to go get them.
I was stunned, I told her I couldn’t because I was at work. She said I could take a break but I refused because this would’ve affected my job. I asked if she’d take 10 minutes to quickly go pick them up but she refused. We ended up getting into an argument and I told her she should’ve figured something out beforehand.
She blew up saying that I’m the parent and that she was tired of being at my beck and call all the time. The kids ended up being picked up by my friend 40 minutes later which made them upset.
At home, I got into a huge argument with my partner calling her selfish for doing this to the kids and ditching them like that.
She said that she had an important interview and that I, as the parent could’ve figured something out instead of expecting her to drop what she was doing and pick the kids up. She called me a jerk and then went to stay with her mom.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow. She had a job interview. You already have a job AND they are your children. Of course, you should have taken a break from your job. Or you should have arranged something else. Your partner was NOT available that day.
And no wonder she is getting a job if you refuse to do more than ‘help out here and there’ and hold over her head that you are more of a parent than her because you provide an income.
Once she gets the job, you will probably need to do 50% of the household tasks and 100% of the parenting.
You are just trying to sabotage her to prevent that from happening.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are your kids, not your partner’s. The fact that you say, ‘not true since I provide an income’ doesn’t mean you are the parent. Sounds like she’s correct and parents than more than you.
You knew she had an interview for a job and never made arrangements for YOUR kids. You expected her to do it. You’re selfish because you’ve basically dumped your kids on your partner and expect her to absolve you of any responsibility. She can’t just be late for an interview.
What is wrong with you?
You’re a massive jerk. Go be an actual parent.” ApolloScout13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if it isn’t the classic case of women doing everything, and all the man does is bring home money. They ARE your kids, so yes, you need to figure out a ride for them.
From the sounds of it, you knew when her interview was, you were just so used to taking advantage of her kindness that you refused to do your job, which is PARENT.
Better get used to it, buddy, because once she starts work, you’ll actually have to figure out rides, and babysitters, and you’ll probably even have to help with homework, cooking, and chores.
Time for you to start pulling your weight.” emaandee96
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Father And His Wife Money?
“My father married his wife when I was 12, four years after my mom passed away from cancer. My father’s wife had a 3-year-old daughter who a year into their marriage was diagnosed with a form of cancer that is tricky to treat.
She underwent chemo and radiation but the treatment did not work. They were told about this alternative treatment that was not offered in any local hospital and that it would require staying someplace else for at least three months with her. The treatment itself was also expensive.
My father was never wealthy, neither was his wife, and her daughter’s father and his family were not in her life. There was only one thing that was easily sold and would make enough money to get started on the journey and that was my mom’s engagement ring.
It was left to me, in her will, and was mine. Before my mom, it was her mother’s and grandmother’s ring. My great-grandparents helped someone out and it was a gift that was then passed down because of its value. It was extra sentimental because my grandma was in a nursing home with dementia at the time and I had no other living maternal family left. My father decided that could be sold to pay for the treatment.
I said no, and I begged him not to, he and his wife told me her daughter’s life was more important and that it would be selfish to keep a ring and let her pass away. I told my father I would never forgive him if he sold the ring and that he was stealing from me because it was mine.
He went ahead and sold it anyway and I stayed true to my word. I never forgave them.
I moved out in March, before turning 18, and cut them out of my life. I still hate the two of them and wanted nothing more to do with them again.
My father tried to stay in my life but I told him I hoped he knew he lost his daughter (me) and that I wish it had been him to die instead of my mom.
His wife’s daughter’s cancer has returned and now they want the money that my dad saved for me before he married her.
It’s not a lot of money at all. But I guess they still have lingering stuff from when she was sick before. I told him I would not give him the money and the fact he would ask for it showed that he didn’t care about me.
His wife told me that it was not about me, it was about saving her daughter’s life and me being hung up on losing a ring that went on to save the life of a child. I told her that ring meant more to me than they did and that I would not give them any money, so they needed to leave me alone and figure out another plan.
My father’s parents got involved and I ended up deleting most of my social media and ignoring them. But then I saw my father’s wife while I was grabbing groceries and she told me I’m evil and sick and twisted and I should be ashamed of myself.
I don’t know if it’s all just worn me down or what but I feel like I need to ask, AITJ?
ETA: I have decided they can have the money and I am going to make it clear that I never want to hear from any of them again.
If nothing else I need him to do that much. The relationship is done but the money can be theirs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They stole something that was yours in the first place. Now they are asking for money yet again that is yours.
The first time ‘helping’ was against your will with something that was very precious to you. The second – fool me first, shame on you. Fool me a second, shame on me. Don’t give in. If you want to voluntarily do it out of the goodness of your heart, you can but you shouldn’t be guilted into it and told you’re evil if you don’t.
Cancer is horrible but it can be a huge money pit that devastates families not just the wealth, emotions, relationships, and health of all involved. Sometimes all the money in the world can’t change the outcome. Not sure if that’s the case here, but perhaps there are alternatives rather than draining other family members’ money dry.
Have they tried GoFundMe and other charities instead?” KarmaWillGetYa
Another User Comments:
“The fact that your dad thought it was acceptable to even entertain the idea of selling a family heirloom passed from mother to daughter shows he doesn’t care. The fact that he did this to provide a temporary fix for his stepdaughter, sacrificing his relationship with his biological daughter is infuriating.
The fact that he and his new wife have functionally ostracized you and still think they have anywhere to stand to ask for money still – that’s laughable.
NTJ. Cut them out of your life, as well as anyone sympathetic to them who is willing to demonize you for your feelings.
He sold the memory of his deceased wife right out from his daughter’s nose; he handed you the scissors six years ago.” silent_calling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For a dual-income household (even small incomes) with not-awful credit, a 14k loan (since that’d what you said they got for the ring) isn’t that hard to get.
Even if just your dad was working, they could have asked for your grandparents to co-sign, etc.
I mean, they could have even requested to sell the stone from the ring (I’m assuming it had one), keep the band, and have it re-set with something like moissanite which would look just as good and cost significantly less than something like a diamond.
