People Want To Challenge Our Judgment With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Letting Only My Kids Invite Their Friends To Disneyworld?
“My husband’s company used to do a family event every year. They haven’t for the past several years, so this year they decided to go all out and are doing a Disneyworld trip.
Every employee gets 4 tickets. One of my coworkers only needed two tickets so he gave us his spares. So six tickets total. One for my husband. One for me. Two for my kids (they’re from a previous relationship and live with their dad part-time). We then decided to let the kids each invite a friend to go on the trip with us.
My son, James (age 10), invited his best friend.
My daughter, Camille (age 8), had a harder time picking someone because her best friend already had other plans for that weekend.
While over at her father’s house Camille, unbeknownst to me, invited her half-brother Jason (age 7). She must have also let it slip about how we got six tickets for free because my ex called me upset that we didn’t also invite his other son, Mark (age 11).
Mark is apparently very upset that he is being excluded when the whole rest of the family is going. He says Mark’s already been feeling excluded because sometimes Camille will invite Jason over as they get along well. However James does not like spending time with Mark, so he doesn’t get invited over often. My ex thinks this trip would be good bonding for them.
During this time I also found out that Camille’s best friend was actually going to be free that weekend. Camille had asked to invite this friend instead of Jason. I explained to her how she had already invited Jason and that it was rude to uninvite someone.
But then my ex said that ‘Jason probably won’t be able to come unless Mark is also invited’.
I replied saying ‘I am sorry to hear that’. I understood it as my ex declining the invitation for Jason, so I told Camille that we could reinvite her friend again. I have since been in contact with this friend’s mom and all the plans are set up.
Now my ex has contacted me again to ask if I had reconsidered since we last spoke.
I told him how Camille had since invited her friend. My ex is saying that we’ve uninvited Jason and that was mean because he had told Jason he could go. Now Jason blaming Mark for not being able to go. This all turned into a real headache and my ex says it’s my fault for not inviting both boys in the first place because it was bound to cause issues.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your ex can’t get mad at you for promising Mark about going to Disneyworld. You only had 6 tickets (you, your husband, James, his friend, Camille + one other person). Your ex can’t demand that Mark be the 7th person or that James needs to sacrifice his ticket.
It wasn’t your job to determine who Camille wanted to bring. She was the one who picked Jason because they appear to be much closer together (due to age).
I get that your ex wants the siblings to have equal things in life, but that’s not a reality. There will be plenty of times when one sibling gets to go to events while the other won’t.” Gradtattoo_9009
Another User Comments:
“It seems that YTJ for excluding one of your stepsons from the family trip to Disney. While it is understandable that you had limited tickets and decided to let your children each invite a friend, it was not fair to leave out one of your husband’s sons.
It seems like this has caused hurt feelings and family drama, which could have been avoided if you had found a way to include all of the children.
Furthermore, it is not fair to blame your ex for the situation. It was your decision to only invite two friends, and you should have considered the potential consequences before making that choice. While it may be difficult to include everyone, it is important to try to be fair and inclusive in family events like this.” OnlyChatGPT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter gets along with the half-brother her age. That’s no reason to force your son to invite the half-brother he doesn’t like.
Your ex tried to force you to take both and is surprised that you took him at his word that it was both boys or nothing.
I feel bad for the left-out brother but your son doesn’t think of him as a friend and your offer was for each child to bring a friend.
Also, you’re not obligated to include your kid’s half-brothers; it’s more typical that half-siblings interact in their parents’ house; if the ex thought the kids needed a family trip to Disney it’s up to him to arrange it, not try to force your son to consider his half-brother as a friend.” Emotional_Bonus_934
19. AITJ For Saying My Partner Is Controling?
“My (28M) partner (27F) (‘M’) of four years never had a great relationship with my family. Partially from how my sister-in-law treated her over Christmas. M didn’t feel welcomed by my family and felt like an outcast.
I can have empathy with her sentiment. Because my sister-in-law is a very honest person, and she doesn’t really sugarcoat stuff. I told her (and warned her) that my family can be thick-skinned, unemotional, and practical.
She also has a problem with my relationship with my mother. She says I overshare. And I will admit, I do talk to my mum about almost everything. But that’s because she was my support system growing up, and it’s just always been like that. I am who I am today because of her.
Now, on to the main problem. M and I were supposed to visit my mum during Easter.
But my partner has to run a workshop for her company.
This workshop means a lot to M, and can really boost her career. But if we leave after her workshop, we will be driving when the road is at its busiest on Easter. It’s a 6-7 hour drive.
My mom suggested that I leave with a friend (28, F) (‘T’) the day before the workshop to avoid all that traffic.
We will avoid traffic and save some on fuel costs. And then I will return with her after 5 days.
When I told M about the new arrangements, she got upset because she haven’t met T yet. T is an old high school friend of mine that M just didn’t have an opportunity to meet yet. She also asked me to let her come along, that she doesn’t want to spend easter alone (she’s not close to her family).
She also said that if I went on my own, I could stay longer (a whole week) instead of just 5 days with T.
I called my mum to ask her opinion. But my mum won’t allow me to drive on our pre-arranged day because of the horrible traffic. She just wants me to be safe and drive with T. Which is completely reasonable, I think.
I told her this and she responded, verbatim ‘Why do you need your mother’s permission to not drive with this woman? You’re 28 and a grown man, I don’t get it.’
I told her it was not about my friend, but about respecting my mother’s wishes.
My partner flat-out told me that she doesn’t want me going with that woman and that this is a boundary she was putting in.
I get boundaries but I have never restricted her from spending time with her male friends. I told her she was way too controlling, and that this isn’t a big deal. And that I won’t allow her to stop me from spending time with family members.
But she started crying and shut herself in the spare bedroom. She’s avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder.
She hasn’t slept in our bed ever since, and it’s been a few days since this happened. I’m starting to wonder if I might’ve said too much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Cut the apron strings from ‘mum’ and make your own decisions. You don’t ‘overshare,’ your mother is deeply manipulating your adult life and you need to find a more appropriate context for your relationship.
YOU’RE 28 DUDE! Your mom won’t ‘allow’ you to drive on a certain date? No! It’s none of her business. Today is the day you grow up and start making your own decisions.
Your partner is rightly frustrated because you seem incapable of traveling by yourself as an adult, and probably is irritated that your solution to your overbearing mother isn’t to tell her to BUTT OUT but to catch a ride with some lady she doesn’t know because you’re too passive to assert your independence from your mother.” SatansHRManager
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You have a good relationship with your mom, that’s great. But you haven’t set any boundaries in that relationship. She’s controlling, and you love it. Why is your mom ordering you around on how to get there and forbidding you to go later because of traffic? That’s nuts and a HUGE red flag. And you say that this is about respecting your mother’s wishes.
Sounds more like a whim to me.
Your partner is very insecure and jealous of the bond you have with your family since that’s something missing in her life. The jealousy of T is silly, and M has to deal with it, that’s not on you.
But your partner has all the right in the world to be upset about you ditching her just so you can follow your mommy’s orders.
If you have a pair of balls, call T and tell her you won’t need a ride because you’ll be driving up with M later that day, and thank her for the offer anyway. Also, call your mom and tell her you’ll be driving up later because you’ll leave with M after she’s done with her workshop; a bit of traffic won’t hurt.
If you don’t have a pair of balls, I’m sure you’ll find them in your mom’s purse.
Get them before it’s too late. Your mom is clearly interfering in your relationship with M. The fact your mom controls you that much reeks of a toxic co-dependency dynamic.
If you’re still not willing to go against your mom’s whim, try to be a man and break up with M, she deserves to be with a man, not a kid.” FarHoliday0
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Mama’s boys irk me. The relationship they have with their mother is inappropriate. She’s right.
You’re leaving her alone and you’re spending time with a woman she’s never met – and you’re going because your mother won’t give you permission to go any other way. That’s immature and crossing boundaries she’s obviously not comfortable with.
You being okay with her hanging with her male friends is your business.
It’s not a transaction that gives you automatic permission to dismiss her feelings about you hanging with a woman she’s never met – let alone spending 5 days with her with your family.
If your mother told you to dump your current partner, would you? It sure sounds like it. Mum’s encouraging you to spend ‘alone’ time with this other woman. As a woman herself, she knows exactly how this makes ‘M’ feel.
Sounds like she’s sabotaging your relationship with her.
If you want to keep this woman, apologize to her, put your foot down with your mother and tell her you’re not going unless it’s with ‘M’, and introduce your partner to ‘T’. What you’re doing is selfish and inappropriate.
Your relationship with your mother doesn’t give her the right and entitlement to authority over your adult life.
I’m close with my mother too… but I’d never give her control over my adult life. You need to develop some healthy boundaries with your mother. If she can’t let go of control over you, her grown son, she’s toxic.” Trick_Boysenberry495
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your partner is right. It isn’t about respecting your mother’s wishes.
But my mum won’t allow me to drive on our pre-arranged day because of the horrible traffic.
