People Solicit Our Insights On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Husband To Meet My Baby?
“My (37 F) ex-husband (43) and I split 7 years ago after his affair partner reached out to me and told me she was expecting a child with him. He ‘tried’ to work things out with me but I was over the marriage and over him. We went our separate ways, worked out custody and I’ve done my best to move on.
I met my current husband shortly after the divorce but waited until the kids were more adjusted to the situation before introducing them.
I remarried 4 years ago and have just recently had my daughter. The kids (8 f, 10 m) are super excited about their new sister and I guess they brought the excitement to their dad’s house (we alternate weeks) as he’s now asking questions about their new half-sister.
He said that since she’s going to be a part of the kids’ lives he should at least be allowed to meet her. This makes literally no sense to me because she’s not related to this man even in the slightest and she’ll have pretty much nothing to do with him at all besides maybe being at mutual family events.
I told him he was way out of bounds and that I wouldn’t be obliging this stupid and strange request.
Since this point, the kids (I assume he put it in their heads) asked when the baby can meet their dad and I’ve explained as kindly as possible that it probably won’t happen and they’ve been bummed out since.
My former MIL and FIL are saying that I’m being extremely petty, that they’d love to meet the baby too, and that I need to ‘move past things and be more accepting of the dynamic’. I’m baffled and feel like I’m in the twilight zone. My husband said it’s up to me and that as long as there are clear-cut boundaries he’ll accept what I choose, but I feel like this is pretty open and shut.
I feel crazy though because other people in my situation have allowed this to happen and I’m just wondering if I’m actually wrong here.
INFO:
I have never officially met his affair baby, nor do I plan to. He lives full-time with his mother and only sees his half-siblings maybe once or twice a year if even that, and no this is not my choice as I don’t stake claim over when they meet or how.
I’m aware he’ll meet her at some point, I just don’t see a point in an adult who’s nearly a stranger meeting her before she can even remember him – she’ll never have any reason to meet him besides a few times a year and she won’t really comprehend who he is until she’s 2 or 3.
His affair partner and he are not together, she believes once a liar, always a liar (she and I agree on this at the least).
I do not have to like him to co-parent. I don’t care to meet him for coffee or go to his family reunions (he’s asked me to attend with the kids and I told him pound sand).
My reasons are that he is manipulative and in the past has used events where we’re all together to try and play house with me. As stated before, I’ve taken the ‘Not my Circus, not my monkeys’ approach. I have no direct reason to involve myself and I frankly don’t want to.”
35. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrating Mother's Day With My Mother-In-Law?
“My MIL has never really been nice to me pretty much the whole 7 years I have known my husband. This woman would invite us for dinner and cook meals she knew very well I would not eat and get offended that I would not eat it (I do not eat Venison).
She is very controlling and always has to have every holiday just how she wants it or gets mad and yells.
We have never once had a holiday without her as a couple. We have even had to do some events and things like holiday zoo walks twice because she refuses to let anyone else interact with my daughter if she is around which gets aggravating when it comes to doing things.
The last few Mother’s Days we have had to see her all day let her have the kid to herself all day she even takes home any leftovers of the food.
Even the year I was pregnant when she picked to go my super nauseated pregnant self could not eat anything on the menu and I got told I was ruining the whole day by not eating and being upset that I was fairly hungry.
This woman even took my daughter from my arms which made her cry and told her ‘No you are at Grammie’s house you don’t need your mom.’
She moved 2 hours away about a year ago and expects us to drive up there for events and holidays even though my family is here and my daughter is Autistic and gets very thrown off in long car trips that disturb her routine.
I asked my husband if we could just stay home or take the kiddo to the children’s museum the 3 of us and was told I was being a selfish jerk for not wanting to see her, even after I explained that I’ve never gotten to pick the mothers day and that even if it’s a stupid day I want to feel special and important for once and I want to get to spend the time with my kiddo then get told no she has Grammie all day.
So AITJ for just wanting a day to myself?”
34. AITJ For Telling A Kid's Parents To Teach Their Child To Apologize?
“I (49 F) was riding in a glass hotel elevator. I was heading to work & looked like a pack mule. I was wearing 2 backpacks, a large one on my back & medium one on my chest, so my field of vision directly in front of my legs was blocked.
The doors opened on a floor & a family of 3 got on & moved to the back of the elevator, so they could watch as we descended to the lobby (dad, mom & a 4 to 5-year-old daughter).
Once we got to the lobby, I was standing in front of the doors. When they opened, I started walking out. Unbeknownst to me, the kid tried to run out before me. Because of my backpack, I could not see them. I guess they ran directly in front of me because I tripped over them, landed on them, broke my sunglasses, broke 3 nails (real ones) off one hand & screamed ‘OH MY GOD!’
The hotel staff came running over, as I was now sprawled out, halfway in and out of the elevator & my nail beds were bleeding.
The parents were still in the elevator, with the dad now holding the child, just staring at me.
When the staff asked if I was okay & what happened, I said, ‘Their kid tripped me’.
The parents said nothing. The staff just looked at them. I was still on the ground at this point & now I’m mad. Parents are making NO effort to apologize or even help me up. So, I said, ‘Maybe if you taught your kid some manners and NOT to run in front of people, this wouldn’t have happened!’
The staff helped me up, while the parents stepped over my backpack, and started walking away, without even an apology. They never said a WORD! So I screamed at them, (and this is where I might be a jerk) ‘You should teach your child to apologize when they injure someone.’ And they just scurried away faster.
(And I know they spoke English because we had small talk on the elevator)
Between my b****y fingers and my broken sunglasses, I was just so mad. I don’t think I would’ve been as angry if they would’ve apologized, but when they just stepped over my stuff & ignored the chaos they just caused, I saw red. And I’m out almost $200 for those sunglasses.
I think I might be the jerk for screaming/cursing at them… so… AITJ in this scenario?”
33. AITJ For Backing Out Of Being A Bridesmaid On The Day Of The Wedding?
“My (19 F) sister (26 F) is getting married in a few days. When I heard the news 9 months ago I was ecstatic. She’s marrying an amazing guy (33 M) and they’re the perfect match.
At first, I expected to be asked to be the maid of honor, but that didn’t happen, which didn’t bother me too much, I still got to wear a pretty dress and stand by her on her happy day, right?
Wrong. As time passed I found myself doing all the jobs of a maid of honor minus the title. But I did it, it was fine.
Then came the bridal shower (we were to gift naughty clothes) and I put so much time and effort into her gift, it was a gorgeous lingerie set and a card with advice regarding intimacy (she’s still a virgin).
She made a point to mock my gift in front of everybody at the shower and then after the shower, call my cousins overseas to make fun of my gift to them. Needless to say, I was hurt and cried a lot, but I kept going forward with the wedding nonetheless.
Come the week of the wedding, she gathered all the bridesmaids to have a bachelorette party but didn’t invite me (it wasn’t because of liquor, because there was no liquor present in the party, or male dancers or any of that).
I confronted her and she didn’t really respond, just a half-meant ‘sorry.’
Today is the wedding day and we were practicing the entrance and stuff and she puts me at the end of the line of bridesmaids. I didn’t expect to be the first, I’m not the maid of honor, but I thought she’d want me close.
I was wrong.
I have surgically induced arthritis, so all the standing was putting me in a lot of pain (and later I’d have to do that with heels), but I tough it through and kept my mouth shut. But then she asked our family to have a moment together and again excluded me. So I simply told them that if she’s not going to be valuing me at least slightly, then I’m not going to be her bridesmaid.
I told her I’d still do the make-up for everyone, that I’d gladly do her nails and happily watch her get married, but not as a bridesmaid.
My mom is calling me a jerk for not wanting to, but I think I’m handling it well. So AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Ungrateful Cousin That She Can't Change My House Rules?
“My (15 F) dad and I have been living in a house that he has owned for six years and continues to own to this day.
My uncle will be moving into our basement temporarily which I don’t mind. He’s a really chill guy and he likes my paintings. He also loves to cook. The problem here lies with his daughter, younger than me but also 15 female.
Last night she sent me a text saying that since we are going to be staying together for a while, things need to change.
I recalled her saying that she would mostly stay with her mother as her primary source but would be over sometimes when my uncle revived his kids. I asked her what changes and she said, ‘You and your dad are going to change your cleaning habits.’
This shocked me as no way ever should you the receiver of a home ever try and say something to the people that live there daily.
For context, she came over to our house to shower once and the dishes weren’t washed. The couch also had my backpack and jackets on it. I sleep in the living room because my room has a leak.
This is the only time she has seen the house in that state. She then began to condemn me as if I was getting smart with her.