It wouldn’t have been a perfect solution but it would have kept the memory for you.
They didn’t do that because short-changing you on a generational heirloom was easier than figuring out their finances.
I think your plan to give them the money so another human being has a chance at living (since it doesn’t seem like she herself did anything) but cut contact entirely is a good one.” KT_mama
11. AITJ For Telling My Other Siblings That My Sister Is Nothing To Them?
“I have a full biological sister, Brynn. She’s 25 years old and I’m 17. My dad is her bio father but was not in her life for the first 8 years. Mom then slept with him and conceived me and when I was 1 he moved back in with us.
Our mom passed away 3 years later and Brynn went to our maternal grandparents because dad did not win her over in the years he was there and Brynn kept running away until CPS intervened and decided that for her safety she was safer in a home where she would stay.
Dad remarried and at the time his wife had two young kids and they have two of their own together now. Brynn stayed in my life. We’re close. She has been really generous to me, has taken me to cool places, and has kept a relationship going with me.
She has never officially met my step or half-siblings. She doesn’t want anything to do with them and doesn’t care if my half-siblings are also technically her half-siblings. She has one brother, me, and that’s it.
My step and half siblings know about Brynn and are aware when I’m with her and not at home.
They have asked to meet her many times. They have wanted to include her in the family but she has no interest. Dad told them he’s her bio father but was not a very good one and that’s why she’s not involved. His wife thinks my sister is selfish for not meeting my half-siblings at least because they share b***d.
Brynn has been invited over to many things and dad has tried having a relationship with her but understandably, she doesn’t want it and considers herself an orphan since mom passed away.
My step and half-siblings (who are all under the age of 10) were following me around to ask me to invite Brynn over and saying they want to see her and why won’t she meet them and it kept going and going and I was alone with them.
I told them she’s not their sister and that’s why. That she doesn’t want to be part of the family and I know it sucks for them and they want to meet her but Brynn gets to decide for herself. When my dad’s wife got home she was furious with me and said I never should have said any of that and I broke their hearts and spoke on something that I had no way of knowing.
I told her that she knows as well as I do that Brynn wants nothing to do with them. But still AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brynn has made it very clear on multiple occasions to you AND your father that she wants nothing to do with stepmother & assorted other siblings, so stepmother is wrong to say you ‘spoke on something that you have no way of knowing’.
She would know it, too, if she accepted the reality of the situation as it is instead of trying to force some happy blended family fantasy onto everyone. You put it as nicely as possible to the kids while still making the situation plain to them, & you wouldn’t have had to do that if your stepmother didn’t think her delusions outweigh reality.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s almost like she wants Brynn to tell the kids to their faces that she wants nothing to do with them and actually break their hearts, then she will know that she’s actually not interested in any type of relationship with them.
Your dad needs to step in though. While he acknowledges his failings and doesn’t push to build their relationship anymore, he needs to get his wife to do the same. Even if Brynn met the halves, does she not think that her bio kids wouldn’t still feel left out/unwanted/hurt as they are their half siblings too…” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think you could have been a little more tactful in explaining the situation to them, seeing that they’re all under 10. They’re babies but old enough to understand if explained nicely and calmly. Your stepmom, on the other hand, she’s a piece of work.
Your sister is a grown-up woman and has every right to decide who to let her in life. Half siblings or not, she doesn’t have to accept them. That’s her prerogative and your stepmother should respect that. Seems like your dad knows he messed up and knows when to chill out.
Your sister isn’t the jerk either just to clarify. I’m glad to know you have an amazing relationship with her. Hold onto that.” AsianAngel418
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law See My Sick Daughter?
“I (m36) have a daughter (12). 2 weeks ago she got diagnosed with leukemia (ALL). I’m a single dad, my wife passed away when our daughter was 2.
My MIL (60) lives 3 hours away but comes to visit pretty often. My MIL always wanted a ‘girly’ daughter.
My wife was not into traditionally girly things. Neither is my daughter. That doesn’t stop MIL from buying her dresses and other things she will never use.
About 5 days ago daughter asked if she could maybe dye her hair since it’ll fall out soon anyway.
I figured why not I talked to a friend who works at a salon… now my daughter has super cool blue hair. She had the biggest smile on her face when she saw her new cool hair.
MIL came to visit yesterday… She freaked out once she saw her daughter’s hair she was saying daughter had such beautiful blonde hair and now it’s ugly.
Daughter instantly got teary eyed chemo has already been emotionally exhausting for her she didn’t need her grandma making comments like that.
I made MIL go in the hallway (we were at the hospital) I told her that was so wrong to call daughter ugly.
She started saying well it is ugly. I cut her off and said just leave then if you aren’t going to say anything nice… Well, she left and I hugged my daughter and told her she was beautiful.
I later got texts from my BIL me asking why I made MIL leave.
I explained the situation, and BIL said it was still a jerk move to not let MIL see daughter when she is sick and that I probably shouldn’t let my 12-year-old have dyed hair anyway. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your daughter needs to be raised up not torn down.
If your MIL can’t put her granddaughter’s needs above her own likes for the appearance she should stay away. Chemo is ugly and it ruins a person in every way possible if she can’t hold her tongue over blue hair what’s she going to say when her hair falls out?
Or when she’s so rugged and tired from chemo and she looks it. I would lay down some laws for MIL because it’s not about her and what she likes or wants. It’s about that girl going through the worst part of her life and needing to be surrounded by people who care enough about her to raise her up and hold her up.” Current-Read
Another User Comments:
“Screw that woman. Speak to the hospital staff immediately and make sure they know that MIL is not permitted to have access to your daughter. Evaluate your legal affairs and guardianship to make sure she’s not eligible to get your daughter in case something happens to you.
She clearly has no sense of common decency and is not even remotely invested in knowing your daughter’s authentic self, actualizing her wants and needs, or safeguarding her emotional and psychological health. BIL has a problem, he can go eat dirt.
NTJ, NTJ, NTJ” TheRebelArsenal
Another User Comments:
“Keep that witch away from your daughter!