You are 28, bro. There’s not much that your mom should be allowing or disallowing you to do. If you cannot see that as an unhealthy relationship, I don’t know what to tell you other than you are going to have trouble establishing any sort of meaningful relationship as long as you continue to let your mother control your life.
While your partner is in the right about your mom, and she does have a point about not wanting you to go without her and drive with some woman she hasn’t met, her overreaction kind of seems like a manipulation tactic.” OutrageousLuck4231
18. AITJ For Not Wearing The Necklace My Fiancé Gave To Me?
“Last week was my (25F) birthday. My fiancé (27M) recently got a pretty big promotion and had been hinting about getting me some nice jewelry for weeks.
I’m quite particular about my tastes and wanted something I’d actually wear regularly, so I left him some leaflets in the car and mentioned I like small, delicate pieces and what sort of colors I like.
Fast forward to my birthday and he had gotten me a large, heavy pendant that doesn’t go with any of my outfits and isn’t my style at all… I wear it out to dinner that night to be polite but haven’t worn it since.
Well, yesterday we went out to the theatre which we had been planning for a while, and my fiancé asked me why I wasn’t wearing my new necklace. I explained it didn’t go with any of my outfits and he got upset, saying he had spent a lot of on it for it to just sit in my jewelry box.
AITJ? Should I have simply worn it despite my feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He hinted about jewelry, and you gave him some easy-to-follow suggestions. He decided to get something that was the complete opposite of what you suggested. If this is a gift for you then a) he should have taken your tastes into consideration, and b) it should not come with any obligations to wear it more often than you want to.
Picking out jewelry for another person can be challenging. I am even willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on his selection. He may have thought you were asking for something delicate because you felt bad about him spending on you. He may have gotten something more flashy than your usual style because he thought you hadn’t worn something like that before because you couldn’t afford to.
But a gift for YOU should be about YOU. Try saying: ‘I appreciate that you got me such a generous gift, but it’s not my style and not something I will wear regularly. Is it possible to exchange it for something that is more my style?’
How he responds to that will tell you a lot about what is going on here. It may be that his ‘gift’ had more to do with his ego than your happiness.
(e.g. He wanted to get something big and flashy that shows off the he is making and he wants you to wear it often so that people ask about it and you tell them what a generous gift he got you. He wants you to be a visual representation of his success.)” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe he thought ‘Oh, OP really wants something bigger but she is being polite,’ maybe it was a mistake or maybe he just decided he liked what he got better or he wants something bigger that when people compliment you, you can say ‘my partner got it for me’.
You don’t like it and aren’t going to wear it. These can be difficult conversations but will help your relationship in the long run if you have them. I’d explain that it’s a pretty necklace, it’s just not to your taste. You know he put effort and thought into it but you’re not comfortable wearing it and perhaps you guys could go together and exchange it for something you’d like.
I sometimes am funny with jewelry. They can understand not liking certain clothes, but not jewelry or handbags.
Good luck.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“Yes. Your neck is not part of your body – it’s a display case for your partner’s disposable wealth. You should wear what he buys you, regardless of your preference. And in tight times, he can rent it out as ad space, like a sports uniform.
Wait… no, that’s not actually the case. He bought you the thing. That’s your thing now. You get to decide which of the things you’ll wear, and when. It’s that whole dressing yourself thing. As your partner, he can say ‘I like it when you wear X’. ‘I don’t like it as much when you wear Y’. He’s allowed to have preferences.
But if he bought you a thing you don’t like, that’s just down the drain. You’re not obliged to wear things you dislike because he bought them for you, because you’re a person, not a doll.
NTJ.” BigBayesian
17. AITJ For Stopping Making My Husband Handmade Gifts?
“I’ve always liked crafting and making stuff with my hands. It’s been something that soothes me and helps me focus even if it’s as simple as basic knitting or doing origami while I watch TV.
Sometimes I take classes for stuff like pottery making or ceramic glazing or drip painting or whatever else catches my eye.
I like to give gifts of the stuff I’m making to my loved ones. For example, when my two cousins told me they were pregnant, at the same time I was, I made us all matching baby blankets and they loved them.
My husband however has never really been into ‘handmade stuff’.
He knows I enjoy it and he encourages me to do it. He’ll pay for me to go to classes I’ve talked about, or my origami paper supply will magically refill itself and the basket with my knitting supplies is always tidy even if I know I didn’t put it back so carefully.
But as for the actual things? They either disappear into his wardrobe until we do a spring clean or they’ll go into the bin.
So I stopped gifting him stuff I made mid-world shut down. He likes gifts but only stuff from luxury brands or like spa days or something like that so that’s what I went with.
This past weekend was Mother’s Day and I made little chocolates for all my mum’s friends. My husband started saying that I don’t make things for him anymore.
I explained to him the reasons above and said I don’t make things for them to just get thrown into a bin liner so I would rather not waste my time.
(ETA: I have also made him foodstuffs before, including his mum’s recipes which if someone is blind testing the two versions are completely identical. I will spend all day or a couple of days on it, he will eat one bite and the rest also ends up in the bin.)
He got all quiet and said he didn’t realize he was a waste of my time.
He hasn’t said anything again but he’s been weird all week so, I don’t know, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.
Seems pretty obvious that he liked receiving the gifts because of the intangibles – you thinking about him, you putting effort into giving him something – that can mean a lot in a relationship and can matter way more than the material aspect of the gift
Also, of course, you didn’t mean to imply he was a waste of time and you seem to enjoy what you do and want to feel valued and one of the ways to feel valued is by seeing your craft in use. Consequently, seeing what you made being put aside can feel pretty dismissive, even if that wasn’t the intent. He should understand how you could feel that way and not generalize to a broader conclusion.” windowtothesoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s twisted your words to make you look bad when you didn’t even say HE was a waste of your time. You feel he doesn’t appreciate the time and effort you put into your handmade gifts because he just throws them in the wardrobe or throws them away. Why would you spend all that time making things when he doesn’t appreciate them enough to keep them or use them?
He’s being childish and unfair.” Artistic_Accident_79
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I can’t call either of you a jerk. He is obviously super supportive and you want your work valued. But for your own sake, communicate! Why not ask him which crafts he likes or whether he wants trinkets? He may be confused about what to do with an origami animal (which seems plausible if he helps you tidy up.
Maybe he doesn’t like clutter), but chocolate is totally different and has more purpose. Why not spend your time making stuff that he would like? Similar to how gift giving is centered around what the recipient likes and not what the gifter wants to gift. He’s hurt though because it doesn’t sound great to be told that you’re not worth the effort and maybe he feels bad.
But without having a conversation, you gave him no chance to rectify it.
I’m saying this as a fellow crafter. My Mum loves my random crocheted animals but god knows my husband would have no clue what to do with them. So I don’t make them for him. But if he wanted a knitted hat, I’d make that.” ForTheLoveOfGiraffe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think he’s capable of recognizing that he’s twisting your words here in order to make you feel bad, perhaps because he is avoiding expressing why he feels bad:
He got all quiet and said he didn’t realize he was a waste of my time.
It may be that he enjoys the act of getting the gifts, and he doesn’t realize how hurtful just socking them away in the closet is. Of course, you see it differently – attention and appreciation of the thing you’re giving are important to you, and he’s not following through.
It’s reasonable for you to disagree in perspective on that, but he’s being a jerk in attacking you and then withdrawing rather than trying to resolve the conflict.” TaliesinMerlin
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Into My Apartment?
“So basically there is a good chance that my 3-year-old nephew’s favorite toy was left in my apartment. My nephew has some issues that my sister is still trying to figure out with his doctor and according to her, he needs the toy.
I am out of town right now and will not be getting back until Monday. So my sister wants me to give her the code to my apartment.
I have had problems with her snooping through my things when we still lived with her parents. To be honest I left my apartment very messy before I left for the trip so I do not know exactly where I left my keys. So it would basically give my sister an excuse to snoop. I know for sure there are several things I have left out that I would not want her to see.
My sister keeps insisting she needs the toy. Our parents, who do not live nearby, are now hounding me to give my sister the code because of how difficult her son can be when he gets upset. I don’t have anyone else that I would be comfortable escorting her or searching for the toy instead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister will have to cope for a few days and explain the toy is on holiday with you, and it’s coming back with photos and a present!
Your privacy is more important long-term than a few days without a toy. It’s hard to own fault, not for leaving the toy – mistakes happen – but for having a poor track record with respect. Maybe she’ll reflect on that over the weekend.” Holiday_Cat_7284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re under no obligation to allow someone you don’t trust to violate your personal space.
Are you sure the toy is even at your apartment? I could be reaching here, but if your sister has a pattern of snooping through your stuff, she could be lying about it as an excuse to get in while you’re gone. Unless you left for your trip the same day your nephew was at your home, it seems suspicious that the toy’s absence wasn’t noticed until you were out of town.