She began saying that I was dirty and that it’s better if the house is clean for her mental health because she can’t function in a mess. Mind you, we are capable of cleaning which isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that she said that we were GOING to change the way we clean and our environment like she owns the place.
The last few years were the darkest of my life and I’ve been feeling the effects of my hurt for a while. Sometimes I’m even too tired to cook myself something to eat. She continued to bash my father and me, saying that my dad didn’t do a good job of getting on my butt and that I should have my own space instead of sleeping in the living room.
She called me cringey and said a slew of other mean things. After I told her that at the end of the day, it would still be my house she was staying at. I blocked her so I wouldn’t have to hear her rants.
So, am I the jerk for telling her that she just can’t change things to accommodate her and not to look the gift horse in the mouth for providing her with a place to stay otherwise?
Note: I should also mention that my dad saw the messages so he will be acting with my uncle to fix this.”
31. AITJ For Asking A Plus-Sized Person On The Plane To Give Me More Space?
“I was taking a long flight (8 hours) last week. I boarded the plane and took my seat.
Soon a woman came and took her seat next to me. Now I am all for body positivity (everyone is beautiful) and I do not mean any offense when I say this woman was extremely large. I’m quite a small person and I was a little nervous about sitting next to her but of course, I didn’t want to assume anything negative and hoped for the best.
As soon as she sat down I realized this arrangement wasn’t going to work. The seat clearly couldn’t accommodate her size and she was spilling out on both the aisle side and onto my seat. When the flight attendant asked us to put down our armrests I literally couldn’t do it. The woman didn’t seem at all bothered by this.
Immediately after take off she started muttering about how warm she was and I quickly noticed she was becoming increasingly sweaty. Half her body was pressing into me and I could feel the sweat building up on the fabric of her clothes and where our arms were squished together. When the food trolley came around she moved even further into my space to make way and allow it to go down the aisle.
Once it had passed us she didn’t move back.
At this point I was incredibly claustrophobic and on the verge of a panic attack. I cannot stress enough how little of my own seat I was occupying. I tried to be polite when I asked her if there was any way she could give me a little bit more space as I was a little overwhelmed with the flight and how close together we were.
She immediately grew defensive and told me I should have booked an extra seat if I wanted more space.
At this point, I was totally overwhelmed and starting to hyperventilate, and still, she wasn’t making any attempt to move. I looked at her and told her I didn’t need extra space – I only needed the entirety of the space that I paid for.
She still didn’t get the hint and called me entitled and told me to take it up with the airline when we land and to******* up ‘like the rest of us’ until then.
I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t even get out of my seat to stretch because she was in the aisle seat and wouldn’t budge.
Eventually, I asked an air hostess if there were any other seats available, the woman immediately started crying and told the air hostess I had been body shaming her the whole flight.
I felt terrible – I didn’t mean to cause offense and I really didn’t feel I had any choice but I definitely could have been more patient.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Wife All The Things I'm Paying For Her?
“I (f 18) live part-time at my dad’s house, and part-time at my mom’s house. They got divorced when I was 12, and until I moved out, I lived part-time at each house. I graduated in June. My dad married his now wife (f 48) when I was 14, a year after the divorce was finalized.
She has never really liked me. She has always made fun of my weight, negatively commented on my makeup, and always seems to be against everything I do. When she was my age, she was pregnant, homeless, and jobless. In her eyes, I should have been out of the house a month ago.
I work at a grocery store near where we live and don’t make a lot.
The other night, she began to tell me that paying $350 a month would be a good amount to pay to live at my home.
She began to tell me that if it was up to her, I would be not welcome at their house unless I could pay the $350, but my dad prevented that from happening.
Now to the point. She has ‘MS,’ and ‘can’t stand very long’ and is currently on disability for headaches (not even the illness she claims to have). She doesn’t clean the parts of the house I don’t, she stays at home all day and watches TV, saying this is because she cannot stand long and cannot work, yet she went to a concert where she stood for six hours straight as it was standing room only.
When she recently asked me for money, I told her that I pay her every month. She asked me what I meant, and I told her that I work every day and the disability money that she gets every month for her fake disability was taken from my social security, and other people who are actually disabled and cannot receive it, like a family member I lost last year who couldn’t work due to her heart condition.
She told my dad.
He had a ‘conversation’ with me about how it was inappropriate for me to speak to her that way, even though he partially agreed with me. He yelled at me for twenty minutes, while she watched and smirked. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Eating Indian Food At Work?
“So my friend is of Indian descent and she had a small get-together for her birthday a few days ago. Her mom is an excellent cook and made all of the food for the get-together and gave me a bunch of leftovers to take home.
Yesterday I was running late for work and grabbed two veggie samosas to take with me for lunch. Lunchtime rolls around and I grab my samosas from the fridge in the breakroom, I decide to eat them cold because I had to get a lot of work done and was in a rush and the microwave in the breakroom is really old (I also didn’t want the room to smell like spices although I love Indian food, LOL).
So I get back to my desk and start eating, the HR director walks into my office area because she needs to speak with my supervisor. Note that the HR director where I work is a pretty unpleasant person and is generally unapproachable. She coldly asks where my supervisor is. I say that she’s not in the office today but is available by email probably.
She then glares at me and goes, ‘Are you eating Indian food? That’s ‘disgusting.’ I could smell it down the hall.’ and turns her nose up. I go, ‘I didn’t heat it up’ and at this point, I’m scared because I’ve clearly made her mad.
I turn to my coworker across the desk and ask if the samosas smell bad and she looks at me and shakes her head no, and then looks back at the HR director.
The HR director then goes, ‘That smell is making me nauseous. Throw it out.’ I then go, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it smelled. Isn’t your office downstairs?’ She then glared at me and said, ‘It’s creating a disturbance and I don’t appreciate your tone. I asked you to throw it out.’ and stared at me until I tossed it into the garbage.
Was I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Kicking My Dad Out Of The House So I Could Rent It Out?
“My (19 M) parents got divorced when I was about 10 and my mom always provided for us. She had an amazing job. My brother (17 M) and I got everything we needed and wanted. My dad, on the other hand, was jealous of my mom making a lot more money than him and when they were still together my mom would pay for everything (even my dad’s credit cards).
After they divorced, whenever I or my brother would ask him for money (to buy school stuff or anything) he would refuse and say ‘Tell your mom, she has a lot of money’.
Sadly my mom had stage 4 cancer, and when she started getting weaker she told me and my brother to be careful around my dad, especially with money because he would try to claim the heritage.
I didn’t want to believe her, since he was my dad. I didn’t think he was capable of doing such a thing (She knew she didn’t have much time left).
After my mom passed away, we decided the best thing to do was to live with our dad (in my mom’s house), and all my mom told us about turned out to be true.
He hasn’t provided for us as he should and wanted to claim the heritage because we shouldn’t have access to such an amount. (I plan to invest the funds) He has been living there rent-free since my mom passed away. He hasn’t given us a penny, he wants us to use the funds my mom left us, which I would like to use to invest and finance my studies.
Fast forward a few years, I’m studying in Europe and I’m financing my studies on my own, and to be honest, I’m having a hard time paying for everything (rent, health insurance, food etc.) My dad hasn’t given me a penny and I decided to kick him out of the house so that I can rent it and finance my studies and my brother’s.
He refused and I proceeded with a lawyer. Of course, I won and he now blames me because I should help him, he’s my father. But he never helped me.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Throwing My Roommate's Blender Away?
“I (18 f) had a roommate (19 f) who recently moved out.
She as well as my other two roommates all get an allowance from their parents to pay for their apartment/food/tuition/etc. They decided to move home for the summer so now I live alone.
To preface, this specific roommate is one of the fakest people I’ve met, really entitled and selfish, and treated me like a doormat (I said no to giving a different roommate a ride to the airport ONE time with only two hours notice before she had to be there, and this roommate came into my room and yelled at me for saying no).
That started my wariness of her and also her hate for me.
I started to realize how much she was a horrible friend and the last straw was when they all moved out. The weekend before, they had a party or at least a few people over three nights in a row. I work graveyards so I wasn’t there for any of this.
The apartment was filthy afterward (literal piles of trash on the floor). The entire next week before they moved, it barely got cleaned at all.
After they all left (the apartment never got cleaned and they left a bunch of stuff that they didn’t want and all their rotting/unwanted food), I found only the bottom part of a blender that belonged to the roommate in question.
I was on a multiple-day cleaning/getting rid of stuff spree and so I threw away the blender bottom bc it’s obviously useless now. I was so mad about the state they left the apartment in I didn’t think about contacting this roommate to tell her she left it.
Now she’s asking me to pay her for throwing it away because it was hers and she wanted me to ship it to her (she never contacted me about it until now).