No one will EVER understand the complex emotions that accompany the loss of a beautiful head of hair, due to having to pour gallons of hazardous chemicals into your body in the hopes it will somehow keep you alive – unless you have done it.
Your jerk of a MIL should have been picked up and thrown out of the hospital on her for saying something that stupid to a child fighting for her life! You are far more gracious than I for not doing that very thing.
What will she say when the girl is bald and has no eyebrows or eyelashes?
Consider this a test run to that moment. MIL does not deserve to see your daughter and your daughter doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. Cut that woman off NOW and don’t feel a moment’s guilt. You have a sick child to take care of and you must protect her in every way you can.
Keeping her away from a toxic, vain malcontent will only be to your daughter’s benefit.
You are NTJ!” JomolaMomo
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Filth?
“I (F27) met my partner (M31) about two months ago. He’s wonderful; a functional, working, kind, sweet, intelligent person. When we meet, we were usually at my place but a few days ago I decided that it was time for me to see his place so we met there.
The first time he was at my place, I had a pile of dirty dishes in my sink and I apologized for the mess. He said it was fine and ‘my place looks worse’ and laughed. I interpreted this as a thing you say out of politeness.
I’m not incapable of cleaning but when you live alone, sometimes you wait a little too long to do the dishes.
Well, fast forward, I arrive at his house. He wasn’t kidding. I’m not exaggerating: his kitchen was the dirtiest I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve watched those tv shows where professional cleaners visit really filthy homes.
I was afraid to go in there. There were dirty dishes crusted with moldy food covering every surface, trash on the floor, garbage cans literally overflowing, etc.
Then I had to go use the bathroom. Words can’t even describe what I witnessed walking in there.
The floor was covered in black mold. The shower drain looked like a decomposing corpse. I’m not even gonna try to describe the toilet and sink. Needless to say, I didn’t use the bathroom.
I went up to him and told him basically along the lines of ‘dude you need to clean up in here.
There’s black mold crawling out of your drains and that’s an actual health hazard. I can even do it for you if you have the cleaning supplies but if it’s not taken care of, I can’t come back here. You need to pour some bleach into that drain.’
He got really hurt, told me to stop being mad at him, that I’m too sensitive and that everyone has flaws, and that I need to accept his.
Look, if you wanna live your life in filth, you do you, but I will not want to be in your house if there’s literally a molded carpet on the bathroom floor and so many dirty dishes that I can’t even put a glass on the counter.
I love him, he’s a wonderful person, and I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time, I feel like it needed to be said. AITJ?
EDIT: I said I met him two months ago. We ‘met’ online about a year ago and have been talking on the phone and facetimed a lot ever since, mostly as friends, that’s why it may seem weird that I say I love him after only two months.
I’ve known him for a lot longer than two months.
EDIT 2: I’m not aware of any mental illness that he may or may not have. He works full time, acts like a normal functioning person otherwise, has friends and family, and has a social life.
The rest of his apartment was normal. A few clothes on the floor, and a teacup left on the table, just normal clutter I would say. If I were to only look at his living room and bedroom I would say my apartment looks worse (as in, messier, not dirtier)
EDIT 3: I gave him an ultimatum. Either he learns how to clean his place consistently or we’re done. He got the message, and didn’t whine about it; he understood that I’m not kidding around. We’ll see how this goes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you will be if you want to subject yourself to this. At 31, someone who seems to be a reasonable well-functioning adult won’t have done this to their home.
I can accept that things aren’t perfect, especially when you live in a rented home with a landlord who may have given you something moldy or old, but this is neglect on his part and I’ll focus on the kitchen.
The kitchen has dishes covered in old food and garbage cans overflowing. These are things that he could have remedied. These are within his control. He can clean the floors; they don’t need to be clean enough to eat off but there shouldn’t be trash on them.
He sees nothing wrong with living like this. Unless you clean for the rest of your life, you will not get the smallest amount of help in your home.” Individual_Physics29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m interpreting this not as something that you said out of malice to make him feel bad but out of concern for someone you love.
I don’t know what he has going on (there could be something bigger going on here, or even the start of some sort of hoarder situation where an intervention now might now hurt) where he can’t clean his kitchen and bathroom, but if he’s not willing to clean or to even let you help him clean, then you might need to consider if this is a relationship that should continue.” PresentTiffany
8. AITJ For Telling My Roommates To Pay Bills Even When They're Away?
“I live in a shared house with 3 other people, we’re strangers but polite enough to each other. The house is really old so quite cold, especially now. 2 of my flatmates will be away for around 1.5 to 2 months, and they told us (me and another flatmate who are staying here) that they don’t want to pay for the heating bills because they won’t be benefiting from them.
We got into a discussion because we all signed up to share the bills equally, and I think just because they’re away doesn’t absolve the responsibility of paying. I said that I’m often away 2 weeks out of the month which probably added up to 2 months by now too but I’m not crying about paying a smaller portion of the bills, but they’re saying it’s different because the heating bills are really expensive now especially and they won’t be in for a long time.
I told them that I understand their situation, it sucks to pay for something you’re not even using but I will pay what I always paid, which is a quarter and they can figure it out themselves since I signed up to share with 4 people, not 2.
They didn’t like that and contacted the landlord but it’s not like he can do anything, and told us to sort it out between ourselves.
The house is quite hostile and if I was in that situation I wouldn’t want to pay either, but it’s not like I can afford to heat the entire 4-bedroom house for 2 months only with one other person.
So AITJ for not allowing them to skip on paying the bills even though they won’t be here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Some energy bills have a set fee that is the same every month, and then usage charges are added to that. At the very least, they should be paying their share of any standard monthly fees.
You and the remaining roommate are in the position of paying to heat a much larger space than you would have if just the two of you had found an apartment. The roommates’ rooms do not just disappear because they are gone for a few months.
So the burden of the extra space is shifted to you.
And depending on the climate where you live, unheated rooms could have mold problems.
I would say to do everything you can to divert the heat from their rooms—close vents, turn off radiators.