If it’s as important as she says, I would assume the nephew would have pitched a fit that day.
I feel bad for your nephew, but this is a situation that your sister needs to be prepared to deal with. Toys get lost or destroyed all the time, and it really sucks for a kid who is neurodivergent because they don’t know how to process the loss of their comfort object, but it’s an unfortunate part of life.” VisenyaTargaryen2606
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I have some sympathy for your sister as the parent of a kid who would have gone completely ballistic under the circumstances. If you’re feeling generous, you could ask your sister to be on a video call with you while she looks for the toy (and until she leaves your apartment), then change the code after she leaves. If not, your sister and nephew will survive.” Scrabblement
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Have Our Mom's Jewelry?
“I (24M) grew up with a single mother. My mom has one other child, my sister Stephanie (37F). Growing up, I didn’t see a lot of Stephanie. She ran away from home when she was sixteen, and I didn’t meet her again until I was seventeen. My mom didn’t talk about her at all.
When I was fourteen, my mom was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that made it very difficult for her to care for herself. I ended up taking on a full-time caretaker role for her from the time I was sixteen until she died recently. Stephanie didn’t even know about our mom’s condition until about a year ago. Since then, she has visited occasionally, but she and mom were always very cold to each other.
In the last few months of my mother’s life, she stopped seeing Stephanie completely. Every time Stephanie called, my mom would make me pick up the phone and tell Stephanie that mom didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t call Stephanie until after mom was already dead because I knew mom wouldn’t want to see her.
When Stephanie found out my mom died, she drove down to help me out with the funeral and to hear the will.
Unsurprisingly, mom left me everything, except for $5000 which she left for Stephanie. After the reading of the will, Stephanie pulled me aside and told me that there was some jewelry in our mother’s house that belonged to our grandmother, who died before I was born. Stephanie said that our grandmother had promised her this jewelry and that it was very special to her.
If it had just belonged to our grandmother, I would have been fine giving it to Stephanie, but this jewelry was also special to mom.
I would always see her wearing it, and she would tell me stories about her childhood and grandma, specifically. I don’t want to give this jewelry away, and since I was closer to mom, I think I should be the one to have it.
I told Stephanie this, and she broke down and said that it was the only thing she wanted from mom. It annoyed me that our mom just died and the only thing Stephanie cares about is jewelry from our grandmother.
I told Stephanie that since she obviously didn’t care about mom, she didn’t deserve to have anything from her. I said that it was no wonder mom didn’t want to see Stephanie when she was dying because Stephanie was never there for her. Stephanie ended up going back home early. Since then, I have cooled down a bit and feel bad for the things I said to her.
However, I still think that I should be the one to have the jewelry. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, no one is the jerk, at least not you or your sister.
I strongly suspect your sister ran away because of some sort of abusive relationship. Is there any reason Stephanie or anyone else has ever shared about why she ran away? It’s clear there was a negative relationship between Stephanie and her/your mother.
What’s there?
It’s also possible that Stephanie was close to your grandmother. Maybe she wants the jewelry for the emotional connection to your/her grandmother. Stephanie did try to reconnect when she found out mom was dying, in the end, it was your mom rejecting her.
One suggestion sounds like there are multiple pieces of jewelry. Could you give Stephanie one or two pieces?
And just to be clear, you are not a jerk. And there’s more to the story here that we don’t know. I’m not sure your sister is being a jerk either.” Fatigue-Error
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Sorry for your loss.
You’re legally entitled to keep the jewelry, sell it, or do whatever you want. You’re not a jerk for wanting to hold onto it.
That said, Stephanie isn’t a jerk for wanting it, either, especially if your grandmother was still alive and wearing the jewelry when Stephanie ran away from home.
Please consider what matters more to you, keeping the jewelry for yourself or building a better relationship with your sister.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You don’t know what Stephanie’s experience with your mom and grandmother was like.
You haven’t indicated that you know anything about why she ran away, but you do know that she continued to have a poor relationship with your mother, and that went both ways. You describe your mother being cold to her and refusing to see or talk to her, so I think you’ve witnessed that however warm and wonderful your mother was to YOU, she was not the same parent to your sister.
Equally, you don’t know what Stephanie’s relationship was with your grandmother. You do know she HAD a relationship with your grandmother, and it’s not unreasonable for her to want reminders of that. Considering the strained state of her relationship with your mother, it makes sense that Stephanie would not have approached her about the jewelry. It was actually potentially respectful of her to wait until your mother was done with the jewelry to ask for anything that she might have felt was promised to her.
What I’m saying is, Stephanie isn’t wrong to ask, or to be disappointed by your refusal. She might quite reasonably have hoped for an end to animosity, and coming to help you with your mother’s final arrangements could have been an olive branch.
I can’t call you a jerk, because you’re grieving and it’s hard to see shades of grey right now.
But it would be a kindness for you to acknowledge your sister’s relationship with her grandmother and allow her some pieces that feel emotionally important to her. Certainly, keep anything that was purely your mother’s, and don’t feel like you have to give her all of the heirloom pieces. But legal rights aside, it is unkind to refuse her any inheritance from her grandmother because she didn’t get on with her mother.” Aealias
14. AITJ For Causing My Sister-In-Law To Get Evicted?
“My (30F) husband has a sister Anna (29F) who lives in an apartment my husband gifted me, with her partner (Rick) and her daughter (9 months old). Anna doesn’t work, and Rick has some on/off jobs and they are always struggling financially. I mention this because my husband sometimes helps them out with money, which is why a couple of days ago I went to the apartment to drop off some funds.
I only intended to drop off the and go as Anna and I don’t really know each other, but she opened the door and immediately ushered me inside. Her baby was crying, so she asked me to wait while she tried to get her to sleep, so I waited in the living room with Rick, who was doing some kind of remote work. I could see the apartment was a mess but as a person who finds it nearly impossible to keep a room tidy without a baby, I knew I wasn’t in a place to judge.
That said, I did want to get on with my day so I was just lingering in the room hoping she’d come back soon. Anna came back after ten minutes, with the baby still crying, and said she was going to try feeding her.
At this point, Rick complained about the noise because he was working. I told Anna I’d be leaving too, but she started asking questions about depositing the in a bank.
I tried to answer her questions but really didn’t know all the answers and said she could call her brother and he could tell her what to do. I could tell she was trying to keep me there but between the crying and Rick getting annoyed about various things, I just wanted to go.
Anna then followed me to the door and asked if I would mind watching the baby while she showered and maybe tidying up her house a little bit.
At first, I thought she was joking but Anna said she was indeed serious, she could use the help. I told her I was definitely not the help and she needed to tell Rick to do it. She said he was sick of the apartment being a mess and that she hadn’t showered in two days and that I had to do this for her.
I told her once again I was not going to clean her house for her, and she demanded a reason, to which I said I didn’t owe her one. Rick then came into the hall and said it wasn’t like I had a job, I could afford to stay and help. Anna called me an evil, stuck-up gold digger, and a few other words I can’t type out, and eventually, I left.
After I left I called my husband to tell him what happened, and he was livid. He told Anna she had to vacate the apartment within three months and that he would subsidize her moving at the rate he currently was, which will mean she has to move to a smaller apartment in a less upmarket area. Anna and Rick have now involved my husband’s whole family who said I could have just helped out for ten minutes and avoided all the unpleasantness.
My husband is on my side but I still feel bad that his whole family is giving him grief over this, so I don’t know if maybe I do owe them an apology?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband is providing them a place to live rent-free, he is giving them to help with their living situation, what else can they take? I understand it is hard to keep a place spotless and tidy with a baby.
But 2 fully functional adults are living in the apartment. Since Rick doesn’t have a steady job I’m sure he could find the time to either clean up the place on his own or watch the baby so Anna could do it.
He should be capable enough to watch his child while she showers. It’s unacceptable that she was demanding you clean her place and help her when she’s already getting so much help.
Maybe this eviction will wake them up and show them just how easy they had it before. And if his family cares so much why don’t some of them volunteer to help Rick and Anna or give them a place to live since family is family?” manson6t6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband is right. Anna and her husband are a gold-digging duo. Your husband is subsidizing them, she doesn’t work, and he’s working from home therefore they should be able to deal with their home and family.
To treat you so rudely while expecting some over-the-top favors is beyond entitled and ridiculous. If the family feels differently, let them be the ones to go over to clean, provide child care, and whatever else they desire.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was one thing for them to ask, and you were entirely within your rights to refuse. They went over the line when they said you had to help them and then began to insult you.
I suspect that if you had said ‘yes’ you would have opened the door to an increasing number of requests that you ‘had’ to do, so it was wise of you to turn them down now, or you would have watched your phone go off continuously.
And it wasn’t you who evicted them, it was your husband. And I feel that it wasn’t just over this.