I don’t want to because she left it behind as well as other unwanted stuff that I had to deal with (I ended up getting rid of 15 trash bags full of their left behind things). She left the apartment a mess and a blender without cover behind so AITJ for throwing it away and not paying her?”
26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join My Friend's Birthday Trip?
“My friend Lisa and I have been friends for 7-8 years. For the most part, she’s a good friend and we get along really well. Except around her birthday.
And I learned not to go on vacation with her.
In 2018 4 of us went on a road trip for her birthday and stayed at a resort with a pool and a bunch of other activities. It was me, our friend Emily, and Lisa’s friend Trish. We were there for 3 nights and her birthday was the day after we got there.
Everyone paid their own way obviously.
Several things bothered me about that trip:
We celebrated her birthday but Lisa acted like she was in charge the entire weekend and we had to do whatever she and Trish wanted. At one point we went to the game room, Emily and I got kinda bored after an hour or so and Trish and Lisa were really into it.
I said, ‘Lisa Emily, and I will just meet you guys at the pool’. She snapped ‘No you won’t! We won’t be that much longer anyway’ (they were).
Anytime there was an activity we had to pay for Trish couldn’t afford it or something and Lisa acted like Emily or I were supposed to pay.
We didn’t, we split and Lisa ended up covering Trish. This was stuff that was their idea.
On our last night there Emily and I wanted to get dinner at one of the restaurants and maybe go to one of the bars after. Lisa was like ‘Well Trish wants to stay in and watch movies so I think we’ll do that’.
I didn’t feel like getting yelled at again so I just agreed and called it an early night.
So Lisa wants to go on vacation for her birthday again but this time to another state. Her birthday is still 5 months away. She mentioned it a while back and I said I’d see. I really thought about it and I don’t want to spend probably at least a grand on a trip where I’ll have to do everything someone else wants and probably not enjoy myself as much.
She asked about it yesterday and I said that I wouldn’t be able to. She asked why not. I said that I didn’t really like how some stuff went down a couple of years ago. She asked what I meant.
I said that I didn’t like being bossed around the whole time. We all paid for and took time off for the trip but it was always what she and Trish wanted to do and she acted offended when I suggested splitting up.
She said ‘Well it was my birthday trip, when you go on a vacation to celebrate something you do what that person wants, it’s like their party but several days. If you go on a trip for a bachelor/bachelorette party you do whatever the bride or groom wants to do the whole time that’s the point.
It’s not a normal vacation, you’re going for that person’.
I said, ‘Well I can’t do the trip but I’ll take you to dinner or something when you get back’.
She said, ‘You can you just don’t want to, whatever I guess we’re not as close as I thought’.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved In Making Decisions For My Partner's Children?
“I (23 F) found out when I was young that I had cancer, due to my treatments I am unable to have any children of my own, and although it was never a dream to have any I still love kids and have never ruled out going out with someone with their own. I have been with my partner ‘Joe’ (42 M) for the last 3 years and lived together for the last 2.
He has 5 wonderful children from his marriage to his ex-wife ‘Sue’ (42 F) which ended almost 10 years ago. His children (19 F, 16 M, 15 M, and the twins both 12 F) are the light of his life and the apple of his eye, they’re all wonderful people and are a credit to both of their parents in my opinion.
Before I even met Joe he and Sue had shared custody of the kids that they both agreed to until the kids were 18 so they could decide for themselves. Once I met him he made it very clear that his kids were the most important part of his life and that if I had an issue with that no relationship could start.
I had no issues, he loves his kids and that’s so great to see. Before being introduced to the kids I met Sue as I felt her opinion should be considered before he involved someone in their kids’ lives. Everything was fine.
When the oldest was accepted to college it was closer to us so she asked if she could live with Joe and me full-time.
We had no issues with this and Sue said she didn’t either. The custody of the other children was still shared per the agreement. The only time it deviated was when Sue and her partner ‘Hank’ (50 M) got sick while we had the kids. They asked if we could keep them with us to protect their health, and we readily agreed.
In the last 6 months every time the younger kids came to stay with us they were always complaining about Hank and the way he treats them, Joe spoke to Sue about this as he was concerned and she confirmed the kids’ stories but said Joe couldn’t dictate how things happened in her home.
Things have deteriorated at Sue and Hank’s house and it’s concerned us enough that Joe wants to go for full custody like the kids have begged for, they often refuse to leave when it’s time to return to them.
Joe asked my opinion and I said that it’s not just my home it’s his too but they aren’t my kids so I don’t want my thoughts to be a deciding factor as it’s not about me it’s about what is best for them but I would support whatever he felt was best. He understood and filed last week.
Sue and Hank are trying to say that I’m neglecting the kids by not counting myself as a parent to them even though I’ve always said I don’t feel like I had the right to demand that title. Some friends and family have said that I’m in the wrong and I’m not doing enough for the kids by not taking an active role in these decisions.
I don’t feel it’s my place to dictate their lives as they’re not my kids and I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Giving The Money From My Partner To My Brother?
“My (22 F) birthday was almost a week ago. For my birthday, my partner (34 M) ‘Seth’ gifted me beautiful jewelry as well as $2,000 to treat myself.
He is a software engineer and makes really good money. He wanted to be with me when we spent the money so he makes sure I’m spending it on something worthwhile (like not a bunch of video games, but a nice spa day or something).
My brother (28 M) ‘Jake’ has never gotten along with Seth.
A lot of my family isn’t a fan of Seth because they think he’s arrogant, but they for the most part try to get along. Everyone except my brother.
A few days ago, Jake injured himself on the job (he’s a construction worker) and ended up in the hospital. Jake doesn’t make good money and he doesn’t have good insurance or any funds saved up, so I decided to spend my $2k gift from Seth on him to help with the expenses.
I always feel really bad for my brother because he was kind of like a father figure in our family since our dad died when we were really young. I wanted to take some of the pressure off him and help for once.
Needless to say, Seth was FURIOUS when he found out. He said I had no right to spend his money on my brother when I knew full well how he felt about him.
He insulted my brother saying since he used to be an addict (he was a smoker in high school) how can I be sure he’s not gonna use the money on illegal stuff? I told him my brother is literally in the hospital and he almost lost his arm so he couldn’t he cool it for just this once?
Seth was still fuming. He took back all the gifts he gave me for my birthday and said I ‘owe’ him the money he’s spent on me. He talked about breaking up and kicking me out but I don’t think he was serious. Now we’re not really speaking, but he’s still expecting that money back.
I know I should’ve asked him before I gave the money to my brother, but I knew he wouldn’t have liked it. Plus, he gave that money to me to spend so why couldn’t I spend it on someone important to me? I get why he would be annoyed, but I think he’s overreacting. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother-In-Law And His Kids In My House?
“My younger sister (28 f) married two years ago. Her husband (35 m) was a widower with kids (11 m) and (10 f). His first wife died 5 years ago I believe. BIL and his kids were nowhere near ready for him to remarry. His family seemed to have pushed the issue and he found my sister, she was all in, fell madly in love with him and the kids, but has never returned it.
They are so disrespectful to my sister. They constantly remind her she’s not the first wife. He will actively say things in front of everyone about how much he misses his ‘true wife’ and how you only have one real love in life and losing that is the worst thing ever. My sister has confided in me that she often feels like she made a mistake, but she’s not ready to admit it.
She leans on me and I try to help her.
The kids have told my sister she will never be as special as their mom. That their mom was the best and my sister is poop.
My sister’s birthday was in November and we had a small family celebration. Right in the middle of it, the kids protested their need to attend and asked why they would celebrate her when she was not important to them.
BIL said nothing. I told them it wasn’t a kind thing to say. They laughed at the idea of being kind to my sister. They also said they didn’t care what I thought because I wasn’t their anything. Then later as we all ate cake he talked about his late wife’s 28th birthday and how he had spent weeks planning a party for her because she’s had a rough year.
And then he and the kids started planning a weeklong celebration for what would have been his late wife’s 35th birthday later this year.
I’ve had enough. My sister isn’t ready to do anything. But I have been clear I will not allow them to come into my house and disrespect my sister and dump all over her.
BIL has tried to come with my sister a few times, him and the kids, and I have been firm in my stance. I also refuse to host any family dinners because I do not want them in my home.
BIL is mad. My sister said my house is a nice break from them. He said the kids are kids and we’re all family.
I told him he and his kids don’t appear to think so. And they’re certainly not treating any of us like we’re family.
The rest of my family thinks I’ve maybe stepped too far since he is my sister’s husband.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Do House Chores?
“I (29 F) lived alone in my own apartment for a while. This was until my older brother (33 M) and his wife moved in with me about a year ago after my brother ran into financial troubles.
I happily let them move in with me, thinking it would give them a chance to get back on their feet. This is not what ended up happening.