Maybe contact the utility company and see if they have any tips. But only if this will not cause mold/condensation issues in the unused rooms.
Then try to work out a compromise where they pay at least something—they still have rooms there, they need to share in the upkeep of the place, and in the winter, upkeep includes heating the place so pipes don’t freeze.
And they should also do everything possible to prep their rooms for winter, making sure the windows are as sealed as possible against the cold, drafts, etc. You can even insulate behind electric outlets and the like.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the only thing they should be responsible for is the base price, not the actual electric/gas usage.
It is absolutely unfair to them as you can crank it up and they don’t have a benefit.
Get an electric blanket.
As for when you’re not there do your price divided by the number of days in the month add your days and there you go.
Then the rest of the days (as long as your plugs are off and unplugged) should be added to your flatmate’s bills.
Since I do see the electricity is in your mate’s billing, they could cancel and then it’s up to you to pick up that tab.
Anything that is a set price however like the internet should still be split equally. As that does not depend on user usage.
It’s like buying a ton of food for the house when you’re the only one in it. Why buy it, nobody asked for it and it’s going to be gone by the time they get back.
They shouldn’t have to pay for groceries you bought on your own.” TehLurker313131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s common for leases to include a provision about temperature control, where ALL the tenants who signed will have agreed to keep the place within a prescribed temperature range (it’s generally for the purpose of preventing things like pipe damage and mold growth).
So maintaining this temperature range, whether anyone is home or not, is what everyone on the lease signed up for.
And it’s not uncommon for HVAC usage to make up a significant portion of the power bill. And yeah, during times of the year when the outside temperatures are more extreme, like winter and summer, the power bills can be much higher than normal.
That said, if one of the roommates suddenly decides to mine bitcoin or something, and tries to pass off the power bill increase to the others? That’s a No.
But if no one is using unusual amounts of power like that, and the power bills, while these roommates are away, are still relatively in line (even if higher due to weather/time of year) with what would be expected even if they were there, then they’re NOT being screwed and should continue paying their agreed amount/portion.
It’s what they signed up for, and they should honor that.” PARA9535307
7. AITJ For Not Donating To My Neighbor?
“I (M26) live in a large apartment complex with multiple buildings. I’ve lived here for years now and there has never been even the slightest strand of communal living, which is fine by me. It might be because I moved in during the global crisis, but I don’t even know my neighbors’ names or even which units have people living in them at any given time.
That brings us to Monday evening when I got off work. There were flyers on everyone’s doors. Apparently, the guy three doors down from me had an incident where his dog jumped up and knocked his TV off the wall, completely breaking it. He has some friends that live in the complex and they started a collection to help him afford a new one in these ‘tough financial times we’re all facing as a country’ with a few paragraphs describing what a great guy he is, how he volunteers at a local charity, loves his nieces, etc.
Today as I was making my dinner there was a knock at my door. Four of his friends prepared a donation box and wanted to know how much I was contributing. At first, I was just confused. I forgot about the flyer and it’s been a lot of long days at work.
They seemed offended I had to ask what the contributions were for and explained the whole TV situation again but I told them I don’t know him and these ‘tough financial times we’re all facing as a country’ are a big reason why I can’t afford to pay for someone else to purchase a new TV.
That doesn’t strike me as any kind of emergency or a cause that needs people going door to door soliciting money.
One woman called me a jerk and another told me that ‘it’s people like you (me) that are preventing this place from having any neighborly bonds’.
AITJ for not helping him?
EDIT: The dog is fine from what I’ve heard. Just a big dog that knocked a TV off the stand and it hit the ground hard.
Also, the neighbor with the broken TV left for a work trip this week and his friends wanted to surprise him with a new one when he gets back.
He has no idea his friends are doing this. At the very least I know he has a job, I don’t know about his friends.
I also know the story itself checks out. I saw the broken TV in the trash room with my own eyes and the woman that lives directly next to him heard the crash and ran next door to make sure no one was hurt.
The TV was broken days before he left on his work trip, and his friends did not break his TV when he wasn’t home. There is no way that timeline would have been possible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. There are so many great sales on TV this time of year, quite a few are around $150 according to a quick Google search.
He will survive without getting to watch TV for a couple of weeks. If his dog was going to die without surgery I might feel a little differently. Heck, I’d typically even be willing to track down some cute toys if someone is struggling to provide Christmas or birthday gifts for their kids.
I’m not donating to buy somebody a TV, sorry. I actually made this decision a while back when a friend’s teenager had a go fund me to buy a tv for their bedroom, I passed with zero guilt in doing so.” Agreeable_Doubt_4504
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are plenty of second-hand TVs that don’t cost the earth and often free ones on the Marketplace and in local For Sale groups. If he has home insurance he can claim for the damage caused by his dog and get it replaced without inconveniencing others and begging for ‘donations’.
Also, his friends calling you a jerk for not donating is uncalled for – donations are supposed to be voluntary and you shouldn’t be shamed or insulted for not contributing. Report him to the building management.” ToxicDinosawr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like his friends are trying to be helpful and do a nice thing but they need to reach out to friends and family, and probably don’t understand how inappropriate it is to not go to strangers’ doors and ask for money.
Also, they have no idea what the economic situation is of anybody else in the building. Imagine them knocking on a door of a single mother and telling her they expect money for her neighbor’s TV when she’s having trouble Making ends meet herself…
They are creating an uncomfortable situation all around. I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody called property management and told him what was going on.” dell828
6. AITJ For Not Having Everything Prepared By The Time My Husband Comes Home?
“So I (25F) am currently working from home for a call center, I work 9-5 non-stop on the phone from the time I clock into the time I clock out with 2 10-minute breaks.
I also have both of our children (4 months) home with me during the day so I stay completely busy. My husband (26M) works a physically demanding job from 8-5, and I understand he is tired when he gets home but he doesn’t want to help with making dinner (he can’t cook so I never ask him to anyway) and he expects me to clean up all the messes from the kids & clean up from dinner.