It seems like this was a ‘last straw’ situation – your husband has probably been frustrated with them for a long time and what happened to you was just too much for him.” bamf1701
13. AITJ For Secretly Giving My Mom's Cats Away?
“My mom (54F) has a pretty severe hoarding problem. She’s had it since before I was born. When I (23F) was a kid, the house was generally pretty cluttered, and we had one or two rooms that were ‘mom’s rooms’ that we couldn’t go into, but it was pretty livable.
After my siblings and I moved out, she got a lot worse. Now, she’s living in two rooms in her house, her bathroom and her living room, and even those are full of trash.
Whenever I visit her, I have to wear a mask because the smell in the house is so bad. Her bathroom is still functional, but only the toilet itself, because the shower and sink are also full.
The fact that my mom lives like this is bad enough, but she also has four cats. They aren’t shelter cats, but rather cats that my mom ‘rehabilitated’ that she took off the street. None of them are well taken care of. They don’t have litter boxes, and she doesn’t let them outside, so they just wherever. They all have fleas and probably worms because the house is so dirty, and she never takes them to the vet because she doesn’t leave the house.
I’ve spoken to my mom about this multiple times, but she won’t listen to me. She took in her most recent cat just two months ago and is already trying to trap another cat that she found in her backyard.
My sister (19F) recently came back from college and was just as horrified as I am. My mom is a lot closer to my sister than she is to me, so my sister and I decided that she would get my mom out of the house while I stole the cats.
My sister convinced my mom to go with her to visit our brother, and while they were gone, I managed to catch all the cats. I took them to a shelter a couple of hours away so my mom wouldn’t be able to find them. One of the cats turned out to have terminal cancer, so he ended up being put down but the rest of them are currently up for adoption.
My mom is livid. She has called me multiple times a day since this happened (over a week ago), demanding I tell her where I took her cats and calling me a horrible person and a horrible daughter. She has also told all my siblings. Some are angrier at me than others, but most agree that what I did was wrong. Even the sister that helped me says she feels awful about it now and regrets doing it.
At first, I didn’t feel bad at all, but now I am beginning to question my decision. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I help rescue cats and get called into similar situations frequently. These hoarding situations where there are cat feces everywhere are extremely unhealthy for the animals and they can develop severe physical and mental health issues if they are in these situations for too long.
The reality is that if you hadn’t done this, the health department or animal control would likely have been called in eventually and the cats would likely be in much worse condition by that point. It’s likely that you saved those three animals’ lives and also saved the fourth a tremendous amount of suffering.
On behalf of the cats, thank you for doing that. Dealing with hoarders is often a thankless task.
Their mental illness cannot allow them to see the unhealthy reality of their situation. Sorry you had to go through condemnation for doing a good thing.
I would strongly advise you to go one step further and call local pet stores, rescues, and shelters and warn them about your mom. It sounds like to date she has only invited in strays, but we’ve found hoarders often like to replace the cats removed from their households quickly (and usually with even more of them).
You’ll want to make sure she’s on no adopt lists locally to try to slow this process.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“Hoarding is a trauma response, usually from early childhood. Wires in the brain get crossed attaching emotional significance to what regular people see as junk and trash so that throwing out a collection of used toothbrushes feels like burning the family photo book. It’s notoriously difficult to treat and progress is highly susceptible to relapse.
You’re NTJ for saving the cats but the way you went about it is going to make it much harder for your mother to get help and she’s just going to get more animals to neglect. She may also not let you in the house anymore if she thinks you’re going to steal her treasured possessions and that’s certainly going to make it harder to police the animal situation.
If you can talk to some of the less angry family members try and work out a way to deal with the situation when it arises again, as well as how to get your mother some help before she ends up seriously injuring/sickening herself or burning the house down (this is not hyperbole).
One word of caution, when she says they were ‘strays’, I would not necessarily believe that.
They’re just cats she saw outside and took in with the justification in her mind that they must be strays if they’re outside when they could well already belong to someone.” high-up-in-the-trees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mom has a serious problem and those cats don’t deserve the neglect. She doesn’t get to ‘rehabilitate’ strays if she’s not gonna actually care for them properly.
I would contact the fire department and police to see if there’s something that can be done. Usually, in these situations, the city can force her to clean her house if it’s a fire and health hazard, and threaten to condemn the house. It’s harsh but may force her to seek the psychiatric help she needs as well as improve her living situation.
The last thing the city wants is a danger like that.
House fires in these situations are incredibly dangerous and difficult to put out. There are nonprofit organizations and social workers who specialize in this, so I’d look into it. If you have the time I’d get your family and friends together to help her.” FitSpread1846
12. AITJ For Giving The Breastfeeding Mom Space?
“I (16F) was at work, I serve when a mother walked in with who I think was her husband and her 3 kids.
Maybe toddlers and one baby who was maybe, I don’t know, 2-3 months. I was assigned them and I showed them to their table and let them know I would be back in 4 mins to get them started on some drinks; when I came back the mom asked me to leave because she was breastfeeding and wanted some privacy I agreed and walked away. Maybe 16 minutes later the mom and her husband(?) came up and asked to speak to my boss.
Where I work I am not allowed to ask questions why about stuff like that so I agreed when they were done talking to my boss. My boss asked if I really just walked away from them I asked them what they meant and they explained to me that the ppl said I walked away from their table after seating them when I explained to them that they asked me to give them some privacy so she can breastfeed, my boss cut me off and told me to go serve them and that I would be written up for ‘denying service’.
For the rest of the night, the family was short and mad at me the whole time; they were snippy and treated me like an animal that didn’t understand basic knowledge.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t get to both ask for privacy and then complain you got some privacy and if I had a guest treat me like I’d actually deny them service.
Your boss taking a guest at their word without even attempting to hear your side before issuing disciplinary actions also lead me to suggest applying for another position as your boss doesn’t trust you, and it likely won’t improve.” JoshLP1997
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your boss cannot write you up over this, I mean he will, but it’s not legal.
I don’t know if there is someone over him that you can talk to about the situation… but if your boss has a boss, go to them.
If not, write out the entire experience and present it to your boss. Bring 2 copies and have both of you sign it, you keep one and he keeps the other. He’s being an abusive boss because you are so young and inexperienced. This will show him he cannot just randomly write someone up. His responsibility is to teach you how you should have acted during the incident or how he thinks you should have acted.
The only thing I think you could have done better is to tell them to wave at you when they were ready to have you return to their table. But that is something you learn or are taught. Your boss has a responsibility to teach you.” Maybeidontknow99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did the right thing in giving them the space they requests. They did this on purpose in order to complain to get something for free.
It’s probably something that they do regularly thinking it’s a good scam. In reality, it just hurts people who are trying to do their job.
Based on your manager’s reaction they clearly don’t care about you or they would have believed you and not written you up. Personally, I would tell them where to shove their job if they treat their employees like that and go to work somewhere else.” sjw_7
11. AITJ For Shaving My Head Before My Grandparents' Wedding?
“My (f15) best friend (also f15) has a very rare form of cancer. I haven’t been able to physically see her often because her immune system is weak. We Facetime almost every day though. She has been going through treatment for almost 2 months now. It’s gotten to the point her hair is coming out in clumps she was really sad about it last night.
I’ve been trying my best to support her so I threw out the idea ill shave my head too.
I quickly ran it by my dad he said to go for it so I did. I’m overall glad I shaved my head it’s honestly pretty cool.
Today my grandparents came over. My grandma saw my shaved head and freaked out. My grandparent’s 40th wedding anniversary is in 2 weeks and they’re doing a vow renewal and making a big deal out of it. So my grandma started going on about what her friends will think.
I told them about my best friend and how I wanted to support her. My grandma said I could have waited 2 weeks I just wanted to be a brat and selfish. She also got mad at my dad for letting me do it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They called you a brat but seem to expect you to live around them and their party.
I wouldn’t even go and call them out for being so self-absorbed and having a closed-minded idea of how people should look! What if you had cancer or if your grandma did, would it matter then? Life shouldn’t be about others’ standards and if you do go make sure you tell others that your lack of hair was for a cancer patient, see how many elder people there went through or live with it and applaud you… NTJ” vctrlzzr420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You shaved your head to show support for your best friend who is going through a difficult time with cancer. That is an incredibly kind and selfless gesture that shows your love and support for her. Your grandma’s reaction was insensitive and selfish. It’s not about what her friends will think, but about showing compassion and solidarity with someone you care about.
It’s also great to hear that your dad was supportive of your decision. Ultimately, it was your choice to shave your head, and you had good intentions behind it. You are not being a brat or selfish, you are showing empathy and love towards your best friend.” flatbundalover
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely and categorically NTJ!
Oh sweetheart you are so far from being the jerk that the jerk is a dot to you.
You are a super lovely and empathetic friend and an all-around wonderful human being. What you did was brave and beautiful. Your dad got that and you are lucky to have him.
Your grandma should be proud to have you as her granddaughter and enjoy bragging rights that you are so compassionate. If she is more concerned with keeping up appearances with her friends then that is on her.
I am sure she has redeeming qualities but, in this instance, she is behaving like a silly bag of dump.