My brother would wake up way past noon every single day and would spend all day watching football with his feet up on the sofa. My SIL would also wake up way past noon, spend about half the day getting ready, and then either sit on the sofa with her husband and browse her phone for the whole day or go out with her friends.
For the first few weeks, I wasn’t too annoyed — but this went on for MONTHS.
They weren’t exactly paying me rent — and considering that the whole reason they’re staying with me is financial trouble I never expected money from them. But my issue was that they didn’t seem to be making an effort to get back on their feet, i.e. getting jobs or looking for apartments.
It seemed as though they saw my living space as a permanent solution as opposed to a temporary one. I spoke to my brother about it a couple of times and tried to (as subtly as I possibly could) ask if he planned on getting a job any time soon and his answer was always vague and dismissive (‘I’m working on it’, etc)
This is the part of the story where I may be the jerk, and why I’m asking this on here. Considering it had been over a year since they moved in, I began asking both of them to do some chores around the house. e.g. laundry, sweeping/hoovering/mopping floors, washing dishes, etc. I wasn’t trying to be malicious, I just thought they might as well help me out if they’re gonna permanently live with me.
My SIL always seemed annoyed by this, but never told me no. My brother on the other hand was a different story.
A few days ago he approached me, quite irritated, and asked me why I was ‘trying to turn his wife into a housewife’. He accused me of forcing both of them to clean and cook and do things just because I’M getting too lazy to do them, and said it was disrespectful to make my GUESTS do my housework.
I tried to point out, as calmly as I could, that they’d been living with me for over a year now so I no longer considered them guests. They clearly weren’t planning on moving out any time soon so they might as well pull their weight. My brother thinks I’m a jerk and told me that my SIL feels like she can’t say no to me regarding housework and that I’ve made my home an ‘uncomfortable’ environment for her due to my behavior.
It’s become awkward now and I think I’ve made a mistake. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Uninvite My Friend And His Wife From My Wedding For My Sister?
“I am getting married in December. A few weeks ago, my sister (Anna) came to me and asked me to uninvite my friend, let’s call him Luke, and his wife (Julia). Anna and Luke used to date when they were in college. They dated for 4 years until Anna ended the relationship because she fell in love with her work colleague (Adam).
Their relationship didn’t last long and they split 6 months later. My sister realized that she still loves Luke who, by that time, was already seeing Julia. Anna tried to get back with him but Luke already moved on, plus he discovered that Anna was already flirting with Adam even when they were still together. That was 3 years ago and I thought my sister had already moved on.
She had a few relationships, but nothing was serious.
So I told Anna I can’t uninvite Luke and Julia because they’re dear to me and most importantly, Julia’s a relative of my future husband (they’re cousins). Anna broke down and told me Luke is the love of her life. She told me how everything in her life right now is not working (she lost her job early this year and moved back state to live with our parents).
She literally begged me to consider her feelings because it will break her heart to see Luke happy with his wife. I told her that she needs to get over it and if it’s too painful for her then she still has plenty of time to get therapy so she can finally move on. I said my wedding day is meant to be about me and my future husband and I am not uninviting anyone to my guestlist. Anna stormed off and has not spoken to me since.
Well, yesterday Mom called me and said I need to listen to my sister as she’s depressed and in a very vulnerable state right now. I didn’t know that my sister was depressed so I told Mom I was sorry and I could recommend a good psychiatrist to help Anna. Mom said she’s already in medication and as family I need to be a good support system for my sister.
She said if don’t change my mind then I should not expect my sister to be there on my wedding day.
I am so confused right now. I want my sister to be there and I want to help her with her mental illness but I also want Luke and Julia to be at my wedding.
I mean there is still plenty of time and maybe come December Anna’s mental health might have improved. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Letting My Partner Shut Up A Woman At The Grocery?
“My partner and I were grocery shopping earlier today as we usually do together.
After a bit, I noticed he was overwhelmed with everything going on in the store, and he expressed that he couldn’t really take it in there much longer. He’s autistic, and sensory overloads happen. It’s no problem because we were almost done anyway.
There’s one more item left on the shopping list, pancake mix. As we get to the aisle we see there’s only one box left, which we grab off the shelf.
The packaging has changed so my partner is a little confused about whether we’ve grabbed the correct one, I take a closer look at it and notice everything pointing at it being the same product. I explain why I know this is the right one (this conversation between us goes slower than usual because he’s still overstimulated).
Suddenly an annoyed lady appears behind us, I’m guessing around 50, sighing loudly and saying ‘If you’re not going to put it in your cart, you might as well just give it to me.’
I don’t have the biggest mouth so I’m kind of standing there, eventually I tell her no. She insists, though, and reaches over to my partner (who’s holding the box) telling him it’s not very polite that we’re keeping the last item occupied for no reason.
This is when he jerks away his arm, which she was reaching at, and shouts at her to shut up.
The lady looked offended, turned to me, and asked me whether I let my man talk to her like that. I said yes, and I told her she was invading his personal space. She’s very mad about this and leaves the aisle.
I sided with my partner because he usually is a very calm and polite man. He only lashes out when pushed to his limit and in this case, the sensory overload also influenced the way he responded.
Me and him both feel like we may be the jerk for shouting and being rude to the lady because it did seem like we weren’t going to put the box in our cart and it was the last one left.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Doing Household Chores?
“My husband (M 32) and I (F 26) have been living together for 3 1/2 years. I have paid all of the rent, electricity, internet, meal kit, cat supplies, and groceries this entire time.
Basically, anything that is a monthly or constant payment, I take care of; he’ll sometimes get cat food or snacks, and we go Dutch on eating out. Neither one of us has any payments or debt – no car payment, student loan, etc. He does pay for his own phone.
This arrangement lets him work his dream job teaching martial arts; his boss/best friend literally doesn’t pay him enough to live: he’s paid less than $6/class he teaches (entirely different argument).
He works for two hours in the morning and about four in the evening five days a week. He won’t open his own academy or work for someone else because of brand/academy loyalty (jujiteros are weird). As a nurse, I make enough to comfortably pay for everything – I work three twelves, overnights. It killed my soul and landed me with one of the alphabet diagnoses below.
So, because I pay the bills, I have asked him to take care of the house. This would include the basic chores, keeping things neat, and taking care of our cats. I’ve told him that I can help out if he asks, but I won’t be doing chores regularly because I pay for everything. I thought this was a fair arrangement as it has both of us contributing.
Now, onto the second problem. Our house is a disaster. There’s (clean) unfolded laundry EVERYWHERE. I’m talking about our guest bedroom being unusable because it’s literally covered in my clean clothes. The washer and dryer have empty detergent bottles covering them. There are boxes all over the place, laundry bins in the hallway, the living room, all over.
The dishes are done like once a week, and the bathroom is never cleaned. When it’s cold out, all the trash is piled in the garage. (Just noting: we’re not hoarders, we just have a lot of clothes and itty bitty living space).
Eventually, I always give in and take care of whatever is bothering me the most; usually the kitchen and bathroom because EW.
The clean clothes and clutter bother me but I don’t consider them disgusting like that. I’m always resentful when I end up having to do this, even though I totally have the time to do everything.
I’ve talked to my husband multiple times about this (I usually get to the point where I blow up) and he always feels really bad and things get better for like a week before returning to this.
I’ve tried giving him a list, threatening to kick him out if he didn’t hold up his end of the bargain (never could), gently reminding him, and yelling. Nothing makes lasting change.
Now, as I said, I COULD do all this upkeep myself. I was out of work on disability for two months after an injury.
I refuse to do it because I’m already paying for everything. AITJ for refusing to do chores?
More info on our relationship/us outside of this issue. We do have a great relationship and if I were to ask him to find me a leaf in winter he would – but if I ask him to continually do something, he doesn’t.
Basically, he’ll do anything as long as it’s not a needed continual habit (like house maintenance).
Mental health background: he has undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety. I have diagnosed and medicated major depressive disorder, PTSD, and PAD; I’m also in therapy for these things.”
18. AITJ For Using Period Underpants And Washing Them In The Bathroom That I Share With Others?
“I (f 26) live with 3 other girls (25, 26, 27). We all met in high school and have been friends for years. After all going to separate colleges we connected post-grad and decided to live together in a new city. We’ve lived together for 4 years and it has had its highs and lows.
Recently, I decided I wanted to try period undergarments as a more eco-friendly/cost-effective period product. (I have tried cups and disks, but they’re just not for me.) I LOVE THEM. Seriously, they are so comfortable and easy and don’t make me feel gross. I wore them for the whole week to really decide how I felt before deciding to give my review.