He doesn’t expect a ‘spotless’ house but he says I need to do better and keep the house clean since he works and I ‘stay home all day’. He does help with putting the kids to bed but please tell me if I am being a jerk for asking him to help out more with the cleaning and keeping the house up.
UPDATE: We had a serious conversation and I told him if he didn’t step up and start helping then he could either find a daycare for the kids, a maid for the house, or he can step up and be an equal partner. If something didn’t change, I was done.
I am so spread out thin I barely have time to breathe. He apologized and said he didn’t realize how unrealistic he was being, just he was super tired every afternoon and didn’t even think about me because I never ‘spoke up’ and said it bluntly.
Let’s just say, he cleaned the entire house when he got home today after our talk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please write a list of all of the various household chores and childcare. Then get a blue-tac, an a4 piece of paper, and a ruler and write out the chores down the side and the days of one week on the top line.
Get a couple of coldies and sit down with your husband aka housemate and go through the list of chores. Agree on who’s going to do what and when and have different colored pens for you to your husband. Write it down on the makeshift chore calendar for the week.
Tell him you’ll both have a run-through next week of how it went, and swap chores around if necessary between you, but the main arrangement must be 50/50.
Photocopy the chore list so that there are plenty of copies in case, as you don’t want to rewrite this more than 3 times.
That should be more than enough to come to an agreement on what works, from experience, on who does what.
Stick this on the kitchen pantry door or other very visible area, and don’t do his chores, let him do them. If things aren’t up to your standard, don’t re-do them or take over.
Housework and childcare are tasks and tasks don’t have a gender attached. They are simply things that need to be done to live harmoniously as adults with the freedom of not having to be living with mum and dad. Alternatively, no chores = regressed back to a child.
Difficult to respect and be in love with an adult child. This is how I decided to tackle this whole area with my 2nd serious relationship having been a doormat in my first and very unhappy. 2nd partner took a bit of time but came to understand how much easier life is when you both know what’s expected of you to do in the shared home and be free to do nothing once your chores are finished.
This will help you both know where you stand and having the chores broken down this way, it won’t seem off-putting to him to even know where to start when you ask for help.
Don’t forget, NOT on the chore list, agree romance time together like a nice movie at home, sitting on the balcony for a couple of hours together with some pizza, NO phones.
You both sound like committed, hard-working, and tired parents, please put the time in to do the chore list, etc, it will make things less daunting for both of you as it must feel overwhelming, especially with broken sleep looking after the children. It will help you to both pull together as a team and feel more in control.
It will be hard for the first few months whilst your husband gets used to it, but men do appreciate being the solver of problems and this is a really concrete way he can help do so.
Good luck, OP.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m amazed that your husband doesn’t understand that work is work. You are earning a living, and are not as free as he thinks to just roam around the house doing chores when your ability to answer calls is what keeps you employed. So if I were you, I would just tell him that you’re sorry things aren’t up to his standards, but that’s how it’s going to be until and unless you get some help.
Also – important! – start training your 4-year-old to help you! There are many ways to make a fun game out of it for kids. You don’t want to overwhelm them, but find something that they can do reasonably well and tell them that that is their job.
It might even be sorting socks or carrying plates and utensils to the sink. Something very simple that you know you can count on them to automatically do. Then when they get a little older, you add one or two chores. Kids generally like to help if it’s more of a request than a demand, and makes them feel important.
When your child starts doing one or two tasks, make sure your husband sees this. Anyone can contribute to the household, no matter what age or gender!
Training the little one to help is not for the purpose of making up for what your husband doesn’t do.
It’s a way of ensuring that the child does not grow up into an adult who expects another adult to take care of everything. Amazing how many 18 and 21-year-olds have already formed this terrible mindset.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should point out to him that while he’s outside the house working his one full-time job, you’re in the house working two full-time jobs.
Because you are. You are a full-time WFH employee and a full-time parent and he is already benefitting from your unpaid labor taking care of the children during those work hours. It is both of your responsibility to maintain the home outside of work hours and it is absolutely nonsense for him to try and claim that you have more responsibility inside the home because he works outside of it.
He needs to be a grown-up and realize that we’re all tired but that doesn’t make the grown-up responsibilities go away.” hannahkelli
5. AITJ For Hiding Food From My Little Sister?
“My (22f) mom has never controlled any of her kids’ eating. I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food because of it and having to learn to do good with my body. There are three of us (22f, 32m, and 13f). I know. We’re all ten years apart about.
Crazy. My brother is out of the house and I’m working on it. I hope to move out in the next few months.
My sister has zero portion control. My mom doesn’t care. I bought a big three-pack of cheese from Costco for thanksgiving.
The Boursin ones, if you know. They’re dense and good for sharing. Well, my sister ate all of them within a few days. She had no control and sharing in mind.
This is the same for all my favorite snacks I bring home to see.
So, sometimes I’ll tuck them away or hide them in the garage for later only to be scolded. I don’t want to eat at the rate that things disappear. If I buy a family-size bag of my favorite chips, they’ll be gone by the next afternoon if I don’t touch them.
I wish I was joking.
I feel so stupid because it makes me feel greedy. I don’t need the entirety of everything or anything really but want some. When I ask her to leave some for me or to slow down, my mom scolds me for policing her eating habits.
It’s gotten to the point where I do just have to tuck something away if I don’t want to eat it right away.
I think in the past it’s also caused me to binge eat. Furthermore, I’m concerned about my sister’s health.
My mom and sister think I’m a jerk for asking her to leave some of anything or share. If I eat two chips it’s ‘well you had some of the bags too!’ But, it’s a gigantic family bag my sister ate in a matter of hours.
I can say it does make me upset and harsh, especially when I want period snacks, etc. I’ll tell my sister that’s enough and to eat a meal, I’ll cook for her if she’s really hungry. She needs real food. AITJ for judging my sister’s eating and hiding my own snacks?
Sometimes I just keep my snacks in my car, but I hate to eat in there as I think it makes it smelly and can be messy.”
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t a jerk. It sounds like your sister needs to learn to cook and make meals..along with your mom.