Ignore grandma and keep doing you!” Present_Pension_6053
10. AITJ For Putting Our Foot Down Against Our Day Care?
“Our daughter is 21 months old. For the past 3 months, she’s attended a daycare that voluntarily offered us a gracious and steep discount (we could NOT afford this daycare otherwise). It is apparently the first and only discount the daycare owner has ever offered, a fact that my wife and I do not take for granted. The discount is good until June.
Over the last month, the daycare owner started making passive-aggressive comments about the discount she offered us.
Apparently, the discount is more of a financial strain than she originally expected. In addition to the passive-aggressive comments, the daycare owner has started sending our daughter home for minor, random things. For instance, on two recent occasions, our daughter was supposedly just, quote, ‘miserable.’ We’d pick her up and bring her home, but she was behaving completely normally.
On one occasion, the daycare owner’s son was visiting, and our daughter apparently freaked out at having a stranger present.
This caused a chain reaction among the other children. So we had to bring her home. The daycare owner has also expressed frustration that our child likes to talk a lot at nap time, sometimes to the point of never actually sleeping.
Our daughter recently started experiencing allergy symptoms (Hello, Spring!), which include coughing, sneezing, and a clear runny nose. According to the daycare owner, our daughter’s cough was causing naptime disruptions that were waking up other children.
So she had to go home. We were told we couldn’t bring her back until the cough cleared up. Up to this point, we’d not questioned any of the owner’s reasoning for sending our daughter home because we felt guilty given the discount we were receiving. But I put my foot down this time.
We ARE still paying the agreed-upon tuition, and there was nothing in the agreement that indicated our daughter was to follow separate policies and procedures from children paying full tuition.
So I responded that the daycare guidelines clearly indicate that, ‘teething pain, cough, clear runny noses, and healing rashes’ are all acceptable symptoms that do NOT bar a child from attendance, and unless the daycare could provide more details on why our daughter’s allergies presented extraordinary circumstances, we would be bringing her back the following day even if she still had a cough and runny nose.
And I did. The daycare owner refused to even acknowledge my presence.
The owner is clearly furious at my wife and me. My wife wonders if we had a right to put our foot down given that we’re receiving such a steep discount. I say that we aren’t responsible for any financial hardship incurred by the daycare provider when she offered us an unsolicited discount.
At the same time, I can’t help but feel guilty that perhaps we’re taking advantage of this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Based on my experiences, what you are dealing with is a normal adjustment of a kid who is entering daycare. Is this kiddo’s first time not in parents’ presence? If so, all of this makes sense. The being miserable, but changing back when you are around.
Freaking out when a new human appears. Not adjusting to a new sleep schedule.
If her allergies are such that she can’t sleep, what is the daycare supposed to do here? Have you taken the kiddo to the doctor? Is there a treatment plan? What more extraordinary circumstance do you want than ‘your kid is waking everyone up?’
If you think they are lying cause of the discount, you should be looking for a new provider anyway.
If you honestly feel your child is being discriminated against for this reason, look to get out as soon as possible.
Personally, if I knew I was getting a deep discount rather than allowing my feelings of passive aggression to color all my interactions, I would’ve just addressed it and asked. You chose not to and I think it is now coloring your view of these normal situations for which ‘putting your foot down’ and dropping off a kid with a cough/runny nose not medically addressed is a jerk move.
I don’t think you are taking advantage of the situation as much as you are letting your guilt change your perception and rather than responding with humility, cooperation, and seeking a resolution you’ve chosen to go and throw your weight around.
If tomorrow she said she was done and canceling your contract (which have you checked if she can do?) she’d be as entitled as you but then you’d truly be screwed.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The daycare lady clearly has it in for you, your spouse, and your kid. That child has become a near-daily reminder that money’s a bit tight with her, and she’s regretting her decision to give you the discount. However, that is absolutely no excuse for her behavior toward your child.
I genuinely hope for your daughter’s sake that it doesn’t come to this, but the daycare lady could at some point escalate to physical as a way to lash out at your daughter for what her presence there represents.
Have there been unexplained bruises, scrapes, etc? Yes, toddlers get into a lot of stuff and come up with all sorts of minor injuries. There’s a difference between normal toddler injuries and what any reasonable person would consider unusual.
Just because she loves it there and you believe she’s safe, doesn’t mean they’re not hurting her or at least being mean to her. There’s a reason schools and daycare centers are so resistant to having surveillance cameras in the classrooms – they don’t want the parents, community, and authorities to know just what goes on during class time.
If there’s no record of it on camera, they can sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist. Be very careful, and get your daughter out of there as soon as possible.” sharirogers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for keeping your child there. Get her out so she’s safe. The fact that she’s being blamed for untrue things by this vindictive owner (to the point she’s being made to go home early) could impact your child.
She’s totally being treated differently than the other kids and you’re likely putting your child in an unsafe environment for the sake of being right. You don’t want this to color her childhood. File a complaint against the owner.
You’re NTJ for being right (and the actions of this owner are unjustified) but you’re also the jerk for not seeing how this is totally not good for your kid.
Like what if there’s an emergency and the kids have to evacuate? Is this owner going to even care about your kid? Just standard things one would think to not worry about, you should totally worry about!” Affectionate-Roof-79
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The owner made a bad financial decision and now isn’t mature enough to retract it straightforwardly, so she’s resorting to passive-aggressiveness and taking it out on your child.
But you and your wife also suck. Why on earth would you want to leave your daughter in the care of someone who clearly is taking her issues out on her and has shown has no problem altering and reducing the caring services they provide, just to get back at you?
I would never bring the child to that daycare again.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
9. AITJ For Not Asking My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (26f) have a weird relationship with my father (50m). My father was there for me growing up but mostly as the provider. My mother was the one who I would say did most of the parenting.
My parents split up when I was 17. I do believe I had a hand in my mother’s decision to finally leave him as I had caught inappropriate messages from him to an unknown female on his work phone and told my mother about it, but my parents were never truly happy together.
After the divorce, I moved with my mother and my two siblings to another state.
My father would keep in contact at first but it became less and less frequent over time. My siblings and I tried to visit shortly after the divorce but my father had a who had health issues (She’d randomly have seizures) and so we couldn’t come.
We slowly kind of lost touch with our father. The final straw for me was finding out on social media that my father covered up the tattoo of my and my siblings’ names with a truck.
Fast forward to the present day and he’s expressed that he is remorseful and wants to be there for us girls again. I had lunch with him to visit and he came to our sister’s wedding which was in March.
My father was hurt that he didn’t get to walk my sister down the aisle but she walked with her fiance instead. My wedding is in June and I have asked my grandpa to walk me down the aisle.
I adore him and my grandpa has been consistent in my life. I’ve told my father that at my wedding, we may have both sets of parents walk down the aisle, but Grandpa will be walking with me. My father is hurt again but I’m not comfortable with him walking me down as we just started reconnecting. AITJ for asking my grandpa to walk me down the aisle instead of my father?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not dishonoring your father. You are simply honoring your grandfather for his presence and influence in your life.
It’s great your dad wants to return and repair things now, but by definition, that means he must acknowledge that he did damage in the first place. If he really wants to make amends, he should be grateful your grandfather was there for you.
NTJ” Entire-Ad2058
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. The person walking you down the aisle is a deeply personal decision, should be the person you want sending you off into your next phase of life, be it your grandfather, your mother, your brother/uncle/best friend or just walking by yourself. You barely know the man, he’s not close with you, and this isn’t about him – it’s about YOU.
(for what it’s worth, OP – I didn’t have my father walk me at my wedding either).” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ll always stand by the idea of ‘your wedding, your choice.’ Your father did not have much contact with you after your parents’ divorce. He didn’t make the effort to visit his children and that’s on him. It’s good that you are reconnecting with him, but has he even met your fiancé?
Why should your dad have a part, no less a big part, in your wedding? If your grandfather was more involved and you’ve already decided, then there’s no question about it. You’re not a bad person for not wanting your dad to walk you down the aisle. My dad and I also had an estranged relationship and he did not walk me down the aisle either.” manson6t6
8. AITJ For Somehow Spoiling My Cousin's Pregnancy Announcement?
“My mom’s side of the family is religious. My mom brought us to church every week, did all the sacraments, and sent us to Catholic school our whole lives but it doesn’t bother her that I’m not a believer.
She said she could tell I was skeptical even as a child. I’m very spiritual. There are only a couple of older family members that it really bothers at all. But it’s not usually a topic of conversation, if they want to go to church or pray before dinner I just go with the flow.
We were all together a couple of weeks ago and my cousin’s baby was playing on the floor and she kept putting her head on the ground (while standing, so it looks like she was about to do a handstand) and just staying there.
My cousin’s wife laughed saying she’s been doing that daily for over a week now.
I laughed too and said, ‘In some cultures, they say that means the child is looking for their sibling so be careful!’ All but two of the older relatives laughed, cousin’s wife cracked a joke about knocking the baby over because that was the last thing they needed, and we moved on.