I finally went to my roommates so excited to tell them about my love for this new product. I was expecting a little bit of interest and maybe mild joy for me, but I was met with disgust and endless questions. Most of the questions were about if it was sanitary and how I thought I was going to clean them.
I explained that you wash them on delicate or hand-wash them.
Immediately one of my roommates turned her nose up and said she didn’t want me washing them in the washing machine we have. When I asked why she told me it was disgusting and going to make the washing machine dirty. I said it was no different than washing anything else you might bleed on.
She insisted that this was different because it was ‘collecting’ the b***d. So I said okay I’ll just hand wash it when I do the rest of my hand wash stuff and she again told me no. She said she thought having b***d in the sink was disgusting and unsanitary. I told her I would be safe about it and disinfect everything (just like I always do because I’m washing DIRTY clothes in a sink 4 of us share).
I reassured her I would wash them in the bathroom and not in the kitchen as well.
Again she told me it wasn’t enough and she didn’t know how I could be so inconsiderate. One roommate said she agreed that it freaked her out but as long as I cleaned up it didn’t bother her and the other one said she didn’t see the problem.
I’m at a loss about what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions about washing them? Am I the jerk for wearing period underpants and having to wash them while I live with others?”
17. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Keep Her Modeling Career?
“My nephew Ben (15 M) has done modeling all his life, but his career has taken off recently as he’s had some interest from one of the big fashion houses. I (38 F) took over managing/chaperoning for him after my sister (Ben’s mother) passed away a few years ago, and I know that modeling is something Ben enjoys and takes very seriously.
My BIL Steve (35 M) has always been the more absent parent, with my sister taking on the lion’s share of raising Ben and he didn’t step up after she passed away either. I help where I can but Ben has been preparing his own meals and doing more than he should around the house for years now.
He’s a very responsible and mature young man.
A relevant detail is that Ben put on a lot of weight in 2020. He went from skinny to quite chubby and his modelling agency froze his contract until he lost some of the weight. Ben was very embarrassed by this, and I blame Steve as he doesn’t keep a close enough eye on Ben’s health and wellbeing.
Since then, Ben has lost weight and become more responsible than before. He’s gotten into health and fitness and eats very clean.
Recently, Steve seems to have finally noticed one of his son’s interests, but instead of supporting him or praising him, he took things way out of proportion. He thought Ben had an eating disorder and took Ben to multiple doctors until one of them diagnosed him with OSFED (the anorexia you can have at a healthy weight).
Even though Ben is at a normal weight, Steve still wants him to gain weight again, which I think is ludicrous and Ben is obviously fighting with everything he has.
Steve asked me to call Ben’s modeling agency and get them to terminate his contract, and I couldn’t do that to Ben. I don’t believe he has any eating disorder (I think he coerced the doctor) and even if he did, I don’t see when Ben’s career should be destroyed as well.
Yesterday, I managed to sneak Ben away to attend an event his agency had arranged. He had such a great time and did very well, but Steve found out. He said that what I was doing was harmful to Ben’s health and that he wouldn’t let me see my nephew until I agreed that he had to put on weight (he wants Ben to put on 40 lbs!).
Of course, I want to see my nephew but I don’t believe this is best for him.
Also, Steve can’t cook at all and lives off of processed foods and takeaways which is one of the reasons Ben started making food for himself in the first place. I hardly think Steve forcing him to eat what he makes is healthy in any form.
Am I in the wrong here?”
16. AITJ For Not Helping Reassure My Ex's Wife That He's Straight?
“So about a year ago I (25, female-to-male) moved back to my home state and reconnected with some old friends from high school – most notably an ex, Manny (26 M), and his wife Molly (20s F).
A bit of background: Manny and I dated when we were 15-16. We broke it off when we realized we wanted different things – we stayed in the same friend group though. When I was 18 I realized I was trans, came out, and over the past few years have transitioned – socially, physically, whatever, I’m living my best life now.
Molly didn’t go to school with us (she met Manny later on and they got married before I moved home) so he introduced me to her at a friend’s get-together. I thought she seemed nice and chill, even if I didn’t know her very well.
On to the conflict. Recently Manny and I have been hanging out more together because we have similar interests.
Well during one of these hangouts at his place, Molly stormed in and demanded I get out of their house NOW. Manny looked as confused as I was, but when I asked ‘Why, is something wrong?’ She just said ‘I need to speak with my husband’. So I quickly got my things and left.
Manny Facetimed me later with the Real story: it turns out she’d gone on social media to friend request me, and started going through my photos. I haven’t bothered to scrub my social media, and you don’t have to go back too far before you start finding pictures of me as a kiddo – where I look like a girl.
It seems like she found Manny and mine’s old homecoming pictures. Not only did she not know that we dated when we were teens, but she also didn’t know that I was trans. So now she’s furious for a few reasons – she claimed that Manny lied to her about our history and my gender, and she’s mad he ‘didn’t tell her he’s bi’ (he’s straight).
So now she doesn’t want him to see me anymore. This is throwing a real wrench in any plans our friend group tries to make since it means either me or them have to be uninvited or she throws a fit. Some of my friends want me to get involved, since it’s apparently MY fault for not being upfront with our ‘relationship history’ or with the fact that I’m trans.
I’ve been refusing to because I don’t see how it’s my job to reassure Molly that her husband is in fact still straight, or why I should have presented that information to her. But one friend in particular has been calling me selfish, and saying that if I was going to cause drama they just won’t invite me to things anymore.
So AITJ for not being upfront with Molly in the first place, and now for staying out of it?”
15. WIBTJ If I Tell My Sister That I Already Have A Maid Of Honor?
“My (23 F) fiancé (24 M) proposed late last year and my sister (26 F) has already wormed her way right into the middle of our wedding planning without us asking.
As a bit of background, she’s taken it upon herself to try and plan my wedding for me, despite trying to tell her multiple times that I’d like to plan it myself. She’s told me that I can only refuse her wedding suggestions if I give her an explanation, and then doesn’t accept my explanation.
She’s fixated on making my wedding dress and refuses to let me say no, saying that she’ll make a dress regardless and I can decide whether I want it after it’s done. I already have a dress picked out and my sister completely brushes that off. She sews but has zero experience making complex dresses.
I have a nasty feeling that she’ll make a dress fully expecting that I’ll want to wear it, and then have a breakdown if I refuse to wear it. She also says she’s going to do all the catering for me, all the bartending, and all of the decorating, plus more. She’s told me that she’s more excited to plan my wedding than her own wedding, and planning my wedding is what destresses her.
I’ve told her gently multiple times to tone it down and nothing works.
Currently, she has assumed the position of maid of honor without me asking. I’m my sister’s maid of honor in title only, I am not involved in the planning process at all and she doesn’t want me to be.
This doesn’t necessarily bother me; I don’t mind being a bridesmaid with a fancy title. But I feel like she gave me the title so I can’t refuse to have her as my maid of honor. I don’t want her in that role at all, she has far too much of a controlling personality, which is already showing with how pushy she’s being with planning.
She has unmanaged anxiety, especially in stressful situations, and having her in that role feels like I’ll be sitting on a ticking time bomb.
I’ve asked my parents how to gently let my sister know she won’t be my maid of honor and they’ve told me I shouldn’t have a maid of honor at all, just so I don’t upset her.
The problem is, I already asked my best friend to be my maid of honor the night my fiancé proposed before my sister even knew we were engaged, and she has already been a huge help in wedding planning. I don’t feel like I should downgrade her to being a bridesmaid just so I don’t upset my sister, but I also don’t know how to deal with the backlash of telling her as she has a history of adult temper tantrums. I frankly don’t want her in my bridal party at all due to how uncomfortable she makes my fiancé, but there’s no getting around that if my parents have any part of my wedding.
And I know my parents are going to be unbelievably angry with me if I go through with this.
So, WIBTJ if I tell my sister she can’t be my Maid of Honor?”
14. AITJ For Eating The Last Piece Of Yellowtail?
“I and six other coworkers are out of town on a work trip, and the company pays for our dinner each night (team lead has the corporate card), so of course we were like: let’s get sushi.
We got to the restaurant last night and passed around the menu, with everyone checking off the rolls and dishes they wanted. I LOVE sashimi, the clean raw fish with no rice or additives that give you that pure delicate flavor.
I was like the third person to get the sheet, and no one else had checked any off yet, so I checked off one order of almost all of them.
The plates arrive, and while I try a few rolls, I mostly stick to the sashimi. No order belongs to anyone, we’re all just taking what we want from what’s in front of us.
Each sashimi order came with three pieces. A couple of people tried the tuna and one the salmon, but the rest no one else took any of them, so I ate most of it.
I’d eaten the first two pieces of yellowtail, and I picked up the last with my chopsticks. One of my coworkers said: ‘Wait, I want to try that.’ Now if she had picked it up before me, that would have been fine, but the fish was already halfway to my mouth.