If your mom isn’t willing though… maybe teach your sister to cook if you have the time. Even meal prep with her. If you think she won’t eat them too fast… it really sounds like they’re eating snacks instead of meals though.
Keep hiding your snacks… If they make comments that say ‘they’re mine and I know you guys have no self-control and will eat them.’ Be blunt right back.
Don’t fall for their comments. If they make remarks… reply with… ‘I wouldn’t mind sharing if you guys had self-control.’ And leave it at that.” SuccotashTimely9764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hide YOUR food. To be honest, there is nothing you’re going to be able to do in regard to policing your sister’s habits, as your mom won’t listen.
I would take your sister out and have a heart-to-heart. I have a binge eating disorder as well, and the only way I have learned to cope is by binging on HEALTHY foods that won’t cause as much damage. If you’re noticing binge eating behaviors, maybe say you went through something similar too and developed an unhealthy relationship with food.
Do NOT focus on how she looks. Making the conversation about her weight is going to be plain rude and unproductive. Talk about healthy eating habits.” CreeperPeachy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your food is your food. If you buy something for yourself, other people shouldn’t eat it (especially all of it) without asking you if they can have some.
She’s 13, so she should be old enough to understand that. Honestly, I’m not really understanding how food is kept in your house at all. Is it only your food that she devours or is it everything?
It doesn’t even sound like you’re trying to police your sister’s weight at all like your mom seems to think.
You just ask her to leave some of your food for you. Her eating habits do sound genuinely very unhealthy and will come back to bite her sooner rather than later if it’s as bad as it sounds, so I don’t think there is anything wrong with simply being concerned as her sister.” _Dr_Dinosaur_
4. WIBTJ If I Ask My Friend To Move Out Of My House?
“My friend (F/37) recently decided to end her marriage with her husband. I (F/32) offered to host her temporarily at my house while she figured out her next steps.
At the time of writing this, she’s been living with me for about a month and had moved all of her things into my house. At the beginning of her stay, she had to take a temporary leave from work due to an injury.
However, that temporary leave gradually kept extending, and now she’s out of work and is trying to find a new job with no success so far.
Because of her situation, I was happy to offer her my home, thinking that it would be temporary.
I even offered her my bed because of her injury, and I’ve been sleeping on the couch since she arrived. This is perfectly fine with me. However, her behavior since arriving is what has been making me reconsider her stay.
I rent a small, two-bedroom home equipped with basic necessities.
Because I have a pretty busy lifestyle, it’s not necessary for me to have many gadgets at home, which means I don’t have a TV. When I want to watch something, I either do so on my laptop, desktop, or phone. One of her many complaints is that I don’t have a TV.
Despite having explained to her multiple times my reason, she insists that I get one so that she can play her Nintendo Switch on a big screen.
Other instances that have bothered me:
Her dictating that I need to get a new toaster because my current one burned her toast (even though I’ve never had that issue)
Her downloading games on my desktop PC without consulting me and playing for hours on end
Her demanding that I get better internet because the speed is not what she’s used to
Her replacing the old shower caddy in the bathroom without consulting me
Her dissatisfaction with the bacon I bought because it wasn’t the expensive brand that she wanted
Miscellaneous bad guest behavior like leaving lights on when not in use and leaving dishes unwashed in the sink
I can see that it may take some time for her to get her bearings, but I’m not sure just how much more of her behavior I can take.
I no longer feel comfortable or relaxed when I get home from work, and sometimes I question whether this is even my home anymore. We’ve been friends for over a decade now, so part of me feels like I would be a jerk if I asked her to leave, but I also want to be able to enjoy living in my own house.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s gone beyond being an annoying guest to being horrifically rude and entitled. No right-thinking person moves all their stuff into someone’s home doesn’t contribute anything, makes zero plans to stop infringing on their hospitality, and then has the audacity to demand they start buying new things because the amenities provided somehow aren’t good enough to keep them living in the manner to which they have become accustomed.
At this point, unless she vacated immediately, apologized profusely, and gave a really good excuse for being completely out of her mind, that friendship would be over for me. Friends don’t take advantage of your kindness like that.
If you have any indication that she’s the kind of person to lose her temper and salt the earth when angered, you should take pictures of the current condition of your apartment, especially any expensive possessions.
Before telling her, take any smaller expensive items you might have and get them out of your house to be safe (e.g. any jewelry or important documents you don’t already have in a safe). If you have serial numbers of any expensive electronics, I’d also write those down before breaking the news to her.
Also, think of secretly putting up cameras in the public areas of the house. Well-balanced people don’t usually act like her, so it might protect you if she decides to do any major damage on her way out.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, I suggest yall have a talk first though.
She is going through a tough time and adjusting can be hard like you mentioned. Something that can help her adjust is clearing the air about what you are offering her and what is just her wants (not necessities) so these things she needs to take care of… not you…
If she expected to move into yours and be at the same ‘comfort’ level as she was before then that is a misconception that needs to be addressed.
If she keeps up this attitude after your talk then yes asking her to move out is the only option… of course, you want to help her but your own comfort and well-being in your own home are more important!” cuomi1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a very serious conversation with her and ask her how her house hunting is going. You offered her a temporary space, not permanent lodging. I think you need to move her out of your room. She has become too comfortable.
She is the one causing the strain in your friendship. If you’ve been friends for over a decade she knew your lifestyle before she moved in. Also, you could be in breach of your lease and not moving her out could cause you to have to move it.
She isn’t worth you losing your housing for. I’d also rethink your friendship, a true friend wouldn’t make those types of demands of you.” WinnerEducational341
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Wife Sympathy When Her Parents Cut Her Off?
“My wife led a privileged life; she’s not shallow by any means; she volunteers at a homeless shelter, does charity work, and does a lot to help whatever cause she believes in at the time, she also does those charity runs or whatever.
She’s just a little naive; her parents funded her entire life even when she moved out an example could be that she would only drink Voss water rather than tap, or would spend £500 on an outfit she wore once and then donated to charity… they paid for holidays, etc.