Got a call about a week ago with my Aunt SCREAMING at me. She was barely making any sense and eventually, my Uncle took the phone from her and said something about keeping the witchcraft away from them and how dare I ruin something that should have been a special private moment between husband and wife and then take away their right to announce their way.
I didn’t even know what they were talking about. Whenever I tried to speak they cut me off to yell more so I hung up and called my mom asking what was going on.
So, it turns out cousin’s wife actually IS pregnant. I called to congratulate them but the wife wouldn’t speak to me and my cousin said I should have kept my nose out of their business and not called them again.
I’ve been getting texts from other family members straight up calling me a devil worshipper or telling me I overstepped. At the very least I now know I was naive about how a lot of my family members feel about my beliefs.
At first, I was just going to ignore it and let everything settle like the family usually does, but the reaction is making me second guess myself, and I’m definitely willing to apologize if I really did something wrong that I’m just not seeing.
Even if I’m not the I’m considering an apology because I really love my cousin and hate that we’re not on good terms. So, AITJ for spoiling my cousin’s pregnancy discovery/announcement?
UPDATE: My cousin came over and broke down apologizing, it turns out he had a vasectomy a year ago. I know it can fail sometimes but I guess she and/or he didn’t know that so the truth came out.
Even if they had known that vasectomies don’t always work everyone would’ve known about her affair because the baby is going to be mixed race.
He hasn’t told anyone else in the family because he’s too embarrassed. He kept apologizing over and over and of course, I told him to not blame himself or worry about me at all. I’ve never seen him like this.
He’s like a brother to me, I was even going to be a grooms-woman at the wedding before his wife vetoed it. I’m just so sad for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
How dare you make a joke about something you knew absolutely nothing about and ended up spoiling their announcement?
Good lord, you made a joke. How could they think you were spoiling an announcement you had no idea of?
It was sheer coincidence that you said that and she actually was pregnant. And it wasn’t like you came out and said ‘Hey, (cousin’s name) is pregnant, guys!’ That would have been spoiling it. You were teasing.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re all as mad as a box of frogs. Get angry, stay angry, and tell anyone who asks that you deserve an apology at the very least for the way you were screamed at, accused of witchcraft, and blamed for something so ridiculous.
If this happened to me, I would probably never speak to any of them again. I know that’s probably impossible for you to contemplate, which is fair enough, but these are not the reactions of normal, rational people. They are treating you with contempt and disrespect. Not very Christian, is it?” Holiday_Cat_7284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but let me get this straight. Cousin’s first child is acting, well like a child, and you make a humorous offhand comment regarding his behavior and how it is seen in other cultures.
Most at the table laugh, including cousin and wife. Then a while later, it turns out she is pregnant, and instead of laughing at the coincidence of the situation, they lose their collective and accuse you of witchcraft and devil worship.
Yeah, miss me with that nonsense. Unless I missed something, you had no clue she was/is preggers. You just made a joke based on your knowledge of other cultures.
Yeah, your family is/are jerks, and while I appreciate your feelings for your cousin, you DO NOT owe anyone an apology. They owe you. For any of them that are blowing up to the phone, block them. Don’t even respond. Every time a new number texts or calls with the same idiotic nonsense, block it too.
If your cousin or his wife reach out with a sincere apology, great.” TheMerle1975
7. AITJ For Insisting My Sister-In-Law To Visit Us More?
“My SIL (married to my brother) is a resident physician who works 60-80hr weeks and frequently works 1 or both days of the weekend. Her residency is a 7-hour drive from where I, my husband, and my baby girl (1.5 years old) are.
My brother and I were always very close growing up and even lived in the same apartment and later the same city. We were never more than 20-30m away from each other.
I got married and had my baby and he moved 7 hours away to be with his fiance, now wife, pretty soon after I had my baby. It was devastating for me as I had always pictured us being close and him really involved as an uncle. SIL works 6 am-5:30 pm 6-7 days a week but does have some ‘golden weekends’ where she has Saturday and Sunday off.
She usually has one per month and then she has 3 weeks of vacation (never over Christmas or New Year’s holidays).
During those 1 weekend a month that she has completely off, she and my brother either stay at home because she needs to relax or will drive for two hours to see her family. During the 3 weeks of vacation, which she is only able to take 1 week at a time, they went on a 1-week long trip to Hawaii, a 1-week long trip to Cancun with her family, and then 1 week where they just visited her family 2 hrs away.
They haven’t made the trip to visit us more than 1-2x a year as they say the drive is too hard with the limited time off she has and she’s usually too tired to come anyways. But not too tired for Hawaii or Cancun?
They always ask my parents and us to visit them during the holidays she works so at least we can be together and she will join us every day after 5.
But, it’s hard for us to travel with a 1.5-year-old. My parents have to split time between visiting there and visiting us and we need them for childcare. I’ve been asking my brother and SIL to visit us more even though I know her schedule is busy and my brother got frustrated with me. When I asked him to visit alone, he said she needs him because the heavy workload has been really mentally straining on her and quoted how resident physicians have a really high depression rate and basically called me a jerk.
I feel it’s unfair we have to visit all the time considering we have a 1-year-old and also both work FULL-TIME and feel they should balance better to visit us rather than just vacation. AITJ for insisting?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have to travel to them if it’s too hard for you, but you come across as really judgmental and lacking in compassion for how they choose to spend their limited free time.
Asking them to travel 7 hours each way for a visit on the rare Sat+Sun she has off is unreasonable – that would be 14 hours of driving for probably not even 24 hours of time together including sleep hours. You say they do make the trip about twice a year, and that seems reasonable given these circumstances.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First off you are not entitled to your adult brother’s time and you don’t have a say in where they live.
If you are so pressed about it you move closer to them…
Secondly, I’m not working 60-80 hours (anymore) in a high-stress environment but I can for sure tell you that there is no way on gods green earth that I would be driving 7 hours more than once or twice a year to visit my sibling… I love my brother. But no…
Thirdly, You don’t NEED THEM FOR CHILDCARE.
Your parents are not your built-in baby sitters so saying that them going to visit your brother is hard on you… No hun… You’re not entitled to your parents either.
Fourth, So you don’t want to make a 7-hour trip with an 18-month-old. Your brother and SIL don’t want to make a 7-hour trip because SHE WORKS DOUBLE WHAT A NORMAL PERSON WORKS AND SEES PEOPLE DIE ON A REGULAR BASIS… So yes if she wants to stay home or go to Hawaii and Cancun that is their right and choice.
I have two kids. And I SURE AS WOULD NOT BE PICKING A TRIP TO MY FAMILY TO HEAR SCREAMING CHILDREN OVER A DESTINATION VACATION TO RELAX… How out of touch with reality are you.” Mysterious-Wave-7958
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for demanding a concession from somebody else (that they use their precious time off to spend with you) when you won’t do the same for them.
As much as you love your brother, you sound a lot like you want to be able to make demands on him and that the dynamic is that you expect him to take care of you and that you should be able to call on him whenever you choose regardless of whether he’s got the time or energy to do so. That’s pretty exhausting for him and his wife, and it’s not surprising that they want to use their vacation time to actually relax.
You also don’t get to complain about your parents choosing to spend a small amount of time with your brother rather than looking after your kid. They are his parents too and it’s not for you to judge how your parents do that – if they are unavailable you will just have to find another solution for your child.” redcore4
6. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdaughter Share A Room With Her Helf-Sisters?
“My wife and I have 3 kids together, a 5-year-old son and 2-year-old twin daughters. My wife also has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
My wife and I love visiting a town a few hours away from us with the kids and decided this year to buy a house there. We’ve been looking at houses for a few months now and there’s one thing we can’t agree on.
We can afford a 3 bed 2 bath condo within walking distance from all of the shops and restaurants or a 4 bed 2-3 bath house maybe a 5-10 minute drive to everything. I want to get the condo and have the girls in one room and my son in the other. My wife doesn’t want her daughter to share a room with the twins so she either wants the 4-bedroom house or if we have to get a 3-bedroom, she wants to have the twins share with our son until we can eventually add a 4th bedroom or her daughter goes to college and won’t be traveling with us as much.
I tried to compromise and find a house that has a 4th bedroom for my stepdaughter but is still walkable but my wife still doesn’t like it because her daughter would be in the basement while the rest of us would be on the 2nd floor. She says this house would isolate her daughter. Then she said she doesn’t even want to be able to walk to the shops and restaurants because the double stroller is too bulky to bring into half of them, she’ll have to deal with our son complaining about his feet hurting, and she can’t even make that walk with the kids half the year when it’s snowing.
She has a habit of spoiling her daughter and I think that’s what she’s doing here at my and my kid’s expense. AITJ for wanting a house in a walkable neighborhood even if it means my stepdaughter will have to share a room?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are expecting your stepdaughter to take the hit. Not you. Listen to your wife – it’s not even reasonable to expect a ten-year-old to sleep in the same room (and likely inadvertently providing childcare) as two-year-olds.