I said: ‘I don’t think you want this after my chopsticks have touched it since they’ve been going in and out of my mouth all night.’
She insisted that she did want it. I said, ‘Sorry, I picked it up first.’ I picked it up from the sashimi platter, too, I didn’t stick it all on my plate early on and hoard it.
She had the whole meal to try some if she wanted.
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘But you already had some.’
So at this point, I’m looking for a compromise. I said, ‘Just ask for another order.’
She shook her head. ‘I only want to try one piece. Just give it to me.’
At this point I felt the argument was silly, so I just ate my sushi. I felt silly just holding it up in front of my face. She stared at me in shock. ‘Did you seriously just do that?’
I told her I’d ask the waitress for another order if she wanted and I would eat the remaining two pieces if she was worried about waste, but she glared at me and said ‘No, you’ve had enough.’
After that, dinner was awkward. My remaining coworkers are split on the issue. Two are on my side and two are on hers. My team lead says the issue is too juvenile to have an opinion on. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Being Able To Act Politely Toward My Mother-In-Law Anymore?
“My husband and I have been together for eight years and the relationship with my MIL has been distant at best. They have never been particularly close due to very large differences in lifestyle (she’s very religious, he is not. She lives in NC, he moved to NY) and he has always found her overbearing and emotionally manipulative.
However, their communication has never been consistent and he has only recently begun trying to improve this over the past year.
She and I have a cordial relationship but she blames a lot of his distant attitude on me, despite the fact that I encourage him to reach out more often. But I myself have seen how overwhelming she can be (she calls multiple times a day, wants to stay on the phone for hours, and gets very upset if we don’t call every day).
Because of this, I myself have pulled back in terms of encouraging him to reach out more as I see what a slippery slope it can be (having been on the receiving end of her attempts at manipulation).
In an effort to bridge the gap between them and us in general, we discussed and decided to invite her to stay with us for a month and a half over the holidays.
I also saw this as an opportunity to establish some new boundaries. Needless to say, it was to no avail and the visit was pretty torturous. Every attempt to communicate and reason with her did not achieve anything but tears on her end and frustration for me and my husband.
That was over a month ago.
This morning, we heard a knock and opened the door to find my MIL there from NC with her suitcase, claiming to surprise us and announcing her intent to stay with us for a few days. I am on the verge of tears and have been hiding out in my bedroom because I truly don’t know if I have it in me to even fake being polite and I can hear her talking about my reaction from the living room.
Am I the jerk?”
12. AITJ For Telling My Fiancee's Mother She's No Longer Invited To Our Wedding?
“My fiancee (32 F) and I (30 M) have our wedding date planned for this year in the summer. The wedding will be small with family and close friends.
My fiancee is very close to my family, but not with her own family. Her mother can be very opinionated and constantly makes unnecessary comments about my fiancee. Her father does not say anything regarding the comments. My fiancee was laid off from her job and gained some weight. She is trying her hardest to lose weight before the wedding.
I am very supportive of her and just want her to be happy.
Due to the weight gain, my fiancee’s mother will make comments about her figure, her job choices, what she eats, and just about anything. Her sister on the other hand is very close with their mother and I can see the difference in how they are treated.
My fiancee, her sister, MIL, and a few friends spent the weekend dress shopping. When my fiancee came home, she went straight to our room and did not come out for the entire day. I went to comfort her, and she told me that her mother disliked all the dresses and made fun of her weight.
We had our invitations custom made and they arrived a few days ago. We are going to hand deliver some of them and mail out the rest. My fiancee was going to invite her parents to the wedding, but she no longer wants them there. Her mother came over to the house wanting to talk to my fiancee, but she did not want to see her.
I told her mother that she was no longer invited to the wedding and ripped up the invitation in front of her.
She was shocked and started screaming at me. She left and has been blowing up my fiancee’s phone. Some of her family members are now against coming to the wedding due to the lies that her mother is spreading.
AITJ for ripping up my future in-law’s invitation to the wedding?”
11. AITJ For Hating My Mother And Not Wanting Her To See My Baby?
“I (33 f) recently found out I am expecting. My husband and I are delighted and everybody is delighted for us.
This will be our first child and my mother’s (64 f) 3rd grandchild (sister (31 f) has two kids).
When we announced we were expecting, my mother decided she had to take charge, giving me names, telling me that she should take care of the baby as I wouldn’t know what I was doing, etc.
Now, I am in very low contact with my mother.
I actually moved away from living in close proximity to her due to my dislike towards her. Without boring you all with detail, my upbringing was not abusive on the physical side, however, I was emotionally drained and I had such relief the moment I moved out of her house.
I won’t get into the history, but my sister got everything her way, could freeload whilst I had to be working from age 16, and pay my own way by giving up 60% of my wage.
I had to get a full-time job whilst continuing my education, funding everything myself. I do NOT resent my sister for this and we have a fantastic relationship.
The rest of my family does not talk to my mother, with my sister the only one who remains in contact. Even then my sister would consistently complain to me about her, to the stage now where her kids will not be with my mother unsupervised.
With my mother, it is her way or no way, and will give you the silent treatment until she gets her way. Even my nephews joke about the way my mother is. The times she reaches out to me, it’s when she needs money. As she is my mother, I was previously supporting her and as it stands she owes me £47k over a 5-year period.
My in-laws are moving closer to us for the birth of their first grandchild and I want them to be super involved, my MIL is more of a mother to me than my own.
Two days ago a post on social media came out which made me react extremely fast. A young girl at her work (care home) had passed a National Vocational Qualification, my mother posted that she was extremely proud and ‘Stacey is more of a daughter to me than my eldest.’
I’ll admit, I saw red and I told her until she could accept me for who I am, I would not be speaking to her again, to which she responded that I had been a disappointment all her life and she asked if the unborn child is even my husbands as ‘she knows I secretly have a dirty work’ (I don’t – but again I am not telling her my job title nor how much I make).
I was livid and told her she would never see her grandchild or me again.
She’s been blowing me up calling me a jerk and having her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but I’m wondering what you all think?”
10. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband About Who Gives Better Compliments?
“Last night I planned an online catch-up sesh/video chat with my friend Mara.
We haven’t really gotten to talk since she moved across the country six months ago, and haven’t really seen each other since 2020 started.
About an hour or so before the call, I put on a cute top and started doing my makeup and hair and stuff. Nothing crazy or over the top. Just a super quick blowout to get the creases out from having my hair tied up and some eye makeup.
& I put contact lenses in so my face wouldn’t be obscured by the glare on my glasses lenses (I almost never wear contacts anymore).
He asked why I was getting ‘fancy’ just to catch up with a friend from high school and I was like ‘I don’t know, I just want to look cute.’ He said it doesn’t make sense for me to look cute for another girl.
And I was like ‘Honestly I love looking cute for my lady friends most of all. They give the best compliments.’
And he scoffed at that and I was like ‘No, seriously, girls give much better compliments than guys. We hype each other up. ‘OMG, I love how you did your eye makeup!’ & ‘OMG, that shirt is so cute!’ & whatever.
Guys don’t do that kind of stuff. So if I’m hanging out with a girl it makes me feel good to look cute.’
He didn’t blow up or anything but he got like… Quietly mad. Like he was super irritated by me saying that. And he was like ‘I compliment you’ and I was like ‘Yeah but that’s different.
You tell me I look pretty or hot or whatever. That’s a different kind of compliment.’ And he said ‘Whatever. Have fun on your call’ and went into the other room.
Today he’s being weird and short with me and I’m second-guessing the way I explained things.
Some other relevant stuff I guess:
– On an average day I don’t do anything special. Esp since 2020.
Hair tied back, no makeup, yoga pants or sweats, and a t-shirt or tank.
– I do dress up whenever we go out together or plan something special together. I spend like 2 hours between my hair and makeup on those occasions and another hour choosing exactly what to wear, so it’s not like I put in no effort for him.
– I’m bi and this has been an insecurity of his in the past. I haven’t dated a woman in 15 years and honestly don’t feel like I’m missing anything.
AITJ for telling my husband that girls give better compliments?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Resign From Being A Groomsman?
“So I (27 M) have been asked to be a groomsman at my friend Drake’s wedding. My partner Nicole (27 F) wasn’t invited. So the backstory is that I met Drake and Bella through my partner about 2 years ago. Nicole and Bella worked together, so the four of us hung out a lot.
But then the girls had a big falling out and we stopped all hanging out. So I was invited to the wedding, along with being asked to be a groomsman. Me and drake have remained pretty close friends even with our partners not liking each other. So I felt like going to support him.