My wife says she resents this looking back on it because it left her totally unprepared for life, I will admit she did try a few times to be independent but it never worked as her parents guilted her into accepting their help… it wasn’t without cost; she was expected to get 100% on exams, to take languages and sports; when I met my wife she fully believed second place is still a loser, she will only accept first… she’s sort of grown up since.
My point; even before being cut off their relationship was transactional and distant.
We found out my wife was infertile and it hit her hard, but we settled on adopting but her mother is anti-adoption (long story, won’t get into it trauma relating to adoption) so when we adopted our daughter (3) my wife’s parents cut her off.
It’s our daughter’s first birthday with us, my wife was going on about how sad she is her parents won’t be here and I said ‘I have a hard time sympathizing or relaxing, I didn’t receive the same childhood as you nor did I know my parents’.
I just meant I can’t understand, and I can’t be there for her to support her in that… she said ‘what? So I can’t be upset because you had it worse?’ then stormed off, she’s since changed the topic but still insists I’m fully in the wrong.
It was like when I complained to her about my pet passing away and she said ‘I’ve never had a pet, but it must be hard’ I didn’t criticize her for that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OK, so lemme get this straight: Your wife has a complicated relationship with her parents where she has learned that if she isn’t THE BEST, she’s worth nothing.
Despite having an obviously privileged life, she is a caring and giving person.
Your wife is infertile. That fact alone messed up A LOT of women, but your wife has the added issue of ‘Must be the best to be worthy of her parents’. So the common feelings of being less than what many infertile women experience are massively amplified by what her parents have explicitly taught her about herself.
And once she sought motherhood through other means, her parents proved just how conditional their love truly was. They abandoned their child because she adopted. Your wife is becoming a mom without any of the parental guidance, support, and love she was probably hoping for.
No, she did something ‘wrong’ (and those quotes are doing a lot of heavy lifting, adoption is a wonderful thing) and her parents don’t love her enough to get past that.
And you decide that, when your wife expressed her sadness at the loss of what could have been, the best response is to be a jerk.
And the whole ‘I didn’t know my parents so I can’t relate’ thing is nonsense. And how can I say that? Let me share something about myself:
I’m a woman who never, ever wanted kids. Motherhood sounds miserable to me. I had a miscarriage once before I even knew I was pregnant and was happy the pregnancy ended itself.
I got sterilized before I turned 30. I made sure every man I seriously dated understood that fatherhood would never be in the picture for him if we stayed together. AND I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH WOMEN WHO CAN’T HAVE KIDS. I’ve known women who miscarried and I was there for them to empathize with and try to comfort.
For Pete’s sake, it’s not hard! Someone you love is sad and in pain and all you can muster up is ‘Can’t help, I don’t understand’?
YTJ, massively. Your poor wife has no support from anyone, Jesus.” I_DRINK_ANARCHY
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – and honestly, it seems to me that you’re spiteful and jealous of her upbringing.
The first two-thirds of your text is detailing how she was raised spoiled (from your perspective) and then you mention it to her when she told you she’s sad about her estranged parent. YET her being upper class has NOTHING to do with her missing her parents.
I feel like you could have skipped that topic entirely both in your convo with her and in this story. But somehow you keep finding a connection to continue to bring it up. Some self-reflection is needed here.
PS. Even if there was a connection I would still say YTJ for not being empathetic to her.
The pet comparison I’m not even going to talk about because it’s ridiculous and childish.” isthatacoconutomg
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re so focused on her privilege that you can’t see the bigger picture or her perspective. Her parents are refusing to communicate with her or celebrate her child’s birthday.
That has nothing to do with money and is something you can probably imagine as being hurtful and difficult to go through. Imagine how you’d feel if your parents disagreed that hard with a major life decision without factoring in the money.
You seem very, very hung up over her upbringing and money and more concerned with that than she is, and it’s honestly something you should probably talk to a therapist about.
Just because she had a different lifestyle doesn’t mean the basic human elements aren’t there or that you can’t sympathize at all. I don’t know anyone with quite that level of wealth and frivolity described and I feel bad for her despite never meeting her.
YTJ” kitscarlett
2. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Spend Christmas With Me Without His Friend?
“Me (26F) and Vladimir (27M) have been together for 6 years. We’re living together and we’re very happy. We both have great jobs, we’re doing great. Happier than ever.
We’ve spent Christmas together for the last 5 years. Three years ago we moved out from our hometown, and this year, we planned to celebrate Christmas in our place, instead of going to his family or mine, like we did last year.
I was expecting a lovely and very intimate time.
This year, however, he wanted to invite a friend, let’s call him Nico (25M). He’s a gym buddy of his, and they both play in an amateur rugby league. Vlad told me a few days ago that this guy was basically alone and he has been an extremely good friend to him for the last 3 years since we moved here.
He told me a very sad story, that he has been rejected by his family because he came out as LGBTQ++, and for the same reason he was also rejected by some of his friends lately, and that he also struggles with money and yadda yadda yadda.
His romantic preference is NOT a problem to me, let’s make that clear. My brother is gay and I have many gay friends.
I get it, sad story, poor guy. But, is it unreasonable to not want to spend Christmas with a complete stranger?
I told my partner exactly that, and he was like ‘okay but he’s not a stranger to me’ so I said ‘what if I want to invite a friend of mine?’ and he was like ‘what then? you can do that’ gaslighting me like if that makes any sense.
I told him that maybe I should go to my family’s then and give the two of them more privacy and he said I was overreacting and being selfish (gaslighting much?) why should I feel guilty about not caring about poor Nico?
My group chat is surprisingly on his side, and they think it may be a good idea… Yesterday I told my parents and they agree with me, but they think it is not that big of a deal. Well, it is for me.
Anyway, be honest with AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for accusing him of gaslighting you. He isn’t. You’re not a jerk for having different wants for what you want Christmas day to look like and being upset that they don’t match up. You are a jerk to think that your wants matter more than your partner’s and for not trying to find a way to compromise.