You are, in essence, making your kids her responsibility. Dude, she’s ten. What’s it going to be like when she’s 12 or 13 or 16 and wants privacy? No 16-year-old wants to sleep in the same room as 8-year-olds.
Why are you treating your stepdaughter’s placement like a problem? Why don’t you move the toddlers you fathered into your room? She never asked you to have more babies.
You aren’t listening to your wife’s needs as it is. The ‘double-stroller +a five-year-old whose feet get tired’ problem walking is real, and you are being a jerk by ignoring her.” wintersweetpea465
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you and your wife take the basement and let your daughter, your son, and your twins each have a room? That way, the kids each get the space they need and deserve.
Your daughter will also have some needed distance from a jerk stepfather who clearly isn’t thinking about her equally. A 10-year-old girl needs a quiet space to study, a place where she can feel it’s hers, and a space away from toddlers that would make a mess of her things. YTJ.” vortexofchaos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What your wife is suggesting is reasonable.
Have you considered putting a sleeper-type sofa in the living room and having the 10-year-old and the 5-year-old trade midway through? It’s a vacation home, not a permanent living situation. Even if your twins share with the 5-year-old – it’s a vacation.
Marriage is also about compromise. So if you want the 3-bedroom condo, then you need to agree to your twins sharing with your son or some other arrangement that your wife is ok with.
You can’t just demand and get everything you want while her reasonable asks are ignored.” PotatoLover-3000
5. AITJ For Wearing An Iron Maiden Shirt When I'm Meeting My Partner's Family For The First Time?
“I (28m) have been with my partner (23f) for a few months.
Things have gone well; we get along well so far and I really care about her and hope things work out with us.
Anyway, she recently invited me to come over and have dinner with her parents at their home. She still lives with them for now. We are getting more serious and they wanted to meet me. If it’s relevant her parents are Indian immigrants to the US and I am white.
So, I thought it was a completely casual meeting and I wore an Iron Maiden t-shirt. I do happen to like the band but that’s not even why I wore it; that’s just how I dress and that shirt just happened to be clean that day. I went and met her parents and thought we’d had a good meeting.
However, my partner is NOT happy with me.
She feels as if my dressing in a t-shirt rather than a nicer button-up shirt was bad enough, but that wearing a shirt with skulls on it was – in her words – ‘just obnoxious.’
I honestly just dressed for the meeting the way I usually do and didn’t even think about it. I think that if she had certain standards that she should have communicated them to me beforehand.
But she thinks that what I did was ‘obviously stupid and inappropriate’ and that I should have known better. Is she right or is she being too critical?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like you wore your usual clothes and your expected you to dress more formally. My partner (white Australian) would do the same! This seems like a miscommunication of expectations from both sides.
Having said that, as an Indian woman, I can tell you that Indian parents are super overprotective of their daughters and can have rather odd hang-ups about things that wouldn’t occur to a white person.
The incident re the t-shirt is a case in point. You may benefit from a discussion with your partner about her expectations when meeting her family, attending cultural events, etc. And by the way, you seem to have great taste in music!” Purrminator1974
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
And I suspect you did think about it. It must have crossed your mind.
Unless you are absolutely oblivious in regards to social conventions it did cross your mind, but you decided against it because that shirt is what you are most comfortable in. And if they had not liked you, you’d have had a wonderful, failsafe defense: ‘I was just being myself, I won’t play a character for them.’ It sounds good on paper, but it is just insecurity speaking.
When meeting your maybe-future-inlaws it is courtesy to make an effort. It’s not even about the inlaws, it’s about your partner. You are willing to go the extra mile in regards to their parents because your partner is important to you. And by extension, you make the things/people, that are important to them, important to you.
Don’t play a character, but show that you care.” Eumelbeumel
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand where she is coming from. For some people meeting parents is like an interview and dressing up and being on your best behavior is common and a no-brainer. This is a chance to impress, after all.
I also understand him. A t-shirt and jeans are perfectly acceptable to my family, for example. My family doesn’t care about how you dress, we just care about how you treat everyone.
So long as you ain’t rolling in the mud right before you come in and shake hands, it doesn’t matter.
Meeting the parents, even in a serious relationship, is not always considered a monumental event. Where I’m from it’s not uncommon to just accidentally run into each other at the store and have an impromptu introduction. No preparation or anything. It’s just a normal step in a relationship around here and not something to write home about or even stress over, they either like you or they don’t.
In others, I know it’s a huge thing. Different strokes for different folks.
I’d say they have different views about how casual meeting parents is and that’s ok but they should communicate a lot better to avoid any other mishaps in the future in similar situations. He should have asked if there was a dress code and she could have offered guidance on what her parents and culture would find appropriate for the meeting.
So, no jerks here for me.” Divagate113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would say that society expects that you’ll dress some way, that it’s a formal occasion and a t-shirt like that isn’t, that you should’ve put more thought into it.
Ultimately, it’s a social construct of which everyone is a part of. I would say that if it was a concern, your partner should have communicated that to you beforehand as she knows you and her family the best.
Communication is key. Expecting someone to ‘just know’ or ‘put some more thought into it’ is akin to asking someone to conform.
What should have been done is there should’ve been clear communication about what she wants and needs you to do and how much of it you are okay doing. Have a conversation. Talk it out. Set healthy boundaries. Go forward from there.
That being said, if you care for this, you could take input from her about what you should wear, again, respecting each other’s boundaries.” Senpai0412
4. WIBTJ If I Kick My Sister And Nephew Out?
“My (35F) and my husband (37M) took in my sister (29F) and her son (8M) almost three years ago.
We were happy to take them in to help her leave an abusive husband. It took the first year to be free of her ex. But she has not contributed anything to the house, not financially or by other non-monetary means. We feed them most weeknights. She doesn’t come home until two or more hours after work because she likes to go out with friends for happy hour, so I end up watching her son.
She goes out every Friday and Saturday night getting plastered and sometimes high. Multiple times I have gone out to pick her up at some random guy’s place. I know she is abusing liquor even more than I am aware of because I have found empty bottles in the garbage. I have tried talking to her gently but she doesn’t want to stop drinking because that is how she connects to and meets people.
She has said she is glad she has more for because she doesn’t pay rent when she was loaded a couple of times.
She stopped looking for her own place a long time ago. But my husband and I are starting to go insane with this extra financial and emotional stress. Our relationship is struggling so we started to go to couples therapy and it is helping.
If there wasn’t a child involved I would have kicked her out sooner. WIBTJ if I told her she has to be in her own place by August?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she sounds like she is taking advantage of your generosity. Have her start paying rent immediately and contributing towards food. Save the rent for her first and last if you feel responsible.
Give her a written notice of the timeline for moving out and have her sign it or she can claim she is a resident and cause all kinds of problems. She should be getting $$$ from her ex as well so the poor me card only goes so far.” GardenGood2Grow
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
You are enabling her behavior by not charging rent and continuing to support her and her son.
Your sister has free room and board, babysitting, and taxi service when she’s wasted. She’s not going to let go of this easily, especially if she is dealing with an addiction.
My first suggestion is that you consult an attorney about whether or not a tenancy was created, and if there are any laws that would govern giving your sister notice to move out, and how to go about evicting her if she refuses.
Once you have that information, you and your husband need to have a discussion with your sister when she is sober. Tell her she needs to move out and by what date. Let her know that you are prepared to evict her if necessary, and the impact that will have on her ability to find a place to live. Also, tell her that you are no longer going to be her designated driver when she’s too intoxicated to drive and that she needs to arrange for her own transportation.
I would also tell her that you intend to start charging her for child care at a reasonable rate and that she needs to contribute to the groceries going forward.
If you believe that your sister is dealing with drinking problem, you could also tell her that she needs to go to AA meetings or otherwise address her issues with drinking. That may mean you need to stop having in the house for the time being, but it may be worth it in the short term.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ for kicking your sister out.
You would be the jerk for kicking her son out and not trying to find a way to protect him when your sister is abusing drinking. If she cleans up her act then them both leaving would probably be for the best, but if she can’t properly care for her son and neglects him then you can’t just let that happen, If you aren’t capable/don’t want to look after him that’s fine, but you still need to get whatever protective services for children your region has involved.” Complex-Mulberry-239
3. AITJ For Insisting My Husband To Sell His Apartment?
“We used to live in the apartment/flat my husband owned before we got married but we moved 3 years ago because I wanted our son to have more space and a garden. My husband kept the flat mostly because it’s 5 minutes from his office so he could stay there whenever he has to work extra late.
I was fine with him keeping it at first but it’s causing more headache than it’s worth at this point.
My husband never spends the night even when he finishes late. Not to overshare but the only thing we use it for is when he wants to have an ‘alone time’ away from our kids. However, various members of our family have asked to stay there when they’re visiting. There’s currently an issue with my sister and stepsister because they both asked to use it at the same time and I’m tired of this whole situation.