When Nicole found out she didn’t really care at first. She wasn’t upset as she expected not to get invited but was surprised I got one alone.
I asked if it was okay to go and she said it was. Then the plans started coming out. Like bachelor party, who are in the wedding party and sleeping arrangements.
Now Nicole has an issue with me going. So the girl I’m paired with as a bridesmaid is an old flame. Basically, she and I were hooking up right before me and Nicole got together.
Nicole freaked out claiming that it was intentional and Bella was trying to start problems. I said how ridiculous that sounds, it’s Bella’s wedding, she doesn’t care about us at all. That I and this bridesmaid have known each other forever and they probably assumed we would be comfortable together. This same bridesmaid has a house with a farm so that’s where the wedding party is staying.
And lastly, Nicole has an issue because this bridesmaid had ‘flirted’ with me about a year ago at a party. So all these things wrapped into the drama, along with not being invited. Nicole is freaking out and doesn’t want me to attend anymore. I said that I wanted to support my friend. And it’s literally 1 day.
That I don’t think pulling out is right, but I feel stuck in the middle of everything.
I talked to Drake already about everything and he’s frustrated. He thinks his wife is being petty putting me with this bridesmaid but doesn’t want to shuffle everything around. Also doesn’t want to get in the middle of our girls’ drama.
We both just wanna have a good time and I wanna be there to support him. He said he’ll talk to his wife if I want him to, but he doesn’t think it will go anywhere. And that his wife was very excited for the two of us to be paired up. Would I be a jerk to go?
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Significant Other Ahead Of Time That My Sister Was Spending The Night?
“I (23 M) rent my own apartment. My significant other (22 F) is finishing up her last year of college, about an hour away from me.
We have a deal that she can stay with me whenever rent-free, but after graduation when she moves in officially, we’ll add her to the lease and she’ll start paying rent. Up until Monday, my SO was staying with me during her school’s holiday break. All of these events happened the week prior.
My sister (25 F) is looking into getting a job in my city.
She currently lives 2 hours away and had a job interview early one morning in my area. She asked if she could spend the night in my guest room so she didn’t have to wake up early, potentially hit traffic, etc. I said of course. I’d be working the night before but she has a key and could come in whenever.
It’s important to add that my sister is very low maintenance. I knew she’d probably come in and go straight to the guest room for the night to hang out on her computer.
The morning of, I mentioned to my SO that my sister would probably be there around 7 or 8, she was leaving right after getting off work.
My SO got weirded out that I hadn’t asked her first and mentioned she was having some friends over for a movie night. I said it’d be fine, my sister isn’t the type to intrude and would just go to bed. She asked why I didn’t ask her first and I said because as of right now, it’s my apartment.
If we were both paying rent, I’d have asked.
She thought it was super rude and was trying to convince me that my sister could just drive up for her interview tomorrow or get a hotel, etc. I stayed firm and told her to not give my sister a hard time. I get home around midnight, my SO is still watching movies with her friends, and my sister is sleeping.
The next morning, I had breakfast with my sister before the interview and she said she had come in around 8, crashed at 9, and didn’t even hear them.
I thought the issue was resolved but then my SO texted me on Wednesday saying she had talked to some friends and felt I was still inconsiderate, stating in the future, regardless of her lease status, she should be asked not just told.
It’s led to a bigger argument. AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Thinking My Family Members Don't Deserve My Help?
“My family situation is messy. I (25 F) was engaged four years ago to my high school sweetheart. My fiancé had an affair with my sister (28 F). We had never had a good relationship even as kids, so after I found out, I went scorched earth on both of them.
She was ‘so in love’ with my fiancé, but he dumped her within two weeks and was back trying to get me to forgive him (I didn’t). My parents were initially on my side, but my sister had a nervous breakdown after she was dumped and hospitalized so they changed their tune to ‘It’s over now and you can’t be mad forever’.
So I dumped them, too, and went to grad school on the other side of the country.
My grandfather was livid with the whole thing, disowned my sister, and chewed out my parents. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one who was on my side and understood. I was able to get my job to let me work remotely and moved back to take care of him when he got sick last fall and I was devastated when he passed a couple of months ago.
I had been in limited contact with my parents since I came back mostly because I didn’t want to be an obstacle to my dad seeing my grandfather, but with the understanding that any discussion of my sister or what happened would end that.
It turns out that my grandfather left me everything. He left enough for my father to cover a debt and some token stuff for a couple of other relatives, but he wrote letters for everyone and did a videotape with his attorney explaining what his intentions were.
I knew that he had done well for himself, but he lived a pretty simple lifestyle so I didn’t realize how much money and assets he really had. I would give it all up to have my papaw back but even after taxes, it is set for life money.
My parents are pretty mad about it.
One of the reasons stated for cutting them out was how disappointed my grandfather was with how they had treated me growing up vs. my sister and over the fiance debacle. There were other reasons, but that’s what they’re fixated on. The will is pretty airtight apparently, so my parents want me to ‘do the right thing’ and share it equally between me, them, and my sister.
Their argument is that I don’t need it. I make more than both of them combined and this would allow them to retire. My sister is not doing great and can’t hold a job, so this would ensure she has something for when my parents pass.
I don’t want to. My grandfather’s wishes were crystal clear, and I kind of don’t feel like doing more than the minimum for any of them.
They’ve been telling me that I’m being vindictive because of a mistake years ago. I can’t deny there might be a little vindictiveness there. I don’t want them to suffer necessarily, but I also don’t feel like they deserve my help.”
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Won't Be Babysitting For Her Anymore Unless She Starts Paying Me?
“I (34 f) have an older sister (37f ), Annie. She has 3 kids, Jacqueline (12 f), Jasmine (10 f), and Vincent (9 m). Out of her three kids, she makes it incredibly obvious that Vincent is her favorite. She never ever punishes him and always lets him get his way and I’m assuming that is why he’s so entitled.
She recently got divorced from her (now ex) husband and has been staying with me so I could help support her. I watch her kids for free while she’s working and it hasn’t been the easiest. I’m a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids (8 f and 6 f) so when she’s at work, I’ll be watching over 5 kids.
Jacqueline has honestly been a big help though, she’s well-mannered and always helps around the house.
On Wednesday, I was watching her kids while she was working. It was around lunch and I was going to make everyone peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when Jasmine came to me complaining about Vincent trying to rip up my daughter’s Uno cards after a match.
I followed Jasmine over to her room where Vincent was looking really angry and trying to tug some Uno cards out of my daughter’s hands.
I asked Vincent why he was doing this and he just burst into tears. My daughter explained to me that they were just playing a match and then Vincent ended up losing.
I tried to explain to him that it was okay that he lost and that he could play more rounds to get better. Vincent got really mad and stormed out of the room.
While babysitting him, I’ve noticed that he can’t stand losing, has anger issues (he tends to take it out on Jasmine), is extremely picky, and must get what he wants.
I went to continue working on the sandwiches because I thought he should take some alone time to cool down (I later found out what he wanted me to do was yell at Jasmine and my daughter. Apparently that’s what Annie does. Jacqueline told me this).
When I finished making lunch, I called all the kids over to eat.
When Vincent came over, I expected him to be happy about lunch because I had everyone vote for something and he voted for PB & J. Turns out, he was not happy. I had forgotten to cut the crust off. He started screaming at me that I should’ve cut the crust of the bread because I should know that he didn’t like it.
I tried to stay calm and told him that I would just cut it off. He said no and threw the plate with the sandwich on the wall. I was absolutely furious, and it looked like that 9-year-old was equally furious as I was. I started yelling at him, but Jacqueline pulled him away to their room before things could escalate further.
The other kids ate while I cleaned up the glass and food on the floor.
When Annie got home, I told her I didn’t want to babysit her kids anymore unless she started paying me. This was just one of the incidents and also the worst. Annie said no. This made me pretty mad and I told her her son was a spoiled entitled brat.
Annie just went to her room and shut the door and hasn’t spoken to me a lot since. AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Teaching A Woman A Lesson For Not Putting Her Shopping Cart Away?
“I was at the hardware store this morning and when I was walking back to my car, I saw a lady leave her empty shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot and get into her pickup truck to leave. The area to return carts was about twelve feet away so that really made me mad since it’s probably going to roll away and bump into someone’s car.
She wasn’t disabled or anything like that. She was just lazy.
Her window was open, so I said, ‘Hey, you forgot to put your shopping cart away.’
She gave me a dirty look and said, ‘You put it away if you care about it so much.’
So I said, ‘Fine,’ and I picked it up and put it in the flatbed of her truck.
She exploded out of her truck and started screaming at me at the top of her lungs, ordering me to get it out and all that. I just ignored her and walked to my car. She ran to get a worker and I put my stuff in my trunk and rolled the cart back to where it belonged unlike her.