Have an intimate Christmas eve and then Christmas morning but show empathy to someone your partner clearly thinks a lot about.
‘I told him that maybe I should go to my family’s then and give the two of them more privacy’
You’re the one that’s being manipulative in the relationship, not him.
Since you keep using the word gaslighting and it’s very clear you don’t know what it means. Here’s a definition:
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control over another individual, plants seeds of uncertainty in another person’s mind.
The self-doubt and constant questioning slowly cause the individual to question their reality.” MrsActionParsnip
Another User Comments:
“Yes, OP, YTJ, and none of this constitutes ‘gaslighting’. You posited a hypothetical scenario in which you too invited a friend to spend Christmas with you, your partner, and Nico, treating it as though it were a ridiculous and unreasonable request; he said it would be fine.
That is not ‘gaslighting’, that is you being hoisted by your own petard. Then you suggested you just go home and spend Christmas with your own family because you didn’t want to spend it with Nico. Your partner called that a selfish overreaction, which again, is not ‘gaslighting’, it is a direct response to behavior he considers selfish and the dig you took at their friendship.” VerendusAudeo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You both have different opinions. Neither is right nor wrong. He sees it as no big deal and a nice thing to do for a friend. You have a vision in your head of some kind of intimate day.
I have no idea why you can’t compromise and see him at some point during the day but spend most of it alone.
But he isn’t gaslighting you. At all. That part is ridiculous.
You asked what would happen if you wanted to invite a friend and he literally answered your question. Because you didn’t like the answer does not mean he gaslighted you.
He thinks you are overreacting and selfish.
Yeah. You seem to be. Not gaslighting.” superfastmomma
1. AITJ For Taking My Mom's Side Over My Wife's?
“My wife and I host a monthly dinner at our house to catch up with family. In our immediate families, the women do all of the cooking. Before you come for me, none of them work.
My mom and MIL are both housewives with cleaning ladies, so it seems fair to me.
Typically when we have these dinners my wife and MIL spend time together in the kitchen and my mom doesn’t offer to help. My mom likes to cook, so I don’t think that is the issue.
I think she just doesn’t really like either of them. Also, my wife and MIL see each other all the time whereas this is pretty much the only time my mom gets to see me, so it makes sense to me that she wants to hang out in the living room.
I also feel it is weird to demand a guest cook.
This really bothered my wife though so we did bring it up to my mom. My mom said she doesn’t want to help. She said she shouldn’t have to, and pointed out that her husband might feel weird being left alone with me and FIL.
My mom’s husband pointed out in private that my wife and MIL are so loud and my mom physically can’t stand it, and I did point out to my wife that this is the only time my mom can visit with me. I think my stepdad has the most valid point though.
They are super loud and if she is stuck in a confined space with them, she is clearly annoyed the rest of the visit.
My mom finally offered to bring a dish. my wife blew up and said no and that she was being a snob and if she thinks she is too good to help in our kitchen then she doesn’t need to come.
Note my wife doesn’t even like my mom, so it isn’t like her feelings are hurt over this. We couldn’t come to an agreement so I kind of just overrode her and told my mom bringing a dish would be fine. My wife is furious and says I should never have disagreed with her in front of my mom (this is after trying to come to an agreement) and that I am ‘blindly defending’ my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On face value, which is ALL we truly have to go on, his wife gets annoyed when he tries to see his mom outside of these meals. His wife and her mother openly dislike his mother. His WIFE is the one who wants to do these monthly meals.
His mother, who is for obvious reasons uncomfortable being with two people who openly dislike her, do NOT want to be in a kitchen with just the two of them. Yet somehow, he’s not only a misogynist forcing the women folk to host these meals but a bad husband for not forcing his mother to be subjected to two women who openly don’t like her.
There are several justifications for why he allows his wife and MIL to do what they are doing, but he’s doing that precisely because of how awful so many Reddit users are jumping to their own conclusions and changing the story so they can call him a jerk.
His mother offered an extremely fair compromise and HIS WIFE made it a hill to die on in front of everyone! Not OP, his WIFE! It’s not his fault she forced his hand on defending the person being attacked in front of everyone! His wife could have tried to discuss this in private, but she still would have been wrong frankly.
OP is absolutely NOT the jerk. His wife and mother, absolutely are.” ldzeppelin1976
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s not that your mother’s solution was not acceptable, but she basically stated that she’d rather cook a dish home and bring it than spending time with her daughter-in-law and her mother when invited. I get the feeling that when she visits, she only cares about you and the kids and not your wife.
It’s not that much about the cooking, she could be in the same room trying to engage with them. Of course, if she makes the statement that obvious, your wife would get mad.
And then you decided on the matter in front of your parent and made a statement yourself that it’s ok if she doesn’t do any effort with your wife in that situation, without prior discussion with your wife.
You bypassed her knowing she wasn’t OK with it to stop escalating the matter, but you should have discussed it alone with her and gotten her to accept it before announcing it to your mother.
Both your wife and your mother have some efforts to make here, and you shouldn’t be letting their relationship become worse.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It honestly sounds like your wife is trying to isolate you from your mother. She won’t let you see your mum apart from the family dinners she insists on. She is trying to prevent your mum from spending time with you at these ‘family’ dinners.
She is refusing any reasonable compromise. She openly doesn’t like your mum and now she is weaponizing these dinners to prevent you from spending quality time with her. Your wife didn’t bother to discuss it with you first before declaring war on your mum. She went rogue, picked fights, and is now crying crocodile tears that you shut down her toxic behavior.
The key requirement to presenting a united relationship is that neither partner goes off unilaterally scorching the earth and burning bridges unprovoked. OP’s mum has done nothing wrong. Offering to bring a dish to contribute was a reasonable compromise by your mum to keep the peace.
You have a pretty big wife problem. OP, what is fair for your wife is fair for you. It is toxic and ridiculous that your MIL is allowed to come over so often, the house is practically a second home but you are only allowed to see your mum for one supervised dinner per month.
If you want to spend more time with your mum, you should.” Cherry_clafoutis