This isn’t the first time this has happened and I’ve told them both they can’t use it now but I feel like this is going to happen again eventually.
I suggested my husband sell it but he wouldn’t even discuss it and straight up refused. We’ve been arguing over it for a while because I think it’s pointless for us to continue holding on to it when it sits empty most of the time.
I referred to the flat as a glorified pad which my husband was offended by. Yesterday we had a big argument over it and he told me he didn’t care if I wanted him to sell it because he wasn’t going to and we could move back in and sell the house instead if I had a problem with it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it’s his property, that’s a lifelong investment, you can’t force him to get rid of something that doesn’t belong to you. Also, your excuses don’t make sense just tell your relatives that y’all already sold the property and they can’t stay there. He shouldn’t be forced to sell a property because you feel bad about telling no to your relatives.” Willing_Second1591
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a you-problem.
‘but it’s causing more headache than it’s worth at this point.’
The only ‘headache’ you cite is scheduling the apartment’s use by others… which you don’t have to be involved in at all. Whether it’s your sisters or anyone else, the apartment belongs to your husband, and scheduling guests should be left up to them.
If you don’t want to deal with scheduling conflicts, tell him and everyone else that he handles his apartment then step back and let him do it.” la_patineuse
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You have stated zero issues or ‘headaches’ that would warrant selling the place, put another way you have not given any valid reason to sell the place so there can’t be any discussion about it.
If you don’t want to manage sharing the place with your family then don’t, but you don’t sell the property to avoid saying no to family.
It’s an investment why would he sell it? What would be gained? Instead of being negative sell the upside to it. Selling a property that is not your primary residence often comes with a nasty tax grab depending on where you live, if you have no pressing reason to sell it, don’t.” MeatyMagnus
2. AITJ For Refusing To Take A DNA Test?
“Christmas of 2021 my (29F) father (62M at the time) gifted me and my two brothers (22 and 25M also at the time) 23andMe DNA tests. This gift severely confused me and I am going to explain why. My whole life my dad has instilled in us how important it is to know our background and our heritage.
On my mom’s side, we come from a small Eastern European country; on my dad’s side, we have Italian and South American heritage.
I feel we have embraced all these things; we have Italian passports, I speak Spanish fluently, and for 20 years I and my siblings attended a summer camp to learn about our Eastern European roots. I feel very fortunate to have embraced every part of my heritage, hence my confusion about why we were given the tests. Maybe if one of us had been adopted or if we all had different parents then I’d understand but that is not the case.
Everyone in my family has taken the test and I haven’t. I don’t see a point. We all share the same DNA, it’s gonna be the same results. I don’t understand why they’re all acting surprised about their results when it’s nothing we haven’t already known. My dad won’t quit. He keeps saying that I need to take the test to further prove our ancestry.
I also forgot to mention that my whole life I’ve checked off ‘Latina/Hispanic’ whenever it comes to filling out forms about your background. So again I don’t understand.
My dad is now saying that he has shown results of Native/Indigenous (forgive me if I don’t use the proper word) b***d and wants us (the kids) to take the test to get some sort of credit/proof of being Native.
I keep saying ‘Well if we are your kids, I don’t see a point in taking the test’. My dad is adamant that I take the test when I’ve made it explicitly clear that I don’t want to. My brothers also think I am being stubborn for not wanting to do it. But as I’ve stated, we all have the same parents.
I don’t wanna take the test. I know my background.
I do feel bad because I know these tests ain’t cheap, and my dad went and spent on them. But the fact he keeps guilting me to take the test because of the I also feel is unfair. My dad taught me that it’s important to know where you come from and embrace your roots, and I feel I most certainly have. So am I the for not wanting to take this DNA test?
EDIT: As far as the concern of my dad’s paternity, that’s never been a question. My brother (27M) and I look like both our parents and our youngest brother (24M) looks like our grandfather. I don’t know what his ulterior motives are, but the argument is definitely getting repetitive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your choice to take the test or not.
Although just so you know, you and your siblings are not all exactly the same.
Each kid gets half their chromosomes from each parent which means there are 23 chromosomes you didn’t get from each parent. Different siblings are different mixtures of genes from their parents.
This is why, let’s say, if someone has native DNA ancestry, some of their kids might get those genes that are generally associated with that ancestry and others of their kids might not get those genes.
And if there’s a genetic disease in the family, some kids might get two copies of the bad gene (thus have the disease), some kids might get one copy (thus be a carrier) and some kids might get no copies.
So while there should be no surprises in your genetic profile, there could be interesting differences between you and your siblings.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I get that identity is important and interesting to him but you have already embraced your heritage and can learn about it from your family, you don’t need to take a DNA test and shouldn’t be pressured to. Your genetic material and control over access to it are of course very personal to you. It’s your choice. If he wants to explore any indigenous heritage more, he can do that on his own and doesn’t need you to.
I would sit him down and seriously ask him if there is any deeper reason behind this that he hasn’t discussed yet can he let you know and if not can he please leave it as this isn’t something you want to pursue?” theficklemermaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d ask him exactly what kind of credit/proof he is hoping you kids will get for being ‘naive’.
That should make his motivations much clearer and then you can deal with that issue directly. If he just wants you to learn about your native roots (I’m assuming in Latin America) perhaps that is a journey you can take together by doing a bit of research. If he thinks you’ll get casino or diversity perks for belonging to a US group based on some DNA test he is likely mistaken and you can find information to prove it.” Thunderplant
1. AITJ For Booking An Adult-Only Hotel?
“My (newly engaged) fiancée and I are getting married in November in Mexico. We live in NY but I am a second-gen immigrant so we picked a destination wedding so my extended family could easily join without visa issues.
We called today to tell my fiancées brother and sister-in-law were getting married in Mexico at an adults-only hotel. They have two kids – 11 and 4.
SIL said she doesn’t have anyone to watch the kids so they can’t come. We understood but said since it’s March and they have several months maybe they can figure out a plan. She then added her work schedule couldn’t allow it either. My fiancée asked if his brother could still come as he really wanted his family there (besides his brother he only has a grandfather who is coming) and then SIL said it was inconsiderate that we picked a hotel that wouldn’t allow her kids and her husband wouldn’t take a trip internationally without them since they’ve never taken a family trip out of the country.
The kids were in the background and could be heard yelling ‘Let’s all go to Mexico I wanna go’. Then she abruptly got silent and hung up.
I feel bad they can’t join, and briefly debated finding a new hotel – but I really like this hotel and we’ve already paid a deposit. AITJ for not wanting to change hotels and stick to adults only even if that means my SIL can’t attend?
Additional note: they are legally not married we just refer to her as SIL. She has always wanted to get married at a destination wedding so my fiancée thinks this is another reason she’s being grouchy toward us.
We even offered to add them to the Airbnb that some of my family chose to stay nearby so that the kids could come on vacation.
But then it became about them missing out on the all-inclusive part.
There was no pestering. We had a five-minute convo and tried to offer alternatives.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in a lot of little ways.
Destination weddings are already annoying. You’re expecting people to spend a ton of and their limited vacation time. Save the fun locations for the honeymoon.
Choosing an adult-only hotel on said destination wedding.
Meaning the parents can’t bring the kids and do a swap halfway through because the kids aren’t allowed to be there at all.
They said no and you just. Would. Not. Accept. It. No means no. It doesn’t mean ‘keep pestering them about it until they change their minds’ if you have a wedding someplace kids can’t be you better be prepared for parents to say no.
Your catty little dig at your SIL at the end is just jerkish.
If they want to have a destination wedding, for whatever reason, they can. What pushed them into jerk territory was not accepting the no. And yes a five-minute conversation after being told no is pestering.” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for putting your family’s needs before your fiancè’s. You’ve made this into a destination wedding by bending hugely for your own family to avoid ‘visa issues’ by holding the wedding in Mexico so that they can attend, yet you are unwilling to bend a tiny amount on the hotel in order for your fiancè’s family to be able to attend.
Your fiancè should be taking note of this situation – that you both need to bend over backward for your family yet won’t do anything to be inclusive for his family.” majesticjewnicorn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for expecting them to come, then choosing an adults-only hotel and thinking that just because you are giving them notice that they would be comfortable (1) leaving their kids, and (2) finding someone (basically someone who could be appointed as a guardian) to take care of their kids.
It’s fine if you want an adults-only wedding but the consequence is you’re excluding your (soon-to-be) BIL and his family. Your SIL is also correct that you were inconsiderate to ask BIL to come alone unless you were offering to pay all costs. But even then, they are a family unit that clearly values taking vacations as a family. She’s not jealous; she’s annoyed that you asked her husband to spend thousands of dollars (and however much time away) to travel internationally at the exclusion of her and her kids.
Double YTJ for thinking that sharing an AirBnB with people they don’t know and leaving them to figure out meals and other logistics is somehow incentivizing.” Affectionate-Try9469
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