So this skinny young kid who works there is standing in the back of her truck and trying to lift it out while she’s screaming at him about me. I’m a really big guy and it was heavy for me, so I didn’t know how he was going to do it. I never found out, because I quickly left and that was that.
Or, so I thought. Well, this lady got a picture of me when I was driving out and she posted it on my community’s social media group with a huge post saying crap about me, claiming that I threatened her life and that I scared her. She also posted a picture of a dent in her truck, but I have no idea where that came from.
Maybe it happened when the workers took the cart out, or maybe she’s just lying?
Now, my wife is super mad at me, saying that I should have just minded my own business and now her friends and the parents of my kid’s friends are going to see it and she’s humiliated. She said I was being a jerk and that I shouldn’t have touched someone’s property like that.
I was just trying to get her to stop being so selfish. AITJ here? I don’t think I am.”
4. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other Her Brother Can Sleep On The Couch?
“I (22 m) live with my (20 f) significant other, and her brother (18 m) is coming to visit for a few days. My SO has asked me to sleep on the sofa whilst he’s visiting so that he can sleep in the bed.
Apparently, it’s normal in her family. She is Dutch so maybe it’s normal in NL? We live in the UK and I grew up always intuitively knowing the bedroom is a very private place, and inviting anyone else to sleep there is to be avoided. There are exceptions such as offering for an older parent or even kids.
In my opinion, her fit, healthy, 18-year-old brother can sleep on the couch, not in my (but more importantly our) bed, and especially not with my SO there.. I’m more shocked than annoyed at my SO about this. I’ve explained that such a thing would be to feel like she was disrespecting my role as her partner by violating that privacy.
After a brief heated conversation, she begrudgingly said she would try and borrow our flatmate’s air mattress. Again I’m still shocked she was willing to offer my place in bed with her before any alternatives such as this.
For context, it’s important to note that my SO and I are actually in the process of breaking up.
This is besides the point but I thought I should mention it. It’s a completely amicable breakup, a joint decision so that we can both do the things we need to in life whilst we are still young – in fact, we are separating now so that our relationship isn’t damaged, and we can potentially pick it up again in the future.
We decided to stay together until I moved out (will be after her brother visits), in order to avoid going through the breakup whilst still living together, as this would turn our friendship sour. We are actually still in love, and get on very well usually, which makes this scenario even more tricky.
Her asking me to sleep on the couch, however, seems not to be motivated at all by our planned separation, and entirely by her brother.
She claimed to have asked me about her brother sleeping in the bed previously, and that I agreed in passing. Although I don’t remember this, it may be true. Most likely because I didn’t fully understand at the time, because I wouldn’t have thought she would even ask such a thing.
As an extra kick in the teeth, this argument about her brother staying happened today on what should be our 2nd anniversary.
Anyway, AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Not Being 30 Minutes Early On A Date?
“2 weeks ago a girl briefly dated last summer (who had ghosted me after agreeing to meet for my birthday) randomly WhatsApped me. We call, and since we know each other we agree to meet at the Metro station 2 minutes from my place and head back there to share some wine. I remember clearly stating to her ‘Okay.
See you at 7 PM tomorrow night at (X place).’ as I had an essay I was working on. I also knew to be clear with meeting times/places. She replied ‘Okay’. My plan was to wrap up studying at 6:30 PM, spruce myself up, and be out of the house by 6:45 PM to get to the Metro station car park (she drives) well ahead of time.
On the phone, she mentioned how she got off work at half 6, and would come up after. I set things up ready.
Considering her work is a good 25-minute drive from where we were going to meet, I figured all was good. Early evening I sit down to write, turn off my phone, and put it in a timed lockbox in another room to concentrate.
I’d set the timer slightly longer than I’d wanted on accident, but it was due to disengage at 6:35-40 PM anyway.
At 6:30 PM I sent her a message on WhatsApp Web (accessible without my phone) saying I couldn’t get to my phone for 10 mins, but if she needed to call or text me I’d keep the WhatsApp Web open.
Didn’t deliver.
Because I couldn’t get to my phone right away (and thinking I still had nearly 20-25 mins), I got ready, and at 6:38 PM finally got to my iPhone to text her I was leaving soon. What I saw on my phone left me confused: She had tried calling twice. Once at 6:23 PM and another 13 minutes later.
She had also texted me ‘I’m here’, and then a second text angrily saying ‘I’m leaving’ after call 2. I saw that second text 2 minutes after she sent it. I called her back and she picked up.
I tried stressing the point that I clearly stated a meeting time of 7 p.m. I can’t help if she turns up just over 30 minutes earlier than that when I am doing something else.
She tells me that when she said when she got off work around 6:30 PM that meant she would be there at 6:30 PM. Go figure.
She then went off on me about not picking up, and I told her about having my phone locked away in another room while I worked – and sent her a photo.
She then started saying how she drove all this way to see me, I wasted her time, and that she had already made plans to go see a friend because I’d not shown up. I said that I could have a) given her my exact flat address and b) had my phone more accessible. I did however also point out that around the same time she arrived, I sent her a message via the medium we had been exclusively exchanging messages (WhatsApp Web) telling her about the phone being put away.
I also stressed that she had only been driving for 2 minutes and that we could still make something of tonight. She turned this down, and I calmly ended the call. Heard nothing since.”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Daughter If She Won't Get Her Narcissistic Personality Disorder Treated?
“My (50 M) late ex-husband (48 M) and I had a child (20 F) who, for this story, will be called Elissa. Elissa’s dad and I divorced after we sought marriage counseling, and were told our relationship had no chance of working out and we should be seeing new people.
Elissa’s father was very narcissistic and by the time Elissa was 14, she was already starting to emulate these behaviors.
I wasn’t worried about the chance of Elissa having something wrong with her until she started lying to her school’s SRO about me refusing to feed her and wouldn’t buy her new clothes. She later on would lie to people that I was seeing that I was having an affair and that I secretly hated their guts.
Eventually, after we went to family therapy she admitted to lying to my partner of the month just so I would be miserable. When she was 16, I could no longer take this behavior and relinquished full custody to her father for the sake of my mental health.
Her father died when she was 17, and although her birthday was in 3 months, since legally speaking I was still her mother I had to take care of her I did.
When she moved out, she ended up stealing $2000 from me. I couldn’t prove it, so she was not charged with anything.
Recently, she reached out to me saying her partner kicked her out because she was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I decided to let her stay for a bit because I’m her mother and I love her despite our rocky relationship.
I asked if she was doing anything to try to treat it, such as therapy. She said no, that she doesn’t think anything is wrong, and that she doesn’t need therapy bc she isn’t a ‘weakling’.
As her mother, I could tell she definitely needed some form of treatment, so I told her unless she decided to get treatment and was compliant with her that I was not going to be around her and put up with her behavior, as now I have no obligation to.
She told me that I was her mother and I was supposed to be here when she needed help and kept going on about how terrible of a mother I would be for forcing her to do something against her will and refusing to help her get back on her feet. She then left, and I have not spoken to her since.
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Partner Because I Was Sleep-Deprived?
“I work 12-hour shifts at night 5 pm to 5 am. He doesn’t work. He’s a stay-at-home dad so he could get therapy (it took him a year just to do one appointment but that’s a whole other story for another day). I usually let him sleep in and I did today as well. I have barely slept the past few days because of dental pain/work and I’m 14 weeks pregnant so I’m exhausted from feeling sick and tired all the time.
So, of course, at 9:20 I storm out of the house (he’s still asleep) and go get coffee/breakfast for everyone. I get back obviously still upset about being so tired and it’s practically 10 am at this point. I lock myself in the room (I’m in a 1-bedroom with 2 kids and he’s not on the lease) to try to eat/sleep in peace.
The kids will not stop screaming or shooting toy guns. He’s just on his phone on the couch curled up.
I stormed out to sit on the steps and gather my thoughts and messaged him that when I came back he could either keep the kids quiet and let me sleep, take them somewhere, or he could leave himself.
I don’t want to look at him when I’m so sleep-deprived and he gets to sleep at night and sleep in cuz it’s just gonna annoy me. He stays up late playing video games so it’s not like he HAS to stay up all night/day.
He said he didn’t know the kids were that loud and got angry saying he doesn’t know where to take them (we also live in a big city and there are at least 2 libraries and parks near us, plus his mom and aunts).
Mind you he could have just kept them quiet with a little effort and stayed here.
Am I truly the jerk in this situation? He left mad at me and yelled at the kids to hurry up. I also said if he’s that mad to just go himself before he left but he refused. He wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ when he left which is his Hallmark being angry move.
I didn’t say it either cuz I don’t want to play that game with him. I just want to sleep.”
